The Plant Theory of Self-Care: Finding Your Light-Shade Balance (Mini)

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Have you ever noticed how plants instinctively know what they need to thrive? Some flourish in bright sunlight while others would wither under the same conditions, preferring cool shade instead. What if we approached our own needs—particularly our social and emotional requirements—with the same clarity and acceptance?

Mary Rothwell dives into this powerful metaphor in this bite-sized episode, exploring how we can honor our authentic needs without the second-guessing that so often plagues us. Drawing wisdom from nature, she illuminates how women especially struggle to distinguish between what we truly need versus what we've been conditioned to believe is acceptable to want.

Just as no gardener would fault a plant for its light requirements, we shouldn't judge ourselves for our social energy needs. Some of us are naturally drawn to connection—thriving in the "sunlight" of relationships and shared experiences—while others require more "shade" and solitude to replenish. Neither preference is wrong; they simply reflect our essential nature. And like plants that respond to changing conditions, our needs may fluctuate from day to day or even hour to hour.

This mini-episode offers a refreshing perspective on self-understanding, encouraging you to pay attention to your true nature rather than forcing yourself to meet external expectations. Whether you're listening while walking the dog, sipping morning tea, or taking a quiet moment in your car, let this be your permission to honor what you authentically need. Text or comment with your thoughts using the link in the show notes, and remember to be the resilient, amazing, vibrant Violet that you are.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to a no Shrinking Violets mini-episode.
I'm Mary Rothwell and I've seenhow often women are told,
subtly or directly, to stay intheir lane, to be agreeable,
accommodating and stay small.
But here's the truth you werenever meant to live inside those
guardrails, and I believe weknow who we are and what we want

(00:31):
inside.
It just got covered up byothers' expectations.
So in these short episodes,I'll offer bite-sized
reflections on the themes weexplore in our longer
conversations, things like sleepboundaries, nutrition,
relationships and, yes, evenwhat we can learn from nature.
So, whether you're walking thedog, sipping your morning tea or

(00:53):
taking a quiet moment in thecar, this is your time to grow
your mind and take up your space.
So I want to talk today abouthonoring what you need, and I
think, especially as women, thisis very difficult for us,
because we get lost between whatdo we think is okay to need and
what do we truly need, and Ithink it actually is really

(01:16):
confusing sometimes, because Ithink we've sort of been taught
to second guess ourselves and wehave so many social scripts
that I think we don't evenrecognize are impacting us.
So I'm going to give you alittle tip about how to maybe
put aside the worry aboutwhether what you want is okay

(01:39):
and give you a guideline fromnature, of course, and of course
, a guideline from nature, ofcourse, and of course it's going
to be plants.
So whether you know plants ornot, I think you probably do
know that plants need light togrow.
And if you have houseplants orif you are a gardener outside,

(02:01):
you know that the amount oflight a plant gets really
matters.
And some plants in my gardenwant full sun.
They can take 10 hours ofbright sunlight and I have a lot
of shade.
I live in woods, so we have alot of trees, and there are just
some plants that if they gettoo much sun, they don't like it

(02:26):
.
They will shrivel up.
They try to conserve themoisture coming out of their
leaves and if they get too muchlight, they can actually burn up
and die.
So when I plan my garden, or ifyou plan where you're going to
put plants inside your house,you certainly take the light
into account.
Plan where you're going to putplants inside your house, you

(02:47):
certainly take the light intoaccount.
So if we think of ourselves asneeding a certain amount of
light and I'm going to refer tothat kind of like connection to
other people.
So if you're someone who needsa lot of sunlight, you like to
be in the light, you like toconnect to people, you lean into
that.
That can be different fromsomebody who likes things a

(03:10):
little more cool and shady andmaybe doesn't want to have quite
so much light on them.
They like things a littledarker, a little cooler and to
be separate from some of theother things growing around them
.
And neither of those things iswrong.

(03:32):
I mean, I don't fault a plantif it is natured to grow better
in sunlight or shade.
I just put the plant where it'sgoing to be the happiest.
So when you're in a situationwhere maybe you committed to
something, you thought, allright, I'm going to go to this
party, or I'm told my friend Iwould meet them for coffee, and

(03:53):
then, when that day comes,you're not feeling it.
I think recognizing is thisreally part of who you are?
Are you having a day where youjust need a little more shade?
Or are you having a time whereyou feel ready, you're going to
walk out into that socialsituation and you feel okay

(04:13):
about it?
And I think recognizing firstof all what is our essential
nature Are you someone whodoesn't really love to be in the
heat of connection all the time, and you can think about that
even in a work situation.
There are some people that theygo to work and I was one of
these people.
I loved connecting to mycoworkers and I loved having a

(04:37):
shared mission.
And there are other people thatwill say I don't go to work to
make friends and that's okay.
I think that, however you wantto interact with the world is
okay.
So being able to pay attentionto those times when you feel
like you need to be a littleseparate from the rest of the

(04:59):
world, versus the times whereyou feel okay, leaning into
things, going out and beingaround people, so thinking about
yourself as just having anatural need maybe that day you
want more shade and maybe thatday you're okay with more
sunlight.
So starting to just recognizethat we all have an essential

(05:22):
nature and that can change.
That need can change from dayto day and sometimes from minute
to minute.
You might wake up in themorning and feel okay and and
later in the day you might feellike, okay, I just need to kind
of wind down and have some quietand all of it's okay.
Just pay attention to what yourtrue essential nature is.

(05:45):
So if you have any thoughts onthat, I would love for you to
comment, or you can text me atthe link in the show notes.
And until next time, go out andbe the resilient, amazing,
vibrant Violet that you are.
Thanks for joining me on noShrinking Violets Mini today,

(06:12):
thank you.