Breaking Barriers: Black Women's Experiences in Healthcare

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Two powerful stories of advocacy, determination, and success unfold as we sit with Jamisha and Chantel, two women navigating very different journeys with remarkable courage.

Jamisha takes us through her harrowing experience of delivering her daughter at just 30 weeks due to preeclampsia — a condition she knew nothing about before diagnosis. Her raw account of spending those first critical days separated from her newborn while learning her baby needed surgery for a tracheoesophageal fistula reveals the unique trauma NICU parents endure. With unflinching honesty, she describes transforming from an overwhelmed new mother into a fierce advocate, eventually securing specialized care at Boston Children's Hospital for her daughter who, at 15 months, is now thriving against all odds.

Meanwhile, Chantel shares her extraordinary journey from aspiring doctor to family nurse practitioner while raising her son as a single mother. Her story of enduring 22-hour days — attending classes, studying, working night shifts — all while battling "mom guilt" resonates deeply. Now running County Med in a medically underserved area, she emphasizes the critical importance of providers who truly listen to patients, especially in Black communities where health disparities persist.

The conversation then shifts to dating as single parents, exploring the delicate balance of career success, parenting responsibilities, and finding partners who enhance rather than complicate life. Both women offer wisdom on setting boundaries, recognizing red flags, and navigating the double standards single mothers face compared to fathers.

Through tears and laughter, this episode celebrates Black women's resilience in healthcare systems not designed for them, while offering practical wisdom on advocacy, professional growth, and maintaining personal standards against all odds.

Ready to hear from healthcare providers who genuinely care? Visit County Med at countymedorg or on Facebook to experience care that prioritizes listening to your needs.

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Producer/Chief Editor: Joe Frozt (@joefrozt)
Executive Producer: Ralph Branch, III (@ibranchedout)
Executive Producer: Carl Bassfield Jr.
Co-Host: Jessica Hurt
Co-Host: Carmen

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Girl Please, where we dive into real
conversations, real laughs andreal life.
Just a quick note the views andopinions expressed on this show
are our own and don't representanyone else's.
We keep it fun, open and honest, so let's get into it.
This is Girl Please.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
Welcome back to another episode.
I'm your host Jessica.
I'm your host Jessica.
I'm your host Carmen, and thisis Girl.
Please, the podcast Come on.

Speaker 4 (00:31):
I swear I'm breaking bad.
Oh yeah, best believe you gon'come correct.
Oh yeah, yeah, just to let youknow you can't take my soul, but
you did it to me.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
I swear I'm breaking bad, okay you guys, we're going
to start, as you cool, with ourwind down and first, before we
do that, we're going tointroduce or allow our guests to
introduce themselves.

Speaker 5 (00:56):
Hello, I'm Jamisha and I'm Chantel.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
And we're so excited to have y'all so excited, so
today we are going to try a rosé.
It is from Barefoot and it saysit's delightfully sweet, so
we're going to try and seewhat's in for us.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
Let's see how sweet it is.
How sweet are you?

Speaker 1 (01:13):
How sweet it is to be loved by you.

Speaker 5 (01:17):
Look at you.
That's okay.
Let the games begin.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
All right ladies, let us know what you think to the
room baby, alright, to the roombaby are we toasting, are we
toasting?

Speaker 6 (01:31):
we are, let's do that .

Speaker 1 (01:33):
I'm here for the cheers, alright, ladies.
Cheers to being transparent.
Yes, good energy, sharinginformation with our people.
Anything else, and success,success, yes, let's being
transparent.
Yes, good energy, mm-hmm.
Sharing information with ourpeople Anything else and success
.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Success.

Speaker 4 (01:48):
Yes, let's do it baby .

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Good.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
Okay, that is good, I do like it.
I like it a lot.
I like it, I like it a lot,okay, so have you all tried this
one before?

Speaker 6 (02:06):
I haven't, I haven't tried that brand.
Okay, but it tastes good, okay.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
Well, let's get into it.
Today we wanted to discuss alot of things, but the ladies we
have today are particularlyexperienced when it comes to
maternal health as well asmental health.
So, if we could, let's startwith Jamisha and, if you would
like, if you could share yourstory with us and how you

(02:34):
arrived at someone, as someonewho is an advocate for NICU
awareness.

Speaker 6 (02:40):
I arrived as someone who's been a NICU parent totally
not prepared.
I had my daughter at 30 weeks.
I was seven months Abruptly.
I developed preeclampsia Before.
I never really heard anybodytalk about preeclampsia.
So when my doctor had told methat I had protein in my urine,

(03:04):
I wasn't really like for sure,because you say protein.
I'm thinking like what do wethink about when somebody say
protein?
So I'm like well, what does?
that yeah, right I'm like, okay,am I not supposed to be eating?
You know certain things?
So you know, it wasn't reallybroken down to me of, okay, what
preeclampsia is, and I feellike, with women, I feel like

(03:26):
there should be awarenessbecause I feel like we don't
really know too much about it.
What's your take, chantel, asfar as preeclampsia?

Speaker 5 (03:34):
Well, I mean just black women in general.
We already have such higherrisk of having maternal problems
in pregnancy.
There's higher risk of earlydelivery, there's higher risk of
pre delivery, there's higherrisk of preeclampsia.
So just you being black byitself was already a risk factor
against you before you even gotpregnant.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
Can I interrupt Because Chantel did not use her
titles and I would like Chantelto give us because she's not
speaking just out of you know,just speaking.
She's speaking from education.

Speaker 4 (04:02):
Yeah, so please give us your titles.

Speaker 5 (04:03):
Ma she's not speaking just out of you know, just
speaking.
She's speaking from education,yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
So please give us your titles, ma'am.

Speaker 5 (04:07):
Family nurse practitioner.
What were the other ones, ohgirl that's too much.
M-p-m-f whatever.
M-s-e-n-a-p-r-n-i-b-e-c-l-c.
Yes, ma'am.
F-m-p-c yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
We have an experienced lady here, okay, so
you can go on about your story.

Speaker 6 (04:25):
So what was next?
And so I was beat back to bringit back.
Okay, so I went in for thatdoctor's appointment and from
there on I was having two weeksgoing every two weeks to get
ultrasounds just to make sureeverything was okay, and getting
my blood pressure taken.
Beforehand I didn't have highblood pressure, but then it

(04:49):
suddenly developed.
So that was another thing aswell was having the genational
hypertension.

Speaker 5 (04:55):
Genational.

Speaker 6 (04:56):
Okay With being pregnant.
So they was keeping a lookoutfor me and I went in just for a
regular doctor's appointment andmy lungs wasn't sounding right.
So my doctor told me to go tothe hospital, get a admitted,
and they was just going to watchme over a 24 hour watch, and so
they gave me a shot that'ssupposed to help lower my blood

(05:19):
pressure.
Chancel, do you know what thatshot is?
Probably the beta law, but okay, I mean because you know.
At that shot is girl.
Probably the beta law, but okay, I mean cause you know I don't.
Really.

Speaker 5 (05:27):
You know, at that time when your heart is racing
and you don't know what's goingon, you're not really listening
to terms of what is what there'sa lot happening cause they
probably gave you a steroid shottoo to help with the baby's
lungs yes, I only received that.

Speaker 6 (05:40):
But I know it said you're supposed to receive it
twice but only receive it once,because by that night I went in
at nine, by eight o'clock, I wasbeing told that I had to have a
C-section and have my baby.
And try not to get emotional,you're in a safe space.
I was getting emotional, ok, soit's a lot Right.

Speaker 5 (06:02):
OK, I was getting emotional, okay, so it's a lot
here, right, it's okay Okay.

Speaker 6 (06:07):
So I was, you know, nervous about that.
So I called my mom and this wasat Johnson Willis, and I told
my mom and my mom came and thenmy daughter's dad, he was there
as well and I wasn't reallytrying to have her, I wanted to
wait and I wasn't really tryingto have her.
I wanted to wait and the doctorcame in and was just like, well
, if we waited, then, you know,my health was going to be at

(06:31):
risk of, you know, dying.
So it was like it really wasn't, you know, a choice.
So I ended up having aC-section and then, like, right
after, maybe we did do, did doskin to skin for a while, and
then it's like, okay, well,after you finish, you know you
go up to the, you know you go upto the room and then, you know,

(06:57):
at that point I have thedoctors in there coming and
telling me that and it is like Ican't really remember
everything, but it was justsaying that they had to transfer
my baby to VCU.
I can't really remember whatthey would say because I was, of
course, dosed up or whateverthe case may be.
And so around 3 that morning, Iwas able to hold her for all of
15 minutes before they transferher and during that time, after

(07:21):
I was still on a watch becausemy blood pressure was still high
, I still was at Johnson Willisfor an additional three days.
We're not seeing my baby.
Not know, I don't, you know,don't know.
Nothing is what's going on.
I didn't see my child for threedays and then, while I was
there, I'm getting doctorscalling, calling me, saying that
my daughter have to go intosurgery because she had a T,
officially surgery because shehad a TO.

(07:42):
I don't know, you know, this isall these things that go was at
you.
You're like what is this?
You don't have nobody to, Ihave nobody to tell me what
things is going on.
Ok, well, your daughter needssurgery.
And I'm like, well, what in theworld, you know?
And I'm like I haven't seen her.
And then that alone, surgerythat it was going to be a
procedure, that she would beokay, and I was like, okay.

(08:06):
So we did the approval over thephone and by that fourth day,
when I went, unbeknownst, Ididn't know nothing about NICU.
I don't have any family membersor any friends who had any
premature babies, so I didn'tknow anything about the
atmosphere.
So when I had went, you know,to see my daughter in the

(08:30):
incubator and not, you know,being able to touch her or hold
her and, you know, to see allthese things hooked up to her.
It was just like you know, itwas very, very, very
traumatizing.
And then to figure out what Tofficinal was is, you know.
For those it's like heresophagus, because it's three
types, so type C was heresophagus and her stomach.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
They wasn't connected .
Okay, so what did they do tohelp her when it comes to that?

Speaker 6 (09:09):
So what was next was that and this is something that
I would tell NICU parents if youhave a premature baby is like
you have to like take control,because if not, you'll just
spend days, which you know atthat point, you'll spend days
and days, you know like just not, you know, just waiting, yeah,
for information.
But I mean, she was on fentanyland I was told that it was like
a little bit of fentanyl thatyou know won't hurt her, but
it's like okay, well, in yourmind you're like okay, well, my

(09:30):
child won't fit you.
Just think about all thesethings.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
And it's an infant at that age.

Speaker 6 (09:34):
Yes, and then she was also incubated as well, which
was another piece to it, withthe incubator and I'd say maybe
two weeks, they did try to takethe incubator out.
What's the time for that?
Oh, she was intubated Intubated, yeah, and they tried to

(09:56):
extubate her.
Yeah, they tried to extubateher.

Speaker 5 (09:59):
You know that's a whole other language in itself.
Yes, I know you speak twolanguages nigger Right and I'm
just like it's two languages Ididn't sign up for you know, but
it's like you, just you know,but they tried to excavate her
to and she had failed.

Speaker 6 (10:12):
They had to excavate her back because she wasn't able
to breathe on her own and thenfrom that point on, we were
still riding the coast of likewhat's going on, but she was
also with the intubator.
You know she's on CPAP and youknow they, you know basically
see where she's at and, chantel,if you can follow up as far as

(10:35):
when a baby is intubated and thenumbers and all those things
that you.

Speaker 5 (10:37):
So that is.
That's a whole world in itself.
I don't work in neonatology soI don't know all of the things,
but basically when they'reintubated they have a tube that
is going down into their lungsand it's breathing for them.
And then the different thingswhen you talk about, like CPAP
versus PPV and all those thingsit's just basically what they're
doing to breathe for the baby,how much effort they're doing.

(10:59):
So basically she was justhaving some extra lung support
to help her breathe, but herlungs probably weren't because
she was so premature, probablyweren't healthy enough to be
able to support her breathing onher own.

Speaker 6 (11:14):
Yeah, and that was like a hard thing to you know
process.
And then when it came toactually holding her, because
you know nobody tells you okay,well, that's another thing, like
different nurses and I knowwe've been hearing about it in
the news and all these thingswhen you're in that world,
different nurses have differentcharacters.
So you have some nurses thatyou know when I'm in there that

(11:37):
will be like well, you know, youcan wash your baby and you can
change your baby diaper and youcan hold your baby.
And it's like I didn't knowthat for a while until I had
that one.
It's like, oh yeah, come andchange your baby diaper.

Speaker 1 (11:49):
Because so many people don't think that they can
even speak up, or have theirown thought when it comes to,
you know, their baby and thatwhole experience.
And it can be really cripplingfor some people.
And it can get in the way alsoof your bonding with your baby
for some people Right, and itcan get in the way also of your
bonding with your baby.

Speaker 6 (12:03):
Right.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
Because, like you said, the skin-to-skin is very
important.
Yes, the baby, smelling you andnursing and all that and.
I'm sorry you had thatexperience.
I had an experience that wasnot as severe by any means, but
to have your to have to do anemergency C-section.
Emergency C-section have yourbaby taken in another place and
you're in another place, right?

Speaker 4 (12:23):
It's a lot.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
It's very traumatizing and you feel like
almost like you've been robbedof your experience Right, so I
get how that feels.
Yes, just on that level.

Speaker 3 (12:35):
Right.

Speaker 6 (12:39):
So at this time, who was your biggest support in that
time period?
My biggest support, you know,other than, like you know, my
mom and um the support from thehospital.
I would have to give it up forVCU because they had everybody
there.
They had the um therapist, um,they have a caseworker, they
have a um social worker, um, andthey you know.

(13:04):
Then they had the chaplain thatyou know they came in.
But a lot, honestly, was justGod, because when I look back on
my journey, I'm like, okay, Idon't know how I did it, I
really don't know you know how Idid it, but I just like I have
to stay strong.
I have to stay strong for mydaughter.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
I had to.
So how old is your baby now?

Speaker 6 (13:22):
Now she's 15 months correct, 17 months adjusted, and
she is doing wonderful.
She is surpassing for all theodds that was against her.

Speaker 3 (13:33):
That is amazing.
I love that.
Yes, you know, sometimes we gothrough things and it's not the
best you know circumstance to gothrough.
But it helps you to helpsomebody else?
Yes, you know circumstance togo through, but it helps you to
help somebody else.

Speaker 6 (13:47):
That's what it's all about.

Speaker 3 (13:47):
Yes, it is, because somebody else may not have been
strong enough to go through thatRight, but you was Right.

Speaker 6 (13:52):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (13:52):
And now you're here to you know.
Give your story to the world.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Right Because, like I said, a lot of people just
don't realize they can advocatefor themselves and their kids.
Yes, it's like the moment adoctor speaks.
You think that that's exactly?

Speaker 6 (14:04):
what you're supposed to do you have no other option.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
There's no other you know person you can talk to.

Speaker 6 (14:09):
And there's actually a lot of options for those
things?

Speaker 4 (14:11):
Yes, it is, and there's some things you can
refuse as well.
Yes.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
But I want to get to that.

Speaker 4 (14:15):
Yes.

Speaker 5 (14:23):
No, I'm all about your experiences from the
provider side.
It's not always that we want toseparate you from your baby.

Speaker 4 (14:29):
Right, it's like what do we have to do?
Because?

Speaker 5 (14:33):
in a perfect world, nobody would deliver you at 30
weeks.
We don't want that.
In a perfect world, we want youto have that skin-to-skin with
your baby.
But when it comes to we got toget this done, that happens and
I think sometimes there's adisconnect in that part
afterwards because you, you knowyou're still in the moment,
you're going through it, you'refeeling all the things but we're
like okay, this is what needsto be done so sometimes I feel

(14:53):
like that kind of sets it off ona bad start, because you don't
know why this is happening.
You just know the things thatyou don't have doing, all of
these other things, the thingsthat need to be done Makes sense
.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
Yeah, I think that some hospitals have like a
patient advocate or somethinglike that they do, or a social
worker A lot of times.
I think the piece that'smissing is the communication
between the doctors, or the teamof people that's taking care of
the baby, and then the parent,because, like you said, the
doctors are going to do theirjob, the medical side of things.
And sometimes I do think thatthey lose sight of how important

(15:25):
it is to bond you don't getthat back.

Speaker 4 (15:28):
You don't ever get that back, that first day or
three where you need to holdyour baby.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
I didn't see my daughter for hours.
I didn't even know what shelooked like.
So I mean they could havebrought me any baby.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
Right, we know, today , we know today, twin, where you
been yes.

Speaker 4 (15:47):
And it's a grieving process too, oh yes, there are a
lot of things, even though youknow your baby is here there are
still processes that you grieve.

Speaker 5 (15:53):
You grieve not being able to have a full-term
pregnancy oh yes, some peoplegrieve not being able to.
Was my baby not healthy, right?

Speaker 6 (16:02):
And I guess that's very true.
I went through that and talkingto a therapist for a long time
to get me through that grievingprocess Because, other than me
being pregnant, in my family Ihad two other family members
pregnant and we was also.
I mean, it was like, okay, mybaby was initially supposed to
be born October 27th, she cameAugust 21st, and then one of my

(16:23):
other family members theirbabies will be October 21st, and
then the other one was inNovember.
So it was to see everybody havehealthy families around me and
have their babies.
And although I was happy, itwas still triggering because I
mourn for having my child, youknow, and not me having to, you
know, spend my time in ahospital in a room with four

(16:44):
walls.
But that became a norm for me,like reality.
That's what it came.
It's just being there.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
I'm really happy to hear, though, that you spoke to
a therapist.

Speaker 6 (16:52):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
Especially with the dynamic of having other family
members who are awaiting babies.

Speaker 5 (16:58):
Yes, bringing their babies home.
How do?

Speaker 1 (17:00):
you express to other people that you feel
disappointed or you feel hurt oryou had your own things.
You were looking forward tothat.
You didn't get to have and thenalso allow them to be happy in
their moment.
Right, I'm sure that was tough,because sometimes you got to
take that trauma and that needto discuss things outside of
people you love Right, becauseyou never know how things will

(17:21):
come across.

Speaker 6 (17:22):
Right.

Speaker 4 (17:23):
And you were deserving of having that time,
you know, to talk about it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
And even if things were kind of what's the word
unreasonable, Right?
Maybe thoughts that you had, oremotions that you dealt with.

Speaker 6 (17:35):
Right.

Speaker 1 (17:36):
Nobody can really understand that.

Speaker 6 (17:37):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (17:38):
So I'm really happy to hear that you did that.
Yeah, probably made you a lotstronger.

Speaker 6 (17:42):
Oh, it really, really , really did.
And then another thing that youknow I would like to bring
awareness of is a lot of thingsthat helped me through is that I
went on Facebook and I typed insearch of Google with what was
going on with my child, the Tofficial or her type C.

(18:03):
I went and found and it's so,it's groups that you think okay,
because you don't hear nobodytalk about it.
But I had joined that group.
I got so so much learningexperiences from hearing from
other parents that was going,went through the exact same
thing, you know.
And then, as far as my daughterend up having to get a trach
because that was like the middleground, when I was just like,
okay, hold up, I'm going to domy research first before we take

(18:26):
this route it's when theybrought up about the whole trach
.
And at that point there'sanother thing I knew absolutely
nothing about a trachoxy, knewnothing.
I never knew nobody, no friends, no family, you know.
And then when I asked one ofthe, I remember I asked the
nurse like what you know?
What is in the trach?
I mean, all you know, all shetold me was that basically it's

(18:46):
a hole they put in your neck.
It's going to help the babybreathe and she's going to
thrive, you know, and that justwasn't.
That just wasn't enough for meLike she was just like okay,
well, your baby, get to be ababy and push, okay, this trach.
And I just was like, okay, holdup, Let me see what other

(19:07):
options first before we you know, due to having a trach.

Speaker 3 (19:10):
So did she end up getting a trach, though.

Speaker 6 (19:12):
She ended up getting a trach.
But she ended up getting atrach at Boston because I did my
own due diligence and founddoctors at Boston Children's
Hospital that knew about thetype, because with having a
T-officio repair it kind ofinterferes with the whole
breathing thing.
It was an airway team and I didlike I said I did my due

(19:33):
diligence, I set everything inmotion and we went flying to
Boston Children's Hospital.

Speaker 3 (19:40):
I'm going to tell you , Boston has some of the best
medical anywhere.

Speaker 6 (19:44):
Yeah, so we went there and unbeknownst, I'm going
to tell you Boston has some ofthe best medical anywhere, right
, yeah, yeah.
So we went there and,unbeknownst, she did get a
trichopexidone.
Have you heard about thatsurgery?
She did get a trichopexidone,which I had brought that out to
the team when we did a caremeeting.
That's another thing I wouldlike to tell parents is when you
have somebody telling you thisand telling you that, just call

(20:06):
for a care meeting and that'swhere you can have everybody
there and y'all can all talkabout all of the things.
Yes, a team, your team, andy'all can just come up with a
plan.
That's what I wish I would haveknown early on and therefore I
think that you know she wouldn'thave been impatient for so long

(20:28):
if I would have pushed okay fora care meeting.
But she got a tracheoplexy done.
I did my due diligence oflearning what that was and
basically that's when they takeher airway esophagus to her
spine and it keeps her mainairway open and it helps for
everything, because when youhave that floppy airway,
secretions get stuck and you'remore.

(20:48):
You know you're prone to getsick and get pneumonia and all
those things as well.
So you know, when I had peopleyou know be like, ok, well, she
still ended up with the trach.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
I'm like, ok, that's fine, but that surgery was a big
help because I don't think thatAmira would be where she's at
if she didn't get that surgerydone in Boston.
So what do they expect for hermoving forward?
Do they have a timeline as toif this is something she'll have
to live with or if this issomething she has to do until
she reaches a certain age orweight or anything.

Speaker 6 (21:17):
What they said is that she would basically have
the trach until she grows.
It was her lungs.
It was like her lungs justneeded to—she just needed to
grow, she needed to develop.
Okay, well, that's great, andwe go back to Boston at the end
of March for our follow-up, soI'll see you know what is from
there.
But it's not as—I know.
Some people see a trach and youknow, see trach babies and

(21:40):
you're nervous, and you'renervous and you're scared, and I
was, and you have to learn allthe things.
But it becomes a norm and sheis able to do anything any other
baby is able to do.
She just has this to help herbreathe.
It took me a while to get tothat point, because you go to oh
my God, why my baby have tohave a trick?

(22:01):
What is this?
What is this going to do forher?
You go through all of thosethings in your mind as well.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
I think we expect our babies to be born perfectly.

Speaker 4 (22:10):
Yes, and for nothing to go wrong.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
And that's just a lot of times.
It's just not the case.
But I think it's awesome thatyou advocated for her.

Speaker 6 (22:23):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
That you did your research, that you through like
with medical things.

Speaker 4 (22:26):
Yes, there's somebody else, hundreds of other people
who are doing the same thing.
They're happy to share theirexperience and help.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
So thank God for technology.

Speaker 5 (22:34):
Yes, but I will say I'm glad that you took what you
learned and brought it to yourteam, because so often people
just take it for what it is andeverybody's situation is
different.
Your daughter may have hadsomething different than what
another person's child may havehad, which might be why her
treatment plan is different.
But people don't alwaysunderstand that.
They so often want to come andbe like my cousin had such and

(22:57):
such and such and I want thatwhen that might not be
appropriate Right.
That's definitely true, so Ilove that you advocated, but you
also still included the team.

Speaker 3 (23:09):
Yes.

Speaker 6 (23:09):
I'm happy for you too .

Speaker 4 (23:10):
I'm proud of you as a mom myself.

Speaker 3 (23:14):
I didn't have to, you know, go through what you had
to go through, but just hearingyour story and knowing, you know
how, I'm knowing how you feltin that time period.
I'm sure it was very toughRight, and I'm sure it was times
where you wanted to, you know.

Speaker 4 (23:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:30):
Just ball up and cry.
Yeah, I'm sure you did yeah.

Speaker 6 (23:34):
Yeah, and.

Speaker 3 (23:35):
I'm just glad that you kept it together.

Speaker 6 (23:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
Some people don't Right, so let's toast.
I don't know if this isappropriate, but let's toast
baby is thriving yes, let'ssegue a little bit.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
Chantel um.
Let's talk about your journey,how you?
Arrived how did you?
What made you want to be anurse practitioner?
What made you?
You know there's so many nursesin our area CNA's nurses which
are um appreciated.
But wait, what made you pushpast?
That norm, if you will and getinto studying to be a nurse

(24:18):
practitioner and somehowaccomplishing so much at such a
young, ripe age.
The struggle is real.

Speaker 5 (24:27):
But I don't know.
My mama said since I was fouryears old, I had always said I
wanted to be a doctor.
So I didn't start out wantingto be a nurse practitioner, I
wanted to be a pediatrician.
So it's very interesting that Iended up here.
But, life happens.
I got pregnant and you knowthings happened.
So I decided I would go back toschool for nursing and I just

(24:49):
fell in love with it.
Like working in the hospitaland seeing the interactions
between doctors and patients andnurses and patients is so
different.
We get such a different side ofthe patients than the doctors
do because they're in there forlike 10 minutes.
So then just taking thoseexperiences and then also, you
know, we're from a smallcommunity, so I've been able to

(25:11):
be a patient and I've been ableto work in this setting and just
see we need people that looklike us, to take care of us, to
listen to us, and I was likelet's just, let's just do it,
let's just move forward.
Let's take that passion that Ihad initially for medicine and
want to be a provider and takethe next step to be a nurse
practitioner, because I have somany patients that are like I

(25:34):
would rather see a nursepractitioner.
I'm like because you know wetop tier for real.

Speaker 1 (25:39):
Right, you actually listen to the patients.

Speaker 6 (25:42):
It's more of a collaborative experience than a
doctor just walks in like, okay,what do you need?
Right?

Speaker 5 (25:46):
And I think it's because we've had that time at
the bedside where we've seenpatients be patients.
You know doctors, they justthey go to medical school and
that's it.
You don't have to have anyexperience before that To be a
nurse practitioner.
You have to be a nurse first.
You have to work as a nursefirst.
Yeah, so we're like the onlyproviders where you have to work

(26:11):
in the field first.
Pas don't have to, doctorsdon't have to.

Speaker 4 (26:14):
EMTs don't have to.

Speaker 5 (26:17):
So we have to work as a nurse first and then you can
go back to school to get your MP.
Now, how long of a time youhave to work, they don't have
that set anymore, but just thefact that even while you're in
school, that's time that you'respending at the bedside.
So you know, and then like thedifferent specialties.
So, and then like the differentspecialties, so I just felt
like it was a need and I feltlike I could help with that need

(26:39):
.
And I love medicine, I love allthings medicine.

Speaker 3 (26:42):
I believe you too.

Speaker 5 (26:43):
Girl.
I love it.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (26:47):
There were times that I reached out to her and said,
like I wanted to do, nursing andgirl.

Speaker 5 (26:53):
You can do it.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
I don't know.
You can do it, though Schoolstressed me it.
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (26:55):
You can do it though.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
School stressed me out I'm just, and it doesn't
stop.
It doesn't stop.

Speaker 5 (27:02):
I'm constantly like reading articles.
I'm learning about new meds.
My patients will come to me andbe like well, what about this?
And I'm quick to tell them Idon't know, let me look into it.
And I'll get back to youbecause it's just constantly
changing and just you're nevergoing to know all the things.
With me being family practice.
I tell my patients all the timethat means I know a little bit

(27:23):
about a lot of things, so thelearning never stops.
So my question to you is howdid you reach this point of
success?

Speaker 1 (27:43):
with a baby.
Oh girl, I might need a drinkon that one.
You know what?
You know what?
Yeah, go ahead and fill my cupon that one.
Refill your baby.

Speaker 5 (27:49):
Because it was not easy.
I will say that trying to go toschool, trying to work, I
literally would have 22-hourdays.
Some days I'm going to schoolall day.
Driving to school, trying towork, like I would have, I
literally would have 22-hourdays.

Speaker 4 (27:58):
some days I'm going to school all day driving to
school.

Speaker 5 (28:01):
You know, being in class all day, going and waiting
tables, bartending at night,getting home at 2 in the morning
.
I got to be back up at 5 to getback on the road so that I can
get back to school.
It was definitely a sacrificeand sometimes it makes me feel a
little guilty because I feellike the sacrifices that my son

(28:24):
had to make.
At the same time, because youknow, I felt like I'm not here,
like he's doing these things andI can't be here.
And it's like you think aboutthe end goal.
I want these things for him, Iwant better for him, but still
you think about all the thingsthat you're missing in that
moment.
So the mom guilt was definitelyreal the whole time.
So finishing nursing school wasit was such a relief just to

(28:51):
know that I did it.
My family supported me a lot.
They would watch him while Iworked.
You know they would help watchhim so I could study.
Shout out to y'all, shout outto the village.

Speaker 4 (29:01):
Shout out to my family.
Okay, shout out to the family.
Shout out to the village.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
At the end of the day , we need that we need that
support.

Speaker 4 (29:06):
I mean, if you didn't have that.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
how hard would it have been Right?

Speaker 5 (29:10):
It would have been even harder.
Yeah, and when you, when you'resitting in class and you listen
to these folks talk about ohyou know I got to go home and
study and do all these things,but I don't have all these other
things to do, I'm like girl.

Speaker 4 (29:20):
I got to go home.
I got to pick up my kidFootball practice.
Right, I got to get home tothese places.

Speaker 5 (29:26):
I got to study, I got to work.
Yeah, I got to study while Iwork.

Speaker 3 (29:30):
Yeah, at one point point you was working two jobs,
right yeah?

Speaker 1 (29:35):
yeah so that's why I tell you all the time talk your
shit.

Speaker 5 (29:40):
Okay, because you're so humble and don't realize how
much you've accomplished at sucha young age sometimes I don't
think about it until peopleevery now and then say stuff
about it like we have to getbetter about receiving our
compliments, whether big orsmall, or whether we feel like
we've accomplished a lot or not.

Speaker 1 (30:02):
I think we should get better, as women, at receiving
compliments, because you do thatevery time.
I compliment you Every time,are you sure, right?
So yeah, I think receivingcompliments is important.
Yes, you know, we've all beenthrough so many different things
and so many differentexperiences and they feel big
and small depending on who youtalk to.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
Right.

Speaker 5 (30:21):
But they're still real.
You know, we're still realpeople.
But the crazy thing is I'malways telling other people to
celebrate themselvescongratulate themselves, right.

Speaker 3 (30:26):
So how do you?

Speaker 5 (30:27):
but I don't do it, I'm always.
People are like oh, you did somuch, I'm like me.

Speaker 1 (30:33):
I think sometimes we're conditioned to feel guilty
or like we need to humbleourselves when it comes to
accomplishments.
And I just don't think so, youknow, and as a black, woman as a
young black woman.
What an accomplishment you know, what.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
It's amazing.

Speaker 6 (30:52):
I think we should celebrate that too.
Yeah, because Jessica'sbabysitting.
You know what Me?

Speaker 4 (30:56):
too yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
I'm babysitting.
Celebrate that too.
Yes, because Jessica'sbabysitting.
You know what?
Me too?
Yeah, I'm babysitting for y'all.
We're at the bottom of ourbottom.
You didn't even toast.

Speaker 5 (31:02):
Let's toast, oh look, sorry Girl, because when you
made me think about it, Ithought about all the hard work.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
Yeah, toast to that Toast to that, just toast to you
know, it's nothing wrong withit, it's not.
No, not at all with it.
No, um, I think that that is.
It makes you rich in the spiritto be able to do that, but also

(31:27):
be able to do it for othersright um, so I would, I would
like to know, like, what madeyou want to have your own
practice in your own community?

Speaker 4 (31:34):
because, you can go to any hospital you can go to
any other doctor's office.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
What made you want to start your own business in your
own community?

Speaker 5 (31:42):
Because I love my community, like I went on a
couple of interviews and justthe things that they were
telling me, like the number ofpatients that they wanted me to
see, the time limit that I hadto see them, and I'm like I know
the community that we live in.
We're in a rural community.
We're considered a medicallyunderserved area.
A lot of our patients not somuch now, but they're not always

(32:05):
the most well-educated and inthis community it's a lot of
ethnicities and we tend to havemore health problems just
because of our background andthings like that.
So just to have somebody thatwould listen, I wanted to be
that person and I love when mypatients come in now and they're

(32:27):
like just thank you forlistening to me.
It's not always that I have theanswer, but sometimes it's just
a relief to them that I listento them and I took the time to
try to understand what they hadgoing on, to lead them in the
right direction or even just totell them you know, you don't
need that medicine.
No, you don't need this, you'reokay, it's gonna pass.
So just to give them thatreassurance and just to know

(32:47):
that they are heard.

Speaker 3 (32:48):
I love that for you, because I feel like you're doing
your due diligence to make surepeople are staying healthy and
doing the right things forthemselves, because sometimes
doctors do just give youmedicine just to get you out of
their face.

Speaker 4 (32:59):
Right For sure.

Speaker 3 (33:01):
But to wrap it up on that segment, boo, I just want
to know where can we?

Speaker 5 (33:07):
find this practice Okay, so the name of my practice
is County Med.
The address is 103 East BroadStreet in Blackstone.
You can find us on Facebook.
You can find us on Facebook.
You can find our website,countymedorg.
Book an appointment with us.
We do telehealth, we do DOT, wedo family medicine.

Speaker 4 (33:23):
Come see us.

Speaker 6 (33:24):
Yes Come.

Speaker 3 (33:25):
I love all the people .
Yeah, yes, okay, I'm about tobe one of your new patients,
girl, come on, come on, come on,come on.

Speaker 4 (33:33):
I love my patients, all right, and they love you,
I'm sure I'm a talker.

Speaker 5 (33:37):
I tell them all the time.

Speaker 4 (33:38):
Y'all know.

Speaker 5 (33:38):
I like to talk.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
Right Talking is good .

Speaker 6 (33:41):
Yes, it is Because you want to feel comfortable
with who you come in to see.
You know you want to feelcomfortable.

Speaker 5 (33:48):
I think that's the number one thing.
And just to remind, them thatproviders are people too.
I think that.

Speaker 3 (33:53):
We are people.

Speaker 5 (33:54):
I have gone through some of the things that y'all
are going through, so don't feellike.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
You can't talk to me, right?
Well, usually that's the energy.
Honestly, you know you talk toa doctor or provider or whatever
, and you feel like they thinkyou're dumb.

Speaker 4 (34:06):
It's just like they just want you to shut up.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
You know, just here take this medicine, so it's
awesome to know that you do thatwith your patients, because I
think it's a much better feeling, because I have experienced
providers that are open andlisten to me, or how I speak
about my child or whatever.
I'm with them every day.

Speaker 4 (34:21):
My kids have asthma.

Speaker 1 (34:22):
You can't possibly tell me what her triggers are,
or you can't possibly tell me.
I can tell you three daysbefore she has you know an
episode.
So if a doctor listens to you.
You know over and over againabout a situation.
It's nice to know that theytrust your judgment with your
own child you know, and theysometimes will go off of what
you say.
Um, and that's helpful andencouraging.
So yeah.

(34:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Um, do you?
Do you think you'll ever wantto go down the pediatrician
route?
I don't know.
That's what you initiallywanted to do.

Speaker 5 (34:51):
Um, I do love family medicine.
I've come to love it from birthto death.
I don't know.
A lot of people ask me if Iwould want to go to med school
and I truly don't know.
I love the care that I give tomy patients right now.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
I think you're in a good space.
So right now, y'all we're goingto take a little break and
check out our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (35:15):
If it's not in-depth, you're just scratching the
surface surface.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
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we're doing in your communitiestoday.
Now let's get back to the show.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
So, now that we're back, we're going to move into
something a little lighter.
We're going to lighten the loadfor y'all.
Ain't that right?
Thank you, how y'all feel aboutthat.

Speaker 4 (36:55):
Yeah, so what we're going to lighter, we're going to
lighten the load for y'all.
Ain't that right, thank you howy'all feel about that?

Speaker 3 (36:58):
Yeah, all right.
So what we're going to do iswe're going to talk about
relationships.

Speaker 5 (37:01):
It's that lighter it's that lighter it can be.

Speaker 3 (37:05):
It can be.

Speaker 5 (37:07):
Her might need to be a little heavier for that.

Speaker 6 (37:10):
Bring the wine baby.
Bring the wine baby.

Speaker 3 (37:13):
No, but seriously, I'll start with you.
How do you feel aboutrelationships and how it has
affected you over the timeperiod that you've had
relationships, from thebeginning to?

Speaker 6 (37:29):
now.
Well, initially with mydaughter, my focus was mainly on
her.
Dating was nothing that I waslooking for.
It was nothing that I wanted tospend.
When my daughter got releasedfrom home, it was all catching
up time.
It was all spending thatone-on-one time not being in the
hospital.
It was getting to her gettingto me.

(37:51):
I didn't have any.
I just wasn't looking forsomeone until it's one of those
things that just happens and itjust, you know, happens.

Speaker 5 (38:03):
It was something I was looking for.

Speaker 6 (38:08):
It was, um, something that you know that just
happened, um, and initially, theperson I am dating now, um,
what you know, I think was oneof the things that you know I
have loved about it was that youknow, just you know, just
stepping back, looking andwanting to learn.
I think that's like one of thethings like wanting to learn,
wanting to know, I love that.

(38:29):
And that just took it.
You know, just because you havesome people that you know don't
want to learn or don't want toknow it, just you know, might
just want to.
You know, boom, boom, boom whatyou say I know Joe's not going
to say it.
You know, I love it.
Right, but it's just like youknow, just taking, you know,
just actually wanting to knowall the things and just knowing
that, okay, well, like with anyother mom with dead children,

(38:52):
you upset me, you know upset meand it's a priority.
And with my child, come with alittle bit more because she has
medical.
You know, she has some medicalthings as well.
So it's like, okay, well, youknow, you just can't leave her
with anybody, or I just can't.
I mean, nowadays you don't wantto leave your child with
anybody, now when everything'sgoing to news.
But you know, so that was themain thing as far as, like you

(39:15):
know, just getting to know mychild, knowing all the things
and stepping up.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
What was that conversation?
Like you know, when it came tothe challenges that your
daughter has, if you even wantto call them challenges, it
sounds like she's thriving, butthere is a difference, obviously
when it comes to her care.

Speaker 6 (39:38):
So what was the conversation like when, whatever
, you decided to introduce yourdaughter to the person you date?
Um, well, I told her, you know,I went through and like, I just
like I explained with y'alljust about the whole process and
it's itself.
And, um, you know the thingsthat you have, like, you know, a
trach, and um, you know justall the doctor appointments that
we have and the therapyappointments that we have as
well.
And then, um, just with um, hertaking point beforehand, just

(40:00):
saying that she took a pointherself to look it up herself
which I didn't expect.
But, you know, just taking apoint yourself to do your
research yourself was, like youknow, okay.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
So she was really invested.
I love that.

Speaker 3 (40:12):
I love that too, yeah because a lot of people don't
do that.

Speaker 4 (40:15):
Right.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
And you can tell who really just want to, you know,
be in your space to get whateverthey want.

Speaker 4 (40:21):
Right Versus you know , what I'm saying yes,
definitely.

Speaker 3 (40:26):
I'm glad you used your discernment on that Right
Definitely, and I know who heris Right.

Speaker 1 (40:32):
We know who her is.

Speaker 3 (40:36):
Her is good people.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
She is her, she is her.

Speaker 3 (40:42):
She is Chantel.
I would like to ask you thesame question as far as from the
beginning to the end how?

Speaker 5 (40:53):
did you feel when you were younger, dating to how you
are now?
I feel like I'm in such adifferent space now.
I'm in my grown woman energyright now Period.
So you know, me and my ex weretogether for many, many years.
So now switching into beingsingle, being a single mom and
trying to date and be a businesswoman and all these things, I

(41:15):
don't know, it's weird, I don'tknow so.
If weird, I don't know so.
If anybody have any tips,please give them to me.
And that part that is one thingthat I'm learning is to really
like dating doesn't have to be.
I feel like when we say dating,people want to associate it
with just one person, right?
But really just like yeah, justreally like just going out and

(41:36):
meeting people, getting to knowthem, because I feel like we
will attach ourselves to oneperson Right.

Speaker 3 (41:42):
For no reason, off the rip.

Speaker 1 (41:44):
Right, don't even deserve it, right, we ain't
being fucked along, right.

Speaker 6 (41:50):
Why are you here, right but?

Speaker 5 (41:53):
now I'm at a point where I'm like Tuesday, please
sit down Right Tuesday.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Tuesday I'm at a point where I'm like Tuesday,
please sit down Right.
Right Tuesday.
I'm trying to tell you Likeright.
I'm on, I was.
This is Saturday, right, let mebe mindful of my words.

Speaker 5 (42:06):
No, not really.
But no, like you know Idefinitely have enjoyed, I don't
know.
I don't know Because sometimesI be tired and having to have
several conversations be alittle tiring.
No, for real.
But getting to know people hasbeen really interesting, cause
it's given me a chance to knowwhat I like and what I don't
like cause girl, the cut offgame is strong as hell you

(42:29):
better get those stock on what

Speaker 3 (42:30):
did they say what, uh , what, uh Booster, get, get
back, get your ass back it takesa lot out of you.

Speaker 5 (42:42):
It does and let's be clear dating does not mean
fucking a lot of people wait.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
Yes, you can say that you're good.

Speaker 3 (42:53):
I'm about to get y'all cut off already I would
have been got us cut off.
Dating does not mean fuckingjust because I'm going to get
y'all cut off.
Already I would have been gotus cut off.

Speaker 5 (42:58):
Okay, yeah, dating does not mean fucking Like, just
because I'm going out with you,that doesn't mean anything.
When I say I'm dating andtalking to people, it does not
mean I'm fucking everybody I'mtalking to and that's okay.
Let's make that distinction.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
We talked about that in another episode, didn't we?
I believe?

Speaker 4 (43:16):
Or was it a private?

Speaker 1 (43:17):
conversation that we had Possibly.
I think maybe with the guys wemight have had a conversation
about how you're not supposed toattach Just like you said we
make the mistake, when it comesto dating, of attaching
ourselves immediately tosomebody just because you vibe
good, or he's this and he's that, and you know, sometimes, like
you said, you need to kind ofread the room, or you know, feel

(43:38):
things out a little bit,because somebody may vibe well,
he might be a very nice guy, hemight have a great job or
whatever.
But once you've been throughrelationships you really learn
like what you need for the longterm.

Speaker 6 (43:49):
You can easily put people in a category very soon
after you meet them Like okay,we just going to go out to eat,
Right, and that's all you know.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
So I think people make that mistake a lot.
We do not date correctly.

Speaker 5 (44:01):
We don't, we don't, and I'm like I'm learning it and
trying to navigate.
I feel like one of the things Ithought about as I switched to
being a single mom that is nowdating one am I going to be like
?
Are people going to want meLike I'm old?
I'm divorced.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
Girl, you ain't old.
Let me get a close-up here,baby.

Speaker 5 (44:22):
I mean, I'm not old, but then you know, just think
about these things.

Speaker 3 (44:25):
Don't take this the wrong way.
Just think about these things,because I've never had to think
about it.

Speaker 5 (44:30):
I've never had to think about it.

Speaker 4 (44:31):
I've never had to date with a kid Right.

Speaker 3 (44:34):
So, this is new to me .
Don't take this the wrong way,because them people don't give a
damn and I'm on a date.
They don't give a fuck.

Speaker 4 (44:42):
They love you, they don't care, they like that
chocolate, they do the melanin.
I had to get that, the melanin.

Speaker 5 (44:49):
They do okay.
But yeah like you know, Tryingto learn how to date being a mom
and balance that between okay,I have priorities, I have my son
, I have my business, I have allthese things, but I'm getting
there.
Don't you think there's a?

Speaker 1 (45:04):
double standard when it comes to dating, when it
comes to moms and dads yes.

Speaker 5 (45:14):
Because if a mom dates, you're basically you know
you're a whore when you'reoutside shaking ass.

Speaker 4 (45:17):
You're a whore Right when you're outside shaking ass
you're a whore, mind yourbusiness.
My son is good Right and I'mnot going to introduce my son at
me.

Speaker 6 (45:25):
Your son, right?

Speaker 3 (45:26):
I'm not going to introduce my son to something
that's not going to go anywhere,but I feel like that's a thing
too.

Speaker 5 (45:31):
Like because the people that I have talked to, my
son has not met anybody Rightand that's because when I do
bring him around somebody, Iwant to know that it's a person
that is going to be good for him.

Speaker 4 (45:41):
Exactly Like you said somebody that's good for your
child too.

Speaker 5 (45:43):
Yeah, Because I'm raising a young man Like I need
a man that's going to show himhow to, you know, Be a man, be a
man.
You have to think about the,but I feel like dads they just
be like we can do it.

Speaker 3 (45:58):
Whatever, right, it don't matter.
Listen, I'm going to tell yousomething.
It do matter.
It matters a lot.
Watch who y'all be havingaround y'all kids, right?
Definitely oh fathers.

Speaker 5 (46:06):
Okay, that's fine.
Yeah, we can.
We can.
What is that?
As long as they're beingfathers.

Speaker 3 (46:18):
Right, let me not make that, you know, make it
seem like I'm saying my son'sdad is not a father.
I don't want to invite amisconstrued dad.
We're not ruffling any feathers.
We're not ruffling any feathershere Today, today, today.

Speaker 5 (46:24):
But yeah, I feel like men can introduce their kids to
however many women, and it'sokay.
No they say this is my friend,yeah, but as soon as Exactly.
And kids know it.
Y'all was supposed to havethose kids in the backyard, but
as soon as you introduce yourchild to a man, oh, you got all
these men running in and out.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
It's always all these men I'm like oh, it's always.

Speaker 5 (46:47):
I thought all was girl.
Girl, that's just a singularRight.
I only have one situationcurrently actually that one.

Speaker 3 (46:54):
I'm in one situation currently.
Actually that one didn't count.
You're in my business, right?
My?

Speaker 1 (46:59):
second marriage is really the only one okay it's a
double standard, though, but Ithink kids too like they almost
hold their parents in a high, ortheir mother in a higher
expectation you know I thinkdads are kind of just allowed to
do whatever like, no matterwhat they do.
They're so amazing and they'reso fun.
And then moms just have it hard, yeah, yeah.

(47:20):
And that's not taken away frominvolved fathers.

Speaker 3 (47:25):
Please Right, we're not talking about anybody
specifically, not specifically.
So we're not.
We're just saying Overall it'sa generalization about.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
You know the double standard, and I'm sure they go
the other way too.
Right Comes to certain things,but we do have a hard job
because I believe that whateveryour children are exposed to, I
personally feel like it's on me.

Speaker 3 (47:47):
Right.

Speaker 1 (47:47):
The dad can do.
You know, dads can do whatever.

Speaker 4 (47:50):
But when?

Speaker 1 (47:51):
it comes to me, I feel like I'm ultimately
responsible for what they'reexposed to, and that goes for
fathers as well, we've madethese choices when it comes to
dating, when it comes to whowe've had kids with, whatever,
but, ultimately, it feels likethe mom is most responsible for
their kids' experience.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
I've got a good question that just came to mind.
That is how was it to be a wife?
We're sitting at a table withtwo people.

Speaker 5 (48:23):
Oh girl, you don't want to ask me that we do Go
ahead.
Yeah we do.
You're our guest, oh.

Speaker 1 (48:27):
Lord, drop the mic.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
Because I did hear you say that, like your second
marriage was your only marriageright.

Speaker 4 (48:39):
But that was just a Gonna be, gonna be your only
marriage, right.

Speaker 3 (48:42):
So you do have the openness to know that you are
willing to get married againAbsolutely so how did you feel
being married?

Speaker 5 (48:53):
I don't know.
So I would absolutely be opento getting married again, but
entering into it in the rightspace.
I can't know.
So I would absolutely be opento getting married again, but
entering into it in the rightspace.
I can't necessarily say I thinkwe entered into it with good
intentions but it didn't itdidn't have that longevity that
you thought in the beginning.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
Yes, just because how old were you when you?

Speaker 1 (49:14):
got married.

Speaker 5 (49:14):
Girl.
We got married in 2020.
So I was 30.

Speaker 6 (49:19):
Okay For some reason I thought it was a lot longer
Because we were together for along time, a long time before
you got married.

Speaker 1 (49:25):
Yeah, so you still kind of had that marriage
element to the situation if youwill, without the paper.

Speaker 5 (49:34):
Yeah, without the papers.
You still had the role and therelationship that was very
similar to marriage Right right.
And I would do it again.
Being older and knowing what Iknow now and I feel like knowing
myself a little bit better too,that I can enter into it a
little bit better I know what Iwill and won't accept.
This time I can't saynecessarily know what I'm
looking for, because I don'tnecessarily know what I'm

(49:55):
looking for as far as a person,but just the type of
relationship that I want to have.
And then even you know,circling back to dating with
kids, like when I think about arelationship, I want my son to
see somebody love me the rightway, Like I want him to see
somebody care for me the waythat I would want to see my son
care for whoever he's with Right.

(50:16):
And, like you said, what theysee is, it's so important.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
Yeah, it's important, but it's on you.
That's how I feel about itanyway.

Speaker 5 (50:23):
I mean when you learn .
The way we learn to speak is bywhat we hear and by repetition.

Speaker 4 (50:28):
Right.

Speaker 5 (50:28):
So our actions are the same way.

Speaker 4 (50:30):
I feel like.

Speaker 5 (50:32):
Our kids are going to be a reflection of what they
see.
Now I mean, can that vary?
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
But with most of the population that we're talking
about, then, yes, they learnfrom what they see.

Speaker 5 (50:46):
Right, that's going to be your foundation is what
you've seen, what you've beenexposed to Right and I, you know
, I want to be exposed tosomething good.
Right and I want somebodythat's going to help him
flourish.
Yes, Intention has been my wordRight.
Intention is so important.

Speaker 1 (51:04):
It's like you go into a situation with like a game
plan and what you want and alsowhat you have to offer, I think
sometimes, when we enterrelationships or situationships,
even a lot of times it's aboutwhat that person can provide for
us.

Speaker 4 (51:20):
Even if it's an ego stroke.

Speaker 1 (51:22):
Even if it's a situationship and they provide
us with time.

Speaker 3 (51:28):
Yeah, because I was about to say something.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
I'm glad I remember.

Speaker 5 (51:37):
Everything has its purpose?
No really, and I think that'simportant too when it comes to
dating.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
It is okay to look at somebody and be like, yeah,
it's not going to work long term.

Speaker 6 (51:46):
But you're cool Like you can hang out.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
I just know that this is not going to go for the long
haul and that's okay you know,but I think communication and
being super open about what youhave to offer what you want for
the person is good Right.

Speaker 3 (51:59):
So, going on from that, because y'all have
different elements of what youhave seen in the past, what
you're willing to accept, whatyou're not willing to accept,
what is a red flag for you?

Speaker 6 (52:19):
Being that a red flag , I mean it's different now with
a red flag, with me not havinga child and me having a child,
okay, well, give us both.
Give us your younger red flagand then hit us with this Okay,
so the younger red flag will beoff top of anything sexual.
So that's a red flag Becauseyou already tell and I'm glad
that you're telling me you knowfrom the get-go what you're
looking for.

(52:39):
So if there's anything sexualcoming off from the beginning,
then it's a cutoff.
Yeah Well, that's what they'regoing to want, that's just what
it is.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
They just need to not say it, but I mean right.

Speaker 6 (52:55):
But you know, now it's just, I feel like guys have
women, have made it so easy forguys to be so comfortable with
just how it is.
I mean it's just, I mean, it'sjust straightforward.

Speaker 4 (53:01):
I agree with that, you know, and I'm like, okay,
well.

Speaker 6 (53:03):
I'm glad that you're you know.
I want somebody to let me knowfrom the beginning that this is
what you're looking for andtherefore we can just you know
cut ties.
Like I don't want to waste mytime.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
It's probably a fine line though, like how do you be
up front and say I'm justlooking for A, b, c or D.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
And then also have some tact with how you deal with
a woman, because a lot of womendo not want to hear that they
don't want to hear.
I just want to sleep with youor I just want somebody to hang
out with and you know, hang outwith casually, I don't care.
To hear the truth.
Yeah, I want you to tell me.
Can I just be clear?

Speaker 3 (53:38):
I don't care to hear the truth.

Speaker 4 (53:39):
Yeah, see, I just know.

Speaker 1 (53:41):
No, I don't.

Speaker 6 (53:47):
You just know, I'm not with you.

Speaker 1 (53:50):
I would be madder.

Speaker 5 (53:51):
I would be, madder off your lies If you told me to
choose in the beginning.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
Let me choose.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 5 (53:57):
The only person I could be mad off is my moves.
You'd be surprised If you tellme Right If you say well, look,
I'm really just trying to fuckand I'm like, okay, and I expect
to make you the love of my lifeand you're like girl, I really
just wanted to fuck.
I told you what I said from thebeginning.
Right, I can't be mad at that.

Speaker 3 (54:14):
A lot of women be delusional.
I will say a lot of people aredelusional when it comes to that
.
But you know, for me, say whatyou say and say what you mean,
right.

Speaker 5 (54:28):
Because my cutoff game, what you?

Speaker 3 (54:29):
say I'm going to kick your ass in your chest, Get
back.
That's so funny.
What's your now?

Speaker 5 (54:37):
I love that we switched back to being serious
Right.

Speaker 6 (54:39):
So now.

Speaker 3 (54:43):
What is your red flag now, when you look at people
that you're willing to be with.

Speaker 6 (54:49):
If that's the case.

Speaker 3 (54:50):
You know what I'm saying.
I know you with somebody nowshe is not single Okay.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
Period, period.

Speaker 6 (54:57):
A red flag now I never processed what would be a
red flag for me in the datingpool in space Because you were
blessed with green flags.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
Okay, it's a green flag, okay, yeah all greens.

Speaker 6 (55:14):
I haven't had a chance to have a red Green flag.
I haven't had a chance to havea red you ain't got to worry
about that, like a red, you know, like a red flag, I don't, I
don't know.
I never, really, it's neverthought about it.

Speaker 5 (55:28):
I love that for you.
I can say the same.

Speaker 1 (55:30):
honestly, I haven't had one red flag yet in my
current relationship.

Speaker 4 (55:33):
Oh, awesome Did y'all say the Sierra prayer Did we
say the Sierra prayer.

Speaker 3 (55:38):
Oh, the prayer the Sierra got for Russell.

Speaker 4 (55:39):
Wilson, we never talk about Russell.

Speaker 3 (55:40):
Wilson in that situation because the last time,
Russell, you need to get up offthat woman.

Speaker 1 (55:46):
She's hurting him every quarter.
Ain't mad at her.
You know what?
Every nine months I got you?

Speaker 4 (55:56):
no, I'm not doing that.

Speaker 5 (55:59):
I'm not the one or the two, but I'm just trying to
figure out cause I'm the onlysingle one up here not for long,
not for long.

Speaker 1 (56:07):
The world has seen you.

Speaker 3 (56:08):
Now, baby, I ain't got you so, chantel, what was
your red flag in your younger?

Speaker 5 (56:18):
I didn't have any.
That's why I was stupid for along time.

Speaker 1 (56:22):
So now that you're in , the dating world and you have
you know, matured and figuredout for the most part probably,
what you want.
You have probably been througha few frogs.
Girl, girl, you have beenthrough a, did they say?

Speaker 3 (56:40):
ribbit.
They said ribbit and I missedit.
I didn't hear it Right, so youknow what are the things?

Speaker 1 (56:47):
that make you just say you know what?
No, you know just red flags.
That immediately pop up whereyou just know damn well you are
not going to continue with thatperson.
You're uninterested.

Speaker 5 (56:58):
Oh, you're a nurse practitioner, so you got money
huh.
No.

Speaker 3 (57:03):
Hey, no label, what?

Speaker 5 (57:04):
we doing?

Speaker 3 (57:04):
We exiting that shit off Right.
You're off of here.

Speaker 1 (57:08):
Get them up out of there.
Get them up out of there.
Right, oh, can you come pick,get them up out of there.

Speaker 3 (57:12):
Get them up out of there.

Speaker 5 (57:14):
Right, oh, can you come pick me up?

Speaker 4 (57:17):
No, Picking you up is crazy Right.

Speaker 5 (57:23):
I'm cool with that.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
Subliminal, I see you .

Speaker 4 (57:31):
I see you as long as I'm in the passenger side, right
a little shot.
That's a step.
I see you, you see me, as longas I'm in the passenger side.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
Right.

Speaker 5 (57:37):
You know, because I'm in my passenger, princess, I'm
in my soft girl era.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
Yes, and don't get out of that either.
Don't get out of that.
Stay right there where you'resoft, and if somebody doesn't
fit in that equation, then theygot to go.
I think I know.

Speaker 5 (57:50):
But I don't know Like I feel like too, my wife.
I have a very dominantpersonality, but, babe, I want
somebody that's going to sit medown.

Speaker 4 (57:58):
So I need you to be more dominant than me.

Speaker 3 (58:01):
I need you to be stronger than me.

Speaker 5 (58:03):
And I feel like that's a problem too, like
especially where I am in my life.
I feel like that can be kind ofintimidating Because I know who
I am and I know what I want.
Well, I shouldn't say know whatI want, because I don't know
what I want, but you know, Iknow where I'm trying, the
direction I'm trying to go, andI feel like that can be kind of
intimidating because it's like,okay, I went to school, I did
this, like I have a business Ihave.
I don't need you to take careof me.

(58:25):
Right, you are here to be anaddition to my life fine line
right there too.

Speaker 3 (58:29):
I was just about to ask you so, with you being a
nurse practitioner and youhaving all of this success when
you date people, are you X-ingpeople off if they are not on
your?

Speaker 1 (58:49):
caliber no.
So are you one of those thatsays I'm not going to choose a
date path to write no?

Speaker 5 (58:55):
I.
Are you one of those that?

Speaker 1 (58:56):
says I'm not going to choose cake pie today.
No, I'm hungry, hungry, hungry.
Feed me.
I'm hungry, no like.

Speaker 5 (59:03):
I feel like that is a part of accepting people as
meeting them where they are.

Speaker 4 (59:06):
Right.

Speaker 5 (59:07):
I don't need somebody that's out here making six
figures.
That's got, you know, five cars.
That's got two houses.
Now, mind you, if that's whatyou have, I'm okay with that.

Speaker 3 (59:15):
I'm okay with that too, baby.

Speaker 5 (59:19):
But if that's not what you have, I'm okay with
that too.
My thing is what are you tryingto do with yourself?
Are you trying to be better?
Ambition, not like status, butmore like ambition, ambition
mentality like status, but morestatus, right, like there's your
mentality.
And then what are you trying todo with what you have, if I
know that somebody is reallydoing the most of what they have
?
Okay, if you ain't got but $20but you're like, look, I'm gonna

(59:41):
send you just $20 for lunchjust because or, you know, I
want to do this for you justbecause, then I'm here for it
right, a man with a lot of moneyto throw you some money, right,
I think I saw something onFacebook or something.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
About the $30?
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (59:55):
Somebody was like, oh , he could have kept that shit.
First of all, bitch, if you eatmore than $30 for lunch you big
back bitch, stop eating, stopeating.
And that's why I'm in the gymso I don't be high, so you're
not being a big fan.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
I'm trying, I'm trying.

Speaker 5 (01:00:11):
So my lunch will be less than $30.

Speaker 1 (01:00:13):
$30 is crazy though.

Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
You're crazy, really You're feeding yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:00:16):
You're not feeding your family.
They taking home food to thekids.

Speaker 3 (01:00:20):
Right, if that's what you wanted to do, you should
have told them hey, I got tofeed my kids too.

Speaker 5 (01:00:25):
Mm-hmm, but also knowing where I am and what I am
not going to sacrifice.
There are certain things that Ilike and there's a certain type
of way that I enjoy living mylife, and if those are not the
type of things that you want todo and you're not trying to work
towards, then we don't, youknow it's not going to work,
it's okay.

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
It's okay.
I learned that too, like Ithink that I was trying to put
people mold people a bit when itcomes to dating, because it's
like, oh well, you have thesefew qualities that I like or
you're really fine and you knowwe can work with this, but I had
to learn like I don't know.
People either possess what youneed or they don't.

Speaker 5 (01:01:00):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
Period.
I think, I spent a lot of timelike I said molding someone or
even tricking myself intothinking that they fit the bill.

Speaker 5 (01:01:09):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
And not when it comes to job.
Not when it comes to job, notwhen it comes to looks or
anything like that, more so howdo you make me feel?
Right, you know not what yougive to me, but how do you make
me feel am I nervous around you?
Do I have to like make myselfsmall to make you comfortable?
right things like that, andthat's what I don't want to do,
right I'm not gonna do it, I'mgonna be goofy, I'm gonna be
opinionated, I'm gonna be umquiet sometimes.

(01:01:31):
I'm'm going to be sillysometimes.

Speaker 6 (01:01:32):
Sometimes, right, this is me, this is you know,
this is what you get, right whoI am Right.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
So I've been in a situation you get what you get
and you don't throw a fit Right,but also knowing that people
aren't going to be everything.

Speaker 5 (01:01:43):
You know, people can't be everything Right,
because we're not either Right,but what you're giving me, is it
enough for me?
Can I live with your flaws?

Speaker 3 (01:01:53):
Right, because that's a big one, don't get.
We need to add flaws in thesegment.
Flaws are relative though.

Speaker 4 (01:02:02):
You know they are, they are very relative.
What are things I don't like?

Speaker 5 (01:02:07):
Right, don't make me do it just because I can.
Oh well, that's a good one.

Speaker 3 (01:02:12):
Yeah, don't make me do it just because I can.
Oh yeah, that's a good one,yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:02:14):
And that's the energy I'm looking for.

Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
Just because I can doesn't mean I want to.
Right, because I can take thetrash out.
Bitch, take the trash outBecause.

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
I look like I'm about to start acting like what was
that?
I look like taking the trashout damn it.

Speaker 5 (01:02:34):
Girl tire and I'm like Putting air in the tire is
cold.
It's cold.
I'm not like girl, literally,when I tell you changing,
getting it out the trunk,putting it on my car, jacking it
up, and all I'm out there doingthese things.
I'm like where's my man?
Just because I can, don't makeme do it.

Speaker 6 (01:02:50):
You shouldn't have to .

Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
It's like there's so much balance needed when it
comes to man and woman, and asindependent as we get as
independent as we, get as muchas we can do.

Speaker 5 (01:03:05):
like you said, put me in a space where I don't have
to Put me in, a space where Ifeel like you are of some value
because why are?

Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
you here.

Speaker 6 (01:03:12):
Why are you?

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
here if you don't have anything to offer you don't
have anything to make my lifeeasier because, quite frankly, I
can make yours easier.
I can do all of the things.
I can make you not have tothink about A, B, C and D, or
you don't have to do yourlaundry.

Speaker 3 (01:03:25):
You don't have to worry about cooking.

Speaker 1 (01:03:27):
You don't have to do any of these things, but I
shouldn't have to take my trash.
I'm not doing it, chivalry.

Speaker 5 (01:03:32):
Yeah, it's not dead.

Speaker 3 (01:03:33):
It's not or at least in my mind it's not dead.

Speaker 5 (01:03:36):
That's what I want.

Speaker 3 (01:03:37):
It's not dead.
Well, ladies, I want everybodyto come to an agreement with the
chivalry is not dead.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
Right, let's toast to that.
Don't make your woman dosomething.
One last one Don't Do something.
That's going to have to be Notonly your woman, but just your
partner.

Speaker 5 (01:03:52):
Right, you have a partner male, female, whatever.

Speaker 4 (01:03:55):
Right, it's all about partnership.

Speaker 1 (01:03:56):
Right, Y'all love that.
Y'all see that.
Do you like that baby?
Do y'all?

Speaker 3 (01:03:59):
see that Comment.
Comment including the men.

Speaker 1 (01:04:02):
I like that.

Speaker 3 (01:04:02):
That's right.
Include the men folks.
Now I just want.
This was an amazing episode.

Speaker 5 (01:04:10):
I am so happy that we had y'all as guests.

Speaker 4 (01:04:13):
I had a good time.

Speaker 5 (01:04:13):
I was happy to be here.

Speaker 4 (01:04:14):
yes, Okay, y'all like the wine Girl.
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
I didn't drink three glasses of it.
You're feeling sexy now, ain'tyou, baby?

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
You can't finish it up the last toast is going to be
us bucking this wine Girl.

Speaker 5 (01:04:24):
If I had a man, he might be in trouble.

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
Are still rolling, they are still rolling, they
rolling baby.

Speaker 4 (01:04:34):
Thank you so much for being here, ladies, it was
really a pleasure.

Speaker 1 (01:04:37):
Thank you for sharing your story, thank you for
sharing your outlook on thingsand all of your success and
experience, and I hope somebodytakes something from this
episode.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
Come back y'all and see us next time Alright, and
this is the end of the girlepisode.
Girl, please.

Speaker 4 (01:04:55):
Of my cat.
Yay, it's Jo Frost.