Breaking the Self-Sabotage Cycle: Why we don't do what's good for us

In this episode, we explore four critical reasons we avoid what's best for us: our brain's reward-seeking nature, the unreliability of feelings as decision-makers, the powerful autopilot of habitual behaviors, and the motivation trap that keeps us waiting for inspiration that never comes. More importantly, we offer five practical, science-backed strategies to break free from this cycle: honoring intentions over feelings, making first steps tiny, stacking new habits onto existing routines, expecting discomfort as a normal part of growth, and celebrating actions rather than outcomes.

Real change doesn't happen through dramatic gestures or perfect days—it emerges from those ordinary moments when you choose growth over comfort, especially when you don't feel like it. If you've struggled with following through on what you know is good for you, this episode provides the psychological insights and practical tools to finally break that cycle and create lasting change. And if you feel your brain itself might be part of what's holding you back, learn how neurofeedback training can help both adults and children get unstuck by improving focus, regulation, and follow-through naturally.  See the presentation here: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1exLQXIzuCM9cG3uTST1spWjQ1VJeg80X5FAeNkTLyKU/edit?usp=drive_link

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Why we don't do what's good for us and how to
change that.
Now I hear it all the time fromclients, often with a sheepish
grin and a perfectly reasonableexcuse.
Dr Kale, I was going tomeditate but then my dog gave me
that look and Netflixautoplayed.
And well, here we are.
Or I meant to go to bed early,but I got a little hungry and

(00:21):
then Instagram needed me, soyeah, bed early, but I got a
little hungry and then Instagramneeded me, so yeah.
Or I promised I wouldn't yellat my kids a thousand times, but
yet they pushed my button againyesterday.
It's human, it's perhaps a bitcharming and it's absolutely
predictable.
Generally, most of us knowwhat's good for us, right.
Generally, we don't need apsychologist to tell us that

(00:42):
sleep, exercise, healthy food,less phone and TV, perhaps more
walks in the woods and somemindfulness practices they are
all helpful.
Most of us know this, but stillwe don't often follow through.
Why?
Let's explore why this happensand, more importantly, what you
can do to break the cycle, whywe keep avoiding what's best for

(01:06):
us.
One.
Our brains chase immediaterewards.
Your brain is wired for now.
It evolved to seek comfort,safety and quick wins like food,
rest or entertainment.
That's why reruns and snacksare more appealing than yoga and
gratitude journals.
Two feelings hijack our bestintentions.

(01:26):
We often wait to feel likedoing something before we do it.
But feelings are fickle.
If we're tired, bored, anxiousor overwhelmed, we avoid the
very things that would help usmost.
Emotions aren't reliablenavigators for long-term change.
I talked about this last week.
Remember.
Three habits run the show Mostbehaviors on autopilot.

(01:48):
Without deliberate effort.
Your old routines keep drivingthe bus, even if they're heading
straight for a wall.
Habit wins over willpowernearly every time.
Four motivation is a trap.
People say I just need to getmotivated.
Nope, motivation isn't thecause of action, it's the result
.
Action comes first.

(02:09):
Then the motivation shows up.
Think of it as that friend whoalways arrives 20 minutes late
but still wants credit.
In short, your brain is like alovable but lazy roommate.
It wants the cookie, the napand the comfort zone, and it's
extremely persuasive.
Unless you learn to take charge, you'll be surrounded by broken

(02:29):
resolutions and half-finishedself-improvement projects.
But here's the good news youcan outsmart your brain.
You just need a few keystrategies Now how to start
doing what you know is good foryou.
Each of these is a big deal, areally big deal.
So keep in mind that we arejust touching the surface here,

(02:51):
but if you can appreciate thepower of any one of these, you
could unleash an entirely newtrajectory for yourself, if you
want.
One honor your intentions, notyour feelings.
Treat your word like a contract.
If you told yourself you'd gofor a walk at 6 pm, go, even if

(03:16):
you're tired, grumpy or notfeeling it.
This trains the brain torespect your leadership.
Two make the first step tiny.
Set the bar so low thatstarting feels effortless.
Want to meditate?
Just sit still for one minute.
Want to exercise?
Just put on your sneakers.
Action beats overthinking everytime.
3.
Stack new habits onto old ones.

(03:37):
Attach your new habit to anexisting routine.
Stretch after brushing yourteeth, journal after coffee.
Pairing makes change easier andstickier.
Four expect discomfort.
Doing good things for yourselfoften feels awkward or annoying
at first.
That's not failure, it's growth.
Change lives just past the edgeof comfort.

(04:00):
So if it feels weird, you're ontrack.
Five celebrate the action, notthe outcome.
Don't wait until you run themarathon or write the book.
Celebrate showing up.
Every effort counts andreinforcing progress builds
lasting change.
The final thoughts Real changehappens in small moments, when

(04:22):
you commit to small, consistentactions, especially when you
don't feel like it, real changebecomes inevitable.
The life you want isn't builtin dramatic gestures or perfect
days.
It's built in those ordinarymoments when you choose growth
over comfort.
And if you feel stuck in oldpatterns, it may not just be

(04:42):
habit, it may be the brainitself.
At Capital DistrictNeurofeedback we help both
adults and children get unstuckby training the brain to focus,
regulate and follow through morenaturally.
It's gentle, evidence-based andoften surprisingly effective,
especially when old strategieshave failed.

(05:02):
Curious VisitCapitalDistrictNeurofeedbackcom
or reach out for a freeconsultation.
We'd be honored to help.