February 6, 2023 • 13 mins
Starting a new job often feels like an overwhelm overload. In this episode, Erin talks about what is commonly causing the overwhelm and how to decrease this state of mind right now.
Free Coaching Guide:
erinmfoley.com/freeguide
For information on working with Erin visit ErinMFoley.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Overwhelm.
It is so common and soexhausting.
What can you do about it?
Let's talk about it.
Hello, hello.
Welcome back.
This is episode two of seasonone, and I am so excited to be
back with you today.
We are going to talk aboutoverwhelm, which I know many of
(00:21):
you who are listening to thisare feeling.
This is one of the top threeemotions that people experience
when they're coming to me.
They frequently tell me, I amfeeling so overwhelmed in my new
job, new role, new promotion.
And I think that overwhelm canbe somewhat confusing because on
the surface, when we areexperiencing overwhelm, we often
(00:44):
assume that the workload's toohigh, The tasks are too
complicated.
Sometimes we assume theoverwhelm is because we can't
learn fast enough or we assumethe overwhelm is because this
just isn't a fit for me.
These are the sort ofexplanations that the brain
tends to make.
(01:05):
right off the cuff when we'reexperiencing that feeling of
overwhelm.
And why I think it's soimportant to talk about this is
I don't want to see you solvingfor the wrong problem.
And I also don't want to see youleaving your job, making a
judgment on this job when you'reoverwhelmed may not actually be
because of the workload, becausethings are too complicated, or
(01:27):
because of your learning speed,or even because of the fit.
So let's talk about two thingsthat often cause overwhelm in a
new role.
And then I'm going to talk toyou about what you can do to try
to decrease that right away.
The first thing that oftencauses overwhelm for people in a
new role is that you have what Italk about as either
(01:49):
inexperience or a long gap sinceyou were in the position of not
knowing the job.
For example, perhaps you've beenin the same job for most of your
career or you've been in similarroles for most of your career
and you've done something thatmaybe is a bit of a leap for
you, a bit of a shift for you.
(02:10):
So you literally have not a lotof experience having to be in
something that has a biglearning curve for you.
The other thing I often see isthat many of my clients have
been in their last role longenough that they have felt they
mastered the work and nowthey're in something new and
(02:33):
they're feeling like, thisdoesn't feel right, right?
Like this, something feelstotally off and totally wrong
because there's been a long gapsince they've been in a position
where they had to do a lot oflearning, where they were
looking at things and theydidn't know all the things.
That they were used to a spacewhere things were familiar,
where they felt more competentand capable, and all of a sudden
(02:55):
their brain is panicking becauseit's telling them something has
gone terribly wrong, right?
This is really important to keepin mind when you're starting a
new job or a new role, becausethe truth is that when you are
moving into something new, it'svery scary for the brain, as you
heard me talk about in theprevious episode.
(03:15):
And you're being asked to adjustto multiple new things in one
setting.
So you're learning new systemsoften, If specifically, if
you've switched companies,you're often having to learn the
new tasks or strategy thatyou're going to have to
(03:37):
implement for this job.
You're around different peoplefrequently, a different culture.
You have a new boss orsupervisor.
So your brain's trying to sizethem up.
What are their expectations?
What are the performanceexpectations?
What are people thinking aboutme?
And so what often happens isthat when you come in and you've
(03:58):
not had a lot of experiencebeing new or you've had a long
gap since you were new, what canhappen is you can come in with
expectations that aredisproportionate to the reality
of what it really actually feelslike to be learning a new
culture, new people, figuringout how to work with a new boss,
assessing your performanceexpectations, figuring out the
(04:18):
systems, all of it.
Many times people feel like,They should understand more than
they actually should.
So you have this feeling, Ishould get this.
I should be picking it upquickly.
I should already understand allof the things that people are
talking about.
I should know how to use thesesystems.
Many people will go in and feellike immediately I don't belong.
(04:41):
It doesn't feel familiar.
These people are different thanme.
Oftentimes my clients will tellme that they should learn faster
than they're learning and Andoftentimes there'll be an
expectation that they shouldalready feel confident.
So if you relate to any of thosethings, your overwhelm could
(05:02):
absolutely be coming from yourresistance to what it feels like
to be new.
Your brain is resisting thereality of the situation.
And we're going to talk a littlebit at the end about how you can
ease that resistance.
The second thing that causesoverwhelm is if you are in a
(05:24):
space, you're trying to learnthe things that are required for
you to learn.
You're trying to makeconnections with new people.
You're trying to come up with...
You're trying to connect withyour new boss.
You're trying to figure out theexpectations of this space.
And at the same time, your brainis in mental spinning.
And so if your brain is tellingyou things like, I'm not
(05:45):
capable.
My boss thinks she made amistake in hiring me.
I don't fit in.
I made a mistake.
I should have stayed at my lastjob.
I can't succeed at this.
The learning or roleexpectations here are just too
high, right?
if your brain is really throwingall that at you, what's
happening is that you're in thisunfamiliar space, you're trying
(06:07):
to take in as much as you can,and at the same time, your brain
is in this mental spinning.
So often what happens is theoverwhelm that you're feeling is
actually all the drama that'shappening in your brain versus
the demand of the actual role.
I'm going to say that one moretime.
(06:28):
Often the overwhelm is all ofthe mental drama that's
happening in your brain versusthe actual demands of this role.
Because the truth is, it's verydifficult to assess if you're
fit, you're...
speed with which you work yourskill level with the
(06:48):
expectations of the job like howthat fits with the demands of
the organization of yoursupervisor it takes time to
assess that right you have tolearn the systems get
comfortable in the environmentyou have to figure out your
tasks all of that needs tohappen for you to feel a sense
of mastery in what you're doingAnd for you to be able to
adequately evaluate howdemanding is this job, how does
(07:12):
that fit with my skill level,the pace with which I work, all
of it.
And people will often start toevaluate that very, very quickly
and they're evaluating it whiletheir brain is in complete
overwhelm of mental drama whereit's telling them all these
things about how they should belearning faster and they should
know all of the things andtelling them that they don't fit
(07:32):
in, that they're not capable,that they've made a mistake, all
of it.
So if you feel any of this, Iwant to encourage you to slow
down to ease up your evaluationor your assumption that the job
itself is overwhelming.
And I want to give you a mindsetexercise to help with this.
(07:55):
I want you to go back to thefirst day from your old job.
So the last job that you feltcapable and competent in.
I want you to go back in yourmind to the very first day you
started that position.
And I want you to rememberexactly how you felt.
(08:17):
Day one.
What did you feel on day one?
The last job where you feltcompetent and capable that you
mastered that role and youunderstood it by the time you
left.
Write down the emotions that youfelt.
And I want you to then, in yourmind...
write down what you would say today one you of that job.
(08:41):
Because you're in a position nowof having moved through that
job.
You mastered it.
You likely got positiveperformance reviews.
You felt competent.
You knew what you were doing.
So you can see the end of thestory, but the you on day one
can't see that.
So go back and talk to her.
(09:02):
I want you to go back to the dayone you And tell her what you
would tell her that she can'tsee.
I'm going to give you somesuggestions that often my
clients come up with when I'mmoving them through this
exercise.
Often people will say to theirold self on day one of their old
(09:23):
job, relax.
You will learn the role.
Nothing has gone wrong.
You don't have to know all ofthis yet.
one thing at a time, you'regoing to succeed at this.
And what's so important aboutreally doing this exercise in
(09:45):
the context of your old job,where you found confidence, is
that your brain can see thebeginning, middle, and end.
Because when you're back there,you already know how that story
ends.
So when you're talking to theold you, the day one you, you
actually can see the ending.
(10:06):
And so you can believe thethings you're saying.
And the reason this is sohelpful is because I'm trying to
get your brain to see that nowfor theoretically day one of
this job or month three,wherever you are in this job.
I'm trying to get your brain tosee that.
And it will question all ofthose things.
You're going to learn it.
(10:26):
Nothing's gone wrong.
If I don't take you back andallow you to really see it in a
context where you got to see itall the way through.
So the goal is really easingyour self-expectations that you
should know all of this.
Really stopping the resistanceto what it feels like to be in
(10:48):
day one self.
right?
You're going back to that oldjob and when you see day one
self, you're like, oh yeah, Iremember what that felt like.
I mean, I can just think aboutstarting college, starting
anything new.
The amount of overwhelm that Ifelt, the amount of fear that I
felt, the feeling of, oh mygosh, this is never going to
feel good.
I'm never going to fit in.
All of it, right?
(11:09):
All of us have experienced that.
But the problem is the minute weget out of it, We forget what it
felt like at the beginning.
So frequently, my clients, whenthey come to me, they have an
expectation that they shouldfeel in their new role the way
they felt when they exited theirold role.
And what I tell them instead is,I want you to consider that you
(11:33):
should feel in your new role theway you felt at the beginning of
your old one, not how you feltat the end, right?
That is a more realisticexpectation.
So I encourage you to do thisexercise.
And I also encourage you to notevaluate the job demands too
soon.
(11:53):
Give yourself time to workthrough any of the mindset drama
that's coming up for you, tolearn the role, to become
confident in the work thatyou're doing before you make a
premature evaluation of does thepace of the job, the demands of
the job align with what I wantfor my career.
(12:14):
Okay, everybody, if you wouldlike to learn more about me and
my coaching, please go check meout at Erin, M as in mindset,
Foley, F-O-L-E-Y.com.
And I will be back to give youmore gems.
In the meantime, have a greatweek.
Overwhelm.
It is so common and soexhausting.
What can you do about it?
Let's talk about it.
Hello, hello.
Welcome back.
This is episode two of seasonone, and I am so excited to be
back with you today.
We are going to talk aboutoverwhelm, which I know many of
(00:21):
you who are listening to thisare feeling.
This is one of the top threeemotions that people experience
when they're coming to me.
They frequently tell me, I amfeeling so overwhelmed in my new
job, new role, new promotion.
And I think that overwhelm canbe somewhat confusing because on
the surface, when we areexperiencing overwhelm, we often
(00:44):
assume that the workload's toohigh, The tasks are too
complicated.
Sometimes we assume theoverwhelm is because we can't
learn fast enough or we assumethe overwhelm is because this
just isn't a fit for me.
These are the sort ofexplanations that the brain
tends to make.
(01:05):
right off the cuff when we'reexperiencing that feeling of
overwhelm.
And why I think it's soimportant to talk about this is
I don't want to see you solvingfor the wrong problem.
And I also don't want to see youleaving your job, making a
judgment on this job when you'reoverwhelmed may not actually be
because of the workload, becausethings are too complicated, or
(01:27):
because of your learning speed,or even because of the fit.
So let's talk about two thingsthat often cause overwhelm in a
new role.
And then I'm going to talk toyou about what you can do to try
to decrease that right away.
The first thing that oftencauses overwhelm for people in a
new role is that you have what Italk about as either
(01:49):
inexperience or a long gap sinceyou were in the position of not
knowing the job.
For example, perhaps you've beenin the same job for most of your
career or you've been in similarroles for most of your career
and you've done something thatmaybe is a bit of a leap for
you, a bit of a shift for you.
(02:10):
So you literally have not a lotof experience having to be in
something that has a biglearning curve for you.
The other thing I often see isthat many of my clients have
been in their last role longenough that they have felt they
mastered the work and nowthey're in something new and
(02:33):
they're feeling like, thisdoesn't feel right, right?
Like this, something feelstotally off and totally wrong
because there's been a long gapsince they've been in a position
where they had to do a lot oflearning, where they were
looking at things and theydidn't know all the things.
That they were used to a spacewhere things were familiar,
where they felt more competentand capable, and all of a sudden
(02:55):
their brain is panicking becauseit's telling them something has
gone terribly wrong, right?
This is really important to keepin mind when you're starting a
new job or a new role, becausethe truth is that when you are
moving into something new, it'svery scary for the brain, as you
heard me talk about in theprevious episode.
(03:15):
And you're being asked to adjustto multiple new things in one
setting.
So you're learning new systemsoften, If specifically, if
you've switched companies,you're often having to learn the
new tasks or strategy thatyou're going to have to
(03:37):
implement for this job.
You're around different peoplefrequently, a different culture.
You have a new boss orsupervisor.
So your brain's trying to sizethem up.
What are their expectations?
What are the performanceexpectations?
What are people thinking aboutme?
And so what often happens isthat when you come in and you've
(03:58):
not had a lot of experiencebeing new or you've had a long
gap since you were new, what canhappen is you can come in with
expectations that aredisproportionate to the reality
of what it really actually feelslike to be learning a new
culture, new people, figuringout how to work with a new boss,
assessing your performanceexpectations, figuring out the
(04:18):
systems, all of it.
Many times people feel like,They should understand more than
they actually should.
So you have this feeling, Ishould get this.
I should be picking it upquickly.
I should already understand allof the things that people are
talking about.
I should know how to use thesesystems.
Many people will go in and feellike immediately I don't belong.
(04:41):
It doesn't feel familiar.
These people are different thanme.
Oftentimes my clients will tellme that they should learn faster
than they're learning and Andoftentimes there'll be an
expectation that they shouldalready feel confident.
So if you relate to any of thosethings, your overwhelm could
(05:02):
absolutely be coming from yourresistance to what it feels like
to be new.
Your brain is resisting thereality of the situation.
And we're going to talk a littlebit at the end about how you can
ease that resistance.
The second thing that causesoverwhelm is if you are in a
(05:24):
space, you're trying to learnthe things that are required for
you to learn.
You're trying to makeconnections with new people.
You're trying to come up with...
You're trying to connect withyour new boss.
You're trying to figure out theexpectations of this space.
And at the same time, your brainis in mental spinning.
And so if your brain is tellingyou things like, I'm not
(05:45):
capable.
My boss thinks she made amistake in hiring me.
I don't fit in.
I made a mistake.
I should have stayed at my lastjob.
I can't succeed at this.
The learning or roleexpectations here are just too
high, right?
if your brain is really throwingall that at you, what's
happening is that you're in thisunfamiliar space, you're trying
(06:07):
to take in as much as you can,and at the same time, your brain
is in this mental spinning.
So often what happens is theoverwhelm that you're feeling is
actually all the drama that'shappening in your brain versus
the demand of the actual role.
I'm going to say that one moretime.
(06:28):
Often the overwhelm is all ofthe mental drama that's
happening in your brain versusthe actual demands of this role.
Because the truth is, it's verydifficult to assess if you're
fit, you're...
speed with which you work yourskill level with the
(06:48):
expectations of the job like howthat fits with the demands of
the organization of yoursupervisor it takes time to
assess that right you have tolearn the systems get
comfortable in the environmentyou have to figure out your
tasks all of that needs tohappen for you to feel a sense
of mastery in what you're doingAnd for you to be able to
adequately evaluate howdemanding is this job, how does
(07:12):
that fit with my skill level,the pace with which I work, all
of it.
And people will often start toevaluate that very, very quickly
and they're evaluating it whiletheir brain is in complete
overwhelm of mental drama whereit's telling them all these
things about how they should belearning faster and they should
know all of the things andtelling them that they don't fit
(07:32):
in, that they're not capable,that they've made a mistake, all
of it.
So if you feel any of this, Iwant to encourage you to slow
down to ease up your evaluationor your assumption that the job
itself is overwhelming.
And I want to give you a mindsetexercise to help with this.
(07:55):
I want you to go back to thefirst day from your old job.
So the last job that you feltcapable and competent in.
I want you to go back in yourmind to the very first day you
started that position.
And I want you to rememberexactly how you felt.
(08:17):
Day one.
What did you feel on day one?
The last job where you feltcompetent and capable that you
mastered that role and youunderstood it by the time you
left.
Write down the emotions that youfelt.
And I want you to then, in yourmind...
write down what you would say today one you of that job.
(08:41):
Because you're in a position nowof having moved through that
job.
You mastered it.
You likely got positiveperformance reviews.
You felt competent.
You knew what you were doing.
So you can see the end of thestory, but the you on day one
can't see that.
So go back and talk to her.
(09:02):
I want you to go back to the dayone you And tell her what you
would tell her that she can'tsee.
I'm going to give you somesuggestions that often my
clients come up with when I'mmoving them through this
exercise.
Often people will say to theirold self on day one of their old
(09:23):
job, relax.
You will learn the role.
Nothing has gone wrong.
You don't have to know all ofthis yet.
one thing at a time, you'regoing to succeed at this.
And what's so important aboutreally doing this exercise in
(09:45):
the context of your old job,where you found confidence, is
that your brain can see thebeginning, middle, and end.
Because when you're back there,you already know how that story
ends.
So when you're talking to theold you, the day one you, you
actually can see the ending.
(10:06):
And so you can believe thethings you're saying.
And the reason this is sohelpful is because I'm trying to
get your brain to see that nowfor theoretically day one of
this job or month three,wherever you are in this job.
I'm trying to get your brain tosee that.
And it will question all ofthose things.
You're going to learn it.
(10:26):
Nothing's gone wrong.
If I don't take you back andallow you to really see it in a
context where you got to see itall the way through.
So the goal is really easingyour self-expectations that you
should know all of this.
Really stopping the resistanceto what it feels like to be in
(10:48):
day one self.
right?
You're going back to that oldjob and when you see day one
self, you're like, oh yeah, Iremember what that felt like.
I mean, I can just think aboutstarting college, starting
anything new.
The amount of overwhelm that Ifelt, the amount of fear that I
felt, the feeling of, oh mygosh, this is never going to
feel good.
I'm never going to fit in.
All of it, right?
(11:09):
All of us have experienced that.
But the problem is the minute weget out of it, We forget what it
felt like at the beginning.
So frequently, my clients, whenthey come to me, they have an
expectation that they shouldfeel in their new role the way
they felt when they exited theirold role.
And what I tell them instead is,I want you to consider that you
(11:33):
should feel in your new role theway you felt at the beginning of
your old one, not how you feltat the end, right?
That is a more realisticexpectation.
So I encourage you to do thisexercise.
And I also encourage you to notevaluate the job demands too
soon.
(11:53):
Give yourself time to workthrough any of the mindset drama
that's coming up for you, tolearn the role, to become
confident in the work thatyou're doing before you make a
premature evaluation of does thepace of the job, the demands of
the job align with what I wantfor my career.
(12:14):
Okay, everybody, if you wouldlike to learn more about me and
my coaching, please go check meout at Erin, M as in mindset,
Foley, F-O-L-E-Y.com.
And I will be back to give youmore gems.
In the meantime, have a greatweek.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!