Jonnie Has Left The Building: Reading from #JFTRE9

Host Mookie Spitz returns with the ninth installment of his daily novel read, pulling you headfirst into the glorious wreckage that is Jonnie Fazoolie & the Transfinite Reality Engine. 

This time, Johnny launches himself off his own penthouse balcony in downtown Chicago wearing a neon purple Freak5 wingsuit, big blond hair whipping in the wind, streaming his wild POV live to a drooling internet. Below, pedestrians gawk, algorithms froth, and Penny—reporter, klepto, masochist—snaps frantic pics while trying to keep her composure and Jonnie's sketchy cat from clawing her thigh.

Meanwhile, Jonnie's spiraling descent turns the skyline into his personal playground. He micro-tweaks his limbs, banks corkscrews between buildings, and hits 100 MPH just to flirt with splatter. The man’s a brilliant idiot: high on danger, forever dodging consequences, from drug binges to the IRS. His final landing? Right in front of a Starbucks, middle finger up at honking drivers, hawking autographs on coffee cups, clueless and magnetic as ever.

Upstairs, Penny wades through Jonnie's trashed $20 million penthouse—LEGO mountains, bug jars, dinosaur toys, old porn-star posters, random luxury junk—and wrestles with her own cracked psyche. Shoplifting memories collide with dirty fantasies, guilt dances with desire, and she debates whether to burn the place down or screw Jonnie on his filthy sofa.

Then come the Cook County sheriffs with an eviction notice, chasing Johnny Jr. out of his self-made chaos. Penny narrowly escapes arrest, cat in tow, mind whiplashed by lust, dread, and the thrilling horror of realizing she’s orchestrating some monstrous “project” even she doesn’t fully understand.

Join No Hair All Heart for this erotic, reckless, brainy freefall of a chapter. Death-defying stunts, emotional train wrecks, bizarre math metaphors, doomed social media fame, childhood trauma, TikTok revolutions, and a whole lot of cringe converge in one neon-lit dumpster fire.

Is Jonnie Fazoolie an artist, a lunatic, or just another symptom of a world gone terminally online? Hell if we know. That’s why we keep listening.

The Novel

Jonnie Fazoolie & the Transfinite Reality Engine

First Reading

Alice Unchained

Next Reading

The Irate Escape

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