Our Best Heartbreak Tips!

In today's episode, Katie + Lauryn give their best heartbreak tips! 

Episode Transcript

(00:07):
Hello everybody.
Hello, baby Girls.
And boys and boys and maes andthems all of you bad bitches out
there, all of you.
Um, today we have an excitingepisode.
Now wait a.
We went to Dallas.
We went to Dallas for a bookclub.

(00:27):
That was so fun.
It was the cutest little girl'strip and we will be doing it
again.
Yeah, it was so fun.
So we went to Kenzie Elizabeth'sbook club.
Yep.
And stayed at a hotel.
Mm-hmm.
and ate dinner like on theirrooftop.
Yep.
And it was just a great time.
Yeah.
It was a really nice, just kindof turnaround.

(00:48):
But we still got celebrities.
There we were.
I was like, oh, who would'vethought being from O kc, I mean,
our face was in the place.
Oh, and the people were lovingit.
I mean, Let's be honest.
We were one of the only peoplethat talked.
Oh, the mic?
There was, yeah.
Yeah.
There was a handful of, sheasked around actually talked and
Yeah, it was like nobody wantedto talk.

(01:10):
Nobody wanted to talk.
Um, we will, we're used to themic, honey.
I know.
This is, we just do this.
This is what we do.
This is what we, so, so, yeah.
So it was really fun.
And we are gonna be reading theFeb.
Have you started the Februarybook?
No, because remember we're gonnawait until closer.
to like the time of book club todo it.

(01:30):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it was hard to rememberand we read it.
It was when we finished it twoweeks before, like no, it was
like a less than a week before.
Yeah, you're right actually.
And it was still hard.
I think we hard we start it likea week before.
Yeah.
So we're gonna do it to where.
We should be finishing the booklike the day before, day before.
Yeah, I agree.
Yep.
Because it was, it was hard torecall things.
Yeah.
And then when they wereexplaining the book out loud, I

(01:53):
was like, wait, that happened?
Wait, what rating did I givethis book?
Because Did you give it a four?
I gave it a four.
Yeah.
And, and I, I stand by that.
I'm glad I gave it a four.
Do you know how I was readingthat scary book?
The book?
The Butcher.
The Butcher?
Yeah.
I did give it a five.
It was really good, the ending.
Oh, I'm glad you were able tofinish.
It was really good.
I did.
I finished it two nights ago.
Good.
I popped off, pop off.

(02:14):
Honestly, it was a really fastread.
Like whenever I was reading it,I could get like 20 to 25% in
like a night.
Yeah.
Like.
Insanely.
I cannot read that fast ever.
I'm glad you finished it.
Cause I, I was like, Katie'sprobably about to miss out on a
good book because she's scaredto read it.
No, it was scary.
But I've been like really slowabout my reading, but I've also
been like, well, you know how,one of the different ways, I

(02:38):
guess to, not diet necessarily,but the people try to eat is
like intuitively Oh yeah.
You're trying to do that withbook intuitively read.
Yeah, because I agree.
Like not forcing yourselfHaven't changed.
Yeah.
I haven't changed my goal, but.
the book that it's still ahundred Daisy hates book.
Mm-hmm that I'm reading.
It's so big.
Like that book is like 500pages.

(02:59):
That's a lot.
So I'm like just trying todigest it like yeah.
When I want to.
So that way I'm not burnt out.
That's what I do all the time.
So I don't do that all the time.
I am 30% into the simple wildYou'll be proud of me.
Oh my gosh.
I'm really, really enjoying it.
You're making me wanna rereadit.
Honestly, I'm really enjoyed it.
It's so good.
I'm glad you told me about itcuz I'm like, it's so good.
I'm getting really giddy andit's like a slow burn and I'm

(03:21):
telling you, characterdevelopment is so good.
I was about to say, honestly, itdoesn't feel.
Boring though.
Exactly.
Even for a slow burn, I'm like,wow, this is really interesting.
That's a lot of people'sproblems with slow burns is
Yeah.
The progression they strugglewith.
Yeah.
But I feel like if the writerknows and is like keeping that
at the forefront of their mindsas they're like writing, yeah.

(03:43):
I think it's okay because theslow burn can be the best or the
worst.
There's no in between.
Oh, a hundred percent agree.
No in between.
No in between.
But that.
I, yeah.
Chest kiss.
I love it.
I am loving it so far.
It's so cute.
I'm just like getting a giddymakes me, it was hard cuz I was
like reading the butcher andthen I'd like flipped to that
book and so I, yeah, I wasflipping back and forth so now I

(04:04):
can like fully devote my timeand attention to the simple
wild.
So has she like gotten to likewhere she's staying?
Yes.
Okay.
So this is where I'm at.
Okay.
I'm at the part where Jonah,that's his name, right?
Yes.
Just took her to the grocerystore.
Okay.
And now, They're headed back.
Yeah, but I mean, you bar youhaven't even seen really the dad
yet.
Like they've barely spokenbecause he's working, he's out

(04:27):
and about and this is Satay.
Yeah.
So their story really got me cuzI got daddy issues and it just
whew.
It, it touched your heart.
It, yes.
And it'll touch hers too.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm excited.
Um, so today we're gonna betalking.
Heartbreak and tips.
Yep.
Which we did talk aboutrelationships, but I feel like
at that point it was so closeafter my divorce, I didn't

(04:50):
really talk a lot about liketips.
Yeah.
We need like an updatedperspective to see what you got
to say or like specific thingsto do.
Yeah.
And so I feel like that issomething, um, but well, I don't
know if I should ask you, askyou my question now or later.
Okay.
I feel like.

(05:11):
And if you, do you want to talkabout like your past breakups?
Um, I mean, do you have anytrick?
Sure.
Like, I would say I have, Ithink I have solid advice for
like Okay.
Getting over your first love.
Ooh, yeah.
Because it's crucial.
Crucial.
That's your first heartbreak.
Mm-hmm.
typically if, unless you're, youstayed with your first love,

(05:32):
kudos to you.
Yeah.
But, um, getting over that Ithink is the most important one.
Yeah.
To get over mm-hmm.
because usually this isn't thecase for everybody, but
typically it's when you'reyounger.
Yeah.
And if you're like how I waswhen I was younger, um, I
thought like things just didn'tget better.

(05:54):
From there I was like, oh.
I just didn't see any, anythingbut like him and the way I was
feeling.
I didn't think I'd ever get overthose feelings.
Um, you're so right that that ishow it is, like Yeah.
You kind of have a morebroadened perspective now that
you're older.
Exactly.
And then it's important.
The reason why I also think it'svery important, um, compared to

(06:16):
like other heartbreaks isbecause.
you're at such an impressionableage at that point.
Yeah.
And that person, your first loveis the first person to make you
feel these strong feelings.
Yeah.
In a romantic way towardssomeone.
Um, and that can, that gives alot, a lot of power to somebody

(06:37):
else.
Oh, a hundred percent.
And, um, you can get caught in acycle very easy.
Mm-hmm.
if you want to.
Yeah.
Whether that's.
Being off, off again and onagain for years I feel like
happens so much.
Especially in like happens a lothigh school, college age.
Well, I mean first love age, butyeah, but I mean, and it can
happen like later in life too,and you can be in a cycle for

(06:59):
forever and then you look up andyou're like, wow.
Mm-hmm.
I've been so focused on likemaking something work that
clearly isn't working with thisone person.
Mm-hmm.
because the cycle will tell youthat.
Yeah.
You keep getting caught in thesame thing.
Um, I have a question reallyquickly.
What's that?
This is kind of off topic what,but I've been seeing this a lot
on TikTok.

(07:19):
What do you, how do you feelabout situation ships?
That's a no for me, it's a no.
That's, I've been in thatbefore.
It's Well, okay.
You're, what you're saying onagain and off again reminds me
so much of a situation ship andlike people always complaining
about it on TikTok, like, thisone girl spent like six years
and I mean, the comments werejust like roasting her.

(07:40):
They said that they were like,did you say six years?
But here's the theme though.
But that's the reason why youcan't look at someone's
situation and judge and be like,Oh, I would never, yeah, because
then the universe will be like,let me, yikes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let, let's see if you wouldnever mm-hmm.
because when you're in asituation, it's, it's so

(08:01):
different.
Different versus when you're outof it and you're looking back
and you're like, they wereroasted.
I can't believe I really likestayed in that, but a lot of
them were probably dealing withthat kind of stuff too, so
whatever.
But a hundred percent it's, it'shard, especially if that person
makes you feel good and no one'sever treated you that way
before.
Mm-hmm.
you cannot judge.
Yeah.
I could have easily been in asituation like that, but luckily

(08:25):
like, like what?
High school, college, highschool.
College.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think the best thing forsure is like your level of
contact.
I don't know what it is aboutsome people feeling like they
need to be friends with theirexes and pop off whatever, but.
I personally, I could never, Ithink certain situations can
call for it if it's like mutualand like you have a very solid

(08:48):
friend group and you're like,both of you are literally
friends with all of thesepeople.
I feel like that's so hard.
I feel like it's hard, but Ithink that's, maybe that's a
little bit different.
If I was friends with my ex,you'd see me singing the KBI
song literally all, all thetime.
That's Mat mature.
She's so mat mature.
she's so mat mature.
But I, I think it, I don't know.
I, I think you.

(09:10):
say like that's a hard no.
Like you can never be friendswith them.
But I also think it would bevery difficult bringing Well, I
am saying it's a hard no movie.
Well, for you, yeah.
For you.
Yeah.
But for, yeah, it's not, it'ssituational.
Um, yeah.
Depending on the person.
Uhhuh me personally, that's a nofor me.
Mm-hmm.
I think moving on, part of thatprocess is just like letting the
person go, that person was apart of your life.

(09:31):
Mm-hmm.
and they're not anymore.
Mm-hmm.
And for your sanity movingforward and all that, you don't,
you need to.
Your person and be focused onthat.
What kind of tips do you havegetting over maybe like a
situation ship or just like yourfirst love I would say.
Like what did you do?
Um, me, I didn't push tocontact, like I clearly did not

(09:54):
speak to someone that did notwant to communicate with me.
Yeah.
That's the first thing, andthat's hard.
No contact is huge, but checkingon people's social medias.
Oh, quit checking up on people.
Oh.
I literally have a saying whereI'm like, we do not self
sabotage here.
No.
Like don't do it.
That is absolutely selfsabotaging.
Yes.
You know, it's gonna put you ina worse mood.
Why do it?
Yeah.
So, No contact, no checking upon them.

(10:16):
Mm-hmm.
um, no asking like a friend of afriend that, you know, saw them
like Wilson.
How, how are they?
How, how are they like, likewhat you know?
Mm-hmm.
none of that.
Um, if they wanna talk about it,whatever, and they bring them
up, that's fine.
And then I would.
Fill your feelings.
Yeah, a hundred percent.
Because it sucks.
Oh, it's the worst pain.

(10:36):
It's hard.
Worst work.
I would never, ever, ever, butthat first one, man, I'm telling
you, you have to, I don't knowif my first one was that bad.
Oh girl.
That first one was.
I moved on principally.
Absolutely terrible.
Absolutely terrible for me.
Yeah.
Um, but I mean, that's the mainthing.
And just live your life, likemm-hmm.

(10:56):
just get up every day, handleyour business.
Yeah.
And eventually one day you'lljust realize, wow, I haven't
thought about that situation inhowever long.
Or, oh, I got a good night'ssleep.
Mm-hmm.
and I didn't even think.
That when I first woke up orwhatever.
So you just have to keep going.
Yeah.
You have to.

(11:16):
You have to.
Yep.
Um, okay.
Switching it up a bit.
Okay.
So as a friend of someone whohas watched me go through
divorce, what would you say forpeople out there who have
friends in their lives that aregoing through something mm-hmm.
like what do you feel like, um,like your role as a friend
should be?
Yeah, yeah.
Just because I, I've also beenin the role of a friend.

(11:39):
like one of my closest friendswent through a breakup last
year.
Mm-hmm.
But like, what do you feel likehelped?
Or what like Yeah, just kind ofwhat was your role?
Walk me through it.
Um, well, like what, what, orlike what is advice that you
would give somebody else?
Like how can they be there fortheir friend?
Yeah.
Well, I think I have talked toyou about this mm-hmm.
and I think I said this prettyearly on, like when you first

(11:59):
told me that you were gettingdivorced mm-hmm.
um, I had told you like, youknow, it's okay if this is all
that we talk about.
Yeah.
For a long time.
Mm-hmm.
there's no hard feelings on myend, like, you know, obviously
like I also have a life inthings that are going on.

(12:20):
But yeah.
You know, friendships aren't,and it's the same with like
romantic relationships.
Yeah.
It's like the whole 50, we'regonna see like the 50 50.
Yeah.
Each person can't give theirall, all the time.
Yeah.
That's a lot to ask of someone.
Mm-hmm.
that's also just trying tohandle their business and go
about Yeah.
Life and do what they gotta do.

(12:43):
So I think the first thing isjust to be.
I mean, you're gonna be beaten adead horse, like a lot, like
you're gonna be talking aboutthis like, like you just are so
friend and that's totally fine.
Like it's no problem to me.
Mm-hmm.
because like you're processingYeah.
Things and the same situationthat you're playing in your
head.
You're like, in the verybeginning you felt this way

(13:04):
about it and then like thefurther away you get from it,
you're looking at itdifferently.
Mm-hmm.
like it's a process.
So really just letting them.
if they gotta talk about it, letthem talk about it.
Yeah.
Um, I feel like we're justfinally getting to the point,
like Yeah.
Recent situations aside.
Yeah.
I feel like we're finallygetting to the point where I
don't talk about it as much.
No, not as much.

(13:24):
Yeah.
And I think as the friend, if,if you just kind of let it
happen and don't try to forcethem to get over it faster,
you'll even be like, like, wow.
she's doing so well.
Like, wow.
Like they're doing, you know,they're really working on
themselves.
So that, um, being available foryour friends.

(13:47):
Yeah.
At times they typically, likeyou wouldn't be maybe, um, I
think like if they need you,like, just make sure that you're
there and that you're listeningand you're not trying to just
give advice all the time.
Yeah.
That's a massive one.
Like just.
Listen, just be there unlessthey say, what do you think?
Or what do you think I shoulddo?

(14:09):
Or, um, something that indicatesthat you can give advice.
Yeah, just listen and, you know,leave it at that.
Yeah.
Um, and I think it's okay to setboundaries because honestly, I
know how emotionally draining itcan be.
Yeah.
To be in it.
Yeah.

(14:29):
And then also hear it from theother side.
It can be very, it can be a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so it's okay obviously toset boundaries.
Yeah.
But I do like what you saidabout just being available.
Yeah.
Um, because like if you were toever go through something and
maybe not even like breakup orwhatever, but I.
to be there for you in the sameaspect you were there for you
For sure, for sure.

(14:50):
So yeah, the main things just,and like you said, it can be
emotionally draining.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but I also think, I thinkyounger me kind of dealt with
that.
Like it was more draining.
But like as I've gotten older,like I'm a lot better separate,
separating like my friend isgoing through this and not
internalizing all of.

(15:11):
Yeah.
Like you're not going through itexactly.
Like you're not going throughit.
Yeah.
Like your friend is.
Um, and so just my main thing iscuz people are incredibly
selfish when it comes tofriendships.
Like, just let it be about them.
Yeah.
It's okay that like, you know,it's not a, a equal like

(15:31):
situation.
It's, it's okay.
Yeah.
Just let, let them do theirthing.
Mm-hmm.
and.
and hold them accountable forthings too that they say that
they're gonna do.
Also do that.
I would say do that.
I love that.
Yeah.
Yeah, because it's like, okay,like, okay, like I'm going to do
this or whatever.
It's like, okay, that's what yousaid.
Do it, so let's see you do it.
You know?

(15:51):
But the thing is, if they'restill repeating the same things
Yeah.
After they said that, just letit go.
It's okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Don't beat them over the headabout it, but I think you can
still hold them accountable.
I love that friend.
That's what I would say.
Yeah.
You've been one of the biggestlike supporters.
I don't know if that's the rightword.

(16:13):
Yeah.
But you really have been, you'vebeen someone who, like you do
just allow me to talk.
Mm-hmm.
and that's the biggest help.
And just being here.
People that literally don'tcatch social cues.
Kudos to them.
Yeah.
They just keep talking.
But some people like you and Ican tell when someone is like

(16:33):
sick of hearing us talk orthey're like, they'd be sick of
us talking Sick of us.
Yeah.
Like, like, oh, like theyclearly aren't listening so I'm
gonna shut up.
Yeah, just making sure thatyou're actively listening and
that you don't look like you'reirritated or whatever, or kindly
just tell them like, it's a bitmuch right now.

(16:55):
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Like, I'm also going throughsomething.
Yeah.
Or, and I feel like I've triedto make.
Really clear with you.
Yeah.
Like, hey, if you're goingthrough something, like please
tell me one, I want my mind offof whatever I can.
Yeah.
And two, like I wanna show the,like whatever.
Cuz really in the beginning,like whatever little I have
left, I would love to be able togive it to Yeah.

(17:17):
My friends and my family, youknow?
So I'm like, please tell me.
Well, I think you, I thinkyou've done a good job of that
because I've told you thingsthat I've had going on and you
know, But yeah, just you guyslet it be about them for a
minute.
It's okay.
I love that.
Yeah, because yeah, I feel likeit's, it's never actually going
to be equal probably, right?
I mean, maybe there's like acouple months out of the year,

(17:40):
but one person is gonna be goingthrough some shit.
Something.
Yeah, there's something.
So I feel like.
Just allowing that person to,whether it's big or small.
Yeah.
But even if it's small, but it'sbig to them.
Yeah.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
then let them go through it.
Yeah.
So I love that.
I feel like with um, just along-term breakup or divorce.

(18:02):
Mm-hmm.
there's a lot of advice outthere.
I was actually talking to mytherapist about this and she was
like, there's so much advice outthere that's kind of a band-aid.
Um, because I was telling her Iwas, I was telling her this
yesterday.
I was just like, it's soannoying because on one hand I
know that's gonna take me timeto heal.
Yeah.
But on the other hand, I get somad at myself because I'm like,

(18:24):
Katie, you are.
attention to someone who one isprobably not giving you any
attention in their heads.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And two, like, doesn't careabout you anymore.
So I get so mad at myself andshe's like, just reword that
too.
You are giving that time andattention to yourself.
Yeah.
Even if you cry over them, evenif you write in your journal
about them.

(18:44):
Exactly.
You're still giving you thattime.
Yeah.
You're not giving, it's not.
Mm-hmm.
like you're giving someone.
your time of day.
Yeah.
That doesn't deserve it.
Yeah.
She like if you were to help youfurther your process Yeah.
Your healing process.
She was like, if you were likecalling or texting him Yeah.
Or you were stalking to socialmedia's, then you're giving them
time and energy.
Exactly.
Um, but I feel like for me,biggest things that have helped,

(19:08):
because I would say I have avery different perspective, even
just.
when did we do that podcast?
Three months ago.
Yeah.
Um, and I feel like I am so muchfurther along.
I did break no contact this pastweek, but I had to get the rest
of my things that was necessary,that was necessary.
I had to get my stuff.
Yeah.
Um, that's my number one though.

(19:28):
Just like that was your numberone, like no contact, because
that truly does heal.
It's so hard.
Like it's so hard.
But I would say after first twoweeks mm-hmm.
maybe the first.
You're just, you're not like,really like, because in the
first month I probably was,anytime I got a text it was
like, oh, is it him?
Well, it's like a habit, youknow, that you have to break.

(19:49):
Yeah.
Two, so Oh, a hundred percent.
That's a good way of looking atit.
It's the same.
Yeah.
I, that's it's, yeah, I was,it's like a lot of it.
Habitual.
Mm-hmm.
And then when you break, you'relike breaking so many habits.
Especially when you're like, andthat's the thing too, I will
say, like, obviously I've neverbeen through divorce, but Oh my
gosh, yeah.
There's such a.
like to me, just from being likeright there with you mm-hmm.

(20:13):
through everything thus far.
Yeah.
Um, I'm like, this is adifferent level of Yeah.
Heartbreak, a breakup, whatever,like you're mm-hmm.
divorced.
Yeah.
And the conversations you'rehaving to have are, are
different versus like just aregular breakup.
So different.
And I feel, would it bedifferent if y'all were just
living together and you werejust boyfriend and girlfriend?
Yeah.
Like even that is different.

(20:34):
Yeah.
So, and I feel like.
So my therapist was talkingabout that yesterday too because
she was like, there's differentlevels.
She was like, once you put thatD word out there, it's a
different level than if you werejust boyfriend, girlfriend.
And also like, yes, if someonewere to get cheated on, like
that's a different level.
And she was talking about likekind of all the different
levels, which I like to hearbecause I did downplay it a lot

(20:55):
in the beginning.
You did like, I was like, oh,it's just a long-term breakup.
And it's like, no.
Do you remember what you, it's adivorce.
You said to me when you firsttold me you guys were, No.
Or getting divorced was I justlike, oh, it feels like a
breakup.
No, you said, Hey, friend.
In one message sent that I hadchecked my phone, I was texting
you back.
Second message comes like twoseconds later.
Um, we're getting divorced.

(21:16):
And I'm like, then I'm like backspacing said, back backspacing
my message to change it.
Like what?
And then you say, and I'm okaywith a heart.
With a heart.
That's all you said.
Oh, yikes.
I was like, this was not doingokay.
No.
Well, and then whenever I sawyou in person, I started sobbing
That's why.
And I was like, you're like, sois she okay or is she not?

(21:37):
I was so confused.
I was like, I don't know.
What's happening.
And then once I sat down andtalked to you, your like
polarizing feelings made so muchsense.
I was like, okay, yeah, wellthis makes sense why she's kind
of all over the place right now.
I think you're in shock in thatmoment.
And also I was, I talked a lotto my therapist yesterday, but
I, cuz she was like, you'redoing really well.

(21:59):
And I was like, really?
Like, be honest with me.
She was like, yeah.
She was like, I think you're onmore of like an even playing
field now.
Yeah.
She was like, there was amoment.
You were so go, go, go.
Yeah.
Because you kinda have to beafter divorce.
Mm-hmm.
or even a long-term breakup.
Yeah.
I'm not comparing the twoanymore, but if you're living
with someone, there's a lot oflike things you have to
consider.
Like where am I gonna live now?

(22:20):
How am I gonna move?
Do I have animals I have to takeyou?
Like immediately jumped intoaction.
You have to.
There was so much you have to,and so that's what my therapist
was like.
We're so go, go, go.
And then you finally moved, yougot settled a little bit and
then you kind of tanked alittle.
Yeah.
And then she was like, and now Ifeel like you're kind of at an
even.
Playing field a little bit.

(22:40):
I compete with that.
Yeah.
And so I was like, okay.
And she was like, and now youjust ride the waves like up and
down.
Yes.
Like if there's enough day,great.
There's down day.
Great.
And you have to let yourselfride the waves.
I also have some more advice forfriends of, oh, beautiful.
The heartbroken and the divorcedbaby girls out there.
We hope not too many of you, nottoo many of you, but I do have
two things.

(23:01):
let them ride the rollercoaster.
It's a big one.
It's okay.
It's a big one.
And also do not judge them forthe way that they're going about
their healing process.
Yeah.
People do not handle things likethat.
Mm-hmm.
the same.
Yep.
You and I don't handle thingsthe same.
Nope.
You, through all of this, haveleaned on your people, like your

(23:22):
family, your friends, me, like.
I need a lot of just like timeby myself.
Um, but I also need people thatare not gonna sit there and let
me just rot Yeah.
In my space, because Iabsolutely will.
Yeah.
So I need like, that, I need tobe able to process by myself
still though.
Mm-hmm.
So those are, those are the twothings I wanna add to that,

(23:43):
because I think we, I love thatwe fo we are too focused on
ourselves and we're like, well,if I was her, like I'd be doing
this.
Okay.
But yeah, that's the key thingis like, you're not her though.
Yeah.
So yeah, they kind of thinklike, oh, well they, they should
be doing this.
Yeah.
And it's like, well, why, why?
And why?
Like, like, you should be goingout right now instead of sitting
on couch.
No.

(24:03):
Yeah.
If she wants to sit and likewatch her comfort show and like
Yeah.
Do whatever.
Let them do that.
Yeah.
Or if they wanna go out and youwanna go out with them, then do
it.
But don't feel like if you putyourself in a position, if you
don't want to.
Exactly.
But if you wanna go out, go outwith them.
But don't force them one way orthe other.
Don't be like, you should begoing out.
We should be getting you, youknow, you should be, um, like

(24:25):
getting over him with somebodyelse.
It's like, no, everyone feelsdifferently.
Yeah, exactly.
Like there's no one way.
Mm-hmm.
And that's something I'mnoticing too.
I could be in the waves withsome, like I could be in my own
grief journey and you could bein your grief journey.
Yeah.
But they could feel like twocompletely different journeys.
Yeah, they look very different.

(24:46):
Yes.
And so that's something that hashelped, but not helped.
But I mean, honestly, I will saybesides friends and family, like
leaning on like TikTok support.
Yeah.
I don't know why, but TikTok hasbeen like my number one favorite
platform now.
Yeah.
And I just feel.
I see so many on my for you pagegoing through it too.
And that house, well, I think hewent out on a limb to share.
Yeah.
And you got, you got it back inlike tenfold, like people really

(25:11):
connected with it.
Yeah.
Um, so even people that arestill married, like still like
going through stuff.
Mm-hmm.
so.
I don't know.
I think that also something,obviously therapy helps a ton
leaning on your friends andfamily, but I also think like,

(25:31):
and I think a lot of people saythis and you kind of roll your
eyes, but like truly doingthings alone.
Yeah.
Like I went to the movies bymyself a month ago by like
alone, or a couple weeks ago.
Yeah.
However long ago that was.
It's so like scary at first andthen you do it and you're like,
wait, like I actually wanna goback now.
Yeah.
To a movie by myself.
Yeah.
And so I'm like, I think doingthings that you're uncomfortable

(25:54):
pushes you.
And I also did hear this adviceon TikTok actually.
It was like, um, if you aregoing through something, sign up
for like a challenge, like a 5k.
The marathon or something.
Just kinda like crazy.
Yeah.
Because it forces you one tofocus on something different and
two, it forces you to like tellyourself, okay, I can do this.

(26:17):
Yeah.
Like it kind of reinforces thatyou can do it.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
I know.
I like that.
And so I kind of love that.
But I think baby steps too.
Like you have to do it.
Yeah.
So slow.
Yeah.
I think too, things that havehelped me specifically the Jay

(26:38):
Shetty podcast has been massivefor me.
Yeah.
I just started listening to theMel Robbins podcast and that's
really good too.
She has like, I don't know ifshe's a psychologist, but, um,
have you heard of like the 5 4 321 method?
Um, or the High Five Method?
I feel like I've heard of HighFive Method.
Okay.
I'm not, I think that when youjust like look at yourself in

(26:58):
the mirror and give yourself ahigh five, but, oh yeah.
Mel Robbins kind of coined this.
term where if you don't wanna dosomething, you count down from
five and then you immediately doit like 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, get up
out of bed.
Uhhuh.
Or like 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Okay, I'm going to the gym.
Yeah.
And I mean, that's reallysimple, right?
But she made a whole book aboutit.
Yeah.
So it's like, I think shestudied psychology for however

(27:20):
many years.
And so I really like her podcasttoo.
I would say those two though,like Jay Shetty just has amazing
people on that are likepsychologists or doctors or
whatever it may be, that havehelped a lot about, um, trauma
and healing.
There's one guy called Dr.
Gabe Met I don't know how to sayhis name, but he's somebody who

(27:41):
like has really studied trauma.
Yeah.
And that helped a lot.
But I would say that thatpodcast.
These are like very liketraditional, but
non-traditional.
But like going outside andgetting sun and listening to a
podcast has been like some of myfavorite time by myself.
Yeah.
I love nothing more than doingthat Uhhuh Like when I'm at my

(28:03):
parents' house, I take likethree walks a day because I'm
just like, this is so, this islike my me time.
Yeah.
Um, obviously working out,working out is a huge one.
Yeah.
And, and doing something, youknow.
like, go try a new workout classor go do something that you can
make friends in.
Yeah.
I think something that I'mreally wanting to do this year
is kind of finding a communityof maybe like single women that

(28:29):
I can go do things with or I canrelate to.
Yeah.
In, um, I would love to.
You know what I really wanna do?
I really wanna start a, um,small group for women.
Mm-hmm.
um, that have like been throughbreakups or divorce recently.
Yeah.
Because I feel like I wish I hadthat.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
So something like that.

(28:50):
But I feel like yeah, findingcommunity, leaning into
community, listening to good,like motivational podcasts.
and going to therapy,journaling, meditating, those
kinds of things.
Huge.
I really think too, like makingsure that you're doing the
things that like you eitherhaven't done in a while that you

(29:12):
know you love.
Yeah.
Or like, think about how it wasbefore you were with this
person, like you mm-hmm.
you were alone once.
What was it that you liked todo?
Mm-hmm.
Because after a while, um,anyone that's been in a
long-term relationship will tellyou.
they're lying.
You, the person you're with,like their mannerisms and the

(29:33):
things they do Yeah.
Kind of starts to rub off on youand vice versa, I think.
Yeah, a hundred percent.
Um, and so there is a part ofyou that you should hold onto
and still, you know, do thethings that you love.
Yeah.
To do a hundred percent lovethat.
And finding that again is alsovery important.

(29:53):
Yeah.
So I think too, Going off ofthat.
Mm-hmm.
pursuing passion projects thatmaybe you haven't had time to
do, like the podcast.
Like that was one of'em that itjust never aligned.
Yeah.
And now I'm like, what?
I got more free time now thanever.
So yeah.
Like, let's, and we did it.
Yeah.
Like let's go for it.
And so pursuing either Yeah.
A hobby that you haven't done ina long time or, or just trying

(30:14):
to figure it out by like tryingthe new things that you were
talking about.
Yeah.
When people don't have hobbies.
Well, literally when people werelike, now you get to do whatever
you want, and.
I don't know what I want.
Like I don't know what I wannado.
Like you like, you're likefreaking out.
Like, what do you mean?
I don't know.
That's the advice people gave mein the beginning, like, well now
you get to do whatever you want.
And in the beginning you don'tknow what you want.

(30:35):
Yeah.
And so like, don't makeyourself, don't force yourself
to figure it out.
Yeah.
Like take the time, feel thefeelings, and then go from
there.
But I would say, Now I can liketell you what I like to do.
Yeah.
And what I enjoy doing.
Yeah.
But back then I was like, uh, Idon't even know what I like to

(30:56):
do.
Yeah.
And yeah, I think I would notwish.
I would not wish divorce on myworst enemy.
It really is a real, or evenjust like really bad heartbreak.
Oh, I wouldn't wish that feelingeither.
Like physically worst, feelinglike worst feeling like, oh my
gosh, like this is what it feelslike to be heartbroken is, yeah,
it sucks.

(31:16):
It's the worst feeling ever.
It is a very hard feeling.
Mm-hmm.
to, to get past, which is whylike, like I said, I will always
believe that the first one isthe hardest and it's the most
important.
To get over.
Do you wanna hear somethingthough that offers a different

(31:37):
perspective of that?
What?
There's a theory called thethree theory.
Have you heard of it?
Well, yeah.
You kind of said something to meabout it.
We were on our way to Dallas.
Yeah.
So like the first person islike, you know, the kind of
childhood.
Mm-hmm.
like crush or whatever it is.
It's like you kind, you're atyour first heartbreak.
Yeah.
The second one though is the onethat like wrecks you.

(31:57):
Mm-hmm.
And the third one is like yoursoulmate.
And I've been through two now,so let's go.
It's time to buy my soulmate.
Yeah.
So yeah, and the weird thing toois this is kind of going back,
but now that I haven't been nocontact, I was no contact for
four months with my ex.
And now that I had to talk tohim, get my stuff, I mean, this
past week and a half was hellyeah.

(32:18):
Like I hated every second.
I hated like literally my wholebody would like shoot up with
anxiety when I saw his name onmy phone and I'm like, that one
is crazy.
that was the person I wasmarried to, and two, I didn't
realize how much peace I had bydoing no contact.
Like you think, no con, nocontact is really hard in the
beginning.
Very, very hard.

(32:39):
But once you get to a pointwhere, I don't know, you don't
realize how much peace it'sgiving you until you get wrapped
up in the cycle again of liketalking to them like, wow, I
don't ever wanna feel like this.
Yeah.
I was like, please get me backto no confidence.
Yes, yes.
Like please.
Because yeah, that was.
Difficult.
But yeah, that's kind of myadvice.

(33:03):
I feel like.
What questions do you have forme?
Oh, that was the question.
That was it.
Yeah.
That was a good question to ask.
Really.
I thought about that the othertime.
I was like, oh, I'm gonna crushthat question I know.
I thought about it the other dayas I was driving and I was like,
I have to ask her this So I feltlike I was just like, you know,
I really want to hear youropinion.

(33:23):
Uhhuh, And you're very logicaltoo.
I'm super emotional and I thinkthat's why I've tried.
I've had to, I have to work onthat.
That's why like whenever, butthat's why you wanna be alone.
Question.
That's why whenever you get yourfeelings, do you wanna be alone?
It is better for me.
I wanna talk to just keep mymouth shut.
Yeah.
And think about what I'm aboutto say because first of all, My
initial, like what I wanna saymight come off wrong or be like

(33:48):
intense or it's like, oh mygosh, like stop it.
You don't really feel thatstrongly about it, do you?
And I have to really think aboutit.
Yeah.
I used to not be that way, butit's something I've tried to
change about myself is that'ssomething that I, optional side,
just like I, it's there.
Absolutely.
It's there.
I'm very emotional but.

(34:10):
but I'm talking about thesesituations and like talking to a
friend.
Mm-hmm.
outside of myself.
I'm like, okay, wait, like we'renot talking about like you let's
Yeah.
Really think about, I don'tknow.
I feel like you're still verylogical even when it comes to
yourself.
That's so interesting.
I feel like you see me sodifferent I do than like a lot
of people.
And I love that because you havesuch differing opinions about

(34:31):
like, Me and Steph.
Really?
Because if you really, therewas, I feel like yes, because I
feel like if you had likeanother one of my friends here,
they'd be like, she's soemotional.
Like what are you talking about?
I don't look at you like that.
I look at you as very like soundminded, like I'm like, that is a
really good person to askadvice.
Like Yeah.
You are kind of the go-to gal tobe like, okay, should I do this

(34:51):
or no?
Yeah.
You know, like, I trust you.
Not what appreciate withrelationship stuff, but like
life advice.
Like, I'm like, what do youthink?
Yeah, because.
I think you have really goodYes.
Sound advice.
And maybe though it's because Iam like an 11 out of 10 on the
emotional scale Yeah, you are.
I would say, yeah.

(35:12):
I'd say you're probably moreemotional than me.
I think I'm a hundred, I thinkI'm the most emotional person.
Ever so different though?
Like the, like I literallycried.
I'm screaming, crying yesterday.
No, me screaming, crying,throwing up in the corner.
The car like yesterday, like Icried.
I haven't cried in front youlike that before?
I don't think.
Yeah, Lauren honestly shook me.
She got mad for me.

(35:33):
Well, were they mad tears or doyou think they were sad tears?
It was sad.
Yeah.
Really?
Because I was just crying.
It was after I got my stuff frommy ex and I was crying.
She was crying.
Well, cuz she had cried.
We were there and I was justlike, okay, I'm gonna.
Let them talk.
Well, I'm talking We didn't evenknow.
We didn't even know what washappening.
We didn't, we didn't know he wasgonna be there.
I didn't know what that, I wasgonna talk.
You're shaking, I'm shaking,crying.

(35:54):
I'm talking about work pissingme off.
It was a lot happening at onceand then like it's a lot.
I'm happy you did that though.
And like got me think like notto think about my stuff.
Yeah.
And so that was just a lot.
But just sitting there and likedriving off and I'm like, she's
not okay.
And just knowing how it went.
I was just like, so.

(36:16):
Sad.
Yeah.
About it.
Cause I'm like, I cannot believethat this is like what's
happened, really?
What's happening.
Cause I told you before it wasvery hard for me to process.
Yeah.
Because I just didn't see himbeing like, like saying me
didn't things in, didn't himbeing like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like you didn't see him thatway.
Like I hadn't seen him at all.

(36:36):
Mm-hmm.
up until Same then and I wasjust like, Wow.
I didn't say a word.
Because I would say like he waslike a friend.
Like he was.
I was really, I really likedhim.
and so it felt like a slap inthe face to me too.
I'm like, wow.
Yeah.
Like I really thought you weregonna take care of my friend and
you didn't do that.
And now here we are.

(36:56):
And I know she's gonna be upsetwhen she gets back in this car
and I'm pissed.
And when I saw you start to cryagain, I was just like, in the
car.
Yeah, bro.
Like I, that, that empath in mecame out and I was just like, it
did.
Yeah.
I couldn't really tell.
It was hard for me.
I felt like I cried honestly forlike two hours after that.
And then I was just like, okay,because of some of the things

(37:18):
that were said.
it really makes you feel likeyou're the bad guy.
Yeah.
When, when it's a two-waystreet.
Mm-hmm.
I said a lot of things that Iregret now that I wish I could
have played.
I wish I could have been a lotmore logical back then and a lot
more cool head.
Like I was very hotheaded.
Yeah.
So I said a lot of things that Iregret and I.
Well, I don't know this, but Ihope that he regrets what he

(37:40):
said.
Yeah.
Um, and so that's why I try notto bash because I'm like,
honestly, he could say thethings that I said too that I'm
not proud of.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And so it is a two-way street.
Mm-hmm.
but just, you know, the thingsthat were said yesterday, I was
like, man, like that reallymakes me feel like such a like
horrible monster right now whenlike, I don't Well, okay, going

(38:01):
back to it, I think thefrustrating part was, I have
tried to grow so much in thelast four months and I've like
tried to put my best footforward every single day, you
know, listening to thesepodcasts and like, how can I be
growing?
How can I be maturing and tryingto take the focus off of him,
but more so on myself.
Mm-hmm.
And so kind of hearing thosethings from him, it's like,

(38:22):
damn, like you don't know howmuch work I've put in the last
four months.
Mm-hmm.
to be a better person because Ido regret some of the stuff I
said.
I think it's hard though.
I'm sure that honestly, anyonewho's gotten divorced, unless
you're.
Literally don't give a shitabout the other person anymore.
Well, even then, I don't know,but I think anyone who's gotten
divorced probably said thingsthat they don't mean.
Yeah.
Because it's such an emotional,I mean, you really put that ring

(38:45):
on the finger.
You think you're gonna be withthat person for the whole, your
whole life.
Mm-hmm.
And so, you know, I think thatthat's why I try, I mean, I
think that that's why I don'twanna say anything ever.
First of all, I was with thatperson, but also I said things

(39:05):
too.
Mm-hmm.
And you're so mat mature.
I'm so matua.
You really are.
Thank you friend.
I think that that's why I criedthough so much last night.
Cause it was like, man, I havetried so hard to be a better
person.
Yeah.
And like, honestly, I feel likeI've much more of a shell around
me.
Like I don't feel.
I, I'm definitely emotional.
Let's not get that twisted.
But talking to him yesterday, Iwas like, I feel like I'm being

(39:28):
so much more amicable aboutthis.
I just sat there and talked andlike, you know, cried a little
bit.
But I don't think that makes meweak and I don't think asking
the questions I asked himyesterday makes me weak either.
No, it doesn't.
I think in, in like a positive.
way.
The, the thing that I've thoughtabout that I'm like, you know,
I'm glad that he was there andthat you weren't afraid to ask

(39:50):
the questions that you did.
Mm-hmm.
because you somewhat got someclosure.
I did.
And I, and it's not owed to us.
Yeah.
And that's the hardest thingtoo, that I had to learn was
like, Everyone doesn't getclosure.
Um, and which sucks.
It's not part of the process.
You don't have to have it tomove on.
Mm-hmm.
But the fact that you were ableto even get that, I'm like,

(40:10):
yeah, good for her.
Well, and I think too, lookingat him and just being like, I am
not in love with you anymore.
Yeah.
Like, I have love for you and Ihave care for you.
Yeah.
And I think that's anotherreason why I don't bash is
because I do still care for him.
But it's like I do still carefor him and so I, but I'm not in
love with him anymore.

(40:31):
Yeah.
Which was honestly greatclosure.
Yeah.
I do think though, somethingthat, I'm gonna say something as
a friend, not to say to somebodyelse.
Mm-hmm.
like who's going through it.
just because though, cuz thisreminds me, like when people
tell me, well like just be glad,like especially in the beginning
you can, people can say it to menow and honestly people can say
it to me in the beginning too,but it's just not helpful is

(40:54):
when you do say things like thatto people.
Like, well just be glad youdidn't have a kid.
Oh yeah.
Well just be glad I was a shortmarriage.
Well just be glad you're soyoung.
And it's like, okay, great.
Love to hear it.
I'm super glad.
Obviously I'm thankful I didn'thave a kid with him.
Like yeah, obviously thankful Ifigured it out now and not when
I'm 30 or 35, but those thingsare so, it's very dismissive to

(41:14):
say that it is and it's sounhelpful in the beginning.
Like now I can hear it and justbe like, oh my gosh, you're so
right.
Yeah.
But like in the beginning Iwould say that thing still.
Yeah.
But inside I'd be like, thatliterally is the least helpful
thing you could tell me Well cuzlike you, you also were just.
feeling embarrassed about it.
Yeah.
And like there's not even like abunch of women, anyone don't be

(41:34):
embarrassed like walking aroundmy age that are divorced.
Like what?
This is not for this.
I knew nobody.
But now from TikTok and evenjust hearing about, yeah, maybe
like your friends or my, orfriends of friends or whoever,
I'm like, okay, wait.
This is a lot more common thanespecially than.
Not even the age, but peoplebeing married only a year.
That's really common for somereason.

(41:56):
Mm-hmm.
and I don't know, my therapistand I were talking about it.
I don't know if it's becauselike the facade of who they are
finally kind of wears off orwhat, but it's so crazy to me
because I still am like, I can'tbelieve that Corey and I like
once we're married that ourrelationship would change.
Like, I don't even know.

(42:19):
I can't, for some reason, Istruggle to process that.
I'm like, okay, how?
Don't think like what?
I don't think it does change.
I don't so think, I think thatit doesn't have to change.
Yeah.
And I don't think that, I justhear so many people say it's
gonna change and like kind oflike fear, like Like making you
feel fear.
Yeah.
It's all fear-based.
I think change that livingtogether full-time will be

(42:43):
different.
Yeah, but who knows if you woulddo that when you got engaged or
if you would wait untilmarriage.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I at least want a ring on myfinger.
I hope he hears this.
Corey, like I don't tell himlike all the sudden Well let her
live with me for a year and thenput a ring on her finger because
he knows, well, you still put aring on her finger, but yeah,
she has to live with me.
Yeah.
For a year.
Yeah.

(43:03):
I definitely want a ring on myfinger before we do.
I just, I don't know.
I would do that next time too.
I don't think I would move inwith a boyfriend.
And I think that was hard toobecause I was thinking about
this the other day and I waslike, I don't even remember what
it's like to first meet and likedate someone, because I've never
really had a, that experience.
So I don't even really know whatit feels like to date people or

(43:25):
to like go on multiple dates orto like, and just date around
and like talking to multipleguys.
I know that.
I mean, I will say one of thebest feelings, obviously, like I
love my mans and this is justwhat my single self loved.
So yeah, don't take this thewrong way.
Don't get it twisted you guys.
Yeah.
But.
I used to love waking up andhave like 12 different guys

(43:49):
telling me how beautiful I waslike, hello.
I love this.
I love that.
But you can kind of go at itfrom like a detached.
Yeah, and I can't, I'm a veryattached person.
You take it like, well, I mean,when you're like having
conversations with these peopleand it's not really going
anywhere and it's obvious.
It's for sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For sure.
That's right.
Attention is nice.
It's okay.
Yeah, like, so that, that's kindof what, what I can't wait for

(44:12):
for you is for you to be likecomfortable doing that.
I know, I think we're not thereyet, but No, not there yet.
But I do think, you know, lateron in the year, maybe.
I think, you know, give it, I'mgonna have hot girl summer.
If you're single for a year, I'mgonna be so proud of you.
I know you're, you already toldme I you're gonna be shook.
I mean, it's been four monthsalready.

(44:33):
That's only eight more months.
Yeah.
And the four months flew Andsee, see that's what happens
when you are just so laserfocused.
Yep.
On just handling your business.
Yeah.
That is literally like, I can'tbelieve it's already been four
months things.
First of all, it feels like it'sbeen a year.
Yeah.
And then the other half feelslike, A week ago.
It does kind of feel like thatactually.
Yeah, I agree.
That's like both that it's beenlike a year.

(44:53):
I'm like, wow, I think I had, Ifeel like I've quit my corporate
job around that time.
Like I didn't even have the jobI have now.
I.
Like when I first told you aboutmy divorce, you had your old
job.
Yep.
And we hadn't even talked about.
No, no.
We hadn't really been like,okay, we're starting the pod.
No.
Either.

(45:14):
Crazy.
And we'd hung out, I think.
Me telling you about my divorce,us getting dinner was only like
the second time we had seen eachother that year.
That year.
Yeah.
Which is insane.
Cause we've been really goodweekly.
Yeah.
And we had made an appoint, wewere doing pretty well, like
getting dinner at least once amonth, whatever.
But Uhhuh we were both kind oflike, once we had like sat down
and talked and you were like,actually I've been really
depressed.

(45:34):
And I'm like, dude, I didn'tknow that.
And I'm like, actually, my jobis like, you're like really
hard.
I've been depressed.
And I was like, I'm, I've beendepressed.
Yeah.
And then we both were like, andI think that was hard too.
Living so far away fromeverybody.
Yeah.
Not being able to change too.
Yeah.
That's something that changedfor me is like you weren't in
the city anymore.
Yeah.
I was not a city.
Gu Gu, and I'm, yeah, I'm like,need to be in the city.

(45:56):
You're such a city girl.
It's crazy.
I am.
And everybody, all my friendsand even one of my other friends
tells me, she's like, isn't itfunny, not funny, but kind of
ironic that you were so nervousto move.
You were.
And I even, I even remembertelling my ex like, I hope this
doesn't change anything.
Yeah.
Well, it changed everything.
I remember how, how an anxiousyou were about it.

(46:16):
And you're a very expressiveperson, so if you're excited
Yeah.
I mean, you're not gonna stoptalking about it.
It, you're gonna, you're likeall about it and you were just
so like, ugh.
Like, I don't know.
Yeah.
And I can remember being like,listen, like.
that's their house.
Like I didn't wanna say anythingto you that would make you be

(46:36):
like, I don't know, like if weshould do this, whatever.
Um, but I remember thinking forsure, like, she's such a city
girl.
Yeah.
This is so weird.
I don't know.
Friend, you're doing ao.
Okay.
Thank you friend.
Thanks for being here for me.
Thank you for all that.
You, of course you've done, ofcourse.
I mean, everything that I'veasked of you, you're like, let's
do it.
Okay, let's go.
Yeah, we're doing it.

(46:57):
You're my best friend and I loveyou.
I love you too.
Okay.
That's the only time we getemotional.
Me and Lauren only hug like onetime a year.
I know.
I'm so not like it's, it's funnycuz I feel like I am a touchy
feely person.
Well, I don't know either.
Not with you, Oh, you not withme.
I don't know though.
I.
I don't know.
I guess I'm not really a touchyfeeler.

(47:18):
I don't feel like you, I don'tfeel like I am.
Yeah.
No.
I'm kind of like, all right,bye.
I know.
I'm like, I'm like, okay, I'mhere.
I'm feeling it.
Okay.
That's a lot.
Okay.
Yeah, it's like after a secondI'm like, my nerve nerve starts
to stand on end.
Like all of them.
Your nerves Sometimes.
Yes.
I'm just like, oh yes.
Like a lot.
Freaking out.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well we hope this episode washelpful.

(47:39):
I think it was a good, gave youa good solid one.
Gave us a good solid episode.
Hopefully it gave you guys somegood advice of what you, of
course I did to give greatadvice, room unsolicited, but we
still give amazing advice.
Yeah.
Um, okay, well, we'll be backnext week in your ears and we
will talk to you then.
Bye.
Cry babies.
Bye.