The One-Word Shift That Changes Everything

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Have you ever noticed how easily we slip into victim mode when life gets challenging? That subtle internal dialogue of "why does this always happen to me?" can significantly impact our wellbeing and resilience.

This mini-episode explores a transformative one-word shift in perspective that changes everything: moving from believing life happens "to you" to recognizing it happens "through you." While seemingly simple, this mental reframe transforms us from passive recipients of circumstances into active participants in our own stories. When we view ourselves as participants rather than victims, we reclaim our power to respond thoughtfully rather than react automatically.

Nature demonstrates this principle beautifully—plants under the right kind of stress don't wither; they grow stronger and adapt in new directions. Similarly, our challenges aren't punishments but opportunities for growth. This doesn't mean pretending difficulties don't affect us. Rather, it means creating intentional pauses when faced with challenges—stepping away for a coffee break or a few minutes of fresh air—to interrupt negative thought patterns and make more empowered choices.

Living with this "through you" mindset also means actively creating positive moments: sending that spontaneous text to someone you're thinking about, looking for small opportunities to experience joy, and making choices aligned with how you want to feel. When patterns of negativity appear in your life, view them as signposts pointing toward areas needing your attention and growth rather than evidence of bad luck or personal shortcoming.

Ready to transform your relationship with life's challenges? Listen now and discover how this simple perspective shift can empower you to navigate difficulties with greater resilience and purpose. Then share your experience with us—we'd love to hear how this mindset shift works in your life!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, Welcome to a mini episode of no Shrinking Violets
.
So last week on my mini episode, I talked about a little mind
shift from asking yourself thequestion why do these things
always happen to me?
To what can I learn from this?
And I'm going to go up a levelhigher on this type of thinking

(00:28):
and take a little bit more of ameta view of that type of
negative thinking.
And I'll clarify because what Isaid last time, the word
negative has gotten even a worseconnotation.
So when I say negative thinking, it isn't necessarily your kind

(00:49):
of thinking or oh my God, thisis like the worst thing.
It's not technically that itcan be that to that degree, but
sometimes it's what we don'trecognize in our mind is making
us feel worse.
So something happens.
We can generalize, because it'smuch easier to see the negative

(01:10):
than it is to see the smallpositive things that happen,
unless we intentionally focus onthose things.
So we can find ourselves sayinginternally why does this stuff
always happen to me?
So what I talked about isshifting that to what is this
trying to teach me?
There's always a lesson.
But let's go up a couple rungsof the ladder and think about

(01:31):
the concept of life happening.
And this is a tiny shift, it'sa one-word shift, but we often
think life happens to us, Thingshappen to us.
I'm stuck in traffic again.
I keep meeting the wrong people.
I have friends that takeadvantage of me, meeting the

(01:54):
wrong people, I have friendsthat take advantage of me.
There's always space in thereto look at what your choices are
.
But shifting also to the ideaof life happens through you, it
doesn't happen to you, yes,there are always things that we
cannot control.
Any sense of control is anillusion.

(02:16):
So it's sort of like expectingthat things are not going to go
smoothly all the time.
But that's how we learn and innature, when things are stressed
in the right way, they actuallygrow stronger.
They grow in a differentdirection.
So, if you can think of in termsof your life as happening

(02:38):
through you, so when thingshappen, instead of sort of
feeling that inner resistance,that inner negativity, the eye
rolling, the sighing like oh myGod, here we go again, the eye
rolling, the sighing like oh myGod, here we go again.
Something else has happened tome.
Try to take a second and thatmight mean you take a break from

(03:00):
what is ever happening orwhat's happening at that point
and just say I'm going to gograb a coffee, I'm going to go
sit outside for 10 minutes,Whatever you can do to give
yourself a break, take somebreaths and think, okay, these
things are happening, but theway I think about it is in my
control.
It's really the only thing wecan control is how we think
about it.
But when you think of in termsof life happening through you,

(03:22):
that you're a participant inlife, and when there tend to be
patterns that are negative oreven patterns that are unhealthy
or just issues where yourecognize, I keep tending to end
up in these same sorts ofsituations.
That's life kind of pointingout that you need to look at

(03:47):
that from a different angle,turn it around and say what's
happening here?
What do I have control over?
What's it trying to teach meand coming at life each day from
the sense of, okay, it'shappening through me.
I'm a participant in my life,Designing it to have moments in

(04:08):
the day that are just.
It can be a flicker of true joy.
It can be that you choose tosend a text to somebody just
because you're thinking of them.
That can happen a lot, that wethink of somebody and we just
think of them but reach out andsay, hey, I was just thinking of
you, send an emoji.
You don't know what you'regonna get back.
You might not get anything backand that is probably because

(04:31):
they were busy or they meant tosend something back, whatever.
But we create things in lifethat feel good, sometimes, often
intentionally.
Yeah, there are great surprises, but if life happens through
you and you sort of take thatstance as you start each day,

(04:52):
you are so much more aparticipant in your life and it
empowers you that when there aresituations that don't feel good
or you don't want to continuerepeating in your life, it gives
you a much better startingpoint to figure out what changes
do I need to create to makelife feel more like I want it to

(05:14):
feel?
So that's your thought fortoday.
Life doesn't happen to you.
It happens through you.
Thanks for listening.
Go out into the world and bethe amazing, resilient, vibrant
violet that you are.