July 8, 2025 • 57 mins
Message us Mermaids 🧜🏼‍♀️
***** WARNING:Â SUICIDE AND SUBSTANCE USE DISCUSSED *****
Mary Beth Coster's spiritual journey defies conventional narratives about faith and redemption. When her husband stood at the brink of suicide, Mary Beth—a self-described "broken" person with no strong religious foundation—made a desperate plea to a God she wasn't sure existed. What followed transformed not just their marriage, but their entire approach to life.Â
Details
In this deeply moving conversation, Mary Beth recounts how divine intervention prompted her to share long-held secrets with her husband, creating a foundation of radical honesty that saved their relationship. "You leveled the playing field," he told her, finding connection rather than judgment in her confessions. This pivotal moment led them to the Mormon church as authentically flawed humans presuming acceptance for who they truly were.
Perhaps most remarkable is how Mary Beth and her husband overcame years of addiction. Both struggled with opioid dependency, with Mary Beth also battling alcoholism. Through prayer, they quit "cold turkey overnight"—a transformation that three years later has left them physically, mentally, and spiritually renewed.
Throughout our conversation, Mary Beth demonstrates how maintaining personal power within religious structures creates true freedom. Whether discussing her telepathic abilities, her compassion for LGBTQ+ individuals, or her profound connection with rescued animals, she embodies the radical authenticity she preaches. "I'm tired of hiding," she declares, challenging listeners to examine whether their spiritual practices enhance or diminish their authentic selves.
For anyone who has felt too broken, too honest, or too different for traditional spiritual paths, Mary Beth's story offers liberation. Her powerful message reminds us that our most painful moments can become our greatest strengths when we stop hiding and start demanding acceptance for who we truly are. The chains that once bound her have fallen away, leaving a life "we can't wait to happen." What chains might you be ready to shed?
Contact
The Black Lotus Salon, Rehoboth Beach, DE - 443.807.9621Â
Facebook - Mary Beth Coster
Instagram - @malibucos
Shameless Promotions
Chloe Brown is the graphic artist behind all of the Mermaids’ delightfully whimsical branded reels, stories and picture posts on social. Contact her at MysticalMermaidLounge@yahoo.com for artistic consultation and design work.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome to the Mystical Mermaid Lounge podcast,
a space where all spiritualseekers are honored and
celebrated.
This podcast was born from thejourneys of your hosts, who have
each faced her own dark nightof the sun, but they've emerged
with an unshakable belief indivine connection, cosmic
(00:29):
inspiration and her true life'scalling.
Join us on a journey ofpersonal growth, transformation
and magical self-discovery.
Your first co-host is ChloeBrown, a gifted intuitive empath
and shadow work life coach.
Your second co-host is KeoniStarr, an intuitive energy
(00:53):
worker and acclaimed past liferegressionist.
The Mystical Mermaid Loungepodcast starts now.
The podcast starts now.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
I am excited to introduce our guest, mary Beth
Koster.
She is a talented and creativehairstylist and owns a
successful salon, the BlackLotus, in Rehoboth Beach,
delaware.
She is an animal lover, avocalist, a telepathic psychic
(01:29):
who sees auras with her physicalsight, and she is someone who
my entire family just adores.
I am so thankful you are here,mary Beth.
I am Keone here with my co-host, chloe.
Our first question for you isto tell us a little bit about
(01:51):
your spiritual upbringing andwhat thought processes you were
raised with around God.
Source Universe.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I was not raised with any religion.
My parents were Catholic butwere forced to go to church as
children and didn't stick withit.
My grandmother taught me aboutGod say your prayers, ask God
for help.
In my 20s I started to pursuespirituality because I felt lost
and needed a higher power.
(02:22):
I started to go to differentchurches, do research on
different religions, and nothingstuck.
I got saved, baptized.
Every time I went to a church,we got to baptize you.
It never really meant anythingto me.
Nobody explained to me whatbaptism actually meant, what the
Holy Ghost meant, who God was.
(02:43):
So this went on until I wasabout 52.
And my husband had a nervousbreakdown.
He was going to kill himself infront of me and I ran into the
bathroom and looked up at theceiling of my camper and said if
(03:07):
you're real God, please justhelp me.
Show me, you're here, show methat there's something more out
there, took control of my tongueand I proceeded to tell my
(03:33):
husband some horrible thingsabout me and my past, things
that I did, things I neverwanted anyone to know and I have
no idea how this helped myhusband.
But he looked up and said God,come into my life.
I don't know what's happeningto me, but I need your help.
(03:57):
Through this awful conversationof me vomiting everything in my
past that I had done, which henever bothered to ask, my
husband thought I was thisperfect little angel, never did
anything wrong, virgin,regardless of the fact that I
had been married before.
I proceeded to tell him all ofmy flings and things, but I
(04:19):
didn't want anybody to know.
I wanted to be perfect andangelic to him.
He said I leveled the playingfield.
And he started laughing and I'mlike what do you mean?
You leveled the playing field,what does that mean?
And he said you're just as badas me.
I don't feel like such ahorrible person by myself
anymore.
(04:40):
So he's like I have a whole newappreciation for you.
I think I just fell in love withyou again and I'm like oh my
god, I was a total whore and myhusband was to stay with me.
It was incredible.
We went to bed that night.
I woke up the next morningterrified that he was gonna
(05:00):
leave me and he was hugging allover me and being super nice and
I was like oh my God, what areyou doing?
I just can't believe you'relike me.
I think I finally met my matchand I've been married to her for
20 years.
So anyway, the next day hehappened to go into an office of
(05:21):
our landlord and he just brokedown again For some reason.
He told them he had a gun tohis head the night before and
told them this little storyabout how I ran into the
bathroom and asked God for help,and he asked them if he could
go to church with them.
We went to another church and wefell in love with this church.
(05:45):
These people were so wonderful.
We met missionaries.
They were teaching us about thegospel and then I found that
out the church was Mormon.
And I'm like, oh my God, mormon, these people have more than
one wife.
He can't handle me, let alone10 wives.
If he can have 10 wives, I canhave 10 husbands.
You know, I continue mywhoredom.
(06:11):
So anyway, that's not how itreally was.
The Mormons stopped having 10wives, 20 wives, it's just like
every other Christian religion.
Now I was like, okay, as longas we can't have more than one
spouse, I'm in.
So basically, that's my journeyto get to where I really wanted
to trust God, to know there wassomething more out there for me
(06:34):
than just this life we're allstruggling to get through and
all this time you had no ideayour husband was putting you on
a pedestal in a way that he feltlike he was not worthy of you.
(06:56):
I had no idea, none.
Why does he treat me sodelicately?
I'm not delicate emotionally,anyway I'm not and you know why
does he try to keep certainthings like exposure away from
me?
I've done everything that manhas, and probably more, couldn't
(07:19):
figure it out.
I also never trusted him enoughto tell him about myself,
because I knew he felt this wayabout me.
Those things were going to goto my grave.
Once I had that trust, god tookover my tongue and I spewed it
all out.
That was the best thing.
There's.
Truth to the phrase.
The truth shall set you free,because it did.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
The fact that, out of all of 20 years of marriage,
you'd never shared these things.
It's a moment of completedespair on his part and your
part trying to save him.
Yeah, like what would possessyou to say that?
And yeah, I mean, which is bestfor me to?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
ask God.
That's a good point too.
Where did that come from?
I went into the bathroom of anRV and looked up at the skylight
and said if you are here,please show up.
Wow, that's so, so powerful.
My subconscious told me to turnto God, and that was it.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
I think the bathroom is quite a sanctuary.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Nobody's going to come in while you're in there,
unless you have a kid.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
We were both addicted to opioids.
I was an alcoholic as well, andpart of the covenants at our
church ask you to not partake inalcohol and drugs and we
actually quit cold turkeyovernight.
We prayed about it.
We just said, well, let's trustin the prayer, and we asked him
(09:06):
to heal us from it.
And we never looked back.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
When Tim was sharing with the landlords, he had no
idea they were going to theChurch of the Latter-day Saints.
What possessed him to sharethat?
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Saints.
What possessed him to sharethat?
He was just so broken.
He was just looking for someoneto hear him and believe that
he's a good person.
Because our landlords didn'tlike us.
We were actually getting kickedout because Tim was so
intrusive he was very intrusiveinto the campground that we were
living in.
He also had a lot of anger thathe would show outwardly Just a
(09:49):
rough attitude.
There was a lot of things thatPicking verbal fight.
He was angry, burdened withdrugs, alcohol, had a rough past
himself, you know, and I justthink it all manifested.
(10:12):
I just hid.
I didn't know anybody in thecampground, I hid in my camper.
I didn't want to talk toanybody, I just wanted to stay
drunk, keep popping my pills andstay in my lane.
I really don't know whatpossessed him to come out with
it.
He just did.
He just broke down.
It was like he had no control.
He knew they went to church, sohe asked if we could go with
(10:32):
them, how it happened.
And no, we didn't know.
They were Mormon.
Like I said, when I found out Iwas like, oh my gosh.
You know, when you think ofMormon you think of polygamy,
and we found out that was theReformed Mormons.
(10:56):
We really loved the religion.
It's the Bible, but yeah, itwas pretty incredible.
I mean they have us in theirhome all the Bible, but yeah, it
was, it was pretty incredible.
I mean they, they have us intheir home all the time.
She's become a surrogate mom.
My mother lives in Oregon.
I don't get to see her.
This woman's stepped in andtreated us like her children.
(11:19):
She calls us her children.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Wow, wow, wow.
That's just so manysynchronicities, as I like to
call them.
I don't believe in coincidences.
Personally, I think that isabsolutely divine and beautiful.
When I think of Mormons, Ithink of a lot of rules and
self-control.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
We have a lot of rules to follow.
We do, but they keep us fromstraying away from the path.
We don't drink coffee, blacktea, we don't partake in drugs
and alcohol.
It doesn't mean we don't smokea little pot here and there.
I do.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
Wow Good for you.
Wow, I was going to say.
How dare you be human and livethe human experience at the same
time?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah, it's been pretty incredible.
I've journaled all of it and Ilook back at my journals and
sometimes I can't believe whereI was in the dark place.
You know, I used to pray to Godto just take me in my sleep
every night before all thishappened.
So it's interesting.
I look back and I was actuallypraying to God every night.
I knew there was something outthere, I just didn't know how to
(12:35):
get to him.
Little did I know.
Asking you shall receive is sotrue, because I asked him and he
won't leave me alone.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
What a brave woman you are, because you're pretty
out there, honesty-wise, withyour experience.
You're sharing it with us aswell.
I've seen your amazing post onsocial and have just really
commended you, because a lot ofpeople, and regardless of what
(13:09):
spirituality track they takethey I don't want to say they
forget where they came from, butI don't know that we tell that
story enough.
You do, which I think is reallyimportant.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
We live in a society where we can't be honest.
It's politically incorrect tobe honest.
You feel like you have to beperfect, can't show your bad
side, raised in a householdwhere you never let anybody know
what goes on in your four walls, household where you never let
anybody know what goes on inyour four walls, and I'm tired
(13:48):
of that.
I'm tired of just the personathat my husband had of me,
embarrassed me.
I don't want people to thinkthat I'm perfect and I'm an
angel and I don't do anythingwrong.
I want people to know who I am.
It's okay to make mistakes.
It's okay to be real.
I draw closer to people who arehonest about who they are.
When someone tells me thingsabout themselves that they
(14:12):
generally wouldn't talk about.
I'm a hairdresser.
I hear a lot of things.
That's endearing to me.
I learn to love them morebecause of their honesty.
I don't care anymore.
I'm out there.
I've been judged enough in mylife.
So if you're going to judge mefor stepping off the angel path,
(14:35):
I don't even know what to sayabout that?
I feel like I want to be aroundreal people and I want to be
real.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
So I love honesty, I love rawness.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Yeah, may I ask a question about what you were
saying, with your husbandputting you on this pedestal,
and how it feels like that wasin many ways shattering
internally it was.
I can only imagine howtraumatic that experience would
(15:12):
be, because that's, you know,the rock, the one who's supposed
to understand you, like you'rewith day and night, and if they
don't understand who you are, itwould make me question do I
know who I am?
Could you talk about what yourexperience was like?
I'm very curious how that wentand how you worked through it.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Well, it was a big relief to be able to tell
someone those things.
I think that it made me youknow.
It really made me love who I am.
It did because I did thosethings, so many things.
The first person that found meout other than Heavenly Father
(15:57):
accepted me for my mistakes.
He was okay with the fact thatI had been with other men and
some of the other things I'vedelved into that aren't so
acceptable socially.
It healed me.
(16:18):
I felt like I found myselfimmediately by telling on myself
.
It was very healing for meemotionally, mentally, even
physically, because I carried somuch pain and when you don't
talk about it it tends to giveyou physical issues.
So I was able to release all ofthat and I did it without the
(16:43):
help of drugs and alcohol, whichis mind blowing to me.
It gave me clarity.
Other people that are close tome don't want to hear any of it.
They don't want to know aboutthe ugly.
It's, you know, more family.
It's kind of like it's tooshocking for them because I
(17:06):
always prided myself in flyingsolo and I would do things.
I was always by myself outthere in the world.
I didn't have girlfriendshanging with me, I just went on
my own.
I could get into plenty oftrouble by myself.
I didn't need friends to helpme.
The only thing I can really sayis it was so healing to be able
to vomit all of it and havesomebody that I love so much
(17:28):
love me more because I'm real.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
I hope that encourages every listener in any
capacity that living theirauthenticity truly does bring in
the people who we need.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
It's part of what's wrong with our relationships.
We can't be real.
I can't tell you all of my badstuff because you might judge me
.
We judge each other instead ofjust loving each other.
All of us have done ugly, butwhy can't we talk about it?
You know, when I'm at church wehave testimony Sundays where
(18:07):
you give your testimony.
I am always real.
I don't go up there and justsay I believe in God, I believe
in the church, and I go up thereand I tell a story and there
was a few times where I feltlike I was being reeled in.
Some of the elders might sayyou don't have to go into detail
(18:30):
.
I think it was out of concernfor the children that are in the
audience.
But that's not me.
I'm real.
I'm not going to talk unless Ican be who I am.
So that's the way it is.
And it's funny because afterTim or I talk up, in can be who
I am.
So that's the way it is.
And it's funny because we haveto have Tim or I talk up in
front of everybody.
We always have people come upand say we just love you because
you're so real, so raw, andthat's what brings us here.
(18:53):
We want to hear that.
We don't want to hear.
Everything is rosy andbeautiful with glitter.
It's not.
I just am who I am.
If they don't accept it, Ican't be around those people.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
I remember when you told me that you were Mormon and
I had told you that I had goneto Brigham Young University and
I was part of the church as wellfor a period of time and that
made me nervous to tell you someof the more spiritual side of
things I had experienced,because I thought you were going
to judge me, because I see MaryBeth's aura and I don't know
(19:36):
what you see, chloe, but I seepurple and pink everywhere,
which is just like love anddivine crown, just connection to
God, like that is, is what thatsymbolizes to me.
And when you were like, oh, girl, and then you started telling
me some of your talents that youhave, I wondered how that jived
(20:01):
, because and it's not just theMormon church how that jived
because and it's not just themormon church christian churches
don't necessarily love that Ican see your aura.
They don't necessarily lovethat you have this telepathic
gift.
They don't love that.
But you're so authentic.
How do you make that work?
Well, maybe you're, you're in achurch and it provides you what
(20:29):
you need, but that doesn't meanit takes you over, because that
would mean you're inauthentic.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
I was in my 50s when I joined this church.
I went into this with theattitude that they are going to
take me for who I am, theattitude that they are going to
take me for who I am or thisisn't the place for me.
They have me teaching Sundayschool and all this kind of
stuff, so they must pick me.
The heathens teaching Sundayschool.
(21:00):
That's just crazy.
I think that because there areso many people that come to me
and say they love that, I justsay what I mean.
I think they find it refreshing, to be honest, that I'm willing
to put it out there.
I don't care anymore.
I'm halfway through this life,more than halfway through, you
know.
I want people to be happyaround me and feel like they can
(21:20):
feel good around me, you know,and not hide themselves.
They can feel good around me,you know and not hide themselves
.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
I love that from your experience.
It's been so open and invitingand allows church and they've
helped her tremendously.
When she became very toxic toherself and others again they
were very good at saying this isnot a place for you.
So I've seen the whole gambitof positive and everything else
could be said for society.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Any church anywhere.
It depends on who you come incontact with.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
Any church, anywhere.
It depends on who you come incontact with, absolutely so.
I love that you're strongenough to find something that
fits and resonates for you andthe people you surround yourself
with.
They equally accept you andyour uniqueness, the things that
define you, mary Beth, who youare, what you want to do.
It doesn't have to fit this boxmy understanding of certain
(22:29):
religions.
So I appreciate you being hereto speak to that.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Well, I think a lot of people look at religion as
strict.
You have to stay in this box.
You can't do anything wrong.
Speaker 4 (22:39):
That's been my experience through multiple
religious services as well, notbecause I wanted to be in a box.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Mine too.
I think that's something weneed to correct in society.
That is something we need toraise our children with.
That it's okay to be who youare.
There are certain things youcan't do.
You shouldn't do anythingillegal.
You shouldn't hurt people.
(23:07):
We're humans and let's face it.
That's the beauty of repentanceyou can repent and be forgiven.
You just need to be betterpeople for each other.
We need to love and not judge.
How many times we look atsomebody and pass judgment
(23:27):
because of appearance and notbother to dig into who they
really are?
Speaker 3 (23:34):
and not just the Mormon church, churches in
general and other religions, andtheir view of transgendered
people or people who arenon-binary or have different
sexual orientations, and youwere very clear to me about you
(23:58):
love the person for who they are.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Absolutely.
I don't care.
I don't care if you're gay, Idon't care if you're transgender
.
You're on your own journey.
I just think that we need tounderstand each person's journey
and be open to listening.
We don't have the right tojudge people.
(24:20):
We don't have the right to tellpeople what they should and
shouldn't do.
We just need to be there tohelp them if they want help.
I have clients that are trans.
You know.
They sit in my chair and I trimtheir wigs for them, and
there's no judgment here.
I love them regardless.
They have a story too.
They have a journey too.
(24:40):
One of my trans clients hasbeen on a journey to have her
face softened and she got aterrible infection from it.
It's been very hard for her,and I don't look at her and say,
oh well, you shouldn't havedone that in the first place.
I look at her and say I'm sorry, Let me try and make this wig
(25:04):
give you some kind of upliftingfeeling about yourself.
Let's see if we can't trim itto hide things bothering you
from your surgery.
Instead of being judgmental.
I've been judged my whole life.
That's why I just I can't dothat to people.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I thought when you told me you had befriended a
couple of people at church who Ithink you had two female
partners that you had befriendedand the fact that you were
going to be their friend,whether anybody liked it or not,
and they were hurting becausethey had felt judged and I loved
(25:46):
that you said, well, I'm notgoing to judge you for that.
The church, any church, isgoing to help me the way I
needed to help me, but they'mnot going to judge you for that.
The church, any church, isgoing to help me the way I
needed to help me, but they'renot going to control who.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
I am.
We have to have the freedom tobe who we are.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
That's super important, because so many times
people give their power away.
In fact, what you and Tim didwas found your power.
Yeah, we did Not giving it awayto alcohol and drugs to numb you
or other behaviors that madeyou feel good in the moment.
And we've all been there.
(26:22):
I don't know one person thathasn't abused something.
Yeah, used something, the paininside of us, whatever that pain
is, and I loved that you tookthe connection with God to give
(26:45):
you power back, and that's adifferent story than a lot of
people tell.
Do you feel like yourconnection to God now is
stronger?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Do you get downloads?
What is your spiritualcommunication with God like?
Speaker 2 (27:02):
So for me, it's my relationship with God,
regardless of my religion.
It just so happened that Ihappened upon this church.
I feel like I hear himconstantly.
Sometimes I'm like get away.
It's like the little devil andthe angel.
Sometimes I just want to flickthe angel off my shoulder and
just do something bad.
But he's constantly in my earlike you've come a long way,
(27:30):
don't turn back now.
But yeah, I just talk to himall the time.
I feel like I have a bestfriend.
Nobody else can see him.
He's my little secret, that isso profound to me.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
I think two things.
I'm still I think my jaw isstill on the floor as somebody
who searched so deeply for achurch, a church that felt right
for me.
It never occurred to me untilwe're having this conversation
(28:06):
Keone just said that isabsolutely huge is that the
church can help us, but itdoesn't have to define who we
are now.
It shouldn't, and that me ismind-blowing because I always
felt the exact opposite.
So I'm loving and I'm curioushow you incorporate those
conversations.
My problem with religion was Ialways felt like somebody was in
(28:29):
the middle and I couldn'tconnect directly.
Sounds like you utilized thischurch to directly connect.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
I did.
That was my path.
They were so incredible withTim and I.
They were very gentle with usand what I found really
intriguing was they wanted theyliterally would pull stuff out
of us.
We can't talk about that, weshouldn't say that.
And they're like no, we can'ttalk about that, we shouldn't
say that.
And they're like no, you'regoing to talk, we want to hear
it.
And then it's reallyinteresting when I've been in
(28:59):
meetings where we've haddiscussions that I felt like why
you know, this is, these arechurch people.
Oh my gosh, I get messagesafterwards.
They're like, wow, you're real,like you're a human being.
You're sitting in here.
You're not some robot tellingme I have to do everything right
, I'm broken.
I'm as broken as they come.
(29:19):
Honestly, I feel like my brokenhas been good for me.
Shall I say it has.
It's helped heal me.
And I honestly am amazed bypeople who don't have these
(29:40):
awful experiences, because I'mlike how are you even spiritual
if you haven't needed a higherpower?
They're like robots to me, justdoing the right thing all the
time, and then there's meflicking the angel off my
shoulder because I want to dosomething bad, you know.
Speaker 4 (30:04):
I call it the two by four moments that my higher
power is tried to tell me andguide me, and I don't listen.
They just keep hitting me,metaphorically speaking, just
keep hitting me with this two byfour and I just keep hitting my
head against the wall andeventually I'll catch on.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
You see people in church.
You can see people who areafraid to let their
personalities manifest in frontof other people Not me.
I am who I am.
I'm so tired of hiding.
This is really interesting.
I think about this all the time.
My parents don't know me.
(30:42):
They know who they raised andthey did such a wonderful job
with me, but I don't think theywant to hear the ugly side.
Maybe it's because they're myparents and I sit when I go
visit.
I'm often hoping that my momwill say okay, mary Beth, I know
that you have discussed yourpast and a lot of it's out there
(31:06):
, but I don't know what it is.
So tell me.
I'd love to talk to mom and dadabout what I've gone through in
my life, but I think they'reafraid to hear it because I
think that they will judgethemselves.
It has nothing to do with them.
I had a great childhood.
My parents were there.
(31:26):
They were home.
They did a lot with us.
We turned out who we'resupposed to be, regardless of
how they raise us.
That's the only fear I have.
I still fear my parents findingme out.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
I think with my children's generation.
As you see on social mediathey're very out there.
They say what they think.
It's good, bad, indifferent,depending on how you look at
good and bad.
I have known my children thegood, bad and ugly.
They've been pretty honest.
I'm sure there are things Idon't know, but I think that is
(32:04):
a difference in generation.
I fear being judged by them aswell, yeah, and I would feel
like I'm going potentially to bein trouble and I'm thinking
what could they possibly did?
But there is that thing whenyou grow up that way.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
I think it's the disappointment that we're afraid
of.
Speaker 4 (32:24):
I think so.
I was just going to say that wegrew up in a more disciplined,
in more of a hands on I don'twant to use the word violent,
but fear, fear-based.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Wait till your father gets home.
Speaker 4 (32:38):
Right there it's so mixed with the disappointment
because to me, as somebody wholived through that childhood, I
would say, for me, the pain goesaway.
Childhood, I would say For methe pain goes away, the
disappointment sticks with youforever.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
You get it, I do.
We were raised by baby boomers.
They were stricter, you know.
They just were moreconservative than the kids that
I guess they're in their late30s and stuff that are raising
children.
Now they're raising them to bemore verbal.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
And more authentic?
Yeah, a lot of ways.
Yeah, because you're right,mary Beth.
When I think back to theconversations we would have with
our family, it's like you don'tneed to put your business out
there, that's our business, myparents and it didn't feel like
we were hiding anything, it wasjust like this is our family,
(33:40):
they have their families.
We were also raised and MaryBeth knows my mom with don't
fall for the facade, becauseeveryone, I don't want to say,
has a skeleton, but everybody'sgot their own story.
Yes, now, as perfect as anyonecan look on the outside a family
, a person we can't presume thatthey haven't fallen down or had
(34:05):
trouble or had violence intheir lives.
But I really felt that, growingup the same way you did, which
is this is our personal business, this stays within these four
walls, and that's just the waywe lived, and I did a number on
authenticity and maybe that iswhy we all are looking for that.
(34:28):
You must be a fresh air momentwhen people talk to you,
especially at church, becauseyou are not adopting anything
other than who you are.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Well, like I said, I went into this and they're
either going to accept us forwho they are or this isn't the
place for us for who they are,or this isn't the place for us.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
You held onto your power when you entered the
premise, where I think a lot ofus may approach it in an
opposite way and that allows youto be who you are.
I think that's super cool.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Well, I think when you first go into a church, I
know we all probably get thesense that, okay, I have to act
right, I have to look right, Ihave to.
I don't know, I can't make anywrong moves, you know.
It just feels like it's souptight and you feel like like
we were discussing earlier theselists of rules you have to
(35:32):
follow.
I don't know, this time Ididn't do that.
We were at our wits end.
My husband was going to killhimself.
He literally handed me a gunand said you're so unhappy,
Shoot yourself too.
We had nothing left to lose.
You know we had already losteverything.
(35:55):
We've lost our home, we losteverything material.
We were at the bottom.
So we didn't care anymore.
Take us as we are or don't takeus at all, because we're pretty
bad now.
So you can either help us orleave us be.
That's how I went into it andso far they are wonderful people
(36:16):
.
They have accepted every partof us.
They want us to tell our storybecause they understand that
everybody in there is broken.
Some of us are a little morebroken, but it might just take
one story to save somebodyelse's life.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
This conversation with you and how long have I
known you now?
A year, a year and a half hasmade me feel closer to you and
more empowered than ever.
And this is on a podcastinterview.
Yeah, oh, I love that.
No, it's true, because I lovethat your broken moment, or your
(36:56):
bottom, was actually the mostpowerful thing that ever
happened to you.
Cool, is that?
What a juxtaposition.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
It was pretty rough at the time, but Of course, it's
the best thing that everhappened to both of us.
The ugliest time was the mostincredible, beautiful time of my
life.
I look at my husband now, threeyears later, and he had a drive
to live.
Wakes up with.
What are we doing today Insteadof?
I just want to die.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
And I don't want to be superficial, but you both
look beautiful.
I never saw you and Tim priorto your making these changes,
but you've shown me pictures ofhow you used to look, and she's
just.
You see her, chloe.
She's slim, she's fresh faced,she looks happy.
(37:48):
So does he.
You both are fit, and I know,not just spiritually but
physically you feel so muchbetter?
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Oh, definitely, it changed everything.
We feel like we got set free,like the chains aren't around us
anymore.
Life is just this bigexperience.
We can't wait to happen insteadof wanting to just crawl in a
box and hide from the world.
Right.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Life isn't supposed to be a punishment.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
It's a journey.
Yes, it's supposed to be ajourney.
Speaker 4 (38:23):
I actually just wanted to take a moment and say
thank you for being sotransparent and authentic.
I think the thing that I keepfeeling from you is this demand
for change across the board,regardless of what we believe in
(38:45):
our heads, as long as we're notharming each other or ourselves
.
If we continue to be authenticwith each other, we can demand
the change and the difference,because I can't stop thinking
about how many times I went toso many different churches
looking for that experience andI was the one who was told I was
(39:06):
being too real or I was toobroken.
So to demand the difference andthe change, not just in a
religious facility or a church,but in society across the board.
You're doing it every day,while you're helping people find
(39:27):
their authenticity in yourchair, whether it's internal or
external, and I just think thatis huge that you're doing this,
because I can see a world wherethis exchange could be very
terrifying.
I admire you.
I really just want to take thatmoment for all of our listeners
(39:49):
to think about what this reallycould look like and to just
open their minds.
I love what you're bringing tothis table.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Yeah, Open your mind to holding onto your power.
If you feel called to connectmore strongly with your higher
power God, goddess, universe, doit and be your authentic self
in doing so.
I mean, that's what I'm takingaway from this conversation.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
But we have to surround ourselves with people
that allow us to be that way.
Seek out those people.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
Or is it you're demanding it in a respectful way
, maybe?
Therefore, that's how peopleare stepping up.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
I like that.
Maybe that's what it is right.
I don't put on a facade withanybody I meet, so maybe it is
demanding.
I'm here, this is who I am.
If you're comfortable with me,then let's be friends.
If not, that's okay.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
I'm going to shift gears and then we're all going
to be in tears.
I, that's okay, I'm going toshift gears and then we're all
going to be in tears.
I didn't even mean that torhyme.
Every single person on thispodcast loves animals.
Chloe had a dog that died threeyears ago and she's still
grieving.
That's how much she loved him.
Mary Beth rescued birds, dogs,cats.
(41:09):
She also donated to the wolfcause for me and we talk about
animals every time.
I'm even around you and I justwondered what you think the
spiritual connection spirit,animal and person.
(41:31):
We may see something that maybeothers who don't have
experience with animals see it'sacceptance.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
It's just they love us.
They don't care if we brush ourhair, they don't care if we
brush our teeth.
They don't care how much moneywe make.
They don't care if we drive aVolkswagen Beetle or a Mercedes
Benz.
My connection is because ofacceptance.
I don't have to have a filteraround animals.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
But I think that bit you in the butt with a parrot,
didn't it?
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Oh well, literally yeah, my lack of filter taught
my parrot to not have a filtermy cat would also agree.
Speaker 4 (42:14):
She has her own strong personality.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
My bird.
Those birds were rotten.
I loved them, but she wouldscream Mommy, come back.
We never cussed around them.
Over the course of time Irescued the larger parrots.
So I would get a call fromsomeone who found a hoarding
situation of birds and we wouldend up taking the larger parrots
because we knew how to handlethem and rehabilitate them and
(42:46):
find them new homes.
That was tough, accepting someof these birds and this goes
with all animals that come fromhard backgrounds.
You might look like the personthat abused them, so they're
going to be terrified of youuntil you take the time to prove
(43:06):
differently.
Isn't that how we are as humans, with anything?
We come from backgrounds, sowe're afraid of people who look
like what we've come from.
It's all similar Animals.
They just love you and theygrow to love you, even if you do
look like the person who abusedthem.
Over time that they learn totrust you and accept you.
(43:30):
My husband said how come whenyou come home, you go to the
dogs and not me first?
I said if you would jump up,wag your tail, hop around and
kiss all over me, I'd come toyou first.
But you sit there waiting fordinner.
My uncle just want to love me,just want to love me.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
Sometimes people don't want to do rescue because
they feel like their hearts aregoing to be broken.
When you have to rehome, you'vegiven a healed animal back to
someone who's going to love them.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Yeah, the sad part about rescue is you don't know
the hands they're going to, andall you can pray for is that
those hands are going to behealing as well for that animal.
That's the fear.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
When I had my horses, I had gone to a barn just
looking around, prior toestablishing which barn I was
going to board my horses, whichbarn I was going to board my
horses, and I had gone to onebarn where the owner would lose
his temper and hit the horseswith two-by-fours, I've gone to
(44:41):
jail.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
I'd have picked up a two-by-four with nails and
started beating them.
He did have nails in them.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
Oh my gosh, they were afraid of him.
Obviously he had a major angerproblem, but I remember thinking
and you and I have talked aboutthis, mary Beth what happened
to him that he felt so enragedby an innocent animal and I'm
(45:14):
not saying the behavior isinnocent, because they learn
from what we teach them and weneed to train them, and that
takes patience and such but whatis it that is so broken in
someone that they would beat thehell out of anything?
Speaker 4 (45:29):
Yeah, beat the hell out of anything.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
After I get past my anger, I always come back to and
it was perfect what you saidabout everyone feels broken in a
certain way.
Yeah, and seeing animals thathave been rescued and rescued,
having animals that neededrescue, it must have been very
(45:53):
difficult for you to see thingsthat were underweight.
You know, not molting properly.
I mean, birds are very delicate.
Speaker 2 (45:59):
They had no feathers left, because they were left in
a cage in the dark in a basementand just plucked all their
feathers out of boredom.
Just horrific People, humanbeings.
I tell you it's painful, but,like you had said, we all come
from something.
We are all broken.
That is something I've alwaysbeen fascinated with, though, is
(46:22):
the people who can actuallydive in with broken people and
really get to the core of whereall this comes from.
People and really get to thecore of where all this comes
from, gaining that trust.
I love people's stories,whether they're good or bad.
I love to hear what people haveto say, and I wish I could be
(46:49):
one of those people that helpedheal trauma like that that
causes you to act out oninnocence, like people that harm
children, elderly people anddisabled.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
Maybe in my next life .
Oh, so you do believe in havingan ex-wife?
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
That's awesome.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
Do you have any glimpses of who you may have
been in the past?
Speaker 2 (47:20):
I really don't.
When you talk about your pastlife, progression and stuff, I
keep thinking do I want to know?
I'm intrigued by it, so one ofthese days I'm going to be
getting that done.
But no, I do believe.
I do believe there's anotherlife for me.
Being on earth now I feel likeI just want to be as good of a
(47:42):
human as I can to deserve a goodlife the next time around, if
that makes sense.
We need to deserve those things, so we have to be as good human
beings as we can now so that wehave a better life again later.
Speaker 3 (47:58):
Yeah, what we, what we're giving out is what we get
back.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
I'd like to know what my spirit went through before.
I would love that I was herebefore.
What was I?
Who was I?
Was I a man?
Was I a woman?
What did I do for a living?
What impact did I make on thepeople that were around me?
So I think that would be prettyfascinating.
Scary but fascinating at thesame time.
But maybe that is a doorwayinto who I am now Like.
(48:29):
Why am I who I am now?
Speaker 3 (48:32):
I bet she was someone who didn't allow anything.
You were some type of liberator, or maybe you led the French
Revolution.
Speaker 2 (48:47):
I like to think of myself as some princess in a big
frilly dress.
No, no, I don't even know.
Speaker 4 (49:00):
No, you're not going prison like that either.
Exactly you're too authentic.
Speaker 2 (49:03):
I'd be one of the king's little hookers on the
side, probably I think they'recalled consorts yeah, that's
probably who I was, god knowsbombasan.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
We called them in Japan oh.
I'll become a geisha orsomething wow, there's a couple
things you touched on that I wascurious.
You mentioned that you feltlike animals sometimes
(49:38):
potentially could misrecognizeyou from triggers very similar
to humans.
Do you feel that they read orfeel energies, or could you
speak to your thoughts on that,because the more you speak, the
more I just want to hear youtalk.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
Oh, absolutely.
It's interesting that you askedthat because I had a bird.
Her name was Gypsy, she was amilitary McCall, so she was like
a.
She was a shorter little greenMcCall and she came from a
hoarding situation and that birdhated me Literally.
(50:15):
When I would get near her cageshe would projectile poop on me.
She would lean her bottom upagainst the cage and just shoot
a poop on me when she was out ofher cage.
If she saw me walking past her,she would fly onto the back of
my head and attach and startdigging at my head.
But I also learned that it wasmy fear and my negative energy
(50:38):
of expecting that that made hernervous too.
And there were times when Iwould be sitting in the living
room relaxing and her cage wouldbe next to me and she would
climb down and get on the chairand hang out with me.
So energy is everything toanimals, because that's all that
they can read.
They read our energy.
(50:59):
I definitely think that has alot to do with the way they are
around us.
Eventually she got better.
I never could hold her.
She would sit on my leg on herterms, but that was huge
compared to what she was we wereable to rehabilitate her enough
to send her to a new home thatunderstood her background and
(51:21):
her abuse.
She had a nice life there.
That's beautiful.
Energy is everything when itcomes to humans, and I have this
beautiful friend that when Ifirst saw her she gave off very
negative energy to me.
She was very intimidating.
(51:42):
I thought this girl is sobeautiful and I want to know her
.
I want to know why she's sotight looking.
She's so tight looking.
So one day I was in a situationshe was so beautiful, though,
to where I almost didn't want tomeet her.
(52:02):
She's like the beauty that youwant to hate.
It's intimidating when they'rethat gorgeous, yeah.
So when I got this opportunity,we were in a small group and she
came in and I was like, oh gosh, this beautiful chick is in my
area here.
I don't know if I'm going tolike this I'm going to keep an
eye on my husband for sure but Ijust said to myself go talk to
(52:27):
her.
Just go talk to her.
You never know if she'sintimidated by you.
Who knows what she thinks.
So I went over to her andsomeone gave me this tidbit of
information about her that Iknew I can use that to talk to
her.
I went and sat down next to herand I looked at her and I said
(52:47):
you know what?
I know you're new to our group.
My name's Mary Beth.
I'm a hairdresser.
I know that you look at you.
You're beautiful.
I know that you love beauty andI know that you're in a similar
industry.
So I think I can help you,because she was new to the area
and that broke the ice and Ithink it made her see that I'm
(53:10):
okay to be around.
We became friendly but before wegot too close I said to her I
want to have a conversation withyou.
This is going to sound direct,but I want to get it out there.
I've never had a girlfriend notstab me in the back.
I would love to have somefriends, but I don't like
friends because they alwaysthey're judgmental, they stab
(53:33):
you in the back.
Let's be friends, but let's putour boundaries out there right
now.
Let's promise not to stab eachother in the back.
If there's any issues, let'stalk about them as girlfriends.
You stay in your lane, I stay inmy lane.
Sometimes those lanes willmerge together and we can do a
road trip on it.
And sometimes those lanes willmerge together and we can do a
(53:54):
road trip on it.
So it's been really since.
I was so forward about that.
It's so funny.
Now we have the greatestrelationship.
She refers to that conversationoften.
She's like you know, I'm soglad that you told me, brought
that up, that we need to stay inour lanes and just be good
friends to each other.
It's just been wonderful.
(54:16):
But that's so inappropriate toapproach somebody like that.
Let's be friends, but let'stalk about our friendship first.
But it was pretty cool.
Now her and I are great friends.
We know our boundaries and wecan talk about everything.
Speaker 4 (54:31):
Look at you demanding difference in society.
I guess that is what it is.
Speaker 2 (54:36):
Because if you're going to be my friend, you have
to be a good person.
Sorry, got to be nice to me.
Don't try to split with myhusband.
Speaker 4 (54:44):
No superficial conversations here.
That's right yeah.
Speaker 3 (54:49):
What you're really saying, though, Mary Beth, is I
want to be able to trust you.
Give me a reason to trust you,so I don't want to have to worry
about what you're saying aboutme.
I don't want to have to worryabout anything undermining us.
If you stop talking to me, I'mgoing to start wondering is
there something going on there?
I want to be able to trust youand your boyfriend or me all of
(55:12):
us to just get along in atrusting way.
Speaker 2 (55:16):
That's what humanity should be doing.
These are the things that we'resupposed to do.
That's why we're here.
Our purpose is to be goodpeople, to learn to be good
people so that we can get to thenext level in life, so we can
get to a better life.
There's a better life.
We have to deserve to be there.
That's what I see.
(55:38):
Why not set your boundariesright out of the gate?
Speaker 3 (55:43):
Your boundaries weren't that difficult.
Give me a reason to trust you.
Speaker 2 (55:46):
Exactly, actually, I love that.
I never thought about that, butthat is the truth.
Yeah, give me a reason to trustyou Clear and concise.
Speaker 4 (55:55):
Very direct.
Speaker 3 (55:58):
I want that written on my salon walls.
I had an art teacher in highschool who said this is going to
be the only class you'll everhear a teacher tell you you
cannot get in trouble forcopying.
He said if you see somethingyou love a color, a painting you
want to copy it.
Go for it, because all you cando is learn from someone else's
(56:23):
creativity.
I said well damn, apparentlythat doesn't work for research
papers, but you may certainlysay that anytime you want.
Mary Beth, I love that.
Speaker 2 (56:34):
Oh wow, You've taught me something.
I actually wrote that down.
Give me a reason to trust you.
That's going to be a new mottofor me.
Speaker 3 (56:42):
I love that we usually ask people to leave us
with some words of wisdom or aprayer that people can use to
help them center and ground Ourdear Heavenly Father, we thank
you for this opportunity to dothis podcast.
Speaker 2 (56:59):
It has been such a blessing.
We pray that we as human beingscan become better people, be
some kind of peace and some kindof solid ground for someone
else to land.
We concentrate on puttingbeautiful energy out there in
(57:27):
the world and concentrate onbeing accepting of people and
just loving them and showingthem that there is a better way
to be, that following you can bea blessing.
It doesn't have to be confining.
It can be such a beautifulexperience and an open
(57:50):
experience.
Such a beautiful experience andan open experience and we pray
for those out there that listento this podcast that hopefully
we can touch someone and helpthem, maybe answer a question
about themselves, or maybethey've heard something that
(58:13):
they needed to hear, and we justwant them to know that they're
not alone in this world, thisbig, scary world.
And, heavenly Father, we justpray that you give us peace
throughout the rest of this day,safety and joy, and we pray
that you bless the rest of thisday and we lift all these things
(58:36):
up to you in the name of JesusChrist, amen.
Speaker 1 (58:43):
Perfect.
Speaker 4 (58:44):
That was beautiful.
Welcome to the Mystical Mermaid Lounge podcast,
a space where all spiritualseekers are honored and
celebrated.
This podcast was born from thejourneys of your hosts, who have
each faced her own dark nightof the sun, but they've emerged
with an unshakable belief indivine connection, cosmic
(00:29):
inspiration and her true life'scalling.
Join us on a journey ofpersonal growth, transformation
and magical self-discovery.
Your first co-host is ChloeBrown, a gifted intuitive empath
and shadow work life coach.
Your second co-host is KeoniStarr, an intuitive energy
(00:53):
worker and acclaimed past liferegressionist.
The Mystical Mermaid Loungepodcast starts now.
The podcast starts now.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
I am excited to introduce our guest, mary Beth
Koster.
She is a talented and creativehairstylist and owns a
successful salon, the BlackLotus, in Rehoboth Beach,
delaware.
She is an animal lover, avocalist, a telepathic psychic
(01:29):
who sees auras with her physicalsight, and she is someone who
my entire family just adores.
I am so thankful you are here,mary Beth.
I am Keone here with my co-host, chloe.
Our first question for you isto tell us a little bit about
(01:51):
your spiritual upbringing andwhat thought processes you were
raised with around God.
Source Universe.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I was not raised with any religion.
My parents were Catholic butwere forced to go to church as
children and didn't stick withit.
My grandmother taught me aboutGod say your prayers, ask God
for help.
In my 20s I started to pursuespirituality because I felt lost
and needed a higher power.
(02:22):
I started to go to differentchurches, do research on
different religions, and nothingstuck.
I got saved, baptized.
Every time I went to a church,we got to baptize you.
It never really meant anythingto me.
Nobody explained to me whatbaptism actually meant, what the
Holy Ghost meant, who God was.
(02:43):
So this went on until I wasabout 52.
And my husband had a nervousbreakdown.
He was going to kill himself infront of me and I ran into the
bathroom and looked up at theceiling of my camper and said if
(03:07):
you're real God, please justhelp me.
Show me, you're here, show methat there's something more out
there, took control of my tongueand I proceeded to tell my
(03:33):
husband some horrible thingsabout me and my past, things
that I did, things I neverwanted anyone to know and I have
no idea how this helped myhusband.
But he looked up and said God,come into my life.
I don't know what's happeningto me, but I need your help.
(03:57):
Through this awful conversationof me vomiting everything in my
past that I had done, which henever bothered to ask, my
husband thought I was thisperfect little angel, never did
anything wrong, virgin,regardless of the fact that I
had been married before.
I proceeded to tell him all ofmy flings and things, but I
(04:19):
didn't want anybody to know.
I wanted to be perfect andangelic to him.
He said I leveled the playingfield.
And he started laughing and I'mlike what do you mean?
You leveled the playing field,what does that mean?
And he said you're just as badas me.
I don't feel like such ahorrible person by myself
anymore.
(04:40):
So he's like I have a whole newappreciation for you.
I think I just fell in love withyou again and I'm like oh my
god, I was a total whore and myhusband was to stay with me.
It was incredible.
We went to bed that night.
I woke up the next morningterrified that he was gonna
(05:00):
leave me and he was hugging allover me and being super nice and
I was like oh my God, what areyou doing?
I just can't believe you'relike me.
I think I finally met my matchand I've been married to her for
20 years.
So anyway, the next day hehappened to go into an office of
(05:21):
our landlord and he just brokedown again For some reason.
He told them he had a gun tohis head the night before and
told them this little storyabout how I ran into the
bathroom and asked God for help,and he asked them if he could
go to church with them.
We went to another church and wefell in love with this church.
(05:45):
These people were so wonderful.
We met missionaries.
They were teaching us about thegospel and then I found that
out the church was Mormon.
And I'm like, oh my God, mormon, these people have more than
one wife.
He can't handle me, let alone10 wives.
If he can have 10 wives, I canhave 10 husbands.
You know, I continue mywhoredom.
(06:11):
So anyway, that's not how itreally was.
The Mormons stopped having 10wives, 20 wives, it's just like
every other Christian religion.
Now I was like, okay, as longas we can't have more than one
spouse, I'm in.
So basically, that's my journeyto get to where I really wanted
to trust God, to know there wassomething more out there for me
(06:34):
than just this life we're allstruggling to get through and
all this time you had no ideayour husband was putting you on
a pedestal in a way that he feltlike he was not worthy of you.
(06:56):
I had no idea, none.
Why does he treat me sodelicately?
I'm not delicate emotionally,anyway I'm not and you know why
does he try to keep certainthings like exposure away from
me?
I've done everything that manhas, and probably more, couldn't
(07:19):
figure it out.
I also never trusted him enoughto tell him about myself,
because I knew he felt this wayabout me.
Those things were going to goto my grave.
Once I had that trust, god tookover my tongue and I spewed it
all out.
That was the best thing.
There's.
Truth to the phrase.
The truth shall set you free,because it did.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
The fact that, out of all of 20 years of marriage,
you'd never shared these things.
It's a moment of completedespair on his part and your
part trying to save him.
Yeah, like what would possessyou to say that?
And yeah, I mean, which is bestfor me to?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
ask God.
That's a good point too.
Where did that come from?
I went into the bathroom of anRV and looked up at the skylight
and said if you are here,please show up.
Wow, that's so, so powerful.
My subconscious told me to turnto God, and that was it.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
I think the bathroom is quite a sanctuary.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Nobody's going to come in while you're in there,
unless you have a kid.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
We were both addicted to opioids.
I was an alcoholic as well, andpart of the covenants at our
church ask you to not partake inalcohol and drugs and we
actually quit cold turkeyovernight.
We prayed about it.
We just said, well, let's trustin the prayer, and we asked him
(09:06):
to heal us from it.
And we never looked back.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
When Tim was sharing with the landlords, he had no
idea they were going to theChurch of the Latter-day Saints.
What possessed him to sharethat?
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Saints.
What possessed him to sharethat?
He was just so broken.
He was just looking for someoneto hear him and believe that
he's a good person.
Because our landlords didn'tlike us.
We were actually getting kickedout because Tim was so
intrusive he was very intrusiveinto the campground that we were
living in.
He also had a lot of anger thathe would show outwardly Just a
(09:49):
rough attitude.
There was a lot of things thatPicking verbal fight.
He was angry, burdened withdrugs, alcohol, had a rough past
himself, you know, and I justthink it all manifested.
(10:12):
I just hid.
I didn't know anybody in thecampground, I hid in my camper.
I didn't want to talk toanybody, I just wanted to stay
drunk, keep popping my pills andstay in my lane.
I really don't know whatpossessed him to come out with
it.
He just did.
He just broke down.
It was like he had no control.
He knew they went to church, sohe asked if we could go with
(10:32):
them, how it happened.
And no, we didn't know.
They were Mormon.
Like I said, when I found out Iwas like, oh my gosh.
You know, when you think ofMormon you think of polygamy,
and we found out that was theReformed Mormons.
(10:56):
We really loved the religion.
It's the Bible, but yeah, itwas pretty incredible.
I mean they have us in theirhome all the Bible, but yeah, it
was, it was pretty incredible.
I mean they, they have us intheir home all the time.
She's become a surrogate mom.
My mother lives in Oregon.
I don't get to see her.
This woman's stepped in andtreated us like her children.
(11:19):
She calls us her children.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Wow, wow, wow.
That's just so manysynchronicities, as I like to
call them.
I don't believe in coincidences.
Personally, I think that isabsolutely divine and beautiful.
When I think of Mormons, Ithink of a lot of rules and
self-control.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
We have a lot of rules to follow.
We do, but they keep us fromstraying away from the path.
We don't drink coffee, blacktea, we don't partake in drugs
and alcohol.
It doesn't mean we don't smokea little pot here and there.
I do.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
Wow Good for you.
Wow, I was going to say.
How dare you be human and livethe human experience at the same
time?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah, it's been pretty incredible.
I've journaled all of it and Ilook back at my journals and
sometimes I can't believe whereI was in the dark place.
You know, I used to pray to Godto just take me in my sleep
every night before all thishappened.
So it's interesting.
I look back and I was actuallypraying to God every night.
I knew there was something outthere, I just didn't know how to
(12:35):
get to him.
Little did I know.
Asking you shall receive is sotrue, because I asked him and he
won't leave me alone.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
What a brave woman you are, because you're pretty
out there, honesty-wise, withyour experience.
You're sharing it with us aswell.
I've seen your amazing post onsocial and have just really
commended you, because a lot ofpeople, and regardless of what
(13:09):
spirituality track they takethey I don't want to say they
forget where they came from, butI don't know that we tell that
story enough.
You do, which I think is reallyimportant.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
We live in a society where we can't be honest.
It's politically incorrect tobe honest.
You feel like you have to beperfect, can't show your bad
side, raised in a householdwhere you never let anybody know
what goes on in your four walls, household where you never let
anybody know what goes on inyour four walls, and I'm tired
(13:48):
of that.
I'm tired of just the personathat my husband had of me,
embarrassed me.
I don't want people to thinkthat I'm perfect and I'm an
angel and I don't do anythingwrong.
I want people to know who I am.
It's okay to make mistakes.
It's okay to be real.
I draw closer to people who arehonest about who they are.
When someone tells me thingsabout themselves that they
(14:12):
generally wouldn't talk about.
I'm a hairdresser.
I hear a lot of things.
That's endearing to me.
I learn to love them morebecause of their honesty.
I don't care anymore.
I'm out there.
I've been judged enough in mylife.
So if you're going to judge mefor stepping off the angel path,
(14:35):
I don't even know what to sayabout that?
I feel like I want to be aroundreal people and I want to be
real.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
So I love honesty, I love rawness.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Yeah, may I ask a question about what you were
saying, with your husbandputting you on this pedestal,
and how it feels like that wasin many ways shattering
internally it was.
I can only imagine howtraumatic that experience would
(15:12):
be, because that's, you know,the rock, the one who's supposed
to understand you, like you'rewith day and night, and if they
don't understand who you are, itwould make me question do I
know who I am?
Could you talk about what yourexperience was like?
I'm very curious how that wentand how you worked through it.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Well, it was a big relief to be able to tell
someone those things.
I think that it made me youknow.
It really made me love who I am.
It did because I did thosethings, so many things.
The first person that found meout other than Heavenly Father
(15:57):
accepted me for my mistakes.
He was okay with the fact thatI had been with other men and
some of the other things I'vedelved into that aren't so
acceptable socially.
It healed me.
(16:18):
I felt like I found myselfimmediately by telling on myself
.
It was very healing for meemotionally, mentally, even
physically, because I carried somuch pain and when you don't
talk about it it tends to giveyou physical issues.
So I was able to release all ofthat and I did it without the
(16:43):
help of drugs and alcohol, whichis mind blowing to me.
It gave me clarity.
Other people that are close tome don't want to hear any of it.
They don't want to know aboutthe ugly.
It's, you know, more family.
It's kind of like it's tooshocking for them because I
(17:06):
always prided myself in flyingsolo and I would do things.
I was always by myself outthere in the world.
I didn't have girlfriendshanging with me, I just went on
my own.
I could get into plenty oftrouble by myself.
I didn't need friends to helpme.
The only thing I can really sayis it was so healing to be able
to vomit all of it and havesomebody that I love so much
(17:28):
love me more because I'm real.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
I hope that encourages every listener in any
capacity that living theirauthenticity truly does bring in
the people who we need.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
It's part of what's wrong with our relationships.
We can't be real.
I can't tell you all of my badstuff because you might judge me
.
We judge each other instead ofjust loving each other.
All of us have done ugly, butwhy can't we talk about it?
You know, when I'm at church wehave testimony Sundays where
(18:07):
you give your testimony.
I am always real.
I don't go up there and justsay I believe in God, I believe
in the church, and I go up thereand I tell a story and there
was a few times where I feltlike I was being reeled in.
Some of the elders might sayyou don't have to go into detail
(18:30):
.
I think it was out of concernfor the children that are in the
audience.
But that's not me.
I'm real.
I'm not going to talk unless Ican be who I am.
So that's the way it is.
And it's funny because afterTim or I talk up, in can be who
I am.
So that's the way it is.
And it's funny because we haveto have Tim or I talk up in
front of everybody.
We always have people come upand say we just love you because
you're so real, so raw, andthat's what brings us here.
(18:53):
We want to hear that.
We don't want to hear.
Everything is rosy andbeautiful with glitter.
It's not.
I just am who I am.
If they don't accept it, Ican't be around those people.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
I remember when you told me that you were Mormon and
I had told you that I had goneto Brigham Young University and
I was part of the church as wellfor a period of time and that
made me nervous to tell you someof the more spiritual side of
things I had experienced,because I thought you were going
to judge me, because I see MaryBeth's aura and I don't know
(19:36):
what you see, chloe, but I seepurple and pink everywhere,
which is just like love anddivine crown, just connection to
God, like that is, is what thatsymbolizes to me.
And when you were like, oh, girl, and then you started telling
me some of your talents that youhave, I wondered how that jived
(20:01):
, because and it's not just theMormon church how that jived
because and it's not just themormon church christian churches
don't necessarily love that Ican see your aura.
They don't necessarily lovethat you have this telepathic
gift.
They don't love that.
But you're so authentic.
How do you make that work?
Well, maybe you're, you're in achurch and it provides you what
(20:29):
you need, but that doesn't meanit takes you over, because that
would mean you're inauthentic.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
I was in my 50s when I joined this church.
I went into this with theattitude that they are going to
take me for who I am, theattitude that they are going to
take me for who I am or thisisn't the place for me.
They have me teaching Sundayschool and all this kind of
stuff, so they must pick me.
The heathens teaching Sundayschool.
(21:00):
That's just crazy.
I think that because there areso many people that come to me
and say they love that, I justsay what I mean.
I think they find it refreshing, to be honest, that I'm willing
to put it out there.
I don't care anymore.
I'm halfway through this life,more than halfway through, you
know.
I want people to be happyaround me and feel like they can
(21:20):
feel good around me, you know,and not hide themselves.
They can feel good around me,you know and not hide themselves
.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
I love that from your experience.
It's been so open and invitingand allows church and they've
helped her tremendously.
When she became very toxic toherself and others again they
were very good at saying this isnot a place for you.
So I've seen the whole gambitof positive and everything else
could be said for society.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Any church anywhere.
It depends on who you come incontact with.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
Any church, anywhere.
It depends on who you come incontact with, absolutely so.
I love that you're strongenough to find something that
fits and resonates for you andthe people you surround yourself
with.
They equally accept you andyour uniqueness, the things that
define you, mary Beth, who youare, what you want to do.
It doesn't have to fit this boxmy understanding of certain
(22:29):
religions.
So I appreciate you being hereto speak to that.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Well, I think a lot of people look at religion as
strict.
You have to stay in this box.
You can't do anything wrong.
Speaker 4 (22:39):
That's been my experience through multiple
religious services as well, notbecause I wanted to be in a box.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Mine too.
I think that's something weneed to correct in society.
That is something we need toraise our children with.
That it's okay to be who youare.
There are certain things youcan't do.
You shouldn't do anythingillegal.
You shouldn't hurt people.
(23:07):
We're humans and let's face it.
That's the beauty of repentanceyou can repent and be forgiven.
You just need to be betterpeople for each other.
We need to love and not judge.
How many times we look atsomebody and pass judgment
(23:27):
because of appearance and notbother to dig into who they
really are?
Speaker 3 (23:34):
and not just the Mormon church, churches in
general and other religions, andtheir view of transgendered
people or people who arenon-binary or have different
sexual orientations, and youwere very clear to me about you
(23:58):
love the person for who they are.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Absolutely.
I don't care.
I don't care if you're gay, Idon't care if you're transgender
.
You're on your own journey.
I just think that we need tounderstand each person's journey
and be open to listening.
We don't have the right tojudge people.
(24:20):
We don't have the right to tellpeople what they should and
shouldn't do.
We just need to be there tohelp them if they want help.
I have clients that are trans.
You know.
They sit in my chair and I trimtheir wigs for them, and
there's no judgment here.
I love them regardless.
They have a story too.
They have a journey too.
(24:40):
One of my trans clients hasbeen on a journey to have her
face softened and she got aterrible infection from it.
It's been very hard for her,and I don't look at her and say,
oh well, you shouldn't havedone that in the first place.
I look at her and say I'm sorry, Let me try and make this wig
(25:04):
give you some kind of upliftingfeeling about yourself.
Let's see if we can't trim itto hide things bothering you
from your surgery.
Instead of being judgmental.
I've been judged my whole life.
That's why I just I can't dothat to people.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I thought when you told me you had befriended a
couple of people at church who Ithink you had two female
partners that you had befriendedand the fact that you were
going to be their friend,whether anybody liked it or not,
and they were hurting becausethey had felt judged and I loved
(25:46):
that you said, well, I'm notgoing to judge you for that.
The church, any church, isgoing to help me the way I
needed to help me, but they'mnot going to judge you for that.
The church, any church, isgoing to help me the way I
needed to help me, but they'renot going to control who.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
I am.
We have to have the freedom tobe who we are.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
That's super important, because so many times
people give their power away.
In fact, what you and Tim didwas found your power.
Yeah, we did Not giving it awayto alcohol and drugs to numb you
or other behaviors that madeyou feel good in the moment.
And we've all been there.
(26:22):
I don't know one person thathasn't abused something.
Yeah, used something, the paininside of us, whatever that pain
is, and I loved that you tookthe connection with God to give
(26:45):
you power back, and that's adifferent story than a lot of
people tell.
Do you feel like yourconnection to God now is
stronger?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Do you get downloads?
What is your spiritualcommunication with God like?
Speaker 2 (27:02):
So for me, it's my relationship with God,
regardless of my religion.
It just so happened that Ihappened upon this church.
I feel like I hear himconstantly.
Sometimes I'm like get away.
It's like the little devil andthe angel.
Sometimes I just want to flickthe angel off my shoulder and
just do something bad.
But he's constantly in my earlike you've come a long way,
(27:30):
don't turn back now.
But yeah, I just talk to himall the time.
I feel like I have a bestfriend.
Nobody else can see him.
He's my little secret, that isso profound to me.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
I think two things.
I'm still I think my jaw isstill on the floor as somebody
who searched so deeply for achurch, a church that felt right
for me.
It never occurred to me untilwe're having this conversation
(28:06):
Keone just said that isabsolutely huge is that the
church can help us, but itdoesn't have to define who we
are now.
It shouldn't, and that me ismind-blowing because I always
felt the exact opposite.
So I'm loving and I'm curioushow you incorporate those
conversations.
My problem with religion was Ialways felt like somebody was in
(28:29):
the middle and I couldn'tconnect directly.
Sounds like you utilized thischurch to directly connect.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
I did.
That was my path.
They were so incredible withTim and I.
They were very gentle with usand what I found really
intriguing was they wanted theyliterally would pull stuff out
of us.
We can't talk about that, weshouldn't say that.
And they're like no, we can'ttalk about that, we shouldn't
say that.
And they're like no, you'regoing to talk, we want to hear
it.
And then it's reallyinteresting when I've been in
(28:59):
meetings where we've haddiscussions that I felt like why
you know, this is, these arechurch people.
Oh my gosh, I get messagesafterwards.
They're like, wow, you're real,like you're a human being.
You're sitting in here.
You're not some robot tellingme I have to do everything right
, I'm broken.
I'm as broken as they come.
(29:19):
Honestly, I feel like my brokenhas been good for me.
Shall I say it has.
It's helped heal me.
And I honestly am amazed bypeople who don't have these
(29:40):
awful experiences, because I'mlike how are you even spiritual
if you haven't needed a higherpower?
They're like robots to me, justdoing the right thing all the
time, and then there's meflicking the angel off my
shoulder because I want to dosomething bad, you know.
Speaker 4 (30:04):
I call it the two by four moments that my higher
power is tried to tell me andguide me, and I don't listen.
They just keep hitting me,metaphorically speaking, just
keep hitting me with this two byfour and I just keep hitting my
head against the wall andeventually I'll catch on.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
You see people in church.
You can see people who areafraid to let their
personalities manifest in frontof other people Not me.
I am who I am.
I'm so tired of hiding.
This is really interesting.
I think about this all the time.
My parents don't know me.
(30:42):
They know who they raised andthey did such a wonderful job
with me, but I don't think theywant to hear the ugly side.
Maybe it's because they're myparents and I sit when I go
visit.
I'm often hoping that my momwill say okay, mary Beth, I know
that you have discussed yourpast and a lot of it's out there
(31:06):
, but I don't know what it is.
So tell me.
I'd love to talk to mom and dadabout what I've gone through in
my life, but I think they'reafraid to hear it because I
think that they will judgethemselves.
It has nothing to do with them.
I had a great childhood.
My parents were there.
(31:26):
They were home.
They did a lot with us.
We turned out who we'resupposed to be, regardless of
how they raise us.
That's the only fear I have.
I still fear my parents findingme out.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
I think with my children's generation.
As you see on social mediathey're very out there.
They say what they think.
It's good, bad, indifferent,depending on how you look at
good and bad.
I have known my children thegood, bad and ugly.
They've been pretty honest.
I'm sure there are things Idon't know, but I think that is
(32:04):
a difference in generation.
I fear being judged by them aswell, yeah, and I would feel
like I'm going potentially to bein trouble and I'm thinking
what could they possibly did?
But there is that thing whenyou grow up that way.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
I think it's the disappointment that we're afraid
of.
Speaker 4 (32:24):
I think so.
I was just going to say that wegrew up in a more disciplined,
in more of a hands on I don'twant to use the word violent,
but fear, fear-based.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Wait till your father gets home.
Speaker 4 (32:38):
Right there it's so mixed with the disappointment
because to me, as somebody wholived through that childhood, I
would say, for me, the pain goesaway.
Childhood, I would say For methe pain goes away, the
disappointment sticks with youforever.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
You get it, I do.
We were raised by baby boomers.
They were stricter, you know.
They just were moreconservative than the kids that
I guess they're in their late30s and stuff that are raising
children.
Now they're raising them to bemore verbal.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
And more authentic?
Yeah, a lot of ways.
Yeah, because you're right,mary Beth.
When I think back to theconversations we would have with
our family, it's like you don'tneed to put your business out
there, that's our business, myparents and it didn't feel like
we were hiding anything, it wasjust like this is our family,
(33:40):
they have their families.
We were also raised and MaryBeth knows my mom with don't
fall for the facade, becauseeveryone, I don't want to say,
has a skeleton, but everybody'sgot their own story.
Yes, now, as perfect as anyonecan look on the outside a family
, a person we can't presume thatthey haven't fallen down or had
(34:05):
trouble or had violence intheir lives.
But I really felt that, growingup the same way you did, which
is this is our personal business, this stays within these four
walls, and that's just the waywe lived, and I did a number on
authenticity and maybe that iswhy we all are looking for that.
(34:28):
You must be a fresh air momentwhen people talk to you,
especially at church, becauseyou are not adopting anything
other than who you are.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Well, like I said, I went into this and they're
either going to accept us forwho they are or this isn't the
place for us for who they are,or this isn't the place for us.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
You held onto your power when you entered the
premise, where I think a lot ofus may approach it in an
opposite way and that allows youto be who you are.
I think that's super cool.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Well, I think when you first go into a church, I
know we all probably get thesense that, okay, I have to act
right, I have to look right, Ihave to.
I don't know, I can't make anywrong moves, you know.
It just feels like it's souptight and you feel like like
we were discussing earlier theselists of rules you have to
(35:32):
follow.
I don't know, this time Ididn't do that.
We were at our wits end.
My husband was going to killhimself.
He literally handed me a gunand said you're so unhappy,
Shoot yourself too.
We had nothing left to lose.
You know we had already losteverything.
(35:55):
We've lost our home, we losteverything material.
We were at the bottom.
So we didn't care anymore.
Take us as we are or don't takeus at all, because we're pretty
bad now.
So you can either help us orleave us be.
That's how I went into it andso far they are wonderful people
(36:16):
.
They have accepted every partof us.
They want us to tell our storybecause they understand that
everybody in there is broken.
Some of us are a little morebroken, but it might just take
one story to save somebodyelse's life.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
This conversation with you and how long have I
known you now?
A year, a year and a half hasmade me feel closer to you and
more empowered than ever.
And this is on a podcastinterview.
Yeah, oh, I love that.
No, it's true, because I lovethat your broken moment, or your
(36:56):
bottom, was actually the mostpowerful thing that ever
happened to you.
Cool, is that?
What a juxtaposition.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
It was pretty rough at the time, but Of course, it's
the best thing that everhappened to both of us.
The ugliest time was the mostincredible, beautiful time of my
life.
I look at my husband now, threeyears later, and he had a drive
to live.
Wakes up with.
What are we doing today Insteadof?
I just want to die.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
And I don't want to be superficial, but you both
look beautiful.
I never saw you and Tim priorto your making these changes,
but you've shown me pictures ofhow you used to look, and she's
just.
You see her, chloe.
She's slim, she's fresh faced,she looks happy.
(37:48):
So does he.
You both are fit, and I know,not just spiritually but
physically you feel so muchbetter?
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Oh, definitely, it changed everything.
We feel like we got set free,like the chains aren't around us
anymore.
Life is just this bigexperience.
We can't wait to happen insteadof wanting to just crawl in a
box and hide from the world.
Right.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Life isn't supposed to be a punishment.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
It's a journey.
Yes, it's supposed to be ajourney.
Speaker 4 (38:23):
I actually just wanted to take a moment and say
thank you for being sotransparent and authentic.
I think the thing that I keepfeeling from you is this demand
for change across the board,regardless of what we believe in
(38:45):
our heads, as long as we're notharming each other or ourselves
.
If we continue to be authenticwith each other, we can demand
the change and the difference,because I can't stop thinking
about how many times I went toso many different churches
looking for that experience andI was the one who was told I was
(39:06):
being too real or I was toobroken.
So to demand the difference andthe change, not just in a
religious facility or a church,but in society across the board.
You're doing it every day,while you're helping people find
(39:27):
their authenticity in yourchair, whether it's internal or
external, and I just think thatis huge that you're doing this,
because I can see a world wherethis exchange could be very
terrifying.
I admire you.
I really just want to take thatmoment for all of our listeners
(39:49):
to think about what this reallycould look like and to just
open their minds.
I love what you're bringing tothis table.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Yeah, Open your mind to holding onto your power.
If you feel called to connectmore strongly with your higher
power God, goddess, universe, doit and be your authentic self
in doing so.
I mean, that's what I'm takingaway from this conversation.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
But we have to surround ourselves with people
that allow us to be that way.
Seek out those people.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
Or is it you're demanding it in a respectful way
, maybe?
Therefore, that's how peopleare stepping up.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
I like that.
Maybe that's what it is right.
I don't put on a facade withanybody I meet, so maybe it is
demanding.
I'm here, this is who I am.
If you're comfortable with me,then let's be friends.
If not, that's okay.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
I'm going to shift gears and then we're all going
to be in tears.
I, that's okay, I'm going toshift gears and then we're all
going to be in tears.
I didn't even mean that torhyme.
Every single person on thispodcast loves animals.
Chloe had a dog that died threeyears ago and she's still
grieving.
That's how much she loved him.
Mary Beth rescued birds, dogs,cats.
(41:09):
She also donated to the wolfcause for me and we talk about
animals every time.
I'm even around you and I justwondered what you think the
spiritual connection spirit,animal and person.
(41:31):
We may see something that maybeothers who don't have
experience with animals see it'sacceptance.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
It's just they love us.
They don't care if we brush ourhair, they don't care if we
brush our teeth.
They don't care how much moneywe make.
They don't care if we drive aVolkswagen Beetle or a Mercedes
Benz.
My connection is because ofacceptance.
I don't have to have a filteraround animals.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
But I think that bit you in the butt with a parrot,
didn't it?
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Oh well, literally yeah, my lack of filter taught
my parrot to not have a filtermy cat would also agree.
Speaker 4 (42:14):
She has her own strong personality.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
My bird.
Those birds were rotten.
I loved them, but she wouldscream Mommy, come back.
We never cussed around them.
Over the course of time Irescued the larger parrots.
So I would get a call fromsomeone who found a hoarding
situation of birds and we wouldend up taking the larger parrots
because we knew how to handlethem and rehabilitate them and
(42:46):
find them new homes.
That was tough, accepting someof these birds and this goes
with all animals that come fromhard backgrounds.
You might look like the personthat abused them, so they're
going to be terrified of youuntil you take the time to prove
(43:06):
differently.
Isn't that how we are as humans, with anything?
We come from backgrounds, sowe're afraid of people who look
like what we've come from.
It's all similar Animals.
They just love you and theygrow to love you, even if you do
look like the person who abusedthem.
Over time that they learn totrust you and accept you.
(43:30):
My husband said how come whenyou come home, you go to the
dogs and not me first?
I said if you would jump up,wag your tail, hop around and
kiss all over me, I'd come toyou first.
But you sit there waiting fordinner.
My uncle just want to love me,just want to love me.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
Sometimes people don't want to do rescue because
they feel like their hearts aregoing to be broken.
When you have to rehome, you'vegiven a healed animal back to
someone who's going to love them.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Yeah, the sad part about rescue is you don't know
the hands they're going to, andall you can pray for is that
those hands are going to behealing as well for that animal.
That's the fear.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
When I had my horses, I had gone to a barn just
looking around, prior toestablishing which barn I was
going to board my horses, whichbarn I was going to board my
horses, and I had gone to onebarn where the owner would lose
his temper and hit the horseswith two-by-fours, I've gone to
(44:41):
jail.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
I'd have picked up a two-by-four with nails and
started beating them.
He did have nails in them.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
Oh my gosh, they were afraid of him.
Obviously he had a major angerproblem, but I remember thinking
and you and I have talked aboutthis, mary Beth what happened
to him that he felt so enragedby an innocent animal and I'm
(45:14):
not saying the behavior isinnocent, because they learn
from what we teach them and weneed to train them, and that
takes patience and such but whatis it that is so broken in
someone that they would beat thehell out of anything?
Speaker 4 (45:29):
Yeah, beat the hell out of anything.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
After I get past my anger, I always come back to and
it was perfect what you saidabout everyone feels broken in a
certain way.
Yeah, and seeing animals thathave been rescued and rescued,
having animals that neededrescue, it must have been very
(45:53):
difficult for you to see thingsthat were underweight.
You know, not molting properly.
I mean, birds are very delicate.
Speaker 2 (45:59):
They had no feathers left, because they were left in
a cage in the dark in a basementand just plucked all their
feathers out of boredom.
Just horrific People, humanbeings.
I tell you it's painful, but,like you had said, we all come
from something.
We are all broken.
That is something I've alwaysbeen fascinated with, though, is
(46:22):
the people who can actuallydive in with broken people and
really get to the core of whereall this comes from.
People and really get to thecore of where all this comes
from, gaining that trust.
I love people's stories,whether they're good or bad.
I love to hear what people haveto say, and I wish I could be
(46:49):
one of those people that helpedheal trauma like that that
causes you to act out oninnocence, like people that harm
children, elderly people anddisabled.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
Maybe in my next life .
Oh, so you do believe in havingan ex-wife?
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
That's awesome.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
Do you have any glimpses of who you may have
been in the past?
Speaker 2 (47:20):
I really don't.
When you talk about your pastlife, progression and stuff, I
keep thinking do I want to know?
I'm intrigued by it, so one ofthese days I'm going to be
getting that done.
But no, I do believe.
I do believe there's anotherlife for me.
Being on earth now I feel likeI just want to be as good of a
(47:42):
human as I can to deserve a goodlife the next time around, if
that makes sense.
We need to deserve those things, so we have to be as good human
beings as we can now so that wehave a better life again later.
Speaker 3 (47:58):
Yeah, what we, what we're giving out is what we get
back.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
I'd like to know what my spirit went through before.
I would love that I was herebefore.
What was I?
Who was I?
Was I a man?
Was I a woman?
What did I do for a living?
What impact did I make on thepeople that were around me?
So I think that would be prettyfascinating.
Scary but fascinating at thesame time.
But maybe that is a doorwayinto who I am now Like.
(48:29):
Why am I who I am now?
Speaker 3 (48:32):
I bet she was someone who didn't allow anything.
You were some type of liberator, or maybe you led the French
Revolution.
Speaker 2 (48:47):
I like to think of myself as some princess in a big
frilly dress.
No, no, I don't even know.
Speaker 4 (49:00):
No, you're not going prison like that either.
Exactly you're too authentic.
Speaker 2 (49:03):
I'd be one of the king's little hookers on the
side, probably I think they'recalled consorts yeah, that's
probably who I was, god knowsbombasan.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
We called them in Japan oh.
I'll become a geisha orsomething wow, there's a couple
things you touched on that I wascurious.
You mentioned that you feltlike animals sometimes
(49:38):
potentially could misrecognizeyou from triggers very similar
to humans.
Do you feel that they read orfeel energies, or could you
speak to your thoughts on that,because the more you speak, the
more I just want to hear youtalk.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
Oh, absolutely.
It's interesting that you askedthat because I had a bird.
Her name was Gypsy, she was amilitary McCall, so she was like
a.
She was a shorter little greenMcCall and she came from a
hoarding situation and that birdhated me Literally.
(50:15):
When I would get near her cageshe would projectile poop on me.
She would lean her bottom upagainst the cage and just shoot
a poop on me when she was out ofher cage.
If she saw me walking past her,she would fly onto the back of
my head and attach and startdigging at my head.
But I also learned that it wasmy fear and my negative energy
(50:38):
of expecting that that made hernervous too.
And there were times when Iwould be sitting in the living
room relaxing and her cage wouldbe next to me and she would
climb down and get on the chairand hang out with me.
So energy is everything toanimals, because that's all that
they can read.
They read our energy.
(50:59):
I definitely think that has alot to do with the way they are
around us.
Eventually she got better.
I never could hold her.
She would sit on my leg on herterms, but that was huge
compared to what she was we wereable to rehabilitate her enough
to send her to a new home thatunderstood her background and
(51:21):
her abuse.
She had a nice life there.
That's beautiful.
Energy is everything when itcomes to humans, and I have this
beautiful friend that when Ifirst saw her she gave off very
negative energy to me.
She was very intimidating.
(51:42):
I thought this girl is sobeautiful and I want to know her
.
I want to know why she's sotight looking.
She's so tight looking.
So one day I was in a situationshe was so beautiful, though,
to where I almost didn't want tomeet her.
(52:02):
She's like the beauty that youwant to hate.
It's intimidating when they'rethat gorgeous, yeah.
So when I got this opportunity,we were in a small group and she
came in and I was like, oh gosh, this beautiful chick is in my
area here.
I don't know if I'm going tolike this I'm going to keep an
eye on my husband for sure but Ijust said to myself go talk to
(52:27):
her.
Just go talk to her.
You never know if she'sintimidated by you.
Who knows what she thinks.
So I went over to her andsomeone gave me this tidbit of
information about her that Iknew I can use that to talk to
her.
I went and sat down next to herand I looked at her and I said
(52:47):
you know what?
I know you're new to our group.
My name's Mary Beth.
I'm a hairdresser.
I know that you look at you.
You're beautiful.
I know that you love beauty andI know that you're in a similar
industry.
So I think I can help you,because she was new to the area
and that broke the ice and Ithink it made her see that I'm
(53:10):
okay to be around.
We became friendly but before wegot too close I said to her I
want to have a conversation withyou.
This is going to sound direct,but I want to get it out there.
I've never had a girlfriend notstab me in the back.
I would love to have somefriends, but I don't like
friends because they alwaysthey're judgmental, they stab
(53:33):
you in the back.
Let's be friends, but let's putour boundaries out there right
now.
Let's promise not to stab eachother in the back.
If there's any issues, let'stalk about them as girlfriends.
You stay in your lane, I stay inmy lane.
Sometimes those lanes willmerge together and we can do a
road trip on it.
And sometimes those lanes willmerge together and we can do a
(53:54):
road trip on it.
So it's been really since.
I was so forward about that.
It's so funny.
Now we have the greatestrelationship.
She refers to that conversationoften.
She's like you know, I'm soglad that you told me, brought
that up, that we need to stay inour lanes and just be good
friends to each other.
It's just been wonderful.
(54:16):
But that's so inappropriate toapproach somebody like that.
Let's be friends, but let'stalk about our friendship first.
But it was pretty cool.
Now her and I are great friends.
We know our boundaries and wecan talk about everything.
Speaker 4 (54:31):
Look at you demanding difference in society.
I guess that is what it is.
Speaker 2 (54:36):
Because if you're going to be my friend, you have
to be a good person.
Sorry, got to be nice to me.
Don't try to split with myhusband.
Speaker 4 (54:44):
No superficial conversations here.
That's right yeah.
Speaker 3 (54:49):
What you're really saying, though, Mary Beth, is I
want to be able to trust you.
Give me a reason to trust you,so I don't want to have to worry
about what you're saying aboutme.
I don't want to have to worryabout anything undermining us.
If you stop talking to me, I'mgoing to start wondering is
there something going on there?
I want to be able to trust youand your boyfriend or me all of
(55:12):
us to just get along in atrusting way.
Speaker 2 (55:16):
That's what humanity should be doing.
These are the things that we'resupposed to do.
That's why we're here.
Our purpose is to be goodpeople, to learn to be good
people so that we can get to thenext level in life, so we can
get to a better life.
There's a better life.
We have to deserve to be there.
That's what I see.
(55:38):
Why not set your boundariesright out of the gate?
Speaker 3 (55:43):
Your boundaries weren't that difficult.
Give me a reason to trust you.
Speaker 2 (55:46):
Exactly, actually, I love that.
I never thought about that, butthat is the truth.
Yeah, give me a reason to trustyou Clear and concise.
Speaker 4 (55:55):
Very direct.
Speaker 3 (55:58):
I want that written on my salon walls.
I had an art teacher in highschool who said this is going to
be the only class you'll everhear a teacher tell you you
cannot get in trouble forcopying.
He said if you see somethingyou love a color, a painting you
want to copy it.
Go for it, because all you cando is learn from someone else's
(56:23):
creativity.
I said well damn, apparentlythat doesn't work for research
papers, but you may certainlysay that anytime you want.
Mary Beth, I love that.
Speaker 2 (56:34):
Oh wow, You've taught me something.
I actually wrote that down.
Give me a reason to trust you.
That's going to be a new mottofor me.
Speaker 3 (56:42):
I love that we usually ask people to leave us
with some words of wisdom or aprayer that people can use to
help them center and ground Ourdear Heavenly Father, we thank
you for this opportunity to dothis podcast.
Speaker 2 (56:59):
It has been such a blessing.
We pray that we as human beingscan become better people, be
some kind of peace and some kindof solid ground for someone
else to land.
We concentrate on puttingbeautiful energy out there in
(57:27):
the world and concentrate onbeing accepting of people and
just loving them and showingthem that there is a better way
to be, that following you can bea blessing.
It doesn't have to be confining.
It can be such a beautifulexperience and an open
(57:50):
experience.
Such a beautiful experience andan open experience and we pray
for those out there that listento this podcast that hopefully
we can touch someone and helpthem, maybe answer a question
about themselves, or maybethey've heard something that
(58:13):
they needed to hear, and we justwant them to know that they're
not alone in this world, thisbig, scary world.
And, heavenly Father, we justpray that you give us peace
throughout the rest of this day,safety and joy, and we pray
that you bless the rest of thisday and we lift all these things
(58:36):
up to you in the name of JesusChrist, amen.
Speaker 1 (58:43):
Perfect.
Speaker 4 (58:44):
That was beautiful.
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