Nope! We're Not Monogamous
Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.
Episodes
You’re not broken. You just never learned how to say the hard thing without burning everything down.
In this episode, I’m sharing how to actually talk about the uncomfortable stuff in non-monogamy—without losing your shit or starting a relationship wildfire.
Whether you're afraid of hurting someone, scared to be misunderstood, or just tired of swallowing your truth, this is your starting point for braver, clearer communication.
W...
What happens when you go from 26 years in a sexless marriage… to a full-blown sexual awakening in your 50s? This week, I’m joined by Xanet Pailet — a former healthcare lawyer turned tantra teacher, somatic sex coach, and the author of Living an Orgasmic Life.
We’re talking about:
- How she went from disconnected and dissociated… to having the best sex of her life in her 60s
- Why pleasure is your birthright (and what to do if that fee...
Tired of misunderstandings, silent resentment, or agreements that leave you feeling unseen?
In this episode, we unpack the real difference between collaboration and compromise—and how building intentional, values-based agreements in non-monogamy can transform your relationships.
💬 Because assuming = conflict waiting to happen.
💛 Collaboration = connection, clarity, and care.
What You’ll Learn:
✔️ Why Assumptions Create Emotional ...
Do you ever feel like you’re doing everything right in your open or polyamorous relationship—and yet still crumble inside the moment your partner connects with someone else?
In this honest and unfiltered episode, I explore what real self-love looks like in non-monogamous relationships—especially when comparison, jealousy, and insecurity hit hard.
🎙️We talk about:
- Why affirmations fail when your body’s in panic mode
- How compariso...
What happens when a long-term couple invites a third person into their relationship—and it doesn’t go as planned?
In this raw and revealing episode, I sit down with six-time Emmy-nominated TV producer Jeff Hudson to talk about his memoir Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple. Jeff shares what it was like to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of a throuple, how jealousy blindsided him, and why non-monogamy cracked him wide ...
You know you’re enough—but the second your partner mentions her, the spiral starts.
Sound familiar?
In this honest, grounding episode, I break down the real costs of comparison in non-monogamous relationships—like the way it quietly erodes your presence, self-trust, and peace.
You’ll hear:
- Why “knowing better” doesn’t stop the spiral
- How patriarchy conditions us to compete—even in open dynamics
- What comparison really steals fro...
Navigating non-monogamy can stir up some BIG emotions—especially jealousy. But what if jealousy wasn’t something to fight against... but a tool for deeper connection?
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Emma Smith, licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist, to talk about:
✨ How to create emotional safety plans when opening a relationship
✨ The difference between healthy boundaries and rigid rules
✨ Why je...
Ever wondered if you can learn to feel compersion instead of jealousy? Or if talking about opening up your relationship means you're actually ready to do it? This episode dives deep into these questions and more!
I'm joined by Ally Iseman, a certified relationship coach and founder of Passport to Pleasure. Ally brings her unique blend of humor, compassion, and practical tools to help couples navigate the complexities of no...
Struggling with comparison in your non-monogamous relationship?
Whether it’s jealousy, insecurity, or spiraling thoughts when your partner mentions someone new—you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.
In this episode, we explore why comparison shows up in polyamory and non-monogamy, how it impacts your nervous system, and what you can do to stop the spiral and build emotional safety.
You’ll learn:
- Why comparison hits hard in non-mo...
If you’ve ever struggled with mismatched desires, defining commitment with a partner, or navigating the messier side of non-monogamy — this episode is for you.
In this candid conversation, I talk with Dr. Tammy Nelson, sexologist, therapist, TEDx speaker, and author of Open Monogamy. With 35+ years of experience working with couples in both monogamous and open relationships, Tammy brings a nuanced lens to everything from sexual bore...
When I was invited to interview someone from Ashley Madison, I hesitated. My first instinct was judgment — but then I realized, that’s the same kind of stigma people apply to non-monogamy all the time.
This powerful conversation with Paul Keable, Chief Strategy Officer at Ashley Madison, dives deep into the complex, often misunderstood world of infidelity, emotional disconnection, and unmet needs in long-term relationships.
🔍 This e...
Struggling to feel deeply connected in your non-monogamous relationships? Whether you're navigating polyamory, open relationships, or casual connections, meaningful intimacy doesn’t have to take hours of deep conversations or elaborate date nights. In fact, it can start with just five minutes a day.
In this episode, I’m sharing five powerful yet simple practices from my Beyond Monogamy 4CNM Method that can help you build strong...
The dinner party where your partner's other partner shows up. The wedding where you're trying to explain your relationship structure to curious relatives. The community gathering where you're juggling attention between multiple partners.
Social events in non-monogamous relationships present unique challenges that most relationship advice completely ignores.
In this raw and practical episode, I sit down with Danny to un...
Have you ever felt like you're living someone else's version of a "good" relationship? That moment when you realize you've been checking boxes you never actually chose for yourself? I've been there, and it's time we talk about moving from relationship "shoulds" to relationship "coulds."
In this episode, I'm sharing my journey from living a picture-perfect life on the outsid...
Are you trying to navigate ethical non-monogamy through trial and error? In this episode I reveal why the DIY approach to non-monogamy often leads to unexpected emotional and relationship costs.
Episode Highlights:
• Understanding the hidden costs of unsupported non-monogamy
• Real stories from couples navigating ethical non-monogamy
• Practical solutions for common non-monogamous relationship challenges
• Expert strategies for buil...
🎉100 episodes! Can you believe it? Three years ago, I was terrified to be on video, worried about getting it all "right." Now, this podcast has become a thriving space for deep, unfiltered conversations about non-monogamy—and it’s all thanks to you! 💜
To celebrate this milestone, I’m joined by Aly Moon, a polyamory community leader with 15+ years of non-monogamous experience and 7 years of hosting events in the Pacific N...
Feeling lost in non-monogamy? Struggling with unclear boundaries? Without clarity, your relationships can feel uncertain and chaotic. In this episode, I break down why clarity is EVERYTHING when it comes to thriving in open relationships.
📌 In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
✅ How to define your North Star for relationship clarity
✅ The importance of non-negotiables & why they shape your boundaries
✅ How to break free from harmful re...
Are you navigating the emotional landscape of non-monogamy? In this episode, I chat with Lola Phoenix, author of "The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy", "The Non-monogamy Journal", and host of the "Non-Monogamy Help" podcast. We chat about the complexities of open relationships and how to build a toolkit for managing the intense emotions that often arise.
Key Insights:
- The importance of ha...
Have you ever tried to brush off jealousy, hoping it would simply fade away? In this eye-opening episode, I uncover the hidden costs of ignoring this powerful emotion in non-monogamous relationships.
Uncover the truth about jealousy:
- Why avoiding jealousy actually intensifies its impact
- How unaddressed jealousy erodes trust and emotional safety
- Practical steps to prevent jealousy from damaging your connections
We'll uncove...
Are you tired of swiping endlessly on dating apps, feeling like you're getting nowhere? In this episode, I sit down with Julie and Yue, the dynamic duo behind the Dateable podcast and authors of "How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love." These dating experts are here to shake up your approach to modern romance, whether you're monogamous, non-monogamous, or somewhere in ...
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