December 9, 2025 • 32 mins
The hardest part of digital parenting isn’t picking the right app or filter—it’s building a home where conversation is constant and boundaries make sense. We walk through the simple guardrails that protected our kids and explain how relationship-first parenting can coexist with firm, clear rules that kids actually respect.
KEEPING KIDS SAFE ONLINE
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_01 (00:01):
Welcome to the Next Talk Podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech, culture, and
faith with our kids.
Today we're talking about theNext Talk core principle of
creating guidelines.
If you are familiar with what itmeans to be a Next Talk family,
(00:24):
we believe that relationship isgreater than rules.
And I honestly love that JoshMcDowell quote.
He says, rules withoutrelationship leads to rebellion.
Many of us grew up in strictChristian homes where there were
a lot of rules, but we didn'ttalk much.
(00:47):
We didn't have opencommunication and we didn't have
healthy dialogue.
I know in my case, that led to alot of rebellion in my teenage
years.
There were rules, there wasn't alot of open communication about
things of the world.
And so I just rebelled againstthose rules.
I didn't understand the whybehind them or what they were
(01:08):
for.
So I was a wreck in my teenageyears.
You know, God gives us a commandin Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7.
And you hear this verse all thetime at Next Talk.
But He tells us that we have totalk to our kids when we are on
the road, when we are at home,when we are getting up and we
are going to bed.
(01:30):
Four key times to create aculture of honest conversation
in our home.
The Lord is commanding us tocreate a culture in our homes of
open communication where we cantalk about anything, where we
foster that healthy dialoguebetween parent and child.
(01:50):
It is biblical and it is ourfirst line of defense in
protecting our kids, both onlineand off.
But we have to be careful.
We can't swing the pendulum sofar to the other side where
we're about fostering thisrelationship with our kids that
we almost get afraid to givethem any rules to follow.
(02:15):
Everyone needs boundaries andguidelines, including our kids.
What I have found is that whenyou have a healthy dialogue and
you've built the relationship ascommanded in Deuteronomy 6, 6
and 7, when you do implementrules and explain why you have
them, why they're in place, kidsactually respect it.
(02:38):
They adopt those rules.
They become an advocate forthemselves.
They actually don't even see itas a rule anymore, but actually
a boundary or a guardrail toprotect themselves.
So, yes, we focus a lot at NextTalk on how to build a
relationship with your child.
We believe that is the solution.
(02:59):
It is the key to keeping kidssafe in an overexposed digital
world.
A hundred percent.
But part of the next top 10, youhear me talk about this a lot.
These are 10 core practices onhow to create open communication
in your family.
Part of the next top 10, one ofthose principles is to create
(03:22):
guidelines because kids needboundaries.
Kids need rules.
Today on the show, I want togive you some practical
guidelines that I stumbled uponas I was trying to figure out
how to keep my kids safe onlinethrough all this decade-long of
experience of trying to figurethis out.
(03:43):
Some of these guidelines weredeveloped because of a Holy
Spirit moment.
For example, one time I waschanging in my bathroom, and my
young son stumbled in the room.
He had our family iPad.
Neither of my kids had phones atthe time.
He had a family iPad, though,that he would play educational
(04:06):
games on.
And he came stumbling in.
I was not dressed.
I was changing.
Old Mandy, you know, probablywould have just shooed him off
and said, Give me a minute, I'mtrying to get dressed.
New Mandy being on this journeyof trying to figure out like,
how do we keep our kids safeonline, right?
How do we keep our kids safe ina digital world?
(04:27):
When he stumbled in the bathroomwith that iPad and I was
undressed, you know where mymind went?
Nude photos.
I had started getting a lot ofcalls from other parents about
nude photos.
Like this was a new thing thatwe had never dealt with before.
And also, I worked withstudents.
I served as a camp counselor.
I volunteered at my church.
(04:48):
And so one time I was engagingwith a group of middle school
girls.
And this sweet little eighthgrade girl, we were talking
about screens and technology andphones and all of that kind of
stuff.
And this sweet girl, she said tome, Mrs.
Majors, I just want to be realwith you.
(05:08):
If you haven't been asked for anude photo by eighth grade, it
means you're kind of lame.
And you guys, when she saidthat, it caught me off guard.
And I realized, oh my gosh, thisis a whole new world that our
kids are growing up in.
Like our baby girls want to beasked for a nude photo because
(05:31):
it validates their beauty.
We have to understand theirworld a little bit better if
we're gonna parent it, right?
So that day when my son walkedin the bathroom with me changing
and he had the iPad and I wasundressed, he was six years old
at the time.
There is no way I could havetalked to him about nude photos.
I would have said too much toofast.
(05:53):
It would have been overexposure,not age appropriate.
But because of all the researchand the learning that I was
doing about kids and nudes, mymind went to that conversation
about nude photos.
And instead of shooing him offlike old Mandy would have done,
just to get dressed and give mea minute, new Mandy had a Holy
(06:16):
Spirit moment.
It was like the Lord was like,This is a teachable moment for
your son.
And so I put my robe on and Isaid to my son, hey Bubba, that
iPad, it takes pictures.
What if you accidentally wouldhave taken a picture of mommy
(06:36):
without clothes on?
Bubba, we never take pictures ofpeople without clothes on.
So from now on, we're just notgonna bring the iPad in the
bathroom.
There's no reason for it.
This is a new rule in our home.
We're not gonna have screens inour bathrooms.
And so that was the day thatbecame a guideline in my home.
(06:59):
What I loved that day about whatGod showed me was that I was
looking at all this stuffhappening in the digital world.
Nude photos and cyberbullyingand all the stuff was that that
was like the first wave of techdangers that we saw hit our
children in the in thegeneration that I was growing
(07:20):
raising my kids in when therewas nobody helping us navigate
it.
We it literally was anexperiment.
The thing that God showed me wasall of that stuff is scary.
It is really scary.
But He is gonna provide usmoments where we can plant
foundational seeds in our kids.
(07:42):
So that day I was planting aseed in my six-year-old son
about sharing nude photos.
But I didn't share any biggerscary stories.
What I don't want you to do,sometimes when I say talk to
your kids, people will hear, youknow, say to your six-year-old,
okay, in a couple years, peopleare going to be sharing dick
pics and don't do that.
You guys, that's not what I'msaying here, right?
(08:05):
Six is too young to say that.
But we can look for teachablemoments where we can plant seeds
and then create a boundaryaround what needs to happen to
protect our kids.
So from that day on, there wereno screens in our bathroom.
And I told him it was justbecause we just don't take
(08:27):
pictures of naked people, right?
Of anybody, of our privateparts.
They're private.
And so when we're in thebathroom, we're undressing,
we're taking a bath, we're goingto the bathroom, there's no need
for a screen.
I get so excited when I get DMsof you guys in our Instagram or
our Facebook social mediamessages, and there's like an
(08:48):
iPad waiting out in thebathroom, you know, outside of
the hallway because your kid isgoing to the bathroom and
they've shut the door andthey've left the iPad outside in
the hallway.
It's such a next talk kid,right?
Like that is key.
And I just love that.
We're creating a boundary andwe're teaching our kids that
(09:09):
it's wrong to take nude photoswithout being mean or judgmental
or anything like that.
I think a lot of the kids thatgot swept up in sharing nude
photos in the beginning, theyjust weren't taught boundaries.
They were taking phones inlocker rooms and bathrooms, and
it didn't even register in theirmind, like I'm changing, maybe I
shouldn't have a phone here.
(09:29):
So the lines were blurred.
It is on us to teach theseboundaries.
It is on us as parents to createthese rules to keep our kids
safe.
So that is one rule we've alwayshad: no phones in bathrooms.
The other thing we had was nophones in bedrooms.
We've had this since my kidswere six and nine, and I started
(09:50):
on this journey.
They are now 18 and 21.
One day I was presenting at achurch with a retired FBI
investigator.
I remember I told the parents inthe room, like, we don't do any
screens in bedrooms orbathrooms.
And when I say screens, I meanphones, I mean gaming systems, I
mean TVs, I mean computers, allof it.
Like we don't do it.
(10:11):
And he chimed in on thispresentation.
We were like co-presenting, andI didn't know him before this
day.
And he said, this is a reallygood guideline because most of
the kids who I see trafficked,the pictures are from a bedroom
or bathroom.
These are private spaces wherewe're doing private things,
sleeping, changing, taking ashower.
(10:34):
Why would we invite the worldinto those spaces for our kids?
And when your kids take any kindof device in there, that's what
we're doing.
Cameras, they can accidentallygo live.
It is an easy, practical way tokeep our kids safe.
The no bedroom guideline, when Iwas talking to my kids about it
and I said we're going toimplement this in our home, one
of the reasons that I told themwas just science.
(10:57):
And the American Academy ofPediatrics says turn off screens
30 minutes before you go to bed.
Like your brain needs to restfrom screens.
We always haven't complied withturning off screens 30 minutes
before bedtime, but we've alwayscomplied with no screens in the
bedroom.
Kids need sleep, they're notgoing to perform their best at
(11:17):
school the next day if theydon't have sleep.
I believe, you know, we'realways talking about banning
phones in schools, and I'm forit.
And we did a show on thatpreviously.
But I truly believe that onething every home in America
could do right now to makeschools better is if we took the
screens out of the rooms atnight.
(11:39):
Kids would actually get therecommended hours of sleep they
need, and there would be lessdisciplinary issues at school
the next day.
Kids would be more engaged, moreawake, more in learning and in
tune to what's going on.
But that's not that's not what'shappening.
Even banning phones in schools,we're seeing amazing positive
(12:01):
impacts with that, but we stillhave disciplinary issues.
We still have kids fallingasleep in class because they
have their phones at night.
When I implemented the noscreens in bedroom guideline in
our home, I used the science ofjust needing sleep, right?
In the back of my mind, though,I was also thinking about
(12:21):
pornography.
It's much more tempting.
And I had already helpedfamilies at that point from my
church where kids had screensand they found them like
underneath beds, watching porn.
You know, it's less likely thatyou're gonna look at that type
of material if you're not alonebehind a closed door in the
dark, especially in the middleof the night.
Your guard is just down becauseit's your your private space, a
(12:45):
bedroom or bathroom.
So that's been a guideline we'vehad in our home forever.
Recently, though, you guys knowthe story of Walker Montgomery.
And if you don't, if you're newhere, I'll link his story so you
can hear directly from his dad.
Walker, Walker's life was takenby an online predator who DM'd
him in the middle of the nightposing to be a cute girl.
(13:07):
And that cute girl undressed andmanipulated Walker into an
encounter, and then somebodyelse grabbed the phone and
demanded money.
So these sex, it's calledsextortion, these schemes.
Um, even the FBI has put out analert bulletin.
There has been an increase ofthem.
And so um Walker's dad has beenon our podcast many times to
(13:31):
share, to share the story and totalk about ways to keep kids
safe.
One of the things he said on amost recent podcast was I asked
him, like, with your other kids,do they have social media?
Like, what have you donedifferently?
And he was like, Yeah, they allhave social media, but the one
thing I've changed is there's nophones in the bedrooms.
(13:52):
And that really got me thinking.
And so I called him after werecorded that podcast and I
said, Hey, what if we teamed upand did a collaborative effort
and create a pledge for parentsto take that we're not gonna
allow screens in a child'sbedroom or bathroom?
And we can do this in honor ofWalker.
And he said yes, and he workedwith us on it.
(14:12):
It's called Walker's Promise.
I'm gonna link it here for you.
I would love for you to go signthis pledge and agree that you
will keep screens out of yourchild's bedroom or bathroom.
There are four key reasons forthat.
Of course, one is the onlinepredator situation, one is porn,
(14:35):
one is sleep, and the other isjust creating the boundary of
nude photos.
It's a private space.
We're teaching those boundaries.
If you go to our website andclick Walker's Promise, it is
all right there and you candigitally sign it.
I want everyone to hear me whenI say this.
I have been a mom for 21 years.
(14:56):
This rule of no screens in abedroom or bathroom for my
children has been the number onerule that I would say implement
in your home.
This has protected them from somuch.
As my kids have gotten older,you know, I don't tuck them in
bed anymore.
They come say goodnight andthey're still on their devices.
But you know, I will wake up inthe middle of the night, like
(15:17):
one or two o'clock.
I'll go in the kitchen to getsome water or something like
that because hello, menopause.
It's like hot sweats.
These are real.
It is real.
But anyway, I'll go in thekitchen and I just love seeing
my 18-year-old son's phone onthe kitchen counter.
It is like just standardoperating procedure that he puts
(15:39):
his phone up at night so that hecan get rest, so that he can
protect himself.
Like I said before, I fullyexplained the guideline when I
implemented it all these yearsago.
When Walker's story hadhappened, I talked to my kids
about that.
And I said, this is anotherreason we don't have phones in
our bedroom, right?
And so I'm reiterating this is aguideline.
I'm I'm not making this rule upjust to make your life
(16:02):
miserable.
This truly protects you andkeeps you safe.
So my kids have bought intothat.
Now, I do want to say this.
As your kids grow up, yourguidelines need to change.
So a lot of people ask me aboutWalker's Promise.
Well, what if my 14-year-old hasfriends over and they're making
(16:22):
funny videos and they want to doit from their room?
Is that okay?
Yes.
You can just say, hey, keep yourdoor open.
You know, you've got a phonewith you.
And then it comes up at night.
You, if your kid is complyingwith all of your guidelines that
are in place in your home, workwith them.
Like you don't, you be flexible.
(16:43):
Also, I remember with my oldestwhen she was 17, I remember
looking at my husband one dayand saying, uh-oh, she needs to
earn her phone in her bedroombefore she goes to college.
Because she's going to move outin six months.
I don't want her being in herdorm.
And for the first time in herlife, she's laying there with
(17:05):
her phone.
Because honestly, that may notbe good for her.
It is my job as a parent to helpher navigate and be prepared for
the world that she's gettingready to step into.
So with our 17-year-old oldestdaughter before she left for
college, we caught her doingsomething really amazing.
She confided in us, somethingthat happened with her friend
(17:26):
group that I wouldn't haveknown.
No app would have caught it, nomonitoring device would have
caught it, but it was something,you know, significant.
And I said, Hey, thanks so muchfor telling me.
You're so trustworthy.
So because you told me, youknow, you're gonna, you've
earned your phone at night inyour room.
And I want you to practicebecause for six months before
(17:47):
you go to college, I want you tounderstand what it's like to
have a phone right beside ofyou.
I want to make sure that youhave a healthy balance with
this.
So as you're teaching your kidsthese tech guidelines, make sure
they're age appropriate.
Now, I don't recommend anyscreens in a child's bedroom if
they're less than 17, okay?
(18:07):
And also, you don't give a childa phone or any other type of
screen in their bedroom at 17 ifthey're lying to you or if
they're not being honest withyou.
These are only for the kids thatare being trustworthy and
they've earned it, but you haveto get them ready and prepare
them for the world.
(18:28):
I say this to you becausesometimes we think the
guidelines that we have in ourhome at 11 are going to be the
same at 17.
They should not be.
They should evolve with yourkids' age.
We kind of call them aging out.
They'll age out of some of theseguidelines.
We have a whole show on that,which I will also link for you.
(18:50):
But this is also just a reminderto you if you have different
ages of kids, they should nothave the same screen freedom.
I had a pastor one time and heused a kite analogy.
And he basically used this withall rules, but it's really good
for screen guidelines.
He said, you know, as they getolder, you're letting that
(19:10):
string out.
And they're they're on theirown.
They're flying, they're out inthe world, right?
Just like I did with my daughterat 17 when she earned her phone
for her bedroom.
But then she made a mistake.
Uh-oh.
She wasn't ready.
So I had to reel this back in.
I had to teach, have theconversation, make sure she
(19:30):
learned that lesson.
I saw her taking responsibilityand dealing with it on her own.
She realized that it was, shewas up scrolling, and that's why
she missed that test.
She wasn't going to do thatagain.
And so once that trust and thatfreedom is restored, the line
goes out again.
And then they fly, right?
(19:50):
Because we are we have to beraising adults.
We can't be helicoptering our 18year olds.
By 18 years old, our kids shouldbe flying solo.
For the most part, on socialmedia and their phone.
That's why I want to I want youto be careful.
Like, I don't want you to giveyour kid a phone too early.
Of course not.
(20:10):
But I also don't want you tomiss your window to teach it.
It is an important skill.
And you can teach them healthyguidelines and boundaries around
this device so that it servesthem well for the rest of their
lives.
Okay, so that's just a couple oflike practical rules we had.
We had no screens in bathrooms.
(20:31):
We had no screens in bedrooms.
We also had no screens at meals.
No screens at meals.
And this was just standardoperating procedure in our home.
And it went for all of us,parents included.
We had no downloading of newapps without parent approval.
Now, this lasted probably tillmiddle school.
(20:54):
This is a guideline that theywill age out of and that they
will earn the privilege ofdownloading apps when you know
they are responsible.
But when they are little, if youhave a family iPad or your kid
just plays on your phone some,your kids should not be going to
the app store and downloadingwhatever.
It should be a conversationfirst.
Can I have this?
(21:14):
And we just have tointentionally teach these
guidelines to keep our kidssafe.
We also have a free resource foryou, a cell phone contract.
So when the kids do earn aphone, and I say earn, I'll link
a show that just signs on ifyour kid is ready for a phone.
When they do earn a phone, youneed to create a cell phone
(21:38):
contract.
This is one of the times that Ikind of sat down with my kids,
had it all written out, and itwas like they were signing a
mortgage.
And it was my expectations andrules for this phone, for this
device that they had earned, butit was a big responsibility.
You can also use this phoneguideline.
It's in a Word document.
(21:58):
Um, it's on our website underfree guides, but you could also
just edit it slightly to make ita media guideline.
So it, you know, it it's kind ofthe same rules that you would
have for a family iPad if yourkids don't have phones yet.
I do want to clarify one thing,you know, the kite example and
your guidelines evolving as yourkids get older.
(22:21):
I almost miss this.
And I just want to give you thisexample.
I had a list when my kids werelittle of like things that I
wanted them to report to me.
And we call them now um red flagreporting.
We've done a show on that, I'lllink that as well.
And when they were reallylittle, one of the general
things on there, if you everhear a new word and you don't
know what it means, you need tocome home and ask me.
(22:44):
Well, that would catch cusswords, right?
And so I was really proud of mykids.
They would come home when theyheard like the F-word for the
first time and they would say, Iheard this word today, what does
it mean?
And then I would not go crazyparent, and you know, we would
have a conversation about it.
As my kids got older, I had toswitch from that red flag
reporting to more of aconversational piece.
(23:06):
And what I mean by that iscussing, right?
When they were little, theywould come home and tell me
those words.
The F word, these words theywould hear on the playground.
Then they got into middleschool, and I remember what was
happening was they were hearingthe F-word all day long and they
knew what it meant because wehad already had the
conversation.
So they just weren't asking meanymore.
(23:28):
They weren't telling me.
And so one of the switches thatI made when they were older, I
recognized my kids are aging outof this red flag reporting,
right?
Those guidelines that I hadcreated, those reporting
guidelines.
And so what I needed to do wasswitch the conversation.
And so what I said to them was,hey, I know you're hearing the
F-word all day long now.
(23:49):
You know what it means.
You don't have to tell me everytime you hear that word.
But what I do want you to tellme is if you slip and say it or
you feel tempted to say it.
Because a lot of times that'swhat happens with our kids.
They'll hear something, we'lleducate them about it.
But then as they get older, theymay be tempted to go into that
sin, right?
(24:10):
It could be alcohol, it could bedrinking, it could be sex, it
could be watching porn, it couldbe whatever.
And so what we want to do iswhen they're younger, we're
educating them about what it is.
And as they get older, theconversation then shifts.
We don't want to just say, don'tlook at porn, don't drink
alcohol.
We want to say, hey, if you fallinto that peer pressure, I
(24:31):
understand you're curious,that's a conversation.
If you feel tempted, let's talkabout that and don't shame your
kid.
If your kid comes to you andsays, Hey, I was tempted to look
at pornography, I looked at it.
I mean, I know that feelshorrible, but that's actually
such a win that your kid toldyou, right?
It is so good.
(24:51):
And so I'm I'm covering this onthe create guidelines thing
because guidelines areimportant.
Rules are important.
But if you get so hung up onthem and you did not evolve with
your child and their age, it'sgoing to lead to that rebellion
piece that we talked about.
You have to understand that whenyour kids are little, you're the
(25:12):
authority in their life andyou're giving these them these
guidelines.
But as they get older, you aremoving into more of an advocate
phase.
Yes, you're still teaching.
Yes, you're still learning, butthey can get access to things
without you.
They can sneak now more.
And so you have to evolve withyour rules.
Don't get stuck there.
(25:33):
I almost missed this and Ialmost started pushing my kids
away in middle school because Ididn't let go of the rules a
little bit and evolve more intothe conversations on temptation
and sin, and I'm here for you ifyou're curious, kind of thing.
I don't want you to make thesame mistakes that I did.
Another guideline that we'vealways had in our home since day
(25:53):
one, you get no privacy on yourscreen.
I don't care if that's an Xbox,a phone, an iPad, whatever it
is, your phone, your screen,your tech, it's not a diary.
Anything you post, type, text,share on technology, I want you
(26:13):
to be okay with your pastor,your parent, or your principal
seeing that information, right?
It's not a diary.
Anything can be uncovered, evensnaps that supposedly disappear
with technology.
Random phone checks is somethingthat we always did.
And before, you know, they hadphones.
(26:35):
Of course, we would randomlycheck the iPad.
They weren't playing games thatwe didn't approve because we had
the no download guideline.
But as they got older and theyhad a phone, and then we they
aged out of the downloading ofthe new apps, we would say, no
privacy at all.
At any time, we can pick up yourdevice and check it.
(26:55):
Okay, random phone checks werebig in our home.
When they first earned a phone,lots of random phone checks.
And I would go in there andcheck text.
I would check, um, they didn'thave social media at first.
If you know us at Next Talk,it's a tiered approach.
We'd step by step.
So it's one social mediaplatform at a time.
But when they first earn phones,there's no social media.
(27:17):
And so when they finally didearn social media, I would also
go in and check the social mediaon their phone.
I would check um theiralgorithm.
It's a good gives you a goodclue of what is what they're
clicking on a lot of the videosthat are popping up.
And so random phone checks,that's just a guideline in our
(27:38):
home.
I do not believe kids haveprivacy on their phones.
Again, your kids are gonna ageout of this, right?
My kid is 18 now.
Like, I don't check his phone.
He's flying solo now.
If there were problems, if therewere red flags in his behavior,
or I was worried about him, Iwould check his phone, but he's
(27:59):
fine.
So I'm not gonna check hisphone.
He he has earned the right tosome privacy because we've never
had an issue with things.
And so you have to evolve againwith your child's age, is with
these rules.
You cannot parent an 18-year-oldlike you're parenting your
10-year-old.
(28:19):
That's not gonna fly.
It's gonna hurt the relationshipwith your kid.
And then we're gonna go back tothe beginning of this podcast
where relationship is greaterthan rules, but guidelines and
rules are important.
And it's our duty as a parent tomake sure that we put these
boundaries in place for ourkids.
I want to end with one moretalking point.
We've been discussing screenguidelines for kids, right?
(28:44):
No screens in bedrooms orbathrooms, no screens at meals,
no downloading of new apps whenthey first start out, no
privacy, get random phone checksall the time.
These are like some of our coreprincipal guidelines that we
want you to implement in yourhome to keep your kids safe in a
digital world, right?
But now I want to talk aboutguidelines for us as parents.
(29:10):
When I was implementing all ofthese years ago in my home, one
night I was in the kitchen and Iwas making dinner.
My kids were at our kitchenisland doing their homework.
And I had a lot going.
My phone was going off.
I was making dinner, you know,I'm trying to help with homework
and that kind of stuff.
And my son, he was very young atthe time, probably elementary
(29:30):
school, and he was asking mesomething about his homework.
I think it was like, how do youspell something, or or something
about his homework?
And you guys, I in the middle ofit, he was just asking me a
question about his homework.
I screamed in a horrible tone,Baba, will you give me a minute?
(29:54):
And you guys, I will neverforget the look on his face.
And I felt like the mosthorrible mother because he was
just asking a question about hishomework, but I was so
overwhelmed because I was on myphone, I was trying to do all
this stuff, and I was not fullypresent.
(30:15):
I saw his face and I teared up,and I remember just thinking, I
was embarrassed.
Like I was embarrassed formyself.
I remember grabbing the dogleashes and taking the dogs on a
walk because I just needed toprocess what just happened, and
I was crying and I wasembarrassed and shameful that I
(30:36):
thought my phone came before mykids.
Like, what is happening here?
So then I got back in, put thedogs up, took them off their
leashes, I marched back in to mykitchen.
I looked at my son, I apologizedto him, told him how sorry I
was.
And I said, from now on, whenI'm helping you with your
(30:58):
homework, I will not have myphone out.
That is my promise to you.
I am so sorry.
And honestly, we even took thisone step farther once I talked
to my husband about whathappened and how embarrassed I
was, and how, you know, I wasshort with my kid because I was
on my phone.
We even made a rule that, likefor a couple hours every night,
(31:21):
I think it was like five toseven or six to eight, it would
vary depending on ouractivities, but we would have no
phones or no screens present inour home.
And that would allow us to dodinner, that would allow us to
do homework, get situated forthe next day.
And it was just really beingintentional about that hour or
two that we have with our kidsafter school and with our
(31:44):
families every night.
And so I end this show with thatstory because a lot of times
when we're thinking aboutcreating guidelines, we do go to
the rules that we need to createto keep our kids safe.
And we 100% do.
It is our job as a parent.
But I think we need to createrules for ourselves to protect
(32:06):
this precious time that we havewith our kids.
You know, at the age of my kidsnow, looking back, I wasted so
much time when I could have beenplaying with them, being
intentional.
Like, I'll never get asked againby my children to come play
Legos.
How many times did I say nobecause I was on my phone?
(32:27):
Don't have regrets like I do.
Manage these screens, createguidelines for yourself and your
children.
SPEAKER_00 (32:35):
Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe
online.
To support our work, make adonation at next talk.org.
Next talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose,
treat, or otherwise renderexpert advice regarding any type
of medical, psychological,legal, financial, or other
problem.
You are advised to consult aqualified expert for your
(32:56):
personal treatment plan.
Welcome to the Next Talk Podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech, culture, and
faith with our kids.
Today we're talking about theNext Talk core principle of
creating guidelines.
If you are familiar with what itmeans to be a Next Talk family,
(00:24):
we believe that relationship isgreater than rules.
And I honestly love that JoshMcDowell quote.
He says, rules withoutrelationship leads to rebellion.
Many of us grew up in strictChristian homes where there were
a lot of rules, but we didn'ttalk much.
(00:47):
We didn't have opencommunication and we didn't have
healthy dialogue.
I know in my case, that led to alot of rebellion in my teenage
years.
There were rules, there wasn't alot of open communication about
things of the world.
And so I just rebelled againstthose rules.
I didn't understand the whybehind them or what they were
(01:08):
for.
So I was a wreck in my teenageyears.
You know, God gives us a commandin Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7.
And you hear this verse all thetime at Next Talk.
But He tells us that we have totalk to our kids when we are on
the road, when we are at home,when we are getting up and we
are going to bed.
(01:30):
Four key times to create aculture of honest conversation
in our home.
The Lord is commanding us tocreate a culture in our homes of
open communication where we cantalk about anything, where we
foster that healthy dialoguebetween parent and child.
(01:50):
It is biblical and it is ourfirst line of defense in
protecting our kids, both onlineand off.
But we have to be careful.
We can't swing the pendulum sofar to the other side where
we're about fostering thisrelationship with our kids that
we almost get afraid to givethem any rules to follow.
(02:15):
Everyone needs boundaries andguidelines, including our kids.
What I have found is that whenyou have a healthy dialogue and
you've built the relationship ascommanded in Deuteronomy 6, 6
and 7, when you do implementrules and explain why you have
them, why they're in place, kidsactually respect it.
(02:38):
They adopt those rules.
They become an advocate forthemselves.
They actually don't even see itas a rule anymore, but actually
a boundary or a guardrail toprotect themselves.
So, yes, we focus a lot at NextTalk on how to build a
relationship with your child.
We believe that is the solution.
(02:59):
It is the key to keeping kidssafe in an overexposed digital
world.
A hundred percent.
But part of the next top 10, youhear me talk about this a lot.
These are 10 core practices onhow to create open communication
in your family.
Part of the next top 10, one ofthose principles is to create
(03:22):
guidelines because kids needboundaries.
Kids need rules.
Today on the show, I want togive you some practical
guidelines that I stumbled uponas I was trying to figure out
how to keep my kids safe onlinethrough all this decade-long of
experience of trying to figurethis out.
(03:43):
Some of these guidelines weredeveloped because of a Holy
Spirit moment.
For example, one time I waschanging in my bathroom, and my
young son stumbled in the room.
He had our family iPad.
Neither of my kids had phones atthe time.
He had a family iPad, though,that he would play educational
(04:06):
games on.
And he came stumbling in.
I was not dressed.
I was changing.
Old Mandy, you know, probablywould have just shooed him off
and said, Give me a minute, I'mtrying to get dressed.
New Mandy being on this journeyof trying to figure out like,
how do we keep our kids safeonline, right?
How do we keep our kids safe ina digital world?
(04:27):
When he stumbled in the bathroomwith that iPad and I was
undressed, you know where mymind went?
Nude photos.
I had started getting a lot ofcalls from other parents about
nude photos.
Like this was a new thing thatwe had never dealt with before.
And also, I worked withstudents.
I served as a camp counselor.
I volunteered at my church.
(04:48):
And so one time I was engagingwith a group of middle school
girls.
And this sweet little eighthgrade girl, we were talking
about screens and technology andphones and all of that kind of
stuff.
And this sweet girl, she said tome, Mrs.
Majors, I just want to be realwith you.
(05:08):
If you haven't been asked for anude photo by eighth grade, it
means you're kind of lame.
And you guys, when she saidthat, it caught me off guard.
And I realized, oh my gosh, thisis a whole new world that our
kids are growing up in.
Like our baby girls want to beasked for a nude photo because
(05:31):
it validates their beauty.
We have to understand theirworld a little bit better if
we're gonna parent it, right?
So that day when my son walkedin the bathroom with me changing
and he had the iPad and I wasundressed, he was six years old
at the time.
There is no way I could havetalked to him about nude photos.
I would have said too much toofast.
(05:53):
It would have been overexposure,not age appropriate.
But because of all the researchand the learning that I was
doing about kids and nudes, mymind went to that conversation
about nude photos.
And instead of shooing him offlike old Mandy would have done,
just to get dressed and give mea minute, new Mandy had a Holy
(06:16):
Spirit moment.
It was like the Lord was like,This is a teachable moment for
your son.
And so I put my robe on and Isaid to my son, hey Bubba, that
iPad, it takes pictures.
What if you accidentally wouldhave taken a picture of mommy
(06:36):
without clothes on?
Bubba, we never take pictures ofpeople without clothes on.
So from now on, we're just notgonna bring the iPad in the
bathroom.
There's no reason for it.
This is a new rule in our home.
We're not gonna have screens inour bathrooms.
And so that was the day thatbecame a guideline in my home.
(06:59):
What I loved that day about whatGod showed me was that I was
looking at all this stuffhappening in the digital world.
Nude photos and cyberbullyingand all the stuff was that that
was like the first wave of techdangers that we saw hit our
children in the in thegeneration that I was growing
(07:20):
raising my kids in when therewas nobody helping us navigate
it.
We it literally was anexperiment.
The thing that God showed me wasall of that stuff is scary.
It is really scary.
But He is gonna provide usmoments where we can plant
foundational seeds in our kids.
(07:42):
So that day I was planting aseed in my six-year-old son
about sharing nude photos.
But I didn't share any biggerscary stories.
What I don't want you to do,sometimes when I say talk to
your kids, people will hear, youknow, say to your six-year-old,
okay, in a couple years, peopleare going to be sharing dick
pics and don't do that.
You guys, that's not what I'msaying here, right?
(08:05):
Six is too young to say that.
But we can look for teachablemoments where we can plant seeds
and then create a boundaryaround what needs to happen to
protect our kids.
So from that day on, there wereno screens in our bathroom.
And I told him it was justbecause we just don't take
(08:27):
pictures of naked people, right?
Of anybody, of our privateparts.
They're private.
And so when we're in thebathroom, we're undressing,
we're taking a bath, we're goingto the bathroom, there's no need
for a screen.
I get so excited when I get DMsof you guys in our Instagram or
our Facebook social mediamessages, and there's like an
(08:48):
iPad waiting out in thebathroom, you know, outside of
the hallway because your kid isgoing to the bathroom and
they've shut the door andthey've left the iPad outside in
the hallway.
It's such a next talk kid,right?
Like that is key.
And I just love that.
We're creating a boundary andwe're teaching our kids that
(09:09):
it's wrong to take nude photoswithout being mean or judgmental
or anything like that.
I think a lot of the kids thatgot swept up in sharing nude
photos in the beginning, theyjust weren't taught boundaries.
They were taking phones inlocker rooms and bathrooms, and
it didn't even register in theirmind, like I'm changing, maybe I
shouldn't have a phone here.
(09:29):
So the lines were blurred.
It is on us to teach theseboundaries.
It is on us as parents to createthese rules to keep our kids
safe.
So that is one rule we've alwayshad: no phones in bathrooms.
The other thing we had was nophones in bedrooms.
We've had this since my kidswere six and nine, and I started
(09:50):
on this journey.
They are now 18 and 21.
One day I was presenting at achurch with a retired FBI
investigator.
I remember I told the parents inthe room, like, we don't do any
screens in bedrooms orbathrooms.
And when I say screens, I meanphones, I mean gaming systems, I
mean TVs, I mean computers, allof it.
Like we don't do it.
(10:11):
And he chimed in on thispresentation.
We were like co-presenting, andI didn't know him before this
day.
And he said, this is a reallygood guideline because most of
the kids who I see trafficked,the pictures are from a bedroom
or bathroom.
These are private spaces wherewe're doing private things,
sleeping, changing, taking ashower.
(10:34):
Why would we invite the worldinto those spaces for our kids?
And when your kids take any kindof device in there, that's what
we're doing.
Cameras, they can accidentallygo live.
It is an easy, practical way tokeep our kids safe.
The no bedroom guideline, when Iwas talking to my kids about it
and I said we're going toimplement this in our home, one
of the reasons that I told themwas just science.
(10:57):
And the American Academy ofPediatrics says turn off screens
30 minutes before you go to bed.
Like your brain needs to restfrom screens.
We always haven't complied withturning off screens 30 minutes
before bedtime, but we've alwayscomplied with no screens in the
bedroom.
Kids need sleep, they're notgoing to perform their best at
(11:17):
school the next day if theydon't have sleep.
I believe, you know, we'realways talking about banning
phones in schools, and I'm forit.
And we did a show on thatpreviously.
But I truly believe that onething every home in America
could do right now to makeschools better is if we took the
screens out of the rooms atnight.
(11:39):
Kids would actually get therecommended hours of sleep they
need, and there would be lessdisciplinary issues at school
the next day.
Kids would be more engaged, moreawake, more in learning and in
tune to what's going on.
But that's not that's not what'shappening.
Even banning phones in schools,we're seeing amazing positive
(12:01):
impacts with that, but we stillhave disciplinary issues.
We still have kids fallingasleep in class because they
have their phones at night.
When I implemented the noscreens in bedroom guideline in
our home, I used the science ofjust needing sleep, right?
In the back of my mind, though,I was also thinking about
(12:21):
pornography.
It's much more tempting.
And I had already helpedfamilies at that point from my
church where kids had screensand they found them like
underneath beds, watching porn.
You know, it's less likely thatyou're gonna look at that type
of material if you're not alonebehind a closed door in the
dark, especially in the middleof the night.
Your guard is just down becauseit's your your private space, a
(12:45):
bedroom or bathroom.
So that's been a guideline we'vehad in our home forever.
Recently, though, you guys knowthe story of Walker Montgomery.
And if you don't, if you're newhere, I'll link his story so you
can hear directly from his dad.
Walker, Walker's life was takenby an online predator who DM'd
him in the middle of the nightposing to be a cute girl.
(13:07):
And that cute girl undressed andmanipulated Walker into an
encounter, and then somebodyelse grabbed the phone and
demanded money.
So these sex, it's calledsextortion, these schemes.
Um, even the FBI has put out analert bulletin.
There has been an increase ofthem.
And so um Walker's dad has beenon our podcast many times to
(13:31):
share, to share the story and totalk about ways to keep kids
safe.
One of the things he said on amost recent podcast was I asked
him, like, with your other kids,do they have social media?
Like, what have you donedifferently?
And he was like, Yeah, they allhave social media, but the one
thing I've changed is there's nophones in the bedrooms.
(13:52):
And that really got me thinking.
And so I called him after werecorded that podcast and I
said, Hey, what if we teamed upand did a collaborative effort
and create a pledge for parentsto take that we're not gonna
allow screens in a child'sbedroom or bathroom?
And we can do this in honor ofWalker.
And he said yes, and he workedwith us on it.
(14:12):
It's called Walker's Promise.
I'm gonna link it here for you.
I would love for you to go signthis pledge and agree that you
will keep screens out of yourchild's bedroom or bathroom.
There are four key reasons forthat.
Of course, one is the onlinepredator situation, one is porn,
(14:35):
one is sleep, and the other isjust creating the boundary of
nude photos.
It's a private space.
We're teaching those boundaries.
If you go to our website andclick Walker's Promise, it is
all right there and you candigitally sign it.
I want everyone to hear me whenI say this.
I have been a mom for 21 years.
(14:56):
This rule of no screens in abedroom or bathroom for my
children has been the number onerule that I would say implement
in your home.
This has protected them from somuch.
As my kids have gotten older,you know, I don't tuck them in
bed anymore.
They come say goodnight andthey're still on their devices.
But you know, I will wake up inthe middle of the night, like
(15:17):
one or two o'clock.
I'll go in the kitchen to getsome water or something like
that because hello, menopause.
It's like hot sweats.
These are real.
It is real.
But anyway, I'll go in thekitchen and I just love seeing
my 18-year-old son's phone onthe kitchen counter.
It is like just standardoperating procedure that he puts
(15:39):
his phone up at night so that hecan get rest, so that he can
protect himself.
Like I said before, I fullyexplained the guideline when I
implemented it all these yearsago.
When Walker's story hadhappened, I talked to my kids
about that.
And I said, this is anotherreason we don't have phones in
our bedroom, right?
And so I'm reiterating this is aguideline.
I'm I'm not making this rule upjust to make your life
(16:02):
miserable.
This truly protects you andkeeps you safe.
So my kids have bought intothat.
Now, I do want to say this.
As your kids grow up, yourguidelines need to change.
So a lot of people ask me aboutWalker's Promise.
Well, what if my 14-year-old hasfriends over and they're making
(16:22):
funny videos and they want to doit from their room?
Is that okay?
Yes.
You can just say, hey, keep yourdoor open.
You know, you've got a phonewith you.
And then it comes up at night.
You, if your kid is complyingwith all of your guidelines that
are in place in your home, workwith them.
Like you don't, you be flexible.
(16:43):
Also, I remember with my oldestwhen she was 17, I remember
looking at my husband one dayand saying, uh-oh, she needs to
earn her phone in her bedroombefore she goes to college.
Because she's going to move outin six months.
I don't want her being in herdorm.
And for the first time in herlife, she's laying there with
(17:05):
her phone.
Because honestly, that may notbe good for her.
It is my job as a parent to helpher navigate and be prepared for
the world that she's gettingready to step into.
So with our 17-year-old oldestdaughter before she left for
college, we caught her doingsomething really amazing.
She confided in us, somethingthat happened with her friend
(17:26):
group that I wouldn't haveknown.
No app would have caught it, nomonitoring device would have
caught it, but it was something,you know, significant.
And I said, Hey, thanks so muchfor telling me.
You're so trustworthy.
So because you told me, youknow, you're gonna, you've
earned your phone at night inyour room.
And I want you to practicebecause for six months before
(17:47):
you go to college, I want you tounderstand what it's like to
have a phone right beside ofyou.
I want to make sure that youhave a healthy balance with
this.
So as you're teaching your kidsthese tech guidelines, make sure
they're age appropriate.
Now, I don't recommend anyscreens in a child's bedroom if
they're less than 17, okay?
(18:07):
And also, you don't give a childa phone or any other type of
screen in their bedroom at 17 ifthey're lying to you or if
they're not being honest withyou.
These are only for the kids thatare being trustworthy and
they've earned it, but you haveto get them ready and prepare
them for the world.
(18:28):
I say this to you becausesometimes we think the
guidelines that we have in ourhome at 11 are going to be the
same at 17.
They should not be.
They should evolve with yourkids' age.
We kind of call them aging out.
They'll age out of some of theseguidelines.
We have a whole show on that,which I will also link for you.
(18:50):
But this is also just a reminderto you if you have different
ages of kids, they should nothave the same screen freedom.
I had a pastor one time and heused a kite analogy.
And he basically used this withall rules, but it's really good
for screen guidelines.
He said, you know, as they getolder, you're letting that
(19:10):
string out.
And they're they're on theirown.
They're flying, they're out inthe world, right?
Just like I did with my daughterat 17 when she earned her phone
for her bedroom.
But then she made a mistake.
Uh-oh.
She wasn't ready.
So I had to reel this back in.
I had to teach, have theconversation, make sure she
(19:30):
learned that lesson.
I saw her taking responsibilityand dealing with it on her own.
She realized that it was, shewas up scrolling, and that's why
she missed that test.
She wasn't going to do thatagain.
And so once that trust and thatfreedom is restored, the line
goes out again.
And then they fly, right?
(19:50):
Because we are we have to beraising adults.
We can't be helicoptering our 18year olds.
By 18 years old, our kids shouldbe flying solo.
For the most part, on socialmedia and their phone.
That's why I want to I want youto be careful.
Like, I don't want you to giveyour kid a phone too early.
Of course not.
(20:10):
But I also don't want you tomiss your window to teach it.
It is an important skill.
And you can teach them healthyguidelines and boundaries around
this device so that it servesthem well for the rest of their
lives.
Okay, so that's just a couple oflike practical rules we had.
We had no screens in bathrooms.
(20:31):
We had no screens in bedrooms.
We also had no screens at meals.
No screens at meals.
And this was just standardoperating procedure in our home.
And it went for all of us,parents included.
We had no downloading of newapps without parent approval.
Now, this lasted probably tillmiddle school.
(20:54):
This is a guideline that theywill age out of and that they
will earn the privilege ofdownloading apps when you know
they are responsible.
But when they are little, if youhave a family iPad or your kid
just plays on your phone some,your kids should not be going to
the app store and downloadingwhatever.
It should be a conversationfirst.
Can I have this?
(21:14):
And we just have tointentionally teach these
guidelines to keep our kidssafe.
We also have a free resource foryou, a cell phone contract.
So when the kids do earn aphone, and I say earn, I'll link
a show that just signs on ifyour kid is ready for a phone.
When they do earn a phone, youneed to create a cell phone
(21:38):
contract.
This is one of the times that Ikind of sat down with my kids,
had it all written out, and itwas like they were signing a
mortgage.
And it was my expectations andrules for this phone, for this
device that they had earned, butit was a big responsibility.
You can also use this phoneguideline.
It's in a Word document.
(21:58):
Um, it's on our website underfree guides, but you could also
just edit it slightly to make ita media guideline.
So it, you know, it it's kind ofthe same rules that you would
have for a family iPad if yourkids don't have phones yet.
I do want to clarify one thing,you know, the kite example and
your guidelines evolving as yourkids get older.
(22:21):
I almost miss this.
And I just want to give you thisexample.
I had a list when my kids werelittle of like things that I
wanted them to report to me.
And we call them now um red flagreporting.
We've done a show on that, I'lllink that as well.
And when they were reallylittle, one of the general
things on there, if you everhear a new word and you don't
know what it means, you need tocome home and ask me.
(22:44):
Well, that would catch cusswords, right?
And so I was really proud of mykids.
They would come home when theyheard like the F-word for the
first time and they would say, Iheard this word today, what does
it mean?
And then I would not go crazyparent, and you know, we would
have a conversation about it.
As my kids got older, I had toswitch from that red flag
reporting to more of aconversational piece.
(23:06):
And what I mean by that iscussing, right?
When they were little, theywould come home and tell me
those words.
The F word, these words theywould hear on the playground.
Then they got into middleschool, and I remember what was
happening was they were hearingthe F-word all day long and they
knew what it meant because wehad already had the
conversation.
So they just weren't asking meanymore.
(23:28):
They weren't telling me.
And so one of the switches thatI made when they were older, I
recognized my kids are aging outof this red flag reporting,
right?
Those guidelines that I hadcreated, those reporting
guidelines.
And so what I needed to do wasswitch the conversation.
And so what I said to them was,hey, I know you're hearing the
F-word all day long now.
(23:49):
You know what it means.
You don't have to tell me everytime you hear that word.
But what I do want you to tellme is if you slip and say it or
you feel tempted to say it.
Because a lot of times that'swhat happens with our kids.
They'll hear something, we'lleducate them about it.
But then as they get older, theymay be tempted to go into that
sin, right?
(24:10):
It could be alcohol, it could bedrinking, it could be sex, it
could be watching porn, it couldbe whatever.
And so what we want to do iswhen they're younger, we're
educating them about what it is.
And as they get older, theconversation then shifts.
We don't want to just say, don'tlook at porn, don't drink
alcohol.
We want to say, hey, if you fallinto that peer pressure, I
(24:31):
understand you're curious,that's a conversation.
If you feel tempted, let's talkabout that and don't shame your
kid.
If your kid comes to you andsays, Hey, I was tempted to look
at pornography, I looked at it.
I mean, I know that feelshorrible, but that's actually
such a win that your kid toldyou, right?
It is so good.
(24:51):
And so I'm I'm covering this onthe create guidelines thing
because guidelines areimportant.
Rules are important.
But if you get so hung up onthem and you did not evolve with
your child and their age, it'sgoing to lead to that rebellion
piece that we talked about.
You have to understand that whenyour kids are little, you're the
(25:12):
authority in their life andyou're giving these them these
guidelines.
But as they get older, you aremoving into more of an advocate
phase.
Yes, you're still teaching.
Yes, you're still learning, butthey can get access to things
without you.
They can sneak now more.
And so you have to evolve withyour rules.
Don't get stuck there.
(25:33):
I almost missed this and Ialmost started pushing my kids
away in middle school because Ididn't let go of the rules a
little bit and evolve more intothe conversations on temptation
and sin, and I'm here for you ifyou're curious, kind of thing.
I don't want you to make thesame mistakes that I did.
Another guideline that we'vealways had in our home since day
(25:53):
one, you get no privacy on yourscreen.
I don't care if that's an Xbox,a phone, an iPad, whatever it
is, your phone, your screen,your tech, it's not a diary.
Anything you post, type, text,share on technology, I want you
(26:13):
to be okay with your pastor,your parent, or your principal
seeing that information, right?
It's not a diary.
Anything can be uncovered, evensnaps that supposedly disappear
with technology.
Random phone checks is somethingthat we always did.
And before, you know, they hadphones.
(26:35):
Of course, we would randomlycheck the iPad.
They weren't playing games thatwe didn't approve because we had
the no download guideline.
But as they got older and theyhad a phone, and then we they
aged out of the downloading ofthe new apps, we would say, no
privacy at all.
At any time, we can pick up yourdevice and check it.
(26:55):
Okay, random phone checks werebig in our home.
When they first earned a phone,lots of random phone checks.
And I would go in there andcheck text.
I would check, um, they didn'thave social media at first.
If you know us at Next Talk,it's a tiered approach.
We'd step by step.
So it's one social mediaplatform at a time.
But when they first earn phones,there's no social media.
(27:17):
And so when they finally didearn social media, I would also
go in and check the social mediaon their phone.
I would check um theiralgorithm.
It's a good gives you a goodclue of what is what they're
clicking on a lot of the videosthat are popping up.
And so random phone checks,that's just a guideline in our
(27:38):
home.
I do not believe kids haveprivacy on their phones.
Again, your kids are gonna ageout of this, right?
My kid is 18 now.
Like, I don't check his phone.
He's flying solo now.
If there were problems, if therewere red flags in his behavior,
or I was worried about him, Iwould check his phone, but he's
(27:59):
fine.
So I'm not gonna check hisphone.
He he has earned the right tosome privacy because we've never
had an issue with things.
And so you have to evolve againwith your child's age, is with
these rules.
You cannot parent an 18-year-oldlike you're parenting your
10-year-old.
(28:19):
That's not gonna fly.
It's gonna hurt the relationshipwith your kid.
And then we're gonna go back tothe beginning of this podcast
where relationship is greaterthan rules, but guidelines and
rules are important.
And it's our duty as a parent tomake sure that we put these
boundaries in place for ourkids.
I want to end with one moretalking point.
We've been discussing screenguidelines for kids, right?
(28:44):
No screens in bedrooms orbathrooms, no screens at meals,
no downloading of new apps whenthey first start out, no
privacy, get random phone checksall the time.
These are like some of our coreprincipal guidelines that we
want you to implement in yourhome to keep your kids safe in a
digital world, right?
But now I want to talk aboutguidelines for us as parents.
(29:10):
When I was implementing all ofthese years ago in my home, one
night I was in the kitchen and Iwas making dinner.
My kids were at our kitchenisland doing their homework.
And I had a lot going.
My phone was going off.
I was making dinner, you know,I'm trying to help with homework
and that kind of stuff.
And my son, he was very young atthe time, probably elementary
(29:30):
school, and he was asking mesomething about his homework.
I think it was like, how do youspell something, or or something
about his homework?
And you guys, I in the middle ofit, he was just asking me a
question about his homework.
I screamed in a horrible tone,Baba, will you give me a minute?
(29:54):
And you guys, I will neverforget the look on his face.
And I felt like the mosthorrible mother because he was
just asking a question about hishomework, but I was so
overwhelmed because I was on myphone, I was trying to do all
this stuff, and I was not fullypresent.
(30:15):
I saw his face and I teared up,and I remember just thinking, I
was embarrassed.
Like I was embarrassed formyself.
I remember grabbing the dogleashes and taking the dogs on a
walk because I just needed toprocess what just happened, and
I was crying and I wasembarrassed and shameful that I
(30:36):
thought my phone came before mykids.
Like, what is happening here?
So then I got back in, put thedogs up, took them off their
leashes, I marched back in to mykitchen.
I looked at my son, I apologizedto him, told him how sorry I
was.
And I said, from now on, whenI'm helping you with your
(30:58):
homework, I will not have myphone out.
That is my promise to you.
I am so sorry.
And honestly, we even took thisone step farther once I talked
to my husband about whathappened and how embarrassed I
was, and how, you know, I wasshort with my kid because I was
on my phone.
We even made a rule that, likefor a couple hours every night,
(31:21):
I think it was like five toseven or six to eight, it would
vary depending on ouractivities, but we would have no
phones or no screens present inour home.
And that would allow us to dodinner, that would allow us to
do homework, get situated forthe next day.
And it was just really beingintentional about that hour or
two that we have with our kidsafter school and with our
(31:44):
families every night.
And so I end this show with thatstory because a lot of times
when we're thinking aboutcreating guidelines, we do go to
the rules that we need to createto keep our kids safe.
And we 100% do.
It is our job as a parent.
But I think we need to createrules for ourselves to protect
(32:06):
this precious time that we havewith our kids.
You know, at the age of my kidsnow, looking back, I wasted so
much time when I could have beenplaying with them, being
intentional.
Like, I'll never get asked againby my children to come play
Legos.
How many times did I say nobecause I was on my phone?
(32:27):
Don't have regrets like I do.
Manage these screens, createguidelines for yourself and your
children.
SPEAKER_00 (32:35):
Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe
online.
To support our work, make adonation at next talk.org.
Next talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose,
treat, or otherwise renderexpert advice regarding any type
of medical, psychological,legal, financial, or other
problem.
You are advised to consult aqualified expert for your
(32:56):
personal treatment plan.
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