September 24, 2024 • 56 mins
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Have you ever wondered how profound pain and grief can realign you with your true life's purpose? Join us as Blaire Stanislao & Kathie Malby share their transformative journeys from the depths of personal tragedy to the heights of spiritual awakening. The trials of grief and addiction can become powerful catalysts for growth and self-discovery. We highlight the importance of listening to one's inner call, embracing life's pain, and allowing it to guide you toward healing and clarity.
From the significance of timing in relationships to the impact of art history on understanding human culture, this episode is a rich tapestry of wisdom and inspiration. Tune in to discover how embracing your path with patience and trust can lead to profound personal growth and a deeper connection with your true self.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello, this is Blair Stanislao with the Happy Lion
Center.
Welcome to our podcast Mysticaland Infamous, where we have
playful and easy conversationsabout anything mystical, getting
to the heart of all things,strange and weird.
Join us in a bit of magicaltomfoolery, spreading the
alchemy of love and light.
And now we invite you to enjoythe show.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
It doesn't matter who we are, it doesn't matter
whether it's religious,spiritual, physical.
It's what we are fit to do andthat changes through time.
But there's a certain amount ofgrowing and maturing that takes
place through the years and asit does, you begin to realize
I've been, I've been readied forthe call because I'm I'm at the
(00:53):
end and I'm embracing it withall my heart.
I, I love it.
But it isn't that I am sittingback watching TV although I get
to now A little time but it wastwo days ago that I'm an oblate
of the Annunciation Monastery inBismarck, north Dakota.
(01:15):
That means I am connected withthe Benedictine lifestyle,
because those sisters areBenedictines and they've been
there for 150 years or 130 yearsor something.
Anyway, when I was going toschool there in my 40s, I
(01:35):
embraced their way of life, andso this contemplative life has
called me all of my life.
And yet it's been very, veryclear in my call that I don't
work in the church.
Although I've worked in thechurch a lot, I have always
gravitated that direction,always wanted to do that, and
(01:56):
I've done plenty, you know,director of religious ed,
catechist, teacher of religion,all that kind of stuff, of stuff
.
Okay, so connected, but thecall isn't there.
It absolutely is not there.
When I do education, it's notin the church, although I can
teach you all of the, thecatechism of the catholic church
(02:18):
, and you can decide whether ornot you embrace it.
Okay, and that's, that's mythinking.
It isn't this goal to get youto be a little catholic, it's a,
it's a goal to present you withthe information you make your
decision, okay.
So, um, when I went to theUniversity of Mary and I loved
(02:50):
their lifestyle and I couldn'tfigure out, how do I become a
monk in the contemporary world,you know, and that's basically
what I'm doing and have beenfloundering around trying to
figure out, because it's likeall of my work in healing, in
(03:15):
healing work, in caring forothers, in being present, all of
it has been part of that calland I've known that.
I've known that since I was alittle girl.
But it's like the pieces beginto make sense, they're like a
flower that opens up in me andnow I can see, as I've moved
(03:38):
through all of those years,those decades, that I was being
fitted for what I'm doing here.
So it pops into my head a coupleof days ago, about being an
oblate of the Benedictinesisters in Bismarck, and when
you are you have taken a promiseto remain faithful to that
(04:00):
particular monastery.
There's a real stability aboutthat kind of choice, anyway.
So I was thinking, you knowthis Richard Rohr has me
captivated.
I find him absolutelyphenomenal, and his people that
he puts on his podcasts and hasclasses I'm going to be taking
(04:26):
one, beginning at the end of themonth Just the different things
he offers are all about thecontemplative world, and so my
whole goal has been thatdirection.
So here it pops in, that oblatemessage You're an oblate of the
Benedictines and yes, I am.
And what does that really meanto you, besides following a
(04:48):
prayer form or being out in theworld because you're not behind
closed doors in community,because that's lonely, not
having the community, becausethe community helps feed you and
give you other ways of thinking.
I'm on my own out here.
I mean I can read, but I'm onmy own for the prayer, for the.
(05:12):
You know those kinds of things.
And so I, as the, I wasthinking that and then I kind of
dropped it and yesterday itpopped in there really strong
and I thought, oh, that's apiece of Spokane now, how that's
going to show up and how that'sgoing to work, I don't know.
But I also know that I am goingto be taking this course from
(05:35):
Richard Rohr.
Now.
He's Franciscan, he's notBenedictine, but the Franciscan
sisters in Great Falls have hadprofound effect on me and they
have what they call the secularFranciscans, which are people
who attach themselves to themonastery and they live a
Franciscan way of life, attachedto that monastery.
(06:00):
And because I'm an oblate of theBenedictines, I cannot do that
unless I'm released.
I promise with the Benedictinesand I'm not going to do that.
But this has something to dowith here in Spokane.
It's another little piece ofinformation, along with the
Reiki, that's a piece ofinformation, along with doing
podcasts with you.
(06:20):
That's a piece of theinformation.
I'm learning things and I don'tknow what I'm going to do.
All I know is, before I leftGreat Falls, it was very clear
that I will not know what theplan is unless I moved, and I
moved.
So I didn't find out what theplan is.
(06:42):
I also understood, and I don'tknow how I do this, but I
understood.
I won't know this before nextyear.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Oh, so you got that.
So what I'd like to kind oftouch on, because that was such
a beautiful presentation of whatit is to navigate, figuring out
what your call is.
I mean that is sort of what wesort of touched on right at the
beginning and it's.
But it's really frustrating asyou're going through it If you
(07:12):
don't like, if you don't havesomebody who tells you this kind
of thing, you know, like, saysyou know you're doing fine, just
go.
You know, listen to your heart,go forward, take one step at a
time, right, but if you seesomebody constantly doing that,
you know you have to remindyourself that and it can be
really frustrating Even.
(07:32):
I mean we were just talkingabout I was going to shift
things within my business to bemore aligned with what I felt
was my call.
It's not that I I mean I don'teven know what it is fully
either but, like I, it's notthat what I have done in the
past was not what I wasnecessarily meant to do or my
call or whatever.
Maybe you can clarify for me.
It's not that I feel like I'vegone on the wrong path, but I
(07:52):
definitely don't feel like it'sthe what I've done so far has
not been the strongest, theclearest.
Oh yes, I mean, there are partsthat I'm like, oh yes, 100%
right.
Oh yes, I mean there are partsthat I'm like, oh yes, 100%
right, but it's not like thiscohesive, neat package thing
that people present in ourWestern society.
(08:13):
Oh, I've got everything figuredout and I'll show you exactly
how to do it and that kind ofthing that's not how it works.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Not at all, not at all.
When you get into the world ofspirituality and you begin to
learn to listen with those ears,then different things happen
and you see the the things willbe kind of panoramic sometimes
and sometimes they'll just be alittle tiny chunk of something
(08:38):
that goes oh, because we'repaying attention.
But learning to pay attentionto our call is altogether
different than learning a job.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
So would you say that learning to pay attention to
the call?
Of course it's intuition, beingin the zone, whatever you want
to call it, listening to yourheart.
Okay, yes, that's the avenuethrough which you feel like what
the call is, but it sounds tome like you're describing the
call is, in a way, is like yourmain purpose in life, in this
(09:10):
lifetime.
Ok, so, but it's not a purpose.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Say again it's also a purpose that's just on Earth.
This purpose is eternal.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
OK, so it's the call of the soul, the soul.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Yeah, we can call it the soul.
That's because that's, that'swhat's it.
That's what's it within thephysical body, and the soul then
has a lot of aspects to it thatare positive and negative.
We just that's human and that'snot a bad thing.
Even the the negative can be aa little clue to the call if we
(09:54):
pay attention and don't view itas bad, bad, bad.
Get rid of it.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Oh, you're gonna, you know, you're gonna burn in the
fires of hell for that well, Ithink, um, I think most people
from the stories that I've heardso far, I mean, I don't feel
like I have completely done it.
Maybe I have.
I probably have done it anddidn't recognize it.
But I'm starting to recognizeit more consciously now that
those bad parts if people labelthem bad, whatever, whatever you
(10:20):
want to call them, butbasically they're your struggles
, right, those things are theway you have to go through that.
You have to heal that.
When you heal that, then you,then you have more clarity as to
what your call is.
But if you're constantlyshunning it away, saying, oh
that's bad, I want to thinkabout it, I don't want to deal
with it, then you don't haveclarity because all you're doing
(10:42):
is blocking those senses to beable to listen to that intuition
.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Well, and we hear that in psychology a lot
Avoidance doesn't work.
We have to go through it,around it, over it, under it.
But we have to go through.
We have to.
We can do all sorts of thingsto get through, but we have to
go through it, because if wedon't, we don't know what's on
the other side.
We can't get to the other side.
(11:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
And you know, I want to pull this out because this is
a really very, very tangibleexample of that.
Okay, so, yes, my husband diedin 2013 and I had my own like
thought processes around wherewhere my focus was so first was
about the kids make sure thatthe kids did not think it was
the end of the world because hedied.
Then the next thing I was mostconcerned about was his parents
(11:30):
to make sure that his parentswere okay.
Of course, I put myself third,which didn't help, but it, you
know, whatever, that was thepath.
But what I noticed as I wasgoing through this because those
two things were so important tome, specifically my kids it
wasn't just that, but it was.
I mean, it was a lot of otherthings, but you know, I I got
around other grieving people,not necessarily physically, I
(11:54):
did.
I eventually did this online but, um, what I found was, you know
, you're there, you're talkingwith them, you're feeling
similar feelings, you're you'regoing through it with them,
essentially, okay.
And then I watched howdifferent people dealt with it,
like, what did they do to makethemselves feel better?
How did they soothe themselves?
Well, you have one group thatyou know, like, one group that I
(12:17):
was in was like, you know,christian something or other
Christian widows or somethinglike that.
So they, they leaned on theBible or their, their religious
upbringing.
And then you have other groupsof like the one that I enjoyed
them with the most was the darkhumor group, because they would
make jokes about everything,right, and it was definitely the
best.
And then and then you havedifferent groups to do different
(12:41):
things and what I noticed is,like, you know, because grieving
is so powerful, it eliminatesall, not all, it eliminates a
lot of the taboo, the adherenceto the belief in the taboo.
Okay, so if you take awaythat's all taboo and you just
talk about anything or youembrace whatever's going on,
(13:01):
then a lot of restrictions arelifted for you, and I don't mean
like you have the freedom to doanything, what you do, but you
release that judgment, and sothen, when you release it enough
, then you can, you can beyourself more.
So one of the avenues that Inoticed that a lot of people
would do to cope, so this istheir.
(13:23):
I feel terrible, I want to feelbetter.
This, you know, I take anaction, whether it's go talk to
a group, pray, whatever it is, alot of them would go down the
drinking hole, drinking alcoholor pot or whatever, right.
And as I watched this kind oflike unfold in front of me, my
(13:45):
father was an alcoholic, so Imean, I didn't necessarily have
that much of an opinion.
I mean, you definitely haveconsequences and it can be a
real problem, but I don'tnecessarily shame him or
anything like that.
Like I don't know, I don't haveall that negativity, even
though I had an alcoholic father.
So I watched this stuff happen,that negativity, even though I
(14:06):
had an alcoholic father.
So I watched this stuff happen.
And as I'm interacting withthese people on a regular basis,
I just, I don't know, I justsaw that that's just totally a
coping mechanism.
Like you're eventually going tohave to get out of that.
So I decided for whateverreason probably because my
father was an alcoholic that wassome of it is that I wasn't
going to do that.
Like I didn't really likedrinking anyways, but I just
wasn't going to do that.
(14:26):
It could be very easy to godown that hole, so I just chose
not to do that.
But I think that's a reallygood example of where are you
like cause you're pushing awaywhatever's you have to deal with
yeah, whereas if you are ableto sit with that discomfort,
then you're able to kind of,then you have the ability to go
(14:47):
through that.
I'm not saying it's easy, butyou have the ability to go
through that and come out.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Every time you go through it and you move through
it, you gain confidence that youcan do it again.
I mean, it comes around andit's always harder.
The the challenges in life arealways harder.
I don't know why they can't geteasier, but you can believe in
(15:14):
yourself that this too, you cando.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Okay.
So if we take that and we applythat to I'm going to use words
that I think that most peoplewould use just figuring out what
your calling is.
So it's not necessarily.
Here's my question is do youthink it's really?
Because a lot of times we'llsay it's not about the
destination, it's about thejourney, right, and in artwork
(15:39):
you say it's not about theoutcome, it's about the process.
You go through the process, youhave lots of things happen.
How would you apply that tofinding your calling?
Because, as a person who was ledto the spirit world in whatever
form, you want to call thatokay.
So, like, we'll just say I knowI've been there since day one,
(16:00):
okay, but it's very hard toarticulate that to people, to
explain, you know, repeatedly Ifind myself saying no, that's
not my interest.
Here's my interest.
Like, and it's very close, it'slike somebody's asking me to do
something and I'm like, oh,yeah, that's, that's interesting
.
I, you know, I'm drawn to you,I want to do these things, but
then I'm like yep, nope, that'snot it.
(16:21):
Because they say or they dosomething, I'm like, nope,
that's not in alignment with me,but I don't even recognize that
I've been doing that my wholelife.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
And when there are several pieces here that you're
talking about that I think arereally important, one of them is
that consciousness.
When we come to a consciousnessabout something, we begin to
interact with a paradigm.
The hardest thing in the worldto shift is a paradigm, and we
will not shift it unless we'rechallenged to, and we will
(16:53):
either keep it and lock in withall of our heart or we will
change.
Change will change a paradigm.
Okay, so when you have thisawareness that comes and it
doesn't have to be a big lifechanging thing, but this
awareness can come and yourealize, oh, oh, I can do this
(17:15):
another way, but I don't knowhow my friends are going to feel
about who.
I wonder what my dad's gonnasay.
I mean, I'm talking about beinga younger person and I know my
mom will kill me.
Okay, so there's just differentthings that can happen in that
awareness.
Simple one for me Years andyears ago I was at a class
(17:42):
meeting kind of thing at thechurch, and I've been involved
in a healing prayer group foryears and years, and so this
particular embracing of thishealing life was in a video that
was being offered, and there'sone thing that was said there
and it's stuck with me all theseyears and it was, you know, are
(18:03):
you going to be the one whostands in the gap?
And I thought, oh, I can dothat, I know how to do that, and
I don't know why.
I knew that, but I knew it.
And I didn't know how I wasgoing to do that, but I knew I
could do it.
And then there's another piecethat you're talking about, and
(18:28):
that's the connection oflistening when we begin.
Okay, there's a whole lot outthere.
Right now, all the gurus talkabout meditation.
It started years and years agowith TM and that kind of thing,
which was much more stylized anddeep and very profound, for
(18:51):
people Changed their lives,change their paradigms, and
meditation will do that.
But meditation also teaches youto get in touch with who the
real person is, your higher self.
In Christian circles, theywould say you know getting in
touch with God.
Well, okay, whatever you wantto put it for a title, I don't
(19:13):
care.
The point is learn to listen.
And when you do begin to listen, it isn't the voices outside,
although those have to be there.
When we're younger, we listento more of them and see what
they do, to learn what we wantto try to see if it fits.
There's nothing wrong with that, we need to.
(19:33):
But then there has to be thisquiet time and that is the
hardest thing, in my opinion, todo, because I'm busy.
I like to move, you know.
I remember years ago I listenedto a speaker named Gene Wiesner.
He's from Billings Montana, andhe said that he talked with God
on the run, that he never hadtime to stop and do the pray and
(19:57):
all of this.
But it would be like come on,lord, let's go, and you can talk
to me in the car, you can talkto me on the bus, you can talk
to me anywhere.
And that's pretty much how hedid his relationship with his
God as he understood.
He did his relationship withhis God as he understood and I
always thought that was kind ofinteresting, that we each have
(20:18):
our own way of listening.
Now that was far more masculine, but I've done a lot of that
through the years.
A lot of that because I've beenbusy.
Who has time to stop?
You know, I was taught as alittle girl, when you pass the
church, you go in and you make avisit and stop and take some
time with the Lord.
So I practiced that, but Inever quite knew what to do.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
So some of that was formality a cultural thing you
know, but forming paradigms.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
But out of that also I could examine, but you that
you did do it.
You didn't know what you weredoing, but you tried it.
And that too has lent itself tome in a whole nother way
because I aged and I aged withthat kind of thinking and that I
don't have to go into thechurch for that.
(21:09):
I can go inside me, into mysoul, which is where church is.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Yeah, I can remember being.
I don't know if I ever told youthis, but I can remember being
young.
I went to an Episcopal schoolwhen I was very young, so
kindergarten, first and secondgrade.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Which in my opinion is Catholic.
But don't tell people, I saidthat uh, I, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
I didn't have any questions then, I was too young.
But then I remember goingsomewhere else and somebody was
I don't know.
There were like all these, Iguess it was.
It felt like instructions ofhow to pray, right?
Oh, they're important, they'reimportant.
I know it was different thanwhat I had learned initially and
(22:04):
I remember thinking what that'sdifferent, and whoever
presented it to me, it did feelvery important to them and very
correct, and therefore thatmeans that any other way is
incorrect, okay.
But I had developed enough of aconnection with those other
people that I knew that thoseother people were not incorrect,
right, so I didn't dare tellthat person Um, I don't think
(22:29):
you're completely correct to saythat's the only way, but I kind
of just like went with it andthat, of course, became like the
theme of my life.
But what that did is it waskind of like a catalyst to say,
oh, this is the right way to doit.
And I was like what?
No, I don't think so.
Like, okay, I'm going to letyou have your own opinion about
how you do it and I'm going todo it my own way.
(22:49):
And, matter of fact, I was soin a.
In a way, it's a littlerebellious, and I was so
rebellious in that way that Iwas like I didn't tell anybody,
I didn't, I didn't say anythingto anybody, I was just like,
yeah, I'm not doing it that way,it works this way.
I probably did try, for the mostpart, I do try the way that
they present and then I'm like,okay, yeah, that's why I liked
(23:11):
Reiki so much, because it waslike all of the conversation was
really getting at what you'retalking about when you're saying
this is, you know, church isinside and connecting to your
higher self, which people callGod.
It doesn't matter what it is.
It's like these energies thatwe're describing and how we're
connecting with them, which forfor another term to describe
(23:32):
that what you're talking aboutis a different way of channeling
.
What are we channeling?
We're channeling our higherself or we're channeling God
source or whatever you want tocall it.
But there is a you can tell adifference between information
that comes through that andinformation that doesn't, if you
spend enough time with it.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Well, yes, and if you spend enough time with it, well
, if yes, and if you're open,yeah, and that's the other piece
.
I mean, there are a lot ofpieces in the call that that
we're talking about here thatthat have to be there, so that
as we move through this processI like your word for that with
(24:13):
art, I don't do art, so I didn'tknow but as we move through
this, then we begin to pull thispiece and this piece and this
piece that come from ourcultural backgrounds but have
shifted, and they shiftedbecause they had to, but have
(24:35):
shifted and they shifted becausethey had to.
You know, my biggest, my first,biggest shift, was in my 20s
and I was babysitting a littleboy, a baby.
He was three months old and hedied and it was a horrible,
horrible thing.
I, I did all sorts of thingsthat day in an order, and crazy
things happened.
When that happened, I didn'tknow that I was pregnant with my
(24:57):
second child, but I had alittle boy at home and he was
two years old, and so I calledmy cousin and asked her to come
over to take care of him,because I called the ambulance,
I had baptized him, because Iknew that his mother had wanted
that, they were talking about it, and so I baptized him.
(25:21):
And then I called a priest.
And when I remember, when thepriest came such a kind man, and
I mean I remember that, butthese are all pieces, I don't
know what order all of ithappened.
But when he came, I remindedhim I had already baptized him.
I baptized him I rememberrepeating it several times, he's
and he finally said it's okay,I'll just give him a blessing,
(25:45):
it's okay, you know, because Iknew that once a baptism has
these are the rules once abaptism has taken place, it's
complete.
You know, it's done, okay.
So, and in the meantime, myhusband called.
He never called me during theday, I mean, we didn't have cell
phones he never called meduring the day and I just told
him you've got to come homeright away that Greg had died,
(26:09):
and he didn't know anything morethan that.
Or if I said anything, I don'tknow.
In the meantime, the ambulancecame, they took the baby and I
went with them to the hospitalbecause I thought I would have
to tell the mother.
I thought that was going to bemy job, and they put me in a
room separate from me.
And the last thing I rememberwas that Mickey had come in.
(26:33):
She was in the room next to methey must have told her and I
heard her scream and um, and Isaid there was, there was a
chaplain there and I said I needto go to her.
He said I think it would bebetter if you just stayed right
here.
I didn't realize that it Icould have been blamed for that,
(26:54):
and the pain and the sufferingand the grief and shock that
hits you when a loved one dieswould have been overpowering to
see me and I mean I was like 20,21 years old, so I didn't know
any better I just would havetaken the responsibility to do
(27:17):
that.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Oh, so what a blessing is that they stopped
you from going in.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
They must have known, if I was coming and I wasn't
the mother and I was the onecaring for the baby that that
was not a good plan.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
What happened?
Do you mind asking?
Speaker 2 (27:31):
No, I don't mind.
Um, I had him.
He'd never.
He'd only rolled over once inthe time I had him and I had put
him down for his nap on on mybed in in the bedroom.
It was a double bed and herolled, and he must've rolled
several times, but he got pinnedbetween the wall and the bed
and suffocated.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Okay, pinned between the wall and the bed and
suffocated.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
okay, yeah and so when I found him, I I mean I I
looked at it, he wasn't thereand I mean horrible.
I I have oh, it's just horrible.
That's all I can say yeah andthen my own little boy had woke
up and he was in a crib in theliving room because we were poor
, poor people, young marriedcouple and um, and so I had to
(28:17):
be sure he was kept happy andquiet.
And I had taken little Greg andI had, like I said I had.
First I went to a window andopened.
It was colder than well diggers, but in January out there, and
and I just sort of put him bythe window but thinking the air
would shock him, and then I wentover to the sink and baptized
(28:38):
him and then I put him on thebed but I turned him over on his
tummy because he looked morelike he was sleeping.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
My grief well, I actually my first, huge, my
first.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I had never really experienced it.
Yeah, and it's those thingsthat mark you through life it's
always before this and afterthat always, and that's when the
drinking in me increased.
I can mark that as I mean Ipartied and stuff, but I never
(29:23):
thought about drink.
I did then.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I had a long road to walk.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Well, that was a big deal, was a big, it was a big
deal, I mean it was yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
But out of it is the good.
Yeah, you know, the interestingthing on that whole thing is
the mother was very, very kindto me.
Yeah, was very, very kind to me.
Yeah, I had kept his things,the few things I had his bottle
and his blanket and you knowsome of those things that I had
(29:58):
at the house and we had moved.
And after we had moved she camewith my cousin and she came
over to the house to see me andI was able to give her those
things I had in the box and Iwas always so glad I kept them
and didn't throw them because Icould have in the move, you know
, but I knew those things wouldmatter to her.
(30:21):
They were the last things hehad.
Yeah, that day I went crazy.
I remember that that was theday the insanity took over.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
What do you mean?
Went crazy.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Oh, after I lost Greg I went on to have three more
children, and all of that time Ididn't drink every day, but
when I drank I was a problem.
I was a huge problem problem.
(31:02):
But the wholeness of that eventdogged me because I couldn't
get past the guilt I felt inlosing him.
I didn't go to anybody forcounseling.
I had brought it up to myhusband that I probably needed
help, and he didn't.
He was young, he was animmature white.
You know, that's those crazythinkings you have when you're
young that your husband is theone who will guide you.
(31:23):
Well, he didn't know any betterthan I did, but I listened, and
that was foolish.
I should have gone and gottensome help, but I didn't.
And so I had many more years ofdrinking to salve the pain
because of the guilt, and thenfinally, finally, alcoholics
Anonymous showed me what I haddone.
(31:47):
And you know, it's true, Inever put those things together
until I needed help and waswilling to get it.
You never put what thingstogether, oh you're losing them
and going crazy, because I wasno kidding, I was nuts, and it
(32:13):
was, oh, probably about fiveyears into it before the
insanity lifted enough for me tofunction.
And all this time I hadchildren.
Yeah, my kids are marked withthis.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Yeah, which it's.
You know, the more I get intothis, the subconscious stuff, so
what?
What you've touched on severaltimes is, you know, it's a
culture, culturally created selfis, which, you know, like, yes,
collectively we kind of agreeto believe certain things, but
there's also this, um individualexperience.
(32:41):
So, um, every human, everyperson who's a baby, they
connect with their parents.
However, they connect withtheir parents or they don't,
that's part, or they don't.
That's part of it too.
Like that's the spectrum.
I don't connect at all, you know, and then I have repercussions
of that, or I really do connect,and then I have repercussions
of that or whatever.
But we all do that.
(33:02):
Nobody's exempt from that.
And that means you, the persondoing this work, it means your
children, and I do find itreally it's an interesting
feeling to be aware of this.
And then, you know, I have kids.
So I'm like I'm looking for itbecause I'm trying to learn this
, I'm trying to understand itbetter.
So I'm looking for thiseverywhere.
(33:24):
And now that I can see it moremyself, what are these things
that I hold on to?
That I can see it more myself,what are these things that I
hold on to?
That is something that Icreated in my own energy space,
which was not thoughts, becauseit's done before you can speak
language, okay, but it's this,these belief systems, that are
(33:45):
energetic, and they're notnecessarily only words, but
these things that I see inmyself.
I can now see them so mucheasier in other people because I
can see them now, right, like Icouldn't see it.
So I went through that and I'mactually just at the end of
cutting the ties that bind,which is the process where we
what I'm doing now is we willactually just finish it
(34:07):
yesterday, which I'm so happy,because I was like, so I'm so
tired of I don't know, I don'teven know what I was tired of, I
was just kind of tired of doingit.
I needed a break.
I want to like, have fun, behappy or whatever.
Not that I wasn't, but for meit was 10 weeks of essentially
having my dreams analyzed, whichlooks all the subconscious,
(34:29):
right Okay.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
I mean, yes, that's kind of what it felt like.
Yeah, that is actually is whatit felt like.
And I got in about two weeksand I was like, oh, I'm so tired
, like I'm just sleeping so muchbecause I'm so tired, but, of
course, because I'm trying toremember my dreams, I'm also
trying to wake up and type mydreams, which doesn't make for a
fluid like sleep pattern.
(34:52):
So it's not just yes, and, likeI told, I told it.
I saw the chiropractoryesterday and I told him I was
like, oh, yeah, I'm also doingthis process and I feel like I'm
going to work at night.
That's really what I mean.
It's not like a physical.
You know, it affects thephysical because I don't sleep
as soundly or as long.
But yeah, but I can see it inother people and I look for it
(35:18):
in my kids, of course, I lookfor it in my husband, I look for
it like everywhere I see thisand it is just amazing, matter
of fact.
So I, I, when I reallyunderstood the importance of
this, because I do graphicdesign and art right, that's
always been okay.
Well, I understand something.
(35:38):
I'm like okay, I have an imagein my head.
Now the question is like how doI create this thing to make it
in the world so that otherpeople can understand this?
And so when I'm going throughthis process, I realized, oh,
this is really important, likethis is no joke, this is super
important, probably one of themost important things.
So I need to make something.
So I just made in my notebook,I basically did a drawing, made
(36:01):
this title and because I'm sotired or whatever, I'm going
through this process and I keepthinking I got to go back
because you create this list ofall these things that you start
to recognize, okay, and I didn'tlike it at first because it was
like oh, we're just looking atall the bad stuff, you know, and
that's not really objectivelytrue, which is totally
irrelevant.
You know, I didn't want to belike dogging my mother because I
(36:24):
love her, and you know it was.
I thought overall it was a goodexperience, right.
But after a while I started torealize, oh yeah, this is
actually really important and Ithink they actually put in the
process you can list the goodthings too, right.
But I think that's like justthere for people to get over
that hump of oh well, they'renot all bad Like you have to get
(36:44):
past that and you have to justsay, okay, well, these are the
things that didn't work for me.
And so I actually had twocolumns and then I quit writing
in the good column and I waslike, well, it doesn't matter,
we're not looking at any of that.
So I had these like pages ofthis stuff and I've been meaning
to like put it on this morebeautiful drawing page and I
(37:05):
just hadn't done it for whateverreason.
Well, I finished the lastinterpretation yesterday and I
realized, okay, now it's time tosit down, and I didn't realize
it was done.
But when I got done, I realized, okay, now it's time to sit
down.
And I didn't realize it wasdone.
But when I got done, I realized, oh, I was waiting for that
time and for that experience tobe done so that I could then
(37:25):
write the things that I neededto write.
If I had done it two or threeweeks earlier, I wouldn't have
been able to write it asconcisely.
The stuff that I wrote was not.
My mom didn't stand up for me.
I didn't write that.
I wrote to be seen by anyoneand what I meant I need to go
(37:45):
back and change of it.
To be fully seen by anyone is abeautiful thing, meaning.
So for the, for the process, itwas my mother didn't see me
right, like my mother didn't seewhat I needed, what I wanted or
what drove me.
But that's not really thelesson.
The lesson is to be seen, whichmeans you can see yourself too
(38:08):
right.
But it wasn't until that moment, until I was done, that I
realized that's the process.
That's cool, yeah, yeah.
And I just want to add one otherthing, which is I didn't want
to detract from all this otherstuff because we're talking
about really concrete andpoignant examples, but,
(38:32):
generally speaking, what I?
Um, because I don't lovefiction stories, and the reason
I don't love fiction stories,not because I don't love the
story, it's because I have toremember their names, or if I
remember the details that Idon't care about, whatever it is
Okay, I'm just being truthfulhere.
Um, so, so don't read them.
(38:53):
I don't Right, I read until Igot to get done with my degree
and then I was like I only readwhat I had to read fiction, wise
for that.
But um, I don't, I don't readfiction.
My kids, they love fiction andthey, they talk to me about it
and I just like gloss out, justlike gloss out, but what I
(39:17):
really did love, and thatincludes history, because to me,
the way that they teach historyis here's these facts, you need
to memorize them, which to me,as somebody who has struggles
with that, reads the historicalfacts which a lot of people can
consider me completely ignorantor whatever negative thing you
want to say about me.
I read it as this person didthis thing.
So they're the character in thestory and they're doing these
things and you're supposed tomemorize the same because it's
(39:40):
so important, right?
Except they also leave stuffout of history books, right, and
stories and all that, whatever.
That's another yeah, so,whatever, that's the way it's
taught is that you're supposedto memorize these facts and then
you regurgitate them.
Okay, when I got a degree in art, you have to take art history,
you have to take a lot of it.
(40:00):
I take four courses of it.
I'm not sure if it was like twoyears or four years, I don't
remember because I was just inart history all the time.
So, but what I really?
Yeah, I think it's cool, yeah,well, so in our history, you
look at the most importantpieces over time, like you can
(40:23):
get our history book and theyonly put certain pieces in there
.
Well, why did they put certainpieces in there?
Because those pieces wereimportant for, and then they
could talk to you all about it,right.
Well, what I really loved aboutit because we covered, like,
basically, I think I made it upto like the seventies, 1970s, so
, like, from the cave paintingsto the 1970s.
(40:43):
You can't cover everything, andwhat I loved about it was that
artwork.
If you're looking at historythrough art, you're looking at
what people genuinely felt wasimportant, okay, and, matter of
fact, I felt like I learned moreabout the Bible through art
history than I ever did atchurch.
(41:04):
Brought down, yeah, and sothat's what I really loved about
.
Art history is like, well, okay, all these people telling all
these stories, let's look at thepoliticians today, right, like
they can say, oh, this is superimportant, we're going to shoot
him in the head Oops, I missed,we hit his ear.
Same thing Really importantstories, and I'm not saying that
(41:25):
they're not important, but overtime, you know, like in a
hundred years, are we going tobe focusing as intently on that
particular story about thatparticular person, or are we
going to be saying, oh, there'ssome other events that were more
important than this particularevent, right, and so in our
history you get that.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah, you get that in religious history too.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Yes, I'm sure.
Okay, so the thing is that ifyou look at history like that,
you actually get to see theessence.
I think is more accurate, right, you're getting to what's
really important, which I thinkis a good description of what it
is to know this God source,energy.
Right, it's an essence.
(42:12):
It's not the roles that we play, it's not the details of who
did or like, for your example,it's not the order in which the
stuff was done.
It's the importance of thosethings.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
And what do you pull out?
And for me in my life, I pullout these things.
For me at this age, you pullout these things for you at your
age.
Somebody in your age group willpull out other things with
similar life, but they'll bedifferent.
They have to be because thecall is different, right?
Speaker 1 (42:51):
so you're pulling out what's important for you to
understand about your callingRight.
So you can take the next stepforward.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Because we're looking at our his, her story and that
story that we have, we've toldand it's been told to us as we
have journeyed need this call.
We don't get to know the call.
There are many through ourlifetime.
(43:18):
There are many paths to takeand we get to make the choices.
So this happened to us.
Some things went, some thingsjust happened to us.
Like that baby died.
Yeah, that happened to me.
I didn't do anything to causethat and that was a perfectly
healthy baby.
(43:40):
It happened, and who knows whythose things are allowed to be
in our energy field, in our aura, in our life, wherever we are.
Who knows why that is?
They are allowed and weconsider them bad.
(44:01):
Some of them are evil, some ofthem are icky, some are just low
life, but they're allowed andthey Jesus writes, talks about
that in the field, walkingthrough the field of wheat,
which was also sowed with weeds,because an enemy came along at
night and sowed the weeds.
(44:22):
Okay, and the apostle said tohim you know?
Or the worker said to himshould we pull those weeds?
No, if you do, you will pull upthe grain too.
So leave it all, all, and atthe harvest, the harvesters will
make the decision.
In other words, they'll throwit all out and keep only the
(44:43):
good okay, so this is what Ilove about.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
I mean, the only experience I had with this was
christianity.
I'm sure it's in otherreligions, but the parables it
is.
We learn as humans.
We learn better through story.
Absolutely Okay so.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Master storyteller.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Yeah, so Bashar, do you know who Bashar is?
Yes, Okay, so I was.
I don't watch him all the time,but I, whatever reason, I got
pulled to watch him and Iwatched him and I was.
There's all different kinds oflevels of things going on, but
I'm just going to go right tothe core of it.
He usually does his littlespiel, Then people ask questions
(45:22):
.
So I was watching this andthree people had asked questions
.
All three of them had some done, some variation of okay, and in
another life I was this thingand I played this role or you
know whatever.
And I say that it may sounddismissive, even though I do
pass life regression right, butit is because he articulated in
(45:45):
a way and I thought you knowwhat that is, it that's what I
can identify with, instead of,like when I first started doing
the hypnosis, first it was anexperience and then I realized
not, then I already knew it, butit was more solidified.
Time is not linear.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
So why are?
Speaker 1 (46:03):
we saying the word past.
That's not correct, right?
Okay, so I just I don't arguewith people about this.
If they need it to be past life, that's fine, it's.
I would prefer to call it otherlife.
So you get into this meditativestate.
We do what's called aregression because we like to
use the word past.
But these people were talkingabout that and they're saying,
(46:27):
oh, but I'm still strugglingwith this idea about it.
And his answer was okay, look,it doesn't matter if you were
part of that lifetime or youwere part of this lifetime or
you know.
What's happening is you'reessentially going into the
ethers.
You're reaching out for energythat you need.
And he says you got informationyou needed from somebody's
(46:52):
experience.
So you touched into something,you connected to, something that
told you gave you a story, thatgave you information you need.
It is completely and 100%irrelevant whether it was you or
it was not you or it wassomebody else.
It doesn't matter.
It's the story.
It's like the parables Like yougo, you read the story, you
(47:14):
understand, you experience whatthat is and you get it on a
different level and you get thelesson.
That's why I love the parablesper se, but it's such a good
example of how I think it worksinterdimensionally yes.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
And you can take that theme.
It's universal.
You can take any of thosethemes in the parables and when
they reach us universally, theywill reach us across all
religions, all governments, allsocieties, all families, all
cultures.
Speaker 1 (47:48):
I don't wonder.
I actually know this.
When I decided to startstudying astrology in 2016, I
eventually had to pick likealmost like you, pick a religion
, right.
Like what method am I going togo with right?
Speaker 2 (48:04):
I didn't know that because I'd never done.
You know that.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
Well, astrology is mainly broken up into two main
sectors.
Okay, and they're.
You've got the.
From what I understand, you'vegot the ones who originated the
process, which are the indias,the indian version, which is
vedic.
Okay, well, they, they havetheir own culture, they have
their own experience, and sothey have stories that go with
all that.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
Okay, it's a very spiritual beings.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
Okay, and then, um, after that happened, eventually
we have the rise of westerncivilization and, and they
understand, like, but there'salso a point at which, where we
started to recognize, by lookingout at the planets, that the
planets are doing thingsdifferently than they thought
(48:51):
prior.
Okay, but it was the Westerngroup of Western, like, you know
, greek and Roman who firststarted with that.
So the stories that go with thewhat we call Vedic system are
based in their culture, whereasthe Western is based in Roman
(49:13):
and Greek mythology.
Okay, okay so, but that's thestories, right.
So we get the stories fromGreek and Roman stories or we
get the stories from Indian toto understand the concepts of
what's presented in astrology.
Yeah, but it's the concepts.
That's what's important.
(49:34):
It's not the story, it's notthe vehicle, it's not whatever
person or character was, it'sthe ideas behind it which are
conveyed, equally the same ineach because they're universal
in their, in their story orthey're from source, right like
it's one way of identifying ifsomething's from source always,
always, always richer yeah, yeah, and I I wonder too, because
(49:57):
there's got to be.
so we're talking about the, thecalling, figuring out what your
calling is, and you had touchedon before and something
immediately popped into my head,like you had described.
I knew that I, I I didn't knowall the details, but what I knew
was I needed to move to spokaneif I was going to find out,
right, so you got to me.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
You know, that was that voice and it was said, it
was very clear, yeah, but Ididn't need to know about it.
I mean, like the waving the redflag in front of the bull, I
would not know what it wasunless I moved, because it
belongs here, it belongs thistime, in this, this way, uh,
(50:40):
within me, if I'm here, if I'mnot, then there would be, there
would be a continuation of the.
I mean, neither was right orwrong, that's.
I think that's really importantto know in a call.
It's not about right and wrong,good and bad, it's about who I
(51:03):
am and how I will fulfill mytime here on this earth, within
this body.
And if I had stayed in GreatFalls, I would have continued on
the path I was, which was afive-year plan in uh trainings
and retreats, as well as work,and then I don't know what else
I would have done, but I wouldhave been working on that just
(51:25):
in order to be there, becauseI'm not going to quit yeah you
don't quit, do you well, I findit really interesting and going
into that space of intuition andlistening to channeling right.
It's interesting how some thingscome through clear like that
and some things don't well, Iknow, and it's because we're not
ready some of it, we're justnot ready here, uh, to hear it
(51:49):
and then to consciously receiveit.
You know, it stays unconsciousuntil something within us, this
higher self, understands whenwe're ready.
And when we're ready, it justkind of goes.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
And it is immediate.
It is absolutely immediate andI think it's a, I would say you
know, it goes across all facets.
So I say it's immediate.
One of the first times that Iremember consciously that had a
huge impact on my life, beingaware of that was, um, I had
dated a boy in high school andcollege for seven years of I was
(52:27):
21.
So it was like a third of mylife, okay, and I did the
healing.
It's a really long time.
At that point I was mad I justspent a third of my life with
this person.
You know, um, I had done thework and had kind of like it's
almost, like it was instant.
I mean it was like less thanthree days, but it was.
I had done the work, I hadprocessed the emotions, I sat
(52:48):
with the pain or whatever, andsomething shifted, and I don't
know what it was, but somethingshifted and I mean
instantaneously.
I like met my who, the personwho wound up being my husband,
right, like, and when we talkedabout it, I was like I realized,
when I finally met him and Iunderstood the importance of it,
I was like, oh, I wasn't readyand it would not have happened
(53:10):
any faster.
So, essentially, my husband,cause he was older than me.
He was waiting for me to finishdoing that job so that then we
could work.
We could actually happen, right?
Anyways, I think it comesthrough like that too, but also
like really simple things.
Like we did our group and I'mjust going to touch on this but
(53:31):
the meditation group that wehave, we met Monday and whatever
all the things that were goingon that caused it to happen the
way it did, and it did, andJanelle brought in a message,
and the message was exactly whatwe're talking about today,
which is no, no, do you reallyneed to know all the details?
You just need to trust in theprocess.
(53:54):
Yeah, it's the journey.
Yeah, anyways, we made a videoof that and this was one of
those things that was superduper clear.
So I'm like I've been very clearby doing the group.
I know I want to do it.
It's working.
Like I've said many times, ifthis is what I do every day,
this is going to be a greatproblem to have.
Right, we did the video.
I spent a long, long timecreating the actual video and I
(54:17):
finally get done with it, andI'm talking to my husband and
he's like trying to figure outreturn on investment.
So how much are you going tocharge for this video?
How many hours did you put into?
Speaker 2 (54:25):
it Right.
Speaker 1 (54:27):
Okay, bottom line taken care of which of course is
not my forte, but he's doingall that and of course I'm
starting to realize, oh boy, Ireally gotta like maybe I should
get a lot better at that.
But in the, in one of themeditations and I had already
decided this before we even madethe video, cause in one of the
meditations I had gotten thenumber yes, you're going to go
(54:48):
make this video and this is theprice.
And it wasn't.
It comes through in differentways, but this particular time I
saw it, I was like, oh, it's$5.99, $5.99.
Okay, all right, and I wasconfident enough.
And then I was like, okay,whatever, and I don't have any
regrets about that.
But you know, like if I hadtaken the approach of, like my
(55:09):
husband, like well, how manyhours did you put into it and
much effort have you done?
And like I would never, I don'tknow it wouldn't, it wouldn't
be accessible to a lot of peoplebecause I wouldn't price it at
five dollars, 99 cents.
You know I'm misnaming.
Speaker 2 (55:24):
That's.
That's what you were told andthat's what you have to follow.
If you don't follow those, itcomes back around.
It comes back around.
It comes back around in someform, and that's just the way
our lives work.
Speaker 1 (55:38):
We have to follow our call and when we don't, we get
other chances throughout ourlife yeah, so that's why
learning the lessons isrecognizing that you've learned
a lesson is a huge thing thatyou can't put like a numerical
(55:58):
something on, you can't likequalify it in terms of humanity,
but it's a huge thing torecognize.
Oh, I've grown through this,I've gotten better.
Yeah, thanks for listening tothis episode of mystical and and
Infamous Podcast with the HappyLion Center.
Send requests for topicdiscussions, questions and
(56:19):
comments to podcast athappylioncentercom.
That's podcast athappylioncentercom Music.
Hello, this is Blair Stanislao with the Happy Lion
Center.
Welcome to our podcast Mysticaland Infamous, where we have
playful and easy conversationsabout anything mystical, getting
to the heart of all things,strange and weird.
Join us in a bit of magicaltomfoolery, spreading the
alchemy of love and light.
And now we invite you to enjoythe show.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
It doesn't matter who we are, it doesn't matter
whether it's religious,spiritual, physical.
It's what we are fit to do andthat changes through time.
But there's a certain amount ofgrowing and maturing that takes
place through the years and asit does, you begin to realize
I've been, I've been readied forthe call because I'm I'm at the
(00:53):
end and I'm embracing it withall my heart.
I, I love it.
But it isn't that I am sittingback watching TV although I get
to now A little time but it wastwo days ago that I'm an oblate
of the Annunciation Monastery inBismarck, north Dakota.
(01:15):
That means I am connected withthe Benedictine lifestyle,
because those sisters areBenedictines and they've been
there for 150 years or 130 yearsor something.
Anyway, when I was going toschool there in my 40s, I
(01:35):
embraced their way of life, andso this contemplative life has
called me all of my life.
And yet it's been very, veryclear in my call that I don't
work in the church.
Although I've worked in thechurch a lot, I have always
gravitated that direction,always wanted to do that, and
(01:56):
I've done plenty, you know,director of religious ed,
catechist, teacher of religion,all that kind of stuff, of stuff
.
Okay, so connected, but thecall isn't there.
It absolutely is not there.
When I do education, it's notin the church, although I can
teach you all of the, thecatechism of the catholic church
(02:18):
, and you can decide whether ornot you embrace it.
Okay, and that's, that's mythinking.
It isn't this goal to get youto be a little catholic, it's a,
it's a goal to present you withthe information you make your
decision, okay.
So, um, when I went to theUniversity of Mary and I loved
(02:50):
their lifestyle and I couldn'tfigure out, how do I become a
monk in the contemporary world,you know, and that's basically
what I'm doing and have beenfloundering around trying to
figure out, because it's likeall of my work in healing, in
(03:15):
healing work, in caring forothers, in being present, all of
it has been part of that calland I've known that.
I've known that since I was alittle girl.
But it's like the pieces beginto make sense, they're like a
flower that opens up in me andnow I can see, as I've moved
(03:38):
through all of those years,those decades, that I was being
fitted for what I'm doing here.
So it pops into my head a coupleof days ago, about being an
oblate of the Benedictinesisters in Bismarck, and when
you are you have taken a promiseto remain faithful to that
(04:00):
particular monastery.
There's a real stability aboutthat kind of choice, anyway.
So I was thinking, you knowthis Richard Rohr has me
captivated.
I find him absolutelyphenomenal, and his people that
he puts on his podcasts and hasclasses I'm going to be taking
(04:26):
one, beginning at the end of themonth Just the different things
he offers are all about thecontemplative world, and so my
whole goal has been thatdirection.
So here it pops in, that oblatemessage You're an oblate of the
Benedictines and yes, I am.
And what does that really meanto you, besides following a
(04:48):
prayer form or being out in theworld because you're not behind
closed doors in community,because that's lonely, not
having the community, becausethe community helps feed you and
give you other ways of thinking.
I'm on my own out here.
I mean I can read, but I'm onmy own for the prayer, for the.
(05:12):
You know those kinds of things.
And so I, as the, I wasthinking that and then I kind of
dropped it and yesterday itpopped in there really strong
and I thought, oh, that's apiece of Spokane now, how that's
going to show up and how that'sgoing to work, I don't know.
But I also know that I am goingto be taking this course from
(05:35):
Richard Rohr.
Now.
He's Franciscan, he's notBenedictine, but the Franciscan
sisters in Great Falls have hadprofound effect on me and they
have what they call the secularFranciscans, which are people
who attach themselves to themonastery and they live a
Franciscan way of life, attachedto that monastery.
(06:00):
And because I'm an oblate of theBenedictines, I cannot do that
unless I'm released.
I promise with the Benedictinesand I'm not going to do that.
But this has something to dowith here in Spokane.
It's another little piece ofinformation, along with the
Reiki, that's a piece ofinformation, along with doing
podcasts with you.
(06:20):
That's a piece of theinformation.
I'm learning things and I don'tknow what I'm going to do.
All I know is, before I leftGreat Falls, it was very clear
that I will not know what theplan is unless I moved, and I
moved.
So I didn't find out what theplan is.
(06:42):
I also understood, and I don'tknow how I do this, but I
understood.
I won't know this before nextyear.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Oh, so you got that.
So what I'd like to kind oftouch on, because that was such
a beautiful presentation of whatit is to navigate, figuring out
what your call is.
I mean that is sort of what wesort of touched on right at the
beginning and it's.
But it's really frustrating asyou're going through it If you
(07:12):
don't like, if you don't havesomebody who tells you this kind
of thing, you know, like, saysyou know you're doing fine, just
go.
You know, listen to your heart,go forward, take one step at a
time, right, but if you seesomebody constantly doing that,
you know you have to remindyourself that and it can be
really frustrating Even.
(07:32):
I mean we were just talkingabout I was going to shift
things within my business to bemore aligned with what I felt
was my call.
It's not that I I mean I don'teven know what it is fully
either but, like I, it's notthat what I have done in the
past was not what I wasnecessarily meant to do or my
call or whatever.
Maybe you can clarify for me.
It's not that I feel like I'vegone on the wrong path, but I
(07:52):
definitely don't feel like it'sthe what I've done so far has
not been the strongest, theclearest.
Oh yes, I mean, there are partsthat I'm like, oh yes, 100%
right.
Oh yes, I mean there are partsthat I'm like, oh yes, 100%
right, but it's not like thiscohesive, neat package thing
that people present in ourWestern society.
(08:13):
Oh, I've got everything figuredout and I'll show you exactly
how to do it and that kind ofthing that's not how it works.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Not at all, not at all.
When you get into the world ofspirituality and you begin to
learn to listen with those ears,then different things happen
and you see the the things willbe kind of panoramic sometimes
and sometimes they'll just be alittle tiny chunk of something
(08:38):
that goes oh, because we'repaying attention.
But learning to pay attentionto our call is altogether
different than learning a job.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
So would you say that learning to pay attention to
the call?
Of course it's intuition, beingin the zone, whatever you want
to call it, listening to yourheart.
Okay, yes, that's the avenuethrough which you feel like what
the call is, but it sounds tome like you're describing the
call is, in a way, is like yourmain purpose in life, in this
(09:10):
lifetime.
Ok, so, but it's not a purpose.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Say again it's also a purpose that's just on Earth.
This purpose is eternal.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
OK, so it's the call of the soul, the soul.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Yeah, we can call it the soul.
That's because that's, that'swhat's it.
That's what's it within thephysical body, and the soul then
has a lot of aspects to it thatare positive and negative.
We just that's human and that'snot a bad thing.
Even the the negative can be aa little clue to the call if we
(09:54):
pay attention and don't view itas bad, bad, bad.
Get rid of it.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Oh, you're gonna, you know, you're gonna burn in the
fires of hell for that well, Ithink, um, I think most people
from the stories that I've heardso far, I mean, I don't feel
like I have completely done it.
Maybe I have.
I probably have done it anddidn't recognize it.
But I'm starting to recognizeit more consciously now that
those bad parts if people labelthem bad, whatever, whatever you
(10:20):
want to call them, butbasically they're your struggles
, right, those things are theway you have to go through that.
You have to heal that.
When you heal that, then you,then you have more clarity as to
what your call is.
But if you're constantlyshunning it away, saying, oh
that's bad, I want to thinkabout it, I don't want to deal
with it, then you don't haveclarity because all you're doing
(10:42):
is blocking those senses to beable to listen to that intuition
.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Well, and we hear that in psychology a lot
Avoidance doesn't work.
We have to go through it,around it, over it, under it.
But we have to go through.
We have to.
We can do all sorts of thingsto get through, but we have to
go through it, because if wedon't, we don't know what's on
the other side.
We can't get to the other side.
(11:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
And you know, I want to pull this out because this is
a really very, very tangibleexample of that.
Okay, so, yes, my husband diedin 2013 and I had my own like
thought processes around wherewhere my focus was so first was
about the kids make sure thatthe kids did not think it was
the end of the world because hedied.
Then the next thing I was mostconcerned about was his parents
(11:30):
to make sure that his parentswere okay.
Of course, I put myself third,which didn't help, but it, you
know, whatever, that was thepath.
But what I noticed as I wasgoing through this because those
two things were so important tome, specifically my kids it
wasn't just that, but it was.
I mean, it was a lot of otherthings, but you know, I I got
around other grieving people,not necessarily physically, I
(11:54):
did.
I eventually did this online but, um, what I found was, you know
, you're there, you're talkingwith them, you're feeling
similar feelings, you're you'regoing through it with them,
essentially, okay.
And then I watched howdifferent people dealt with it,
like, what did they do to makethemselves feel better?
How did they soothe themselves?
Well, you have one group thatyou know, like, one group that I
(12:17):
was in was like, you know,christian something or other
Christian widows or somethinglike that.
So they, they leaned on theBible or their, their religious
upbringing.
And then you have other groupsof like the one that I enjoyed
them with the most was the darkhumor group, because they would
make jokes about everything,right, and it was definitely the
best.
And then and then you havedifferent groups to do different
(12:41):
things and what I noticed is,like, you know, because grieving
is so powerful, it eliminatesall, not all, it eliminates a
lot of the taboo, the adherenceto the belief in the taboo.
Okay, so if you take awaythat's all taboo and you just
talk about anything or youembrace whatever's going on,
(13:01):
then a lot of restrictions arelifted for you, and I don't mean
like you have the freedom to doanything, what you do, but you
release that judgment, and sothen, when you release it enough
, then you can, you can beyourself more.
So one of the avenues that Inoticed that a lot of people
would do to cope, so this istheir.
(13:23):
I feel terrible, I want to feelbetter.
This, you know, I take anaction, whether it's go talk to
a group, pray, whatever it is, alot of them would go down the
drinking hole, drinking alcoholor pot or whatever, right.
And as I watched this kind oflike unfold in front of me, my
(13:45):
father was an alcoholic, so Imean, I didn't necessarily have
that much of an opinion.
I mean, you definitely haveconsequences and it can be a
real problem, but I don'tnecessarily shame him or
anything like that.
Like I don't know, I don't haveall that negativity, even
though I had an alcoholic father.
So I watched this stuff happen,that negativity, even though I
(14:06):
had an alcoholic father.
So I watched this stuff happen.
And as I'm interacting withthese people on a regular basis,
I just, I don't know, I justsaw that that's just totally a
coping mechanism.
Like you're eventually going tohave to get out of that.
So I decided for whateverreason probably because my
father was an alcoholic that wassome of it is that I wasn't
going to do that.
Like I didn't really likedrinking anyways, but I just
wasn't going to do that.
(14:26):
It could be very easy to godown that hole, so I just chose
not to do that.
But I think that's a reallygood example of where are you
like cause you're pushing awaywhatever's you have to deal with
yeah, whereas if you are ableto sit with that discomfort,
then you're able to kind of,then you have the ability to go
(14:47):
through that.
I'm not saying it's easy, butyou have the ability to go
through that and come out.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Every time you go through it and you move through
it, you gain confidence that youcan do it again.
I mean, it comes around andit's always harder.
The the challenges in life arealways harder.
I don't know why they can't geteasier, but you can believe in
(15:14):
yourself that this too, you cando.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Okay.
So if we take that and we applythat to I'm going to use words
that I think that most peoplewould use just figuring out what
your calling is.
So it's not necessarily.
Here's my question is do youthink it's really?
Because a lot of times we'llsay it's not about the
destination, it's about thejourney, right, and in artwork
(15:39):
you say it's not about theoutcome, it's about the process.
You go through the process, youhave lots of things happen.
How would you apply that tofinding your calling?
Because, as a person who was ledto the spirit world in whatever
form, you want to call thatokay.
So, like, we'll just say I knowI've been there since day one,
(16:00):
okay, but it's very hard toarticulate that to people, to
explain, you know, repeatedly Ifind myself saying no, that's
not my interest.
Here's my interest.
Like, and it's very close, it'slike somebody's asking me to do
something and I'm like, oh,yeah, that's, that's interesting
.
I, you know, I'm drawn to you,I want to do these things, but
then I'm like yep, nope, that'snot it.
(16:21):
Because they say or they dosomething, I'm like, nope,
that's not in alignment with me,but I don't even recognize that
I've been doing that my wholelife.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
And when there are several pieces here that you're
talking about that I think arereally important, one of them is
that consciousness.
When we come to a consciousnessabout something, we begin to
interact with a paradigm.
The hardest thing in the worldto shift is a paradigm, and we
will not shift it unless we'rechallenged to, and we will
(16:53):
either keep it and lock in withall of our heart or we will
change.
Change will change a paradigm.
Okay, so when you have thisawareness that comes and it
doesn't have to be a big lifechanging thing, but this
awareness can come and yourealize, oh, oh, I can do this
(17:15):
another way, but I don't knowhow my friends are going to feel
about who.
I wonder what my dad's gonnasay.
I mean, I'm talking about beinga younger person and I know my
mom will kill me.
Okay, so there's just differentthings that can happen in that
awareness.
Simple one for me Years andyears ago I was at a class
(17:42):
meeting kind of thing at thechurch, and I've been involved
in a healing prayer group foryears and years, and so this
particular embracing of thishealing life was in a video that
was being offered, and there'sone thing that was said there
and it's stuck with me all theseyears and it was, you know, are
(18:03):
you going to be the one whostands in the gap?
And I thought, oh, I can dothat, I know how to do that, and
I don't know why.
I knew that, but I knew it.
And I didn't know how I wasgoing to do that, but I knew I
could do it.
And then there's another piecethat you're talking about, and
(18:28):
that's the connection oflistening when we begin.
Okay, there's a whole lot outthere.
Right now, all the gurus talkabout meditation.
It started years and years agowith TM and that kind of thing,
which was much more stylized anddeep and very profound, for
(18:51):
people Changed their lives,change their paradigms, and
meditation will do that.
But meditation also teaches youto get in touch with who the
real person is, your higher self.
In Christian circles, theywould say you know getting in
touch with God.
Well, okay, whatever you wantto put it for a title, I don't
(19:13):
care.
The point is learn to listen.
And when you do begin to listen, it isn't the voices outside,
although those have to be there.
When we're younger, we listento more of them and see what
they do, to learn what we wantto try to see if it fits.
There's nothing wrong with that, we need to.
(19:33):
But then there has to be thisquiet time and that is the
hardest thing, in my opinion, todo, because I'm busy.
I like to move, you know.
I remember years ago I listenedto a speaker named Gene Wiesner.
He's from Billings Montana, andhe said that he talked with God
on the run, that he never hadtime to stop and do the pray and
(19:57):
all of this.
But it would be like come on,lord, let's go, and you can talk
to me in the car, you can talkto me on the bus, you can talk
to me anywhere.
And that's pretty much how hedid his relationship with his
God as he understood.
He did his relationship withhis God as he understood and I
always thought that was kind ofinteresting, that we each have
(20:18):
our own way of listening.
Now that was far more masculine, but I've done a lot of that
through the years.
A lot of that because I've beenbusy.
Who has time to stop?
You know, I was taught as alittle girl, when you pass the
church, you go in and you make avisit and stop and take some
time with the Lord.
So I practiced that, but Inever quite knew what to do.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
So some of that was formality a cultural thing you
know, but forming paradigms.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
But out of that also I could examine, but you that
you did do it.
You didn't know what you weredoing, but you tried it.
And that too has lent itself tome in a whole nother way
because I aged and I aged withthat kind of thinking and that I
don't have to go into thechurch for that.
(21:09):
I can go inside me, into mysoul, which is where church is.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Yeah, I can remember being.
I don't know if I ever told youthis, but I can remember being
young.
I went to an Episcopal schoolwhen I was very young, so
kindergarten, first and secondgrade.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Which in my opinion is Catholic.
But don't tell people, I saidthat uh, I, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
I didn't have any questions then, I was too young.
But then I remember goingsomewhere else and somebody was
I don't know.
There were like all these, Iguess it was.
It felt like instructions ofhow to pray, right?
Oh, they're important, they'reimportant.
I know it was different thanwhat I had learned initially and
(22:04):
I remember thinking what that'sdifferent, and whoever
presented it to me, it did feelvery important to them and very
correct, and therefore thatmeans that any other way is
incorrect, okay.
But I had developed enough of aconnection with those other
people that I knew that thoseother people were not incorrect,
right, so I didn't dare tellthat person Um, I don't think
(22:29):
you're completely correct to saythat's the only way, but I kind
of just like went with it andthat, of course, became like the
theme of my life.
But what that did is it waskind of like a catalyst to say,
oh, this is the right way to doit.
And I was like what?
No, I don't think so.
Like, okay, I'm going to letyou have your own opinion about
how you do it and I'm going todo it my own way.
(22:49):
And, matter of fact, I was soin a.
In a way, it's a littlerebellious, and I was so
rebellious in that way that Iwas like I didn't tell anybody,
I didn't, I didn't say anythingto anybody, I was just like,
yeah, I'm not doing it that way,it works this way.
I probably did try, for the mostpart, I do try the way that
they present and then I'm like,okay, yeah, that's why I liked
(23:11):
Reiki so much, because it waslike all of the conversation was
really getting at what you'retalking about when you're saying
this is, you know, church isinside and connecting to your
higher self, which people callGod.
It doesn't matter what it is.
It's like these energies thatwe're describing and how we're
connecting with them, which forfor another term to describe
(23:32):
that what you're talking aboutis a different way of channeling
.
What are we channeling?
We're channeling our higherself or we're channeling God
source or whatever you want tocall it.
But there is a you can tell adifference between information
that comes through that andinformation that doesn't, if you
spend enough time with it.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Well, yes, and if you spend enough time with it, well
, if yes, and if you're open,yeah, and that's the other piece
.
I mean, there are a lot ofpieces in the call that that
we're talking about here thatthat have to be there, so that
as we move through this processI like your word for that with
(24:13):
art, I don't do art, so I didn'tknow but as we move through
this, then we begin to pull thispiece and this piece and this
piece that come from ourcultural backgrounds but have
shifted, and they shiftedbecause they had to, but have
(24:35):
shifted and they shifted becausethey had to.
You know, my biggest, my first,biggest shift, was in my 20s
and I was babysitting a littleboy, a baby.
He was three months old and hedied and it was a horrible,
horrible thing.
I, I did all sorts of thingsthat day in an order, and crazy
things happened.
When that happened, I didn'tknow that I was pregnant with my
(24:57):
second child, but I had alittle boy at home and he was
two years old, and so I calledmy cousin and asked her to come
over to take care of him,because I called the ambulance,
I had baptized him, because Iknew that his mother had wanted
that, they were talking about it, and so I baptized him.
(25:21):
And then I called a priest.
And when I remember, when thepriest came such a kind man, and
I mean I remember that, butthese are all pieces, I don't
know what order all of ithappened.
But when he came, I remindedhim I had already baptized him.
I baptized him I rememberrepeating it several times, he's
and he finally said it's okay,I'll just give him a blessing,
(25:45):
it's okay, you know, because Iknew that once a baptism has
these are the rules once abaptism has taken place, it's
complete.
You know, it's done, okay.
So, and in the meantime, myhusband called.
He never called me during theday, I mean, we didn't have cell
phones he never called meduring the day and I just told
him you've got to come homeright away that Greg had died,
(26:09):
and he didn't know anything morethan that.
Or if I said anything, I don'tknow.
In the meantime, the ambulancecame, they took the baby and I
went with them to the hospitalbecause I thought I would have
to tell the mother.
I thought that was going to bemy job, and they put me in a
room separate from me.
And the last thing I rememberwas that Mickey had come in.
(26:33):
She was in the room next to methey must have told her and I
heard her scream and um, and Isaid there was, there was a
chaplain there and I said I needto go to her.
He said I think it would bebetter if you just stayed right
here.
I didn't realize that it Icould have been blamed for that,
(26:54):
and the pain and the sufferingand the grief and shock that
hits you when a loved one dieswould have been overpowering to
see me and I mean I was like 20,21 years old, so I didn't know
any better I just would havetaken the responsibility to do
(27:17):
that.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Oh, so what a blessing is that they stopped
you from going in.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
They must have known, if I was coming and I wasn't
the mother and I was the onecaring for the baby that that
was not a good plan.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
What happened?
Do you mind asking?
Speaker 2 (27:31):
No, I don't mind.
Um, I had him.
He'd never.
He'd only rolled over once inthe time I had him and I had put
him down for his nap on on mybed in in the bedroom.
It was a double bed and herolled, and he must've rolled
several times, but he got pinnedbetween the wall and the bed
and suffocated.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Okay, pinned between the wall and the bed and
suffocated.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
okay, yeah and so when I found him, I I mean I I
looked at it, he wasn't thereand I mean horrible.
I I have oh, it's just horrible.
That's all I can say yeah andthen my own little boy had woke
up and he was in a crib in theliving room because we were poor
, poor people, young marriedcouple and um, and so I had to
(28:17):
be sure he was kept happy andquiet.
And I had taken little Greg andI had, like I said I had.
First I went to a window andopened.
It was colder than well diggers, but in January out there, and
and I just sort of put him bythe window but thinking the air
would shock him, and then I wentover to the sink and baptized
(28:38):
him and then I put him on thebed but I turned him over on his
tummy because he looked morelike he was sleeping.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
My grief well, I actually my first, huge, my
first.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I had never really experienced it.
Yeah, and it's those thingsthat mark you through life it's
always before this and afterthat always, and that's when the
drinking in me increased.
I can mark that as I mean Ipartied and stuff, but I never
(29:23):
thought about drink.
I did then.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I had a long road to walk.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Well, that was a big deal, was a big, it was a big
deal, I mean it was yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
But out of it is the good.
Yeah, you know, the interestingthing on that whole thing is
the mother was very, very kindto me.
Yeah, was very, very kind to me.
Yeah, I had kept his things,the few things I had his bottle
and his blanket and you knowsome of those things that I had
(29:58):
at the house and we had moved.
And after we had moved she camewith my cousin and she came
over to the house to see me andI was able to give her those
things I had in the box and Iwas always so glad I kept them
and didn't throw them because Icould have in the move, you know
, but I knew those things wouldmatter to her.
(30:21):
They were the last things hehad.
Yeah, that day I went crazy.
I remember that that was theday the insanity took over.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
What do you mean?
Went crazy.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Oh, after I lost Greg I went on to have three more
children, and all of that time Ididn't drink every day, but
when I drank I was a problem.
I was a huge problem problem.
(31:02):
But the wholeness of that eventdogged me because I couldn't
get past the guilt I felt inlosing him.
I didn't go to anybody forcounseling.
I had brought it up to myhusband that I probably needed
help, and he didn't.
He was young, he was animmature white.
You know, that's those crazythinkings you have when you're
young that your husband is theone who will guide you.
(31:23):
Well, he didn't know any betterthan I did, but I listened, and
that was foolish.
I should have gone and gottensome help, but I didn't.
And so I had many more years ofdrinking to salve the pain
because of the guilt, and thenfinally, finally, alcoholics
Anonymous showed me what I haddone.
(31:47):
And you know, it's true, Inever put those things together
until I needed help and waswilling to get it.
You never put what thingstogether, oh you're losing them
and going crazy, because I wasno kidding, I was nuts, and it
(32:13):
was, oh, probably about fiveyears into it before the
insanity lifted enough for me tofunction.
And all this time I hadchildren.
Yeah, my kids are marked withthis.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Yeah, which it's.
You know, the more I get intothis, the subconscious stuff, so
what?
What you've touched on severaltimes is, you know, it's a
culture, culturally created selfis, which, you know, like, yes,
collectively we kind of agreeto believe certain things, but
there's also this, um individualexperience.
(32:41):
So, um, every human, everyperson who's a baby, they
connect with their parents.
However, they connect withtheir parents or they don't,
that's part, or they don't.
That's part of it too.
Like that's the spectrum.
I don't connect at all, you know, and then I have repercussions
of that, or I really do connect,and then I have repercussions
of that or whatever.
But we all do that.
(33:02):
Nobody's exempt from that.
And that means you, the persondoing this work, it means your
children, and I do find itreally it's an interesting
feeling to be aware of this.
And then, you know, I have kids.
So I'm like I'm looking for itbecause I'm trying to learn this
, I'm trying to understand itbetter.
So I'm looking for thiseverywhere.
(33:24):
And now that I can see it moremyself, what are these things
that I hold on to?
That I can see it more myself,what are these things that I
hold on to?
That is something that Icreated in my own energy space,
which was not thoughts, becauseit's done before you can speak
language, okay, but it's this,these belief systems, that are
(33:45):
energetic, and they're notnecessarily only words, but
these things that I see inmyself.
I can now see them so mucheasier in other people because I
can see them now, right, like Icouldn't see it.
So I went through that and I'mactually just at the end of
cutting the ties that bind,which is the process where we
what I'm doing now is we willactually just finish it
(34:07):
yesterday, which I'm so happy,because I was like, so I'm so
tired of I don't know, I don'teven know what I was tired of, I
was just kind of tired of doingit.
I needed a break.
I want to like, have fun, behappy or whatever.
Not that I wasn't, but for meit was 10 weeks of essentially
having my dreams analyzed, whichlooks all the subconscious,
(34:29):
right Okay.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
I mean, yes, that's kind of what it felt like.
Yeah, that is actually is whatit felt like.
And I got in about two weeksand I was like, oh, I'm so tired
, like I'm just sleeping so muchbecause I'm so tired, but, of
course, because I'm trying toremember my dreams, I'm also
trying to wake up and type mydreams, which doesn't make for a
fluid like sleep pattern.
(34:52):
So it's not just yes, and, likeI told, I told it.
I saw the chiropractoryesterday and I told him I was
like, oh, yeah, I'm also doingthis process and I feel like I'm
going to work at night.
That's really what I mean.
It's not like a physical.
You know, it affects thephysical because I don't sleep
as soundly or as long.
But yeah, but I can see it inother people and I look for it
(35:18):
in my kids, of course, I lookfor it in my husband, I look for
it like everywhere I see thisand it is just amazing, matter
of fact.
So I, I, when I reallyunderstood the importance of
this, because I do graphicdesign and art right, that's
always been okay.
Well, I understand something.
(35:38):
I'm like okay, I have an imagein my head.
Now the question is like how doI create this thing to make it
in the world so that otherpeople can understand this?
And so when I'm going throughthis process, I realized, oh,
this is really important, likethis is no joke, this is super
important, probably one of themost important things.
So I need to make something.
So I just made in my notebook,I basically did a drawing, made
(36:01):
this title and because I'm sotired or whatever, I'm going
through this process and I keepthinking I got to go back
because you create this list ofall these things that you start
to recognize, okay, and I didn'tlike it at first because it was
like oh, we're just looking atall the bad stuff, you know, and
that's not really objectivelytrue, which is totally
irrelevant.
You know, I didn't want to belike dogging my mother because I
(36:24):
love her, and you know it was.
I thought overall it was a goodexperience, right.
But after a while I started torealize, oh yeah, this is
actually really important and Ithink they actually put in the
process you can list the goodthings too, right.
But I think that's like justthere for people to get over
that hump of oh well, they'renot all bad Like you have to get
(36:44):
past that and you have to justsay, okay, well, these are the
things that didn't work for me.
And so I actually had twocolumns and then I quit writing
in the good column and I waslike, well, it doesn't matter,
we're not looking at any of that.
So I had these like pages ofthis stuff and I've been meaning
to like put it on this morebeautiful drawing page and I
(37:05):
just hadn't done it for whateverreason.
Well, I finished the lastinterpretation yesterday and I
realized, okay, now it's time tosit down, and I didn't realize
it was done.
But when I got done, I realized, okay, now it's time to sit
down.
And I didn't realize it wasdone.
But when I got done, I realized, oh, I was waiting for that
time and for that experience tobe done so that I could then
(37:25):
write the things that I neededto write.
If I had done it two or threeweeks earlier, I wouldn't have
been able to write it asconcisely.
The stuff that I wrote was not.
My mom didn't stand up for me.
I didn't write that.
I wrote to be seen by anyoneand what I meant I need to go
(37:45):
back and change of it.
To be fully seen by anyone is abeautiful thing, meaning.
So for the, for the process, itwas my mother didn't see me
right, like my mother didn't seewhat I needed, what I wanted or
what drove me.
But that's not really thelesson.
The lesson is to be seen, whichmeans you can see yourself too
(38:08):
right.
But it wasn't until that moment, until I was done, that I
realized that's the process.
That's cool, yeah, yeah.
And I just want to add one otherthing, which is I didn't want
to detract from all this otherstuff because we're talking
about really concrete andpoignant examples, but,
(38:32):
generally speaking, what I?
Um, because I don't lovefiction stories, and the reason
I don't love fiction stories,not because I don't love the
story, it's because I have toremember their names, or if I
remember the details that Idon't care about, whatever it is
Okay, I'm just being truthfulhere.
Um, so, so don't read them.
(38:53):
I don't Right, I read until Igot to get done with my degree
and then I was like I only readwhat I had to read fiction, wise
for that.
But um, I don't, I don't readfiction.
My kids, they love fiction andthey, they talk to me about it
and I just like gloss out, justlike gloss out, but what I
(39:17):
really did love, and thatincludes history, because to me,
the way that they teach historyis here's these facts, you need
to memorize them, which to me,as somebody who has struggles
with that, reads the historicalfacts which a lot of people can
consider me completely ignorantor whatever negative thing you
want to say about me.
I read it as this person didthis thing.
So they're the character in thestory and they're doing these
things and you're supposed tomemorize the same because it's
(39:40):
so important, right?
Except they also leave stuffout of history books, right, and
stories and all that, whatever.
That's another yeah, so,whatever, that's the way it's
taught is that you're supposedto memorize these facts and then
you regurgitate them.
Okay, when I got a degree in art, you have to take art history,
you have to take a lot of it.
(40:00):
I take four courses of it.
I'm not sure if it was like twoyears or four years, I don't
remember because I was just inart history all the time.
So, but what I really?
Yeah, I think it's cool, yeah,well, so in our history, you
look at the most importantpieces over time, like you can
(40:23):
get our history book and theyonly put certain pieces in there
.
Well, why did they put certainpieces in there?
Because those pieces wereimportant for, and then they
could talk to you all about it,right.
Well, what I really loved aboutit because we covered, like,
basically, I think I made it upto like the seventies, 1970s, so
, like, from the cave paintingsto the 1970s.
(40:43):
You can't cover everything, andwhat I loved about it was that
artwork.
If you're looking at historythrough art, you're looking at
what people genuinely felt wasimportant, okay, and, matter of
fact, I felt like I learned moreabout the Bible through art
history than I ever did atchurch.
(41:04):
Brought down, yeah, and sothat's what I really loved about
.
Art history is like, well, okay, all these people telling all
these stories, let's look at thepoliticians today, right, like
they can say, oh, this is superimportant, we're going to shoot
him in the head Oops, I missed,we hit his ear.
Same thing Really importantstories, and I'm not saying that
(41:25):
they're not important, but overtime, you know, like in a
hundred years, are we going tobe focusing as intently on that
particular story about thatparticular person, or are we
going to be saying, oh, there'ssome other events that were more
important than this particularevent, right, and so in our
history you get that.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah, you get that in religious history too.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Yes, I'm sure.
Okay, so the thing is that ifyou look at history like that,
you actually get to see theessence.
I think is more accurate, right, you're getting to what's
really important, which I thinkis a good description of what it
is to know this God source,energy.
Right, it's an essence.
(42:12):
It's not the roles that we play, it's not the details of who
did or like, for your example,it's not the order in which the
stuff was done.
It's the importance of thosethings.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
And what do you pull out?
And for me in my life, I pullout these things.
For me at this age, you pullout these things for you at your
age.
Somebody in your age group willpull out other things with
similar life, but they'll bedifferent.
They have to be because thecall is different, right?
Speaker 1 (42:51):
so you're pulling out what's important for you to
understand about your callingRight.
So you can take the next stepforward.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Because we're looking at our his, her story and that
story that we have, we've toldand it's been told to us as we
have journeyed need this call.
We don't get to know the call.
There are many through ourlifetime.
(43:18):
There are many paths to takeand we get to make the choices.
So this happened to us.
Some things went, some thingsjust happened to us.
Like that baby died.
Yeah, that happened to me.
I didn't do anything to causethat and that was a perfectly
healthy baby.
(43:40):
It happened, and who knows whythose things are allowed to be
in our energy field, in our aura, in our life, wherever we are.
Who knows why that is?
They are allowed and weconsider them bad.
(44:01):
Some of them are evil, some ofthem are icky, some are just low
life, but they're allowed andthey Jesus writes, talks about
that in the field, walkingthrough the field of wheat,
which was also sowed with weeds,because an enemy came along at
night and sowed the weeds.
(44:22):
Okay, and the apostle said tohim you know?
Or the worker said to himshould we pull those weeds?
No, if you do, you will pull upthe grain too.
So leave it all, all, and atthe harvest, the harvesters will
make the decision.
In other words, they'll throwit all out and keep only the
(44:43):
good okay, so this is what Ilove about.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
I mean, the only experience I had with this was
christianity.
I'm sure it's in otherreligions, but the parables it
is.
We learn as humans.
We learn better through story.
Absolutely Okay so.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Master storyteller.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Yeah, so Bashar, do you know who Bashar is?
Yes, Okay, so I was.
I don't watch him all the time,but I, whatever reason, I got
pulled to watch him and Iwatched him and I was.
There's all different kinds oflevels of things going on, but
I'm just going to go right tothe core of it.
He usually does his littlespiel, Then people ask questions
(45:22):
.
So I was watching this andthree people had asked questions
.
All three of them had some done, some variation of okay, and in
another life I was this thingand I played this role or you
know whatever.
And I say that it may sounddismissive, even though I do
pass life regression right, butit is because he articulated in
(45:45):
a way and I thought you knowwhat that is, it that's what I
can identify with, instead of,like when I first started doing
the hypnosis, first it was anexperience and then I realized
not, then I already knew it, butit was more solidified.
Time is not linear.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
So why are?
Speaker 1 (46:03):
we saying the word past.
That's not correct, right?
Okay, so I just I don't arguewith people about this.
If they need it to be past life, that's fine, it's.
I would prefer to call it otherlife.
So you get into this meditativestate.
We do what's called aregression because we like to
use the word past.
But these people were talkingabout that and they're saying,
(46:27):
oh, but I'm still strugglingwith this idea about it.
And his answer was okay, look,it doesn't matter if you were
part of that lifetime or youwere part of this lifetime or
you know.
What's happening is you'reessentially going into the
ethers.
You're reaching out for energythat you need.
And he says you got informationyou needed from somebody's
(46:52):
experience.
So you touched into something,you connected to, something that
told you gave you a story, thatgave you information you need.
It is completely and 100%irrelevant whether it was you or
it was not you or it wassomebody else.
It doesn't matter.
It's the story.
It's like the parables Like yougo, you read the story, you
(47:14):
understand, you experience whatthat is and you get it on a
different level and you get thelesson.
That's why I love the parablesper se, but it's such a good
example of how I think it worksinterdimensionally yes.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
And you can take that theme.
It's universal.
You can take any of thosethemes in the parables and when
they reach us universally, theywill reach us across all
religions, all governments, allsocieties, all families, all
cultures.
Speaker 1 (47:48):
I don't wonder.
I actually know this.
When I decided to startstudying astrology in 2016, I
eventually had to pick likealmost like you, pick a religion
, right.
Like what method am I going togo with right?
Speaker 2 (48:04):
I didn't know that because I'd never done.
You know that.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
Well, astrology is mainly broken up into two main
sectors.
Okay, and they're.
You've got the.
From what I understand, you'vegot the ones who originated the
process, which are the indias,the indian version, which is
vedic.
Okay, well, they, they havetheir own culture, they have
their own experience, and sothey have stories that go with
all that.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
Okay, it's a very spiritual beings.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
Okay, and then, um, after that happened, eventually
we have the rise of westerncivilization and, and they
understand, like, but there'salso a point at which, where we
started to recognize, by lookingout at the planets, that the
planets are doing thingsdifferently than they thought
(48:51):
prior.
Okay, but it was the Westerngroup of Western, like, you know
, greek and Roman who firststarted with that.
So the stories that go with thewhat we call Vedic system are
based in their culture, whereasthe Western is based in Roman
(49:13):
and Greek mythology.
Okay, okay so, but that's thestories, right.
So we get the stories fromGreek and Roman stories or we
get the stories from Indian toto understand the concepts of
what's presented in astrology.
Yeah, but it's the concepts.
That's what's important.
(49:34):
It's not the story, it's notthe vehicle, it's not whatever
person or character was, it'sthe ideas behind it which are
conveyed, equally the same ineach because they're universal
in their, in their story orthey're from source, right like
it's one way of identifying ifsomething's from source always,
always, always richer yeah, yeah, and I I wonder too, because
(49:57):
there's got to be.
so we're talking about the, thecalling, figuring out what your
calling is, and you had touchedon before and something
immediately popped into my head,like you had described.
I knew that I, I I didn't knowall the details, but what I knew
was I needed to move to spokaneif I was going to find out,
right, so you got to me.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
You know, that was that voice and it was said, it
was very clear, yeah, but Ididn't need to know about it.
I mean, like the waving the redflag in front of the bull, I
would not know what it wasunless I moved, because it
belongs here, it belongs thistime, in this, this way, uh,
(50:40):
within me, if I'm here, if I'mnot, then there would be, there
would be a continuation of the.
I mean, neither was right orwrong, that's.
I think that's really importantto know in a call.
It's not about right and wrong,good and bad, it's about who I
(51:03):
am and how I will fulfill mytime here on this earth, within
this body.
And if I had stayed in GreatFalls, I would have continued on
the path I was, which was afive-year plan in uh trainings
and retreats, as well as work,and then I don't know what else
I would have done, but I wouldhave been working on that just
(51:25):
in order to be there, becauseI'm not going to quit yeah you
don't quit, do you well, I findit really interesting and going
into that space of intuition andlistening to channeling right.
It's interesting how some thingscome through clear like that
and some things don't well, Iknow, and it's because we're not
ready some of it, we're justnot ready here, uh, to hear it
(51:49):
and then to consciously receiveit.
You know, it stays unconsciousuntil something within us, this
higher self, understands whenwe're ready.
And when we're ready, it justkind of goes.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
And it is immediate.
It is absolutely immediate andI think it's a, I would say you
know, it goes across all facets.
So I say it's immediate.
One of the first times that Iremember consciously that had a
huge impact on my life, beingaware of that was, um, I had
dated a boy in high school andcollege for seven years of I was
(52:27):
21.
So it was like a third of mylife, okay, and I did the
healing.
It's a really long time.
At that point I was mad I justspent a third of my life with
this person.
You know, um, I had done thework and had kind of like it's
almost, like it was instant.
I mean it was like less thanthree days, but it was.
I had done the work, I hadprocessed the emotions, I sat
(52:48):
with the pain or whatever, andsomething shifted, and I don't
know what it was, but somethingshifted and I mean
instantaneously.
I like met my who, the personwho wound up being my husband,
right, like, and when we talkedabout it, I was like I realized,
when I finally met him and Iunderstood the importance of it,
I was like, oh, I wasn't readyand it would not have happened
(53:10):
any faster.
So, essentially, my husband,cause he was older than me.
He was waiting for me to finishdoing that job so that then we
could work.
We could actually happen, right?
Anyways, I think it comesthrough like that too, but also
like really simple things.
Like we did our group and I'mjust going to touch on this but
(53:31):
the meditation group that wehave, we met Monday and whatever
all the things that were goingon that caused it to happen the
way it did, and it did, andJanelle brought in a message,
and the message was exactly whatwe're talking about today,
which is no, no, do you reallyneed to know all the details?
You just need to trust in theprocess.
(53:54):
Yeah, it's the journey.
Yeah, anyways, we made a videoof that and this was one of
those things that was superduper clear.
So I'm like I've been very clearby doing the group.
I know I want to do it.
It's working.
Like I've said many times, ifthis is what I do every day,
this is going to be a greatproblem to have.
Right, we did the video.
I spent a long, long timecreating the actual video and I
(54:17):
finally get done with it, andI'm talking to my husband and
he's like trying to figure outreturn on investment.
So how much are you going tocharge for this video?
How many hours did you put into?
Speaker 2 (54:25):
it Right.
Speaker 1 (54:27):
Okay, bottom line taken care of which of course is
not my forte, but he's doingall that and of course I'm
starting to realize, oh boy, Ireally gotta like maybe I should
get a lot better at that.
But in the, in one of themeditations and I had already
decided this before we even madethe video, cause in one of the
meditations I had gotten thenumber yes, you're going to go
(54:48):
make this video and this is theprice.
And it wasn't.
It comes through in differentways, but this particular time I
saw it, I was like, oh, it's$5.99, $5.99.
Okay, all right, and I wasconfident enough.
And then I was like, okay,whatever, and I don't have any
regrets about that.
But you know, like if I hadtaken the approach of, like my
(55:09):
husband, like well, how manyhours did you put into it and
much effort have you done?
And like I would never, I don'tknow it wouldn't, it wouldn't
be accessible to a lot of peoplebecause I wouldn't price it at
five dollars, 99 cents.
You know I'm misnaming.
Speaker 2 (55:24):
That's.
That's what you were told andthat's what you have to follow.
If you don't follow those, itcomes back around.
It comes back around.
It comes back around in someform, and that's just the way
our lives work.
Speaker 1 (55:38):
We have to follow our call and when we don't, we get
other chances throughout ourlife yeah, so that's why
learning the lessons isrecognizing that you've learned
a lesson is a huge thing thatyou can't put like a numerical
(55:58):
something on, you can't likequalify it in terms of humanity,
but it's a huge thing torecognize.
Oh, I've grown through this,I've gotten better.
Yeah, thanks for listening tothis episode of mystical and and
Infamous Podcast with the HappyLion Center.
Send requests for topicdiscussions, questions and
(56:19):
comments to podcast athappylioncentercom.
That's podcast athappylioncentercom Music.
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