August 21, 2025 • 64 mins
In this conversation, Julian and Cristiano delve into the concept of the shadow side, exploring its implications on personal growth, relationships, and self-awareness. They discuss how acknowledging and integrating one's shadow can lead to empowerment and authenticity. The dialogue also touches on the influence of social media, the dynamics of friendship, and the importance of kindness and vulnerability in human connections. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, they highlight the shared experiences of navigating the complexities of identity and emotional health.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Julian/Phantom (00:30):
Welcome! Welcome back.
I'm your host, Julian.
My name today is Phantom, andthis is the rarest name that I
have because usually the topicsI correlate with this name.
It's the hardest for me.
I'm not here by myself.
Tyler is still away, but I haveCristiano.
Cristiano (00:53):
My pleasure to be on the show.
I'm excited to chat to you.
Thank you so much.
Julian/Phantom (00:59):
Yes.
No, I actually really amlooking forward for this
conversation.
But before we get into the mainquestion of everything, how was
your last seven-ish days?
The last seven days...
Cristiano (01:12):
were insightful, I should say, emotionally
challenging at times andphysically challenging as well
because I'm preparing for afitness race.
So it was a good mix of thephysical, the emotional, the
spiritual, the shadow and all ofthe above.
Julian/Phantom (01:35):
Wow.
So you said a fit was...
If you don't mind me prying injust a little bit.
A fitness race?
Because when I hear fitness,first when I hear race, I'm just
thinking you're just running Xdistance.
But a fitness race?
What does that involve?
So it's
Cristiano (01:53):
called the Hyrox.
Okay.
It's a new sport that will takeover the world pretty soon.
Not many people know about it,but it's growing exponentially
every year.
So there is some running in it.
So it's eight kilometers.
I don't know how much is thatin miles.
And after each kilometers,there is a strength station.
(02:19):
So a slat pull, a slat push, orlike a flounce carry with some
weights or like lunges.
And it's eight stations.
And you have to complete it inthe least time possible.
Interesting.
I've done it three timesalready.
This is going to be my fourth.
And I'm going to have to beatthe previous time.
Julian/Phantom (02:44):
That sounds very interesting.
I wish you the best of luckwith that.
Cristiano (02:49):
Thank
Julian/Phantom (02:49):
you so much.
Wait, you've done it threetimes already?
You got it.
My physical challenge will betrying to get on American Ninja
Warrior if I can ever do that.
Anything else in your lastseven days?
Cristiano (03:07):
Lots of writing.
Working on my book every day.
Working on my blog.
Spending time in nature as muchas I can.
Trying to ground.
Yeah.
Julian/Phantom (03:20):
Nice.
I like this.
I like this a lot.
I'm going to focus.
So you write often?
Cristiano (03:30):
I, well, yeah, I'm working on my book, so I try to
do, I train in the morning earlyand then spend the rest of the
morning until lunchtime writingtwo or three hours.
Sometimes it's easy, sometimesit's not.
And then in the afternoon I goin nature, maybe do some more
writing when I get back home andyeah.
Julian/Phantom (03:52):
Okay.
very nice i like it for me notso much on the physical aspect
of side of things for sure umbut let's have what's happened
in my last seven days um oh forfor one i may or may not have
potentially lost another friendum unfortunately uh there was a
(04:17):
conversation that we were havingI understand how they interpret
the situation.
Didn't mean for it to, youknow, be out of mouths or
anything.
So, uh, hopefully I, you know,can salvage our friendship, but
if not, um, I can't do anythingabout that.
Um, well, this has happened inmy last seven ish days.
(04:37):
Um, I was in the forest.
I'm always like out in thewoods doing something.
Well, not all the time, but,uh, just out in the trees, uh,
all day and, for work, and Ienjoy every second of it.
Anytime I get to be out innature, I'm happy.
That's
Cristiano (04:57):
beautiful.
What do you do?
Julian/Phantom (04:59):
I don't know how to explain it, but I just work
in nature, basically.
Yeah.
Anything else happen in my lastseven days that is relevant?
I can't think of anything.
I know I just actually just didanother recording earlier this
week which like I told you thisis kind of the new system of
(05:23):
everything so I'm still testingeverything out so forgive me if
things aren't working properlylike they're supposed to like
you would expect but I told theother person like you get the
benefit of being the firstyou're fortunate and unfortunate
enough to be like the earlytesters of me testing this new
system but Yeah, that's my lastseven-ish days.
(05:44):
I feel like I'm forgettingsomething, but it may or may not
come up.
Cristiano (05:48):
That's okay.
Maybe it wasn't important.
Julian/Phantom (05:52):
Very true.
But with all that out the way,the question...
Oh, I will also preface forfriends...
I'm probably going to getmyself in trouble with one of
these episodes because I havefriends and co-workers listen to
some of these episodes every sooften.
(06:12):
So...
Oh! Some...
As you see, I'm alwaysscatterbrained with what I have
to say.
But you're also catching thison a silly Saturday, so we
really could have fun.
Cristiano (06:24):
Okay.
Julian/Phantom (06:26):
But the question of the day actually comes from
Cristiano.
And like I said, phantom meansthere's usually something that
I'm not really aware of.
So the question is, have youlearned anything from embracing
your shadow side?
Many things.
Cristiano (06:44):
Um...
Yeah, in a short sentence, manythings.
And then it expands ontoprofessional aspects of my
personality, personals, thespiritual, the emotional aspect,
the sexual aspect of my being.
So there are multiple ways wecan look into it.
(07:06):
But I'll give you how I got toknow my shadow and what is a
shadow, firstly.
I
Julian/Phantom (07:18):
was about to ask, I'm like, please, can you
also break this down for what isthe shadow side?
Because, again, this will havebeen a really great topic for my
friend Tyler, but she's nothere with us.
But please, please explain.
Cristiano (07:32):
Yeah, so the shadow side is, firstly, I'm not the
one who discovered Yeah, likemany people before me discovered
it.
So the shadow side is to makeit simple is all the traits we
despise about ourselves, all thethings that we don't like about
(07:53):
ourselves, and that we spend somuch time and energy to
suppress them and to get rid ofthem.
And that's what's keeping usstuck in a loop of judgment,
(08:14):
sabotage, doubts, lack ofself-esteem, not knowing,
thinking that we know aboutourselves, but we actually
don't, pretending to be someoneelse we are not.
These are all traits that arepart of the shadow.
And interestingly enough, allthese traits...
(08:35):
are the same traits most of thetime that we dislike about
other people too.
So if you are speaking tosomeone or dealing with someone
and we don't like what they say,we don't like what they do,
even if it's not towards us, wejust don't like their energy for
(08:57):
a reason, most of the time thething they do and the thing they
say, they trigger us Butinstead of accepting it, we
create a wall in between thetrigger and our reactions.
So we hold ourselves slaves ina way of somebody else's power
(09:22):
over us because we are nothonest and vulnerable enough to
firstly accept and then toacknowledge those less likable
parts of ourselves.
Speaker 02 (09:38):
Okay.
Absolutely.
Cristiano (09:40):
Yeah.
The first step is toacknowledge that we all have
these traits that we dislike andthere's nothing wrong with
them.
They are part of ourpersonality as individuals.
as the traits that we like.
There's no difference.
The only difference is that weare afraid of them, of the one
(10:03):
that we dislike.
So we create a split in ourpersonality.
So if you think our personalityas a collective, then we kind
of pick it apart.
So this part, we don't like it,we put it out.
This part, we don't like it, weput it out.
And we keep doing that.
this process with all thethings that we dislike about
(10:27):
ourselves.
And that's eventually whattriggers our reactions to
certain events, which normallyare external to us.
And then we blame other peoplefor doing so, for saying so.
(10:48):
And we're finding it hard to...
to accept it in ourselves.
Julian/Phantom (10:56):
Okay.
So that's
Cristiano (10:57):
the, that's the process that we go through when,
when discovering about, aboutthe shadow.
Julian/Phantom (11:03):
Okay.
So would it be kind ofsomething like, um, you like,
like, let's just say someonelikes to gamble, uh, and they
are heavily addicted to it, butthey try not to show people.
Is that, is that kind of in thesame realm as if I'm, Or not
necessarily.
Cristiano (11:22):
Yeah, if they dislike their traits about themselves,
yes.
It can be an addiction too.
It's like a drug addict.
They keep doing drugs and theyknow it's not a good thing to do
for them.
And they hate that part ofthemselves.
But they keep doing it becausethey don't know otherwise.
And maybe they stop.
But because it is anaddiction...
(11:45):
then they replace it withanother addiction.
They never get rid of theaddiction.
And that's the root cause ofaddiction too.
Okay.
Julian/Phantom (11:57):
Okay, I'm following.
So, okay.
So how would you describe yourshadow side?
Cristiano (12:06):
So my shadow side is being the center of attention
and public speaking.
So I am...
I absolutely, I used to, nowI'm working on it and it's
becoming part of who I am.
I'm learning how to love thatpart of myself.
So I'm going to talk about itas if it was the past.
(12:29):
Okay.
So it used to be being at thecenter of attention, which means
I was terrified by being at thecenter of attention, but I was
secretly...
wanting to be at the center ofattention
Julian/Phantom (12:47):
okay
Cristiano (12:47):
well if i was within a context that i had competence
to let's say discuss about atopic um being a center of
attention would enhance myconfidence would boost my
confidence would uh allow me toexpress organically but within a
context of something else thati didn't feel confidence and i
(13:11):
didn't have the competence toexpress myself That shadow part
of me absolutely destroyed mysense of self-esteem.
Okay.
It was like being the fish onthe tree.
Do you know that story?
Julian/Phantom (13:27):
I don't, but I'm laughing because I heard
something about it, a fish on atree a while back ago saying if
you see a fish on a tree, wouldsociety consider it...
A genius or dumb.
Yeah, that's the story.
That's
Cristiano (13:45):
the essence of the story.
So it related to my shadow.
Julian/Phantom (13:52):
Okay.
Since this is a new topic forme, I'm just going to guess what
my shadow side is per se.
Which I also want to say, youhaving a...
You saying your shadow side isbeing the center of attention,
my immediate thought was, thatdoesn't sound like a super
(14:13):
terrible thing to have all thetime.
Well, it's not only one, the
Cristiano (14:18):
shadow.
There are multiple shadow sidesof ourselves, and they keep a
hold.
This part of myself, now it'sintegrated in my personality.
That's why I'm doing podcasts.
I wouldn't be here if thatwasn't integrated.
got you okay I got to the truthof that but now it's evolving
(14:40):
into something else so I'munderstanding about you know how
it's affecting my sexuality ormy spirituality or my emotional
capacity okay yeah but now I'minterested to see like what's
what's your guess on your
Julian/Phantom (14:55):
I think mine if shadow side is probably
something to do with like sexand everything because it's
Something that's always like...
Not always on the back of mymind.
But I tie it into...
How do I put it?
(15:16):
The things that I'm willing todo probably isn't...
I don't see it as like taboo.
Let's just think random.
Oh, so something like this,right?
Um...
This is actually, I got into anissue with this with a friend
(15:40):
of mine a while back ago.
Cristiano (15:43):
It's a perfect example.
Julian/Phantom (15:45):
Yeah, so I asked the question and it wasn't
supposed to be towards thisactual person.
I was asking in puregenerosity, but I'm like, If you
had a friend who would bewilling to do something sexual
to you, whatever, no stringsattached, no complications, no
(16:11):
issues whatsoever, would you letthis person do it?
That was the question I asked.
And like I said, I wasn'tasking it towards that person,
but I do know there's certainfriends that I have that I would
be that person for if if it wasbrought up to me, if that makes
(16:31):
sense.
If they asked you or if youasked them?
If they asked me, because Ialso know with it being friends,
I'm not going to actively putmyself in that situation to make
things awkward if they weren'tasking for it.
Because I want to keep myfriends, that's for sure.
I know that whole area makesthings very complicated
(16:56):
sometimes.
Cristiano (16:56):
So you would be the person with no strings attached,
Julian/Phantom (17:00):
no complication.
Exactly.
If
Cristiano (17:02):
somebody asked you to do it, you would do something
sexual with them, but withoutall the complications.
Julian/Phantom (17:09):
For the most part, yeah.
Of course, it depends on whoand what situation I'm in at the
time.
But that's what I think.
Because I'm hearing shadows outof something that's taboo that
you try not to...
expressed basically, right?
Am I getting that right?
Correct.
(17:30):
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I think that's, um, because,and then, yeah, I think a lot
of it deals with like the sexualaspect of, of my life.
Cristiano (17:40):
Yes.
Well, that's, that's reallycourageous to say.
And I, I can relate toeverything you said because,
because I am understanding thatof myself.
That's why I mentioned itbefore because it has affected
my whole life.
And, You said
Julian/Phantom (17:59):
you were toxic at some times?
Cristiano (18:01):
Well, yeah, yeah, of course.
Okay, okay.
I would use it in a toxic way.
Julian/Phantom (18:06):
Got you,
Cristiano (18:07):
okay.
You know, unconsciously hurtpeople.
Not intentionally, obviously.
It was just lack of wisdom, Iguess.
Julian/Phantom (18:18):
Got you, okay.
And I think that's also whatcomes from mine is why...
say it this way is because Ithink about all the time,
because I have the thoughtprocess like someone's always
watching me.
So I'm like, if someone'swatching me, is this something
that I should probably do or doand or say?
(18:39):
And I'm like, probably not.
So that's how I kind of got tothat, my thought process too.
What sense watching you though?
Like, like, like some, you everheard the expression like,
like, Maybe not even anexpression, but act like
someone's always watching you.
So I feel like if someone'salways watching or hearing me,
that directs conversationsometimes of like, what I'm
(19:03):
willing to do and or say like Itry to be on my like best
behavior if that makes sense sothat means away from your sexual
poses exactly which I'm notgoing to say is always a bad
thing because there's always atime and a place for it for sure
and sometimes will just be veryinappropriate like let's just
(19:25):
say work for example like I'vemore than likely shouldn't Like
I said, someone's going to hearthis and I might put myself in
trouble, but like, yeah, solet's, yeah.
So like, I shouldn't be sexualat work or anything, like keep
it off hours, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah.
So stuff like that.
Yeah.
(19:46):
All the taboos, but I havenothing else to really say about
that aspect of it, but do wantit to know how do you think you
could bring your shadow sideinto Make it like a positive by
any chance, like turn into apositive.
I know you said you're workingon it.
Well, that's
Cristiano (20:05):
the intention.
The intention of working onyour shadow side is to, as I
mentioned before, to integratethose parts back into your
personality and use them at youradvantage, not to...
Obviously, not to manipulatepeople.
That's not what I'm saying.
(20:25):
That's not why I said use it toyour advantage.
It sounds a bit, you know,you're trying to manipulate, but
that's not the goal.
Use it to your advantagebecause on the shadow parts of
yourself, that's where potentiallies.
If you accept even the ugliestparts of yourself...
(20:49):
and your fears and you'resincere with that process, then
it will lead you to empowermentand empowerment will lead you to
show up fully in life, to showup authentically and
unapologetically.
So that's the goal of workingon your shadow.
(21:14):
For example, relating to what Isaid before, the center of
attention.
Like if I went honest withmyself and I said, oh yeah,
that's fine.
I'll work on it when I'm old orlike I never work on it.
I wouldn't be here talking toyou, doing podcasts and
expressing myself out of genuineinterest in having this type of
(21:37):
vulnerable conversation withpeople.
And I wouldn't be writing mybook.
I wouldn't be doing all thesethings because there would be a
certain feeling of...
Unworthiness lingering stillwithin me.
So the intention of working onyour shadow is exactly this.
(21:57):
To...
To allow your desire, yourpotential to surface and to use
it.
Okay.
That...
Julian/Phantom (22:09):
That...
You also said something aboutmanipulating and everything.
I...
I def...
I...
I relate to your story a lot,actually, because, um, something
that I've had in the back of mymind, kind of going off of, um,
kind of going off of what Isaid about like being always
being watching everything orsomeone's always watching you.
(22:31):
I also have the mindset oflike, I'm going to do what I
want.
Um, nothing is, nothing trulycan stop me if I really want to
do something.
So, um, uh, but I take thatinto consideration.
Like, uh, let's just say Iwanted to do something heinous,
whatever heinous thing you wantto think of.
(22:52):
I want to do something heinous.
If I really wanted to do it, Iweigh my consequences and still
do it like hands down.
But I do know, like I said,there's, I'm going to say
guardrails.
That's stopping me.
Like there's, I'm like, I, yes,I could want to do this, but
I'm like, I'm not going tobecause the results of whatever
(23:13):
my action may be, isn't worthdoing X thing.
If that makes sense.
Cristiano (23:18):
Yeah.
Yeah, it does.
Yeah.
It means that you, it meansthat you, you credit the option
of having a choice yourself,which is, which is, I think a, a
double edged sword.
Um, because it is one of thehardest thing to do to, to have
a choice sometimes, um, becauseyou, you never know, you know,
(23:43):
you, You never know which one isthe right way to go.
You know, if you decide to gofor it, then you have to take
the consequences, as you said.
And if you don't do it, youalso have to take the
consequences because maybe itwill become a regret later in
life.
Maybe it will make you feelless than or like inferior.
(24:07):
So there are positive andconsequences in everything.
Julian/Phantom (24:12):
Yeah.
But you mentioned how do youstop?
Like, I can't remember how youphrased it, but you said
something about like, how doyou, uh, how many people do you
think share your shadow side?
Like, uh, because I know we alllike unique individuals and
everything, but we all sharesomething in common.
(24:35):
Yes.
That's a great question.
Cristiano (24:37):
Um, I think, uh, Well, it doesn't matter.
I don't know what's the truth,honestly, but I think everyone
has to go through a phase wherethey worry about what other
people think.
Because at the same time, beinga center of attention means
(25:01):
that to a degree you areworrying about what other people
think of you and what you mightsay.
Or what you might not say ifyou make mistakes, which in the
end of the day, nobody reallycares.
Yeah.
So
Julian/Phantom (25:19):
in that regard, yes.
Okay.
No, I do think there'sdefinitely...
Yeah, I think there's peoplewith the same shadow side as me,
even though I'm not fully awareof my life.
Yeah, like I said, I'm notfully aware of my shadow side.
I know there has to be peoplethat have the same impulse, I'm
(25:40):
going to say.
But off of these questions,though...
Do you think you surround yourfriend, like subconsciously
surround yourself or havefriends that have the same
shadow side as you?
That's
Cristiano (25:59):
why I'm talking to you.
I feel like the sexual parts,it's pretty, I can relate to
that, you know, which I think,yeah, many guys have that
shadow.
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (26:16):
pulse,
Cristiano (26:17):
whatever you want to call it, which it needs to be
controlled, right?
As you said, there are placesfor it and there are times where
you just need to acknowledgethat it's the time to shut it
down.
But yeah, I was going to saythat humans, we are more similar
that...
that we think of in all theaspects that makes us humans,
(26:41):
whether it's the shadow side,whether the light side, whether
it's the love we feel, theconnection we feel.
So I think, not I think, I'veread through, I don't know if
you know him, Carl Jung, Yeah,so he was talking about the
(27:05):
collective shadow as well, whichis the shadow of the universe,
which means the shadow ofhumans, which is the commonality
we have as human beings.
So yeah, to answer to yourquestion, we definitely share
aspects and...
(27:26):
The lighter one and the darkestone as well.
Julian/Phantom (27:29):
Okay.
That actually...
Because I was also trying toget away from the...
Because I know you said therewas more...
You had more than one shadow inyou.
So I was wanting to see if youhad...
If you happened to noticesomeone else's shadow side.
But you bring up the book.
It actually reminds me of abook that I recently read,
(27:50):
Outwitting the Devil.
Yeah.
or basically said the samething, where the shallow side of
the universe, or at least inlife, in the context of the
book, was kind of focused onbeing...
What's the word I'm lookingfor?
Not mundane, per se, but it'sjust falling into bad habits
(28:15):
of...
Let's just say laziness was oneof them.
You just actively choosing notto...
Let's just say workout.
Like you, you choose to notwork out on a daily basis.
You, you, you overeat stufflike that.
So that's kind of what the bookwas saying too, is that, and
you would have to overcome thatto, to be better.
Yeah.
Cristiano (28:37):
Well, it's the
Julian/Phantom (28:37):
challenges of life.
Yeah.
But, oh, and so with the shadowside, what would you say?
Well, actually, yeah.
You're kind of teaching me.
So again, I apologize for that.
I think
Cristiano (28:53):
you're spot on.
You're pretty...
If you didn't know before,you're pretty quick at
understanding.
I don't want to teach anything.
I'm just sharing my journey.
Julian/Phantom (29:08):
Yeah, no, no.
And I learned from people'sjourneys and everything too.
So I appreciate you for that.
But so that's your shadow side.
What would you say is like...
positive light that you like tothat you don't necessarily like
to talk about the positive ofoh like just positive of
(29:30):
yourself side and or just thepositive trait of yourself like
the complete opposite of theshadow side
Cristiano (29:38):
yeah which is an interesting topic too because I
think we also sometimes likehide from those traits that we
are good at.
So that also requires a processof accepting and knowledgeing
and, you know, integrating, forexample, like love or like
(30:00):
authenticity.
It's not like we are influencedby society and they're all
traits that we suppress as we,as we grow older, but that we,
when, when we were a child, wewere used like, so like, They
were so natural to us toexpress, to show up
authentically in life.
So I would say one of my, let'ssay we'll call it strength,
(30:26):
just to give it a label.
I think one of my strengths isto try my best to be truthful
towards myself.
Okay.
I like that.
Therefore to other people.
Okay.
Because you can't be truthfulto other people if you're not
(30:47):
true with yourself.
So I think I'm in that phase ofmy life, which I am actively
practicing to be truthful tomyself in every situation, but
at the same time, not to make ittoo logical.
Okay.
I like that.
What's your strength?
Julian/Phantom (31:08):
For me, my strength...
uh i was like a strength that ilike to like high per se is my
willingness to help people um inot to go into any details
because uh again because uh buti will easily go out my way to
help a friend and not nevermention it again uh there or and
(31:31):
not even just a friend uh i ihave like a soft spot for
homeless people so they're i'llsay this one there are sometimes
like when we uh have what is itlike uh potlucks at work or
something and i see that there'sextra food i will sometimes
take that extra food and justgive it to the homeless so that
(31:53):
is and then there's uh otherthings i have in the works
that's uh trying to help thehomeless as well so that that's
that's usually my like astrength that i try to keep
hitting um because i don't cuton the opposite of you i'm
trying not to be in the centerof the attention that way i'd
rather just uh be that um shadowperson where i just do a good
(32:17):
deed um and just go about my dayi that I can honestly tell you
that that is my strength that Ilike to do often.
Cristiano (32:30):
What drives you to do that?
One
Julian/Phantom (32:42):
part is I feel like it just is, but there is
also a part of me where I feellike at some some point in time
i might end up in that samesituation um so if i were to be
in that situation how i wantother people to treat me if i
was in that situation i thinkthat's the underlying aspect of
(33:04):
why i do it so often
Cristiano (33:09):
yeah do you do you do you use that trait even in your
daily life with with friendsand work not just with homeless
Julian/Phantom (33:18):
oh yeah i think so um Just because I see it as
just being kind to people andsomething that I actually took
from Puerto Rico is that I'venoticed that everyone was like
saying hi in the morning, likereally having a conversation.
So I actually took that backwith me.
And so ever since I've beengoing around my office before I,
(33:40):
and I even, I say this often,um, I go around and say good
morning, just smile, ask themhow their weekend was, stuff
like that.
Just so it's not so boring thatyou're just facing a computer
screen all day.
And then with friends, whenthey ask about how I see it is
(34:01):
when...
they ask about me i'm alwaysask about them like they're
without without hesitation likeuh it could be my birthday and
there's like oh happy birthdayi'm like oh how are you been how
are you like i don't focus onme i focus on them um um and i
just so that that's how i see itat least
Speaker 02 (34:20):
yeah
Julian/Phantom (34:23):
what about yourself how do you Do you only
use your strength to benefit youor have you found a way to...
I
Cristiano (34:35):
tend to, yes.
I tend to...
I was actually reflecting onthe term selfishness versus
selflessness just the other dayand I was journeying about it.
Which I find it fascinating.
But to answer your question...
I tend to do less kind gesturesto other people.
(35:06):
I just don't pay attention toit.
I'm not an asshole.
I've got friends.
I know how to be kind.
It's just not...
Your first thought, right?
It's not my...
Yeah, it's not my first option.
It's not what I think about allday long.
Yeah, no, which is completelyunderstandable.
(35:29):
But yeah, what I was journeyingabout, I was reflecting on
selfishness and I was thinkingabout all the people that they
wrote biographies, all theartists that they paint, whether
(35:50):
they are famous or not.
Because sometimes I feel thatselfishness is a bit of taboo as
well.
If we see someone excelling atsomething, like there's a part
of us that maybe I'm talking formyself, but I know people can
(36:10):
relate.
Maybe there's a part ofourselves that's envious of
that, jealous of that, which isalso part of the shadow side.
So I was thinking, I wasthinking, why do we, why do we
hold so much respect to, tothese famous artists, like
(36:35):
alternative figure?
And why do we, why do we holdour friends or people that we
know sometimes slaves of theirown, you know, artistic gifts?
Unknown (36:50):
Yeah.
Cristiano (36:51):
And we envy them, but we don't envy the famous
artists.
So I was thinking to myself, ifyou were to meet the artists,
would you go there and tell themyou're selfish because you
painted the Mona Lisa?
Or would you go there and thankthem because they gave you a
(37:13):
glimpse of faith, of hope inhumanity and the creative power?
Unknown (37:20):
Yeah.
Cristiano (37:21):
That was where my reflection came from.
And that's a bit how I amevolving in this phase of my
life, taking responsibility forthat, for those gifts that I'm
discovering about myself and notshying away from them.
Okay.
(37:42):
But I know that eventually Iwill get to a point where I'll
be able to share those giftswith Um, with, with more
kindness, with love, not justbecause myself, if that makes
sense.
Julian/Phantom (37:59):
Yeah, no, that, that makes a lot of sense.
Something you said though,that, um, that made, uh, like
made my gears in my head turningabout, uh, if you saw like that
artist, um, right next to you,uh, why, why, why, why don't we
do it with friends?
I feel like that is because ofthe closeness.
um it's kind of like if you sawuh like let's just say like a
(38:23):
famous athlete and he's likewell you will never chances are
you will never meet that personwhatsoever but because your
friends are so close to you thatyou have not a sense of
entitlement i won't say but youit's like you're comparing
yourself to to to your friendsomething like how you were
(38:44):
saying before how it's incloseness we like criticize and
the thing that we uh judge ourfriends off of because how close
they are to us
Cristiano (38:54):
yeah because you leave them you just don't see
them in television
Julian/Phantom (39:00):
yeah so i think that even though you didn't ask
that's that's just somethingthat i just that i thought of
why why
Cristiano (39:07):
yeah
Julian/Phantom (39:08):
why we treat friends, I guess, in a sense,
into a higher degree than we seepeople that we physically can't
touch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's just my own personalthought to
Cristiano (39:28):
it.
Where do you think that dynamiccomes from with our friends?
Julian/Phantom (39:33):
With our
Cristiano (39:34):
friends?
Why sometimes it's hard toelevate them or not to compare
ourselves to them and justunconditionally be there, I
guess.
Julian/Phantom (39:45):
I think what...
Huh.
Let me...
Why it's so hard to...
I think it's because weactually...
In any way, we want...
I think it's twofold.
I think we want better for ourfriends because we see their
potential.
Because just imagine a friendsaying...
(40:07):
Being scared of being in thetalent show.
When, you know, behind thescenes, they have an amazing
singing voice.
But they just won't show up onstage whatsoever.
So it's like you're trying...
in your manner, trying to pushthem to be the best versions of
(40:29):
themselves that you see.
But it's also in the samebreath.
You can't control them.
So you wish them the best, andyou get frustrated when you see
that they aren't living up to...
to their potential
Cristiano (40:50):
yeah so like in a way also projecting your your
imprinting onto them exactlyeven though it originates from
genuine intentions
Julian/Phantom (41:03):
yeah no that's that's my thought at least and
yeah and you said you agree oryou do you think anything
different I think
Cristiano (41:11):
I'm on the same page.
There must be other dynamicsplaying, but not on top of my
mind right now.
Julian/Phantom (41:21):
Yeah, that was just my immediate thought of how
I think about that.
Cristiano (41:26):
Perhaps about cultural imprinting or society.
That is true.
Comparison, nature, especiallythese days.
where you're always stimulatedto be successful and be better
(41:47):
than everybody and all thatcrap.
Speaker 02 (41:51):
Can I say crap?
Julian/Phantom (41:54):
No, I do agree because I think that's also part
of how you mentioned in today'sage with social media, how
everyone shows their highlightsof, oh, I'm...
travel to this location,whatever I have this car, but
there's no behind the sceneswork of like, Hey, I spent, uh,
(42:15):
like five weeks working overtimeon the weekend getting to
afford this.
So I think that's also part ofit is that we only see like when
people are at their best or,um, now people show that when
they're at their best or like ahighlight.
That's the shadow
Cristiano (42:34):
side of social media.
Which makes it even harder toacknowledge our human shadow.
And that's the issue as well.
It's not just us with us.
It's also us versus the socialmedia.
It's us versus society and whatthey want you to believe.
(42:56):
So it becomes so hard to...
To even acknowledge all thosetraits that we talked about
before.
Julian/Phantom (43:04):
Yeah, no, I didn't even think about a
shallow side, not even going,just you, it's not just you
versus you, it's you versuseverything.
Never, never thought aboutthat.
Cristiano (43:15):
Yeah.
I don't, I don't like to, tosay, uh, I don't like to, I used
to, I used to think about like,it's me versus me, like having
that mindset.
i i rephrased it for myself soi like to to say it's you it's
me with me oh i like that i'mnot competing with myself either
um and that's something elsethat will keep me stuck in the
(43:39):
past because i i had to bebetter of of my former self like
Living with that mindsetbecomes lots of pressure on
yourself.
And it's not healthy.
Again, there is a place for it.
So when I'm doing the race, I'mgoing to push myself.
But if I'm talking to, youknow, like we are doing, or if
(44:01):
I'm talking to other people, Idon't have to compete with
anybody, not even with myself.
Julian/Phantom (44:08):
I like that.
Because I think the other...
shadow side of me going offyour uh uh your comment of uh
how you don't like to use meversus uh me that's actually
something that i've had for idon't even know when is because
um for like me like doing megetting physically healthy i
(44:30):
always like to think of like ihave to be able to beat myself
because if i can beat myselfthen I could beat anyone.
But you saying it's me with me,I like that.
Yeah.
I mean,
Cristiano (44:44):
obviously there's nothing wrong if you want to
push yourself.
Oh, yeah.
And, you know, do races,physical races or whatever
you're into.
But it depends what sort ofmindset you approach that with.
Julian/Phantom (44:58):
Yeah, no, very, very true.
Oh, and then I was just sayingwith the shadow side, I think
another shadow side of mineis...
I'm hesitant about this onebecause I might be picking up a
friend of mine's desire as well,because I know I like...
I've noticed I tend to pick upmy friend's traits and
(45:22):
everything, so I'm worried aboutsaying this one, but the
ability...
Wanting to fight.
Because I'm not someone.
Who will play.
I can't play fight.
It's either I'm fully.
I'm serious or I'm not.
And there's no in between.
So yeah.
I think that's another shadowside of mine that I have to dive
(45:47):
more into is fighting, forsure.
Cristiano (45:50):
As in wanting to actually fight?
Yeah, yeah.
Not for having fun, just tobeat somebody
Julian/Phantom (46:00):
up?
Something like that, yeah.
But like I said, I have to bewary because I might be thinking
of my friend and adopting...
my friends desires as wellbecause with the fighting aspect
I do want to be able to protectkind of still going off my
(46:20):
strength is like I do want to beable to protect the people I
care about for sure so and if Ican't I feel like if I can't do
that I will yeah if I'm in asituation where I need to
protect them and I can't wouldprobably like devastate me Okay.
Cristiano (46:39):
Well, it's still a genuine intention, so...
Julian/Phantom (46:41):
Yeah.
Cristiano (46:42):
Yeah.
Julian/Phantom (46:43):
Yeah, but...
I don't have any more questionsfor you as of right now, unless
you have anything?
Cristiano (46:52):
Well, probably, like, following
Julian/Phantom (46:55):
up on what you said.
About me, the fighting side orme, like, adapting my friend's
desire, or you're not sure?
Cristiano (47:04):
Oh, yes, correct.
Yeah, I was going to say...
I was going to say that you areaware because it's a thing,
like absorbing other people'sdesires and anxieties or
worries.
But in your case, you feel likeit's more like a shadow
Julian/Phantom (47:24):
thing?
Just a little bit because, likeI said, I'm still not aware of
the shadow side so much.
I would have to, like, do more,uh, I'm more of a deep dive
into it, but just for thisconversation is like, yeah, no,
I'm a very physical person forsure.
Um, let's see, like when I was,um, younger, like somewhere in
(47:47):
like high school or something, Ialways wanted to just jump and
going into college.
I always just wanted to jumpover people.
Like, uh, it doesn't matter howtall you were.
Like I wanted to just jump overyou or, um, race you or
something.
So that There's always that,but I want to call that a shadow
side per se, because I activelywould express people to people
(48:07):
like, oh, let me do X, Y, and Z.
I guess this is a question foryou.
Is the shadow side, is it onlysomething that you try to hide
or can it be something that youjust can't express?
Like in my situation, like Itell people, but I can't always
(48:28):
do it.
Do you have an answer for that?
Cristiano (48:31):
I think if I'm getting your question correctly,
I think if you're expressingsomething that you think might
be a shadow, then it doesn'tbecome a shadow anymore.
Okay.
Because if you're expressingit, it means that has no power
over you yet.
(48:51):
So an integrated shadow meansit is controlling you in a way.
For example, our sexualimpulses sometimes, they control
you when it's so strong and toohard to control that you just
can't do it.
(49:12):
You have to act on it.
If it makes you feel bad in away afterwards, then you
followed the wrong impulse.
If it made you feel okay withit like aligned if it made you
feel it was the right thing todo then you follow the right
(49:35):
impulse okay so yeah i would sayi never asked myself that
question so thank you for askingme but uh
Speaker 02 (49:44):
yeah
Cristiano (49:44):
it's uh if you're expressing it then there has no
power over you and the funnything is that if you are the
first one to to be honest toyourself about the traits that
you don't like, then you becomeuntouchable to other people's
critique of you.
(50:04):
That is true.
Because when you acknowledgesomething that you don't like in
yourself, and then you getsomebody else telling you that,
it's fine.
You already know.
You don't have to...
You don't have to listen tothem.
You don't have to...
(50:25):
they have no power over youanymore
Julian/Phantom (50:27):
that no i like that because that's actually
something that i kind of do wheni make like uh jokes about
myself um because my name so myname is julian right uh and so
when i tell people my name whati get them to remember is like
you've seen the movie literallywhat i say is uh you've seen the
movie madagascar right or youheard of it
Cristiano (50:49):
Yeah, I heard of it, but I didn't see it.
Julian/Phantom (50:50):
Okay, but there's a character called King
Julian, and he's a lemur.
So if you've seen, it's a wayto connect.
And then there are two behindthe scenes that's going on in my
mind.
It's like, all right, first,I'm calling myself a monkey
already.
So it's like, you can't call methat.
(51:11):
Like, I already...
or I did it myself, but I'malso use it as a way to say I'm
comparing myself to a king.
So it was like, I can take it.
I can play with it that way.
So that's, I understand thatcompletely.
Cristiano (51:22):
That's a, that's a, that's an archetypal
Julian/Phantom (51:28):
conversation.
I have a lot of deep thoughtslike that sometimes.
Oh no.
Well, I'm not sure, but you,that's just something I'm like,
Oh, let me just so people can'thold power over me.
That's something that I dobecause I, early early like
middle school or something Iwould always um I can't remember
on I'm about to go on a tangentso but um like I would always
(51:55):
take people's like phones orsomething things like like real
simple things I can't really bereplaced um and so I would
introduce myself as like thethief that way he's like all
right cool you can't hold likeuh incriminate me and like no
here's I really don't know why Istarted talking about this,
but...
Oh, that's why.
Because I knew from...
(52:18):
So I always take people'sthings, but I wouldn't actually
take it.
I would give it back.
And I realized I just wanted areaction...
from from people so once peoplestop reacting to me i stopped
taking their stuff because i'mlike that's all i really want i
just wanted to see how you reactto things it's like pushing
(52:40):
boundaries yes and
Speaker 02 (52:42):
yeah
Julian/Phantom (52:44):
i'm someone who easily i'll i'll say this i'll
push a boundary i will see howfar i can get i will never
intentionally cross a boundarythat that's where i my my line
is drawn i will neverintentionally cross your
boundary i always try to push
Cristiano (53:00):
We have more, more in common things that, what do you
think you do that pushingboundaries?
Is it just to get a reaction orto get a, like to get a sense
of, create an identity or like asense of self in a way,
self-esteem?
Julian/Phantom (53:18):
Huh?
I never questioned why, but Iguess for me, it was more so,
uh, really, huh?
I have to think on that one.
My immediate answer is I justwanted to see their reaction.
There was a...
No, because I'm like, allright, I guess it's kind of...
(53:40):
In a terrible way of explainingthis, it's me trying to test
where I am in the friendship.
I'm like, all right, let's seeif I can...
I might...
is this acceptable is this notacceptable uh that way i kind of
know how far i can go because iknow everyone's different so
i'm like all right again nottrying to manipulate anyone not
(54:02):
trying to cross any boundariesbut it's like all right you i'm
like i can have this uh let'sjust say i can have this
conversation with you but i knowi can't have it with uh with
another person because we I'mnot there yet.
And so I think that's kind ofwhy I do it is just to see how
far I can go.
It's just broadened my horizon.
(54:23):
Yeah.
Just to kind of broaden what Ican talk about or what I can do
and what I can say.
Is
Cristiano (54:30):
it, is it something that you do from the, from the
beginning of a relationship orwhen you know somebody for the
first time, or is it somethingthat you, you build?
Julian/Phantom (54:41):
Hmm.
It, honest answer it depends onon the situation because i know
recently i just met someone umthat i that i didn't uh like and
everything and i i was pushingthat boundary just to see how
(55:02):
far i can go um and with thatthey've like um was fully out
there i told them how i feltthere's like not now i'm like
all right cool but at leastwe've had that conversation so
now i know i'm like all right ican fall back here and i should
i in theory should still be safebut in other situations where
(55:24):
i'm not when i have no interestin the person whatsoever i'm
take it slower uh just to umIt's something that I talked
about, like building trust.
Because I have made a quote,actually, that trust is the
byproduct of risk.
(55:46):
So I can't...
I'm not trying to push so muchout there to where it's
overwhelming, I'm going to say,to where it's like, all right,
actually, never mind.
I just don't want to do this.
So it all just kind of dependson where...
uh, my intentions are, but Itry to gauge it, uh, respect, no
(56:09):
matter what respect is alwaysin there.
Like if I know you're goingthrough something or if, um,
today, like I know he's not abad day, today's not, you
haven't been having a good day.
I'm probably want to just, uh,push that boundary.
If that makes sense.
Cristiano (56:28):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is it something that shows upwithin a romantic context
specifically or in
Julian/Phantom (56:37):
any context?
Romantic context for sure, butI've realized it is actually
just in everything that I do.
Like I said, the questions I'veasked here and in past episodes
and just questions that I thinkof them and sometimes I'm like,
No, this is a good question toask, even though...
(56:59):
And I could be blinded by thequestion.
No, not that.
Even though the question ishard-hitting, I will say,
because I would ask questionslike, do you think you grew up
the way your parents wanted youto?
(57:20):
Something that's justhard-hitting like that.
So...
Uh, me, me is just, uh, I have,I have the question and it's
also a part of me wanting toseek knowledge just a little
bit, uh, just to, just because Ilike to hear how other people
perceive the world.
So I think that's where itcomes from.
Cristiano (57:41):
Yeah.
You know, you're not comingfrom a provoking place, but
you're coming from like interestand curiosity.
Julian/Phantom (57:48):
Exactly.
But I know it doesn't alwayscome off that way.
um that and i do account forlike other people and usually so
the times where i have gone toofar i take it from the person's
perspective not just whatthey're hearing like their
perspective on me but also tryto go back into like what i know
(58:12):
about them like how they wereraised how like the society what
culture they were around justto kind of get an answer like oh
why was this taking the way itwas if you know me.
But that's just me.
Cristiano (58:24):
Yeah,
Julian/Phantom (58:25):
you just considerate both sides.
Yeah, because like I said, Iknow the things that I do ask
are heavy and not everyone'swilling to have such an open
conversation.
So when it's taken wrong, I'mlike, okay, I messed up.
Where...
It's like I asked for the why.
(58:48):
I'm like, why did this happenin this way with the information
that I have?
I don't
Cristiano (58:52):
think it's your mess, though.
I think you just carry yourcurious self around.
And then if somebody doesn'twant to talk about it, you
didn't create any mess.
Unknown (59:07):
Yeah.
Cristiano (59:07):
It's a boundary and you just need to respect it and
maybe try again when you buildthe trust again.
Julian/Phantom (59:13):
Yeah, that's exactly what I attempt to do.
Once I realized, I'm like, oh,my bad.
Didn't mean to take it thisfar.
I see how you see it.
If you feel like talking to meagain, I'm here.
That's the other thing.
I try not to force people totalk to me because I know people
(59:34):
want to talk to me.
I have no way.
No, I have not blocked anyone.
So if you wanted to get incontact with me, I'm like, you
can, I'll let, I'm not going to,I'll let you work, whatever you
have to work out on your owntime.
Cristiano (59:50):
Yeah.
Got something to learn.
Julian/Phantom (59:56):
Thank you.
Thank you.
That, that actually means alot, but this is just me.
I'm telling you, this is trulyjust me, but.
Oh yeah.
Cristiano (01:00:05):
That's like, it goes back to like when you share
about yourself, you learnanyway.
So yeah.
Julian/Phantom (01:00:11):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think I got that one fromTV because I, I've, I've
learned a lot from the worldthrough the aspects of TV, like
what is right and what is wrong,meaning through cartoons.
So that's, and that hasdefinitely shaped the version of
myself that I am right now.
Cristiano (01:00:29):
You have a curious and multifaceted mind for sure.
Julian/Phantom (01:00:35):
Thank you.
Is there anything else you wantto ask?
Because like I said, we haveall day.
I don't want to take up toomuch of your time.
Cristiano (01:00:43):
That's fine.
I think we've discussed a fewtopics in depth.
Yeah.
Julian/Phantom (01:00:51):
Very, very true.
So thank you for your openness.
Thank you.
No, again, thank you for, youknow, wanting to be here sharing
this conversation.
The floor is yours.
If you want to share anything,talk about anything, the floor
is yours.
You got it.
Cristiano (01:01:05):
Well, yeah, I guess about my book.
It's called Awaken by theForest.
It is a book I've started afterI've done my ayahuasca
experience in the Amazonianjungle in the end of 2024.
And it is a book that talksabout my experience with
psychedelic and how that linksto my childhood traumas and how
(01:01:31):
it's allowing my integration tounfold and to reshape my
present, therefore my future.
Hopefully I can get itpublished by October, November.
So I'm working on the editingat the moment.
And I've got two blog pages onSubstack.
(01:01:54):
So one page is called theHybrid Soul Blog, where I share
and write about everything thatI want to without filters, from
sexuality, spirituality,psychedelic, shadow, all the
things that we discussed in moredepth, more details.
And I've just created anotherpage, which is called Oniric
(01:02:18):
Lives.
where I share about my onericexperiences, dreams, and how I
help people to get more intimatewith their dreams and how to
develop intuition and guidancebased on dreams in a waking life
too, and eventually how tointerpret them at the same time.
(01:02:41):
And then people, if they wantto get in touch with me, I'm
open also on my Instagram page.
I share poems or like briefstories and updates.
So thank you for giving me thechance to chat.
I guess showcase my platforms
Julian/Phantom (01:03:03):
yes no of course definitely send it send it to
me I'll have it all in thedescription and everything so
anyone can always find you ifthey click on this episode they
will always have a way to get toyou Cool.
Cristiano (01:03:16):
I appreciate it so much.
Julian/Phantom (01:03:17):
Yeah, of course.
And I've seen your Instagram.
I went reviewing you and Ilooked at you and I'm like, you
seem very funny.
I will tell you that much.
But before I let you go,something I like to do is The
Thing.
My thing is always a quote.
Just because I've beencollecting quotes for years now.
(01:03:41):
But the thing is, it actuallycomes from Charlemagne the God.
The thing is, the content ofyour character is your choice.
Day by day, what you choose,what you think, and what you do
is who you become.
Cristiano (01:03:56):
Well, mic drop.
Julian/Phantom (01:03:59):
But no, that is the episode.
I like to give a standoff bysaying, don't forget to ask
yourself.
ask others and never stopasking questions.
See
Cristiano (01:04:12):
you.
Welcome! Welcome back.
I'm your host, Julian.
My name today is Phantom, andthis is the rarest name that I
have because usually the topicsI correlate with this name.
It's the hardest for me.
I'm not here by myself.
Tyler is still away, but I haveCristiano.
Cristiano (00:53):
My pleasure to be on the show.
I'm excited to chat to you.
Thank you so much.
Julian/Phantom (00:59):
Yes.
No, I actually really amlooking forward for this
conversation.
But before we get into the mainquestion of everything, how was
your last seven-ish days?
The last seven days...
Cristiano (01:12):
were insightful, I should say, emotionally
challenging at times andphysically challenging as well
because I'm preparing for afitness race.
So it was a good mix of thephysical, the emotional, the
spiritual, the shadow and all ofthe above.
Julian/Phantom (01:35):
Wow.
So you said a fit was...
If you don't mind me prying injust a little bit.
A fitness race?
Because when I hear fitness,first when I hear race, I'm just
thinking you're just running Xdistance.
But a fitness race?
What does that involve?
So it's
Cristiano (01:53):
called the Hyrox.
Okay.
It's a new sport that will takeover the world pretty soon.
Not many people know about it,but it's growing exponentially
every year.
So there is some running in it.
So it's eight kilometers.
I don't know how much is thatin miles.
And after each kilometers,there is a strength station.
(02:19):
So a slat pull, a slat push, orlike a flounce carry with some
weights or like lunges.
And it's eight stations.
And you have to complete it inthe least time possible.
Interesting.
I've done it three timesalready.
This is going to be my fourth.
And I'm going to have to beatthe previous time.
Julian/Phantom (02:44):
That sounds very interesting.
I wish you the best of luckwith that.
Cristiano (02:49):
Thank
Julian/Phantom (02:49):
you so much.
Wait, you've done it threetimes already?
You got it.
My physical challenge will betrying to get on American Ninja
Warrior if I can ever do that.
Anything else in your lastseven days?
Cristiano (03:07):
Lots of writing.
Working on my book every day.
Working on my blog.
Spending time in nature as muchas I can.
Trying to ground.
Yeah.
Julian/Phantom (03:20):
Nice.
I like this.
I like this a lot.
I'm going to focus.
So you write often?
Cristiano (03:30):
I, well, yeah, I'm working on my book, so I try to
do, I train in the morning earlyand then spend the rest of the
morning until lunchtime writingtwo or three hours.
Sometimes it's easy, sometimesit's not.
And then in the afternoon I goin nature, maybe do some more
writing when I get back home andyeah.
Julian/Phantom (03:52):
Okay.
very nice i like it for me notso much on the physical aspect
of side of things for sure umbut let's have what's happened
in my last seven days um oh forfor one i may or may not have
potentially lost another friendum unfortunately uh there was a
(04:17):
conversation that we were havingI understand how they interpret
the situation.
Didn't mean for it to, youknow, be out of mouths or
anything.
So, uh, hopefully I, you know,can salvage our friendship, but
if not, um, I can't do anythingabout that.
Um, well, this has happened inmy last seven ish days.
(04:37):
Um, I was in the forest.
I'm always like out in thewoods doing something.
Well, not all the time, but,uh, just out in the trees, uh,
all day and, for work, and Ienjoy every second of it.
Anytime I get to be out innature, I'm happy.
That's
Cristiano (04:57):
beautiful.
What do you do?
Julian/Phantom (04:59):
I don't know how to explain it, but I just work
in nature, basically.
Yeah.
Anything else happen in my lastseven days that is relevant?
I can't think of anything.
I know I just actually just didanother recording earlier this
week which like I told you thisis kind of the new system of
(05:23):
everything so I'm still testingeverything out so forgive me if
things aren't working properlylike they're supposed to like
you would expect but I told theother person like you get the
benefit of being the firstyou're fortunate and unfortunate
enough to be like the earlytesters of me testing this new
system but Yeah, that's my lastseven-ish days.
(05:44):
I feel like I'm forgettingsomething, but it may or may not
come up.
Cristiano (05:48):
That's okay.
Maybe it wasn't important.
Julian/Phantom (05:52):
Very true.
But with all that out the way,the question...
Oh, I will also preface forfriends...
I'm probably going to getmyself in trouble with one of
these episodes because I havefriends and co-workers listen to
some of these episodes every sooften.
(06:12):
So...
Oh! Some...
As you see, I'm alwaysscatterbrained with what I have
to say.
But you're also catching thison a silly Saturday, so we
really could have fun.
Cristiano (06:24):
Okay.
Julian/Phantom (06:26):
But the question of the day actually comes from
Cristiano.
And like I said, phantom meansthere's usually something that
I'm not really aware of.
So the question is, have youlearned anything from embracing
your shadow side?
Many things.
Cristiano (06:44):
Um...
Yeah, in a short sentence, manythings.
And then it expands ontoprofessional aspects of my
personality, personals, thespiritual, the emotional aspect,
the sexual aspect of my being.
So there are multiple ways wecan look into it.
(07:06):
But I'll give you how I got toknow my shadow and what is a
shadow, firstly.
I
Julian/Phantom (07:18):
was about to ask, I'm like, please, can you
also break this down for what isthe shadow side?
Because, again, this will havebeen a really great topic for my
friend Tyler, but she's nothere with us.
But please, please explain.
Cristiano (07:32):
Yeah, so the shadow side is, firstly, I'm not the
one who discovered Yeah, likemany people before me discovered
it.
So the shadow side is to makeit simple is all the traits we
despise about ourselves, all thethings that we don't like about
(07:53):
ourselves, and that we spend somuch time and energy to
suppress them and to get rid ofthem.
And that's what's keeping usstuck in a loop of judgment,
(08:14):
sabotage, doubts, lack ofself-esteem, not knowing,
thinking that we know aboutourselves, but we actually
don't, pretending to be someoneelse we are not.
These are all traits that arepart of the shadow.
And interestingly enough, allthese traits...
(08:35):
are the same traits most of thetime that we dislike about
other people too.
So if you are speaking tosomeone or dealing with someone
and we don't like what they say,we don't like what they do,
even if it's not towards us, wejust don't like their energy for
(08:57):
a reason, most of the time thething they do and the thing they
say, they trigger us Butinstead of accepting it, we
create a wall in between thetrigger and our reactions.
So we hold ourselves slaves ina way of somebody else's power
(09:22):
over us because we are nothonest and vulnerable enough to
firstly accept and then toacknowledge those less likable
parts of ourselves.
Speaker 02 (09:38):
Okay.
Absolutely.
Cristiano (09:40):
Yeah.
The first step is toacknowledge that we all have
these traits that we dislike andthere's nothing wrong with
them.
They are part of ourpersonality as individuals.
as the traits that we like.
There's no difference.
The only difference is that weare afraid of them, of the one
(10:03):
that we dislike.
So we create a split in ourpersonality.
So if you think our personalityas a collective, then we kind
of pick it apart.
So this part, we don't like it,we put it out.
This part, we don't like it, weput it out.
And we keep doing that.
this process with all thethings that we dislike about
(10:27):
ourselves.
And that's eventually whattriggers our reactions to
certain events, which normallyare external to us.
And then we blame other peoplefor doing so, for saying so.
(10:48):
And we're finding it hard to...
to accept it in ourselves.
Julian/Phantom (10:56):
Okay.
So that's
Cristiano (10:57):
the, that's the process that we go through when,
when discovering about, aboutthe shadow.
Julian/Phantom (11:03):
Okay.
So would it be kind ofsomething like, um, you like,
like, let's just say someonelikes to gamble, uh, and they
are heavily addicted to it, butthey try not to show people.
Is that, is that kind of in thesame realm as if I'm, Or not
necessarily.
Cristiano (11:22):
Yeah, if they dislike their traits about themselves,
yes.
It can be an addiction too.
It's like a drug addict.
They keep doing drugs and theyknow it's not a good thing to do
for them.
And they hate that part ofthemselves.
But they keep doing it becausethey don't know otherwise.
And maybe they stop.
But because it is anaddiction...
(11:45):
then they replace it withanother addiction.
They never get rid of theaddiction.
And that's the root cause ofaddiction too.
Okay.
Julian/Phantom (11:57):
Okay, I'm following.
So, okay.
So how would you describe yourshadow side?
Cristiano (12:06):
So my shadow side is being the center of attention
and public speaking.
So I am...
I absolutely, I used to, nowI'm working on it and it's
becoming part of who I am.
I'm learning how to love thatpart of myself.
So I'm going to talk about itas if it was the past.
(12:29):
Okay.
So it used to be being at thecenter of attention, which means
I was terrified by being at thecenter of attention, but I was
secretly...
wanting to be at the center ofattention
Julian/Phantom (12:47):
okay
Cristiano (12:47):
well if i was within a context that i had competence
to let's say discuss about atopic um being a center of
attention would enhance myconfidence would boost my
confidence would uh allow me toexpress organically but within a
context of something else thati didn't feel confidence and i
(13:11):
didn't have the competence toexpress myself That shadow part
of me absolutely destroyed mysense of self-esteem.
Okay.
It was like being the fish onthe tree.
Do you know that story?
Julian/Phantom (13:27):
I don't, but I'm laughing because I heard
something about it, a fish on atree a while back ago saying if
you see a fish on a tree, wouldsociety consider it...
A genius or dumb.
Yeah, that's the story.
That's
Cristiano (13:45):
the essence of the story.
So it related to my shadow.
Julian/Phantom (13:52):
Okay.
Since this is a new topic forme, I'm just going to guess what
my shadow side is per se.
Which I also want to say, youhaving a...
You saying your shadow side isbeing the center of attention,
my immediate thought was, thatdoesn't sound like a super
(14:13):
terrible thing to have all thetime.
Well, it's not only one, the
Cristiano (14:18):
shadow.
There are multiple shadow sidesof ourselves, and they keep a
hold.
This part of myself, now it'sintegrated in my personality.
That's why I'm doing podcasts.
I wouldn't be here if thatwasn't integrated.
got you okay I got to the truthof that but now it's evolving
(14:40):
into something else so I'munderstanding about you know how
it's affecting my sexuality ormy spirituality or my emotional
capacity okay yeah but now I'minterested to see like what's
what's your guess on your
Julian/Phantom (14:55):
I think mine if shadow side is probably
something to do with like sexand everything because it's
Something that's always like...
Not always on the back of mymind.
But I tie it into...
How do I put it?
(15:16):
The things that I'm willing todo probably isn't...
I don't see it as like taboo.
Let's just think random.
Oh, so something like this,right?
Um...
This is actually, I got into anissue with this with a friend
(15:40):
of mine a while back ago.
Cristiano (15:43):
It's a perfect example.
Julian/Phantom (15:45):
Yeah, so I asked the question and it wasn't
supposed to be towards thisactual person.
I was asking in puregenerosity, but I'm like, If you
had a friend who would bewilling to do something sexual
to you, whatever, no stringsattached, no complications, no
(16:11):
issues whatsoever, would you letthis person do it?
That was the question I asked.
And like I said, I wasn'tasking it towards that person,
but I do know there's certainfriends that I have that I would
be that person for if if it wasbrought up to me, if that makes
(16:31):
sense.
If they asked you or if youasked them?
If they asked me, because Ialso know with it being friends,
I'm not going to actively putmyself in that situation to make
things awkward if they weren'tasking for it.
Because I want to keep myfriends, that's for sure.
I know that whole area makesthings very complicated
(16:56):
sometimes.
Cristiano (16:56):
So you would be the person with no strings attached,
Julian/Phantom (17:00):
no complication.
Exactly.
If
Cristiano (17:02):
somebody asked you to do it, you would do something
sexual with them, but withoutall the complications.
Julian/Phantom (17:09):
For the most part, yeah.
Of course, it depends on whoand what situation I'm in at the
time.
But that's what I think.
Because I'm hearing shadows outof something that's taboo that
you try not to...
expressed basically, right?
Am I getting that right?
Correct.
(17:30):
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I think that's, um, because,and then, yeah, I think a lot
of it deals with like the sexualaspect of, of my life.
Cristiano (17:40):
Yes.
Well, that's, that's reallycourageous to say.
And I, I can relate toeverything you said because,
because I am understanding thatof myself.
That's why I mentioned itbefore because it has affected
my whole life.
And, You said
Julian/Phantom (17:59):
you were toxic at some times?
Cristiano (18:01):
Well, yeah, yeah, of course.
Okay, okay.
I would use it in a toxic way.
Julian/Phantom (18:06):
Got you,
Cristiano (18:07):
okay.
You know, unconsciously hurtpeople.
Not intentionally, obviously.
It was just lack of wisdom, Iguess.
Julian/Phantom (18:18):
Got you, okay.
And I think that's also whatcomes from mine is why...
say it this way is because Ithink about all the time,
because I have the thoughtprocess like someone's always
watching me.
So I'm like, if someone'swatching me, is this something
that I should probably do or doand or say?
(18:39):
And I'm like, probably not.
So that's how I kind of got tothat, my thought process too.
What sense watching you though?
Like, like, like some, you everheard the expression like,
like, Maybe not even anexpression, but act like
someone's always watching you.
So I feel like if someone'salways watching or hearing me,
that directs conversationsometimes of like, what I'm
(19:03):
willing to do and or say like Itry to be on my like best
behavior if that makes sense sothat means away from your sexual
poses exactly which I'm notgoing to say is always a bad
thing because there's always atime and a place for it for sure
and sometimes will just be veryinappropriate like let's just
(19:25):
say work for example like I'vemore than likely shouldn't Like
I said, someone's going to hearthis and I might put myself in
trouble, but like, yeah, solet's, yeah.
So like, I shouldn't be sexualat work or anything, like keep
it off hours, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah.
So stuff like that.
Yeah.
(19:46):
All the taboos, but I havenothing else to really say about
that aspect of it, but do wantit to know how do you think you
could bring your shadow sideinto Make it like a positive by
any chance, like turn into apositive.
I know you said you're workingon it.
Well, that's
Cristiano (20:05):
the intention.
The intention of working onyour shadow side is to, as I
mentioned before, to integratethose parts back into your
personality and use them at youradvantage, not to...
Obviously, not to manipulatepeople.
That's not what I'm saying.
(20:25):
That's not why I said use it toyour advantage.
It sounds a bit, you know,you're trying to manipulate, but
that's not the goal.
Use it to your advantagebecause on the shadow parts of
yourself, that's where potentiallies.
If you accept even the ugliestparts of yourself...
(20:49):
and your fears and you'resincere with that process, then
it will lead you to empowermentand empowerment will lead you to
show up fully in life, to showup authentically and
unapologetically.
So that's the goal of workingon your shadow.
(21:14):
For example, relating to what Isaid before, the center of
attention.
Like if I went honest withmyself and I said, oh yeah,
that's fine.
I'll work on it when I'm old orlike I never work on it.
I wouldn't be here talking toyou, doing podcasts and
expressing myself out of genuineinterest in having this type of
(21:37):
vulnerable conversation withpeople.
And I wouldn't be writing mybook.
I wouldn't be doing all thesethings because there would be a
certain feeling of...
Unworthiness lingering stillwithin me.
So the intention of working onyour shadow is exactly this.
(21:57):
To...
To allow your desire, yourpotential to surface and to use
it.
Okay.
That...
Julian/Phantom (22:09):
That...
You also said something aboutmanipulating and everything.
I...
I def...
I...
I relate to your story a lot,actually, because, um, something
that I've had in the back of mymind, kind of going off of, um,
kind of going off of what Isaid about like being always
being watching everything orsomeone's always watching you.
(22:31):
I also have the mindset oflike, I'm going to do what I
want.
Um, nothing is, nothing trulycan stop me if I really want to
do something.
So, um, uh, but I take thatinto consideration.
Like, uh, let's just say Iwanted to do something heinous,
whatever heinous thing you wantto think of.
(22:52):
I want to do something heinous.
If I really wanted to do it, Iweigh my consequences and still
do it like hands down.
But I do know, like I said,there's, I'm going to say
guardrails.
That's stopping me.
Like there's, I'm like, I, yes,I could want to do this, but
I'm like, I'm not going tobecause the results of whatever
(23:13):
my action may be, isn't worthdoing X thing.
If that makes sense.
Cristiano (23:18):
Yeah.
Yeah, it does.
Yeah.
It means that you, it meansthat you, you credit the option
of having a choice yourself,which is, which is, I think a, a
double edged sword.
Um, because it is one of thehardest thing to do to, to have
a choice sometimes, um, becauseyou, you never know, you know,
(23:43):
you, You never know which one isthe right way to go.
You know, if you decide to gofor it, then you have to take
the consequences, as you said.
And if you don't do it, youalso have to take the
consequences because maybe itwill become a regret later in
life.
Maybe it will make you feelless than or like inferior.
(24:07):
So there are positive andconsequences in everything.
Julian/Phantom (24:12):
Yeah.
But you mentioned how do youstop?
Like, I can't remember how youphrased it, but you said
something about like, how doyou, uh, how many people do you
think share your shadow side?
Like, uh, because I know we alllike unique individuals and
everything, but we all sharesomething in common.
(24:35):
Yes.
That's a great question.
Cristiano (24:37):
Um, I think, uh, Well, it doesn't matter.
I don't know what's the truth,honestly, but I think everyone
has to go through a phase wherethey worry about what other
people think.
Because at the same time, beinga center of attention means
(25:01):
that to a degree you areworrying about what other people
think of you and what you mightsay.
Or what you might not say ifyou make mistakes, which in the
end of the day, nobody reallycares.
Yeah.
So
Julian/Phantom (25:19):
in that regard, yes.
Okay.
No, I do think there'sdefinitely...
Yeah, I think there's peoplewith the same shadow side as me,
even though I'm not fully awareof my life.
Yeah, like I said, I'm notfully aware of my shadow side.
I know there has to be peoplethat have the same impulse, I'm
(25:40):
going to say.
But off of these questions,though...
Do you think you surround yourfriend, like subconsciously
surround yourself or havefriends that have the same
shadow side as you?
That's
Cristiano (25:59):
why I'm talking to you.
I feel like the sexual parts,it's pretty, I can relate to
that, you know, which I think,yeah, many guys have that
shadow.
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (26:16):
pulse,
Cristiano (26:17):
whatever you want to call it, which it needs to be
controlled, right?
As you said, there are placesfor it and there are times where
you just need to acknowledgethat it's the time to shut it
down.
But yeah, I was going to saythat humans, we are more similar
that...
that we think of in all theaspects that makes us humans,
(26:41):
whether it's the shadow side,whether the light side, whether
it's the love we feel, theconnection we feel.
So I think, not I think, I'veread through, I don't know if
you know him, Carl Jung, Yeah,so he was talking about the
(27:05):
collective shadow as well, whichis the shadow of the universe,
which means the shadow ofhumans, which is the commonality
we have as human beings.
So yeah, to answer to yourquestion, we definitely share
aspects and...
(27:26):
The lighter one and the darkestone as well.
Julian/Phantom (27:29):
Okay.
That actually...
Because I was also trying toget away from the...
Because I know you said therewas more...
You had more than one shadow inyou.
So I was wanting to see if youhad...
If you happened to noticesomeone else's shadow side.
But you bring up the book.
It actually reminds me of abook that I recently read,
(27:50):
Outwitting the Devil.
Yeah.
or basically said the samething, where the shallow side of
the universe, or at least inlife, in the context of the
book, was kind of focused onbeing...
What's the word I'm lookingfor?
Not mundane, per se, but it'sjust falling into bad habits
(28:15):
of...
Let's just say laziness was oneof them.
You just actively choosing notto...
Let's just say workout.
Like you, you choose to notwork out on a daily basis.
You, you, you overeat stufflike that.
So that's kind of what the bookwas saying too, is that, and
you would have to overcome thatto, to be better.
Yeah.
Cristiano (28:37):
Well, it's the
Julian/Phantom (28:37):
challenges of life.
Yeah.
But, oh, and so with the shadowside, what would you say?
Well, actually, yeah.
You're kind of teaching me.
So again, I apologize for that.
I think
Cristiano (28:53):
you're spot on.
You're pretty...
If you didn't know before,you're pretty quick at
understanding.
I don't want to teach anything.
I'm just sharing my journey.
Julian/Phantom (29:08):
Yeah, no, no.
And I learned from people'sjourneys and everything too.
So I appreciate you for that.
But so that's your shadow side.
What would you say is like...
positive light that you like tothat you don't necessarily like
to talk about the positive ofoh like just positive of
(29:30):
yourself side and or just thepositive trait of yourself like
the complete opposite of theshadow side
Cristiano (29:38):
yeah which is an interesting topic too because I
think we also sometimes likehide from those traits that we
are good at.
So that also requires a processof accepting and knowledgeing
and, you know, integrating, forexample, like love or like
(30:00):
authenticity.
It's not like we are influencedby society and they're all
traits that we suppress as we,as we grow older, but that we,
when, when we were a child, wewere used like, so like, They
were so natural to us toexpress, to show up
authentically in life.
So I would say one of my, let'ssay we'll call it strength,
(30:26):
just to give it a label.
I think one of my strengths isto try my best to be truthful
towards myself.
Okay.
I like that.
Therefore to other people.
Okay.
Because you can't be truthfulto other people if you're not
(30:47):
true with yourself.
So I think I'm in that phase ofmy life, which I am actively
practicing to be truthful tomyself in every situation, but
at the same time, not to make ittoo logical.
Okay.
I like that.
What's your strength?
Julian/Phantom (31:08):
For me, my strength...
uh i was like a strength that ilike to like high per se is my
willingness to help people um inot to go into any details
because uh again because uh buti will easily go out my way to
help a friend and not nevermention it again uh there or and
(31:31):
not even just a friend uh i ihave like a soft spot for
homeless people so they're i'llsay this one there are sometimes
like when we uh have what is itlike uh potlucks at work or
something and i see that there'sextra food i will sometimes
take that extra food and justgive it to the homeless so that
(31:53):
is and then there's uh otherthings i have in the works
that's uh trying to help thehomeless as well so that that's
that's usually my like astrength that i try to keep
hitting um because i don't cuton the opposite of you i'm
trying not to be in the centerof the attention that way i'd
rather just uh be that um shadowperson where i just do a good
(32:17):
deed um and just go about my dayi that I can honestly tell you
that that is my strength that Ilike to do often.
Cristiano (32:30):
What drives you to do that?
One
Julian/Phantom (32:42):
part is I feel like it just is, but there is
also a part of me where I feellike at some some point in time
i might end up in that samesituation um so if i were to be
in that situation how i wantother people to treat me if i
was in that situation i thinkthat's the underlying aspect of
(33:04):
why i do it so often
Cristiano (33:09):
yeah do you do you do you use that trait even in your
daily life with with friendsand work not just with homeless
Julian/Phantom (33:18):
oh yeah i think so um Just because I see it as
just being kind to people andsomething that I actually took
from Puerto Rico is that I'venoticed that everyone was like
saying hi in the morning, likereally having a conversation.
So I actually took that backwith me.
And so ever since I've beengoing around my office before I,
(33:40):
and I even, I say this often,um, I go around and say good
morning, just smile, ask themhow their weekend was, stuff
like that.
Just so it's not so boring thatyou're just facing a computer
screen all day.
And then with friends, whenthey ask about how I see it is
(34:01):
when...
they ask about me i'm alwaysask about them like they're
without without hesitation likeuh it could be my birthday and
there's like oh happy birthdayi'm like oh how are you been how
are you like i don't focus onme i focus on them um um and i
just so that that's how i see itat least
Speaker 02 (34:20):
yeah
Julian/Phantom (34:23):
what about yourself how do you Do you only
use your strength to benefit youor have you found a way to...
I
Cristiano (34:35):
tend to, yes.
I tend to...
I was actually reflecting onthe term selfishness versus
selflessness just the other dayand I was journeying about it.
Which I find it fascinating.
But to answer your question...
I tend to do less kind gesturesto other people.
(35:06):
I just don't pay attention toit.
I'm not an asshole.
I've got friends.
I know how to be kind.
It's just not...
Your first thought, right?
It's not my...
Yeah, it's not my first option.
It's not what I think about allday long.
Yeah, no, which is completelyunderstandable.
(35:29):
But yeah, what I was journeyingabout, I was reflecting on
selfishness and I was thinkingabout all the people that they
wrote biographies, all theartists that they paint, whether
(35:50):
they are famous or not.
Because sometimes I feel thatselfishness is a bit of taboo as
well.
If we see someone excelling atsomething, like there's a part
of us that maybe I'm talking formyself, but I know people can
(36:10):
relate.
Maybe there's a part ofourselves that's envious of
that, jealous of that, which isalso part of the shadow side.
So I was thinking, I wasthinking, why do we, why do we
hold so much respect to, tothese famous artists, like
(36:35):
alternative figure?
And why do we, why do we holdour friends or people that we
know sometimes slaves of theirown, you know, artistic gifts?
Unknown (36:50):
Yeah.
Cristiano (36:51):
And we envy them, but we don't envy the famous
artists.
So I was thinking to myself, ifyou were to meet the artists,
would you go there and tell themyou're selfish because you
painted the Mona Lisa?
Or would you go there and thankthem because they gave you a
(37:13):
glimpse of faith, of hope inhumanity and the creative power?
Unknown (37:20):
Yeah.
Cristiano (37:21):
That was where my reflection came from.
And that's a bit how I amevolving in this phase of my
life, taking responsibility forthat, for those gifts that I'm
discovering about myself and notshying away from them.
Okay.
(37:42):
But I know that eventually Iwill get to a point where I'll
be able to share those giftswith Um, with, with more
kindness, with love, not justbecause myself, if that makes
sense.
Julian/Phantom (37:59):
Yeah, no, that, that makes a lot of sense.
Something you said though,that, um, that made, uh, like
made my gears in my head turningabout, uh, if you saw like that
artist, um, right next to you,uh, why, why, why, why don't we
do it with friends?
I feel like that is because ofthe closeness.
um it's kind of like if you sawuh like let's just say like a
(38:23):
famous athlete and he's likewell you will never chances are
you will never meet that personwhatsoever but because your
friends are so close to you thatyou have not a sense of
entitlement i won't say but youit's like you're comparing
yourself to to to your friendsomething like how you were
(38:44):
saying before how it's incloseness we like criticize and
the thing that we uh judge ourfriends off of because how close
they are to us
Cristiano (38:54):
yeah because you leave them you just don't see
them in television
Julian/Phantom (39:00):
yeah so i think that even though you didn't ask
that's that's just somethingthat i just that i thought of
why why
Cristiano (39:07):
yeah
Julian/Phantom (39:08):
why we treat friends, I guess, in a sense,
into a higher degree than we seepeople that we physically can't
touch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's just my own personalthought to
Cristiano (39:28):
it.
Where do you think that dynamiccomes from with our friends?
Julian/Phantom (39:33):
With our
Cristiano (39:34):
friends?
Why sometimes it's hard toelevate them or not to compare
ourselves to them and justunconditionally be there, I
guess.
Julian/Phantom (39:45):
I think what...
Huh.
Let me...
Why it's so hard to...
I think it's because weactually...
In any way, we want...
I think it's twofold.
I think we want better for ourfriends because we see their
potential.
Because just imagine a friendsaying...
(40:07):
Being scared of being in thetalent show.
When, you know, behind thescenes, they have an amazing
singing voice.
But they just won't show up onstage whatsoever.
So it's like you're trying...
in your manner, trying to pushthem to be the best versions of
(40:29):
themselves that you see.
But it's also in the samebreath.
You can't control them.
So you wish them the best, andyou get frustrated when you see
that they aren't living up to...
to their potential
Cristiano (40:50):
yeah so like in a way also projecting your your
imprinting onto them exactlyeven though it originates from
genuine intentions
Julian/Phantom (41:03):
yeah no that's that's my thought at least and
yeah and you said you agree oryou do you think anything
different I think
Cristiano (41:11):
I'm on the same page.
There must be other dynamicsplaying, but not on top of my
mind right now.
Julian/Phantom (41:21):
Yeah, that was just my immediate thought of how
I think about that.
Cristiano (41:26):
Perhaps about cultural imprinting or society.
That is true.
Comparison, nature, especiallythese days.
where you're always stimulatedto be successful and be better
(41:47):
than everybody and all thatcrap.
Speaker 02 (41:51):
Can I say crap?
Julian/Phantom (41:54):
No, I do agree because I think that's also part
of how you mentioned in today'sage with social media, how
everyone shows their highlightsof, oh, I'm...
travel to this location,whatever I have this car, but
there's no behind the sceneswork of like, Hey, I spent, uh,
(42:15):
like five weeks working overtimeon the weekend getting to
afford this.
So I think that's also part ofit is that we only see like when
people are at their best or,um, now people show that when
they're at their best or like ahighlight.
That's the shadow
Cristiano (42:34):
side of social media.
Which makes it even harder toacknowledge our human shadow.
And that's the issue as well.
It's not just us with us.
It's also us versus the socialmedia.
It's us versus society and whatthey want you to believe.
(42:56):
So it becomes so hard to...
To even acknowledge all thosetraits that we talked about
before.
Julian/Phantom (43:04):
Yeah, no, I didn't even think about a
shallow side, not even going,just you, it's not just you
versus you, it's you versuseverything.
Never, never thought aboutthat.
Cristiano (43:15):
Yeah.
I don't, I don't like to, tosay, uh, I don't like to, I used
to, I used to think about like,it's me versus me, like having
that mindset.
i i rephrased it for myself soi like to to say it's you it's
me with me oh i like that i'mnot competing with myself either
um and that's something elsethat will keep me stuck in the
(43:39):
past because i i had to bebetter of of my former self like
Living with that mindsetbecomes lots of pressure on
yourself.
And it's not healthy.
Again, there is a place for it.
So when I'm doing the race, I'mgoing to push myself.
But if I'm talking to, youknow, like we are doing, or if
(44:01):
I'm talking to other people, Idon't have to compete with
anybody, not even with myself.
Julian/Phantom (44:08):
I like that.
Because I think the other...
shadow side of me going offyour uh uh your comment of uh
how you don't like to use meversus uh me that's actually
something that i've had for idon't even know when is because
um for like me like doing megetting physically healthy i
(44:30):
always like to think of like ihave to be able to beat myself
because if i can beat myselfthen I could beat anyone.
But you saying it's me with me,I like that.
Yeah.
I mean,
Cristiano (44:44):
obviously there's nothing wrong if you want to
push yourself.
Oh, yeah.
And, you know, do races,physical races or whatever
you're into.
But it depends what sort ofmindset you approach that with.
Julian/Phantom (44:58):
Yeah, no, very, very true.
Oh, and then I was just sayingwith the shadow side, I think
another shadow side of mineis...
I'm hesitant about this onebecause I might be picking up a
friend of mine's desire as well,because I know I like...
I've noticed I tend to pick upmy friend's traits and
(45:22):
everything, so I'm worried aboutsaying this one, but the
ability...
Wanting to fight.
Because I'm not someone.
Who will play.
I can't play fight.
It's either I'm fully.
I'm serious or I'm not.
And there's no in between.
So yeah.
I think that's another shadowside of mine that I have to dive
(45:47):
more into is fighting, forsure.
Cristiano (45:50):
As in wanting to actually fight?
Yeah, yeah.
Not for having fun, just tobeat somebody
Julian/Phantom (46:00):
up?
Something like that, yeah.
But like I said, I have to bewary because I might be thinking
of my friend and adopting...
my friends desires as wellbecause with the fighting aspect
I do want to be able to protectkind of still going off my
(46:20):
strength is like I do want to beable to protect the people I
care about for sure so and if Ican't I feel like if I can't do
that I will yeah if I'm in asituation where I need to
protect them and I can't wouldprobably like devastate me Okay.
Cristiano (46:39):
Well, it's still a genuine intention, so...
Julian/Phantom (46:41):
Yeah.
Cristiano (46:42):
Yeah.
Julian/Phantom (46:43):
Yeah, but...
I don't have any more questionsfor you as of right now, unless
you have anything?
Cristiano (46:52):
Well, probably, like, following
Julian/Phantom (46:55):
up on what you said.
About me, the fighting side orme, like, adapting my friend's
desire, or you're not sure?
Cristiano (47:04):
Oh, yes, correct.
Yeah, I was going to say...
I was going to say that you areaware because it's a thing,
like absorbing other people'sdesires and anxieties or
worries.
But in your case, you feel likeit's more like a shadow
Julian/Phantom (47:24):
thing?
Just a little bit because, likeI said, I'm still not aware of
the shadow side so much.
I would have to, like, do more,uh, I'm more of a deep dive
into it, but just for thisconversation is like, yeah, no,
I'm a very physical person forsure.
Um, let's see, like when I was,um, younger, like somewhere in
(47:47):
like high school or something, Ialways wanted to just jump and
going into college.
I always just wanted to jumpover people.
Like, uh, it doesn't matter howtall you were.
Like I wanted to just jump overyou or, um, race you or
something.
So that There's always that,but I want to call that a shadow
side per se, because I activelywould express people to people
(48:07):
like, oh, let me do X, Y, and Z.
I guess this is a question foryou.
Is the shadow side, is it onlysomething that you try to hide
or can it be something that youjust can't express?
Like in my situation, like Itell people, but I can't always
(48:28):
do it.
Do you have an answer for that?
Cristiano (48:31):
I think if I'm getting your question correctly,
I think if you're expressingsomething that you think might
be a shadow, then it doesn'tbecome a shadow anymore.
Okay.
Because if you're expressingit, it means that has no power
over you yet.
(48:51):
So an integrated shadow meansit is controlling you in a way.
For example, our sexualimpulses sometimes, they control
you when it's so strong and toohard to control that you just
can't do it.
(49:12):
You have to act on it.
If it makes you feel bad in away afterwards, then you
followed the wrong impulse.
If it made you feel okay withit like aligned if it made you
feel it was the right thing todo then you follow the right
(49:35):
impulse okay so yeah i would sayi never asked myself that
question so thank you for askingme but uh
Speaker 02 (49:44):
yeah
Cristiano (49:44):
it's uh if you're expressing it then there has no
power over you and the funnything is that if you are the
first one to to be honest toyourself about the traits that
you don't like, then you becomeuntouchable to other people's
critique of you.
(50:04):
That is true.
Because when you acknowledgesomething that you don't like in
yourself, and then you getsomebody else telling you that,
it's fine.
You already know.
You don't have to...
You don't have to listen tothem.
You don't have to...
(50:25):
they have no power over youanymore
Julian/Phantom (50:27):
that no i like that because that's actually
something that i kind of do wheni make like uh jokes about
myself um because my name so myname is julian right uh and so
when i tell people my name whati get them to remember is like
you've seen the movie literallywhat i say is uh you've seen the
movie madagascar right or youheard of it
Cristiano (50:49):
Yeah, I heard of it, but I didn't see it.
Julian/Phantom (50:50):
Okay, but there's a character called King
Julian, and he's a lemur.
So if you've seen, it's a wayto connect.
And then there are two behindthe scenes that's going on in my
mind.
It's like, all right, first,I'm calling myself a monkey
already.
So it's like, you can't call methat.
(51:11):
Like, I already...
or I did it myself, but I'malso use it as a way to say I'm
comparing myself to a king.
So it was like, I can take it.
I can play with it that way.
So that's, I understand thatcompletely.
Cristiano (51:22):
That's a, that's a, that's an archetypal
Julian/Phantom (51:28):
conversation.
I have a lot of deep thoughtslike that sometimes.
Oh no.
Well, I'm not sure, but you,that's just something I'm like,
Oh, let me just so people can'thold power over me.
That's something that I dobecause I, early early like
middle school or something Iwould always um I can't remember
on I'm about to go on a tangentso but um like I would always
(51:55):
take people's like phones orsomething things like like real
simple things I can't really bereplaced um and so I would
introduce myself as like thethief that way he's like all
right cool you can't hold likeuh incriminate me and like no
here's I really don't know why Istarted talking about this,
but...
Oh, that's why.
Because I knew from...
(52:18):
So I always take people'sthings, but I wouldn't actually
take it.
I would give it back.
And I realized I just wanted areaction...
from from people so once peoplestop reacting to me i stopped
taking their stuff because i'mlike that's all i really want i
just wanted to see how you reactto things it's like pushing
(52:40):
boundaries yes and
Speaker 02 (52:42):
yeah
Julian/Phantom (52:44):
i'm someone who easily i'll i'll say this i'll
push a boundary i will see howfar i can get i will never
intentionally cross a boundarythat that's where i my my line
is drawn i will neverintentionally cross your
boundary i always try to push
Cristiano (53:00):
We have more, more in common things that, what do you
think you do that pushingboundaries?
Is it just to get a reaction orto get a, like to get a sense
of, create an identity or like asense of self in a way,
self-esteem?
Julian/Phantom (53:18):
Huh?
I never questioned why, but Iguess for me, it was more so,
uh, really, huh?
I have to think on that one.
My immediate answer is I justwanted to see their reaction.
There was a...
No, because I'm like, allright, I guess it's kind of...
(53:40):
In a terrible way of explainingthis, it's me trying to test
where I am in the friendship.
I'm like, all right, let's seeif I can...
I might...
is this acceptable is this notacceptable uh that way i kind of
know how far i can go because iknow everyone's different so
i'm like all right again nottrying to manipulate anyone not
(54:02):
trying to cross any boundariesbut it's like all right you i'm
like i can have this uh let'sjust say i can have this
conversation with you but i knowi can't have it with uh with
another person because we I'mnot there yet.
And so I think that's kind ofwhy I do it is just to see how
far I can go.
It's just broadened my horizon.
(54:23):
Yeah.
Just to kind of broaden what Ican talk about or what I can do
and what I can say.
Is
Cristiano (54:30):
it, is it something that you do from the, from the
beginning of a relationship orwhen you know somebody for the
first time, or is it somethingthat you, you build?
Julian/Phantom (54:41):
Hmm.
It, honest answer it depends onon the situation because i know
recently i just met someone umthat i that i didn't uh like and
everything and i i was pushingthat boundary just to see how
(55:02):
far i can go um and with thatthey've like um was fully out
there i told them how i feltthere's like not now i'm like
all right cool but at leastwe've had that conversation so
now i know i'm like all right ican fall back here and i should
i in theory should still be safebut in other situations where
(55:24):
i'm not when i have no interestin the person whatsoever i'm
take it slower uh just to umIt's something that I talked
about, like building trust.
Because I have made a quote,actually, that trust is the
byproduct of risk.
(55:46):
So I can't...
I'm not trying to push so muchout there to where it's
overwhelming, I'm going to say,to where it's like, all right,
actually, never mind.
I just don't want to do this.
So it all just kind of dependson where...
uh, my intentions are, but Itry to gauge it, uh, respect, no
(56:09):
matter what respect is alwaysin there.
Like if I know you're goingthrough something or if, um,
today, like I know he's not abad day, today's not, you
haven't been having a good day.
I'm probably want to just, uh,push that boundary.
If that makes sense.
Cristiano (56:28):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is it something that shows upwithin a romantic context
specifically or in
Julian/Phantom (56:37):
any context?
Romantic context for sure, butI've realized it is actually
just in everything that I do.
Like I said, the questions I'veasked here and in past episodes
and just questions that I thinkof them and sometimes I'm like,
No, this is a good question toask, even though...
(56:59):
And I could be blinded by thequestion.
No, not that.
Even though the question ishard-hitting, I will say,
because I would ask questionslike, do you think you grew up
the way your parents wanted youto?
(57:20):
Something that's justhard-hitting like that.
So...
Uh, me, me is just, uh, I have,I have the question and it's
also a part of me wanting toseek knowledge just a little
bit, uh, just to, just because Ilike to hear how other people
perceive the world.
So I think that's where itcomes from.
Cristiano (57:41):
Yeah.
You know, you're not comingfrom a provoking place, but
you're coming from like interestand curiosity.
Julian/Phantom (57:48):
Exactly.
But I know it doesn't alwayscome off that way.
um that and i do account forlike other people and usually so
the times where i have gone toofar i take it from the person's
perspective not just whatthey're hearing like their
perspective on me but also tryto go back into like what i know
(58:12):
about them like how they wereraised how like the society what
culture they were around justto kind of get an answer like oh
why was this taking the way itwas if you know me.
But that's just me.
Cristiano (58:24):
Yeah,
Julian/Phantom (58:25):
you just considerate both sides.
Yeah, because like I said, Iknow the things that I do ask
are heavy and not everyone'swilling to have such an open
conversation.
So when it's taken wrong, I'mlike, okay, I messed up.
Where...
It's like I asked for the why.
(58:48):
I'm like, why did this happenin this way with the information
that I have?
I don't
Cristiano (58:52):
think it's your mess, though.
I think you just carry yourcurious self around.
And then if somebody doesn'twant to talk about it, you
didn't create any mess.
Unknown (59:07):
Yeah.
Cristiano (59:07):
It's a boundary and you just need to respect it and
maybe try again when you buildthe trust again.
Julian/Phantom (59:13):
Yeah, that's exactly what I attempt to do.
Once I realized, I'm like, oh,my bad.
Didn't mean to take it thisfar.
I see how you see it.
If you feel like talking to meagain, I'm here.
That's the other thing.
I try not to force people totalk to me because I know people
(59:34):
want to talk to me.
I have no way.
No, I have not blocked anyone.
So if you wanted to get incontact with me, I'm like, you
can, I'll let, I'm not going to,I'll let you work, whatever you
have to work out on your owntime.
Cristiano (59:50):
Yeah.
Got something to learn.
Julian/Phantom (59:56):
Thank you.
Thank you.
That, that actually means alot, but this is just me.
I'm telling you, this is trulyjust me, but.
Oh yeah.
Cristiano (01:00:05):
That's like, it goes back to like when you share
about yourself, you learnanyway.
So yeah.
Julian/Phantom (01:00:11):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think I got that one fromTV because I, I've, I've
learned a lot from the worldthrough the aspects of TV, like
what is right and what is wrong,meaning through cartoons.
So that's, and that hasdefinitely shaped the version of
myself that I am right now.
Cristiano (01:00:29):
You have a curious and multifaceted mind for sure.
Julian/Phantom (01:00:35):
Thank you.
Is there anything else you wantto ask?
Because like I said, we haveall day.
I don't want to take up toomuch of your time.
Cristiano (01:00:43):
That's fine.
I think we've discussed a fewtopics in depth.
Yeah.
Julian/Phantom (01:00:51):
Very, very true.
So thank you for your openness.
Thank you.
No, again, thank you for, youknow, wanting to be here sharing
this conversation.
The floor is yours.
If you want to share anything,talk about anything, the floor
is yours.
You got it.
Cristiano (01:01:05):
Well, yeah, I guess about my book.
It's called Awaken by theForest.
It is a book I've started afterI've done my ayahuasca
experience in the Amazonianjungle in the end of 2024.
And it is a book that talksabout my experience with
psychedelic and how that linksto my childhood traumas and how
(01:01:31):
it's allowing my integration tounfold and to reshape my
present, therefore my future.
Hopefully I can get itpublished by October, November.
So I'm working on the editingat the moment.
And I've got two blog pages onSubstack.
(01:01:54):
So one page is called theHybrid Soul Blog, where I share
and write about everything thatI want to without filters, from
sexuality, spirituality,psychedelic, shadow, all the
things that we discussed in moredepth, more details.
And I've just created anotherpage, which is called Oniric
(01:02:18):
Lives.
where I share about my onericexperiences, dreams, and how I
help people to get more intimatewith their dreams and how to
develop intuition and guidancebased on dreams in a waking life
too, and eventually how tointerpret them at the same time.
(01:02:41):
And then people, if they wantto get in touch with me, I'm
open also on my Instagram page.
I share poems or like briefstories and updates.
So thank you for giving me thechance to chat.
I guess showcase my platforms
Julian/Phantom (01:03:03):
yes no of course definitely send it send it to
me I'll have it all in thedescription and everything so
anyone can always find you ifthey click on this episode they
will always have a way to get toyou Cool.
Cristiano (01:03:16):
I appreciate it so much.
Julian/Phantom (01:03:17):
Yeah, of course.
And I've seen your Instagram.
I went reviewing you and Ilooked at you and I'm like, you
seem very funny.
I will tell you that much.
But before I let you go,something I like to do is The
Thing.
My thing is always a quote.
Just because I've beencollecting quotes for years now.
(01:03:41):
But the thing is, it actuallycomes from Charlemagne the God.
The thing is, the content ofyour character is your choice.
Day by day, what you choose,what you think, and what you do
is who you become.
Cristiano (01:03:56):
Well, mic drop.
Julian/Phantom (01:03:59):
But no, that is the episode.
I like to give a standoff bysaying, don't forget to ask
yourself.
ask others and never stopasking questions.
See
Cristiano (01:04:12):
you.
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