October 21, 2025 • 20 mins
Some lessons about online safety never show up in an app store. We walk through the practice that changed our home: teaching kids to be their own filter through red flag reporting. Instead of waiting for a device to block danger, we build the habit of honest, early reporting and a parent response that starts with calm praise, not panic.
KEEPING KIDS SAFE ONLINE
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Welcome to the Next Talk Podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech, culture, and
faith with our kids.
Teach red flag reporting.
That is one of our core nexttalk 10 best practices.
(00:22):
And honestly, you know, here atArt Nonprofit, we really focus
on building the relationshipwith our kids.
We believe that is key tokeeping kids safe in a digital
world.
These next talk 10 practices iskind of like the formula that
(00:43):
God gave me when I was firststarting out on this journey 12
years ago, trying to figure outhow to protect my kids.
They were being exposed toinappropriate content and they
did not have phones.
They were six and nine.
You guys now know they are 18and 21.
So looking back, this formula ofthe next talk 10, which I write
(01:09):
about in my Keeping Kids Safe ina Digital World book, this is
really what helped cultivate aculture of conversation in our
home.
That healthy dialogue that I'malways talking about, that is
the solution, which comes fromDeuteronomy 6, 6, and 7 when it
says talk with your kids.
You know, these four key timesto talk with our kids when we're
(01:32):
on the go, when we're at home,when we're getting up, and when
we're going to bed.
This practice in particular, theteach the red flag reporting, I
want to tell you how that cameabout and where that came from.
I truly believe it's one of thevery unique features of Next
(01:54):
Talk and what sets us apart froma lot of other digital parenting
organizations.
Because when I started NextTalk, there weren't other
nonprofits like ours.
Like I created what I needed inthat moment.
And as God was showing me these10 characteristics that needed
to be in place to have a healthydialogue at home, this one was
(02:19):
critical in implementing.
And I kind of want to explainhow that how that happened.
So one of the things that Inoticed early on when they were
little was they would hearthings in a conversation on the
bus at the lunch table, and nofilter on a phone would catch
that.
(02:39):
They didn't have phones, buteven if they did, it wouldn't
have caught the inappropriatecontent through the
conversation.
I realized my kids had to betheir own filter.
So to teach that, what I did wasI wrote out a list of these are
the things that I want you toreport to me.
(02:59):
So when we say red flagreporting, these are like
guidelines, a list of these arethe things I want you to tell me
about.
And what's cool about this isyou list them out.
And what we want to happen is ifthey are in a conversation on
the bus and one of these topicscomes up, a red flag alert goes
(03:21):
off in their brain to be like,hmm, that's something that I
need to go talk to mom and dadabout because it's on the list.
Then, as they bring these thingsto you, you don't respond crazy
parent mode, you don'toverreact, you say, thank you so
much for telling me.
And then that over time buildsthis relationship, this safe
(03:45):
place that we're trying tofoster in our home with our
kids.
So I had created this reportinglist.
And some of those items on thereare things like this.
If you hear a new word or anidea and you're not sure what it
means, a red flag alert shouldgo off in your brain to come
(04:06):
home and ask me.
Please don't ask Google.
Please don't ask AI.
I'm your source.
Just come home and ask me.
Another one was anyone askingfor personal information.
So if my child was online oreven at church and somebody came
up to them and said, Where doyou go to school?
You know, what's your address?
(04:28):
Something like that, that that ared flag alert would go off in
their brain to come and tell meabout that.
So I can make sure they're safe.
And one of the things that Iwant to say here, like, say if
you have a small child and theyare you're at a church function,
and somebody comes up to yourchild, one of your friends at
(04:50):
church, and they're justchit-chatting with your with
your daughter.
And maybe, you know, he or shesays, Where do you go to school?
That may be harmless.
It may be nothing.
But what we want to happen is ared flag alert to go off in your
kid's brain.
And she may say, right there, Igo to so-and-so elementary
school, right?
(05:11):
But later when she gets in thecar, she's filed that away as a
red flag alert.
Somebody asked personalinformation.
So I'm just going to tell momthat that happened.
Your daughter gets in the car,she tells you on the way home,
hey, you know, your friend atchurch.
He asked me where I went toschool.
I told him, is that okay?
(05:33):
That is amazing.
But you know what?
So often our kids may dosomething like that that we say,
report this stuff to us.
They actually do it, just likethis little girl just did in
this story.
And then we just are like, okay,thanks.
No, we need to praise, praise,praise that.
(05:54):
Thank you so much for tellingme.
It's fine that you told myfriend from church where you go
to school.
That is fine.
But I'm so glad you told mebecause sometimes it's not okay
to give that information out.
And I'm your safe place.
Like I'm here to help you vetthat.
Another thing on here wasanything kissing, dating,
marriage.
(06:14):
And what I want to say aboutthis is the reporting list that
I first created, which is thered flag alerts, the free guide
of the red flag alerts.
My youngest was six at the time.
So I didn't want to use biglanguage with him.
And so one of the things iskissing, dating, marriage.
Anytime you see that in a movie,on a YouTube, on an app, like I
(06:36):
just want you to tell me.
It may be nothing, but I wantyou to get into the habit of
reporting that to me.
So what I was trying to catchthere was sex or sexuality
stuff, right?
But I wasn't ready to maybe havethose bigger conversations with
my six-year-old.
I just wanted to get him intothe habit of reporting this
stuff to me and us having aconversation.
(06:59):
I wanted to show him that Iwasn't going to overreact, that
I was going to praise him.
And I knew that would help builda foundation for us.
You know, what's so interestingabout that is years ago I was
teaching this and tellingparents to do this.
And I had a mom contact me aftera church event, and she said, Oh
(07:19):
my gosh, you're never going tobelieve this.
I implemented this red flagreporting with my daughter, and
uh she was playing a four-plusapp where you could dress up
teddy bears and teddy bears gotmarried.
And she had three girl teddybears that got married.
And so because they had thisguideline in place, the little
(07:44):
girl thought, uh-oh, it hassomething to do with marriage.
I better tell mom.
And she said, Mom, three of mygirl teddy bears got married.
Isn't that so cool?
Well, then mom was able to havea conversation with her
daughter, four years old, aboutmarriage.
And maybe God's design is notfor three women, but this was
(08:06):
just a fun app.
And, you know, but but rememberwhat God says is that it's a mom
and a dad, and that's the bestfor every child.
So if we have this reportinglist for our kids, they become
their own filter.
They bring it to us, and in themeantime, we're establishing
(08:27):
that relationship.
Some of the things they bring toyou, like the, you know, telling
your friend at church where theygo to school, they're going to
be silly things that don't putthem in danger, but don't
dismiss them.
Still, it's thank you so muchfor telling me.
Um, you know, one of the one ofthe things, a big one was anyone
in a swimsuit or less.
(08:49):
And that was my way of trying tocatch pornography without saying
pornography with my six-year-oldbecause I wasn't sure if he was
ready yet or not.
And you know, so many times hewould be playing his Clash of
Clans app or something likethat.
And there would be somebody thatwas kind of like in a baiting
suit.
It definitely was not porn,right?
(09:09):
But it was a sexualizedcharacter or something.
And he would bring it to me.
And never did I laugh it off orbe like, okay, whatever.
It was always thank you so muchfor telling me.
I'm so proud of you.
And then that was kind of it.
If I needed to have a follow-upconversation about protecting
your heart and mind or modestyor something like that, then I
(09:31):
would.
But a lot of times it was justthank you so much for telling
me.
The key thing here is just don'tlaugh at them or don't dismiss
them because then it gets themout of the habit of reporting
things to you.
And, you know, we're talkingabout these red flag alerts, and
I'm using this kid language andthis free guide that we have,
(09:53):
you can go to our website atfree guides and click it and get
the red flag alert for free.
You know, we have donors whosupport the free guides that
we're providing for you guys.
But the language we use on thisis for three plus because I want
your kid to start practicingwith you what it's like to
(10:15):
confide in you and you be a safeplace and not overreact.
And the more we can do that, itcreates almost like a healthy
habit in your home.
It's standard operatingprocedure.
This is just what I do whensomething pops up.
And do you see if you're doingthat at three, four, and five
with these things, and itbecomes standard operating
(10:36):
procedure, then when theyfinally earn a phone at 14 or
whenever, then it's it's gonnabe a normal thing when something
pops up on that screen to tellyou because you've practiced for
all these years.
That's why I always say you'reyou're parenting a phone years
before they actually get thatphone.
(10:57):
I kind of want to circle backto, you know, how I started this
podcast in saying that the redflag reporting really sets us
apart from a lot of otherdigital safety organizations.
And I want to speak to that.
A lot of the mass messaging outthere now about phones is wait
until a certain age to get aphone.
(11:18):
Like wait until 14, wait until16.
This research says that researchsays that.
Delaying is good, yes.
But I think what's happeningwith that messaging from the
parents I'm working with andwhat I'm seeing is that we
think, okay, well, wait until 14and then they get a phone.
I don't really believe in that.
(11:40):
I believe earning a phone shouldbe based more on their behavior
than a birthday.
Now, if you want to say my childhas to be 14 and do this and
this before they can earn aphone, then I like that because
(12:01):
the this and this is thebehavior part.
If you ask me, well, Mandy, whatare the behaviors are you
looking at there?
What I'm looking at is thereporting guidelines.
What are they confiding in you?
Are they telling you who'svaping in the school bathroom?
Are they telling you which oftheir friends are looking at
pornography?
If they're not telling you thatstuff, they're not ready for a
(12:23):
phone.
I don't care how old they are.
So that's why this portion ofthe next top 10 is so unique and
different from a lot of theother messaging that's out there
is because we're giving youlanguage on behaviors to teach
your kids on how they can earn aphone.
(12:46):
I get frustrated with some ofthis mass messaging because it's
just hold out, hold out, holdout, and then they get a phone,
and we're not doing anything toprepare them for that phone.
And the teach red flag reportingprepares them for the phone.
So many times I get asked, whenare they ready for a phone?
(13:07):
When they're confiding in you,when they're reporting these
things to you.
Now, the red flag alerts, thatis gonna be language for three
years old and up.
So it's gonna be basic language.
We're not using words likepornography.
We also have what's calledfamily packs.
So when your kids are little,you're gonna do the red flag
alerts.
(13:28):
When they're older and you'reactually using words like sex
and pornography, then you'regonna go into the family packs.
We have two versions with twodifferent kinds of wording
there.
And those then become yourreporting guidelines.
The family packs, the kid andthe parent are both gonna sign
those.
(13:48):
The kid is gonna say, I'm gonnareport these things to you.
The parent is gonna say, I'm notgonna go crazy parent mode, I'm
not gonna overreact.
And they're gonna work togetherto make sure the kid is safe.
Now, on the family packs, we'veadded some other things.
So, for example, we will say oneof the things that we've added
(14:11):
on there is if there's somethingthat you can't stop thinking
about or you're scared about oryou're overwhelmed about, that
is the thing I need you toreport to me.
So there's some more detail asthey get older.
Uh, that was one of the bigthings in my home.
You know, when they were little,I would start out saying, if you
(14:31):
hear a new word or an idea andyou don't know what it means, a
red flag alert should go off inyour brain to come home and ask
me.
That's how I caught new words,things that they were being
exposed to.
And then as they got older, ofcourse, they kind of aged out of
that, right?
They would hear a word, theywould maybe think about it.
As they get older, they willGoogle it.
(14:53):
They will age out of this wherethey can kind of research it on
their own.
But then they may come talk toyou once they've done their
research.
So, this is what this means.
What do you think about this?
But also you can start usingmore detailed language about,
you know, one of the things thatwhen my kids were older, I would
say is anytime you lay your headon the pillow at night and you
(15:15):
can't stop thinking aboutsomething, like something is
bugging you, that's the thing Ineed you to tell me.
It's just that constant creatinga list of these are the things
that I want a red flag alert togo off in your brain to come
home and tell me.
Continually talking about that.
And then that will create anenvironment where they are
(15:40):
familiar to reporting to you,and that is what's going to keep
them safe online.
You know, no filter is gonnacatch a conversation on the bus
or the school lunch table, butthe reporting list will.
The red flag reporting willcatch this.
So implement it when they'relittle.
(16:02):
Continually evolve yourlanguage.
And if you don't like our familypacks, you create your own list.
And what I love about the familypacks too, there's like blank
lines where you can add extrastuff too.
But you need to work on thistogether and make sure that your
kids know what they need toreport to you and that you're
(16:24):
gonna promise to respond in acalm manner.
I do want to say this.
This is a big disclaimer.
There is a time when your kidwill start discerning and not
reporting as much to you.
And you need to evolve andchange with your kid.
One of the things that I didwhen they were little was I
(16:48):
would say, um, if you hear acuss word, I want you to report
that to me.
So that's when they were little,right?
Well, by middle school, theywere hearing lots of cuss words.
And what I had to do is evolvethat because if I didn't evolve
my reporting list, it almostbecame like, oh, I don't need to
(17:08):
tell mom anything anymore.
Like if they're hearing, youknow, 20 cuss words a day,
they're not going to tell me allof that.
And then there becomes a blurryline on what do I need to
report?
When you find yourself in thatsituation, that is a
conversation.
Okay, we had the red flagalerts.
Now you're getting older.
We need to establish some newguidelines.
(17:31):
Maybe you don't have to tell meevery cuss word you hear anymore
because I know you're hearingthem all the time.
But maybe now you will tell meif you are tempted to cuss or
you are tempted to do that.
That's what I want you to tellme.
So you have to shift and evolvewith your kid on where they are
(17:52):
and what they're reporting toyou.
Also, I want you to think of itlike this.
You know, we say, have your kidbring these reporting things to
you.
So what if your kid hears a newword, maybe a highly sexualized
word, and they bring it to you?
I know sometimes that is reallyshocking to us.
(18:17):
Well, one, you got to avoidcrazy parent mode, which we've
already covered, right?
But also, I want you to shiftyour thinking.
What if your kid had Googledthat or asked AI?
I think about that for a minute.
Because then they're gonna geteither pornography or a very
graphic description.
(18:37):
And that's not what we want.
We want age-appropriate what weknow our kid needs in that
moment for that information.
So if you're shocked, I want youto just shift your thinking in
your mind.
I'm so glad my son asked me thatbecause I actually saved him
from pornography.
The red flag reporting can saveour kids from more exposure
(19:02):
because they're coming to us andnot Googling it.
The key to keeping our kids safeonline and off is open
communication.
Restrictions are good, but it'sreally about the relationship.
And our next talk 10 creates aformula where we are building
(19:23):
that healthy dialogue in ourhome.
This intentional practice ofteaching red flag reporting, it
is key.
And it is what is so unique toNext Talk to make sure we build
the safe place.
Teach your kids to be theirfilter.
(19:44):
Teach your kids to report toyou.
Teach your kids when they'reexposed that a red flag alert
goes off in their brain and theycome home and ask mom or dad.
That is key to building opencommunication and also creating
a path to where they earn aphone based on that behavior of
(20:09):
reporting and not just abirthday.
The red flag reporting, alongwith the other Next Talk 10,
will foster a healthy dialoguebetween you and your child.
I watched it in my own homehappen.
It was a decade-long experiment,but this was one of the key
(20:31):
things we must initiate and do.
SPEAKER_00 (20:35):
Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe
online.
To support our work, make adonation at next talk.org.
Next talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose,
treat, or otherwise renderexpert advice regarding any type
of medical, psychological,legal, financial, or other
problem.
You are advised to consult aqualified expert for your
(20:56):
personal treatment plan.
Welcome to the Next Talk Podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech, culture, and
faith with our kids.
Teach red flag reporting.
That is one of our core nexttalk 10 best practices.
(00:22):
And honestly, you know, here atArt Nonprofit, we really focus
on building the relationshipwith our kids.
We believe that is key tokeeping kids safe in a digital
world.
These next talk 10 practices iskind of like the formula that
(00:43):
God gave me when I was firststarting out on this journey 12
years ago, trying to figure outhow to protect my kids.
They were being exposed toinappropriate content and they
did not have phones.
They were six and nine.
You guys now know they are 18and 21.
So looking back, this formula ofthe next talk 10, which I write
(01:09):
about in my Keeping Kids Safe ina Digital World book, this is
really what helped cultivate aculture of conversation in our
home.
That healthy dialogue that I'malways talking about, that is
the solution, which comes fromDeuteronomy 6, 6, and 7 when it
says talk with your kids.
You know, these four key timesto talk with our kids when we're
(01:32):
on the go, when we're at home,when we're getting up, and when
we're going to bed.
This practice in particular, theteach the red flag reporting, I
want to tell you how that cameabout and where that came from.
I truly believe it's one of thevery unique features of Next
(01:54):
Talk and what sets us apart froma lot of other digital parenting
organizations.
Because when I started NextTalk, there weren't other
nonprofits like ours.
Like I created what I needed inthat moment.
And as God was showing me these10 characteristics that needed
to be in place to have a healthydialogue at home, this one was
(02:19):
critical in implementing.
And I kind of want to explainhow that how that happened.
So one of the things that Inoticed early on when they were
little was they would hearthings in a conversation on the
bus at the lunch table, and nofilter on a phone would catch
that.
(02:39):
They didn't have phones, buteven if they did, it wouldn't
have caught the inappropriatecontent through the
conversation.
I realized my kids had to betheir own filter.
So to teach that, what I did wasI wrote out a list of these are
the things that I want you toreport to me.
(02:59):
So when we say red flagreporting, these are like
guidelines, a list of these arethe things I want you to tell me
about.
And what's cool about this isyou list them out.
And what we want to happen is ifthey are in a conversation on
the bus and one of these topicscomes up, a red flag alert goes
(03:21):
off in their brain to be like,hmm, that's something that I
need to go talk to mom and dadabout because it's on the list.
Then, as they bring these thingsto you, you don't respond crazy
parent mode, you don'toverreact, you say, thank you so
much for telling me.
And then that over time buildsthis relationship, this safe
(03:45):
place that we're trying tofoster in our home with our
kids.
So I had created this reportinglist.
And some of those items on thereare things like this.
If you hear a new word or anidea and you're not sure what it
means, a red flag alert shouldgo off in your brain to come
(04:06):
home and ask me.
Please don't ask Google.
Please don't ask AI.
I'm your source.
Just come home and ask me.
Another one was anyone askingfor personal information.
So if my child was online oreven at church and somebody came
up to them and said, Where doyou go to school?
You know, what's your address?
(04:28):
Something like that, that that ared flag alert would go off in
their brain to come and tell meabout that.
So I can make sure they're safe.
And one of the things that Iwant to say here, like, say if
you have a small child and theyare you're at a church function,
and somebody comes up to yourchild, one of your friends at
(04:50):
church, and they're justchit-chatting with your with
your daughter.
And maybe, you know, he or shesays, Where do you go to school?
That may be harmless.
It may be nothing.
But what we want to happen is ared flag alert to go off in your
kid's brain.
And she may say, right there, Igo to so-and-so elementary
school, right?
(05:11):
But later when she gets in thecar, she's filed that away as a
red flag alert.
Somebody asked personalinformation.
So I'm just going to tell momthat that happened.
Your daughter gets in the car,she tells you on the way home,
hey, you know, your friend atchurch.
He asked me where I went toschool.
I told him, is that okay?
(05:33):
That is amazing.
But you know what?
So often our kids may dosomething like that that we say,
report this stuff to us.
They actually do it, just likethis little girl just did in
this story.
And then we just are like, okay,thanks.
No, we need to praise, praise,praise that.
(05:54):
Thank you so much for tellingme.
It's fine that you told myfriend from church where you go
to school.
That is fine.
But I'm so glad you told mebecause sometimes it's not okay
to give that information out.
And I'm your safe place.
Like I'm here to help you vetthat.
Another thing on here wasanything kissing, dating,
marriage.
(06:14):
And what I want to say aboutthis is the reporting list that
I first created, which is thered flag alerts, the free guide
of the red flag alerts.
My youngest was six at the time.
So I didn't want to use biglanguage with him.
And so one of the things iskissing, dating, marriage.
Anytime you see that in a movie,on a YouTube, on an app, like I
(06:36):
just want you to tell me.
It may be nothing, but I wantyou to get into the habit of
reporting that to me.
So what I was trying to catchthere was sex or sexuality
stuff, right?
But I wasn't ready to maybe havethose bigger conversations with
my six-year-old.
I just wanted to get him intothe habit of reporting this
stuff to me and us having aconversation.
(06:59):
I wanted to show him that Iwasn't going to overreact, that
I was going to praise him.
And I knew that would help builda foundation for us.
You know, what's so interestingabout that is years ago I was
teaching this and tellingparents to do this.
And I had a mom contact me aftera church event, and she said, Oh
(07:19):
my gosh, you're never going tobelieve this.
I implemented this red flagreporting with my daughter, and
uh she was playing a four-plusapp where you could dress up
teddy bears and teddy bears gotmarried.
And she had three girl teddybears that got married.
And so because they had thisguideline in place, the little
(07:44):
girl thought, uh-oh, it hassomething to do with marriage.
I better tell mom.
And she said, Mom, three of mygirl teddy bears got married.
Isn't that so cool?
Well, then mom was able to havea conversation with her
daughter, four years old, aboutmarriage.
And maybe God's design is notfor three women, but this was
(08:06):
just a fun app.
And, you know, but but rememberwhat God says is that it's a mom
and a dad, and that's the bestfor every child.
So if we have this reportinglist for our kids, they become
their own filter.
They bring it to us, and in themeantime, we're establishing
(08:27):
that relationship.
Some of the things they bring toyou, like the, you know, telling
your friend at church where theygo to school, they're going to
be silly things that don't putthem in danger, but don't
dismiss them.
Still, it's thank you so muchfor telling me.
Um, you know, one of the one ofthe things, a big one was anyone
in a swimsuit or less.
(08:49):
And that was my way of trying tocatch pornography without saying
pornography with my six-year-oldbecause I wasn't sure if he was
ready yet or not.
And you know, so many times hewould be playing his Clash of
Clans app or something likethat.
And there would be somebody thatwas kind of like in a baiting
suit.
It definitely was not porn,right?
(09:09):
But it was a sexualizedcharacter or something.
And he would bring it to me.
And never did I laugh it off orbe like, okay, whatever.
It was always thank you so muchfor telling me.
I'm so proud of you.
And then that was kind of it.
If I needed to have a follow-upconversation about protecting
your heart and mind or modestyor something like that, then I
(09:31):
would.
But a lot of times it was justthank you so much for telling
me.
The key thing here is just don'tlaugh at them or don't dismiss
them because then it gets themout of the habit of reporting
things to you.
And, you know, we're talkingabout these red flag alerts, and
I'm using this kid language andthis free guide that we have,
(09:53):
you can go to our website atfree guides and click it and get
the red flag alert for free.
You know, we have donors whosupport the free guides that
we're providing for you guys.
But the language we use on thisis for three plus because I want
your kid to start practicingwith you what it's like to
(10:15):
confide in you and you be a safeplace and not overreact.
And the more we can do that, itcreates almost like a healthy
habit in your home.
It's standard operatingprocedure.
This is just what I do whensomething pops up.
And do you see if you're doingthat at three, four, and five
with these things, and itbecomes standard operating
(10:36):
procedure, then when theyfinally earn a phone at 14 or
whenever, then it's it's gonnabe a normal thing when something
pops up on that screen to tellyou because you've practiced for
all these years.
That's why I always say you'reyou're parenting a phone years
before they actually get thatphone.
(10:57):
I kind of want to circle backto, you know, how I started this
podcast in saying that the redflag reporting really sets us
apart from a lot of otherdigital safety organizations.
And I want to speak to that.
A lot of the mass messaging outthere now about phones is wait
until a certain age to get aphone.
(11:18):
Like wait until 14, wait until16.
This research says that researchsays that.
Delaying is good, yes.
But I think what's happeningwith that messaging from the
parents I'm working with andwhat I'm seeing is that we
think, okay, well, wait until 14and then they get a phone.
I don't really believe in that.
(11:40):
I believe earning a phone shouldbe based more on their behavior
than a birthday.
Now, if you want to say my childhas to be 14 and do this and
this before they can earn aphone, then I like that because
(12:01):
the this and this is thebehavior part.
If you ask me, well, Mandy, whatare the behaviors are you
looking at there?
What I'm looking at is thereporting guidelines.
What are they confiding in you?
Are they telling you who'svaping in the school bathroom?
Are they telling you which oftheir friends are looking at
pornography?
If they're not telling you thatstuff, they're not ready for a
(12:23):
phone.
I don't care how old they are.
So that's why this portion ofthe next top 10 is so unique and
different from a lot of theother messaging that's out there
is because we're giving youlanguage on behaviors to teach
your kids on how they can earn aphone.
(12:46):
I get frustrated with some ofthis mass messaging because it's
just hold out, hold out, holdout, and then they get a phone,
and we're not doing anything toprepare them for that phone.
And the teach red flag reportingprepares them for the phone.
So many times I get asked, whenare they ready for a phone?
(13:07):
When they're confiding in you,when they're reporting these
things to you.
Now, the red flag alerts, thatis gonna be language for three
years old and up.
So it's gonna be basic language.
We're not using words likepornography.
We also have what's calledfamily packs.
So when your kids are little,you're gonna do the red flag
alerts.
(13:28):
When they're older and you'reactually using words like sex
and pornography, then you'regonna go into the family packs.
We have two versions with twodifferent kinds of wording
there.
And those then become yourreporting guidelines.
The family packs, the kid andthe parent are both gonna sign
those.
(13:48):
The kid is gonna say, I'm gonnareport these things to you.
The parent is gonna say, I'm notgonna go crazy parent mode, I'm
not gonna overreact.
And they're gonna work togetherto make sure the kid is safe.
Now, on the family packs, we'veadded some other things.
So, for example, we will say oneof the things that we've added
(14:11):
on there is if there's somethingthat you can't stop thinking
about or you're scared about oryou're overwhelmed about, that
is the thing I need you toreport to me.
So there's some more detail asthey get older.
Uh, that was one of the bigthings in my home.
You know, when they were little,I would start out saying, if you
(14:31):
hear a new word or an idea andyou don't know what it means, a
red flag alert should go off inyour brain to come home and ask
me.
That's how I caught new words,things that they were being
exposed to.
And then as they got older, ofcourse, they kind of aged out of
that, right?
They would hear a word, theywould maybe think about it.
As they get older, they willGoogle it.
(14:53):
They will age out of this wherethey can kind of research it on
their own.
But then they may come talk toyou once they've done their
research.
So, this is what this means.
What do you think about this?
But also you can start usingmore detailed language about,
you know, one of the things thatwhen my kids were older, I would
say is anytime you lay your headon the pillow at night and you
(15:15):
can't stop thinking aboutsomething, like something is
bugging you, that's the thing Ineed you to tell me.
It's just that constant creatinga list of these are the things
that I want a red flag alert togo off in your brain to come
home and tell me.
Continually talking about that.
And then that will create anenvironment where they are
(15:40):
familiar to reporting to you,and that is what's going to keep
them safe online.
You know, no filter is gonnacatch a conversation on the bus
or the school lunch table, butthe reporting list will.
The red flag reporting willcatch this.
So implement it when they'relittle.
(16:02):
Continually evolve yourlanguage.
And if you don't like our familypacks, you create your own list.
And what I love about the familypacks too, there's like blank
lines where you can add extrastuff too.
But you need to work on thistogether and make sure that your
kids know what they need toreport to you and that you're
(16:24):
gonna promise to respond in acalm manner.
I do want to say this.
This is a big disclaimer.
There is a time when your kidwill start discerning and not
reporting as much to you.
And you need to evolve andchange with your kid.
One of the things that I didwhen they were little was I
(16:48):
would say, um, if you hear acuss word, I want you to report
that to me.
So that's when they were little,right?
Well, by middle school, theywere hearing lots of cuss words.
And what I had to do is evolvethat because if I didn't evolve
my reporting list, it almostbecame like, oh, I don't need to
(17:08):
tell mom anything anymore.
Like if they're hearing, youknow, 20 cuss words a day,
they're not going to tell me allof that.
And then there becomes a blurryline on what do I need to
report?
When you find yourself in thatsituation, that is a
conversation.
Okay, we had the red flagalerts.
Now you're getting older.
We need to establish some newguidelines.
(17:31):
Maybe you don't have to tell meevery cuss word you hear anymore
because I know you're hearingthem all the time.
But maybe now you will tell meif you are tempted to cuss or
you are tempted to do that.
That's what I want you to tellme.
So you have to shift and evolvewith your kid on where they are
(17:52):
and what they're reporting toyou.
Also, I want you to think of itlike this.
You know, we say, have your kidbring these reporting things to
you.
So what if your kid hears a newword, maybe a highly sexualized
word, and they bring it to you?
I know sometimes that is reallyshocking to us.
(18:17):
Well, one, you got to avoidcrazy parent mode, which we've
already covered, right?
But also, I want you to shiftyour thinking.
What if your kid had Googledthat or asked AI?
I think about that for a minute.
Because then they're gonna geteither pornography or a very
graphic description.
(18:37):
And that's not what we want.
We want age-appropriate what weknow our kid needs in that
moment for that information.
So if you're shocked, I want youto just shift your thinking in
your mind.
I'm so glad my son asked me thatbecause I actually saved him
from pornography.
The red flag reporting can saveour kids from more exposure
(19:02):
because they're coming to us andnot Googling it.
The key to keeping our kids safeonline and off is open
communication.
Restrictions are good, but it'sreally about the relationship.
And our next talk 10 creates aformula where we are building
(19:23):
that healthy dialogue in ourhome.
This intentional practice ofteaching red flag reporting, it
is key.
And it is what is so unique toNext Talk to make sure we build
the safe place.
Teach your kids to be theirfilter.
(19:44):
Teach your kids to report toyou.
Teach your kids when they'reexposed that a red flag alert
goes off in their brain and theycome home and ask mom or dad.
That is key to building opencommunication and also creating
a path to where they earn aphone based on that behavior of
(20:09):
reporting and not just abirthday.
The red flag reporting, alongwith the other Next Talk 10,
will foster a healthy dialoguebetween you and your child.
I watched it in my own homehappen.
It was a decade-long experiment,but this was one of the key
(20:31):
things we must initiate and do.
SPEAKER_00 (20:35):
Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe
online.
To support our work, make adonation at next talk.org.
Next talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose,
treat, or otherwise renderexpert advice regarding any type
of medical, psychological,legal, financial, or other
problem.
You are advised to consult aqualified expert for your
(20:56):
personal treatment plan.
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