Episode Transcript
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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Welcome to the None But Curious podcast.
We're all about finding inspiration in life's uncertainties.
Whether you're still figuring things out, questioning your
beliefs, or just curious about the world, come
hang out with us as we celebrate the
beauty of not having all the answers.
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The past few weeks I've been okay, but
there's been this thin layer of gloom.
And I mean, there's a lot of wild
stuff going on in the world right now,
but it's not that.
It doesn't feel external.
It feels more like inner turmoil.
So I've been sitting with myself and trying
(00:46):
to figure out what this layer is.
And I've come to the conclusion that it
has to deal with expectations.
So when I was with my ex-husband,
right before our divorce, I remember saying to
him, we couldn't be together because I was
expecting him to be someone that he isn't
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and how unfair that was.
And then fast forward to now and my
current husband, and I have these unconscious expectations
that he will read my mind and help
me with parenting our three-year-old or
our two teenagers.
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And that sets me up for disappointment.
It sets me up for frustration.
And it's just me.
It's all of the stuff that I'm hoping
will happen.
And then it doesn't happen or things happen,
but they don't happen the way that I
would like them to.
So with that, we're going to get into
(01:52):
talking about expectations.
Expectations shape our perceptions.
They guide our actions and often define our
sense of success and failure.
What happens when we cling too tightly to
them?
And what if letting go of them could
lead to a more fulfilling, peaceful existence, even
for a day or two?
This episode is going to explore the nature
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of expectations, the benefits of releasing them, and
practical strategies to help you live free from
the burden of preconceptions.
So expectations are beliefs about how things should
be or how people should behave.
They're formed through a combination of personal experiences,
societal norms, cultural influences, and individual desires.
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Expectations can be explicit or implicit, conscious or
subconscious, and they often manifest in various aspects
of our lives, including relationships, careers, personal goals,
and daily interactions.
Now, while expectations can provide motivation and a
sense of direction, for instance, we have expectations
that people will follow rules when they get
(02:56):
into their car and drive on the road
so that we don't crash into each other.
Expectations can also lead to disappointment, stress, and
conflict.
And here's how.
When reality falls short of our expectations, we
experience disappointment.
And this gap between expectation and reality can
breed frustration and a sense of failure.
And that's what I've been experiencing a lot
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lately.
I'm frustrated.
I feel like I'm not a good enough
wife, a good enough friend, a good enough
mother.
Holding onto high or unrealistic expectations can create
immense pressure.
This stress can affect our mental and physical
health, leading to anxiety, depression, and other health
issues.
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In relationships, differing expectations can cause misunderstandings and
conflicts.
Whether it's with a partner, a friend, a
colleague, unmet expectations can strain relationships and create
emotional distance.
And clinging to specific outcomes can blind us
to new opportunities and experiences.
By focusing too much on what should happen,
we might miss out on what could happen.
(04:01):
And letting go of expectations doesn't mean abandoning
goals or becoming indifferent.
Instead, it involves embracing a more flexible, open
-minded approach to life.
Here are some benefits of releasing expectations.
Letting go of rigid expectations allows us to
adapt more easily to change and uncertainty.
And this flexibility makes us more resilient in
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the face of life's challenges.
Because they always come up.
By releasing the need for control, we reduce
stress and anxiety.
This leads to a calmer, more peaceful state
of mind.
Without the burden of unrealistic expectations, our relationships
become more genuine and harmonious.
We can appreciate others for who they are
rather than who we want them to be.
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And this is a biggie.
Seeing people as they are, where they are,
it's challenging.
It's a difficult exercise.
Even when we start dating someone or when
we form a new friendship, we have that
glaze, right?
We have that haze that protects us from
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who we really are, but who they really
are as well.
There's a whole bunch of expectations and excitement
and discovery.
And then as time goes on, we get
the real stuff.
And that's where our expectations of other people
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come to the forefront.
And we have two choices.
Either the friendship ends or the relationship ends.
Or we kind of mold and move and
groove with it and mesh with who they
really are.
It's a lot harder than it sounds.
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Letting go of expectations opens us up to
new possibilities and experiences.
And this openness fosters creativity and allows us
to explore new paths and opportunities.
Even in building community right now and doing
this podcast, that's another thing I'm struggling with.
Do I want this to look like everything
else that's out there?
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In some ways, yeah, because that's how people
are getting followers and reviews and such.
But then there's also a part of me
that just wants to remain authentic.
Social media is all about catching people's eye
and saying things in 2.3 seconds.
And I'm just not that person.
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I never have been, even when I was
younger, even before social media was a big
thing.
I was never the person that was like,
you know, when you walk in a room,
I was just kind of mousy brown, hanging
out and loyal to the core.
That's how I've been.
So I guess my point is letting go
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of expectations of what this community should look
like or how my podcast should sound.
That's going to open up a door for
me to be more creative, to be more
open to opportunities.
And it's not just my career, it's your
career too.
In 2020, when everything went down with COVID,
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a lot of people started reassessing their lives.
Like what's important?
Really, what's important?
And I think a lot of us have
fallen back into the old grind for the
most part.
But there was a brief blip in time
where people were like, none of this matters.
None of this really matters.
What are we doing?
Now we're in this whole chaos and I'm
getting off topic as usual.
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See, this is why.
This is why I have to let go
of expectations of what this looks like.
So I digress.
And so be it.
All right.
So without the pressure to meet external expectations,
we can live more authentically and go off
topic and veer off the path.
But this authenticity allows us to align our
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actions with our true values and our desires.
Just like this podcast, I just want to
have a conversation with y'all.
That's it.
I just want to hear what you have
to and respectfully discuss things and see the
world through other people's eyes.
That's all.
That's all.
All right.
So let's get back on track.
(08:15):
Here are some practical strategies for letting go
of expectations.
Now, keep in mind, this is a little
more challenging than just saying it and doing
it, but it can be done.
So there's mindfulness meditation, which can help you
become more aware of your thoughts and expectations
without getting attached to them.
By observing your thoughts without judgment, you can
create a mental space where you can let
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go of unhelpful expectations.
I've told you in past episodes that I'm
not good with sitting still, but I am
finding that my meditation and the letting go
of everything and watching my emotions float by
like clouds, that happens more often when I'm
in nature, whether I'm tending to my garden
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full of weeds, whether I'm mowing the lawn
or taking a walk in the forest.
But whatever it looks like for you, mindfulness
meditation can help you become more aware of
that.
While it's important to have aspirations, ensure that
your goals are realistic and achievable.
Break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable
steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
And I will tell you in relationships and
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friendships, especially with conversations, if you have a
tendency to give a lot of information in
a short period of time, doing this as
well is also helpful.
Life is inherently uncertain, and trying to control
every aspect can lead to frustration, not to
mention anxiety.
Embrace the unknown and view it as an
opportunity for growth and discovery.
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That takes a lot of reframing, and that's
going to take a bit.
So I wouldn't let that be the first
thing that you hop on, but it is
possible.
Instead of dwelling on past disappointments or future
expectations, focus on the present moment.
Engage fully in whatever you are doing and
appreciate the here and now.
Now, that's a thing.
Being present does help with expectations and releasing
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them.
Because you're not thinking about the past.
You're really not thinking about what's going to
happen next.
You're right here in the moment.
And then there's reframing.
Challenge and reframe unrealistic expectations.
Ask yourself if your expectations are reasonable and
whether they serve your well-being.
Replace negative thought patterns with more balanced and
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positive ones.
Basically, turn the shit into a flower garden.
Regularly practice gratitude, and that can shift your
focus from what you lack to what you
have.
By appreciating the present moment and the positives
in your life, you can reduce the impact
of unmet expectations.
Being grateful for what you have here and
now.
It's another hard exercise, but it is manageable.
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That's a quick way to help with reframing
is instead of focusing on the have-nots,
focus on the haves.
And seek support.
Talking to a therapist or a counselor can
help you explore and understand your expectations.
They can provide tools and strategies to help
you let go of unhelpful expectations and develop
healthier thought patterns.
Now, it's not a sponsor, but I have
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experienced it personally.
I would highly recommend BetterHelp.
Look into it.
You can text.
You can do the therapy online.
Tremendous help.
And if you don't like the therapist, you
don't mesh with them, you can change therapists.
Nobody cares.
Just find who works for you.
It's an amazing platform.
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Go check it out if you need to.
Letting go of expectations is a deeply personal
journey, and it requires self-awareness, patience, and
lots and lots of practice.
So here are a few guidelines or principles
that may resonate with you.
Accept imperfection.
Life is messy.
Imperfection is an illusion.
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By accepting imperfection in ourselves and others, we
can reduce the pressure to meet unrealistic standards
and find contentment in the journey rather than
the destination.
Change is inevitable, and resisting it only leads
to suffering.
By embracing change and viewing it as an
opportunity for growth, we can navigate life's transitions
with greater ease.
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Told you this is heavy.
It's hard, but it's doable.
Instead of focusing solely on outcomes, find joy
in the process.
Whether it's a creative project, a career goal,
or a relationship, savor the experiences and lessons
along the way.
And let go of societal expectations.
That allows us to live more authentically.
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By aligning our actions with our true values
and our desires, we can create a life
that is meaningful and fulfilling.
So let's look at a few individuals who
have benefited from letting go of expectations.
Albert Einstein often challenged conventional expectations and norms,
and his willingness to think differently and embrace
uncertainty led to groundbreaking discoveries that changed our
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understanding of the universe.
Maya Angelou, the celebrated poet and author, overcame
significant adversity to become a powerful voice for
change.
Her life and work exemplify the strength that
comes from embracing one's true self and letting
go of societal expectations.
Viktor Frankl, the neurologist and psychiatrist who survived
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the Holocaust, found profound meaning by letting go
of expectations about life's fairness.
His book Man's Search for Meaning illustrates how
finding purpose in the midst of suffering can
transform one's perspective and resilience.
Elizabeth Gilbert.
She's the author of Eat, Pray, Love.
She let go of societal expectations to pursue
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a journey of self-discovery.
Her willingness to step away from conventional life
and explore her own desires led to a
best-selling book and a more authentic existence.
Widely regarded as one of the greatest basketball
players of all time, Michael Jordan faced numerous
setbacks early in his career, including being cut
from his high school team.
But by letting go of others' expectations and
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focusing on his own relentless pursuit of excellence,
he achieved unprecedented successes.
Eleanor Roosevelt.
As the First Lady of the United States,
she redefined the role by actively engaging in
civil rights and humanitarian efforts.
She let go of the traditional expectations of
a First Lady and followed her passion for
social justice, leaving a lasting legacy.
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Thich Nhat Hanh.
He dedicated his life to promoting mindfulness and
peace.
By letting go of expectations about how the
world should be, he embraced a path of
acceptance, compassion, and deep presence, influencing millions and
millions around the world.
One of the greatest tennis players in history,
Serena Williams has repeatedly defied expectations both on
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and off the court.
Her career has been marked by breaking boundaries
and challenging stereotypes, all while remaining true to
her own values and vision.
There you have it.
Living a life free from the constraints of
rigid expectations can lead to greater peace, resilience,
and authenticity.
By practicing mindfulness, setting realistic goals, and shifting
our mindset, we can handle life's uncertainties with
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grace and openness.
Letting go of expectations isn't about giving up
on our dreams.
It's about embracing flexibility and acceptance.
And this journey takes time.
Lots and lots of time.
So please be kind to yourself along the
way as you stumble through.
Take a deep breath with me and release
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what no longer serves you.
Also, don't forget to subscribe to this podcast.
Leave a review so that other people can
find us along the way.
And until next time, continue finding magic in
the mundane.