June 29, 2025 • 36 mins
Stepping back into the dating world after divorce feels like boarding a roller coaster you never bought tickets for. At 41, with kids in tow and a decade-long marriage in my rearview mirror, I found myself facing questions I thought were long answered: Who am I now? What do I actually want? And why does dating feel so much more complicated than I remember?
My co-host Sam and I dive deep into the messy reality of post-divorce dating, from the thrill of newfound freedom to the sobering discovery that some potential partners come with unexpected baggage (or in my case, suspicious medicine cabinet contents). We talk candidly about "Ski Patrol" – that first rebound relationship that taught me what I did and didn't want moving forward.
The podcast explores the complicated emotions that arise when you're technically separated but not yet divorced, trying to navigate casual relationships while your heart and mind aren't always on the same page. We discuss how co-parenting can actually improve after divorce, why setting clear expectations matters in every new relationship, and how physical intimacy after a long drought can be both healing and complicated.
Whether you're newly single, contemplating ending a relationship, or simply curious about what dating looks like in your forties, our unfiltered conversation offers both humor and insight. We're creating a space where the loneliness of divorce gives way to shared experiences and unexpected laughter.
Join us on this journey through the dating wilderness, and share your own stories with us at happyhour@exwifey.com. After all, the path to finding yourself after divorce is rarely straight – but it doesn't have to be walked alone.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey everyone, I'm Rachel and I'm not exactly wife
material, and this is my podcastRoll it.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This podcast contains adult language and mature
themes.
It may not be safe for work.
Listener discretion is advised.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I want to introduce y'all to my co-host, sam.
Hey guys, I'm Sam.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
And I'm Rachel's co-host, Sam.
Hey guys, I'm Sam and I'mRachel's co-host for this
podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
This is our first episode.
Yeah, so we're both learning Goeasy on us.
So the whole premise of thispodcast and you know, in lieu of
life's events, we're talkingabout my divorce and how I'm
getting back up on that horse,uh, which y'all call dating um,
(00:50):
now in 2025, and uh, let me tellyou, pony, it's a fucking uh
roller coaster, is what it is,and you know what?
I didn't buy tickets.
I didn't buy tickets, so now Ihave to stand in line and I'm
doing this all fucking overagain, and let me tell you, it's
not not as fun as I thought itwas going to be.
Am I enjoying being single now?
(01:10):
Fuck, yes, is it not as fun asit used to be?
And no, no, y'all are weird.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So, to roll back a little bit, rachel and I we've
known each other a really longtime.
We worked together.
We met about 2012.
I've seen Rachel when she wasnot married to her previous
husband and saw her with herfirst kid and kind of that whole
situation.
And we kind of decided, withRachel's divorce and things and
(01:41):
her getting back into the datinglife, why not kind of talk
about it and make it public?
Because we figured, you knowlike there's a lot of women that
go through this and it's alonely process, even though you
are supported by people and youhave people all around you.
But you know it's a lonelymountain to climb, mentally,
emotionally.
Am I doing the right thing Formy kids?
(02:02):
Am I doing the right thing formy kids?
Am I doing the right thing formy life?
Am I disappointing all thesepeople around me?
So we kind of thought, well,why not just talk about it?
And it's a good thing for menow, because I'm a very private
person and I don't like to putmy laundry out there.
If people know me, it's kind ofa thing for me to like be more
(02:22):
open as well.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
You know, it's really nice that we have these.
You know two different outlooksand I think that, um sharing it
with all of you, um, you knowwhat you can take what you can,
or take what you will from itand use it and be like, oh my
God, I went through somethingsuper similar.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
That's really funny that I'm not the only one.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Exactly, exactly, exactly, so, yeah, yeah.
So we're just gonna talk about,uh, post-divorce, uh new dating
and what it's been like for me,um, being divorced and getting
back out there and kind ofreally just re-writing my future
, because what I thought itwould be is not going to be, you
(03:07):
know.
And so now I'm single again,and you know, going through this
with my kids, and you know I'm41.
And I'm telling you, life after40 is a tad different.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I think it's going to be a good like experience for
both of us and it's kind ofcathartic too, but it's funny to
like relive all those storiesand all those weird jokes and
things and speaking of stories,if any of you have any stories
that you'd like to share, youcan go ahead and email us at
happyhour at xyfecom and we wantyou to share all different
(03:45):
types of stories crazy datingstories, crazy sex stories,
crazy anything family stories,being married, being single,
yeah, and polyamorous, I mean, Iknow there's all that weird
shit out there with you peopleyou, have you ever pegged
(04:07):
someone?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
you know?
I mean, I guess, what are you?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
doing here.
You know, well, you know, yeah,are two gay people having sex.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I don't know is that really called pegging I?
Think it's a uh born woman likea, like a biological woman
pegging a biological man.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Yes, right, that's the way that I look at it I mean
, that's what I think I thinkmost people think that's what it
is.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I mean, I think so, but I mean, please do fill us in
if you have yeah, we want toknow inside because we, I, we
need to know, like, where am Igoing with this?
Speaker 2 (04:36):
I need to spice up my thursday night.
What are we?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
doing.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
You know, hello, it's thirsty thursdays, yeah only if
a day of the week started witha P oh man, friday.
I mean we can make it workFriday.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
That is so fucking funny.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
A Saturday.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
A Saturday.
I mean it does.
I mean, can we do that?
Can we add that?
Who do we talk?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
to hey listen.
Can we make?
This happen, you can make anyday of the week anything you
want, I mean I can do anything Iwant now that I'm single.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
so, um, that is, um something that I've in, uh,
embracing now, um which I willsay that in the first, you know,
six months was definitelysomething hard to swallow, um,
because, not just the kids.
Yeah, oh, god man yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
It was you know it was.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
It was ultimately, I think, the right decision, you
know, for both of us, but I'mthe one that tore off the
bandaid.
You know I mean both of us, butI'm the one that tore off the
bandaid.
You know I mean I can doanything I want now that I'm
single.
So, um, that is um, somethingthat I've in, uh, embracing now,
um, which I will say that inthe first, you know, uh, six
(05:56):
months was definitely somethinghard to swallow.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Not just the kids.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
It was ultimately, I think, the right decision, you
know, for both of us.
But I'm the I think the rightdecision, you know for both of
us, but I'm the one that toreoff the Band-Aid, you know.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
So obviously you got a divorce and stuff let's talk
about like how you've come tothis part in your life, just so
that we can kind of likeunderstand what made you realize
, like what made you tear theBand-Aid off what made you
realize, like, what made youtear the band-aid off.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
you know, the thing is is I didn't really realize
what I wanted out of life untilI got to a point to where I
wasn't happy in, in in myrelationship.
And that comes from growth andchange, and people evolve, you
know, every few years you grow,you change and you go through
these different stages in yourlife.
(06:51):
And when I met my ex, I was, Iwas, you know, in a pretty good
place.
I had my own apartment and, youknow, I had my son and I was
working and things were weredoing, I was doing really well,
and so I was in a really goodplace.
And when I met him, you know II fell in love, you know, like
(07:15):
most people do.
And, um, I fell in love with,you know, us getting along and
you know his family and so manythings.
But I never really stopped tothink is this, you know,
ultimately somebody that I wantto be with forever?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Well, and you don't have to go into like your
background too much if you don'twant to.
It's all what you want to talkto you.
But yeah, you know you, youwent through a lot of trauma
growing up to you know and likewith your family and stuff.
So when you're attracted ormagnetized to something that
you've always dreamt of, andyou've wanted.
That is like a big factor.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Oh yes.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
You feeling like this is all everything I've ever
wanted and you like get totallysucked up into that.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Oh, for sure, because he was everything that I wanted
and everything that I needed.
I need someone who was going tobe stable, who was solid and
who Still living with theirparents, still living with their
parents Listen, they wereroommates, he said, they were
cool.
I met him, I agreed, I spentthe night, um, but you know
(08:24):
that's where I was and he was,you know, secure and made me
feel safe.
And I feel like, you know,feeling safe in a relationship
is just, you know, it reallydoes kind of take the cake and
then you kind of do forget abouta lot of other things because
of it gives you and for me, forme, because I never really had
(08:45):
that sense of secure.
You know, like Sam was saying, Igrew up.
You know that's a whole notherstory, we're not going to do
that today, but you know,growing up was rough and so, you
know, meeting him and havingthe relationship that we had and
where it started, it really didgive me that sense of family
(09:08):
and foundation, of, you know,being able to be me and to just
really grow into the person thatI was meant to grow into.
Be me and to just really growinto the person that I was meant
to grow into and you know,having having that, having said
that, I was able to grow and Iwas able to be better and change
.
The thing is, in relationships,all relationships, there's
(09:34):
always going to be somebody thatis not willing to grow with you
, or that's just not wherethey're at.
And so I don't hold it againsthim because he's a great guy,
but we just, you know, we're noton the same page anymore and so
, ultimately, I had to, I reallyhad to dig deep and, you know,
(09:55):
think is this is this somethingthat I need to do for myself,
for my children, for him, forthe just the better of um our
relationship?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
because things you know, after being together for
10 years, things kind of youknow fizzled they got fit, they
fizzled and things got stagnantyes, and you decide, you know
early on are you going to growtogether, you're going to grow
apart very much, so you have toyou can't.
You can lead a horse to water,but you can't make them drink or
whatever the whole thing is andI know that you've tried a lot
(10:29):
of things over the years andthis or that but it's just
sometimes, it's just not thereyeah, it's just not inn in
people.
That's okay and that's them andthey just need somebody that can
better match them.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
But you guys co-parent really well now, and
you guys are better friends nowthan you were when you're
married it works out for thebest and you don't want your
kids to see you unhappy you know, and people always talk about
divorce and how it tearsfamilies apart.
Nobody really ever talks aboutthe healing that comes with that
(11:04):
.
Because I feel like you know,when people do get divorced, if
that is the route and the choicethat you both are going to make
, so be it, but have it be ahealthy.
You know, there's no need forthings to get ugly.
So many, so many people getdivorced and things get so ugly
and use money and kids and it'slike why you got to do that.
(11:26):
You're already going through adivorce.
Shit is already South.
Are you trying to go to hell?
I mean, how far down are wegoing?
How below the belt are wehitting?
I mean, I need to know what'sthe, what's the point of all
that.
So, and that's just our, the,our perspective or our take on
it was like, hey, we don't wantshit to be any worse than what
(11:46):
it is.
We're already getting divorcedand so now we're just we
co-parent as best as we can, andwe you know we're friends do we
argue still sometimes, fuckyeah, and then I'm just like
this is why we're not marriedand I can go home to my
apartment.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
You can co-parent your copacetic and your cordial
and everything right.
If you were good co-parents,you would still be married.
Yeah, I mean like because, ifyou can, if you can get along
really well and co-parent.
Well, why did you get a divorce?
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Exactly.
So like there's always issuesand do stay together is because
of, well, we got the kids, wehave the house, we have our job,
we go on our vacations.
But it's like, is that livingor is that almost robotic living
?
Like you have your routine andI get it, routine is super
(12:42):
important, but you just get socaught up into life and to
living and with with the kidsand work and family, and it's
like are you really happy or areyou just going in the motions
and then I think one day, Ithink it ultimately will hit you
.
What the fuck am I doing?
Putting things that you want onthe back burner or or things
that are important to you?
(13:03):
Cause there there's, you know,things that you want to
compromise with, but you haveyour non-negotiables, you know
you have your needs and it'slike are you going to put your
needs in front of somebodyelse's wants?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
People have flaws, but are they flaws that you can
live with or can like?
Are they character flaws thatyou can't change?
Yeah, that are some of them youcan live with, some of them you
can't live with.
What is something that can thatyou can amend or change in the
relationship?
Exactly, I grew up in a lot ofdivorce in my family.
Like a lot of people in myfamily are divorced, I only have
a few certain family membersthat are still married and so it
(13:40):
kind of um tainted my thingabout getting married I'm like I
never of course, either I neverwant to get married or I do,
but only one time, you know, andstuff.
But my whole thing is I feel badfor the people that decide to
get married younger or so soon,without thinking about the
processes because me being achild of divorce and they have
(14:04):
sex and they produce childrenand it's all about to me, them,
and not about the kids.
You get so caught up in beingselfish about, like how you feel
and you're sad and you're thisand oh, I was like loveless and
la la la and it's like very muchyou have no clue what's going
(14:25):
on with your kids.
You know what I mean and itmakes me sad that people don't
think and that's why I can't.
It's really hard for me tocomprehend, like, why people get
married in the first place andthat you just settle like that,
yes, you've wasted now all ofthis time.
Slash your kid.
Maybe it's not a waste becauseif you have kids and stuff yeah,
from my perspective I've seenall of this.
(14:46):
So it's like, why even gothrough the paper?
Yeah, why even go sometimes?
Why even go through that?
Like, of course, I want to getmarried one day.
You know, it's not, that's nota question.
It's a really.
That's not a question it's areally.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
That's a really no.
That's a really good question,though why go through it?
I mean, you don't necessarilyhave to get married to be
together.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
No, and I right and that's the thing is like.
I, I think about it, you know,and and stuff, because I've been
a child of and you know, andyeah, um, my sister might look
at it differently than me, and Iknow I probably look at it
differently than her, and all ofthis kind of stuff.
But you know, it's justsomething that I've always
thought about, of like gettingmarried getting married and but
(15:26):
it was so weird because at thetime I was with somebody that
manipulated me into thinkingthat we were, you know, and I
thought that's what I wanted atfirst and I can't imagine my
life if I was married with them.
It at first.
And I can't imagine my life ifI was married with them.
I would be divorced for sure,because I knew we wouldn't grow
apart or it was just like growapart, or you know certain
situations.
So it's weird, you know tothink about.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I think that certain situations like that like you
were just saying that made youkind of realize or think about
like, oh my God, I'm so glad weended up not working out or we
ended up not getting married,you know, and I feel like those
kinds of relationships arelearning.
You know, it's like you liveand you learn.
I guess you could say, but isit a hard lesson to learn?
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Absolutely.
Is it fun?
No, but that's everybody thatyou meet in your life.
I feel this way is meant to bein your life for some reason, to
teach you a lesson even if youmarry him or if you don't marry
him, like you learn a lot.
Because I was single for a verylong time before I met my
current boyfriend, like for likethree to four years, and I only
(16:28):
had like a boyfriend here andthere for like maybe six months
because I just wasn't ready andI was going through nursing
school and I was like trying tolike be you know, focus on
myself.
It was truly like getting into abetter mental state right, I
was getting healthy with my bodyand mentally and becoming kind
of one with the earth and thedirt, you'd say.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
You know like really like spiritually you know, and
stuff Find you and figure outwhat you wanted out of life.
You know.
And women tend to wait a littlebit more than men, anyway, I
mean statistically that a life,you know, and women tend to wait
a little bit more than men.
Anyway, I mean statisticallySomething that I've encountered
with.
You know getting back out therewith dating If you're not
honest with yourself and whatyou want out of life or what it
(17:07):
is that you're looking for, anddon't give me this.
I'm not sure yet, I'm stillworking or I'm thinking it over.
No, you're not.
You're not thinking shit over.
You know what you don notthinking shit over.
You don't want you know what youwant.
You know what you don't want,because you go after it.
It's always, it's a given ifyou know what you want.
You see what you want, likewhen you're grocery shopping.
You see the fucking ice cream.
(17:27):
You're like you know what?
Um, I want that.
Do I need that?
Absolutely not?
Do I want it?
Yes, what do you do you put inthe fucking cart?
Yeah, it's.
Along with your other four bagsof chips.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Whatever you have.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
It's like dating.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Two bags of chocolate .
You're like.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
I know that he's not good for me, but oh, he looks so
good and he really would lookreally good laying on my pillow
and you know, I'm just going togo talk to him and it's like,
should you?
No, no, no, he's you.
You've seen him before.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
we know him okay as long as we've been there and
that's like going into it right,you have to.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
You have to know, like, hey, listen, you've been,
you've been in it, you've readthis book, you know how it ends.
Do you want to read it again?
Because I'm going to tell youright now you can read a book
twice, but the ending is stillthe same.
Yeah, that's, that's true, itis not gonna change, I mean you
can add cliff notes, you can addwhat you want, but that
motherfucker is still ending thesame.
(18:26):
So read a different book.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
I mean, if not, then you know, write one or, uh,
start a podcast you know,exactly, and that's what we're
doing so so we kind of have likeyour overall story of divorce
and being over 40 and what it'slike to go out on these dating
apps and stuff and let's talkabout when you first moved out.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Okay.
So, man, let me tell you, um,that was a new, a new world for
me.
Um, so, moving out, I um, youguys separated, you know we
separated.
Um, I moved out, he said in thehouse, and you know I needed to
just get out there.
So, no, no, no, remember, yes.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
You didn't want to go out, no Cause I was in my work
clothes and you were like I'm sotired.
I've been moving, yes, and shewas like really pushing you to
like go out to dinner, and soyou're like fine shit fuck it.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
So we end up going to the bar.
So you guys go to the bar yes,so we end up going to the bar,
we end up getting some food.
Um, you know, this really cuteguy ends up coming over and just
sits down down at her table midconvo.
Literally me and my roommate aretalking and he just sits down
and he starts talking to both ofus and you know I'm like, oh,
he's pretty cute.
(19:43):
So then his friend ends uptalking to my friend and he, you
know, we start talking and heinvites us over.
So we go over there, we'rehanging out, we're having some
drinks, we're dancing it's superfun.
We start making out.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
And that's how Ski Patrol was born.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
And that is exactly how Ski Patrol was born.
We're just, you know, makingout and stuff.
You know I'm like, hey, yougotta take me out to dinner, you
gotta take me on a date if youare trying to hit this.
So you know what he the nextday took me out to dinner and
the next day I remember this nowyeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
That's crazy.
He wanted to hit it.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
He sure did, and so did I I cannot.
My God, it was fucking years.
Yeah, I mean, am I wrong?
Married folks, how often areyou hitting it?
Okay, anyway.
So I went out to dinner withhim and yep, Slept with Anyway.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
So I went out to dinner with him and, yep, slept
with him.
My God, I came so hard.
That's what happens when you'vebeen married and not having sex
.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Seriously, I was like oh, and I will add that ski
patrol is a couple years youngerthan me, which I don't know if
it makes a difference.
My ex was older than me, Notsure how that's working out.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
You don't know if that's a fact Exactly All.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
I know is my personal experience, and um so again, um
, you know, it was great.
It was great, and what was evenbetter is that, remember folks,
he's my neighbor, so it's likea two-minute drive for me, which
is super convenient.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Oh my god, um super convenient how did it happen,
though, like you guys went todinner like remind?
Speaker 1 (21:42):
me because I okay, so he picked me up but I can't.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
It's been a while literally it's been like eight
or nine people in between.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
I know it was a really it was a really good date
he, uh, he picked me up and, um, you know, went out to a nice
little restaurant and, um, youknow, had a few drinks and we're
having dinner, and and thenafter that he's like, hey, do
you want to, you know, come overand have a couple drinks and
listen to some music?
And I said, yes, did you haveto ask again?
(22:13):
I mean to ask again.
So I went over, played somemusic, drank, and then, you know
, I mean you all know- how itworks led to the other one thing
led to another made the firstmove.
Um, you know what I think he did?
Huh, I think he did which islike surprising, you know, um,
(22:35):
but um, you know, I'm still, youknow I was excited, but at the
same time I'm still kind of likenewly single.
So, you know, it was like kindof I was a little nervous.
Well, also, you don't know it'slike.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
I know they say it's like riding a bike and it is,
but when you've got 40 year oldknees, I mean I'm not 40 yet but
I'm 37, but when I'm just likeseriously I don't know if I can
listen I have, and I just had myacl replaced a couple years ago
and I left me.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
It's not the same.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
So all you out there dropping like it's hot is shit's
gonna drop and break okaythere's no popping and locking,
I mean hello, no it popped andlocked up and then you gotta you
get a cramp, then you gottawalk it out.
You're like I need water bananayes, seriously rub it out, rub
it out, rub it out like justhurry this up, hurry this up.
(23:31):
It was just so, um, so it wasgood.
Oh, it was very good.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, I mean, you went back for a second second
third, fifth, I kept going backand you know there's no strings
attached.
I'm not look, I wasn't lookingfor a relationship.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
He wasn't looking for a relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
And you know, I didn't ask any questions, he
didn't ask me any questions andit was just kind of like we got,
we hung out when we hung out.
So it was, you know, fulfilledthe need, exactly, exactly,
hello.
So it was, you know, fill theneed, exactly, exactly, hello.
We all have needs yeah can weremember that we all have needs
I?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
was listening to this um lady, just to kind of
interrupt you really quick andshe was talking about um sex and
stuff and she was saying whydon't people ever want to have
an orgasm?
She goes, it's the best.
A therapist was saying this,the best stress reliever ever
like.
Why don't you want to get offand just go to bed?
Speaker 1 (24:27):
you can fall asleep afterwards.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
You have no commitment to being like honey,
like we have to have pillow talk.
You just get off and you go tosleep and you're happy.
You've it's a and yourserotonin or whatever fucking
levels oxytocin, whatever it isI'm a nurse I should probably
know that spike and do theirthing like it is a great like
(24:52):
stress reliever.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
I cannot fucking impress that upon people more.
I don't even know what thatmeans you can't, I can't.
Uh, is that means you can't, Ican't, I can't?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Is that what?
It is?
Impressive upon you?
Yeah, I can't, I can't, ok, ok,ok, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Thank you for a fact check.
So you know, I honestly don'tunderstand it myself.
I know, I mean, people aretaking all these sleep aids.
How about you fuck and get alittle orgasm?
How long did it last?
Speaker 2 (25:26):
You know it lasted the first time.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
The first time it actually lasted a pretty long
time.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Yeah, Do you know?
Well, not at that point Likeyou want to end this, Like get
this over with.
No, not at all.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
No, it was just so good, it was really good.
And obviously that's why I keptcoming back to visit you know,
it's just like okay, well, thisfits good, this is great.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
So you know I spent the night.
This fits good the next morning.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Again, there we are.
And yeah, I was.
Yeah, slept great, woke upgreat, day was great, day was
great how could you complain had?
Speaker 2 (26:04):
a smile on my face did you eat a burger afterwards?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
oh, probably burger king.
I lived close to burger king atthe time?
Well, no, and you love burgersif you were, we're gonna get
into this about like rachel'sfavorite foods a burger.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
She could be a burger oh, burgers, burgers.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Who's got the cheeseburger?
You know?
But yeah it was.
You know it was fun and youknow, while it lasted.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah, but then you know things kind of progressed,
I mean I think in your mind too,like if you're honest with
yourself right, oh, yes.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
We talked about this about how you started to you
know, notice something, becausewe hung out a few times and you
liked it, but you weren't.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
You thought, maybe this could be something other
than friends yes benefits likeit could yes, potentially turn.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Yes, it's a good time .
We laughed, we had goodconversation, yeah and you were
thinking, maybe you know justmaybe even though, there were a
ton of probably red flags foryou like him not?
Speaker 2 (27:00):
yes you know his like personal life was a little
weird.
Yes, he was not another lyinggirl, I'm pretty sure yeah, yeah
, like in things like that, buteven though you weren't
exclusive, exactly and that'snot exactly so.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
That's another thing too.
It's like, hey, if you're anexclusive with somebody, you
know you really can't.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Well, if you laid, you guys laid down the, you know
that's the thing is you laiddown exactly expectations down
the expectations at thebeginning very much so you know,
and he is gonna be like no, wesaid this and this and this,
like that's it.
And I think too in your littlecrazy mind, because we'll talk
about that too.
Like you can get a little, youknow yes, I get a little
(27:40):
attached yeah, and that's okay,but it's just like learning that
about you.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
You've learned a lot about yourself through this
whole thing, so much so you um,so you went through.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Let me hold on.
So you've learned a lot aboutyourself through this whole
thing, right, and about yourlike attachments, and all of
your stuff that you're goingthrough.
But you thought, okay, maybelet me just prep myself, in case
, if there is, it leads tosomething.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yes, exactly, even though I'm not ready.
Yeah, you know, at this pointyou're just separated, right.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Exactly, and so you're thinking I'm not going to
like jump into a newrelationship.
I'm still one, technicallymarried yes, and two like I need
to still be me.
I'm just sewing my wild oats orwhatnot.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Exactly, exactly, being free, yeah, how would you
say.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
And so then you went, then, so, so Ski Patrol was
founded because you, how youfound out Exactly.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
So you know, you, you you know people I mean, there's
people, I think, that you, youknow, see things, certain things
that are, like you said, redflags and some things.
You're like, oh you know what,I'm just going to let that one
go, or whatever.
But sometimes you start to kindof notice people's behavior and
it change and you wonder, youknow, oh, that's a little weird,
(29:02):
why is he acting that way?
So I ended up, you know, beingnosy, uh, as women often are,
and I went to the.
When I went to his bathroom, Ilooked.
I just had this keen sense thatI needed to look in his mirror.
You know those little medicinecabinet, yes, medicine cabinet,
(29:26):
exactly.
So I opened it and I found somemedicine and it's a little sugar
booger.
So then I realized, oh, that'swhy he's acting a certain way.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Yes, definitely is.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
You're going skiing in the summer yeah and let me
tell you, you can't be doingthat in washington you can't
yeah, you can't see down grasscan't, no, can't, won't happen I
guess you could.
I mean, you could might hurt,yeah or you won't go very far.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
I'm not a skier, so I have no idea no, I got bad
knees, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
So you know, I don't see I know I don't do that um,
but yeah so don't do anything,risk taking.
He had some a little bit of that, uh, uh, you know, uh, white
powder there, how you say, anduh, there was no snow.
So, anyways, I was like, ohwell, fuck that's, uh, that's
something I just cannot ignoreand something that just
(30:18):
completely put me off.
And so did I fuck him afterthat.
That just completely put me off.
And so did I fuck him afterthat, still Abso-fucking-lutely,
abso-fucking-lutely.
But in my head I knew that thisis just not going to be going
anywhere.
So that's where you just like,kind of unemotional, you
(30:39):
emotionally unattach yourselfand you're just like, look this
what I need, and versus what I'mactually physically, what you
did, physically what I need.
But you know, yes, was it wrong?
Of course, was it a baddecision?
Of course, yeah, did I do itanyway?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
yes, okay, yes, so you went through the medicine
cabinet, yes, and you found, youknow, the snow, the sugar
booger, yeah, the snow, youfound the snow.
But we should explain too, isyou know you?
(31:22):
You don't have a problem withpeople doing drugs.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
It's not that.
No, not at all.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
You just don't want it around you because you have
young children.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Yes, yes, to each their own.
Do what you like, of course.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
But I mean, it's not saying that we've never dabbled
in things before ExactlyWhatever the case is.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Um.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
I've personally have never skied um in the snow like
that, but I've snowboarded atthe U S Olympics or what A
little bit with Sean White, butlike I've, you know you, you had
young children and that's justsomething that you didn't want
to deal with, and that's alsobecause of how way you grew up
too.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Yes, very much so.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
You had a lot of like childhood issues.
You know drugs surrounding yourfamily and all this kind of
thing.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
So if, as a listener, you know explaining that, so
that's why it's not that youhave a problem with people doing
that.
No, you know, having a littlepick me up, yeah.
I mean, but I probably shouldbecause I instead of having like
17 coffees every day.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I mean, you know, like literally right, yeah, I
yeah seriously, you wouldn'tneed anything after that so
anyway, so ski patrol so skipatrol, so you found that you
continue to fuck them.
I did, it was good it was good.
It was good it was good, andsometimes that's what's really
hard and that's what people keepgoing back, exactly because
you're just physically it againit was like you know, it was a
(32:51):
stress relief, it was uh, it wasfeeling wanted, though rich.
When you like deep down, likedive into it, like and we talked
about this too it was like itwas the first time in a really
long time you felt likesomebody's like wow, they like
want me.
Yes, maybe they don't care whatI look like, maybe they do,
they don't give a shit becauseI'm just a hole to them,
whatever.
(33:12):
Yeah, but it was the first timewe're like wow, somebody like
wants to touch me that wayexactly.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
It'd been a long to do that, been a long time, so it
was, it was something to not,not just that.
Yes, yes, you know.
Again, it wasn't just like oh,I'm separated, I'm fucking.
Now it was hey, I'm separatedand I haven't been touched by a
man in a very, very, very longtime and so missing, you know.
You start to miss that.
(33:37):
Yeah, you know.
And then you start to questionyour worth and you start to
question like am it, am I not?
Am I not lovable anymore?
Am I not attractive enough?
(33:57):
yeah, yeah or anymore, andthings like that, and so you,
you kind of get to that point,but exactly it, it was the first
time that somebody in a longtime was receptive to what I had
to offer but also was offeringme that same attention.
And so it was really nice and,yes, it was just kind of like it
(34:20):
felt really good again to feelthat from somebody other than
you know my kids, because mykids love me.
Yeah, you know it's not like I'mlacking love, you know I have
my children and I, you know theylove me.
But anyways, ultimately, thingsobviously ended with ski patrol
(34:42):
.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Yeah, and we'll have to go into that.
We'll have to go into that nexttime kind of ending into like
how things ended slash, becauseit's pretty funny because you
walked into him.
You walked right into him onthe sidewalk at work.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Oh my God.
Let me tell you it was so justtiming is everything, and it's
really funny how the universe islike.
Hey, you know what?
Let me just throw this back atyou, and if you guys have any
stories that you would like toshare, you can go ahead and
email us at happyhouratxyfeecom.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
And I know that's the first episode and we're just
kind of giving you a little bitof the intro and stuff, but
things will get funnier.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
And we're going to get giving you a little bit of
the intro and stuff, but thingswill get funnier and, yeah,
we're gonna get some spicystories are gonna come out and,
um, we're gonna go into some ofthe dates that I've been on and,
um, some of the people thatI've encountered within the last
couple years on those, uh,cringy dating you know cringing
dating apps, uh, people thatI've met or do know.
So you know, we'll talk a littlebit about them and yeah.
So I'm real excited to kind ofshare all this and again to get
(35:48):
some of your guys' input Fornext time.
So thank you for tuning in toNot Exactly Wife Material.
I'm Rachel.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
And I'm Sam.
We'll talk to you guys nexttime.
Bye, bye, guys.
Peace.
Hey everyone, I'm Rachel and I'm not exactly wife
material, and this is my podcastRoll it.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This podcast contains adult language and mature
themes.
It may not be safe for work.
Listener discretion is advised.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I want to introduce y'all to my co-host, sam.
Hey guys, I'm Sam.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
And I'm Rachel's co-host, Sam.
Hey guys, I'm Sam and I'mRachel's co-host for this
podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
This is our first episode.
Yeah, so we're both learning Goeasy on us.
So the whole premise of thispodcast and you know, in lieu of
life's events, we're talkingabout my divorce and how I'm
getting back up on that horse,uh, which y'all call dating um,
(00:50):
now in 2025, and uh, let me tellyou, pony, it's a fucking uh
roller coaster, is what it is,and you know what?
I didn't buy tickets.
I didn't buy tickets, so now Ihave to stand in line and I'm
doing this all fucking overagain, and let me tell you, it's
not not as fun as I thought itwas going to be.
Am I enjoying being single now?
(01:10):
Fuck, yes, is it not as fun asit used to be?
And no, no, y'all are weird.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So, to roll back a little bit, rachel and I we've
known each other a really longtime.
We worked together.
We met about 2012.
I've seen Rachel when she wasnot married to her previous
husband and saw her with herfirst kid and kind of that whole
situation.
And we kind of decided, withRachel's divorce and things and
(01:41):
her getting back into the datinglife, why not kind of talk
about it and make it public?
Because we figured, you knowlike there's a lot of women that
go through this and it's alonely process, even though you
are supported by people and youhave people all around you.
But you know it's a lonelymountain to climb, mentally,
emotionally.
Am I doing the right thing Formy kids?
(02:02):
Am I doing the right thing formy kids?
Am I doing the right thing formy life?
Am I disappointing all thesepeople around me?
So we kind of thought, well,why not just talk about it?
And it's a good thing for menow, because I'm a very private
person and I don't like to putmy laundry out there.
If people know me, it's kind ofa thing for me to like be more
(02:22):
open as well.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
You know, it's really nice that we have these.
You know two different outlooksand I think that, um sharing it
with all of you, um, you knowwhat you can take what you can,
or take what you will from itand use it and be like, oh my
God, I went through somethingsuper similar.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
That's really funny that I'm not the only one.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Exactly, exactly, exactly, so, yeah, yeah.
So we're just gonna talk about,uh, post-divorce, uh new dating
and what it's been like for me,um, being divorced and getting
back out there and kind ofreally just re-writing my future
, because what I thought itwould be is not going to be, you
(03:07):
know.
And so now I'm single again,and you know, going through this
with my kids, and you know I'm41.
And I'm telling you, life after40 is a tad different.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I think it's going to be a good like experience for
both of us and it's kind ofcathartic too, but it's funny to
like relive all those storiesand all those weird jokes and
things and speaking of stories,if any of you have any stories
that you'd like to share, youcan go ahead and email us at
happyhour at xyfecom and we wantyou to share all different
(03:45):
types of stories crazy datingstories, crazy sex stories,
crazy anything family stories,being married, being single,
yeah, and polyamorous, I mean, Iknow there's all that weird
shit out there with you peopleyou, have you ever pegged
(04:07):
someone?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
you know?
I mean, I guess, what are you?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
doing here.
You know, well, you know, yeah,are two gay people having sex.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I don't know is that really called pegging I?
Think it's a uh born woman likea, like a biological woman
pegging a biological man.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Yes, right, that's the way that I look at it I mean
, that's what I think I thinkmost people think that's what it
is.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I mean, I think so, but I mean, please do fill us in
if you have yeah, we want toknow inside because we, I, we
need to know, like, where am Igoing with this?
Speaker 2 (04:36):
I need to spice up my thursday night.
What are we?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
doing.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
You know, hello, it's thirsty thursdays, yeah only if
a day of the week started witha P oh man, friday.
I mean we can make it workFriday.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
That is so fucking funny.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
A Saturday.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
A Saturday.
I mean it does.
I mean, can we do that?
Can we add that?
Who do we talk?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
to hey listen.
Can we make?
This happen, you can make anyday of the week anything you
want, I mean I can do anything Iwant now that I'm single.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
so, um, that is, um something that I've in, uh,
embracing now, um which I willsay that in the first, you know,
six months was definitelysomething hard to swallow, um,
because, not just the kids.
Yeah, oh, god man yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
It was you know it was.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
It was ultimately, I think, the right decision, you
know, for both of us, but I'mthe one that tore off the
bandaid.
You know I mean both of us, butI'm the one that tore off the
bandaid.
You know I mean I can doanything I want now that I'm
single.
So, um, that is um, somethingthat I've in, uh, embracing now,
um, which I will say that inthe first, you know, uh, six
(05:56):
months was definitely somethinghard to swallow.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Not just the kids.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
It was ultimately, I think, the right decision, you
know, for both of us.
But I'm the I think the rightdecision, you know for both of
us, but I'm the one that toreoff the Band-Aid, you know.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
So obviously you got a divorce and stuff let's talk
about like how you've come tothis part in your life, just so
that we can kind of likeunderstand what made you realize
, like what made you tear theBand-Aid off what made you
realize, like, what made youtear the band-aid off.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
you know, the thing is is I didn't really realize
what I wanted out of life untilI got to a point to where I
wasn't happy in, in in myrelationship.
And that comes from growth andchange, and people evolve, you
know, every few years you grow,you change and you go through
these different stages in yourlife.
(06:51):
And when I met my ex, I was, Iwas, you know, in a pretty good
place.
I had my own apartment and, youknow, I had my son and I was
working and things were weredoing, I was doing really well,
and so I was in a really goodplace.
And when I met him, you know II fell in love, you know, like
(07:15):
most people do.
And, um, I fell in love with,you know, us getting along and
you know his family and so manythings.
But I never really stopped tothink is this, you know,
ultimately somebody that I wantto be with forever?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Well, and you don't have to go into like your
background too much if you don'twant to.
It's all what you want to talkto you.
But yeah, you know you, youwent through a lot of trauma
growing up to you know and likewith your family and stuff.
So when you're attracted ormagnetized to something that
you've always dreamt of, andyou've wanted.
That is like a big factor.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Oh yes.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
You feeling like this is all everything I've ever
wanted and you like get totallysucked up into that.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Oh, for sure, because he was everything that I wanted
and everything that I needed.
I need someone who was going tobe stable, who was solid and
who Still living with theirparents, still living with their
parents Listen, they wereroommates, he said, they were
cool.
I met him, I agreed, I spentthe night, um, but you know
(08:24):
that's where I was and he was,you know, secure and made me
feel safe.
And I feel like, you know,feeling safe in a relationship
is just, you know, it reallydoes kind of take the cake and
then you kind of do forget abouta lot of other things because
of it gives you and for me, forme, because I never really had
(08:45):
that sense of secure.
You know, like Sam was saying, Igrew up.
You know that's a whole notherstory, we're not going to do
that today, but you know,growing up was rough and so, you
know, meeting him and havingthe relationship that we had and
where it started, it really didgive me that sense of family
(09:08):
and foundation, of, you know,being able to be me and to just
really grow into the person thatI was meant to grow into.
Be me and to just really growinto the person that I was meant
to grow into and you know,having having that, having said
that, I was able to grow and Iwas able to be better and change
.
The thing is, in relationships,all relationships, there's
(09:34):
always going to be somebody thatis not willing to grow with you
, or that's just not wherethey're at.
And so I don't hold it againsthim because he's a great guy,
but we just, you know, we're noton the same page anymore and so
, ultimately, I had to, I reallyhad to dig deep and, you know,
(09:55):
think is this is this somethingthat I need to do for myself,
for my children, for him, forthe just the better of um our
relationship?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
because things you know, after being together for
10 years, things kind of youknow fizzled they got fit, they
fizzled and things got stagnantyes, and you decide, you know
early on are you going to growtogether, you're going to grow
apart very much, so you have toyou can't.
You can lead a horse to water,but you can't make them drink or
whatever the whole thing is andI know that you've tried a lot
(10:29):
of things over the years andthis or that but it's just
sometimes, it's just not thereyeah, it's just not inn in
people.
That's okay and that's them andthey just need somebody that can
better match them.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
But you guys co-parent really well now, and
you guys are better friends nowthan you were when you're
married it works out for thebest and you don't want your
kids to see you unhappy you know, and people always talk about
divorce and how it tearsfamilies apart.
Nobody really ever talks aboutthe healing that comes with that
(11:04):
.
Because I feel like you know,when people do get divorced, if
that is the route and the choicethat you both are going to make
, so be it, but have it be ahealthy.
You know, there's no need forthings to get ugly.
So many, so many people getdivorced and things get so ugly
and use money and kids and it'slike why you got to do that.
(11:26):
You're already going through adivorce.
Shit is already South.
Are you trying to go to hell?
I mean, how far down are wegoing?
How below the belt are wehitting?
I mean, I need to know what'sthe, what's the point of all
that.
So, and that's just our, the,our perspective or our take on
it was like, hey, we don't wantshit to be any worse than what
(11:46):
it is.
We're already getting divorcedand so now we're just we
co-parent as best as we can, andwe you know we're friends do we
argue still sometimes, fuckyeah, and then I'm just like
this is why we're not marriedand I can go home to my
apartment.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
You can co-parent your copacetic and your cordial
and everything right.
If you were good co-parents,you would still be married.
Yeah, I mean like because, ifyou can, if you can get along
really well and co-parent.
Well, why did you get a divorce?
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Exactly.
So like there's always issuesand do stay together is because
of, well, we got the kids, wehave the house, we have our job,
we go on our vacations.
But it's like, is that livingor is that almost robotic living
?
Like you have your routine andI get it, routine is super
(12:42):
important, but you just get socaught up into life and to
living and with with the kidsand work and family, and it's
like are you really happy or areyou just going in the motions
and then I think one day, Ithink it ultimately will hit you
.
What the fuck am I doing?
Putting things that you want onthe back burner or or things
that are important to you?
(13:03):
Cause there there's, you know,things that you want to
compromise with, but you haveyour non-negotiables, you know
you have your needs and it'slike are you going to put your
needs in front of somebodyelse's wants?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
People have flaws, but are they flaws that you can
live with or can like?
Are they character flaws thatyou can't change?
Yeah, that are some of them youcan live with, some of them you
can't live with.
What is something that can thatyou can amend or change in the
relationship?
Exactly, I grew up in a lot ofdivorce in my family.
Like a lot of people in myfamily are divorced, I only have
a few certain family membersthat are still married and so it
(13:40):
kind of um tainted my thingabout getting married I'm like I
never of course, either I neverwant to get married or I do,
but only one time, you know, andstuff.
But my whole thing is I feel badfor the people that decide to
get married younger or so soon,without thinking about the
processes because me being achild of divorce and they have
(14:04):
sex and they produce childrenand it's all about to me, them,
and not about the kids.
You get so caught up in beingselfish about, like how you feel
and you're sad and you're thisand oh, I was like loveless and
la la la and it's like very muchyou have no clue what's going
(14:25):
on with your kids.
You know what I mean and itmakes me sad that people don't
think and that's why I can't.
It's really hard for me tocomprehend, like, why people get
married in the first place andthat you just settle like that,
yes, you've wasted now all ofthis time.
Slash your kid.
Maybe it's not a waste becauseif you have kids and stuff yeah,
from my perspective I've seenall of this.
(14:46):
So it's like, why even gothrough the paper?
Yeah, why even go sometimes?
Why even go through that?
Like, of course, I want to getmarried one day.
You know, it's not, that's nota question.
It's a really.
That's not a question it's areally.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
That's a really no.
That's a really good question,though why go through it?
I mean, you don't necessarilyhave to get married to be
together.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
No, and I right and that's the thing is like.
I, I think about it, you know,and and stuff, because I've been
a child of and you know, andyeah, um, my sister might look
at it differently than me, and Iknow I probably look at it
differently than her, and all ofthis kind of stuff.
But you know, it's justsomething that I've always
thought about, of like gettingmarried getting married and but
(15:26):
it was so weird because at thetime I was with somebody that
manipulated me into thinkingthat we were, you know, and I
thought that's what I wanted atfirst and I can't imagine my
life if I was married with them.
It at first.
And I can't imagine my life ifI was married with them.
I would be divorced for sure,because I knew we wouldn't grow
apart or it was just like growapart, or you know certain
situations.
So it's weird, you know tothink about.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I think that certain situations like that like you
were just saying that made youkind of realize or think about
like, oh my God, I'm so glad weended up not working out or we
ended up not getting married,you know, and I feel like those
kinds of relationships arelearning.
You know, it's like you liveand you learn.
I guess you could say, but isit a hard lesson to learn?
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Absolutely.
Is it fun?
No, but that's everybody thatyou meet in your life.
I feel this way is meant to bein your life for some reason, to
teach you a lesson even if youmarry him or if you don't marry
him, like you learn a lot.
Because I was single for a verylong time before I met my
current boyfriend, like for likethree to four years, and I only
(16:28):
had like a boyfriend here andthere for like maybe six months
because I just wasn't ready andI was going through nursing
school and I was like trying tolike be you know, focus on
myself.
It was truly like getting into abetter mental state right, I
was getting healthy with my bodyand mentally and becoming kind
of one with the earth and thedirt, you'd say.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
You know like really like spiritually you know, and
stuff Find you and figure outwhat you wanted out of life.
You know.
And women tend to wait a littlebit more than men, anyway, I
mean statistically that a life,you know, and women tend to wait
a little bit more than men.
Anyway, I mean statisticallySomething that I've encountered
with.
You know getting back out therewith dating If you're not
honest with yourself and whatyou want out of life or what it
(17:07):
is that you're looking for, anddon't give me this.
I'm not sure yet, I'm stillworking or I'm thinking it over.
No, you're not.
You're not thinking shit over.
You know what you don notthinking shit over.
You don't want you know what youwant.
You know what you don't want,because you go after it.
It's always, it's a given ifyou know what you want.
You see what you want, likewhen you're grocery shopping.
You see the fucking ice cream.
(17:27):
You're like you know what?
Um, I want that.
Do I need that?
Absolutely not?
Do I want it?
Yes, what do you do you put inthe fucking cart?
Yeah, it's.
Along with your other four bagsof chips.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Whatever you have.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
It's like dating.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Two bags of chocolate .
You're like.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
I know that he's not good for me, but oh, he looks so
good and he really would lookreally good laying on my pillow
and you know, I'm just going togo talk to him and it's like,
should you?
No, no, no, he's you.
You've seen him before.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
we know him okay as long as we've been there and
that's like going into it right,you have to.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
You have to know, like, hey, listen, you've been,
you've been in it, you've readthis book, you know how it ends.
Do you want to read it again?
Because I'm going to tell youright now you can read a book
twice, but the ending is stillthe same.
Yeah, that's, that's true, itis not gonna change, I mean you
can add cliff notes, you can addwhat you want, but that
motherfucker is still ending thesame.
(18:26):
So read a different book.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
I mean, if not, then you know, write one or, uh,
start a podcast you know,exactly, and that's what we're
doing so so we kind of have likeyour overall story of divorce
and being over 40 and what it'slike to go out on these dating
apps and stuff and let's talkabout when you first moved out.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Okay.
So, man, let me tell you, um,that was a new, a new world for
me.
Um, so, moving out, I um, youguys separated, you know we
separated.
Um, I moved out, he said in thehouse, and you know I needed to
just get out there.
So, no, no, no, remember, yes.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
You didn't want to go out, no Cause I was in my work
clothes and you were like I'm sotired.
I've been moving, yes, and shewas like really pushing you to
like go out to dinner, and soyou're like fine shit fuck it.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
So we end up going to the bar.
So you guys go to the bar yes,so we end up going to the bar,
we end up getting some food.
Um, you know, this really cuteguy ends up coming over and just
sits down down at her table midconvo.
Literally me and my roommate aretalking and he just sits down
and he starts talking to both ofus and you know I'm like, oh,
he's pretty cute.
(19:43):
So then his friend ends uptalking to my friend and he, you
know, we start talking and heinvites us over.
So we go over there, we'rehanging out, we're having some
drinks, we're dancing it's superfun.
We start making out.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
And that's how Ski Patrol was born.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
And that is exactly how Ski Patrol was born.
We're just, you know, makingout and stuff.
You know I'm like, hey, yougotta take me out to dinner, you
gotta take me on a date if youare trying to hit this.
So you know what he the nextday took me out to dinner and
the next day I remember this nowyeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
That's crazy.
He wanted to hit it.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
He sure did, and so did I I cannot.
My God, it was fucking years.
Yeah, I mean, am I wrong?
Married folks, how often areyou hitting it?
Okay, anyway.
So I went out to dinner withhim and yep, Slept with Anyway.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
So I went out to dinner with him and, yep, slept
with him.
My God, I came so hard.
That's what happens when you'vebeen married and not having sex
.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Seriously, I was like oh, and I will add that ski
patrol is a couple years youngerthan me, which I don't know if
it makes a difference.
My ex was older than me, Notsure how that's working out.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
You don't know if that's a fact Exactly All.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
I know is my personal experience, and um so again, um
, you know, it was great.
It was great, and what was evenbetter is that, remember folks,
he's my neighbor, so it's likea two-minute drive for me, which
is super convenient.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Oh my god, um super convenient how did it happen,
though, like you guys went todinner like remind?
Speaker 1 (21:42):
me because I okay, so he picked me up but I can't.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
It's been a while literally it's been like eight
or nine people in between.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
I know it was a really it was a really good date
he, uh, he picked me up and, um, you know, went out to a nice
little restaurant and, um, youknow, had a few drinks and we're
having dinner, and and thenafter that he's like, hey, do
you want to, you know, come overand have a couple drinks and
listen to some music?
And I said, yes, did you haveto ask again?
(22:13):
I mean to ask again.
So I went over, played somemusic, drank, and then, you know
, I mean you all know- how itworks led to the other one thing
led to another made the firstmove.
Um, you know what I think he did?
Huh, I think he did which islike surprising, you know, um,
(22:35):
but um, you know, I'm still, youknow I was excited, but at the
same time I'm still kind of likenewly single.
So, you know, it was like kindof I was a little nervous.
Well, also, you don't know it'slike.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
I know they say it's like riding a bike and it is,
but when you've got 40 year oldknees, I mean I'm not 40 yet but
I'm 37, but when I'm just likeseriously I don't know if I can
listen I have, and I just had myacl replaced a couple years ago
and I left me.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
It's not the same.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
So all you out there dropping like it's hot is shit's
gonna drop and break okaythere's no popping and locking,
I mean hello, no it popped andlocked up and then you gotta you
get a cramp, then you gottawalk it out.
You're like I need water bananayes, seriously rub it out, rub
it out, rub it out like justhurry this up, hurry this up.
(23:31):
It was just so, um, so it wasgood.
Oh, it was very good.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, I mean, you went back for a second second
third, fifth, I kept going backand you know there's no strings
attached.
I'm not look, I wasn't lookingfor a relationship.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
He wasn't looking for a relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
And you know, I didn't ask any questions, he
didn't ask me any questions andit was just kind of like we got,
we hung out when we hung out.
So it was, you know, fulfilledthe need, exactly, exactly,
hello.
So it was, you know, fill theneed, exactly, exactly, hello.
We all have needs yeah can weremember that we all have needs
I?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
was listening to this um lady, just to kind of
interrupt you really quick andshe was talking about um sex and
stuff and she was saying whydon't people ever want to have
an orgasm?
She goes, it's the best.
A therapist was saying this,the best stress reliever ever
like.
Why don't you want to get offand just go to bed?
Speaker 1 (24:27):
you can fall asleep afterwards.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
You have no commitment to being like honey,
like we have to have pillow talk.
You just get off and you go tosleep and you're happy.
You've it's a and yourserotonin or whatever fucking
levels oxytocin, whatever it isI'm a nurse I should probably
know that spike and do theirthing like it is a great like
(24:52):
stress reliever.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
I cannot fucking impress that upon people more.
I don't even know what thatmeans you can't, I can't.
Uh, is that means you can't, Ican't, I can't?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Is that what?
It is?
Impressive upon you?
Yeah, I can't, I can't, ok, ok,ok, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Thank you for a fact check.
So you know, I honestly don'tunderstand it myself.
I know, I mean, people aretaking all these sleep aids.
How about you fuck and get alittle orgasm?
How long did it last?
Speaker 2 (25:26):
You know it lasted the first time.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
The first time it actually lasted a pretty long
time.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Yeah, Do you know?
Well, not at that point Likeyou want to end this, Like get
this over with.
No, not at all.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
No, it was just so good, it was really good.
And obviously that's why I keptcoming back to visit you know,
it's just like okay, well, thisfits good, this is great.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
So you know I spent the night.
This fits good the next morning.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Again, there we are.
And yeah, I was.
Yeah, slept great, woke upgreat, day was great, day was
great how could you complain had?
Speaker 2 (26:04):
a smile on my face did you eat a burger afterwards?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
oh, probably burger king.
I lived close to burger king atthe time?
Well, no, and you love burgersif you were, we're gonna get
into this about like rachel'sfavorite foods a burger.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
She could be a burger oh, burgers, burgers.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Who's got the cheeseburger?
You know?
But yeah it was.
You know it was fun and youknow, while it lasted.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah, but then you know things kind of progressed,
I mean I think in your mind too,like if you're honest with
yourself right, oh, yes.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
We talked about this about how you started to you
know, notice something, becausewe hung out a few times and you
liked it, but you weren't.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
You thought, maybe this could be something other
than friends yes benefits likeit could yes, potentially turn.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Yes, it's a good time .
We laughed, we had goodconversation, yeah and you were
thinking, maybe you know justmaybe even though, there were a
ton of probably red flags foryou like him not?
Speaker 2 (27:00):
yes you know his like personal life was a little
weird.
Yes, he was not another lyinggirl, I'm pretty sure yeah, yeah
, like in things like that, buteven though you weren't
exclusive, exactly and that'snot exactly so.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
That's another thing too.
It's like, hey, if you're anexclusive with somebody, you
know you really can't.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Well, if you laid, you guys laid down the, you know
that's the thing is you laiddown exactly expectations down
the expectations at thebeginning very much so you know,
and he is gonna be like no, wesaid this and this and this,
like that's it.
And I think too in your littlecrazy mind, because we'll talk
about that too.
Like you can get a little, youknow yes, I get a little
(27:40):
attached yeah, and that's okay,but it's just like learning that
about you.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
You've learned a lot about yourself through this
whole thing, so much so you um,so you went through.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Let me hold on.
So you've learned a lot aboutyourself through this whole
thing, right, and about yourlike attachments, and all of
your stuff that you're goingthrough.
But you thought, okay, maybelet me just prep myself, in case
, if there is, it leads tosomething.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yes, exactly, even though I'm not ready.
Yeah, you know, at this pointyou're just separated, right.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Exactly, and so you're thinking I'm not going to
like jump into a newrelationship.
I'm still one, technicallymarried yes, and two like I need
to still be me.
I'm just sewing my wild oats orwhatnot.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Exactly, exactly, being free, yeah, how would you
say.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
And so then you went, then, so, so Ski Patrol was
founded because you, how youfound out Exactly.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
So you know, you, you you know people I mean, there's
people, I think, that you, youknow, see things, certain things
that are, like you said, redflags and some things.
You're like, oh you know what,I'm just going to let that one
go, or whatever.
But sometimes you start to kindof notice people's behavior and
it change and you wonder, youknow, oh, that's a little weird,
(29:02):
why is he acting that way?
So I ended up, you know, beingnosy, uh, as women often are,
and I went to the.
When I went to his bathroom, Ilooked.
I just had this keen sense thatI needed to look in his mirror.
You know those little medicinecabinet, yes, medicine cabinet,
(29:26):
exactly.
So I opened it and I found somemedicine and it's a little sugar
booger.
So then I realized, oh, that'swhy he's acting a certain way.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Yes, definitely is.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
You're going skiing in the summer yeah and let me
tell you, you can't be doingthat in washington you can't
yeah, you can't see down grasscan't, no, can't, won't happen I
guess you could.
I mean, you could might hurt,yeah or you won't go very far.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
I'm not a skier, so I have no idea no, I got bad
knees, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
So you know, I don't see I know I don't do that um,
but yeah so don't do anything,risk taking.
He had some a little bit of that, uh, uh, you know, uh, white
powder there, how you say, anduh, there was no snow.
So, anyways, I was like, ohwell, fuck that's, uh, that's
something I just cannot ignoreand something that just
(30:18):
completely put me off.
And so did I fuck him afterthat.
That just completely put me off.
And so did I fuck him afterthat, still Abso-fucking-lutely,
abso-fucking-lutely.
But in my head I knew that thisis just not going to be going
anywhere.
So that's where you just like,kind of unemotional, you
(30:39):
emotionally unattach yourselfand you're just like, look this
what I need, and versus what I'mactually physically, what you
did, physically what I need.
But you know, yes, was it wrong?
Of course, was it a baddecision?
Of course, yeah, did I do itanyway?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
yes, okay, yes, so you went through the medicine
cabinet, yes, and you found, youknow, the snow, the sugar
booger, yeah, the snow, youfound the snow.
But we should explain too, isyou know you?
(31:22):
You don't have a problem withpeople doing drugs.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
It's not that.
No, not at all.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
You just don't want it around you because you have
young children.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Yes, yes, to each their own.
Do what you like, of course.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
But I mean, it's not saying that we've never dabbled
in things before ExactlyWhatever the case is.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Um.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
I've personally have never skied um in the snow like
that, but I've snowboarded atthe U S Olympics or what A
little bit with Sean White, butlike I've, you know you, you had
young children and that's justsomething that you didn't want
to deal with, and that's alsobecause of how way you grew up
too.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Yes, very much so.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
You had a lot of like childhood issues.
You know drugs surrounding yourfamily and all this kind of
thing.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
So if, as a listener, you know explaining that, so
that's why it's not that youhave a problem with people doing
that.
No, you know, having a littlepick me up, yeah.
I mean, but I probably shouldbecause I instead of having like
17 coffees every day.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I mean, you know, like literally right, yeah, I
yeah seriously, you wouldn'tneed anything after that so
anyway, so ski patrol so skipatrol, so you found that you
continue to fuck them.
I did, it was good it was good.
It was good it was good, andsometimes that's what's really
hard and that's what people keepgoing back, exactly because
you're just physically it againit was like you know, it was a
(32:51):
stress relief, it was uh, it wasfeeling wanted, though rich.
When you like deep down, likedive into it, like and we talked
about this too it was like itwas the first time in a really
long time you felt likesomebody's like wow, they like
want me.
Yes, maybe they don't care whatI look like, maybe they do,
they don't give a shit becauseI'm just a hole to them,
whatever.
(33:12):
Yeah, but it was the first timewe're like wow, somebody like
wants to touch me that wayexactly.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
It'd been a long to do that, been a long time, so it
was, it was something to not,not just that.
Yes, yes, you know.
Again, it wasn't just like oh,I'm separated, I'm fucking.
Now it was hey, I'm separatedand I haven't been touched by a
man in a very, very, very longtime and so missing, you know.
You start to miss that.
(33:37):
Yeah, you know.
And then you start to questionyour worth and you start to
question like am it, am I not?
Am I not lovable anymore?
Am I not attractive enough?
(33:57):
yeah, yeah or anymore, andthings like that, and so you,
you kind of get to that point,but exactly it, it was the first
time that somebody in a longtime was receptive to what I had
to offer but also was offeringme that same attention.
And so it was really nice and,yes, it was just kind of like it
(34:20):
felt really good again to feelthat from somebody other than
you know my kids, because mykids love me.
Yeah, you know it's not like I'mlacking love, you know I have
my children and I, you know theylove me.
But anyways, ultimately, thingsobviously ended with ski patrol
(34:42):
.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Yeah, and we'll have to go into that.
We'll have to go into that nexttime kind of ending into like
how things ended slash, becauseit's pretty funny because you
walked into him.
You walked right into him onthe sidewalk at work.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Oh my God.
Let me tell you it was so justtiming is everything, and it's
really funny how the universe islike.
Hey, you know what?
Let me just throw this back atyou, and if you guys have any
stories that you would like toshare, you can go ahead and
email us at happyhouratxyfeecom.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
And I know that's the first episode and we're just
kind of giving you a little bitof the intro and stuff, but
things will get funnier.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
And we're going to get giving you a little bit of
the intro and stuff, but thingswill get funnier and, yeah,
we're gonna get some spicystories are gonna come out and,
um, we're gonna go into some ofthe dates that I've been on and,
um, some of the people thatI've encountered within the last
couple years on those, uh,cringy dating you know cringing
dating apps, uh, people thatI've met or do know.
So you know, we'll talk a littlebit about them and yeah.
So I'm real excited to kind ofshare all this and again to get
(35:48):
some of your guys' input Fornext time.
So thank you for tuning in toNot Exactly Wife Material.
I'm Rachel.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
And I'm Sam.
We'll talk to you guys nexttime.
Bye, bye, guys.
Peace.
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