May 1, 2025 • 43 mins
What does it truly mean to choose yourself? In this deeply moving conversation, we're joined by Dom, who takes us on his journey from feeling fundamentally disconnected from his assigned gender at age six to embracing his authentic identity as a transgender man.
The conversation flows with raw honesty as Dom reveals the internal struggle of being perceived as a girl while knowing deep inside this wasn't who he was. "I had friends and they wanted to do their makeup and they wanted to wear dresses... and I was like that's not me," Dom shares, describing the growing disconnect that intensified during puberty. His story powerfully illustrates that gender identity isn't about sexuality or preferences, but about an innate sense of self.
Dom doesn't shy away from the darker moments—including depression and suicidal thoughts—that characterized his pre-transition life. But the transformation following his decision to transition at 18 is nothing short of remarkable. "I felt more loving, I felt more hopeful about life," he explains, while Carmen, who's known Dom since birth, confirms seeing an immediate positive change in his demeanor. This before-and-after contrast provides a compelling testament to the life-changing impact of gender-affirming care and the acceptance of loved ones.
Beyond his personal story, Dom offers thoughtful wisdom for others navigating similar paths and for allies wanting to understand. He emphasizes safety first when coming out, patience with loved ones adjusting to new pronouns, and the importance of research before making permanent changes. The conversation challenges common misconceptions while remaining accessible, making complex topics relatable through personal experience rather than abstract theory.
Whether you're questioning your own gender identity, supporting someone who is, or simply seeking to better understand transgender experiences, this episode offers valuable insights delivered with warmth, humor, and unflinching authenticity. Listen to discover how choosing yourself might be the greatest gift you can give not only to yourself but to everyone around you.
Funny. Fiery. Factual. This one’s a must-watch!
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Producer/Chief Editor: Joe Frozt (@joefrozt)
Executive Producer: Ralph Branch, III (@ibranchedout)
Executive Producer: Carl Bassfield Jr.
Co-Host: Jessica Hurt
Co-Host: Carmen
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Girl Please, where we dive into real
conversations, real laughs andreal life.
Just a quick note the views andopinions expressed on this show
are our own and don't representanyone else's.
We keep it fun, open and honest, so let's get into it.
This is Girl Please.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome back to another episode.
I'm your host Jessica, I'm yourhost Carmen, and this is Girl
Please, the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
No, you can't take my soul, but you did to me, I
swear.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I'm breaking bad.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Welcome back y'all.
We have finally reached episodefive and we have a guest today.
I'd like to introduce my godson, dom.
Thanks for coming Of course.
We're going to jump right intothe wind down, first and
foremost.
So today we have Stella RosaBlack, which I'm sure a lot of
(01:07):
people have tried, but it's oneof our favorites.
Yes, it is so, Dawn.
We wanted to share this withyou and see what you think.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
I like Stella Rosa Black actually.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I've had it once before and it was pretty good.
Alright, which other ones haveyou tried?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Not many.
I'm not really a wine person,but Stella Rosa.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Black is a special one.
I'm not really a wine person,but Stella Rose of Black is a
special one, pull out thosestrong muscles.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Thank you, there you go.
Had to put you to work today.
All right, I'm going to go withyou first.
Okay, just let us know what youthink specifically.
You said you like it.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
That's good, tell us what you like about it.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Okay, jess, to the rim baby, to the rim baby, to
the rim baby.
This is obviously a red wine.
It's got a little fizz to it.
That's what I like about it and, like we said before, it does
go best with steak and red meat.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
This one, I think, is better.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I had it at like a wine tasting.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Really.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Perfect.
So yeah, let's toast.
Jess, you want to do the toastSure?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
We are toasting to acceptance and, um hmm, what
else should we toast to?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Vulnerability.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Yes, tolerance.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
And transparency, being yourself.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Here we go.
That's a good one.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Let's do it.
Ooh, delicious.
Being yourself, here we go,that's a good one.
Let's do it Delicious, okay.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
That's a good one.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Very good, very, all right.
So we're going to get rightinto it, y'all.
Today we have a super uniqueopportunity to speak to someone
who is trans and open about it.
We would like to start with thebeginning of Dom's journey.
We're so excited about askingall the hard questions, asking
all of the questions that mostpeople would think are offensive
(02:54):
or just plain ignorant becausewe don't know.
So today we're just going tohave a very open conversation
with Dom, and thank you so muchfor coming and being willing to
share your story and beingwilling to just put it all out
there, because there are so manypeople like you, or there are
so many people that have familymembers that are like you that
(03:15):
just don't understand or don'tknow what to say.
Right, so let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Can you tell us a little bit about your journey
and how you went from being myGod's God daughter to being my
God son?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yeah, I think the first time that I realized that
something was different, I guessyou would say, was when I was
about six.
That was kind of the first timethat I realized.
I was like something's notright.
And then it kind of faded awayuntil I had started to hit
puberty.
And then, once I, of course,hit puberty and things started
(03:53):
changing and I was just likethis, this isn't right.
I had friends and they wantedto do their makeup and they
wanted to wear dresses and theywere interested in boys and I
was like that's not me, thatdoesn't feel right to me.
Like y'all are very excitedabout this, but I'm like why?
Like in my head it just didn'tfit and then it just went on
(04:15):
from there.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
So when you say it didn't feel right around the age
of six, what do you mean by itdidn't feel right?
Speaker 3 (04:27):
I just I had this thought in my head like
everybody calls me a girl,everybody around me calls me a
girl and refers to me as a girl,but I was like that doesn't
feel right to me okay, I waslike I don't feel like a girl,
like because I mean I was atomboy as growing up.
You know like I, I was out withthe boys, I was scraping my
knees, I was getting hurt, likeI wasn't a girly girl and I was,
and there are people that aregetting hurt, like I wasn't a
girly girl, and there are peoplethat are, of course, just
(04:48):
tomboys and then they becomegirly growing up.
But for me it was just like Idon't think I'm ever going to
fit into that role, I don'tthink I'm ever going to mold to
that.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I'm never going to be quote unquote a girl Like I
just didn't feel like that froma very early age, okay, so when
you're little it feels like aninternal struggle as far as
interests and gender roles atfirst.
Is that kind of how it?
Speaker 3 (05:16):
that's how it was for me, yeah like I remember, like
we're we're gonna do a girls dayor we're gonna do a boys day,
and I remember wanting to gowith the boys because I wasn't
interested in the stuff that thegirls were doing.
I wasn't interested in going toget my nails done or going
shopping or picking out clothesto wear, Like that wasn't
something that I was ever likeinternally interested in, and it
(05:38):
was definitely a battle basedon external and internal Just
trying to make those externallyhappy versus trying to make
myself internally happy, andthat was a battle for a really
long time.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
How long did you experience that battle?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Up until I started my transition, until I really made
that decision that I was goingto do it for myself and that
whatever anybody else felt orthought had really no concern
with me, because at the end ofthe day, I needed to be happy
yeah, how heavy was that for youto carry that on for so long,
you know it was heavy and Ithink that those around me
(06:13):
started to see that, thatheaviness.
Like Carmen Carmen, we spokeearlier and she had said I could
see such a difference in you assoon as you started your
transition, like it was.
It was an immediate just changein in your demeanor and your
just outward appearance like youwere happier yeah, you probably
felt relief too, right, and Ifelt a lot of relief.
(06:33):
But before that relief it was alot of anxiety and a lot of
depression.
And yeah, and it did.
For some people it does get badenough to where it becomes
suicidal thoughts, and it wasthat for me.
I was just like I can't do thisas a female.
And if I have to live my life.
As a female, I'd rather notjust have a life, and so it was
(06:55):
very heavy.
But luckily those around me sawhow heavy it was and I wouldn't
say they gave me the go-ahead,but they gave me that we're
going to accept you no matterwhat and that was my fear that I
wasn't going to be loved, Iwasn't going to be accepted,
they weren't going to want mearound.
But once I finally saw how muchsupport that I did have, I kind
(07:19):
of just leapt and I went with itand I was like, whatever
happens happens, because I hadto save myself at the end of the
day, right?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
yeah, I'm glad you chose yourself, because a lot of
times people don't and they,you know, end up taking the
detrimental route of committingsuicide.
Um, it's very daunting to knowthat people go through those
things and those feelings.
What would be your best adviceto somebody who is also going
(07:52):
through the same thing as a kid,just not knowing how to, I
guess, transition, how to feelaccepted by others, and all of
these different emotions thatthey're feeling at this time.
What would be the best adviceyou would give to them?
Speaker 3 (08:09):
My first thing would don't put a label on it first,
like do your research, figureout who you are, the things that
you like, the things that youenjoy, and then kind of do it in
a more outward appearance, likedon't necessarily spring it on
somebody before you know,because that that creates a lot
(08:31):
of outward confusion and and alot of inward confusion too.
It it creates a lot of just youdon't.
You don't know where you'regoing, or you feel like you have
to be one thing or and you canbe this thing.
So I think don't put a label on.
It is the first thing.
But then also, if you havethose parents that aren't
supportive or you have people inyour life that aren't
(08:53):
supportive, my advice is toalways do the safest option.
If it's safer to not transitionjust yet, do that, but still
protect your peace, still setboundaries.
And if you just have to isolate, isolate, be around those
people that do accept you, thatwant to be around you, that that
(09:14):
respect who you are essentiallylike.
And I mean, I've dealt with thatwith my own family and friends
too, and I've just we did themout essentially like because it
because it weighs on myhappiness and my mental health
at the end of the day, andthat's not something that I'm
willing to give up for someoneelse.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
And that's what it's all about how they see that your
life should be lived out shouldbe more important than how you
feel it should be for yourselfyeah, like nobody should have
that type of control over you.
(09:57):
And I mean as when you'reyounger, of course you're
thinking of all of these things.
You're thinking about otherpeople's perspective and how
they will respond to yourchoices, or whatever.
But you get to a point in aplace in life and you decide
like look, you know, this is forme.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
I really could care less how you feel you know right
, and that that's the point thatI got to.
It was just like okay, I'm, I'm18, I, I have to make myself
happy.
I have to choose myself to getto this point that other people
are at in life, like I.
If I want to be in my thirtiesand I want to be happy, then I
have to choose myself, becausein any other scenario, people
(10:35):
are choosing themselves.
They're not choosing to makeother people happy.
So, even though it wasdefinitely a heavy thing for
everybody in my life to accept,and it was very different and
new and just unheard of,essentially it was a big step
for me to take, but I had to dothat to live my life.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
So are you the first person in your family that you
know of that has done this as?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
far as I know, I'm the first person in the town
really, Like I was I don't knowanybody, yeah, like I mean, I
was the first and I didn'tpresent it in high school a lot
because I had a lot of anxietyand stuff like that and a lot of
it came after high school,after I graduated.
But once I did, I had a lot oflike people come to me and
(11:25):
they're like hey, like I didn'tknow, but thank you, like you,
you being open with it and youpresenting it to the public is
it's going to help me in thefuture and I've.
that's not essentially what Idid it for, because I did it to
make myself feel comfortable,but I'm glad that I have been
able to help people withoutknowing I'm helping people.
(11:47):
Like, just because you can watchthe things that I post or you
can, you can look at the, thethings that I have on my
Instagram or stuff like that.
It's it's different because youcan, you can see it and you
know me and you haven't.
You.
There's a a way to get to melike an outreach.
You have an outreach and I'mnot going to publicly out you in
(12:10):
a sense, because I've beenthere, I've been where, I've
been talking to people and I'mafraid that they're going to go
tell it to some people.
I don't want to know or like,if I get a new job, I don't want
the people that are first start.
I don't want them to know.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
It's none of their business.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
It's not a topic of discussion, right right, and
then once if I'm comfortablewith them and then I tell them
they're like.
I had no idea, like what likeare you serious?
And I'm like yeah, but thatthat helps me keep going,
knowing that I'm helping otherpeople.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Yeah, live their truth, because it was very hard
for me to live my truth when Iwas younger, I had a friend, um,
and she was like that as well.
Um, I still love her to thisday um, when we were going to
school or whatever I didn't, wedidn't go to school together,
but we played basketballtogether and then, like during
summers and stuff, I would goover to her um, people house
(13:01):
that have cookouts and stufflike that.
But she was the same way and Inever, you know, judged her or
anything.
I just knew she was differentright you know, but I loved her
the same and even to this day,like, if I see her I'll still
hug her, talk to her everythinglike there's no judgment there.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
This is your life, you know can we go back a little
bit?
Because you said um, it seemedlike you you did show that
there's kind of a differencewhen it comes to your experience
, when, when you're little andyou feel like basically you're
not in the right body is kind ofhow most people that are trans
would describe that.
So at first, when you're achild and there isn't or
(13:41):
shouldn't be sexuality thatyou're thinking about at that
age.
It does get to a point, like yousaid, when you get to puberty
and then everything startsgrowing.
This is when you know hormonesrage in whatever direction
they're going to rage.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
And so can you tell us what is the difference?
Because this is something thatI had to understand in the
beginning, when Dom was in highschool, you pretty much dressed
how you do now.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Right, I dressed masculine in high school, yeah
masculine.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
So, you know, we just assumed that Dom was going to
like girls and dress like atomboy, which was fine.
So when the transition happened, or really the announcement of
you wanting to transition at 18,um, my curiosity was about you
know where?
(14:34):
Where does sexuality enter?
Or, excuse me, overlap here,because obviously sexuality
isn't a thing when you're sixright, so at that point.
It kind of goes to prove thatthis is more of an identity
issue than a sexual issue.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
And I don't mean issue in that way.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
No, yeah, I know Topic Right.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah.
So when you hit puberty and youstarted to grow, you know up
top especially, how did thataffect you as far as what you
had already felt when you wereyounger did that kind of just
solidify?
Okay, yeah, this is really notsupposed to be happening.
Why do I have boobs?
Speaker 3 (15:15):
right, right, you know like, yeah, I'm not
supposed to have boobs and thatthat's kind of that was my
thought during the whole process.
It was like because from ayoung age I already did not feel
like a girl people.
People are calling me girl,they're calling me she, her, and
it just it didn't fit.
So then, as I got older and Ihit puberty and I did start to
grow boobs, it was like this isthis seems, this is foreign to
(15:38):
me.
That's what it felt like.
It felt like I was outwardlysomebody else, which I was
Essentially.
I was different than how I felton the inside, and so it
created a lot of turmoil withinme because, no matter how hard I
tried to present myself as amale to the outside, I was still
(15:58):
perceived as a female, and itjust created a lot of inward
turmoil and just a lot of angerand self-loathing and and
depression and anxiety and notknowing what to do or what route
to go, because it's like peoplesee me this way, but I feel
this way, but I don't want tomake these people upset but, I I
(16:20):
don't want to disappoint myselfeither.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I don't want to have boobs right and like I don't
want to let myself go like I,that's not.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
I just didn't feel like that was right for me.
Like it just my, I had friendsand they're, you know, they're
getting boobs, they're gettingbras, they're going bra shopping
and they're wearing makeup, andit just it was just like that's
not what I want to do.
Like for me it was like why amI growing boobs?
Speaker 2 (16:43):
like.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I don't put makeup on me, I don't want that you had
to tell me that when you werelittle.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Stop doing my hair like this, didn't?
Speaker 3 (16:50):
wear dresses Like there's been a few times.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I've been in dresses and you know that.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
I didn't like getting my hair done.
I didn't like it, just itwasn't for me.
I just didn't like it and for along time time I didn't
understand why, and I because Ididn't want to put a label on it
because I was scared of thatand all throughout high school I
was called gay, you're gonna begay.
You like girls and in the backof my mind I knew I do like
(17:19):
females, but gay is not theright label for me because I
knew that I did not want topresent as a female.
And that's where genderidentity and sexual identity
come in.
I do like girls, but I don'tfeel like one, so I'm not a
lesbian if that makes any sense.
What, like?
It takes a lot of thought, butthat's what the LGBT community
(17:40):
is about.
There's a broad range of allpeople people that that are
questioning bi lesbian, trans,gay, whatever, but for me it was
.
I know that I'm not a lesbian,I know that I'm not gay because,
I don't outwardly present as afemale.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I don't want to do that Well that was one of my
first questions to you, when youfirst told the family you know,
this is, this is what it is,this is what I'm doing, this is
(18:17):
who I am.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
We were like all right, you know like we just
have to get used to the you knowthe pronouns, if you will,
because obviously I've known Domsince I was.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I heard his first cry , literally, literally yeah.
So Dom is like my first kid, mybaby before I had my own kids,
my baby before I had my own kids.
Um, so, just because of beingused to calling somebody by
their given name and being usedto calling you her or she.
It took, I'm sure, my wholefamily a little bit of time to
just um change the way we spoke.
Um, and it takes practice.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
It does.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Because even even now , if I speak about you when you
were a kid, I will say her,Because at that time that's how
I knew you.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
But now it's never.
I don't stumble over it anymorein speaking to you in person in
the present tense, but howimportant is it to people in
your community to respectpronouns, because we see a lot
of debate about that.
I've seen it in email.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Help me out on that.
I'm not even going to lie Right.
Sometimes I get to the pointwhere I'm like I don't even want
to say certain things because Ijust don't want to come off as
offensive.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Right, and for everybody it's different.
I will say Because, there aresome people that present
themselves as she, her or he,him, but then you have people
that present as they, them, andthat's where it gets a little
confusing.
I don't know what to say aboutit.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Truthfully, I'm not even going to lie.
I don't either.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
That's a little too far for me because I'm just
straight he, him and that's justwhat it is.
But as far as respectingsomeone's pronouns, some people
are comfortable with you justasking them, hey, what are your
pronouns?
But like, if you really don'tknow and you just, and you, you
do want to know, it's always my.
My personal thing is to justask somebody, be like, look, I
(20:05):
don, I don't, I don't want to dothis wrong.
I don't want to disrespect you,I don't want to Negate what you
have going on.
I just want to be respectfuland I want to do this the right
way.
So for me, it's always justbest to ask, and some people
don't like to be asked this juststraight up.
They don't want to be asked.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
But that that's hard for people like us.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
It is like you can't like.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I can understand having a conversation about
respecting someone's pronounswhen you work with them, for
example.
Right, no problem.
I would have a conversationlike hey, you know what's your
preference?
You know, but if you, forexample, I had um a waitress one
time and she presented as awoman, but it was very obvious
(20:50):
that she was a man, um, so inthat case you don't really know
like she could have been a manwho likes to dress in women's
clothing.
To me, there's a differencebetween that and someone who's
trans right.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
That confuses and that's where the line is very.
What do you say, like I can'tlook at them and say, should I
call you a man or woman, becauseI think that that is also
offensive right she's like well,I'm a woman, well, you don't
look like one to me rightfrankly, and that's where the
line is very, very fine also,because you have those people
who are quote unquote.
(21:26):
They them, so they'representing as both or they're
presenting as androgynous andyou don't really know.
And that's where it does gethard and I just say hi there and
I do too honestly because Idon't, I don't even know what to
do in those scenarios all ofthe time, like it's just, it's
(21:48):
hard because everybody is sodifferent.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
That makes me want to shift the conversation a little
bit into perspective on howsometimes people won't be
forthcoming about theirtransitions.
How do you feel about that?
Speaker 3 (22:10):
I don't like that.
I think that if you feel safeenough to invite someone into
your life, then you need to feelsafe enough to give them this
information, because it is heavyand it's not something that
everybody accepts.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Right.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
And so I don't I mean I hide it.
I wouldn't say hide it, butit's not something that
everybody in my life is going toknow, right, meaning co-workers
, acquaintances, people I meeton the street.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Not everybody is going to know because I mean
they don't need to right.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
But if I'm inviting you into my life before it even
gets to a point where we becomeintimate intimate or close or
friends or whatever I want youto know the real me.
I want you to know who I am,because I don't want, I don't
want to have to defend myself ifsomething is said by somebody
(23:03):
else that is that knows and isOK with it and we're comfortable
and we're cool.
Like, say, my girlfriend didn'tknow, and then I bring her over
to Carmen's house and shementioned something about me
when I was younger as a femaleand my girlfriend didn't know.
That would be a very anotherdetrimental situation that I
would have to handle.
And so for me it's just be open, be honest and let them know
(23:27):
what is going to happen, becausenot only is it protecting them
from getting into something theydon't want to be in, it's
protecting me and my safetyright and from getting myself
hurt, because I could not tellyou six months down the road.
I could let you know youabsolutely despise that and then
and then something happensright and that's just not,
(23:50):
because I mean you hear storiesabout that all the time yeah
people.
They don't accept trans people,and then they go out for a
one-night stand and they're deadin the alley like it's not.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
It's common to play with right.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
and so for me, if I feel safe enough to let you into
my life immediately, I'm goingto let you know.
But I also don't I kind ofassess the situation If I feel
like you're not going to acceptit or I feel like there might be
a problem, or like a little bitof a deeper, like what am I?
(24:25):
Like?
Not scenario, but like a deeper, deeper, you're trying to do
something deeper here, then I'mnot going to invite you into my
life because it's not.
I have to protect myself at thatpoint, right, and that that's
to me.
What it's all about isprotecting yourself, whether
that's coming out.
Protect yourself when you'recoming out.
Don't do it if you don't feelsafe.
(24:45):
Do it around people that you dofeel safe with, like I had
friends that I didn't feel, likeI was comfortable coming out to
.
And then I had friends that Ijust dove into their arms and I
was like this is what's going onand this is who I am and I
can't change it.
And luckily those peopleaccepted me and those friends
accepted me but I felt safe.
But even with family, there'speople that I didn't feel safe
(25:09):
around because they didn'taccept it.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Did you lose a lot of friends.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Not a lot, but a few here and there.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
You had a pretty good support system when it came to
your friends Just because theydidn't understand the ones that
I did lose.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
they didn't understand, and that's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Have you talked to any of them since?
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Here and there, but it's just mostly been on a on a
yeah, like a how are you kind ofthing and we just move on, but
it's never been like an in-depthconversation of like if you, if
you had the chance to sayanything to these people, what
would you say to them?
That I'm happier than I've everbeen and that this is I
(25:53):
genuinely feel like this is whoI'm supposed to be can we toast
to that can we toast to?
Speaker 2 (25:57):
being happy toast to being happy and being yourself.
Y'all are babysitting, perusual who is y'all?
Speaker 1 (26:07):
oh, you're not let's get our guests a little refill.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
I genuinely feel happy and Carmen can tell you
from an outside perspective.
As soon as I started mytransition and I started out
really presenting as a male,things changed for me
drastically.
I felt more loving, I felt morehopeful about life.
I felt more loving, I felt morehopeful about life.
I felt more caring about othersand Carmen can tell you I I did
(26:36):
not like hugs.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
I was not a hugger before but now you are like it.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Right, it was they had to struggle to get get a hug
for me like it wasn't with thewhole group of families.
They were having a cookout,fourth of July.
Everybody's there, everybody'shugging.
We're celebrating not me.
I'm in the back in hoodie andsweatpants, standing like this
don't touch me.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Don't touch me literally, don't touch me
literally.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
Yeah, and as soon as I started to transition and I
felt accepted and I was moreopen about it, it was like a
switch flipped.
It was, it was literally aswitch and it's almost
completely different.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
It was literally a switch, and it's almost like it
goes to show you that whenpeople say, that when you love
yourself, you can love others.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I think that that is what happened with you.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Because of course you loved your family, your
siblings, your friends.
But it's hard to accept lovewhen you don't love yourself.
Right, and it's hard to show it.
When you're struggling withyour identity, you're struggling
with accepting yourself, andit's almost like when you said
hey, this is who I am, this iswhat I want you to call me, this
(27:41):
is what I'm going to be doing.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Love it or leave it.
We were like oh okay.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
well, we'll work on the whole pronouns thing, but
okay you're still our baby and Iknew that was a process for
y'all.
So it was a process for meBecause, as much as I wanted it
to be immediately Dominic, he,him, I knew it wasn't going to
be like that.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
I think I explained that to you too.
Because, you got frustrated inthe beginning.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
I did right, so Dom says call me.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
He, this is my name, dom, it's not my given name.
So then you know it's like,when I speak of you, immediately
your name, that I've beencalling you for the last 18
years is going to come to mind,and so you've had the time to
process all of this on your own,with us just kind of floating
around and not knowing.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Right, just in the background.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
So it's like I think I told you I was like you know
you have.
I said this is not because wedon't accept you, it's because
we have to.
Just this whole mentaltransition that you've had, we
have to have now.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Right, you've already done it.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
You know.
So it took us a little while,but it was really just like
muscle memory, like we just hadto remember.
Okay, it's not she, it's he.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
And then I think as I progress on testosterone and I
grew facial hair and my chestflattened and things like that,
I think that helped a little.
It would have been hard to callyou she now Exactly Right, like
yeah, so but that conversationdid help me kind of understand
and realize OK, you're right, Ihave done this already.
Mentally yeah, and now.
(29:08):
It's time for everybody else todo the same mentally yeah and
now it's time for everybody elseto do the same, and there's
still slip-ups here and there,yeah, but they don't bother me
as much because I know it.
That now is more so.
Uh, a muscle memory thing it'smore of a just a natural thing
of who I remember this personand who they used to be and this
(29:29):
is that's who you still see meas, of course, granted, I'm
different, I'm I'm a completelydifferent person, but you still
remember me as this child as whoI was, as this baby, as as your
little one and there.
There are going to be slip-upshere and there and and that's
okay and I don't, I'm notpressed about it, like I don't
dwell on that, because it's notintentional yeah if it was
(29:52):
intentional, which I have had itbe intentional before it's like
okay, on that a little bit.
I mean, I've had plenty ofpeople like do it intentionally,
or say that I'll never beanything but a girl or I'll
never be a man like I've hadthat before, and those people
just simply aren't in my lifeanymore, Because that's not
(30:15):
something that I'm able tomentally battle.
You can't tell me that I'm notgoing to be a man if you're not
doing what a man does either.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
It's just as simple as that Drops the mic.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Because, women can do what men do.
At the end of the day, womencan do anything that men can do.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Anything you can do, I can do better.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
So for someone to tell me that I'm never going to
be a man based off of what's inmy pants is just beyond me, and
the what's in my pantsconversation you and I have had
several times Because so, like Isaid, dom was basically my
first child.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
so with that came my kids knowing Dom as a female up
until he was 18.
So some of my kids remember andsome don't.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
So the first, the big kids, as I call them, they
remember Dom as a young femaleteenager.
My younger kids, I don't knowabout not so much D um.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
I started where I think he was probably maybe two.
He's one of what 2016?
Speaker 1 (31:23):
yeah so he's kind of always known you as Dom but he's
aware actually so I've talkedto my kids um, um, a lot about,
um, obviously, homosexuality, um, because I do have friends that
are in that community, right,and then also with you being a
family member, I thought it wasreally important um to have that
conversation, because I didn'twant someone else to have that
(31:45):
conversation and then not umspeak to it.
Yeah, in the way that I do.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
And respect it too yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Because, basically, when it comes to the kids and
their acceptance of you, itdidn't take long.
It didn't they might have beenbetter off than the adults were.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
I think so.
Yeah, I remember specificallyKai one time asking me are you a
girl or a boy?
Just like out of the blue onetime and I kind of just told him
I like, and I think I was moreboy presenting at the time and I
was like I'm a boy but I'vealso like walked into a girl's
bathroom before and I've had alittle girl say why is the boy
in the girl's bathroom?
Speaker 2 (32:21):
like so it's.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
It's kind of been like it's been a balance, but
definitely I think having thatconversation and just being open
with the kids about it hashelped a lot.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Because I've been open with them about it.
I've never, especially your bigkids.
I've never.
I'm not going to hide itbecause you know you obviously
have seen me this way.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Or we'll see old pictures.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Right.
And then you expect this personto grow up and be one way, but
I'm a completely different waythan you would ever expect this
little girl with four braids andbows to be.
You know what I'm saying sothat I've just been open with
the kids and I've been not, notto it, not in a vulgar sense or
not in a in a sense that's toomuch for them to understand, but
(33:03):
I've just.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
I was born a girl, but now I'm a boy and being
honest, it hasn't even had to bethis in-depth thing anyway it
hasn't yeah it hasn't had to be,and you know something about my
kids that I try to teach thembecause I am.
I have my own personal.
You know principles as far asas what is for me, but when it
comes to other people and theirchoices and how they choose to
live, you know I know peoplethat are straight, that are
(33:27):
awful, awful people.
Absolutely that I wouldn't wantaround my children or that I
wouldn't want nurturing my kidsin any way.
Um, and so what I had to tellmy kids when it comes to
homosexuality, because I havefriends in that community and
then when it comes to you, whenit comes to their two separate,
separate topics, obviously, butwhen it came to homosexuality, I
think that was the firstconversation I had to have with
(33:48):
them.
Um, due to another friend and awedding that I went to.
They're like wait a minute.
And I was like, look, if thatperson loves and respects you
and they treat you the way theytreat you, I said, um, you know
to that.
To my kids, I said sexuality isabout who you sleep with, and
you are a kid and you don't needto be worried about another
(34:10):
person's sexuality right I saidso.
If a person treats you well andrespects you and loves you, what
they do in their bedroom isnone of your business, just like
what I do in the bedroom in aheterosexual way, is not my kids
, exactly, exactly so I thinksometimes parents complicate the
situation for sure like youguys make it way too hard.
(34:32):
It's just, it's not yourbusiness.
What's in Dom's pants?
It's really that simple.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
I was going to say that's where that conversation
comes into topic, because, one,it's none of your business, but
two, how does it affect you fromliving your daily life?
Speaker 2 (34:46):
It does.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
And how does me?
Being born a female and thentransitioning to a male?
How does that affect your dailylife?
It does, Because at the end ofthe day, I'm the happiest that
I've ever been and for me that'sgoing to make the world a
better place, because I'm notgoing to see the world as a dark
place.
I'm not going to see everybodyas an enemy or feel all of the
(35:09):
hatred that's in the world.
I'm going to want to show thelight that I feel and the love
that I feel.
That's what I want to do.
Just because I'm differentdoesn't mean that I'm a bad
person.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Yeah, and I think that's a misconception.
It definitely is.
People assume that you'rehypersexual and you want to
sleep with you, know everybody,because you're you're gay or
you're trans and that with myfriends in that community.
It's just not there they behavein the same way that my
heterosexual friends do.
Yeah, like I'm 24.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
I have four bodies.
It's not that like it's not.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
It's not a.
It's not a because I want to beoversexual or I want to explore
or anything like that.
Speaker 3 (35:53):
Exactly, and it like even everybody that I've been in
a relationship with have toldme I forget that you're trans,
like I genuinely forget because,it's just not on their minds
24-7.
Now, granted, they see mewithout my shirt all the time.
They see my scars, they see metake my shots, they see the
(36:13):
struggles that I have on a dailybasis, but they still don't
look at me as trans, because I'mthe happiest I've ever been,
because I am my authentic selfand I genuinely feel this is how
I was meant to be born.
Like it's not.
This isn't an act, this isn't aphase.
This is something lifelong forme and it's different for
(36:37):
everybody, and that's why I saydon't put a label on it so early
, because you don't.
There are people whodetransition and that's not
something I technically agreewith.
That's going to be my nextquestion, right, and that's not
something I technically agreewith, because once you start
transitioning, there are thereare things that change and don't
, they can't never change back.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
Like, go back a little bit on your transition
and like your your firstexperience in seeing changes in
your body.
When you started, I know youtook testosterone soon after you
turned 18, right?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
So did you have any fears or curiosities about how
that would change your body, orwere you excited?
Speaker 3 (37:15):
I was excited, but I also have met with people that
informed me of everything Likethere.
I went to specifically PlannedParenthood and there's people
there who are trans and willadvocate for trans people and
they do have a lot of help andit's called informed consent at
Planned Parenthood.
But before you sign that paperthey go over every single detail
(37:38):
of what's going to happen,every change that's going to
happen when you can expect it.
But prior to that I had done myown research on trans people
all across the United States.
I was doing massive amounts ofresearch day in and day out, so
I knew that this is what Iwanted to do and these were the
changes that I wanted to happen.
(37:58):
But as they were happening tome, it kind of felt like they
were happening slower thanothers.
But I realized about threemonths being on testosterone,
they're coming rapidly.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Dom came over one day and I was like is that a beard?
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Literally you need a mustache.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
I just started growing facial hair one day and
I looked at his shirt up and Iwas like you got a happy trail,
like what is happening, like ahappy trail the V-line, like the
hair, like it all just startedhappening, but as it was
happening, I felt myself gainingmore comfort in myself.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
I found myself being happier with myself and people
in the trans community call it asecond puberty because that's
essentially what it is.
You're putting yourself throughpuberty again.
So I'm 18 years old, hadalready been through a female
puberty at 12, 13 years old, andnow I'm putting myself through
a male puberty.
So it was a learning curve, forsure.
(38:52):
And now, still to this day,people think I'm a lot younger
than I am, because I put myselfthrough male puberty way later
than a male goes through puberty, but that's just what it is for
a trans person, and I don'thave any negative feelings
towards that.
It is what it is, just like alot of other things are what
they are that come with beingtrans.
(39:12):
Like you just got to take it onthe chin.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
You just got to take it on the chin, you got to roll
with the punches, because everyday is going to be different,
every story is going to bedifferent, every person is going
to be different.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
So I remember later on in high school, I remember
you binding your chest, um, sowhat made you go to the extreme,
as a lot of people would think,to have top surgery?
Where did the courage come todo that?
Because that is so permanent,right?
(39:48):
The first thing people talkabout is the scars.
Yeah, um, and I do think partof the top surgery curiosity for
people is some people thinkthat trans people try to hide
that they're trans, and if youare a smaller breasted woman
then it's probably a lot easierto hide.
Um, which was, which wasn'tnecessarily the case for you.
(40:10):
But what made you go to topsurgery?
Speaker 3 (40:18):
It was my outward appearance.
I wanted to present myself insuch a way that I could not with
a chest with boobs.
I always pictured myselfsitting on a beach with no shirt
and myself in trunks.
I can't do with boobs, Icouldn't.
I always pictured myselfsitting on a beach with no shirt
and myself in trunks.
I can't do that with boobs.
I always pictured myself.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
I just pictured that that's what I've always pictured
in my head.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Laying on my chest at night and it being completely
flat.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
How are you going to have a happy trail in boobs
Right, like it just didn't makesense, and a beard?
Speaker 3 (40:55):
So it was just like and once you start testosterone,
the fat redistributes and it'sjust essentially flabs of skin.
They got to go.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Really.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
Yes, they're just flabs of skin.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (41:05):
Because your fat redistributes.
So I remember the first time Ihad went to my surgeon and he
was marking me up.
He was like your pecs are great, like because, right, here is
what they consider your pecs,but my boobs were literally
hanging down to here becausethey were just skin like that's
all they are is skin, soessentially they need to go so
the top surgery is more of anoutward confirmation.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
It is who you feel like on the inside it is.
And then, whereas bottom,surgery?
Speaker 3 (41:30):
I personally feel like on the inside it is, and
then where is bottom surgery?
I personally feel like it's amore inward kind of deal.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
I was going to ask about that.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
That's more sexual and that's more intimate, and I
have not considered because theyneed to do better.
Have you ever seen the worm onSpongebob?
Yes, remember that big whiteone.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
So in other words, you want a big one.
If you're going to have one, no, listen to me.
Okay, you remember the bigwhite one.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
And he crawls into his mouth and he's like it's a
worm.
That's what they look like.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
And it's scary.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Don't put that thing by me.
It's scary.
Keep it.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
I don't want it.
Kill it with fire.
They need to do a little bitmore construction and get Bob
the Builder on the case beforeBob the Builder, before they.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Go go gadget.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
Literally, no literally.
They also have to take skinfrom another part of your body,
so that's extra healing, becausethey take it from your arm or
your leg, or sometimes your butt, and that's how they
essentially make it.
But then you have to heal fromhaving a skin graft and this
part of your body being takenoff to make something else, and
(42:42):
it's a four-part surgery.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
It's just not my cup of tea.
I looked it up.
Speaker 3 (42:47):
It's not my cup of tea.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
I looked it up years ago Personally for me.
You can go buy it, and that'swhat I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (42:54):
Be happy, right, because you're not gonna like
what you like, so just go buy it.
So okay, and that's what we'regoing all right.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
If you can't grow it, buy it there you go thank you,
dom.
We appreciate you.
We had a great time Of course.
Please, please, please, comeback again for another episode
of Girl Please the podcast.
It's Joe Frost.
Welcome to Girl Please, where we dive into real
conversations, real laughs andreal life.
Just a quick note the views andopinions expressed on this show
are our own and don't representanyone else's.
We keep it fun, open and honest, so let's get into it.
This is Girl Please.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome back to another episode.
I'm your host Jessica, I'm yourhost Carmen, and this is Girl
Please, the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
No, you can't take my soul, but you did to me, I
swear.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I'm breaking bad.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Welcome back y'all.
We have finally reached episodefive and we have a guest today.
I'd like to introduce my godson, dom.
Thanks for coming Of course.
We're going to jump right intothe wind down, first and
foremost.
So today we have Stella RosaBlack, which I'm sure a lot of
(01:07):
people have tried, but it's oneof our favorites.
Yes, it is so, Dawn.
We wanted to share this withyou and see what you think.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
I like Stella Rosa Black actually.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I've had it once before and it was pretty good.
Alright, which other ones haveyou tried?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Not many.
I'm not really a wine person,but Stella Rosa.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Black is a special one.
I'm not really a wine person,but Stella Rose of Black is a
special one, pull out thosestrong muscles.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Thank you, there you go.
Had to put you to work today.
All right, I'm going to go withyou first.
Okay, just let us know what youthink specifically.
You said you like it.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
That's good, tell us what you like about it.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Okay, jess, to the rim baby, to the rim baby, to
the rim baby.
This is obviously a red wine.
It's got a little fizz to it.
That's what I like about it and, like we said before, it does
go best with steak and red meat.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
This one, I think, is better.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I had it at like a wine tasting.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Really.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Perfect.
So yeah, let's toast.
Jess, you want to do the toastSure?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
We are toasting to acceptance and, um hmm, what
else should we toast to?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Vulnerability.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Yes, tolerance.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
And transparency, being yourself.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Here we go.
That's a good one.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Let's do it.
Ooh, delicious.
Being yourself, here we go,that's a good one.
Let's do it Delicious, okay.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
That's a good one.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Very good, very, all right.
So we're going to get rightinto it, y'all.
Today we have a super uniqueopportunity to speak to someone
who is trans and open about it.
We would like to start with thebeginning of Dom's journey.
We're so excited about askingall the hard questions, asking
all of the questions that mostpeople would think are offensive
(02:54):
or just plain ignorant becausewe don't know.
So today we're just going tohave a very open conversation
with Dom, and thank you so muchfor coming and being willing to
share your story and beingwilling to just put it all out
there, because there are so manypeople like you, or there are
so many people that have familymembers that are like you that
(03:15):
just don't understand or don'tknow what to say.
Right, so let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Can you tell us a little bit about your journey
and how you went from being myGod's God daughter to being my
God son?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yeah, I think the first time that I realized that
something was different, I guessyou would say, was when I was
about six.
That was kind of the first timethat I realized.
I was like something's notright.
And then it kind of faded awayuntil I had started to hit
puberty.
And then, once I, of course,hit puberty and things started
(03:53):
changing and I was just likethis, this isn't right.
I had friends and they wantedto do their makeup and they
wanted to wear dresses and theywere interested in boys and I
was like that's not me, thatdoesn't feel right to me.
Like y'all are very excitedabout this, but I'm like why?
Like in my head it just didn'tfit and then it just went on
(04:15):
from there.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
So when you say it didn't feel right around the age
of six, what do you mean by itdidn't feel right?
Speaker 3 (04:27):
I just I had this thought in my head like
everybody calls me a girl,everybody around me calls me a
girl and refers to me as a girl,but I was like that doesn't
feel right to me okay, I waslike I don't feel like a girl,
like because I mean I was atomboy as growing up.
You know like I, I was out withthe boys, I was scraping my
knees, I was getting hurt, likeI wasn't a girly girl and I was,
and there are people that aregetting hurt, like I wasn't a
girly girl, and there are peoplethat are, of course, just
(04:48):
tomboys and then they becomegirly growing up.
But for me it was just like Idon't think I'm ever going to
fit into that role, I don'tthink I'm ever going to mold to
that.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I'm never going to be quote unquote a girl Like I
just didn't feel like that froma very early age, okay, so when
you're little it feels like aninternal struggle as far as
interests and gender roles atfirst.
Is that kind of how it?
Speaker 3 (05:16):
that's how it was for me, yeah like I remember, like
we're we're gonna do a girls dayor we're gonna do a boys day,
and I remember wanting to gowith the boys because I wasn't
interested in the stuff that thegirls were doing.
I wasn't interested in going toget my nails done or going
shopping or picking out clothesto wear, Like that wasn't
something that I was ever likeinternally interested in, and it
(05:38):
was definitely a battle basedon external and internal Just
trying to make those externallyhappy versus trying to make
myself internally happy, andthat was a battle for a really
long time.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
How long did you experience that battle?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Up until I started my transition, until I really made
that decision that I was goingto do it for myself and that
whatever anybody else felt orthought had really no concern
with me, because at the end ofthe day, I needed to be happy
yeah, how heavy was that for youto carry that on for so long,
you know it was heavy and Ithink that those around me
(06:13):
started to see that, thatheaviness.
Like Carmen Carmen, we spokeearlier and she had said I could
see such a difference in you assoon as you started your
transition, like it was.
It was an immediate just changein in your demeanor and your
just outward appearance like youwere happier yeah, you probably
felt relief too, right, and Ifelt a lot of relief.
(06:33):
But before that relief it was alot of anxiety and a lot of
depression.
And yeah, and it did.
For some people it does get badenough to where it becomes
suicidal thoughts, and it wasthat for me.
I was just like I can't do thisas a female.
And if I have to live my life.
As a female, I'd rather notjust have a life, and so it was
(06:55):
very heavy.
But luckily those around me sawhow heavy it was and I wouldn't
say they gave me the go-ahead,but they gave me that we're
going to accept you no matterwhat and that was my fear that I
wasn't going to be loved, Iwasn't going to be accepted,
they weren't going to want mearound.
But once I finally saw how muchsupport that I did have, I kind
(07:19):
of just leapt and I went with itand I was like, whatever
happens happens, because I hadto save myself at the end of the
day, right?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
yeah, I'm glad you chose yourself, because a lot of
times people don't and they,you know, end up taking the
detrimental route of committingsuicide.
Um, it's very daunting to knowthat people go through those
things and those feelings.
What would be your best adviceto somebody who is also going
(07:52):
through the same thing as a kid,just not knowing how to, I
guess, transition, how to feelaccepted by others, and all of
these different emotions thatthey're feeling at this time.
What would be the best adviceyou would give to them?
Speaker 3 (08:09):
My first thing would don't put a label on it first,
like do your research, figureout who you are, the things that
you like, the things that youenjoy, and then kind of do it in
a more outward appearance, likedon't necessarily spring it on
somebody before you know,because that that creates a lot
(08:31):
of outward confusion and and alot of inward confusion too.
It it creates a lot of just youdon't.
You don't know where you'regoing, or you feel like you have
to be one thing or and you canbe this thing.
So I think don't put a label on.
It is the first thing.
But then also, if you havethose parents that aren't
supportive or you have people inyour life that aren't
(08:53):
supportive, my advice is toalways do the safest option.
If it's safer to not transitionjust yet, do that, but still
protect your peace, still setboundaries.
And if you just have to isolate, isolate, be around those
people that do accept you, thatwant to be around you, that that
(09:14):
respect who you are essentiallylike.
And I mean, I've dealt with thatwith my own family and friends
too, and I've just we did themout essentially like because it
because it weighs on myhappiness and my mental health
at the end of the day, andthat's not something that I'm
willing to give up for someoneelse.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
And that's what it's all about how they see that your
life should be lived out shouldbe more important than how you
feel it should be for yourselfyeah, like nobody should have
that type of control over you.
(09:57):
And I mean as when you'reyounger, of course you're
thinking of all of these things.
You're thinking about otherpeople's perspective and how
they will respond to yourchoices, or whatever.
But you get to a point in aplace in life and you decide
like look, you know, this is forme.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
I really could care less how you feel you know right
, and that that's the point thatI got to.
It was just like okay, I'm, I'm18, I, I have to make myself
happy.
I have to choose myself to getto this point that other people
are at in life, like I.
If I want to be in my thirtiesand I want to be happy, then I
have to choose myself, becausein any other scenario, people
(10:35):
are choosing themselves.
They're not choosing to makeother people happy.
So, even though it wasdefinitely a heavy thing for
everybody in my life to accept,and it was very different and
new and just unheard of,essentially it was a big step
for me to take, but I had to dothat to live my life.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
So are you the first person in your family that you
know of that has done this as?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
far as I know, I'm the first person in the town
really, Like I was I don't knowanybody, yeah, like I mean, I
was the first and I didn'tpresent it in high school a lot
because I had a lot of anxietyand stuff like that and a lot of
it came after high school,after I graduated.
But once I did, I had a lot oflike people come to me and
(11:25):
they're like hey, like I didn'tknow, but thank you, like you,
you being open with it and youpresenting it to the public is
it's going to help me in thefuture and I've.
that's not essentially what Idid it for, because I did it to
make myself feel comfortable,but I'm glad that I have been
able to help people withoutknowing I'm helping people.
(11:47):
Like, just because you can watchthe things that I post or you
can, you can look at the, thethings that I have on my
Instagram or stuff like that.
It's it's different because youcan, you can see it and you
know me and you haven't.
You.
There's a a way to get to melike an outreach.
You have an outreach and I'mnot going to publicly out you in
(12:10):
a sense, because I've beenthere, I've been where, I've
been talking to people and I'mafraid that they're going to go
tell it to some people.
I don't want to know or like,if I get a new job, I don't want
the people that are first start.
I don't want them to know.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
It's none of their business.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
It's not a topic of discussion, right right, and
then once if I'm comfortablewith them and then I tell them
they're like.
I had no idea, like what likeare you serious?
And I'm like yeah, but thatthat helps me keep going,
knowing that I'm helping otherpeople.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Yeah, live their truth, because it was very hard
for me to live my truth when Iwas younger, I had a friend, um,
and she was like that as well.
Um, I still love her to thisday um, when we were going to
school or whatever I didn't, wedidn't go to school together,
but we played basketballtogether and then, like during
summers and stuff, I would goover to her um, people house
(13:01):
that have cookouts and stufflike that.
But she was the same way and Inever, you know, judged her or
anything.
I just knew she was differentright you know, but I loved her
the same and even to this day,like, if I see her I'll still
hug her, talk to her everythinglike there's no judgment there.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
This is your life, you know can we go back a little
bit?
Because you said um, it seemedlike you you did show that
there's kind of a differencewhen it comes to your experience
, when, when you're little andyou feel like basically you're
not in the right body is kind ofhow most people that are trans
would describe that.
So at first, when you're achild and there isn't or
(13:41):
shouldn't be sexuality thatyou're thinking about at that
age.
It does get to a point, like yousaid, when you get to puberty
and then everything startsgrowing.
This is when you know hormonesrage in whatever direction
they're going to rage.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
And so can you tell us what is the difference?
Because this is something thatI had to understand in the
beginning, when Dom was in highschool, you pretty much dressed
how you do now.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Right, I dressed masculine in high school, yeah
masculine.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
So, you know, we just assumed that Dom was going to
like girls and dress like atomboy, which was fine.
So when the transition happened, or really the announcement of
you wanting to transition at 18,um, my curiosity was about you
know where?
(14:34):
Where does sexuality enter?
Or, excuse me, overlap here,because obviously sexuality
isn't a thing when you're sixright, so at that point.
It kind of goes to prove thatthis is more of an identity
issue than a sexual issue.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
And I don't mean issue in that way.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
No, yeah, I know Topic Right.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah.
So when you hit puberty and youstarted to grow, you know up
top especially, how did thataffect you as far as what you
had already felt when you wereyounger did that kind of just
solidify?
Okay, yeah, this is really notsupposed to be happening.
Why do I have boobs?
Speaker 3 (15:15):
right, right, you know like, yeah, I'm not
supposed to have boobs and thatthat's kind of that was my
thought during the whole process.
It was like because from ayoung age I already did not feel
like a girl people.
People are calling me girl,they're calling me she, her, and
it just it didn't fit.
So then, as I got older and Ihit puberty and I did start to
grow boobs, it was like this isthis seems, this is foreign to
(15:38):
me.
That's what it felt like.
It felt like I was outwardlysomebody else, which I was
Essentially.
I was different than how I felton the inside, and so it
created a lot of turmoil withinme because, no matter how hard I
tried to present myself as amale to the outside, I was still
(15:58):
perceived as a female, and itjust created a lot of inward
turmoil and just a lot of angerand self-loathing and and
depression and anxiety and notknowing what to do or what route
to go, because it's like peoplesee me this way, but I feel
this way, but I don't want tomake these people upset but, I I
(16:20):
don't want to disappoint myselfeither.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I don't want to have boobs right and like I don't
want to let myself go like I,that's not.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
I just didn't feel like that was right for me.
Like it just my, I had friendsand they're, you know, they're
getting boobs, they're gettingbras, they're going bra shopping
and they're wearing makeup, andit just it was just like that's
not what I want to do.
Like for me it was like why amI growing boobs?
Speaker 2 (16:43):
like.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I don't put makeup on me, I don't want that you had
to tell me that when you werelittle.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Stop doing my hair like this, didn't?
Speaker 3 (16:50):
wear dresses Like there's been a few times.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I've been in dresses and you know that.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
I didn't like getting my hair done.
I didn't like it, just itwasn't for me.
I just didn't like it and for along time time I didn't
understand why, and I because Ididn't want to put a label on it
because I was scared of thatand all throughout high school I
was called gay, you're gonna begay.
You like girls and in the backof my mind I knew I do like
(17:19):
females, but gay is not theright label for me because I
knew that I did not want topresent as a female.
And that's where genderidentity and sexual identity
come in.
I do like girls, but I don'tfeel like one, so I'm not a
lesbian if that makes any sense.
What, like?
It takes a lot of thought, butthat's what the LGBT community
(17:40):
is about.
There's a broad range of allpeople people that that are
questioning bi lesbian, trans,gay, whatever, but for me it was
.
I know that I'm not a lesbian,I know that I'm not gay because,
I don't outwardly present as afemale.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I don't want to do that Well that was one of my
first questions to you, when youfirst told the family you know,
this is, this is what it is,this is what I'm doing, this is
(18:17):
who I am.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
We were like all right, you know like we just
have to get used to the you knowthe pronouns, if you will,
because obviously I've known Domsince I was.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I heard his first cry , literally, literally yeah.
So Dom is like my first kid, mybaby before I had my own kids,
my baby before I had my own kids.
Um, so, just because of beingused to calling somebody by
their given name and being usedto calling you her or she.
It took, I'm sure, my wholefamily a little bit of time to
just um change the way we spoke.
Um, and it takes practice.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
It does.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Because even even now , if I speak about you when you
were a kid, I will say her,Because at that time that's how
I knew you.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
But now it's never.
I don't stumble over it anymorein speaking to you in person in
the present tense, but howimportant is it to people in
your community to respectpronouns, because we see a lot
of debate about that.
I've seen it in email.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Help me out on that.
I'm not even going to lie Right.
Sometimes I get to the pointwhere I'm like I don't even want
to say certain things because Ijust don't want to come off as
offensive.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Right, and for everybody it's different.
I will say Because, there aresome people that present
themselves as she, her or he,him, but then you have people
that present as they, them, andthat's where it gets a little
confusing.
I don't know what to say aboutit.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Truthfully, I'm not even going to lie.
I don't either.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
That's a little too far for me because I'm just
straight he, him and that's justwhat it is.
But as far as respectingsomeone's pronouns, some people
are comfortable with you justasking them, hey, what are your
pronouns?
But like, if you really don'tknow and you just, and you, you
do want to know, it's always my.
My personal thing is to justask somebody, be like, look, I
(20:05):
don, I don't, I don't want to dothis wrong.
I don't want to disrespect you,I don't want to Negate what you
have going on.
I just want to be respectfuland I want to do this the right
way.
So for me, it's always justbest to ask, and some people
don't like to be asked this juststraight up.
They don't want to be asked.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
But that that's hard for people like us.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
It is like you can't like.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I can understand having a conversation about
respecting someone's pronounswhen you work with them, for
example.
Right, no problem.
I would have a conversationlike hey, you know what's your
preference?
You know, but if you, forexample, I had um a waitress one
time and she presented as awoman, but it was very obvious
(20:50):
that she was a man, um, so inthat case you don't really know
like she could have been a manwho likes to dress in women's
clothing.
To me, there's a differencebetween that and someone who's
trans right.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
That confuses and that's where the line is very.
What do you say, like I can'tlook at them and say, should I
call you a man or woman, becauseI think that that is also
offensive right she's like well,I'm a woman, well, you don't
look like one to me rightfrankly, and that's where the
line is very, very fine also,because you have those people
who are quote unquote.
(21:26):
They them, so they'representing as both or they're
presenting as androgynous andyou don't really know.
And that's where it does gethard and I just say hi there and
I do too honestly because Idon't, I don't even know what to
do in those scenarios all ofthe time, like it's just, it's
(21:48):
hard because everybody is sodifferent.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
That makes me want to shift the conversation a little
bit into perspective on howsometimes people won't be
forthcoming about theirtransitions.
How do you feel about that?
Speaker 3 (22:10):
I don't like that.
I think that if you feel safeenough to invite someone into
your life, then you need to feelsafe enough to give them this
information, because it is heavyand it's not something that
everybody accepts.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Right.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
And so I don't I mean I hide it.
I wouldn't say hide it, butit's not something that
everybody in my life is going toknow, right, meaning co-workers
, acquaintances, people I meeton the street.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Not everybody is going to know because I mean
they don't need to right.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
But if I'm inviting you into my life before it even
gets to a point where we becomeintimate intimate or close or
friends or whatever I want youto know the real me.
I want you to know who I am,because I don't want, I don't
want to have to defend myself ifsomething is said by somebody
(23:03):
else that is that knows and isOK with it and we're comfortable
and we're cool.
Like, say, my girlfriend didn'tknow, and then I bring her over
to Carmen's house and shementioned something about me
when I was younger as a femaleand my girlfriend didn't know.
That would be a very anotherdetrimental situation that I
would have to handle.
And so for me it's just be open, be honest and let them know
(23:27):
what is going to happen, becausenot only is it protecting them
from getting into something theydon't want to be in, it's
protecting me and my safetyright and from getting myself
hurt, because I could not tellyou six months down the road.
I could let you know youabsolutely despise that and then
and then something happensright and that's just not,
(23:50):
because I mean you hear storiesabout that all the time yeah
people.
They don't accept trans people,and then they go out for a
one-night stand and they're deadin the alley like it's not.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
It's common to play with right.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
and so for me, if I feel safe enough to let you into
my life immediately, I'm goingto let you know.
But I also don't I kind ofassess the situation If I feel
like you're not going to acceptit or I feel like there might be
a problem, or like a little bitof a deeper, like what am I?
(24:25):
Like?
Not scenario, but like a deeper, deeper, you're trying to do
something deeper here, then I'mnot going to invite you into my
life because it's not.
I have to protect myself at thatpoint, right, and that that's
to me.
What it's all about isprotecting yourself, whether
that's coming out.
Protect yourself when you'recoming out.
Don't do it if you don't feelsafe.
(24:45):
Do it around people that you dofeel safe with, like I had
friends that I didn't feel, likeI was comfortable coming out to
.
And then I had friends that Ijust dove into their arms and I
was like this is what's going onand this is who I am and I
can't change it.
And luckily those peopleaccepted me and those friends
accepted me but I felt safe.
But even with family, there'speople that I didn't feel safe
(25:09):
around because they didn'taccept it.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Did you lose a lot of friends.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Not a lot, but a few here and there.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
You had a pretty good support system when it came to
your friends Just because theydidn't understand the ones that
I did lose.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
they didn't understand, and that's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Have you talked to any of them since?
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Here and there, but it's just mostly been on a on a
yeah, like a how are you kind ofthing and we just move on, but
it's never been like an in-depthconversation of like if you, if
you had the chance to sayanything to these people, what
would you say to them?
That I'm happier than I've everbeen and that this is I
(25:53):
genuinely feel like this is whoI'm supposed to be can we toast
to that can we toast to?
Speaker 2 (25:57):
being happy toast to being happy and being yourself.
Y'all are babysitting, perusual who is y'all?
Speaker 1 (26:07):
oh, you're not let's get our guests a little refill.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
I genuinely feel happy and Carmen can tell you
from an outside perspective.
As soon as I started mytransition and I started out
really presenting as a male,things changed for me
drastically.
I felt more loving, I felt morehopeful about life.
I felt more loving, I felt morehopeful about life.
I felt more caring about othersand Carmen can tell you I I did
(26:36):
not like hugs.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
I was not a hugger before but now you are like it.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Right, it was they had to struggle to get get a hug
for me like it wasn't with thewhole group of families.
They were having a cookout,fourth of July.
Everybody's there, everybody'shugging.
We're celebrating not me.
I'm in the back in hoodie andsweatpants, standing like this
don't touch me.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Don't touch me literally, don't touch me
literally.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
Yeah, and as soon as I started to transition and I
felt accepted and I was moreopen about it, it was like a
switch flipped.
It was, it was literally aswitch and it's almost
completely different.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
It was literally a switch, and it's almost like it
goes to show you that whenpeople say, that when you love
yourself, you can love others.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I think that that is what happened with you.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Because of course you loved your family, your
siblings, your friends.
But it's hard to accept lovewhen you don't love yourself.
Right, and it's hard to show it.
When you're struggling withyour identity, you're struggling
with accepting yourself, andit's almost like when you said
hey, this is who I am, this iswhat I want you to call me, this
(27:41):
is what I'm going to be doing.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Love it or leave it.
We were like oh okay.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
well, we'll work on the whole pronouns thing, but
okay you're still our baby and Iknew that was a process for
y'all.
So it was a process for meBecause, as much as I wanted it
to be immediately Dominic, he,him, I knew it wasn't going to
be like that.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
I think I explained that to you too.
Because, you got frustrated inthe beginning.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
I did right, so Dom says call me.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
He, this is my name, dom, it's not my given name.
So then you know it's like,when I speak of you, immediately
your name, that I've beencalling you for the last 18
years is going to come to mind,and so you've had the time to
process all of this on your own,with us just kind of floating
around and not knowing.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Right, just in the background.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
So it's like I think I told you I was like you know
you have.
I said this is not because wedon't accept you, it's because
we have to.
Just this whole mentaltransition that you've had, we
have to have now.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Right, you've already done it.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
You know.
So it took us a little while,but it was really just like
muscle memory, like we just hadto remember.
Okay, it's not she, it's he.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
And then I think as I progress on testosterone and I
grew facial hair and my chestflattened and things like that,
I think that helped a little.
It would have been hard to callyou she now Exactly Right, like
yeah, so but that conversationdid help me kind of understand
and realize OK, you're right, Ihave done this already.
Mentally yeah, and now.
(29:08):
It's time for everybody else todo the same mentally yeah and
now it's time for everybody elseto do the same, and there's
still slip-ups here and there,yeah, but they don't bother me
as much because I know it.
That now is more so.
Uh, a muscle memory thing it'smore of a just a natural thing
of who I remember this personand who they used to be and this
(29:29):
is that's who you still see meas, of course, granted, I'm
different, I'm I'm a completelydifferent person, but you still
remember me as this child as whoI was, as this baby, as as your
little one and there.
There are going to be slip-upshere and there and and that's
okay and I don't, I'm notpressed about it, like I don't
dwell on that, because it's notintentional yeah if it was
(29:52):
intentional, which I have had itbe intentional before it's like
okay, on that a little bit.
I mean, I've had plenty ofpeople like do it intentionally,
or say that I'll never beanything but a girl or I'll
never be a man like I've hadthat before, and those people
just simply aren't in my lifeanymore, Because that's not
(30:15):
something that I'm able tomentally battle.
You can't tell me that I'm notgoing to be a man if you're not
doing what a man does either.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
It's just as simple as that Drops the mic.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Because, women can do what men do.
At the end of the day, womencan do anything that men can do.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Anything you can do, I can do better.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
So for someone to tell me that I'm never going to
be a man based off of what's inmy pants is just beyond me, and
the what's in my pantsconversation you and I have had
several times Because so, like Isaid, dom was basically my
first child.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
so with that came my kids knowing Dom as a female up
until he was 18.
So some of my kids remember andsome don't.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
So the first, the big kids, as I call them, they
remember Dom as a young femaleteenager.
My younger kids, I don't knowabout not so much D um.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
I started where I think he was probably maybe two.
He's one of what 2016?
Speaker 1 (31:23):
yeah so he's kind of always known you as Dom but he's
aware actually so I've talkedto my kids um, um, a lot about,
um, obviously, homosexuality, um, because I do have friends that
are in that community, right,and then also with you being a
family member, I thought it wasreally important um to have that
conversation, because I didn'twant someone else to have that
(31:45):
conversation and then not umspeak to it.
Yeah, in the way that I do.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
And respect it too yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Because, basically, when it comes to the kids and
their acceptance of you, itdidn't take long.
It didn't they might have beenbetter off than the adults were.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
I think so.
Yeah, I remember specificallyKai one time asking me are you a
girl or a boy?
Just like out of the blue onetime and I kind of just told him
I like, and I think I was moreboy presenting at the time and I
was like I'm a boy but I'vealso like walked into a girl's
bathroom before and I've had alittle girl say why is the boy
in the girl's bathroom?
Speaker 2 (32:21):
like so it's.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
It's kind of been like it's been a balance, but
definitely I think having thatconversation and just being open
with the kids about it hashelped a lot.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Because I've been open with them about it.
I've never, especially your bigkids.
I've never.
I'm not going to hide itbecause you know you obviously
have seen me this way.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Or we'll see old pictures.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Right.
And then you expect this personto grow up and be one way, but
I'm a completely different waythan you would ever expect this
little girl with four braids andbows to be.
You know what I'm saying sothat I've just been open with
the kids and I've been not, notto it, not in a vulgar sense or
not in a in a sense that's toomuch for them to understand, but
(33:03):
I've just.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
I was born a girl, but now I'm a boy and being
honest, it hasn't even had to bethis in-depth thing anyway it
hasn't yeah it hasn't had to be,and you know something about my
kids that I try to teach thembecause I am.
I have my own personal.
You know principles as far asas what is for me, but when it
comes to other people and theirchoices and how they choose to
live, you know I know peoplethat are straight, that are
(33:27):
awful, awful people.
Absolutely that I wouldn't wantaround my children or that I
wouldn't want nurturing my kidsin any way.
Um, and so what I had to tellmy kids when it comes to
homosexuality, because I havefriends in that community and
then when it comes to you, whenit comes to their two separate,
separate topics, obviously, butwhen it came to homosexuality, I
think that was the firstconversation I had to have with
(33:48):
them.
Um, due to another friend and awedding that I went to.
They're like wait a minute.
And I was like, look, if thatperson loves and respects you
and they treat you the way theytreat you, I said, um, you know
to that.
To my kids, I said sexuality isabout who you sleep with, and
you are a kid and you don't needto be worried about another
(34:10):
person's sexuality right I saidso.
If a person treats you well andrespects you and loves you, what
they do in their bedroom isnone of your business, just like
what I do in the bedroom in aheterosexual way, is not my kids
, exactly, exactly so I thinksometimes parents complicate the
situation for sure like youguys make it way too hard.
(34:32):
It's just, it's not yourbusiness.
What's in Dom's pants?
It's really that simple.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
I was going to say that's where that conversation
comes into topic, because, one,it's none of your business, but
two, how does it affect you fromliving your daily life?
Speaker 2 (34:46):
It does.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
And how does me?
Being born a female and thentransitioning to a male?
How does that affect your dailylife?
It does, Because at the end ofthe day, I'm the happiest that
I've ever been and for me that'sgoing to make the world a
better place, because I'm notgoing to see the world as a dark
place.
I'm not going to see everybodyas an enemy or feel all of the
(35:09):
hatred that's in the world.
I'm going to want to show thelight that I feel and the love
that I feel.
That's what I want to do.
Just because I'm differentdoesn't mean that I'm a bad
person.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Yeah, and I think that's a misconception.
It definitely is.
People assume that you'rehypersexual and you want to
sleep with you, know everybody,because you're you're gay or
you're trans and that with myfriends in that community.
It's just not there they behavein the same way that my
heterosexual friends do.
Yeah, like I'm 24.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
I have four bodies.
It's not that like it's not.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
It's not a.
It's not a because I want to beoversexual or I want to explore
or anything like that.
Speaker 3 (35:53):
Exactly, and it like even everybody that I've been in
a relationship with have toldme I forget that you're trans,
like I genuinely forget because,it's just not on their minds
24-7.
Now, granted, they see mewithout my shirt all the time.
They see my scars, they see metake my shots, they see the
(36:13):
struggles that I have on a dailybasis, but they still don't
look at me as trans, because I'mthe happiest I've ever been,
because I am my authentic selfand I genuinely feel this is how
I was meant to be born.
Like it's not.
This isn't an act, this isn't aphase.
This is something lifelong forme and it's different for
(36:37):
everybody, and that's why I saydon't put a label on it so early
, because you don't.
There are people whodetransition and that's not
something I technically agreewith.
That's going to be my nextquestion, right, and that's not
something I technically agreewith, because once you start
transitioning, there are thereare things that change and don't
, they can't never change back.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
Like, go back a little bit on your transition
and like your your firstexperience in seeing changes in
your body.
When you started, I know youtook testosterone soon after you
turned 18, right?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
So did you have any fears or curiosities about how
that would change your body, orwere you excited?
Speaker 3 (37:15):
I was excited, but I also have met with people that
informed me of everything Likethere.
I went to specifically PlannedParenthood and there's people
there who are trans and willadvocate for trans people and
they do have a lot of help andit's called informed consent at
Planned Parenthood.
But before you sign that paperthey go over every single detail
(37:38):
of what's going to happen,every change that's going to
happen when you can expect it.
But prior to that I had done myown research on trans people
all across the United States.
I was doing massive amounts ofresearch day in and day out, so
I knew that this is what Iwanted to do and these were the
changes that I wanted to happen.
(37:58):
But as they were happening tome, it kind of felt like they
were happening slower thanothers.
But I realized about threemonths being on testosterone,
they're coming rapidly.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Dom came over one day and I was like is that a beard?
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Literally you need a mustache.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
I just started growing facial hair one day and
I looked at his shirt up and Iwas like you got a happy trail,
like what is happening, like ahappy trail the V-line, like the
hair, like it all just startedhappening, but as it was
happening, I felt myself gainingmore comfort in myself.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
I found myself being happier with myself and people
in the trans community call it asecond puberty because that's
essentially what it is.
You're putting yourself throughpuberty again.
So I'm 18 years old, hadalready been through a female
puberty at 12, 13 years old, andnow I'm putting myself through
a male puberty.
So it was a learning curve, forsure.
(38:52):
And now, still to this day,people think I'm a lot younger
than I am, because I put myselfthrough male puberty way later
than a male goes through puberty, but that's just what it is for
a trans person, and I don'thave any negative feelings
towards that.
It is what it is, just like alot of other things are what
they are that come with beingtrans.
(39:12):
Like you just got to take it onthe chin.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
You just got to take it on the chin, you got to roll
with the punches, because everyday is going to be different,
every story is going to bedifferent, every person is going
to be different.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
So I remember later on in high school, I remember
you binding your chest, um, sowhat made you go to the extreme,
as a lot of people would think,to have top surgery?
Where did the courage come todo that?
Because that is so permanent,right?
(39:48):
The first thing people talkabout is the scars.
Yeah, um, and I do think partof the top surgery curiosity for
people is some people thinkthat trans people try to hide
that they're trans, and if youare a smaller breasted woman
then it's probably a lot easierto hide.
Um, which was, which wasn'tnecessarily the case for you.
(40:10):
But what made you go to topsurgery?
Speaker 3 (40:18):
It was my outward appearance.
I wanted to present myself insuch a way that I could not with
a chest with boobs.
I always pictured myselfsitting on a beach with no shirt
and myself in trunks.
I can't do with boobs, Icouldn't.
I always pictured myselfsitting on a beach with no shirt
and myself in trunks.
I can't do that with boobs.
I always pictured myself.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
I just pictured that that's what I've always pictured
in my head.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Laying on my chest at night and it being completely
flat.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
How are you going to have a happy trail in boobs
Right, like it just didn't makesense, and a beard?
Speaker 3 (40:55):
So it was just like and once you start testosterone,
the fat redistributes and it'sjust essentially flabs of skin.
They got to go.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Really.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
Yes, they're just flabs of skin.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (41:05):
Because your fat redistributes.
So I remember the first time Ihad went to my surgeon and he
was marking me up.
He was like your pecs are great, like because, right, here is
what they consider your pecs,but my boobs were literally
hanging down to here becausethey were just skin like that's
all they are is skin, soessentially they need to go so
the top surgery is more of anoutward confirmation.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
It is who you feel like on the inside it is.
And then, whereas bottom,surgery?
Speaker 3 (41:30):
I personally feel like on the inside it is, and
then where is bottom surgery?
I personally feel like it's amore inward kind of deal.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
I was going to ask about that.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
That's more sexual and that's more intimate, and I
have not considered because theyneed to do better.
Have you ever seen the worm onSpongebob?
Yes, remember that big whiteone.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
So in other words, you want a big one.
If you're going to have one, no, listen to me.
Okay, you remember the bigwhite one.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
And he crawls into his mouth and he's like it's a
worm.
That's what they look like.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
And it's scary.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Don't put that thing by me.
It's scary.
Keep it.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
I don't want it.
Kill it with fire.
They need to do a little bitmore construction and get Bob
the Builder on the case beforeBob the Builder, before they.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Go go gadget.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
Literally, no literally.
They also have to take skinfrom another part of your body,
so that's extra healing, becausethey take it from your arm or
your leg, or sometimes your butt, and that's how they
essentially make it.
But then you have to heal fromhaving a skin graft and this
part of your body being takenoff to make something else, and
(42:42):
it's a four-part surgery.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
It's just not my cup of tea.
I looked it up.
Speaker 3 (42:47):
It's not my cup of tea.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
I looked it up years ago Personally for me.
You can go buy it, and that'swhat I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (42:54):
Be happy, right, because you're not gonna like
what you like, so just go buy it.
So okay, and that's what we'regoing all right.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
If you can't grow it, buy it there you go thank you,
dom.
We appreciate you.
We had a great time Of course.
Please, please, please, comeback again for another episode
of Girl Please the podcast.
It's Joe Frost.
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