Late Diagnosed mother of a child with AuDHD - Aisling Smith Vance - Neurodivergent Mates

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're listening to NeuroDivergent Mates.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of Neurodivergent Mates.
I'm your host, will Wheeler.

(00:26):
I'd like to say I'm joined withmy co-host, photon John, but
he's actually not here today.
He's away sick.
So my heart is going out toPhoton John, but I've actually
got an awesome guest joining metoday.
I'd like to say all the wayfrom Ireland, but you're
actually just all the way fromum melbourne.

(00:47):
Um sorry, how do you I don'tknow if I'm pronouncing your
name correct is it aslin smithdance?

Speaker 2 (00:54):
yes, I will.
You know, will I go by ash inaustralia because, you know,
aussies like to shorten it downand I, like you know, to make it
easy for people, but it'sAisling, so essentially there's
an invisible H.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah, it's one of those lovely Irish names.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
That doesn't look like how it sounds.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah, and you do know what right when I was over in
and you know I've got a fair fewIrish friends and all of that,
and when I'd see their namesbeing dyslexic, that was like
torture.
Do you know what I mean.
Like, I think, like, say, likeSiobhan right, and I think it's
spelled S-O-B.

(01:37):
I can't remember.
I can't remember.
It was just so like, oh my God,I feel like an idiot because I
don't know how to pronounce thiscorrectly, but I'm sure that's
a whole nother podcast we couldspeak, speak about, but Ash,
thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
So those are all from the gay.
They're all from the Gaeliclanguage, you see, so they're in
a different language.
They are words from a differentlanguage, so don't feel bad
that you can't get them, becauseit's not actually English well,
do you know what?

Speaker 1 (02:04):
what blew my mind when I was in Ireland.
I never realised that, like,ireland has its own language and
I didn't know that until I wentthere.
And then I was like seeingsigns that are written
differently.
And then I was on, I think Iwas on the train from Dublin
going back to Galway orsomething and they'll be like

(02:24):
Shimokshire, I don't know.
I just sounded all likegibberish to me and I'm like
what the hell man?
You know what I mean?
I never realized there wasanother language, but
interesting place yes, it's fun.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
So you can say I'm all the way from Ireland via
Melbourne all the way fromIreland via Melbourne.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
All the way from Ireland via Melbourne.
I like that.
I like that.
So, look, thank you so much forcoming on.
I better sort of share with theaudience what we're covering
today.
So today, what we're going tobe covering is late diagnosis
mother of a child with AUDHD.
But before we do get into that,I might just do a bit of a shout
out to any listeners out there.

(03:06):
If you haven't already done so,please subscribe, like and
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If you're listening to this viaa podcast, please subscribe to
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Also to, please rate the show,if you haven't already done so.

(03:29):
It.
It really helps with thealgorithms and helps us get out
there, so other people can checkthis out.
Also to.
If you haven't already done so,please check out all the cool
work we're doing atneuroddiversity Academy.
You can check that out atneurodiversityacademycom Also,
too.
Just a bit of a warning Somediscussions may be triggering.

(03:50):
If you need help, please reachout to a loved one or call
emergency services.
We are not doctors.
This is a space for sharingexperiences and strategies.
Also, too, while we're goingthrough the live part of the
podcast here, if you've got anyquestions, please feel free to
shoot them through and, you know, if they're a good question, we

(04:13):
might put them up on the screenhere.
What do you reckon, ash?

Speaker 2 (04:17):
I think that's a good idea.
Let's get the audience involved.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
Nice.
But before we do we might say abig shout out to Tia, two of my
favorite people on the podcast.
All right, tia, thank you somuch.
It's such a pleasure to hearfrom you.
You ready to rock?

Speaker 2 (04:37):
and roll Always Born ready Will Born ready.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
You took the word straight out of my mouth.
I love it.
So you know what, like Iobviously know a lot about you.
So for people who don't know,ash and I actually work together
, um so, um, you know, we it wassort of funny because you sort
of reached out to me just beforeI start we started working
together and then all of asudden we were working together,

(05:03):
so it was like it just workedso easily.

Speaker 2 (05:07):
I know, yeah, it's, it's been, it's been wild.
That's when, uh, uh, actually,tia the wonderful Tia and I were
putting together a panel, uh,for the UN discussion on autism
and I was like, you know, I knowa guy with a great podcast and
he would know loads because wewere looking for a diverse

(05:27):
representation of autism inAustralia and across, you know,
oceania, and I just thought ofyou immediately.
So we connected through thatand now we are colleagues.
So I feel very blessed.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
See, but we're only just talking about the
importance of having a podcast,right?
So we connected through thepodcast.
There you go, perfect example.
But you know what?
Let us know a little bit aboutyourself.
You know you've got such aninteresting life.
We'd love to hear about it.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
This is such a funny question for an autistic ADHDer.
Right, when I run trainings inorganisations, I would say, like
you know, when you'rerecruiting someone you say use
the question.
So you know, tell me aboutyourself.
I would say to them well, howlong have you got?
I could be here all day.
So what part of my life wouldyou like to know?

(06:21):
Basically, I'll give you thecliff notes version, because we
do only have the hour.
I'm obviously Irish.
I've been in Australia for 15years.
I came here via China, so Ilived in Shanghai in China in
2010, working at the World Expoin Shanghai and prior to that, I

(06:45):
know, obviously in Ireland andNew York for a little while
prior to that too.
So a bit of a global traveler,not really kind of essentially
settling anywhere, until I fellin love in Shanghai and moved
here with my Australianboyfriend at the time, now
husband and father of mywonderful, delightful, gorgeous,

(07:09):
neurodivergent son.
So I suppose that's a bit of aninsight into it.
Then the rest is just work.
Like, where would I begin withthat?
You know, being an autisticADHDer, as a late diagnosed one,
particularly, I think, a lot ofpeople who are listening to

(07:30):
this who are late diagnosed ordon't yet know that they are
neurodivergent.
It's like in my career I kindof hopscotched around a lot of
things, so you weredrop-dropping a lot of things.
Um, so you're dropping?
I was, yeah, and it wasn't justthat, that, like, I was

(07:50):
intentionally doing so, becauseI'm very like ambitious, very
driven, very passionate.
So when I find something that Ilike somebody you know invests
in me to come and work for them,like I'm, like I'm in, I'm
giving you everything.
Until you know some of my youknow quirkiness or some of my
traits or something you knowgenerally, and I would reflect
now to see that they wereneurodivergent traits, uh, you

(08:14):
know, might you know, blow up inmy face.
Um, so some some of thewonderful elements of my story
were, I guess I, I started offstudying physiotherapy in
university and I failed anatomyfive times and I find that
really funny because the examthat I failed the same one, it

(08:37):
was a multiple choice exam andit was about the extremities and
you know where is this muscleattached and what you know vein
or artery or nerve ending is,you know, attached.
It was like you know, I, I'vehad a method and I studied, but
I just couldn't like remember Idon't, unfortunately, have a
photographic memory and but, um,I, I just wasn't able to to put

(09:01):
those pieces together.
So I left university and Istarted working in sales and I
loved it because I'm a peopleperson and you know I think my
ADHD takes over and you know Iget so passionate about what I'm
doing and the products that I'mselling.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
Can I just stay on that, right?
So I think when you know, know,you hear a lot of people,
especially with autistic people,they're like, oh no, they could
never be in sales or somethinglike that, and I think that's a
perfect example which whatyou've just spoken about,
because I meet so many.
I suppose autistic people whoare adhd as well are very common

(09:43):
and man like, they're unrealwhen it comes to the sales type
of thing.
Why do you reckon that might bejust out of curiosity.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
Well, I think the two work together because obviously
I've done a lot of reflectionand I think, like with ADHD, you
can be very passionate andyou're really engaging and you
and and you can get like superhyper focused about things and
and doing things.
But also, you know, I, I wouldsee, and of course, all autistic

(10:13):
people are different and how weexperience and do things are
different.
But um, it's uh, it's thatsense of righteousness and doing
things right and doing a goodjob and and um, and and very
much um, you know, kind offocusing on um, the, the facts
and the figures, and and thespecifics.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
So I think that they work really well together, um,
and and that you can be um, youcan be highly effective in many
different careers Because well,I was going to say, like, say, a
dodgy salesperson right isgoing to, you know, probably

(10:55):
sell you the world, but, likeyou know, they're not doing it
for the right reasons, but I'massuming with maybe an autistic
person, that's just not whatthey could potentially do,
because it's not right, correct?

Speaker 2 (11:10):
no, because you can't .
And I think, like that was, thatwas a big factor for me, maybe
in uh, job hopping or losing myjobs.
For years I was, I was not ableto lie, unable to lie, and I
would always say that, oh my god, I can't lie, I can't, I don't,
I just like not, but I, I cansee, it's that, it's that, uh,
it's, it's, that's the, the, theelement of autism within me,

(11:31):
that that that, you know, makesme unable to do that and to, to,
to do a good job, so, and toprovide a good service.
Because if I'm selling yousomething like I'm believing in
what I'm, what I'm telling youI'm going to do, if we don't
deliver on that, like I'mheartbroken.
But I'm gonna probably have ago at who didn't deliver it the

(11:54):
way that it was supposed to be,or the way that I sold it, or
whatever it might be.
Now, quite often I oversold andthat might have been my problem
too, and but that I, that Ithat I believe too much in, in
what we could do, and you know.
But again, that's theimportance of being in a good
team, where you can, where youcan, you know work off each
other rely and you work off eachother and you ensure and it's

(12:18):
about having impeccablestandards.
I think that's really importantin providing people with value,
providing good value and um isis really something that I've
always wanted to do, so I I'vehopscotched will and then, you
know, I moved to.
I've worked in hospitality alot like um and moving.
How is that how?

Speaker 1 (12:37):
is that for you?
Because hospitality would havebeen very like were you working
in busy pubs or anything.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
How is that for sensory overload?
then, yeah, well, it's, you know, funny.
Again, a bit of reflection.
I think you know my ADHD,definitely.
I think like it was the nextday that I would have crashed
and tiredness and like all ofthe things, but at the time it
was always and I think I've beenvery good about like honing in

(13:06):
what I hear and being on purposeand working on purpose.
So why am I here and what's thereason?
Like, what am I doing?
You know I'm here to serve, youknow, drink to customers.
I'm here to look after thecustomers, make sure that
they're taken care of and tomake money for the company that
I'm working for.
So, um, so, so, so, you know, Iguess I I did pretty well

(13:26):
working a bar in New York, inDublin, during the recession.
I had a, had my own business,started my own business at 20,
uh, in juice and smoothie bars,um, and then the the GFC, so I
was creating a juice andsmoothie bar franchise that, so
it was about 2009,.

Speaker 1 (13:44):
Correct?

Speaker 2 (13:45):
2008, yeah, oh, 2008, yeah, that would have been the
beginning of the GFC correct.
Yeah, well, it was 2008 that Ilost my business because nobody
was buying smoothies and juicesat that point, but that was okay
.
I was still young.
I went back to college and Istudied event management because

(14:06):
I found found that I reallyenjoyed events.
I was very good at running them.
I was very elitigious andmaking sure you know that, um,
that they were run, and I wasgreat under pressure, because
it's that you know fight, fightor flight where you know an
ADHDer just like kicks intoaction and gets things done.
You know and and tribes, and Ithink that was the same working
in hospitality.
You tribe on the buzz and thenyou crash afterwards.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
What was it like growing up for you then, like
you know, as a kid, you know,was it similar type of stuff
that, and you know, you look atit now and go man.
Now I can see why I was likethat, or why I felt like that.

Speaker 2 (14:46):
Hmm, yes, I do.
Now, hindsight is, you know, iswhat I have and it really helps
.
I grew up in Ireland, in ruralIreland, on like on a farm in
the middle of the country, sovery remote.
You know, very you know tohardworking parents like my dad
is turning 80 this year and hestill works three days a week

(15:08):
like he'll never retire.
He loves it.
You know my mom like very hardworking.
I remember a story um, sheworked for a company for 10
years.
She never had a sick day, notone sick day in 10 years, and
she during that time she brokeher arm and she left work for

(15:29):
two hours to go to the hospitalto get a plaster cast on her arm
and she came back to work afterwhat type of work was it?

Speaker 1 (15:38):
on her arm, uh, she was working in accounts uh for,
uh, bookkeeping for uh, if itwere to feel like working in a
warehouse and you really needboxes, but still that's like
because, like what happens whenyou break your arm, your body
goes into, like you know, youget a lot of adrenaline and you

(15:59):
feel stuff.
So that's a credit to yourmother.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
But you know what?
That's the type of mentalitythat I grew up around that it
was.
You know, just working and youwork, and you know, so, you know
, so you, you know you're,you're obviously always very
influenced by your surroundings,by the people around you.
And I have four brothers, nosisters, four brothers, my.
I've got three older brothersand one younger brother, and now

(16:23):
I I look back, I think I wasalways like I never really knew
who I was, so I've always beenmasking I.
I was always wanted to bepopular.
I was very into sports, so Ifound that like I enjoyed that,
but that was a great it's okayWell.
I've always tried, I've alwaystried to be well and I and I

(16:44):
wanted to fit in, so bad so likeI constantly found myself
masking, obviously just toemulate, like and replicate,
like what the cool kids aredoing or who they were, and but
missing, missing the social cuesdid you find you attracted the
wrong people because of that?

Speaker 1 (17:03):
yeah, like, like, maybe like you were trying to be
this person, you weren't.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
So maybe you were attracting the wrong friends,
maybe the wrong partnerseventually, things like that
yeah, well, I could definitelysay that my dating years were uh
interesting to say the least.
Um, uh, you know, but it's it's,it's that kind of and also
getting yourself into situationsthat you know that, that you

(17:29):
find yourself in and you're like, you know, not, not not knowing
, like to say no, or justfeeling like awkward or not
knowing what to do and you'rejust like, oh well, you know if
and I sometimes kind of you know, reflect and what it's what you
do as a late diagnosed adultand you know it's kind of like
what, if I knew, how would someof the situations that I found

(17:53):
myself in throughout my life bedifferent, like how would and
you know I'm I won't get into it, um, today, but like I, I know
like there were so many thingswhere, like work situations, but
also, like you know, socialinteractions, like you know
where, you know I would have hadgreat friends, who are no
longer my friends because Iwould have said things, because

(18:14):
you say things again.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
I speak about the honesty, you know.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
You know saying exactly what you think, not
knowing that people don't reallysay exactly what they think.
And it's not always, uh, it'snot.
You know, honesty is not alwaysa virtue in in a lot of
situations you know um and whenyou and when you are, then
people can get offended or, youknow, they don't, you know, want

(18:40):
to be your friend anymorebecause that's what you're like.
But, um, you know, and and itcan be difficult like there's a
lot of guilt, like, obviously,I've been living here in
Australia for 15 years, so Ihave a lot of friends at home
that I went to school andcollege with and I grew up with
that.
Like I don't, I don't continuelike communication with them.

(19:01):
I do, um, like when I go hometo Ireland, I'll get in touch,
we'll have a night out, we'll,you know, get in touch from time
to time.
But like I actually find myselflike in that stuck, like, uh, I
feel like I can't or shouldn'treach out to them all the time
because I don't or haven't beendoing it.

(19:22):
And then, like you're, you know, because I have other friends
who are always in touch withtheir friends from home and I
think, why are you so lucky?

Speaker 1 (19:29):
why?
Why't I like that type of thing?

Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, and these are some of the things that you can
kick yourself over.
You know when you're, you knowwhen you think that you're
neurotypical and you don't knowany different.
But I think one of thebeautiful things about receiving
a diagnosis was to be able togo easy on myself and to stop
picking myself for the thingsthat I don't do or that I
haven't done, or you know thatthat that I find difficult

(19:55):
because you know, I mentioned,like I've had a lot of instances
where I've run my own businessthroughout the years, because
sometimes it just got toodifficult or I had a like
harrowing situation in theworkplace and I said, no, that's
it, I'm never, I'm never, I'mnever going to rely on somebody
else to employ me ever again.
I need to be self-sufficient, Ineed to look after myself.

(20:17):
Because I knew I was driven, Iknew I could do it if I was
doing it for the companies.
Like I was making multi-milliondollars for some of the
companies I was working withhere in Australia, like closing
deals, like you know, writingtenders, like and I loved it, I
was thriving on it.
But then, you know, then I wouldbe like, oh, no, commission no,

(20:39):
thank you just, you know, andI'm like, wow, okay, you know,
this is, you know, this isinteresting, so you know.
So I've always kind of felt theneed to have to do it myself,
which has, you know, this is,this is interesting, so you know
.
So I've always kind of felt theneed to have to to do it my
myself, which has, you know, ledme to this.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
So, yeah, so my son, hang on, you're doing really
well.
Let's just take a bit of abreather, have a bit of a sip
here for a sec.
Um, what we might do, what wemight do, just say this.
Just say the viewers and thelisteners can have an
understanding of what we're,what we're going through, um, so

(21:16):
, yeah, no, what, what?
What I actually wanted to covernow was you know, you've just
spoken a little bit about your,your, your diagnosis, um, well,
you sort of touched a little bit, but you haven't gone really in
depth as into when.
But obviously your son is ADHD,correct, correct?

(21:37):
I'm assuming when your son wasdiagnosed, that was when you
were diagnosed as well.
Is that correct?

Speaker 2 (21:46):
Well, that kind of it .
Just everything made sense then.
Will, he was two and a half.
He's turning eight on Monday,next Monday.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
Oh nice.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
Yeah, from the 29th.
So he was two and a half.
He was in childcare because Iwas a working mom, I had a
full-time job and he was inchildcare from he was one and he
had a like.
He was such a care from he wasone and um he had a like.
He was such a beautiful hestill is always a beautiful
child but, um, he had a real waywith some of the the workers

(22:19):
and they adored him, um, and hebroke his leg and he slowed down
for the first time because hecouldn't be running around like
he was, you know, a crazytoddler.
And one of the one of the theworkers, um, said he pulled me
and my husband aside and justsaid look, I don't know how
you're going to take this, butit's my due diligence to share

(22:42):
with you that.
I think, um, that Daniel mightbe autistic and I'd be doing you
a disservice by not telling youand, um, because now you can
get early intervention or youcan begin to look into it and
you know if you don't want to dothat.
But I am so grateful for her,um, because we just we were like

(23:02):
okay, great, you know, let'slook into it.
Like, what will we do.
So we were very positivebecause I know a lot of parents
can go the other way and they'relike, no, no way, no, not our
son, he's too young, he'll growout of it, whatever.
We were like, okay, let's go,what can we do?
So we took it, you know, youknow, like um head head on and

(23:23):
uh, we got into the NDIS, we, wewent to a pediatrician, we got
him in with an ot, a speechy anda psychologist and we've like
done so many therapies.
Of course, you know, the ndisis amazing in australia.
It's so fantastic, you know, andhe's had this opportunity to

(23:43):
have all these years of therapyand support and, and you know
everything, like I say, if wewere living in ireland, we
probably wouldn't even know whatI probably still wouldn't even
know, because it's not like youknow it's such a different
system over there, I'm assumingdifferent, yeah, and and there

(24:03):
is no like funding support likethere is here.
So I'm so grateful to theAustralian system, to the early
intervention and you know he,like he's doing so great and
he's so inspiring but we, uh, wewent to the Australian because,
like you know, everybody who'slistening here, everyone who's
been on this podcast, knows thatthe waiting lists for diagnosis

(24:25):
are so long and so difficult.
Um, and he was, um, my friendis a lecturer in the Australian
Catholic University and she saidto me Ash, you know they do
diagnosis in the university, soyou know, maybe put them on that
list too.
So they were the first one thatcame up and it was just after

(24:50):
lockdown.
So we had gone through lockdownwith, you know, getting all the
therapy and everything, but it'sfor the official diagnosis yeah
and he was about five at thetime and you know, during the
time, because I like hyper focusonto things, I started studying
everything about autism.
At time we didn't know he hadADHD, so I was just like up to

(25:12):
my neck in books about autism,like doing courses, learning.

Speaker 1 (25:17):
And were you starting to go?
Hang on?
I think this might be me aswell.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Well doing everything .
You see, I didn't mention itbefore, but when I was in my
early 20s here in Australia Ihad the opportunity to
participate in the televisionshow the Apprentice.
So I flew back to Ireland to bea contestant on the Apprentice

(25:42):
and then I was fired and I cameback to Australia, but I
experienced for the first timein my life at that time deep
depression.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Wow From the show.
From the show yeah, because itwas yeah, everyone would have
seen it.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
Everyone gets fired yeah yeah, when you're on like
tv, everybody you know, and Iwas just so embarrassed did
anyone recognize you?

Speaker 1 (26:02):
did anyone go?

Speaker 2 (26:03):
hey, you're that person from the show yeah, I
wasn't on it for long enough.
Sometimes people do.
I had a choice line that I use.
I don't know how we feel aboutcursing on the podcast, like but
.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
I had a line.
Do I?

Speaker 2 (26:18):
so, my very well, I said fuck five times throughout
the show, right?
So it was like.
So I, you know, very easily docurse and, but my last line and
this is you're gonna laugh atthis as an ADHDer was I should
have read the fucking brief.
And then I would get a lot ofpeople who would say that to me.
Oh, you know, you should haveread the fucking brief and that
was like kind of close the show.

(26:40):
But I didn't like the brief.
I know like the brief for thetime.
Well, it's like that's sotypical ADHD.
If I knew, or if I was able tomanage myself, I'd have like
delegated that job to my, to ICor to somebody else to say, okay
, I want you to go through thisdocument, I want to pull out all

(27:00):
the important things.
But I was like that peoplepleaser is like no, no, I'll do
all the things, that I put myhand up and I like I'll do
everything and I, you know,because that's always been so I
think you know with age andunderstanding and the importance
of diagnosis and understanding,like your limitations and
understanding your strengths isthat you can delegate the work

(27:22):
that you are not amazing atdoing or you can focus on.
Look at, like, that's not my keyarea of strength, like, while I
want to do it, I'd love to, I'dprefer to focus on this if
possible.
So so you're not letting otherpeople down or yourself and
causing yourself all of thisanxiety.
But anyway, so I came back toAustralia.
I was depressed and you know Ihad rejection, sensitive

(27:43):
dysphoria in a bad way, in areally bad way, because I was
fired on national television inIreland and, um, and I started
personal development then.
So I started to go to seminars,I started to take courses, I
started to do everything I couldto feed myself with positivity
and to to just to to learn.

(28:04):
So I became a coach or I didsome coaching courses.
I did courses to become apublic speaker or a professional
speaker.
I did um other like contentcreation courses like and this
is back in the day before peoplewere creating content
essentially, but it was likeabout building a business based
around you know, content and andexperience and things like that
, and I kind of didn't reallyknow what I wanted to do with it

(28:27):
.
But, um, I was inspired to helpyoung people, so I started up a
and I was.
I've always loved empowerment.
Empowerment is like my buzzword.
So, um, I started the youngempowerment program where I
supported young people just to,to let go of what might be
holding them back and I and Ireflected on that because my

(28:47):
brilliant mentor, benvey, um,he's a, he's a sydney man, uh,
from authentic education like he, uh.
So I studied a lot with, um,with, with those guys.
Um, he said, like your idealclient is the person that you
were 10 years ago.
Who is that?
And for me it was a teenagerwho was struggling in many ways

(29:10):
right, and I was how can Isupport somebody now that I've
all this personal developmentknowledge and stuff, like stuff
that I wasn't brought up with,that I didn't know, and like
there's a lot of people whodon't know this stuff and maybe
I can support them?
So that was kind of thebeginning of my journey to
empowerment, I would say, andsupporting other people to be

(29:31):
empowered.
So I wanted.
Then I transferred that over toDaniel and just thought, okay,
how can I empower him?
What can I do?
I studied NLP and then, ofcourse, like a good ADHDer, I
bought all the courses and Ibecame an ADHDer with my
hyper-focus, my hobby and.

(29:51):
I became a trainer of NLP, atrainer of hypnosis and timeline
therapy, which was amazing forme and for him, because I was
able to utilize everything thatI learned to help him yeah, when
we got the diagnosis.
Um, I said to the psychiatristshe was a clinical psychiatrist
and I or a psychologist, and Ijust look at everything that

(30:13):
you're telling me and is me likethat's that's me.
So I think that, um, maybe weshould do, uh, we should do, uh,
um, a diagnostic.
For me.
Would that be something that wecould do?
And she's like yeah, absolutely, that would actually be
wonderful, you know thecomparison like with a son and

(30:35):
mother where is it coming from,type of thing.
Yeah, interesting, because I waslike so this is like genetic,
like obviously, because she waslike with the ADHD.
That's when he was diagnosedwith ADHD and autism and I was
like, right.
So then I got my diagnosis fromthem and they were like, yeah,
like you've got ADHD.
But we also did an autism testand you, you've tested uh, I

(30:59):
always say this, like you know,you've tested positive for
autism and I was like, but thatfloored me and I was like, I was
floored for about six months,not knowing, like just reading
over it and over it, like what,like really, you know, trying to
understand.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Would you say that was a shock to the system, or
was it say depression, or Idon't know, because like now,
it's probably making a lot ofthings make sense.
If that makes sense, yes.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Well, you know it did , because what I had researched
before was a lot of autism inchildren and so on.
So then of course, I got on theautism in adults bandwagon and
looking at autism in women and,you know, did a lot of that.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
Because what I might say, because we're actually
going through this pretty wellyou know what was that like.
So you obviously got yourpre-diagnosis.
Well, you're diagnosed now.
So it's obviously what was itlike after that, like what
changed now.
Well, you know, I suppose, andI'm assuming as well, probably

(32:08):
the first six months weredifficult.
Yeah, like.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
I'm so grateful for the support that I received from
his therapists, um, becausethey helped me with him no end.
And and just like I would sayto anybody who's on that journey
, get, get an amazing.
Our OT, she, she like shechanged my life.
You know, like she because she,like he, he is such a great kid

(32:35):
.
But there were parts of thejourney that were difficult.
Of course, you know, I can'tsay everything was.
What was roses, um, like therewere definitely parts that were
challenging but, um, he providedme with strategies we were able
to to support him in so manyways and it meant so much to be
able to do that but obviously itwas very time consuming.

(32:57):
You know, one of the otherthings we're like, you know I
was talking about havingbusinesses and being an
entrepreneur.
I was always so driven andpassionate to do that.
But some of the areas wherelife is difficult is financially
and, um, in, I was gonna saykeeping within the law.

(33:18):
I don't mean it that soundsterrible but, like you know, I
haven't done my tax in fouryears.
Like I have to do it.
You know like that's, you knowyou have to get that done and I
have some speeding and parkingfines that I need to get paid
you know it's like, well, it'snot, it's that, it's, it's that

(33:42):
ADHD thing where you're like, oh, I'll just put that into the
drawer, you know, into my kit,into my drawer of shame, you
know, and I'll just leave thatthere with all the other shame
that I have in my life and youtry to like, you know, I've been
really good throughout my life.
I think it yeah,compartmentalizing stuff and
just like putting it to where Idon't want it to be.

(34:04):
Now I'm not like I'm not sayingthis, I'm not proud of it, I'm
really not proud of this at all,but I can identify that.
These are some of the things.
So, if we're talking aboutpre-diagnosis, there'll be so
many things and I'm like why canI not?
Why can I not do that?
Like what's wrong?
Like why am I not?

Speaker 1 (34:22):
you know, Sorry, can I ask there better not be a
warrant out for your arrest.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
No, no, warrant out for your arrest.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
No, no, let's hope that let's have the speeding
fines and that hopefully thisdoesn't attract the police to
you.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
So hopefully that doesn't, yeah, but but I always
because I share, because, likenow, I suppose the the journey
you know that I've, that I'vegone on.
Now I, I I work with people whoare neurodivergent and that is
so fulfilling to me and I thinkone of the things because I'm a
good storyteller, I think that'smy Irishness as well, and one

(35:00):
of the key things is that I'mvery honest and I share from the
heart.
I'm like you know, while a lotof people would be too
embarrassed to share some of thethings that I've shared, I'm
like, well, if it can help youto understand, a lot of my
clients will say to me like ohmy God, ash, I just thought that
I was the only one who didthings like that.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
Do you know what?
Sorry to cut you off there, butthat's such an interesting
point because there's oftentimeswhere I speak to other
neurodivergent people about howI'm feeling or certain things
that I've done in life orwhatever like that, and you know
, I sometimes think, oh man,that's a bit oversharing, but it

(35:40):
feels like they get it andthey're like oh yeah yeah, yeah,
no judgment here, man.
I totally get it.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
You know what I mean well, we, we do overshare, you
know, because there's that, likethere's that part of who we are
, but the thing is, becauseneurotypical people don't, so
they look at us and like we'reused to, you know engaging with
neurotypical people who we'veovershared to and they're
looking at us like they're likeholy shit man, this person's

(36:07):
like yeah yeah, totally, so, so,so, so, therefore, like, if we
catch ourselves and we findourselves like in that like
moment of like, oh my god, I'vegone too far.
you know, traditionally, if wewere with a neurotypical person,
um, they'd have said no, that'stoo much um and um what we?

Speaker 1 (36:30):
but I?
I sometimes like there's beentimes where I've like been with
people.
I'm like you know what?
I think this person'sneurodivergent.
So I've overshared somethingand then their response has been
like exactly how aneurodivergent person would
respond and I've been like, yeah, this person's neurodivergent
for sure.

(36:51):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (36:53):
I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but that's what I've
found in the past no, no, Iguess we kind of like have a,
have a spidey sense for that,don't we?

Speaker 1 (37:02):
maybe, maybe um, yeah we can.
We're like sometimes like I findlike this might sound funny as
well, it it's like I've got aradar for neurodivergent people.
I can spot them a mile away.
I'm like I bet you thatperson's this, and a lot of the

(37:23):
time they probably won't evenrealise or know that they're
neurodivergent.
I'm like I bet you thatperson's this, they've done this
, they've done that, they'vedone this.
And then nine'm like bet youthat person's this, they've done
this, they've done that,they've done this.
And then nine times out of ten,that person will come to me and
they'll be like hey, yeah, bythe way, I'm actually this and
that and blah, blah, blah, blahand I'm like soldiers.

(37:43):
But actually, moving on fromthat, how did um life change for
you and your son post diagnosis?
So you've sort of spoken alittle bit about that yourself.
What about for your son?
How was that for him?
Did did a lot of his stuffchange, or was, I don't know?
Were you able to maybe supporthim better?

Speaker 2 (38:05):
I'm not sure yeah, well, like you know, he's still
young, um and and and, like hewas young at the time and I
think, like I had to come toterms with it, like myself, and
I had to decide like where I wasgoing.
At the time I was running an NLPtraining school called the
Institute of EmpoweredPsychology and and I felt I had

(38:26):
to step away from that.
One of the funny things aboutNLP, one of the things that we
do in NLP, is eye pattern and wewatch people's eye patterns and
it was one of the things that Ifound so much difficulty in
training or doing as part of youknow it was watching and like I
just never knew why I was likeI just can't.

(38:47):
I just like I felt it's really,really hard.
Now it all makes sense, right,like in in that, because I have
been masking so heavily for mywhole life, you know, just like
you know being able to, becauseI was a salesperson from a very
early age, I was trained how tobehave, how to mirror and and

(39:08):
and mimic other people like andhow to.
So I was, I was trained how tobehave, how to mirror and mimic
other people.
So I was trained how to mask.
You would have been so burnt out, yeah make eye contact and then
you know, like, you know to,but like, not intensely, like,
but in a, in a really soft waythat you can engage with people,
like all of that kind of stuff,which is really really, really

(39:29):
funny.
So I've always been, like youknow, feeding myself with as
much like personal developmentand growth information as
possible.
But also because when I found adeficit, like I was like why,
what, why, what is like, I waslooking for like, like, like the
answer to why do I do things,except for what is missing,
because I'm doing all of thiswork on myself but there's

(39:53):
something that I'm just notgetting.
You know, I like communicationtraining courses, like so many
things.
I even created and I wasrunning a communication training
course, uh, in my old businessthat I used to.
That I used to, and there wasnot one part of that that was
about neurodivergent training orcommunication at all, because

(40:13):
it wasn't also really in myradar, even though Daniel was a
neurodivergent, I think, like Ijust didn't think about adults
in that way until I got mydiagnosis and then everything
changed.
My whole model of the world wasturned upside down and I saw
everything.
So I, like you know there'sthat like bittersweet.

(40:33):
I was so grateful for mydiagnosis because that was the.
That was what I was looking for.
All of the courses ofeverything that I had done was
kind of leading me to that pointwhere I discovered aha.
For all of the courses oreverything that I had done was
kind of leading me to that pointwhere I discovered aha.
It was like my eureka momentand can I say?

Speaker 1 (40:50):
can I just say on that right, like for me now,
especially being diagnosed, um,it helps me to be able to choose
, maybe, the people I want to befriends with.
Do you know what I mean?
I'm not saying that I mightmeet someone that's an awesome
person, but sometimes I'm justfinding I'm clicking so much
better with neurodivergentpeople.

(41:12):
A lot of the time I don't know.
Since my diagnosis it's justmade it easier for me to be able
to make those decisions.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
Yeah, well, I think that's a very good point.
I, I, I love people well, likeI love, you know, but I, I, you
know, I I I've always like,really enjoyed, but like it's
funny, like you know can I say I, I like people too, but, um, I
like my own, like I I.

Speaker 1 (41:43):
You know, especially with networking we're actually
speaking about this in anepisode of a while ago that when
I started networking when I wasa lot younger, you know I
thought networking is you go inthere and you just have to make
friends or connections orwhatever.
And I found quite early that,you know, some of the people I
was trying to connect with justweren't me, do you know what I

(42:06):
mean?
They weren't my crew type ofthing.
But once I started connectingwith the right people, building
that brand which I've got now,the people I'm connecting with,
it's like I feel so much better.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
I do well, but I also I love what you just said.
They're building that brand you.
It was like you had to discoverwho you were first like and I
and I think that sometimes youknow I know I was searching for
who I was for a long timebecause I was didn't have that
piece of the puzzle, so I waskind of I was.
I used to actually joke and sayI'm like a chameleon, like I'll

(42:41):
be anyone you want me to bebecause I'm really good at doing
that, you know.
So I can just, like you know,morph into whatever and I'll fit
into any situation and I wasvery adaptable in so many
different types of situationsand work and jobs and and and
and um and and organizations,which is interesting, but like
um, I suppose, like you know,going back into the

(43:03):
post-diagnosis, I focused on umbecause I was running a training
company in um you know for foran LP.
I was like, how can I transfereverything that I know from this
to actually supportingneurodivergent people?
Because I used to be a coachand I used to coach high
performance, uh, women inbusiness and high performance

(43:24):
women.
I had, like um, hollywoodactresses.
I had, like um you know, lotsof, like sports stars, athletes
like Olympians and C-levelexecutives were the level that I
was here in Australia, but butalso around the world.
Yeah interesting Online coaching, right, because that was my

(43:45):
focus, my niche, and I kind ofpulled myself away and said,
like I don't feel like I can dothat now because I feel
unauthentic, because I'mautistic.
Now that I've, you know, hadthis, how am I going to reinvent
myself to support?
And actually one of my formerclients, uh, got her diagnosis
in adhd and she said to meashling, I think that you should

(44:08):
be an adhd coach.
I think that you'd really helppeople and because she's like a
lot of how you help me and theand the strategies you gave me
when we worked together, youknow they're really relevant and
they help me now.
So I just thought, okay, but Ihave to do more study, because I
didn't have enough self-beliefthat I had enough.

(44:28):
So I did, I did a diploma inmental health and I did a
coaching course in ADHD coaching.
Uh, to be an ADHD coach and, um, you know just kind of more
research about like adults andADHD and neurodiversity and like
how can I?
you know, because I have to helpmyself first, right so you know

(44:50):
, it's that kind of a way likegoing back to my old mentor, ben
.
You know you want to helpyourself, you want to be the
coach to help who you were 10years ago.
So you know, I always kind ofheld that in my head and thought
, ok, well, it's not 10 yearsago, but what about you know
people now, Because I've got 10,15 years of personal

(45:11):
development experience and noteveryone has that.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
And they're people who are being late diagnosed now
and they don't have.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
They haven't had any personal development.
They don't have.
They haven't had any personaldevelopment and I think it's
probably what kept me sane on aneven keel.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
Almost Will like to have done so much personal
development and you know theTony Robbins and like all of the
different gurus, can I say Ithink the thing that helped me,
especially after my diagnosis,was and we're talking about the
brand and all that before for along time I had built this

(45:46):
neurodivergent, dyslexic person,so I was connected with a lot
of key people like world-leadingdoctors and that within this
field.
Then I got the diagnosis forADHD and was like I just fell
right into it because I hadeveryone around me.
I'd been spending so much timesoaking up this information and

(46:10):
it was almost like yes, when Igot my diagnosis type of thing
that was just me anyway.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
But everyone's story is different.
They are, aren't they?
Like it's interesting and Ilove um, like three of my
brothers are dyslexic, you know.
Now, you know I, I said like Idon't think my brothers are
extremely happy with mediagnosing them, but in the same
way that I'm just like, wait,like this is genetic, like I
have it, my son has it, my, myson, uh, my brother, his son

(46:41):
also is autistic.
And then I look at my brotherand I joke when I do trainings,
because one of the things aboutbeing autistic is either you
talk too much or you talk toolittle, right?
And I say, well, like this isyou know me and my little
brother.
I, you know, talk a lot, hetalks very little.

(47:01):
They say that when we weregrowing up that I took all the
words and left him with none.
But it's like they're two veryyou know he's, he's also
dyslexic, um, and I think likethere's very we're very um, two
different styles ofneurodiversity within the family
that we grew up four yearsapart, right, like, and you know

(47:22):
it's like we're different, we,we've got similarities.
Uh, we think differently.
And um, he was like so sincewhen have I been autistic?
And I'm like, oh sorry, uh, I,uh I was like, I guess forever
love and.
But you know, it's just um, youknow, it's like it's not my
place to diagnose you.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
Uh, you know but I, I feel like you know, it's just,
you know, it's like it's not myplace to diagnose you.
Yeah, totally.

Speaker 2 (47:43):
But I feel like you know, that's the feeling that
I'm getting, because I can lookat our family and I can see.
Well, you know, this brotherhas ADHD and dyslexia, just like
you will, and you know, so it'schanged a lot.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
Yeah, totally.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
Because you have a different perspective, then
don't you?

Speaker 1 (48:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally, and I think that and
you know, even thinking about mybrother.
Like him and I.
We are completely differentwhen it comes to our neurotypes
and all of that, but moving onfrom that, you know being like,
you know, similar to your sonand sort of learning about all
this stuff as well.
Are there any cool uniquedynamics in your mother son

(48:26):
relationship, given that you'reboth Audi HD?

Speaker 2 (48:31):
Yes, well, um, you know he's really.
You know, when I, when Istarted talking to him about
autism because a lot of parentsdo struggle like I do I tell my
you know when do I tell my sonor my daughter that they're
autistic and how do I go aboutit?
And you know, it was after I,when I took ownership, when I
took ownership of mine, when I,when I started to live it and I

(48:54):
started my coaching business andI started to talk about it.
You know, I'm a professionalspeaker, I talk on stage, I talk
about neurodiversity.
I'm here in the house and I'mI'm I'm like in front of, like
my camera, and I'm running atraining, a presentation, and
he's here beside me and he'slike mommy, you know what?
Like what is this autism?
Like what is autistic and likewhat's ADHD, you know?

(49:17):
So that I'm like okay, you'reready, okay, let me tell you
what it is.
So you and me, we are autisticand we have ADHD, like that's
the way that I say it.
I know people say itdifferently, you know I think,
whatever works, I don't carry itaround in my bag.
But, like you know, it's like,let me, let me tell you, let me
explain to you what, what, um,what that means.

(49:39):
Um, so it just means that our,like, our brains are wired
differently, and it's not justyou, but it's you and me.
So you know, it's like we'regoing to think differently to
our friends, to our family, toother people.
Like you're probably going tothink things differently to me
and I'm going to think thingsdifferently to you.
We're going to behavedifferently, and I was like you

(50:01):
know the way you find it reallyhard to like sit down in class
and you have to sit on the spiky, on the spiky um cushion, and
you know, you, you you need toplay with the poppers and things
like that.
It's like that's how your ADHDis manifesting, like these, my
poor child I use words like this, like manifesting and stuff,
and anyway, like he's, he's likewhat he's probably like what's

(50:23):
going on.
I know, like this is like youknow, this is how it exposes
itself to the world, essentially.
So he's like oh, so now, likeright for dinner.
And I'm like you know he onlyeats pizza, pepperoni pizza.
So you know, surprise, surprise, right for surprise, what would
you like to eat?
Pizza, you know?

(50:43):
Or we'll be like you know, okay, daniel, you know let's have a
chat, but he's just like no, Ican't, mommy.
And he'll be like mommy, youknow, does your head ever get
like this?
Or he'll come to me and he'llbe just like my head feels like
this.
Is that because of autism?

(51:04):
Or, you know, he'll ask me verysuch good questions.
Those are good questions likeall, like are he being?
Like this is you know what'sgoing on now?
Like is this, what is thisabout me?
But he's no, because we talkabout the brain.
We talk about what's going on,our feelings and the sensations
in our body because he's twiceexceptional as well, correct?

(51:25):
He is.
Yes, yeah, yes, he is so veryextremely intelligent yeah, he
isn't like when you know he'syoung, but I think I think he
spends too much time on ipadsand I just like you know the
like.
There is a fine line that hecomes up from school and he's
like mum, I just want to chillout, I just need to relax, and

(51:49):
he's like I just need to relax.
But I know I also need to pullhim back out of that and do
other other things.
So what is relaxing for him, outof curiosity, just for a young
kid it's like being on the ipad,like, so it's like so that's,
watching watching, watchingyoutubers playing minecraft.
Like that is.
You know, that's his real like.

(52:10):
He loves minecraft, he'sobsessed and you know, and I
think that's good like.
I think minecraft is a goodlike game for your brain.
I have engaged with apsychologist online that does it
through Minecraft.
So we're in the queue waitingfor an appointment because I
want to see what that will belike, because I want him to be

(52:31):
able to utilize what he enjoysalong with therapy in that kind
of manner, like we did Legotherapy for for years.
He was obsessed with lego andhe loved that you know, like,
well, it's, it's findingdifferent ways.
Oh yeah, that's awesome.
No, as a mother, you want to doanything to protect your

(52:53):
children and to support them,because you know that.
You know and that was me and myhusband together when he was
diagnosed we were like we wantto help him to be the best that
he can be, and every way in theworld.
Like, you know, no pressureDaniel and so it's like, well,
how can we support him in doingthat and what can we do?
So you know it's constantlylooking at the ways that we can,

(53:15):
we can help him be the best,but I think it's very open and
honest sharing.
Well, that's really the core toour connection is like just
talking about what we're andlike for me, I'm like it's, it's
almost like enlightening for me, because I'm like, hey, yeah,
you're right that's right, youknow where we were at Disney on

(53:35):
ice, and we spent half of thehalf of the time in the sensory
room because it was just too,much yeah interesting.
You're dead right.
Even though he had like theheadphones and he's like that's,
it's just too much for me.
Mommy, you know we had.
He could say that he didn't sayit's too much for me and sorry.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
What does he sorry?
What does he call you nanny?
Is that like mommy?

Speaker 2 (53:56):
mommy, oh okay he's like this, uh, like
little-Aussie hybrid kid, sohe's got kind of an American
accent, kind of Irish, kind ofAustralian.
He's absolutely gorgeous.
That's awesome.
And mammy is the Irish word forlike mom.

(54:17):
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:19):
No, that's interesting.
That's interesting.
No, that's such an interestingway of approaching it.
But you know, let's say youknow, and, like you were talking
about before, there are someparents out there who you know.
Maybe they don't have theexperience you've got, or you
know it is very foreign to them,they're just learning about it.

(54:42):
It's probably quite dauntingfor some parents as well.
You know, it is very foreign tothem, they're just learning
about it.
It's probably quite dauntingfor some parents as well.
You know, entering into theunknown.
So what would be some adviceyou'd give to other parents on
similar journeys to what you'veexperienced?

Speaker 2 (54:56):
I would say, embrace it, like I just think like it's
a beautiful thing to bedifferent.
I and I've always um, likelived.
You know, my some of my, someof my old work colleagues used
to call me a maverick andthey're like, you know the
maverick and I'm like now itjust makes sense.
You know, you're always likedoing things differently.

(55:16):
You're always kind of likepushing on the boundaries, like
trying to, you know, test therules and stuff, and like it all
makes sense, right, your kidsare probably going to do the
same.
Now that you could allow thatto drive you crazy, or you could
embrace it and like supportthem in a soft and gentle way,
right?
So like it's like not like, youknow, no screaming, we don't

(55:37):
shout in our house, there's nofights, no, like we're all very,
very chill, very calm.
It's all like you know.
But I've worked very hard tocreate that like you know that
that regulated nervous system, Idon't, we don't let that.
No, I only have one child afterall.
I know some families havemultiple children and I take my

(55:57):
hat off to you because like oneis enough for me, you know, with
a full-time job and running mybusiness, like doing so many
different things, but alsothat's that's that's like, you
know, our family's personalchoice and you know it's trying
to be able to support them wherethey're at, not trying to make
them what you think they shouldbe.

(56:19):
I think that can be a problemthat a lot of people experience
in the past.
Oh no, you know, don't do that.
And I catch myself saying likedon't do that, you know, do
things the way.
And then I'm like shh, shut up,ash, let him, let him be, let
him be you know crazy and kooky.
And let him experience a waywhere he feels confident and

(56:40):
comfortable, because and let himexperience a way where he feels
confident and comfortablebecause I think quite often,
like where the fights and thetantrums and the craziness
happens with kids and, of course, like all kids are are
different.
You know we're all differentbut, like all neurodivergent
representations are differentand it's dependent on you know
what support you've had and youknow what, what level you're at
within your diagnosis and youknow how and your family dynamic

(57:03):
and everything else.
So for us, we want to keep wekeep a very calm and happy and
kind and soothing kind ofhousehold and like there's no
like drama, like you know, theother night my husband gave him
pie, like he made a meat pie,and he gave me pie and mashed
potatoes and I was like what?

(57:25):
And like poor daniel sat downand he's like like the tears are
welling up in his eyes oh, hedoesn't like pie and mashed
potatoes oh I love that he eatspizza and chicken nuggets.
Well, like that is it that's allhe's eating.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
Wow, what about?
What about vegetables?

Speaker 2 (57:44):
no vegetables and you know I don't make.
I don't because I didn't eatvegetables either and but now I
do and I'm like, pick yourbattles, you know.
You know I might have peoplereporting me for being a bad
mother you know, now they'relike don't worry about them you
know but um I'm.

Speaker 1 (58:01):
Those are now listeners.
Those are now listeners, by theway.

Speaker 2 (58:05):
I always recommend to pick your battles, like you
know.
Do you need to fight over themeating the broccoli or is it
better to help?
So, like he wouldn't eat thepie and he was crying and he was
like we're like, at least ifyou try, if you try.
And then I ended up putting himon chicken nuggets and he loved
them.
He loved.
Thank you so much, mammy, Ilove you so much, you know he
was so grateful.

(58:25):
You know, I guess sometimes it'sgood to test him to see, like
you know, would you have?
Last night we had a differentdinner and I gave him some of
mine.
He loved it and I'm like great,you know, like so diet as
possible and he eats fruit andstuff, but like no veg.
But I didn't eat veg and I'mhealthy and fit and capable and

(58:49):
you know.
So like these are the thingswhere, like you, just you need
to pick your battles withchildren and you just need to
support them.
Like the fights and thetantrums will come when you're
fighting against each other, youknow.
So get into flow.
Get into flow with your kid.
Like.
Something that I learned earlyon when I was studying NLP was

(59:10):
pattern interrupting and I foundthat was super helpful for me
when he was like three, four,five, like those like dynamic
kind of toddler, tantrum eras,like, and like he used to throw
himself against the wall likehe'd be.
You know like it was.
It was dangerous, but like.
But I was able to utilize theskills that I learned to support

(59:31):
him and and quite often it waspattern interrupting and like.
And also diversion.
Like diversion to somethingelse, like you know, so that he
that he wouldn't hurt himself,and then trying to understand
the triggers.
And if you can understand, likethe triggers that your children
are experiencing, well, thenyou can support them even better
.

(59:51):
You know is it in school, likewhat are the things that are
setting you off in school?
Now, he doesn't want to talk tome about school, he just wants
to relax.
But when we create that likereally open environment for
conversations, he, he will yeah,no, it's interesting.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
It's interesting, definitely, some awesome stuff
you've shared with us.
But you know, I think, um, youknow we're getting we're pretty
much close to the end now um,awesome chat, by the way, it's
been, it's been great.
You, you're straight out of theblocks to start with, but uh,
we'll, we'll manage to able tobring you back.
So that that was good.

(01:00:27):
But you know what you weretelling me before we started.
You've got some really coolstuff happening.
Um, what is it that's going onand where can people connect
with you?

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
ah, well, a couple of of things that you'd have seen
on my social media.
I am training for the MelbourneMarathon at the moment,
actually, so I'm hoping to dothat for a neurodivergent
charity.
So I'm looking, I'm in touchwith the Melbourne Marathon and
with some charities to see if Ican support them, and because I

(01:01:01):
found that running was one ofthe best things for me to help
me to regulate, to manage mydopamine, to, to support my
mental health, and I'm reallylike I'm just so grateful for
running, and so that's one thingthat I've got going on.
But the other thing, I run agroup coaching course twice a
year, in February and in August.

(01:01:24):
So for late diagnosed women andit's called Neurodiversity and
Me, and it's about exploringyour new diagnosis because,
again, I know what it's like,I've been there and I know that
it can be difficult.
So I go through everything.
It's eight weeks and it's aweekly 90 minutes a week, um, in

(01:01:45):
on a Tuesday evening and we gothrough everything to do with,
uh, neurodiversity, justunderstanding it, getting to
grips with it, because it can bevery foreign and and you have
to do so what I?
I went a lot of places, did alot of research when I found out
.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
So I've kind of put everything together, so they
don't need to do it right no, sothey don't need to do it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
And then you're part of a community of people who are
experiencing the same thing asyou and, like you said well,
it's really nice to hang outwith people with neurodivergent
mates, right?
It's really nice to hang outwith neurodivergent mates so
that's important and meet,meeting people to know that
you're not like, you're notalone in this, like there's so
many people did you say thatit's almost sold out as well, so

(01:02:29):
you better get in quick yes, Idon't like the group to be too
big, so I like to keep it veryintimate because it's it's
personal.
We're sharing a lot of like,really personal things and you
know there's emotions andthere's support and but we get
through it and it's reallybeautiful.
That's awesome.
So it's eight weeks.
It's starting, uh, the firstweek in august, that far away,

(01:02:50):
um, and yeah.
So, if any of you, I'll put alink into the uh, the show notes
and I have, if you're watchingonline, I have a q QR code on my
screen that you can scan.
That's the thing and you cancheck it out there.

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
You can book in a call and I can tell you more
about it and I think as wellpeople could probably connect
with you.
One.
You've got like Instagramaccounts, correct?
You've got LinkedIn.
What else do you have?

Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
LinkedIn, instagram.
I'm on them all.
I'm not really good at ontiktok, um, but I'm on facebook
and um, yeah, that's probablyyou'll find me in one of those
places yeah but I'll put a linkinto the, into the show notes,
so that you're right, yeah, no,no, that's not grateful for you
to have me today.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
I'm just sorry photon john wasn't here because he
would have loved to have chattedwith you, because you know he's
, um, you know he's.
There's probably a lot ofsimilarities that he's growing
up with, um, he doesn't have anychildren but um, you know, I
think he would have related to alot of the stuff that you're
talking about.
But thank you so much forcoming on.
We've done it.

(01:04:04):
We've been trying to get you onfor ages, correct?

Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
Yeah, a couple of months Will, so I'm glad to.
I'm so grateful to be here Timepasses, doesn't it?

Speaker 1 (01:04:13):
What's that?
It does?
It does it does Time passes?
Well, the hardest thing for usis that we just get we do get a
lot of people reaching out tocome on.
So, um, it's about trying tofit everyone in, and we don't.
We do it every fortnight, soit's not like it's a weekly
thing, so sometimes we mightbook people in and they may have

(01:04:35):
to wait two months or more, youknow.
And then sometimes people'splans change, so things open up
and that's where it's like hey,ash, I've got to get you one.
So, um, it was good that way.

Speaker 2 (01:04:48):
If john if john ever wants to have a chat with me,
I'm happy to come on again andfill it, fill, fill an empty
space on another day, totallytotally, totally.

Speaker 1 (01:04:56):
but look, thank you so much.
And for anyone who's umlistening, if you haven't
already done so, pleasesubscribe, like and follow to
all of our social mediaplatforms.
My name's Will Wheeler and thisis NeuroDivergent mate.
Until next time, bye, bye.

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Late Diagnosed mother of a child with AuDHD - Aisling Smith Vance

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Late Diagnosed mother of a child with AuDHD - Aisling Smith Vance