December 9, 2024 • 24 mins
Jorge Barrera is a youth pastor who spends a lot of time connecting with high school students. He shares what he’s learning and provides three things every kid needs.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Next Talk podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech, culture and faith
with our kids.
Guys, we have such a specialtreat today my kid's youth
pastor is here.
I feel like I owe him so muchfor speaking into my own kids.
(00:25):
His name is Jorge Barrera, andJorge, first of all, I just want
you to introduce yourself toour audience.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah, so I've been the student pastor at Home
Church since 2019, and I've hadthe opportunity to be the pastor
of your daughter and currentlynow pastor of your son, who's in
our youth group.
But I started attending ouryouth group inside out at home
church when I was 17.
So I've gone to go from being astudent there to the pastor and
(00:57):
in that time, was able to studyat Liberty University, where I
graduated from, and I have beenthere at home church ever since.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
The youth group is a special place.
It is a special culture thatthey have, that they feel loved
and accepted, and I have seenboth of my kids thrive.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Oh man, I knew there was something different about
that specific youth group when Imade the switch to that youth
group it was after a missiontrip.
But exactly what you talk aboutis exactly what I felt when I
attended as a student in highschool, and I think a lot of
students still feel those samethings today.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Yeah Well.
And parents, I just want toencourage you.
You need other adults speakinginto your kids.
I think that's so important,like somebody who will point
them to Jesus, biblicallygrounded, and so what's so cool
is my daughter, too, found theyouth group on her own.
We didn't even go to churchthere.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Oh really.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And she tried it out and she actually brought us to
that church.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Oh man.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Because she got plugged in.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, that's funny that you say that.
I had a similar story where,after that youth group, you know
my whole family attended adifferent church and we had gone
there to that previous churchsince I was maybe seven and
loved it.
It was great.
But when we made that decisionfor me to go on that mission
trip and I went and met you knowhome church and Pastor Mike who
(02:26):
was the student pastor at thetime, I met the community there
and the leaders and as soon aswe got home it was just an easy
decision I needed to go to thatyouth group.
There was just something aboutit, especially with all the
invitation.
I thought I'd just give it ashot.
But it was scary, you know,leaving the church that I had
(02:46):
always gone to with my family.
I didn't know if that was likeokay, if that was going to hurt
their feelings, but it was avery encouraged decision.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I think that's a really important thing, because
I remember when my daughter didnot want to go to our church's
youth group and it was justbecause it was so big she was
like.
It's just not my place, mom, itwasn't anything that they were
doing wrong.
It was just not a good fitbecause it was so big and she
couldn't find her people.
She couldn't find her group andI was a little like, oh my gosh
(03:17):
what.
But I think that's reallyimportant for parents to let
kids find their own space in achurch?
Yeah, and also I have been verycareful with my son and my
daughter being in the youthgroup, like there's been things
I've wanted to volunteer withand they're like no, because
it's my space.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
And you have your space, Mom, over there, and I've
honored that Like it's theirown little community where their
faith can deepen.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Hopefully you know by now, but just how much they
probably appreciate that.
It was something I appreciatedwhen I was a student there.
Mike, the former student pastor, had the same rules where he
wouldn't allow any parents ofcurrent students in the ministry
to volunteer with the youthgroup.
That way it could remain a safespace and this could belong to
(04:08):
the students, and that'ssomething we still uphold today,
which is hard because I'vegotten to know these parents and
I love them and I can see, justlike the wisdom that they have
much more than what I have andI'm like I want you to be here,
but this space does need to besafe for your students.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Absolutely Well.
Y'all do a really good job, too, of like defining rules and
expectations, because both mykids have been.
We call them outturns, butthey're interns really.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Everything's inside out.
It's all backwards.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
But I remember, like I have to sign the document and
what they agree to, and theseare the things you won't do and
these are the things you won'tdo.
And these, these are myexpectations and there's a great
like I have as a parent.
I have to say if your gradefalls below this, you can't be
an outturn anymore and I lovethat you hold them to that.
That accountability, I think,is huge.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
It's.
It's been a lot of trial anderror, but there has been.
I think that's what's helpedwith the.
You know, the balance of nothaving parents in there is that
they at least know so much ofwhat's going on in there.
They know the expectations,they know the standard that the
student leadership team is beingheld to, and so if the parent's
not there in person, they canat least know and have a peace
(05:20):
of mind of, okay, I know what'sbeing upheld in this group here.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Yeah, I love that.
My daughter just shared this onher show that we did together.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Um, but she's.
There was a time when she wasreally struggling with her faith
and she didn't want to go tochurch.
And I love that as an outturn,you made them go to church at
least once a month, I think thatwas your rule, or?
Something, but it was somebodyother than me creating a rule
about that and talking about theimportance of it, not just the
(05:49):
rule of it, but, like the, whyyour?
heart has to be right if you'regoing to serve other people, and
so I appreciated that.
As a parent Like to me, I feellike that is true youth ministry
and parents working togetherthere yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I think there's a really interesting balance with
what you had just mentioned.
But yes, the the outturns dohave responsibilities.
So they help us run our middleschool youth group on Sundays.
So they have to be at at leasttwo of those Sundays every month
.
And then on Wednesdays they'rehelping us set up and break down
, but then during group they getto be a part of the group.
(06:27):
It's just a regular highschooler and once group ends
then they set up or break downand help us clean all of the
things.
But there's like a really opencommunication between us and the
outturns where if they aretired, just have a lot of
homework or just not feelingwell, we tell all of them tell
us, and I'm not going to forceyou to come, but I do need there
(06:50):
to be communication.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Well, and they respect you, because so many
times something will be going onwith my son, you know he'll
have to miss for some reason.
I'll be like did you tell Jorge?
Oh yeah, done, mom.
Like I don't even have to, it'salready done, because he
respects you and you've laid outthe expectations, which I think
are just so good.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Oh man, I again a lot of trial and error.
It's been hard trying to figureout, especially, you know,
around like spiritual burnout.
That's a tough one becausethese students, when they become
part of our student leadershipteam, they're devoting a whole
semester's worth of time everyweek.
On the weekends there areextracurricular, you know,
(07:28):
events that they have to go to,and so it's been a few
occurrences where spiritualburnout has been a thing and
navigating that has beendifficult because I don't want
to say hey, you're burnt out,don't be here then, but on the
other hand I don't want tocontinue to fan that flame.
And so that's been.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
It's been tough to navigate, but that's going to
serve you well when you become aparent yourself.
Okay, I'm telling you right.
The balance of that is going toserve you so well for sure.
Okay, so you spend all yourtime with teenagers I mean
really high schoolers.
You are with them all the time.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
All the time.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
So I think that there's a lot of wisdom you can
speak into as parents, and Ithink what I asked you to tell
us is what are three things thatevery teenager needs.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
What would you say to that?
Yeah, I thought about this, allyou know, since we first talked
, and I think when you firstasked that question my mind went
blank because I thought youknow that's a pretty tough
question.
But over time, yeah, a coupleof things did come up and I
think number one, especiallywith how we opened this
conversation, was support fromparents.
(08:36):
I think support from parents iseverything.
Now I got the opportunity togrow up in a Christian household
where my faith was encouraged.
I had the support of my parentsall the time.
But I will say we have a lot ofstudents that parents do not
attend our church or knowanything about our youth group
(08:58):
or that maybe just aren'tChristians at all, and I can see
how difficult it is for thosestudents to open up about their
faith, even with somebody likeme, because they don't first
feel supported at home.
And so I would say first thingis just support your child, even
if it's something that maybeyou struggle to understand their
(09:20):
faith, but to encourage them togo to youth group to ask
questions and try and figuresome of that out.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I love that.
Support them, and I think too,you know, as Christians we don't
really think about what itwould be like as a kid who wants
to know God to go home and theparents not like that.
Or or advocate don't go back tothat church.
I mean, that's a reallydifficult thing that some kids
walk through.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
I've had some pretty difficult conversations where
you know, like I said, thecommitment, the time commitment
that these student leadershipmembers make.
It's a lot.
So I've had parents call me andtell me hey, I'm not asking you
to tell them not to go tochurch, but I think you need to
talk to them about their timecommitments at church.
(10:08):
And it puts me in a spot wheretruly, what's happening is the
parents don't align with whatthe student believes and they
want me to be the one to say,hey, well, you need to listen to
mom and dad, even thoughthey're asking you not to go to
church.
And I respect the parents, youknow, first of all, more than
anything.
Right, it's with the parents'support that we get to do what
(10:30):
we do, but I won't tell them tostep away from their faith at
any point in time, which I'vehad parents ask me to do.
But what I will say is I'lltalk to your student and usually
those conversations just comewith a challenge and just a
question of how are youbalancing your time?
Are you valuing your faith?
(10:51):
Are you valuing your family?
What does that look like inyour life?
But it's tough.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
That's a real tough perspective that I think a lot
of us Christian parents do notthink about.
We are wanting to pour into ourkids' faith and having you in
that position is tough, reallytough.
I can totally see, because youwant to support the parents,
like you said, and be like yesbut, then you're asking them not
(11:17):
to believe in God, like that'swhat some parents are asking you
to say to their kids.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
So that's a tough spot.
And I think what's helped mekind of navigate some of that is
I've through speaking to othermentors.
They've helped me realize thatI'm not really so much the one
that needs to find the answer tothat question but rather kind
of help the student kind of findthe answer to that question.
So you know, first and foremostI let the student know you have
(11:42):
to honor, you know, your mother, your father, your family, like
these are important things.
But you know, what else doesthe Bible say?
What else does the Bible havefor you as a follower?
What else does the Bible say,what else does the Bible have
for you as a follower?
With those things, rather thanlooking at it as an either or
honor or don't, how can we doboth?
How can we honor your parentsand also still pursue this
(12:04):
relationship that you have withGod?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Oh, I love that.
I love that, Jorge.
Okay, so support from parents.
What else do you have for me?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Next this is something that I've been
learning over the past couple ofyears.
Simply put, talk about what thestudent wants to talk about.
I think for myself as a pastor,there's so much pressure to
relate to each student.
I think subconsciously, when astudent walks in the door, I
want them to feel welcome.
I want them to feel like we canhave conversations.
I want them to know that youknow the pastor or the
(12:39):
leadership of this group isn'tthis high and untouchable group
of people that you know youcan't really get to.
They stay on the stage andthat's where they live, but
rather that we are, you know,all people seeking God here and
we're doing it together live,but rather that we are all
people seeking God here andwe're doing it together.
(13:00):
What I have found through thatis the pressure to relate.
So I try to push topics that Ilike on the student basketball,
traveling, whatever it may behoping that the student will be
instantly excited about one ofthose topics so that we can now
relate.
What I've found is that I needto, instead of looking for
things that I enjoy to talkabout, kind of forget the whole
pressure of relating and justlisten to what they have to say,
and as soon as they feel thatthey can talk to me about video
(13:24):
games or you know whateverteacher that they're enjoying at
school, or you know homeworkthat they're you know, or
homework that they're upset with, they open up about all sorts
of topics, and they may not betopics that I necessarily enjoy
or relate to, but at leastthere's conversation now, and so
I would say number two talk toyour student or your child about
(13:48):
what they want to talk about.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
I think that's so good, because a lot of times
we're pushing our agendas andthe stuff that we want them to,
and there's times for that, butgetting your kid to just feel
safe with you and getting intotheir world, like if they like
art or I know my daughter didtheater.
I knew nothing about theaterbefore she did that and then we
(14:10):
took a trip to New York when Igot educated on what this?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
you know what all did that.
And then we took a trip to NewYork and I got educated on what
this?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
you know what all this entails.
And then she taught me aboutabout theater all through her
high school, you know, and so Ithink that's really important
and you learn things.
You are stepping outside ofyour hobbies or your interests
and they're teaching you thingsinto different worlds.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
I think when you do that, they see that you care
more to just have conversationrather than have them relate to
you.
I asked this exact question toa mentor of mine years ago.
There was a student I wasreally struggling to have any
sort of communication with.
I asked him how their day wasand they said it was fine.
And I asked them like what theygot going on tomorrow and they
(14:53):
would say nothing.
So I asked a mentor how do you,how do you find the best way to
just build relationships withstudents?
And this is the exact advice hegave to me and he shared this
example.
He said there was a student inhis youth group that just would
never speak to him but shealways had, you know, her
AirPods in.
And finally he just decided toask what are you listening to?
(15:16):
And she gave him like a veryyou know halfway answer you know
this song and this band.
He went and listened to thewhole album.
He told me of that band andthat you know what they had just
put out.
And next week went and spoke toher about it and he said he
just saw their eyes light up andthis communication immediately
just started.
(15:36):
And so did he.
Like the band.
I don't know, did he like thesongs?
Probably not, but the studentssaw it, and so that's been kind
of where I aim for Findsomething that matters to the
student, learn about it, letthem teach me about it and allow
that to be our conversation.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I think you just sharing this.
The thought that comes to mymind is you know you're so
invested in these students andmaking connections with them,
and sometimes, as parents, we'reso busy that we don't do that,
we don't do that, you know, wedon't make time for that, and I
think that's such a goodreminder for us.
That's really good, jorge, okay, third thing.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Third thing yeah, this one is specific to our
leadership team, but I'm surehas a place in the home too your
child or student ownership over, whatever it is, the space that
they are in.
When I started out as a studentpastor, I struggled to find
(16:39):
ways to bring the team together,to make this not just a bunch
of people that walk in andlisten to me, but I wanted them
to be a cohesive group, acommunity, a family, for a lack
of better words.
But what I found is that themore opportunities I gave them
to be creative, come up withtheir own answers and solve
(17:00):
problems, put their ideas to use, the more that area, the youth
group, became theirs, ratherthan just me and then hosting
them.
It became just their own area,one that they, you know, loved
and cared for.
And so not all ideas are great,you know.
It could be something as simplelike playing a game, decorating
(17:21):
, whatever it may be, but a lotof those ideas are great and
we've used plenty of them.
So maybe you know in a home,what that might look like is
just simply asking, you knowwell, what do you think, or how
should we go about this, or whatcould this look like?
And it really does give themsome sort of ownership and kind
of makes them want to be therebecause they have now a hand in
(17:42):
it.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Well, my mind immediately goes to phone
guidelines and screen guidelines.
We've always said that, insteadof dictating to them, you can't
have your phone in your bedroom.
You can't do this Like talk tothem about what's healthy and
not, and then create theguidelines together.
So then they take ownership ofit and it really becomes them,
protecting their hearts andminds.
You know the same thing too.
(18:04):
We talk about like not watchingpornography, not watching you
know anything inappropriate.
It's like, instead of justscreaming at them, don't do that
, let's talk about why that maynot be helpful to you, and then
they take ownership of whatthey're actually doing watching
on the screen, and so I actuallythink that one's one of your
(18:24):
most relatable ones in the home.
I think that's so good and youknow it.
It kind of summarizes where westarted at when we talked about
your expectations and guidelinesthat you set out for the
outturns, and I know you've hadthem input on what those look
like as an outturn and so themtaking ownership.
I think that is such goodadvice for parents.
(18:45):
So many times we want to comein and just dictate the culture.
And if we bring them into itand help them create the
guidelines, and they will reallytake ownership of what am?
I allowing in my heart and mind.
What am I looking at on myphone?
And all of those things.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah, I think that kind of sums up really almost
all three of those doing ittogether, right.
Think that kind of sums upreally almost all three of those
um doing it together, right.
So the first thing I said wassupport um, supporting your kid,
instead of just kind of maybemaking decisions for them where
they can go to group, where theycan't go to group.
You know these sorts of things.
I think guidance is superimportant in that, but doing it
together could be so neat.
And then you know number two,um talking about what they want
(19:24):
to talk, about allowing this tobe a two way street rather than,
kind of, how I said, justpicking a topic and trying to
see if they'll, you know, talkto me about something I care
about.
And then the last one input,you know, giving them ownership
over something.
All of these three things kindof show doing something together
rather than one person kind ofleading the whole pack.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Well, and I think teens are more capable than we
think.
Yeah, that is the thing that Ihave seen with your leadership
and the youth group and themgoing on mission trips and how
they're serving others.
I'm like, wow, a group ofteenagers are doing this and a
lot of adults couldn't withoutcomplaining, and so they're
capable, they are.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I think it's a funny conversation.
Anytime I speak to other youthpastors you get the occasional
comment oh man, those studentsright.
And I'm like I honestly cannotrelate.
But I think it really doesfactor down to just how you
choose to go about these things.
If you choose to do it together, it'll look a lot different
than if you just walk into aroom and tell people what to do.
(20:28):
But yeah, even at our youthgroup we have one paid, one
part-time paid person other thanmyself I'm the only full-time
person in this entire departmentof our church and we have more
student leadership hands than wedo paid staff and they are
(20:49):
truly the ones that help us runthe entire youth group, from
games to screen and screens andmedia to worship.
I mean, we have, you know,adult leaders in all of those
areas, but it's the hands of thestudents that are running it.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Well, and I think that's why other students want
to come to our youth groupbecause they see that it's, it's
, it's student led a lot of it.
You know the Instagram that youguys put out.
Oh my gosh, you guys do thecutest reels and I know so many
times it's like student ideas.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
It used to be ran by me, which I I struggle in the,
you know, social mediadepartment.
It's just something that I'venever really put too much time
into.
But now currently it's beingran by a former student who
graduated last year.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Oh, that's cool.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
And so now she runs it and so, yeah, I mean
everything truly has studentleadership in it.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Well, I know my son was doing a reel because
somebody had the idea we havebaptisms this night.
And so we're going to do a reelwhere somebody had the idea we
have baptisms this night.
And so we're going to do a reelwhere we're with my son.
They were acting like he wasbaptizing but he was fighting to
get up to make it like thisweird thing.
But I was like it sounds weird,but it was so cute.
It was so cute.
It was such a cute reel.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
And it's neat because you know they do these reels
and they create all of the stuffwithout me there.
You know they, they takeownership over it.
I don't I don't run our socialmedia at all.
I have access to it and Idefinitely oversee it and check
it, but as far as posting,creating it, is taken care of
completely by one our adult, youknow, social media coordinator.
(22:21):
But the student leadership teamis the one who's creating the
content, sending the ideas to us, and so it's completely ran by
them.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
It's cause you give them ownership.
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
Well, anything else you want tosay to parents, any other
advice or anything else that youjust want to plug?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I would say this this is almost more for me than
anybody, but I would just say,just giving yourself grace.
You know, the first couple ofyears I was a student pastor and
again I'm only on year five, soI'm still working through some
of this.
It's easy to kind of look overat other churches or how other
people are doing things and thenfeel like I'm not doing that
(22:59):
great, and I'm sure it could bethe same you know for a parent
that you look at another family,you look at how other dynamics
are going and it's probably easyto feel like I'm not doing a
great job.
So something that I have neededto remind myself of is grace
and the focus on, like theblessings and the good things
that are going well.
The best advice my mentor gaveme.
(23:21):
He said keep a little folder inyour mind of all the great
things that are going on.
Advice my mentor gave me hesaid keep a little folder in
your mind of all the greatthings that are going on.
And so whenever you're kind ofhaving a difficult time, go
through that folder, remindyourself of like the good
progress, the great things thatare going on and, uh, thinking
of yourself, grace, and keepmoving forward.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Man, that's.
That's a word, becausecomparison really is a trap and
it will make you feel bad aboutyourself and your in your
circumstances.
So I think that is so great,jorge.
I wish every student had ayouth pastor like you.
I am so thankful for all you'vedone for our family and pouring
into my kids over these yearsin this quiet way.
It hasn't been flashy, but I'veseen you and I've heard.
(23:57):
Hey, I had a faith question andI called Jorge at 12 and we
talked for an hour.
This is what he told me.
Like I've heard those stories.
And so I and you don't do it,for nobody knows that's
happening, and so I justappreciate youth pastors like
you who are taking the time toget to know their students and
listen to them and just just besuch a beacon of light into
(24:18):
their life.
I can't thank you enough.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Thanks for all you do .
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Thank you for all of your support.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Yep, thanks for all you do.
Thank you for all of yoursupport Yep.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Thanks for being here , absolutely.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
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Speaker 2 (24:42):
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Welcome to the Next Talk podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech, culture and faith
with our kids.
Guys, we have such a specialtreat today my kid's youth
pastor is here.
I feel like I owe him so muchfor speaking into my own kids.
(00:25):
His name is Jorge Barrera, andJorge, first of all, I just want
you to introduce yourself toour audience.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah, so I've been the student pastor at Home
Church since 2019, and I've hadthe opportunity to be the pastor
of your daughter and currentlynow pastor of your son, who's in
our youth group.
But I started attending ouryouth group inside out at home
church when I was 17.
So I've gone to go from being astudent there to the pastor and
(00:57):
in that time, was able to studyat Liberty University, where I
graduated from, and I have beenthere at home church ever since.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
The youth group is a special place.
It is a special culture thatthey have, that they feel loved
and accepted, and I have seenboth of my kids thrive.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Oh man, I knew there was something different about
that specific youth group when Imade the switch to that youth
group it was after a missiontrip.
But exactly what you talk aboutis exactly what I felt when I
attended as a student in highschool, and I think a lot of
students still feel those samethings today.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Yeah Well.
And parents, I just want toencourage you.
You need other adults speakinginto your kids.
I think that's so important,like somebody who will point
them to Jesus, biblicallygrounded, and so what's so cool
is my daughter, too, found theyouth group on her own.
We didn't even go to churchthere.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Oh really.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And she tried it out and she actually brought us to
that church.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Oh man.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Because she got plugged in.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, that's funny that you say that.
I had a similar story where,after that youth group, you know
my whole family attended adifferent church and we had gone
there to that previous churchsince I was maybe seven and
loved it.
It was great.
But when we made that decisionfor me to go on that mission
trip and I went and met you knowhome church and Pastor Mike who
(02:26):
was the student pastor at thetime, I met the community there
and the leaders and as soon aswe got home it was just an easy
decision I needed to go to thatyouth group.
There was just something aboutit, especially with all the
invitation.
I thought I'd just give it ashot.
But it was scary, you know,leaving the church that I had
(02:46):
always gone to with my family.
I didn't know if that was likeokay, if that was going to hurt
their feelings, but it was avery encouraged decision.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I think that's a really important thing, because
I remember when my daughter didnot want to go to our church's
youth group and it was justbecause it was so big she was
like.
It's just not my place, mom, itwasn't anything that they were
doing wrong.
It was just not a good fitbecause it was so big and she
couldn't find her people.
She couldn't find her group andI was a little like, oh my gosh
(03:17):
what.
But I think that's reallyimportant for parents to let
kids find their own space in achurch?
Yeah, and also I have been verycareful with my son and my
daughter being in the youthgroup, like there's been things
I've wanted to volunteer withand they're like no, because
it's my space.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
And you have your space, Mom, over there, and I've
honored that Like it's theirown little community where their
faith can deepen.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Hopefully you know by now, but just how much they
probably appreciate that.
It was something I appreciatedwhen I was a student there.
Mike, the former student pastor, had the same rules where he
wouldn't allow any parents ofcurrent students in the ministry
to volunteer with the youthgroup.
That way it could remain a safespace and this could belong to
(04:08):
the students, and that'ssomething we still uphold today,
which is hard because I'vegotten to know these parents and
I love them and I can see, justlike the wisdom that they have
much more than what I have andI'm like I want you to be here,
but this space does need to besafe for your students.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Absolutely Well.
Y'all do a really good job, too, of like defining rules and
expectations, because both mykids have been.
We call them outturns, butthey're interns really.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Everything's inside out.
It's all backwards.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
But I remember, like I have to sign the document and
what they agree to, and theseare the things you won't do and
these are the things you won'tdo.
And these, these are myexpectations and there's a great
like I have as a parent.
I have to say if your gradefalls below this, you can't be
an outturn anymore and I lovethat you hold them to that.
That accountability, I think,is huge.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
It's.
It's been a lot of trial anderror, but there has been.
I think that's what's helpedwith the.
You know, the balance of nothaving parents in there is that
they at least know so much ofwhat's going on in there.
They know the expectations,they know the standard that the
student leadership team is beingheld to, and so if the parent's
not there in person, they canat least know and have a peace
(05:20):
of mind of, okay, I know what'sbeing upheld in this group here.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Yeah, I love that.
My daughter just shared this onher show that we did together.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Um, but she's.
There was a time when she wasreally struggling with her faith
and she didn't want to go tochurch.
And I love that as an outturn,you made them go to church at
least once a month, I think thatwas your rule, or?
Something, but it was somebodyother than me creating a rule
about that and talking about theimportance of it, not just the
(05:49):
rule of it, but, like the, whyyour?
heart has to be right if you'regoing to serve other people, and
so I appreciated that.
As a parent Like to me, I feellike that is true youth ministry
and parents working togetherthere yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I think there's a really interesting balance with
what you had just mentioned.
But yes, the the outturns dohave responsibilities.
So they help us run our middleschool youth group on Sundays.
So they have to be at at leasttwo of those Sundays every month
.
And then on Wednesdays they'rehelping us set up and break down
, but then during group they getto be a part of the group.
(06:27):
It's just a regular highschooler and once group ends
then they set up or break downand help us clean all of the
things.
But there's like a really opencommunication between us and the
outturns where if they aretired, just have a lot of
homework or just not feelingwell, we tell all of them tell
us, and I'm not going to forceyou to come, but I do need there
(06:50):
to be communication.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Well, and they respect you, because so many
times something will be going onwith my son, you know he'll
have to miss for some reason.
I'll be like did you tell Jorge?
Oh yeah, done, mom.
Like I don't even have to, it'salready done, because he
respects you and you've laid outthe expectations, which I think
are just so good.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Oh man, I again a lot of trial and error.
It's been hard trying to figureout, especially, you know,
around like spiritual burnout.
That's a tough one becausethese students, when they become
part of our student leadershipteam, they're devoting a whole
semester's worth of time everyweek.
On the weekends there areextracurricular, you know,
(07:28):
events that they have to go to,and so it's been a few
occurrences where spiritualburnout has been a thing and
navigating that has beendifficult because I don't want
to say hey, you're burnt out,don't be here then, but on the
other hand I don't want tocontinue to fan that flame.
And so that's been.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
It's been tough to navigate, but that's going to
serve you well when you become aparent yourself.
Okay, I'm telling you right.
The balance of that is going toserve you so well for sure.
Okay, so you spend all yourtime with teenagers I mean
really high schoolers.
You are with them all the time.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
All the time.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
So I think that there's a lot of wisdom you can
speak into as parents, and Ithink what I asked you to tell
us is what are three things thatevery teenager needs.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
What would you say to that?
Yeah, I thought about this, allyou know, since we first talked
, and I think when you firstasked that question my mind went
blank because I thought youknow that's a pretty tough
question.
But over time, yeah, a coupleof things did come up and I
think number one, especiallywith how we opened this
conversation, was support fromparents.
(08:36):
I think support from parents iseverything.
Now I got the opportunity togrow up in a Christian household
where my faith was encouraged.
I had the support of my parentsall the time.
But I will say we have a lot ofstudents that parents do not
attend our church or knowanything about our youth group
(08:58):
or that maybe just aren'tChristians at all, and I can see
how difficult it is for thosestudents to open up about their
faith, even with somebody likeme, because they don't first
feel supported at home.
And so I would say first thingis just support your child, even
if it's something that maybeyou struggle to understand their
(09:20):
faith, but to encourage them togo to youth group to ask
questions and try and figuresome of that out.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I love that.
Support them, and I think too,you know, as Christians we don't
really think about what itwould be like as a kid who wants
to know God to go home and theparents not like that.
Or or advocate don't go back tothat church.
I mean, that's a reallydifficult thing that some kids
walk through.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
I've had some pretty difficult conversations where
you know, like I said, thecommitment, the time commitment
that these student leadershipmembers make.
It's a lot.
So I've had parents call me andtell me hey, I'm not asking you
to tell them not to go tochurch, but I think you need to
talk to them about their timecommitments at church.
(10:08):
And it puts me in a spot wheretruly, what's happening is the
parents don't align with whatthe student believes and they
want me to be the one to say,hey, well, you need to listen to
mom and dad, even thoughthey're asking you not to go to
church.
And I respect the parents, youknow, first of all, more than
anything.
Right, it's with the parents'support that we get to do what
(10:30):
we do, but I won't tell them tostep away from their faith at
any point in time, which I'vehad parents ask me to do.
But what I will say is I'lltalk to your student and usually
those conversations just comewith a challenge and just a
question of how are youbalancing your time?
Are you valuing your faith?
(10:51):
Are you valuing your family?
What does that look like inyour life?
But it's tough.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
That's a real tough perspective that I think a lot
of us Christian parents do notthink about.
We are wanting to pour into ourkids' faith and having you in
that position is tough, reallytough.
I can totally see, because youwant to support the parents,
like you said, and be like yesbut, then you're asking them not
(11:17):
to believe in God, like that'swhat some parents are asking you
to say to their kids.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
So that's a tough spot.
And I think what's helped mekind of navigate some of that is
I've through speaking to othermentors.
They've helped me realize thatI'm not really so much the one
that needs to find the answer tothat question but rather kind
of help the student kind of findthe answer to that question.
So you know, first and foremostI let the student know you have
(11:42):
to honor, you know, your mother, your father, your family, like
these are important things.
But you know, what else doesthe Bible say?
What else does the Bible havefor you as a follower?
What else does the Bible say,what else does the Bible have
for you as a follower?
With those things, rather thanlooking at it as an either or
honor or don't, how can we doboth?
How can we honor your parentsand also still pursue this
(12:04):
relationship that you have withGod?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Oh, I love that.
I love that, Jorge.
Okay, so support from parents.
What else do you have for me?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Next this is something that I've been
learning over the past couple ofyears.
Simply put, talk about what thestudent wants to talk about.
I think for myself as a pastor,there's so much pressure to
relate to each student.
I think subconsciously, when astudent walks in the door, I
want them to feel welcome.
I want them to feel like we canhave conversations.
I want them to know that youknow the pastor or the
(12:39):
leadership of this group isn'tthis high and untouchable group
of people that you know youcan't really get to.
They stay on the stage andthat's where they live, but
rather that we are, you know,all people seeking God here and
we're doing it together live,but rather that we are all
people seeking God here andwe're doing it together.
(13:00):
What I have found through thatis the pressure to relate.
So I try to push topics that Ilike on the student basketball,
traveling, whatever it may behoping that the student will be
instantly excited about one ofthose topics so that we can now
relate.
What I've found is that I needto, instead of looking for
things that I enjoy to talkabout, kind of forget the whole
pressure of relating and justlisten to what they have to say,
and as soon as they feel thatthey can talk to me about video
(13:24):
games or you know whateverteacher that they're enjoying at
school, or you know homeworkthat they're you know, or
homework that they're upset with, they open up about all sorts
of topics, and they may not betopics that I necessarily enjoy
or relate to, but at leastthere's conversation now, and so
I would say number two talk toyour student or your child about
(13:48):
what they want to talk about.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
I think that's so good, because a lot of times
we're pushing our agendas andthe stuff that we want them to,
and there's times for that, butgetting your kid to just feel
safe with you and getting intotheir world, like if they like
art or I know my daughter didtheater.
I knew nothing about theaterbefore she did that and then we
(14:10):
took a trip to New York when Igot educated on what this?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
you know what all did that.
And then we took a trip to NewYork and I got educated on what
this?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
you know what all this entails.
And then she taught me aboutabout theater all through her
high school, you know, and so Ithink that's really important
and you learn things.
You are stepping outside ofyour hobbies or your interests
and they're teaching you thingsinto different worlds.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
I think when you do that, they see that you care
more to just have conversationrather than have them relate to
you.
I asked this exact question toa mentor of mine years ago.
There was a student I wasreally struggling to have any
sort of communication with.
I asked him how their day wasand they said it was fine.
And I asked them like what theygot going on tomorrow and they
(14:53):
would say nothing.
So I asked a mentor how do you,how do you find the best way to
just build relationships withstudents?
And this is the exact advice hegave to me and he shared this
example.
He said there was a student inhis youth group that just would
never speak to him but shealways had, you know, her
AirPods in.
And finally he just decided toask what are you listening to?
(15:16):
And she gave him like a veryyou know halfway answer you know
this song and this band.
He went and listened to thewhole album.
He told me of that band andthat you know what they had just
put out.
And next week went and spoke toher about it and he said he
just saw their eyes light up andthis communication immediately
just started.
(15:36):
And so did he.
Like the band.
I don't know, did he like thesongs?
Probably not, but the studentssaw it, and so that's been kind
of where I aim for Findsomething that matters to the
student, learn about it, letthem teach me about it and allow
that to be our conversation.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I think you just sharing this.
The thought that comes to mymind is you know you're so
invested in these students andmaking connections with them,
and sometimes, as parents, we'reso busy that we don't do that,
we don't do that, you know, wedon't make time for that, and I
think that's such a goodreminder for us.
That's really good, jorge, okay, third thing.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Third thing yeah, this one is specific to our
leadership team, but I'm surehas a place in the home too your
child or student ownership over, whatever it is, the space that
they are in.
When I started out as a studentpastor, I struggled to find
(16:39):
ways to bring the team together,to make this not just a bunch
of people that walk in andlisten to me, but I wanted them
to be a cohesive group, acommunity, a family, for a lack
of better words.
But what I found is that themore opportunities I gave them
to be creative, come up withtheir own answers and solve
(17:00):
problems, put their ideas to use, the more that area, the youth
group, became theirs, ratherthan just me and then hosting
them.
It became just their own area,one that they, you know, loved
and cared for.
And so not all ideas are great,you know.
It could be something as simplelike playing a game, decorating
(17:21):
, whatever it may be, but a lotof those ideas are great and
we've used plenty of them.
So maybe you know in a home,what that might look like is
just simply asking, you knowwell, what do you think, or how
should we go about this, or whatcould this look like?
And it really does give themsome sort of ownership and kind
of makes them want to be therebecause they have now a hand in
(17:42):
it.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Well, my mind immediately goes to phone
guidelines and screen guidelines.
We've always said that, insteadof dictating to them, you can't
have your phone in your bedroom.
You can't do this Like talk tothem about what's healthy and
not, and then create theguidelines together.
So then they take ownership ofit and it really becomes them,
protecting their hearts andminds.
You know the same thing too.
(18:04):
We talk about like not watchingpornography, not watching you
know anything inappropriate.
It's like, instead of justscreaming at them, don't do that
, let's talk about why that maynot be helpful to you, and then
they take ownership of whatthey're actually doing watching
on the screen, and so I actuallythink that one's one of your
(18:24):
most relatable ones in the home.
I think that's so good and youknow it.
It kind of summarizes where westarted at when we talked about
your expectations and guidelinesthat you set out for the
outturns, and I know you've hadthem input on what those look
like as an outturn and so themtaking ownership.
I think that is such goodadvice for parents.
(18:45):
So many times we want to comein and just dictate the culture.
And if we bring them into itand help them create the
guidelines, and they will reallytake ownership of what am?
I allowing in my heart and mind.
What am I looking at on myphone?
And all of those things.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah, I think that kind of sums up really almost
all three of those doing ittogether, right.
Think that kind of sums upreally almost all three of those
um doing it together, right.
So the first thing I said wassupport um, supporting your kid,
instead of just kind of maybemaking decisions for them where
they can go to group, where theycan't go to group.
You know these sorts of things.
I think guidance is superimportant in that, but doing it
together could be so neat.
And then you know number two,um talking about what they want
(19:24):
to talk, about allowing this tobe a two way street rather than,
kind of, how I said, justpicking a topic and trying to
see if they'll, you know, talkto me about something I care
about.
And then the last one input,you know, giving them ownership
over something.
All of these three things kindof show doing something together
rather than one person kind ofleading the whole pack.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Well, and I think teens are more capable than we
think.
Yeah, that is the thing that Ihave seen with your leadership
and the youth group and themgoing on mission trips and how
they're serving others.
I'm like, wow, a group ofteenagers are doing this and a
lot of adults couldn't withoutcomplaining, and so they're
capable, they are.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I think it's a funny conversation.
Anytime I speak to other youthpastors you get the occasional
comment oh man, those studentsright.
And I'm like I honestly cannotrelate.
But I think it really doesfactor down to just how you
choose to go about these things.
If you choose to do it together, it'll look a lot different
than if you just walk into aroom and tell people what to do.
(20:28):
But yeah, even at our youthgroup we have one paid, one
part-time paid person other thanmyself I'm the only full-time
person in this entire departmentof our church and we have more
student leadership hands than wedo paid staff and they are
(20:49):
truly the ones that help us runthe entire youth group, from
games to screen and screens andmedia to worship.
I mean, we have, you know,adult leaders in all of those
areas, but it's the hands of thestudents that are running it.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Well, and I think that's why other students want
to come to our youth groupbecause they see that it's, it's
, it's student led a lot of it.
You know the Instagram that youguys put out.
Oh my gosh, you guys do thecutest reels and I know so many
times it's like student ideas.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
It used to be ran by me, which I I struggle in the,
you know, social mediadepartment.
It's just something that I'venever really put too much time
into.
But now currently it's beingran by a former student who
graduated last year.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Oh, that's cool.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
And so now she runs it and so, yeah, I mean
everything truly has studentleadership in it.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Well, I know my son was doing a reel because
somebody had the idea we havebaptisms this night.
And so we're going to do a reelwhere somebody had the idea we
have baptisms this night.
And so we're going to do a reelwhere we're with my son.
They were acting like he wasbaptizing but he was fighting to
get up to make it like thisweird thing.
But I was like it sounds weird,but it was so cute.
It was so cute.
It was such a cute reel.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
And it's neat because you know they do these reels
and they create all of the stuffwithout me there.
You know they, they takeownership over it.
I don't I don't run our socialmedia at all.
I have access to it and Idefinitely oversee it and check
it, but as far as posting,creating it, is taken care of
completely by one our adult, youknow, social media coordinator.
(22:21):
But the student leadership teamis the one who's creating the
content, sending the ideas to us, and so it's completely ran by
them.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
It's cause you give them ownership.
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
Well, anything else you want tosay to parents, any other
advice or anything else that youjust want to plug?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I would say this this is almost more for me than
anybody, but I would just say,just giving yourself grace.
You know, the first couple ofyears I was a student pastor and
again I'm only on year five, soI'm still working through some
of this.
It's easy to kind of look overat other churches or how other
people are doing things and thenfeel like I'm not doing that
(22:59):
great, and I'm sure it could bethe same you know for a parent
that you look at another family,you look at how other dynamics
are going and it's probably easyto feel like I'm not doing a
great job.
So something that I have neededto remind myself of is grace
and the focus on, like theblessings and the good things
that are going well.
The best advice my mentor gaveme.
(23:21):
He said keep a little folder inyour mind of all the great
things that are going on.
Advice my mentor gave me hesaid keep a little folder in
your mind of all the greatthings that are going on.
And so whenever you're kind ofhaving a difficult time, go
through that folder, remindyourself of like the good
progress, the great things thatare going on and, uh, thinking
of yourself, grace, and keepmoving forward.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Man, that's.
That's a word, becausecomparison really is a trap and
it will make you feel bad aboutyourself and your in your
circumstances.
So I think that is so great,jorge.
I wish every student had ayouth pastor like you.
I am so thankful for all you'vedone for our family and pouring
into my kids over these yearsin this quiet way.
It hasn't been flashy, but I'veseen you and I've heard.
(23:57):
Hey, I had a faith question andI called Jorge at 12 and we
talked for an hour.
This is what he told me.
Like I've heard those stories.
And so I and you don't do it,for nobody knows that's
happening, and so I justappreciate youth pastors like
you who are taking the time toget to know their students and
listen to them and just just besuch a beacon of light into
(24:18):
their life.
I can't thank you enough.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Thanks for all you do .
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Thank you for all of your support.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Yep, thanks for all you do.
Thank you for all of yoursupport Yep.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Thanks for being here , absolutely.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Make a donation today at nexttalkorg.
Next Talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
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Speaker 2 (24:42):
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