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We share a candid year-end reflection on editing, expectations, and why resolutions often miss the point. The focus shifts to simpler holidays, learning from loss, and investing time in memories, relationships, and small practices that bring meaning.
• reframing failure as learning and space gained
• choosing simpler traditions and shared time over gifts
• noticing negative bias and balancing it with gratitude
• replacing pressure with small, intentional choices
• using the CALM method to reduce stress and find meaning
• investing in hobbies and relationships for lasting joy
Find the “secret podcast” linked in the show notes. The first episode is free and walks through the CALM method to bring more intention and less stress to your holidays. It costs less than a couple peppermint mochas and you can use the skills all year long
Check out the CALM Holiday secret podcast HERE.
Sign up for the launch team for my book, Nature Knows, and get free insider news and surprises at https://maryrothwell.net/natureknows
Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at NSVpodcast@gmail.com.
Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingviolets
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Episode Transcript
Hi, and welcome to a mini episode of No Shrinking Violets.
I am recording this on Sunday,and it's going to drop Monday,
which is tomorrow.
I don't usually wait to do thisthis late.
But, you know, it's holidayseason, things are crazy.
I am um trying to get all theedits approved and changed and
(00:24):
rewrites done on my book, whichhas been so much harder than I
ever anticipated.
Um, you know, there's a sayingwith editing, kill your
darlings, which basically meansthere might be something you
write that you love, and youknow, an editor can come through
and be like, this doesn't work.
And you can actually cognitivelyrecognize that's true and still
(00:49):
struggle with it.
So I've been struggling a lotbecause a lot of what the
suggested cuts are are thingsthat are pretty their personal
stories, they're personaldetails.
And so I think I'm juststruggling with that.
But that's an aside.
So, but it leads into my kind ofwhat I've been thinking about,
(01:10):
talking to you all about.
And it has to do with theholidays.
And I think when we hit thistime of year, regardless of what
you celebrate, whether youcelebrate, everything I think is
calibrated to make us think backover the year.
How did it go?
What were your victories?
You know, there's so manyretrospectives right now.
(01:32):
Top songs, um, who did we losein the celebrity world?
And we're certainly lookingforward to what do we want the
next year to be, which again isso much pressure.
Um, at the we're standing onlike the brink of a new year,
and people make resolutions, andyou know, it's like this shiny
new thing that we're unwrapping,and we can make it whatever.
(01:54):
And that's true, that is true,but I've never been a resolution
person.
I always felt like, you know,you make the change when you
need to make the change.
Doing a big resolution at thebeginning of a year is typically
a losing proposition, but hey,if it works for you, go for it.
But I want to talk about lookingback.
(02:14):
And I think when we look backover things, it's easy to spot
the situations or events orrelationships that weren't what
we hoped they would be.
The things that didn't meet ourexpectations.
Those are the things that Ithink sort of sometimes stand
(02:35):
out in bold relief.
I mean, our brains really arewired to find the negative,
unfortunately, because when youfind things that don't work, you
should learn from them.
And that makes you better andthat keeps you safe and all that
stuff.
But when we think about all ofthat at this time of year,
(02:56):
again, with such um everythingaround us is imbued with just
this idea that there's a rightway to celebrate, and there is
the perfect gift, and you know,you can have the perfect outfit,
or you should do this, or youshould do that.
And there's just so much thatthis whole idea, at least in the
(03:19):
United States, this idea of theholidays has turned into.
And I'm finding for me thatthat's not at all what I want it
to be.
I'm trying to return tosomething that's simpler.
And so I think as you look back,if you find yourself feeling
melancholy or you are focusingon the things that you might
(03:42):
call a failure or you might calla mistake, try to see them in a
light of um possibility.
So when something falls away, itleaves space for something else.
And I don't like the wordfailure.
I think anytime we do not umwe're not successful, that is a
(04:08):
learning experience.
And really, what is thealternative except to look at
that and learn from it and takethe next step?
But I think also if you can flipsome things around, not only
look at what might be betterbecause of something that you
(04:29):
lost, but what went, what reallydid go well.
What are the things in your lifethat you maybe take for granted,
but that are blessings?
Because I think that is wherethat's where the hope comes
from.
And it's just funny.
(04:50):
I think at this time of year wehave so many emotions.
I think we can really focus onjust not the year itself, but
but what did we lose overall?
Who are the people that we thinkabout more right now that aren't
here anymore?
What are the traditions thatwe've always had that they don't
quite feel the same becausemaybe we're missing certain
(05:15):
people, or maybe we don't livewhere we used to live, or maybe
the excitement of even buyinggifts just doesn't feel the same
because we've become such aconsumer culture, and we're
really in a space where thingsare um, they're too easy to get
(05:37):
and they're really expensive.
I mean, there's a lot happening.
So I think returning to anythingthat you feel was sort of
simpler in your life, and thatmight mean that you you talk to
your friends about or yourfamily instead of buying gifts.
Maybe you decide that you wantto plan time together.
(05:59):
Maybe there's a day trip you cantake, or maybe you buy a gift
card for a restaurant and yougive it to your friend and you
say, We're gonna go together.
I want us to have a dinner out.
Starting to create memoriesbecause I know that the times I
spend with my friends, Iremember so much more than what
(06:23):
I bought them or even what theybought me.
You know, I think every now andthen there's just an amazing
thing that you see it and you'relike, I have to get this for
this person.
And that's the best kind ofgift.
It's not, I have to check thisperson off the list.
What am I gonna get them?
And so if there's nothing thatyou feel like they need, spend
(06:44):
time with them.
And that might be the one thingthat you decide going forward is
what you're going to create inthe new year.
You're gonna create experiencesand you're going to give your
time.
And that might be time thatyou're offering to make the
world better.
It might mean you're gonnavolunteer.
(07:05):
But I think, you know, sometimesif we can look at investment in
life differently than a moneyinvestment, I think that that
can maybe be a key to justfeeling more fulfilled and less
pressure because we don't haveto worry about, you know, did I
(07:27):
get everybody something that'sequal?
Um, investing your time in doingsomething, whether it's for
yourself, maybe you want tolearn something different.
Maybe you're going to um, likefor me, I would, I would love to
get back to crocheting.
I would love to take an artclass.
And I think those are the thingsthat, those are the things that
change your life.
(07:47):
They change your perspective.
You meet people, you learnthings.
And so maybe this is the yearwhere you move away from
investing money and buyingthings and starting to invest
yourself in your relationships.
So those are just my musingswith where my head is right now,
(08:10):
as um, we are only about 10 daysfrom Christmas, which is what my
family celebrates.
And if you feel like you'rereally struggling right now, I
do have, I call it a secretpodcast.
It's a series that um you can,it's linked in the show notes.
The first episode is actuallyfree.
(08:32):
Um, and I talk about the calmmethod, and it's just four
things that you can focus on,not only to build in that
intentionality to your holiday,but to go forward with more of a
plan, less stress.
Um, so I talk about centeringand I talk about anchors, which
(08:53):
are the things that reallyconnect you to the meaning of
the holiday.
There's a logistics episode,which is really just about how
do you execute and how do youfigure out what you take off the
plate and what you what you youknow really want to focus on.
And then it ends with the M andcalm is meaning.
And that kind of connects backto the anchors that I talk
(09:14):
about.
And how do you kind of do justwhat I talked about?
Start to make meaning in yourholiday versus going through the
motions and feeling like it'sjust a consumer free-for-all,
and it's just stressful and it'scompetitive with gifts and just
bringing it back to being umbeing meaningful and connecting
(09:38):
you to the people that you careabout.
So you can find that linked inthe show notes.
Um, it actually costs less thanprobably a couple peppermint
mochas, and I think it's a greatinvestment because you can use
the skills all year long.
Anyway, thanks for listening andI hope that you have a great
week.
And until next time, go out intothe world and be the amazing,
(09:59):
resilient, vibrant violet thatyou are.
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