If your kids are on social media or have heard about the viral affair at the Coldplay concert, now is the time to engage in these three important discussions about the sexual culture they’re growing up in.
KEEPING KIDS SAFE ONLINE
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Episode Transcript
Many of you have watched the clip from the
Coldplay concert.
I know it has created somediscussion in my own home.
Two corporate executives theCEO and head of HR got caught on
a kiss cam at a Coldplayconcert.
When they realized it, theyimmediately ducked, and the
singer even joked on stagethey're either shy or they're
(00:24):
having an affair on stage.
They're either shy or they'rehaving an affair.
And then the internet postedthe video and hunted them down.
Before long we knew the companyname, the family's name.
It was even reported that thewife of the CEO had to delete
her Facebook because so manywere storming her account.
Misinformation traveled fast.
(00:46):
There was a false statementthat was circulating and it
spread like wildfire.
The memes and the jokes havebeen constant.
I think we've all been guiltyof laughing or making a joke
about this, but these are realfamilies and I'm sure their
(01:06):
lives are shattered.
I'm not condoning what they did, but, man, I can't imagine this
happening to a family that Iknow in real life.
So I've been praying for thespouses and the kids.
All of this has made me realizesocial media has become the new
(01:31):
public stoning.
And you guys, it's not biblical,you know.
In Matthew 18, believers arebeing told how to have conflict
with other believers.
And this passage is reallytalking about when another
believer is sinning or fallingshort.
And it says if another believersins against you, go privately
(01:56):
and point out the offense.
If the other person listens andconfesses, you have won that
person back.
But if you are unsuccessful,take one or two others with you
and go dot, dot, dot.
And it continues along theseother steps.
There are several of them here,but my point is cancel.
(02:17):
Culture is not biblical, thisrelentless bullying.
I want to ruin this person'slife.
You know, often when we'recommenting or responding with
something on social media, it isa lack of self-control, it is
just a jump in to the mobmentality and we often haven't
(02:38):
thought that there's a person,there's a soul on the other side
of that screen.
Listen, I don't know the faithbackground of the parties
involved, but I know thisscripture that when Christians
need to point out other thingsto Christians, we are supposed
to go and point them outprivately Before we move on.
(03:00):
I want to say this the purposeof this podcast is not to join
in on the public stoningAbsolutely not.
This story doesn't make me hatethese people.
It makes me sad for thesepeople.
I think this story happening inour culture right now is a
(03:22):
perfect opportunity to talk toour kids about sex, and the
first talking point is this Sexshould be sacred.
We live in a world that hastaken something so beautiful
that should be enjoyed between aman and a woman in a committed
(03:43):
marriage, and we've altered it.
We've decided we know best.
And before I go on on thistalking point, I do want to
point out a disclaimer here.
If you are listening and youthink I don't define marriage or
sex the way she does, I'm out.
I ask you to keep tuning inbecause there's talking points
(04:05):
here for everyone.
But let's talk about how ourculture has cheapened sex.
Onlyfans has over 210 millionusers.
We see headline after headlineabout breaking the world record
of having sex with so many menin so many hours.
(04:26):
I think the record stands at1,000 men in 12 hours.
Porn is readily available tokids and has become the new sex
education.
Back in 2017, I mean a longtime ago I covered the 17
Magazine article, the Guide toAnal Sex that was aimed at kids
(04:47):
ages 13 and up.
We've continued to see theslippery slope in our world
about how we're perceiving sex.
Kids see these things, theyhear these things.
They hear these things.
And when you becomedesensitized and almost
(05:09):
indoctrinated to believe thatsex is no big deal, of course
affairs will be more likely tohappen too.
Parents, please don't put yourheads in the sand.
You must speak to your kidsabout sex and the culture, and
this viral affair is anopportunity to bring it up.
(05:30):
Before we bring it up, I wouldchallenge you as the parent what
is the moral compass you'reteaching your child about sex?
And I think for non-Christians,who may define sex and marriage
differently than I do, myquestion to you is what's the
line for sex for your kids?
(05:51):
Like when they are in acommitted relationship, it's
okay.
And how do you define what acommitted relationship is?
Is it one week?
Is it one year, like?
Are you specifying these thingsto your kids?
I mean, I can tell you fromserving a diverse group of
parents over the years,including non-Christians that
(06:12):
are non-profit.
I find that this moral compassis not often defined clearly for
kids.
It's very blurred what's okayor what's not okay.
And I do want to point out, nomatter if you are a Christian or
not, I believe in parents'choice, your family, your choice
on how you want to handle thesetopics with your kids.
(06:33):
But I do think it's importantwe all develop a moral compass
for our kids and explain what isacceptable and not acceptable,
especially on this issue of sex.
As a Christian parent, I'mgoing to be honest.
This is kind of easy for me.
(06:53):
God defines it in his word,because he addresses this very
clearly.
First, corinthians 7, 2, and 3says because there is so much
sexual immorality, one manshould have one wife and one
wife should have one husband tofulfill their sexual needs.
(07:14):
And I don't know about you, butlike I feel like this is bigger
than my mind, you know thesemoral issues are bigger than me.
I have to trust a greater powerwho knows better than my mind.
You know these moral issues arebigger than me.
I have to trust a greater powerwho knows better than I do.
He sees the whole picture.
The Bible even says God's waysare greater than our ways.
(07:35):
His thoughts are bigger thanour thoughts.
And honestly, I don't want toput all my faith in a God who
thinks like me, who thinks likea human, a little-minded human.
So I've made the decision in myhome to teach my kids that the
very best for them is to waitand have one partner for life in
(07:58):
marriage, because God knowsbest.
You know, over the years, mykids and for those of you who
may be new to Next Talk, my kidsare now 17 and 21.
And over the years we've had somany conversations about sex and
sexuality and this is how I'velearned to respond to some of
(08:20):
those, you know, when they askme a question, I will say listen
, I don't get to tell anyone howto live their lives.
I'm a person.
I get stuff wrong all day long.
I know I'm supposed to showkindness and love to everyone,
but there is one who created us,who knows more than we do, and
(08:42):
he gives us guidance on thisissue.
And honestly, instead of likespoon feeding my kids scripture,
one of the switches that I madealong this journey was I would
send them to scripture and Iwould say what do you think God
says about this?
So I would send them and say go, look up 1 Corinthians, 7, 2
(09:02):
and 3.
And you tell me what God saysabout sex.
Listen, point your kids toscripture for truth.
Don't lecture your kids abouthow awful sex is or horrible it
is, but we need to shift theconversation to how beautiful
God created it and why it'sworth the wait.
(09:25):
You know, I will tell my kidsyou will have less consequences
and more peace if you do thingsGod's way.
You know what a cool thought tohave one person to share in
sexual intimacy, where you learn, are completely vulnerable and
you grow together.
That is the foundation of sexthat God wants for each of us.
(09:48):
It's a picture that God wantsus to see that sex is sacred.
It's not just anything that wedo at any time.
Now I do want to say this forthose of you with older kids if
your kids have chosen not towait until they get married and
you've tried to instill that inthem, I want to give you a word
(10:13):
Do not hate your kids.
Do not disown your kids right,of course, love your kids
unconditionally.
Our kids reach an age wherethey get to decide what they're
going to do in this area andwith all other issues as well,
and our job is to create afoundation through the years
(10:38):
that makes a case for God's way.
More than the things they'reseeing in the world, more than
the porn they're hearing about,more than the OnlyFans headlines
that they're worrying about,more than the things they're
seeing in the world, more thanthe porn they're hearing about,
more than the OnlyFans headlinesthat they're worrying about,
more than the world records thatthey're hearing about with men.
We need to do that and I wouldchallenge you today.
Are you making a case for whysex is sacred and why it should
(11:04):
be protected sacred and why itshould be protected?
This is one of those culturalmoments where this affair story,
where you could actually comein and plant some foundational
seeds in your child's heart andmind around sex.
As you're talking about sexwith your kids, another very
important point is this they maysay to you why does God say we
(11:29):
can only do it within marriage,or why does that boundary exist?
Here's a great way to answerthat.
God doesn't give us boundariesaround sex and marriage because
he hates us.
Listen, he knows best.
He's actually trying to protectus.
(11:50):
Think about it like this whenyour second grader asks for
Snapchat, you say no.
You don't say no because youhate your child and want to make
their life miserable Of coursenot.
You say no because you know thedangers on Snapchat and you
(12:10):
want to make sure they're safe.
You need to protect them fromthat until their mind can
process what's happening andrespond in a safe manner.
You know, I think one of theglimmering levels of hope in
this story is this Generally,people thought this couple was
(12:35):
wrong for having an affair andthat tells me the sexual ethics
in our culture aren't too fargone.
Like, like we everybody cametogether and kind of bashed too
much, we swung the pendulum toofar to where we were going to
the public stoning route, right.
But there was, I believe, aconsensus that this is wrong.
(12:59):
Affairs are wrong.
Back in 2016, I wrote my firstbook about creating open
communication with our kids andI included topics in that about
sexuality, gender dating,because I saw how important the
conversation around sexualethics was going to be.
(13:19):
You know how I saw it.
I saw it in my kids' questions.
I had revelations around ourmidnight talks.
I had revelations around ourmidnight talks and, honestly,
there were a lot of people nottalking about it, especially in
the church.
But I realized as a parent inthat moment I had to figure out
what I believe about sex and whyI believe it, because that was
(13:43):
going to either point my kidscloser to God or farther away.
My beliefs around this topicwas going to shape my kids'
faith journey.
It's easy to take a stand nowand say you believe sex is
sacred and hold a traditionalview of marriage.
(14:04):
A lot more people are comingout and say it.
But I do want us to continue tobe cautioned and careful with
this is sacred and hold atraditional view of marriage.
A lot more people are comingout and say it.
But I do want us to continue tobe cautioned and careful with
this.
Even though we feel okay tocome out and say affairs are
wrong or sex is between a manand a woman within a marriage,
don't swing the pendulum so farthat it becomes a public stoning
(14:26):
.
I just want to say that again.
Don't become a bully.
There is a big differencebetween pointing out someone's
sin because you care about themversus publicly humiliating and
stoning them.
You know, john 8 is a story ofa woman who was caught in
(14:47):
adultery.
The law said to stone her.
The religious people actuallydrug her in front of Jesus.
They're dragging her out there.
They assumed Jesus wouldparticipate in the stoning
because she had broken the lawand he needed to uphold the law.
But Jesus paused and reallysurprised everybody.
(15:11):
He bent down and wrotesomething in the sand and we
don't know what that was.
But then he looked up and hesaid this to all the religious
leaders and all the people thereyou, without sin, cast the
first stone.
What is he saying there?
(15:36):
We are all guilty.
You know, as I was scrolling Xthe other day and seeing all the
memes and people making fun ofthis viral affair, I thought to
myself how many of these samepeople are watching porn behind
their spouse's back?
How many of these same peopleare one of those 210 million
(15:57):
users on OnlyFans.
I'm not condoning this sin ofadultery, but before we get too
high on our moral code, we needto look in the mirror.
Before we get too high on ourmoral code, we need to look in
the mirror One by one, as Jesusstood there and he said you,
without sin, cast the firststone.
One by one.
All of them walked away becausethey knew they had their own
(16:21):
stuff to deal with, their ownsin to face.
It was just Jesus and theadulterous woman, and of course,
he could have stoned herbecause he really was perfect.
He didn't have sin in his life.
This is what he says to thewoman I don't condemn you either
.
Go now and leave your life ofsin.
(16:43):
And leave your life of sin.
He doesn't condone her sin, hesets her free from it.
And I think there is so muchhope for all of us in this story
in John 8, because we're allguilty of something.
(17:03):
As we look at the woman who wascaught in adultery and we look
at our culture of what it saysabout sex, do you see how
important it is that we frame anarrative for our kids that sex
is sacred?
Talking point number twoFeelings are real, but shouldn't
(17:25):
be the boss.
Feelings are real, butshouldn't be the boss.
You know, we often excusesexual immorality and affairs
because we quote feel this way.
We tell ourselves this personis satisfying a need, this
person quotes gets me and so, nomatter what, I'm going to chase
(17:46):
after those magical feelings.
You know we hear phrases likefollow your heart and love is
love.
Hashtags and catchphrases havebecome our theology.
When people started using loveis love years ago, I remember
seeing it, you know, online.
(18:06):
I thought it was the cutestlittle saying.
And then, years later, I helpeda family where a 12 year old
girl had been groomed online bya 72 year old man and she wanted
to leave, run away, marry himwhen the relationship was
exposed and you know what shekept saying over and over to her
(18:28):
panicked mom.
But, mom, love is love.
Ephesians 4.14 says don't betricked by lies, so clever they
sound like the truth.
Love is love, sounds sweet, butit's dangerous.
(18:48):
How could it apply in thissituation?
Well, love is love.
So who cares about the marriagecovenant?
Who cares about the promise Imade to my family?
Right, love is love.
And also this saying of followyour heart.
Did you know that God saysdon't trust your heart because
(19:08):
the heart is deceitful.
Jeremiah 17, 9 says the heartis deceitful above all things
and desperately sick.
Proverbs 3, 5 doesn't tell usto follow our heart.
But this is what it says.
It says trust in the Lord withall your heart and lean not on
your own understanding.
We're not to follow our heartbecause our heart could lead us
(19:31):
astray.
We're to trust in the Lordinstead.
He knows what's best for us.
Listen, I'm not saying feelingsaren't real.
Of course they are.
They need to be acknowledged,they need to be dealt with.
But if we always let feelingscontrol us, we're going to find
(19:51):
ourselves in big trouble.
We'll break promises, we won'tkeep our word, we'll react out
of emotion and we'll have a lotof regret in our life, from
anger to jealousy, to sexualfeelings.
We must rein that in.
Acknowledge the feelings andthe Bible even says take those
(20:14):
thoughts captive.
Listen.
We've got to rise up and talkto our kids about feelings, how
to deal with them and thisconcept of self-control.
These are some of the mostimportant discussions you will
ever have with your kids.
You will ever have with yourkids.
These ideas of feelings leadingyou everywhere and this thought
(20:38):
of no, I need to haveself-control.
They relate to so much morethan just sexuality.
Proverbs 25, 28 says a manwithout self-control is like a
city broken into and leftwithout walls, no boundaries, if
(20:59):
we cannot control our feelings.
So to wrap this up, it is soimportant that we talk to our
kids and we say to them listen,feelings are real, but they
shouldn't be the boss of us.
And this is why feelings arereal, but they shouldn't be the
boss of us.
And this is why Point them toscripture and let them
(21:19):
understand how this could haveplayed into a bad decision.
Feelings can lead to baddecisions.
Number one sex should be sacred.
Number two feelings are realbut should not be the boss.
And number three no one is evertoo far gone.
I really want to address thishere and I think this is a
(21:41):
really important talking point.
One of the most interestingthings to me is when they got
caught, their reaction was tohide and it reminded me so much
of the Garden of Eden.
After they had sinned, theyknew it was wrong.
You know, as we've witnessedthis, we've seen the mistakes
(22:06):
and very public.
We've seen the public stoning.
We've seen the cancel culturethat we live in just relentless
mob mentality.
As you start to engage and talkto your kids about sex and
feelings and self-control andthis viral affair, I want to
(22:27):
caution you about something youcan never think that your kid
has not made a mistake.
Your kid could be watching porn.
Your kid has not made a mistake.
Your kid could be watching porn.
Your kid could have sent a nude.
Your kid could have had sex.
And when we engage in bigconversations like this, what we
(22:47):
don't want to do is we don'twant our kids hiding in shame or
being so embarrassed about asecret sin that it would cause
them to hurt themselves orothers, or that they just lose
hope because they feel likethey're not good enough and
they're never going to be ableto undo what they did.
(23:07):
So when you talk about bigissues like this in your home, I
need you to end on a positivenote and follow up with hey, no
matter what mistakes this couplemade, or mistakes I've made and
I've made a ton or mistakes youmay have made, sweetie do you
(23:30):
know that Jesus says we can allbe forgiven?
Like that's the hope ofChristianity, right?
Like no one is perfect, we allneed a savior to give us a new
life?
That's what it means when wesay we want Jesus to be Lord of
our life, we can ask forforgiveness, we can turn away
from our sins and we can seekJesus for the rest of our days
(23:51):
with our whole heart.
Doesn't mean we're going to beperfect still, but we're going
to be chasing and we're going tohave the guidance of the Holy
Spirit when we do mess up, toconvict us in a healthy way.
Not shame us, but convict us tobe like, just like that
biblical conflict resolution inMatthew 18, that private
accountability.
(24:11):
Hey, this isn't good for you,this isn't good for you.
And so, as we wrap this up, Ijust want to say this is such a
sad story that everyone knowsabout.
I would encourage you to talkto your kids about this and I
think you know some of the mostimportant conversations you can
(24:35):
have are these three talkingpoints One sex should be sacred.
Two feelings are real, but theyshouldn't be the boss.
And talking point number threeno one is ever too far gone.
Jesus loves us.
All is ever too far gone.
(25:02):
Jesus loves us all and he diedfor us, for all of our mistakes.
I'm praying so much that youcan have some good conversations
in your home.
No-transcript.
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