May 14, 2025 • 41 mins
What if the biggest obstacle to your success isn't what you think, but how you tell your story? In this raw, unfiltered conversation, strategic storytelling consultant and bestselling author Aleya Harris reveals how authenticity unlocks real connection and drives success. From traveling the world as a private chef to losing it all with postpartum depression, Aleya shares her vulnerability framework that transforms pain into purpose. This isn't just another "be yourself" talk – it's a tactical blueprint for using your story to spark leadership, build influence, and create lasting impact. Whether you're pitching clients, leading teams, or taking the stage, discover why in a world drowning in AI content, real human stories are your most powerful currency.
Connect with Aleya: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aleyaharris/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aleyaharrisgrowth/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aleyaharris/
As always we ask you to comment, DM, whatever it takes to have a conversation to help you take the next step in your journey, reach out on any platform!
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DISCLOSURE: Awards and rankings by third parties are not indicative of future performance or client investment success. Past performance does not guarantee future results. All investment strategies carry profit/loss potential and cannot eliminate investment risks. Information discussed may not reflect current positions/recommendations. While believed accurate, Black Mammoth does not guarantee information accuracy. This broadcast is not a solicitation for securities transactions or personalized investment advice. Tax/estate planning information is general - consult professionals for specific situations. Full disclosures at www.blackmammoth.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Stoy (00:00):
The single most important thing in your life is you.
Your story, your ability to letpeople know who you are and your
influence.
If you have all of that, that'swhere success comes from.
That's where being able to havea great family comes from.
All of that comes from yourstory, which is one of the most
important things you have here.
Aleya Harris is here.
Guess what?
We're gonna talk about stories.
(00:20):
She's gonna let us know how weshould do it, why we should do
it, her story.
Um, we're really gonna dive intoit because ultimately, at the
end of the day, end of thisepisode, what we want you to
know is that you're not alone inyour life.
And there are a lot of peopleout here to help you, and the
best way to help.
Get help is to communicate andlet people know your story,
(00:41):
where you're at, where you wantto go.
So, alright girl, it's on you.
Why don't you tell us about, uh,give us your story, give us your
background.
Aleya Harris (00:48):
Okay.
I'll try to give the succinctversion of this background.
Um, I am currently a strategicstorytelling consultant,
award-winning speaker andbestselling author.
I help people use story to.
So to lead and to spark thestage, but case, um, I started.
(01:13):
Marketing and HR got laid off,which is probably for the best.
Um, and I couldn't get a job thefirst time I got laid off like
Uber wasn't really like a thing.
Right.
Um, that should age me a littlebit.
But don't worry, the eye creamis in full effect.
So no one will ever know exactlyhow old I'm, um, and I said,
(01:34):
okay, well I'm not doing reallymuch of.
I was in culinary school for twoyears.
I became a private chef andopened my first business, um, as
a catering and private chefcompany.
I also got an agent, whichhelped me become the private
chef for lots of high net worthindividuals.
I traveled all over the worlddoing that, but.
(01:55):
I didn't really like being partof somebody else's entourage
'cause I wanted to grow my ownthing and be my own sovereign
ruler of my own empire.
But what I did like about thatexperience was that it helped me
understand and get closer to mypurpose.
My purpose.
Now I can articulate, which isto love people into the highest
versions of themselves andeverything I do.
(02:17):
Is an excuse to do that, but Ididn't always know that.
And so then I became the head ofmarketing for North America
after working, um, at Google.
And I then got laid off againand I said, well, so what are we
gonna do here?
It's February, 2020 and went onan ayahuasca trip to the Amazon.
(02:37):
Okay?
My life started the firstiterations of this business
myself.
Started doing more of theinternal work, I realized that I
could actually do this, and thatwas in September, 2020, and then
within the six months afterthat, I made a quarter million
dollars in in that six monthperiod because I committed to my
(03:02):
purpose and staying true tothat.
And then fast forward, I lost itall and then ha and had
postpartum depression.
But that's, you know, the restof the story to leading us till
now.
Good curve ball.
That's a different, yeah, that'sa different story.
We can tell that story too.
Should you be so excited.
Stoy (03:22):
Right.
That's going to differentindustries like that.
Well, first of all, I was gonnago to culinary school, but
football was my calling.
I went to Oh, and got my degreein finance.
So food is is one of the way toall of our hearts, but second,
yeah, almost went that routetoo.
When you were going throughthese two different, I would say
three transitions.
One, you got laid off, culinaryand then outside of culinary and
(03:42):
then laid off again.
Where was your emotional spotat?
Right.
I know the, the later, the, thelatest one probably was an
easier transition than the firsttwo, but talk us through where
you were at emotionally and thethings that you had to fight
internally that no one really,really knew that much of.
Aleya Harris (04:03):
Well, my underlying limiting belief is
that I am not worthy orvaluable, so that always is the
first thing that gets hit.
When some big life shifthappens.
Over the years, I've learnedthat change is neutral and what
we do with that change makes usjudge whether that change is
(04:25):
negative or positive, but changeis just neutral.
I most of the time decided thatit was bad, so not only was it
bad, but I had done somethingwrong and I wasn't worthy of
whatever good thing could comeof it.
That was usually my first go-toresponse.
After that, it was sheer panicand anxiety.
(04:46):
Most likely right after that,um, hit right on those money
triggers, how I'm an instantdescent into living under a
bridge as a homeless person,like it was like, I've lost my
job.
I will be under the bridgetomorrow.
That's how it felt.
I am very grateful to say thatI've never been unhoused, I've
(05:06):
never had to have thatexperience, but, and I didn't
grow up that way either.
I grew up middle class.
So where that even comes from,we don't know.
Could be generational, could bein my Akashic records, comes
from somewhere, don't knowwhere, but it's instant every
time that something happens.
And it's not just like a, like abig thing, like being laid off,
(05:28):
it's like.
I didn't close that deal that Ithought I was gonna close or I
remember, um, one week, not eventhat long, like a couple months
ago, I was like, oh my God, Ithink I'm gonna be$300 short.
I'm paying my nanny.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
And like the pain in my chest, Iwas like, I'm having a heart
(05:50):
attack.
No, I'm not having a heart.
This is that good old friend ofanxiety and it.
No rational thought really washappening.
It was an, an emotionalhijacking happens with me in
these situations and over theyears, one thing that I've
(06:11):
realized is that I've gotten alot better.
Also, I'm better at asking forhelp, and I'm also better at
seeing the opportunity in theshift.
I cannot sit up here and lie toyour face and tell you that no.
Every change I see is positivecut off my leg.
I really wanted to hop on theother one, like, I'm not gonna
(06:33):
sit here and lie to you and saythat, but I have gotten better
at seeing that and also takingless accountability.
Most people sit here and thewhole conversation is like, you
gotta take accountability foryour life.
You gotta take accountabilityfor your ex.
My inner voice is like, girl,sit down.
The whole world does not needyou to carry it on its shoulder.
(06:55):
And what you said that one timeis not the reason why this is
happening, or you not activelymanifesting well enough is not
the reason why you lost thatclient.
Sometimes shit happens.
In each of those transitions,I've gotten better and better at
realizing the good parts.
(07:19):
And even in, I still think I am,if you think of like a hero's
journey where at the beginningsomething happens, the hero's
called into action.
And then before they get to goon the adventure, before the
night gets to go and slay thedragon and like, you know, run
away from the witch or whatever,before all those things happen,
you have this moment where you,supernatural aid comes in.
(07:41):
And I'm in that part of this,this cycle of my hero's journey
because I keep hearing, let go,let go, to which I say I don't
know how.
Can you be more specific?
Specific, like, what the helldoes that mean?
And so I have been getting morespecific advice in that area
(08:03):
because that's been my problemall along.
Thinking that I can control anoutcome that's out of my control
and not just enjoying the rideand the wave and the changing of
the current.
So I'm getting better at thesetransitions.
I wouldn't use myself as a goldstandard, but maybe a bronze
one.
Stoy (08:23):
Hey, ain't nothing wrong with bronze.
Aleya Harris (08:25):
Yeah.
If you're in the Olympics, atleast I'm meddled,
Stoy (08:28):
right?
At least I'm on
Aleya Harris (08:29):
the stage.
I'm on the stage.
You on your couch.
Stoy (08:32):
I think it's important for everyone to know what you just
said, right?
Is you're one still learning onthis journey.
Whatever the hell that lookslike, you're still going through
it, but also.
That you need to, the let gothing kills me.
'cause I have that same feelinglike I've had that voice.
I'm like, let go.
What?
Look, look, I don't, I don'twant it, but how do I let go?
Yeah.
It's to, to grasp that, Hey, I'mgoing, I'm, I'm doing these
(08:56):
things and we're working throughthat.
I truly believe the biggestdifference between, I.
People who take the next step intheir journey, whether that is
to business ownership, careerchoice, move outta the country.
You name it is what you justsaid though, is they have so
much accountability that I didfour breasts this minute, I
should have done five.
And that is why, you know, I'mbroke.
(09:18):
You know, like that you put somuch on yourself.
Therefore then you don't tellyour real story to people.
Then they don't truly know whoyou are, and that's when it
starts to really feel outtacontrol because you're not you.
Right.
Ultimately.
Exactly.
Figuring out who we are and thenaligning that with our decisions
that we make, as opposed to, Iwanna be like that person, so
I'm gonna try to make all thedecisions that they make.
Aleya Harris (09:40):
Mm-hmm.
Stoy (09:41):
You don't know who they are, you don't know who, how,
what they go through, and nowyou're putting this all on you.
How do you help those,specifically when we're trying
to tell their story, overcomethat at least enough to start
moving in the right direction.
Aleya Harris (09:55):
It's not about overcoming, it's about working
with, it's about realigningbecause there's actually nothing
inherently wrong with any way ofbeing and living.
It's the judgment that we put onit that often makes our lives
(10:15):
living.
I made a left step when I shouldhave made a right step.
I'm so horrible.
That same exact thing could be,I made a left step until the
right.
Look, I'm about to startdancing, right.
You know, I just need anotherleft, right, left, right.
I'm gonna be dancing throughlife like, it's, it's, it's
totally about the judgments thatwe put on ourselves.
(10:37):
So the judgment of I need to beperfect, the judgment of I can't
be seen as fallible becausethat's bad and wrong, and I'll
be broke under a bridge.
That's what prevents us fromwalking out and being in our
authentic self and telling ourstory.
And the lack of telling thatstory is actually what is a self
(10:59):
propagating experience, whichdisconnects you from the people
who are trying to learn from youand connect with you and then
pay you that money.
So what you have to realize is.
There's a good reason why you'redown the path that you're on and
it's 100% valid.
(11:19):
And at any point in time you getto curve the path.
Change the path.
Walk backwards, skip walk onyour hands, decide to do a belly
flop or do the worm down thepath.
You can change up the path theway you are going down it, what
you think about it at any singletime.
The breath that is happening.
(11:39):
Next is the next breath thatchanges the path.
And if that didn't work, thenthe next one after that might be
the one.
So what you need to do whenyou're thinking about, okay, I
am listening to you.
Hopefully you're listening.
If you're not listening, nowwould be a great time to tune
back in.
Hello?
(11:59):
Say to yourself, I think that Iam in fact putting too much on
myself, and I am in fact, forone, preventing myself from
telling the story.
I'm gonna give you the gift thatI got a couple of days ago from
a guest on one of my podcastepisodes.
I haven't even released it yet,but his name is Brett.
Brett Cutter with a C, and hesaid that the.
(12:24):
To let go of all of the facades,which is really our protection
mechanisms that we put upbecause we don't know if the
world can handle our painbecause we certainly cannot, and
we feel like it must be toomuch, too scary, too
overwhelming for someone else ifwe're struggling so much.
So we're just gonna smilethrough it, pretend like it's.
(12:47):
That sounds like you.
If you feel like Aleia, why areyou in my living room?
Get out.
Then I have something for youfrom my friend.
My new friend Brett, and I didthis right after I did the
recording and I burst into tearsand it felt amazing because I
haven't been able to cryproperly and I know that that
(13:08):
sounds ridiculous.
Because you're like, there's awrong and a right way to cry.
I was like, well, not, notnecessarily, but if you're not
doing it at all and like thereand emotion feels stuck, you
need to do something.
Even if your expression ishysterical, laughter, something
needs to start shaking around.
So this is what he said.
He said, put your hand where youfeel anywhere in your tension, a
(13:30):
block or anywhere in your body.
Any sense, a block or tension?
For me, it's my chest and mythroat.
Put your hand.
And for me, I put my hand on mychest, close my eyes, take some
deep breaths in and outta reallyfocus on where that tension is.
And then a lot of people arelike, okay, now just breathe it
out.
But what he said, that seemslike a very minor switch that
(13:50):
made a big difference for me.
He said to speak.
What you are feeling and I was,I started off with, I, oh, it's
tension.
My chest is tight and, and I waslike, well, but it's tight
because I feel this pressure, Ifeel this pressure because I
feel like I have to be perfect.
I feel this pressure because Ihave to have the world on my
(14:13):
shoulder.
I feel this pressure because.
I got this bill, I can't pay.
I feel this pressure because,and I started just talking it
out.
And then as I started talking itout, I started crying.
Not hysterical, boohoo crying.
But at that point in time, Iwould've taken one single tear
rolling down the cheek, right?
And the miraculously was, asthat started, I started to feel
(14:36):
the, the space in my chestopening.
But I also started feeling justkind of the space in opening.
And I started to feel like therewas a gap for someone else's
voice besides mine.
Thank God, because my voice wasjust saying some crap.
My voice was all up in mesaying, you're not good enough.
(14:56):
This is stressful.
You're so wrong.
Body.
Body.
Do mean girl.
Mean girl.
Mean girl, mean girl.
And just knowing that I was ableto carve out a space for
something good to come in madethat huge difference.
And I.
So that's what I offer you.
For the people that are tryingto change the story of theirs,
Stoy (15:20):
do you, have you seen those memes and those gifts, or
what are even the reels aboutpeople saying that there's
people out there that don't havea voice in their head that's
theirs?
Aleya Harris (15:30):
Yeah.
I don't know if I agree withthat, I don't think.
And then they gave it a name,like some random quasi sounding
medical diagnoses.
Yeah, I don't agree with that.
I think they're justdisconnected.
I don't know.
I don't wanna comment onsomebody else's lived experience
that's not my own.
But then I'm like, so whathappens in there then?
Stoy (15:51):
Right.
What is it?
What is in there?
And can I, what is
Aleya Harris (15:53):
in there
Stoy (15:54):
a little bit?
I just, I don't want it all thetime.
I like myself sometimes.
Yeah.
Like it, like do I take a pilland it goes away for a few
hours?
Something.
Aleya Harris (16:02):
Yeah.
That would be just silence.
I mean, that's what technicallymeditation is supposed to do.
Stoy (16:08):
Yeah.
Aleya Harris (16:08):
Right.
And I'm not a big meditator.
I'm a great chanter, but I'm ahorrible meditator.
Um, so, but I enjoy doing themeditation with a tone, helps me
recur, reconnect, and withSpirit and source.
And then that helps me connectwith my clients and people that
I'm helping so that I can telltheir stories and help them tell
(16:29):
their stories.
But it, it's fleeting.
But it's blissful.
Its that brain silences.
Stoy (16:37):
It's so nice.
The problem is when I get it forlike if I, because I'm not used
to having it, but when I get itfor too long, then my brain's
like.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm back.
There's something wrong withyou.
You can't be dead this long.
Aleya Harris (16:51):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And you're like, no, no, no, no,no, no.
We've heard from you.
It's kind of like being in theclassroom and I had firsthand
experience in this because thiswas me, the kid that was like
always talking and then theteacher's like raising your
hands and talking to the teacheris like anybody else.
Like that's how I feel likewe've heard what you have to
say.
(17:14):
Thorough, aware of what youropinions, thoughts, beliefs are
about all of these issues.
Is there anyone else that wouldlike to say anything at all?
Anybody?
I don't care Who, just somebody,somebody else who maybe is a
little bit wiser and has.
A more positive thought on thisissue.
Yeah.
Stoy (17:34):
Maybe
Aleya Harris (17:35):
it's, maybe, maybe.
Stoy (17:36):
So as you help people, what does the process look like,
you know, to, to get their storyout and like you attested to it,
there's different ways that arenecessary for it, right?
Sales, leadership, your ownbusiness, you know, public
speaking type of stuff.
I know we don't need to go downevery rabbit hole, but like in
general, what's your processlook like?
So that people know like, Hey,this is what it means.
(17:58):
Because there are a lot ofpeople who are stuck and say, I
don't have a story.
I don't have anything.
I'm gonna call bullshit on that,by the way, right now.
You do.
Yeah.
Aleya Harris (18:06):
You do have a story.
Stoy (18:07):
But walk us through that.
Aleya Harris (18:09):
So I am a framework girl.
I'm a Virgos.
Virgo.
You need a framework.
You want me to framework yourframework?
I'll framework.
Your framework.
So the overarching frameworkthat I use is called the Story
Spark Framework, and it hasthree most basic.
Get real, get clear and getconnected.
So what we do first, whether youare wanting to hire me for
(18:32):
consultancy to help your companyredo your leadership in culture,
or whether you're in my Sparkthe stage program to help you
become a better public speaker.
We are going to rifle aroundinside of you first because you
need to have the understandingand the straight up awareness of
when you are on track, when areyou off the track, that you've
(18:55):
decided that you wanna be on,how to hear, how to open, how to
channel, and what your storiesare, and what the lessons are
that you learned from thosestories.
Because if you haven't learnedanything from the pain, the pain
doesn't have a purpose.
So how can you provide your paina purpose by articulating the
(19:16):
lesson and how you can use it touplift others?
So that's the first part.
Then we get clear, and I havemore frameworks for that.
So you need to not only knowyourself, but you need to be
able to communicate that self toother people.
That's where connection happens.
Not only do you need to be ableto communicate who you are, but
(19:37):
why should someone listen toyou?
Why should someone wanna beconnected with you?
If you're talking about aculture, how are you telling me
that your problems and livedexperience can be shared and
understood and experienced by meso that we can move forward
together?
So I have crisis storyframeworks and radical spark
signature talk frameworks thathelp you understand how to
(19:59):
communicate in a compelling way,and then you get connected.
It's about how to make sure thatyour story can take on a life of
its own by facilitating amovement of purpose, connection,
inspiration, transformation.
I do not have the power totransform another individual.
(20:22):
Ask my husband.
I have tried ad nauseum forabout a decade now, and the man
is wonderful, but any change, heis done.
He had to decide to do it on hisown.
Right?
That's how it works.
You have to decide to transform.
So whether you are leading agroup of people or you're
leading an audience from thestage.
(20:44):
Your job is to maketransformation so delicious, so
sick, so tantalizing, soirresistible that people cannot
help but decide to go on theirown journey to their highest
good.
Being able to understand wherepeople, how people receive you,
(21:05):
it goes down to what Wearing,how are standing, how are.
All the way to what do yourslides look like if you're on
stage?
How do you present your new ideain a company meeting?
What should the format be?
Where do you put your hands?
All of those little things helpyou connect human to human on a
shared.
(21:26):
Level, experience level thatbrings everything full circle so
that your personal livedexperience, your group lived
experience, create somethingthat's bigger than any
individual component.
And that for me is the power ofstory.
Stoy (21:40):
Leah.
I don't want people to know mybusiness.
I just want, I don't want to bevulnerable and give out all of
that.
They don't need to know allthat.
You know what?
What do you say to those people?
'cause I know that comes up.
You know what I mean?
Oh,
Aleya Harris (21:52):
it comes up all the time.
And my job is not to push you ifyou're not ready or not wanting
to tell your deepest, darkestsecret.
My job is to push you past yourboiler plate.
My job is to push you past whatchat GPT comes up with.
Because in a post pandemicworld, in a, in the new wave of
(22:17):
a technological revolution wherereal is at a premium, people are
searching for authenticity.
So your story, the purpose ofyour story is to convey that
authenticity and if you how toauthenticity, then you are.
(22:41):
Selling is not what it used tobe.
Selling.
Used to be able to be like, Hey,we got this 5, 9, 9, wanna buy
one?
Not buy.
All right, happy deal.
I'll take five.
And like, it wasn't like, youknow, ridiculous.
Like think of like the used carsales and commercial from like
the eighties and nineties,right?
They actually worked, that's whythere was like, there was a
thing that doesn't work anymore,but works is humans buying from
humans who people can feel likethey trust.
(23:03):
Because trust is also at apremium.
So you don't have to.
Your postpartum depression storylike I do from the stage, but
you should probably tell thattime when you, you know, gave
that advice to a direct reportor maybe the time when you
showed up to a leadershipmeeting not feeling like
(23:25):
yourself, and you didn'tcommunicate that well at what
the, the ramifications of thatwere.
There are levels ofstorytelling, but the point is
to articulate a shared humanemotion, fear, overwhelm,
anxiety, imposter syndrome sothat someone else can recognize
that you have had an experiencelike them or a feeling and an
(23:48):
emotion like them, and that youcan be someone that they connect
with on.
Stoy (23:55):
But we're just in a, a, a timeframe in our society that we
we're stopping putting people onpedestals.
We just don't get mm-hmm.
That you are, name it, the, thepresident.
LeBron.
Like, we don't care what youare.
Right.
Who you are.
And that's why what is reallycool, I think, obviously I play
collegiate football, so sportsare my kind of, I go-to my
(24:15):
go-to.
But we're all seeing a lot ofmore documentaries behind the
scenes of athletes, right?
Mm-hmm.
Kyle did one in the Olympics,right?
Like we're starting to see a lotmore behind the scenes.
All that does is bring real.
To people.
Yeah, exactly.
Take off on Netflix.
Right?
Because we just wanna see thembe a real ass person, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Walk outside like, we just wannasee you be real so we can
(24:38):
connect to you.
Otherwise, you are this.
This facade, this, this, thisgodlike creature that no one can
like.
Mm-hmm.
But no, most of'em are justregular old people.
They can just jump higher or runfaster.
That's it.
Exactly, exactly.
That's, that's the key I believein the storytelling, is just
letting people know you are areal ass human, not a robot, not
(24:59):
a, not a whatever.
So it is great to see that.
Aleya Harris (25:02):
Absolutely.
I mean, and it's veryinteresting too, because.
That's kind of like oursociety's obsession with like
reality TV and Yeah, reality,which is, or now that you don't
even call it reality.
They call it like non-scriptedor something because it's like,
it's not real.
But even the facade of thereality, we are craving more,
(25:22):
you know, because we just want.
To feel like we are connected,even if it is blown out of
proportion or now there's atrend on a non aesthetic
Instagram trend, right?
Where people like regular oldpeople are like, this is what my
actual house looks like as anormal human.
(25:43):
Living in Ohio.
Like it's not these grandiose,super clean, super professional
looking homes, right?
And that makes people feel goodabout themselves.
And look, I am an optimistthrough and through, but shit is
hard right now.
And.
I don't really feel like theexternal world is planning on
(26:09):
getting easier at this currentjuncture in time.
I am not a future teller andboy, howdy do I hope that I'm
wrong, but you know, I thinkabout my grandfather who had
three kids, a stay at home wife.
I was able to own his own home.
Two cars had college funds forall three girls, went on
(26:31):
vacation twice a year, all onthis man's income.
He just worked in hr.
I live in Los Angeles,California.
Sir, that's not possible.
It's just you.
You being single in a onebedroom apartment.
You got three jobs, right?
We live in a very differentworld where easy doesn't come as
(26:56):
easy.
And if you know that, and if youplan on experiencing that with
any type of sanity, you willunderstand that the story that
you tell to yourself about whoyou are and how you can navigate
the non easy.
(27:16):
And the story you tell to otherpeople about how you are doing
that in an authentic way is whatis going to make you stand out
because the telling of, oh,well, no, I'm fine.
Everything's fine.
Don't look over the air, don'tlook underneath that.
And yes, there is a fire behindme, but pay attention to me.
Don't look behind me.
Just pay attention to me.
(27:38):
That is going to ruin yourincome.
You won't be able to moveforward in a story that is not
even a good fairy tale.
You know, it's the things thatpeople thought were inspiring
before, like Lifestyles of theRich in Vama.
I'm Robin Leach, right?
(28:00):
That doesn't inspire anymore.
It makes people feel a little.
Grouchy.
Yeah.
Cranky and bitter.
Yeah.
Right.
Because, I dunno, somethingabout the lifestyles of the Rich
and famous before was like, Ooh,ah.
Now it's like, man, that feelslike it's in my face and I don't
like it.
So what are you gonna do to be anormal human?
Stoy (28:20):
Right?
There's your story.
I'll get to the end of this.
I always ask two questions.
One's deep, one can get deep,but one's deep for sure.
Okay.
You ready?
I think so.
Okay.
You better be.
Okay.
What is your first money memory?
Aleya Harris (28:38):
Oh, you know, that's such a good question.
There's an app that I use that'scalled Mastery, M-A-S-T-R-Y, and
it's a hypno breath,hypnotherapy breath work app.
And that actually is one of thequestions they ask in the
hypnotherapy breath worksession.
So I'm prepared for.
Stoy (28:58):
Wow.
I have never literally beenhundreds of episodes ever once.
Was everyone ever said that?
I'm gonna take it though, youknow?
Yeah, but damn, that's prettyfunny.
Aleya Harris (29:07):
It's pretty funny.
So my first money memory, theone that usually pops up in
these hypnotherapy breath worksessions is a Christmas morning
when I think, I think I was likeseven or so, maybe.
Yeah, I think I was seven.
My parents divorced when I wasfour.
And my mom kept the house and itwas Christmas morning and I got
(29:30):
my first big girl bike.
And I remember though that mymom said something like how one
of her friends helped pay forit.
And I remember looking at herface and it being excited that
she could give it to me, butalso this like.
At least how I perceive it'slike this apologetic look like
(29:52):
it couldn't be more, and thissense of like embarrassment that
she had to get help buying thebike for me and what that did in
that moment was cemented a veryinsidious and unfortunate
memory.
That is not my mom's fault,that.
Oh, I don't deserve this.
This money should have gonesomewhere else.
Or having this good thing thatmakes me so happy is causing
(30:16):
pain to someone I love.
And I am unworthy of thismoment.
Even though it was sacrifice,you know, there was sacrifice
involved in giving this to me,but what makes me worthy of.
Why do I deserve this bike andmy mom's and my mom to feel like
(30:38):
how I can tell she's feeling,even though she'd never said
anything bad or wrong, but Icould tell and I could feel it.
And that combined with my fatheralways choosing whoever he was
dating at the time over me,really cemented and has been
years in therapy and spiritualsessions to.
(31:00):
I am not one of the rich people.
I am unworthy of success and Idon't deserve what comes my,
because who am I that someonewould have less so that I can
have more?
Scarcity based mentality.
(31:21):
That's annoying at best andincredibly harmful at worst.
But that when I'm in thatmeditation, that's, I don't know
if it's my very, very firstmemory, but that's the one that
comes up consistently.
Stoy (31:35):
We find when I ask that question, we find that, and
you've done the work, so you'rea little different, but we find
that people understand like.
Like for you, it was like, I'munworthy.
That's what you got essentiallyfrom that situation.
Mm-hmm.
And now your entire life hasfrom then point you felt that
way, right?
Yeah.
And it's really interestingbecause I'm not a, I'm not a
(31:57):
therapist scientist or any ofthat, but the data that I've
been doing because of thisquestion where we are today,
reflects back to when we were atthat age.
Aleya Harris (32:06):
Oh yeah.
Stoy (32:07):
Um, and if you don't do the work, the cycle continues.
Right.
But also it's funny,
Aleya Harris (32:13):
I have, I have something to break to you.
Even if you do do the work,it's, the cycle continues.
There is no magic stop button.
Trust me, I've been
Stoy (32:22):
looking for it.
It might happen less, it mighthurt a little less, but it, the
train still goes.
The train still goes, and itruns me over every, every now
and again.
But when we, when they reflectback and we reflect back on
that, it's really funny how it'sa money memory that triggers
most of how we operate in life.
Not Like if I said, what wasyour first happy, joyous memory
(32:44):
as a child, I bet it won't bethat.
No, that does not influence youas much today as that money
memory did.
Aleya Harris (32:53):
Yes, it's very true.
We have, it's, it's, it'shorrible actually.
Think about because how muchpain shapes us more than
pleasure or at least moreovertly.
Yeah.
Um.
My daughter is two.
She's my favorite person in theworld.
It's okay.
My husband knows this.
We both agree.
It's fine.
(33:13):
That works.
Um, and I tell her every day,all day how much I love her, but
I know that the time that I havewith her right now is more a
gift for me than for her.
She's only two, like not manypeople remember very much from
this age and this chick lives ahappy life.
(33:34):
She has a nanny and drivesaround and, you know, foreign
cars and has silk sheets andlike eats organic food.
Like this chick lives the lifethat most Instagram influencers
would kill for, right?
But she's not gonna rememberthis overtly, but I think of it
as like weaving a, a quilt.
(33:56):
So let's say you're weaving aquilt and the the yarn you're
using is white and it's soft andit feels good and it wraps
around you.
But every once in a while youweave in like a, an itchy patch
of, I don't know, you know,Brillo pad, right?
And it's dark on the whitebackground.
(34:17):
And so it's easy to notice thosepainful moments.
But that doesn't mean thatyou're not still wrapped up in a
general soft quilt and that, andthat that quilt doesn't, in the
background, whether you'renoticing or or not, provide you
a sense of safety and security,and that's what I like to think.
(34:38):
Those good memories, they don'tstand out.
You're absolutely right.
They just operate in thebackground, but they formulate
who we are in a softer, morecompassionate, less obvious way.
But I would like to thinkthey're just as powerful if not
more powerful, even if they'renot as memorable
Stoy (34:57):
view's.
Got a remember'em.
Aleya Harris (34:59):
You just gotta remember'em and call them out
and count your, count yourblessings as they say, because I
as humans.
We're hardwired to focus on thenegative.
Yeah,
Stoy (35:12):
we are.
Aleya Harris (35:13):
It's hard.
That's why like there's like awhole bible about it.
You'll see it in the Quran,you'll see it in Hindu
practices, you'll see it intraditional, um, indigenous
practices.
The emphasis on focusing onintentionally on the good
because that's not our naturalstate.
No
Stoy (35:31):
dunno why, I don't know why we were created this way.
I don't know,
Aleya Harris (35:33):
man,
Stoy (35:34):
me.
I wouldn't create a being likethat, but, hey, hey.
Aleya Harris (35:37):
Yeah.
Well next time you, you try tomeditate, have that conversation
with God and be like, so aboutthis human blueprint thing that
you have.
Like, what were you thinking?
Do you, I can say oops.
Right, right.
I mean, are we getting like a2.0 here?
Stoy (35:57):
Are we getting an upgrade anytime soon?
The last question kind of revertback to the beginning too, is we
wanna leave people withsomething.
So I want you to give them apiece of advice, action steps,
something.
That they can understand rightnow today from what they're
listening to and take that nextstep in their journey.
Aleya Harris (36:13):
Oh, so many things, but I'm going to go
very, very tangible.
People ask me, okay, yeah,you're great, but like I gotta
tell a story in a presentationlike tomorrow.
So what you got for me?
This is what I got for you.
I call it my crisis storyframework.
It has four parts.
The first thing when you'retelling a story, before you even
(36:33):
get into any of the sectionsthough, is to make sure that it
relates to whatever the heckyou're talking about, and
realize that you're talking tonarcissists with a short
attention span, no matter whoyou're talking to.
Even if you were talking toyourself, is it about me?
Can you make it about me?
Five minutes from now, is itgonna be five minutes?
Minutes, five minutes afterthat, because if not, I'm not
listening.
So be relevant.
The first part of the frameworkis to start off by capturing
(36:55):
these lovely narcissistattention with a good hook
that's related to the crisis.
The first sentence of mybestselling book, spark the
stage available on Amazon.
Is, um, I began myentrepreneurial journey as the
victim of an abusiverelationship.
It's the very first sentenceFrom there, no one is not gonna
(37:15):
at least read a second sentence,right?
Because I've hooked you in.
You're like, what the heck?
I did not expect this book aboutpublic speaking to start this
way, and then I've got you mostpeople, at least through at
least half of the book.
I got you.
So you want to focus on what thebeginning is, even if something
is, uh, when I tell mypostpartum story, usually the
(37:36):
first sentence I use is, I diedon a cold operating room table
on November.
The whole story is about how theold me died and knew me as a
mother was born, and melamenting how I took care of the
old me very poorly and mypromise to myself to do better.
So it, it is all about the firstpart.
(37:58):
The second thing is then youarticulate the crisis, lean into
the pain that it caused you, andthat defining human emotion
characteristic that people canrelate to.
The third point is toarticulate, hopefully in at
least three steps, but no morewhat you did to get yourself out
that crisis.
Because if all you do is you sitthere and you talk about
(38:19):
yourself, by the time you'redone, people will be like.
Well, that's great for youanyways.
Has anybody ought be making wrapdates recently?
Like you're not going to capturetheir attention.
So you flip it and you say, I'vegone through this pain.
It has taught me this thing, andthis is how I learned that.
Step one, step two, step three,and then the fourth step of the
(38:41):
crisis story framework is torelate it to the larger context.
So what exactly, like, how doesthis relate to the new
initiative you're launching?
How does this relate to theoverall presentation you're
giving?
How does this relate to yourculture?
How does this relate to theperformance?
If you tell stories in thatframework, you will captivate
hearts and minds.
I've given talks that have takenthat framework and extended it
(39:05):
to anywhere between nine to 10minutes and have had audiences
in tears, not because I've hadanything super du duper
traumatic happen to me, and I'mtelling this super sad story,
but because the framework.
And people immediately seethemselves in your story, they
empathize with you, and they nowfeel inspired to go transform
(39:26):
their lives.
So that's the last very tangiblething that I will leave you
with, with the bequest, that yougo out and tell the story.
If you need to rewind this,listen to it again.
Reach out to me if you have anyquestions.
But go tell the story, not theone that's necessarily your
deepest, darkest secret.
If you're not ready, but go tellyour story because there is
(39:47):
someone out there in this world.
That is waiting to hear yourstory exactly from you.
I could tell a postpartumdepression story and someone
would be like, and this, a lotof people do like, oh, well,
black women, they just like gothrough stuff like that, right?
You would be surprised.
They might need to hear it fromyou.
(40:07):
They might need to hear it frommy husband who was there to
support me through my journey,right?
So you never know whose lifeyou're going to change and who's
waiting for you to begin theirown transformation.
Stoy (40:19):
I'll finish all of that with what she just said is reach
out.
You need to communicate.
The only way we can get anywhereis just communication.
So we'll have her book in thedescription too, but also
communicate to us if that'sreaching out to us, DMing us,
comment, all that crap.
I don't care about thealgorithm, which I talk shit
about the algorithm all thetime, so probably don't like me
anyway.
But if you communicate, youcomment you, you email us, we
(40:44):
can help.
But you're not gonna getanywhere with your story, with
your life if you don't take thatstep and reach out to somebody
or tell somebody your story.
So I appreciate you, um, Ireally do.
This was fun and I hope morepeople are inspired to tell
their story.
And I look forward to a couplemore episodes with you.
I'm going a little deeper.
Aleya Harris (41:02):
Oh, I love that.
Thanks so much for having me.
Stoy (41:06):
Alrighty.
The single most important thing in your life is you.
Your story, your ability to letpeople know who you are and your
influence.
If you have all of that, that'swhere success comes from.
That's where being able to havea great family comes from.
All of that comes from yourstory, which is one of the most
important things you have here.
Aleya Harris is here.
Guess what?
We're gonna talk about stories.
(00:20):
She's gonna let us know how weshould do it, why we should do
it, her story.
Um, we're really gonna dive intoit because ultimately, at the
end of the day, end of thisepisode, what we want you to
know is that you're not alone inyour life.
And there are a lot of peopleout here to help you, and the
best way to help.
Get help is to communicate andlet people know your story,
(00:41):
where you're at, where you wantto go.
So, alright girl, it's on you.
Why don't you tell us about, uh,give us your story, give us your
background.
Aleya Harris (00:48):
Okay.
I'll try to give the succinctversion of this background.
Um, I am currently a strategicstorytelling consultant,
award-winning speaker andbestselling author.
I help people use story to.
So to lead and to spark thestage, but case, um, I started.
(01:13):
Marketing and HR got laid off,which is probably for the best.
Um, and I couldn't get a job thefirst time I got laid off like
Uber wasn't really like a thing.
Right.
Um, that should age me a littlebit.
But don't worry, the eye creamis in full effect.
So no one will ever know exactlyhow old I'm, um, and I said,
(01:34):
okay, well I'm not doing reallymuch of.
I was in culinary school for twoyears.
I became a private chef andopened my first business, um, as
a catering and private chefcompany.
I also got an agent, whichhelped me become the private
chef for lots of high net worthindividuals.
I traveled all over the worlddoing that, but.
(01:55):
I didn't really like being partof somebody else's entourage
'cause I wanted to grow my ownthing and be my own sovereign
ruler of my own empire.
But what I did like about thatexperience was that it helped me
understand and get closer to mypurpose.
My purpose.
Now I can articulate, which isto love people into the highest
versions of themselves andeverything I do.
(02:17):
Is an excuse to do that, but Ididn't always know that.
And so then I became the head ofmarketing for North America
after working, um, at Google.
And I then got laid off againand I said, well, so what are we
gonna do here?
It's February, 2020 and went onan ayahuasca trip to the Amazon.
(02:37):
Okay?
My life started the firstiterations of this business
myself.
Started doing more of theinternal work, I realized that I
could actually do this, and thatwas in September, 2020, and then
within the six months afterthat, I made a quarter million
dollars in in that six monthperiod because I committed to my
(03:02):
purpose and staying true tothat.
And then fast forward, I lost itall and then ha and had
postpartum depression.
But that's, you know, the restof the story to leading us till
now.
Good curve ball.
That's a different, yeah, that'sa different story.
We can tell that story too.
Should you be so excited.
Stoy (03:22):
Right.
That's going to differentindustries like that.
Well, first of all, I was gonnago to culinary school, but
football was my calling.
I went to Oh, and got my degreein finance.
So food is is one of the way toall of our hearts, but second,
yeah, almost went that routetoo.
When you were going throughthese two different, I would say
three transitions.
One, you got laid off, culinaryand then outside of culinary and
(03:42):
then laid off again.
Where was your emotional spotat?
Right.
I know the, the later, the, thelatest one probably was an
easier transition than the firsttwo, but talk us through where
you were at emotionally and thethings that you had to fight
internally that no one really,really knew that much of.
Aleya Harris (04:03):
Well, my underlying limiting belief is
that I am not worthy orvaluable, so that always is the
first thing that gets hit.
When some big life shifthappens.
Over the years, I've learnedthat change is neutral and what
we do with that change makes usjudge whether that change is
(04:25):
negative or positive, but changeis just neutral.
I most of the time decided thatit was bad, so not only was it
bad, but I had done somethingwrong and I wasn't worthy of
whatever good thing could comeof it.
That was usually my first go-toresponse.
After that, it was sheer panicand anxiety.
(04:46):
Most likely right after that,um, hit right on those money
triggers, how I'm an instantdescent into living under a
bridge as a homeless person,like it was like, I've lost my
job.
I will be under the bridgetomorrow.
That's how it felt.
I am very grateful to say thatI've never been unhoused, I've
(05:06):
never had to have thatexperience, but, and I didn't
grow up that way either.
I grew up middle class.
So where that even comes from,we don't know.
Could be generational, could bein my Akashic records, comes
from somewhere, don't knowwhere, but it's instant every
time that something happens.
And it's not just like a, like abig thing, like being laid off,
(05:28):
it's like.
I didn't close that deal that Ithought I was gonna close or I
remember, um, one week, not eventhat long, like a couple months
ago, I was like, oh my God, Ithink I'm gonna be$300 short.
I'm paying my nanny.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
And like the pain in my chest, Iwas like, I'm having a heart
(05:50):
attack.
No, I'm not having a heart.
This is that good old friend ofanxiety and it.
No rational thought really washappening.
It was an, an emotionalhijacking happens with me in
these situations and over theyears, one thing that I've
(06:11):
realized is that I've gotten alot better.
Also, I'm better at asking forhelp, and I'm also better at
seeing the opportunity in theshift.
I cannot sit up here and lie toyour face and tell you that no.
Every change I see is positivecut off my leg.
I really wanted to hop on theother one, like, I'm not gonna
(06:33):
sit here and lie to you and saythat, but I have gotten better
at seeing that and also takingless accountability.
Most people sit here and thewhole conversation is like, you
gotta take accountability foryour life.
You gotta take accountabilityfor your ex.
My inner voice is like, girl,sit down.
The whole world does not needyou to carry it on its shoulder.
(06:55):
And what you said that one timeis not the reason why this is
happening, or you not activelymanifesting well enough is not
the reason why you lost thatclient.
Sometimes shit happens.
In each of those transitions,I've gotten better and better at
realizing the good parts.
(07:19):
And even in, I still think I am,if you think of like a hero's
journey where at the beginningsomething happens, the hero's
called into action.
And then before they get to goon the adventure, before the
night gets to go and slay thedragon and like, you know, run
away from the witch or whatever,before all those things happen,
you have this moment where you,supernatural aid comes in.
(07:41):
And I'm in that part of this,this cycle of my hero's journey
because I keep hearing, let go,let go, to which I say I don't
know how.
Can you be more specific?
Specific, like, what the helldoes that mean?
And so I have been getting morespecific advice in that area
(08:03):
because that's been my problemall along.
Thinking that I can control anoutcome that's out of my control
and not just enjoying the rideand the wave and the changing of
the current.
So I'm getting better at thesetransitions.
I wouldn't use myself as a goldstandard, but maybe a bronze
one.
Stoy (08:23):
Hey, ain't nothing wrong with bronze.
Aleya Harris (08:25):
Yeah.
If you're in the Olympics, atleast I'm meddled,
Stoy (08:28):
right?
At least I'm on
Aleya Harris (08:29):
the stage.
I'm on the stage.
You on your couch.
Stoy (08:32):
I think it's important for everyone to know what you just
said, right?
Is you're one still learning onthis journey.
Whatever the hell that lookslike, you're still going through
it, but also.
That you need to, the let gothing kills me.
'cause I have that same feelinglike I've had that voice.
I'm like, let go.
What?
Look, look, I don't, I don'twant it, but how do I let go?
Yeah.
It's to, to grasp that, Hey, I'mgoing, I'm, I'm doing these
(08:56):
things and we're working throughthat.
I truly believe the biggestdifference between, I.
People who take the next step intheir journey, whether that is
to business ownership, careerchoice, move outta the country.
You name it is what you justsaid though, is they have so
much accountability that I didfour breasts this minute, I
should have done five.
And that is why, you know, I'mbroke.
(09:18):
You know, like that you put somuch on yourself.
Therefore then you don't tellyour real story to people.
Then they don't truly know whoyou are, and that's when it
starts to really feel outtacontrol because you're not you.
Right.
Ultimately.
Exactly.
Figuring out who we are and thenaligning that with our decisions
that we make, as opposed to, Iwanna be like that person, so
I'm gonna try to make all thedecisions that they make.
Aleya Harris (09:40):
Mm-hmm.
Stoy (09:41):
You don't know who they are, you don't know who, how,
what they go through, and nowyou're putting this all on you.
How do you help those,specifically when we're trying
to tell their story, overcomethat at least enough to start
moving in the right direction.
Aleya Harris (09:55):
It's not about overcoming, it's about working
with, it's about realigningbecause there's actually nothing
inherently wrong with any way ofbeing and living.
It's the judgment that we put onit that often makes our lives
(10:15):
living.
I made a left step when I shouldhave made a right step.
I'm so horrible.
That same exact thing could be,I made a left step until the
right.
Look, I'm about to startdancing, right.
You know, I just need anotherleft, right, left, right.
I'm gonna be dancing throughlife like, it's, it's, it's
totally about the judgments thatwe put on ourselves.
(10:37):
So the judgment of I need to beperfect, the judgment of I can't
be seen as fallible becausethat's bad and wrong, and I'll
be broke under a bridge.
That's what prevents us fromwalking out and being in our
authentic self and telling ourstory.
And the lack of telling thatstory is actually what is a self
(10:59):
propagating experience, whichdisconnects you from the people
who are trying to learn from youand connect with you and then
pay you that money.
So what you have to realize is.
There's a good reason why you'redown the path that you're on and
it's 100% valid.
(11:19):
And at any point in time you getto curve the path.
Change the path.
Walk backwards, skip walk onyour hands, decide to do a belly
flop or do the worm down thepath.
You can change up the path theway you are going down it, what
you think about it at any singletime.
The breath that is happening.
(11:39):
Next is the next breath thatchanges the path.
And if that didn't work, thenthe next one after that might be
the one.
So what you need to do whenyou're thinking about, okay, I
am listening to you.
Hopefully you're listening.
If you're not listening, nowwould be a great time to tune
back in.
Hello?
(11:59):
Say to yourself, I think that Iam in fact putting too much on
myself, and I am in fact, forone, preventing myself from
telling the story.
I'm gonna give you the gift thatI got a couple of days ago from
a guest on one of my podcastepisodes.
I haven't even released it yet,but his name is Brett.
Brett Cutter with a C, and hesaid that the.
(12:24):
To let go of all of the facades,which is really our protection
mechanisms that we put upbecause we don't know if the
world can handle our painbecause we certainly cannot, and
we feel like it must be toomuch, too scary, too
overwhelming for someone else ifwe're struggling so much.
So we're just gonna smilethrough it, pretend like it's.
(12:47):
That sounds like you.
If you feel like Aleia, why areyou in my living room?
Get out.
Then I have something for youfrom my friend.
My new friend Brett, and I didthis right after I did the
recording and I burst into tearsand it felt amazing because I
haven't been able to cryproperly and I know that that
(13:08):
sounds ridiculous.
Because you're like, there's awrong and a right way to cry.
I was like, well, not, notnecessarily, but if you're not
doing it at all and like thereand emotion feels stuck, you
need to do something.
Even if your expression ishysterical, laughter, something
needs to start shaking around.
So this is what he said.
He said, put your hand where youfeel anywhere in your tension, a
(13:30):
block or anywhere in your body.
Any sense, a block or tension?
For me, it's my chest and mythroat.
Put your hand.
And for me, I put my hand on mychest, close my eyes, take some
deep breaths in and outta reallyfocus on where that tension is.
And then a lot of people arelike, okay, now just breathe it
out.
But what he said, that seemslike a very minor switch that
(13:50):
made a big difference for me.
He said to speak.
What you are feeling and I was,I started off with, I, oh, it's
tension.
My chest is tight and, and I waslike, well, but it's tight
because I feel this pressure, Ifeel this pressure because I
feel like I have to be perfect.
I feel this pressure because Ihave to have the world on my
(14:13):
shoulder.
I feel this pressure because.
I got this bill, I can't pay.
I feel this pressure because,and I started just talking it
out.
And then as I started talking itout, I started crying.
Not hysterical, boohoo crying.
But at that point in time, Iwould've taken one single tear
rolling down the cheek, right?
And the miraculously was, asthat started, I started to feel
(14:36):
the, the space in my chestopening.
But I also started feeling justkind of the space in opening.
And I started to feel like therewas a gap for someone else's
voice besides mine.
Thank God, because my voice wasjust saying some crap.
My voice was all up in mesaying, you're not good enough.
(14:56):
This is stressful.
You're so wrong.
Body.
Body.
Do mean girl.
Mean girl.
Mean girl, mean girl.
And just knowing that I was ableto carve out a space for
something good to come in madethat huge difference.
And I.
So that's what I offer you.
For the people that are tryingto change the story of theirs,
Stoy (15:20):
do you, have you seen those memes and those gifts, or
what are even the reels aboutpeople saying that there's
people out there that don't havea voice in their head that's
theirs?
Aleya Harris (15:30):
Yeah.
I don't know if I agree withthat, I don't think.
And then they gave it a name,like some random quasi sounding
medical diagnoses.
Yeah, I don't agree with that.
I think they're justdisconnected.
I don't know.
I don't wanna comment onsomebody else's lived experience
that's not my own.
But then I'm like, so whathappens in there then?
Stoy (15:51):
Right.
What is it?
What is in there?
And can I, what is
Aleya Harris (15:53):
in there
Stoy (15:54):
a little bit?
I just, I don't want it all thetime.
I like myself sometimes.
Yeah.
Like it, like do I take a pilland it goes away for a few
hours?
Something.
Aleya Harris (16:02):
Yeah.
That would be just silence.
I mean, that's what technicallymeditation is supposed to do.
Stoy (16:08):
Yeah.
Aleya Harris (16:08):
Right.
And I'm not a big meditator.
I'm a great chanter, but I'm ahorrible meditator.
Um, so, but I enjoy doing themeditation with a tone, helps me
recur, reconnect, and withSpirit and source.
And then that helps me connectwith my clients and people that
I'm helping so that I can telltheir stories and help them tell
(16:29):
their stories.
But it, it's fleeting.
But it's blissful.
Its that brain silences.
Stoy (16:37):
It's so nice.
The problem is when I get it forlike if I, because I'm not used
to having it, but when I get itfor too long, then my brain's
like.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm back.
There's something wrong withyou.
You can't be dead this long.
Aleya Harris (16:51):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And you're like, no, no, no, no,no, no.
We've heard from you.
It's kind of like being in theclassroom and I had firsthand
experience in this because thiswas me, the kid that was like
always talking and then theteacher's like raising your
hands and talking to the teacheris like anybody else.
Like that's how I feel likewe've heard what you have to
say.
(17:14):
Thorough, aware of what youropinions, thoughts, beliefs are
about all of these issues.
Is there anyone else that wouldlike to say anything at all?
Anybody?
I don't care Who, just somebody,somebody else who maybe is a
little bit wiser and has.
A more positive thought on thisissue.
Yeah.
Stoy (17:34):
Maybe
Aleya Harris (17:35):
it's, maybe, maybe.
Stoy (17:36):
So as you help people, what does the process look like,
you know, to, to get their storyout and like you attested to it,
there's different ways that arenecessary for it, right?
Sales, leadership, your ownbusiness, you know, public
speaking type of stuff.
I know we don't need to go downevery rabbit hole, but like in
general, what's your processlook like?
So that people know like, Hey,this is what it means.
(17:58):
Because there are a lot ofpeople who are stuck and say, I
don't have a story.
I don't have anything.
I'm gonna call bullshit on that,by the way, right now.
You do.
Yeah.
Aleya Harris (18:06):
You do have a story.
Stoy (18:07):
But walk us through that.
Aleya Harris (18:09):
So I am a framework girl.
I'm a Virgos.
Virgo.
You need a framework.
You want me to framework yourframework?
I'll framework.
Your framework.
So the overarching frameworkthat I use is called the Story
Spark Framework, and it hasthree most basic.
Get real, get clear and getconnected.
So what we do first, whether youare wanting to hire me for
(18:32):
consultancy to help your companyredo your leadership in culture,
or whether you're in my Sparkthe stage program to help you
become a better public speaker.
We are going to rifle aroundinside of you first because you
need to have the understandingand the straight up awareness of
when you are on track, when areyou off the track, that you've
(18:55):
decided that you wanna be on,how to hear, how to open, how to
channel, and what your storiesare, and what the lessons are
that you learned from thosestories.
Because if you haven't learnedanything from the pain, the pain
doesn't have a purpose.
So how can you provide your paina purpose by articulating the
(19:16):
lesson and how you can use it touplift others?
So that's the first part.
Then we get clear, and I havemore frameworks for that.
So you need to not only knowyourself, but you need to be
able to communicate that self toother people.
That's where connection happens.
Not only do you need to be ableto communicate who you are, but
(19:37):
why should someone listen toyou?
Why should someone wanna beconnected with you?
If you're talking about aculture, how are you telling me
that your problems and livedexperience can be shared and
understood and experienced by meso that we can move forward
together?
So I have crisis storyframeworks and radical spark
signature talk frameworks thathelp you understand how to
(19:59):
communicate in a compelling way,and then you get connected.
It's about how to make sure thatyour story can take on a life of
its own by facilitating amovement of purpose, connection,
inspiration, transformation.
I do not have the power totransform another individual.
(20:22):
Ask my husband.
I have tried ad nauseum forabout a decade now, and the man
is wonderful, but any change, heis done.
He had to decide to do it on hisown.
Right?
That's how it works.
You have to decide to transform.
So whether you are leading agroup of people or you're
leading an audience from thestage.
(20:44):
Your job is to maketransformation so delicious, so
sick, so tantalizing, soirresistible that people cannot
help but decide to go on theirown journey to their highest
good.
Being able to understand wherepeople, how people receive you,
(21:05):
it goes down to what Wearing,how are standing, how are.
All the way to what do yourslides look like if you're on
stage?
How do you present your new ideain a company meeting?
What should the format be?
Where do you put your hands?
All of those little things helpyou connect human to human on a
shared.
(21:26):
Level, experience level thatbrings everything full circle so
that your personal livedexperience, your group lived
experience, create somethingthat's bigger than any
individual component.
And that for me is the power ofstory.
Stoy (21:40):
Leah.
I don't want people to know mybusiness.
I just want, I don't want to bevulnerable and give out all of
that.
They don't need to know allthat.
You know what?
What do you say to those people?
'cause I know that comes up.
You know what I mean?
Oh,
Aleya Harris (21:52):
it comes up all the time.
And my job is not to push you ifyou're not ready or not wanting
to tell your deepest, darkestsecret.
My job is to push you past yourboiler plate.
My job is to push you past whatchat GPT comes up with.
Because in a post pandemicworld, in a, in the new wave of
(22:17):
a technological revolution wherereal is at a premium, people are
searching for authenticity.
So your story, the purpose ofyour story is to convey that
authenticity and if you how toauthenticity, then you are.
(22:41):
Selling is not what it used tobe.
Selling.
Used to be able to be like, Hey,we got this 5, 9, 9, wanna buy
one?
Not buy.
All right, happy deal.
I'll take five.
And like, it wasn't like, youknow, ridiculous.
Like think of like the used carsales and commercial from like
the eighties and nineties,right?
They actually worked, that's whythere was like, there was a
thing that doesn't work anymore,but works is humans buying from
humans who people can feel likethey trust.
(23:03):
Because trust is also at apremium.
So you don't have to.
Your postpartum depression storylike I do from the stage, but
you should probably tell thattime when you, you know, gave
that advice to a direct reportor maybe the time when you
showed up to a leadershipmeeting not feeling like
(23:25):
yourself, and you didn'tcommunicate that well at what
the, the ramifications of thatwere.
There are levels ofstorytelling, but the point is
to articulate a shared humanemotion, fear, overwhelm,
anxiety, imposter syndrome sothat someone else can recognize
that you have had an experiencelike them or a feeling and an
(23:48):
emotion like them, and that youcan be someone that they connect
with on.
Stoy (23:55):
But we're just in a, a, a timeframe in our society that we
we're stopping putting people onpedestals.
We just don't get mm-hmm.
That you are, name it, the, thepresident.
LeBron.
Like, we don't care what youare.
Right.
Who you are.
And that's why what is reallycool, I think, obviously I play
collegiate football, so sportsare my kind of, I go-to my
(24:15):
go-to.
But we're all seeing a lot ofmore documentaries behind the
scenes of athletes, right?
Mm-hmm.
Kyle did one in the Olympics,right?
Like we're starting to see a lotmore behind the scenes.
All that does is bring real.
To people.
Yeah, exactly.
Take off on Netflix.
Right?
Because we just wanna see thembe a real ass person, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Walk outside like, we just wannasee you be real so we can
(24:38):
connect to you.
Otherwise, you are this.
This facade, this, this, thisgodlike creature that no one can
like.
Mm-hmm.
But no, most of'em are justregular old people.
They can just jump higher or runfaster.
That's it.
Exactly, exactly.
That's, that's the key I believein the storytelling, is just
letting people know you are areal ass human, not a robot, not
(24:59):
a, not a whatever.
So it is great to see that.
Aleya Harris (25:02):
Absolutely.
I mean, and it's veryinteresting too, because.
That's kind of like oursociety's obsession with like
reality TV and Yeah, reality,which is, or now that you don't
even call it reality.
They call it like non-scriptedor something because it's like,
it's not real.
But even the facade of thereality, we are craving more,
(25:22):
you know, because we just want.
To feel like we are connected,even if it is blown out of
proportion or now there's atrend on a non aesthetic
Instagram trend, right?
Where people like regular oldpeople are like, this is what my
actual house looks like as anormal human.
(25:43):
Living in Ohio.
Like it's not these grandiose,super clean, super professional
looking homes, right?
And that makes people feel goodabout themselves.
And look, I am an optimistthrough and through, but shit is
hard right now.
And.
I don't really feel like theexternal world is planning on
(26:09):
getting easier at this currentjuncture in time.
I am not a future teller andboy, howdy do I hope that I'm
wrong, but you know, I thinkabout my grandfather who had
three kids, a stay at home wife.
I was able to own his own home.
Two cars had college funds forall three girls, went on
(26:31):
vacation twice a year, all onthis man's income.
He just worked in hr.
I live in Los Angeles,California.
Sir, that's not possible.
It's just you.
You being single in a onebedroom apartment.
You got three jobs, right?
We live in a very differentworld where easy doesn't come as
(26:56):
easy.
And if you know that, and if youplan on experiencing that with
any type of sanity, you willunderstand that the story that
you tell to yourself about whoyou are and how you can navigate
the non easy.
(27:16):
And the story you tell to otherpeople about how you are doing
that in an authentic way is whatis going to make you stand out
because the telling of, oh,well, no, I'm fine.
Everything's fine.
Don't look over the air, don'tlook underneath that.
And yes, there is a fire behindme, but pay attention to me.
Don't look behind me.
Just pay attention to me.
(27:38):
That is going to ruin yourincome.
You won't be able to moveforward in a story that is not
even a good fairy tale.
You know, it's the things thatpeople thought were inspiring
before, like Lifestyles of theRich in Vama.
I'm Robin Leach, right?
(28:00):
That doesn't inspire anymore.
It makes people feel a little.
Grouchy.
Yeah.
Cranky and bitter.
Yeah.
Right.
Because, I dunno, somethingabout the lifestyles of the Rich
and famous before was like, Ooh,ah.
Now it's like, man, that feelslike it's in my face and I don't
like it.
So what are you gonna do to be anormal human?
Stoy (28:20):
Right?
There's your story.
I'll get to the end of this.
I always ask two questions.
One's deep, one can get deep,but one's deep for sure.
Okay.
You ready?
I think so.
Okay.
You better be.
Okay.
What is your first money memory?
Aleya Harris (28:38):
Oh, you know, that's such a good question.
There's an app that I use that'scalled Mastery, M-A-S-T-R-Y, and
it's a hypno breath,hypnotherapy breath work app.
And that actually is one of thequestions they ask in the
hypnotherapy breath worksession.
So I'm prepared for.
Stoy (28:58):
Wow.
I have never literally beenhundreds of episodes ever once.
Was everyone ever said that?
I'm gonna take it though, youknow?
Yeah, but damn, that's prettyfunny.
Aleya Harris (29:07):
It's pretty funny.
So my first money memory, theone that usually pops up in
these hypnotherapy breath worksessions is a Christmas morning
when I think, I think I was likeseven or so, maybe.
Yeah, I think I was seven.
My parents divorced when I wasfour.
And my mom kept the house and itwas Christmas morning and I got
(29:30):
my first big girl bike.
And I remember though that mymom said something like how one
of her friends helped pay forit.
And I remember looking at herface and it being excited that
she could give it to me, butalso this like.
At least how I perceive it'slike this apologetic look like
(29:52):
it couldn't be more, and thissense of like embarrassment that
she had to get help buying thebike for me and what that did in
that moment was cemented a veryinsidious and unfortunate
memory.
That is not my mom's fault,that.
Oh, I don't deserve this.
This money should have gonesomewhere else.
Or having this good thing thatmakes me so happy is causing
(30:16):
pain to someone I love.
And I am unworthy of thismoment.
Even though it was sacrifice,you know, there was sacrifice
involved in giving this to me,but what makes me worthy of.
Why do I deserve this bike andmy mom's and my mom to feel like
(30:38):
how I can tell she's feeling,even though she'd never said
anything bad or wrong, but Icould tell and I could feel it.
And that combined with my fatheralways choosing whoever he was
dating at the time over me,really cemented and has been
years in therapy and spiritualsessions to.
(31:00):
I am not one of the rich people.
I am unworthy of success and Idon't deserve what comes my,
because who am I that someonewould have less so that I can
have more?
Scarcity based mentality.
(31:21):
That's annoying at best andincredibly harmful at worst.
But that when I'm in thatmeditation, that's, I don't know
if it's my very, very firstmemory, but that's the one that
comes up consistently.
Stoy (31:35):
We find when I ask that question, we find that, and
you've done the work, so you'rea little different, but we find
that people understand like.
Like for you, it was like, I'munworthy.
That's what you got essentiallyfrom that situation.
Mm-hmm.
And now your entire life hasfrom then point you felt that
way, right?
Yeah.
And it's really interestingbecause I'm not a, I'm not a
(31:57):
therapist scientist or any ofthat, but the data that I've
been doing because of thisquestion where we are today,
reflects back to when we were atthat age.
Aleya Harris (32:06):
Oh yeah.
Stoy (32:07):
Um, and if you don't do the work, the cycle continues.
Right.
But also it's funny,
Aleya Harris (32:13):
I have, I have something to break to you.
Even if you do do the work,it's, the cycle continues.
There is no magic stop button.
Trust me, I've been
Stoy (32:22):
looking for it.
It might happen less, it mighthurt a little less, but it, the
train still goes.
The train still goes, and itruns me over every, every now
and again.
But when we, when they reflectback and we reflect back on
that, it's really funny how it'sa money memory that triggers
most of how we operate in life.
Not Like if I said, what wasyour first happy, joyous memory
(32:44):
as a child, I bet it won't bethat.
No, that does not influence youas much today as that money
memory did.
Aleya Harris (32:53):
Yes, it's very true.
We have, it's, it's, it'shorrible actually.
Think about because how muchpain shapes us more than
pleasure or at least moreovertly.
Yeah.
Um.
My daughter is two.
She's my favorite person in theworld.
It's okay.
My husband knows this.
We both agree.
It's fine.
(33:13):
That works.
Um, and I tell her every day,all day how much I love her, but
I know that the time that I havewith her right now is more a
gift for me than for her.
She's only two, like not manypeople remember very much from
this age and this chick lives ahappy life.
(33:34):
She has a nanny and drivesaround and, you know, foreign
cars and has silk sheets andlike eats organic food.
Like this chick lives the lifethat most Instagram influencers
would kill for, right?
But she's not gonna rememberthis overtly, but I think of it
as like weaving a, a quilt.
(33:56):
So let's say you're weaving aquilt and the the yarn you're
using is white and it's soft andit feels good and it wraps
around you.
But every once in a while youweave in like a, an itchy patch
of, I don't know, you know,Brillo pad, right?
And it's dark on the whitebackground.
(34:17):
And so it's easy to notice thosepainful moments.
But that doesn't mean thatyou're not still wrapped up in a
general soft quilt and that, andthat that quilt doesn't, in the
background, whether you'renoticing or or not, provide you
a sense of safety and security,and that's what I like to think.
(34:38):
Those good memories, they don'tstand out.
You're absolutely right.
They just operate in thebackground, but they formulate
who we are in a softer, morecompassionate, less obvious way.
But I would like to thinkthey're just as powerful if not
more powerful, even if they'renot as memorable
Stoy (34:57):
view's.
Got a remember'em.
Aleya Harris (34:59):
You just gotta remember'em and call them out
and count your, count yourblessings as they say, because I
as humans.
We're hardwired to focus on thenegative.
Yeah,
Stoy (35:12):
we are.
Aleya Harris (35:13):
It's hard.
That's why like there's like awhole bible about it.
You'll see it in the Quran,you'll see it in Hindu
practices, you'll see it intraditional, um, indigenous
practices.
The emphasis on focusing onintentionally on the good
because that's not our naturalstate.
No
Stoy (35:31):
dunno why, I don't know why we were created this way.
I don't know,
Aleya Harris (35:33):
man,
Stoy (35:34):
me.
I wouldn't create a being likethat, but, hey, hey.
Aleya Harris (35:37):
Yeah.
Well next time you, you try tomeditate, have that conversation
with God and be like, so aboutthis human blueprint thing that
you have.
Like, what were you thinking?
Do you, I can say oops.
Right, right.
I mean, are we getting like a2.0 here?
Stoy (35:57):
Are we getting an upgrade anytime soon?
The last question kind of revertback to the beginning too, is we
wanna leave people withsomething.
So I want you to give them apiece of advice, action steps,
something.
That they can understand rightnow today from what they're
listening to and take that nextstep in their journey.
Aleya Harris (36:13):
Oh, so many things, but I'm going to go
very, very tangible.
People ask me, okay, yeah,you're great, but like I gotta
tell a story in a presentationlike tomorrow.
So what you got for me?
This is what I got for you.
I call it my crisis storyframework.
It has four parts.
The first thing when you'retelling a story, before you even
(36:33):
get into any of the sectionsthough, is to make sure that it
relates to whatever the heckyou're talking about, and
realize that you're talking tonarcissists with a short
attention span, no matter whoyou're talking to.
Even if you were talking toyourself, is it about me?
Can you make it about me?
Five minutes from now, is itgonna be five minutes?
Minutes, five minutes afterthat, because if not, I'm not
listening.
So be relevant.
The first part of the frameworkis to start off by capturing
(36:55):
these lovely narcissistattention with a good hook
that's related to the crisis.
The first sentence of mybestselling book, spark the
stage available on Amazon.
Is, um, I began myentrepreneurial journey as the
victim of an abusiverelationship.
It's the very first sentenceFrom there, no one is not gonna
(37:15):
at least read a second sentence,right?
Because I've hooked you in.
You're like, what the heck?
I did not expect this book aboutpublic speaking to start this
way, and then I've got you mostpeople, at least through at
least half of the book.
I got you.
So you want to focus on what thebeginning is, even if something
is, uh, when I tell mypostpartum story, usually the
(37:36):
first sentence I use is, I diedon a cold operating room table
on November.
The whole story is about how theold me died and knew me as a
mother was born, and melamenting how I took care of the
old me very poorly and mypromise to myself to do better.
So it, it is all about the firstpart.
(37:58):
The second thing is then youarticulate the crisis, lean into
the pain that it caused you, andthat defining human emotion
characteristic that people canrelate to.
The third point is toarticulate, hopefully in at
least three steps, but no morewhat you did to get yourself out
that crisis.
Because if all you do is you sitthere and you talk about
(38:19):
yourself, by the time you'redone, people will be like.
Well, that's great for youanyways.
Has anybody ought be making wrapdates recently?
Like you're not going to capturetheir attention.
So you flip it and you say, I'vegone through this pain.
It has taught me this thing, andthis is how I learned that.
Step one, step two, step three,and then the fourth step of the
(38:41):
crisis story framework is torelate it to the larger context.
So what exactly, like, how doesthis relate to the new
initiative you're launching?
How does this relate to theoverall presentation you're
giving?
How does this relate to yourculture?
How does this relate to theperformance?
If you tell stories in thatframework, you will captivate
hearts and minds.
I've given talks that have takenthat framework and extended it
(39:05):
to anywhere between nine to 10minutes and have had audiences
in tears, not because I've hadanything super du duper
traumatic happen to me, and I'mtelling this super sad story,
but because the framework.
And people immediately seethemselves in your story, they
empathize with you, and they nowfeel inspired to go transform
(39:26):
their lives.
So that's the last very tangiblething that I will leave you
with, with the bequest, that yougo out and tell the story.
If you need to rewind this,listen to it again.
Reach out to me if you have anyquestions.
But go tell the story, not theone that's necessarily your
deepest, darkest secret.
If you're not ready, but go tellyour story because there is
(39:47):
someone out there in this world.
That is waiting to hear yourstory exactly from you.
I could tell a postpartumdepression story and someone
would be like, and this, a lotof people do like, oh, well,
black women, they just like gothrough stuff like that, right?
You would be surprised.
They might need to hear it fromyou.
(40:07):
They might need to hear it frommy husband who was there to
support me through my journey,right?
So you never know whose lifeyou're going to change and who's
waiting for you to begin theirown transformation.
Stoy (40:19):
I'll finish all of that with what she just said is reach
out.
You need to communicate.
The only way we can get anywhereis just communication.
So we'll have her book in thedescription too, but also
communicate to us if that'sreaching out to us, DMing us,
comment, all that crap.
I don't care about thealgorithm, which I talk shit
about the algorithm all thetime, so probably don't like me
anyway.
But if you communicate, youcomment you, you email us, we
(40:44):
can help.
But you're not gonna getanywhere with your story, with
your life if you don't take thatstep and reach out to somebody
or tell somebody your story.
So I appreciate you, um, Ireally do.
This was fun and I hope morepeople are inspired to tell
their story.
And I look forward to a couplemore episodes with you.
I'm going a little deeper.
Aleya Harris (41:02):
Oh, I love that.
Thanks so much for having me.
Stoy (41:06):
Alrighty.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.