May 23, 2025 • 11 mins
Of course we can simply say no screens, but what if we used this as an opportunity to educate, talk about a healthy balance and help our kids zoom out and see a bigger picture – where we focus on more than technology.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Next Talk podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech, culture and faith
with our kids.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hey, I'm an 8 and 10 year old and I'm just worried
about summer and how I'm goingto keep my kids from playing on
screens all summer long and whatyou might have to say about
that.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Well, at eight and 10 , I mean, you know you can
definitely just say no, we'renot playing screens, or we're
only playing screens this timeand set certain hours, but,
honestly, I would ask that yougo a little bit deeper, because
I believe that you can take yourno and create education around
why you're saying no, and thatcreates really good
(00:47):
conversations with your kids.
Eight and 10, you're managingscreen time probably a lot.
As your kids get older, though,and for any of you those who
are listening who have olderkids, we need to move towards
self-regulation as well.
So, for example, if you've gota kid who's playing Xbox and
they're getting mad and angry atthe Xbox, they need to be able,
(01:10):
as they get older, toself-regulate and realize.
I need to step away from thatand not be on a screen right now
.
I want you to think about soloscreen time versus your kids
getting on a screen with theirfriends and playing, because I
kind of have looked at that alittle differently over the
years.
For example, you know I have ateenage son and he plays the
(01:33):
basketball game, and he'll geton and play with his friends.
To me, that is almost like youknow.
You can hear them chatting witheach other about their friend
group and that kind of stuffchatting with each other about
their friend group and that kindof stuff.
That is not as alarming to meas a kid in a room by themselves
with solo screen time.
So also like differentiate thescreen time that's going to
(01:54):
happen in the summer.
I think that's very, veryimportant.
The other thing is have settimes when you have no screens
and set times when you allowscreens.
I think that's a good tip forthe summer Always no screens in
bedrooms or bathrooms,especially at ages eight and 10.
You know they're going to startaging out of that rule about 17
(02:15):
or so, but at eight and 10, nophones in bedrooms or bathrooms
ever.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
How do you explain to children that I'm allowed to
have my phone in?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
my room.
So one of the things that I sayto my kids is you know, mom and
dad, we need our phone in ourroom because dad gets calls in
the middle of the night workcalls that are important that he
has to take and mom has acollege student away.
So if that college studentneeds me, I want to make sure my
phone is available.
But I'm not scrolling Instagramat 2am and I think that's the
(02:51):
difference, like I'm not layingthere rotting in my bed at night
.
And so until you get a littleolder and you can manage that on
your own, you know we're justgoing to put the phone on the
kitchen counter for the night.
And that's kind of a standardoperating rule in our home and
always has been.
My kids are 21 and 17.
Now my 17-year-old, obviouslymy 21-year-old, she's an adult,
college, all the things but my17-year-old he does take his
(03:14):
phone in his room now with thedoor open and that kind of stuff
.
He's graduated into that but hestill puts his phone on the
kitchen counter every night,every morning when I wake up
it's there, because it's justbeen a standard operating
procedure since I mean, he waslittle with all screens and when
I say screens.
We have no TVs, no PlayStations, anything like that, in the
(03:35):
room until at least 17 plus,when they're kind of starting to
age out of those guidelines.
A couple things about summer.
I think it's great that you'realready thinking about it.
This is bigger than a screentime conversation.
This is bigger than a screentime conversation, and what I
mean by that is we want our kidsto be creating a bucket list
(03:56):
Every summer.
When my kids were growing up,they had a bucket list.
You know, go to the beach, playbasketball, you know whatever.
That creates some goals andgets their mind going on what
they want to accomplish over thesummer.
Talk also about goals like.
I have an athlete in the houseso my question to him was you
know, how much do you want tobulk up over the summer?
(04:17):
What's your workout schedulegoing to look like over the
summer?
You know, what do you want togain with all these extra hours
that you have, that sort ofthing.
So that just keeps them focusedon things other than screens.
I know sometimes we just zonein on okay, how much screen time
are we going to allow?
But we got to zoom out.
How are we?
They're stewarding all of theirtime that they're using every
(04:40):
day, and I think that makes forsome really good conversations.
Maybe you're serving in yourcommunity, maybe you're baking
cookies for the neighbors.
What are some sort of thingsthat you guys want to accomplish
this summer as a family andthat gets them thinking outside
of the screens?
So I've seen with my own son Imean he's 17 now, but I remember
(05:01):
a couple summers ago like hewould say to me hey, mom,
tonight, from four to seven, I'mplaying a Fortnite tournament.
Is that okay?
I'm playing it with my friendsand I would say, okay, sure, but
then that day he would get upand he would work out, he would,
you know, go swimming, do allkinds of outside activities,
because he knew he was going tobe on a screen for three hours.
(05:23):
And that's kind of like how Istarted this.
That self-regulation.
That's what we kind of want tolook for with our teenagers as
they get older and moving intothat space of helping them
navigate it.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Can you tell me again what self-regulating might look
like for an eight-year-old?
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Say you have your day structured out right and maybe
they're at camp in the morning,you do breakfast, maybe you have
lunch together and that kind ofthing, and you're saying, you
know, from two to four you havefree time at home and you can do
arts, crafts or you can also doscreen time or whatever.
Like you're giving them thatflexibility of these are the
things you can choose from.
And if your eight-year-old isevery day for two hours on
(06:01):
screens, that whole time, thatmay be a conversation and the
kid doesn't get in trouble.
But you're more like hey, Inoticed that your free time,
there's lots of things you cando during this two to four
segment and I noticed you'realways choosing screen time.
Tell me why or what are youplaying, or that kind of stuff,
just to get him in the habit ofpicking other things over
(06:24):
screens.
But if he continues to doscreens, I think that's okay
because still, if that's theonly two hour period a day, I
think that's all right and youcan have those conversations.
But it's just a way to starttheir brain to regulate, like
making good decisions withscreens.
And the other thing I wanna sayabout that like, say, he plays
(06:44):
for two hours on a screen and atthe end of that he's real moody
and he's got attitude becausemaybe his game didn't go the way
he thought.
I actually think that's areally good teachable moment,
because I wouldn't try to havethe conversation, like at the
end of the segment you know thetwo hour segment I would let it
go for a while, but maybe laterthat night at bedtime or maybe
(07:07):
the next morning at breakfast Iwould say hey, do you know?
You know, I really noticed thatyou were in a really bad mood
yesterday after you playedscreens for two hours.
Do you know what happened, likewhy did you get so angry?
Them thinking to themselves ohmy gosh, I played that game, and
before playing that game, I wasnice and then, after playing
(07:27):
that game, like I was mean, likethey need to see that for
themselves, like and they needto almost feel it, it's, it's,
it can be a win when theyrecognize screens, change their
attitude and so just things likethat, little teachable moments
throughout your day.
And also like share storieswith your kids of how you
(07:50):
struggle with screens.
You know, like I crawl in bedat night and I should want to
just talk to dad, but sometimesI'm scrolling on Facebook and
that's not healthy for mebecause that makes them feel
vulnerable and they can sharewhen they're not doing great
with screens too.
It's a family effort here tohave this healthy dialogue
around screen time and a healthybalance.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I love that.
You know, yesterday I sent yourred flag alert system to a
couple of friends to print offand put on the refrigerator for
the summer.
And it's on our refrigerator.
Print off and put on therefrigerator for the summer and
it's on our refrigerator.
And I know this summer in themornings I'm going to get my
kids to memorize some of thepoints on your red flag alert
(08:31):
system.
My kids are pretty familiarwith no phones and bedrooms or
bathrooms, but I like the onewhere you have always report to
mom when you see someone in abathing suit or less, and that's
just going to become part ofour summer routine to really
implement that in their brain sothey know.
Oh, that's something I need totalk to my trusted adult about.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I'm so glad that you're implementing this and I'm
so glad you're thinking aboutit.
I'm so glad you brought it up.
Thank you for saying thatSummer is a great time to create
these guidelines, and if youdon't know what the red flags
are, it basically is a reportinglist.
These are the things that Iwant you to tell me about, and
you mentioned anything andanyone in a bathing suit or less
(09:12):
.
What we're trying to get thereis to catch pornography right.
Or if they go to a neighbor'shouse and somebody takes down
their pants or whatever andshows them a private part, we're
trying to get them a red flagto go off on the kid's brain.
Oh, this is on my list.
I need to report this to mom ordad.
This keeps them safe whenthey're playing screens and
(09:32):
something may pop up, but italso keeps them safe when
they're going to summer playgroups or summer sleepovers, if
you're going to allow that.
So it's a great time.
We also have family packs wherethe language is more curved.
So we have one for teenagerswhere it actually says you're
going to report any pornographyto me.
You're going to report anyviolence to me.
It's a little bit more specific.
(09:55):
This summer is a great time toimplement to your kids.
These are the things I want youto tell me about.
They don't know what to tellyou.
Everything is snap, posted,shared.
They're so overexposed in thisworld that they live in.
They hear all kinds of newwords every day, and so we have
to steward that.
All that incoming knowledge iscoming into their brain.
(10:16):
We want to create thisreporting list.
These are the things that Iwant you to tell me.
If you see or hear any of thesethings, I want that red flag
alert to go off in your brain,to come home and tell mom or dad
so that's a great thing to doover the summer.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I think this is a great start and your information
is really helpful.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
All right.
Well, you've got this.
Keep on and remember.
I am all for guidelines,setting those guidelines when
they're younger, but always dothe conversations too.
And as they get older, you'vegot the conversations to carry
you as they're learning toself-regulate even more and make
technology decisions on theirown.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe
online.
To support our work, make adonation at nexttalkorg.
Next Talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose,
treat or otherwise render expertadvice regarding any type of
medical, psychological, legal,financial or other problem.
You are advised to consult aqualified expert for your
(11:15):
personal treatment plan.
Welcome to the Next Talk podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech, culture and faith
with our kids.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hey, I'm an 8 and 10 year old and I'm just worried
about summer and how I'm goingto keep my kids from playing on
screens all summer long and whatyou might have to say about
that.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Well, at eight and 10 , I mean, you know you can
definitely just say no, we'renot playing screens, or we're
only playing screens this timeand set certain hours, but,
honestly, I would ask that yougo a little bit deeper, because
I believe that you can take yourno and create education around
why you're saying no, and thatcreates really good
(00:47):
conversations with your kids.
Eight and 10, you're managingscreen time probably a lot.
As your kids get older, though,and for any of you those who
are listening who have olderkids, we need to move towards
self-regulation as well.
So, for example, if you've gota kid who's playing Xbox and
they're getting mad and angry atthe Xbox, they need to be able,
(01:10):
as they get older, toself-regulate and realize.
I need to step away from thatand not be on a screen right now
.
I want you to think about soloscreen time versus your kids
getting on a screen with theirfriends and playing, because I
kind of have looked at that alittle differently over the
years.
For example, you know I have ateenage son and he plays the
(01:33):
basketball game, and he'll geton and play with his friends.
To me, that is almost like youknow.
You can hear them chatting witheach other about their friend
group and that kind of stuffchatting with each other about
their friend group and that kindof stuff.
That is not as alarming to meas a kid in a room by themselves
with solo screen time.
So also like differentiate thescreen time that's going to
(01:54):
happen in the summer.
I think that's very, veryimportant.
The other thing is have settimes when you have no screens
and set times when you allowscreens.
I think that's a good tip forthe summer Always no screens in
bedrooms or bathrooms,especially at ages eight and 10.
You know they're going to startaging out of that rule about 17
(02:15):
or so, but at eight and 10, nophones in bedrooms or bathrooms
ever.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
How do you explain to children that I'm allowed to
have my phone in?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
my room.
So one of the things that I sayto my kids is you know, mom and
dad, we need our phone in ourroom because dad gets calls in
the middle of the night workcalls that are important that he
has to take and mom has acollege student away.
So if that college studentneeds me, I want to make sure my
phone is available.
But I'm not scrolling Instagramat 2am and I think that's the
(02:51):
difference, like I'm not layingthere rotting in my bed at night
.
And so until you get a littleolder and you can manage that on
your own, you know we're justgoing to put the phone on the
kitchen counter for the night.
And that's kind of a standardoperating rule in our home and
always has been.
My kids are 21 and 17.
Now my 17-year-old, obviouslymy 21-year-old, she's an adult,
college, all the things but my17-year-old he does take his
(03:14):
phone in his room now with thedoor open and that kind of stuff
.
He's graduated into that but hestill puts his phone on the
kitchen counter every night,every morning when I wake up
it's there, because it's justbeen a standard operating
procedure since I mean, he waslittle with all screens and when
I say screens.
We have no TVs, no PlayStations, anything like that, in the
(03:35):
room until at least 17 plus,when they're kind of starting to
age out of those guidelines.
A couple things about summer.
I think it's great that you'realready thinking about it.
This is bigger than a screentime conversation.
This is bigger than a screentime conversation, and what I
mean by that is we want our kidsto be creating a bucket list
(03:56):
Every summer.
When my kids were growing up,they had a bucket list.
You know, go to the beach, playbasketball, you know whatever.
That creates some goals andgets their mind going on what
they want to accomplish over thesummer.
Talk also about goals like.
I have an athlete in the houseso my question to him was you
know, how much do you want tobulk up over the summer?
(04:17):
What's your workout schedulegoing to look like over the
summer?
You know, what do you want togain with all these extra hours
that you have, that sort ofthing.
So that just keeps them focusedon things other than screens.
I know sometimes we just zonein on okay, how much screen time
are we going to allow?
But we got to zoom out.
How are we?
They're stewarding all of theirtime that they're using every
(04:40):
day, and I think that makes forsome really good conversations.
Maybe you're serving in yourcommunity, maybe you're baking
cookies for the neighbors.
What are some sort of thingsthat you guys want to accomplish
this summer as a family andthat gets them thinking outside
of the screens?
So I've seen with my own son Imean he's 17 now, but I remember
(05:01):
a couple summers ago like hewould say to me hey, mom,
tonight, from four to seven, I'mplaying a Fortnite tournament.
Is that okay?
I'm playing it with my friendsand I would say, okay, sure, but
then that day he would get upand he would work out, he would,
you know, go swimming, do allkinds of outside activities,
because he knew he was going tobe on a screen for three hours.
(05:23):
And that's kind of like how Istarted this.
That self-regulation.
That's what we kind of want tolook for with our teenagers as
they get older and moving intothat space of helping them
navigate it.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Can you tell me again what self-regulating might look
like for an eight-year-old?
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Say you have your day structured out right and maybe
they're at camp in the morning,you do breakfast, maybe you have
lunch together and that kind ofthing, and you're saying, you
know, from two to four you havefree time at home and you can do
arts, crafts or you can also doscreen time or whatever.
Like you're giving them thatflexibility of these are the
things you can choose from.
And if your eight-year-old isevery day for two hours on
(06:01):
screens, that whole time, thatmay be a conversation and the
kid doesn't get in trouble.
But you're more like hey, Inoticed that your free time,
there's lots of things you cando during this two to four
segment and I noticed you'realways choosing screen time.
Tell me why or what are youplaying, or that kind of stuff,
just to get him in the habit ofpicking other things over
(06:24):
screens.
But if he continues to doscreens, I think that's okay
because still, if that's theonly two hour period a day, I
think that's all right and youcan have those conversations.
But it's just a way to starttheir brain to regulate, like
making good decisions withscreens.
And the other thing I wanna sayabout that like, say, he plays
(06:44):
for two hours on a screen and atthe end of that he's real moody
and he's got attitude becausemaybe his game didn't go the way
he thought.
I actually think that's areally good teachable moment,
because I wouldn't try to havethe conversation, like at the
end of the segment you know thetwo hour segment I would let it
go for a while, but maybe laterthat night at bedtime or maybe
(07:07):
the next morning at breakfast Iwould say hey, do you know?
You know, I really noticed thatyou were in a really bad mood
yesterday after you playedscreens for two hours.
Do you know what happened, likewhy did you get so angry?
Them thinking to themselves ohmy gosh, I played that game, and
before playing that game, I wasnice and then, after playing
(07:27):
that game, like I was mean, likethey need to see that for
themselves, like and they needto almost feel it, it's, it's,
it can be a win when theyrecognize screens, change their
attitude and so just things likethat, little teachable moments
throughout your day.
And also like share storieswith your kids of how you
(07:50):
struggle with screens.
You know, like I crawl in bedat night and I should want to
just talk to dad, but sometimesI'm scrolling on Facebook and
that's not healthy for mebecause that makes them feel
vulnerable and they can sharewhen they're not doing great
with screens too.
It's a family effort here tohave this healthy dialogue
around screen time and a healthybalance.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I love that.
You know, yesterday I sent yourred flag alert system to a
couple of friends to print offand put on the refrigerator for
the summer.
And it's on our refrigerator.
Print off and put on therefrigerator for the summer and
it's on our refrigerator.
And I know this summer in themornings I'm going to get my
kids to memorize some of thepoints on your red flag alert
(08:31):
system.
My kids are pretty familiarwith no phones and bedrooms or
bathrooms, but I like the onewhere you have always report to
mom when you see someone in abathing suit or less, and that's
just going to become part ofour summer routine to really
implement that in their brain sothey know.
Oh, that's something I need totalk to my trusted adult about.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I'm so glad that you're implementing this and I'm
so glad you're thinking aboutit.
I'm so glad you brought it up.
Thank you for saying thatSummer is a great time to create
these guidelines, and if youdon't know what the red flags
are, it basically is a reportinglist.
These are the things that Iwant you to tell me about, and
you mentioned anything andanyone in a bathing suit or less
(09:12):
.
What we're trying to get thereis to catch pornography right.
Or if they go to a neighbor'shouse and somebody takes down
their pants or whatever andshows them a private part, we're
trying to get them a red flagto go off on the kid's brain.
Oh, this is on my list.
I need to report this to mom ordad.
This keeps them safe whenthey're playing screens and
(09:32):
something may pop up, but italso keeps them safe when
they're going to summer playgroups or summer sleepovers, if
you're going to allow that.
So it's a great time.
We also have family packs wherethe language is more curved.
So we have one for teenagerswhere it actually says you're
going to report any pornographyto me.
You're going to report anyviolence to me.
It's a little bit more specific.
(09:55):
This summer is a great time toimplement to your kids.
These are the things I want youto tell me about.
They don't know what to tellyou.
Everything is snap, posted,shared.
They're so overexposed in thisworld that they live in.
They hear all kinds of newwords every day, and so we have
to steward that.
All that incoming knowledge iscoming into their brain.
(10:16):
We want to create thisreporting list.
These are the things that Iwant you to tell me.
If you see or hear any of thesethings, I want that red flag
alert to go off in your brain,to come home and tell mom or dad
so that's a great thing to doover the summer.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I think this is a great start and your information
is really helpful.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
All right.
Well, you've got this.
Keep on and remember.
I am all for guidelines,setting those guidelines when
they're younger, but always dothe conversations too.
And as they get older, you'vegot the conversations to carry
you as they're learning toself-regulate even more and make
technology decisions on theirown.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe
online.
To support our work, make adonation at nexttalkorg.
Next Talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose,
treat or otherwise render expertadvice regarding any type of
medical, psychological, legal,financial or other problem.
You are advised to consult aqualified expert for your
(11:15):
personal treatment plan.
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