Unconventional Gratitude: How Setbacks Fuel Growth and Connection

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Gratitude gets tossed around like a seasonal slogan, but the real magic happens when you follow the thread from a hard moment to an unexpected opening. I share how a rough exit from school counseling set off a chain reaction that led to higher education roles, new mentors, a brush with doctoral study, and eventually a beloved position I never saw coming. And when that final chapter ended in early retirement—heartbreaking, identity-shaking—it turned out to be the doorway to reinvention.

You’ll hear the unpolished version of growth: how a job that wasn’t a fit still served as a springboard; how one colleague’s casual mention changed my academic ambitions; how shifting landscapes in education nudged me into spaces that widened my world. Most of all, you’ll see gratitude as a living chain, not a list—people, places, and choices linking together to create a path that could only exist because of earlier disruptions.

That same chain brought me here: creating this show, connecting with women around the world, and finishing a first book now headed to professional editors. If you’re standing at a difficult crossroads, consider this your invitation to map your own cause-and-effect story. Pull the thread. Trace the bounce from one moment to the next. You might discover that the hardest step you’re avoiding is the link that builds the life you’ve been reaching for.

If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a nudge, and leave a quick review so more people can find these stories. Then tell me: what tough moment secretly set you free?

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Episode Transcript

Mary (00:00):
Hi, welcome to a mini episode of No Shrinking Violets.
I'm going to talk aboutgratitude today, but I'm not
going to talk about it in thetypical way.
Because especially at this timeof year, I think we start to
see the memes and the signs onwe can put on our wall and all
the things about gratitude.
And don't get me wrong,gratitude is crucial to rewiring

(00:24):
our brain, especially aftertimes of trauma or loss.
But I want to think aboutgratitude today in a different
way.
And actually, let me clarifybecause I've thought about
gratitude this way most of mylife, but I've never seen
someone else write something ortalk about it.

(00:46):
So there was an articlerecently in the New York Times
written by Melissa Kirsch.
And she talks about the chainof gratitude.
So what she means by this iswhen we think about where we
ended up and we trace back allthe things that happened along

(01:06):
the way to get us there, weoften see those chapters of our
life or those pivotal momentseven in a much different light.
So I will give you an examplefrom my own life.
So I started my career as aschool counselor, and I could
tell you chains of gratitudefrom that.

(01:27):
But let me tell you whathappened when I left there.
So I had a situation in thehigh school where I worked that
it just became not optimal.
And I thought at the time itwas really bad.
Compared to what I ended upenduring later in my career, it
was actually nothing.
But at the time I was young andI was idealistic, and I'm like,

(01:49):
I'm not going to put up withthis.
So I made a job change.
And that change was supportedand fueled by the mother of
someone who is actually aspecial person in my life.
But from that stage where Iended up, I didn't, that wasn't
a job that fit really well forme, but it was my springboard

(02:12):
into my work in colleges.
And when I left public schools,first of all, it was something
I never thought I would do.
It was something my mom wasvery vocal about because it was
a good job.
And, you know, she's from thesilent generation where you work
the same job for your wholelife.
But when I made that change,which was really different than

(02:36):
anywhere I had beenprofessionally to that point, I
met some of the most amazingpeople.
Those people are many of themstill part of my life now, but
it was one of the best workingexperiences ever.
And from that point, one of thepeople that I met there ended
up, we're still friends.

(02:57):
And she mentioned a doctoralprogram that she was in.
And because she mentioned that,I decided that I wanted to
apply for the program, which Igot in.
And if you've heard some of myother episodes, um, that's the
second doctoral program I didnot finish because I just wanted
to live my life at the time.
Maybe someday I'll regret that.

(03:18):
But when I think about theother things also that I gained
from that new job at the time,just people and experiences, and
going then from that and endingup working at Penn State, which
again never was even on mybingo card and just had the
most, I'm gonna say, amazinginteractions and relationships.

(03:43):
And when I think about thegratitude chain in my life, a
lot of that was really people,people that I ended up
intersecting with that I neverwould have had some of those
things not happened.
So had I not had the not greatexperience at the high school

(04:05):
where I worked, having thatsupport to go to a different
position, but knowing it wasn'treally a great fit.
But because it wasn't a greatfit, then that was what spurred
me to really leave that worldand go into the different world
of community college.
And it expanded my horizon soamazingly through the people and

(04:28):
experiences.
And then that world started tochange.
And I that's when I left to goto Penn State.
So again, had things not gonein a way that wasn't optimal or
things hadn't kind of collapseda little bit, I would have never
really thought about making thejob changes that ended up

(04:49):
bringing so many amazing peopleand experiences into my life.
And ultimately, really probablythe apex of that was the
situation that caused me toleave my job and retire early.
And that was heartbreaking.
I mean, I loved that job.
I loved my work, I loved thepeople I worked with.

(05:11):
And I made the really, reallyhard decision to leave something
that I totally was in lovewith.
And what that did was it mademe have to step out of the
identity that I had for over 30years and explore other things.
And again, the benefits and thebeauty that have come from

(05:33):
that.
I mean, this podcast is one ofthose things.
And through this podcast, Ihave met women from all over the
world with amazing stories andhave done things that I never
imagined.
I'm about ready to send myfirst book to the professional
editors and it'll be publishedat the beginning of the year.
All these things came from thattime back in my first job when

(05:59):
there were things happening thatweren't the greatest.
And I made a decision tochange, and that really set off
a chain of events that reallyare based in gratitude.
So think about something inyour life now and start to pull
the thread of it.
Go back through your life andlook at how one thing will kind

(06:23):
of bounce off something and leadyou to the next thing.
And then that will bounce offand lead you to the next thing.
And it really is pretty amazingsometimes, the things that lead
to where we are that oftenstart with something we think is
one of the hardest things we'veever ever had to do.
And it ends up having us landin something that really helps

(06:46):
us to grow and expand.
And I think it's prettyamazing.
So thanks for listening today.
Go out into the world and bethe amazing, resilient, vibrant
violet that you are.