Understanding PDA: Parenting a Child with Pathological Demand Avoidance

CHECK OUT UNFINISHED RESOURCES & MERCH! What if even the simplest request—like “put on your shoes”—triggered a fight-or-flight response? For families raising a child with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), this is everyday reality. Misunderstood, under-researched, and often dismissed, PDA presents unique challenges for both children and parents navigating a system that doesn’t always recognize it. Meet Jessie Townz, a mom raising a 7-year-old son with PDA. Jessie openly shares her journey of learning, adapting, and shifting her entire parenting mindset to meet her child’s needs. With lived experience and years of trial, error, and breakthroughs, Jessie brings both practical wisdom and encouragement to other parents navigating PDA.TOPICS DISCUSSEDWhat PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) really meansWhy PDA is not included in the DSM-5Common misunderstandings about PDA behaviorParenting strategies to reduce demands and calm dysregulationThe role of language and reframing requestsFamily dynamics and sibling impactsSupporting families with PDA childrenCultural and generational challenges in understanding PDATAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODEPDA is a nervous system disability—children aren’t choosing not to comply, they often can’t.Language matters: shifting from “You must” to supportive phrasing helps reduce anxiety.Dysregulation can take 90 minutes or more for a child to recover from, making prevention key.Parents often face judgment from others who don’t understand PDA—education and communication are vital.The mindset shift of “not won’t, but can’t” is life-changing for families.Supporting siblings and extended family education helps create a calmer home environment. LINKS:Follow Jessie’s journey Join the Unfinished Community WhatsApp. Where you can share your everyday joys, struggles, and differences! Click here to join.Sign up to our newsletter where we continue the conversation along with sharing helpful resources and techniques tried out by parents and professionals in the neurodiverse world. You can know get the episodes on YouTube! Click here to subscribe. Follow the show on all the socials @theunfinishedidea - look for the brain! Instagram Facebook LinkedIn TikTok Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices