January 29, 2024 • 42 mins
Every time I passed by the mirror, I noticed the weight of exhaustion in my reflection, and I knew something had to change. That's when the journey of self-preservation and setting healthy boundaries began. Join me, Mz O, in a heartfelt conversation about transforming our lives by prioritizing self-care and discipline. We'll unwrap the essentials of saying no, embracing solitude, and how 'doing nothing' can surprisingly lead to our most productive selves. It's a candid exploration of how clarity can emerge from the chaos when we firmly choose ourselves first.
Have you ever rewarded yourself for a job well done, only to realize the deeper satisfaction came from the journey, not the treat at the end? This episode is a celebration of self-respect and personal growth, as we discuss the significance of rewarding our accomplishments and the power of consequences. I'll share my personal strategies on how to enforce boundaries that protect our time and energy, and the importance of 'Mondays for me'—a practice to reclaim control and ensure the week begins on our terms. It's about the delicate dance between kindness to self and the accountability that breeds happiness and order in our lives.
As we wrap up this episode, I reach out to you, my listeners, for your voices to be heard. Your experiences, your struggles, and your victories add immense value to our community. I invite you to connect, to share your feedback, and join me on Instagram for a peek into my personal world, where together we navigate the artistic journey of life. Remember, this podcast is more than just a conversation; it's a shared path to finding peace within ourselves. So, until we meet again, take that step back, embrace your clarity, and cherish the tranquility you've crafted in your daily routine.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, and welcome back to MizzO in the mix.
We're on part two ofself-preservation and yeah, this
is interesting, it goes deep.
I don't usually do part one andtwo, but hey, we trying
something new.
I am still sewing canvas, baby,and we're gonna get jump into
(00:26):
this self-preservation topic.
I'm gonna just want to recap,like we talked a little bit
about you know whatself-preservation is and gave
the definition toself-preservation in part one.
And these are the three thingswe talked about.
(00:47):
You know, setting boundaries,choosing yourself first,
simplifying your life.
Those were the three things,that three tips that you know
you walked away with.
That I was able to give to youthe last time, and now we just
(01:08):
gonna dive just a little deeperinto some self-preservation
things that you can do on adaily basis.
You know, I kind of went to aramp for on the last one, as I
pretty much normally do, butthat's neither here nor there,
(01:30):
remember you get tough luck here.
All right, let's just do somehomework real quick, get your
pen and pad ready.
You will have homework to do.
There's always notes to take,because note takers are money
makers and you can improve yourlife at any point, in any stage.
You never know what I might say.
If this is your first timetuning in, I welcome you with
(01:54):
open arms to a not-so-judgmentalsong.
Just a little tough love.
If you're driving, keep bothhands on the wheels and eyes on
the road, even while laughing.
If there are small childrenaround, wear earbuds, because I
cuss.
If you're saying to yourselfwell, why would you cuss?
(02:18):
Why don't you just not cuss?
Because it's authentically me.
Damn it, that's what I do.
You don't like it.
I'm not sorry, but you don'thave to listen to me.
You just go miss these facts,these little tidbits of
information.
That's gonna make your lifebetter and no, I'm not trying to
work on it.
My higher self likes it.
(02:39):
I'm keeping it okay and listen.
Don't forget to listen to thisepisode again.
You may have missed somethingbecause you keep laughing.
That's on you, but pleaselisten to it again and if you're
returning, welcome back.
You know I miss you guys and Ireally do.
(03:00):
Thank you for all the supportthat you do provide here for
Mizzow and the mix in and out onall my other platforms.
Okay, this is the year modulebusiness and posture plants.
Yeah, so let's get into it,people.
I am still sewing, like I said,so I'm gonna keep sewing.
(03:23):
I'm gonna keep sewing my candy,alright.
So, like I said, we end it withsimplify your life the last time
and this time around.
If I don't triple, but it'sdead going, she is good, okay,
(03:45):
this time around we want to juststill take a look at the
self-preservation and how, what,what things can we implement
into our lives, just like youknow, setting boundaries,
simplifying your life, choosingyourself first.
What other things are we ableto do to create a lot, a longer
(04:17):
lasting life, a longer,healthier, lasting lifestyle?
What can we do?
And what I think and I try todo is make a little bit more
time for me.
(04:40):
Making time for yourself is notoverrated and it should not be
found upon, and when I'm talkingabout making this time for
yourself, I'm talking aboutdoing it every day,
inconsistently.
Whether you take yourself outon a nice evening stroll, making
(05:02):
walking a part of yourself-care routine, that's
something that you need to dofor you, and you don't have to
do it with 15 other people.
Maybe part of yourself here isactually spending time with
(05:26):
other people.
I don't know you, I don't knowyour life, but even if you came
into this world with a twin, myfriend, my friend.
You need to find some you timebecause I have twins at home.
(05:50):
I don't know how to spend allthat time the guys.
That drives me insane, but youneed to.
You need to find time for you.
You need to find time to spendby yourself because you need to
learn who you are, your likesand your dislikes, your wants
(06:14):
and your needs.
Fine time, find your time.
Okay.
You need to start to implementthings where you have time to
self-reflect and you have timeto just if you do nothing.
(06:36):
Doing nothing is doing something.
I'm gonna say it again doingnothing is actually doing
something.
When you're sitting there, youthink that I'm wasting time just
sitting around and not doinganything.
You are doing a lot.
(06:57):
You are gathering informationon yourself.
You might not know it at thetime, you may not even
understand what's reallyhappening at the time, but you
are working hard on yourself.
(07:19):
You are building strategies tohelp you cope with the rest of
your day with people.
You are reseting your brain.
I know you probably think I'mbeing coo-cooing crazy, but
(07:41):
really not.
You are be setting your brain.
You are allowing yourself time,space and and it is a moment of
(08:15):
clarity that you're developingI Love talking while I'm doing
something else.
I mean, I'm just sewing, butit's so.
It feels so good and Also helpsme to calm down.
For those of you listening, Ithink I talk too fast, which I
(08:35):
do, so Listen, a sense ofclarity.
Let's go back to that.
That's important.
We all strive for clarity andwhen we don't get clarity, you
ever notice how life seems sochaotic.
(08:57):
Clarity and chaos, man, they gohand in hand.
They like double-decks and maleor miracle, with whatever that
creamy stuff is that you'regonna put on.
Um, it's Clarity and chaos.
(09:18):
No clarity, you get chaos.
There's no clarity, chaos isgoing to occupy the space.
So you need to get clear aboutlife, get clear about your words
, get clear about your needs,because the moment that you just
(09:42):
let chaos run them up isrunning the muck over here.
It's running the muck overthere.
I watch it run a muck a lotaround me.
It like they're running circles.
They like to bring a frame oftwo, cause some chaos and with
another, relationship andfriendship, more people and work
at home.
No clarity causes chaos.
(10:05):
And guess what chaos?
Chaos don't like to be alone.
Mm-hmm.
Chaos say hey, drama, come here,drama, you want some of this.
Let's call Some drama.
You don't believe me.
Watch, look where the chaos isin your life and you'll
(10:30):
understand Damn, I don't haveclarity there.
I don't have clarity there.
That's part ofself-preservation.
No, something's got to fill thevoid.
Something has got to fill thevoid so you can choose To not
(10:54):
have clarity, to not find thattime for yourself, to not sit
there.
You think you're wasting timebecause you ain't doing nothing,
thinking it's sick.
Thank you sitting in your fivepeople to say why are you still
sitting in?
You always just sitting there.
That's because You're gainingclarity.
(11:15):
So your ass don't have likechaos, you might want to tell me
.
So your ass don't have likechaos.
You might want to tell them tolisten up and do it too.
I will say the moment that Istarted to slow down and look at
(11:37):
life and become clear on who Iam, what I want and where I plan
on going.
Chaos has to take a back seatand go somewhere else.
Now, don't get me too.
(11:59):
Don't get it twisted.
Chaos be showing up.
Chaos shows up for me.
Chaos shows up for me in allthe areas of my life where I'm
not sure of and I don't haveclarity about, chaos presents
(12:20):
itself.
Now I'm showing in theaternumber.
It's like I kid you not.
It's a loud ass announcement.
And if I had a ticket tapeacross my forehead it would say
(12:42):
now introducing chaos wherethere's no clarity.
That movie is always playingand is always starring, whoever
it is, whoever's life it is.
So you, the star, understand,you are the star baby.
Now you ain't getting no moremoney, but you are the star of
(13:06):
that show.
You are the A-list actress oractor of that show, because it's
up to you whether you gainclarity or choose oh my God,
(13:32):
that oil painting is so strong,I'm sorry or choose to have
chaos run amok.
It is.
It's not easy to get rid of thechaos and I'm always trying to
creep back in, but then you know, oh my gosh, something isn't
(13:56):
clear, something ismisunderstood, something needs
to be fixed, like yesterday,because chaos is running amok.
Chaos, good old chaos.
(14:23):
Please don't name your kidchaos.
If you're young and you listento me and you don't have no kids
, don't you name that childchaos.
I'm just saying Please, pleasedon't.
It came tomorrow.
I told you I'm an intuitiveperson.
Somebody over here is thinkingabout it.
If no, it's not a good idea.
(14:45):
If your friends didn't tell you.
They don't think.
You better think about wholoved you, because that is not a
good idea.
Don't do that to them, baby.
Alright.
So now we covered that.
You understand you want to be astar in your life, but you
don't want.
You don't want to have chaos itstart.
(15:11):
You know the show is all aboutchaos.
You want the show to be aboutclarity and you are the star of
the clarity show.
Okay, so I need you to reallyfocus on that.
Now.
That's all about finding thetime for yourself.
We're going to move into thesecond one.
(15:32):
Alright, I have one of theweird long pauses I had for
cough.
It wasn't a long pause for you,but it was for me, anywho.
So the next tip I wish topresent to you For self
(15:54):
preservation, you needdiscipline, self discipline,
like I'm, like I need todiscipline myself.
Yep, you need to learn to punishyourself.
You need to learn to rewardyourself.
You need self discipline.
(16:16):
We're always looking to do somuch for others and doing so
much for others.
We tend to neglect ourselves attimes or we'll do shit for
(16:37):
nobody and all we do is forourselves.
Now, don't get a twist.
It is people like that you need, y'all, as needs some self
discipline too, because yourchaos will come in a different
way.
But I'm not going to get onthose folks right now.
Okay, we're going to stick withthe people who actually give to
others.
(16:57):
And hear me out Self discipline.
If you cannot do for yourself,but you always want to do for
somebody else, you need to learnhow to reward yourself.
You need to learn to dosomething for you, and I don't
(17:22):
care if people don't understandit.
That's not your business.
Who cares?
If people don't need to knowhow you reward yourself, your
reward might be going to thecasino.
That's your business.
Boo, don't spend your rentmoney because I can't help you,
(17:45):
but your reward could be avacation, a weekend getaway.
Because you work so hard.
You gain clarity.
You learn to take on one atbirth In a different way.
(18:07):
You've built some healthyboundaries.
This looks so pretty.
I wish y'all could see it.
Anyway, you have done beautifulthings for yourself, so you can
(18:28):
reward yourself.
Now, what happens when youdon't do beautiful things for
yourself?
Meaning you have not stood byyour boundaries.
You've let people come in andwalk all over you.
(18:53):
You've let people disrupt yourflow without putting that ass
back in check People justrunning amok all through your
life With no regards for you orwhat you need.
They don't care.
(19:14):
They do not care.
So, with them, not caring withthem, not giving a rest, but
(19:39):
about you and you not puttingthem in your place or in their
place, it's starting to causechaos to arise again.
What's your self discipline forthat?
What do you take from yourself?
You letting other people takefrom you, so now you take from
(20:02):
yourself.
It's not going to feel good.
Just as we take from childrenwhen they do something that's
naughty or not deemedappropriate, we take something
from them.
What do you take from yourself?
(20:22):
See, because as we get olderand we become adults, some of us
who are adult age still are notadults.
That's a different topic foranother day.
However, as we become adults,we don't have that discipline
(20:45):
there anymore.
We don't have mom or dad orgrandma whoever to discipline us
, to tell us that because wedidn't do X, y and Z, we can't
do A, b and C.
We don't have that.
So what are you going to do?
(21:07):
To discipline yourself, toimplement a way for you to
(21:29):
understand what you let happenis not acceptable.
What are you going to do?
What steps will you take so youknow that you can't let that
keep happening.
What are you going to do?
(21:51):
Self discipline, whether it begood or whether it be bad,
punishment, we call itpunishment.
How do you punish yourself?
In addition, it's not justabout reward, it's not just
(22:25):
about the word punish.
If you can reward yourself, youcan punish yourself.
I don't know what that ringingwas, but that was different in
(22:47):
my ear.
If you can reward yourself, youcan punish yourself.
You got to figure out howyou're going to do that, because
someone already disrespectedyou.
You put up the boundary, theystepped over the boundary, you
didn't stand up to it.
So the next time they're comingback again to test that
(23:07):
boundary again, do you giveyourself a break?
In the next time they come back, you handle it, or do you just
say I didn't handle it rightthen and there.
I'm going to just follow up andlet them know hey, you crossed
over a boundary, I gave myselftime to think about it and I
needed to bring it up to you.
If you didn't bring it up rightthen and there.
(23:29):
How are you going to punishyourself when someone just keeps
stepping over the boundary andyou don't stand up for your
boundary?
What do you take away from youBecause you're already taking
self-respect away.
I'm going to tell you thatright now.
(23:50):
What do you take away fromyourself?
What joy do you take away fromyourself?
If I didn't clean my room or ifI don't wash my laundry, I take
stuff away from myself.
I punish me like I would punishmy children.
(24:11):
In that way, it couldn't playthe game.
If I can't do artwork or Ican't watch my new favorite show
, I have to skip it and actuallydo the task I was supposed to
do.
And no, I don't get to watchthat day either.
It sounds silly, but youwouldn't believe how it makes
you become accountable for thethings that you let slide.
(24:35):
It's a part of self-discipline,and a lot of people are not
willing to do that.
I'm grown, I'm grown is whatpeople want me to say.
I'm grown, I'm grown.
Well, yeah, you could be grown,but you're not growing up
(25:00):
things like you're supposed tobe doing.
In fact, you're not even goingto do the things that you said
that you supposed to be doingfor yourself.
Say you're lying to yourself.
Or if you've lied to yourself,you've mistreated yourself, but
(25:22):
you want somebody else to treatyou right.
Not going to happen.
It's just not going to happen.
I'm going to cut my string tooshort.
I'm so upset.
Anyway, it's just not going tohappen.
(25:43):
So you've got to find a way tomake sure you don't fail
yourself.
And it's not easy to stand up topeople.
It's not.
It's not easy to forceboundaries, especially when
(26:06):
you've been either a peoplepleaser all your life or you
just hate confrontation.
So you just that easy going.
But look, I want to believemost people are really nice and
respectful, you know, but inreality we know that's not the
(26:26):
case.
You're going to come acrosssomeone that doesn't care, that
doesn't care about yourboundaries.
They only think of themselves.
It's because they have a lot ofstuff that they need to work
(26:48):
out.
No, that doesn't mean you haveto treat them like crap, but it
doesn't mean that you're goingto give them permission to do
whatever they want to do to you.
So that's just some proof forwhat.
All right, I tell you, it's noteasy Confirming people making a
(27:18):
life or simplifying your lifeor cutting people out of your
life.
It's not easy, but it'snecessary.
It is necessary.
You've got to take charge ofyour life.
(27:41):
You've got to, you've got tobecome number one for you.
There's just no other way toput it.
You have to think of yourselffirst.
You have to all these differentthings you must do, and you
must do consciously, consciously.
(28:03):
You have to build themconsciously so you automatically
begin to do them subconsciouslywhenever a threat arrives Ever
a threat arrives.
There are so many people outthere that manipulate and take
(28:29):
advantage of people every dayand some people just don't see
it and they just don't knowbecause they just don't have
these things that we'vediscussed in part one and part
two of putting in place toprotect themselves from others
who are like that.
People will only take from youas long as you are willing to
(28:58):
keep giving it to them.
It's not easy telling people no, it's not easy putting up
boundaries.
Make it easy and you make iteasy by at least starting Start
(29:19):
somewhere.
Pick something, simplify yourlife.
Say on Mondays, don't call me, Idon't do anything on Mondays,
but sit there by myself doingwhat I want to do, and I can say
that so forcefully and sostrong because that's what I do.
(29:42):
Mondays are for me Mondays.
If I choose to do something forsomeone else, understand that
I'm taking that time away fromme.
I understand it.
I know it's not coming backbecause Monday is the day that
I've given myself.
I used to do that when my sonwas little.
(30:05):
I mean I always had dinnerprepared.
You know, I cooked for the week.
Lunches was done, those arepackaged and I just started
doing that again recently.
He's a grown ass man, but now Ido it again in my daughters.
They're almost teenagers.
(30:26):
In a couple of weeks They'll beteenagers and I'm like, hey,
mondays are for me.
I did it with your brother, I'mdoing it with myself.
Why should I say brothers, andnow I'm doing it for myself with
(30:47):
you.
Okay, take your time back, takeyour life back.
That's the last thing I'm goingto leave with you today.
(31:08):
You know you usually find thetime, but now you need to take
your life back.
Once you find the time, takeyour life back.
You take it back by givingpeople rules that they cannot
break in your life and if theybreak them, they have to
(31:32):
understand the consequences comewith their actions,
consequences of crossingboundaries that have been put in
place.
Come with some seriouspenalties.
(31:56):
That might be me talking to youless.
That might be me telling youoff in your face of what you've
done, and if you're not myfriend afterwards, because you
can't respect that.
That means we're done.
Our time has come to an end.
(32:17):
It's hard, but it happens.
It's hard but it happens, and Ido mean it with love.
Take back your life.
(32:38):
Nothing here is for free.
Nothing is given for free to us.
Everything comes with the price.
So why don't you go out andsave what you're willing to pay,
instead of having people sticktheir hands in your pocket and
(32:59):
take what they want, becausethat's what you're doing.
When you don't set theseboundaries for your
self-preservation.
You can be married.
You still have to haveboundaries as an individual for
(33:21):
the other party to learn torespect whether you are a female
, whether you are a male, but Idon't care what you are.
If you are living and breathing, you have to have boundaries
(33:43):
for your own self-preservation.
My favorite line that I like toshare with my family in my
household is I am your mother,not your me.
You live here too.
(34:05):
Why are you waiting for me toinitiate a household cleanup?
Get up, clean up, do something.
And it took a long time for meto even say something like that
because I felt so tired, so bad.
(34:27):
Like am I wrong?
Like hell.
No.
I woke up one day I said, tohell with this.
Everybody in the living room,look, I am not your maid, I am
your mother.
I am tired.
I work from the time that I getup to the time that I finally
(34:49):
decide I can go to sleep.
I'm like no, I can't.
The hardest job that I ever hadwas being a stay-at-home parent
.
It is not for me.
I don't like it.
(35:10):
I don't want to do it.
It's too much damn work and noappreciation and damn sure no
pay.
I don't want to be a 1-24-7.
I want to.
So I went back into the workworld and became an entrepreneur
(35:34):
so I can at least have somemoney.
People still don't appreciateyou, but whatever, I ain't in
that house with them all damnday, I can't do it.
I can't do it y'all.
But I had to build inboundaries.
Self-preservation,self-preservation.
(35:57):
That was our conversation we'vehad here for the last two
episodes.
I hope you got somethingvaluable out of it.
Sometimes I find that whenthings are given and dropped off
(36:20):
in a simple matter or a simpleform, so much is received so
much more.
I don't use fancy, big, elegantwords, I use the simple shit,
the shit that if you fired youcouldn't understand.
I don't use these elaborateterms, it's not me, it's not
(36:45):
going to happen, and if I can'tspell it, I'm not going to say
it.
Probably wouldn't pronounce itright anyway.
But I love that part becauseit's me, it's me and just as
(37:08):
transparent as I could be aboutthat, it's as transparent as you
need to be about yourboundaries, about what you're
not going to allow people to doto you.
We've allowed people to walkall over us.
We've allowed people to tell usand determine what our lives
really mean.
How much is our life reallyworth, and I'm calling that a
(37:30):
bunch of bullshit.
Today is the day that you say,uh-uh, here's my boundary.
If you cross it, this is what'sgoing to happen.
You better have a good damnreason to why you're crossing
that boundary.
(37:51):
We have it in life.
Girl code, guy code, whateveryou want to call it is a street
code for this.
It's a code for that.
We know how to maneuver in agrocery store because there's
certain rules or certain shityou can't do.
You can't go on the ice creamaisle, just pop one open, start
eating it and put it back.
(38:11):
You know why.
You won't let somebody come uphere and talk to you like they
got two heads and a third tonguecoming out their ear.
What they ask, whicheverthey're going to come in here
all kind of crazy.
We're not going to do that.
We're going to.
We have boundaries and wedeserve respect.
(38:34):
So, as I was starting to go offon another tangent and didn't
talk about ice cream, I havecome to realize I think I'm
hungry.
So I want to say I'm going toend it here and say thank you
all for listening.
I hope you have gottensomething out of this.
I hope that it helps you topush forward and think about
(38:58):
your self preservation inanother way.
I might be doing this.
It might be a part one and parttwo, for you know, two main
episodes a month.
Let me know what you think.
Send me a message over atMizzowInTheLix at gmailcom.
Give me some feedback.
Hey, write a review.
(39:21):
Let me know Love it or hate it.
A review is a review, guys, Iwould like to know where I stand
with you.
I'm opening up a boundary.
I would like to know where Istand with you.
So, with that being said, don'tforget to follow me over on
(39:41):
MizzOriginator MizzMZ underscoreoriginator over on Instagram.
Yes, and if you want to seewhat the heck I'm doing as far
as art is concerned, you canfollow me at artbydornsherry, if
you can remember it.
That's cool, that's great, andgo check it out there and
(40:04):
subscribe to the podcast.
I appreciate each and every oneof you and, with that being
said, I am going.
I love you and I'll talk to youlater.
Bye.
Hey guys, and welcome back to MizzO in the mix.
We're on part two ofself-preservation and yeah, this
is interesting, it goes deep.
I don't usually do part one andtwo, but hey, we trying
something new.
I am still sewing canvas, baby,and we're gonna get jump into
(00:26):
this self-preservation topic.
I'm gonna just want to recap,like we talked a little bit
about you know whatself-preservation is and gave
the definition toself-preservation in part one.
And these are the three thingswe talked about.
(00:47):
You know, setting boundaries,choosing yourself first,
simplifying your life.
Those were the three things,that three tips that you know
you walked away with.
That I was able to give to youthe last time, and now we just
(01:08):
gonna dive just a little deeperinto some self-preservation
things that you can do on adaily basis.
You know, I kind of went to aramp for on the last one, as I
pretty much normally do, butthat's neither here nor there,
(01:30):
remember you get tough luck here.
All right, let's just do somehomework real quick, get your
pen and pad ready.
You will have homework to do.
There's always notes to take,because note takers are money
makers and you can improve yourlife at any point, in any stage.
You never know what I might say.
If this is your first timetuning in, I welcome you with
(01:54):
open arms to a not-so-judgmentalsong.
Just a little tough love.
If you're driving, keep bothhands on the wheels and eyes on
the road, even while laughing.
If there are small childrenaround, wear earbuds, because I
cuss.
If you're saying to yourselfwell, why would you cuss?
(02:18):
Why don't you just not cuss?
Because it's authentically me.
Damn it, that's what I do.
You don't like it.
I'm not sorry, but you don'thave to listen to me.
You just go miss these facts,these little tidbits of
information.
That's gonna make your lifebetter and no, I'm not trying to
work on it.
My higher self likes it.
(02:39):
I'm keeping it okay and listen.
Don't forget to listen to thisepisode again.
You may have missed somethingbecause you keep laughing.
That's on you, but pleaselisten to it again and if you're
returning, welcome back.
You know I miss you guys and Ireally do.
(03:00):
Thank you for all the supportthat you do provide here for
Mizzow and the mix in and out onall my other platforms.
Okay, this is the year modulebusiness and posture plants.
Yeah, so let's get into it,people.
I am still sewing, like I said,so I'm gonna keep sewing.
(03:23):
I'm gonna keep sewing my candy,alright.
So, like I said, we end it withsimplify your life the last time
and this time around.
If I don't triple, but it'sdead going, she is good, okay,
(03:45):
this time around we want to juststill take a look at the
self-preservation and how, what,what things can we implement
into our lives, just like youknow, setting boundaries,
simplifying your life, choosingyourself first.
What other things are we ableto do to create a lot, a longer
(04:17):
lasting life, a longer,healthier, lasting lifestyle?
What can we do?
And what I think and I try todo is make a little bit more
time for me.
(04:40):
Making time for yourself is notoverrated and it should not be
found upon, and when I'm talkingabout making this time for
yourself, I'm talking aboutdoing it every day,
inconsistently.
Whether you take yourself outon a nice evening stroll, making
(05:02):
walking a part of yourself-care routine, that's
something that you need to dofor you, and you don't have to
do it with 15 other people.
Maybe part of yourself here isactually spending time with
(05:26):
other people.
I don't know you, I don't knowyour life, but even if you came
into this world with a twin, myfriend, my friend.
You need to find some you timebecause I have twins at home.
(05:50):
I don't know how to spend allthat time the guys.
That drives me insane, but youneed to.
You need to find time for you.
You need to find time to spendby yourself because you need to
learn who you are, your likesand your dislikes, your wants
(06:14):
and your needs.
Fine time, find your time.
Okay.
You need to start to implementthings where you have time to
self-reflect and you have timeto just if you do nothing.
(06:36):
Doing nothing is doing something.
I'm gonna say it again doingnothing is actually doing
something.
When you're sitting there, youthink that I'm wasting time just
sitting around and not doinganything.
You are doing a lot.
(06:57):
You are gathering informationon yourself.
You might not know it at thetime, you may not even
understand what's reallyhappening at the time, but you
are working hard on yourself.
(07:19):
You are building strategies tohelp you cope with the rest of
your day with people.
You are reseting your brain.
I know you probably think I'mbeing coo-cooing crazy, but
(07:41):
really not.
You are be setting your brain.
You are allowing yourself time,space and and it is a moment of
(08:15):
clarity that you're developingI Love talking while I'm doing
something else.
I mean, I'm just sewing, butit's so.
It feels so good and Also helpsme to calm down.
For those of you listening, Ithink I talk too fast, which I
(08:35):
do, so Listen, a sense ofclarity.
Let's go back to that.
That's important.
We all strive for clarity andwhen we don't get clarity, you
ever notice how life seems sochaotic.
(08:57):
Clarity and chaos, man, they gohand in hand.
They like double-decks and maleor miracle, with whatever that
creamy stuff is that you'regonna put on.
Um, it's Clarity and chaos.
(09:18):
No clarity, you get chaos.
There's no clarity, chaos isgoing to occupy the space.
So you need to get clear aboutlife, get clear about your words
, get clear about your needs,because the moment that you just
(09:42):
let chaos run them up isrunning the muck over here.
It's running the muck overthere.
I watch it run a muck a lotaround me.
It like they're running circles.
They like to bring a frame oftwo, cause some chaos and with
another, relationship andfriendship, more people and work
at home.
No clarity causes chaos.
(10:05):
And guess what chaos?
Chaos don't like to be alone.
Mm-hmm.
Chaos say hey, drama, come here,drama, you want some of this.
Let's call Some drama.
You don't believe me.
Watch, look where the chaos isin your life and you'll
(10:30):
understand Damn, I don't haveclarity there.
I don't have clarity there.
That's part ofself-preservation.
No, something's got to fill thevoid.
Something has got to fill thevoid so you can choose To not
(10:54):
have clarity, to not find thattime for yourself, to not sit
there.
You think you're wasting timebecause you ain't doing nothing,
thinking it's sick.
Thank you sitting in your fivepeople to say why are you still
sitting in?
You always just sitting there.
That's because You're gainingclarity.
(11:15):
So your ass don't have likechaos, you might want to tell me
.
So your ass don't have likechaos.
You might want to tell them tolisten up and do it too.
I will say the moment that Istarted to slow down and look at
(11:37):
life and become clear on who Iam, what I want and where I plan
on going.
Chaos has to take a back seatand go somewhere else.
Now, don't get me too.
(11:59):
Don't get it twisted.
Chaos be showing up.
Chaos shows up for me.
Chaos shows up for me in allthe areas of my life where I'm
not sure of and I don't haveclarity about, chaos presents
(12:20):
itself.
Now I'm showing in theaternumber.
It's like I kid you not.
It's a loud ass announcement.
And if I had a ticket tapeacross my forehead it would say
(12:42):
now introducing chaos wherethere's no clarity.
That movie is always playingand is always starring, whoever
it is, whoever's life it is.
So you, the star, understand,you are the star baby.
Now you ain't getting no moremoney, but you are the star of
(13:06):
that show.
You are the A-list actress oractor of that show, because it's
up to you whether you gainclarity or choose oh my God,
(13:32):
that oil painting is so strong,I'm sorry or choose to have
chaos run amok.
It is.
It's not easy to get rid of thechaos and I'm always trying to
creep back in, but then you know, oh my gosh, something isn't
(13:56):
clear, something ismisunderstood, something needs
to be fixed, like yesterday,because chaos is running amok.
Chaos, good old chaos.
(14:23):
Please don't name your kidchaos.
If you're young and you listento me and you don't have no kids
, don't you name that childchaos.
I'm just saying Please, pleasedon't.
It came tomorrow.
I told you I'm an intuitiveperson.
Somebody over here is thinkingabout it.
If no, it's not a good idea.
(14:45):
If your friends didn't tell you.
They don't think.
You better think about wholoved you, because that is not a
good idea.
Don't do that to them, baby.
Alright.
So now we covered that.
You understand you want to be astar in your life, but you
don't want.
You don't want to have chaos itstart.
(15:11):
You know the show is all aboutchaos.
You want the show to be aboutclarity and you are the star of
the clarity show.
Okay, so I need you to reallyfocus on that.
Now.
That's all about finding thetime for yourself.
We're going to move into thesecond one.
(15:32):
Alright, I have one of theweird long pauses I had for
cough.
It wasn't a long pause for you,but it was for me, anywho.
So the next tip I wish topresent to you For self
(15:54):
preservation, you needdiscipline, self discipline,
like I'm, like I need todiscipline myself.
Yep, you need to learn to punishyourself.
You need to learn to rewardyourself.
You need self discipline.
(16:16):
We're always looking to do somuch for others and doing so
much for others.
We tend to neglect ourselves attimes or we'll do shit for
(16:37):
nobody and all we do is forourselves.
Now, don't get a twist.
It is people like that you need, y'all, as needs some self
discipline too, because yourchaos will come in a different
way.
But I'm not going to get onthose folks right now.
Okay, we're going to stick withthe people who actually give to
others.
(16:57):
And hear me out Self discipline.
If you cannot do for yourself,but you always want to do for
somebody else, you need to learnhow to reward yourself.
You need to learn to dosomething for you, and I don't
(17:22):
care if people don't understandit.
That's not your business.
Who cares?
If people don't need to knowhow you reward yourself, your
reward might be going to thecasino.
That's your business.
Boo, don't spend your rentmoney because I can't help you,
(17:45):
but your reward could be avacation, a weekend getaway.
Because you work so hard.
You gain clarity.
You learn to take on one atbirth In a different way.
(18:07):
You've built some healthyboundaries.
This looks so pretty.
I wish y'all could see it.
Anyway, you have done beautifulthings for yourself, so you can
(18:28):
reward yourself.
Now, what happens when youdon't do beautiful things for
yourself?
Meaning you have not stood byyour boundaries.
You've let people come in andwalk all over you.
(18:53):
You've let people disrupt yourflow without putting that ass
back in check People justrunning amok all through your
life With no regards for you orwhat you need.
They don't care.
(19:14):
They do not care.
So, with them, not caring withthem, not giving a rest, but
(19:39):
about you and you not puttingthem in your place or in their
place, it's starting to causechaos to arise again.
What's your self discipline forthat?
What do you take from yourself?
You letting other people takefrom you, so now you take from
(20:02):
yourself.
It's not going to feel good.
Just as we take from childrenwhen they do something that's
naughty or not deemedappropriate, we take something
from them.
What do you take from yourself?
(20:22):
See, because as we get olderand we become adults, some of us
who are adult age still are notadults.
That's a different topic foranother day.
However, as we become adults,we don't have that discipline
(20:45):
there anymore.
We don't have mom or dad orgrandma whoever to discipline us
, to tell us that because wedidn't do X, y and Z, we can't
do A, b and C.
We don't have that.
So what are you going to do?
(21:07):
To discipline yourself, toimplement a way for you to
(21:29):
understand what you let happenis not acceptable.
What are you going to do?
What steps will you take so youknow that you can't let that
keep happening.
What are you going to do?
(21:51):
Self discipline, whether it begood or whether it be bad,
punishment, we call itpunishment.
How do you punish yourself?
In addition, it's not justabout reward, it's not just
(22:25):
about the word punish.
If you can reward yourself, youcan punish yourself.
I don't know what that ringingwas, but that was different in
(22:47):
my ear.
If you can reward yourself, youcan punish yourself.
You got to figure out howyou're going to do that, because
someone already disrespectedyou.
You put up the boundary, theystepped over the boundary, you
didn't stand up to it.
So the next time they're comingback again to test that
(23:07):
boundary again, do you giveyourself a break?
In the next time they come back, you handle it, or do you just
say I didn't handle it rightthen and there.
I'm going to just follow up andlet them know hey, you crossed
over a boundary, I gave myselftime to think about it and I
needed to bring it up to you.
If you didn't bring it up rightthen and there.
(23:29):
How are you going to punishyourself when someone just keeps
stepping over the boundary andyou don't stand up for your
boundary?
What do you take away from youBecause you're already taking
self-respect away.
I'm going to tell you thatright now.
(23:50):
What do you take away fromyourself?
What joy do you take away fromyourself?
If I didn't clean my room or ifI don't wash my laundry, I take
stuff away from myself.
I punish me like I would punishmy children.
(24:11):
In that way, it couldn't playthe game.
If I can't do artwork or Ican't watch my new favorite show
, I have to skip it and actuallydo the task I was supposed to
do.
And no, I don't get to watchthat day either.
It sounds silly, but youwouldn't believe how it makes
you become accountable for thethings that you let slide.
(24:35):
It's a part of self-discipline,and a lot of people are not
willing to do that.
I'm grown, I'm grown is whatpeople want me to say.
I'm grown, I'm grown.
Well, yeah, you could be grown,but you're not growing up
(25:00):
things like you're supposed tobe doing.
In fact, you're not even goingto do the things that you said
that you supposed to be doingfor yourself.
Say you're lying to yourself.
Or if you've lied to yourself,you've mistreated yourself, but
(25:22):
you want somebody else to treatyou right.
Not going to happen.
It's just not going to happen.
I'm going to cut my string tooshort.
I'm so upset.
Anyway, it's just not going tohappen.
(25:43):
So you've got to find a way tomake sure you don't fail
yourself.
And it's not easy to stand up topeople.
It's not.
It's not easy to forceboundaries, especially when
(26:06):
you've been either a peoplepleaser all your life or you
just hate confrontation.
So you just that easy going.
But look, I want to believemost people are really nice and
respectful, you know, but inreality we know that's not the
(26:26):
case.
You're going to come acrosssomeone that doesn't care, that
doesn't care about yourboundaries.
They only think of themselves.
It's because they have a lot ofstuff that they need to work
(26:48):
out.
No, that doesn't mean you haveto treat them like crap, but it
doesn't mean that you're goingto give them permission to do
whatever they want to do to you.
So that's just some proof forwhat.
All right, I tell you, it's noteasy Confirming people making a
(27:18):
life or simplifying your lifeor cutting people out of your
life.
It's not easy, but it'snecessary.
It is necessary.
You've got to take charge ofyour life.
(27:41):
You've got to, you've got tobecome number one for you.
There's just no other way toput it.
You have to think of yourselffirst.
You have to all these differentthings you must do, and you
must do consciously, consciously.
(28:03):
You have to build themconsciously so you automatically
begin to do them subconsciouslywhenever a threat arrives Ever
a threat arrives.
There are so many people outthere that manipulate and take
(28:29):
advantage of people every dayand some people just don't see
it and they just don't knowbecause they just don't have
these things that we'vediscussed in part one and part
two of putting in place toprotect themselves from others
who are like that.
People will only take from youas long as you are willing to
(28:58):
keep giving it to them.
It's not easy telling people no, it's not easy putting up
boundaries.
Make it easy and you make iteasy by at least starting Start
(29:19):
somewhere.
Pick something, simplify yourlife.
Say on Mondays, don't call me, Idon't do anything on Mondays,
but sit there by myself doingwhat I want to do, and I can say
that so forcefully and sostrong because that's what I do.
(29:42):
Mondays are for me Mondays.
If I choose to do something forsomeone else, understand that
I'm taking that time away fromme.
I understand it.
I know it's not coming backbecause Monday is the day that
I've given myself.
I used to do that when my sonwas little.
(30:05):
I mean I always had dinnerprepared.
You know, I cooked for the week.
Lunches was done, those arepackaged and I just started
doing that again recently.
He's a grown ass man, but now Ido it again in my daughters.
They're almost teenagers.
(30:26):
In a couple of weeks They'll beteenagers and I'm like, hey,
mondays are for me.
I did it with your brother, I'mdoing it with myself.
Why should I say brothers, andnow I'm doing it for myself with
(30:47):
you.
Okay, take your time back, takeyour life back.
That's the last thing I'm goingto leave with you today.
(31:08):
You know you usually find thetime, but now you need to take
your life back.
Once you find the time, takeyour life back.
You take it back by givingpeople rules that they cannot
break in your life and if theybreak them, they have to
(31:32):
understand the consequences comewith their actions,
consequences of crossingboundaries that have been put in
place.
Come with some seriouspenalties.
(31:56):
That might be me talking to youless.
That might be me telling youoff in your face of what you've
done, and if you're not myfriend afterwards, because you
can't respect that.
That means we're done.
Our time has come to an end.
(32:17):
It's hard, but it happens.
It's hard but it happens, and Ido mean it with love.
Take back your life.
(32:38):
Nothing here is for free.
Nothing is given for free to us.
Everything comes with the price.
So why don't you go out andsave what you're willing to pay,
instead of having people sticktheir hands in your pocket and
(32:59):
take what they want, becausethat's what you're doing.
When you don't set theseboundaries for your
self-preservation.
You can be married.
You still have to haveboundaries as an individual for
(33:21):
the other party to learn torespect whether you are a female
, whether you are a male, but Idon't care what you are.
If you are living and breathing, you have to have boundaries
(33:43):
for your own self-preservation.
My favorite line that I like toshare with my family in my
household is I am your mother,not your me.
You live here too.
(34:05):
Why are you waiting for me toinitiate a household cleanup?
Get up, clean up, do something.
And it took a long time for meto even say something like that
because I felt so tired, so bad.
(34:27):
Like am I wrong?
Like hell.
No.
I woke up one day I said, tohell with this.
Everybody in the living room,look, I am not your maid, I am
your mother.
I am tired.
I work from the time that I getup to the time that I finally
(34:49):
decide I can go to sleep.
I'm like no, I can't.
The hardest job that I ever hadwas being a stay-at-home parent
.
It is not for me.
I don't like it.
(35:10):
I don't want to do it.
It's too much damn work and noappreciation and damn sure no
pay.
I don't want to be a 1-24-7.
I want to.
So I went back into the workworld and became an entrepreneur
(35:34):
so I can at least have somemoney.
People still don't appreciateyou, but whatever, I ain't in
that house with them all damnday, I can't do it.
I can't do it y'all.
But I had to build inboundaries.
Self-preservation,self-preservation.
(35:57):
That was our conversation we'vehad here for the last two
episodes.
I hope you got somethingvaluable out of it.
Sometimes I find that whenthings are given and dropped off
(36:20):
in a simple matter or a simpleform, so much is received so
much more.
I don't use fancy, big, elegantwords, I use the simple shit,
the shit that if you fired youcouldn't understand.
I don't use these elaborateterms, it's not me, it's not
(36:45):
going to happen, and if I can'tspell it, I'm not going to say
it.
Probably wouldn't pronounce itright anyway.
But I love that part becauseit's me, it's me and just as
(37:08):
transparent as I could be aboutthat, it's as transparent as you
need to be about yourboundaries, about what you're
not going to allow people to doto you.
We've allowed people to walkall over us.
We've allowed people to tell usand determine what our lives
really mean.
How much is our life reallyworth, and I'm calling that a
(37:30):
bunch of bullshit.
Today is the day that you say,uh-uh, here's my boundary.
If you cross it, this is what'sgoing to happen.
You better have a good damnreason to why you're crossing
that boundary.
(37:51):
We have it in life.
Girl code, guy code, whateveryou want to call it is a street
code for this.
It's a code for that.
We know how to maneuver in agrocery store because there's
certain rules or certain shityou can't do.
You can't go on the ice creamaisle, just pop one open, start
eating it and put it back.
(38:11):
You know why.
You won't let somebody come uphere and talk to you like they
got two heads and a third tonguecoming out their ear.
What they ask, whicheverthey're going to come in here
all kind of crazy.
We're not going to do that.
We're going to.
We have boundaries and wedeserve respect.
(38:34):
So, as I was starting to go offon another tangent and didn't
talk about ice cream, I havecome to realize I think I'm
hungry.
So I want to say I'm going toend it here and say thank you
all for listening.
I hope you have gottensomething out of this.
I hope that it helps you topush forward and think about
(38:58):
your self preservation inanother way.
I might be doing this.
It might be a part one and parttwo, for you know, two main
episodes a month.
Let me know what you think.
Send me a message over atMizzowInTheLix at gmailcom.
Give me some feedback.
Hey, write a review.
(39:21):
Let me know Love it or hate it.
A review is a review, guys, Iwould like to know where I stand
with you.
I'm opening up a boundary.
I would like to know where Istand with you.
So, with that being said, don'tforget to follow me over on
(39:41):
MizzOriginator MizzMZ underscoreoriginator over on Instagram.
Yes, and if you want to seewhat the heck I'm doing as far
as art is concerned, you canfollow me at artbydornsherry, if
you can remember it.
That's cool, that's great, andgo check it out there and
(40:04):
subscribe to the podcast.
I appreciate each and every oneof you and, with that being
said, I am going.
I love you and I'll talk to youlater.
Bye.
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