The Truth About Death They Don’t Prepare You For | Let's Get Real Ep. 19

Let's Get Real just got real as hell.

Stoy strips away the bullshit and takes you through the brutal reality of loss - from teammate suicides to watching his alcoholic mother die at 50, to losing the grandmother who raised him. This isn't your typical grief podcast. This is raw truth about what death actually does to you, your kids, and everyone left behind.

What you'll get hit with:

• Why 82% of people will choose cremation by 2045 (and why you should too)
• The real cost of dying - we're talking $14K+ that your family gets stuck with
• How to explain death to kids when you're barely holding it together yourself
• Why funeral homes don't tell you cremated remains look like gravel, not fairy dust
• The anxiety of losing two mothers and watching your grandfather grieve after 40+ years of marriage

This episode will punch you in the gut and make you think. Because death doesn't care about your comfort zone, and neither does Stoy.

Fair warning: This gets dark. This gets personal. This gets necessary.

If you've lost someone, are losing someone, or just want to understand what grief actually looks like when the casseroles stop coming - this episode will change how you see everything.

Watch the full episode: https://youtu.be/8Gza6eqK9jw

Let's Get Real - where we skip the small talk and dive straight into what matters.

Welcome to the No BS Wealth Podcast with Stoy Hall, your candid guide to financial clarity. In our third year, we're spicing things up by enhancing community ties and bringing you straight, no-fluff financial insights. Connect with us on NoBSWealthPodcast.com, and follow Stoy on social media for the latest episodes and expert discussions. Tune in, join the conversation, and transform your financial journey with us—no BS!

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DISCLOSURE: Awards and rankings by third parties are not indicative of future performance or client investment success. Past performance does not guarantee future results. All investment strategies carry profit/loss potential and cannot eliminate investment risks. Information discussed may not reflect current positions/recommendations. While believed accurate, Black Mammoth does not guarantee information accuracy. This broadcast is not a solicitation for securities transactions or personalized investment advice. Tax/estate planning information is general - consult professionals for specific situations. Full disclosures at www.blackmammoth.com.

Episode Transcript

Stoy (00:00):
We're back.

(00:00):
I know I took a week off and leteveryone know that was going on,
but I wanted to catch up tospeed of what's going on, but
also highlight what this episodeis gonna be about.
And that is death.
Death is among us.
Death is always around, right?
We joke around that, death inTexas the only thing that are
guaranteed in life and it'strue.
So I'm gonna take you down apersonal journey around death

(00:21):
for me.
We're gonna talk about somestatistics around death and then
just my opinion and observationto maybe help you.
If a loved one has died or justin general death around us.
So for me I really wasn't a partof too much death growing up.
I think my great-grandma diedwhen I was seven, give or take.
It's a great-grandmother, right?
That's a little, littledifferent growing up back then.

(00:43):
And then I didn't really haveany issues until high school
when.
When I was a freshman playingvarsity football, one of the
players committed suicide with ashotgun.
That was difficult'cause we werein the same position group and
he was just a really good guy,treated me well for being the
young kid on the team.
And that was kinda like thefirst one of oh shit, like this

(01:04):
is real.
Went on to have a couple othersuicides throughout high school.
We had a family of three or kidsof three, their house burnt down
with them in it.
And like things just started to,change around that for me.
And recognizing what it is andthat it's deeper than just like
someone dying.
So then I go to college and, getthrough college.

(01:28):
No one's real, no real deatharound me until about 18 months
after we graduated.
When we had a suicide from oneof our teammates who had a young
son too.
That was difficult.
Being defense with him andeverything, then you start to
ask yourself is A CTE?
He said, from all the hits we'vetaken, what was going on in your

(01:49):
life?
Although he seemed happy and allof that.
You start reflecting on how muchhas to happen and go on in
someone's life to choose that,but also like being a man and a
father and going through from asports perspective, the highs
and being with your team to, nothaving anything.

(02:10):
Not having that team that youbled and sweat with.
I know I relate this sometimesback to the military and it's
true to a degree, right?
Their combat's different thanour combat.
Give or take, but the familyside of it is difficult.
Shortly after that, we hadanother teammate die of an
overdose.
Shortly after that, the coachthat recruited me to Drake also

(02:31):
died.
And then two years after that,we had another coach die.
So very rapidly things werestarting to partake and now I
have two boys and we're tryingto navigate that and I'm still
like grieving and trying tofigure that out.
Even with gr grieving processlooks like.
And how do you teach that tokids?
I don't know.
Lemme fast forward to 2021.
Kids would be then four andseven, five and seven depending

(02:55):
on, what time of the year itwas.
The part that I knew was comingwas my mother.
I early on realized that she wasan alcoholic.
I fought her on it multipletimes, really throughout my
life, throughout her life.
And I always knew that was whatwas gonna take her.
It just so happened to expediteitself when basically she had

(03:16):
just turned 50 and she passedaway in 2021 and that, that
funeral was difficult.
I'm glad she chose cremation.
Because having a 7-year-old boyand a five-year-old boy there it
was one of the most difficultthings as a parent.
The youngest not really knowingwhat's going on.

(03:37):
Sometimes he's an airheadanyway, so it doesn't matter,
but he didn't know what's goingon.
He was young.
Lincoln, our oldest did though.
He screamed and cried out loud,and it was that was difficult
and painful, right?
And then I had to figure outlike what that means to me from
losing a parent how to parent,how to move forward.

(03:57):
And in doing so, but also thatday my grandmother lost her
youngest child on top of it andoutlived her youngest child.
I don't ever wanna know whatthat is like.
I'm sure some of you have knownwhat that's but I can't say
that's something that I couldeven fathom happening.
And from that moment on, hercare and her drive wasn't there

(04:19):
anymore.
And so over the course of thenext four years, she just
dwindled away, stopped eating asmuch, stopped moving as much.
And just really couldn't getthrough that grieving process.
And about a month ago, give ortake we lost my grandmother.
My boys lost theirgreat-grandmother.
I says now their second funeralbefore Lincoln's 11.

(04:42):
And Croix is currently eight.
So like before they're 10, 11years old, they've lost their
grandmother and now they're agreat-grandmother for me.
This one hit harder.
I don't wanna say harder.
It hit differently because Ilost my mother.
That's one thing.
I lost my grandmother, who wasactually like my second mother.

(05:03):
'cause my grandparents raised mea lot.
'cause my mom was always working12 hour shifts and my dad really
wasn't around.
So I lost two mothers.
And now I have a grandfatherslash father who I've spent
multiple, years driving truckwith him in the summers and
everything.
He's lost his wife of over 40years, so I've lost two of my

(05:25):
mothers.
I have a grieving father who isaging, grandfather is aging, and
I've never had that muchanxiety, stress, unknown to deal
with on top of going throughthat.
Or she was an open casket withmy boys and explaining and
everything.
The only thing that was easieris she was almost 82 years old,

(05:46):
like you lived a good life andyou lived through it, but to
lose basically your mother's andonly have one parent left to
this day I still have days whereit's I can feel it.
So it's interesting.
So I wanted to tell you thatstory, what's been going on.
That's why I've been in my a fora little bit.
So why we didn't do a video lastweek but we're getting back on
top of it.
And it's around death.

(06:07):
It's around death.
I find it interesting how we allget through it and how many
people come to the table to helpyou and everyone wants to help
you.
But what is there to help whenyou have to grieve internally?
I am lucky enough to be abusiness owner.
I'm lucky enough to createcontent and stuff like this to
allow me to time to grieve.
And my clients recognize that aswell.

(06:29):
'cause if you don't, then whathappens?
I dunno, not sure, but lemme hityou with some stats.
If I can get'em out of this goodthing.
I found these interesting and Iwant to put opinion piece on
these as well, but these statsare from the National Funeral
directory Association.
So very interesting.

(06:49):
Didn't even know this thing wasa thing.
So I talked about cremation andI talked about open casket.
I prefer cremation.
I know my wife does.
I know I.
My mom did it, but my grandmawanted burial.
My grandfather, once cremationhave gone through both of those.
Cremation is way better.
Albeit I'm gonna get a littlemore morbid with this.

(07:09):
It's not as fine ashy as youthink.
It's more like gravel, just tolet you guys know that, that was
hard for me to understand.
But ability to have the remainsand spread them where you want
and not have to go back to onecemetery or even see your loved
one in that.
Perspective I prefer, but here'sthe stat.
61.9% of people prefer cremationover 33.2% to have burial as

(07:38):
normal.
By 2045, the cremation rate isexpected to be 82%, 82.1%, and I
think that's just gonna keepgoing higher and higher for a
few reasons.
One cost, which we'll get intohere ease of use and not having
to go to one cemetery.
You can make it your ownexperience.
And three, I think people arewanting that burden of an open

(07:59):
casket.
And I will largely agree, whichis what I said earlier.
Now when we get to cost, theaverage cost of a burial in 2023
was$8,300 with cremation being$6,280.
So right there, you can always,you can already see the cost
difference.

(08:20):
Yeah, it's$2,000, but that'sjust the average across the
United States.
I've seen it here in Iowa, 10 to12,000, cremation being eight.
In Nebraska, luckily mygrandparents prepaid, so theirs
was around 7,500.
Give or take.
Give.
Now we're reaching 12,$14,000,and that's a burden that you put
on your family that maybe youdidn't think about putting on

(08:41):
your family.
That's why we have lifeinsurance, but also.
That's another reason people arechoosing cremation.
This stat is one that isinteresting and there are gonna
be two stats I'm gonna give toyou right now.
Non-traditional funerallocations are about 52% of the
time now, which ties into this,44.5% would prefer to have the

(09:05):
remains scattered in asentimental place while 17.2%
would prefer to bury or internthem at a cemetery.
10.6% would prefer to have themkept in an urn at home and 9.65%
have not been decided.
So as you can see, the uptick ofhey, scatter mine in a
sentimental place, which is whythe increase to the

(09:25):
non-traditional is happening.
I enjoy that.
I really do.
Now, obviously you have to lookat local laws and all that
stuff, but from someone who hasgone through it.
It is it feels better.
It is more because you couldhave taken'em with you.
My boys have my mother in herearn box and they put stickers.
She travels with us anytime wedrive and they put stickers at

(09:45):
national parks and stuff thatwith her.
And we're able to bury her whereshe has wanted and told us to,
not just in one place.
Which is amazing.
I really find that helps thegrieving process.
Whereas with my grandmother,when we go back through Omaha,
we will go to her burial site.
And it'll be fine.
It'll have that same somewhatfeel, but it'll just be
different.
'cause we can't take her with usphysically everywhere.

(10:08):
And I know as humans we havethis thing of like spiritual
side, but we also have thisphysical side.
I think that physical side isimportant.
So those are the stats.
That's what's been going on.
My opinions on all of it.
I wanted just to have this videobe more around that.
And for those that do follow andwatch, I know this is a little
deeper and darker, but you knowwho I am and that's what
happens.

(10:29):
Going forward on Let's Get Real,we will be having shorts that
are more current events relatedmore hot topics for you.
We're gonna obviously have myopinion on them, but you'll see
more of those in shorts.
And then we'll have a summaryvideo, really what's going on,
and really my opinion on that.
So stay tuned for the next,let's get real.