August 22, 2024 • 29 mins
In this episode of the No Problem Parenting™ Podcast, we’re excited to be joined by Rha Goddess, the entrepreneurial soul coach who has helped countless changemakers, cultural visionaries, and social entrepreneurs find their true calling.
Rha shares her insights on how balancing your passions with your parental duties can help you become the confident leader your kids crave you to be. We also explore how taking care of your own needs directly benefits your children, creating resilience, self-awareness, and strength in your family.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hey there, No Problem Parents. Before we get into today's episode,
I want to share something that's really close to our hearts here at No Problem Parenting.
You might remember Michelle Benyo from episode 47, where we talked about the
difficult journey of early childhood sibling loss.
Michelle is also an author in our first book, No Problem Parenting,
(00:20):
Raising Your Kiddos with More Confidence and Less Fear.
Now, after losing her six-year-old son, David, to cancer, her,
Michelle's three-year-old daughter said something that deeply resonated.
She said, Mommy, half of me is gone.
This powerful moment set Michelle on a mission to help other families navigate
the unimaginable grief of losing a child.
(00:41):
Through her organization, Good Grief Parenting, Michelle offers essential support
to parents and siblings, helping them find a path forward even in the darkest of times.
And right now, Michelle is raising funds in David's memory through CureSearch
for Children's Cancer, an organization making huge strides in pediatric cancer research.
(01:02):
Their work is truly transformative.
60% of their research projects advance to clinical trials, which is a significant
leap compared to the national average of less than 8%.
Michelle is participating in the CureSearch Ultimate Hike, where she'll be hiking
up to 30 miles in a single day to raise money for this crucial cause.
(01:23):
And if you'd like to support Michelle and contribute to this life-saving research,
you can donate now through October 2024 by visiting CureSearch Ultimate Hike.
There's a link in the show notes that will go directly to Michelle's donation page.
And if you're listening after the October 2024 date, you can still support this
cause by visiting CureSearch.org.
(01:44):
Again, link in the show notes.
Now also, if you're in need of support for your grieving child,
whether it's due to sibling loss, the grief of a divorce, or any other kind of child loss.
Michelle is here to help. You can reach out to her directly at GoodGriefParenting.com
to get the support you need.
And this theme of resilience and finding your way through tough times ties perfectly
(02:07):
into today's guest episode.
We're joined by the incredible Ra Goddess.
She's an entrepreneurial soul coach who has guided countless changemakers to
discover their true calling.
Ra's message is all about balancing your passions with your responsibilities,
abilities, a concept that resonates deeply with us here at No Problem Parenting.
(02:28):
When you take the time to find your true calling and pour into yourself,
you're not just enriching your own life, you're becoming the confident leader
your kids crave you to be.
It's so important to remember that when we take care of our own needs,
we're also taking care of our kids.
By showing up for ourselves, we model resilience, self-awareness,
(02:49):
and strength, which in turn helps our kiddos to develop those same qualities.
So welcome to the No Problem Parenting Podcast. From toddler tantrums to teenage
eye rolls, this podcast is your go-to for both fresh and timeless tips that
help you become the confident leader your kids crave you to be.
Do you ever wish there was a manual that came with each of your kids?
(03:09):
Let's face it, what works for one kiddo often doesn't work for the other.
And we don't know what we don't know.
And even if there was a manual, it probably wouldn't to be able to keep up with
all the changes in our world. Well, this podcast is the next best thing.
I'm your host, Jackie Finneman, a 30-year counselor turned parenting coach,
and I've got tons of information to share, including hundreds of resources that
(03:32):
you can access right from your home and strategies that are going to boost your
confidence and energize you.
Whether you're knee deep in diapers, navigating the tween years,
or launching your kiddo into adulthood, hit that subscribe button share this
podcast with your friends teachers and daycare providers.
We're here to turn your parenting problems into no problem one episode at a time.
(03:57):
All right, so let me introduce Ra to you all today. Ra Gattis is the entrepreneurial
soul coach behind hundreds of breakthrough changemakers, cultural visionaries,
and social entrepreneurs.
Ra's mission is to revolutionize the way that we live, work, play, and do business.
In 2011, she founded Move the Crowd, an entrepreneurial training company dedicated
(04:18):
to supporting creative and cultural entrepreneurs working at the intersection
of values, profitability, and social impact.
Ra's here to share practical strategies for balancing your passions with your
parental duties, offering expertise in finding your true calling.
Her mission aligns perfectly with our mission to empower parents to navigate
(04:40):
modern parenthood with confidence.
Ra's insights on self-awareness and resilience are sure to resonate with those
of you seeking fulfillment while raising your kiddos. Remember,
when we take care of our own needs, we're better equipped to take care of our
kids, and that's a message we can all stand behind.
I am super excited to have you here with us today, Rob. Welcome to the show.
(05:02):
Thank you so much, Jackie, for having me. It's such a joy to be here.
You know, one of the things that we talked about, like from almost moment one
of connecting was how important it is for us to pour into ourselves.
And I think as a parent, that's probably one of the greatest challenges,
right? Because you love your little ones, right?
(05:23):
You would die for them. Like we know that even, and you want to kill them sometimes.
We know that both are true, Right.
But this idea of our making sure that our cup is full is both the greatest challenge,
but it's also the greatest opportunity and reward and the greatest gift you
can really give your little ones.
(05:44):
And so, you know, this commitment to pouring into yourself,
this commitment, which includes not only taking care of your health and well-being,
the central part of that is feeling a sense of mission and purpose in the day-to-day, you know.
And I talk, Jackie, often about the big P and the little p, you know,
because sometimes with the big P, people are like, well, I don't know what my life's purpose is.
(06:08):
You know, I've been searching everywhere for it and I have no idea.
It's not in my sock drawer. It's not in the hamper. I have no idea where it is. Right.
But, you know, we can still begin by being purposeful and intentional about
how we're spending our time and our energy.
And I think for parents and so much of our world is in reaction to something happens.
(06:31):
We're responding. Something happens. We're responding.
Something happens. We respond. So our nervous systems never get the chance to really breathe.
And my intention in creating the book was to acknowledge that at the foundation,
we have to start to feed our souls first and create greater capacity,
which then enables us to be more available to react and respond to the challenges
(06:56):
in ways that actually we feel proud of and we feel good about.
Absolutely. 100% agree. And I think even as a parent, as a mom,
if your mission and your passion was to become a mom, they're still in that
making sure that you are feeding yourself.
You're at really a soul level that you're really feeling good about yourself.
(07:19):
Yourself, if you're just kind of going through the motions and you're working
and you're parenting and you're, you know, managing the household and doing all the things,
what are some things that parents can do to just really kind of take a step
back and say, hey, what am I called to do?
Yeah, I think that first piece is just take a step back and carving some time,
(07:41):
which we both know is so challenging to do when you're a parent,
you know, but I like to say to my mom, in particular,
like I think if you get five minutes in the bathroom where you just lock the
door and pretend you're not there before you can sneak in that morning walk,
you know, maybe it's after you drop them at school and you can get that moment
in, you know, and maybe it's just you're walking around the park before you
(08:01):
walk into your office building, right?
Between dropping the kids off and starting work, like whatever you can grab,
it's so important that you start to find and carved space, five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes.
And it really is in those spaces where you can slow down a little bit and you
can really kind of start to breathe a little bit and start to regulate a little
(08:24):
bit that you can then begin to sort of explore those questions, those ideas.
I find sometimes that for parents, the idea of what you want to do comes from
what we experience. It comes from the challenges of our lives.
It comes from the most amazing experiences of our lives, those places or those
ways in which we feel called to support other people, maybe in getting through
(08:46):
what we've been through, right?
And sometimes it comes from a challenge we've personally faced in terms of our
health or our well-being.
And so it's also about listening to those cues and then creating the space to
really be able to write and engage those ideas. is.
And so I often give parents a journaling prompt, like, what wants to happen today?
(09:08):
Question mark, you know, right? Just a little different than your to-do list.
Sometimes what shows up is pick up the laundry. But sometimes what shows up,
what happens today is I want you to take a walk on the beach,
or I want you to find 10 minutes in the park, or I want you to take this course.
I want you to watch this video.
I want you to check out this documentary, right? And a lot of times those are
(09:30):
things that can drive us to or point us to other inspirations that show up.
The other thing I'll say is that there are things that we are passionate about.
And sometimes it's just having space to even feed what we're passionate about,
right? So I'll give you an example.
I have a parent who watercolors and she has a little kit.
(09:53):
And even if it's just 10 minutes a day, she may not finish whatever she's working
on, but if it's just 10 minutes a day where she can get in her watercoloring,
that supports and creates different ideas and she's able to problem solve.
She's able to also feed her passion in terms of thinking about like in what
ways does she want to now move her contribution into the world,
(10:16):
who are the people she most wants to serve.
And so those ideations that come sometimes when we're doing other things,
the laundry or driving or walking to work,
right, our ability to capture them, our ability to nurture them,
our ability to follow those threads are all the beginnings of being able to
really lock into those areas of passion and desire.
(10:37):
The beginning of the book, you really help people kind of take that pause,
whether they're looking for their next work venture or purpose or focusing on
their family, themselves and their family.
The way you lay out the book is you have some education content in there and
then you have practices and then you have exercises.
(10:58):
So this isn't one of those books. I mean, you can read it right through.
But I mean, it took me several weeks because I wanted to be really intentional.
I quickly learned that, wait a minute, wait a minute, the practices and the
exercises and the questions and things that you have in here are very purposeful
and help me slow down just even thinking about your own beliefs.
(11:19):
And I think oftentimes we don't really think about that. No.
And our beliefs govern everything.
And sometimes we are really clear about what we believe, Jackie, to your point.
And then sometimes we're not as clear about what we believe.
But we're making decisions and choices and taking actions based upon what we
(11:41):
believe. And so it's really important.
And if I think about why this conversation becomes so important for parents
as well is because if what has been modeled for you is self-sacrifice,
if what's been modeled for you is putting everybody else first.
If what's been modeled for you is that what you're passionate about is a luxury
(12:05):
that maybe you can or cannot afford, it's going to feel really hard.
Being able to take that time and create that space. And so the mindset wheel,
this opportunity to sort of get really connected to what it is that we believe.
And as Jackie knows, after the book, I asked you lots of questions about what you believe,
(12:26):
because I think it's important that we start there because our ability to change
and transform the quality of our day-to-day really does begin with what we think
is possible or not possible in our day-to-day.
And so our awareness and
raising our awareness and beginning to become more in
(12:47):
touch with what we believe then gives us access to
sort of going like oh i see that that thought is coming up now and i'm telling
myself i don't have time so ultimately i'm creating a reality call i don't have
time and then i'm feeling deprived and then i'm feeling resentful because i'm
deprived yeah And you all have to say, this is not just a parent experience,
(13:09):
this is a human experience, right?
Yes. Because all of us have our own version of whatever the story is that we
create about our time and the degree to which we feel like we're at the mercy
of our demands, our day-to-day demands.
And so carving that time, carving that space is important.
And then noticing, am I saying something to myself that's making it almost impossible
(13:35):
to carve that time and that space?
Right? And the opportunity to maybe challenge ourselves. Like,
where can I find those pockets, even if they're just two or three minutes?
Two or three minutes can make a huge difference.
Two or three minutes did make a huge difference.
Even just in the morning, instead of thinking, looking at the calendar and going,
(13:55):
oh my gosh, how am I going to get it all done?
To shifting those words to, I have more than enough time to get this all done.
Yeah. You know, and it's like, it seems simple, right? It seems like a no-brainer.
And yet it's not. I mean, it takes effort and intention.
(14:16):
And again, you have it laid out so that you can do these exercises.
One of my favorite things to start with was doing one activity a day that makes
me feel really good about myself.
Each and every day I'm doing one activity. Now, this doesn't have to take,
I mean, it could be a simple stretch.
It could just be taking a pause. It could be doing a sprint up and down my driveway,
(14:37):
looking ridiculous in front of the passersby, but just doing it because it energizes
me and makes, I mean, you know, just one thing or looking in the mirror,
noticing or saying out loud the beliefs about myself. Right.
Just acknowledging myself in that way. So this doesn't have to be rocket science.
No. And I think this, you know, I want to sort of even take it to the rituals
(15:01):
and habits you may already have. I'll give a perfect example.
So my husband, every morning, he has a cup of cold brew coffee and just looks
out like of the window, right?
And he just stares out of the window and he drinks his coffee.
And that might be you guys
five minutes but it has
(15:24):
transformed his reality you know because
it's it's kind of come from bolting out a
bit you know maybe your devices are going off or ringing your before you even
get to the bathroom you're already in your text anybody right you're already
in your apps you're already responding to things that you haven't even seen
yet or you're trying to read an email and on the toilet, you know, all those things.
(15:48):
And so this opportunity to sort of just make a decision, like I'm going to just
take three to five minutes in the morning and I'm going to do one thing that
sets me up for a really exciting and powerful day, right?
Maybe you listen to a song, you just dance in the bathroom and you enjoy the
song while you're taking a shower, right?
You know, like, so, and again, it's those little things, but the more you start
(16:11):
to begin to create this belief that you have space or you can make space.
The more those ideas begin to come to you.
And your opportunity is once those ideas start to come is to nurture them, right?
Whether you're journaling about them, or maybe you're having a really exciting
or inspiring conversation about them.
But every passion, passion.
(16:32):
Path that any person has said yes to and walked down has always begun with the
nurturing and the honoring and the cultivating of the idea.
So good. And again, having you on the show and introducing your book to parents
and my listeners today is super important to me because one value that I have
(16:54):
or belief that I hold is that we need to become that confident leader or our kids crave us to be.
And that really starts with noticing our own internal messaging and what we're
saying to ourselves. We're harder on ourselves than anybody, right?
Noticing that, shifting that thought. And no problem parenting is all about
turning problems into a no problem.
(17:16):
And any problem, I believe, any problem can be turned into a no problem.
It just depends on what kind of energy we're giving to it and feeding it.
And so if all we feel like we're dealing with in our current state is problem
after problem after problem.
It's much like you say, well, you're going to keep getting problem after problem after problem.
And so I really like this idea of what you focus on or what you give the most
(17:41):
attention to is going to become sort of the biggest thing in your life.
And again, while it may sound simple, shifting your focus from problems and
always dealing and putting out fires and dealing with the problems to acknowledging,
noticing yourself, where you're at, even your kids, is really a game changer.
Yeah, 100%. And I talk a little bit about this in the book, you know,
(18:03):
whether you look at it from a scientific perspective, whether you look at it
from a spiritual perspective, whatever we give our energy and our attention to does grow.
You know, it grows in our mind and then it grows in our reality.
And so, you know, it's a practice,
you know, and this is again where the taking Taking space,
giving room, giving yourself a moment to pause, taking a breath and practicing
(18:26):
that becomes so important because if you sort of give yourself or you build
the habit of taking the breath or taking the beat,
then that is where you have the space to go. I can redefine this.
I can reposition this. I can reframe this.
I can rename this, right? And that,
you know, is probably the greatest contribution to starting to create a reality
(18:53):
and a day-to-day experience where more becomes possible, right? Right.
Yeah, I love this. You mentioned, you know, looking at your calendar and go,
I have I have all the time I need to get done what I need to get done today. Right.
I even want to give you another one in that I will get done what is most important to get done.
(19:15):
I remember reading that. Yes. Right. I will get done what really matters.
Right. And I could trust that the rest of it will organize and orchestrate itself.
And so there's also this idea of,
That when we're in a co-creative experience and when we sort of believe that
we can be in a co-creative experience, that other supports can come into play,
(19:36):
that everything doesn't have to be on our shoulders, which I know sometimes
can be hard for a lot of us to believe.
Like, it's always I'm the one that has to do it all.
And you're exhausted before you even get out the door.
Right. We're holding that holding that mentality and we're sort of bombarding
our senses with all the things we need to get done.
And so this idea of how do you start to engage with yourself and talk to yourself
(19:59):
in a way that creates more room and more space and more capacity and more support
to be able to get done the things that are most important to get done.
And then the trusting that the things that are, you know, important but not
critical or not life-threatening, that they will get done, you know,
as they need to get done and that everything is not life-threatening.
(20:20):
Oh, right. Not everything's an emergency.
Yeah. Tell us a little bit about Move the Crowd.
Share with the listeners a little bit about how they can join Move the Crowd.
So I created Move the Crowd, which we are a coaching and mentoring and training
company that supports helping people learn how to stay true, get paid, and do good.
(20:41):
And so at the heart of our work is really about helping people,
one, become their most authentic selves, but two, in service to their highest
contribution and the difference that they want want to make in the world.
And so what we have found and discovered as we've talked to thousands and served
this point and hundreds of thousands of people through the course of our work
over the last 12 years is that people,
(21:02):
there's sort of three things that people really, really want,
especially as we think about this way in which I think we're now redefining success.
And in this moment of redefining success, one, we want to be authentic.
We want to be who we really are. So it's not enough for us to just succeed anymore.
We want to succeed as ourselves, right? And there's It's a sort of whole self
(21:22):
commitment that I think people are really stepping into, especially given everything
that we've been through over the last five years.
The second piece is the get paid part. We want to be well compensated.
We want to show up. We want to be able to do what we do.
We want to do it well. But we want to also feel like we can do that in a way
that's really sustainable for us, right, and profitable for us so that we have
(21:46):
the resources that we need to be able to live and move and express in ways that
feel really, really good.
And then the third thing is that we want to do good.
And this is a big one in that, Jackie, I think most people underestimate that.
This commitment to raising a little human is probably one of the greatest contributions
you can make to the world.
(22:08):
And it matters, right? And all of us want to matter.
But what I also know is for many of our parents, and this is something also
we don't talk a lot about, but it may not be all that you're here to do.
There may be another mission. There may be another purpose. There may be another
calling that you're being called to and that it matters to be able to do that.
Like it matters to us. Contribution is a human need.
(22:32):
We need to give. And we need to feel that we're giving in a way that matters.
And so our company is devoted to helping people stay true, get paid,
do good, because we understand that right now that is what people want to do most.
So we develop strategies and programs and coaching and mentoring courses to
be able to help people do that.
(22:52):
And that's what we do. There is so much information on your website, movethecrowd.me.
And then you do also have events that you offer a couple of times a year.
So the Taking Stock event is one of our most popular and beloved events in terms
of the Move the Crowd community.
And it's important to say, too, in the context of our work, we work with entrepreneurs,
(23:13):
we work with organizational leaders, we work with nonprofit leaders,
we work with people who are in all stages of growth and development who are
wanting to, again, just make their greatest contribution as themselves.
Ourselves that these community gathers right across
all of those disciplines we come together a
few times a year and taking stock is all about being able
to pause and reflect we've been talking so
(23:35):
much today about the power and the importance of it whether you do it in the
minute in a moment and you take that moment or whether you have the opportunity
to have a journaling practice or a meditation practice or some kind of stillness
practice time in nature but the intention is to recognize that when we have
the ability to actually reflect.
It supports and increases our capacity to be able to move forward and be more effective.
(24:00):
And so at the top of the year, we set big goals. We do it through our New Year's
message and we come together and we set a theme for the year.
And then over the course of the year, we have these checkpoint moments.
And so in the context of taking stock, there are four core areas that we take people through.
The first is gratitude, attitude because we believe that you have to begin by
(24:21):
really acknowledging what are all of the things that are going well, right?
Or where are all of the places where you were able to get support or where you
have been able to do the things that you've wanted to do, right?
And so we feel that that's important.
And then we go to a place of acknowledgement and we look at acknowledgement from two perspectives.
We look at acknowledgement from like, where are you crushing it?
(24:42):
And what was really important in being able to support your ability to show
up and deliver in the way that you're delivering?
And then we look at where are those places where we feel like we're being challenged,
right? Or we may be falling short of what it is that we want to accomplish and achieve.
And when we're thinking about the goals that we've set for the year,
or we're thinking about the things that we want to accomplish and achieve,
(25:03):
it's important to look at those places where we feel challenged to understand what may be missing.
And what that may be crucial to being able to support our success.
So this is where we get to sort of explore what additional support or resources
might be critical for us. The third area we look at is completion.
And this is all about the promises that we've made, the promises we've made
(25:24):
to ourselves, the promises we've made to others.
And this is like, okay, where do we need to circle back and complete something,
dot the I's, cross the T's, versus in terms of our projects to where do we need
to communicate communicate, maybe where we haven't been communicating or needed
to communicate or taking something off of our plate. Like I know I said I was
going to do that, but I'm really not going to do that.
(25:45):
And just acknowledge it, right? Just acknowledge it. Like, I know I signed up
for this magazine. I'm really not going to read it. Let me cancel the subscription, right?
It's all of this is what I call the sort of the stress reliever side of it.
But like you get to actually make a list of like, okay, what are the things
that I need to address? Or what are the conversations I need to have.
Sometimes it's just getting complete with you and you about,
(26:06):
you know, maybe there's something that you said you wanted to do and you didn't
get to it and you're beating yourself up about it.
So we get in there and we create a space where you get to kind of clean all
that up. And then finally celebrate.
And celebration is really, really important. And it's important even as a daily
practice that we take a moment to just acknowledge like, man,
today was a rough day, but I held it together right in that meeting,
(26:29):
or I really rocked that that presentation,
or, you know, my little one came to me with a problem and I was able to really
be present, you know, and help them sort it out.
And they felt loved and appreciated and seen in that moment, right?
And all of those things are important to see because sometimes we can be in
a space of where we get something done and it's just check, check, check, check, check.
(26:50):
And we're never really slowing down to honor and appreciate and acknowledge our efforts.
I want to say this because I think it's so important, Jackie,
in that so many of us feel under-acknowledged.
We move heaven and earth every single day and nobody's watching.
(27:11):
And sometimes even when people are watching, we don't get our due.
And so our ability to become really masterful and competent at celebrating ourselves
and acknowledging ourselves also creates a room and space for others to love
up on and acknowledge us as well.
So that is the process of taking stock.
(27:32):
I love everything about all of that. parents, your first step is go get the
book, The Calling, Three Fundamental Shifts to Stay True, Get Paid, and Do Good.
And then head on over to movethecrowd.me. Thank you so much,
Ra, for writing the book, for taking the time to meet with me today,
and for being on the show.
Thank you so much, Jackie, for having me. And thank you for your work.
(27:54):
Thank you for all of the ways that you are here, for, in my mind,
some of the most important members
of our community. I don't know what we would do without our parents.
And so thank you for answering your calling. And it's been a joy and a privilege
for me to be here with you today.
All right, that's it for today's episode of the No Problem Parenting Podcast.
Hey, thanks, guys, for tuning in. If you found value in today's episode,
(28:16):
click the subscribe button and share it with other parents who might need a little boost.
Stay connected on our socials by following at No Problem Parents for more parenting
tips and get your free download of the 60 ways to respond to your kids without losing your cool.
Go to NoProblemParents.com. Until next time, remember, your confidence comes
from embracing both successes and setbacks.
(28:38):
So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember, you got this.
Music.
Hey there, No Problem Parents. Before we get into today's episode,
I want to share something that's really close to our hearts here at No Problem Parenting.
You might remember Michelle Benyo from episode 47, where we talked about the
difficult journey of early childhood sibling loss.
Michelle is also an author in our first book, No Problem Parenting,
(00:20):
Raising Your Kiddos with More Confidence and Less Fear.
Now, after losing her six-year-old son, David, to cancer, her,
Michelle's three-year-old daughter said something that deeply resonated.
She said, Mommy, half of me is gone.
This powerful moment set Michelle on a mission to help other families navigate
the unimaginable grief of losing a child.
(00:41):
Through her organization, Good Grief Parenting, Michelle offers essential support
to parents and siblings, helping them find a path forward even in the darkest of times.
And right now, Michelle is raising funds in David's memory through CureSearch
for Children's Cancer, an organization making huge strides in pediatric cancer research.
(01:02):
Their work is truly transformative.
60% of their research projects advance to clinical trials, which is a significant
leap compared to the national average of less than 8%.
Michelle is participating in the CureSearch Ultimate Hike, where she'll be hiking
up to 30 miles in a single day to raise money for this crucial cause.
(01:23):
And if you'd like to support Michelle and contribute to this life-saving research,
you can donate now through October 2024 by visiting CureSearch Ultimate Hike.
There's a link in the show notes that will go directly to Michelle's donation page.
And if you're listening after the October 2024 date, you can still support this
cause by visiting CureSearch.org.
(01:44):
Again, link in the show notes.
Now also, if you're in need of support for your grieving child,
whether it's due to sibling loss, the grief of a divorce, or any other kind of child loss.
Michelle is here to help. You can reach out to her directly at GoodGriefParenting.com
to get the support you need.
And this theme of resilience and finding your way through tough times ties perfectly
(02:07):
into today's guest episode.
We're joined by the incredible Ra Goddess.
She's an entrepreneurial soul coach who has guided countless changemakers to
discover their true calling.
Ra's message is all about balancing your passions with your responsibilities,
abilities, a concept that resonates deeply with us here at No Problem Parenting.
(02:28):
When you take the time to find your true calling and pour into yourself,
you're not just enriching your own life, you're becoming the confident leader
your kids crave you to be.
It's so important to remember that when we take care of our own needs,
we're also taking care of our kids.
By showing up for ourselves, we model resilience, self-awareness,
(02:49):
and strength, which in turn helps our kiddos to develop those same qualities.
So welcome to the No Problem Parenting Podcast. From toddler tantrums to teenage
eye rolls, this podcast is your go-to for both fresh and timeless tips that
help you become the confident leader your kids crave you to be.
Do you ever wish there was a manual that came with each of your kids?
(03:09):
Let's face it, what works for one kiddo often doesn't work for the other.
And we don't know what we don't know.
And even if there was a manual, it probably wouldn't to be able to keep up with
all the changes in our world. Well, this podcast is the next best thing.
I'm your host, Jackie Finneman, a 30-year counselor turned parenting coach,
and I've got tons of information to share, including hundreds of resources that
(03:32):
you can access right from your home and strategies that are going to boost your
confidence and energize you.
Whether you're knee deep in diapers, navigating the tween years,
or launching your kiddo into adulthood, hit that subscribe button share this
podcast with your friends teachers and daycare providers.
We're here to turn your parenting problems into no problem one episode at a time.
(03:57):
All right, so let me introduce Ra to you all today. Ra Gattis is the entrepreneurial
soul coach behind hundreds of breakthrough changemakers, cultural visionaries,
and social entrepreneurs.
Ra's mission is to revolutionize the way that we live, work, play, and do business.
In 2011, she founded Move the Crowd, an entrepreneurial training company dedicated
(04:18):
to supporting creative and cultural entrepreneurs working at the intersection
of values, profitability, and social impact.
Ra's here to share practical strategies for balancing your passions with your
parental duties, offering expertise in finding your true calling.
Her mission aligns perfectly with our mission to empower parents to navigate
(04:40):
modern parenthood with confidence.
Ra's insights on self-awareness and resilience are sure to resonate with those
of you seeking fulfillment while raising your kiddos. Remember,
when we take care of our own needs, we're better equipped to take care of our
kids, and that's a message we can all stand behind.
I am super excited to have you here with us today, Rob. Welcome to the show.
(05:02):
Thank you so much, Jackie, for having me. It's such a joy to be here.
You know, one of the things that we talked about, like from almost moment one
of connecting was how important it is for us to pour into ourselves.
And I think as a parent, that's probably one of the greatest challenges,
right? Because you love your little ones, right?
(05:23):
You would die for them. Like we know that even, and you want to kill them sometimes.
We know that both are true, Right.
But this idea of our making sure that our cup is full is both the greatest challenge,
but it's also the greatest opportunity and reward and the greatest gift you
can really give your little ones.
(05:44):
And so, you know, this commitment to pouring into yourself,
this commitment, which includes not only taking care of your health and well-being,
the central part of that is feeling a sense of mission and purpose in the day-to-day, you know.
And I talk, Jackie, often about the big P and the little p, you know,
because sometimes with the big P, people are like, well, I don't know what my life's purpose is.
(06:08):
You know, I've been searching everywhere for it and I have no idea.
It's not in my sock drawer. It's not in the hamper. I have no idea where it is. Right.
But, you know, we can still begin by being purposeful and intentional about
how we're spending our time and our energy.
And I think for parents and so much of our world is in reaction to something happens.
(06:31):
We're responding. Something happens. We're responding.
Something happens. We respond. So our nervous systems never get the chance to really breathe.
And my intention in creating the book was to acknowledge that at the foundation,
we have to start to feed our souls first and create greater capacity,
which then enables us to be more available to react and respond to the challenges
(06:56):
in ways that actually we feel proud of and we feel good about.
Absolutely. 100% agree. And I think even as a parent, as a mom,
if your mission and your passion was to become a mom, they're still in that
making sure that you are feeding yourself.
You're at really a soul level that you're really feeling good about yourself.
(07:19):
Yourself, if you're just kind of going through the motions and you're working
and you're parenting and you're, you know, managing the household and doing all the things,
what are some things that parents can do to just really kind of take a step
back and say, hey, what am I called to do?
Yeah, I think that first piece is just take a step back and carving some time,
(07:41):
which we both know is so challenging to do when you're a parent,
you know, but I like to say to my mom, in particular,
like I think if you get five minutes in the bathroom where you just lock the
door and pretend you're not there before you can sneak in that morning walk,
you know, maybe it's after you drop them at school and you can get that moment
in, you know, and maybe it's just you're walking around the park before you
(08:01):
walk into your office building, right?
Between dropping the kids off and starting work, like whatever you can grab,
it's so important that you start to find and carved space, five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes.
And it really is in those spaces where you can slow down a little bit and you
can really kind of start to breathe a little bit and start to regulate a little
(08:24):
bit that you can then begin to sort of explore those questions, those ideas.
I find sometimes that for parents, the idea of what you want to do comes from
what we experience. It comes from the challenges of our lives.
It comes from the most amazing experiences of our lives, those places or those
ways in which we feel called to support other people, maybe in getting through
(08:46):
what we've been through, right?
And sometimes it comes from a challenge we've personally faced in terms of our
health or our well-being.
And so it's also about listening to those cues and then creating the space to
really be able to write and engage those ideas. is.
And so I often give parents a journaling prompt, like, what wants to happen today?
(09:08):
Question mark, you know, right? Just a little different than your to-do list.
Sometimes what shows up is pick up the laundry. But sometimes what shows up,
what happens today is I want you to take a walk on the beach,
or I want you to find 10 minutes in the park, or I want you to take this course.
I want you to watch this video.
I want you to check out this documentary, right? And a lot of times those are
(09:30):
things that can drive us to or point us to other inspirations that show up.
The other thing I'll say is that there are things that we are passionate about.
And sometimes it's just having space to even feed what we're passionate about,
right? So I'll give you an example.
I have a parent who watercolors and she has a little kit.
(09:53):
And even if it's just 10 minutes a day, she may not finish whatever she's working
on, but if it's just 10 minutes a day where she can get in her watercoloring,
that supports and creates different ideas and she's able to problem solve.
She's able to also feed her passion in terms of thinking about like in what
ways does she want to now move her contribution into the world,
(10:16):
who are the people she most wants to serve.
And so those ideations that come sometimes when we're doing other things,
the laundry or driving or walking to work,
right, our ability to capture them, our ability to nurture them,
our ability to follow those threads are all the beginnings of being able to
really lock into those areas of passion and desire.
(10:37):
The beginning of the book, you really help people kind of take that pause,
whether they're looking for their next work venture or purpose or focusing on
their family, themselves and their family.
The way you lay out the book is you have some education content in there and
then you have practices and then you have exercises.
(10:58):
So this isn't one of those books. I mean, you can read it right through.
But I mean, it took me several weeks because I wanted to be really intentional.
I quickly learned that, wait a minute, wait a minute, the practices and the
exercises and the questions and things that you have in here are very purposeful
and help me slow down just even thinking about your own beliefs.
(11:19):
And I think oftentimes we don't really think about that. No.
And our beliefs govern everything.
And sometimes we are really clear about what we believe, Jackie, to your point.
And then sometimes we're not as clear about what we believe.
But we're making decisions and choices and taking actions based upon what we
(11:41):
believe. And so it's really important.
And if I think about why this conversation becomes so important for parents
as well is because if what has been modeled for you is self-sacrifice,
if what's been modeled for you is putting everybody else first.
If what's been modeled for you is that what you're passionate about is a luxury
(12:05):
that maybe you can or cannot afford, it's going to feel really hard.
Being able to take that time and create that space. And so the mindset wheel,
this opportunity to sort of get really connected to what it is that we believe.
And as Jackie knows, after the book, I asked you lots of questions about what you believe,
(12:26):
because I think it's important that we start there because our ability to change
and transform the quality of our day-to-day really does begin with what we think
is possible or not possible in our day-to-day.
And so our awareness and
raising our awareness and beginning to become more in
(12:47):
touch with what we believe then gives us access to
sort of going like oh i see that that thought is coming up now and i'm telling
myself i don't have time so ultimately i'm creating a reality call i don't have
time and then i'm feeling deprived and then i'm feeling resentful because i'm
deprived yeah And you all have to say, this is not just a parent experience,
(13:09):
this is a human experience, right?
Yes. Because all of us have our own version of whatever the story is that we
create about our time and the degree to which we feel like we're at the mercy
of our demands, our day-to-day demands.
And so carving that time, carving that space is important.
And then noticing, am I saying something to myself that's making it almost impossible
(13:35):
to carve that time and that space?
Right? And the opportunity to maybe challenge ourselves. Like,
where can I find those pockets, even if they're just two or three minutes?
Two or three minutes can make a huge difference.
Two or three minutes did make a huge difference.
Even just in the morning, instead of thinking, looking at the calendar and going,
(13:55):
oh my gosh, how am I going to get it all done?
To shifting those words to, I have more than enough time to get this all done.
Yeah. You know, and it's like, it seems simple, right? It seems like a no-brainer.
And yet it's not. I mean, it takes effort and intention.
(14:16):
And again, you have it laid out so that you can do these exercises.
One of my favorite things to start with was doing one activity a day that makes
me feel really good about myself.
Each and every day I'm doing one activity. Now, this doesn't have to take,
I mean, it could be a simple stretch.
It could just be taking a pause. It could be doing a sprint up and down my driveway,
(14:37):
looking ridiculous in front of the passersby, but just doing it because it energizes
me and makes, I mean, you know, just one thing or looking in the mirror,
noticing or saying out loud the beliefs about myself. Right.
Just acknowledging myself in that way. So this doesn't have to be rocket science.
No. And I think this, you know, I want to sort of even take it to the rituals
(15:01):
and habits you may already have. I'll give a perfect example.
So my husband, every morning, he has a cup of cold brew coffee and just looks
out like of the window, right?
And he just stares out of the window and he drinks his coffee.
And that might be you guys
five minutes but it has
(15:24):
transformed his reality you know because
it's it's kind of come from bolting out a
bit you know maybe your devices are going off or ringing your before you even
get to the bathroom you're already in your text anybody right you're already
in your apps you're already responding to things that you haven't even seen
yet or you're trying to read an email and on the toilet, you know, all those things.
(15:48):
And so this opportunity to sort of just make a decision, like I'm going to just
take three to five minutes in the morning and I'm going to do one thing that
sets me up for a really exciting and powerful day, right?
Maybe you listen to a song, you just dance in the bathroom and you enjoy the
song while you're taking a shower, right?
You know, like, so, and again, it's those little things, but the more you start
(16:11):
to begin to create this belief that you have space or you can make space.
The more those ideas begin to come to you.
And your opportunity is once those ideas start to come is to nurture them, right?
Whether you're journaling about them, or maybe you're having a really exciting
or inspiring conversation about them.
But every passion, passion.
(16:32):
Path that any person has said yes to and walked down has always begun with the
nurturing and the honoring and the cultivating of the idea.
So good. And again, having you on the show and introducing your book to parents
and my listeners today is super important to me because one value that I have
(16:54):
or belief that I hold is that we need to become that confident leader or our kids crave us to be.
And that really starts with noticing our own internal messaging and what we're
saying to ourselves. We're harder on ourselves than anybody, right?
Noticing that, shifting that thought. And no problem parenting is all about
turning problems into a no problem.
(17:16):
And any problem, I believe, any problem can be turned into a no problem.
It just depends on what kind of energy we're giving to it and feeding it.
And so if all we feel like we're dealing with in our current state is problem
after problem after problem.
It's much like you say, well, you're going to keep getting problem after problem after problem.
And so I really like this idea of what you focus on or what you give the most
(17:41):
attention to is going to become sort of the biggest thing in your life.
And again, while it may sound simple, shifting your focus from problems and
always dealing and putting out fires and dealing with the problems to acknowledging,
noticing yourself, where you're at, even your kids, is really a game changer.
Yeah, 100%. And I talk a little bit about this in the book, you know,
(18:03):
whether you look at it from a scientific perspective, whether you look at it
from a spiritual perspective, whatever we give our energy and our attention to does grow.
You know, it grows in our mind and then it grows in our reality.
And so, you know, it's a practice,
you know, and this is again where the taking Taking space,
giving room, giving yourself a moment to pause, taking a breath and practicing
(18:26):
that becomes so important because if you sort of give yourself or you build
the habit of taking the breath or taking the beat,
then that is where you have the space to go. I can redefine this.
I can reposition this. I can reframe this.
I can rename this, right? And that,
you know, is probably the greatest contribution to starting to create a reality
(18:53):
and a day-to-day experience where more becomes possible, right? Right.
Yeah, I love this. You mentioned, you know, looking at your calendar and go,
I have I have all the time I need to get done what I need to get done today. Right.
I even want to give you another one in that I will get done what is most important to get done.
(19:15):
I remember reading that. Yes. Right. I will get done what really matters.
Right. And I could trust that the rest of it will organize and orchestrate itself.
And so there's also this idea of,
That when we're in a co-creative experience and when we sort of believe that
we can be in a co-creative experience, that other supports can come into play,
(19:36):
that everything doesn't have to be on our shoulders, which I know sometimes
can be hard for a lot of us to believe.
Like, it's always I'm the one that has to do it all.
And you're exhausted before you even get out the door.
Right. We're holding that holding that mentality and we're sort of bombarding
our senses with all the things we need to get done.
And so this idea of how do you start to engage with yourself and talk to yourself
(19:59):
in a way that creates more room and more space and more capacity and more support
to be able to get done the things that are most important to get done.
And then the trusting that the things that are, you know, important but not
critical or not life-threatening, that they will get done, you know,
as they need to get done and that everything is not life-threatening.
(20:20):
Oh, right. Not everything's an emergency.
Yeah. Tell us a little bit about Move the Crowd.
Share with the listeners a little bit about how they can join Move the Crowd.
So I created Move the Crowd, which we are a coaching and mentoring and training
company that supports helping people learn how to stay true, get paid, and do good.
(20:41):
And so at the heart of our work is really about helping people,
one, become their most authentic selves, but two, in service to their highest
contribution and the difference that they want want to make in the world.
And so what we have found and discovered as we've talked to thousands and served
this point and hundreds of thousands of people through the course of our work
over the last 12 years is that people,
(21:02):
there's sort of three things that people really, really want,
especially as we think about this way in which I think we're now redefining success.
And in this moment of redefining success, one, we want to be authentic.
We want to be who we really are. So it's not enough for us to just succeed anymore.
We want to succeed as ourselves, right? And there's It's a sort of whole self
(21:22):
commitment that I think people are really stepping into, especially given everything
that we've been through over the last five years.
The second piece is the get paid part. We want to be well compensated.
We want to show up. We want to be able to do what we do.
We want to do it well. But we want to also feel like we can do that in a way
that's really sustainable for us, right, and profitable for us so that we have
(21:46):
the resources that we need to be able to live and move and express in ways that
feel really, really good.
And then the third thing is that we want to do good.
And this is a big one in that, Jackie, I think most people underestimate that.
This commitment to raising a little human is probably one of the greatest contributions
you can make to the world.
(22:08):
And it matters, right? And all of us want to matter.
But what I also know is for many of our parents, and this is something also
we don't talk a lot about, but it may not be all that you're here to do.
There may be another mission. There may be another purpose. There may be another
calling that you're being called to and that it matters to be able to do that.
Like it matters to us. Contribution is a human need.
(22:32):
We need to give. And we need to feel that we're giving in a way that matters.
And so our company is devoted to helping people stay true, get paid,
do good, because we understand that right now that is what people want to do most.
So we develop strategies and programs and coaching and mentoring courses to
be able to help people do that.
(22:52):
And that's what we do. There is so much information on your website, movethecrowd.me.
And then you do also have events that you offer a couple of times a year.
So the Taking Stock event is one of our most popular and beloved events in terms
of the Move the Crowd community.
And it's important to say, too, in the context of our work, we work with entrepreneurs,
(23:13):
we work with organizational leaders, we work with nonprofit leaders,
we work with people who are in all stages of growth and development who are
wanting to, again, just make their greatest contribution as themselves.
Ourselves that these community gathers right across
all of those disciplines we come together a
few times a year and taking stock is all about being able
to pause and reflect we've been talking so
(23:35):
much today about the power and the importance of it whether you do it in the
minute in a moment and you take that moment or whether you have the opportunity
to have a journaling practice or a meditation practice or some kind of stillness
practice time in nature but the intention is to recognize that when we have
the ability to actually reflect.
It supports and increases our capacity to be able to move forward and be more effective.
(24:00):
And so at the top of the year, we set big goals. We do it through our New Year's
message and we come together and we set a theme for the year.
And then over the course of the year, we have these checkpoint moments.
And so in the context of taking stock, there are four core areas that we take people through.
The first is gratitude, attitude because we believe that you have to begin by
(24:21):
really acknowledging what are all of the things that are going well, right?
Or where are all of the places where you were able to get support or where you
have been able to do the things that you've wanted to do, right?
And so we feel that that's important.
And then we go to a place of acknowledgement and we look at acknowledgement from two perspectives.
We look at acknowledgement from like, where are you crushing it?
(24:42):
And what was really important in being able to support your ability to show
up and deliver in the way that you're delivering?
And then we look at where are those places where we feel like we're being challenged,
right? Or we may be falling short of what it is that we want to accomplish and achieve.
And when we're thinking about the goals that we've set for the year,
or we're thinking about the things that we want to accomplish and achieve,
(25:03):
it's important to look at those places where we feel challenged to understand what may be missing.
And what that may be crucial to being able to support our success.
So this is where we get to sort of explore what additional support or resources
might be critical for us. The third area we look at is completion.
And this is all about the promises that we've made, the promises we've made
(25:24):
to ourselves, the promises we've made to others.
And this is like, okay, where do we need to circle back and complete something,
dot the I's, cross the T's, versus in terms of our projects to where do we need
to communicate communicate, maybe where we haven't been communicating or needed
to communicate or taking something off of our plate. Like I know I said I was
going to do that, but I'm really not going to do that.
(25:45):
And just acknowledge it, right? Just acknowledge it. Like, I know I signed up
for this magazine. I'm really not going to read it. Let me cancel the subscription, right?
It's all of this is what I call the sort of the stress reliever side of it.
But like you get to actually make a list of like, okay, what are the things
that I need to address? Or what are the conversations I need to have.
Sometimes it's just getting complete with you and you about,
(26:06):
you know, maybe there's something that you said you wanted to do and you didn't
get to it and you're beating yourself up about it.
So we get in there and we create a space where you get to kind of clean all
that up. And then finally celebrate.
And celebration is really, really important. And it's important even as a daily
practice that we take a moment to just acknowledge like, man,
today was a rough day, but I held it together right in that meeting,
(26:29):
or I really rocked that that presentation,
or, you know, my little one came to me with a problem and I was able to really
be present, you know, and help them sort it out.
And they felt loved and appreciated and seen in that moment, right?
And all of those things are important to see because sometimes we can be in
a space of where we get something done and it's just check, check, check, check, check.
(26:50):
And we're never really slowing down to honor and appreciate and acknowledge our efforts.
I want to say this because I think it's so important, Jackie,
in that so many of us feel under-acknowledged.
We move heaven and earth every single day and nobody's watching.
(27:11):
And sometimes even when people are watching, we don't get our due.
And so our ability to become really masterful and competent at celebrating ourselves
and acknowledging ourselves also creates a room and space for others to love
up on and acknowledge us as well.
So that is the process of taking stock.
(27:32):
I love everything about all of that. parents, your first step is go get the
book, The Calling, Three Fundamental Shifts to Stay True, Get Paid, and Do Good.
And then head on over to movethecrowd.me. Thank you so much,
Ra, for writing the book, for taking the time to meet with me today,
and for being on the show.
Thank you so much, Jackie, for having me. And thank you for your work.
(27:54):
Thank you for all of the ways that you are here, for, in my mind,
some of the most important members
of our community. I don't know what we would do without our parents.
And so thank you for answering your calling. And it's been a joy and a privilege
for me to be here with you today.
All right, that's it for today's episode of the No Problem Parenting Podcast.
Hey, thanks, guys, for tuning in. If you found value in today's episode,
(28:16):
click the subscribe button and share it with other parents who might need a little boost.
Stay connected on our socials by following at No Problem Parents for more parenting
tips and get your free download of the 60 ways to respond to your kids without losing your cool.
Go to NoProblemParents.com. Until next time, remember, your confidence comes
from embracing both successes and setbacks.
(28:38):
So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember, you got this.
Music.
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