Are you ready to become the confident leader your kids crave you to be?
Today's guest, Tammy Cohen, a branding expert and author of Text Messages to My Sons: Connecting Deeply in a World of Devices, shares her journey of transforming her relationship with her kids through the power of daily text messages.
Learn about the themes and topics she focuses on and how this simple act of sending messages of love and inspiration can create profound connections.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Are you ready to become the confident leader your kids crave you to be?
Are you losing your crap on your kids, yelling, giving in, and exhausted at the end of every day?
You can start building confidence in your parenting immediately,
whether your child is a toddler or all grown up and still living in your house.
Don't make this parenting gig harder than it needs to be. Register to become a No Problem Parent.
(00:21):
It comes with an app so you can listen to the tips and tools just like you're
listening to this podcast.
Click the link in the show notes or go to NoProblemParents.com.
Become a No Problem Parent today.
Today's guest is here to share some tips on how we can change the conversation
with our kids. That's step three of No Problem Parenting.
(00:41):
Welcome to the show, Tammy Cohen.
Thank you, Jackie. I am so excited to be here and speaking with you today.
I mean, your words of wisdom are pearls. You have pearls of wisdom to give out.
And I'm excited also to share some of my information of what I'm doing that
has been really helpful as well. Well, I love it.
You are a branding expert by nature, by trade, an entrepreneur,
(01:04):
and the author of Text Messages to My Sons, Connecting Deeply in a World of Devices.
I was thrilled to come across your information.
I think your PR person maybe reached out. Somehow we got connected because you
are super passionate about effective communication between parents and kids.
And you discovered maybe during COVID, I think it was, that in this digital
(01:28):
age, kids are not communicating necessarily eye-to-eye, face-to-face,
but more so in text messages.
So we're going to talk all about how to effectively communicate with your young
adults and young kids today.
What inspired you to start texting with your sons every day?
And how did that kind of impact your relationship with them?
Well, like Vic said, it was during the pandemic. It was It was pretty much early on in the pandemic.
(01:52):
And I was like thinking, you know, I, I went, we were all locked down and I
was doing a lot of mindset work at that time because we were locked down.
Right. And you had to look at yourself.
You had to sit with yourself. And I was like, I wasn't happy.
I didn't like exactly where I was. I didn't like the way I thought.
(02:14):
I had a lot of limiting beliefs.
My origin story didn't do me any favors.
And I was seeking help myself. I was reaching out. I hired a life coach.
I even hired a business coach.
I started getting really involved in mindset work.
Tony Robbins, Mind mind valley everything you could
(02:35):
think of life book i i was doing it i was in quantum
mind academy energy healers i just wanted to figure
out how to change my thought pattern and while
i was in this this whole you know new kind of like expansive learning and personal
development i said i want to share this with my kids i want them to know what
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i'm doing i want i want them to know that this matters like because i also understood
that they have their own origin story with me
and the way I behaved and the triggers that I reacted to.
And my husband is different culture than me and the way he parented.
And I was like, you know what? I want to, I want to, I want to talk to them
and I want to change the conversation. I want to change the connection now.
(03:17):
Yes. I had always sent them text messages and Jackie, the text messages were
reminders, commands, or reprimands.
What do you want? Where are you? What did you forget? You want money?
What time are we going to be home?
You know what? You didn't, you didn't, you didn't, you know,
let me know you're, you're late. Like it was always something and it was never anything else.
(03:40):
And I said, you know what? We're all on these phones. The phones are neither good nor bad.
They're not evil or this or that. They're just a device. They're neutral.
It's the content. So I said, okay, we all looking at our phones.
I own a restaurant on the Upper East side of Manhattan called 18 restaurant.
People sit there eating dinner together and they have their phones on the table.
They're looking at their phones. They're not even talking to each other.
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So nobody's having in-person conversation.
They said, okay, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to just start.
Every day, Monday through Friday, sending a message of love, inspiration.
I'm going to tell my kids how extraordinary that they are worthy.
And I'm going to share what I'm learning, but I'm also going to be accountable.
I'm going to be a human being with them. I'm going there.
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I'm going to tell them that I didn't do things always the right way.
And I'm going to apologize for it. And I'm going to own things. Okay.
So what happened was they started seeing me as a human being.
They started seeing me as somebody that they can
earn trust with that i'm earning trust with them that i'm
trying to show them like who i am
(04:45):
but also that i i'm being real with them
but also that they can find that kind of you know connection back to me because
my older two live downtown they don't live at home my youngest is 23 he still
lives at home he's planning to move out So I found with older kids in particular are struggling,
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especially that 18 to 30 year old group who seem to be very disconnected.
There's a lot of addiction out there. There's studies about depression that
is happening with this group.
I feel that it was something for me to be able to have a conversation with them
where they're at with zero expectations in return.
And that's the key word. I had no expectations that they would text me back.
(05:30):
Mommy, I love you. I'm not looking to become their best friends and I'm not
looking to, I'm not telling people to become best friends with the kids.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying just open up this dialogue with them and let them know,
just send it, send that love and that gratitude for them. and that knowledge
and share knowledge with them because you're going to raise your energy frequency.
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And you're going to raise them theirs
when they receive it and have zero expectations because don't expect.
Because once you do, that's not the point of this. The point is for you to reach out to them.
That's it. And that's what I did. Absolutely love everything about that.
And there's a couple of things I want to talk about today.
Number one, if you could share some of the specific themes or topics that you
(06:12):
focused on in your text messages and maybe why you chose them.
And then we're going to lead into how all of this communication with your guys,
with their adult children turned into a book. Sounds good to me.
So basically the book is the first book ever written completely in text message format.
So it's very quick read. It's very easy to read.
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And people are telling me they're like, wow, this is great. I don't have to,
there's no story development.
I don't have to follow characters and go chapter to chapter. chapter i'm going
and reading different messages and i love it it's so
inspiring so that makes me feel great and what
we did was we divided the book into 10 chapters so there is a topic of course
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there's a title for each chapter like gratitude and mindfulness it's chapter
one dedication and discipline mindset fulfillment and purpose our growth and
personal development love and family assimilate time and nature, belief and positivity,
leadership, advice. Those are the 10 chapters.
And every message that fits into one of those chapters, uh, titles is in that.
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That's that chapter. So book is about 200 pages of messages.
And at the end of each chapter, we have lines so that you could try your own message.
And, uh, one of the things I do is because people like, Oh, well,
text message to my sons. Like, what about my daughter? Like,
what about my grandchildren?
I start every message to start the same way. Good morning, sunshine.
(07:39):
Good afternoon, sunshine. That was from the song, You Are My Sunshine.
And I used it, good morning, sunshine. So it doesn't matter.
And it's not like it's only relevant to a boy or a grown man or an adult.
They work for everybody.
My thing is, the minute your kids have a phone, you start.
Because the younger, the better, actually. I started with my kids older because
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it didn't come to me to do it.
And I wasn't in the mindset to do it when I was younger. But now I am.
I was able to realize that I needed to step up.
And what's great is they respond.
They respond to the point where they wrote the foreword to the book about what
it means to them to get these messages, how it's affected them getting these messages.
It makes them feel bulletproof. so for them
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knowing that there's one person in the world that actually loves
them so much and cares to send a message every day it's
not sending a message here and there it's not sending it when i
when i when i want to be nice i sent it every day monday
through friday so it's there's hundreds and hundreds
of messages i haven't stopped i mean the book
is represents the messages of 2021 to 2022 it's
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2024 i'm still doing it i don't stop because that's
the point is is the continuity is what gives the reinforcement is what gives
the consistency is what where they start saying you know it's real because you
do it it's happening every day it is so cool yeah and they wrote this beautiful
forward because they said even if the day goes sideways.
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They're okay because they have this message, somebody cares, somebody loves them.
And I feel, to be honest with you, Jackie, I feel that what's going on right
now with big tech is not only destroying everybody's focus, distracting them,
but it's feeding misinformation,
it's feeding hate, it's feeding violence, it's feeding indoctrination.
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And how is any kid, how is a person supposed to avoid this when they're just
shoveling it down your throat 24 seven,
at least if you send that message of love and gratitude, which love and gratitude
are the two highest energy frequencies there is.
Okay. The lowest are violence. Hate. Hate is the one of the lowest frequency.
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You have a chance of countering what they're saying.
And that's what we have to do. Each one of us, one person, it only takes one
person to start a movement.
It only takes one person to make a difference. friends you you
do that with your and i have three sons i send it to each one of them they're
going to start doing it when they get older with people who they think need
help they're going to do it with their children and so on and it just keeps
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moving from there and that energy is spread through the communities right roll
out i know how i feel after i send that message i feel good.
And i think they feel really good when they receive it because it's like yeah
there it is and when i go to my next stage in life when i pass from here what
do you think they're going going to miss? You think they're going to miss what?
The thing I bought them when they went here or there? No, they're going to miss mom's daily message.
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They're going to look on their phone. They're going to look in the book.
They're going to say, I want to read them again. I want to keep looking at them.
And what really, what really amazed me is my husband who is Moroccan. Okay.
He's different culture completely. And English is not his, it's his fourth language.
Okay. And he said to me, he read the book, he said, he read it in two sitting
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and two Saturdays. And he said, wow, wow, it's amazing.
And I didn't know you felt that way. I didn't know that. I didn't know what
you're saying. I didn't know, you know.
Oh, my gosh. And that really moved me because he I'm living with him over 30
years and he didn't know who I was or how I felt. Yeah. And I get it from the bunk.
(11:25):
And it's time for a volume two messages to your husband, to your spouse, right?
Like, Jackie, it doesn't have to go to a kid. Like everybody's like,
Oh, you know, it's to my sons.
No, it's sent it to a loved one. You can send it to a friend.
You love who's who needs that.
You could spouses can do with each other. Not everybody's a parent,
but it doesn't mean you can't start sending a message of love and light.
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You can't start spreading that, that, that feeling and maybe being real with
somebody and taking off your mask and saying, this is who I am.
You know, like, this is how I want you to know you're not alone.
I feel these things too. You might think I'm great and I'm, everything's fine
and beautiful, but no, like, I want you to know, like, I'm a real, I'm real with you here.
You know, people need that. We are very disconnected.
(12:09):
You think with all the ways to connect, you know, all these social media platforms
and, and, and, and WhatsApp and everything that's out there,
people are more disconnected now than they've ever been in their lives because we're not together.
We're not having conversations.
So for me, this is the only conversation I think that technology will let me indulge in, I think.
(12:31):
But the good news is, is that my kids come over every Friday night for dinner.
So we take up the conversation from there, but they want to.
And they come to me when they have an issue and that's all I ever wanted.
They share it with me. I don't give them the answers. I don't know the answers,
the grownups, but they want to talk
to me because I've opened up a channel know, in a lot of ways with it.
(12:54):
It is so great. I love it. It fits perfectly in, changed the conversation.
And I think I, like you, technology, the phones, it is a device and it's here to stay.
And so, so often I think media and propaganda want us to fear,
they want us to worry, they want us to, you know.
(13:14):
Be all stressed out and concerned and protect our kids.
And I say, yeah, we need to protect our kids, right? We need to do the best we can with that.
And we need to empower them to learn how to use the technology to their advantage
and develop the skills to be able to use it for what they want to get out of
it and how it's going to help them.
But we don't need to be fearing it. And then let's use it for the positive side of things.
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I mean, sure, on social media, we can post all kinds of superficial crap on there.
Or, you know, we can use it to connect and communicate and share pictures or
stories or situations and humor and all that with family and friends that we
don't see on a regular basis.
Same with the text messaging. I just absolutely love this.
And I, you know, hadn't even thought of it because my son and I,
(14:00):
we text a lot. I mean, and I don't delete anything.
I've got to download them. I've got to save them because I just I love the banter
back and forth or the checking in and that kind of a thing.
Never in a million years would I think to put it into a book or even stop to
think of the value added in that communication.
I mean, and sometimes he's in the basement and I'm in my office or I'm upstairs
(14:22):
or I'm out gardening and we're still texting rather than running in the house,
which a lot of people could say, well, back in the day, you actually had to
go to the room that the person was in and connect with them and do it.
And it's like, yep. And that was back in the day. And this is now.
And so why not take advantage of this great resource
that we have to communicate and especially when you have a kiddo who doesn't
(14:42):
want to talk to you right doesn't know what to say or how to say it doesn't
mean like you said i the other thing i love is that you're saying there's no
expectation for a response you get to just put that out there and not take it
personally if they don't respond.
No assumption whether they received it or not or how they received it or didn't
or whatever. It's just it's out there and it's in there.
(15:03):
You know, I just everything about this I absolutely love. And I love that it's
for all ages the minute they have that phone.
Can you share one or two messages so we get an example of what that looks like from the book?
Sure. You know, what's really interesting to me is I have a lot of dads and
they're like, I love my children.
But I don't. What do I say to them?
(15:24):
They weren't like moms tend to be more nurturing. because we were raised that way.
And the men are like, I love my children. I want to do this.
And I'm like, just start.
Now, what's great about text messages is you have 200 pages of messages that
are done. Take a message, tweak it.
They're there for you. I sign every message with how much I love them,
(15:49):
how many lifetimes I've loved them. You only see two.
These are the emojis in the text. It's like the good morning sunshine, the sunshine emoji.
And the hearts at the end, when I tell them how much I love them,
what they mean to me, it's heart centered, right?
I said, so you start, you use the book, you pull the messages,
but once you start doing it and you get consistent, you create that habit.
(16:11):
And I'm telling you, it's 10 minutes a day. You can find 10 minutes a day to
send a message of love and light to somebody you love.
I said, once you start, you're going to start just noticing things around you
and start talking about it. One of the things that really changed for me also
is I was reading a lot, especially during the pandemic.
There's so many visionaries, and I'm not talking AI thought leaders.
(16:33):
I'm talking real visionaries who lived over the past hundred years,
who lived over the past thousand years, who wrote amazing works,
who are brilliant, and they're in books.
Books and you could read what it took them 30, 40 years to figure out in like a book.
And I would share that. What I learned, I'd share a quote. I asked him,
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what do you think about that?
Here's what I think it is. What do you think it is? And you know what?
It was sharing information of a different sort.
And I, I really worry today because I feel like the whole big tech thing,
I think there's this, like this whole thing about like a hive mentality and,
Let's keep throwing all this crap at that people all day, all night.
(17:14):
And so they'll all start thinking the same way. And it's easier to control people that way.
Break that, you know, break it with your, your, your, don't let your kids fall
into that and you don't fall into that.
So that's one of the things that I really wanted to get across.
And that's why I do it. And I'm going to give you a very simple message from the booklet.
Like one of my simple messages, because some of my messages are a little longer
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and my My kids always, they tease me, they go, mom, great message,
but they're a little long.
Because, you know, nobody, kids don't like to read anything.
And I'm like, I don't care, I'll write a long message. So I'm going to read
a shorter one. Good morning, sunshine.
I hope you're having a beautiful start to the day. Whenever you are stuck searching
for the optimal plan, remember that getting started changes everything.
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Motivation is what gets you started. Commitment is what keeps you going. That's Jim Rohn.
And according to Stephen Covey of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,
the main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing.
I love you. I want you to always know that whatever step you take,
there will be a step that follows and there's never any failure.
Don't worry about failing. Simple message. Take me five minutes. Not even.
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So great. I try to, I try to bring in like an amazing quote by a thought leader,
by a visionary so that they, because it has to be, you have to have something
in it also besides you're extraordinary.
I love you. So what I do is I bring in some of that knowledge and that I'm learning
or that I've read that I think is really fascinating.
And then I weave it in. So it's interesting. And that's why I'm like,
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take the book. Here's the book. Take the book.
Take any message you want out of it. Pick a chapter you like.
Send it out. Tweak it. Make it yours. And that's it. You're done.
You're done for a year. You're done for a year, two years.
I was just going to say, you've got so many messages in there.
You've got enough for a a couple of years to get us started.
What are some of the responses you've received from your sons?
(19:08):
They're always sending me emojis, love you, great message.
Like that's usually what they'll, but what I noticed is, I don't know,
they were so supportive with the book.
Like I said, I only put this into a book because people, I would share it with
colleagues, what I'm doing.
I would share it with my friends and they were like, that's amazing.
(19:29):
My God, that's so cool. You should put it in a book. You should put that in a book. I was like, what?
Like, I don't know how you write a book. I don't know how to write a book.
So what I did, I started Googling like writing books and like self-publishing.
I didn't know what I was doing.
And eventually I found a company called Pen for Hire. They helped me because
there's the editing side.
(19:50):
There's editing. You know, you've written two books. Yeah.
You want to put out something that's well edited, that's professional,
like that's with correct spelling. And I know it's text messages.
Plus, you know, I have so many quotes in this book.
What about the citation pages? pages what about checking that
every quote is accurately attributed and formatting is
really important too so this is
(20:12):
the first book ever written in text message format so that was designers came
up with it but my sons i showed them everything along the way and i told them
i'm going to put in a book and they were so supportive that they wrote the forward
and my son my oldest actually was like i'm introducing you to a cover designer
because i showed him some some ideas of cover designs.
And he was like, no, he's, he manages a VC fund for super brands.
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And he goes like, he's like, no, no, no.
Here's so Anna begins. He introduced me to her. She's a genius.
She did the cover and it's very catchy. I catchy cover.
And I loved it when I saw it. And I was like, that's it. And he's like.
Yeah, that's the one. That's why you so amazing us in this process.
Right. Well, and it sounds like, too, that just even sending the messages,
(20:57):
even if you're not getting a lot, you know, big, long reply from your kid.
Like you said, you're having dinners on Fridays and topics from what you've
messaged throughout the week are coming up.
And so it's it's also like just giving you more things to communicate about or to discuss.
That's not like you said, those
status quo questions of what would you do today and how was your day?
And, you know, well, what are you doing next week? And then like all the things
(21:21):
us nagging parents do when we're reminding them of things that they need to
do better at or, you know, put more, you know, be more involved in or whatever.
So I just absolutely love everything about this. I mean, we do other texts with
each other, of course, because I'm like, oh, what time is dinner?
You know, like things like that. But I try to keep it like, you know what?
I'm not I try to keep it just here's the message.
(21:42):
It's that's it. You know, take it however you want it.
I have a friend who did it with her son and her daughter. And she was like,
oh, my daughter, like she loved it. And my son was like, what are you doing?
Like, don't even start this up. And I was like, she's like, so what do I do?
And I was like, it doesn't matter what he says. You send the message.
It's not about expectation from him.
You over time, just let him know how extraordinary and how much you love him
(22:06):
and share whatever you want.
But don't, it's not about that. It's about you doing that for your child.
Yeah. Yeah. Just like you would take care of them in the house.
Take care of them. They're out there. They're grownups. Take care of them in a different way.
Give them that love in a different way. That's it.
Yeah, so important. And like you said, they can learn to do that with their
(22:28):
friends or other people.
You can do that with colleagues, with somebody that you know just isn't feeling.
Write or communicating enough, maybe isolating, kind of distancing themselves.
I mean, what a wonderful thing for friends to do with each other.
Making, you know, trying to become more empathetic or letting them know,
like, it might help them with their compassion for others.
(22:50):
If we have more compassionate people coming out, then the world will be a very
different place, right? Absolutely.
Absolutely. All right. Well, the book is called Text Messages to My Sons,
connecting deeply in a world of devices.
We have a link in the show notes for parents to go check that out and grab that
copy of the book. You're also on Facebook and Instagram.
(23:12):
You can search at text messages to my sons and you can. Yeah.
And the book is on Amazon. So the link is to Amazon.
It's weird. Yeah, absolutely.
We're going to do that. And then real quick, Tammy, before we go,
you also in your day job, like I said, you have a restaurant,
but you also have a women's networking group and I love to connect moms and
(23:33):
women to other networking groups. So tell us a little bit about your women's network.
So I was very fortunate to be the founder. I am very fortunate to be the founder
of Women Beyond the Table. It's a global business network.
The women are wonderful. They're business owners, entrepreneurs.
Some of them are working in corporate world and business too.
We have some nonprofit and they're just a really supportive supportive bunch
(23:57):
of women who are there for each other.
They're non-judgmental. They're non-competitive with each other.
They're just really out there to provide services and to, you know,
and, and, and to be supportive and empower each other.
So it's been wonderful. It's three years now.
And, um, yeah, women be on the table. You can visit our website,
women beyond the table.com.
(24:18):
You also have a podcast called the beyond the table podcast.
I just love the title, love the name, and I'm so grateful that we've been connected.
Tammy, thank you so much for being with me on the show today.
Jackie, you're amazing. And I admire everything that you're doing.
And we have to get you on to the Beyond the Table podcast.
Oh, I can't wait. I would love that. I would love that. Thank you so much.
(24:41):
I appreciate being here.
All right, that's it for today's episode of the No Problem Parenting podcast.
Hey, thanks guys for tuning in. If you found value in today's episode,
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(25:03):
losing your cool. Go to NoProblemParents.com.
Until next time, remember, your confidence comes from embracing both successes and setbacks.
So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember, you got this.
Music.
Are you ready to become the confident leader your kids crave you to be?
Are you losing your crap on your kids, yelling, giving in, and exhausted at the end of every day?
You can start building confidence in your parenting immediately,
whether your child is a toddler or all grown up and still living in your house.
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(00:21):
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Become a No Problem Parent today.
Today's guest is here to share some tips on how we can change the conversation
with our kids. That's step three of No Problem Parenting.
(00:41):
Welcome to the show, Tammy Cohen.
Thank you, Jackie. I am so excited to be here and speaking with you today.
I mean, your words of wisdom are pearls. You have pearls of wisdom to give out.
And I'm excited also to share some of my information of what I'm doing that
has been really helpful as well. Well, I love it.
You are a branding expert by nature, by trade, an entrepreneur,
(01:04):
and the author of Text Messages to My Sons, Connecting Deeply in a World of Devices.
I was thrilled to come across your information.
I think your PR person maybe reached out. Somehow we got connected because you
are super passionate about effective communication between parents and kids.
And you discovered maybe during COVID, I think it was, that in this digital
(01:28):
age, kids are not communicating necessarily eye-to-eye, face-to-face,
but more so in text messages.
So we're going to talk all about how to effectively communicate with your young
adults and young kids today.
What inspired you to start texting with your sons every day?
And how did that kind of impact your relationship with them?
Well, like Vic said, it was during the pandemic. It was It was pretty much early on in the pandemic.
(01:52):
And I was like thinking, you know, I, I went, we were all locked down and I
was doing a lot of mindset work at that time because we were locked down.
Right. And you had to look at yourself.
You had to sit with yourself. And I was like, I wasn't happy.
I didn't like exactly where I was. I didn't like the way I thought.
(02:14):
I had a lot of limiting beliefs.
My origin story didn't do me any favors.
And I was seeking help myself. I was reaching out. I hired a life coach.
I even hired a business coach.
I started getting really involved in mindset work.
Tony Robbins, Mind mind valley everything you could
(02:35):
think of life book i i was doing it i was in quantum
mind academy energy healers i just wanted to figure
out how to change my thought pattern and while
i was in this this whole you know new kind of like expansive learning and personal
development i said i want to share this with my kids i want them to know what
(02:56):
i'm doing i want i want them to know that this matters like because i also understood
that they have their own origin story with me
and the way I behaved and the triggers that I reacted to.
And my husband is different culture than me and the way he parented.
And I was like, you know what? I want to, I want to, I want to talk to them
and I want to change the conversation. I want to change the connection now.
(03:17):
Yes. I had always sent them text messages and Jackie, the text messages were
reminders, commands, or reprimands.
What do you want? Where are you? What did you forget? You want money?
What time are we going to be home?
You know what? You didn't, you didn't, you didn't, you know,
let me know you're, you're late. Like it was always something and it was never anything else.
(03:40):
And I said, you know what? We're all on these phones. The phones are neither good nor bad.
They're not evil or this or that. They're just a device. They're neutral.
It's the content. So I said, okay, we all looking at our phones.
I own a restaurant on the Upper East side of Manhattan called 18 restaurant.
People sit there eating dinner together and they have their phones on the table.
They're looking at their phones. They're not even talking to each other.
(04:01):
So nobody's having in-person conversation.
They said, okay, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to just start.
Every day, Monday through Friday, sending a message of love, inspiration.
I'm going to tell my kids how extraordinary that they are worthy.
And I'm going to share what I'm learning, but I'm also going to be accountable.
I'm going to be a human being with them. I'm going there.
(04:25):
I'm going to tell them that I didn't do things always the right way.
And I'm going to apologize for it. And I'm going to own things. Okay.
So what happened was they started seeing me as a human being.
They started seeing me as somebody that they can
earn trust with that i'm earning trust with them that i'm
trying to show them like who i am
(04:45):
but also that i i'm being real with them
but also that they can find that kind of you know connection back to me because
my older two live downtown they don't live at home my youngest is 23 he still
lives at home he's planning to move out So I found with older kids in particular are struggling,
(05:06):
especially that 18 to 30 year old group who seem to be very disconnected.
There's a lot of addiction out there. There's studies about depression that
is happening with this group.
I feel that it was something for me to be able to have a conversation with them
where they're at with zero expectations in return.
And that's the key word. I had no expectations that they would text me back.
(05:30):
Mommy, I love you. I'm not looking to become their best friends and I'm not
looking to, I'm not telling people to become best friends with the kids.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying just open up this dialogue with them and let them know,
just send it, send that love and that gratitude for them. and that knowledge
and share knowledge with them because you're going to raise your energy frequency.
(05:52):
And you're going to raise them theirs
when they receive it and have zero expectations because don't expect.
Because once you do, that's not the point of this. The point is for you to reach out to them.
That's it. And that's what I did. Absolutely love everything about that.
And there's a couple of things I want to talk about today.
Number one, if you could share some of the specific themes or topics that you
(06:12):
focused on in your text messages and maybe why you chose them.
And then we're going to lead into how all of this communication with your guys,
with their adult children turned into a book. Sounds good to me.
So basically the book is the first book ever written completely in text message format.
So it's very quick read. It's very easy to read.
(06:34):
And people are telling me they're like, wow, this is great. I don't have to,
there's no story development.
I don't have to follow characters and go chapter to chapter. chapter i'm going
and reading different messages and i love it it's so
inspiring so that makes me feel great and what
we did was we divided the book into 10 chapters so there is a topic of course
(06:55):
there's a title for each chapter like gratitude and mindfulness it's chapter
one dedication and discipline mindset fulfillment and purpose our growth and
personal development love and family assimilate time and nature, belief and positivity,
leadership, advice. Those are the 10 chapters.
And every message that fits into one of those chapters, uh, titles is in that.
(07:18):
That's that chapter. So book is about 200 pages of messages.
And at the end of each chapter, we have lines so that you could try your own message.
And, uh, one of the things I do is because people like, Oh, well,
text message to my sons. Like, what about my daughter? Like,
what about my grandchildren?
I start every message to start the same way. Good morning, sunshine.
(07:39):
Good afternoon, sunshine. That was from the song, You Are My Sunshine.
And I used it, good morning, sunshine. So it doesn't matter.
And it's not like it's only relevant to a boy or a grown man or an adult.
They work for everybody.
My thing is, the minute your kids have a phone, you start.
Because the younger, the better, actually. I started with my kids older because
(08:02):
it didn't come to me to do it.
And I wasn't in the mindset to do it when I was younger. But now I am.
I was able to realize that I needed to step up.
And what's great is they respond.
They respond to the point where they wrote the foreword to the book about what
it means to them to get these messages, how it's affected them getting these messages.
It makes them feel bulletproof. so for them
(08:24):
knowing that there's one person in the world that actually loves
them so much and cares to send a message every day it's
not sending a message here and there it's not sending it when i
when i when i want to be nice i sent it every day monday
through friday so it's there's hundreds and hundreds
of messages i haven't stopped i mean the book
is represents the messages of 2021 to 2022 it's
(08:46):
2024 i'm still doing it i don't stop because that's
the point is is the continuity is what gives the reinforcement is what gives
the consistency is what where they start saying you know it's real because you
do it it's happening every day it is so cool yeah and they wrote this beautiful
forward because they said even if the day goes sideways.
(09:08):
They're okay because they have this message, somebody cares, somebody loves them.
And I feel, to be honest with you, Jackie, I feel that what's going on right
now with big tech is not only destroying everybody's focus, distracting them,
but it's feeding misinformation,
it's feeding hate, it's feeding violence, it's feeding indoctrination.
(09:31):
And how is any kid, how is a person supposed to avoid this when they're just
shoveling it down your throat 24 seven,
at least if you send that message of love and gratitude, which love and gratitude
are the two highest energy frequencies there is.
Okay. The lowest are violence. Hate. Hate is the one of the lowest frequency.
(09:52):
You have a chance of countering what they're saying.
And that's what we have to do. Each one of us, one person, it only takes one
person to start a movement.
It only takes one person to make a difference. friends you you
do that with your and i have three sons i send it to each one of them they're
going to start doing it when they get older with people who they think need
help they're going to do it with their children and so on and it just keeps
(10:15):
moving from there and that energy is spread through the communities right roll
out i know how i feel after i send that message i feel good.
And i think they feel really good when they receive it because it's like yeah
there it is and when i go to my next stage in life when i pass from here what
do you think they're going going to miss? You think they're going to miss what?
The thing I bought them when they went here or there? No, they're going to miss mom's daily message.
(10:40):
They're going to look on their phone. They're going to look in the book.
They're going to say, I want to read them again. I want to keep looking at them.
And what really, what really amazed me is my husband who is Moroccan. Okay.
He's different culture completely. And English is not his, it's his fourth language.
Okay. And he said to me, he read the book, he said, he read it in two sitting
(11:02):
and two Saturdays. And he said, wow, wow, it's amazing.
And I didn't know you felt that way. I didn't know that. I didn't know what
you're saying. I didn't know, you know.
Oh, my gosh. And that really moved me because he I'm living with him over 30
years and he didn't know who I was or how I felt. Yeah. And I get it from the bunk.
(11:25):
And it's time for a volume two messages to your husband, to your spouse, right?
Like, Jackie, it doesn't have to go to a kid. Like everybody's like,
Oh, you know, it's to my sons.
No, it's sent it to a loved one. You can send it to a friend.
You love who's who needs that.
You could spouses can do with each other. Not everybody's a parent,
but it doesn't mean you can't start sending a message of love and light.
(11:48):
You can't start spreading that, that, that feeling and maybe being real with
somebody and taking off your mask and saying, this is who I am.
You know, like, this is how I want you to know you're not alone.
I feel these things too. You might think I'm great and I'm, everything's fine
and beautiful, but no, like, I want you to know, like, I'm a real, I'm real with you here.
You know, people need that. We are very disconnected.
(12:09):
You think with all the ways to connect, you know, all these social media platforms
and, and, and, and WhatsApp and everything that's out there,
people are more disconnected now than they've ever been in their lives because we're not together.
We're not having conversations.
So for me, this is the only conversation I think that technology will let me indulge in, I think.
(12:31):
But the good news is, is that my kids come over every Friday night for dinner.
So we take up the conversation from there, but they want to.
And they come to me when they have an issue and that's all I ever wanted.
They share it with me. I don't give them the answers. I don't know the answers,
the grownups, but they want to talk
to me because I've opened up a channel know, in a lot of ways with it.
(12:54):
It is so great. I love it. It fits perfectly in, changed the conversation.
And I think I, like you, technology, the phones, it is a device and it's here to stay.
And so, so often I think media and propaganda want us to fear,
they want us to worry, they want us to, you know.
(13:14):
Be all stressed out and concerned and protect our kids.
And I say, yeah, we need to protect our kids, right? We need to do the best we can with that.
And we need to empower them to learn how to use the technology to their advantage
and develop the skills to be able to use it for what they want to get out of
it and how it's going to help them.
But we don't need to be fearing it. And then let's use it for the positive side of things.
(13:39):
I mean, sure, on social media, we can post all kinds of superficial crap on there.
Or, you know, we can use it to connect and communicate and share pictures or
stories or situations and humor and all that with family and friends that we
don't see on a regular basis.
Same with the text messaging. I just absolutely love this.
And I, you know, hadn't even thought of it because my son and I,
(14:00):
we text a lot. I mean, and I don't delete anything.
I've got to download them. I've got to save them because I just I love the banter
back and forth or the checking in and that kind of a thing.
Never in a million years would I think to put it into a book or even stop to
think of the value added in that communication.
I mean, and sometimes he's in the basement and I'm in my office or I'm upstairs
(14:22):
or I'm out gardening and we're still texting rather than running in the house,
which a lot of people could say, well, back in the day, you actually had to
go to the room that the person was in and connect with them and do it.
And it's like, yep. And that was back in the day. And this is now.
And so why not take advantage of this great resource
that we have to communicate and especially when you have a kiddo who doesn't
(14:42):
want to talk to you right doesn't know what to say or how to say it doesn't
mean like you said i the other thing i love is that you're saying there's no
expectation for a response you get to just put that out there and not take it
personally if they don't respond.
No assumption whether they received it or not or how they received it or didn't
or whatever. It's just it's out there and it's in there.
(15:03):
You know, I just everything about this I absolutely love. And I love that it's
for all ages the minute they have that phone.
Can you share one or two messages so we get an example of what that looks like from the book?
Sure. You know, what's really interesting to me is I have a lot of dads and
they're like, I love my children.
But I don't. What do I say to them?
(15:24):
They weren't like moms tend to be more nurturing. because we were raised that way.
And the men are like, I love my children. I want to do this.
And I'm like, just start.
Now, what's great about text messages is you have 200 pages of messages that
are done. Take a message, tweak it.
They're there for you. I sign every message with how much I love them,
(15:49):
how many lifetimes I've loved them. You only see two.
These are the emojis in the text. It's like the good morning sunshine, the sunshine emoji.
And the hearts at the end, when I tell them how much I love them,
what they mean to me, it's heart centered, right?
I said, so you start, you use the book, you pull the messages,
but once you start doing it and you get consistent, you create that habit.
(16:11):
And I'm telling you, it's 10 minutes a day. You can find 10 minutes a day to
send a message of love and light to somebody you love.
I said, once you start, you're going to start just noticing things around you
and start talking about it. One of the things that really changed for me also
is I was reading a lot, especially during the pandemic.
There's so many visionaries, and I'm not talking AI thought leaders.
(16:33):
I'm talking real visionaries who lived over the past hundred years,
who lived over the past thousand years, who wrote amazing works,
who are brilliant, and they're in books.
Books and you could read what it took them 30, 40 years to figure out in like a book.
And I would share that. What I learned, I'd share a quote. I asked him,
(16:54):
what do you think about that?
Here's what I think it is. What do you think it is? And you know what?
It was sharing information of a different sort.
And I, I really worry today because I feel like the whole big tech thing,
I think there's this, like this whole thing about like a hive mentality and,
Let's keep throwing all this crap at that people all day, all night.
(17:14):
And so they'll all start thinking the same way. And it's easier to control people that way.
Break that, you know, break it with your, your, your, don't let your kids fall
into that and you don't fall into that.
So that's one of the things that I really wanted to get across.
And that's why I do it. And I'm going to give you a very simple message from the booklet.
Like one of my simple messages, because some of my messages are a little longer
(17:35):
and my My kids always, they tease me, they go, mom, great message,
but they're a little long.
Because, you know, nobody, kids don't like to read anything.
And I'm like, I don't care, I'll write a long message. So I'm going to read
a shorter one. Good morning, sunshine.
I hope you're having a beautiful start to the day. Whenever you are stuck searching
for the optimal plan, remember that getting started changes everything.
(17:57):
Motivation is what gets you started. Commitment is what keeps you going. That's Jim Rohn.
And according to Stephen Covey of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,
the main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing.
I love you. I want you to always know that whatever step you take,
there will be a step that follows and there's never any failure.
Don't worry about failing. Simple message. Take me five minutes. Not even.
(18:21):
So great. I try to, I try to bring in like an amazing quote by a thought leader,
by a visionary so that they, because it has to be, you have to have something
in it also besides you're extraordinary.
I love you. So what I do is I bring in some of that knowledge and that I'm learning
or that I've read that I think is really fascinating.
And then I weave it in. So it's interesting. And that's why I'm like,
(18:45):
take the book. Here's the book. Take the book.
Take any message you want out of it. Pick a chapter you like.
Send it out. Tweak it. Make it yours. And that's it. You're done.
You're done for a year. You're done for a year, two years.
I was just going to say, you've got so many messages in there.
You've got enough for a a couple of years to get us started.
What are some of the responses you've received from your sons?
(19:08):
They're always sending me emojis, love you, great message.
Like that's usually what they'll, but what I noticed is, I don't know,
they were so supportive with the book.
Like I said, I only put this into a book because people, I would share it with
colleagues, what I'm doing.
I would share it with my friends and they were like, that's amazing.
(19:29):
My God, that's so cool. You should put it in a book. You should put that in a book. I was like, what?
Like, I don't know how you write a book. I don't know how to write a book.
So what I did, I started Googling like writing books and like self-publishing.
I didn't know what I was doing.
And eventually I found a company called Pen for Hire. They helped me because
there's the editing side.
(19:50):
There's editing. You know, you've written two books. Yeah.
You want to put out something that's well edited, that's professional,
like that's with correct spelling. And I know it's text messages.
Plus, you know, I have so many quotes in this book.
What about the citation pages? pages what about checking that
every quote is accurately attributed and formatting is
really important too so this is
(20:12):
the first book ever written in text message format so that was designers came
up with it but my sons i showed them everything along the way and i told them
i'm going to put in a book and they were so supportive that they wrote the forward
and my son my oldest actually was like i'm introducing you to a cover designer
because i showed him some some ideas of cover designs.
And he was like, no, he's, he manages a VC fund for super brands.
(20:37):
And he goes like, he's like, no, no, no.
Here's so Anna begins. He introduced me to her. She's a genius.
She did the cover and it's very catchy. I catchy cover.
And I loved it when I saw it. And I was like, that's it. And he's like.
Yeah, that's the one. That's why you so amazing us in this process.
Right. Well, and it sounds like, too, that just even sending the messages,
(20:57):
even if you're not getting a lot, you know, big, long reply from your kid.
Like you said, you're having dinners on Fridays and topics from what you've
messaged throughout the week are coming up.
And so it's it's also like just giving you more things to communicate about or to discuss.
That's not like you said, those
status quo questions of what would you do today and how was your day?
And, you know, well, what are you doing next week? And then like all the things
(21:21):
us nagging parents do when we're reminding them of things that they need to
do better at or, you know, put more, you know, be more involved in or whatever.
So I just absolutely love everything about this. I mean, we do other texts with
each other, of course, because I'm like, oh, what time is dinner?
You know, like things like that. But I try to keep it like, you know what?
I'm not I try to keep it just here's the message.
(21:42):
It's that's it. You know, take it however you want it.
I have a friend who did it with her son and her daughter. And she was like,
oh, my daughter, like she loved it. And my son was like, what are you doing?
Like, don't even start this up. And I was like, she's like, so what do I do?
And I was like, it doesn't matter what he says. You send the message.
It's not about expectation from him.
You over time, just let him know how extraordinary and how much you love him
(22:06):
and share whatever you want.
But don't, it's not about that. It's about you doing that for your child.
Yeah. Yeah. Just like you would take care of them in the house.
Take care of them. They're out there. They're grownups. Take care of them in a different way.
Give them that love in a different way. That's it.
Yeah, so important. And like you said, they can learn to do that with their
(22:28):
friends or other people.
You can do that with colleagues, with somebody that you know just isn't feeling.
Write or communicating enough, maybe isolating, kind of distancing themselves.
I mean, what a wonderful thing for friends to do with each other.
Making, you know, trying to become more empathetic or letting them know,
like, it might help them with their compassion for others.
(22:50):
If we have more compassionate people coming out, then the world will be a very
different place, right? Absolutely.
Absolutely. All right. Well, the book is called Text Messages to My Sons,
connecting deeply in a world of devices.
We have a link in the show notes for parents to go check that out and grab that
copy of the book. You're also on Facebook and Instagram.
(23:12):
You can search at text messages to my sons and you can. Yeah.
And the book is on Amazon. So the link is to Amazon.
It's weird. Yeah, absolutely.
We're going to do that. And then real quick, Tammy, before we go,
you also in your day job, like I said, you have a restaurant,
but you also have a women's networking group and I love to connect moms and
(23:33):
women to other networking groups. So tell us a little bit about your women's network.
So I was very fortunate to be the founder. I am very fortunate to be the founder
of Women Beyond the Table. It's a global business network.
The women are wonderful. They're business owners, entrepreneurs.
Some of them are working in corporate world and business too.
We have some nonprofit and they're just a really supportive supportive bunch
(23:57):
of women who are there for each other.
They're non-judgmental. They're non-competitive with each other.
They're just really out there to provide services and to, you know,
and, and, and to be supportive and empower each other.
So it's been wonderful. It's three years now.
And, um, yeah, women be on the table. You can visit our website,
women beyond the table.com.
(24:18):
You also have a podcast called the beyond the table podcast.
I just love the title, love the name, and I'm so grateful that we've been connected.
Tammy, thank you so much for being with me on the show today.
Jackie, you're amazing. And I admire everything that you're doing.
And we have to get you on to the Beyond the Table podcast.
Oh, I can't wait. I would love that. I would love that. Thank you so much.
(24:41):
I appreciate being here.
All right, that's it for today's episode of the No Problem Parenting podcast.
Hey, thanks guys for tuning in. If you found value in today's episode,
click the subscribe button and share it with other parents who might need a little boost.
Stay connected on our socials by following at No Problem Parents for more parenting
tips and get your free download of the 60 ways to respond to your kids without
(25:03):
losing your cool. Go to NoProblemParents.com.
Until next time, remember, your confidence comes from embracing both successes and setbacks.
So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember, you got this.
Music.
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