Living Well Where You Don't Belong - or - Living Where You Light Up?

Hopefully you will find this episode with Marilyn Gardner soul-nourishing!

Host Doreen Cumberford welcomes Marilyn Gardner for a deep dive into the rhythms, challenges, and beauty of leading a global, nomadic life. Marilyn shares her experiences of moving through 36 homes across continents, the lessons found in both anticipation and nostalgia, and the journey of finding "places that light you up", even when you never fully feel that you belong.

Together, Doreen and Marilyn explore what it means to create a sense of home, the balance of looking forward and living in the present, the raw realities of repatriation, and how physical space, community, and personal rituals play into our sense of belonging. 

Marilyn provides practical wisdom for listeners who might be struggling to feel “lit up” in their current location, offering advice from her personal toolkit.

Key Discussion Highlights

• The Constant Rhythm of Global Mobility: Marilyn and Doreen reflect on the repetitive cycles of moving, leaving, and adapting to new cultures—but also the subtle grief that comes with each departure.
• Anticipation vs. Presence: The duo discusses the necessity of anticipation in uprooting one’s life, but also the need to avoid “wishing your life away,” learning instead to fully enter the present.
• Repatriation & Loss of Structure: How the predictable cycles of expat life can dissolve when moving “home,” leaving many feeling adrift and forcing a re-creation of rhythm.
• Finding Places that Light You Up: Marilyn shares the story behind her most recent move—to a beloved coastal town in Massachusetts—and the deep peace it brings her after decades of movement.
• Homesickness and Identity: The conversation gets real about the physical and emotional signs of when a place doesn’t align: homesickness, depression, and even weight changes.
• Living Well Where You Don’t Belong: Marilyn provides practical tools for crafting a sense of home: cultivating tolerance for ambiguity, creating special spaces, honoring your story with meaningful objects, and finding “your people.”
• Privilege and Perspective: Gratitude for the privilege of choice and opportunity travel is balanced with an awareness of the millions who are displaced and longing for home.
• Courage in Uprooting: Marilyn honors the tremendous courage it takes to begin again—reminding us, through the metaphor of transplanting a fig tree, that it can take years to bear fruit after a big move.

Practical Takeaways

• Physical Signs to Watch For: If you feel weighed down, restless, or constantly homesick, pay attention—your body and mind may be telling you you’re out of sync with your environment.
• Create Micro-Homes: Surround yourself with objects that reflect your story and bring comfort, no matter where you are.
• Find Your People: Seek out communities or individuals who share your background or who “understand the in-between.”
• Cultivate Gratitude: List three things daily you’re grateful for, and recognize what’s beyond your control.
• Allow Yourself Time: It may take years to feel at home in a new place—just like a transplanted tree, growth takes patience.

Follow Marilyn at: https://www.instagram.com/marilyngard5/

 or https://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/

Resources Mentioned

• The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton
• The Island of Missing Trees - Elif Shafak 

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