New Yorker of the Week: Malik EL - Writer, Comedian & Host of The Bench Update

Hey girls! We’ve got a hot commodity here because today we’re joined by one of THE Hot Boys for Zohran, Malik EL!

Malik is a NYC comedian, writer and host of The Bench Update. He is hilarious, stylish and definitely loves his mom (today’s episode is dedicated to her).

Tune in today and enjoy our kitchen chat.

Xxx

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Special Guest: Malik El!  ⁠⁠@maliktheoracle⁠ 

Episode Transcript

(00:16):
Wow, wow, wow. You have like, like the dump
session that we both had before this recording.
Like you could never imagine youcould.
I kind of needed though, to say it all out loud.
Same. I needed to like list everything
out that was wrong. It's just so much anyways.

(00:39):
I'm Hannah Gerlander and I'm Norfried, and you're listening
to new. Yorker of the Week This week is
OK for this week our guest. Sorry, I can't even.
I'm brain dead. Me too.
But he doesn't deserve this. He did a great job and here we
are. He was another one who like

(01:01):
whenever someone so chill and just like that's their energy, I
feel jealousy. I'm like, how did you?
Get that chill. Yeah, and he had a cool outfit
on. Yeah, he did.
I'm excited for you guys to listen.
We really don't have to even record that much of an intro
because our episode was so long with.
Him Our episode was really long and it kind of flew by.

(01:22):
Not saying it doesn't with otherguests, but I think something
about being a person. Some, some that, but we can.
Acknowledge that some of them I will say I'm always looking at
the clock and when I realize only 5 minutes have gone by I
kind of have a panic. But then it flows naturally
after. That it's like the tickle video.
But you know, when you ask some three questions, then it's only

(01:46):
been 5 minutes, You're kind of. Yeah, 'cause sometimes I'll come
up with like a ton of questions and then we'll be like 10 deep
and where they're giving yes andno answers and I'm like, OK,
like this is going to be a tough.
One, my answer is yes, yeah, next question we're like, I
thought that would be 5 minutes that answer alone.
It's a tough one so, but this one was good.
This one was good. He's really great.

(02:08):
Really. Can I say something?
Just. A nice necklace.
I guess in the when I arrived, both Nora and I at first were
both like, hi, hi. And then we were like, hey,
that's actually how the day's going.
And I asked you what's up with the necklace?
And you just went. And then she stepped away to get

(02:30):
something and we never circled back.
I am babysitting now and we weremaking beads today.
She made that for you, or you made that for you.
I. Made it for myself with her
guidance. It's nice.
But I told her I was like, she was trying to make it little
creatures. They're little animals.
I'm wearing a necklace that a child made.

(02:50):
Well, actually it was me. You made it.
Don't lie. There's all I, I.
Begged her to not make me put the elephant on and she was
like, no, the elephant's going on.
Why don't you want the elephant?They're good.
Ones of Republican I just like. Don't need an elephant necklace
right now. No one would ever see someone be
like she's a. Classic Republican coming from

(03:11):
her babysitting job. 33 year oldwith no, no, it the, the kid I'm
babysitting. She at first she wanted it to be
rainbow. So we, we compromised.
Half of it was pink and green for me, half of it was rainbow.
Then I tried to put it on. She was like, absolutely not.

(03:32):
It needs to be longer. You're never going to be able to
get it off your head. She yanked it for me.
We were kind of going back and forth.
The whole thing spilled. So we were at ground.
We were the sound of beads falling like, so we're back to
square 1. So I was like, you know what,
I'm going to take my, I'm going to take this in my direction and
you can play with your Legos andthen we'll meet up.

(03:53):
In the end, she was kind of like, all right, And then kind
of looking over my shoulder to make sure that I was taking it
in a direction that she approved.
And then she passed me an elephant and I was like, here we
go. OK, fuck it, but.
I used to be really kind of likeI would say people gave me looks
with that. I was talking to the kids.
I was nanny like they'd start coloring.
I'm like, get your own. This is mine.

(04:15):
I'm almost done. You can, you can watch me color
it or you can have your own to color.
But it's kind of like crafting is not just for kids.
So like when I'm like into a craft, I'm kind of like, I have
a vision. Too right?
And you know. That you're the kid and this is
your cran and your beads and we're doing this activity for
you. But I'm going to wear it.
Yeah. I'm going to take my drawing

(04:35):
home and I want it to be something I'm proud of.
Totally. That was kind of on him, no?
No, no, I also, this kid is so cute and I'm like so excited to
just like build a relationship with her because I think we vibe
really well. Like to it's just so funny in
the beginning when you're like establishing the dynamic because

(04:56):
we're we're going to be togetherevery single day.
I'm picking up from school or like all year round vibes.
So yeah. And one thing that I do really
love about her is that when I first got there, she was like,
alright, activity today we're going to Michael's.
And I was like, hell yeah, we are.
Love it and then love a kid witha plan.
She was like, and tomorrow papersource and the next day I'll

(05:18):
take you to this key chain store.
And I was like, this is awesome.This was my mom's.
I just was like, that was this. Yeah.
And Michael's was amazing because I don't like a kid with
no plan. He was just like, I'm bored,
which she's not bored. She's not bored.
She's on her journey. She's like, will you tell me
what you want to? Do little person She's yeah.

(05:38):
She's. Well, that's great.
That sounds like it's going to be a nice part of the day.
Yeah, it's fun. She's a she's a party girl.
She's. Yeah, when Nanny, it's good.
It's kind of like a really special gig.
Yeah, it's, it's it's good. I think mixed with the other
things that are happening right now in my life, I'm a little
burnt out. But I do feel what was really

(05:59):
embarrassing about Nanny today. The kid is $70.00, right, That
she's collected from her allowance, which is amazing.
She's been saving up for. I know, I'm so jealous.
Can you hand some over? No, but she's so she's collected
$70. She's, you know, was really
excited to go to Michael's. We were kind of planning out the
budget, what she could buy or whatever.

(06:21):
And then we get back and her mom's like, so how much did you
spend? And we were like 3214.
And she's like, OK, so you have.And I was like, all right, so if
you have $70 and you have 32, sotry 7 - 5 three and then what's
that? And then do 810 - 2 and one

(06:41):
said. And then mom was looking at me
like, and then I was like, you know, 58.
And then my mom looks at me and she's like No 38.
And I was like, yeah, you were like, I'm.
Just testing her. I'm just kind of.
Testing her? Sure.
The mom gave me such a weird looks.
It's my first day and I'm like can't do first grader math.

(07:04):
It's pretty. No, it's.
It was really embarrassing, No. So I was like, but I was so
burnt out and I was so tired andI was just kind.
Of like, I think what's the bestis that you didn't have to join
in like the mom was like, what do you have?
And you could have been like, tell us what you have, but
instead you were like, I'll helpyou get there.
I did like a. Step by step, there's like,
we're not. Taking care in a really bad

(07:26):
direction The. Little I used to be for a little
girl and a boy, and her brother was older and he used to be so
rude to me when I couldn't help him with homework.
And I was like, you don't know how to do it either.
Yeah, like, I know we're both inthis.
I'm 26 and you're 12. So it's like there's a different
standard, but like, we both, there's no need to be mean.

(07:46):
Nobody knows how to do it. And also like news flash, kids,
once you graduate high school, unless you're in these fields,
you're done. You're done.
It's over. So let's stop being rude, OK?
The kid was great about it. She was just kind of like and
the mom was like. Fuck my mom was like.
It's like, who did I hire? Probably telling your husband,
like, I feel real, I feel good. Her math was a little off, but I

(08:08):
feel pretty good. I feel pretty good.
Yeah, I'm just, yeah, It was kind of a low moment for me.
I was like to. Chewing on the mic, you know I
don't care. How spicy are they?
No, they're spicy. Try them.
How spicy? So I'm eating with sabi peas for
those who don't know what's going on.

(08:28):
'Cause if it's really spicy. Alec he was so excited about
this episode, he. Was like my mom's SO.
Excited like she I got New Yorker of the Week and now it's
like this is the intro. And now he's like, how spicy?
Are this how spicy? Spicy.
How spicy? Spicy.
I'll try one for Malek's mom, hmm.

(08:50):
See, this is the thing with those sabi peas.
I'll tell you what. I'll tell you one thing about
them. Tell me when you eat one it's
not too bad. So you're like, I'll have two,
not too bad, 3 crazy. And then you're like, Oh my God,
my mouth is burning. One is nothing.
One's nothing. I'm having I just had 1-1 isn't?
One's a joke. One's literally a joke.

(09:10):
Could you ever go on Hot Ones? Could you ever go on the show
Hot Ones? No.
So where they eat chicken, they eat the wings, and each wing
gets hotter. No, I don't wanna do that.
I don't want Why is comedy turning into this?
Well, I this and the sauna and the naked and it's just like,
can we just tell a joke, call ita day?
Do we have to post it on TikTok?Do we have to be naked?
Do we have to be in a hot? Girl, that one's like an

(09:31):
interview show. OK, well.
It's supposed to be funny with. You.
I'm with you. Yeah.
It's also like, let's stop interviewing celebrities.
I'm getting like, we have all these different shows that
interview celebrities and like, we don't, we don't need to
interview them seven times just because they're in a new movie.

(09:51):
And also some of them I don't really want to hear.
From except for Jacob Allordy because I was looking at are you
excited for Frankenstein? Oh, I didn't even know that's
the movie he's in. That's he's doing all the press
for hot. Did you see that?
Our our TikTok was just all Jacob Allordy videos.
So for context, Nora had been when Trump shut down TikTok.

(10:16):
I didn't get back on afterwards.OK.
I just like pulled the plug. So Nora has been managing our
TikTok. I can go back to it, by the way,
that's. OK, I'm kind of, I'm actually
kind of happy, proud with myself.
Maybe it's because the algorithmisn't mine at all, but like the
I don't go like I literally go on it and I post, I check in
later to see how it's doing and that's it.

(10:36):
Before it would be like 09 in the morning I post and then I'm
on TikTok for like 40 minutes and I was like fuck, like this
is like the start to my day. Yeah, but so far it hasn't been
like that. But I'm on it cuz Nora went
away. So I was like I'll take over the
TikTok while you're gone. It's lots of DJ sets, lots of DJ

(10:57):
sets. It's it's lots of like whoever
coming out, whoever Nora thinks is hot, like those interviews
are popping up slow MO videos ofcertain men, lots of those
sorority rush videos, like an insane amount of those.
And some of them I'm like, is this porn?
It's like, no, it's a sorority. Like so Russia, some seasons,
some of the videos are crazy. I'm shocked.

(11:20):
That you didn't follow all of that.
I did previously with Galen, butonce you get off TikTok you
actually do miss out on a part of the.
World totally no, there's stuff that's.
Happening on TikTok that no one else is talking about unless
you're on tik. T.O.K Rush.
Every season I've watched this girl, she I watched her get into
her sorority, go all the way through to now she's a big

(11:41):
sister or whatever it's called. Big Brother, Little sister.
She's a big sister, She's I, shemight have graduated, I don't
really know. I haven't seen her on the Tik
Toks this year. We'll have to check in.
The the dance choreo is crazy. Yeah.
What I'm assuming is that it's all the cheer captains from
every like high school gets together.

(12:04):
It's like the meanest girls you can find.
It's like bring it on, which we have.
To watch, have to. Watch.
And then they get together and they're like, let's start a
sorority and then let's make a video.
Let's get a video, let's get matching out.
Yeah, and we'll force the girls.Yeah, and we'll make everyone
feel really fat. I'm.
Pretty. I'm pretty jealous though of

(12:26):
like. You should watch a couple before
you leave. Like, yeah, I really like them.
They're like they're. So good.
And it's it's nice because, sorry, it's very, it's nice
because you get just, it's crazythat they only have to do a
little bit of it. I don't think they do the whole
song. They just get a little 2 minute,
yeah. Just a clip that gets you
excited to rush. Then you're like, that's

(12:48):
actually the house for me. Me, a 28 year old woman.
I'm like, that's the house. I'm gonna rush.
Yeah. I'm rushing this year and it's
with them and the dance videos must actually actually help cuz
if you were to put together a shitty video, I'm like, I'm not
gonna be part of that. I'm not gonna be part of the
loser house unless it's like themovie house Bunny where the
loser house was actually the cool house.

(13:10):
Hi, you know that movie? Yes, of course.
Just checking. There was a loser house at
UMass. It was like all these Stoner
guys who opened up a fraternity and my freshman year we became
friends with one of the guys. Next day I knew I was bartending
at the Loser House and it was sofun.
One night I was bartending. And loser guys are different

(13:31):
than loser girls. Yeah, Is that awful to say?
Hope. Hope.
The truth is, the truth is part.That's word.
That's word. Your sound's amazing, no?
So the the parties were lit. It was like the Stoner guys,
like who kind of were like just not really frat guys.

(13:55):
Like the frat guys at UMass werelike frat boys.
Like they were like playing hockey and stuff.
These were like guys that were like listening to records and
like being like alts, but like also kind of.
But that sounds like, yeah, theywere having these blowout
parties. They're like a loser in the frat
world, but hot in just the regular world kind.
Of but yeah, so one one night though, they were having this

(14:16):
giant party and my friend walks in and she sees me behind the
bar and she's like, Nora, what are you doing?
And I'm just like bartending. And I go like this and I like
stick my tongue out and I'm like, and it's all blue.
She's like, and there's no blue drinking.
She's like, how did I'm just my bartending is that I'm supposed
to open natty lights and pass them to people because there's

(14:37):
nothing blue. And I'm like, we're drinking a
secret drink in the back. So.
And you're the only one back there.
So where is Nora's drinking a secret?
Yeah, there were like other guys, like who knows what was in
the. What you were drinking?
I was definitely drinking like something, I don't know,
whatever, what's that? That was the first and last time
I entered that for. Us I used to love a blue Long

(14:58):
Island. It's probably which is a Long
Island iced tea, but instead of adding the soda at the end they
add whatever that blue vodka. Is I'm pretty sure I was
drinking blue vodka. I used to have that and This is
why whatever. I won't actually get into my mom
and her opinions about me going to college, but like I used to
drink that in the middle of the day.

(15:20):
Like we would go in between classes and then I would go back
to class after having like 3 blue lawn.
Like I was trashed. I'd be like, yeah, I'm gonna go
to class. Now.
You guys had a bar on campus. That's really cool.
If I could add you, and I'm not saying that this was true for

(15:40):
you, but like if I could have used any of my dining dollars on
like a bar, things would have been.
Really scary. I remember when they opened that
we were like, what the fuck? Like they were, We were like,
seriously, that's. Really amazing it.
Was the UMass pub. The UMass Pub.
And it was lit. Yeah, of course I was really the
UMass pub. God, I would.

(16:01):
Go to UMass, I would. Go to.
I would. Go to.
UMass Pub. I would go back and do the whole
thing again from freshman year in a heartbeat.
Oh my God. I had such a good time.
Recently I have been thinking like in the least lame way
possible, what do I need to do in life?
And I I brace yourself because it's going to seem lame but we

(16:22):
just need to support me because of what's going on.
I need to know what way I can get my life to feel like how
college felt. And I'm not saying I want to be
drinking and partying, but like.I kind of.
Do there was not a day in college where I felt what I feel
in life now, you know like the whole world was ahead of me.

(16:45):
I would skip class, I would go to class, I would get drunk.
I wouldn't get drunk. I would try anything new.
I worked 5 jobs. I was happy.
Like I just am like, what job doI need to do that's going to
feel the most like college without working at a college?
OK, No, because I took, you know, me.

(17:06):
I always take jobs way too seriously.
I was like very like I would, I never drink when I bartended.
Other bartenders thought it was lame, like you don't want to do
a shot. And I was like, not while I'm
working, not while I'm manning the bar.
But I'm like, what? I don't know if it's like, maybe
it is comedy, maybe it's being on like a sitcom TV show, like
that group where we're all up early and we're all up late and

(17:29):
we're all working and we're chatting.
We're together all the time. But I think I, I think I need to
get back to that. Yeah, yeah.
I don't know if I need to like move into a house.
OK, that's. Well, we're actually at 17
moving to. Of course, we're at time right
when I start saying something weird.

(17:50):
Hannah Hannah's looking for a Co-op.
House I am, I think that. Yeah, that could be an
interesting twist to everything.You and Wolf move into a Co-op
house because I. Think if maybe he had some other
people and I had some other people not even to have sex
with, just to spend some time with that does sex with, that
would be absolutely OK. Not OK.

(18:10):
Don't even think about it. Anybody.
Maybe you could. That could actually be nice
because you guys could have likea yeah, that would.
I see that. Because like sometimes like I
just need company and he's not always the best company and
sometimes he needs company and for him I'm not the best company
because we have different vibes,but like sometimes.
You guys need to live in this building because then he could

(18:33):
go, you could come upstairs and we could hang out and he could
go hang out with Matt I. Don't think if we were to live
anywhere smaller, we're done. Oh, no, I mean, I'm just saying
like you need a building where like you can drop him off for a
little bit. I know he we need need to keep
working on Annie and Eric. The Oh yeah, where are you going
to go to their party? Or something.
Yeah. They, they said that they
postponed it. Great.

(18:53):
Well, it's like, well, my, my relationship's falling apart.
Annie and Eric. Ariana's neighbors.
I need your party because then because Eric liked Wolf's
guitars. So maybe Wolf can go up to Annie
and Eric's if they're they're going to like listen to this and
be like, no. And you can play guitar for a

(19:13):
little bit and then Andy can come down and we can gab and go
for a walk and play with the dogand then we can return to our
spouses happy. Can I talk about the interior
just actually we. Should or we'll do it in just.
Us, we'll do so now we are goingto have an amazing guest on.
His name is Malik. He's hilarious.
And yeah, enjoy, enjoy. Bye.

(19:38):
Wow, so excited. We have a very cool guest on
today. We have a cool guest.
Like, I feel like you're very cool.
Like you'll bring up our cool factor, not like we're not cool.
I appreciate. We're not not cool.
I feel like you guys are very cool.
I it's just, it's the hat. It's the hat is really just, I
think you're right. It really does do something

(19:58):
different. Uh oh.
Right off the bat, OK, it's fine.
Yeah, it's it's just it makes mewant to wear a hat, but my
hair's too big. I can never wear hats.
Your hair is your hat. Thank you.
I do feel like though, if you ever did a look with like a
pigtail or like little braids, you could wear a hat, OK.

(20:19):
I'll work on it so just. But should I get the same?
Hat that Malik has and we can betwins.
Make sure you wanted that. Nora needs to get that Park
Slope hat. You should get this hat.
You've been talking about it fora while.
I want a hat that says Park Slope on it, which I know is
like the whitest thing. Anything I could possibly do,
but I really love this town. I just got to say it.

(20:43):
Anyways, we are joined here today with Malik, who is a
hilarious. I would say you're like a
content producer, comedian. Are you?
Would you call yourself an actor?
What else would you call it? Activist.
Actor, activist, philanthropist,chef.
Feminist. Rapper.

(21:05):
Singer-songwriter. Wow, masseuse.
Oh OK, great. This is getting analyzed pretty
good, so. Mele astronaut.
Wow. OK.
Now we're good. Now we're now we're out of
control. Is the masseuse thing real
though? Please say.
Yes, I, I, I I flee the 5th. OK, I've got.
It all right, well, we have the perfect man here as basically as

(21:28):
you were from your resume and we're really excited to chat
with you for a lot of different reasons.
Welcome to the pod. Thank you for having me.
You're our New Yorker of the Week.
You're The New Yorker of the. Week you're it.
You made it. I am so happy about this.
It's a pretty big honor. People, sometimes it really gets
to their head. Yeah, it does.

(21:48):
We've had some guests kind of like really run with that title
more like it's just the name of the show, but it is what you
are. I like told my mom about it last
night. She was like, what do you have
to do tomorrow? I was like, podcast.
It's like a New Yorker of the Week segment.
And she was like, what? Ma Malek's New Yorker of the
Week? And my grandma was like, what?

(22:10):
Sonic, which is her husband, Malik, New York of the week.
He was like, what? That's the amazing thing about
the name of the show. Like it really, It sounds like a
title. It's like yours for the week.
They're like, how did you get that?
I was like, I gotta go. Actually, how you did get it was
I saw you. We were on the same show, which
I we were on the same show at what was it, Alligator Lounge.

(22:33):
Why were there people at that show?
That was so confusing. I was like, why was there an
audience? That's what I'm saying.
You were Nora was like, I don't know the vibe of the show.
And I had done it a couple weeksbefore and I was like, no,
you'll see. There's going to be people
there. I was like.
No, there's no way that there's going to be anyone there.
Well, I think Alligator Lounge kind of is a place where people

(22:53):
just kind of like show up with not not a real plan or agenda.
Yeah. So I think they might just be
like people that Mosey to the back to see what's up.
It was it. Was it was weird.
Well, 'cause it's like, it was like a group of like the six
sorority girls in the. Front, yeah.
And I just felt like if I like made eye contact with them, then
like Malcolm X would resurrect and just like it'd be like, and

(23:17):
then like, and then like there was like a guy in the photo
booth there doing ketamine and he wouldn't share.
And then there was like a cuck corner of.
I forgot about the photo booth. Yes, the the couches in the top.
Yeah, there was a cut corner. And then there's just the Skee
ball machine that double S as more seats.
But then of course, a stage in the middle.
Oh yeah, I forgot about the. Freaking stage that we were on

(23:37):
that I only have ever seen people doing karaoke on, so
yeah. We had quite the crowd, it was
interesting. Well, because at Alligator
Lounge, they're known for if youget a drink, you get a free
pizza. So I do feel like that that
invites a really interesting crowd to a bar, you know what I
mean? Where all you need is enough
money for a drink and you get a full meal.

(23:59):
That brings an interesting crowdon a Sunday night.
Right, right. Well, I also so we did the show.
I didn't talk to you or anything, but I liked your set.
I I was laughing. I mean, I don't know if you
could hear me, but I was cackling because I feel like
you, that one person I was. Mad Nora has a good laugh.
OK, you're the cause. I was like, there's one person
in this room laughing. Loves this, sad it's for her.

(24:21):
Dead quiet, but there's one person.
Feels like a Ted talk, right? Now, but I I usually like I see
what's funny and and when, when you know, like I like some
people are fucking losers and I get it, you know, anyways, and
then I was like, you look reallyfamiliar.
And then I then I looked you up and I was like, there he is.
The Zoram videos that I fucking laugh.

(24:41):
Boys for Zoram. What?
How? How did that come to be?
Did you write that? I did write.
That Oh my God, so good. It's so funny.
It was, it was a happy accident.I was, I was just on the
airplane and then I'm just, I just have such amazing ideas.
All the time of course of. Course, after I was like, I

(25:02):
should storm the cockpit, I was like, what other ideas do I
have? And then I was like, I just, it
just kind of kind of oddly just came to me.
I was like, that would be kind of like a funny concept.
And then like, I like text to the hot girls first around
people. Kate was one of like my really
good friends and Kate who's alsoone of my good friends.
Has a lot of good friends yeah it's nice I.

(25:23):
Do I do have a lot? Yeah.
You guys just really made me look with him.
I am. Is Zoran a good friend now?
I mean, he's all right. I kind of.
He's an all right friend, I kind.
Of got beef with Spike Lee rightnow and I saw him take a picture
of Spike Lee a week ago. So I was like, you know, enemy
of my enemy. Yeah.

(25:43):
But but it's like, well, I don'tknow.
That's how I'm supposed to use that that that that terminology.
The enemy and my enemies. But this is like I just saw them
together. I kind of got jealous because I
like me and Spike Lee aren't aren't speaking terms right now,
but. Wait, why?
Why? Why?
He like did like a poster signing a couple weeks ago and
my mom called me and she was like, hey, can you go get a
Spike Lee poster? He's my.
Favorite Wow, your mom's amazing.
You guys really? Keep in touch.

(26:04):
Love my name. Yeah, she will.
She will call me if I don't callher.
And she will. She'll leave like the most crazy
voice. No, she'll be like, I can't
believe I carried something for nine months that won't even call
me back and I'm like, I was. Really a guilt trap.
Wow. And so I go and get this poster
for her. To the front of.

(26:25):
The line poster is $100 and no piece of paper should cost $100
like the Declaration of Independence shouldn't be $100.
I think they got rid of it recently.
Yeah, Yeah, I think so. I feel like yeah, I hope.
Man, that's sad days. Sorry, sorry.
Continue. Continue.
Continue. Like, yeah, what are we going to
do about? That not really sure, but today

(26:46):
we're going to find out what your mom did about Spike Lee Oh
yeah so I. Put that poster.
Then I get to the front of the line, I'm like, hey, can I get
my signed poster? Like, Oh no, he's actually
sitting right here next to us and he's signing them.
So you have to buy it and then get a signed by him.
And I was like, OK, cool. I, I feel like he should have
just prepared a little bit longer for this, but it's fine.

(27:07):
And so I get the poster and thenI like, I'm like, all right, I
buy it. And then they're like, all
right, so are you getting it signed?
And I was like, yes. And they're like, all right,
cool. So look down the street, Look at
the second really long line that's all the way down the
street. Mind you, the first line I
waited in was already a 3 1/2 hour line just to get the
poster. And then they didn't give it to
me. And then I get, so I buy it for

(27:28):
$100, mind you, And then I get to the back of the second line
just to get this poster signed. Wait, there's a line for buying
and a line for signing? Sign all the parties right.
There. Exactly did.
You sign the poster and give it to your.
Mom, I should have. I should have.
I should. You get back in the line.
I got back in that. Line you're.
That's a good. Your mom's lucky so.
I waited 7 hours to a work day basically to get a paper signed

(27:55):
by this guy and then I get to the front and his handwriting is
awful. Atrocious.
So you could have done it. All in or just chicken scratch.
And then I was just like, I was like, all right, me and Spike
Lee aren't on talking terms. No, he, he, you lost a day to
that. How are?
You going to make a movie calledDo the Right Thing and then you
do people like that? Wow.
Wait, so when you were had to buy the poster you could see him

(28:17):
right there at the table? Glasses and everything.
No, that would have really pissed me off.
And then you have to go all the way back to that, grind his
hand. Be like, come on, Spike, come.
On. Let's do this.
But. The video of that would have.
But if any Hollywood casting people see this that I love
Spike Lee and we're. And he's great and he's looking.
Forward to and we're. So that was such a good process.

(28:39):
And that was a lie I just told. He didn't do that to any of us.
Yeah, and that's how ideally people want to get their
posters. That sounds amazing.
I don't think I've ever gone to a poster signing.
Yeah. And then a week ago, Zoran and
him, we're just buddied up. And I was like, oh, OK, so this
is what we're doing. Zoran, we're just.
We're just. Hanging out?
Is he signing everything for Zoron of?
Course anything that's. But that's the moment I realize

(29:02):
I need to get, like, famous. Yeah, like.
Like lines don't exist to famouspeople, that's why I don't need
lines anymore. Yeah, it's not like.
That I'm pretending like I'm butI'm trying to manifest like I
just don't. I don't want to be someone that
has to wait in lines, you know, like.
That's a good reason to want to be famous.
That's like a funny, like I'm just done.
I've waited in a long line. I'm done.
Yeah, Need to become famous likeit'd be done in lines.

(29:23):
So I, I mean, I'm shocked you'rekind of famous from the video,
though, the going back to the hot boys for Zoran.
Yeah, for like 3 weeks. OK.
And what was that three weeks like?
Did you wait in any lines? I I stayed in the house you.
Know Oh, it was just the popper out too.
Much every time I had. The house I was at a trail.
Yeah, it was like being like, oh.

(29:43):
My God doesn't matter. Can I just count?
Please it's so funny sign. My, it's a really good video.
We would have asked you to sign something.
I, it was a fun video, like the cast that I cast it for.
Like I thought the video was going to fall through originally
because I sent the idea to like everybody and like the like the

(30:04):
person I really needed the most was like my light skinned friend
Quinton, because like you just need a, you need a token light
skin and a black sketch. It's just, you have to, I just
don't ask me why. It's just like, OK, it's just a
thing. I don't know like.
Quinton was key. Yeah, that's how we're not going
to be the ones to ask you. I don't know why, I asked Tyler

(30:25):
Perry. But.
Your next cast. But he like he was so important
to the sketch him and then like my videographer Brian and then
like like Kay Fu also runs hot girls for Zoran with Kate.
And then like my 2 hilarious friends Jared and Reggie or Toby
Season is his artist name. So like everybody was played

(30:48):
such a pivotal and key role in that sketch to make it happen.
And I think if anyone was different it wouldn't have done
as well. So you didn't want us?
In Hot Boys sequel. You didn't want the 2 white
girls in. Sequel.
So is that what connected you toZoran, or you were already kind
of in his universe before I was?Kind of already in his universe
because my one of my roommates is the hot girls for Zoran.

(31:11):
Like one of the Co founders. So Oh my God.
I just have a whole bunch of boxes for T-shirts in my living
room and people are like. Hey, we're.
Gonna we're really down? I don't know.
I don't. Know where you.
I don't know where you could geta shirt.
It's not in my living room. I.
Have no idea there's. Nora immediately was like,
where's my shirt? Like our?
Set that you didn't bring a shirt.

(31:31):
Gotta go canvassing I think. Yeah.
OK, we can do that. We're gonna do a lot more than
canvassing. We're getting that man in
office. We're gonna get him in office
and we've been manifesting. We said it before we started
recording. We believe we can get him on the
podcast. We believe, yeah, I think it is
a little, you know, we know that.
I know he's him. We on their podcast, yeah, we,

(31:52):
we damned him a couple times andwe got the automated response to
Canvas, which we're going to do.I do it, you know, but I feel
like the automation is going to go away at some point and we're
going to get a real person in there.
You were really. It was really impressive,
though, when someone called you asking if you were voting for
him and you were like, do you know if he's doing podcasts?
And the I was like, I really don't know.

(32:14):
I just want to know if we could count on your vote.
And you were like, what's your e-mail?
If I could send you something. I was like, wow, she's really
getting in there. She's like, this might get me to
him. So let's just see what we the
guy was like. All I know is if you're going to
vote or not. I love him so much.
He was really nice. He tried to help.
I I no I. You're not talking about the guy
I'm. Talking about the guy shit about

(32:34):
that canvasser. No, I'm just kidding.
He was nice too. But there was kind of a moment
where I was like, should I date this canvasser?
Yeah, you guys were. He was really trying to help you
on the phone and you guys obviously align values.
Yeah, exactly something. About the Zoron campaign, that's
just so horny. It's so horny I don't.
Get why it's so? Horny.
It's him. It's him.
He's so horny. Yeah, he didn't meet his girl on

(32:57):
Hinge. Yeah.
You got her on Hinge? And he's like hot and like cool
and chilled, like the way he talks.
He's pretty sexy. He's really, he's like he's.
Born in like where's Zimbabwe? Like he's a, isn't he?
Uganda. Uganda.
Yeah, he's an African American. Yeah, that's what happens.
He's just sexy and then it's like the people supporting him

(33:19):
are always, they're really hot. Yeah, everything about him is
just like. Yeah.
The most humbling thing, though,is that he's 33, which
unfortunately is also my age. And we are at different points
in our lives. So it's just it's kind of a a
moment to look, to reflect. Like, look what Zoran did.
Yeah. But when he comes on our

(33:39):
podcast, that'll be like the topof our podcast in career and
you'll be the same age as I'm. Done.
So yeah, because. Y'all, y'all will be.
It's OK in 33, it's OK 33 is theJesus year.
Like that's the year Jesus died.How old are you?
Is. He really?
Yeah, 33 I. Am you're 30?
Three. No, I'm no.
I'm not. Why'd you say it like that?
No, no, I wouldn't be an old haglike that.

(34:02):
I I I'm 28. You're 28.
You're Hannah Sands. Really.
When's your birthday? April 25th, Taurus.
Whoa, April 17th, you guys are. Close.
Aries. You give Aries.
Really. Yeah.
Why? I don't know.
Yeah. But like I just I.
If, like you told me, I'll you're you go because you kind
of remind me of my friend Clint.Another good friend.

(34:25):
No, he's a great friend. He's a.
Great friend. He's whoa.
He's my, he's at Clint Taurus on, on.
Twitter, you're really pushing everyone.
Yeah. You're like a this is my good
friend. You wanna hear about your
enemies? That's a that's.
A black Spike Lee. When they get on any white
platform there's like oh shout out to my homie right back like
this is they always got to they always get played off on the

(34:49):
VMA's cuz they just. Shouting everyone out.
OK, let me hear more about Clint.
Shout out to Clint. Clint he's he's my really funny
gay friend that. Used to be in in New York City.
That's down in Austin, TX now. The white Wakanda.
It's so. Or is that Boston?

(35:09):
We don't know, We don't know. Have you ever seen Black
Panther? No, but I've read a lot about
the. Black Panther.
Sorry, sorry, the whitest response you read.
About no, but I've been reading.I read a lot so.
Y'all ever watch Friday? Friday now you ever.
Watch The Boondocks. No.
Y'all ever watch? OK, it seems like it's gonna be

(35:30):
no for all of them, so let's just get it over with.
I was gonna keep asking you Black.
No, no, no, I know. And it's not gonna go.
It's gonna make us. Yeah, it's.
It's a hard no across the board.We're just watching Bridesmaids
on and we're. Not gonna tell you Nora's
favorite movie. I don't want to tell you my
favorite movie. It's Yeah, we're.

(35:51):
You know, imagine if we back asked you all, you've seen all.
Of Have you seen Legally Blonde?Have you seen Old School?
Shit. Yeah, it's a I'm not gonna say
actually what I was gonna say after that about my reading
selection, cuz it's not gonna. Yeah, but it's good.
It's good. She's a good reader.
I'm a good reader. That's.

(36:11):
All I have to do sounds like she's a fast.
Reader you'd be, I read all impressed.
By her reading. Yeah, you would be impressed by
my selection in in books. OK, so maybe none of those
movies, but I'm doing other things, OK?
You do seem like you read. You got books in your kitchen?
Well, Nora also literally hosts a book club at Rikers.

(36:31):
I do. So I do.
I do Rikers. Yeah, I do.
Like. The jail.
Yeah, like the jail where? Prisoners are.
Yeah, yeah. OK.
They do that? Yeah, she.
Is really reading do? You like, is it like you call
the cops on them and you're like, oh, hey, nice to see you.
Sorry, I go there. I'm actually going there this
week. I go there, we have a book club.

(36:53):
I'm currently trying to make it into a nonprofit.
It's been growing like crazy. We read books, we talk about
them. We just expanded to the men's
ward and we're making it bilingual now.
I brought on a guy who's gonna speak to them in Spanish, so.
The one who? Esteban, Esteban who's also a
New York City public school teacher.
But yeah, we to Esteban shout out to Esteban.

(37:15):
He's very cool and he's an activist.
He also is very pro Zoron so. Zoram would go to the book club.
Oh my God, we gotta. I feel like that could be your
end maybe. Don't you feel like you would go
to that? The girls don't give a shit the.
Box would that's. Where y'all should.
Host I feel like, I feel like the girls would give a shit.
That's where y'all should host the podcast.

(37:36):
Yeah. Equipment and and start talking.
Some they yeah, we the girls. So I've been doing this since
the beginning of the year and it's it's really grown.
We have like it went from six people, now we have 60.
So it's like, it's a it's a lot.But the girls, yeah, we we talk
a lot of shit. The book club has kind of turned
into like, do you hate men? Cuz get on in here cuz we're

(37:59):
gonna talk about it. That's.
That's probably why half of them.
Are in there literally, literally, literally.
But sometimes we'll have a male cuz we always have to have a
male officer who like watches over or not a male officer, just
an officer in general. For every 10 people, I have to
have one officer in the room. Shout out Stanford Prison
Experiment and. Sometimes it's a man and we all

(38:22):
kind of look at him at one pointand we're like, yeah, this is
about. You.
We're all talking about you. Really.
I know you have to be here, but you really shouldn't.
Yeah. I'll jump him.
Sixty of us. I feel like they probably
wouldn't let the book club continue, but it would be a good
day in general. No, I get, I get way too
involved, like I some of the girls would be like my boyfriend
is post it or like his ex girlfriend's posting online on

(38:46):
Facebook about my, you know something about me and I I need
you to check and then let me know what she's saying and then
hopefully you can comment back and I'm like, yeah, give me her
name. And then I come back and I'm.
You're a girls girl. I'm a girls girl.
I'm a girls girl. No, when I think about how like
jealous and crazy I can get. No, no, no, it's really.
Unfair. Yeah.
If I was in prison, I just. I can't be checking all those

(39:08):
things that would drive me up a wall.
Yeah, they're like, my boyfriendis literally like online talking
to other girls and I'm like, letme we go chalk, OK.
We need to we need to go to his house anyways, you should give
you should give me like that list of stuff, because I know
that like doing the whole book club me it's a lot of work.
So me having a Facebook follow up have.
You ever heard of that group? That's like we've dated each or

(39:29):
I dated your man or something. We're all dating the same guy
We're. All dating the same man.
Yes, I have. Have you ever been on it?
No. Have you ever worried about
dating? Them when I date them.
Really. We're like, no, what's the name?
I could. Tell I could tell that you have
some horror stories because you took that serious.

(39:49):
Really. You have no idea.
No, I've never been on that happily and luckily I just
unfortunately, I just, I treat people like human beings, but.
I need some of the suits. Holy shit.
I just, I think it's a it's weird.
I just, it's, it's weird becauseit's like on one token, I'm
like, these dudes kind of deserve it.

(40:11):
But on the other hand, I'm like damn.
We're watching you. Yeah, I'm like.
The things get pretty. I'm in that Facebook group.
Yeah, I joined it. Like this has a boyfriend she
still wants to make sure everything.
I'm crazy. I don't trust anyone but it's
the comments section on each post are nuts.
Like the girls are also fightingwith each other.

(40:33):
Yeah, like he's not that bad. They're literally like they all
are posting. Margot's coming in, Nora, I
hope. You're not allergic to cats?
I love cats. Oh really?
Oh, I. Went to her to get on up here.
She will you can bend down and grab her.
She's really like she won't bite.
She doesn't hiss. She's.
Perfect. Nora's been away, so I think
Margot's like just really excited of people back at the
house, pretty much. What else can you tell us about?

(40:57):
So how long have you been in NewYork?
So originally I came here in 2019.
OK. And then something weird
happened like. What happened after that?
Oh, the COVID. What?
Happened. I was like, what happened?
And then like, I came, I should have stayed during COVID.
I thought we just all were goingto die.
So I, I, but I, I had to like, go back home and like, finish

(41:17):
college. Where's home?
Rochester. BUT I went back to Buffalo to
finish college because I was. On Zoom.
Interning, yeah. Oh God in Buffalo.
Yeah, it's. Start zoom College in Buffalo.
Wow, I went to. Went where did I go?
I went back to Rochester, chilled there for a bit and then

(41:39):
came back here in like 2022 three and then I've been here
ever since in Brooklyn. OK.
Are you someone who feels like now that you're here, you never
wanna leave New York or this is still just part of the journey?
I. Never.
I don't even like My friend invited me to Cape Cod this
weekend. I don't why.
Why? Why God?

(42:01):
I never want to leave New York. Just to like to just to like go
anywhere. I'm like, I haven't even seen
all of this place. You want me to?
You want me to go to Pennsylvania?
Like why would I do that? Yeah, I gotta take a trip to to
San Francisco in a month and I'mlike, why?
What are you doing in San Francisco?
Music Festival. You're gonna be my dad.
You're going to the music festival.

(42:22):
Portola. Wow, Portola music Festival, you
are 28 Oh my God. I, you know, it's like, and I'm
still like a young 28 cuz I'm like in my, in my mind, I'm
like, what if like I made music,you know, it's like.
I thought you said you. Were you are?
Yeah, I am. You are.
Think you're about to, Yeah. That's exciting.
Are you going to the festival with friends?

(42:43):
Yeah, I'm going. OK. 4-5 friends.
Is Clint gonna be there? Clint will be there.
Oh wow. Festival.
Where you're gonna like camp outfor a couple of days or you're
just gone. It's like, I don't, I've never
been to a music festival, so I kind of think they're all like
Burning Man. No, no, no, they're not.
They're they're they can really they're not very.
I went to way too many. This one's in like a big

(43:05):
shipyard. And that's fun.
That's really cool. Cool.
And are you? Are you gonna camp out?
No, I am going to. I don't even think you can camp
out. I'm gonna go and then go to my
dad's house and then. Sleep.
And then wake up the next day and do it a second time.
Wow, that I it's only two days. A Little League, Yeah.

(43:26):
Why? What have you gone to?
8 days baby. 8 days. 8 days there's.
Music in the. World going going to every day
to the show. Oh, yeah, On acid I could.
Doing every possible drug you possibly could.
This was 2007, baby. It was different time or not
2007, 2000, it was 2007. This was 1992.

(43:48):
No, it was 2000 and 1312. Something like that.
OK, we were. It was Everyday Party 3000, you
know, go for it. I just could never like even at
the height of my party stage, I never.
I just don't. I don't know what's wrong with
me. I can't.
No, no, nothing's wrong with you.
Something was wrong with me. I'm sober now but you still.

(44:10):
You still love. Music I did you doing acid for
eight days with the I Heart Boobies bracelet on.
Yes, maybe even like a couple ofthem.
Oh my God, no. If you have any photos of this,
please send it to Sean. I have sent to put them up.
No, no, no. I've sent you a couple.
Remember? I sent you a couple and they're

(44:31):
not good. Oh, that's the one with the
bandana. Yeah.
Yeah. It's it's not good.
No. I'm also making some fashion.
Theme I Unfortunately, my dark past is that I used to follow
fish. I'm so sorry.
Follow fish, Yeah. Does that mean?
Oh, the band. God, the band.
So that. We don't even have to get into
it. That shit happens.
Huh. Acronym fuck it shit.

(44:51):
Happened. No, it's just.
Fish. It's a dance with a pH from what
I know has like a pretty intensefollowing.
Like follow them physically. Yeah, gotcha.
Yeah, Follow them around town. I used to work for someone who
would do that. And there was a special.
Group I thought I've ever workedfor.
You know what I think someone said that sentence about me.

(45:13):
Yeah, they were like. She's.
Really scary to work for, but she's away right now following
Fish. Jesus also have followers.
Yeah. Jesus A.
Lot of people would say this is Jesus, yeah.
What kind of music are they? It's a jam band.
I'm so sorry. Jam.
Band yeah, it's like a Grateful Dead kind of vibe.
Yeah, OK. It's a lot of a lot of tie dye,

(45:37):
a lot of, well, not kind of meannitrous tanks, a lot of acid, a
lot of damn, this music's so good.
Like that kind of vibe. People's.
Yeah, it's drug music. It's people saving their
tickets, comparing it, sleeping in tents for too many days.
That's where I'm out. Anything in a tent, I'm out.
It's too much, but anyways, havefun at your two day music

(45:59):
festival at your dad's house. Yeah, I, I, I don't know, like I
don't. See that?
But that's good. That's good that you can't do
it. I was doing this when I was like
in my early 20s. So it's different.
Yeah, I just. Like not even the sound
performative, but the only everythe two and whenever I do like
the only two times I've ever done Molly, I just cried about

(46:19):
my little sisters getting older.So I.
Just. Can't.
That's really sweet. It's like not.
Even are you single? I I currently I am.
I am not partnered, but I I am. Because you're kind of like
she's making a. Case.
Yeah, she's got a. She's got.
A She says he's seeing someone who this person.

(46:40):
Can't say I don't want to jinx. Well, we want to.
So we'll say it, we'll say it 123 No, I am.
But you're just like you're. You're describing like the.
I'm like half married. Yeah, you're.
You're everything that you're saying.
You're like on Molly. I was just thinking about my
little sisters. It's just like, and saying
you're a masseuse and a musicianand doing anything for your mom,

(47:03):
Like, like, Oh my God. That's like what girls are
looking for. Yeah.
So. I but but to breakfast.
It was reluctant. I did not want to go for my mom.
I I had a birthday but I wanted to do that.
But I. But there's people who, like,
wouldn't even like, entertain the idea.
Yeah, but you, you did it. You won.
I did go. So Aaliyah Ellamine, if you're
watching this podcast episode, just know.

(47:24):
Is that your mom? That is all right, Doctor
Aaliyah Ellamine. Wow, we're watching this.
We're. Blown away.
We've been having the same everything you say.
Oh, wow. Yeah, well, I was.
A therapist and I turned out like.
This. So that makes so much sense, Oh
my God. Wow, that's really nice.

(47:45):
Well, we. Someone didn't do their job.
No, it sounds like she did. No, she did a great job.
This episode is dedicated to your mom.
She did a great job. Yeah, she could have this
episode. Cool.
Yeah, why not? Why not?
We're probably gonna wrap soon, but most New York moment of the
week. Can you tell us like just
something like that was just like only in New York?

(48:06):
Half the week. If you need an example I can
tell you what happened to me yesterday.
Okay yesterday I was headed to babysitting and I'm walking and
I feel like the side of my leg is wet like from my bag and I
was like fuck something spilled and I have a lot in my bag.
It was like I went grocery shopping and I was at work, so
it was a lot in my bag. My Chipotle bowl had been

(48:29):
spilling out the side through the paper bag all over my stuff
in the bag. So I pull over and I'm like
taking out all my, I like pull over on the sidewalk.
I take out all the stuff out of my bag and I'm like trying to
figure out what I don't mind getting dirty that I can wrap it
in whatever because I can't tossthis like I'm not.
Buying Chipotle again, I'm goingto eat it out of the bag.
And then a delivery driver on his scooter pulled over and he

(48:52):
was like this happens to me all the time and he gave me 3 little
trash bags and napkins. And just you were gonna be like.
And then he gave me one of the meals in his.
No, no, and that wouldn't be touching.
That would suck for. Someone, but it was.
So nice, like he saw me and he knew immediately what was going
on and he was prepared for it and he helped me out and he was
like waving and driving away andI was like like that's so sweet.

(49:15):
Cuz at first everyone was just walking and looking at me and I
was like OK, you know where you guys are?
Happen where? Berlin.
I was just in. Berlin, they would not give you
back. You did recently.
What did you did you go recentlyin October?
Oh, you weren't there last week?OK, you.
Were there last week. When Yeah, I went last week and
I was like, whoa, everyone has agiant stick up your rope.
But I had a good time. I really liked it.

(49:40):
It was beautiful. I did a lot of biking.
I was naked for a lot of it. Whoa yeah, I went to Vibali, the
Coed spa in the center of the city that like only Berliners go
to I guess. Is that your vibe?
Would you do? Something like that, huh?
Y'all, Y'all are cool. Thanks.
Thank you. I mean, listen.

(50:02):
I know the rent's going up because you're here, but y'all
are all right? It's kind of a give and thing.
It's fun, yeah. Cuz.
It's a good version. Cool.
Yeah, we're doing cool stuff. It was Co Ed nude, so it was
like everyone was just naked. And then I also went to a naked
lake. That was really fun.
So I was kind of just naked the whole time.

(50:23):
It's I sent Hannah a nude and she like didn't respond within
20 minutes. And I was like, so you hate it?
How? Does that work?
That was destroyed me. How does that work?
I was like, so you hate it in? In my defense, like it's not
like I knew a nude was coming. Like if I had known she was not
to send a photo because like, you know, if you're not like
when me and I was texting, but like when you're no, a nude is
coming, you're on your phone. I'm a surprise.
I just like hadn't we hadn't talked that whole day and then I

(50:46):
wasn't on my phone. I was like.
I'm in a nude lake and. I'm doing this new thing.
I'm responding to all my texts that aren't urgent at the end of
the day now. I truly do envy like the
friendship women have. Because you couldn't just send
your friend nude. Your homies will call you a
slurry for hugging your dad for too long.
Yeah, yeah. You can't send them a picture of

(51:09):
you with the nude lake. Yeah, and get mad at them for
not complimenting you. I literally texted So you hate
it so you. Hate it.
I still didn't respond. She still didn't respond for
hours and I was. Like my phone alright.
I guess it was maybe a little inappropriate, but like I needed
to show you how good my boobs look right now so.
Did you ever respond? Yeah, yeah.

(51:30):
She was like, I'm so sorry. It was amazing.
I hadn't checked my phone. Yeah.
Anytime I'm not responding, you can.
You can guess. I haven't looked at it.
Yeah. Yeah.
I leave a lot of stuff to open at the end of the day.
Me. I'm actively ignoring you, Yeah.
I That's good to know, no? No.
I live on do not disturb so it'slike.
Do you really? I hate when I'm texting someone

(51:51):
it's like their notifications are silent because I'm never on
my phone. I'm like this is the only.
Time No, I'm just saying I'm actively ignoring.
I do have AD and D on all the time.
You do, you don't. So I'm ignoring a lot of my
talks, but it's. Just like I'm already addicted
to this. I didn't even put it in my
pocket. It's right here.
Like it's like. It's close.
I Yeah. It looks like you were mid text
with someone too. I was.
I was who? Are you texting Clint?

(52:15):
Is it her numbers on here? It's.
A 201 area code. What's that?
New York, right? I don't even know.
Isn't that New York? Now we're 90 something in 2/1.
It was you. 202 you didn't save my number wow this is really
this is really not going well great I did give you a :) let's.

(52:38):
Save it now. Yeah, why don't?
You lock it in. Yeah.
Why don't? Yeah, You can text me once that
girl and you break up or something.
Yeah. See what's going on guys.
Go to the nude lake. Yeah, you come with me.
And you guys can send me pictures, I'll respond when I
get to it. Buy my if you.
Buy my ticket. To Berlin, Consider.
Going to the. New There's a Newt spa in New
York you guys can go to, actually.
Thank God. Thank God I need to be nude

(52:59):
again. It might be.
It's probably really more intense than the one in Berlin
because everyone's like it's NewYorkers.
It's not Berliners trying to keep themselves.
But it was still a good experience.
It was such a beautiful experience.
It was just like old people, young people, like just everyone
was just like Dicks out, boops out, let's hang out.
How is that? It's amazing what?
Is like how does that as someonewith an unfinished tattoo, I

(53:21):
just don't even like someone I'mhaving sex with to look at me
I'm. Just like really I'm.
Exaggerating, but like I'm just like.
Yeah, no, it's it's once you lean into the fact that we're
all just skeletons with flesh and we're all just here to have
a nice time and make our bodies feel good.
Which is, which is. Swimming naked, which is being
in a sauna naked, which is beingin a steam room naked and

(53:43):
walking around naked. It feels really good.
It's the more bodies you see naked, you're kind of like, oh,
we're all everyone. Like nobody looks the way you
think they're going to look in your head.
Yeah. So then you're like you can take
the load off of what you look like as well.
Yeah, it's like, no refreshing. You're just like, oh, everyone
has a little acne on their butt.But it is like the it's OK.

(54:06):
I think it's the exchange of like both being naked.
Like I do the naked comedy show a lot and the audience is naked
too. So it's kind of like, oh, we're
all naked. But one time I did it at that
club, it was yeah, only you werenaked and everyone else had
clothes on you. And it was kind of like, OK,
this. Sucks.
Actually. Yeah, that was the worst.
I'd never do like gimmicky showsbecause I'm not.

(54:27):
You don't want to go on the naked show.
I just like. I just never.
I'm like a I'm afraid to like. I'm like, well, that's different
than going to the Bali because the Bali's like the Bali would
be a good step one. Yeah, Step 1 is just like being
actually the lake would have been good for step one because
that's like everyone. Everyone is like families.
And we were also saying it depends.
Sometimes I feel like people with nudity is like if you grew

(54:48):
up in a naked house or not. I did not grow up in a naked
house. I was like my mom would do it
was just too cheap to buy a longer blouse like nightgown
would slip up. I'm like mom, like is.
It's no big deal to her. She's.
Like you came out of me. I was like but I don't.
I don't remember. I don't remember what it was
like ever again. Like it's just like, it's just

(55:10):
I, I don't, I think I just have too much religious guilt.
I think that's what it is. I'm I'm like, I was raised
Muslim and like. Yeah, it's.
Like I'm now I'm just like trying to come to the terms with
like maybe the fact that I'm notas religious as like I was
raised to be like in here. And then it's hard because the
guilt is still there. So then like going to a naked

(55:32):
spot would be a big jump. Getting naked is a big.
Jump is a big jump already. Yeah, I get that.
I mean different from being Muslim but I got a boob job and
I pretty different. I'm learning so much about you
guys. I got a boob job last September
and I have pretty bad scars fromit.

(55:53):
And so I was a little like, like, my boobs look amazing, but
they just have these little tinyscars that really bother me.
And I'm getting like, I'm putting cream on it all the
time, but it's still there. And so when I went to Bibali, I
was kind of like, so like, awful.
And I was like, wait, everyone? Got everyone has some.
Everyone has scars and my boobs look great like whatever Nora.

(56:15):
And so now I'm like ready to go.That's so cool, I are they super
expensive? Like the boob job it, yeah, it's
$80,000, but I got it covered byinsurance.
My boobs were really big, so I got a breast reduction and then
I got a whole new set. That's yeah.
I was like, I want them to look like this.
Actually, I got another comedianin the comedy community.
I can't say her name, but we. I was like, I love your boobs.

(56:38):
We took a picture of them. I brought them to the doctor.
I was like, I want these boobs. She gave them to me.
That's so cool. So I have matching boobs with
someone in the. That was probably fun to do boob
shopping. Yeah, yeah, it was fun.
Cool, I'm gonna do that with my hairline.
And yeah, no, you should. For that you should.
Everyone should get surgery. It's amazing.
Everyone should get surgery. But I want this hairline.

(56:58):
Yeah, anything you want, you canget it with surgery.
And if you scam a not firing, Yeah, it's really inspiring.
Anything you can want, you can get it with surgery.
Anything you want, But yeah, no,the the insurance, weirdly
enough, because usually they're like a woman needing something
with health insurance, but you should kill yourself.
But instead I got I got it for how much was it 7000?

(57:21):
I put, I was put on a payment plan forever, but I'm still
paying them all. They're technically not.
They're technically not mine right now.
We have to be careful around that.
We have to be careful. We haven't fully, but from
80,000. I was like, oh, that's amazing.
That's great. Like my back really hurts.
You're like, prove it. Yeah, prove it, woman.
Anyways, what was your most Europe moment of the week again?

(57:43):
I I well this it was last week. Not OK.
But I, I was like, I was just onthe train and like a homeless
guy like came up to me, asked for money and I was like, tired
dude, I don't have any cash. And he was like, oh, I'd take
square. And I was like.
No what and. They go, why do you take square

(58:04):
and two? I'm not tapping my phone on
anything. You have.
Like why? Where'd you get this card read?
Where did you get square? So I was just like, OK.
Not really, cuz like that reallyis a shocker.
Like sorry, I don't have no problem.
No problem. I got Square.

(58:24):
We can do PayPal whatever manero, whatever works for you.
Like literally I was like, oh, these guys are getting
resourceful. Yeah, they are.
Because homeless people like youhave to still have a phone to be
homeless. Like it's like, it's weird like
you. You have to have a phone more.
Than you need a house in the society so.

(58:46):
Honestly. Thanks to you.
Yeah, I'm, I'm. Pretty deep.
Wow, that actually is true. Kind of.
Would you rather have a house ora phone?
OK, Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
I guess probably house, yeah. No, definitely house I'd.
Rather have a house than a phone.
Yeah, but you? Need but if didn't have a house
I would be like step one. I need a phone.
Yeah. Cuz that's what I think the.

(59:08):
Phone can get you a house. Yeah, you need, you need that to
talk to people, to apply for jobs, to get connections, to
apply for anything. Right, The very least.
Did you guys ever have a landline?
Of course, growing up or in college?
Of course no. No, I went to College in 2015.
OK, well, back in 1982. But all our rooms had landlines

(59:29):
in them. Yeah, I had a landline.
It was the best. Where?
Did you? Go to college.
I went to Pace. Yeah, they'll take anyone.
Like I said, not anymore. Like I don't think I could still
get in today. But like, when I went, people
were like, that's so exciting. I was like, it's like a 70%
acceptance rate. And they had me on a plan that
was like, we'll take you, but your GPA needs to be better

(59:51):
after your first year or we're going to let you go.
I was part of the Challenge to Achievement program.
Hell yeah. And she achieved.
I achieved later. Now apparently.
What? Do we all study?
I studied communications with a minor in screen writing.
Beautiful. I unfortunately studied women's

(01:00:11):
studies and I thought I was gay for a while and I chopped off
all my hair and I'm not and I now my hair is long and I'm I'm
dating a lot of men. And Major.
Yeah, I, I, I went through a phase and I, I still love women
though, like. Was it your mid?
20s yeah, I was around the time that I was falling fish around I

(01:00:34):
was really it just I just I don't know I I really was
feeling the vibes so and you guys are are.
You guys hear this? If you if you have a lesbian
friend that's 26, wait her out. Wait her out.
Wait. Her out?
Yeah, I think. She's the one she will be one
day. I.
Feel like women's studies is going to be such a good major

(01:00:54):
because, like, it'll help me so much in my life.
Guess what doesn't help you in New York?
A women's studies degree from UMass Amherst.
Guess what really doesn't help? But no, if people ask like on
dates and stuff, I say English. Yeah, because you don't need.
They don't need to know that. Where'd you go?
I went. To U Buffalo and I studied

(01:01:14):
computer science and political science 2 fake sciences and I
use neither now. Computer science, I had to take
like one class like that and I couldn't even get through it.
That was the whole major. That's kind of a heavy one.
That is a little heavy. Well, on that note, we're very
overtime, but in a good way. I really enjoyed talking.

(01:01:38):
Is there anything you want to say other than your majors?
Any anyone else you want to givea shout out to?
And where can everyone find you?No, just talk about your friends
somewhere. Yeah, give.
A shout out to to to my homies and the and and and the this
crypto podcast. It's a crypto group chat I'm in.
Because we love that. All I've done is lost money and

(01:02:01):
I hate all of y'all. But you're in a crypto group.
Yeah, they added me a year ago. I.
Haven't said men. Are in for a year I.
Haven't said a single thing, butI've.
Just, but you're just seeing what's up.
Because they'll post stuff and I'm like, OK, maybe I'll buy
this. And then I get bugged every
time. I'm not, I'm an awful trader.
I don't I don't know how to do crypto.
Is it all men? I kind of feel like no one knows
how. There's a random lady in there.
Natalie in there. Natalie, add Nora, you.

(01:02:22):
Want to be in it Yeah add Nora at this chat and.
Kanye's crypto, everyone lost. I didn't realize he had.
His I really you'd bring a fun energy.
I would bring a fun Natalie, I mean a friend of your fun.
Natalie to the chat. It'd be like Natalie, step
aside. A new girl's here.
Who does? The new girl's at the villa.
She was. I used to.
Work in finance. I don't do that anymore.

(01:02:43):
Oh wow, that. Stench on me a little bit.
OK. Shout out to my mom.
This was for you, shout. Out to the my roommates, all my
friends that I've texted in the past month, you know your names.
Me included cuz you were textingme tonight.
I was also texting you. Shout out to.
You you didn't have my number so.
Far shout out. To both of y'all, thank you

(01:03:04):
thank you, thank you, thank you.Shout out to the viewers at
home. Yeah, and where can people find
you? You find me on every platform at
Malik the Oracle except for TikTok because they won't let me
change my damn username ever since I got hacked.
So on TikTok I'm at Malik the 22which is weird but.
It's a little different, yeah, than Oracle TikTok.
Is going down the drain yeah like I we're having a hard time

(01:03:28):
on TikTok for other reasons but we can tell it we can talk to
you about that offline but we have and so.
It's not what it used to be and.Not it's not what you couldn't
get away with the stuff that youyou want to get away with in our
brain right now. It's disgusting.
I hate it anyways. Well, thank you so much for.
Being for being live. Thank you for having me.
Thank you so much. It's been wonderful.

(01:03:48):
Very formal guys are very hilarious.
Go follow Malik, he's really funny.
And definitely watch the Zoron videos.
And everyone vote for Zoron. And if you don't, don't talk to
me. Bye.