June 26, 2025 • 30 mins
In this honest and entertaining episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros unpack when ego is necessary. Through real stories from the gym and life, they explore how to protect your peace, set clear boundaries, and respond with strength, not aggression. It’s a raw, relatable look at masculinity, conflict, and why self-respect sometimes requires a little edge. If you’ve ever felt walked over, disrespected, or unsure when to push back, this conversation will give you the clarity and confidence to stand tall without swinging too hard.
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Show notes:
(3:15) Standing up against disrespect
(6:57) The power of the shield bump
(13:03) Masculinity, boundaries, and balance
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kevin Palmieri (00:00):
I am 100% a different person in the gym than
I am on this podcast.
I am 100% a different person inthe gym than I am when I'm
hanging out with Taryn.
When I'm at the gym, I have waymore ego than I do maybe right
here or in my day-to-day life,and I think that's actually not
only good but probably necessary.
Alan Lazaros (00:22):
There's something called prey drive that animals
have, and if an animal istriggered and there's a fight or
flight response, particularly adog in this case they turn into
a whole nother animal, Even ifit's a sweet little dog.
I actually watched Tucker getvery triggered and he actually
(00:43):
couldn't even unclench his jawwith one of my cats one time.
And human beings have that samepsychological fight, flight,
freeze, fawn response andsometimes you need to use that
to your advantage.
Kevin Palmieri (00:59):
Welcome to Next Level University.
I'm your host, kevin Palmieri,and.
Alan Lazaros (01:04):
I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.
Kevin Palmieri (01:07):
At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no
BS approach to holisticself-improvement for dream
chasers.
Alan Lazaros (01:13):
Our goal with every episode is to help you
level up your life, love healthand wealth.
Kevin Palmieri (01:20):
We bring you a new episode every single day on
topics like confidence,self-belief, self-worth,
self-awareness, relationships,boundaries, consistency, habits
and defining your own uniqueversion of success.
Alan Lazaros (01:35):
Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from
anywhere, completely free.
Kevin Palmieri (01:42):
Welcome to Next Level University anywhere,
completely free.
Welcome to next leveluniversity, next level nation
today for episode number 2110.
When is it safe to lead withego?
I was at the gym today and Iwas thinking about this because
again, you've heard the, thetrials and the tribulations of
(02:03):
the dingo at the gym who I don'tlike.
Oh yeah, I was talking withbruce about him today.
So bruce is a 79 year oldbodybuilder, just the nicest
dude in the world.
For the new listeners.
Alan Lazaros (02:13):
Yes, can you talk to them about dingo jones?
Kevin Palmieri (02:17):
yes, dingo jones is just.
He just goes to the gym andjust walks around and talks to
people and just says dumb shit.
He's like, yeah, man, I, youknow, I sell viagra at a hundred
dollars per pill.
It's like why are you tellingme this man we're in the gym
locker room like what are wedoing?
I'm trying to get a workout in,what are we doing here?
(02:38):
Tells me about his, hisprevious jail time and how he's
on all sorts of drugs, and Ithink he's in, he's in like
sixties.
Like what are we doing, man?
You know, this is high schoolshit.
What are we doing here?
This is high school shit, sir.
So I've, and he said some veryhe's just said some ignorant
stuff where it's like I can't,I'm not going to even listen to
(03:08):
that or connect myself to thatin any way.
Alan Lazaros (03:09):
I'm not interested in having any level of
relationship.
Slash connection I don't wantto talk to him making fun of
someone who was trying to.
Kevin Palmieri (03:15):
Yeah, he was like there's a somebody who is
working with one of the personaltrainers who is overweight and
one of the exercises that youcan do when you're working on
losing body fat and you're.
And one of the exercises thatyou can do when you're working
on losing body fat and you can'thandle squats yet or whatever,
is you sit down and stand backup.
Have you ever done that for anexercise before?
And I was like dude, come on,what are we doing here?
What are we doing here?
(03:35):
A person's putting in more workthan you are Bully.
Alan Lazaros (03:38):
Yeah, yeah.
Kevin Palmieri (03:48):
FYI squad listeners next levelers
Dingoones is a name we made up.
Yes, yeah, it's not thisperson's real name.
Could be, could be.
I don't think it is.
But I realize that it feels likeI'm so number one when I go to
the gym and I'm doing like heavylegs.
I'm.
It's not that I'm not in a goodmood, I'm in a great mood, but
I'm I'm feeling myself a littlebit more.
I'm listening to music, I rollmy pants up, I'm showing my legs
(04:09):
off to myself it's not foranybody else, cause there's
usually nobody there at sixo'clock on a Sunday but I'm
feeling myself.
I want to get into a higherenergy.
I don't want to be mousy andlike am I going to be able to do
this?
You need to fucking come withit.
Nice, oh yeah, hell, yeah, hell, yes, hell, yes, the.
Today I had a moment where itwas like I kind of have to have
(04:31):
an ego, so this person doesn'tcome up to me and try to talk to
me.
I can't, I do not want to sendhim a welcoming energy.
I don't want that.
I don't.
You're not welcome.
I don't want you to talk to me.
I don't like you.
You're, you're a dick.
I don't like you.
So I just like stare like notat him, but like near him, and
just look angry, like do notapproach me.
(04:55):
Here's my thesis and this that'snot the story I was going to
even tell, but that's what I gotfor you, it's what we have
today.
My thesis is when it's safe touse ego, when you're playing by
yourself or when you're playingagainst yourself, I think it's
dangerous to use ego when you'replaying against other people or
you're playing together withpeople, because that's when
(05:18):
people, that's when people kindof get hurt.
Like ego can hurt other people,it can hurt you too.
But I think there are somescenarios where you kind of have
to lean into it a little bit.
Alan Lazaros (05:30):
I have a story where I ego bonked for lack of
better phrasing with a guy atthe gym, and so I was in front
of one of the setup machines andI was right up next to it, but
no one was over there.
No one was over there, so I wasprobably two or three feet from
it and I was in the middle of aset doing unilateral standing
(05:55):
overhead press with dumbbellsand I was getting after it.
I was in it and emilia and Iwere over there and no one was
over there, and and this dudecame right over and I'm talking
almost touched me in the middleof my set and then sat on the
thing behind me and I put downthe dumbbell and I turned to him
.
I said, really, and he goesyeah, really, are you using this
(06:20):
?
And I said, no, but you couldhave asked me to move or at
least waited till I was donewith my set.
And he came at me withsomething I don't know what, and
I said wow, you would thinksomeone of your age would be
more respectful.
Was it older gentleman?
Yeah, much older, much older.
And he was really triggered.
(06:40):
He said, well, you thinksomeone your age would be more
respectful?
It was, yeah, and I saidwhatever man, I moved forward,
moved on.
He storms out of the gym andthis was one of those moments,
(07:01):
too, where, trust me, I don'twant to be confrontational, but
I also would have lostself-respect if I didn't say
something out of cowardice,because it was blatant.
It was really, really blatant.
And he came back afterwards.
Emily and I, at that point,we're on the treadmill.
This is like the tail end ofour workout.
I think we were like let's justgo.
That's the symbol.
If you're on YouTube, I'm justusing my fingers to symbolize
(07:22):
running.
It's like let's just go run,let's get the fuck out of here.
And so I was about to get onthe treadmill.
She was already on thetreadmill and he came back in
and he shook my hand and he saidlisten, I'm sorry, and all this
stuff.
And I said I really appreciatethat, thank you.
And the next time I saw him hewas coming out of the gym while
we were coming in and he dabs me, your buddy's down and it's,
(07:43):
it's, there's, what'd you say.
Kevin Palmieri (07:45):
Buddy's down.
Alan Lazaros (07:46):
I think there's this weird thing with dudes in
particular I see this more withmen than with women where they
need to test you to see ifyou're.
It's an unconscious challenge,it's it's.
And again, I'm not a ape experton primates, but I do know that
(08:08):
there is something primitiveabout men.
Where it's they have to test tosee who the alpha male is or
whatever, and especially whenand I've noticed this too when
there there's a really, reallyreally attractive girl around,
men will act really weird, andthis dude was annoying Emilia
(08:34):
for sure as well, in terms ofalways going right behind her
when she was lifting, and so Ihad to say something.
She thanked me after.
She said thank you so much.
That was.
That was so unreasonable.
Like that dude is sounreasonable, he's so
disrespectful and he's notanymore.
But I also know that if Ihadn't checked him and at least
(08:59):
said something, I would havelost self-respect because the
old me would have said, oh, it'snot's not worth it, I'll just
move.
But the truth is, deep down,there's a small part of me that
is scared of confrontation, andI don't want to be an asshole.
I don't want to, and I don'thave the fucking time nor
inclination to get in someargument in the middle of my
(09:19):
workout with some older guy, butI realized that I had to say
something.
I'm not going to fight the guy,it's nothing like that but I
need to come with a littlesomething.
I got to give it a littleshield bump, and so this is the
metaphor I always use you cansmash their shield and make
yourself wrong, or you can pullback, pull back, pull back, pull
(09:43):
back, but eventually you'regoing to find yourself up
against a wall and then you'regoing to have to smash their
shield.
So I just gave a little shieldbump and he came back and said
he was really sorry and he'slike yeah, you're right, because
he knew he reflected on it andI said I really, really
appreciate that, thank you.
He said listen, I don't want toruin your day or mine, I'm
really sorry.
And I was like I reallyappreciate that.
(10:03):
Thank you so much.
The old me probably would havesaid I'm sorry too.
The truth is, I know I didn'tdo anything.
I didn't do anything.
Quote, unquote, wrong andwrongs a perspective.
I get it Right.
I was a little close to the situp machine, but at the end of
the day he easily could havewaited and or asked because it
was blatant.
So what's my point of all?
(10:24):
That Sometimes there needs tobe a little bit of ego in order
to do a shield bump, becausewhen you are scared there tends
to be a little bit of anoverswing.
So, excuse me my throat, I'mnot saying to go from zero to 10
(10:44):
.
In this metaphor, drive to five, five is centered, but every
now and then if someone throwsyou a fucking eight, you might
have to throw a six.
And he threw me an eight in hisbehavior and I had to throw him
a six and I had to see if hewas going to keep escalating.
I'm not going to fight some guyin the gym, but I will stand up
(11:05):
for myself and I think thatthat's a.
That's one of the reasons.
I've noticed this with some ofmy clients too.
I have one client in particularI know you're listening where
he gets mistreated.
Sometimes he had a friend andwe both knew this friend and he
was kind of digging him,chopping him down a little bit.
I said, dude, you know whathe's doing there.
(11:26):
He's like, yeah, but it's notworth it.
It's not worth it.
I said, brother, you gottastand up for yourself, you gotta
say something, and when he did,he got more respect back, and
so I don't know why the male egoneeds to test everybody all the
time.
It's so fucking annoying, quitefrankly, but it is a thing.
It is a thing and that's whatthat dude's doing, and when he
(11:47):
comes to you talking aboutviagra in the fucking locker
room, what you probably shoulddo.
Kevin Palmieri (11:52):
I'm not saying to fight the kid, what I am
saying he's not a kid, he's 60s,he's in his 60s, he's a man.
I'm not saying to fight thegrown-ass man.
Alan Lazaros (11:58):
Well, he obviously isn't acting like it but, I'm
not saying to fight him.
Kevin Palmieri (12:01):
What I am saying is you got to say something,
and I'm sure you have right hehe, him and his buddy, came up
to me one day and he saidsomething I don't remember what
it was, but he was like he's,like I'm pretty annoying, huh,
and I was like on the highestend, yes, nice, on the highest
end, and I just put myheadphones in and walked away.
I don't, I'm not trying to be adick, I'm not going out of my
way to be a dick, but if youapproach me and say something
(12:22):
stupid to your point, it's noteven about him, it's about me.
I need to maintain self-respectwith myself.
I'll regret it if I, if I, justgo along with it.
That's how bullying happens,that's exactly how bullying
happens, there's five people.
One person has a massive ego andthe other four people don't
have enough courage to stand.
And I've been there.
I'm, I'm not.
I'm no, not perfect by anystretch of the imagination.
(12:44):
I think sometimes ego feelslike ego.
It feels like ego even thoughit's not, because when you're
under you have to, like, rileyourself up to do something, and
it's not actually ego, it'scenteredness that feels like ego
, because you're not used to thecollective you, not you you're
not used to doing it.
Alan Lazaros (13:03):
I think that's a really big piece of it well when
you're used to being we call itthe drive to five over five
means that you're kind ofarrogant.
You've got a lot of ego underfive is you are a turtle shell,
so it's puffer fish and turtleshell it's the best metaphor
ever.
A puffer fish isn't actuallystrong.
They're actually deeplyinsecure, so they have to puff
up to try to pretend they'restronger than they are.
(13:25):
And a turtle is so scared thatthey hide.
And if you're so used toturtling, you might have to take
a swing.
I told Kevin this behind thescenes a while back.
I said you and I are so afraidto be toxic masculine that we've
ended up feminine.
I'm not saying there's anythingwrong with being feminine, but
it's not who we are.
It's not who we are.
(13:46):
We have masculine energy and Iknow that I'm a masculine man.
But I'm so afraid to be toxicmasculine that sometimes I let
my masculine go completely.
And I didn't want to offendthis man.
I didn't want to fight this man.
I didn't want to offend thisman.
I didn't want to fight this man.
I didn't want to start aconfrontation, I just want to
get a fucking workout in.
But I also know that I have toand I think the reason why he
(14:09):
came back and apologized isbecause I think on some level he
was testing me, and I think hewas pleasantly surprised with
how I could escalate withoutover escalating.
I could confront it and handlethe conflict and then move on in
a respectful way and I couldcall it out without overdoing it
(14:30):
.
Because when you over swing, youmake yourself wrong and I think
that's a thing.
Yeah, maybe you're mistreated,maybe you're being treated
unjustly, maybe you're beingchopped down, but when you over
swing, you actually do makeyourself wrong, because two
bullies doesn't make it right.
And but in the past I wouldhave just this is what I would
(14:52):
have done Genuinely.
I would have said okay, I'llplay the long game.
Okay, I'll play the long game.
Oh, okay, I'll just go getbetter.
I'll aim higher, work harder,get smarter.
That was my trauma response inthe past when I was bullied.
I would just okay, I'll showyou one day, I'll show you one
day, I'll show you one day.
Well, it turns out as a 36 yearold man who has achieved many
(15:12):
of his dreams, thinking thatthis would change something.
It's actually gotten worse, notbetter, and it's being tested
more, not less.
And so it turns out that whenit comes to these kinds of
interactions, you can't justplay the long-term strategic
chess game to show them one daythat you're courageous.
You have to show some couragein the moment and not overswing
(15:32):
and then make yourself wrong.
Yeah.
Kevin Palmieri (15:34):
Well, and courage feels dirty if you
haven't done it often.
Alan Lazaros (15:39):
NLU listener what is happening?
I just wanted to jump in hereand let you know if you want to
get to the next level faster.
We have a free virtual monthlymeetup at the first Thursday of
every month.
You can connect withlike-minded people and become a
bigger part of this amazingglobal community.
The link to register will be inthe show notes.
Kevin Palmieri (15:59):
I think that's the hard thing is when you're so
used to not saying something.
It feels like ego to saysomething when in reality it's
probably not.
You're probably just trying toget back to five, you're
probably.
I find that I go the oppositedirection and I try to befriend
people in the gym that I haverespect for, because I know on
(16:20):
some level there is this guy,because I know on some level
there is this guy.
He's just a specimen, just astrong, just tall, good looking
dude, jacked, strong as hell.
And he was doing lap pull downsnext to me and I tapped on my
headphone and pulled it out andI could tell, by the way he said
(16:44):
what, that he thought I wasgoing to say something.
I was like dude, you areunbelievable in the best ways.
And he's like dude, come on,man, he's like I'm trying to get
like you, you're here every day.
I was like brother, don't even,don't even.
Like we're not even the same,you're not even the same league,
like you're crushing it, man,you're crushing it that I don't,
that now we're buddies, now wecan be buddies.
We can, we can do dabs.
(17:06):
There's something about likesomebody's got to go first when
it comes to stuff like that.
I think, and even in the, evenin the negative, potentially
negative thing, the dingo jonesin my gym is testing the waters
always.
He's always testing the waters.
Hey man, how you doing or youhave a good week.
He's all he's trying.
Trying to get me back in.
I'm not taking my headphonesout and I'm not going to respond
(17:27):
.
I don't want to respond.
I can't let you get back in.
You can't get more ground.
I don't want that.
Alan Lazaros (17:32):
This is psychological warfare, it's
annoying.
Kevin Palmieri (17:34):
It is unfortunately that's what.
That's what human beings do,especially immature human beings
and, on top of all that beings,do this a lot.
If my wife comes to the gymwith me and you say anything to
my wife, you're gonna, I'm, I'mnot, not gonna be as nice we had
to do, I'm not, I'm not gonnado anything.
(17:54):
Honestly, I'll probably saysomething I was like come on man
, come on man what are we doing?
Alan Lazaros (17:59):
when we got home, she said thank you so much I'm
sure she very much appreciated.
Kevin Palmieri (18:03):
So she was so grateful.
Yeah, she was so grateful.
We had a mentor one time whopulled me aside.
He was a dickhead.
Honestly, he was In retrospect,he was an asshole and he was
like you know, I could take yourwife if I wanted to, brother.
Brother, I could kick the shitout of you with both of my hands
(18:25):
.
Like what are we doing?
What are we doing here?
You really, are you really justtrying to rile me up?
Like what are we doing?
Alan Lazaros (18:27):
here.
Kevin Palmieri (18:27):
That's not something you ridiculous with
that that's not something yousay to someone that you care
about, like what do we, what arewe doing here?
Man, I would never say that toto this person about somebody
that they cared about, that.
So I said something.
I I definitely, because that'sthe thing is.
If to alan's point, if you're,if somebody's gonna throw you an
(18:48):
eight, you can't give them atwo back.
You can't, you gotta match.
I'm not saying that, like,imagine, if it's two streams of
water, right, you both have verypowerful hoses.
I'm not saying that you have tospray it so so hard that it it
deflects their stream and thenknocks them into the wall.
I'm not saying that.
But have to spray it so so hardthat it it deflects their
stream and then knocks them intothe wall.
I'm not saying that, but it atleast has to stop theirs, that's
(19:08):
the goal, one of the thingsthat I've found really
challenging.
Alan Lazaros (19:13):
Okay, there's someone who nlu blacklisted.
Recently, you and I had aconversation.
We decided this is not the play.
We got to do this, it is whatit is.
Okay, this person came at me andthere was some character
assassination and this is theproblem.
(19:38):
This person is very unhappy.
They're obviously very what'sthe proper word?
Unfulfilled, displeased.
I coached this person for a timeand it's so hard because if I
(20:01):
really were to attack back andit's so hard because if I really
were to attack back, you everhear someone like oh, you
couldn't offend me if you tried.
Oh, really, the truth of thematter is, if I said all of the
truth, this person would and, bythe way, he's attacking me If I
attack back at the same levelhe, that would be terrible for
(20:26):
him, because I'm actuallyfulfilled, I actually do have
self respect and self love andI'm actually, all things
considered, very successful inhealth, wealth and love and I'm
winning at life for the mostpart.
This person is very much not,and I was supposed to.
I was helping them with that,actually, and they were entitled
(20:50):
and they attacked my characterand so we blacklisted them.
I've seen this happen beforeand that's good, move on.
But if I had attacked at thesame level he did, that would be
really really, really bad forhis mental health.
And so sometimes the high road,the high road is to stand up for
yourself.
Yes, yes, but do not overdo it,because unfortunately, some of
(21:14):
these people that are dishingout eights and nines and tens,
they can't handle above a six,and that's the unfortunate part
too.
And if you're, if you're outthere and and you want to take a
swing and bully somebody orwhatever, you better be ready to
take it back, because I've hadto bite my tongue, because I
(21:34):
know that it's not what's bestfor this person like this old
guy.
Dude, real talk, let's have anactual conversation.
I could easily, in any regard,if we actually got in a fight
and he wanted to fight me, itwouldn't even be close it
wouldn't be close but I'm notabout that, so I'm not gonna
fight you.
If you take a swing at me, I'mgonna have to do something, but
(21:54):
like I'm not here for that, Ibut I'm not trying to.
What you're saying is match it,don't exceed it, don't escalate
it, don't.
That job was not to escalate it.
My job was to match and say arewe really doing this
energetically?
And then deescalate.
And then respect comes as abyproduct and if that doesn't
(22:15):
work, then you do have to blackinfringed upon, all value in
this world will be attacked.
That is a fact.
I use the metaphor of the garden.
If we have a lush garden ofhealth, wealth and love, an
(22:36):
amazing community, we are goingto gardens.
Get pillaged Gardens, get thebugs come, the weeds come.
You have to protect all thingsof value.
That's why, unfortunately,there's this beautiful,
beautiful quarry near where Ilive.
It is stunning and it'sgraffitied and people litter and
(23:00):
it pisses me off.
It sucks.
You're ruining it, but that'swhat people do, people that have
egos.
They do that.
These are high school kids.
They draw on dicks and allkinds of stupid shit, and I've
done stupid shit like that whenI was a kid too.
The point is, all value will beattacked and you better be ready
to at least defend yourself.
I'm not saying to attack, andthat's one of the things that I
(23:23):
can be really grateful for.
I was a bully in third grade toa man named Josh and I was a
bully and I was attacking, butafter that I decided to never
bully again and I was beingbullied at home and I've never
attacked.
I've never been the one to toto do the frontal attack, but
I've always been attacked andI've been chopped down a lot and
(23:44):
I've definitely over swung whenbeing attacked, that's for sure
.
And then sometimes you getstuck in shame.
It's like, well, I didn't haveto say all that, you know.
So at the end of the day yougot to try to take the high road
, and that's not easy.
The high road is not to fullyshell up, but it's not to overly
puffer fish either.
It is a yeah, it's a wholething.
Kevin Palmieri (24:03):
It's a whole thing.
Alan Lazaros (24:04):
It sucks man, my least favorite part of this life
is that right there.
Yeah, yeah.
Kevin Palmieri (24:08):
Yeah, I think, at the end of the day, it's
about self-respect.
You got to you, that's thething You've got to do, the
thing that you'll respect.
And over-swinging is not iteither?
That's, that's the point, right?
Over-swinging, is not it either?
Alan Lazaros (24:20):
Question for you.
I today yeah, look at kev'sface today.
But when I say come at eachother, I'm playful with that.
But at the end of the day therehas been conflict, not.
Why do you think you and Ihandle that so well?
(24:41):
One our futures are attached.
Kevin Palmieri (24:45):
I think we both know that we're very me, me with
you more than you with me.
You'd be all right without me,I'd be okay, but not as good,
for sure.
Be in a little bit of trouble,okay.
Alan Lazaros (24:53):
So far that's fair .
I I don't necessarily thinkthat that's a that's not in my
decision-making paradigm that'smaybe in mine for definitely,
maybe definitely in mine forsure, for sure for sure,
definitely, and I don't meanthat negatively, I just for me's
.
Kevin Palmieri (25:06):
It's more about who I am and how I well, I think
we aspire to be, we aspire tobe good men, and I think I don't
know.
I think I I realize how, howmuch easier it is to have
challenging conversations withyou than it would be potentially
with someone else, like underthe same level of pressure that
it feels like training wheelsCause we've been doing it for
(25:27):
eight years with you, than itwould be potentially with
someone else, like under thesame level of pressure that it
feels like training wheelsbecause we've been doing it for
eight years.
And it's not about I'm.
I don't care if I'm right, youdon't care if you're right, we
want to.
What's the best answer?
Alan Lazaros (25:40):
that's, it doesn't matter I yeah, I'm wrong all
the time.
Kevin Palmieri (25:42):
Truthful yeah and I'm right all the time and
alan's wrong all the time andalan's right on it the time.
It doesn't matter.
If there's any desire to keepscore, it's not so it can go to
somebody's ego, it's so it cango to next time.
We know, like Kev's usuallyright on this, let's go with
that.
Alan's usually right on this,let's go with that.
That, and because I think weboth understand that seconds and
(26:15):
moments are not worth affectinghours, days, years months and
lives.
Alan Lazaros (26:17):
It's just not worth it.
It's just not.
It's not, it's not.
There's too much value and Ithere's too much to lose from
and there's a mutual respect.
Kevin Palmieri (26:32):
I think that's a thing too.
Like you don't, if you respectsomebody, you don't.
You want to make sure it getssolved respectfully, of course.
Right, and that's that's a bigpiece of it too yeah, respect is
a big core value.
Alan Lazaros (26:45):
There was a year when I had that printed out and
it was right over here all year,because I felt so disrespected
back then, not by you, but ingeneral, and I never understood
how much respect was a honor.
Respect.
Respect is a great word and and, at the end of the day, I don't
want to be disrespectful, right, I don't want to be entitled or
disrespectful or arrogant, andI think that most people and I
(27:17):
do this in Conscious Couplespodcast.
If there isn't respect andyou're not being respectful of
one another and what you do,there's almost no way that can
last.
Like, if, if you see a partnerdisrespect their partner,
blatant disrespect, that is likethe biggest red flag of all
(27:39):
time and, dude, I never knew howmuch that was happening to me
in the past, like friends andshit, friends would make fun of
me all the fucking time, dude,all the time.
And I never really.
Kevin Palmieri (27:50):
And in hindsight it's like, oh, that's what
perpetuates, it perpetuates isyou don't get, which I think
tony robbins said this isn't myquote but you don't get what you
want, you get.
You get you what you tolerate,yeah that's that is
unfortunately true for most ofyou.
Get what you tolerate if you'regetting.
My mom said this when I wasyoung.
She said if somebody punchesyou in the face, you punch them
(28:11):
back harder and they'll never doit again.
It was like, okay, fuck yeah,that's great advice.
I don't know if she knew howmuch wisdom there actually was
in that of like, bullies don'tlike to get hit.
That's why they pick on peoplewho don't hit back.
I'm not to hit back, but yougotta get ground.
You can't lose ground all thetime yeah, because then it gets
(28:31):
worse.
Alan Lazaros (28:32):
You can't.
It gets worse it gets worse itgets so much worse, yeah 100.
Kevin Palmieri (28:37):
All right.
Here's my takeaway if you'reout there graffiting a penis
onto a rock wall, stop it andget your life together.
Seriously, though, nobody needsto.
Nobody needs to see that that'swhat I'm saying.
Alan Lazaros (28:49):
Nobody needs to see a penis on a rock.
Next level dreamliner.
Achieve your dreams 90 days ata time, right there.
And if you want to learn how toreverse engineer your goals and
dreams, dreams, priorities nodreams.
Goals, priorities, metrics,habits, skills and identity All
in alignment.
The science of achievementReach out.
I will help you.
(29:09):
Dreams, goals, priorities,metrics, habits, skills and
identity all in alignment.
The science of achievementReach out.
I will help you.
Dm me on Instagram, email me.
I'm a coach who's going to helpyou reverse engineer your goals
and dreams.
Kevin Palmieri (29:17):
And if you're looking for a group that has no
ego in it and there's by design,we don't want any ego, we want
self-improvement, personaldevelopment, character.
First, we'll have the linkbelow for Next Level Nation, our
private Facebook group.
We would love to have you.
If you're looking for a groupof growth, that is really what
it is designed for, all right,cool, as always.
We love you, we appreciate you,grateful for each and every one
(29:38):
of you, and at NLU we don'thave fans, we have family.
We will talk to you alltomorrow Next Level.
Nation.
Thanks for joining us foranother episode of Next Level
University.
We love connecting with theNext.
Alan Lazaros (29:52):
Level family.
We mean it when we say family.
If you ever need anything,please reach out to us directly.
Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.
Kevin Palmieri (30:02):
Thank, you again and we will talk to you
tomorrow.
I am 100% a different person in the gym than
I am on this podcast.
I am 100% a different person inthe gym than I am when I'm
hanging out with Taryn.
When I'm at the gym, I have waymore ego than I do maybe right
here or in my day-to-day life,and I think that's actually not
only good but probably necessary.
Alan Lazaros (00:22):
There's something called prey drive that animals
have, and if an animal istriggered and there's a fight or
flight response, particularly adog in this case they turn into
a whole nother animal, Even ifit's a sweet little dog.
I actually watched Tucker getvery triggered and he actually
(00:43):
couldn't even unclench his jawwith one of my cats one time.
And human beings have that samepsychological fight, flight,
freeze, fawn response andsometimes you need to use that
to your advantage.
Kevin Palmieri (00:59):
Welcome to Next Level University.
I'm your host, kevin Palmieri,and.
Alan Lazaros (01:04):
I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.
Kevin Palmieri (01:07):
At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no
BS approach to holisticself-improvement for dream
chasers.
Alan Lazaros (01:13):
Our goal with every episode is to help you
level up your life, love healthand wealth.
Kevin Palmieri (01:20):
We bring you a new episode every single day on
topics like confidence,self-belief, self-worth,
self-awareness, relationships,boundaries, consistency, habits
and defining your own uniqueversion of success.
Alan Lazaros (01:35):
Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from
anywhere, completely free.
Kevin Palmieri (01:42):
Welcome to Next Level University anywhere,
completely free.
Welcome to next leveluniversity, next level nation
today for episode number 2110.
When is it safe to lead withego?
I was at the gym today and Iwas thinking about this because
again, you've heard the, thetrials and the tribulations of
(02:03):
the dingo at the gym who I don'tlike.
Oh yeah, I was talking withbruce about him today.
So bruce is a 79 year oldbodybuilder, just the nicest
dude in the world.
For the new listeners.
Alan Lazaros (02:13):
Yes, can you talk to them about dingo jones?
Kevin Palmieri (02:17):
yes, dingo jones is just.
He just goes to the gym andjust walks around and talks to
people and just says dumb shit.
He's like, yeah, man, I, youknow, I sell viagra at a hundred
dollars per pill.
It's like why are you tellingme this man we're in the gym
locker room like what are wedoing?
I'm trying to get a workout in,what are we doing here?
(02:38):
Tells me about his, hisprevious jail time and how he's
on all sorts of drugs, and Ithink he's in, he's in like
sixties.
Like what are we doing, man?
You know, this is high schoolshit.
What are we doing here?
This is high school shit, sir.
So I've, and he said some veryhe's just said some ignorant
stuff where it's like I can't,I'm not going to even listen to
(03:08):
that or connect myself to thatin any way.
Alan Lazaros (03:09):
I'm not interested in having any level of
relationship.
Slash connection I don't wantto talk to him making fun of
someone who was trying to.
Kevin Palmieri (03:15):
Yeah, he was like there's a somebody who is
working with one of the personaltrainers who is overweight and
one of the exercises that youcan do when you're working on
losing body fat and you're.
And one of the exercises thatyou can do when you're working
on losing body fat and you can'thandle squats yet or whatever,
is you sit down and stand backup.
Have you ever done that for anexercise before?
And I was like dude, come on,what are we doing here?
What are we doing here?
(03:35):
A person's putting in more workthan you are Bully.
Alan Lazaros (03:38):
Yeah, yeah.
Kevin Palmieri (03:48):
FYI squad listeners next levelers
Dingoones is a name we made up.
Yes, yeah, it's not thisperson's real name.
Could be, could be.
I don't think it is.
But I realize that it feels likeI'm so number one when I go to
the gym and I'm doing like heavylegs.
I'm.
It's not that I'm not in a goodmood, I'm in a great mood, but
I'm I'm feeling myself a littlebit more.
I'm listening to music, I rollmy pants up, I'm showing my legs
(04:09):
off to myself it's not foranybody else, cause there's
usually nobody there at sixo'clock on a Sunday but I'm
feeling myself.
I want to get into a higherenergy.
I don't want to be mousy andlike am I going to be able to do
this?
You need to fucking come withit.
Nice, oh yeah, hell, yeah, hell, yes, hell, yes, the.
Today I had a moment where itwas like I kind of have to have
(04:31):
an ego, so this person doesn'tcome up to me and try to talk to
me.
I can't, I do not want to sendhim a welcoming energy.
I don't want that.
I don't.
You're not welcome.
I don't want you to talk to me.
I don't like you.
You're, you're a dick.
I don't like you.
So I just like stare like notat him, but like near him, and
just look angry, like do notapproach me.
(04:55):
Here's my thesis and this that'snot the story I was going to
even tell, but that's what I gotfor you, it's what we have
today.
My thesis is when it's safe touse ego, when you're playing by
yourself or when you're playingagainst yourself, I think it's
dangerous to use ego when you'replaying against other people or
you're playing together withpeople, because that's when
(05:18):
people, that's when people kindof get hurt.
Like ego can hurt other people,it can hurt you too.
But I think there are somescenarios where you kind of have
to lean into it a little bit.
Alan Lazaros (05:30):
I have a story where I ego bonked for lack of
better phrasing with a guy atthe gym, and so I was in front
of one of the setup machines andI was right up next to it, but
no one was over there.
No one was over there, so I wasprobably two or three feet from
it and I was in the middle of aset doing unilateral standing
(05:55):
overhead press with dumbbellsand I was getting after it.
I was in it and emilia and Iwere over there and no one was
over there, and and this dudecame right over and I'm talking
almost touched me in the middleof my set and then sat on the
thing behind me and I put downthe dumbbell and I turned to him
.
I said, really, and he goesyeah, really, are you using this
(06:20):
?
And I said, no, but you couldhave asked me to move or at
least waited till I was donewith my set.
And he came at me withsomething I don't know what, and
I said wow, you would thinksomeone of your age would be
more respectful.
Was it older gentleman?
Yeah, much older, much older.
And he was really triggered.
(06:40):
He said, well, you thinksomeone your age would be more
respectful?
It was, yeah, and I saidwhatever man, I moved forward,
moved on.
He storms out of the gym andthis was one of those moments,
(07:01):
too, where, trust me, I don'twant to be confrontational, but
I also would have lostself-respect if I didn't say
something out of cowardice,because it was blatant.
It was really, really blatant.
And he came back afterwards.
Emily and I, at that point,we're on the treadmill.
This is like the tail end ofour workout.
I think we were like let's justgo.
That's the symbol.
If you're on YouTube, I'm justusing my fingers to symbolize
(07:22):
running.
It's like let's just go run,let's get the fuck out of here.
And so I was about to get onthe treadmill.
She was already on thetreadmill and he came back in
and he shook my hand and he saidlisten, I'm sorry, and all this
stuff.
And I said I really appreciatethat, thank you.
And the next time I saw him hewas coming out of the gym while
we were coming in and he dabs me, your buddy's down and it's,
(07:43):
it's, there's, what'd you say.
Kevin Palmieri (07:45):
Buddy's down.
Alan Lazaros (07:46):
I think there's this weird thing with dudes in
particular I see this more withmen than with women where they
need to test you to see ifyou're.
It's an unconscious challenge,it's it's.
And again, I'm not a ape experton primates, but I do know that
(08:08):
there is something primitiveabout men.
Where it's they have to test tosee who the alpha male is or
whatever, and especially whenand I've noticed this too when
there there's a really, reallyreally attractive girl around,
men will act really weird, andthis dude was annoying Emilia
(08:34):
for sure as well, in terms ofalways going right behind her
when she was lifting, and so Ihad to say something.
She thanked me after.
She said thank you so much.
That was.
That was so unreasonable.
Like that dude is sounreasonable, he's so
disrespectful and he's notanymore.
But I also know that if Ihadn't checked him and at least
(08:59):
said something, I would havelost self-respect because the
old me would have said, oh, it'snot's not worth it, I'll just
move.
But the truth is, deep down,there's a small part of me that
is scared of confrontation, andI don't want to be an asshole.
I don't want to, and I don'thave the fucking time nor
inclination to get in someargument in the middle of my
(09:19):
workout with some older guy, butI realized that I had to say
something.
I'm not going to fight the guy,it's nothing like that but I
need to come with a littlesomething.
I got to give it a littleshield bump, and so this is the
metaphor I always use you cansmash their shield and make
yourself wrong, or you can pullback, pull back, pull back, pull
(09:43):
back, but eventually you'regoing to find yourself up
against a wall and then you'regoing to have to smash their
shield.
So I just gave a little shieldbump and he came back and said
he was really sorry and he'slike yeah, you're right, because
he knew he reflected on it andI said I really, really
appreciate that, thank you.
He said listen, I don't want toruin your day or mine, I'm
really sorry.
And I was like I reallyappreciate that.
(10:03):
Thank you so much.
The old me probably would havesaid I'm sorry too.
The truth is, I know I didn'tdo anything.
I didn't do anything.
Quote, unquote, wrong andwrongs a perspective.
I get it Right.
I was a little close to the situp machine, but at the end of
the day he easily could havewaited and or asked because it
was blatant.
So what's my point of all?
(10:24):
That Sometimes there needs tobe a little bit of ego in order
to do a shield bump, becausewhen you are scared there tends
to be a little bit of anoverswing.
So, excuse me my throat, I'mnot saying to go from zero to 10
(10:44):
.
In this metaphor, drive to five, five is centered, but every
now and then if someone throwsyou a fucking eight, you might
have to throw a six.
And he threw me an eight in hisbehavior and I had to throw him
a six and I had to see if hewas going to keep escalating.
I'm not going to fight some guyin the gym, but I will stand up
(11:05):
for myself and I think thatthat's a.
That's one of the reasons.
I've noticed this with some ofmy clients too.
I have one client in particularI know you're listening where
he gets mistreated.
Sometimes he had a friend andwe both knew this friend and he
was kind of digging him,chopping him down a little bit.
I said, dude, you know whathe's doing there.
(11:26):
He's like, yeah, but it's notworth it.
It's not worth it.
I said, brother, you gottastand up for yourself, you gotta
say something, and when he did,he got more respect back, and
so I don't know why the male egoneeds to test everybody all the
time.
It's so fucking annoying, quitefrankly, but it is a thing.
It is a thing and that's whatthat dude's doing, and when he
(11:47):
comes to you talking aboutviagra in the fucking locker
room, what you probably shoulddo.
Kevin Palmieri (11:52):
I'm not saying to fight the kid, what I am
saying he's not a kid, he's 60s,he's in his 60s, he's a man.
I'm not saying to fight thegrown-ass man.
Alan Lazaros (11:58):
Well, he obviously isn't acting like it but, I'm
not saying to fight him.
Kevin Palmieri (12:01):
What I am saying is you got to say something,
and I'm sure you have right hehe, him and his buddy, came up
to me one day and he saidsomething I don't remember what
it was, but he was like he's,like I'm pretty annoying, huh,
and I was like on the highestend, yes, nice, on the highest
end, and I just put myheadphones in and walked away.
I don't, I'm not trying to be adick, I'm not going out of my
way to be a dick, but if youapproach me and say something
(12:22):
stupid to your point, it's noteven about him, it's about me.
I need to maintain self-respectwith myself.
I'll regret it if I, if I, justgo along with it.
That's how bullying happens,that's exactly how bullying
happens, there's five people.
One person has a massive ego andthe other four people don't
have enough courage to stand.
And I've been there.
I'm, I'm not.
I'm no, not perfect by anystretch of the imagination.
(12:44):
I think sometimes ego feelslike ego.
It feels like ego even thoughit's not, because when you're
under you have to, like, rileyourself up to do something, and
it's not actually ego, it'scenteredness that feels like ego
, because you're not used to thecollective you, not you you're
not used to doing it.
Alan Lazaros (13:03):
I think that's a really big piece of it well when
you're used to being we call itthe drive to five over five
means that you're kind ofarrogant.
You've got a lot of ego underfive is you are a turtle shell,
so it's puffer fish and turtleshell it's the best metaphor
ever.
A puffer fish isn't actuallystrong.
They're actually deeplyinsecure, so they have to puff
up to try to pretend they'restronger than they are.
(13:25):
And a turtle is so scared thatthey hide.
And if you're so used toturtling, you might have to take
a swing.
I told Kevin this behind thescenes a while back.
I said you and I are so afraidto be toxic masculine that we've
ended up feminine.
I'm not saying there's anythingwrong with being feminine, but
it's not who we are.
It's not who we are.
(13:46):
We have masculine energy and Iknow that I'm a masculine man.
But I'm so afraid to be toxicmasculine that sometimes I let
my masculine go completely.
And I didn't want to offendthis man.
I didn't want to fight this man.
I didn't want to offend thisman.
I didn't want to fight this man.
I didn't want to start aconfrontation, I just want to
get a fucking workout in.
But I also know that I have toand I think the reason why he
(14:09):
came back and apologized isbecause I think on some level he
was testing me, and I think hewas pleasantly surprised with
how I could escalate withoutover escalating.
I could confront it and handlethe conflict and then move on in
a respectful way and I couldcall it out without overdoing it
(14:30):
.
Because when you over swing, youmake yourself wrong and I think
that's a thing.
Yeah, maybe you're mistreated,maybe you're being treated
unjustly, maybe you're beingchopped down, but when you over
swing, you actually do makeyourself wrong, because two
bullies doesn't make it right.
And but in the past I wouldhave just this is what I would
(14:52):
have done Genuinely.
I would have said okay, I'llplay the long game.
Okay, I'll play the long game.
Oh, okay, I'll just go getbetter.
I'll aim higher, work harder,get smarter.
That was my trauma response inthe past when I was bullied.
I would just okay, I'll showyou one day, I'll show you one
day, I'll show you one day.
Well, it turns out as a 36 yearold man who has achieved many
(15:12):
of his dreams, thinking thatthis would change something.
It's actually gotten worse, notbetter, and it's being tested
more, not less.
And so it turns out that whenit comes to these kinds of
interactions, you can't justplay the long-term strategic
chess game to show them one daythat you're courageous.
You have to show some couragein the moment and not overswing
(15:32):
and then make yourself wrong.
Yeah.
Kevin Palmieri (15:34):
Well, and courage feels dirty if you
haven't done it often.
Alan Lazaros (15:39):
NLU listener what is happening?
I just wanted to jump in hereand let you know if you want to
get to the next level faster.
We have a free virtual monthlymeetup at the first Thursday of
every month.
You can connect withlike-minded people and become a
bigger part of this amazingglobal community.
The link to register will be inthe show notes.
Kevin Palmieri (15:59):
I think that's the hard thing is when you're so
used to not saying something.
It feels like ego to saysomething when in reality it's
probably not.
You're probably just trying toget back to five, you're
probably.
I find that I go the oppositedirection and I try to befriend
people in the gym that I haverespect for, because I know on
(16:20):
some level there is this guy,because I know on some level
there is this guy.
He's just a specimen, just astrong, just tall, good looking
dude, jacked, strong as hell.
And he was doing lap pull downsnext to me and I tapped on my
headphone and pulled it out andI could tell, by the way he said
(16:44):
what, that he thought I wasgoing to say something.
I was like dude, you areunbelievable in the best ways.
And he's like dude, come on,man, he's like I'm trying to get
like you, you're here every day.
I was like brother, don't even,don't even.
Like we're not even the same,you're not even the same league,
like you're crushing it, man,you're crushing it that I don't,
that now we're buddies, now wecan be buddies.
We can, we can do dabs.
(17:06):
There's something about likesomebody's got to go first when
it comes to stuff like that.
I think, and even in the, evenin the negative, potentially
negative thing, the dingo jonesin my gym is testing the waters
always.
He's always testing the waters.
Hey man, how you doing or youhave a good week.
He's all he's trying.
Trying to get me back in.
I'm not taking my headphonesout and I'm not going to respond
(17:27):
.
I don't want to respond.
I can't let you get back in.
You can't get more ground.
I don't want that.
Alan Lazaros (17:32):
This is psychological warfare, it's
annoying.
Kevin Palmieri (17:34):
It is unfortunately that's what.
That's what human beings do,especially immature human beings
and, on top of all that beings,do this a lot.
If my wife comes to the gymwith me and you say anything to
my wife, you're gonna, I'm, I'mnot, not gonna be as nice we had
to do, I'm not, I'm not gonnado anything.
(17:54):
Honestly, I'll probably saysomething I was like come on man
, come on man what are we doing?
Alan Lazaros (17:59):
when we got home, she said thank you so much I'm
sure she very much appreciated.
Kevin Palmieri (18:03):
So she was so grateful.
Yeah, she was so grateful.
We had a mentor one time whopulled me aside.
He was a dickhead.
Honestly, he was In retrospect,he was an asshole and he was
like you know, I could take yourwife if I wanted to, brother.
Brother, I could kick the shitout of you with both of my hands
(18:25):
.
Like what are we doing?
What are we doing here?
You really, are you really justtrying to rile me up?
Like what are we doing?
Alan Lazaros (18:27):
here.
Kevin Palmieri (18:27):
That's not something you ridiculous with
that that's not something yousay to someone that you care
about, like what do we, what arewe doing here?
Man, I would never say that toto this person about somebody
that they cared about, that.
So I said something.
I I definitely, because that'sthe thing is.
If to alan's point, if you're,if somebody's gonna throw you an
(18:48):
eight, you can't give them atwo back.
You can't, you gotta match.
I'm not saying that, like,imagine, if it's two streams of
water, right, you both have verypowerful hoses.
I'm not saying that you have tospray it so so hard that it it
deflects their stream and thenknocks them into the wall.
I'm not saying that.
But have to spray it so so hardthat it it deflects their
stream and then knocks them intothe wall.
I'm not saying that, but it atleast has to stop theirs, that's
(19:08):
the goal, one of the thingsthat I've found really
challenging.
Alan Lazaros (19:13):
Okay, there's someone who nlu blacklisted.
Recently, you and I had aconversation.
We decided this is not the play.
We got to do this, it is whatit is.
Okay, this person came at me andthere was some character
assassination and this is theproblem.
(19:38):
This person is very unhappy.
They're obviously very what'sthe proper word?
Unfulfilled, displeased.
I coached this person for a timeand it's so hard because if I
(20:01):
really were to attack back andit's so hard because if I really
were to attack back, you everhear someone like oh, you
couldn't offend me if you tried.
Oh, really, the truth of thematter is, if I said all of the
truth, this person would and, bythe way, he's attacking me If I
attack back at the same levelhe, that would be terrible for
(20:26):
him, because I'm actuallyfulfilled, I actually do have
self respect and self love andI'm actually, all things
considered, very successful inhealth, wealth and love and I'm
winning at life for the mostpart.
This person is very much not,and I was supposed to.
I was helping them with that,actually, and they were entitled
(20:50):
and they attacked my characterand so we blacklisted them.
I've seen this happen beforeand that's good, move on.
But if I had attacked at thesame level he did, that would be
really really, really bad forhis mental health.
And so sometimes the high road,the high road is to stand up for
yourself.
Yes, yes, but do not overdo it,because unfortunately, some of
(21:14):
these people that are dishingout eights and nines and tens,
they can't handle above a six,and that's the unfortunate part
too.
And if you're, if you're outthere and and you want to take a
swing and bully somebody orwhatever, you better be ready to
take it back, because I've hadto bite my tongue, because I
(21:34):
know that it's not what's bestfor this person like this old
guy.
Dude, real talk, let's have anactual conversation.
I could easily, in any regard,if we actually got in a fight
and he wanted to fight me, itwouldn't even be close it
wouldn't be close but I'm notabout that, so I'm not gonna
fight you.
If you take a swing at me, I'mgonna have to do something, but
(21:54):
like I'm not here for that, Ibut I'm not trying to.
What you're saying is match it,don't exceed it, don't escalate
it, don't.
That job was not to escalate it.
My job was to match and say arewe really doing this
energetically?
And then deescalate.
And then respect comes as abyproduct and if that doesn't
(22:15):
work, then you do have to blackinfringed upon, all value in
this world will be attacked.
That is a fact.
I use the metaphor of the garden.
If we have a lush garden ofhealth, wealth and love, an
(22:36):
amazing community, we are goingto gardens.
Get pillaged Gardens, get thebugs come, the weeds come.
You have to protect all thingsof value.
That's why, unfortunately,there's this beautiful,
beautiful quarry near where Ilive.
It is stunning and it'sgraffitied and people litter and
(23:00):
it pisses me off.
It sucks.
You're ruining it, but that'swhat people do, people that have
egos.
They do that.
These are high school kids.
They draw on dicks and allkinds of stupid shit, and I've
done stupid shit like that whenI was a kid too.
The point is, all value will beattacked and you better be ready
to at least defend yourself.
I'm not saying to attack, andthat's one of the things that I
(23:23):
can be really grateful for.
I was a bully in third grade toa man named Josh and I was a
bully and I was attacking, butafter that I decided to never
bully again and I was beingbullied at home and I've never
attacked.
I've never been the one to toto do the frontal attack, but
I've always been attacked andI've been chopped down a lot and
(23:44):
I've definitely over swung whenbeing attacked, that's for sure
.
And then sometimes you getstuck in shame.
It's like, well, I didn't haveto say all that, you know.
So at the end of the day yougot to try to take the high road
, and that's not easy.
The high road is not to fullyshell up, but it's not to overly
puffer fish either.
It is a yeah, it's a wholething.
Kevin Palmieri (24:03):
It's a whole thing.
Alan Lazaros (24:04):
It sucks man, my least favorite part of this life
is that right there.
Yeah, yeah.
Kevin Palmieri (24:08):
Yeah, I think, at the end of the day, it's
about self-respect.
You got to you, that's thething You've got to do, the
thing that you'll respect.
And over-swinging is not iteither?
That's, that's the point, right?
Over-swinging, is not it either?
Alan Lazaros (24:20):
Question for you.
I today yeah, look at kev'sface today.
But when I say come at eachother, I'm playful with that.
But at the end of the day therehas been conflict, not.
Why do you think you and Ihandle that so well?
(24:41):
One our futures are attached.
Kevin Palmieri (24:45):
I think we both know that we're very me, me with
you more than you with me.
You'd be all right without me,I'd be okay, but not as good,
for sure.
Be in a little bit of trouble,okay.
Alan Lazaros (24:53):
So far that's fair .
I I don't necessarily thinkthat that's a that's not in my
decision-making paradigm that'smaybe in mine for definitely,
maybe definitely in mine forsure, for sure for sure,
definitely, and I don't meanthat negatively, I just for me's
.
Kevin Palmieri (25:06):
It's more about who I am and how I well, I think
we aspire to be, we aspire tobe good men, and I think I don't
know.
I think I I realize how, howmuch easier it is to have
challenging conversations withyou than it would be potentially
with someone else, like underthe same level of pressure that
it feels like training wheelsCause we've been doing it for
(25:27):
eight years with you, than itwould be potentially with
someone else, like under thesame level of pressure that it
feels like training wheelsbecause we've been doing it for
eight years.
And it's not about I'm.
I don't care if I'm right, youdon't care if you're right, we
want to.
What's the best answer?
Alan Lazaros (25:40):
that's, it doesn't matter I yeah, I'm wrong all
the time.
Kevin Palmieri (25:42):
Truthful yeah and I'm right all the time and
alan's wrong all the time andalan's right on it the time.
It doesn't matter.
If there's any desire to keepscore, it's not so it can go to
somebody's ego, it's so it cango to next time.
We know, like Kev's usuallyright on this, let's go with
that.
Alan's usually right on this,let's go with that.
That, and because I think weboth understand that seconds and
(26:15):
moments are not worth affectinghours, days, years months and
lives.
Alan Lazaros (26:17):
It's just not worth it.
It's just not.
It's not, it's not.
There's too much value and Ithere's too much to lose from
and there's a mutual respect.
Kevin Palmieri (26:32):
I think that's a thing too.
Like you don't, if you respectsomebody, you don't.
You want to make sure it getssolved respectfully, of course.
Right, and that's that's a bigpiece of it too yeah, respect is
a big core value.
Alan Lazaros (26:45):
There was a year when I had that printed out and
it was right over here all year,because I felt so disrespected
back then, not by you, but ingeneral, and I never understood
how much respect was a honor.
Respect.
Respect is a great word and and, at the end of the day, I don't
want to be disrespectful, right, I don't want to be entitled or
disrespectful or arrogant, andI think that most people and I
(27:17):
do this in Conscious Couplespodcast.
If there isn't respect andyou're not being respectful of
one another and what you do,there's almost no way that can
last.
Like, if, if you see a partnerdisrespect their partner,
blatant disrespect, that is likethe biggest red flag of all
(27:39):
time and, dude, I never knew howmuch that was happening to me
in the past, like friends andshit, friends would make fun of
me all the fucking time, dude,all the time.
And I never really.
Kevin Palmieri (27:50):
And in hindsight it's like, oh, that's what
perpetuates, it perpetuates isyou don't get, which I think
tony robbins said this isn't myquote but you don't get what you
want, you get.
You get you what you tolerate,yeah that's that is
unfortunately true for most ofyou.
Get what you tolerate if you'regetting.
My mom said this when I wasyoung.
She said if somebody punchesyou in the face, you punch them
(28:11):
back harder and they'll never doit again.
It was like, okay, fuck yeah,that's great advice.
I don't know if she knew howmuch wisdom there actually was
in that of like, bullies don'tlike to get hit.
That's why they pick on peoplewho don't hit back.
I'm not to hit back, but yougotta get ground.
You can't lose ground all thetime yeah, because then it gets
(28:31):
worse.
Alan Lazaros (28:32):
You can't.
It gets worse it gets worse itgets so much worse, yeah 100.
Kevin Palmieri (28:37):
All right.
Here's my takeaway if you'reout there graffiting a penis
onto a rock wall, stop it andget your life together.
Seriously, though, nobody needsto.
Nobody needs to see that that'swhat I'm saying.
Alan Lazaros (28:49):
Nobody needs to see a penis on a rock.
Next level dreamliner.
Achieve your dreams 90 days ata time, right there.
And if you want to learn how toreverse engineer your goals and
dreams, dreams, priorities nodreams.
Goals, priorities, metrics,habits, skills and identity All
in alignment.
The science of achievementReach out.
I will help you.
(29:09):
Dreams, goals, priorities,metrics, habits, skills and
identity all in alignment.
The science of achievementReach out.
I will help you.
Dm me on Instagram, email me.
I'm a coach who's going to helpyou reverse engineer your goals
and dreams.
Kevin Palmieri (29:17):
And if you're looking for a group that has no
ego in it and there's by design,we don't want any ego, we want
self-improvement, personaldevelopment, character.
First, we'll have the linkbelow for Next Level Nation, our
private Facebook group.
We would love to have you.
If you're looking for a groupof growth, that is really what
it is designed for, all right,cool, as always.
We love you, we appreciate you,grateful for each and every one
(29:38):
of you, and at NLU we don'thave fans, we have family.
We will talk to you alltomorrow Next Level.
Nation.
Thanks for joining us foranother episode of Next Level
University.
We love connecting with theNext.
Alan Lazaros (29:52):
Level family.
We mean it when we say family.
If you ever need anything,please reach out to us directly.
Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.
Kevin Palmieri (30:02):
Thank, you again and we will talk to you
tomorrow.
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