December 22, 2024 • 33 mins
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Anthony J. Mohr shares his journey growing up between two very different fathers, exploring the emotional complexities of blended family dynamics. The conversation reveals insights into love, resilience, and the impact of diverse parenting styles. Thank you to PR by the Book, Emily Williams - Assistant Publicist, for the introductions to this heart warming memoir and Tony. ❤️
- Examining the emotional toll of having two fathers
- The pivotal role of his mother in navigating family dynamics
- Reflecting on childhood experiences
- Insights on resilience from a dual family upbringing, along with step siblings
- The connection between personal life experiences and professional judgments that guided Tony to become a Superior Court of California judge, in the County of Los Angeles
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- www.anthonyjmohr.com
- You will find Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Indie Bound links 🔗on Anthony's website
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Julie Rogers (00:06):
No one ever said life is easy, but I believe by
giving yourself permission, youwill find you have more control
over your life than you realize.
I'm Julie.
I hope you will join me bytaking responsibility for
yourself, by only controllingthe things you can and letting
go of the things that you can't.
By doing this, you will havediscovered the secret to having
(00:31):
happy, healthy and morefulfilling relationships.
Welcome back to Nearest andDearest Podcast.
I'm Julie Rogers and you arelistening to Season 4, episode 1
, Every Other Weekend - Comingof Age with Two Different Dads,
(00:55):
a memoir by Anthony J Mohr.
I'm excited to be working onbringing more guests on my
podcast this season.
So I met PR by the book.
It's an agency that works withauthors and publishers.
I so appreciate Emily makingthis introduction and I'm
(01:17):
looking forward to Tony havingour conversation.
Welcome.
Tony Mohr (01:22):
Well, thanks.
Thanks so much, Julie, andthank you for having me on the
show.
It's good to be here.
Julie Rogers (01:28):
Well, we're honored to have you on Nearest
and Dearest podcast.
I want to start with a quote,Tony, that really resonated with
me.
You said "no one forced me tochoose between Gerald and Stan,
nor did anyone suggest I do so.
While there were times I leanedtoward one over the other, for
the most part I tried to balancethe two.
" End quote.
(01:48):
I can see the maturity levelyou had while growing up between
these two very differentfamilies, and when I read this,
(02:09):
I could easily see just howmuch respect first, then more
love, as you were adapting tohow to relate to two very strong
personalities that both menheld.
Was this a conscious choice foryou?
Tony Mohr (02:26):
I'm not sure it was.
I think it was more an attemptto survive and, you know, and
tolerate the two differentfamilies, which is not the
natural order of things.
Yeah, I love my father, always,did, always will.
I grew to love Stan, you know.
I was very happy that he cameinto the family, but there were
(02:46):
times when I just didn't agreewith what he was doing, with his
style, with his childbearingphilosophy.
So I can't really say Iimmediately respected him, but I
knew he was making my motherhappy and that made me happy.
But I think this was just as Isaid, an attempt to survive and
not be mature.
In fact I was probably veryimmature during my high school
(03:08):
years.
Julie Rogers (03:09):
Sounds like you found the love of your life when
you met Beverly and you've beenmarried over 10 years now,
right, that she reminds you ofthe spirit of your beautiful mom
, Rita.
You dedicated your memoir toyour wife.
I have to ask.
The dedication reads to Beverlyand all the DGs.
(03:30):
What does DG stand for?
Tony Mohr (03:33):
Okay, well, Stan's last name is Dashew.
Think of a cashew nut with theletter D.
Julie Rogers (03:39):
Okay.
Tony Mohr (03:40):
And DG stands for Dashew Generations.
DG1 was Stan and my mom, DG2was myself and my two
step-siblings from Stan's side,Skip and Leslie.
DG3 is their kids, and so on.
So I'm dedicating it to theDashew Generations.
Julie Rogers (03:58):
Oh, that is so sweet.
I love that because all of themare important to you in your
life.
You share with the reader howmuch you never forgot listening
to your father's voice at night,before you fell asleep on the
radio during your younger years,before the divorce, when your
mother would tuck you in.
(04:18):
But was that a specialconnection you felt with your
father?
Tony Mohr (04:24):
A special connection I wanted to feel with him.
He wasn't around very much whenI was a child and a toddler
we're talking now we're goingback to age two, three, four,
those areas.
My father didn't do childrenvery well and he admitted that
later on.
For me, when I was fallingasleep hearing him on the radio,
(04:45):
it was like okay, this is myconnection to my father who
wasn't around that much.
So, yes, it was a specialconnection, but a sought-after
connection to try to fill in forsome missing connections that
really didn't come into focusuntil I was what?
Six, seven, eight, nine.
There was a radio in the roomand she turned it on.
(05:07):
It was up on a top shelf, outof my reach.
I could hear my father.
Julie Rogers (05:11):
So it sounds like she wanted you to have some
connection, because she knew,obviously, that you were longing
for that because he wasn'taround and it was a way for her
to give you him.
I thought that was very lovely.
It's almost like reading abedtime story from your mother
and then hearing your dad'svoice on the radio.
Tony Mohr (05:33):
Yeah, she was smart in that regard.
Julie Rogers (05:35):
It sounds like it.
She was a good mom.
Your father played thecharacter Philip Marlowe while
he was peaking with radio.
He played almost always the badguy, even in movies and
television.
You wrote about how Hollywoodfantasy versus reality didn't
(05:56):
always collide, but they blended.
Do you think Jerry's rolesinfluenced his own identity?
Tony Mohr (06:07):
They may have, I never saw him trying to mimic
the bad guy in real life.
He wasn't one who got allwrapped up in the roles he
played, like some actors, likeBuster Keaton, for example, got
wrapped up in the roles heplayed.
There were times he would driveup and down the street in
Beverly Hills in his car Iforget what it was, it was some
(06:29):
sort of fancy, unique kind ofyou know car and he would kind
of mimic the parts he played.
He couldn't get out of theroles and I'm sure there were
other actors and actresses liketo do that.
He didn't walk around saying,oh I'm the bad guy, you know, I
just shot five people, or youknow, in this case I was the one
who you know seduced 25 women,although he seduced a share, I
(06:52):
must tell you.
Julie Rogers (06:53):
So some of that probably, maybe he was just had
that suaveiness about him,because when you write about him
you say he was very cool andput together.
Tony Mohr (07:02):
That was who he was.
That was who he was.
I mean, you know, thecigarettes came into his life
because he had a role where hehad to smoke and so he learned
to do it, but the suave, youknow, and the smoothness was
just part of his persona.
It may have worked its way intothe roles, but it's more
working the way into the rolesthan the roles working their way
into him.
(07:29):
He was that kind of a guy.
Yeah, I mean he was very, verysuave.
He was catnip to women, I musttell you.
Julie Rogers (07:32):
So he, you know, and I think you're kind of you
have that in you, then, right,you might learn a little bit
more about that in a characterthat you're playing.
Tony Mohr (07:40):
Julie, Julie I couldn't get a date in high
school, to save my life.
I was not catnip to wo men atall.
I might've been a bitter apple,the opposite.
I wasn't the one running aroundfighting off girlfriends.
Julie Rogers (07:54):
Right, right.
Well, we all have to come intoour own.
I didn't blossom in high schoolwith dating either.
I think I had one boyfriend whowas actually younger than me
from a different school, so ittook me later to blossom.
So I can understand that.
This was interesting too.
When I read this.
You shared that your fatherwanted you to be his pal.
(08:14):
He wanted you to call him.
You know that he was going tosay you're my pal when you were
around nine when the divorcehappened.
Do you think it was his way ofacknowledging that he already
had accepted that because of thedivorce that he initiated, but
that his father figure was goingto be changed forever?
Tony Mohr (08:35):
I'm sure.
I'm sure about that.
He never used that phrase untilafter he had left the house and
it was sometime one Saturday.
We were together and he saidyou know, I'm going to be your
pal.
And it went from there and hesaid it often.
You know, you get on the phone,hi, pal, how are you doing?
And we did pal around a lot,which I enjoyed.
(08:55):
I enjoyed that a lot.
He was much less you know,quote a father than a pal at
that point.
Stan became more of the fatheryou know, up that he sometimes
lectured me, he sometimes saidyou're really doing something
wrong, and this is why I canremember some of those lectures,
some of those discussions, butby and large, yeah, he was the
(09:18):
pal.
Julie Rogers (09:20):
H\e, that must have been interesting for you to
have such diverse fathers inyour life and there for you at
different periods of your life,while growing up figuring out
who you were.
In one respect, you had twodads that really cared about you
, and they just had differentways of showing that and
different perspectives of whothey were to pass on to you.
Tony Mohr (09:42):
Very, very true.
They did care.
I know that there's no questionon my mind about that.
Stan treated me like he treatedhis own kids and I admire him
and I'm grateful for that.
He wasn't the step-parent whoignored the step-child.
He was anything but, and myfather actually treated his two
(10:03):
step-children very well too, atleast from what I saw.
I think he, if not exactly ashis own, very close to his own.
Julie Rogers (10:13):
Well, that's wonderful to hear.
Tony Mohr (10:15):
Yeah, I mean there are a couple of times I got a
little jealous, I'll admit, butthat had to do with Hollywood
and the roles, in the fantasy,for example, he was in the
Hollywood Christmas Parade andone day he told me about it and
he mentioned that Tommy andTimmy had ridden in the parade
with him.
And I was upset because henever asked me to do that and I
(10:36):
said so.
I said wait, I want to ride inyour ride.
Following year, he asked me.
Julie Rogers (10:42):
That's wonderful.
Tony Mohr (10:43):
The year after that he asked me, he understood what
was going on there.
Julie Rogers (10:47):
And that's great that you could always.
You know, maybe not always, butin that moment, because it
bothered you so much, you wereable to tell your dad, hey, I,
you know, I want to be part ofthat.
And then he did that.
He didn't just say, oh, it'snot a big deal, or downplayed it
for you.
He said, he made it happen sothat's a good dad.
(11:08):
You're right.
You're right, he did make ithappen and I was very happy
about that.
The crossroads in your parents' marriage seemed to
happen when your family,including your paternal
grandmother who lived with youback then, went to Sweden for a
year.
It was 1954.
You were seven years old.
It was an opportunity for yourdad to be the lead.
(11:28):
When you met Mai, who's yourstepmother, she was a Swedish
woman who lived there and youfelt that something was not
quite right about her intentions.
As a teenager then, after allof that, you never really warmed
up to her in that initialmeetings, especially when they
got married.
(11:48):
But did you?
Did it get easier for you?
Did you ever have arelationship with her that you
felt was genuine and loving?
I guess is my question.
Tony Mohr (12:00):
I had a relationship with her.
I wouldn't call it loving atall.
I'm not even sure the wordgenuine fits.
It was just she was who she was.
Occupying the role of myfather's second wife.
I'm occupying the role of hisone and only son, biological son
(12:28):
.
She tried to deal with that inher own way, which was okay
sometimes and not okay a lot oftimes, and but I wouldn't call
it a loving relationship at all.
I mean, I really was very happywhen we left Sweden that I
wouldn't see her again.
And when I did see her again,when she showed up in LA, having
shot another pilot with myfather, I was rather upset,
rather upset when I saw her comeoff the plane with him and he's
(12:49):
cradling the roll of film inthe can and he kept saying hey,
Mai, it's our baby.
I think I have that in the bookand I'm sitting there going,
what the heck is going on here?
I was too young to understandthat they had an affair, which
they obviously had.
But, it just didn't sit rightand Mai did her best to
(13:10):
ingratiate herself.
She found a children's bookcalled Peter is the Babysitter,
In Swedish Peter er barnvaktit's the title of the book.
She translated it.
She absolutely took every lineof the book and penciled in the
English above every single line.
I still have the book.
Julie Rogers (13:32):
Yeah, I remember reading that, yeah.
Tony Mohr (13:35):
Yeah, and my mother was very appreciative.
She said oh look, Maitranslated the whole book for
you and I wasn't thatappreciative.
I'm like why is she doing this?
Going through all this troubleto translate a 45-page
children's book.
Julie Rogers (13:49):
But as a child, like you, just recognized that
just something was off aboutthat.
Yeah.
Tony Mohr (13:55):
Yeah, it was off.
Exactly Julie, it was off.
Julie Rogers (14:00):
Let's go back to January 1958.
You and your mother moved toNew York City, where your mother
was from, and actually yourfather as well was from New York
City.
Yeah, we moved in February,early February.
Okay, early F ebruary.
She was struggling financiallyshe would be, she wanted to be
(14:21):
back.
It sounds to me that she wantedto be back near her mother and
two siblings.
And I can relate to thatbecause when I was financially
struggling after my divorce withmy husband, we went from
Connecticut to New York to benear my family.
So that really I really relatedto that about your mother
making that decision.
But for you as a young person,that had to be so hard.
(14:45):
Sunny, warm California withbeaches and palm trees, to a
crowded, dirty city, crowdedwith so much people, traffic,
that it must have been achallenge for you.
Tony Mohr (14:59):
It wasn't easy.
I wrote about it in the book.
I have a whole chapter devotedto it.
Yeah, it just.
You know it was difficult toget used to.
I did get along well with thekids in the class and I liked
them a lot and I missed themwhen we came back to California.
And in fact the good news isone of the people in the class,
a girl named Kathy Fields, cameout to California as well and
(15:22):
ended up in Beverly Hills HighSchool along with me and we're
still friends.
That's wonderful, it's nice, butthe other kids were there and
didn't come back and I've alwayswondered what happened to them.
Kathy, I think, is in touchwith one or two of them.
One thing I really liked wasPS6 is at 81st and Madison.
One block up is theMetropolitan Museum of Art, and
(15:47):
at no time we could walk up thestreet and go to the Met.
Admission was free back thenand you just walk in, wander
around the Met for an hour andcome back to class.
I thought that was fabulous.
Julie Rogers (15:55):
I mean how wonderful and your mother showed
you about art and theimportance of fine arts.
I feel like she helpedinfluence you on that.
It sounds like.
Tony Mohr (16:05):
She took me to the museums, the Met and the Frick
and others.
By the way, have you read thebook The Goldfinch by Donna
Tartt?
Julie Rogers (16:15):
You know I have not, but it is on my list to
read though.
Tony Mohr (16:19):
When you read it early in the book, I think even
the first chapter you've got akid who's fatherless and his
mother is taking him to theFrick Museum I think it is, to
introduce him to the world ofart and she's doing what my
mother did and it was very, veryevocative as I read it.
Except in the Goldf inch, abomb goes off and the mother is
(16:41):
killed.
Julie Rogers (16:42):
Yeah.
Tony Mohr (16:43):
Right, but the Theo character did remind me of
myself.
Julie Rogers (16:47):
Well, I look forward to reading that.
I'll have to let you know mythoughts after I do.
So can you share how yourmother's love, and her character
in and of itself, led you toembrace the qualities of
fairness and excellence that hasshaped your future?
Tony Mohr (17:07):
Well, she was very fair and she was very loving and
I hope that rubbed off and shehad very good advice.
I remember one of the thingsshe would always say is if
you're going to do something, doit right.
That was sort of a mantra manytimes with her.
She knew me and she would.
If I was upset, she would kindof speak to my better qualities,
(17:29):
or at least what she perceivedto be my better qualities, and
she really ran interferencebetween Stan and me.
You know Stan believed kidsshould work.
He once said and I'm quotinghim now children shouldn't have
so much fun, and I remember thatstuck with me and it really
worried me.
You know I A didn't agree withit at all and B I was concerned
(17:50):
that somehow he would just barme from enjoying myself.
You know it would make me workevery minute of the day that I
wasn't in school.
Julie Rogers (17:58):
I see.
Tony Mohr (17:59):
And my mother kind of went to bat for me and said hey
, this kid's involved withschool activities.
You know, don't bar him fromthe school activities in order
to go work at your plant.
You know he had a factory atthe time making business
machines.
I said, let him have his fun inschool.
He's doing things that areconstructive.
He's on the debate team writingfor the newspaper.
(18:19):
That's what he should be doing.
You know, I'm sure my motherdid that.
And because Stan would back off, I would hear him say well, you
know, we're going to have tohave you do a lot more work, and
then that wouldn't happen.
But the concern and the worrywas always there.
But at the same time I figuredit was my mother who was kind of
, you know, blocking a lot ofwhat Stan wanted.
Julie Rogers (18:42):
She was your buffer and she was your referee
and I think moms play that rolea lot, whether you know divorced
children or you know theirchildren in general with a
father, because a lot of timesyou know you have a little bit
of a different know dad's likeokay, you got to buckle down,
you got to get good grades, yougot to work, but you have to
(19:02):
have fun.
You're still a kid and as ateenager, if you're involved in
school activities or things thatinterest you, it's important
you have to balance that.
Sounds like your mom was reallygood about that.
She was, and she was great withStan's kids as well.
Much better for them than theirown mother.
Their own mother was analcoholic and really a problem
(19:22):
woman with lots of difficulties.
Skip moved in with us within aweek after the marriage.
They got back from theirhoneymoon and five days later
Skip's there at the apartment,which was fine with me.
I've always wanted the olderbrother.
Leslie wanted to come over aswell, but she was two years
younger, so she's what nine.
At the time, Stan said no,you've got to stay with your
(19:44):
mother.
She was very unhappy about that.
She called me a couple of timesand said I don't want to live
with my so-called mother and itwas a problem.
My mother was wonderful to themand Leslie always had this
phrase, sometimes she would sayyou know, okay, here, you know,
come on over here, wicked oldstepmother.
Or she addressed a Christmascard, you know, love to my
(20:06):
wicked old stepmother.
So you know, they adored her.
That's wonderful to hear and that kind of goes to
this next question.
You adapted to living with thenew dynamics that were formed
because of your parentsremarrying in 1958.
Like you said, you live withyour mother, Rita, and Stan,
(20:26):
along with his son, Skip, whowas older.
You would spend every otherweekend, just like the title of
your book two very differenthouseholds, you've already
talked about that.
So Gerry was strugglingfinancially because he really
peaked a lot, don't you think inradio?
When TV and movies he wasn't atthe top because of
(20:49):
transitioning, which is probablyharder transition, but he
didn't hit the pinnacle the wayhe had in radio, but it was
difficult.
And Stan's businesses werebooming so he was doing so much
so that you know.
You guys went back toCalifornia when they got married
and he came from California.
Right, he came.
(21:10):
They met in New York City,though, right.
And then you guys.
Tony Mohr (21:14):
Met in New York City, on a blind date, A mutual
friend who was a screenwriter, avery good one.
He had written for Bob Hope andended up being president of the
WGA West.
And he said to Stan oh, Ishould have introduced you to
Rita before she moved to NewYork.
He was back there on business.
He called her.
The rest is history.
Julie Rogers (21:33):
You know there's something to be said about
timing.
Timing is everything and itsounds like that, for whatever
reasons, you guys had to go toNew York City to do that.
He came into your mom's life,they fell in love and then you
got to go back to California tohave both experiences with both
you know, both dads and bothfamilies.
And how lucky were you for that, yeah.
(21:56):
So do you think, because of youknow, it's a rollercoaster ride
that you were navigating, Tony,with not just a stepmother, a
stepfather, step-siblings andit's a rollercoaster ride, right
, it's up and down, it's allover the place.
But do you think, by navigatingall of that, finding that
balance that led you to thesuccessful man that you are
(22:19):
today?
Tony Mohr (22:20):
I'll answer the question this way Okay, anybody
who is involved with twodifferent families because of a
divorce.
Any kid like that should becomea judge.
Okay, because you are balancingtwo different cultures.
Uh, the chances that bothfamilies are exactly alike or
(22:45):
remote and non-existentabsolutely so, you're dealing
with two different cultures.
You're.
You may be assuming twodifferent personalities, or at
least calling on two differentsets of resources within you to
deal with this and hopefullythrive in both or at least
survive in both, and that to me,I think, helped me be a judge,
because you're always watchingtwo different parties who
(23:08):
usually don't like each other.
They have two different views ofa transaction or views of the
world, especially on the civilside, which is where I did most
of my judging business disputes,things like that and each side
had their own story and you hadto figure out what's going on
here, who's right, who's wrong.
Maybe both are right or bothare wrong and you've got to sort
(23:32):
it out as best you can.
And I kind of feel likewhatever I went through gave me
a better background for thatthan had I just lived in one
family.
Julie Rogers (23:41):
But I totally agree with you about the
different perspectives, thedifferent family dynamics that
are happening, the way yourfathers were, your stepmother
compared to your mother, but howwonderful that your mother was
so good to not only you but toher stepchildren.
I just feel like your motherwas such a sweetheart.
Tony Mohr (24:06):
She really was.
She's the unsung hero of thebook.
In early drafts, Uh, a coupleof editors who were helping me
write it, you know, and givingme feedback said you're, you
know, bring her up a little bit,dial up your mother more than
you know you have.
And so I began to dial up mymother more than I had initially
in the initial drafts.
(24:27):
Well, I, I can see that and Ifelt connected to that and I I'm
so happy for you and your, yoursiblings, that you know your,
your step siblings, that you hada mom like that.
I really enjoyed all of yourpersonal insight into Hollywood
I mean, it's Hollywood! Rightwhile you were growing up at
(24:48):
Beverly Hills and you went toBeverly High.
You're going to see my wife coming up the stairs.
She's very shy, she's not goingto wave.
She's not going to see my wifecoming up the stairs.
Oh, that's fine.
She's very shy, she's not goingto wave, she's not going to do
anything, but she will be comingup the stairs.
She just got home.
She's going to get the dog.
Julie Rogers (25:05):
That's okay.
I'm glad that she's able tocome up and get the dog and we
can still have our interview.
I love it.
You gotta love zoom and and thefact that we're you're in Los
Angeles and I'm in Puerto Rico.
We both are in beautiful areas,but there is a four hour time
gap, so I really yeah
Tony Mohr (25:25):
She's gonna bring the dog down, probably take the dog
out for a quick stroll.
He's old.
He's very nervous about goingdown the stairs.
Julie Rogers (25:35):
Is she doing your job Tony?
Are you the one that issupposed to take that dog out
for a walk at this time of day?
Tony Mohr (25:40):
We both do.
Oh good.
Yes, my mother and Stan reallydidn't fight when they were
married, but my father and Miafought all the time.
Julie Rogers (25:47):
I got that jest out of the book when you were
talking about that.
Yeah, yeah, I mean I have someflashback memories of my parents
so at least that did end and Iwasn't around my stepmother and
my father to argue and my mothernever did remarry.
But I still have those memoriesof how that felt as a child.
Tony Mohr (26:07):
Yeah, so you don't forget those things.
Julie Rogers (26:10):
Oh, you just don't .
It stays with you.
Yeah, so you decided to live inCalifornia as an adult, and you
still reside there today.
Can you tell me what is theallure of California holds on
your heart that has kept youstaying there?
Tony Mohr (26:28):
Maybe more inertia than anything else.
I was ready to leave Californiaaround 1993.
It was deteriorating.
The city was getting much moregritty.
We had had the Rodney Kingriots.
I just didn't like where it wasgoing and I figured a smaller
town would do better.
(26:48):
Skip and his wife were livingin Tucson and I like Tucson a
lot and I was actually thinkingof moving there.
And my stepsister had moved toScottsdale and she loved that,
but I wanted something smallerthan Phoenix.
So I was getting ready to makeplans and then suddenly I got
appointed to the court and I'mthinking OK, I just became a
(27:12):
judge in Los Angeles.
I'm not going to give that upand move to Tucson for a whole
new start.
I'll stay here, and so I did.
And then, of course, once Iretired which was in 2021, all
my friends are here.
My whole life is here.
You know LA.
To me, it's a better place thanit had been.
What's the point of leaving?
Julie Rogers (27:32):
Right, I can understand that.
Tony Mohr (27:35):
And so I've stayed.
I mean there are plenty ofproblems with the town as far as
the idea of fantasy andHollywood and all of that.
It's not what it was when I wasa child, but then maybe it is
and I'm just older now.
But I mean I've always enjoyedthe fact that you blend fantasy
and reality here, even thoughit's less than it was in the
late 50s, early 60s, but it'sstill a very interesting aspect.
(28:01):
Los Angeles, you've got peoplewho venerate a cartoon character
.
You have a suburb named after acartoon character Tarzan,
Tarzana, I could go on.
Julie Rogers (28:12):
I understand.
Tony Mohr (28:13):
That's what it's like around here.
Julie Rogers (28:15):
It's definitely not boring, but you have to find
a home that is special to yourheart, friends there that mean a
lot to you, and you can alwaysgo visit family, like you say,
to Arizona, to go and see them,which makes it even better
because it's more about qualitytime than how often you see them
.
So you are a writer, so what?
(28:36):
Right you're writing?
You wrote this memoir andyou've written some other
articles.
Is there something that you'reworking on right now?
Tony Mohr (28:44):
Besides a few essays which you know didn't make it
into the book, but I keepthinking, I'd like to write them
and I've written a few andthey've appeared in various
literary journals.
I'm thinking of I don't know ifyou want to call it a memoir so
much as just a discussion oflife on the bench.
I've written a few of thosepieces.
(29:06):
About four or five of them arein print at this point, which is
nice, because if they've beenprinted then a publisher might
be more interested.
Julie Rogers (29:13):
Oh, absolutely.
Tony Mohr (29:15):
So I've got some of those I'm playing around with,
but I need to do a lot more.
You know, I maybe have at thispoint one third of a book in the
can.
I've also thought about turningthe lens away from my family
and writing about LA back in theday, you know, not focusing on
the family, focusing on what itwas like to be here, to go to
(29:36):
high school here.
Julie Rogers (29:37):
Yes, because that's a whole nother thing that
you could discuss and delveright into.
Yeah, and I probably have about10 essays in print about that.
The problem there is I don'tknow, it's almost a little bit
what's the word supercilious,snobby?
(29:58):
I don't know.
I mean not really because it's your experience.
You're not writing about thattime just to write about that
time.
You lived it.
It was a special time and Ienjoyed all of that insight that
you had when you were writingabout Hollywood.
And you know your little stintas an actor I won't give that
(30:18):
away because people should readthe book but I thought that that
was so cool that you really gotsome insight of when Hollywood
was still kind of new.
It was still, you know, fantasyall over the place.
You didn't have social mediaand all of these.
You can click on things andfind out about the actors the
way you do today.
Tony Mohr (30:39):
You had to open an encyclopedia or go to the
library, right?
Julie Rogers (30:43):
So I think you should do it.
I think you need to do somemore writing about that.
Tony Mohr (30:47):
I might.
As I said, I have severalessays on it already.
That's awesome.
One came out recently and Ireally felt long and hard about
it because it's basically a riffon the summer before my senior
year and just having fun, justhaving fun with the Vietnam War
in the background because ithadn't blown up yet.
And so it's a bunch of richkids running around going to the
(31:12):
beach swimming in each other'spools.
Yeah, I mean it could offend anumber of people.
Julie Rogers (31:19):
I can see that, but again, at the time, though,
what are you supposed to doabout that?
You were still growing up, andyou were still supposed to not
enjoy your youth and have funwith your friends on the beach.
So there's going to be peoplethat might see it differently,
but it's still your.
It's coming, it's yournarrative, it's your narrative.
Tony Mohr (31:40):
It's my story.
I have a right to tell it.
I get that, but still.
Julie Rogers (31:44):
I understand I'm going to be sensitive Right and
when you're that's the judge inyou.
You're looking at both sides.
You're right, thank you.
Thank you Exactly, can youplease share with us where we
can purchase your book?
Tony Mohr (31:59):
Sure, Amazon has it, Barnes and Noble, Indie Bound
has it.
My own website connects to someof these places.
It's anthonyjmohr.
com, all one word anthonyjmohr.
com www in the beginning.
Julie Rogers (32:14):
Right.
Tony Mohr (32:15):
Those places.
Some bookstores carry it.
Not many Barnes and Noble outhere has it or will order it for
you one or the other, and so itshould be fairly easy to get.
Julie Rogers (32:26):
Perfect, and I just want you to know that I
will share those hyperlinks inmy show notes as well.
Thank you, and as a reminder tothe listening audience, you can
listen to Nearest and DearestPodcast on my website,
nearestanddearestpodcast.
com, and wherever you listen topodcasts.
Thank you, Tony, so very muchfor taking the time to sit down
(32:48):
with me and answer my questionsand have this conversation.
It's been a real pleasure.
Tony Mohr (32:53):
Julie, pleasure is mine.
Thank you.
I really appreciate it.
Have a good holiday.
Julie Rogers (32:58):
You as well, and Happy New Year.
Tony Mohr (33:01):
Yeah, 2025.
The century is one quarter ofthe way over.
Julie Rogers (33:05):
Oh my gosh, it's one more year and I'll be 60.
I'm like what?
!
No one ever said life is easy, but I believe by
giving yourself permission, youwill find you have more control
over your life than you realize.
I'm Julie.
I hope you will join me bytaking responsibility for
yourself, by only controllingthe things you can and letting
go of the things that you can't.
By doing this, you will havediscovered the secret to having
(00:31):
happy, healthy and morefulfilling relationships.
Welcome back to Nearest andDearest Podcast.
I'm Julie Rogers and you arelistening to Season 4, episode 1
, Every Other Weekend - Comingof Age with Two Different Dads,
(00:55):
a memoir by Anthony J Mohr.
I'm excited to be working onbringing more guests on my
podcast this season.
So I met PR by the book.
It's an agency that works withauthors and publishers.
I so appreciate Emily makingthis introduction and I'm
(01:17):
looking forward to Tony havingour conversation.
Welcome.
Tony Mohr (01:22):
Well, thanks.
Thanks so much, Julie, andthank you for having me on the
show.
It's good to be here.
Julie Rogers (01:28):
Well, we're honored to have you on Nearest
and Dearest podcast.
I want to start with a quote,Tony, that really resonated with
me.
You said "no one forced me tochoose between Gerald and Stan,
nor did anyone suggest I do so.
While there were times I leanedtoward one over the other, for
the most part I tried to balancethe two.
" End quote.
(01:48):
I can see the maturity levelyou had while growing up between
these two very differentfamilies, and when I read this,
(02:09):
I could easily see just howmuch respect first, then more
love, as you were adapting tohow to relate to two very strong
personalities that both menheld.
Was this a conscious choice foryou?
Tony Mohr (02:26):
I'm not sure it was.
I think it was more an attemptto survive and, you know, and
tolerate the two differentfamilies, which is not the
natural order of things.
Yeah, I love my father, always,did, always will.
I grew to love Stan, you know.
I was very happy that he cameinto the family, but there were
(02:46):
times when I just didn't agreewith what he was doing, with his
style, with his childbearingphilosophy.
So I can't really say Iimmediately respected him, but I
knew he was making my motherhappy and that made me happy.
But I think this was just as Isaid, an attempt to survive and
not be mature.
In fact I was probably veryimmature during my high school
(03:08):
years.
Julie Rogers (03:09):
Sounds like you found the love of your life when
you met Beverly and you've beenmarried over 10 years now,
right, that she reminds you ofthe spirit of your beautiful mom
, Rita.
You dedicated your memoir toyour wife.
I have to ask.
The dedication reads to Beverlyand all the DGs.
(03:30):
What does DG stand for?
Tony Mohr (03:33):
Okay, well, Stan's last name is Dashew.
Think of a cashew nut with theletter D.
Julie Rogers (03:39):
Okay.
Tony Mohr (03:40):
And DG stands for Dashew Generations.
DG1 was Stan and my mom, DG2was myself and my two
step-siblings from Stan's side,Skip and Leslie.
DG3 is their kids, and so on.
So I'm dedicating it to theDashew Generations.
Julie Rogers (03:58):
Oh, that is so sweet.
I love that because all of themare important to you in your
life.
You share with the reader howmuch you never forgot listening
to your father's voice at night,before you fell asleep on the
radio during your younger years,before the divorce, when your
mother would tuck you in.
(04:18):
But was that a specialconnection you felt with your
father?
Tony Mohr (04:24):
A special connection I wanted to feel with him.
He wasn't around very much whenI was a child and a toddler
we're talking now we're goingback to age two, three, four,
those areas.
My father didn't do childrenvery well and he admitted that
later on.
For me, when I was fallingasleep hearing him on the radio,
(04:45):
it was like okay, this is myconnection to my father who
wasn't around that much.
So, yes, it was a specialconnection, but a sought-after
connection to try to fill in forsome missing connections that
really didn't come into focusuntil I was what?
Six, seven, eight, nine.
There was a radio in the roomand she turned it on.
(05:07):
It was up on a top shelf, outof my reach.
I could hear my father.
Julie Rogers (05:11):
So it sounds like she wanted you to have some
connection, because she knew,obviously, that you were longing
for that because he wasn'taround and it was a way for her
to give you him.
I thought that was very lovely.
It's almost like reading abedtime story from your mother
and then hearing your dad'svoice on the radio.
Tony Mohr (05:33):
Yeah, she was smart in that regard.
Julie Rogers (05:35):
It sounds like it.
She was a good mom.
Your father played thecharacter Philip Marlowe while
he was peaking with radio.
He played almost always the badguy, even in movies and
television.
You wrote about how Hollywoodfantasy versus reality didn't
(05:56):
always collide, but they blended.
Do you think Jerry's rolesinfluenced his own identity?
Tony Mohr (06:07):
They may have, I never saw him trying to mimic
the bad guy in real life.
He wasn't one who got allwrapped up in the roles he
played, like some actors, likeBuster Keaton, for example, got
wrapped up in the roles heplayed.
There were times he would driveup and down the street in
Beverly Hills in his car Iforget what it was, it was some
(06:29):
sort of fancy, unique kind ofyou know car and he would kind
of mimic the parts he played.
He couldn't get out of theroles and I'm sure there were
other actors and actresses liketo do that.
He didn't walk around saying,oh I'm the bad guy, you know, I
just shot five people, or youknow, in this case I was the one
who you know seduced 25 women,although he seduced a share, I
(06:52):
must tell you.
Julie Rogers (06:53):
So some of that probably, maybe he was just had
that suaveiness about him,because when you write about him
you say he was very cool andput together.
Tony Mohr (07:02):
That was who he was.
That was who he was.
I mean, you know, thecigarettes came into his life
because he had a role where hehad to smoke and so he learned
to do it, but the suave, youknow, and the smoothness was
just part of his persona.
It may have worked its way intothe roles, but it's more
working the way into the rolesthan the roles working their way
into him.
(07:29):
He was that kind of a guy.
Yeah, I mean he was very, verysuave.
He was catnip to women, I musttell you.
Julie Rogers (07:32):
So he, you know, and I think you're kind of you
have that in you, then, right,you might learn a little bit
more about that in a characterthat you're playing.
Tony Mohr (07:40):
Julie, Julie I couldn't get a date in high
school, to save my life.
I was not catnip to wo men atall.
I might've been a bitter apple,the opposite.
I wasn't the one running aroundfighting off girlfriends.
Julie Rogers (07:54):
Right, right.
Well, we all have to come intoour own.
I didn't blossom in high schoolwith dating either.
I think I had one boyfriend whowas actually younger than me
from a different school, so ittook me later to blossom.
So I can understand that.
This was interesting too.
When I read this.
You shared that your fatherwanted you to be his pal.
(08:14):
He wanted you to call him.
You know that he was going tosay you're my pal when you were
around nine when the divorcehappened.
Do you think it was his way ofacknowledging that he already
had accepted that because of thedivorce that he initiated, but
that his father figure was goingto be changed forever?
Tony Mohr (08:35):
I'm sure.
I'm sure about that.
He never used that phrase untilafter he had left the house and
it was sometime one Saturday.
We were together and he saidyou know, I'm going to be your
pal.
And it went from there and hesaid it often.
You know, you get on the phone,hi, pal, how are you doing?
And we did pal around a lot,which I enjoyed.
(08:55):
I enjoyed that a lot.
He was much less you know,quote a father than a pal at
that point.
Stan became more of the fatheryou know, up that he sometimes
lectured me, he sometimes saidyou're really doing something
wrong, and this is why I canremember some of those lectures,
some of those discussions, butby and large, yeah, he was the
(09:18):
pal.
Julie Rogers (09:20):
H\e, that must have been interesting for you to
have such diverse fathers inyour life and there for you at
different periods of your life,while growing up figuring out
who you were.
In one respect, you had twodads that really cared about you
, and they just had differentways of showing that and
different perspectives of whothey were to pass on to you.
Tony Mohr (09:42):
Very, very true.
They did care.
I know that there's no questionon my mind about that.
Stan treated me like he treatedhis own kids and I admire him
and I'm grateful for that.
He wasn't the step-parent whoignored the step-child.
He was anything but, and myfather actually treated his two
(10:03):
step-children very well too, atleast from what I saw.
I think he, if not exactly ashis own, very close to his own.
Julie Rogers (10:13):
Well, that's wonderful to hear.
Tony Mohr (10:15):
Yeah, I mean there are a couple of times I got a
little jealous, I'll admit, butthat had to do with Hollywood
and the roles, in the fantasy,for example, he was in the
Hollywood Christmas Parade andone day he told me about it and
he mentioned that Tommy andTimmy had ridden in the parade
with him.
And I was upset because henever asked me to do that and I
(10:36):
said so.
I said wait, I want to ride inyour ride.
Following year, he asked me.
Julie Rogers (10:42):
That's wonderful.
Tony Mohr (10:43):
The year after that he asked me, he understood what
was going on there.
Julie Rogers (10:47):
And that's great that you could always.
You know, maybe not always, butin that moment, because it
bothered you so much, you wereable to tell your dad, hey, I,
you know, I want to be part ofthat.
And then he did that.
He didn't just say, oh, it'snot a big deal, or downplayed it
for you.
He said, he made it happen sothat's a good dad.
(11:08):
You're right.
You're right, he did make ithappen and I was very happy
about that.
The crossroads in your parents' marriage seemed to
happen when your family,including your paternal
grandmother who lived with youback then, went to Sweden for a
year.
It was 1954.
You were seven years old.
It was an opportunity for yourdad to be the lead.
(11:28):
When you met Mai, who's yourstepmother, she was a Swedish
woman who lived there and youfelt that something was not
quite right about her intentions.
As a teenager then, after allof that, you never really warmed
up to her in that initialmeetings, especially when they
got married.
(11:48):
But did you?
Did it get easier for you?
Did you ever have arelationship with her that you
felt was genuine and loving?
I guess is my question.
Tony Mohr (12:00):
I had a relationship with her.
I wouldn't call it loving atall.
I'm not even sure the wordgenuine fits.
It was just she was who she was.
Occupying the role of myfather's second wife.
I'm occupying the role of hisone and only son, biological son
(12:28):
.
She tried to deal with that inher own way, which was okay
sometimes and not okay a lot oftimes, and but I wouldn't call
it a loving relationship at all.
I mean, I really was very happywhen we left Sweden that I
wouldn't see her again.
And when I did see her again,when she showed up in LA, having
shot another pilot with myfather, I was rather upset,
rather upset when I saw her comeoff the plane with him and he's
(12:49):
cradling the roll of film inthe can and he kept saying hey,
Mai, it's our baby.
I think I have that in the bookand I'm sitting there going,
what the heck is going on here?
I was too young to understandthat they had an affair, which
they obviously had.
But, it just didn't sit rightand Mai did her best to
(13:10):
ingratiate herself.
She found a children's bookcalled Peter is the Babysitter,
In Swedish Peter er barnvaktit's the title of the book.
She translated it.
She absolutely took every lineof the book and penciled in the
English above every single line.
I still have the book.
Julie Rogers (13:32):
Yeah, I remember reading that, yeah.
Tony Mohr (13:35):
Yeah, and my mother was very appreciative.
She said oh look, Maitranslated the whole book for
you and I wasn't thatappreciative.
I'm like why is she doing this?
Going through all this troubleto translate a 45-page
children's book.
Julie Rogers (13:49):
But as a child, like you, just recognized that
just something was off aboutthat.
Yeah.
Tony Mohr (13:55):
Yeah, it was off.
Exactly Julie, it was off.
Julie Rogers (14:00):
Let's go back to January 1958.
You and your mother moved toNew York City, where your mother
was from, and actually yourfather as well was from New York
City.
Yeah, we moved in February,early February.
Okay, early F ebruary.
She was struggling financiallyshe would be, she wanted to be
(14:21):
back.
It sounds to me that she wantedto be back near her mother and
two siblings.
And I can relate to thatbecause when I was financially
struggling after my divorce withmy husband, we went from
Connecticut to New York to benear my family.
So that really I really relatedto that about your mother
making that decision.
But for you as a young person,that had to be so hard.
(14:45):
Sunny, warm California withbeaches and palm trees, to a
crowded, dirty city, crowdedwith so much people, traffic,
that it must have been achallenge for you.
Tony Mohr (14:59):
It wasn't easy.
I wrote about it in the book.
I have a whole chapter devotedto it.
Yeah, it just.
You know it was difficult toget used to.
I did get along well with thekids in the class and I liked
them a lot and I missed themwhen we came back to California.
And in fact the good news isone of the people in the class,
a girl named Kathy Fields, cameout to California as well and
(15:22):
ended up in Beverly Hills HighSchool along with me and we're
still friends.
That's wonderful, it's nice, butthe other kids were there and
didn't come back and I've alwayswondered what happened to them.
Kathy, I think, is in touchwith one or two of them.
One thing I really liked wasPS6 is at 81st and Madison.
One block up is theMetropolitan Museum of Art, and
(15:47):
at no time we could walk up thestreet and go to the Met.
Admission was free back thenand you just walk in, wander
around the Met for an hour andcome back to class.
I thought that was fabulous.
Julie Rogers (15:55):
I mean how wonderful and your mother showed
you about art and theimportance of fine arts.
I feel like she helpedinfluence you on that.
It sounds like.
Tony Mohr (16:05):
She took me to the museums, the Met and the Frick
and others.
By the way, have you read thebook The Goldfinch by Donna
Tartt?
Julie Rogers (16:15):
You know I have not, but it is on my list to
read though.
Tony Mohr (16:19):
When you read it early in the book, I think even
the first chapter you've got akid who's fatherless and his
mother is taking him to theFrick Museum I think it is, to
introduce him to the world ofart and she's doing what my
mother did and it was very, veryevocative as I read it.
Except in the Goldf inch, abomb goes off and the mother is
(16:41):
killed.
Julie Rogers (16:42):
Yeah.
Tony Mohr (16:43):
Right, but the Theo character did remind me of
myself.
Julie Rogers (16:47):
Well, I look forward to reading that.
I'll have to let you know mythoughts after I do.
So can you share how yourmother's love, and her character
in and of itself, led you toembrace the qualities of
fairness and excellence that hasshaped your future?
Tony Mohr (17:07):
Well, she was very fair and she was very loving and
I hope that rubbed off and shehad very good advice.
I remember one of the thingsshe would always say is if
you're going to do something, doit right.
That was sort of a mantra manytimes with her.
She knew me and she would.
If I was upset, she would kindof speak to my better qualities,
(17:29):
or at least what she perceivedto be my better qualities, and
she really ran interferencebetween Stan and me.
You know Stan believed kidsshould work.
He once said and I'm quotinghim now children shouldn't have
so much fun, and I remember thatstuck with me and it really
worried me.
You know I A didn't agree withit at all and B I was concerned
(17:50):
that somehow he would just barme from enjoying myself.
You know it would make me workevery minute of the day that I
wasn't in school.
Julie Rogers (17:58):
I see.
Tony Mohr (17:59):
And my mother kind of went to bat for me and said hey
, this kid's involved withschool activities.
You know, don't bar him fromthe school activities in order
to go work at your plant.
You know he had a factory atthe time making business
machines.
I said, let him have his fun inschool.
He's doing things that areconstructive.
He's on the debate team writingfor the newspaper.
(18:19):
That's what he should be doing.
You know, I'm sure my motherdid that.
And because Stan would back off, I would hear him say well, you
know, we're going to have tohave you do a lot more work, and
then that wouldn't happen.
But the concern and the worrywas always there.
But at the same time I figuredit was my mother who was kind of
, you know, blocking a lot ofwhat Stan wanted.
Julie Rogers (18:42):
She was your buffer and she was your referee
and I think moms play that rolea lot, whether you know divorced
children or you know theirchildren in general with a
father, because a lot of timesyou know you have a little bit
of a different know dad's likeokay, you got to buckle down,
you got to get good grades, yougot to work, but you have to
(19:02):
have fun.
You're still a kid and as ateenager, if you're involved in
school activities or things thatinterest you, it's important
you have to balance that.
Sounds like your mom was reallygood about that.
She was, and she was great withStan's kids as well.
Much better for them than theirown mother.
Their own mother was analcoholic and really a problem
(19:22):
woman with lots of difficulties.
Skip moved in with us within aweek after the marriage.
They got back from theirhoneymoon and five days later
Skip's there at the apartment,which was fine with me.
I've always wanted the olderbrother.
Leslie wanted to come over aswell, but she was two years
younger, so she's what nine.
At the time, Stan said no,you've got to stay with your
(19:44):
mother.
She was very unhappy about that.
She called me a couple of timesand said I don't want to live
with my so-called mother and itwas a problem.
My mother was wonderful to themand Leslie always had this
phrase, sometimes she would sayyou know, okay, here, you know,
come on over here, wicked oldstepmother.
Or she addressed a Christmascard, you know, love to my
(20:06):
wicked old stepmother.
So you know, they adored her.
That's wonderful to hear and that kind of goes to
this next question.
You adapted to living with thenew dynamics that were formed
because of your parentsremarrying in 1958.
Like you said, you live withyour mother, Rita, and Stan,
(20:26):
along with his son, Skip, whowas older.
You would spend every otherweekend, just like the title of
your book two very differenthouseholds, you've already
talked about that.
So Gerry was strugglingfinancially because he really
peaked a lot, don't you think inradio?
When TV and movies he wasn't atthe top because of
(20:49):
transitioning, which is probablyharder transition, but he
didn't hit the pinnacle the wayhe had in radio, but it was
difficult.
And Stan's businesses werebooming so he was doing so much
so that you know.
You guys went back toCalifornia when they got married
and he came from California.
Right, he came.
(21:10):
They met in New York City,though, right.
And then you guys.
Tony Mohr (21:14):
Met in New York City, on a blind date, A mutual
friend who was a screenwriter, avery good one.
He had written for Bob Hope andended up being president of the
WGA West.
And he said to Stan oh, Ishould have introduced you to
Rita before she moved to NewYork.
He was back there on business.
He called her.
The rest is history.
Julie Rogers (21:33):
You know there's something to be said about
timing.
Timing is everything and itsounds like that, for whatever
reasons, you guys had to go toNew York City to do that.
He came into your mom's life,they fell in love and then you
got to go back to California tohave both experiences with both
you know, both dads and bothfamilies.
And how lucky were you for that, yeah.
(21:56):
So do you think, because of youknow, it's a rollercoaster ride
that you were navigating, Tony,with not just a stepmother, a
stepfather, step-siblings andit's a rollercoaster ride, right
, it's up and down, it's allover the place.
But do you think, by navigatingall of that, finding that
balance that led you to thesuccessful man that you are
(22:19):
today?
Tony Mohr (22:20):
I'll answer the question this way Okay, anybody
who is involved with twodifferent families because of a
divorce.
Any kid like that should becomea judge.
Okay, because you are balancingtwo different cultures.
Uh, the chances that bothfamilies are exactly alike or
(22:45):
remote and non-existentabsolutely so, you're dealing
with two different cultures.
You're.
You may be assuming twodifferent personalities, or at
least calling on two differentsets of resources within you to
deal with this and hopefullythrive in both or at least
survive in both, and that to me,I think, helped me be a judge,
because you're always watchingtwo different parties who
(23:08):
usually don't like each other.
They have two different views ofa transaction or views of the
world, especially on the civilside, which is where I did most
of my judging business disputes,things like that and each side
had their own story and you hadto figure out what's going on
here, who's right, who's wrong.
Maybe both are right or bothare wrong and you've got to sort
(23:32):
it out as best you can.
And I kind of feel likewhatever I went through gave me
a better background for thatthan had I just lived in one
family.
Julie Rogers (23:41):
But I totally agree with you about the
different perspectives, thedifferent family dynamics that
are happening, the way yourfathers were, your stepmother
compared to your mother, but howwonderful that your mother was
so good to not only you but toher stepchildren.
I just feel like your motherwas such a sweetheart.
Tony Mohr (24:06):
She really was.
She's the unsung hero of thebook.
In early drafts, Uh, a coupleof editors who were helping me
write it, you know, and givingme feedback said you're, you
know, bring her up a little bit,dial up your mother more than
you know you have.
And so I began to dial up mymother more than I had initially
in the initial drafts.
(24:27):
Well, I, I can see that and Ifelt connected to that and I I'm
so happy for you and your, yoursiblings, that you know your,
your step siblings, that you hada mom like that.
I really enjoyed all of yourpersonal insight into Hollywood
I mean, it's Hollywood! Rightwhile you were growing up at
(24:48):
Beverly Hills and you went toBeverly High.
You're going to see my wife coming up the stairs.
She's very shy, she's not goingto wave.
She's not going to see my wifecoming up the stairs.
Oh, that's fine.
She's very shy, she's not goingto wave, she's not going to do
anything, but she will be comingup the stairs.
She just got home.
She's going to get the dog.
Julie Rogers (25:05):
That's okay.
I'm glad that she's able tocome up and get the dog and we
can still have our interview.
I love it.
You gotta love zoom and and thefact that we're you're in Los
Angeles and I'm in Puerto Rico.
We both are in beautiful areas,but there is a four hour time
gap, so I really yeah
Tony Mohr (25:25):
She's gonna bring the dog down, probably take the dog
out for a quick stroll.
He's old.
He's very nervous about goingdown the stairs.
Julie Rogers (25:35):
Is she doing your job Tony?
Are you the one that issupposed to take that dog out
for a walk at this time of day?
Tony Mohr (25:40):
We both do.
Oh good.
Yes, my mother and Stan reallydidn't fight when they were
married, but my father and Miafought all the time.
Julie Rogers (25:47):
I got that jest out of the book when you were
talking about that.
Yeah, yeah, I mean I have someflashback memories of my parents
so at least that did end and Iwasn't around my stepmother and
my father to argue and my mothernever did remarry.
But I still have those memoriesof how that felt as a child.
Tony Mohr (26:07):
Yeah, so you don't forget those things.
Julie Rogers (26:10):
Oh, you just don't .
It stays with you.
Yeah, so you decided to live inCalifornia as an adult, and you
still reside there today.
Can you tell me what is theallure of California holds on
your heart that has kept youstaying there?
Tony Mohr (26:28):
Maybe more inertia than anything else.
I was ready to leave Californiaaround 1993.
It was deteriorating.
The city was getting much moregritty.
We had had the Rodney Kingriots.
I just didn't like where it wasgoing and I figured a smaller
town would do better.
(26:48):
Skip and his wife were livingin Tucson and I like Tucson a
lot and I was actually thinkingof moving there.
And my stepsister had moved toScottsdale and she loved that,
but I wanted something smallerthan Phoenix.
So I was getting ready to makeplans and then suddenly I got
appointed to the court and I'mthinking OK, I just became a
(27:12):
judge in Los Angeles.
I'm not going to give that upand move to Tucson for a whole
new start.
I'll stay here, and so I did.
And then, of course, once Iretired which was in 2021, all
my friends are here.
My whole life is here.
You know LA.
To me, it's a better place thanit had been.
What's the point of leaving?
Julie Rogers (27:32):
Right, I can understand that.
Tony Mohr (27:35):
And so I've stayed.
I mean there are plenty ofproblems with the town as far as
the idea of fantasy andHollywood and all of that.
It's not what it was when I wasa child, but then maybe it is
and I'm just older now.
But I mean I've always enjoyedthe fact that you blend fantasy
and reality here, even thoughit's less than it was in the
late 50s, early 60s, but it'sstill a very interesting aspect.
(28:01):
Los Angeles, you've got peoplewho venerate a cartoon character
.
You have a suburb named after acartoon character Tarzan,
Tarzana, I could go on.
Julie Rogers (28:12):
I understand.
Tony Mohr (28:13):
That's what it's like around here.
Julie Rogers (28:15):
It's definitely not boring, but you have to find
a home that is special to yourheart, friends there that mean a
lot to you, and you can alwaysgo visit family, like you say,
to Arizona, to go and see them,which makes it even better
because it's more about qualitytime than how often you see them
.
So you are a writer, so what?
(28:36):
Right you're writing?
You wrote this memoir andyou've written some other
articles.
Is there something that you'reworking on right now?
Tony Mohr (28:44):
Besides a few essays which you know didn't make it
into the book, but I keepthinking, I'd like to write them
and I've written a few andthey've appeared in various
literary journals.
I'm thinking of I don't know ifyou want to call it a memoir so
much as just a discussion oflife on the bench.
I've written a few of thosepieces.
(29:06):
About four or five of them arein print at this point, which is
nice, because if they've beenprinted then a publisher might
be more interested.
Julie Rogers (29:13):
Oh, absolutely.
Tony Mohr (29:15):
So I've got some of those I'm playing around with,
but I need to do a lot more.
You know, I maybe have at thispoint one third of a book in the
can.
I've also thought about turningthe lens away from my family
and writing about LA back in theday, you know, not focusing on
the family, focusing on what itwas like to be here, to go to
(29:36):
high school here.
Julie Rogers (29:37):
Yes, because that's a whole nother thing that
you could discuss and delveright into.
Yeah, and I probably have about10 essays in print about that.
The problem there is I don'tknow, it's almost a little bit
what's the word supercilious,snobby?
(29:58):
I don't know.
I mean not really because it's your experience.
You're not writing about thattime just to write about that
time.
You lived it.
It was a special time and Ienjoyed all of that insight that
you had when you were writingabout Hollywood.
And you know your little stintas an actor I won't give that
(30:18):
away because people should readthe book but I thought that that
was so cool that you really gotsome insight of when Hollywood
was still kind of new.
It was still, you know, fantasyall over the place.
You didn't have social mediaand all of these.
You can click on things andfind out about the actors the
way you do today.
Tony Mohr (30:39):
You had to open an encyclopedia or go to the
library, right?
Julie Rogers (30:43):
So I think you should do it.
I think you need to do somemore writing about that.
Tony Mohr (30:47):
I might.
As I said, I have severalessays on it already.
That's awesome.
One came out recently and Ireally felt long and hard about
it because it's basically a riffon the summer before my senior
year and just having fun, justhaving fun with the Vietnam War
in the background because ithadn't blown up yet.
And so it's a bunch of richkids running around going to the
(31:12):
beach swimming in each other'spools.
Yeah, I mean it could offend anumber of people.
Julie Rogers (31:19):
I can see that, but again, at the time, though,
what are you supposed to doabout that?
You were still growing up, andyou were still supposed to not
enjoy your youth and have funwith your friends on the beach.
So there's going to be peoplethat might see it differently,
but it's still your.
It's coming, it's yournarrative, it's your narrative.
Tony Mohr (31:40):
It's my story.
I have a right to tell it.
I get that, but still.
Julie Rogers (31:44):
I understand I'm going to be sensitive Right and
when you're that's the judge inyou.
You're looking at both sides.
You're right, thank you.
Thank you Exactly, can youplease share with us where we
can purchase your book?
Tony Mohr (31:59):
Sure, Amazon has it, Barnes and Noble, Indie Bound
has it.
My own website connects to someof these places.
It's anthonyjmohr.
com, all one word anthonyjmohr.
com www in the beginning.
Julie Rogers (32:14):
Right.
Tony Mohr (32:15):
Those places.
Some bookstores carry it.
Not many Barnes and Noble outhere has it or will order it for
you one or the other, and so itshould be fairly easy to get.
Julie Rogers (32:26):
Perfect, and I just want you to know that I
will share those hyperlinks inmy show notes as well.
Thank you, and as a reminder tothe listening audience, you can
listen to Nearest and DearestPodcast on my website,
nearestanddearestpodcast.
com, and wherever you listen topodcasts.
Thank you, Tony, so very muchfor taking the time to sit down
(32:48):
with me and answer my questionsand have this conversation.
It's been a real pleasure.
Tony Mohr (32:53):
Julie, pleasure is mine.
Thank you.
I really appreciate it.
Have a good holiday.
Julie Rogers (32:58):
You as well, and Happy New Year.
Tony Mohr (33:01):
Yeah, 2025.
The century is one quarter ofthe way over.
Julie Rogers (33:05):
Oh my gosh, it's one more year and I'll be 60.
I'm like what?
!
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