Confidence Boost: Why is this so hard for me? Understanding your workplace insecurities.

In this quick boost episode, Erin dives into a question so many of us ask when we’re feeling overwhelmed in a new role: Why is this so hard for me? She unpacks the real reason behind the struggle — and why it doesn’t mean you’re broken, weak, or not cut out for the role. Erin offers a simple, powerful way to reframe your experience, helping you move through doubt and insecurity without adding unnecessary drama. Tune in for a grounded perspective that will help you meet yourself with more clarity, self-compassion, and strength.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
It's incredibly frustrating to feel like
something is so difficult for usand it appears to be easier for
the people around us.
So let's dive in and answer thisquestion of why does this feel
so hard for me?
And let's give your brain ananswer that is going to stop the
spinning, the self-judgment andthe feeling that you're broken

(00:25):
in some way.
Tune in, hello, hello.
Welcome back to anotherConfidence Boost episode, really
loving coming in here andgiving you all something quick,
short, sweet, but to the point.
So this week we are going todive in and answer the question

(00:47):
that so many of us have.
When we are stuck feelinginsecure, when we're in a
challenge and a lot ofself-doubt is coming up, I find
that myself included, tends toget really stuck on asking
ourselves the question why isthis so hard for me?
Why am I struggling so much?

(01:08):
Why can't I just feel confident?
And while the question itselfseems really innocent and
rational and a lot of us wantthe answer to the question
because we think if I find theanswer, I'm going to stop
feeling this way, and the truthis, sometimes finding the answer
doesn't actually undo thefeeling.
The feeling itself is rooted ina lot of fears and insecurities

(01:31):
that sometimes need a littlebit more time and attention to
get rid of.
But what I want to focus ontoday that I think is really
important is that the questionof why is this so hard for me?
Often has in it a really deepjudgment that it shouldn't be
hard, that I shouldn't befeeling this way, that this

(01:53):
situation shouldn't be aschallenging for me as it is.
So I want to answer thequestion why is this so hard for
me?
And I want to talk about what Iwant you to do when it comes up
, what I want you to say to thatquestion, so that you don't get
stuck spinning in it.
So I'm going to use the basicexample of you being in this new

(02:16):
job.
It could be that you're notbrand new anymore and maybe
you're feeling like there's anew challenge at work that's
really hard, or that givingfeedback to your team is really
hard for you.
It could be anything thatreally is bringing up a lot of
insecurity and self-doubt foryou and you start finding
yourself questioning yourcapabilities, second-guessing

(02:39):
yourself, trying to proveyourself, and your brain starts
to answer the question ask, I'msorry, ask the question why is
this so hard for me?
The first thing I want to sayis you are not broken, you are
not weak, you're not overlysensitive, you're not fragile
because you are struggling withan insecurity in your job.

(03:01):
Work feels hard becauseworkplaces are like magnifying
glasses.
You may have heard me talkabout this in other episodes.
I think it's really importantto be reminded of this.
The workplace brings up all ofour human needs to impress,
connect, be seen, be validated.

(03:21):
On top of this, you are beingpaid to perform.
You're literally getting handedmoney to perform.
So your food, your water, yourshelter and your status are
connected to all of this.
In the workspace.
This even tends to bring up,for a lot of people, this deep,
deep, deep sense of belonging,like the human desire to be in

(03:44):
group and to belong, and so youstart to connect your
performance, making mistakes,the fear of failure to all of
those things.
So what happens in a workplaceis the brain tends to overblow
the risk, so it doesn'tunderstand the nuances of your
financial situation, that youhave a support network outside

(04:06):
of work, that you have a broadercommunity, that you're safe and
secure in many, many ways.
So what happens is a lot ofthese deeper instincts kick in
and it taps into our biggestinsecurities.
So if your biggest insecuritythroughout your life has been
feeling like you're not smartenough, this will often get

(04:29):
magnified in your workplace.
If it's that people don't likeyou, if it's that you aren't as
dynamic as other people oryou're not as extroverted enough
or you don't have enoughcharisma, like whatever your big
insecurity is, it tends to getextremely magnified in the
workplace because of thisconnection, of food, water and

(04:52):
shelter, of money, of being paid, of being evaluated, of having
our performance looked at.
So it's tempting to interpretthis struggle as a sign that
something's deeply wrong with me, and the brain can get into a
lot of drama where it's like whyis it doing this?
Why am I not confident?

(05:13):
Why am I feeling this way?
Why is this always a strugglefor me?
And it starts to connect thisexperience to like something
really inherently wrong with youor something about who you are
that's broken and that starts tofeel like a part of your
identity.
That's broken and that startsto feel like a part of your

(05:35):
identity.
And I always want to steer myclients away from starting some
big narrative about themselvesthat, like I'm a person who
doesn't have confidence and getsinsecure, and we can really get
stuck feeling connected to thatas a part of our identity and
kind of overblowing that,especially when it's showing up
in the workplace because thingsfeel so heightened in this space

(05:56):
.
So I want to ask you to tryanswering the question when it
comes up with a simple and clearanswer, when it says why is
this so hard for me?
Why are my insecurities gettingkicked up?
Why am I having self-doubt?
I want you to just let yourselfanswer the question with a

(06:22):
statement that workplacesmagnify our insecurities.
This is really normal.
Workplaces magnify insecurities.
This is one of mine.
That's why it's being broughtup and brought to the surface
right now.
Just give it a clear, calmanswer and try to avoid

(06:47):
indulging it or spinning in it.
Let yourself just be in a spacethat accepts that this
insecurity is coming up.
Don't judge it, don't pushagainst it, don't indulge it.
We're just going to let it bethat it's happening.
For some of you, this willreally ease what's happening.
It will right size it.

(07:08):
You might have some discomfort,but you'll move past it.
Some discomfort, but you'llmove past it.
Certainly, for some of you, itmay be that once you stop
pushing against it, you mayevaluate hmm, this is really
becoming too disruptive to mywork or my well-being, and so I
want to take this to mytherapist.

(07:29):
Get support, slow down, lookinto this more, but the first
step is so important and it's astep that so many people miss,
and it's sometimes all we needto move past what's going on.
So today's quick boost is justfor you to answer the question.

(07:52):
I'm in the workplace and itnaturally amplifies insecurities
.
This is normal.
Be clear.
Be direct with yourself whenyour brain demands to know why.
Stop using it against yourself.
Let yourself be in a challengethat's kicking up your
insecurities without makingyourself feel bad because those

(08:15):
insecurities are getting kickedup.
Okay, thank you for joining mefor this quick boost episode.
If you're feeling stuck inself-doubt or frustration and
it's really interfering withyour well-being, with your daily
life in your workplace, you canhead over to ErinMFoleycom.
The link is in my show notes.
I will see you back here withanother great episode for you.

(08:38):
Have a great week.