December 4, 2025 • 40 mins
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What if the real path to power isn’t armor, but undressing the layers that never belonged to you in the first place? Mary sits down with Nedjma Belaid—modern priestess, mentor, former pharmacist, and clinical hypnotherapist—to trace the journey from people pleasing and anxiety to a grounded, luminous self that doesn’t bend for approval. Their conversation pulls no punches: they name the “good girl” programming, the swing into rebel isolation, and the quiet cost of building a life around other people’s comfort.
Nejma shares how she stepped off the medication carousel and dove into psychology, NLP, hypnosis, and yogic philosophy to heal and then guide others. Together, we explore the Sacred Undressing Journey, a spiral path through four archetypes—Queen, Warrioress, Lover, Mystic—that helps women rebuild self-trust, express with composure, keep the heart open, and align with something larger than ego. Expect practical tools: noticing triggers without fusing to them, repairing after missteps, and choosing strategies that match your energy so your work feels congruent, not icky.
We also get personal about family, faith, and identity. How do you love and be loved when religion or culture diverge? How do you model humility and repair for your kids while staying rooted in your truth? Self-responsibility emerges as the secret sauce—attractive, stabilizing, and deeply freeing. If you’re tired of shrinking to fit a script, this conversation offers a map back to yourself, one gate at a time.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mary (00:05):
Welcome to No Shrinking Violets.
I'm your host, Mary Rothwell,licensed therapist and certified
integrative mental healthpractitioner.
I've created a space where wecelebrate the intuition and
power of women who want to breakfree from limiting narratives.
We'll explore all realms ofwellness, what it means to take
up space unapologetically, andhow your essential nature is key
(00:28):
to living life on your terms.
It's time to own your space,trust your nature, and flourish.
Let's dive in.
Hey Violets, welcome to theshow.
Every now and then I find aguest whose purpose and
motivation for their work soclosely mirrors my own that I
feel that inner vibration thattells me I'm connecting on my
(00:48):
own energy frequency.
When I made the difficultdecision to save my own sanity
and leave a job I loved, I wastoo shell-shocked to know much.
But what I did know was that Ididn't want any other woman to
experience thespirit-diminishing doubt I did
when the cascade of crazydisrespect came crashing down.
I kind of forgot who I was inthe face of all that.
(01:11):
And I know for a fact that itwould have been different if I
hadn't been a woman.
So that is a big part of why Ido what I do.
And the rest is that I hadthree decades of hearing my
female clients talk aboutdoubting their own worth or of
allowing limiting narratives tokeep them small.
And one of the worst, allowingsomeone to do something to their
body that they didn't reallywant to do because it was easier
(01:34):
to go along than to protest.
I decided one way to amplifywhat I've done with individual
women through therapy would beto consistently put messages
into the world that counteractall of that, and to share guests
that are inspiring and evencourageous and that use what
they learn from their ownstruggles to help other women.
Well, I have a feeling my guesttoday has blown those limiting
(01:55):
societal scripts to pieces inher own life and is now on a
mission to help other women dothe same.
Her name is Nejma Balaid, andshe is a modern priestess and
mentor who empowers women tostop dimming their light to fit
in, to be their true selves, andto shine their goddess within
so they can experience levels oflove, joy, and fulfillment they
(02:16):
never thought possible.
A former pharmacist and TonyRobbins coach, she has studied
various coaching and healingmodalities and was certified as
a clinical hypnotherapist, NLPmaster practitioner, and was
ordained as a yogic priestess.
She is the founder of With KindAwareness and the creator of
the Sacred Undressing Journey.
(02:36):
And we're gonna take some timeand explore all of that today.
Welcome to No ThrinkingViolet's Nejma.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mary.
It's so good to be here.
Okay.
So I start with all my guestsby asking them to share the
parts of their story that theysee as like those flashball
moments where they've hadrealizations or something
(02:57):
happened where it showed themsort of the next path to take,
and then all culminated inhelping them end up where they
are in helping other people.
So could you tell us some partsof your story?
Nedjma (03:10):
Absolutely.
You know, I can think about tworeally main events.
One was when I was all the wayback in college in my dorm room,
and I grew up in a family whereboth my parents were divorced
and also from different culturaland religious backgrounds.
And so earlier on, I had pickedup the people-pleasing
tendency.
(03:31):
So I could fit in everywhereand make sure everybody loved
me.
And I felt the pressure to bemore of my dad's religion, even
though it wasn't necessarilyaligning with me.
So I was this master chameleon,not really looking within or
understanding what I liked orwanted, but really much focus on
the outside, and that created alot of anxiety.
(03:51):
But there was that moment in mydorm where something had
happened that made me realizethat there was not, it was not
going to be possible to pleaseboth my parents at the same
time.
And for any kid, I know Iwasn't a kid anymore at that
point, but still as the kid ofmy parents, it was kind of a
shock.
Like you, we have thisdeep-seated desire to be loved
(04:13):
and accepted by both both ourparents.
And so it took me down a verydark place, a negative spare
spiral.
And what really took me out ofit was this thought.
And I thought, okay, by tryingto please everybody else all the
time, it's me.
I'm not pleasing.
So I'm gonna go out and pleaseme for a change.
(04:36):
Of course, I was 18.
I had no back then, I don'tthink YouTube was a thing.
There wasn't that many likepre-recorded courses.
So I was kind of on my own.
I didn't have mentors' courses,but I did the best I could, and
that really was, I could say,the earliest start of my
journey.
Um, and there was a time lateron early 30s where I had moved
(04:58):
from Canada to New York.
And I had I was a pharmacist, Ihad been a pharmacist for a
year, but I had to transfer mylicense.
So that required like atwo-year of studies and an
internship.
It wasn't like an automaticthing.
And really, because of thepeople pleasing, I had developed
generalized anxiety disorderover the years, had taken
medication, but stopped it dueto side effects.
(05:21):
But during that transitionperiod in New York to get my
license, that there was a lot ofself-study.
There was no courses, it was meand my textbooks day in, day
out.
And so my ADHD started to flareup.
And so the doctor decided toprescribe me stimulants, which
is what you prescribe for ADHD.
And if you can think, if you'restimulated, your anxiety will
rise as well.
(05:41):
Oh, yeah.
Oh yeah.
So I decided to like haverashes on my neck, on my body.
I was just so wired that mydoctor wanted to slap on top of
it and then tie anxietymedication again.
And I just thought there is noway.
There is no way I'm doing thismedication to treat side effects
of another medication.
(06:01):
I'm a pharmacist.
I know there arenon-pharmacological ways to go
about these things.
So I brought the prescriptionto the pharmacy and I never
picked it up.
And later on, also with mydoctor stopped my ADHD
medication.
So always away with yourdoctor.
Um, but it really took me down.
I'm like, okay, like I need tofigure out this thing.
Like, I don't want to bedependent on these medications,
(06:21):
but I also don't feel well.
So I did a deep dive inYouTube, like anything
psychology, books.
I traveled overseas, did somany certifications.
Yes, I got trained in manydifferent modalities, but
initially it was more like toheal myself, to understand
myself, to undress the layers ofstuff I had picked up along the
way that was clouding my trueself and really being on the
(06:44):
path of what I call today theunmessable AF woman.
But not unmessable like youwould think, like in your face,
this is me, take it or leave it.
That's a little bit more of therebel energy that I talk about
in my system.
We're talking more about thismetaphor of the naked with no
weapons.
Like imagine thismetaphorically, this naked woman
walking down a path.
(07:05):
And on each side, there's likelines of people locked and
loaded with layers and furcoats, and they're just shooting
and throwing.
But everything passes throughbecause there's nothing to grab
onto.
Mary (07:17):
Wow.
Very powerful image.
Nedjma (07:20):
Mm-hmm.
Mary (07:22):
Yeah.
So you had to do a lot of soulsearching, a lot of, I think it
sounds like just searching foranswers, seeing what fit for
you, and just hearing the bigsteps if we look at your career.
So starting with pharmacy,which is very scientific, always
(07:43):
get you know, learning the nextthing.
And what I learned early on isthat pharmacists know way more
about medication than doctors dotypically.
That's true.
So from that, then going into asituation where you're coaching
people, which there's a littlescience to that, but it's much
more interpersonal, and thenexpanding into these other
(08:04):
spaces.
And I think I've talked to alot of women that they want
something that is more on maybethe pharmacy type, like tell me
how to take up my space bysetting boundaries, by things
that are very concrete.
And it sounds like you gottraining and you learned some
(08:25):
things that I'm gonna say aremaybe more esoteric, a little
more mystical.
And I think those things arevery important also, especially
for women, because of the energywe have.
So, could we start by havingyou tell a little bit about what
is a yogic priestess, first ofall?
What sort of training?
How do you use that to helpwomen expand?
(08:46):
Because I always say take upyour space, and that seems to be
your message.
How do you use that to helpwomen?
Nedjma (08:52):
Yes.
So I want to preface by sayingall of my training, there's
nothing that I use specificallyas okay, let's say I'm a
neurolinguistic um programmer,neuro NLP practitioner, right?
I'm not like, okay, now we havean NLP session.
Even if I'm a umhypnotherapist, I don't
necessarily do who dohypnotherapy sessions, but I
(09:14):
will lead people on theunconscious.
I'm utilizing everything I'velearned.
It's the same thing for mytraining as a yogic priestess,
which was a seminary studieswith the Temple of Kriya Yoga,
and really about studyingEastern philosophies, yogic
philosophies, obviously, worldreligions, spiritual counseling.
So for me, that was about atwo-year journey deep into
(09:36):
consciousness, deep intounderstanding really the variety
of perspectives around theworld, because that's how I see
the different philosophies andreligions.
And I think what it got me wasreally this concept of oneness.
Like of course, religion hasbeen a big thing in my journey
because of the conflict with myparents.
(09:58):
So it was quite healing to meto see like the connection
around religions andphilosophies that there's some
differences, obviously, but itall comes down to the main core
ideas of like love, compassion,ending suffering, liberation,
things like that.
And so in my coaching, itallows me to be with people or
(10:21):
women in my case from all overthe world, from whatever
background, for whatever theybring.
I I'm not surprised because Ihave studied all of these ways.
I have worked with, of course,in my coaching studies and
psychology studies andeverything, Tony Robbins.
So it just made me a lot moreapt to be with whatever is
(10:45):
presented with me to me and dothe inner work with that person.
Mary (10:50):
Yeah.
Well, and when you say youdon't use one approach, I think
that is really a huge key tobeing effective because it
sounds like you're able to sortof be with whoever's whoever
you're with, truly be with them.
And it kind of, I even know asa therapist, I would not say,
Oh, I use this approach forevery client.
You sort of sense like whatdoes somebody need and go from
(11:13):
there.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah.
Mary (11:14):
And so the one thing that when you talk about the
religion, the struggle withthat, and you also use the term
good girl several times on yourwebsite, I was raised in the
Catholic faith.
And that is the hallmark ofwhat you want your daughter to
be, a good girl.
And so when you say that, yeah,what do you feel like some of
(11:37):
those narratives are?
When we're raised to believewe're supposed to be certain
things to be good, what doesthat look like?
Nedjma (11:44):
I think at some level we're all raised that way,
irreligion or not.
I think definitely somecultures or religions definitely
amplify it.
But if you just even if I seemy son, he's gonna be nine years
old, and I'm not raising himthat way, but there's kind of
more of that black and whitementality.
I'm not a child psychologist,but I'm just noticing that.
(12:06):
Like this is good and bad, thisis right and wrong.
Like I need to, because I'munderstanding the world now, so
I need to put things in boxes.
And so we grow up, whether theenvironment reflects it to us or
not.
I think as children, we want tobe loved.
We're dependent on ourcaregivers.
So naturally, we'll want to dothe right thing, fit into a
(12:27):
group.
And then at this at the age, myson's nine, so it's like the
friend zone now.
It's like so learning to bepart of a group outside of the
family unit.
So I think all of theselearnings, whether we like it or
not, we start picking uplayers, and some people will go
one way or the other, but peoplepleasing, like on the good girl
side, right?
The people pleasing,codependency, wanting to do
(12:49):
everything perfect, having likealmost metaphorical hives when
we are wrong or make mistakes,being so hard on ourselves, and
a little bit of like thisdisempowered feminine here, just
kind of like, Well, you loveme, um, a bit of a needy energy.
Um, and I think I talk aboutthe good girl in this axis and
(13:10):
the opposite with the rebel.
unknown (13:12):
Okay.
Nedjma (13:13):
With the rebel, it's kind of like the other side of
the coin.
If you take a pendulum, I liketo use a pendulum.
If you go to one extreme andyou let it go, it's gonna go all
the way to the other side.
And so we can get stuck in thisdance.
The rebel, it's for me in myjourney.
That's what happened.
You awaken a little bit fromthe good girl, and you're like,
you know, screw you, excuse mypendulum.
Yeah, I don't need anyone,right?
(13:36):
I'm gonna, I'm better off on myown.
Plus, it's so freaking tiringand draining to read the room
and just make sure I pleaseeverybody.
I need a sense of inner peace.
So I'm gonna be in my hermitcave here for a while, right?
And and I don't need anybody.
And it's a little bit more likethat toxic independence or the
overactive masculine.
I'm gonna structure it, I'mgonna do it all on my own, but
(13:56):
then we're lonely.
So what happens is we relapseback into the good girl, and
then we can get stuck in thatdynamic or trap.
And so that's what the sacredundressing journey really
undressing the layers, not justlike deep soul searching, which
is also amazing, but also justsometimes just simply like, what
are my triggers?
(14:16):
Where is that coming from?
Is it really who I am?
Or is it coming from a wound orwhat I think it should be?
Or am I just defending becauseI can't bear the idea of maybe I
was wrong and I could just sitwith it?
Um, you know, all of thesethings help us undress all of
these programming, so to speak,what I which I call layers or
veils, and come home to thismore regulated dancing in the
(14:41):
middle place.
Because when we're here, we canhave the benefits of not the
extreme of the good girl, butlike, okay, loving people,
wanting to be around and andbelong, and not necessarily the
extreme of the rebel, but like Ican stand on my own two feet
and speak for who I am and andand honor myself.
Mary (15:00):
Yeah.
Nedjma (15:01):
Um, and so that's that's the ultimate goal.
Mary (15:04):
There are so many themes in there.
So the one you talked aboutblack and white thinking.
So we do that so often.
We use those words good andbad, even if it's only to
describe what we ate that day.
I was bad.
It's like you're not bad foreating a cupcake.
You know, you know, there's nobad food.
If you eat 17 cupcakes, wemight want to look at some
health issues.
But I think we imbue everylittle decision with so much
(15:29):
weight and we weigh it based ondoes that fit the good girl
script or does that fit therebel script?
And if we do the rebel stuff,we're bad.
If we do the good girl stuff,we're good.
And really we're all in themiddle.
And I think as women, we have alot of trouble owning some of
the best parts of us.
I think our energy is amazing,but we're so we're so often told
(15:53):
we're too much.
That energy is too much.
And I think it's interesting touse what you've said.
Like there's there are twoextremes, and everything in the
world is a continuum.
So it's figuring out what iswhat do I want to own?
What is really true about me?
And I use the term essentialnature that under these layers
(16:14):
you're talking about, we used toknow who we were as little
girls.
We just knew.
And then in comes the messages,whether it's parents or other
things from society, or I'mthinking maybe in your training
as a pharmacist, you were not inthe majority.
I mean, I would think therewere more males in those
classrooms.
(16:34):
I don't know.
But I think there are a lot ofthings about we're living up to
certain things.
So I love this idea of peelingback those layers and also
looking at it like we're we havewe are this pendulum.
And when we figure out where webelong, we're gonna kind of
come to rest, even though notforever, right?
We never fully arrive.
We're always learning.
Nedjma (16:55):
That's right.
That's right.
Yes, absolutely.
And and that's the thing, it'sa journey.
I don't know if we get like Itell my client, I'm not this
like monk levitating atop of amountain in the Himalayas.
Okay, like I'm still a humanbeing, but it gets to be better
and better.
Like, yes, something happens,and I might be like, what the
heck?
Right.
And and have these reactions.
(17:17):
No, it's her fault.
And but I catch myself insteadof just going unconscious, yeah,
and then just being this pingpong ball between ping pong
paddles every time I leave thesacredness of my hermit cave.
Mary (17:30):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, and when life happens, Ithink that's when we become the
ping pong ball.
Because if we stay in ourhermit cave, it's pretty safe in
there.
And that's where you know lifebegins at the edge of your
comfort zone, you know, thebumper sticker.
But I think too, when we areconfronted with the hardness of
life, the difficult things, orsomething happened.
(17:51):
And then later, 20 years later,something happens that mirrors
that and creates the response.
We call it a trigger.
All of those things, that'swhat knocks us off balance, I
think.
And that's the true test.
Do we know ourselves wellenough to stay grounded in those
moments?
So we don't start swinging fromone thing to the other.
(18:12):
And that movement is not quiteas dramatic.
It's more, okay, I know myself.
I'm gonna learn more from this,but I know myself well enough
that I can keep myself groundedthrough most of it.
Nedjma (18:26):
Yes, absolutely.
And and sometimes it can alsobe in the little things.
Like it could be you're stuckin traffic and someone cuts you
off, and and it's like, well,what's going on?
Right.
Because if you go unconscious,it could just ruin your day.
Right?
You go get to work and thetraffic stuff, and then you bump
your toe and oh my gosh, thisday, right?
And it can just snowball.
(18:46):
Um, but you're right, like it'sthe self-awareness.
I always say it's the basis ofeverything because if you don't
know, you don't know how you cando anything about it.
Yeah, and it's really whenwe're so associated, when we're
so in it, there's no choice.
Like when we start to take astep back, be the observer, and
just in that space, there ischoice.
(19:09):
And then it's up to us.
And we don't always do the mostevolved thing, and but that's
okay, like learning to also letgo and be imperfect and accept
that we're perfectly imperfect,and we'll do better next time.
But if we reflect and thinkabout it, we can also complete
with someone if we feel likeokay, like you know what?
(19:29):
I I overreacted here.
Sorry, I love you.
And that can be okay too.
But the good girl would verymuch struggle with that because
that would mean admitting shewas wrong, and that's too
painful.
And the rebel might just belike, screw them, I don't need
anybody, it's them and the blahblah.
Mary (19:46):
Yeah, yeah.
And we can have a lot of energytied up in past things that
we've done.
So you're right.
How do we move on from that andjust have grace not only with
ourselves, but know when to goto someone?
And it happens rarely, but whenwe can go to someone and say,
you know what, I was totally ajerk this morning, and it breaks
(20:06):
something open.
I think when we're able to ownsomething or we have somebody
come to us, very few people aregonna make you pay again for
that.
They're gonna be very graciousand accepting, but we're afraid
to try it because we don't knowwhat's gonna happen.
Nedjma (20:22):
I even do it with my son since he was very young.
Like sometimes motherhood,there's all these demands, and
you know, you're at the end ofyour rope and they're hungry
again, or oh, but uh my headhurts.
I need the medication, or canyou tell me a story?
Like at some point, it's justlike we just and I would go
after and say to my son, hey,listen, I'm sorry, mommy just
(20:44):
was a bit stressed and it hasnothing to do with you.
And I got impatient, but I justwanted to know, I love you, and
it has nothing to do with you,and I'll do better next time,
you know?
And I think every time it madeus closer, and and he
appreciated that.
Mary (21:01):
Well, there's so much power in that because when we
don't get the explanation fromour parent, we interpret it, and
we typically interpret it likeI was bad, I did something wrong
to make mommy mad.
And by having thatconversation, it normalizes that
just because you're the momdoesn't mean that you're not a
(21:22):
human.
You don't have, and I thinkthen that helps our children to
know that they're gonna mess up,they're gonna have emotions
that are big or messy, andyou're modeling for them what to
do when that happens to them.
So powerful.
Nedjma (21:38):
Thank you.
Thank you.
That's my intention.
Like, you know, it's it's notalways perfect, right?
We do the best we can, but theintention is to model what he
can do and allowing himself toalso be imperfect and and be
human, but also take ownershipfor things and take
responsibility for his self forhimself.
Mary (21:57):
Yeah, for real.
So tell me a little bit moreabout the sacred undressing.
What is that?
What what does that look like?
What are some parts of that?
Nedjma (22:07):
Yes.
So the sacred undressingjourney is just at at the
highest level is reallyundressing the layers of
conditioning, limiting beliefs,uh, limit false identities,
stuff we picked up along theway, right?
But that's very general, verylike, and I can do that easily
one-on-one with someone withoutnecessarily needing a structure.
(22:29):
But um so we can grab on andreally understand how we can
move through this journey.
Um, I there is four sacredgates along the way, which are
archetype-based.
So we have the queen, thewarrioress, the lover, and the
mystic.
And each of these gates havefour keys that specifically
(22:51):
undresses something and reclaimsa certain power.
So the queen in is you canstart anywhere, it's a spiral
path.
I don't like to prescribe stepone is the queen, but it's an
easy first step.
And it was really the firststep for me in my journey, and
then that I see with my clientsis this more internal part about
taking self-responsibility.
(23:12):
Like, know yourself is thefirst key.
We talked about that.
It's the the the base ofeverything.
So it's like if I don't haveself-awareness, it's gonna be
hard to be on this journey.
So knowing yourself and thentaking responsibility, looking
within, making sure you honoryourself.
And how are you also leadingyourself in the sense of am I
being my word to myself?
(23:33):
Because that can hurt ourself-trust.
If we keep breaking our ownwords to ourselves or just
behind closed doors when noone's looking, we don't say what
we what we said.
We don't do what we said.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah.
Nedjma (23:44):
So that's really that internal journey.
And then the warrior-ess isabout now the external
expression of that.
So we're still like groundedhere with the queen and the
warrior-ess are two groundedarchetypes, but now I'm going
outside.
How do I express myself in away that's artful, not just like
people pleasing, or I'm justgonna tell you what it is and
(24:06):
you deal with it, right?
These two dynamics, but how doI artfully express myself?
What is my self-expression?
Could be also a place to start.
How do I compose have composurein the face of challenges?
How do I believe in myself?
But also this is where thepurpose comes in because it's an
expression of me.
Like, what's what lights me up?
What do I want to bring intothe world that is coming from my
(24:29):
court, my truth, my goddesswithin?
And then we move more to theethereal.
We the next one is the lover,which is still externally
focused, which is all aboutobviously lover, unconditional
love, but self-unconditionallove, also unconditional
compassion, the ability toremain open.
Women oftentimes tend to close.
(24:50):
No, I'm okay.
All right, no, it's fine.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Like this is kind of a makeup uh you can't recognize
that.
Nedjma (24:57):
And so, how do we stay open?
That that's a skill thatrequires something that that
using vulnerability as astrength, vulnerability as a
strength, and then also how dowe connect ourselves?
How do we give and receive?
How do we play in that balance?
So we're not in overovergiving, or we're not also in
the calculated giving.
So, how do we be pretty muchthe lovers that state of
(25:19):
overflow?
And then the last one's the mixstick, which we're coming back
more internal and maybe a bithigher up, where this is where
my training in Korea yoga comesinto place as well.
The concept of unburdeningourselves, like all the
expectations.
There's also tuning ourselvesnot only to whatever your belief
(25:41):
is about the divine or theunseen, but also tuning your
state.
What's your emotional state?
How are you tuning yourselfalso in this life?
So it has two dimensions there,and and also the concept here
of transcending ourselves.
So now it's the concept of likeI'm not just this 3D self,
maybe the soul, we're all one.
Like, how do I transcend justthis simple concept of me and
(26:06):
choose who I am?
Like this concept of beingmyself at a higher level.
What is that identityunderneath this role that I
might have here?
And how can I also amplify theparts that I want to that not
that I want to, but that willsupport the greater expression
(26:26):
of me in this life?
Yeah.
And again, and again, becauseyou know, there's always layers
to all of this, and so, butthat's the general journey.
Mary (26:37):
Yeah, and I love the idea of archetypes because those go
back.
I mean, Carl Jung talked aboutarchetypes, and we all have both
sides of an archetype, tends tohave sort of like you were
talking about the pendulum.
So we all have some masculineand feminine in us and all of
those things.
And what I love about whatyou've just said is I think it
(26:58):
helps women who, again, I feelare more trapped by limiting
beliefs, maybe than men are, notto stereotype, but I think what
it allows women to do is to seeall the possibilities.
You give them a framework tothink about parts of themselves
in a way that we would never doin everyday, in the everyday
(27:18):
world.
And I love that because I thinkthat it expands just by talking
about those things.
And I think that's really verycool.
That's very beautiful.
I love it.
Nedjma (27:29):
Thank you.
Yeah, I love it too.
Is it's really nice to havethis kind of path, and then it
can go so much deeper too ineach of these.
Yeah.
Mary (27:40):
Well, you talk about it with such passion, and you've
had so many different parts toyour own story that I think
people sometimes can make amistake with thinking someone
who really seems to have hershit together and she's helping
all of these women again hasthis linear path, and she's
(28:02):
arrived, and everything isperfect.
So, one of the questions weknow that's not true because
everyone has struggles and lifeis more sort of like you know,
the windy road than the straighthighway.
But I'm curious about as youwent through all of this and you
had your own little rebelphase, right?
When you try when you became anadult, how did your parents
(28:25):
react to this journey that youwent on?
Nedjma (28:28):
That's a great question.
My mom has and I are verysimilar.
She's always been interestingin like spirituality, personal
growth.
So I think she really welcomedit.
Um, she did not like my rebelthat much.
Most parents don't.
Because uh, you know, I wasn'tletting her in.
(28:49):
You know, she I had moved tothe United States, she was still
in Montreal, Canada, so shewasn't seeing me a whole lot.
And it was she was trying toget into my world, but I was
just acting from triggers, goingaway, blaming her.
So it was very much hurting ourrelationship.
So when I started to takeresponsibility for my own world
and my growth and started toundress that, I think it just
(29:10):
helped in making yourrelationship better.
And I think also being on thispath for me has allowed me to be
able to love and receive peopleas they are.
We think we talk aboutourselves, and but there's also
this dynamic of like we want tobe love for who we are, but how
(29:31):
are we actually doing the samefor people?
We still have expectations.
Well, it's not how you saidit's not what you said, is how
you said it.
And you should have said thatthat way.
And you know, that's notsomething you say or do.
And we have these judgments andwe expect people to fit into
the box of how we want them tobehave so we feel good.
And so that was a that was kindof a hard realization that you
(29:56):
know, what I thought was rightwas actually a way for me to
control my experience.
World, so I feel good about it.
unknown (30:02):
Yeah.
Nedjma (30:03):
So when I turned the mirror within and started to do
the inner work, then I startedto need less and less.
Again, not perfect, not likearrived there and meditating on
my mountain.
Okay.
But less and less needing theoutside world, people, places,
things to be a certain way inorder for me to feel good, but
(30:23):
come more from the inside out.
And so definitely benefited myrelationship with my mom.
And she started to take on someof these things just by seeing
me grow.
She also started her ownjourney without me doing
anything.
So that was really great.
On my dad's side, I thinkbecause of the religion and
different things along theyears, like we weren't
(30:44):
necessarily all that close.
And of course, I was away.
And I think that aspect of Iwas always on the lookout for
him to accept and approve of meas I am.
And I always felt that becauseI was not of the religion, I was
the black sheep.
I was the not really a part ofthe family.
(31:05):
And actually that happenedabout a month ago.
But I had a conversation withhim very hard to heart because I
came back to Montreal um a fewmonths ago.
And so uh reintegrating a lotof this.
And um I shared with him whathow I had felt all these years.
And I'm sure at some point Imentioned it, but it was more
(31:27):
from like high emotional, youknow, charge.
And he I was probably nothearing him, but a few like a
month ago, we had thatconversation, and he was kind of
shocked.
How could I even think that Iwas less of his daughter, not as
part of the family because ofthat?
Of course, he would want me tobe a part of his religion, and
(31:47):
he was pushing for that becausehe felt it was his
responsibility, but he came froma good place, and the I really
heard him, but that's onlybecause I've done this work, and
I was able to see that my dadloved me all along just as much
as my sister's just maybe it wasseen in a different way,
(32:10):
whatever, but it was there, andso everything was a story that I
told myself, and just beingable to receive his love the way
he's able to give it to me.
Mary (32:20):
Yeah, well, and the irony of that is you had to shed what
you thought those expectationswere and become who you really
want to be in order to get tothe point where you're where you
have the conversation andrealize, oh, like I was okay all
along.
I just didn't know it.
Nedjma (32:40):
Yes, absolutely.
And it's not, it's not like,oh, now, you know, we're never
gonna have struggle ordisagreements.
Like this is still there, it'sstill very present.
I'm sure it will still come up,I'm sure it will still lead to
heated conversations anddisappointments.
But I got to a point where Idon't necessarily have to take
(33:00):
it personally and make it meanthat there's something wrong
about me and that he wouldn'tlove me because of that.
Even I think to this point thatI am, and I don't think that
would happen.
But we had times in our journeywhere we didn't talk for
periods of time.
And I think if that were tohappen now for some reason, I
(33:22):
would have the absolutecertainty that my dad loves me
without the shadow of a doubt,even if that happened.
Yeah.
Mary (33:29):
Yeah.
And there's again so much powerin knowing somebody loves you
and they're seeing you exactlyas you are.
They're not loving what you'repretending to be.
And that's another reason, Ithink, to navigate all of this
and really figure out who do youwant to be and how do you want
to stand in your space.
Because then the people thatare there with you, you know
(33:50):
they're there and they're seeingyou and they're loving you for
exactly who you are.
Nedjma (33:55):
Yes.
Yeah.
I don't know if my dad wouldsay these words that way, but he
definitely loves me because I'mhis daughter, and period.
That there's just no, he mightnot be in love with my choices,
exactly, with my decisions.
Um, but that we make thisconnection between these things,
and it's actually not related.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Yeah.
Mary (34:18):
Wow.
So cool.
Um, okay, so there's one morething that I want to ask you
about, and then I'm gonna haveyou share where people can find
you and you know, uh what youcan offer.
But one of the things that Isaw that you wrote somewhere,
it's um self-responsibility isthe new sexy.
Yeah.
Tell me what you mean by that,because I love that.
Nedjma (34:40):
Well, yes, and there's nothing in my perspective, tell
me what you think.
But there's nothing sexier thansomeone that is not just like
always twisting your words,blaming you for saying things
one way or the other.
Gosh, I I spend my lifesometimes just being frustrated.
I'm myself, and then someonelike the next day, like, I
(35:00):
really didn't like what you saidyesterday, and then it becomes
this whole freaking drama.
Oh my gosh.
When I started to meet peoplethat had taken on the
self-responsibility thing beforeme, and they just had
compassion for me.
Like, oh, I'm so sorry I'mlate.
Don't worry about it, thingshappen.
(35:21):
What?
Like, well, yeah, you made mewait here, and like uh what what
time did you leave?
Okay, well, there was traffic.
Did you check Google Maps?
Like, there's this, this iswhat I had received from people
like great people, love them,but when we don't do the work,
that's just how we tend tobehave.
So when a woman just walksabout and is not out there to
(35:45):
point fingers to everythingthat's going that makes her feel
X, Y, and Z, and turns themirror inside, there's nothing
sexier.
Like you want to be around thisperson.
Mary (35:57):
Yeah, very true.
And social media has made thatharder because we can indulge
that blaming behavior andjudgmental behavior.
So, but I think you're right,and we know the friends we have
that do that, that yeah, thatreally know what I need to do to
live in a way that isbenefiting me and you know makes
(36:21):
it easier to connect to me andall of those things.
So, yeah, I do, I do love that.
So I want to be cognizant ofour time.
Share with us a little bit moreabout how you can help women
and where they can find you, andthen I will link it in the show
notes.
Nedjma (36:36):
Brilliant.
Well, right now the easiest wayis to work one-on-one with me.
And so you can DM me onInstagram at WitKind Awareness
or send me an email, nejma atwitkindawareness.com.
I also have a free challengethat is fully self-based called
Unmessable AF, which is packedwith the sacred undressing
(36:57):
journey and going through thearchetypes and as a bonus, an
hour and a half kickoff umtraining in there.
So it's amazing.
So you can join that at anytime.
Just again, email me, send me aDM.
I'll also give you the link,Mary, if you want to put that in
the show notes to just kind ofjoin the challenge directly.
Mary (37:15):
Yes.
Nedjma (37:16):
And for women who are actually either network
marketers or starting their ownbusiness, out of working with my
client who is a networkmarketer, we're creating this
group coaching group or calledBecoming the Brand Sisterhood,
which utilizes the secretundressing journey, the
undressing your layers, but inthe um in the light of business,
(37:38):
because what we have found isthat she would came come to the
sessions being like, it's themessaging problem.
If I could just find the rightwords, and then we would
realize, like, oh, it's actuallysome layers and things
underneath, right?
It's like I I don't know, Ican't find my audience.
But then I wasn't sure if Ishould put my freebie link on my
(37:59):
last post because I need tomake it more perfect.
So we realized that there'sactually a lot of stuff going on
under the hood.
And so we're doing the sacredundressing journey to support
the support those women who wantto start becoming the brand,
offering themselves andutilizing their gifts for the
world.
Mary (38:19):
I love that so much because as someone who is still
trying to get some things offthe ground, we're always told
here's the way to do it.
And if it's not congruent, somethings just feel icky.
And and and you're so told likeyou have to do this if you want
to be successful.
But I think the other side ofthe coin is if you do what
(38:41):
really connects to who you are,you're gonna be successful.
It's just giving yourselfpermission.
So I love that you offer that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Nedjma (38:51):
Yeah, it's the secret scripts, the the five steps to
make millions overnight, right?
I'm exaggerating.
But and these strategies areamazing.
But when we are strategyforward, it's easy to get lost
in our heads and stuck, asopposed to if we go more energy
forward, which is from thesecret on dressing and looking
what's actually under the hood.
(39:11):
And then we just fly and usethe strategies that align with
us, like you said.
Mary (39:16):
Yeah, so cool.
Well, thank you so much forbeing here today.
What a great conversation!
Nedjma (39:21):
Thank you so much, Mary.
It was a pleasure, and thankyou for everybody watching or
listening.
Mary (39:26):
Yeah, and thanks everyone for listening.
Please share this episode withanother amazing woman who you
feel would be empowered by thismessage.
And until next time, go outinto the world and be the
amazing, resilient, vibrantviolet that you are.
Welcome to No Shrinking Violets.
I'm your host, Mary Rothwell,licensed therapist and certified
integrative mental healthpractitioner.
I've created a space where wecelebrate the intuition and
power of women who want to breakfree from limiting narratives.
We'll explore all realms ofwellness, what it means to take
up space unapologetically, andhow your essential nature is key
(00:28):
to living life on your terms.
It's time to own your space,trust your nature, and flourish.
Let's dive in.
Hey Violets, welcome to theshow.
Every now and then I find aguest whose purpose and
motivation for their work soclosely mirrors my own that I
feel that inner vibration thattells me I'm connecting on my
(00:48):
own energy frequency.
When I made the difficultdecision to save my own sanity
and leave a job I loved, I wastoo shell-shocked to know much.
But what I did know was that Ididn't want any other woman to
experience thespirit-diminishing doubt I did
when the cascade of crazydisrespect came crashing down.
I kind of forgot who I was inthe face of all that.
(01:11):
And I know for a fact that itwould have been different if I
hadn't been a woman.
So that is a big part of why Ido what I do.
And the rest is that I hadthree decades of hearing my
female clients talk aboutdoubting their own worth or of
allowing limiting narratives tokeep them small.
And one of the worst, allowingsomeone to do something to their
body that they didn't reallywant to do because it was easier
(01:34):
to go along than to protest.
I decided one way to amplifywhat I've done with individual
women through therapy would beto consistently put messages
into the world that counteractall of that, and to share guests
that are inspiring and evencourageous and that use what
they learn from their ownstruggles to help other women.
Well, I have a feeling my guesttoday has blown those limiting
(01:55):
societal scripts to pieces inher own life and is now on a
mission to help other women dothe same.
Her name is Nejma Balaid, andshe is a modern priestess and
mentor who empowers women tostop dimming their light to fit
in, to be their true selves, andto shine their goddess within
so they can experience levels oflove, joy, and fulfillment they
(02:16):
never thought possible.
A former pharmacist and TonyRobbins coach, she has studied
various coaching and healingmodalities and was certified as
a clinical hypnotherapist, NLPmaster practitioner, and was
ordained as a yogic priestess.
She is the founder of With KindAwareness and the creator of
the Sacred Undressing Journey.
(02:36):
And we're gonna take some timeand explore all of that today.
Welcome to No ThrinkingViolet's Nejma.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mary.
It's so good to be here.
Okay.
So I start with all my guestsby asking them to share the
parts of their story that theysee as like those flashball
moments where they've hadrealizations or something
(02:57):
happened where it showed themsort of the next path to take,
and then all culminated inhelping them end up where they
are in helping other people.
So could you tell us some partsof your story?
Nedjma (03:10):
Absolutely.
You know, I can think about tworeally main events.
One was when I was all the wayback in college in my dorm room,
and I grew up in a family whereboth my parents were divorced
and also from different culturaland religious backgrounds.
And so earlier on, I had pickedup the people-pleasing
tendency.
(03:31):
So I could fit in everywhereand make sure everybody loved
me.
And I felt the pressure to bemore of my dad's religion, even
though it wasn't necessarilyaligning with me.
So I was this master chameleon,not really looking within or
understanding what I liked orwanted, but really much focus on
the outside, and that created alot of anxiety.
(03:51):
But there was that moment in mydorm where something had
happened that made me realizethat there was not, it was not
going to be possible to pleaseboth my parents at the same
time.
And for any kid, I know Iwasn't a kid anymore at that
point, but still as the kid ofmy parents, it was kind of a
shock.
Like you, we have thisdeep-seated desire to be loved
(04:13):
and accepted by both both ourparents.
And so it took me down a verydark place, a negative spare
spiral.
And what really took me out ofit was this thought.
And I thought, okay, by tryingto please everybody else all the
time, it's me.
I'm not pleasing.
So I'm gonna go out and pleaseme for a change.
(04:36):
Of course, I was 18.
I had no back then, I don'tthink YouTube was a thing.
There wasn't that many likepre-recorded courses.
So I was kind of on my own.
I didn't have mentors' courses,but I did the best I could, and
that really was, I could say,the earliest start of my
journey.
Um, and there was a time lateron early 30s where I had moved
(04:58):
from Canada to New York.
And I had I was a pharmacist, Ihad been a pharmacist for a
year, but I had to transfer mylicense.
So that required like atwo-year of studies and an
internship.
It wasn't like an automaticthing.
And really, because of thepeople pleasing, I had developed
generalized anxiety disorderover the years, had taken
medication, but stopped it dueto side effects.
(05:21):
But during that transitionperiod in New York to get my
license, that there was a lot ofself-study.
There was no courses, it was meand my textbooks day in, day
out.
And so my ADHD started to flareup.
And so the doctor decided toprescribe me stimulants, which
is what you prescribe for ADHD.
And if you can think, if you'restimulated, your anxiety will
rise as well.
(05:41):
Oh, yeah.
Oh yeah.
So I decided to like haverashes on my neck, on my body.
I was just so wired that mydoctor wanted to slap on top of
it and then tie anxietymedication again.
And I just thought there is noway.
There is no way I'm doing thismedication to treat side effects
of another medication.
(06:01):
I'm a pharmacist.
I know there arenon-pharmacological ways to go
about these things.
So I brought the prescriptionto the pharmacy and I never
picked it up.
And later on, also with mydoctor stopped my ADHD
medication.
So always away with yourdoctor.
Um, but it really took me down.
I'm like, okay, like I need tofigure out this thing.
Like, I don't want to bedependent on these medications,
(06:21):
but I also don't feel well.
So I did a deep dive inYouTube, like anything
psychology, books.
I traveled overseas, did somany certifications.
Yes, I got trained in manydifferent modalities, but
initially it was more like toheal myself, to understand
myself, to undress the layers ofstuff I had picked up along the
way that was clouding my trueself and really being on the
(06:44):
path of what I call today theunmessable AF woman.
But not unmessable like youwould think, like in your face,
this is me, take it or leave it.
That's a little bit more of therebel energy that I talk about
in my system.
We're talking more about thismetaphor of the naked with no
weapons.
Like imagine thismetaphorically, this naked woman
walking down a path.
(07:05):
And on each side, there's likelines of people locked and
loaded with layers and furcoats, and they're just shooting
and throwing.
But everything passes throughbecause there's nothing to grab
onto.
Mary (07:17):
Wow.
Very powerful image.
Nedjma (07:20):
Mm-hmm.
Mary (07:22):
Yeah.
So you had to do a lot of soulsearching, a lot of, I think it
sounds like just searching foranswers, seeing what fit for
you, and just hearing the bigsteps if we look at your career.
So starting with pharmacy,which is very scientific, always
(07:43):
get you know, learning the nextthing.
And what I learned early on isthat pharmacists know way more
about medication than doctors dotypically.
That's true.
So from that, then going into asituation where you're coaching
people, which there's a littlescience to that, but it's much
more interpersonal, and thenexpanding into these other
(08:04):
spaces.
And I think I've talked to alot of women that they want
something that is more on maybethe pharmacy type, like tell me
how to take up my space bysetting boundaries, by things
that are very concrete.
And it sounds like you gottraining and you learned some
(08:25):
things that I'm gonna say aremaybe more esoteric, a little
more mystical.
And I think those things arevery important also, especially
for women, because of the energywe have.
So, could we start by havingyou tell a little bit about what
is a yogic priestess, first ofall?
What sort of training?
How do you use that to helpwomen expand?
(08:46):
Because I always say take upyour space, and that seems to be
your message.
How do you use that to helpwomen?
Nedjma (08:52):
Yes.
So I want to preface by sayingall of my training, there's
nothing that I use specificallyas okay, let's say I'm a
neurolinguistic um programmer,neuro NLP practitioner, right?
I'm not like, okay, now we havean NLP session.
Even if I'm a umhypnotherapist, I don't
necessarily do who dohypnotherapy sessions, but I
(09:14):
will lead people on theunconscious.
I'm utilizing everything I'velearned.
It's the same thing for mytraining as a yogic priestess,
which was a seminary studieswith the Temple of Kriya Yoga,
and really about studyingEastern philosophies, yogic
philosophies, obviously, worldreligions, spiritual counseling.
So for me, that was about atwo-year journey deep into
(09:36):
consciousness, deep intounderstanding really the variety
of perspectives around theworld, because that's how I see
the different philosophies andreligions.
And I think what it got me wasreally this concept of oneness.
Like of course, religion hasbeen a big thing in my journey
because of the conflict with myparents.
(09:58):
So it was quite healing to meto see like the connection
around religions andphilosophies that there's some
differences, obviously, but itall comes down to the main core
ideas of like love, compassion,ending suffering, liberation,
things like that.
And so in my coaching, itallows me to be with people or
(10:21):
women in my case from all overthe world, from whatever
background, for whatever theybring.
I I'm not surprised because Ihave studied all of these ways.
I have worked with, of course,in my coaching studies and
psychology studies andeverything, Tony Robbins.
So it just made me a lot moreapt to be with whatever is
(10:45):
presented with me to me and dothe inner work with that person.
Mary (10:50):
Yeah.
Well, and when you say youdon't use one approach, I think
that is really a huge key tobeing effective because it
sounds like you're able to sortof be with whoever's whoever
you're with, truly be with them.
And it kind of, I even know asa therapist, I would not say,
Oh, I use this approach forevery client.
You sort of sense like whatdoes somebody need and go from
(11:13):
there.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah.
Mary (11:14):
And so the one thing that when you talk about the
religion, the struggle withthat, and you also use the term
good girl several times on yourwebsite, I was raised in the
Catholic faith.
And that is the hallmark ofwhat you want your daughter to
be, a good girl.
And so when you say that, yeah,what do you feel like some of
(11:37):
those narratives are?
When we're raised to believewe're supposed to be certain
things to be good, what doesthat look like?
Nedjma (11:44):
I think at some level we're all raised that way,
irreligion or not.
I think definitely somecultures or religions definitely
amplify it.
But if you just even if I seemy son, he's gonna be nine years
old, and I'm not raising himthat way, but there's kind of
more of that black and whitementality.
I'm not a child psychologist,but I'm just noticing that.
(12:06):
Like this is good and bad, thisis right and wrong.
Like I need to, because I'munderstanding the world now, so
I need to put things in boxes.
And so we grow up, whether theenvironment reflects it to us or
not.
I think as children, we want tobe loved.
We're dependent on ourcaregivers.
So naturally, we'll want to dothe right thing, fit into a
(12:27):
group.
And then at this at the age, myson's nine, so it's like the
friend zone now.
It's like so learning to bepart of a group outside of the
family unit.
So I think all of theselearnings, whether we like it or
not, we start picking uplayers, and some people will go
one way or the other, but peoplepleasing, like on the good girl
side, right?
The people pleasing,codependency, wanting to do
(12:49):
everything perfect, having likealmost metaphorical hives when
we are wrong or make mistakes,being so hard on ourselves, and
a little bit of like thisdisempowered feminine here, just
kind of like, Well, you loveme, um, a bit of a needy energy.
Um, and I think I talk aboutthe good girl in this axis and
(13:10):
the opposite with the rebel.
unknown (13:12):
Okay.
Nedjma (13:13):
With the rebel, it's kind of like the other side of
the coin.
If you take a pendulum, I liketo use a pendulum.
If you go to one extreme andyou let it go, it's gonna go all
the way to the other side.
And so we can get stuck in thisdance.
The rebel, it's for me in myjourney.
That's what happened.
You awaken a little bit fromthe good girl, and you're like,
you know, screw you, excuse mypendulum.
Yeah, I don't need anyone,right?
(13:36):
I'm gonna, I'm better off on myown.
Plus, it's so freaking tiringand draining to read the room
and just make sure I pleaseeverybody.
I need a sense of inner peace.
So I'm gonna be in my hermitcave here for a while, right?
And and I don't need anybody.
And it's a little bit more likethat toxic independence or the
overactive masculine.
I'm gonna structure it, I'mgonna do it all on my own, but
(13:56):
then we're lonely.
So what happens is we relapseback into the good girl, and
then we can get stuck in thatdynamic or trap.
And so that's what the sacredundressing journey really
undressing the layers, not justlike deep soul searching, which
is also amazing, but also justsometimes just simply like, what
are my triggers?
(14:16):
Where is that coming from?
Is it really who I am?
Or is it coming from a wound orwhat I think it should be?
Or am I just defending becauseI can't bear the idea of maybe I
was wrong and I could just sitwith it?
Um, you know, all of thesethings help us undress all of
these programming, so to speak,what I which I call layers or
veils, and come home to thismore regulated dancing in the
(14:41):
middle place.
Because when we're here, we canhave the benefits of not the
extreme of the good girl, butlike, okay, loving people,
wanting to be around and andbelong, and not necessarily the
extreme of the rebel, but like Ican stand on my own two feet
and speak for who I am and andand honor myself.
Mary (15:00):
Yeah.
Nedjma (15:01):
Um, and so that's that's the ultimate goal.
Mary (15:04):
There are so many themes in there.
So the one you talked aboutblack and white thinking.
So we do that so often.
We use those words good andbad, even if it's only to
describe what we ate that day.
I was bad.
It's like you're not bad foreating a cupcake.
You know, you know, there's nobad food.
If you eat 17 cupcakes, wemight want to look at some
health issues.
But I think we imbue everylittle decision with so much
(15:29):
weight and we weigh it based ondoes that fit the good girl
script or does that fit therebel script?
And if we do the rebel stuff,we're bad.
If we do the good girl stuff,we're good.
And really we're all in themiddle.
And I think as women, we have alot of trouble owning some of
the best parts of us.
I think our energy is amazing,but we're so we're so often told
(15:53):
we're too much.
That energy is too much.
And I think it's interesting touse what you've said.
Like there's there are twoextremes, and everything in the
world is a continuum.
So it's figuring out what iswhat do I want to own?
What is really true about me?
And I use the term essentialnature that under these layers
(16:14):
you're talking about, we used toknow who we were as little
girls.
We just knew.
And then in comes the messages,whether it's parents or other
things from society, or I'mthinking maybe in your training
as a pharmacist, you were not inthe majority.
I mean, I would think therewere more males in those
classrooms.
(16:34):
I don't know.
But I think there are a lot ofthings about we're living up to
certain things.
So I love this idea of peelingback those layers and also
looking at it like we're we havewe are this pendulum.
And when we figure out where webelong, we're gonna kind of
come to rest, even though notforever, right?
We never fully arrive.
We're always learning.
Nedjma (16:55):
That's right.
That's right.
Yes, absolutely.
And and that's the thing, it'sa journey.
I don't know if we get like Itell my client, I'm not this
like monk levitating atop of amountain in the Himalayas.
Okay, like I'm still a humanbeing, but it gets to be better
and better.
Like, yes, something happens,and I might be like, what the
heck?
Right.
And and have these reactions.
(17:17):
No, it's her fault.
And but I catch myself insteadof just going unconscious, yeah,
and then just being this pingpong ball between ping pong
paddles every time I leave thesacredness of my hermit cave.
Mary (17:30):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, and when life happens, Ithink that's when we become the
ping pong ball.
Because if we stay in ourhermit cave, it's pretty safe in
there.
And that's where you know lifebegins at the edge of your
comfort zone, you know, thebumper sticker.
But I think too, when we areconfronted with the hardness of
life, the difficult things, orsomething happened.
(17:51):
And then later, 20 years later,something happens that mirrors
that and creates the response.
We call it a trigger.
All of those things, that'swhat knocks us off balance, I
think.
And that's the true test.
Do we know ourselves wellenough to stay grounded in those
moments?
So we don't start swinging fromone thing to the other.
(18:12):
And that movement is not quiteas dramatic.
It's more, okay, I know myself.
I'm gonna learn more from this,but I know myself well enough
that I can keep myself groundedthrough most of it.
Nedjma (18:26):
Yes, absolutely.
And and sometimes it can alsobe in the little things.
Like it could be you're stuckin traffic and someone cuts you
off, and and it's like, well,what's going on?
Right.
Because if you go unconscious,it could just ruin your day.
Right?
You go get to work and thetraffic stuff, and then you bump
your toe and oh my gosh, thisday, right?
And it can just snowball.
(18:46):
Um, but you're right, like it'sthe self-awareness.
I always say it's the basis ofeverything because if you don't
know, you don't know how you cando anything about it.
Yeah, and it's really whenwe're so associated, when we're
so in it, there's no choice.
Like when we start to take astep back, be the observer, and
just in that space, there ischoice.
(19:09):
And then it's up to us.
And we don't always do the mostevolved thing, and but that's
okay, like learning to also letgo and be imperfect and accept
that we're perfectly imperfect,and we'll do better next time.
But if we reflect and thinkabout it, we can also complete
with someone if we feel likeokay, like you know what?
(19:29):
I I overreacted here.
Sorry, I love you.
And that can be okay too.
But the good girl would verymuch struggle with that because
that would mean admitting shewas wrong, and that's too
painful.
And the rebel might just belike, screw them, I don't need
anybody, it's them and the blahblah.
Mary (19:46):
Yeah, yeah.
And we can have a lot of energytied up in past things that
we've done.
So you're right.
How do we move on from that andjust have grace not only with
ourselves, but know when to goto someone?
And it happens rarely, but whenwe can go to someone and say,
you know what, I was totally ajerk this morning, and it breaks
(20:06):
something open.
I think when we're able to ownsomething or we have somebody
come to us, very few people aregonna make you pay again for
that.
They're gonna be very graciousand accepting, but we're afraid
to try it because we don't knowwhat's gonna happen.
Nedjma (20:22):
I even do it with my son since he was very young.
Like sometimes motherhood,there's all these demands, and
you know, you're at the end ofyour rope and they're hungry
again, or oh, but uh my headhurts.
I need the medication, or canyou tell me a story?
Like at some point, it's justlike we just and I would go
after and say to my son, hey,listen, I'm sorry, mommy just
(20:44):
was a bit stressed and it hasnothing to do with you.
And I got impatient, but I justwanted to know, I love you, and
it has nothing to do with you,and I'll do better next time,
you know?
And I think every time it madeus closer, and and he
appreciated that.
Mary (21:01):
Well, there's so much power in that because when we
don't get the explanation fromour parent, we interpret it, and
we typically interpret it likeI was bad, I did something wrong
to make mommy mad.
And by having thatconversation, it normalizes that
just because you're the momdoesn't mean that you're not a
(21:22):
human.
You don't have, and I thinkthen that helps our children to
know that they're gonna mess up,they're gonna have emotions
that are big or messy, andyou're modeling for them what to
do when that happens to them.
So powerful.
Nedjma (21:38):
Thank you.
Thank you.
That's my intention.
Like, you know, it's it's notalways perfect, right?
We do the best we can, but theintention is to model what he
can do and allowing himself toalso be imperfect and and be
human, but also take ownershipfor things and take
responsibility for his self forhimself.
Mary (21:57):
Yeah, for real.
So tell me a little bit moreabout the sacred undressing.
What is that?
What what does that look like?
What are some parts of that?
Nedjma (22:07):
Yes.
So the sacred undressingjourney is just at at the
highest level is reallyundressing the layers of
conditioning, limiting beliefs,uh, limit false identities,
stuff we picked up along theway, right?
But that's very general, verylike, and I can do that easily
one-on-one with someone withoutnecessarily needing a structure.
(22:29):
But um so we can grab on andreally understand how we can
move through this journey.
Um, I there is four sacredgates along the way, which are
archetype-based.
So we have the queen, thewarrioress, the lover, and the
mystic.
And each of these gates havefour keys that specifically
(22:51):
undresses something and reclaimsa certain power.
So the queen in is you canstart anywhere, it's a spiral
path.
I don't like to prescribe stepone is the queen, but it's an
easy first step.
And it was really the firststep for me in my journey, and
then that I see with my clientsis this more internal part about
taking self-responsibility.
(23:12):
Like, know yourself is thefirst key.
We talked about that.
It's the the the base ofeverything.
So it's like if I don't haveself-awareness, it's gonna be
hard to be on this journey.
So knowing yourself and thentaking responsibility, looking
within, making sure you honoryourself.
And how are you also leadingyourself in the sense of am I
being my word to myself?
(23:33):
Because that can hurt ourself-trust.
If we keep breaking our ownwords to ourselves or just
behind closed doors when noone's looking, we don't say what
we what we said.
We don't do what we said.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah.
Nedjma (23:44):
So that's really that internal journey.
And then the warrior-ess isabout now the external
expression of that.
So we're still like groundedhere with the queen and the
warrior-ess are two groundedarchetypes, but now I'm going
outside.
How do I express myself in away that's artful, not just like
people pleasing, or I'm justgonna tell you what it is and
(24:06):
you deal with it, right?
These two dynamics, but how doI artfully express myself?
What is my self-expression?
Could be also a place to start.
How do I compose have composurein the face of challenges?
How do I believe in myself?
But also this is where thepurpose comes in because it's an
expression of me.
Like, what's what lights me up?
What do I want to bring intothe world that is coming from my
(24:29):
court, my truth, my goddesswithin?
And then we move more to theethereal.
We the next one is the lover,which is still externally
focused, which is all aboutobviously lover, unconditional
love, but self-unconditionallove, also unconditional
compassion, the ability toremain open.
Women oftentimes tend to close.
(24:50):
No, I'm okay.
All right, no, it's fine.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Like this is kind of a makeup uh you can't recognize
that.
Nedjma (24:57):
And so, how do we stay open?
That that's a skill thatrequires something that that
using vulnerability as astrength, vulnerability as a
strength, and then also how dowe connect ourselves?
How do we give and receive?
How do we play in that balance?
So we're not in overovergiving, or we're not also in
the calculated giving.
So, how do we be pretty muchthe lovers that state of
(25:19):
overflow?
And then the last one's the mixstick, which we're coming back
more internal and maybe a bithigher up, where this is where
my training in Korea yoga comesinto place as well.
The concept of unburdeningourselves, like all the
expectations.
There's also tuning ourselvesnot only to whatever your belief
(25:41):
is about the divine or theunseen, but also tuning your
state.
What's your emotional state?
How are you tuning yourselfalso in this life?
So it has two dimensions there,and and also the concept here
of transcending ourselves.
So now it's the concept of likeI'm not just this 3D self,
maybe the soul, we're all one.
Like, how do I transcend justthis simple concept of me and
(26:06):
choose who I am?
Like this concept of beingmyself at a higher level.
What is that identityunderneath this role that I
might have here?
And how can I also amplify theparts that I want to that not
that I want to, but that willsupport the greater expression
(26:26):
of me in this life?
Yeah.
And again, and again, becauseyou know, there's always layers
to all of this, and so, butthat's the general journey.
Mary (26:37):
Yeah, and I love the idea of archetypes because those go
back.
I mean, Carl Jung talked aboutarchetypes, and we all have both
sides of an archetype, tends tohave sort of like you were
talking about the pendulum.
So we all have some masculineand feminine in us and all of
those things.
And what I love about whatyou've just said is I think it
(26:58):
helps women who, again, I feelare more trapped by limiting
beliefs, maybe than men are, notto stereotype, but I think what
it allows women to do is to seeall the possibilities.
You give them a framework tothink about parts of themselves
in a way that we would never doin everyday, in the everyday
(27:18):
world.
And I love that because I thinkthat it expands just by talking
about those things.
And I think that's really verycool.
That's very beautiful.
I love it.
Nedjma (27:29):
Thank you.
Yeah, I love it too.
Is it's really nice to havethis kind of path, and then it
can go so much deeper too ineach of these.
Yeah.
Mary (27:40):
Well, you talk about it with such passion, and you've
had so many different parts toyour own story that I think
people sometimes can make amistake with thinking someone
who really seems to have hershit together and she's helping
all of these women again hasthis linear path, and she's
(28:02):
arrived, and everything isperfect.
So, one of the questions weknow that's not true because
everyone has struggles and lifeis more sort of like you know,
the windy road than the straighthighway.
But I'm curious about as youwent through all of this and you
had your own little rebelphase, right?
When you try when you became anadult, how did your parents
(28:25):
react to this journey that youwent on?
Nedjma (28:28):
That's a great question.
My mom has and I are verysimilar.
She's always been interestingin like spirituality, personal
growth.
So I think she really welcomedit.
Um, she did not like my rebelthat much.
Most parents don't.
Because uh, you know, I wasn'tletting her in.
(28:49):
You know, she I had moved tothe United States, she was still
in Montreal, Canada, so shewasn't seeing me a whole lot.
And it was she was trying toget into my world, but I was
just acting from triggers, goingaway, blaming her.
So it was very much hurting ourrelationship.
So when I started to takeresponsibility for my own world
and my growth and started toundress that, I think it just
(29:10):
helped in making yourrelationship better.
And I think also being on thispath for me has allowed me to be
able to love and receive peopleas they are.
We think we talk aboutourselves, and but there's also
this dynamic of like we want tobe love for who we are, but how
(29:31):
are we actually doing the samefor people?
We still have expectations.
Well, it's not how you saidit's not what you said, is how
you said it.
And you should have said thatthat way.
And you know, that's notsomething you say or do.
And we have these judgments andwe expect people to fit into
the box of how we want them tobehave so we feel good.
And so that was a that was kindof a hard realization that you
(29:56):
know, what I thought was rightwas actually a way for me to
control my experience.
World, so I feel good about it.
unknown (30:02):
Yeah.
Nedjma (30:03):
So when I turned the mirror within and started to do
the inner work, then I startedto need less and less.
Again, not perfect, not likearrived there and meditating on
my mountain.
Okay.
But less and less needing theoutside world, people, places,
things to be a certain way inorder for me to feel good, but
(30:23):
come more from the inside out.
And so definitely benefited myrelationship with my mom.
And she started to take on someof these things just by seeing
me grow.
She also started her ownjourney without me doing
anything.
So that was really great.
On my dad's side, I thinkbecause of the religion and
different things along theyears, like we weren't
(30:44):
necessarily all that close.
And of course, I was away.
And I think that aspect of Iwas always on the lookout for
him to accept and approve of meas I am.
And I always felt that becauseI was not of the religion, I was
the black sheep.
I was the not really a part ofthe family.
(31:05):
And actually that happenedabout a month ago.
But I had a conversation withhim very hard to heart because I
came back to Montreal um a fewmonths ago.
And so uh reintegrating a lotof this.
And um I shared with him whathow I had felt all these years.
And I'm sure at some point Imentioned it, but it was more
(31:27):
from like high emotional, youknow, charge.
And he I was probably nothearing him, but a few like a
month ago, we had thatconversation, and he was kind of
shocked.
How could I even think that Iwas less of his daughter, not as
part of the family because ofthat?
Of course, he would want me tobe a part of his religion, and
(31:47):
he was pushing for that becausehe felt it was his
responsibility, but he came froma good place, and the I really
heard him, but that's onlybecause I've done this work, and
I was able to see that my dadloved me all along just as much
as my sister's just maybe it wasseen in a different way,
(32:10):
whatever, but it was there, andso everything was a story that I
told myself, and just beingable to receive his love the way
he's able to give it to me.
Mary (32:20):
Yeah, well, and the irony of that is you had to shed what
you thought those expectationswere and become who you really
want to be in order to get tothe point where you're where you
have the conversation andrealize, oh, like I was okay all
along.
I just didn't know it.
Nedjma (32:40):
Yes, absolutely.
And it's not, it's not like,oh, now, you know, we're never
gonna have struggle ordisagreements.
Like this is still there, it'sstill very present.
I'm sure it will still come up,I'm sure it will still lead to
heated conversations anddisappointments.
But I got to a point where Idon't necessarily have to take
(33:00):
it personally and make it meanthat there's something wrong
about me and that he wouldn'tlove me because of that.
Even I think to this point thatI am, and I don't think that
would happen.
But we had times in our journeywhere we didn't talk for
periods of time.
And I think if that were tohappen now for some reason, I
(33:22):
would have the absolutecertainty that my dad loves me
without the shadow of a doubt,even if that happened.
Yeah.
Mary (33:29):
Yeah.
And there's again so much powerin knowing somebody loves you
and they're seeing you exactlyas you are.
They're not loving what you'repretending to be.
And that's another reason, Ithink, to navigate all of this
and really figure out who do youwant to be and how do you want
to stand in your space.
Because then the people thatare there with you, you know
(33:50):
they're there and they're seeingyou and they're loving you for
exactly who you are.
Nedjma (33:55):
Yes.
Yeah.
I don't know if my dad wouldsay these words that way, but he
definitely loves me because I'mhis daughter, and period.
That there's just no, he mightnot be in love with my choices,
exactly, with my decisions.
Um, but that we make thisconnection between these things,
and it's actually not related.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Yeah.
Mary (34:18):
Wow.
So cool.
Um, okay, so there's one morething that I want to ask you
about, and then I'm gonna haveyou share where people can find
you and you know, uh what youcan offer.
But one of the things that Isaw that you wrote somewhere,
it's um self-responsibility isthe new sexy.
Yeah.
Tell me what you mean by that,because I love that.
Nedjma (34:40):
Well, yes, and there's nothing in my perspective, tell
me what you think.
But there's nothing sexier thansomeone that is not just like
always twisting your words,blaming you for saying things
one way or the other.
Gosh, I I spend my lifesometimes just being frustrated.
I'm myself, and then someonelike the next day, like, I
(35:00):
really didn't like what you saidyesterday, and then it becomes
this whole freaking drama.
Oh my gosh.
When I started to meet peoplethat had taken on the
self-responsibility thing beforeme, and they just had
compassion for me.
Like, oh, I'm so sorry I'mlate.
Don't worry about it, thingshappen.
(35:21):
What?
Like, well, yeah, you made mewait here, and like uh what what
time did you leave?
Okay, well, there was traffic.
Did you check Google Maps?
Like, there's this, this iswhat I had received from people
like great people, love them,but when we don't do the work,
that's just how we tend tobehave.
So when a woman just walksabout and is not out there to
(35:45):
point fingers to everythingthat's going that makes her feel
X, Y, and Z, and turns themirror inside, there's nothing
sexier.
Like you want to be around thisperson.
Mary (35:57):
Yeah, very true.
And social media has made thatharder because we can indulge
that blaming behavior andjudgmental behavior.
So, but I think you're right,and we know the friends we have
that do that, that yeah, thatreally know what I need to do to
live in a way that isbenefiting me and you know makes
(36:21):
it easier to connect to me andall of those things.
So, yeah, I do, I do love that.
So I want to be cognizant ofour time.
Share with us a little bit moreabout how you can help women
and where they can find you, andthen I will link it in the show
notes.
Nedjma (36:36):
Brilliant.
Well, right now the easiest wayis to work one-on-one with me.
And so you can DM me onInstagram at WitKind Awareness
or send me an email, nejma atwitkindawareness.com.
I also have a free challengethat is fully self-based called
Unmessable AF, which is packedwith the sacred undressing
(36:57):
journey and going through thearchetypes and as a bonus, an
hour and a half kickoff umtraining in there.
So it's amazing.
So you can join that at anytime.
Just again, email me, send me aDM.
I'll also give you the link,Mary, if you want to put that in
the show notes to just kind ofjoin the challenge directly.
Mary (37:15):
Yes.
Nedjma (37:16):
And for women who are actually either network
marketers or starting their ownbusiness, out of working with my
client who is a networkmarketer, we're creating this
group coaching group or calledBecoming the Brand Sisterhood,
which utilizes the secretundressing journey, the
undressing your layers, but inthe um in the light of business,
(37:38):
because what we have found isthat she would came come to the
sessions being like, it's themessaging problem.
If I could just find the rightwords, and then we would
realize, like, oh, it's actuallysome layers and things
underneath, right?
It's like I I don't know, Ican't find my audience.
But then I wasn't sure if Ishould put my freebie link on my
(37:59):
last post because I need tomake it more perfect.
So we realized that there'sactually a lot of stuff going on
under the hood.
And so we're doing the sacredundressing journey to support
the support those women who wantto start becoming the brand,
offering themselves andutilizing their gifts for the
world.
Mary (38:19):
I love that so much because as someone who is still
trying to get some things offthe ground, we're always told
here's the way to do it.
And if it's not congruent, somethings just feel icky.
And and and you're so told likeyou have to do this if you want
to be successful.
But I think the other side ofthe coin is if you do what
(38:41):
really connects to who you are,you're gonna be successful.
It's just giving yourselfpermission.
So I love that you offer that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Nedjma (38:51):
Yeah, it's the secret scripts, the the five steps to
make millions overnight, right?
I'm exaggerating.
But and these strategies areamazing.
But when we are strategyforward, it's easy to get lost
in our heads and stuck, asopposed to if we go more energy
forward, which is from thesecret on dressing and looking
what's actually under the hood.
(39:11):
And then we just fly and usethe strategies that align with
us, like you said.
Mary (39:16):
Yeah, so cool.
Well, thank you so much forbeing here today.
What a great conversation!
Nedjma (39:21):
Thank you so much, Mary.
It was a pleasure, and thankyou for everybody watching or
listening.
Mary (39:26):
Yeah, and thanks everyone for listening.
Please share this episode withanother amazing woman who you
feel would be empowered by thismessage.
And until next time, go outinto the world and be the
amazing, resilient, vibrantviolet that you are.
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