January 31, 2023 • 30 mins
In this episode, Lauryn + Katie chat all about friendships - how to keep them, how to start adult friendships + the most controversial question: Are friendships breakups or romantic breakups harder!?
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Episode Transcript
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(00:07):
All right.
It's a snow day here.
Casey.
Casey, welcome to the pod.
Welcome to the pod, baby girls,pool boys, theys, badies.
All, all, all of y'all outthere.
Um, how's everyone doing today?
How are you doing today?
(00:28):
You know, I'm good.
I think that the snow day ismaking me feel something.
I don't know.
It's just making me happy, kindof.
It's making me happy too,because the main reason I
struggle with January is becauseit's just cold and miserable and
long cold.
Then nothing happens happening.
Yeah.
It's cold for no reason.
This is why this is a nicebreakup.
Yeah.
This is a nice snowing.
(00:49):
I know.
It makes me feel like I justwanna sit and be cozy and read.
Speaking of reading, speaking ofreading, I finished the simple
wild and it was so good you guysbefore she like tells me like
all the things about this.
It was my book Rec.
So I'm very much proud of myselffor giving her that book rec and
(01:10):
that she loved it.
Yeah.
That is such a heartwarmingfeeling.
It was your book Rec and didn'trealize it was over 400 pages, I
think, or like right at, yeah.
But honestly it flew by and I'mliterally going to buy the
second one.
Yes.
Today.
Tonight, yes.
And I'm gonna start it.
It was a really, listen, it justmade me really gi.
(01:30):
It's sad though.
Yeah.
The Indian is sad, but, um,okay.
I'm just gonna spoil it, so ifanyone wants to read it, skip.
Yeah.
But the part where Jonah comesback mm-hmm.
and he's like, I'm asking you tolike, pretty much ask her to
move.
Yes.
So now the second, have you readthe second book?
No, I've started it.
So we're caught up now.
Oh my gosh.
So now I wanna read it.
(01:51):
Am I gonna read it before you ordo you wanna read it at the same
time?
We can read it at the same time.
I'm gonna start tonight.
Okay.
So whenever you like, I mean,you'll finish it before me, but
maybe I'm gonna start tonightand I just, who knows what's
gonna happen in the second book.
I know.
I'm so excited.
I think that they're gonna fallin love and have children.
So what do you think about thewhole situation with her dad?
(02:14):
I thought it was reallyheartwarming, wasn't it?
Yeah.
I.
Wish that maybe there was alittle more progression with the
dad in like the middle of thebook, because I do think she's
very much like anti dad, antidad, and then doesn't see him a
lot in the middle.
Yeah.
And then the ending is likeabout him dying.
Yeah.
And she's like, I'll never getthis opportunity with like, in
(02:37):
any of these opportunities withhim.
Mm-hmm.
And so I just wish there was alittle bit more of like, just
solo them doing things.
Yeah.
But I think in the middle, Ithink that that was, I think
that's so realistic though.
No, it, it is for sure becauselike when it comes to grief
mm-hmm.
you know Yeah.
You, you don't get to reallylike plan out like, okay, this
(02:59):
is what we're gonna dobeforehand or whatever.
No, you're right.
Don't know.
Sometimes like it just happens.
Yeah.
The way it happened.
I was just like, geez.
Got you in your feels.
It got me in my feels too.
I did cry.
I, I think, I just wish therewas more like little awkward
moments between them in themiddle.
Like that's kind of what I wish.
Not that they acted like thingswere perfect between them, but
maybe that there was some likelittle awkward Yeah.
(03:21):
Like.
Quirky moments.
Yeah.
But overall it was a five, outtafive for me.
So good.
Like that's like my one smallcomplaint.
That's not even a complaint.
You know what I mean?
Yes.
Like I enjoyed the book so much.
Yes.
I didn't wanna put it down.
Yeah.
And I just love it so much and Ican't wait to read number two,
tell you.
I'm telling you like it's sogood.
Like the character development.
(03:43):
Yeah.
And just the, all these otherstories like mm-hmm.
it's just, who knows if that'llbe my top.
My top read for a while.
That's one of my, because Istill, I still remember, I still
remember so many things from it.
Just from you like talking sogood.
And I read it like over a yearago.
At this point, I wanna say, I'mcurious to see if the same
(04:04):
characters that were in thatsmall town will be in, cuz
they're going to Anchorage now.
Mm-hmm.
Alaska.
And I wonder if they'll still bethere or how it'll be, so, yeah,
I've started the, the secondone.
Okay.
I have not finished it.
So are they in there, thecharact.
I think I'm, might have to, I'mmight have to like re like start
it just because Familiarizeyourself.
It's been a minute.
Yeah.
(04:25):
Yeah.
Um, that's, that was such a goodbook.
Yeah.
And so I will be reading in asecond.
Oh, I love a good series.
I'm really happy that it's notending.
Like I'm happy I get more ofthem.
There's no way that I could livewith myself knowing that was a,
if that was a standalone, oh mygosh.
I probably wouldn't have readit.
I know.
Because it's too good.
It's too good.
I think there's like three.
Ye.
(04:45):
Uh, four.
I think.
Four.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a lot.
Yeah.
Um, so that keeping me busy.
But yeah.
Any new life updates with youfriend?
New life updates?
None that I can talk about rightnow.
Yeah.
No, that's kind of me too.
I'm like, everything's kind ofunder wraps at the moment.
Yeah.
Um, it's like those influencersthat are like secret like, um,
so yeah, we can't say anythingyet.
(05:07):
Yeah.
I can't see that's our livesyet, but, Yeah, I have something
really you have saying in theworks.
You have something in the works.
I can't wait to share with youguys.
I love that.
Um, so there's nothing going onwith me.
I have to get my wisdom demoout.
do you have a date set for thatyet?
No.
I go in a couple weeks.
I actually go in likemid-February to see.
We need to know.
See, that's my consultation ifwe're gonna go.
(05:28):
No, it's after.
My consultation is after.
So go to book Cloud.
Yeah, we actually can.
Yay.
I forgot to tell you.
So actually today I had to move.
One of my other appointments gotmoved.
Mm.
And.
Um, for the day that I was goingto do my consultation, so I just
moved my consultation like anhour before you came over.
Okay.
And I got it set.
Uh, late February.
Oh, okay.
So I won't even know my surgery,I probably won't have surgery
(05:49):
till March.
I found like some old wisdomteeth videos.
From when I had mine done, and Ithink it was not last August.
August, was it last August?
No, the August before that.
Yeah.
And.
Not me.
Not knowing, but just saying No,you.
That's definitely like correctthough.
It was August, 2021.
(06:09):
Yeah.
So in the video it's just me.
I'm sending a video to somebodyI don't even know, and I'm
telling them how like I lookawful.
I'll probably send you voicememos.
Yeah, you should be.
So no, you have to do a video.
You have to, oh, I told my mom,I said, you're gonna record.
She's coming down and she'sgonna stay with me.
Yes.
Um, she'll pro.
Well, honestly, I told her whatI was like, we'll probably just
(06:31):
sit in silence for the wholethree days there, it's however
many days.
It was just so funny because I'msitting there like with ice,
like on my chin, I'm gonna buyone of those them.
Yeah.
Like chin, chin things like,yeah.
Yeah.
And, um, I'm only talking abouthow I look so awful.
And then I was just talking sodown on myself and all you hear
(06:51):
is my mom being like, you'refine.
And I, and I said, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
And then I remember when we gothome she was, I need to see
these.
I know.
I'll show you.
Um, she was like, you need to golay down, like you're still like
drugged up and like whatever.
And I felt great.
And I was on the couch justrunning my mouth slobber
(07:13):
everywhere.
Like are you the one that toldme that you wanted to go
somewhere?
Or who?
Someone just told me that theywere like, wasn't me.
I literally felt like I wantedto go out.
No, I don't.
Okay.
Someone told me that they werenever told you that.
Like their mom was like, no,absolutely not.
My mom literally told me to stoptalking and to go lay down
because I was talking so much.
The blood was just likecollecting and it was.
(07:34):
It was sick cause I was so numb.
My, that's what Im not excitedfor.
There's two, it's not really thesurgery itself that freaks me
out.
I just don't wanna go throughthe recovery process, girl.
But not being able to eat whatyou want is the hardest part
about it.
Mm-hmm.
that's, I dealt with that withmy gallbladder.
Oh.
Cause I couldn't eat stuff thatwas like higher in fat.
Oh.
Um, and I, so anything like,like I wanna, chick-fil-A so
(07:55):
bad, couldn't eat it.
And you can really, I likeliterally lived off of graham
crackers and apple juice aftermy gall bladder surgery.
Oh, that sucks.
I love apple juice.
You like apple juice?
It's, yeah, I really do.
So like, I feel like I used tobe like, fine with it, but I
don't like apple juice that muchanymore.
It's so flat.
It's sad.
Yeah, no, it kind of is, butsomething hits when you're sick
(08:16):
and getting apple juice.
Yeah, I like cranberry juice.
Oh, that sounds so good.
I love cranberry juice.
Um, so today, after that we weretalking about.
Friendships, adult friendshipsand how to make them and yeah.
How to make them.
How to keep them, yeah.
Um, all the things.
Yeah.
(08:36):
So, you know, just obviouslywhenever you're getting older
between graduating high school.
Yeah.
Where you're, that's really whenyou leave high school, it's like
you're learning Okay, who myreal friends are and who was my
friend, just cuz I saw them fivedays outta the week hours.
I think everybody was just myfriend cuz I saw them.
(08:58):
Yeah.
Cuz you can totally likeisolated your self from all
that.
Well, everyone went to biggercolleges than me and I kind of
went off into a smaller college.
Oh, okay.
I mean, the college we went towasn't small but smaller than
the bigger ones.
It was.
it's medium sized.
It's like a D two school orsomething.
Yeah, for like sports, so, sothat's why I kind of isolated
(09:21):
because I just didn't really goto those other schools to like
visit.
Yeah.
And I didn't join a sorority oranything like that, so I just
kind of chilled.
Yeah.
I think it's just what makes itinteresting for certain people
is.
You go from doing the same exactthing as all these other people.
(09:42):
Yeah.
And then if you go to college orif you just immediately start
working or if you, you know,aren't doing anything, like
it's, you never really know.
And then it's like depending onwhere you end up working.
Yeah.
Like are you working around, Idon't know you, the people you
end up being friends with in awork setting.
(10:02):
You never really.
No.
You have people that are old,way older than you.
That's like your bestie,literal, literally you have
people that you think you'regonna click with and you're
like, I actually can't standthat person.
Yeah.
You know, all of that.
And I think that's the, this islike the period where you learn
how to really maintain afriendship.
Yeah.
I think we're in it right now.
Mm-hmm.
like learning how to maintain,learning how to, What do we
(10:26):
really want in France?
Yeah.
Because I feel like now we'reall getting kind of full-time
jobs, those kinds of things, butI feel like, I don't know.
Yeah, working retail and thenworking as a server is just so
different because.
in server, you're just, you'resurrounded by crackhead energy.
(10:48):
It's chaotic.
Like people are like, let's goout.
Yeah.
And it's 2:00 AM after you'redone serving or like let's, that
food service culture issomething.
No, it's wild.
I did meet some really funpeople though.
And yeah, like people I gotalong with, I would say like
retail when I met you, you'reone of my best friends.
Yeah, so that definitely playedout.
(11:10):
Um, there was a lot of reallyannoying girls in retail, girls,
retail.
There was pros and cons to boththat I worked at for sure.
But I'm glad that, like now I'min hospitality.
Yeah.
Hospitality is different.
And I really don't think I couldever go back to working as a
host in the restaurant.
(11:31):
Like, like I went to therestaurant that you did host at,
uh, on Sunday.
Yeah.
And the hostess was really mean.
Was she?
Yeah.
She's actually really mean.
Wanted to go home.
I hated her life.
Um.
I will say also being, I don'tknow if you experienced this as
a hostess, but like as a serveryou can pop off on somebody so
(11:52):
fast and then your friendsliterally in 20 minutes.
God, it was always like thatwith us.
Like if we're like slammed on aFriday or Saturday, like, don't
talk to me.
Yeah.
Don't.
Mess with me.
Like don't do things.
Yeah.
And especially me, cuz you knowme, I'm high anxiety.
So like I mean you're justwaiting for an opportunity to
like I'm waiting to pop offFreak.
(12:13):
Yeah.
And so I was pretty good.
I mean, I was never high anxietyat the table.
Yeah.
Like I was always so like verycalm.
I mean like at the host standyou're like kind of removed from
all of that.
Yeah.
So it's annoying in the sense.
You know that stuff ishappening.
Yeah.
Y'all are probably gettingannoyed with the servers.
(12:34):
Exactly.
And it's like we're busy andthey keep coming up here telling
me, don't seat me anymore, orwhatever, and it's like, I
literally don't care because.
You're not the ones that have todeal with them sitting here
asking when their table, they'renot the ones literally, but
they're also not managers.
Exactly.
So that stuff used to get on mynerves and like the people not
(12:56):
liking each other and like itjust so many different people
coming to the host standbitching and then leaving.
I'm like, oh yeah, I used to dothat too.
Oh my gosh.
And now I'm just sitting herelike, we're so busy.
Like I literally don't have thetime or the energy to even care.
Yeah.
Like what's going on?
I just.
Like, just keep it going.
Yeah.
Keep it going.
Just a good spot.
What are some of your like besttips for like maybe maintaining
(13:19):
an adult friendship or, I thinkreally taking note of the people
that go out of their way foryou.
Yeah.
Makes space for you, um, is likethe biggest thing.
And sometimes like when you'renot paying attention, you may
not be realizing it, but whenyou really start to look at it,
(13:41):
it's.
who are the people that I can goweeks without talking to?
Yeah.
And then we schedule some weeks,months, years, who knows?
Yeah.
And then all of a sudden youguys can like just pick up right
where you left off.
That's huge.
Um, not taking things Sopersonally when it comes to not
hanging out because we don'thave time.
(14:02):
Yeah.
Fortunately we don't.
Yeah.
Um, for me and you like it'sdifferent.
I think just because.
Um, I will say we chat likewe'll, text and voice, like I
voice memo you a lot.
Yeah.
Um, I do sometimes.
Yeah.
I voice memo sometimes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm just normally voice memo youwhile you're at work.
Yeah.
So that's why.
But I will say you and I chat,but we don't really catch up
(14:24):
until.
We're here with each other.
Yeah.
But we see each other on such aconsistent basis.
Yeah.
It's like it's not a big deal.
It's, it's like, okay, see younext week.
Even before, even before,whenever we were only meeting up
for dinner like once a month orwhatever, we, it was really
like, yeah, I don't know.
We just were able to do that.
Well, I don't think either of usever got offended no.
(14:45):
About things.
And then also we just picked up,I'm kind of that way.
Like if.
I think also it depends on howour friendship started.
Like if a friendship for me hasstarted where I like
consistently see the person,then I'll be like, oh damn.
Like I don't see that person asmuch anymore.
Yeah.
But if it's like always mm-hmm.
I don't know though, because westarted at retail and we saw
each other a lot then each otherall the time.
(15:06):
I don't know.
At that's, we just really don'tget offended.
Like I don't get offended if Idon't see someone for a while.
I'm like, okay.
Yeah.
And I think too, it doesn't feellike forced or like, Ugh, I have
to do this.
Yeah.
It's like, oh, I'm gonna seeKatie today.
And like, you know, like, it'sjust, it's cool.
Yeah.
Um, but yeah, just like there'stime is just, it's something
(15:31):
that we don't have control of.
Yeah.
And so don't waste it on tryingto like, be friends with people
that you feel like you should befriends with or like, oh, I've
known them for this long, soyeah, I have to listen.
You can meet your best friend,your friend for life, and you've
only known them for like alittle bit of time compared to a
(15:53):
childhood friend.
Yeah.
Or whoever.
So I don't know.
I also think like, you know, itcan be hard going from like high
school to college and then kindof like adulthood, I guess What
I was gonna say too waswhenever.
(16:14):
In your twenties, the thingsthat like, cuz you're, you're
constantly changing, right?
Oh, a hundred percent.
And the thing that I don't like,that I feel like friends have
done to me sometimes is notlike, almost criticize me for
(16:35):
changing and growing because I'mlike, you really can't expect me
to be the same person I waswhenever I was 19.
Yeah.
That's ridiculous.
Like I'm 24 now, like people dochange and that's okay.
Some friends like don't allowlike growth.
Yeah, and that's also anotherthing.
Yeah.
Because it, it's almost like,and not that like going out and
(16:55):
like drinking and whatever.
If that's what you like to dofor fun, then that's what you
like to do for fun.
Yeah.
But sometimes like you, you growout of things that maybe you did
when you were younger, and sothey can be vice versa.
It's like, oh, you.
when you first turned, like, Idon't know, when you were 19,
20, 21, whatever, you were goingout all the time.
You were partying.
(17:15):
Yeah.
You were staying out super lateand it was just like you were
just like up and at it the nextday at work and then you did it
all over again.
Yeah.
That's what you were doing then.
And then you just kind of gottired of doing it and then
people get judged for that.
Um, I have a question.
What do you think a breakup orfriendship breakup is?
Harder?
Friendship break.
(17:36):
Really friendships Well, I dotoo.
I think both are circumstantial.
I think if it's been like afriend of, well, yeah, I
probably would agree with you.
Yeah.
I think it depends on too, like.
which, what kind of friendshipare we talking about here?
Yeah.
Because there's the, the friendsthat were there prior to like a
(17:58):
lot going on.
Yeah.
And then they like helped youget through it and then like,
yeah.
That is so hard.
Yeah.
And then I will say like losinga friend that I had grown up
with from like seven, well, I'venever lost her.
Right?
Like we can still text each,just like outgrow each other or
something.
Yeah.
Like we just lived far away and.
I think when you grow up youkind of, yeah.
(18:19):
Like what you're saying earlier,like you just kinda have
different lifestyles too.
Um, and that's okay.
Like it's not a bad thing if youhave other people.
Yeah, no, that's totally okay.
I think that there can be like alot of guilt and stuff too when
you are going through like afriendship breakup.
Mm-hmm.
oh, I should have done this, Ishould have reached out to this
person sooner.
Like, I should've gone and hungout with them more.
I should have X, Y, and Z.
(18:40):
And I said, I think that can bereally hard.
Cause I think I, I held onto alot of guilt for a while.
Yeah.
Or you might.
struggle with like comparing it.
Yeah.
To other friendships you have.
Cause it's like, am I ever goingto have a friendship that's like
that again?
And I think no one talks about,everyone gives you advice on
like heartbreak.
No one gives you advice on likefriendship breakups.
So when you go through yourfirst one, you're like, because
(19:01):
I genuinely think, how do I dothis is like an unpopular
opinion.
I don't know.
But people don't place the samevalue on friendships as they do
as romantic relationships.
A hundred percent.
you should be watering yourfriendships the same exact way,
way, almost.
Yeah.
Because every time someone likegets like, they're single and
(19:22):
they're hanging out witheveryone, and then they get a
boyfriend and they're like, bye.
That's one thing I've told everysingle friend that I've had.
I'm like, don't let me becomethat person.
Yeah.
I, I mean, honestly, I'm gonnabe so conscious about it, like,
yeah, I want to still have thesame life I have now.
Yeah.
When I do get a boyfriend in thefuture, but it's like, yeah,
that like going through.
(19:43):
what I went through and thenhaving like all of you guys I
know, I mean, I always knew howimportant friendships were, but
I also was always the personthat put a guy above.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, honestly anything, to behonest.
Not just friendships, butfamily.
You like almost everything.
You, I like idolized.
You're having to like re um,like re like prioritize your
(20:04):
mind almost.
Yeah.
To um, believing that like yourvalue is not tied to whether
you're in a relationship or not.
Yes.
And it's more that's literallyhow you value you and it's not
tied to a guy.
No, exactly.
That's what I've had to Yeah.
Learn.
And so now I think that I'm likein my healing era mm-hmm.
and learning that I think itwill be easier for me to be
(20:26):
like, nah.
Like I'm not, and probably beable to really figure out, okay.
Am I really feeling this guy?
Yeah.
Because once you start to loveyourself, oh, it's so much
easier to be like, Nope, you'renot worth it.
Yes.
Because if you're with someonewhere the way they make you feel
is like close to like how itfeels whenever you love
(20:49):
yourself, it's like, okay, likethis might be it for me.
Yeah.
Or there's like, you know, andyou want someone, like, I always
see this cliche on.
like quotes or TikTok orwhatever.
Mm-hmm.
But you really do want someonewho just adds to your life.
Like you already have your wholelife.
Like Yeah.
Not your whole life figured outnecessarily, but you have your
life together.
Like you have a path, you'reworking on yourself, whatever.
(21:12):
And you just want someone whocan add to it and come in and
improve your, your life.
Yeah.
And, and you know, and that canbe in any kind of way.
Yeah.
You know?
Um, so I don't know.
And I think it's important too,to.
This like turns like arelationship, like I know
somehow it always does, butsomehow, yeah.
But I think it's also importantto end up with someone that you
(21:34):
can really enjoy the mundanethings with.
Yeah.
No, that's so important.
Mm-hmm.
It's very, very important.
I feel like I didn't really havethat with my loss.
Like I feel like it was verylike, cause you guys are like
go, go, go.
Yes.
And like this new project andthen this new project and I
feel.
That's something that Idefinitely want, like a slow
Sunday morning or like beingable to enjoy like, like having
(21:56):
that balance.
Like you can have fun togetherand like, yeah.
And then you can like be chill,you know?
Cause I remember whenever, Coreyand I, like when we hadn't
traveled together yet.
Mm-hmm.
I was like nervous.
Yeah.
When we were like getting readyand then go on like our first
road trip, I'm.
so nervous.
Yeah.
About it.
Um, but it, it was good.
(22:16):
Yeah.
The whole, the way there, theway the way back was even
better.
I love that.
Even better.
And I was just like, okay.
Like, so that's almost likeanother test.
It is.
You should, I definitelybelieve, I love the thing I've
seen about, you know, make sureyou're with someone through each
season.
I just saw that the other daytoo.
Yes.
Yeah.
I like that a lot.
I love that.
And then I think, Going on tripstogether is important too,
(22:39):
because you never know is thatperson going to be somebody who
this, I mean, I also think thiswith friendships though, we can
tie that back.
Mm-hmm.
straight into friendships.
Mm-hmm.
like who's the more, who's theplanner?
Who's the blah, blah, blah.
Mm-hmm.
which, funny enough, I don'tfeel like either of us really, I
think you, your intention is todo that, and I don't know if
(23:00):
it's me that influences you tobe like, Like rigid, whatever,
like it's okay.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But like, like with the Dowchip, I was just like, try to,
okay.
Yeah.
I think you like what time we'releaving.
What time are we, but I do try,like I think you do, you do.
You put more of an effort intolike trying do that.
Thank you.
I'm just kinda like, honestlyI'm already anxious thinking
about having to do that.
(23:20):
So we're just gonna, are wegonna road trip?
Are we gonna literally gostraight there?
Go straight back this next time?
Yeah.
And I can drive this.
you can take my car.
Okay.
Pop off.
So that's totally.
Um, do I trust your driving?
I don't actually don't, you'venever, like, you've always never
driven when we've gone likesomewhere like longer.
So because up girl, I don't knowwhy I always, I think you like
(23:43):
to do it because I think youhave I like control thing Uhhuh.
Yeah.
And I'm a speedy I'm speedy gal.
Yeah.
I mean, whenever I'm on theroad, like I like to put on that
cruise control hit about Yeah.
Like 80 something.
That's tough if I can, but Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I did.
Good.
Like I, I like to, I don't minddriving.
(24:05):
Lecher, you drove to Georgia andback?
Yes, so I did have help, butlike, I mean, I still like,
which I wouldn't mind drivingeither.
Yeah, I think both of us arepretty.
I just love being in the car,man.
I love being in the car andLauren loves.
Road tripping.
What'd I say?
I'm like, I'm literally like adog.
I'm like a dog in the car.
I don't like it.
I love it so much.
I'm just like, wow, look at thisbig wide world.
(24:26):
I do love Dallas though.
It's so beautiful.
I know.
Dallas was such a vibe.
It was a vibe.
Um, do you have anything else tosay about friendships, I don't
know.
The, the last thing I will sayis that this year just feels so
pivotal for friendships.
Really.
Especially for you.
Yes.
Especially because, yeah, metoo.
Cause I had told you, like, Imet up with like those girls,
like I grew up.
(24:47):
like, yeah.
Did you have fun?
It was so good.
That's good.
Um, it was very overwhelmingjust because I've known them.
I'm, I've literally known likeevery single one of them since I
was like three or four.
Oh my gosh.
Years old.
It's, yes.
I don't have any friendshipslike that, that I could meet up
with.
It's such a unique situation cuzit's like I'm not just meeting
up with people that like I wentto high school with.
(25:07):
Like, yeah, I have no, there'sno one that has known me longer
except.
my family.
Oh my gosh.
You know, pop off.
It's very, it was just a lot.
And like the environment that wewere in whenever we were going
to school was tough and, yeah.
people.
You really never know whatpeople are going through the
(25:29):
silent battles that people gothrough.
You know, don't worry, you'llnever know if I'm going through
a si.
No, you'll never, you'll nevernot know if I'm going through
what to say.
I was like, okay, go ahead andlie again because you, because
I, I will know.
Always tell you, I know I wasthinking about this the other
day, as I was literally sittingin bed and I was like, I cannot
wait to live with Lauren cuz I'mjust gonna go pop over there.
I'm so excited.
(25:50):
Especially this thing, I'm gonnago pop over that I'm like trying
to, yeah.
That will help her pops off.
I would literally just be rightthere.
I'd bug you so much though.
You'd be so tired of my shit.
It would be so good thingthough.
I was like, I cannot wait tojust have you here.
So I was like, wow, I can't waituntil I live with Lauren cause I
can just suck Ada over to herside.
Just come on like, God, you knowwhat I thought about too?
(26:12):
We need to have each other on,on find My Friends, because then
I'll know.
Mm-hmm.
If you're at Corey's or not,I'll never have to ask you.
I can just pull up and be like,okay, shoot that course.
I'll probably tell you anyways.
No, you probably will.
But I was just like, that way weare avoiding like, and if I ever
go on a date, you know, you'llhave to, oh girl, I'm literally,
I'm going with.
On the day, on my day.
I'm following you there.
I am following you there.
(26:33):
Okay, I'll off.
Oh, I'm probably gonna be justlike, especially because you've
never done like, um, like thedating app thing.
I've never, so that's just adifferent ballgame.
Okay.
You'll, you'll protect me.
Absolutely.
And just make sure you're notlike putting yourself in sticky
situations.
Well, don't worry if I ever needanything, I'll just call you.
Absolutely.
I know you and King Corey willcome save.
Oh, you already know.
(26:54):
I'll be, To the truck?
oh, I was gonna say something.
It's been very rambly, chatty.
Um, I actually saw one of myfriends from high school.
I went to church with her onSunday.
Oh.
And it was so fun and good.
She's kind of one of thosepeople that like you can just
catch up with, like, you couldnot see.
I think I, last time I saw herwas maybe a year and a half ago.
And so I think we have plans tohang out again soon.
(27:17):
Mm-hmm.
I really liked the church too.
It was a really good church.
Um, can't go this weekend cuzI'm going back home, but I will
be going back.
It was so good.
That's good.
But yeah, she's kinda one ofthose people that I'm like, oh.
like, this is good.
Like this feels good.
Like this is really fun.
And pay attention to like howyou feel around certain people,
(27:38):
you know?
Yeah.
You really have to, that's sotrue.
If you're like getting a lot ofanxiety or if you feel like
people are bringing more chaosinto your life than like peace.
Mm-hmm.
it's okay to set boundaries.
Yeah.
I think people, it's hard to do,but I'll say, I think it's okay.
People get really nervous to dothat.
Um, it takes a lot of, um,transparency and just like
(28:00):
honesty, being straightforwardto do that.
Yeah.
I think setting boundaries,people think that that's really
selfish, but it's not at all.
It's selfish in the best way.
Yeah.
It's like selfish for yourself.
Yeah.
And I think on the receivingside, you have to be open to
hearing what people are upsetwith you about.
if they're being transparentwith you.
Yeah.
Like you can't take that.
And I think it, it's really easyto hear something with friends
(28:25):
and kind of pop off quickly.
Yeah.
Maybe it's just for me cuz I'memotional.
Yeah.
But I feel like really taking itin, that's what I've been trying
to do more so this year and Iguess like a little bit last
year, but just like reallytaking it in like, okay, what
are they?
trying to say, what do I reallyneed to work on?
Yeah.
Because I'm really quick before.
Yeah.
I'm really quick before I get topoint fingers and be like, well,
(28:47):
you're doing this.
Yeah.
And it's like, well, that's notwhat we're talking about.
Yeah.
let's try and figure out.
I'm not the best at it, but I'm,I'm working on it.
Yeah.
That's something I'm really,really working on.
I have to work on it too.
So you're not alone.
All of us probably have to dobetter in that.
No one's got that down.
Especially if you have like anoff day.
I mean, yeah, you're not gonnahave the perfect response and
(29:07):
all that all the time.
Yeah.
So, I mean, I don't know.
Friendships are hard, but that'swhy you gotta be very decisive
about it.
Yeah, and I.
the older you get, kind of thesmaller your circle gets, but I
feel like that's almost okay.
Mm-hmm.
I'd much rather have a smallercircle than a super large one
that I like can't keep up with,or that it's drama all the time,
(29:30):
or it's crazy than whateverbaby, the amount of quote
unquote.
Friends I had whenever I was,um, like a couple of years ago
even.
It's like there's no way.
Yeah.
There's no way to maintain that.
And like when I remember likebeing in a group of friends,
like a group, group of friends,there was always stuff going on.
Always.
(29:50):
It was never like, it may havelooked good, but there it was.
Yeah.
It was not it.
So I've never really had like agroup.
Uh, except for high school,maybe like early college, I had
a group.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
But yeah, there was always somekind of drama popping off and so
it's exhausting.
It's really exhausting,especially once you like, if you
like, remove yourself from itand you just kind of are going
(30:11):
about doing your thing and thenyou.
Kind of get back into it alittle bit.
It's like, yeah, this is, thisain't it.
This ain't working.
This is too much.
Yeah, it's too much.
Yep.
Um, so anyway, thanks y'all forjoining this The Ram, really
short episode kind of episode,but we just wanted to chat it up
a little bit.
Yeah.
(30:31):
We wanna chat up on the snowday, just provide a short
episode if y'all have anyrecommendations.
Mm-hmm.
please give it to us.
Yeah.
And we will be, next week.
Yep.
We love you guys.
In your ears.
In your ears.
Again, love you.
Love you, quickies.
All right.
It's a snow day here.
Casey.
Casey, welcome to the pod.
Welcome to the pod, baby girls,pool boys, theys, badies.
All, all, all of y'all outthere.
Um, how's everyone doing today?
How are you doing today?
(00:28):
You know, I'm good.
I think that the snow day ismaking me feel something.
I don't know.
It's just making me happy, kindof.
It's making me happy too,because the main reason I
struggle with January is becauseit's just cold and miserable and
long cold.
Then nothing happens happening.
Yeah.
It's cold for no reason.
This is why this is a nicebreakup.
Yeah.
This is a nice snowing.
(00:49):
I know.
It makes me feel like I justwanna sit and be cozy and read.
Speaking of reading, speaking ofreading, I finished the simple
wild and it was so good you guysbefore she like tells me like
all the things about this.
It was my book Rec.
So I'm very much proud of myselffor giving her that book rec and
(01:10):
that she loved it.
Yeah.
That is such a heartwarmingfeeling.
It was your book Rec and didn'trealize it was over 400 pages, I
think, or like right at, yeah.
But honestly it flew by and I'mliterally going to buy the
second one.
Yes.
Today.
Tonight, yes.
And I'm gonna start it.
It was a really, listen, it justmade me really gi.
(01:30):
It's sad though.
Yeah.
The Indian is sad, but, um,okay.
I'm just gonna spoil it, so ifanyone wants to read it, skip.
Yeah.
But the part where Jonah comesback mm-hmm.
and he's like, I'm asking you tolike, pretty much ask her to
move.
Yes.
So now the second, have you readthe second book?
No, I've started it.
So we're caught up now.
Oh my gosh.
So now I wanna read it.
(01:51):
Am I gonna read it before you ordo you wanna read it at the same
time?
We can read it at the same time.
I'm gonna start tonight.
Okay.
So whenever you like, I mean,you'll finish it before me, but
maybe I'm gonna start tonightand I just, who knows what's
gonna happen in the second book.
I know.
I'm so excited.
I think that they're gonna fallin love and have children.
So what do you think about thewhole situation with her dad?
(02:14):
I thought it was reallyheartwarming, wasn't it?
Yeah.
I.
Wish that maybe there was alittle more progression with the
dad in like the middle of thebook, because I do think she's
very much like anti dad, antidad, and then doesn't see him a
lot in the middle.
Yeah.
And then the ending is likeabout him dying.
Yeah.
And she's like, I'll never getthis opportunity with like, in
(02:37):
any of these opportunities withhim.
Mm-hmm.
And so I just wish there was alittle bit more of like, just
solo them doing things.
Yeah.
But I think in the middle, Ithink that that was, I think
that's so realistic though.
No, it, it is for sure becauselike when it comes to grief
mm-hmm.
you know Yeah.
You, you don't get to reallylike plan out like, okay, this
(02:59):
is what we're gonna dobeforehand or whatever.
No, you're right.
Don't know.
Sometimes like it just happens.
Yeah.
The way it happened.
I was just like, geez.
Got you in your feels.
It got me in my feels too.
I did cry.
I, I think, I just wish therewas more like little awkward
moments between them in themiddle.
Like that's kind of what I wish.
Not that they acted like thingswere perfect between them, but
maybe that there was some likelittle awkward Yeah.
(03:21):
Like.
Quirky moments.
Yeah.
But overall it was a five, outtafive for me.
So good.
Like that's like my one smallcomplaint.
That's not even a complaint.
You know what I mean?
Yes.
Like I enjoyed the book so much.
Yes.
I didn't wanna put it down.
Yeah.
And I just love it so much and Ican't wait to read number two,
tell you.
I'm telling you like it's sogood.
Like the character development.
(03:43):
Yeah.
And just the, all these otherstories like mm-hmm.
it's just, who knows if that'llbe my top.
My top read for a while.
That's one of my, because Istill, I still remember, I still
remember so many things from it.
Just from you like talking sogood.
And I read it like over a yearago.
At this point, I wanna say, I'mcurious to see if the same
(04:04):
characters that were in thatsmall town will be in, cuz
they're going to Anchorage now.
Mm-hmm.
Alaska.
And I wonder if they'll still bethere or how it'll be, so, yeah,
I've started the, the secondone.
Okay.
I have not finished it.
So are they in there, thecharact.
I think I'm, might have to, I'mmight have to like re like start
it just because Familiarizeyourself.
It's been a minute.
Yeah.
(04:25):
Yeah.
Um, that's, that was such a goodbook.
Yeah.
And so I will be reading in asecond.
Oh, I love a good series.
I'm really happy that it's notending.
Like I'm happy I get more ofthem.
There's no way that I could livewith myself knowing that was a,
if that was a standalone, oh mygosh.
I probably wouldn't have readit.
I know.
Because it's too good.
It's too good.
I think there's like three.
Ye.
(04:45):
Uh, four.
I think.
Four.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a lot.
Yeah.
Um, so that keeping me busy.
But yeah.
Any new life updates with youfriend?
New life updates?
None that I can talk about rightnow.
Yeah.
No, that's kind of me too.
I'm like, everything's kind ofunder wraps at the moment.
Yeah.
Um, it's like those influencersthat are like secret like, um,
so yeah, we can't say anythingyet.
(05:07):
Yeah.
I can't see that's our livesyet, but, Yeah, I have something
really you have saying in theworks.
You have something in the works.
I can't wait to share with youguys.
I love that.
Um, so there's nothing going onwith me.
I have to get my wisdom demoout.
do you have a date set for thatyet?
No.
I go in a couple weeks.
I actually go in likemid-February to see.
We need to know.
See, that's my consultation ifwe're gonna go.
(05:28):
No, it's after.
My consultation is after.
So go to book Cloud.
Yeah, we actually can.
Yay.
I forgot to tell you.
So actually today I had to move.
One of my other appointments gotmoved.
Mm.
And.
Um, for the day that I was goingto do my consultation, so I just
moved my consultation like anhour before you came over.
Okay.
And I got it set.
Uh, late February.
Oh, okay.
So I won't even know my surgery,I probably won't have surgery
(05:49):
till March.
I found like some old wisdomteeth videos.
From when I had mine done, and Ithink it was not last August.
August, was it last August?
No, the August before that.
Yeah.
And.
Not me.
Not knowing, but just saying No,you.
That's definitely like correctthough.
It was August, 2021.
(06:09):
Yeah.
So in the video it's just me.
I'm sending a video to somebodyI don't even know, and I'm
telling them how like I lookawful.
I'll probably send you voicememos.
Yeah, you should be.
So no, you have to do a video.
You have to, oh, I told my mom,I said, you're gonna record.
She's coming down and she'sgonna stay with me.
Yes.
Um, she'll pro.
Well, honestly, I told her whatI was like, we'll probably just
(06:31):
sit in silence for the wholethree days there, it's however
many days.
It was just so funny because I'msitting there like with ice,
like on my chin, I'm gonna buyone of those them.
Yeah.
Like chin, chin things like,yeah.
Yeah.
And, um, I'm only talking abouthow I look so awful.
And then I was just talking sodown on myself and all you hear
(06:51):
is my mom being like, you'refine.
And I, and I said, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
And then I remember when we gothome she was, I need to see
these.
I know.
I'll show you.
Um, she was like, you need to golay down, like you're still like
drugged up and like whatever.
And I felt great.
And I was on the couch justrunning my mouth slobber
(07:13):
everywhere.
Like are you the one that toldme that you wanted to go
somewhere?
Or who?
Someone just told me that theywere like, wasn't me.
I literally felt like I wantedto go out.
No, I don't.
Okay.
Someone told me that they werenever told you that.
Like their mom was like, no,absolutely not.
My mom literally told me to stoptalking and to go lay down
because I was talking so much.
The blood was just likecollecting and it was.
(07:34):
It was sick cause I was so numb.
My, that's what Im not excitedfor.
There's two, it's not really thesurgery itself that freaks me
out.
I just don't wanna go throughthe recovery process, girl.
But not being able to eat whatyou want is the hardest part
about it.
Mm-hmm.
that's, I dealt with that withmy gallbladder.
Oh.
Cause I couldn't eat stuff thatwas like higher in fat.
Oh.
Um, and I, so anything like,like I wanna, chick-fil-A so
(07:55):
bad, couldn't eat it.
And you can really, I likeliterally lived off of graham
crackers and apple juice aftermy gall bladder surgery.
Oh, that sucks.
I love apple juice.
You like apple juice?
It's, yeah, I really do.
So like, I feel like I used tobe like, fine with it, but I
don't like apple juice that muchanymore.
It's so flat.
It's sad.
Yeah, no, it kind of is, butsomething hits when you're sick
(08:16):
and getting apple juice.
Yeah, I like cranberry juice.
Oh, that sounds so good.
I love cranberry juice.
Um, so today, after that we weretalking about.
Friendships, adult friendshipsand how to make them and yeah.
How to make them.
How to keep them, yeah.
Um, all the things.
Yeah.
(08:36):
So, you know, just obviouslywhenever you're getting older
between graduating high school.
Yeah.
Where you're, that's really whenyou leave high school, it's like
you're learning Okay, who myreal friends are and who was my
friend, just cuz I saw them fivedays outta the week hours.
I think everybody was just myfriend cuz I saw them.
(08:58):
Yeah.
Cuz you can totally likeisolated your self from all
that.
Well, everyone went to biggercolleges than me and I kind of
went off into a smaller college.
Oh, okay.
I mean, the college we went towasn't small but smaller than
the bigger ones.
It was.
it's medium sized.
It's like a D two school orsomething.
Yeah, for like sports, so, sothat's why I kind of isolated
(09:21):
because I just didn't really goto those other schools to like
visit.
Yeah.
And I didn't join a sorority oranything like that, so I just
kind of chilled.
Yeah.
I think it's just what makes itinteresting for certain people
is.
You go from doing the same exactthing as all these other people.
(09:42):
Yeah.
And then if you go to college orif you just immediately start
working or if you, you know,aren't doing anything, like
it's, you never really know.
And then it's like depending onwhere you end up working.
Yeah.
Like are you working around, Idon't know you, the people you
end up being friends with in awork setting.
(10:02):
You never really.
No.
You have people that are old,way older than you.
That's like your bestie,literal, literally you have
people that you think you'regonna click with and you're
like, I actually can't standthat person.
Yeah.
You know, all of that.
And I think that's the, this islike the period where you learn
how to really maintain afriendship.
Yeah.
I think we're in it right now.
Mm-hmm.
like learning how to maintain,learning how to, What do we
(10:26):
really want in France?
Yeah.
Because I feel like now we'reall getting kind of full-time
jobs, those kinds of things, butI feel like, I don't know.
Yeah, working retail and thenworking as a server is just so
different because.
in server, you're just, you'resurrounded by crackhead energy.
(10:48):
It's chaotic.
Like people are like, let's goout.
Yeah.
And it's 2:00 AM after you'redone serving or like let's, that
food service culture issomething.
No, it's wild.
I did meet some really funpeople though.
And yeah, like people I gotalong with, I would say like
retail when I met you, you'reone of my best friends.
Yeah, so that definitely playedout.
(11:10):
Um, there was a lot of reallyannoying girls in retail, girls,
retail.
There was pros and cons to boththat I worked at for sure.
But I'm glad that, like now I'min hospitality.
Yeah.
Hospitality is different.
And I really don't think I couldever go back to working as a
host in the restaurant.
(11:31):
Like, like I went to therestaurant that you did host at,
uh, on Sunday.
Yeah.
And the hostess was really mean.
Was she?
Yeah.
She's actually really mean.
Wanted to go home.
I hated her life.
Um.
I will say also being, I don'tknow if you experienced this as
a hostess, but like as a serveryou can pop off on somebody so
(11:52):
fast and then your friendsliterally in 20 minutes.
God, it was always like thatwith us.
Like if we're like slammed on aFriday or Saturday, like, don't
talk to me.
Yeah.
Don't.
Mess with me.
Like don't do things.
Yeah.
And especially me, cuz you knowme, I'm high anxiety.
So like I mean you're justwaiting for an opportunity to
like I'm waiting to pop offFreak.
(12:13):
Yeah.
And so I was pretty good.
I mean, I was never high anxietyat the table.
Yeah.
Like I was always so like verycalm.
I mean like at the host standyou're like kind of removed from
all of that.
Yeah.
So it's annoying in the sense.
You know that stuff ishappening.
Yeah.
Y'all are probably gettingannoyed with the servers.
(12:34):
Exactly.
And it's like we're busy andthey keep coming up here telling
me, don't seat me anymore, orwhatever, and it's like, I
literally don't care because.
You're not the ones that have todeal with them sitting here
asking when their table, they'renot the ones literally, but
they're also not managers.
Exactly.
So that stuff used to get on mynerves and like the people not
(12:56):
liking each other and like itjust so many different people
coming to the host standbitching and then leaving.
I'm like, oh yeah, I used to dothat too.
Oh my gosh.
And now I'm just sitting herelike, we're so busy.
Like I literally don't have thetime or the energy to even care.
Yeah.
Like what's going on?
I just.
Like, just keep it going.
Yeah.
Keep it going.
Just a good spot.
What are some of your like besttips for like maybe maintaining
(13:19):
an adult friendship or, I thinkreally taking note of the people
that go out of their way foryou.
Yeah.
Makes space for you, um, is likethe biggest thing.
And sometimes like when you'renot paying attention, you may
not be realizing it, but whenyou really start to look at it,
(13:41):
it's.
who are the people that I can goweeks without talking to?
Yeah.
And then we schedule some weeks,months, years, who knows?
Yeah.
And then all of a sudden youguys can like just pick up right
where you left off.
That's huge.
Um, not taking things Sopersonally when it comes to not
hanging out because we don'thave time.
(14:02):
Yeah.
Fortunately we don't.
Yeah.
Um, for me and you like it'sdifferent.
I think just because.
Um, I will say we chat likewe'll, text and voice, like I
voice memo you a lot.
Yeah.
Um, I do sometimes.
Yeah.
I voice memo sometimes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm just normally voice memo youwhile you're at work.
Yeah.
So that's why.
But I will say you and I chat,but we don't really catch up
(14:24):
until.
We're here with each other.
Yeah.
But we see each other on such aconsistent basis.
Yeah.
It's like it's not a big deal.
It's, it's like, okay, see younext week.
Even before, even before,whenever we were only meeting up
for dinner like once a month orwhatever, we, it was really
like, yeah, I don't know.
We just were able to do that.
Well, I don't think either of usever got offended no.
(14:45):
About things.
And then also we just picked up,I'm kind of that way.
Like if.
I think also it depends on howour friendship started.
Like if a friendship for me hasstarted where I like
consistently see the person,then I'll be like, oh damn.
Like I don't see that person asmuch anymore.
Yeah.
But if it's like always mm-hmm.
I don't know though, because westarted at retail and we saw
each other a lot then each otherall the time.
(15:06):
I don't know.
At that's, we just really don'tget offended.
Like I don't get offended if Idon't see someone for a while.
I'm like, okay.
Yeah.
And I think too, it doesn't feellike forced or like, Ugh, I have
to do this.
Yeah.
It's like, oh, I'm gonna seeKatie today.
And like, you know, like, it'sjust, it's cool.
Yeah.
Um, but yeah, just like there'stime is just, it's something
(15:31):
that we don't have control of.
Yeah.
And so don't waste it on tryingto like, be friends with people
that you feel like you should befriends with or like, oh, I've
known them for this long, soyeah, I have to listen.
You can meet your best friend,your friend for life, and you've
only known them for like alittle bit of time compared to a
(15:53):
childhood friend.
Yeah.
Or whoever.
So I don't know.
I also think like, you know, itcan be hard going from like high
school to college and then kindof like adulthood, I guess What
I was gonna say too waswhenever.
(16:14):
In your twenties, the thingsthat like, cuz you're, you're
constantly changing, right?
Oh, a hundred percent.
And the thing that I don't like,that I feel like friends have
done to me sometimes is notlike, almost criticize me for
(16:35):
changing and growing because I'mlike, you really can't expect me
to be the same person I waswhenever I was 19.
Yeah.
That's ridiculous.
Like I'm 24 now, like people dochange and that's okay.
Some friends like don't allowlike growth.
Yeah, and that's also anotherthing.
Yeah.
Because it, it's almost like,and not that like going out and
(16:55):
like drinking and whatever.
If that's what you like to dofor fun, then that's what you
like to do for fun.
Yeah.
But sometimes like you, you growout of things that maybe you did
when you were younger, and sothey can be vice versa.
It's like, oh, you.
when you first turned, like, Idon't know, when you were 19,
20, 21, whatever, you were goingout all the time.
You were partying.
(17:15):
Yeah.
You were staying out super lateand it was just like you were
just like up and at it the nextday at work and then you did it
all over again.
Yeah.
That's what you were doing then.
And then you just kind of gottired of doing it and then
people get judged for that.
Um, I have a question.
What do you think a breakup orfriendship breakup is?
Harder?
Friendship break.
(17:36):
Really friendships Well, I dotoo.
I think both are circumstantial.
I think if it's been like afriend of, well, yeah, I
probably would agree with you.
Yeah.
I think it depends on too, like.
which, what kind of friendshipare we talking about here?
Yeah.
Because there's the, the friendsthat were there prior to like a
(17:58):
lot going on.
Yeah.
And then they like helped youget through it and then like,
yeah.
That is so hard.
Yeah.
And then I will say like losinga friend that I had grown up
with from like seven, well, I'venever lost her.
Right?
Like we can still text each,just like outgrow each other or
something.
Yeah.
Like we just lived far away and.
I think when you grow up youkind of, yeah.
(18:19):
Like what you're saying earlier,like you just kinda have
different lifestyles too.
Um, and that's okay.
Like it's not a bad thing if youhave other people.
Yeah, no, that's totally okay.
I think that there can be like alot of guilt and stuff too when
you are going through like afriendship breakup.
Mm-hmm.
oh, I should have done this, Ishould have reached out to this
person sooner.
Like, I should've gone and hungout with them more.
I should have X, Y, and Z.
(18:40):
And I said, I think that can bereally hard.
Cause I think I, I held onto alot of guilt for a while.
Yeah.
Or you might.
struggle with like comparing it.
Yeah.
To other friendships you have.
Cause it's like, am I ever goingto have a friendship that's like
that again?
And I think no one talks about,everyone gives you advice on
like heartbreak.
No one gives you advice on likefriendship breakups.
So when you go through yourfirst one, you're like, because
(19:01):
I genuinely think, how do I dothis is like an unpopular
opinion.
I don't know.
But people don't place the samevalue on friendships as they do
as romantic relationships.
A hundred percent.
you should be watering yourfriendships the same exact way,
way, almost.
Yeah.
Because every time someone likegets like, they're single and
(19:22):
they're hanging out witheveryone, and then they get a
boyfriend and they're like, bye.
That's one thing I've told everysingle friend that I've had.
I'm like, don't let me becomethat person.
Yeah.
I, I mean, honestly, I'm gonnabe so conscious about it, like,
yeah, I want to still have thesame life I have now.
Yeah.
When I do get a boyfriend in thefuture, but it's like, yeah,
that like going through.
(19:43):
what I went through and thenhaving like all of you guys I
know, I mean, I always knew howimportant friendships were, but
I also was always the personthat put a guy above.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, honestly anything, to behonest.
Not just friendships, butfamily.
You like almost everything.
You, I like idolized.
You're having to like re um,like re like prioritize your
(20:04):
mind almost.
Yeah.
To um, believing that like yourvalue is not tied to whether
you're in a relationship or not.
Yes.
And it's more that's literallyhow you value you and it's not
tied to a guy.
No, exactly.
That's what I've had to Yeah.
Learn.
And so now I think that I'm likein my healing era mm-hmm.
and learning that I think itwill be easier for me to be
(20:26):
like, nah.
Like I'm not, and probably beable to really figure out, okay.
Am I really feeling this guy?
Yeah.
Because once you start to loveyourself, oh, it's so much
easier to be like, Nope, you'renot worth it.
Yes.
Because if you're with someonewhere the way they make you feel
is like close to like how itfeels whenever you love
(20:49):
yourself, it's like, okay, likethis might be it for me.
Yeah.
Or there's like, you know, andyou want someone, like, I always
see this cliche on.
like quotes or TikTok orwhatever.
Mm-hmm.
But you really do want someonewho just adds to your life.
Like you already have your wholelife.
Like Yeah.
Not your whole life figured outnecessarily, but you have your
life together.
Like you have a path, you'reworking on yourself, whatever.
(21:12):
And you just want someone whocan add to it and come in and
improve your, your life.
Yeah.
And, and you know, and that canbe in any kind of way.
Yeah.
You know?
Um, so I don't know.
And I think it's important too,to.
This like turns like arelationship, like I know
somehow it always does, butsomehow, yeah.
But I think it's also importantto end up with someone that you
(21:34):
can really enjoy the mundanethings with.
Yeah.
No, that's so important.
Mm-hmm.
It's very, very important.
I feel like I didn't really havethat with my loss.
Like I feel like it was verylike, cause you guys are like
go, go, go.
Yes.
And like this new project andthen this new project and I
feel.
That's something that Idefinitely want, like a slow
Sunday morning or like beingable to enjoy like, like having
(21:56):
that balance.
Like you can have fun togetherand like, yeah.
And then you can like be chill,you know?
Cause I remember whenever, Coreyand I, like when we hadn't
traveled together yet.
Mm-hmm.
I was like nervous.
Yeah.
When we were like getting readyand then go on like our first
road trip, I'm.
so nervous.
Yeah.
About it.
Um, but it, it was good.
(22:16):
Yeah.
The whole, the way there, theway the way back was even
better.
I love that.
Even better.
And I was just like, okay.
Like, so that's almost likeanother test.
It is.
You should, I definitelybelieve, I love the thing I've
seen about, you know, make sureyou're with someone through each
season.
I just saw that the other daytoo.
Yes.
Yeah.
I like that a lot.
I love that.
And then I think, Going on tripstogether is important too,
(22:39):
because you never know is thatperson going to be somebody who
this, I mean, I also think thiswith friendships though, we can
tie that back.
Mm-hmm.
straight into friendships.
Mm-hmm.
like who's the more, who's theplanner?
Who's the blah, blah, blah.
Mm-hmm.
which, funny enough, I don'tfeel like either of us really, I
think you, your intention is todo that, and I don't know if
(23:00):
it's me that influences you tobe like, Like rigid, whatever,
like it's okay.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But like, like with the Dowchip, I was just like, try to,
okay.
Yeah.
I think you like what time we'releaving.
What time are we, but I do try,like I think you do, you do.
You put more of an effort intolike trying do that.
Thank you.
I'm just kinda like, honestlyI'm already anxious thinking
about having to do that.
(23:20):
So we're just gonna, are wegonna road trip?
Are we gonna literally gostraight there?
Go straight back this next time?
Yeah.
And I can drive this.
you can take my car.
Okay.
Pop off.
So that's totally.
Um, do I trust your driving?
I don't actually don't, you'venever, like, you've always never
driven when we've gone likesomewhere like longer.
So because up girl, I don't knowwhy I always, I think you like
(23:43):
to do it because I think youhave I like control thing Uhhuh.
Yeah.
And I'm a speedy I'm speedy gal.
Yeah.
I mean, whenever I'm on theroad, like I like to put on that
cruise control hit about Yeah.
Like 80 something.
That's tough if I can, but Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I did.
Good.
Like I, I like to, I don't minddriving.
(24:05):
Lecher, you drove to Georgia andback?
Yes, so I did have help, butlike, I mean, I still like,
which I wouldn't mind drivingeither.
Yeah, I think both of us arepretty.
I just love being in the car,man.
I love being in the car andLauren loves.
Road tripping.
What'd I say?
I'm like, I'm literally like adog.
I'm like a dog in the car.
I don't like it.
I love it so much.
I'm just like, wow, look at thisbig wide world.
(24:26):
I do love Dallas though.
It's so beautiful.
I know.
Dallas was such a vibe.
It was a vibe.
Um, do you have anything else tosay about friendships, I don't
know.
The, the last thing I will sayis that this year just feels so
pivotal for friendships.
Really.
Especially for you.
Yes.
Especially because, yeah, metoo.
Cause I had told you, like, Imet up with like those girls,
like I grew up.
(24:47):
like, yeah.
Did you have fun?
It was so good.
That's good.
Um, it was very overwhelmingjust because I've known them.
I'm, I've literally known likeevery single one of them since I
was like three or four.
Oh my gosh.
Years old.
It's, yes.
I don't have any friendshipslike that, that I could meet up
with.
It's such a unique situation cuzit's like I'm not just meeting
up with people that like I wentto high school with.
(25:07):
Like, yeah, I have no, there'sno one that has known me longer
except.
my family.
Oh my gosh.
You know, pop off.
It's very, it was just a lot.
And like the environment that wewere in whenever we were going
to school was tough and, yeah.
people.
You really never know whatpeople are going through the
(25:29):
silent battles that people gothrough.
You know, don't worry, you'llnever know if I'm going through
a si.
No, you'll never, you'll nevernot know if I'm going through
what to say.
I was like, okay, go ahead andlie again because you, because
I, I will know.
Always tell you, I know I wasthinking about this the other
day, as I was literally sittingin bed and I was like, I cannot
wait to live with Lauren cuz I'mjust gonna go pop over there.
I'm so excited.
(25:50):
Especially this thing, I'm gonnago pop over that I'm like trying
to, yeah.
That will help her pops off.
I would literally just be rightthere.
I'd bug you so much though.
You'd be so tired of my shit.
It would be so good thingthough.
I was like, I cannot wait tojust have you here.
So I was like, wow, I can't waituntil I live with Lauren cause I
can just suck Ada over to herside.
Just come on like, God, you knowwhat I thought about too?
(26:12):
We need to have each other on,on find My Friends, because then
I'll know.
Mm-hmm.
If you're at Corey's or not,I'll never have to ask you.
I can just pull up and be like,okay, shoot that course.
I'll probably tell you anyways.
No, you probably will.
But I was just like, that way weare avoiding like, and if I ever
go on a date, you know, you'llhave to, oh girl, I'm literally,
I'm going with.
On the day, on my day.
I'm following you there.
I am following you there.
(26:33):
Okay, I'll off.
Oh, I'm probably gonna be justlike, especially because you've
never done like, um, like thedating app thing.
I've never, so that's just adifferent ballgame.
Okay.
You'll, you'll protect me.
Absolutely.
And just make sure you're notlike putting yourself in sticky
situations.
Well, don't worry if I ever needanything, I'll just call you.
Absolutely.
I know you and King Corey willcome save.
Oh, you already know.
(26:54):
I'll be, To the truck?
oh, I was gonna say something.
It's been very rambly, chatty.
Um, I actually saw one of myfriends from high school.
I went to church with her onSunday.
Oh.
And it was so fun and good.
She's kind of one of thosepeople that like you can just
catch up with, like, you couldnot see.
I think I, last time I saw herwas maybe a year and a half ago.
And so I think we have plans tohang out again soon.
(27:17):
Mm-hmm.
I really liked the church too.
It was a really good church.
Um, can't go this weekend cuzI'm going back home, but I will
be going back.
It was so good.
That's good.
But yeah, she's kinda one ofthose people that I'm like, oh.
like, this is good.
Like this feels good.
Like this is really fun.
And pay attention to like howyou feel around certain people,
(27:38):
you know?
Yeah.
You really have to, that's sotrue.
If you're like getting a lot ofanxiety or if you feel like
people are bringing more chaosinto your life than like peace.
Mm-hmm.
it's okay to set boundaries.
Yeah.
I think people, it's hard to do,but I'll say, I think it's okay.
People get really nervous to dothat.
Um, it takes a lot of, um,transparency and just like
(28:00):
honesty, being straightforwardto do that.
Yeah.
I think setting boundaries,people think that that's really
selfish, but it's not at all.
It's selfish in the best way.
Yeah.
It's like selfish for yourself.
Yeah.
And I think on the receivingside, you have to be open to
hearing what people are upsetwith you about.
if they're being transparentwith you.
Yeah.
Like you can't take that.
And I think it, it's really easyto hear something with friends
(28:25):
and kind of pop off quickly.
Yeah.
Maybe it's just for me cuz I'memotional.
Yeah.
But I feel like really taking itin, that's what I've been trying
to do more so this year and Iguess like a little bit last
year, but just like reallytaking it in like, okay, what
are they?
trying to say, what do I reallyneed to work on?
Yeah.
Because I'm really quick before.
Yeah.
I'm really quick before I get topoint fingers and be like, well,
(28:47):
you're doing this.
Yeah.
And it's like, well, that's notwhat we're talking about.
Yeah.
let's try and figure out.
I'm not the best at it, but I'm,I'm working on it.
Yeah.
That's something I'm really,really working on.
I have to work on it too.
So you're not alone.
All of us probably have to dobetter in that.
No one's got that down.
Especially if you have like anoff day.
I mean, yeah, you're not gonnahave the perfect response and
(29:07):
all that all the time.
Yeah.
So, I mean, I don't know.
Friendships are hard, but that'swhy you gotta be very decisive
about it.
Yeah, and I.
the older you get, kind of thesmaller your circle gets, but I
feel like that's almost okay.
Mm-hmm.
I'd much rather have a smallercircle than a super large one
that I like can't keep up with,or that it's drama all the time,
(29:30):
or it's crazy than whateverbaby, the amount of quote
unquote.
Friends I had whenever I was,um, like a couple of years ago
even.
It's like there's no way.
Yeah.
There's no way to maintain that.
And like when I remember likebeing in a group of friends,
like a group, group of friends,there was always stuff going on.
Always.
(29:50):
It was never like, it may havelooked good, but there it was.
Yeah.
It was not it.
So I've never really had like agroup.
Uh, except for high school,maybe like early college, I had
a group.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
But yeah, there was always somekind of drama popping off and so
it's exhausting.
It's really exhausting,especially once you like, if you
like, remove yourself from itand you just kind of are going
(30:11):
about doing your thing and thenyou.
Kind of get back into it alittle bit.
It's like, yeah, this is, thisain't it.
This ain't working.
This is too much.
Yeah, it's too much.
Yep.
Um, so anyway, thanks y'all forjoining this The Ram, really
short episode kind of episode,but we just wanted to chat it up
a little bit.
Yeah.
(30:31):
We wanna chat up on the snowday, just provide a short
episode if y'all have anyrecommendations.
Mm-hmm.
please give it to us.
Yeah.
And we will be, next week.
Yep.
We love you guys.
In your ears.
In your ears.
Again, love you.
Love you, quickies.
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