No Use Dying Over Spilled Butt Caffeine | Brokenwood | "Tontine" | Mystery Maniacs Podcast EP231 - Mystery Maniacs

Episode Transcript
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Sarah (00:00):
And they've got their bloody ponchos on, and they're

(00:02):
like,

Both (00:02):
it was so great. It was so perfect.

Mark (00:19):
Hey, maniacs.

Sarah (00:20):
Hey, maniacs.

Mark (00:21):
Welcome to Mystery Maniacs, a comedy recap podcast
dedicated to mystery TV. Eachweek, we dig into an episode of
the show including the murders,the mayhem, the loonies, and
everything else we love. Thisweek, Broken Wood Mysteries
season five episode three,Tontine. Tontine. Tatooine.
No. Tontine. Tontine. Okay. Yes.

Sarah (00:44):
I'm Mark. I'm Sarah.

Mark (00:45):
And this is a spoiler podcast.

Sarah (00:47):
We're gonna ruin it.

Mark (00:48):
And, we'd also like to say off the top that this,
particular episode deals withsuicide. So

Sarah (00:55):
Just a little. Just If you're sensitive to it,

Both (00:58):
you know

Mark (00:58):
Just to let you know.

Sarah (00:59):
Do what you gotta do. I know how it is. But We're not
gonna dwell.

Mark (01:03):
Your kids are part of a taunting. They're well able to
listen to the show.

Sarah (01:07):
Tauntines are complicated.

Mark (01:09):
They are.

Sarah (01:10):
And sort of illegal.

Mark (01:11):
Yeah. I don't think what the happens in this episode is
entirely illegal.

Sarah (01:16):
This will? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you could do it that
way.

Mark (01:19):
Because if you can have a will like that, oh, boy.

Sarah (01:24):
We got ideas.

Mark (01:25):
We got four children. Yeah.

Sarah (01:29):
Take each other out. Wait. For it.

Mark (01:31):
Whoever can win a whoever can run a marathon first.

Both (01:35):
Yeah. Oh my god.

Sarah (01:39):
That's so

Mark (01:40):
amazing. That's horrifically mean.

Sarah (01:42):
Meanwhile, our house falls apart. Yep. Everything we
own falls apart Yeah. Waitingfor one of them to get their
crap together and run amarathon. I don't think so.
No. We have an invitation, akind of challenge to those of
you who are in The UK. InOctober, there's gonna be a
stage production of MidsummerMurders Badger's Drift.

Mark (02:05):
Yes. According to the Midsummer Murders official
Instagram site, England'sdeadliest county comes to the
stage for the first time inMidsummer Murders, the killings
at Badger's Drift.

Sarah (02:19):
If one of you, brave souls, is near enough by and
willing to get some tickets andgo, you will be the official
Mystery Maniac correspondent.

Mark (02:28):
Now have we expect maniac behavior Yes.

Sarah (02:31):
This We'll have you on the show afterwards. Yep. Ask
you all about it.

Mark (02:35):
This gripping and thrilling show is touring The UK
this year and throughout02/1926. Now if they come to
America well, they're not gonnacome to America.

Sarah (02:44):
They're not gonna come to Indiana.

Mark (02:46):
If they come to America, we will try to see it,

Both (02:49):
of course.

Sarah (02:50):
But if one of you happens to be near, and we'll post the
link to the little bit ofinformation that they've posted
so far.

Mark (02:56):
That's the entirety of that information.

Sarah (02:58):
But we'll post it. So if you wanna follow it to stay
abreast of when those ticketsbecome available, it would be
awesome to have somebody on thescene.

Mark (03:06):
Speaking of midsummer, there's been lots of talk of
dogs on midsummer on the Reddit.On the subreddit?

Sarah (03:12):
Yes. Well, people's dogs reacting to the dogs in the
podcast in the show.

Mark (03:17):
Our dog would have to wake up.

Sarah (03:19):
Yeah. She's usually quite asleep tomorrow.

Mark (03:21):
Pretty stern picture of Olive in

Sarah (03:24):
In the newsletter. Newsletter. When is she not
stern? She judges for a living.It's what she does.

Mark (03:29):
Very judgy. She's she's also a supervisor. She'll like,
when I do the laundry, she'llsit there and watch me do it.

Sarah (03:36):
She follows you

Mark (03:38):
Yep.

Sarah (03:38):
While you get the laundry basket and carry it to the
laundry room, and then she sitsdown and observes you doing it.

Mark (03:44):
Yes. She didn't have no help at all.

Sarah (03:47):
She was some kind of permit person in her former
life.

Both (03:51):
Yes. I don't know.

Mark (03:52):
So the other thing I've been doing is I've been watching
the the social accounts of thepeople in Midsummer to see when
filming begins and things likethat. Mhmm. But on Fiona Dolan's
blue sky account the other day,I was presented with an image so
horrific, I'm sure I probablymade a noise.

Sarah (04:15):
How bad can it be?

Mark (04:16):
Like, beep. So I'm gonna show the picture to Sarah.

Sarah (04:22):
I have not seen this.

Mark (04:23):
Sarah has not seen the picture. And she is going to
say, what is that? So thisYou've pulled it up, and

Sarah (04:31):
you're gonna turn your monitor for me?

Mark (04:32):
Yes. This is the picture present. Don't read the text.
Okay. Just look at the picture.

Sarah (04:37):
Okay. Okay. I'm ready.

Mark (04:42):
Can you describe that?

Sarah (04:45):
It's somebody wearing, a rabbit costume. I would say it's
a child. The head is aboutdoorknob height. This is not a
wholesome rabbit costume. It'sreally dirty, and one of its
ears is ripped, and it looks abit like it's been shot at,
maybe.

(05:06):
Is this her child wearing thiscostume?

Mark (05:09):
So this is a thing that would separate UK or UK adjacent
people from American people.Because I looked at that and
immediately said, VelveteenRabbit.

Sarah (05:20):
Okay. That is the roughest looking Velveteen
Rabbit I have ever seen. TheVelveteen Rabbit is supposed to
be worn through a lot of love,not look like it's been run over
by a car half a dozen times andshot at.

Mark (05:33):
While she's still in the suit. Yeah. I was just scrolling
along in my feed, and I waslike, woah. So we'll put a link
to this in the show notes.

Sarah (05:43):
Velveteen rabbit is, like, brown and soft and has
some bare patches from theleaven.

Mark (05:48):
But but Fiona Fiona feels our pain. Fiona Fiona definitely
understands our pain. BecauseFiona says, so my 11 year old,
my 11 going on 17 year old hasgone into school as Bella from
the Twilight series because it'sall about looking cool. And I

(06:08):
missed the day where she went asthe Velveteen Rabbit and
frightened the out of all theother students who had never
heard of it.

Sarah (06:20):
That's great. Oh, we've been watching some good stuff
this week. The new series ofSurvivor started. Yes. It's
really good so far.
I know not everybody's intothat, but we're

Mark (06:31):
into it. It's Nerdviver now. Yeah. It's all nerds all
the time. It's fantastic.

Sarah (06:36):
But the other show we've been watching, which is much
more related to this, is alsoset in New Zealand.

Mark (06:43):
It's called a remarkable place to die or as we like to
call it

Sarah (06:47):
Girl broken wood.

Mark (06:48):
Girl serious broken wood.

Sarah (06:49):
Yes.

Mark (06:51):
Well, a little more serious

Sarah (06:53):
broken

Mark (06:54):
wood. At one point in the last episode, they were like, we
need to have other cops come in.And I'm like, I have a
suggestion.

Sarah (07:01):
Call Mike Sims. Call Mike and Sims and Breen right now.
It's good.

Mark (07:04):
It is good, but it's not super serious. It's not it's not
like Happy Valley or No. No.Pleasant Valley or whatever that

Both (07:11):
should be.

Sarah (07:12):
Like about it is that it has a plot in each episode plus
some overarching plots. Yes. Soyou're not waiting for
everything to be resolved untilthe end of the season.

Mark (07:21):
And mysterious stuff. Mhmm. Like, the this episode
starts with the body falling outof the sky on a poor other guy.

Sarah (07:29):
Landing on someone. It's worse than the parachute
accident by by far. Yeah. Sothat's actually recommend it.

Mark (07:35):
You recommend it. Yeah. The lead actress is really good.
I think I think they're they doa great job. And their their
supporting cast is super goodtoo.

Sarah (07:45):
I agree. Well Let's talk Taunteen.

Mark (07:48):
Taunteen was released on the 11/11/2018, directed by
Thomas Robbins, no relation, andwritten by James Griffith and
Tim Baum. You almost need twopeople to keep everything
straight in this episode.

Sarah (08:03):
There are a lot of returning characters like missus
Marlowe and Reverend Green, andthen Jared comes back from death
or whatever. Yeah. And, Juleswho because she's gotta be a
black widow by now. Right? Imean, was this three?

Mark (08:17):
Three.

Sarah (08:17):
But then there's also this Nymond family and all of
their kids and

Mark (08:23):
And then the other family associated with it.

Sarah (08:26):
Yeah. There's just a lot to keep straight.

Mark (08:28):
Is a ton to keep. Well, Micah's a chart.

Both (08:31):
Mhmm.

Sarah (08:31):
He makes a logic puzzle.

Mark (08:34):
I think I needed to do that too.

Sarah (08:37):
It's a bit complicated. But the first one that dies is
Lester.

Mark (08:42):
Right? So we start with bikes, and I thought this
episode was bike, bike, bike,bike, bike. Nope. No. No.
No. No. There's no bike chase atthe end. Bike dead Lycra.

Sarah (08:52):
Onto the next one.

Mark (08:53):
Yeah. It's on it's on to the next one. And they go past
the graveyard where missus m isand a character that we don't
know.

Sarah (09:01):
Madison. Madison. Who's unpleasant from the get go.

Mark (09:06):
Yes. I would agree. Did you notice all the graves have
stones and then stones on top ofthem? Like, they're

Sarah (09:14):
They look like a bed.

Mark (09:15):
They look like a bed. Headboard in a bed.

Sarah (09:16):
And I'm not sure

Mark (09:17):
if that's a New Zealand thing.

Sarah (09:19):
I've seen them here.

Mark (09:20):
Oh, I've seen them here too, but the whole graveyard's
like

Sarah (09:23):
that. But it's uniform like that there. And I've I've
not seen that here except in,like, New Orleans, places that
maybe it's because they flood alot or something.

Mark (09:33):
I don't know. Lots of space there

Sarah (09:35):
and no permafrost. They gotta weigh down the bodies?

Mark (09:37):
Like, my poor I don't know. My my poor grandma died.
My grandma Belle died atChristmas time, and they had to
wait.

Sarah (09:46):
How long?

Mark (09:47):
Till, like, they put her Like, March? Yeah. March or
April was the internment. So

Sarah (09:52):
Jeez.

Mark (09:53):
They had

Sarah (09:54):
because they couldn't dig until then?

Mark (09:56):
They have every most graveyards in Canada have a
place of respectful storage.

Sarah (10:03):
Like a mausoleum. Yes. I think I would just dig some
holes in advance. Well,

Mark (10:08):
you don't know how busy you're gonna be. That's a weird
business. You never know howbusy you're going to be, but you
always know you'll havebusiness.

Sarah (10:17):
And you're hoping not to be busier than usual.

Mark (10:20):
Yeah. That's a weird business.

Sarah (10:22):
Yeah. I guess in the age, the year and now of people
buying plots in advance, youcan't really just dig a few
holes in anticipation. Like, oh,Myrna, you're not looking so
great. We're gonna dig your holebefore before it gets cold.
Yeah.
That's kinda mean.

Mark (10:40):
So so we couldn't bury her because the ground was frozen.

Sarah (10:45):
So Madison is at the cemetery because her mom is
buried there

Both (10:48):
Yes.

Sarah (10:49):
Who obviously was an overbearing woman who was ill
and sort of I don't know.Madison might resent it a little
bit that she took care of her.

Mark (10:59):
I guess

Sarah (10:59):
so. The flowers that she's putting on her grave are
datura Yes. Which we would calljimson weed.

Mark (11:06):
Yes. Missus m is not impressed.

Sarah (11:08):
They're poisonous. Yeah. They look a little bit like
lilies, but they're poisonous.

Mark (11:13):
No. They're not it's not good stuff.

Sarah (11:15):
Missus m is kind of restrained in this episode.
Like, she's like, I'm not gonnatalk about that Niman family.
Like, oh, yes. You I mean, comeon. Yeah.
How bad it must be real bad

Both (11:27):
Yeah.

Sarah (11:27):
For her not to be, like, spilling the tea right away.

Mark (11:30):
Well, I think she could have might have been involved
with some of it.

Sarah (11:34):
Oh, you think she put her keys in the fishbowl Maybe. At
some point? She said that thatshe she didn't, but yeah. So
Lester Lester collapses at thetop of the hill. Yes.
And then,

Mark (11:44):
His brother races him up the top of the hill. He
collapses at the top of the hillafter almost being hit in a car,
and another person, leaves therace. All of that stuff that
they later refer to is all therein the beginning.

Sarah (11:58):
Yeah. Of course, it is. But the important thing about
Lester dying is that thisrequires him to be one of the
bravest corpse actors inBrokenwood. Absolutely. Because
he is bare ass up in themortuary.
He is

Mark (12:14):
bare ass up

Sarah (12:16):
in the mortuary. We need an actor for this part. It's not
a very big part. He needs to beable to ride a bike. Yep.
Look pretty good in Lycra and,

Mark (12:24):
you know, ride Middle aged Lycra.

Sarah (12:26):
Yeah. Ride a bike, competently and, like, he can
achieve some speed up a prettysteep hill Yeah. Several times
probably to shoot it. And he'sgotta be willing to, be face
down and butt up for quite abit.

Mark (12:41):
I also think because remember, like, she finds that
part of the reason why thecaffeine is in his system is it
comes in through the seat of hispants.

Sarah (12:52):
Mhmm.

Mark (12:53):
They may have applied makeup to his ass.

Sarah (12:56):
Yeah. They've manufactured a rash on his butt
cheeks. Yeah. Again, how bad didyou want the role? I guess you
wanted it really bad.

Mark (13:04):
Now me, if Brokerwood calls up, we'd like you be a
dead body. I'd be like,

Sarah (13:08):
What do you want me to do?

Mark (13:09):
What do you want me to do?

Sarah (13:10):
I draw the line at maggots in my mouth. Yeah. Like,
that's mid summer. I'm not no.I'm it'd be so much fun to be an
extra on midsummer, but there'smy line right no.

Mark (13:19):
That's right there.

Sarah (13:20):
Cover me in blood, make me muddy, hang me upside down.
Yep. You put maggots in mymouth, I'm out. I'm out. I don't
have the level of method actingrequired to not be like, the
whole time.
This corpse is screaming. Don'tthink I'd be effective.

Mark (13:40):
Mike is investigating a mysterious death.

Sarah (13:44):
By bull.

Mark (13:45):
Can you

Sarah (13:45):
train a bull to kill somebody on command?

Mark (13:47):
Well, Mike's looking at his HP ProBook, which they don't
usually show as much brand nameof computers as they do in this
episode.

Sarah (13:56):
Wonder why.

Mark (13:57):
And, he's pulled up the following articles. Death and
inquiry is a result of a bullattack on the rise. No. It's
not. Bull attack in rural farm,man gored to death by bull,
farmer crushed by out of controlbull, and bull destroyed after

(14:18):
brutal farm attack.
And Sarah's just singing rageagainst the machine under her
breath. I am reminded of how onetime I called home while I was
living. It was after ourcollege. I was living on my own
and stuff, and my mother wastelling me about something. And
she goes, well, that was afteryour father broke his ribs.

(14:40):
And I'm like, what?

Sarah (14:41):
You mentioned that once before Yeah. That he didn't say
anything about it. So a bull isan unlikely animal to kill you?
Yes. What do you think is themost unlikely animal to kill
you?
Like, what would be the weirdestthing to hear so and so died
because they were attacked by ablank?

Mark (15:00):
Okay. So it it's a an animal attack. It's not like a
mouse chews away at something inthe house and it falls on
something.

Sarah (15:08):
Right. An actionable the mouse did it on purpose because
they were commanded to do it.Yes. And I'm gonna rule out
things that are known killerslike venomous, poisonous,
sharks.

Mark (15:20):
Hippos, all that

Sarah (15:22):
Yeah. That Unlikely animal.

Mark (15:24):
Shih Tzu. Death by Shih Tzu has to be

Sarah (15:28):
What's the Shih Tzu on, all creatures great and small
called? Jing Jing or Tic Tic or

Mark (15:34):
I forget. Mister Tiggy Wimpel

Sarah (15:37):
or something. Like that. How would it do it? Like, you'd
have to be unconscious, and itwould gnaw your throat out

Mark (15:44):
Yeah.

Sarah (15:45):
Over a long period of time or smother you. Yeah. If
you were unconscious and it laidon your face, maybe.

Mark (15:52):
I'd say, like, kitten would be difficult.

Sarah (15:55):
Death by kitten? Yeah. You certainly can't train a
kitten to kill somebody. No. I'mthinking more like, kamikaze
road turtle, like, comes throughthe windshield and Maybe your
head off.

Mark (16:08):
Maybe one of those giant tortoises just crawls up to you
while you're on the beach andgoes

Sarah (16:14):
And leans on you when you can't

Mark (16:16):
breathe. Those things are heavy, man.

Sarah (16:19):
Well, yeah. I think you'd notice it crawling on you. Maybe
a team of mice working together.

Mark (16:26):
They don't really do that all that long.

Sarah (16:30):
They could.

Mark (16:31):
But farms are incredibly dangerous places. But

Sarah (16:35):
Oh, we know. We've talked about that. Remember all the
farm safety videos? Yes. Yeah.

Mark (16:38):
The way this guy dies is not a way in which people would
die from a bull attack.

Sarah (16:45):
He's dumb. He's stupid. Manu. I I can only imagine he
was super drugged, like, high asa kite.

Mark (16:53):
Can only assume so. Then we go to the church for a nice
scene where the where the priestgoes, oh, no. Not another one.

Sarah (17:00):
Rev. Oh, no. He's not a priest.

Mark (17:02):
Yeah. He's Rev. Oh, no. Not another one is always a
great structure.

Sarah (17:06):
Especially when it's gonna be while you're

Mark (17:08):
calling. Yeah.

Sarah (17:09):
Like, you think, oh, he's gonna have to bury another one
or it means there's gonna beanother funeral or he has to
come and, like, witnesssomething or no.

Mark (17:18):
It creates suspense right away.

Sarah (17:19):
Because he's part of the taunting.

Mark (17:21):
The character who hears about a murder and says, oh, no.
It's happening again. Or, oh,no. Another one. It's you.
Instantly creates drama.

Sarah (17:30):
Yeah. There's something you don't know. Yep. Do you
wanna slap Tammy? I wanna slapTammy.
Yeah. I'm I realize as a man,you can't say I wanna slap that
woman. Yeah. But I wanna slapthat woman. She is so not just
abrupt.
She's rude right off the

Mark (17:49):
gas show. Boffing the brother. So Cousin. Oh, sorry.
The cousin.

Sarah (17:53):
Oscar's the cousin.

Mark (17:54):
Oh, okay.

Sarah (17:55):
But this like, how to look guilty in one step. Yeah.
Only crack your door wide enoughto slip out and not let the
police see inside your home. Imean, like, that that will put
their radar up right away.

Mark (18:07):
Yes.

Sarah (18:08):
But then she's just mean. Look, he's dead. I don't have
time for this. Okay. If somebodyclose to you, especially your
spouse, dies in in mysteriouscircumstances, you have all the
time in the world.

Mark (18:20):
I'm not gonna say anything directly, but indirectly. Tim
Baum tends to write middle aged,unhappy women in marriages as
rather abrupt.

Sarah (18:32):
Well, Tammy qualifies.

Mark (18:34):
There are a number of these characters in the first
five seasons in Brokenwood.

Sarah (18:39):
I got no problem with her standing her ground and saying I
didn't have anything to do withit. No. But she's just nasty.

Mark (18:46):
And and I also don't like I also know that there are some
marriages where the wife wouldbe happy that

Sarah (18:53):
Yeah.

Mark (18:54):
It would be that way.

Sarah (18:55):
There's probably plenty of those. Yes. Speaking of
happy, Gina.

Mark (18:58):
Gina and Lester's butt on Whack A Mo Ho Mountain.

Sarah (19:03):
Whack A Mo Mountain?

Mark (19:05):
Whack A Mo Ho. That's what they call it. Now there is no
Wack A Mo Ho Mountain

Sarah (19:11):
in You sure it's not Wack A Mo Mountain?

Mark (19:13):
I looked at the suburbs then looked on a map. There are
a number of mountains in NewZealand named very similarly.

Sarah (19:22):
Okay. So they made up a name.

Mark (19:23):
Just shove some names together.

Sarah (19:26):
Jesus.

Mark (19:27):
That's one thing we noticed about the other show,
the remarkable place to die.It's far more mountainous Yeah.
In New Zealand than thanBrooklyn was pretty

Sarah (19:36):
flat compared to where that show is set.

Mark (19:40):
But it's really not all that far away from it.

Sarah (19:43):
I don't know because Brokenwood's not a real place.

Mark (19:45):
Well, yeah. Where they they when they say we're going
to town, they mean the same bigtown.

Sarah (19:50):
Yeah. But Mike says to Gina, what can I do for you? And
she's, oh, Mike. I love when yousay how Gina, how can I do you?
He's like, that's not what Isaid.
She's like, it's the same thing.No. It's not.

Mark (20:03):
It's not the

Sarah (20:03):
same thing. It's not. I think Lycra brings up the best
in men. You've not seen thepeople in Lycra I've seen, Gina.
It doesn't always do that.

Mark (20:12):
When I used to run, I wore Lycra, but never as a top layer.

Sarah (20:18):
You wore it like long johns. Yeah.

Mark (20:20):
Yeah. He's got a rash on his ass. Do you think they
applied rash makeup to his ass?Mhmm.

Sarah (20:28):
I do. So something is up. They might be pre prepared
prosthetics. Like, you take apiece of, like, wax paper and
you brush the latex onto it orthe silicone onto it, and you
make the prosthetic there. Andthen you just glue it.

Mark (20:44):
We saw we have so many questions for the people who
work on these shows.

Sarah (20:49):
Somebody How

Mark (20:50):
did you do the woman going out of the plane? Did you put a
rash on his ass?

Sarah (20:54):
How much time did you have to spend with your face
right next to that man's buttcheeks? Yep. So Lester's dead.

Mark (21:03):
Yes.

Sarah (21:03):
Manu's dead.

Mark (21:04):
Yes.

Sarah (21:05):
Then we learn that the father is also dead, Carl.

Mark (21:10):
Yes. Tragedy strikes at the Nyman farm.

Sarah (21:13):
Six months ago, he shot himself. He had terminal cancer.
Yep. But he shot himself in thebarn. Yes.
And the police act like theydidn't know about this. It was
only six months ago, and it wasat that farm. They would have
attended that scene.

Mark (21:26):
I have highlighted in all in caps in my notes, they would
know this. Yeah. They would knowthis as soon as it came in.
Like, okay. As they heardLester's last name.
Thing you do is you check forother related cases.

Sarah (21:41):
They would have put in Nyman Yep. And they would have
saw Carl. Yep. But also JethroNyman has died.

Mark (21:48):
Local developers body found.

Sarah (21:51):
Drowned on his famous jet ski that he loved more than
anything other than liquor.

Mark (21:57):
He certainly didn't love his wife. Who? Jethro? Yeah. No.
No. Jules But, boy, do you liketo drink? As with any show, when
you have more characters, thosecharacters but this episode has
10 suspects in it.

Sarah (22:14):
Yeah.

Mark (22:14):
Right? Those characters, for the most part, then become
cartoony or caricatures.

Sarah (22:21):
Otherwise, you can't remember who they are. If they
were all subtle and Yeah. Youknow, nuanced to be like, which
one's that one?

Mark (22:27):
You just don't have enough time to develop it either.

Sarah (22:30):
When you've got a family that has names like Trevor,
Lester, Oscar, Magnus, Jethro,like, they're trying to help us.

Mark (22:40):
And I always have to get up for these episodes because
I'm like, we're fighting overwho inherits the farm. I'm like,
take my inheritance, please.

Sarah (22:49):
Yeah. You want a farm? Have it. And then there's missus
McTavish who is has helped atthe farm, lives at the farm, and
has been there forever. Who isGrumpy McGremperson.
She points a gun at Mike.

Mark (23:04):
Yeah. I don't like that.

Sarah (23:05):
I don't think you can do that. No. Even when you're on
your own land and you've beenhunting. Yeah. Have a gun in
your hand, aim it away from thepolice.
Fine. But she points it at hisback. Yeah. I don't think that's
okay.

Mark (23:20):
No. How did they get Magnus's picture? It's not the
one from the newspaper for themurder board. So did they find
Magnus's file and get hispicture from that? I guess.

Sarah (23:32):
I guess. Maybe? He's wearing the same shirt that he
wears when he shows up at thefuneral. That's kind of odd.

Mark (23:38):
There's and, like, Madison is Madison Mathers, which is so
Stan Lee. It's not funny. PeterParker. Mhmm. Lois Lane.

Sarah (23:48):
Mathers is better than the actress's last name, which
is Newby Ward. Oh.
I'm sorry, Debbie, but your last name is Newby Ward.

Mark (24:01):
And we find out it's caffeine poisoning. Through his
butt in his wire model. Throughhis butt. Tick tick tick. Boom.

Sarah (24:15):
Through his butt. His poor little butt cheeks are so
irritated by it. They are. Okay.So let's talk taunting.
Yep. So the way Carl leaves thefarm is he leaves it equally to
10 different

Mark (24:31):
people. Yeah.

Sarah (24:31):
His sons, his nephews, and his one daughter.

Mark (24:37):
From another

Sarah (24:38):
Yeah. Family. The son and daughter from another mother.
Yeah. And because it's ataunting, it is equally spread
among the 10 people.
But if one of them dies, thenthe rest of them have a ninth.
Yes. And if another one dies, itgoes down to an eighth. Yeah.
And Breen is right.
The, person who invented thiskind of financial model was

(25:01):
Tonti Yes. In France in the timeof Henry sorry, Louis the
fourteenth.

Mark (25:07):
Okay. So this is pre revolutionary France.

Sarah (25:10):
Right. Right after the thirty years war, France
extremely broke. They needmoney. Yep. So Tonti says, hey,
Louis.
I've got an idea. We can raisemoney this way. We'll the
government will create thisprogram, and it will make us
money.

Mark (25:26):
Okay.

Sarah (25:26):
And it worked differently than this. So the way the
original Tontine worked was thatas a citizen, you would buy a
share of the Tontine that wouldbe pooled in a bucket, in a
pool, with other people your agewho also bought in.

Mark (25:45):
Now you didn't know these people. No. There was no way to
look up these other people.

Sarah (25:49):
No. So you're 30. You buy a share. Your money goes into a
pool with other 30 year olds,and you get annual interest.

Mark (25:58):
And this is pre revolutionary France. So this is
not Joe Peasant. No. I'm sorry.Jacques Peasant.

Sarah (26:04):
No. Right. And this

Mark (26:06):
is all upper class.

Sarah (26:07):
And all maintained on paper with a quill. Yes.
Alright. So you invest. A bunchof other people invest.
That money earns interest, andthe rate is based on your age at
the time you receive the money.And the interest rate goes up
the older you are. So you couldbuy a share in the tontine for
your newborn if you wanted to.

Mark (26:27):
Yes.

Sarah (26:28):
And then as they got older, depending on how many
other people bought in and theinterest rate at that age, you
would get a higher and higheramount of money.

Mark (26:38):
Would it be paid out

Sarah (26:38):
annually? Yes. Annually. Right. So they limited it to 63
was the oldest you could buy in

Mark (26:45):
Meanwhile, the government

Sarah (26:46):
was ancient then.

Mark (26:48):
Meanwhile, the government, I bet, keeps the

Sarah (26:50):
They keep the principal and part of the interest that
it's making.

Mark (26:54):
It's like bonds.

Sarah (26:55):
Yes. Except that as you get older and there are fewer
fewer people in your agebracket, the interest rate goes
up and you're getting a highershare, higher percentage of the
dividend, you would get moremoney per year. You could also
buy a share on behalf ofsomebody else called a nominee.

Mark (27:13):
So did you have to tell them?

Sarah (27:15):
No. Oh. So you could buy a share in the tontine for your
newborn, and you would get thedividend as long as they're
alive and you're alive.

Mark (27:23):
Okay.

Sarah (27:24):
And you could sell your share, but once the person who's
the nominee is dead, that's it.You can't leave it to somebody
else. It doesn't you can'tinherit the dividend.

Mark (27:34):
So there's no reason to kill the individual then?

Sarah (27:38):
No. What you'd wanna do is kill all the other people who
are the same age. Yes. That'swhat you'd wanna do. So if if
you're 64, you should go off andknock off all the other 64 year
olds so that you can get themoney.

Both (27:51):
And then Why

Mark (27:52):
are you going to school? A cold with me today.

Sarah (27:57):
Why did you kill all my kindergarten classmates, papa?
So then if everybody in the agegroup dies, which they
eventually would, the governmentgets to keep the capital and the
interest from then on.

Mark (28:09):
Oh, okay.

Sarah (28:10):
So they make money from the initial buy in. Right? Yeah.
They they get the capital thatthey can then do things with,
like your bank when you putmoney in your savings account.
But the strange thing is that itwas never implemented during
Tonti's life.
Oh. Like, he actually went tothe Bastille during the
revolution.

Mark (28:28):
Oh, okay.

Sarah (28:28):
And five years after he died, France had its first
official tontine.

Mark (28:34):
Did did so it it it was post revolutionary France.

Sarah (28:38):
Yeah. But he came up with the idea before. Okay. Right?

Mark (28:41):
So Robespierre was like, oh, crap. We're out of money.

Both (28:44):
Yeah.

Sarah (28:44):
That's kind of an interesting idea. So then
throughout history, there havebeen these interesting times
when

Mark (28:51):
That was the worst Robespierre.

Sarah (28:52):
That was not a good impersonation. Oh la la. The the
model

Mark (28:57):
Zouta lor.

Sarah (28:59):
The that's all the French I know. The model keeps kind of
resurfacing Yeah. At times whenpeople think they could take
advantage of it. So, like, rightbefore a war Yeah. People would
be like, hey.
Let's have a tontine. Okay.Because then, you know, like,
let's say, I know you're gonnago to war. Yeah. You would buy a

(29:20):
tontine on me.
I'm gonna survive cause I'm awoman. I'm not going to go into
battle. Right?

Both (29:25):
Okay.

Sarah (29:26):
And and so you invested a little bit of money you have in
hopes that it means that I get adividend every month. Yeah. But
in reality, what would happen isI would buy one on you. You
would go off and a bunch of yourpeers would die, and hopefully,
you wouldn't, and we'd make awhole bunch of money.

Mark (29:43):
Excellent. So it kind No. I'm, like, the least likely to
survive a war.

Sarah (29:47):
So it kind of encouraged, like, Dave's not looking so good
in the trench. Yeah. I'm justgonna finish him off. You know?
Like but, yeah, you

Mark (29:56):
They had to be made illegal. And, certainly, a taunt
team like this explained to ajudge, the judge would go, no.

Sarah (30:03):
No. What the the law says, at least in The United
States says that wills have tobe constructed in a way that
they can be immediately appliedand resolved.

Mark (30:11):
Okay.

Sarah (30:12):
So you can't like, if you if you say, well, this money
goes to my kid when they turn21, the money goes into a trust
now. Okay. It can't just sit ina stack in the corner until

Mark (30:21):
they turn 21. We can have the marathon trust.

Sarah (30:24):
Oh, yeah. We can do that, but it has to go in a trust. So
it it something happens with itnow.

Mark (30:31):
Okay.

Sarah (30:32):
Right?

Mark (30:32):
Yeah.

Sarah (30:33):
And because there is no legal transfer of this farm to
any one person Yes. This willwould not No. And in The United
States, it wouldn't be valid.

Mark (30:44):
I don't think it's gonna be valid anywhere.

Sarah (30:46):
If the farm went into a trust Yeah. Then maybe.

Mark (30:50):
Maybe.

Sarah (30:51):
But I think Madison, though she's a psychotic killer,
is actually right that or maybeit's Mike who suggested. Yeah.
It's Mike who suggested. Theythe sons could definitely go to
court and say, this is bogus.Yeah.
We're the legal heirs. It shouldbe split between us.

Mark (31:07):
Yeah. Her plan, by the way, she's the killer. Her plan
is to seduce the best lookingson, I guess, and marry him and
then kill him.

Sarah (31:20):
Well, he's not married. His brother is.

Mark (31:23):
Oh, yes. So the single brother

Sarah (31:26):
So I guess she could've she could've sucked up to Trevor
or Ahina, who's the daughterYeah. Or Dion or Magnus.

Mark (31:37):
But still she but still Or missus McTavish. Yes. But still,
this is a long way to go to geta farm that

Sarah (31:46):
It's just a farm. I know land is expensive, but it's not
like they have an oil field. No.Like It's just a farm. It's a
lot of work.

Mark (31:54):
And it's so easy in the story to be like, well, we had
to kill the bull, but that'sokay. We have 400,000 heads of
cattle. So that implies how richthe farm Hope

Sarah (32:04):
they don't run into the oil rig again.

Mark (32:06):
Yes. You know? Something like that.

Sarah (32:08):
No. It's just kind of an average I don't even know what
they raise. They have one bull.Yeah. I I didn't see a bunch of
other cows.

Mark (32:15):
No. And I mean,

Sarah (32:16):
it's New Zealand. They probably have 10 gazillion sheep
Yes. That are often anotherpaddock somewhere that we never
see.

Mark (32:23):
But still, it's not it's not worth the death of as many
people.

Sarah (32:27):
The margins are narrow

Mark (32:28):
Yeah.

Sarah (32:29):
In farming.

Mark (32:30):
Yeah.

Sarah (32:30):
Very narrow. But reverend Green winds up being one of the
10. I forgot. She could havesucked up to reverend Green, I
guess. She's not his type.
No.

Mark (32:39):
He falls asleep in church.

Sarah (32:40):
I was like, yeah. He's not sleeping. He's afraid he's
gonna get killed. I feel bad forhim. Yeah.
I mean, Carl comes into churchto basically tell him that he's
wrong about everything. It'slike, then why why are you here?
Go away. If you don't if youdon't even wanna give this a
chance, you know, and you'redying, just don't bother me.
But, yeah, he gives them atenth.

(33:01):
And then Carl writes all 10people a letter that basically
says, here's your chance. Yep.Knock out the other nine. Kill
or be killed. Yours.
He's awful. He is. He's reallyawful.

Mark (33:14):
He has a dark streak. I love Jules Fahey has killed
another husband.

Sarah (33:19):
Oh, she's awful too. I don't I don't like her character
at all.

Mark (33:23):
I'm not sure if we ever see her again.

Sarah (33:25):
Good.

Mark (33:26):
And then my next note is, oh, look. More fish and chips to
annoy Sarah.

Sarah (33:34):
Somebody says that maybe Carl's vengeful spirit was in
the bowl. Maybe? I forget whosets it.
I don't I didn't write that down.
Like, yeah. Carl's nasty enough to have moved into that
bowl.

Mark (33:48):
We find out that Dion is of interest of the drug squad.

Sarah (33:52):
Dion's bad news.

Mark (33:54):
Yeah. He is.

Sarah (33:54):
We hardly see him. I don't think we ever really hear
him deliver dialogue, really.He's methity meth meth. Yep. Or
poisons, but framed for that, Iguess.
I mean, really, how messy washe? Because all the equipment
that was in his Airbnb wasplanted there.

Mark (34:14):
Yep.

Sarah (34:15):
Or was that the equipment that he had in the barn that
burned down and they just movedit to his Airbnb and it was his?

Mark (34:23):
I think it's combination of both.

Sarah (34:24):
It didn't have his fingerprints on it. No. Because
Trevor cleaned it

Mark (34:29):
Yeah.

Sarah (34:30):
To because he didn't want his fingerprints on it.

Mark (34:32):
Trevor is weird too because he calls the the farm a
prison.

Sarah (34:37):
I don't think he ever wanted to be the son who
inherited the farm.

Mark (34:41):
And everyone has a chemistry degree.

Both (34:43):
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Sarah (34:44):
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Everybody. Everybody went for
science. Yeah.
I think what would have beenbetter is if the 10 of them got
together and said, let's justagree to sell this and split it
10 ways.

Mark (34:54):
I agree. Because none

Sarah (34:55):
of us wanna do this.

Mark (34:56):
And I think nine of them or, like, eight of them at least
would have been like, yeah.Let's do this.

Sarah (35:02):
Missus McTavish would have said no. Who else would
have said no? Well, Magnuswasn't around.

Mark (35:06):
No. They couldn't try it. Not gonna say no weeb.

Sarah (35:09):
No. Because he wants out of there. Lester wants out of
there.

Mark (35:12):
Drinky drinky's gonna get out of there.

Sarah (35:14):
Yeah. Jethro. Yep. Oscar doesn't wanna do it. No.
Manu and Ahina don't wantanything to do with it.

Mark (35:21):
They had all manner of parties up there. Seventies car
key parties in the fruit bowl.

Sarah (35:26):
I like that Breen says, well, we could just wait it out
and arrest the last personstanding. That came out of my
mouth. It wasn't supposed tocome out of my mouth. But he's
right. Every other story I'veever read that is centered
around a taunting as a plotdevice, that's exactly what
happens.

Both (35:44):
Yeah.

Sarah (35:44):
Isn't there a Sherlock Holmes with a taunting?

Mark (35:46):
I think so. I think there's an Agatha Christie with
one.

Sarah (35:48):
Yeah. Reverend Green is out. He signs it over.

Mark (35:52):
He's like, I don't wanna do any of this at all. We see
the sign for Broken Wood, getcrashed in.

Sarah (36:00):
What the reverend should have done is gone, signed the
paperwork, had as many copies ashe needed, and then immediately
went and delivered the copies tothe the other living Yep.
Recipients to say, here is theproof. Do not kill me.

Mark (36:14):
Yep.

Sarah (36:14):
Okay?

Mark (36:15):
Here we go. I'm out.

Sarah (36:17):
Don't kill me by mistake because you didn't know that I
went to see the lawyer today. Iam out. Here's the evidence.

Mark (36:22):
You don't usually get a Chernobyl reference in Broken
Wood.

Sarah (36:27):
No. Because Dion is so contaminated. Yeah. And but not
with meth making stuff. He'scontaminated with every form
possible form of poison thateither he or Trevor were making.
I'm not sure

Mark (36:42):
be driving?

Sarah (36:44):
Badly.

Mark (36:45):
Yeah. Obviously.

Sarah (36:46):
But they say that he had his letter from Carl taped
around his abdomen. I don't knowwhy he would have it there.

Mark (36:52):
I don't know.

Sarah (36:53):
It's not like a document that he would need to protect.

Mark (36:55):
No.

Sarah (36:56):
It's a it mean, without the paper, he still has his
claim. He doesn't need theletter to prove that.

Mark (37:02):
When something burns down on your property, it's a major
thing. And if you make a minorthing out of it, the police are
going to notice.

Sarah (37:11):
Yeah.

Mark (37:12):
Oh, it's just some work thing.

Sarah (37:14):
Like, wait till it's three quarters burned and then
call the fire department. Yeah.But you should definitely call
them. You shouldn't just belike, yeah. We just let it burn.
Yep. I I know it's right herenext to the house, but, you
know, we just let it burn.

Mark (37:25):
You still call the fire department.

Sarah (37:26):
Of course, you do. Even if there's nothing they can do.

Mark (37:29):
I love how they still have to sing England's green and
pleasant land.

Sarah (37:34):
They don't have to. They choose to.

Mark (37:36):
They choose to. But

Sarah (37:37):
Which is odd.

Mark (37:38):
It's it's colonial behavior. I remember going to
church singing that song.

Sarah (37:44):
What is Magnus wearing when he shows up? I do not know.
Is that something you have towear if you go into the bush?

Mark (37:52):
I guess. He's very drunk and very like, he's there to eat
the scenery, say that you'repork and Lester's wife.

Sarah (38:04):
And then get wrestled with.

Mark (38:06):
Never a fun phrase. And then have a fight in the church
in front of cops. It's never agood thing.

Sarah (38:13):
So in Australia, they say that somebody went walkabout.
Yep. But in New Zealand, theysay they went bush.

Mark (38:20):
Yep.

Sarah (38:21):
Can you even do that here?

Mark (38:23):
So bush Off grid? Bush is a a word that like, I grew up
with the word bush.

Sarah (38:30):
In Canada, I guess you could do it. I mean, you could
go out into really uninhabitedplaces, and there are big
uninhabited places, and live offthe land and sleep in a tent, I
guess.

Mark (38:41):
My parents had hundreds of acres. Acres. There could have
been people living back therethat we didn't know about.

Sarah (38:48):
I think you would have seen them getting water.

Mark (38:50):
I literally would walk all day and at at noon, have to have
my lunch and then turn aroundand come back because, like, I
You've gone as far

Both (39:00):
as you

Sarah (39:00):
could if you were gonna get back.

Mark (39:01):
If if I was gonna get back for dinner.

Sarah (39:04):
I just I think here, unless you live out west where
there's a lot of uninhabitedarea that's mostly desert and
uninhabitable, which is whynobody lives there. I think here
you'd have to say they they wentoff grid.

Mark (39:16):
Yeah. There's there's not as much what Canadians would
call bush No. Here. No. InCanada, you're five minutes out
of Toronto.
You're like, oh my god.

Sarah (39:26):
Nobody's ever gonna find me.

Mark (39:27):
There's not a light anywhere.

Sarah (39:29):
I can live here forever. Nobody will ever know. And
speaking of gone bush, Jaredsuddenly comes back. Like, where
have you been? Oh, yeah.
I mean, you remember I was in acoma? Yeah. Yeah. Which happened
during Christmas. Christmas

Mark (39:43):
episode? Yeah.

Sarah (39:44):
I came out of the coma, hung out with my family. They
got on my nerves, and so I justdecided to walk from one end of
New Zealand to the other.

Mark (39:51):
The Tay Aoroa Ra Trail. It's

Sarah (39:55):
Sorry, people who know how to say that.

Mark (39:56):
3,000 kilometers.

Sarah (39:58):
How does that compare to the Appalachian Trail?

Mark (40:00):
It's slightly shorter. 200 miles shorter.

Sarah (40:03):
So that would that'd take you a while?

Mark (40:05):
About six months, I would think.

Sarah (40:07):
But you think Mike would have been visiting him in the
hospital when he was in his comaand, like, know that he got out
of the coma.

Mark (40:12):
And You would think all that.

Sarah (40:14):
Like, they would have said, hey. He's awake.

Mark (40:17):
You would think.

Sarah (40:17):
You know? No. Jared just disappears for a year and then
just shows up.

Mark (40:22):
This is the dodgy Here

Sarah (40:23):
I am in my rubber boots.

Mark (40:26):
This is the dodgy side of dodge ville. Mike has a logic
puzzle.

Sarah (40:32):
I think it's a smart way to do it.

Mark (40:34):
I do too.

Sarah (40:35):
And he draws his first emoji.

Mark (40:36):
And he and, yes, that isn't his first emoji because in
the top corner, did you see whatthere was? So so in the top
corner, you differentiatebetween what the rows are and
what the columns are. Right. Soacross the top and the columns,
there's a money sign.

Sarah (40:55):
Mhmm.

Mark (40:55):
Those are people with the money. Yeah. And then on the on
the columns is a little crosswith grass at the bottom.

Sarah (41:06):
To symbolize the people who are dead? Yes. I think it's
a perfectly appropriate way togo about figuring out who had
the opportunity to kill who.

Mark (41:17):
What's the red line mean? Yeah.

Sarah (41:20):
Those folks are already dead. Yes. They can't be the
killer because they're alreadydead.

Mark (41:26):
Oh, I think Mike, at that point in time, knows what's
going on.

Sarah (41:30):
Oh, he knows exactly what's going on. Because he's
already arranged with missusTavish McTavish. Yes. That's You
think you think she's a superbad person? No.
But she's not? No. I do thinkshe has a soft spot for Trevor.
Yeah. Like a son.
So Because she knows what hisdad was like.

Mark (41:48):
And then the lawyer arrives and

Sarah (41:50):
oh. Okay. Unless the law is different in New Zealand than
it is everywhere else, Madisoncannot be somebody who oversees
estates and a criminal lawyer.

Mark (42:00):
No. It's just it's

Sarah (42:02):
It doesn't work like that. No. You differentiate.
Maybe law school in New Zealandmakes you learn both. I don't
know.

Mark (42:09):
And Trevor is tired of it and just wants to be done.

Sarah (42:13):
I think he realizes she's not a good person that she wants

Both (42:16):
to be

Mark (42:16):
with. Woman.

Both (42:18):
Evil woman.

Sarah (42:20):
Psycho woman. No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. And the most she hasto gain is a farm. You're gonna
see off nine people for a well,really 10 because she's gonna
have to kill Trevor

Both (42:32):
Sure.

Sarah (42:32):
After she marries him.

Mark (42:34):
Sure. There's a lot of sheep on this farm.

Sarah (42:37):
I think the bar association would have something
to say about

Mark (42:40):
Oh, that's what we we need the other lawyer to come in and
go.

Sarah (42:46):
Yeah. Even I know that's not right, and I'm me. That's
unethical.

Mark (42:52):
And I'm a bad lawyer. Turn and look at him.

Sarah (42:56):
Like, ring ring. It's pot calling. Are you kettle picking
up?

Mark (43:01):
And as soon as you find out that Trevor is in a
relationship with the evilwoman, like, it would be done.
Separate them. You can't be hislawyer. All sorts of things.

Sarah (43:13):
No. I think they just need to get confirmation of
that. And as soon as they do,that's what they do. They
separate them. But then Madisonadmits that maybe she killed her
mom.

Mark (43:24):
Yeah. Kinda. Which

Sarah (43:28):
I don't I mean, her mom was really sick, but it's she's
not sorry

Both (43:33):
about it.

Mark (43:35):
Is this the first time we see naked people in bed in
broken woods?

Sarah (43:39):
That I remember.

Mark (43:40):
I think so.

Sarah (43:41):
But I forgot Jared was in a coma until we talked about it.
So, you know, I don't know.

Mark (43:46):
Playing happy families.

Sarah (43:48):
I've slept since then. We know

Mark (43:50):
all sorts of things about happy families.

Sarah (43:52):
Too much about that game. Yeah. Magnus and Carl played
cards for who got the farm.

Mark (43:58):
Yes.

Sarah (43:59):
This is a toxic family.

Mark (44:01):
It is just and who I feel sorry for is the poor woman that
Magnus screwed around with andhad the whole separate family.

Sarah (44:11):
Manu and Hawani's mom. Which Who was a scientist.

Mark (44:15):
Who should have been called red herring in Maori.
Mhmm. Like, they had nothing todo with it. They're victims of
the whole thing. They mayactually end up with the farm,
though.

Sarah (44:28):
And he's super stupid.

Mark (44:30):
Yeah.

Sarah (44:31):
So he doesn't have that going for him. She's smart.

Mark (44:34):
She may end up with the farm.

Sarah (44:36):
Yeah. I think maybe. Well, Oscar hasn't done anything
wrong. No. I mean, it'sunethical to sleep with your
cousin's widow.

Mark (44:44):
And I gotta think that reverend Green could say, okay.
It's all over. I was scared, soI should get back

Sarah (44:51):
to you. Under duress of threat of murder. Yeah. I don't
know about the end. Okay.
Magnus seems like kind of anasshole to me.

Mark (45:00):
Yes.

Sarah (45:01):
And missus McTavish is rough around the edges. Yes. But
she loves him?

Mark (45:07):
Yeah. It it is way too this is a three episode series
that they fit into one episode.

Sarah (45:17):
I don't want three episodes of this story.

Mark (45:19):
Yeah. I understand that.

Sarah (45:22):
Of Madison evil woman. Yeah. Turning poor Trevor
against everybody.

Mark (45:28):
Like, it just it's and then they kinda discover what's
going on, and Trevor goes, yeah.We did it. And she goes, don't
say anything, Trevor. And Trevorgoes, okay. Here's the beans.
Let me display them on thefloor.

Sarah (45:43):
Spilling them.

Mark (45:45):
The caster beans.

Sarah (45:47):
It's not so simple. You don't just grind them up. I'm
annotating my cast list herewith dead jail, dead dead.

Mark (45:57):
Also, like, she is figuring out that Trevor would
marry her. Like, right now,Trevor has no connection with
her other than romantic.

Both (46:08):
Mm-mm.

Mark (46:09):
And that doesn't really hold up in a court of law as we
can split everything.

Sarah (46:14):
No. No. And, I mean, maybe they had a connection, but
he's single for a reason. Maybehe doesn't wanna be married.
She's gambling a lot on winninghim over.

Mark (46:26):
He wants to go to the city and be a chemist. That's what he
wants to do. Yeah. He does notwanna live on this

Sarah (46:33):
Well, she might be kinda counting on that.

Mark (46:35):
I guess.

Sarah (46:36):
That he would sell it because then she could kill him
and get the money.

Mark (46:39):
But okay. You and I have killed everybody so that we
could get all this money, and itwas your idea. And I've married
you now. Toxic. Just go tosleep?

Sarah (46:51):
Never? Like It is a toxic beginning to our relationship.

Mark (46:55):
Like, he would be smarter than that.

Sarah (46:57):
The how I met your mother story is not a pleasant

Mark (46:59):
one. Oh.

Sarah (47:01):
Okay. So after the credits Yes. Everybody's either
dead, in jail, or signed offtheir share except Oscar, missus
McTavish, and Magnus.

Mark (47:12):
What about the other family?

Sarah (47:13):
Oh, Awahina. Yeah. So now it gets split four ways. Yeah.
Though with Magnus and missusMcTavish being a couple Yeah.
They're kinda sharing theirhalf. So I'm gonna guess that
Oscar and Awahina say buy usout. I would say keep it, buy us
out.

Mark (47:31):
The we're either gonna keep it or let us develop it,
and you can go live where youwant because we're gonna make so
much money on the

Sarah (47:37):
Missus McTavish is never leaving that farm.

Mark (47:40):
Yeah. I I think that

Sarah (47:42):
And Magnus is not gonna leave the farm.

Mark (47:44):
Then I think the young woman says buy me out as soon as
possible.

Both (47:47):
I don't

Mark (47:48):
want anything to do with you people.

Sarah (47:50):
And Oscar, health store man, is gonna say the same
thing. I don't wanna haveanything

Mark (47:54):
to do

Both (47:54):
with you.

Mark (47:54):
Run a health store. Why is there a health store scene?

Sarah (47:58):
Because then he can sell the caffeine

Mark (48:00):
I guess.

Sarah (48:01):
To Lester?

Mark (48:02):
Do you sell that much caffeine?

Sarah (48:03):
Rub it on his butt.

Mark (48:05):
Butt rubbing cow.

Sarah (48:07):
Health stores don't sell caffeine powder,

Mark (48:09):
do they? I mean,

Sarah (48:10):
that kind of opposes the health store thing.

Mark (48:12):
So he's supposed to put it in his water, and I do like that
he's so nervous. He spills it inhis pants. Yeah. But I would not
put on wet lycra pants.

Sarah (48:25):
Well, isn't that kind of the whole point of Lycra? It
wicks away so when you getreally sweaty, it doesn't stay
wet? Yeah. But But thoseabsorbent butt pads soak it up.

Mark (48:33):
Oh, it just it would be bad.

Sarah (48:35):
So we're supposed to believe that Lester died of the
caffeine he drank, but also thecaffeine that he absorbed
through his butt that was onlyaccidentally spilled there?

Mark (48:47):
Yeah. But he would have died if he drank the whole thing
out of the water bottle.

Sarah (48:51):
Okay. Because I don't feel like the spillage would be
enough.

Mark (48:54):
They're just not very good at killing people.

Sarah (49:00):
Nor do we want them to be.

Both (49:02):
And

Mark (49:02):
the and the thing is

Sarah (49:03):
It's not something to brag about. I'm good at killing
people. I get away with it.Well, until I said that.

Mark (49:10):
The thing is, if dumbass hadn't got killed by the bull,
they wouldn't have got the idea.

Sarah (49:17):
Nope. It's all Manu's fault. Yep. Because he wanted to
go run with the Bulls, which isa dumb idea anyway.

Mark (49:24):
Yes. Well, Jared's back for two episodes of the well,
another episode of this seasonand the whole next season. Jared
is back.

Sarah (49:32):
So that's, taunting.

Mark (49:35):
Yeah. I I liked it better than the previous episode.

Sarah (49:40):
I don't think we even have to discuss who's the best
corpse. Yeah. Because it'sLester Yeah. Bare butt Nyman.

Both (49:48):
He

Mark (49:48):
is Midsummer worthy best best butt.

Sarah (49:52):
Yeah. Well, he didn't have to lay in a field with his
butt bare. No. It's close.

Mark (49:57):
No. It's it's close, but

Sarah (49:59):
He's aspiring.

Mark (50:00):
It's not as close-up as the Midsummer best butt.

Sarah (50:03):
No. No.

Mark (50:05):
So I have a question that relates to what we talked about
at the top. Mhmm. Okay. So yousee the casting call for
Midsummer, and they're doingkillings at Badger's Drift.

Both (50:17):
Mhmm.

Sarah (50:17):
What part

Mark (50:18):
are you gonna play?

Sarah (50:21):
I wanna be missus Rainbird.

Mark (50:23):
Oh, that's a good part.

Sarah (50:25):
I think I'm old enough. They could age me a little.

Mark (50:28):
I don't think you're old.

Sarah (50:29):
Age me up a little bit. I think I could pull it off.

Mark (50:32):
Okay.

Sarah (50:32):
Give me big glasses. How about you?

Mark (50:35):
I'd wanna be the the guy who's getting married.

Sarah (50:38):
He gets to be in a wheelchair

Mark (50:39):
the good time. To be in a wheelchair all the time.

Sarah (50:41):
Ride a four by four. Yeah. I certainly don't wanna be
one of the killers and have to,like, kiss my brother or
something. That'd be weird.

Mark (50:48):
There's bonking in that. How are they gonna do that on
stage?

Sarah (50:51):
On a blanket. They'll have to change some things to
stage it. I'm sure. I Andeverybody will know what's gonna
happen, so they gotta changesomething.

Mark (50:59):
This it's gonna be awesome, like like, the first
nights and couple of thingsgoing on. But when they start to
tour around to places that maybeare not a little, like, Londony
Mhmm. There's gonna be peoplewho are like, you gotta go tell
the beach. Yeah. It's gonna belike it's gonna be like,

Sarah (51:19):
I wanna see the scene where what's her name? Janet,
the sister that lives is itJanet?

Mark (51:25):
No. I forget what

Sarah (51:26):
She's got some Phyllis.

Mark (51:27):
Yes. Phyllis.

Sarah (51:28):
Where Phyllis just comes on one side of the stage dressed
in her plus fours and just fallsrunning across and then runs off
the other side

Mark (51:37):
of the stage Cadell.

Sarah (51:38):
Carrying a gun Yep. With her head her ear protectors on.

Mark (51:43):
It's gonna be like it could really turn out to be
almost a parody. Almost likeRocky Horror Picture Show where
the audience is in the they'rein the audience, and they're
like, you

Both (51:58):
have to tell the beast. He did it. He did it.

Sarah (52:02):
He's gonna kiss his sister.

Mark (52:04):
I'm being framed. Framed.

Sarah (52:08):
Everybody does it together with their fingers
in the audience.

Mark (52:13):
Oh my gosh.

Sarah (52:16):
Oh, that'd be so awesome.

Mark (52:18):
Oh, and the constable line. Everybody's gonna scream
in there.

Sarah (52:22):
Constable there. Woo. Go rainbirds. It's your birthday.
And the front row has to, like,cover themselves in plastic like
they're at a Gallagher concertbecause when the rainbirds get
killed, it just shoots out.
The blood just splatters thefirst three rows.

Mark (52:43):
But everybody knows it. Sandwiches. Yes.

Sarah (52:46):
There's ice sombreros just shooting out of, like, a
cannon.

Mark (52:51):
Oh, we need a correspondent.

Sarah (52:56):
It's never gonna live up to this.

Mark (52:57):
No. It's not. I want it so bad.

Sarah (53:00):
But if you get a ticket in the first row and they give
you a free midsummer poncho,it's because you need it.

Mark (53:06):
Oh, and if it comes to US, we're going and we're doing all
that shit.

Sarah (53:11):
We're gonna be the worst audience member

Mark (53:13):
to ever don't care.

Sarah (53:15):
We'll get kicked out.

Mark (53:17):
Somebody will try to kick us out and some old lady will
stand up and go,

Both (53:20):
they're the maniacs.

Sarah (53:23):
Don't do that, the maniacs. Back off. Listen to
Edna. She's a criminal lawyerand an estate lawyer. She knows
what she's talking about.

Mark (53:38):
Well, next week, Broken Woods season five episode four,
the dark angel.

Sarah (53:50):
I just I can't breathe. I just had an image of a bunch of
old folks piling onto the bus togo back to the old folks home
after seeing the Midsummer stageshow. And they've got their
bloody ponchos on,

Both (54:04):
and they're like, it was so great. It was so perfect.
Exactly. Go tell the bee. AndOh,

Sarah (54:25):
Oh, bye, maniacs.

Mark (54:27):
Bye, maniacs.

Sarah (54:32):
Oh, Edna, squeegee the blood off your poncho before you
get on the bus.

Mark (54:38):
Thanks for joining us on the Mystery Maniacs podcast. If
you enjoyed our crazy podcasttoday, don't miss out on future
episodes. Follow us on socialmedia for updates, beyond the
scenes content, and exclusivesneak peeks. Subscribe, like,
and share to spread the word.Bye, maniacs.

Sarah (54:56):
And now, for your listening pleasure, on our stage
doing one of his famous lyricaldramatic readings, Mark Bell.

Mark (55:07):
This is evil woman by Electric Like Orchestra. Hey,
woman. You got the blues becauseyou ain't got no one else to
use. There's an open road thatleads nowhere, so just make some
miles between here and there.There's a hole in my head where

(55:28):
the rain comes in.
You took my body and played towin. Woman, it's crying shame.
But you ain't got nobody else toblame. Evil woman. Evil woman.
Evil woman. Evil woman.

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No Use Dying Over Spilled Butt Caffeine | Brokenwood | "Tontine" | Mystery Maniacs Podcast EP231

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}No Use Dying Over Spilled Butt Caffeine | Brokenwood | "Tontine" | Mystery Maniacs Podcast EP231