November 4, 2024 • 33 mins
Whether you are overwhelmed and stressed from the daily demands of being a parent or if you are walking through a crisis, Pastor Emmitt shares practical and hopeful advice to remind you that … you are not alone.
KEEPING KIDS SAFE ONLINE
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Next Talk podcast.
We are passionate about keepingkids safe in an overexposed
world.
We are back today with PastorRobert Emmett.
He is the founder of CommunityBible Church in San Antonio.
Him and his wife Julie foundedand led that church for what 25
years, robert?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Yeah, 25 officially.
Then I stuck around until 27.
Started in 90, and then Iofficially handed the keys to Ed
in 2016.
So, whatever that is, and thenI left in 2018 to somewhere in
there 25 and beyond.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
It's so wild, too, that you've been retired since
2016.
That doesn't even seem possibleto me.
I feel like it was yesterday.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
It does to me.
I just got a notice today it'sEd's 49th birthday and he came
on staff when he was 40.
So wow, nine years that's flownby.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
God has used both of you infounding and shaping and
evolving Community Bible Church.
It's just been cool to see whatGod has done with all of that.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I was just there in August and preached all of His
services and then they juststarted the Wednesday night and
it was so exciting All theservices, different
personalities, people, strangersto me, but I was a stranger to
them and by the time theservices were over, I mean it's
all centered around Jesus andit's church is doing great,
we're doing great, so praise theLord for a successful
(01:32):
transition.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Amen, amen.
It doesn't happen all the time,and so the Lord is in it.
I want to talk today aboutstruggling in a hard season of
life.
Struggling in a hard season oflife and you know that you could
.
I guess families could be in acrisis mode for sure, a major
crisis mode, but I think, a lotof times too, just young
families, it's hard all the time, like it's.
(01:56):
There's so much going on, somany demands on us as parents,
and now you add in you knowwe're monitoring phones and
monitoring iPads and all thestuff they're being exposed to
online.
It's just, it's so overwhelmingas a parent, and you're so good
about speaking into this, andso I just want to kind of give
you like parents are tired,they're overwhelmed, they're
(02:19):
completely stressed out.
What do you have for us?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Julie and I were talking about this the other day
and I said what's your speechagain?
And she said zero to 20 are thedevelopment years, where you're
growing up and getting educated.
She said 20 to about 45, that'sbabies in business years and
those are the longest 25 yearsbecause you're trying to buy
(02:44):
houses and cars and insuranceand neighborhoods and schools
and kids are soccer and all ofthat.
It's a long haul for 25 years.
And then 45 to about 70, shecalls those the hospitality
years.
That's when your kids arepretty much grown and gone,
you've got a little morediscretionary time and income
and that's when you canvolunteer, give back to the
(03:04):
community.
And then 70 and beyond is thegolden years, which is kind of
where we're headed.
But it is a fact of life.
I spoke at a group not long agoPsalms 90.
It's the only Psalm that Moseswrote and he says in it he said
it is appointed unto man threescore and 10 to live, which is
70 years, and he says maybe 80if we're blessed.
(03:26):
But he said all those years arefilled with challenges and
difficulties and soon we die andlife passes on.
But when you read it sometimesyou go man.
Moses is kind of a downer.
He has some great years inthere.
I think what he's saying isthat life is just that's part of
the routine of life and whenyou have one child it gets
(03:46):
complicated.
Two children a little more,three a little more, and then,
like my grandkids on the EastCoast, they got four grands and
I was just there for a few daysbecause Mandy, my grandkids,
they're turning 17 this month.
I mean it's like gosh, when didthis happen?
There is no way.
And so we've just made it apoint this year to fly to see
(04:09):
volleyball tournaments, footballgames and make sure we at least
one time we're there to seethem.
But you know, you got to getthe routines in the schedule.
You got to realize, hey, thisis the 20 to 45 year challenge
and you know you'll grindthrough them.
And then all of a sudden youlook at the calendar and your
(04:29):
children are applying forcollege and you know you're
setting up graduation partiesand all that.
You go, and so you know andeverybody says, oh, enjoy these
years, they fly by quick.
We all were told that.
Well, we all.
Kind of easy for you to say,and then suddenly they do.
So I guess my thing with parents.
You realize that that's part ofthe job.
I mean, life is work.
(04:51):
I mean it's what we're put onthe earth to do.
And when you have kids, youknow your best thing you can do
is routine.
I think I preached, I mighthave mentioned it last time.
You know Luke, chapter 2, maryand Joseph took Jesus and all
the kids which must have been atleast seven, you know to
Jerusalem.
But it was as they did everyyear, as was their custom.
(05:12):
I mean, it was just theroutines of life and that's what
God gives us.
Four seasons, you know, newmoons, all this stuff.
It's a season, you roll throughit, and when you're raising
kids, I mean there's thepreschool season, the early
elementary years, the middleschool years, the high school
years, and that's life.
That's what we're here to do.
But you just schedule it outand you figure out.
(05:33):
You know, we used to alwaystake Sunday nights and just say,
all right, let's get ourcalendars, who's doing what,
who's going where, games,practices, all that stuff and
you plan out your week.
And then when are we going outto eat?
When are we going to have somefun?
Schedule your life.
If you'll do that, you know theroutines of life.
It helps an awful lot of thepeople We've had friends you
have too that they seem to runlife in crisis mode.
(05:55):
Everything's a crisis.
Just chill out.
You know.
It's not all a crisis.
You don't have to panic.
Just plan your life.
You got the same 24 hours thateverybody else on earth has.
Figure out sleep and work anddaily activities and routines
and that, but set the routinesand your life gets a whole lot
easier.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I remember you talking about that and preaching
about that when my kids werelittle, when I was in the thick
of it, and I remember howpractical and simple it was Like
keep your kids on a routine.
I mean, I remember you sayingbedtime routine, you know, pray
before bedtime meals together,just certain key things that you
do with your kids.
(06:36):
And it's so true if you're justintentional with the time that
you have and you think about it.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You know you got 20 minutes to talk to your kids,
taking them to school orpractice or picking them up, and
you know, turn your phone off.
You know everything's off.
We've got 20 minutes in the car.
So tell me about your day andthe good stuff.
Julie has my grandson, david.
He calls her every night and wealways look at like 930, our
time, david, it's 11.30 whereyou are Uh-huh.
(07:05):
But he has Julie taught himthis high-low buffalo what was
the high of your day, what wasthe low of your day and what was
the buffalo the unusual,unexpected.
And he just kind of runsthrough that with her and they
share it.
And he does that whenever hecalls any of us.
But it's funny, if we don't geta FaceTime call from David
(07:25):
around between 830 and 10, wewonder, oh, he must be on
restriction again.
I think he just goes to bed andthe last thing he does is he
FaceTimes.
You know pops and gaga.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
So I love that so much.
I love it.
That's technology for goodthere, right, that's a win Okay.
So another thing I want to sayyou know, I think Julie's so
wise to this years of 20 to 45,those are the babies in business
.
That's where she said it right.
I love that.
Babies in business.
I think during those phases too, there are some times we are
(08:03):
hit with crisis to there aresome times we are hit with
crisis, a big storm, and maybethat's and I've heard you preach
on this before, and I thinkthis is really important is
mental health, like when you aresuffering from mental health
and you were in the babies andbusiness stage, you got to get
help fast.
Yes, because those kids dependon you.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, so speak into that for us, your journey with
mental health and the importanceof it, the importance of taking
care of yourself.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
All right.
So let's talk about mentalhealth for a minute.
Everybody has ups and downs andthere's tests you can look up
on the website and if you haveeight of these 10 symptoms for
like two or three weeks in a row, then you need to get some help
.
So everybody has depression.
We have bad days and then youhave stressful times.
(08:53):
But when you hit a long spellwhere there's just an impossible
task or maybe somebody's died,there's a disaster.
You've got long.
Somebody's died, there's adisaster.
You've got.
You know long-term illness.
There's a lot of things thatyou know.
If you sleep all night, at leastuntil middle age, your brain
reboots itself while you'resleeping.
But if you've got stresses thatare keeping you awake, or when
you wake up at two in themorning, you don't go back to
(09:14):
sleep, you just think aboutthose things.
Your brain's not rebooting.
So all that dopamine, serotonin, whatever they do, so you don't
have the chemicals to thinkstraight the next day.
So we drank our coffee and thenwe go through it again and
again and it becomes a spiraldown.
So I always tell people, ifit's been three weeks, four
weeks and you don't find any joyin cooking or eating out or
(09:38):
pickleball or whatever it isthat makes you happy paintings
or new TV series, anything butthat's one of the test questions
is do you find joy in theactivities that you used to find
joy?
And the answer is no, then why?
Well, because I'm worried aboutthis and this and this.
So if you're worried about it,lay out what can I do to fix it.
If I can change it, I'll changeit.
(09:59):
If I can't do it, lord it'syours.
But if the sleep is not thereand that was for me before I
slipped into depression I meanit was about a year of sleepless
nights and I kind ofspiritualized it Go to bed 10,
30, 11 o'clock and I wake up at2 or 3 and start.
I've got one of those brainsthat I mean I can pull a half a
lyric out of a song from 50years ago and just stop.
(10:23):
You know, stop, stop my brain.
But you know I used tospiritualize.
Laura, I'll give you 20 minutesto put me back to sleep.
If it doesn't happen, then Ifigure you want me to get up and
do stuff and it is peaceful andquiet from three to six in the
morning and you get a lot doneno phone calls, no emails, no,
nothing.
So that's, it's nice.
But then you start getting thatwired and tired feeling and
(10:51):
anyway, that one led to thedepression on mine.
And then, as we're buildingthat big sanctuary and the
fundraising piece fell squarelyon my shoulders and I hate
raising money and there was noway out.
It's like feeling trapped.
And you know, I went to thedoctor.
I've preached this so manytimes but you know she looked at
me, ran the test and saidyou're clinically depressed.
And I said well, what do I do?
She started me on various medsand try this for two or three
(11:15):
weeks and it works great.
You know, some of them make youall wired and others you just
kind of your house could beburning down, you wouldn't care.
And then I found one and youknow, about three weeks later
she checked on me.
By the way, if you're a doctorand listen to this, when you got
a depression, patients meansthe world when you just make a
quick phone call or a text andsay how's the med working,
(11:35):
because instead of a formalvisit, come in and check just
you, you know.
And one day she checked on me.
I said, well, I feel normal.
There's no high, there's no low, there's no buzz, there's
nothing.
So she said that's the one foryou.
She said our brains are like inthe little private chemistry
labs and she said we just haveto find the right balance of the
stuff to get things going.
(12:00):
If I'm saying something, ifyou're listening right now, you
know go do the depression test,google it and you'll see them.
There's like eight or 10 thingsand, honestly, if you've got
them and you go, whoa, yes, I'mguilty of that, that, that that
it says, if you're like guiltyof eight of them, you know for
more than two weeks and you needto get help, call your doctor
and say you know, I want tocatch it here, not down here.
(12:21):
I don't want to get to a pointto where you know I'm suicidal
or life's coming to an end.
So catch it sooner rather thanlater and you'll be out of it
sooner rather than later.
Oh, I'm going to say that again.
I've never said that Catch itsooner rather than later and
you'll get out of it soonerrather than later.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
The Holy Spirit.
They're working, preaching,preaching through Robert Emmett
right now.
Again, I think that message ofyou sharing that personal story
helps so many people, becausethere's a stigma and there still
is, I think, this pride of notgetting help or I don't want to
take medicine, or my faith isnot strong enough.
If I'm struggling with this andI love that you speak into this
and say, nope, get help.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, I mean, every good gift comes from God.
If you broke your arm, youwouldn't say well, I just need
to have enough faith for it toheal.
You'd go to a doctor If yourtooth is just blowing out, you'd
go to the dentist.
If your eyes are bad, you coulddo that.
If your brain's not working andyou're not who you were or
normally are, then I mean, gosee the doctor, they can help
(13:27):
you.
They can't help you if youdon't ask, but if you do, you
know, they know what's going onand there's a lot of good stuff
out there and you're not goingto get addicted to some drug
that's going to ruin your life.
I mean, I just highly recommendit.
Funny, I preached atChristopher's Church a couple of
(13:48):
weeks ago and a year ago I wasthere and I preached on
depression in the fall, becauseit kind of is the high point.
And anyway, I had like two orthree people this year come up
and thank me for last yearbecause they went to the doctor
and they said what did you get?
One guy said well, I've gotseveral things wrong, so I'm on
a little concoction.
I said but is it working?
He said oh yeah.
He said I don't have the highs.
(14:08):
He's bipolar, some of his stuff, but I don't have the highs and
the lows.
But he said I'm enjoying lifeagain.
Another lady the same thing.
It's kind of like wow, youalways wonder oh man depression.
Do I have to speak on thatagain?
But apparently that's one thingthe Lord wants me to talk about
so I do.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Well, it's true, and I hate this is going to be a
sexist statement, but I'm goingto say it because it's you and I
and I feel like I can say it toyou I feel like men, too, are
just so bad about going to thedoctor.
They just don't want to go tothe doctor.
I know so many women that callme and they're like my husband
needs to go in, he needs help,he needs this.
I can tell he's spiraling, he'snot himself, and they just
don't want to go.
And so I think it's reallygreat that a leader like you
(14:53):
will step up and say men, gethelp.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
One of the things I say is look at me.
I'm a guy on a depression med.
Do I look like I'm miserable?
I mean, life's fantastic.
You know, for 45 years yourbrain does its own thing and it
keeps balance.
For 43 years my eyes workedperfectly.
Then, when I turned 44,suddenly everything was fuzzy
and I got the readers and oh wow, what a difference.
And then a little more reader.
A little more reader.
Then I thought, well, I bettergo to a real doctor and see
(15:21):
what's going on.
I got the glasses so I can seeIf you're happy and life's
normal and balanced great.
If it's not, then let me be thevoice that says look, go see
the doctor.
They'll take good care of you.
They know what they're doingand just be honest with them.
It's not bad.
Don't just live in misery.
You weren't designed by God forthat.
Yeah, there's going to be lowtimes, but you know, get some
(15:44):
help, get out of it and moveforward.
David did, elijah did you knowthe Apostle Paul read through
the Bible, read through history.
A lot of great leaders sufferedwith that.
You know, running out of gasand just running on empty
because you burn it all up andout of gas, just run it on empty
because you burn it all up,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
And as we're talking about, you know, families going
through crisis.
You know we talked about thismental health thing and how
important it is to get help.
I think the other thing of thatis, years ago you preach a
sermon and I'm probably going tobutcher it wrong but you also
said, like we have storms comein our life and sometimes you, I
think you had three differentscenarios of storms that come
(16:27):
into your life.
You said sometimes they're byour own foolish decisions.
So we could be in a financialstorm because we're making bad
financial decisions.
Or number two, it could bebecause of others' bad decisions
, Like somebody has donesomething to you which causes
you to go into a crisis mode.
Or three is sometimes thingsjust happen because we live in a
(16:47):
really broken world.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (16:50):
remember that and am I saying it right?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
You got two out of three right.
So you know bad things arehappening to me because I made
bad decisions.
Two bad things are happening tome because somebody else made
bad decisions and I'm fallout,I'm collateral damage.
They decided to text whiledriving, swerved into my lane,
hit me.
And then number three is itwasn't you, it wasn't them, but
(17:13):
God has allowed it to happen inyour life so that somehow he can
use it for His glory.
So look up and say Lord, whatcan we do with this experience?
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Okay, your three was a lot more substance than my
three.
That's what I remember, butit's nobody's fault.
But it happened and we'redealing with it and God's going
to use it for good.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, that's so good Because I think that resonates
too when storms blow in, andagain, especially with this 20
to 45 age, when you're alreadypushed to the maximum, I think
they're just so critical whenstorms blow in on those that we
get help immediately, no matterwhat's going on.
You used to talk about who'syour 2 am friend.
(17:56):
Do you remember that?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
I do those people that when your world falls apart
at 2 am, you know you can callthem and they'll be right there.
So those are your true innercircle friends.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
And I remember thinking here you were leading
this I mean thousands uponthousands of people every
weekend and you said pray forone or two, like it wasn't.
Like I need 20 or 30 people tocall at 2 am.
You need one or two core peoplethat you could make that call
at 2 am.
And I think sometimes in ourworld we just think we should
(18:32):
have an army.
When you just need one or two,they'll mobilize the army.
God will help, you know.
Send the people that you needto be sent in a time of crisis.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Absolutely.
I always used.
Moses had Aaron, hur and Joshua.
Those were his inner circle,you know it was Aaron.
Aaron and Hur were holdingMoses' arms up and Joshua was
down there fighting the battle.
David had his three mighty men,shamgar, shamu, and somebody
else, jesus had Peter James andJohn.
(19:02):
You know, when his world wasfalling apart, at 2 am, he got
Peter James and John and saidcome, go with me and pray.
And they went.
Of course they fell asleep.
But so I mean, people aren'tperfect but if you don't have
that one or two or three friendsto call, that's when bad
thoughts begin to roll in yourmind.
I don't have anybody, nobodywill answer, and all of that.
(19:24):
So you know, nowadays I feelbad because I turn my phone off
at night.
So if you call me, all I'mgoing to get is a message or a
text and I'll check on it in themorning.
But if I don't turn it off, Iget so many junk calls.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
It's like you know all these little.
How do they get my number totext me?
Yeah, I have to keep my phonebecause I have a college student
, you know.
So it's like I'm always I wantto have her 2 am call if she
needs me.
You know, when they first moveout of the house, like that.
But but that's always beendrilled in my mind is to have
your 2 am friends.
And then I think it becomes aquestion of you know where do
you find those friends?
And you know what pops in mymind when I ask you that Do you
(20:07):
remember this sermon you did.
You were trying to get peopleto join life groups and you did
the muscles.
Do you remember that?
Speaker 2 (20:17):
I did the muscles.
Once I put my head on JohnTravolta and did the staying
alive, I said, if I could put asmile on your face in the next
three minutes, promise me you'lltry our group.
And they all said yes.
So there was all the things wecould do to get people to
connect with each other.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
But I think that's such a word out there because we
have people out there that arelike I don't want to go to
church, it's gotten political orit's gotten this or it's gotten
that, like all sorts of excusesand how important community is
and finding the right community,finding the right 2 am friends,
you're going to find thosepeople in a church.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
The ones that you'll find, whether they're in church
or somebody else's church orwhat.
But if you've got somebody youhang out with, recreate with,
play golf with every week, youknow you play golf with somebody
every week for you know acouple of months, four hours at
a shot.
You get to know each otherWalking, jogging, pickleball.
You know the conversations atlunch.
(21:14):
When it's over, I mean you juststart talking.
You start talking a little bit.
You know, like my, one of myfavorite lines is give me the
five minute version of your lifestory from birth to right now.
Everybody's shocked as well, no,we'll fill in the blanks.
I was born here and this andold, and in that you just kind
of get to know their story andwhere they're from.
(21:34):
So it doesn't take long to getto know people and then,
hopefully, after you ask themfor their five-minute story,
they reciprocate with all.
Right now you tell me yourfive-minute life story, but you
got to hang out with them, yougot to know them and just that's
part of it.
I was watching Daniel playfootball a couple of weeks ago
in Georgia and I was sitting upthere with Brianna and all the
(21:58):
ladies.
He's got a really great group offriends football players,
strong Christians and Briannahad told me she said you know,
I've discovered being closefriends with your kids, close
friends, mothers.
She said you get the wholestory.
I said what do you mean?
She said well, when you askyour son, you know what'd y'all
do last night?
Oh, not much.
Just went out to eat and hungout, okay, you know.
(22:20):
And then every other mother'sasking her son well, we went
here, we did this, we did that,and she said we have to meet
every week just to hear thewhole story, all the bits and
pieces come together.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
That's what you call a village, right there.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Watching it happen.
I says I'm in the inner circleof the mothers, I'm right here
hearing it all, but you knowthey were doing karaoke last
night.
What Daniel's singing karaoke?
And then some talkative fellow,we called him after the game
football player and she said didyou sing karaoke last night?
Oh yes, ma'am, every Thursdaynight we go out After the game,
(22:58):
we go sing and Daniel, ohDaniel's great, he's on stage.
You know she'd never known hesang and I'm there and she says
are you singing karaoke?
He says yeah, and then she saidwhat's your song?
It was something, someHillbilly song or something, but
it was funny.
Just, you know, going fromwhat'd y'all do last night we
just went out to eat and hungout and came home and suddenly,
(23:20):
you know, we went out and wesang karaoke and we have our
favorite songs and the crowdgoes wild.
So you got to be close friendswith those mothers and share
those stories.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Community is so important.
I mean, that's that's thevillage right there that we're
called to create Yep To raiseour kids.
So anything else you would liketo share with parents who are,
you know, maybe they just areoverwhelmed in this season of
life, or they are faced with acrisis right now, in the middle
of all of it.
Anything else you would like toadd to that?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yes, if they're overwhelmed right now with
something I would prescribe takethe very next possible Friday
night to Sunday night holiday.
You know, get off of work, takeyour kids away.
We're going to Fredericksburg,wherever nice little town.
We're just going to go out,hang out, sleep, you know in, go
out and eat and talk and kindof reset.
(24:12):
I mean, god tells us to restone day a week, so you know we
don't do that.
We go to church and then we goto practice, then we go out to
eat and then we don't reallyrest.
So I would prescribe a weekendof rest.
If you've got one of those bigcrisis, like a problem with your
child or family or divorce orsomething's going on, I mean you
(24:33):
pray about it.
Whatever you can do, you dosomething.
And if you can't, then you trynot to worry about it and you
say Lord, you say cast yourcares upon you, for you care for
us.
So I've said all I can do, doneall I can do.
If there's something else, showme.
If not, otherwise I leave itwith you and I'm going to bed.
It passes, you know, it's one.
A lot of people's old saying isit'll pass.
(24:54):
This too will pass, but you gotto ride it out.
I mean, people have had crisisand problems since the beginning
of time and it's not apunishment, it's just a part of
life.
And you know, in the new heavenand the new earth, bible says
no more tears, no more sorrow,no more pain, no, more suffering
, but that's a long ways fromhere.
So right now we've got all thosethings tears, suffering,
(25:16):
problems it's just a part oflife.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
One thing that popped in my mind when you were
speaking too, matt and I wesuffered a miscarriage in
between our kids.
We were just broken andgrieving and it was very
unexpected.
I remember coming to church andthat weekend you preached and
you said you are not the firstperson to ever go through this.
(25:42):
Do you have you ever rememberedsaying that before?
And I just.
It helped me so much in mymoment of grief, because you
feel alone.
You feel so much pain and anger, like all the emotions.
It really helped me just whenyou said that you are not the
first person to experience thisand God's not going to leave you
(26:04):
, and I just held on to that forso long when we were walking
through that.
I think that's really goodadvice as well.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
It's something.
That's another one of thosethat one's more Julie's story
than mine.
But you know, we had it allfigured out Married two years,
had a baby, two more years had ababy, two more years about to
have a baby, and a miscarriage,miscarriage, miscarriage,
miscarriage, miscarriage, fourmiscarriages over five years.
And you know, then Jonathancame along and it's one of those
(26:36):
when you start, you know youblame yourself.
You do all that stuff and it'snot your fault, whatever the
reason, maybe you're gettingolder, things don't work like
they once did but Jonathan camealong and Julie was so happy I
think it was in their secondtrimester, whichever one you all
go through where you're sickand throwing up and all of that.
And she was throwing up and shewas throwing up and she was oh,
(26:57):
thank you, lord.
I said you're thanking him forthrowing up.
She goes yeah, that means I gotit, it's healthy, you know it's
growing, and then so and we'vetold people because people
especially when it's their firstone and it's quiet and hush,
hush, and you tell mom or dad,maybe the in-laws, but you don't
want to, you just don't want totalk about it.
But then when I startrehearsing hours, and then the
(27:19):
last one, she'd been throughfive and the last one was
ectopic.
After Jonathan was born Twoyears later we wanted four kids,
always wanted four, and afterthe ectopic the doctor said you
better thank the Lord for threeand call it quits.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
It's hard to not accept your plans.
It's hard to say this is whatthe Lord has for you and this is
the way.
But we have to lay that downsometimes.
And what?
We thought it would be.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Yeah, I mean you have a special needs child or
something's going on, or themiscarriages or there's all
kinds of things in the humanexperience.
That's why, I guess over 300times, the Lord tells us not to
worry.
Fear not.
We do, and he knows we're goingto do that.
So that's why he had to tell usfrom Genesis to Revelation stop
worrying.
In the Sermon on the Mount.
(28:09):
Why worry?
You can't add one minute toyour life and one inch to your
height, so do all you can withwhat you've got, and if you
can't fix it, then give it toGod.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Amen, anything else you want to.
I'm just bringing up all thesetalking points that I remember
you speaking into my lifebecause you're sharing these
stories and it just takes meback, reminds me of crisis that
Matt and I have walked throughand how God has used you and
Julie to help us through.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Well, that's you.
Well, I was a couple weeks agotalking to a couple and their
grandparents but they'd justgone through the full-term death
of their grandchild.
Birth and baby died inchildbirth and mother almost did
, and a lot of errors were madeand things that shouldn't have
happened, but they did.
But I mean they walked throughit.
(29:02):
And she asked me.
She said you know, it's my.
My daughter-in-law said what,what can I say to her and my son
?
And I said you can't sayanything that's going to make a
difference.
I said all you can do is justbe there, cry with them and love
them and just hurt.
And I said one thing you don'tsay is well, you can have more
children.
And I said that is not goodmedicine, but just to be there
and to cry and to ache and toremember.
(29:22):
And you know you have a funeralservice, you have a name, you
remember their names, you honorthe life, even if it didn't
quite make it all the way, butthey were just.
You know we shared our storyand they were just shocked.
And we shared our story andthey were just shocked and I
said, yeah, we're nice peopleand we follow the Lord, but that
doesn't mean you're not goingto have troubles along the road
(29:44):
of life.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
I think of Job when his friendscame on the scene at first.
There's a Bible verse that saysthey sat for seven days and
they said nothing.
And I think so many times asChristians, we want to rush to
the hope.
We want to rush to well, god'sgoing to use it for good, or God
has a plan, or whatever.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
I always tell people do not quote that verse to
somebody in the midst of adisaster.
Thank you, work for good.
Work together for good.
I know that, I know God said it, but I don't want to hear it
right now.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
It's almost like there's a lamenting process that
our human mind has to gothrough, and we need to allow
people to process their grief.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Yeah, Got to allow them to cry, to hurt, to shake
their fist at God.
You're not going to lose yoursalvation by getting frustrated
and letting the Lord.
He already knows our thoughts,so it's not like you're hiding
anything, just express yourself.
But it's good to cry and I likewhat you said about the friends
sitting there.
I forgot about that part.
I always tell people read thefirst two chapters and the last
(30:47):
chapter of Job.
Don't read all the speeches,it'll drive you nuts.
What kind of friends are these?
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Yeah, it gets crazy are these.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Yeah, it gets crazy, but it's.
You know to your listeners.
There is nobody out there goingfrom here to heaven without you
know a series of challenges anddifficulties.
Problem is when we do podcastsor sermons or lectures or
speeches, whatever, we only tellthe good stuff.
You know, I was sick, I prayedand God healed me, but they
forget to tell them it was ayear and a half of chemo or
radiation before God healed them.
We shorten the hard part so wejust want to say here was my
(31:28):
problem and God fixed it, andhallelujah, and everybody yeah,
and we're all thinking gosh,that never happens to me.
It's a long-term prayer.
It's years of praying for stuff.
So that's the journey.
Pray without ceasing.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
It's the everyday grind of doing the hard work of
submitting to Jesus, of trusting, of doing the treatments, of,
you know, going to marriagecounseling, whatever it is,
whatever crisis you're walkingthrough, it's the hard work of
the day-to-day and we all got todo it.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
And it's.
You know, as you look back onthe weeks like Julie with David,
what's your high, low buff,what was the high point of the
day?
It's fun when she gets it up tothe low point.
You know he just kind of smiles.
He said no low points today,it's been a good day.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
You know?
Speaker 2 (32:12):
so it's just you're going to have high days and low
days and everything in between.
If you're a journaler, then youkeep track of it and you
realize, wow, there's a lot ofgreat things happening every day
.
To be grateful for Sunrise,sunset, birds where you live,
the water work your car started,I mean, look on the good things
and focus on those.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Amen.
Well, thanks for all the wisdomyou've shared today.
I really do think this is goingto help families who are just
in a busy season of life orthey're walking through
something really difficult.
Thank you for your transparencyand honesty.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
My pleasure.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Make a donation today at nexttalkorg.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
This podcast is not intended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose
treat or otherwise render expertadvice regarding any type of
medical, psychological or legalproblem.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Listeners are advised to consult a qualified expert
for treatment.
Welcome to the Next Talk podcast.
We are passionate about keepingkids safe in an overexposed
world.
We are back today with PastorRobert Emmett.
He is the founder of CommunityBible Church in San Antonio.
Him and his wife Julie foundedand led that church for what 25
years, robert?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Yeah, 25 officially.
Then I stuck around until 27.
Started in 90, and then Iofficially handed the keys to Ed
in 2016.
So, whatever that is, and thenI left in 2018 to somewhere in
there 25 and beyond.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
It's so wild, too, that you've been retired since
2016.
That doesn't even seem possibleto me.
I feel like it was yesterday.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
It does to me.
I just got a notice today it'sEd's 49th birthday and he came
on staff when he was 40.
So wow, nine years that's flownby.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
God has used both of you infounding and shaping and
evolving Community Bible Church.
It's just been cool to see whatGod has done with all of that.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I was just there in August and preached all of His
services and then they juststarted the Wednesday night and
it was so exciting All theservices, different
personalities, people, strangersto me, but I was a stranger to
them and by the time theservices were over, I mean it's
all centered around Jesus andit's church is doing great,
we're doing great, so praise theLord for a successful
(01:32):
transition.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Amen, amen.
It doesn't happen all the time,and so the Lord is in it.
I want to talk today aboutstruggling in a hard season of
life.
Struggling in a hard season oflife and you know that you could
.
I guess families could be in acrisis mode for sure, a major
crisis mode, but I think, a lotof times too, just young
families, it's hard all the time, like it's.
(01:56):
There's so much going on, somany demands on us as parents,
and now you add in you knowwe're monitoring phones and
monitoring iPads and all thestuff they're being exposed to
online.
It's just, it's so overwhelmingas a parent, and you're so good
about speaking into this, andso I just want to kind of give
you like parents are tired,they're overwhelmed, they're
(02:19):
completely stressed out.
What do you have for us?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Julie and I were talking about this the other day
and I said what's your speechagain?
And she said zero to 20 are thedevelopment years, where you're
growing up and getting educated.
She said 20 to about 45, that'sbabies in business years and
those are the longest 25 yearsbecause you're trying to buy
(02:44):
houses and cars and insuranceand neighborhoods and schools
and kids are soccer and all ofthat.
It's a long haul for 25 years.
And then 45 to about 70, shecalls those the hospitality
years.
That's when your kids arepretty much grown and gone,
you've got a little morediscretionary time and income
and that's when you canvolunteer, give back to the
(03:04):
community.
And then 70 and beyond is thegolden years, which is kind of
where we're headed.
But it is a fact of life.
I spoke at a group not long agoPsalms 90.
It's the only Psalm that Moseswrote and he says in it he said
it is appointed unto man threescore and 10 to live, which is
70 years, and he says maybe 80if we're blessed.
(03:26):
But he said all those years arefilled with challenges and
difficulties and soon we die andlife passes on.
But when you read it sometimesyou go man.
Moses is kind of a downer.
He has some great years inthere.
I think what he's saying isthat life is just that's part of
the routine of life and whenyou have one child it gets
(03:46):
complicated.
Two children a little more,three a little more, and then,
like my grandkids on the EastCoast, they got four grands and
I was just there for a few daysbecause Mandy, my grandkids,
they're turning 17 this month.
I mean it's like gosh, when didthis happen?
There is no way.
And so we've just made it apoint this year to fly to see
(04:09):
volleyball tournaments, footballgames and make sure we at least
one time we're there to seethem.
But you know, you got to getthe routines in the schedule.
You got to realize, hey, thisis the 20 to 45 year challenge
and you know you'll grindthrough them.
And then all of a sudden youlook at the calendar and your
(04:29):
children are applying forcollege and you know you're
setting up graduation partiesand all that.
You go, and so you know andeverybody says, oh, enjoy these
years, they fly by quick.
We all were told that.
Well, we all.
Kind of easy for you to say,and then suddenly they do.
So I guess my thing with parents.
You realize that that's part ofthe job.
I mean, life is work.
(04:51):
I mean it's what we're put onthe earth to do.
And when you have kids, youknow your best thing you can do
is routine.
I think I preached, I mighthave mentioned it last time.
You know Luke, chapter 2, maryand Joseph took Jesus and all
the kids which must have been atleast seven, you know to
Jerusalem.
But it was as they did everyyear, as was their custom.
(05:12):
I mean, it was just theroutines of life and that's what
God gives us.
Four seasons, you know, newmoons, all this stuff.
It's a season, you roll throughit, and when you're raising
kids, I mean there's thepreschool season, the early
elementary years, the middleschool years, the high school
years, and that's life.
That's what we're here to do.
But you just schedule it outand you figure out.
(05:33):
You know, we used to alwaystake Sunday nights and just say,
all right, let's get ourcalendars, who's doing what,
who's going where, games,practices, all that stuff and
you plan out your week.
And then when are we going outto eat?
When are we going to have somefun?
Schedule your life.
If you'll do that, you know theroutines of life.
It helps an awful lot of thepeople We've had friends you
have too that they seem to runlife in crisis mode.
(05:55):
Everything's a crisis.
Just chill out.
You know.
It's not all a crisis.
You don't have to panic.
Just plan your life.
You got the same 24 hours thateverybody else on earth has.
Figure out sleep and work anddaily activities and routines
and that, but set the routinesand your life gets a whole lot
easier.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I remember you talking about that and preaching
about that when my kids werelittle, when I was in the thick
of it, and I remember howpractical and simple it was Like
keep your kids on a routine.
I mean, I remember you sayingbedtime routine, you know, pray
before bedtime meals together,just certain key things that you
do with your kids.
(06:36):
And it's so true if you're justintentional with the time that
you have and you think about it.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You know you got 20 minutes to talk to your kids,
taking them to school orpractice or picking them up, and
you know, turn your phone off.
You know everything's off.
We've got 20 minutes in the car.
So tell me about your day andthe good stuff.
Julie has my grandson, david.
He calls her every night and wealways look at like 930, our
time, david, it's 11.30 whereyou are Uh-huh.
(07:05):
But he has Julie taught himthis high-low buffalo what was
the high of your day, what wasthe low of your day and what was
the buffalo the unusual,unexpected.
And he just kind of runsthrough that with her and they
share it.
And he does that whenever hecalls any of us.
But it's funny, if we don't geta FaceTime call from David
(07:25):
around between 830 and 10, wewonder, oh, he must be on
restriction again.
I think he just goes to bed andthe last thing he does is he
FaceTimes.
You know pops and gaga.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
So I love that so much.
I love it.
That's technology for goodthere, right, that's a win Okay.
So another thing I want to sayyou know, I think Julie's so
wise to this years of 20 to 45,those are the babies in business
.
That's where she said it right.
I love that.
Babies in business.
I think during those phases too, there are some times we are
(08:03):
hit with crisis to there aresome times we are hit with
crisis, a big storm, and maybethat's and I've heard you preach
on this before, and I thinkthis is really important is
mental health, like when you aresuffering from mental health
and you were in the babies andbusiness stage, you got to get
help fast.
Yes, because those kids dependon you.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, so speak into that for us, your journey with
mental health and the importanceof it, the importance of taking
care of yourself.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
All right.
So let's talk about mentalhealth for a minute.
Everybody has ups and downs andthere's tests you can look up
on the website and if you haveeight of these 10 symptoms for
like two or three weeks in a row, then you need to get some help
.
So everybody has depression.
We have bad days and then youhave stressful times.
(08:53):
But when you hit a long spellwhere there's just an impossible
task or maybe somebody's died,there's a disaster.
You've got long.
Somebody's died, there's adisaster.
You've got.
You know long-term illness.
There's a lot of things thatyou know.
If you sleep all night, at leastuntil middle age, your brain
reboots itself while you'resleeping.
But if you've got stresses thatare keeping you awake, or when
you wake up at two in themorning, you don't go back to
(09:14):
sleep, you just think aboutthose things.
Your brain's not rebooting.
So all that dopamine, serotonin, whatever they do, so you don't
have the chemicals to thinkstraight the next day.
So we drank our coffee and thenwe go through it again and
again and it becomes a spiraldown.
So I always tell people, ifit's been three weeks, four
weeks and you don't find any joyin cooking or eating out or
(09:38):
pickleball or whatever it isthat makes you happy paintings
or new TV series, anything butthat's one of the test questions
is do you find joy in theactivities that you used to find
joy?
And the answer is no, then why?
Well, because I'm worried aboutthis and this and this.
So if you're worried about it,lay out what can I do to fix it.
If I can change it, I'll changeit.
(09:59):
If I can't do it, lord it'syours.
But if the sleep is not thereand that was for me before I
slipped into depression I meanit was about a year of sleepless
nights and I kind ofspiritualized it Go to bed 10,
30, 11 o'clock and I wake up at2 or 3 and start.
I've got one of those brainsthat I mean I can pull a half a
lyric out of a song from 50years ago and just stop.
(10:23):
You know, stop, stop my brain.
But you know I used tospiritualize.
Laura, I'll give you 20 minutesto put me back to sleep.
If it doesn't happen, then Ifigure you want me to get up and
do stuff and it is peaceful andquiet from three to six in the
morning and you get a lot doneno phone calls, no emails, no,
nothing.
So that's, it's nice.
But then you start getting thatwired and tired feeling and
(10:51):
anyway, that one led to thedepression on mine.
And then, as we're buildingthat big sanctuary and the
fundraising piece fell squarelyon my shoulders and I hate
raising money and there was noway out.
It's like feeling trapped.
And you know, I went to thedoctor.
I've preached this so manytimes but you know she looked at
me, ran the test and saidyou're clinically depressed.
And I said well, what do I do?
She started me on various medsand try this for two or three
(11:15):
weeks and it works great.
You know, some of them make youall wired and others you just
kind of your house could beburning down, you wouldn't care.
And then I found one and youknow, about three weeks later
she checked on me.
By the way, if you're a doctorand listen to this, when you got
a depression, patients meansthe world when you just make a
quick phone call or a text andsay how's the med working,
(11:35):
because instead of a formalvisit, come in and check just
you, you know.
And one day she checked on me.
I said, well, I feel normal.
There's no high, there's no low, there's no buzz, there's
nothing.
So she said that's the one foryou.
She said our brains are like inthe little private chemistry
labs and she said we just haveto find the right balance of the
stuff to get things going.
(12:00):
If I'm saying something, ifyou're listening right now, you
know go do the depression test,google it and you'll see them.
There's like eight or 10 thingsand, honestly, if you've got
them and you go, whoa, yes, I'mguilty of that, that, that that
it says, if you're like guiltyof eight of them, you know for
more than two weeks and you needto get help, call your doctor
and say you know, I want tocatch it here, not down here.
(12:21):
I don't want to get to a pointto where you know I'm suicidal
or life's coming to an end.
So catch it sooner rather thanlater and you'll be out of it
sooner rather than later.
Oh, I'm going to say that again.
I've never said that Catch itsooner rather than later and
you'll get out of it soonerrather than later.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
The Holy Spirit.
They're working, preaching,preaching through Robert Emmett
right now.
Again, I think that message ofyou sharing that personal story
helps so many people, becausethere's a stigma and there still
is, I think, this pride of notgetting help or I don't want to
take medicine, or my faith isnot strong enough.
If I'm struggling with this andI love that you speak into this
and say, nope, get help.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, I mean, every good gift comes from God.
If you broke your arm, youwouldn't say well, I just need
to have enough faith for it toheal.
You'd go to a doctor If yourtooth is just blowing out, you'd
go to the dentist.
If your eyes are bad, you coulddo that.
If your brain's not working andyou're not who you were or
normally are, then I mean, gosee the doctor, they can help
(13:27):
you.
They can't help you if youdon't ask, but if you do, you
know, they know what's going onand there's a lot of good stuff
out there and you're not goingto get addicted to some drug
that's going to ruin your life.
I mean, I just highly recommendit.
Funny, I preached atChristopher's Church a couple of
(13:48):
weeks ago and a year ago I wasthere and I preached on
depression in the fall, becauseit kind of is the high point.
And anyway, I had like two orthree people this year come up
and thank me for last yearbecause they went to the doctor
and they said what did you get?
One guy said well, I've gotseveral things wrong, so I'm on
a little concoction.
I said but is it working?
He said oh yeah.
He said I don't have the highs.
(14:08):
He's bipolar, some of his stuff, but I don't have the highs and
the lows.
But he said I'm enjoying lifeagain.
Another lady the same thing.
It's kind of like wow, youalways wonder oh man depression.
Do I have to speak on thatagain?
But apparently that's one thingthe Lord wants me to talk about
so I do.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Well, it's true, and I hate this is going to be a
sexist statement, but I'm goingto say it because it's you and I
and I feel like I can say it toyou I feel like men, too, are
just so bad about going to thedoctor.
They just don't want to go tothe doctor.
I know so many women that callme and they're like my husband
needs to go in, he needs help,he needs this.
I can tell he's spiraling, he'snot himself, and they just
don't want to go.
And so I think it's reallygreat that a leader like you
(14:53):
will step up and say men, gethelp.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
One of the things I say is look at me.
I'm a guy on a depression med.
Do I look like I'm miserable?
I mean, life's fantastic.
You know, for 45 years yourbrain does its own thing and it
keeps balance.
For 43 years my eyes workedperfectly.
Then, when I turned 44,suddenly everything was fuzzy
and I got the readers and oh wow, what a difference.
And then a little more reader.
A little more reader.
Then I thought, well, I bettergo to a real doctor and see
(15:21):
what's going on.
I got the glasses so I can seeIf you're happy and life's
normal and balanced great.
If it's not, then let me be thevoice that says look, go see
the doctor.
They'll take good care of you.
They know what they're doingand just be honest with them.
It's not bad.
Don't just live in misery.
You weren't designed by God forthat.
Yeah, there's going to be lowtimes, but you know, get some
(15:44):
help, get out of it and moveforward.
David did, elijah did you knowthe Apostle Paul read through
the Bible, read through history.
A lot of great leaders sufferedwith that.
You know, running out of gasand just running on empty
because you burn it all up andout of gas, just run it on empty
because you burn it all up,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
And as we're talking about, you know, families going
through crisis.
You know we talked about thismental health thing and how
important it is to get help.
I think the other thing of thatis, years ago you preach a
sermon and I'm probably going tobutcher it wrong but you also
said, like we have storms comein our life and sometimes you, I
think you had three differentscenarios of storms that come
(16:27):
into your life.
You said sometimes they're byour own foolish decisions.
So we could be in a financialstorm because we're making bad
financial decisions.
Or number two, it could bebecause of others' bad decisions
, Like somebody has donesomething to you which causes
you to go into a crisis mode.
Or three is sometimes thingsjust happen because we live in a
(16:47):
really broken world.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (16:50):
remember that and am I saying it right?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
You got two out of three right.
So you know bad things arehappening to me because I made
bad decisions.
Two bad things are happening tome because somebody else made
bad decisions and I'm fallout,I'm collateral damage.
They decided to text whiledriving, swerved into my lane,
hit me.
And then number three is itwasn't you, it wasn't them, but
(17:13):
God has allowed it to happen inyour life so that somehow he can
use it for His glory.
So look up and say Lord, whatcan we do with this experience?
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Okay, your three was a lot more substance than my
three.
That's what I remember, butit's nobody's fault.
But it happened and we'redealing with it and God's going
to use it for good.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, that's so good Because I think that resonates
too when storms blow in, andagain, especially with this 20
to 45 age, when you're alreadypushed to the maximum, I think
they're just so critical whenstorms blow in on those that we
get help immediately, no matterwhat's going on.
You used to talk about who'syour 2 am friend.
(17:56):
Do you remember that?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
I do those people that when your world falls apart
at 2 am, you know you can callthem and they'll be right there.
So those are your true innercircle friends.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
And I remember thinking here you were leading
this I mean thousands uponthousands of people every
weekend and you said pray forone or two, like it wasn't.
Like I need 20 or 30 people tocall at 2 am.
You need one or two core peoplethat you could make that call
at 2 am.
And I think sometimes in ourworld we just think we should
(18:32):
have an army.
When you just need one or two,they'll mobilize the army.
God will help, you know.
Send the people that you needto be sent in a time of crisis.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Absolutely.
I always used.
Moses had Aaron, hur and Joshua.
Those were his inner circle,you know it was Aaron.
Aaron and Hur were holdingMoses' arms up and Joshua was
down there fighting the battle.
David had his three mighty men,shamgar, shamu, and somebody
else, jesus had Peter James andJohn.
(19:02):
You know, when his world wasfalling apart, at 2 am, he got
Peter James and John and saidcome, go with me and pray.
And they went.
Of course they fell asleep.
But so I mean, people aren'tperfect but if you don't have
that one or two or three friendsto call, that's when bad
thoughts begin to roll in yourmind.
I don't have anybody, nobodywill answer, and all of that.
(19:24):
So you know, nowadays I feelbad because I turn my phone off
at night.
So if you call me, all I'mgoing to get is a message or a
text and I'll check on it in themorning.
But if I don't turn it off, Iget so many junk calls.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
It's like you know all these little.
How do they get my number totext me?
Yeah, I have to keep my phonebecause I have a college student
, you know.
So it's like I'm always I wantto have her 2 am call if she
needs me.
You know, when they first moveout of the house, like that.
But but that's always beendrilled in my mind is to have
your 2 am friends.
And then I think it becomes aquestion of you know where do
you find those friends?
And you know what pops in mymind when I ask you that Do you
(20:07):
remember this sermon you did.
You were trying to get peopleto join life groups and you did
the muscles.
Do you remember that?
Speaker 2 (20:17):
I did the muscles.
Once I put my head on JohnTravolta and did the staying
alive, I said, if I could put asmile on your face in the next
three minutes, promise me you'lltry our group.
And they all said yes.
So there was all the things wecould do to get people to
connect with each other.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
But I think that's such a word out there because we
have people out there that arelike I don't want to go to
church, it's gotten political orit's gotten this or it's gotten
that, like all sorts of excusesand how important community is
and finding the right community,finding the right 2 am friends,
you're going to find thosepeople in a church.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
The ones that you'll find, whether they're in church
or somebody else's church orwhat.
But if you've got somebody youhang out with, recreate with,
play golf with every week, youknow you play golf with somebody
every week for you know acouple of months, four hours at
a shot.
You get to know each otherWalking, jogging, pickleball.
You know the conversations atlunch.
(21:14):
When it's over, I mean you juststart talking.
You start talking a little bit.
You know, like my, one of myfavorite lines is give me the
five minute version of your lifestory from birth to right now.
Everybody's shocked as well, no,we'll fill in the blanks.
I was born here and this andold, and in that you just kind
of get to know their story andwhere they're from.
(21:34):
So it doesn't take long to getto know people and then,
hopefully, after you ask themfor their five-minute story,
they reciprocate with all.
Right now you tell me yourfive-minute life story, but you
got to hang out with them, yougot to know them and just that's
part of it.
I was watching Daniel playfootball a couple of weeks ago
in Georgia and I was sitting upthere with Brianna and all the
(21:58):
ladies.
He's got a really great group offriends football players,
strong Christians and Briannahad told me she said you know,
I've discovered being closefriends with your kids, close
friends, mothers.
She said you get the wholestory.
I said what do you mean?
She said well, when you askyour son, you know what'd y'all
do last night?
Oh, not much.
Just went out to eat and hungout, okay, you know.
(22:20):
And then every other mother'sasking her son well, we went
here, we did this, we did that,and she said we have to meet
every week just to hear thewhole story, all the bits and
pieces come together.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
That's what you call a village, right there.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Watching it happen.
I says I'm in the inner circleof the mothers, I'm right here
hearing it all, but you knowthey were doing karaoke last
night.
What Daniel's singing karaoke?
And then some talkative fellow,we called him after the game
football player and she said didyou sing karaoke last night?
Oh yes, ma'am, every Thursdaynight we go out After the game,
(22:58):
we go sing and Daniel, ohDaniel's great, he's on stage.
You know she'd never known hesang and I'm there and she says
are you singing karaoke?
He says yeah, and then she saidwhat's your song?
It was something, someHillbilly song or something, but
it was funny.
Just, you know, going fromwhat'd y'all do last night we
just went out to eat and hungout and came home and suddenly,
(23:20):
you know, we went out and wesang karaoke and we have our
favorite songs and the crowdgoes wild.
So you got to be close friendswith those mothers and share
those stories.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Community is so important.
I mean, that's that's thevillage right there that we're
called to create Yep To raiseour kids.
So anything else you would liketo share with parents who are,
you know, maybe they just areoverwhelmed in this season of
life, or they are faced with acrisis right now, in the middle
of all of it.
Anything else you would like toadd to that?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yes, if they're overwhelmed right now with
something I would prescribe takethe very next possible Friday
night to Sunday night holiday.
You know, get off of work, takeyour kids away.
We're going to Fredericksburg,wherever nice little town.
We're just going to go out,hang out, sleep, you know in, go
out and eat and talk and kindof reset.
(24:12):
I mean, god tells us to restone day a week, so you know we
don't do that.
We go to church and then we goto practice, then we go out to
eat and then we don't reallyrest.
So I would prescribe a weekendof rest.
If you've got one of those bigcrisis, like a problem with your
child or family or divorce orsomething's going on, I mean you
(24:33):
pray about it.
Whatever you can do, you dosomething.
And if you can't, then you trynot to worry about it and you
say Lord, you say cast yourcares upon you, for you care for
us.
So I've said all I can do, doneall I can do.
If there's something else, showme.
If not, otherwise I leave itwith you and I'm going to bed.
It passes, you know, it's one.
A lot of people's old saying isit'll pass.
(24:54):
This too will pass, but you gotto ride it out.
I mean, people have had crisisand problems since the beginning
of time and it's not apunishment, it's just a part of
life.
And you know, in the new heavenand the new earth, bible says
no more tears, no more sorrow,no more pain, no, more suffering
, but that's a long ways fromhere.
So right now we've got all thosethings tears, suffering,
(25:16):
problems it's just a part oflife.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
One thing that popped in my mind when you were
speaking too, matt and I wesuffered a miscarriage in
between our kids.
We were just broken andgrieving and it was very
unexpected.
I remember coming to church andthat weekend you preached and
you said you are not the firstperson to ever go through this.
(25:42):
Do you have you ever rememberedsaying that before?
And I just.
It helped me so much in mymoment of grief, because you
feel alone.
You feel so much pain and anger, like all the emotions.
It really helped me just whenyou said that you are not the
first person to experience thisand God's not going to leave you
(26:04):
, and I just held on to that forso long when we were walking
through that.
I think that's really goodadvice as well.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
It's something.
That's another one of thosethat one's more Julie's story
than mine.
But you know, we had it allfigured out Married two years,
had a baby, two more years had ababy, two more years about to
have a baby, and a miscarriage,miscarriage, miscarriage,
miscarriage, miscarriage, fourmiscarriages over five years.
And you know, then Jonathancame along and it's one of those
(26:36):
when you start, you know youblame yourself.
You do all that stuff and it'snot your fault, whatever the
reason, maybe you're gettingolder, things don't work like
they once did but Jonathan camealong and Julie was so happy I
think it was in their secondtrimester, whichever one you all
go through where you're sickand throwing up and all of that.
And she was throwing up and shewas throwing up and she was oh,
(26:57):
thank you, lord.
I said you're thanking him forthrowing up.
She goes yeah, that means I gotit, it's healthy, you know it's
growing, and then so and we'vetold people because people
especially when it's their firstone and it's quiet and hush,
hush, and you tell mom or dad,maybe the in-laws, but you don't
want to, you just don't want totalk about it.
But then when I startrehearsing hours, and then the
(27:19):
last one, she'd been throughfive and the last one was
ectopic.
After Jonathan was born Twoyears later we wanted four kids,
always wanted four, and afterthe ectopic the doctor said you
better thank the Lord for threeand call it quits.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
It's hard to not accept your plans.
It's hard to say this is whatthe Lord has for you and this is
the way.
But we have to lay that downsometimes.
And what?
We thought it would be.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Yeah, I mean you have a special needs child or
something's going on, or themiscarriages or there's all
kinds of things in the humanexperience.
That's why, I guess over 300times, the Lord tells us not to
worry.
Fear not.
We do, and he knows we're goingto do that.
So that's why he had to tell usfrom Genesis to Revelation stop
worrying.
In the Sermon on the Mount.
(28:09):
Why worry?
You can't add one minute toyour life and one inch to your
height, so do all you can withwhat you've got, and if you
can't fix it, then give it toGod.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Amen, anything else you want to.
I'm just bringing up all thesetalking points that I remember
you speaking into my lifebecause you're sharing these
stories and it just takes meback, reminds me of crisis that
Matt and I have walked throughand how God has used you and
Julie to help us through.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Well, that's you.
Well, I was a couple weeks agotalking to a couple and their
grandparents but they'd justgone through the full-term death
of their grandchild.
Birth and baby died inchildbirth and mother almost did
, and a lot of errors were madeand things that shouldn't have
happened, but they did.
But I mean they walked throughit.
(29:02):
And she asked me.
She said you know, it's my.
My daughter-in-law said what,what can I say to her and my son
?
And I said you can't sayanything that's going to make a
difference.
I said all you can do is justbe there, cry with them and love
them and just hurt.
And I said one thing you don'tsay is well, you can have more
children.
And I said that is not goodmedicine, but just to be there
and to cry and to ache and toremember.
(29:22):
And you know you have a funeralservice, you have a name, you
remember their names, you honorthe life, even if it didn't
quite make it all the way, butthey were just.
You know we shared our storyand they were just shocked.
And we shared our story andthey were just shocked and I
said, yeah, we're nice peopleand we follow the Lord, but that
doesn't mean you're not goingto have troubles along the road
(29:44):
of life.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
I think of Job when his friendscame on the scene at first.
There's a Bible verse that saysthey sat for seven days and
they said nothing.
And I think so many times asChristians, we want to rush to
the hope.
We want to rush to well, god'sgoing to use it for good, or God
has a plan, or whatever.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
I always tell people do not quote that verse to
somebody in the midst of adisaster.
Thank you, work for good.
Work together for good.
I know that, I know God said it, but I don't want to hear it
right now.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
It's almost like there's a lamenting process that
our human mind has to gothrough, and we need to allow
people to process their grief.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Yeah, Got to allow them to cry, to hurt, to shake
their fist at God.
You're not going to lose yoursalvation by getting frustrated
and letting the Lord.
He already knows our thoughts,so it's not like you're hiding
anything, just express yourself.
But it's good to cry and I likewhat you said about the friends
sitting there.
I forgot about that part.
I always tell people read thefirst two chapters and the last
(30:47):
chapter of Job.
Don't read all the speeches,it'll drive you nuts.
What kind of friends are these?
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Yeah, it gets crazy are these.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Yeah, it gets crazy, but it's.
You know to your listeners.
There is nobody out there goingfrom here to heaven without you
know a series of challenges anddifficulties.
Problem is when we do podcastsor sermons or lectures or
speeches, whatever, we only tellthe good stuff.
You know, I was sick, I prayedand God healed me, but they
forget to tell them it was ayear and a half of chemo or
radiation before God healed them.
We shorten the hard part so wejust want to say here was my
(31:28):
problem and God fixed it, andhallelujah, and everybody yeah,
and we're all thinking gosh,that never happens to me.
It's a long-term prayer.
It's years of praying for stuff.
So that's the journey.
Pray without ceasing.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
It's the everyday grind of doing the hard work of
submitting to Jesus, of trusting, of doing the treatments, of,
you know, going to marriagecounseling, whatever it is,
whatever crisis you're walkingthrough, it's the hard work of
the day-to-day and we all got todo it.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
And it's.
You know, as you look back onthe weeks like Julie with David,
what's your high, low buff,what was the high point of the
day?
It's fun when she gets it up tothe low point.
You know he just kind of smiles.
He said no low points today,it's been a good day.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
You know?
Speaker 2 (32:12):
so it's just you're going to have high days and low
days and everything in between.
If you're a journaler, then youkeep track of it and you
realize, wow, there's a lot ofgreat things happening every day
.
To be grateful for Sunrise,sunset, birds where you live,
the water work your car started,I mean, look on the good things
and focus on those.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Amen.
Well, thanks for all the wisdomyou've shared today.
I really do think this is goingto help families who are just
in a busy season of life orthey're walking through
something really difficult.
Thank you for your transparencyand honesty.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
My pleasure.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Make a donation today at nexttalkorg.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
This podcast is not intended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose
treat or otherwise render expertadvice regarding any type of
medical, psychological or legalproblem.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Listeners are advised to consult a qualified expert
for treatment.
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