October 23, 2025 • 36 mins
Grief doesn’t just break a heart; it rewrites a life. We sit with Roseanne as she shares the day her husband died by suicide, the instant plunge into darkness, and the long, imperfect climb back to light. Her story is raw and steady at once—part survival, part surrender—and it opens a wider conversation about black grief, gendered expectations, and why therapy remains taboo in so many families.
We talk candidly about shock, denial, and the relentless to-do list that follows a sudden loss: children to care for, businesses to close, homes to manage, and unfinished plans that won’t wait. Roseanne explains how “strong black woman” armor keeps you moving but can also keep you from feeling, and how allowing collapse—crying in the quiet, resting when the body demands—became a turning point. She describes the early months as steps from minutes to days, when distraction helped her function, and reflection helped her heal.
Support becomes a lifeline in this conversation: friends who flew across borders, family who moved in, check-ins that made grief bearable. We explore the hidden nature of trauma, how joyful masks can hide deep pain, and why de-stigmatizing therapy is not a slogan but a safety measure. Roseanne also shares the strange grace of dreams and symbols—a hummingbird in the window, a voice in the night—that helped her shape meaning from loss. Over time, she learned to move lighter, manage stress, and reimagine work and life with her values at the center.
If you’re walking through your own valley, you’ll find practical hope here: take time with yourself, ask for help, try therapy, and accept that healing is less about going back and more about learning to carry love differently. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help others find their way to this conversation. Your story might be the light someone else is looking for.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:33):
Welcome back to Not Just a Nurse Podcast.
You're here with Nurse Jax andanother wonderful guest.
SPEAKER_02 (00:40):
Welcome back to Not Just a Nurse Podcast.
I have a wonderful guest today.
And today we have Roseanne.
She'll be able to tell us alittle bit about herself.
But we are talking really aboutgrief today and how it affects
women, mostly black women versusblack men.
(01:02):
We're going to have a couple of,you know, meetings, such as
we're going to meet with atherapist and we're going to
meet with Roseanne, and we'realso going to meet with actually
her brother-in-law, so that wecan just get a different
perspective.
And then we're just going tohave a group meeting where we
all come together and kind ofjust bounce off of each other
how grief affects us.
(01:23):
So, as you know, grief isdifferent.
Everybody grieves differently.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that touches every
human being at some point.
We go through grief.
Whether it's the loss of a lovedone, a relationship, a dream, or
even a sense of identity.
Grief changes us.
(01:44):
But how we experience it and howwe express it often look
different in men and women, andparticularly black men and black
women, because we are taught toalways be strong.
So we stay in that survivalstrong mode, right?
So this is one of four segments,as I said before, to approach
(02:07):
how grief works in our lives.
And no one says it has to lookone way, right?
But we're going to just dig inand see how it looks on us.
The goal is to offer insight onknowing that it's okay to
grieve, no matter how it looks.
Grief isn't just sadness, it'sjust love with nowhere to go.
(02:28):
So I'm going to stop talking andI'm going to let Roseanne
introduce herself and tell us alittle bit about herself, and
we'll go from there.
SPEAKER_03 (02:37):
So my name is Roseanne Grant, and I am a
mother of two.
My son is 15 and my daughter is21.
And I am a widowed going on, Ithink next year, April 30th,
would be two years now, sincethe passing of my husband.
(02:59):
And we've been married for about22 years, built a whole life
from scratch.
So I'm here to talk about, Iguess, my experience, even to
delve into the experience ofbeing a mother and shifting from
being a wife for so long, havinga partner, to going from that to
(03:21):
now a new life of moving on as awidowed, single, with two
children.
SPEAKER_02 (03:31):
Okay, so when you say you lost your husband, how
did you lose your husband?
SPEAKER_03 (03:37):
My husband committed suicide.
Yeah.
He committed suicide actually inthe island of Barbados.
So I'm originally from Barbados,born and raised 13 years of my
life, and I migrated to theUnited States.
And he is actually Jamaican,Jamaican-born, migrated to the
(03:58):
United States at the tender ageof nine, and he's the last of
eight children.
So it's seven boys, one girl,eight.
SPEAKER_02 (04:08):
So he's a and we don't often see that.
I'm Jamaican, we don't often seethat in Jamaican men taking
their lives.
So was it surprising to you?
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (04:20):
Absolutely.
I think you know, for someone totake their lives, it's always a
shock to family and friendsbecause you most oftentimes you
don't see it coming.
Because what I've learned inthis journey of suicide is that
oftentimes they're dealing withthe trauma and the pain
(04:42):
internally.
And so what they do is they makeup for it, they have a facade.
So they show you from theoutside that they're jolly,
they're great, they're, youknow, life is great, they're
happy, they're the center ofattention, they light up the
room, they pour into others, soyou don't think that there's
something going on internally.
(05:04):
With him, I know he battled withtrauma from a very, very young
age.
But, you know, just to describemy husband, he is a socialite.
He would walk into the room andhe's the light of the room.
You know, people gravitatetowards him because he was a
very sociable butterfly and gotalong with everyone.
(05:26):
Very jovial, very friendly,kind-hearted, genuine person.
But he was dealing with a lot oftrauma from early on in his
childhood until you know, hecarried it through adulthood.
And I think one of the thingsthat, you know, it's like taboo
in the Caribbean culture, blackAmerican culture, is that you
(05:50):
can't therapy is you know,taboo.
SPEAKER_02 (05:53):
You know, you're just like where are you going?
SPEAKER_03 (05:56):
You're gonna speak to someone and they label you
crazy, ah, or they just brush itoff.
Oh, you know, don't worry aboutit, you'll just get over it.
It's just something that you'rejust going through.
But there's something that needsto be addressed with people who
struggle mentally.
So he committed suicide and hewas struggling, but as a partner
(06:19):
of his for so long, I didn'tknow the extent of it.
And there's a lot of things thatunraveled post his passion that
explained why he did what he didbecause it came as a shocker to
everyone.
When I tell you this man hadeverything going for him,
(06:41):
beautiful family, you know,thriving business, he was doing
really well for himself.
So the things that I found outafter his passing is what made
me understand it a lot better.
A lot of people I think he couldhave sought help.
(07:02):
And it's easy for me to say, youknow, well, he could have sought
help, he could have done this,he could have done that.
But I think I don't know to theextent his mental state,
honestly.
I didn't know that led him downinto a dark path where he felt
as though this is the end forhim.
SPEAKER_02 (07:22):
So being married to someone, what did you say, 26
years?
SPEAKER_03 (07:26):
22 years.
SPEAKER_02 (07:27):
22 years, and it's almost like you didn't know you
didn't know him like that.
You didn't know that part ofhim.
SPEAKER_03 (07:37):
Right.
I know he had struggles, youknow what I mean?
But like I said, a lot of peoplehide, a lot of people hide it
really, really well.
And he did just that becauseeverything was great.
But like I said, it was more, itwas a lot more that was going on
with him that he struggled withmentally.
(07:59):
And you know, these are thethings that I found out
afterwards, and still evenfinding out those things, it's
like it's not the end of, youknow what I mean?
It's something that during timewould have time heals.
So I feel as though it wasn'tthat bad.
It wasn't, it wasn't, it didn'tcall for him to do what he did.
(08:22):
But in his head, again, in hishead, he felt as though this is
it for him.
SPEAKER_02 (08:28):
So there are different stages of grief.
Where do you think you fit in?
Like, what have you done togrieve?
You know, you have kids, so yougotta keep moving, right?
What have you done to helpyourself get through this where
you're able to just like be okayand not like be crying every
(08:48):
day?
SPEAKER_03 (08:49):
Right.
So here's my journey, and thisis just my experience, and
everyone is different.
I've been a very strong-mindedperson from a very, very young
age, at a young age, and so nothaving both my parents in my
life caused me at a very youngage to make a path for myself,
(09:13):
and I think part of that causedme to build up these barriers
and cause me to just keepfighting, to keep going, even
when I felt at a loss, right?
So it kind of made me very, verytough.
Now it's different when you lostsomeone when they're ill.
(09:37):
You know what I mean?
You have time to protect theprocess.
Correct.
And you have time to say yourgoodbyes, you have time to say
all the things that you need tosay.
But when it's something that'slike like a light switch, it
just goes completely off andyou're left in the darkness.
That's how I felt.
(09:58):
So, from my experience, it wassomeone turning off a light
switch, and it just totally wasjust dark, and I had to find my
way through darkness untillight.
And how I managed that with thisnew Roseanne, because now I'm a
widow, I have these children, Ihave to be strong for them, I
(10:21):
have to forge a way, you know,forward being alone.
It took a lot of time.
To this day, it still takestime, a lot of navigating
because you know, you went fromboth parents to just one parent,
and now everyone's dependent onyou.
You know, roles aren't splitanymore, everything just comes
(10:46):
at you.
And when he left, it was a timewhere it was just a lot going
on.
Like we were in the middle ofbuilding this home in Barbados,
and the business was going greatfor him.
And we had just dropped mydaughter, she was two years
into, she was just enteringsophomore year, right?
(11:07):
And yeah, my son was inelementary.
So once that shifted, I had tonow navigate, you know, this new
life.
And for me, I just had to gointo survival mode.
I was thrust into survival mode.
It wasn't a matter of takingtime to really give myself time
(11:32):
to heal.
I had to heal along with it,everything was going just
simultaneously.
Like I had to heal, I had toplay.
Work, you had to sing, you hadto cook, finish up all these
unfinished things.
And I just went in, it was amatter of just survival mode.
(11:53):
And I don't think anyone reallytalks about the afterlife of for
the person who is left, thesurvivor, right?
What it means for them, becauseyou're thrust into all these
different roles and all theseresponsibilities, and then
especially if you have children,it's extremely hard, you know?
(12:17):
And so the only time you reallyget to sit down and get to like
reflect and that to cry if youhave to cry is when you hit the
bed.
SPEAKER_02 (12:26):
And by that time, you're probably too tired,
exhausted, you just exhausted,exhausted.
SPEAKER_03 (12:32):
So I know for me, I like when he passed away first
few weeks, you know, I just wasin shock.
My body was just in denial.
I was in total denial.
At the same time, my brain islike denow trying to convince me
(12:55):
that you know he's not comingback.
Like you're not gonna see himever come through that door, you
know.
And sometimes you sit and youjust you're just in a trance
because how are you going tomove forward?
How are you going to navigatethis new life?
So I would say to women whoexperience this, especially, you
(13:20):
know, if it's like that lightswitch where it just so sudden,
you know, that you just have totake one second, one minute, one
hour, one day, one month, oneyear at a time.
SPEAKER_02 (13:36):
And you have been going through this journey.
So when you think about grief,what's the first image that
comes to your mind?
Uh darkness.
SPEAKER_03 (13:45):
Um darkness in the sense of you're in pain, you
don't know which way to turn,you can't see forward, you don't
know what the future holds,everything, your world just
instantly paws because your mindis in so many places, you're
(14:09):
feeling all these emotions, andso you don't see a path forward
because how can you in thatmoment, right?
So, my whole thing is that youhave to give yourself time to
come out of that darkness, andit's not something that's like
(14:29):
instant, it takes a long, longtime.
SPEAKER_02 (14:34):
So, do you feel like that light switch you compared
it to like someone turned thelight off in the room and you
now have to stumble throughthese furniture and stumble
through and find your way inthis new room, right?
And it's dark.
So, do you feel like a candle islit, a flashlight, anything?
(14:55):
Do you feel like the light isback on in the room?
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (15:00):
So that darkness doesn't last forever.
Okay, it doesn't, it doesn't.
It's just in that moment of timebecause now you're from like I
said, this is my experience.
For me, I had to figure out howto navigate to find a light.
So that took some time, and Ifound a light.
And once you find a light, it'slike a spark hit again, and you
(15:24):
have a clear understanding ofall right, you're picking up the
pieces and you're putting themtogether, and you could see your
way forward.
And again, this takes time.
It's not instant, it takes time,but instantly, when you
experience that loss, instantlyI was thrust into darkness
because I just couldn't.
(15:45):
For me, I was like, How am Igonna move forward?
How?
And then every day it gets alittle better.
You're coming out of thatdarkness and into the light, and
you're seeing that you have toput the pieces together, you
know, to make a path, a pathwayforward.
It's the only way there are somepeople that would probably stay
(16:08):
in that darkness longer thanothers, right?
I was too busy to stay in thatdarkness, I had too much going
on.
SPEAKER_02 (16:18):
So your busy life kind of helped you a little bit.
Yeah.
So staying busy or just keepingyour mind occupied.
SPEAKER_03 (16:28):
Right.
Yeah.
Some form of distraction.
SPEAKER_02 (16:31):
So how does that distraction affect your physical
body?
SPEAKER_03 (16:37):
It's tiring.
It's tiring because you'regoing, going, going, going,
going.
And you know, at times you feellike you don't want to do
anything.
You don't want to think.
You, your body is just tellingyou, just rest.
You don't want to get out ofbed.
You know, you feel heavy.
All you could think about is allthese things I have to do now.
(17:01):
You know, everything is comingat you.
So the weight is very, veryheavy.
And there are often times whereI just curled up in bed and just
say, you know what, to hell withit.
I'm just going to just stay hereand just have a moment for
myself.
And that's the time where youget to thinking.
Although you want to take thebreak and you want to relax,
(17:23):
you're feeling heavy.
But then when you do, you relaxyour mind, you relax your body,
and then all these triggers juststart coming in.
And then you just, you just cry.
That was my experience.
I just cry.
And I feel as though lookingback on that, I needed that.
I needed to do that because youcan't keep going and not face
(17:43):
your emotions and not face thegrief, not face the heaviness.
SPEAKER_02 (17:48):
Because so when did you think you face that
heaviness?
Like how far in the journey?
Because you said it's about twoyears now, right?
Yeah.
So, like, when did it startgetting clear for you?
Just to give other people hope,you know, that it's it's not
gonna be darkness forever.
SPEAKER_03 (18:08):
No, it's not gonna be darkness forever.
I would say for me, it was likethe first five months, right?
And that's me just the totalprocess, really and truly going
into darkness the first fewweeks, the first month, and then
slowly coming out of it thesecond, the third month, and
(18:31):
then going into like survivalmode, you know what I mean?
The first five, six months, andthen after that time, you find,
you know, you're findingyourself somewhat again, and
you're seeing the path forward,you're seeing it, but you have
(18:51):
to take baby steps because forme, I felt as though I gotta do
this, I gotta do that, I gottaget all this stuff done because
you're dealing with, you know,the estate, you're dealing with
the closure of the business,you're dealing with the
children, you're dealing withthe household stuff, you're
dealing with the building,you're dealing with so many
things, closing out all looseends, you're dealing with all of
(19:13):
that.
That's like the first six, sevenmonths.
Sometimes it takes peoplelonger, maybe a year.
Me, I am the person that I justwant to get it done, right?
So I just went full throttle.
So the heaviness, I would saywhere I kind of like took a
break from that.
(19:35):
I would say maybe the fifthmonth is when I was able to,
because this is April, May,June, July.
Right, September.
I think I was back in Barbadosin September.
And he passed away in April.
We had his memorial late May.
I went back to New York June,early June, and I was there for
(19:59):
a month or so, and went back toBarbados.
So I was in Barbados aroundfifth or sixth month, September
or so.
And, you know, you start to havereflections, you go to the
beach.
It was like a come in to myself.
A realization that it's all younow.
SPEAKER_02 (20:22):
Now, did you have, you know, women, we usually have
our friends, our besties, oursupport system.
Did you have a support systemthat rallied around you?
How long did they rally?
SPEAKER_03 (20:35):
And I would say Tiffany from the beginning to
this day.
She is like my sounding board.
I'll never forget when she heardthe news, and you know, Silas at
that time was still a baby, andshe was busy doing her gigs and
everything.
And when she got the news,Tiffany boarded a flight, left
(20:58):
her baby, and was in Barbadosthe next day by my side on the
beach, sitting down, just goingthrough it with me.
And it's something that I holddear.
Like I never forget that.
She stopped everything, youknow, to be with me.
She couldn't stay for thememorial because she had to get
back, but every step of the way,she was checking in.
(21:20):
She was coming over when I'm inNew York, she was coming over,
she was checking on me, checkingon the kids.
You know, to this day, she'sstill my sounding board.
To this day, she's still mylistening ear.
And so we depend on each othervery, very heavily.
We're like each other's supportsystem.
And then there was my auntDeborah, my cousin Tamika, my
(21:40):
cousin Patrick.
So, you know, I had people, Ihad people to help me along the
way.
That's important.
My kids had parents as well,because if it wasn't for them, I
would not have been able to goback and forth between Barbados
and New York because theyuprooted from their apartment to
(22:01):
come and live with me so thatthey could ensure that Chari, my
son, was good.
Because my daughter was off tocollege and my son was still
there by himself.
So they uproo, you know, wherethey were living to come stay
with us to ensure that they takecare of Chari.
So absolutely, Brian andNatasha, shout out to you guys
if you're listening to this.
You guys have been my day onesas well.
(22:24):
And I really, really, trulyappreciate it to this day.
SPEAKER_02 (22:27):
Because those are the moments you remember.
I remember losing my dad and thepeople who showed up for me.
It was an overwhelming pouringout, you know, because as type A
women, we are always the onepouring into others.
And we really don't feel like,oh, nobody's gonna do this for
(22:49):
me.
I just need to do this formyself.
And when you get that love, thatovershadowing love from
everyone, that is huge, youknow?
And those are the things youprobably hold on to more so to
get you through some of the baddays.
SPEAKER_03 (23:05):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And so the people that like yousaid, we don't like asking.
Ask for help, yeah.
And so we just do things on ourown and we just move and
navigate in this life, just youknow, doing for ourselves.
And then oftentimes we neglectto ask for help.
(23:27):
And that was my whole big thing,you know, with my village.
Like they would just say, justRoseanne, just ask for help.
But I'm the kind of woman, andI've been like this from the
very young age.
I don't, if I have to dosomething, I'll do it my own,
you know.
I don't like asking for help.
But this was the moment whereeveryone showed me that they're
(23:50):
there for me and my children.
And so I never forget that.
SPEAKER_02 (23:56):
Yeah, that's important.
A village is important whenyou're going through these type
of situations, and it's justimportant for us to lean on
someone.
Like you can't just think thatyou're you're on this earth by
yourself or for yourself, and sothat is what took me through my
(24:18):
grief, actually.
Just but it was a point whereyou just have to deal with it.
And how did that look for youdealing with it?
SPEAKER_03 (24:30):
First of all, the dreams, right?
SPEAKER_02 (24:33):
It's like oh, the dreams, yes, the dreams.
SPEAKER_03 (24:37):
First of all, the let me tell you the dreams that
were coming that were floodingmy mind when I'm trying many
sleepless nights, many sleeplessnights, and the dreams, and then
you try to interpret thosedreams and what those dreams
meant.
It's like he was trying to talkto me, he's trying to send a
(24:59):
message to me, something it'sand it was just trying to
navigate what that meant.
I felt as though when I go tosleep and I'm in this dream and
I'm dreaming, I felt as thoughI'm in a different timeline
experiencing these things withhim.
SPEAKER_02 (25:13):
Wow, that's crazy.
When you had the dreams, wereyou scared?
Like when you woke up, were youwere you afraid?
Were you feel do you feel hispresence at any time?
SPEAKER_03 (25:27):
Yes.
It's so funny.
So the dreams, it was justoverwhelming.
It wasn't I was scared, it wasthat it made me very, very, it
was just very overwhelmingbecause in the dreams, it's like
I'm mad at him.
He's very regretful, his headwas always hang low, he's very
(25:50):
remorseful, and he wouldn't saymuch.
He wasn't saying anythingreally.
It was just his demeanor and howhe was moving.
And it was me just like upset athim and just like, I'm just done
with you, like you should havenever done this.
Those came very often, and nowthey're subsided.
Now it's happiness, but we'renever together, we're always
(26:13):
separate.
But he's in the distance andhe's happy, and I'm happy.
And if we're even close, we'rehappy together, but we're still
very much separated.
There was another dream thatI've had, I remember it vividly,
and I was dreaming, and I Iswear I thought it was real.
(26:36):
He came, I hear his voice asday, came to my ear and said,
Roseanne, if you hear me blink.
When I tell you, Oh my gosh, Ifroze, my body froze to the
point where I could not move.
I could not, I was not blinkingbecause I know I heard his
(26:57):
voice, I know he just said thatto me.
I didn't move, I didn't move, Ididn't, I didn't do anything, I
was so scared.
And then he said, That's okay,that's okay, I'll always watch
over you.
And with that, he rose up andbecame a phoenix.
What?
Yeah, and so down the road Iremember sitting in my little
(27:21):
office area in my home inBarbados, and there's a tall
picture window, and ahummingbird kept coming to me,
kept coming like the hummingbirdwould just come straight up to
the window and just face me, andjust he kept coming, kept
coming.
So I looked it up what ahummingbird you know means, and
(27:44):
it's saying messages from thespirit world.
What?
Yeah, I thought that was creepy,but yeah, but the dreams were
very heavy, so the dreamssubsided, it's nothing heavy
like it was before, and for me,my therapy sessions, I keep up
(28:07):
with that.
Great, and what I do now, I findmyself moving in this new world
very light.
Before I used to get riled up oncertain situations, and you
know, I tend to manage that.
I don't have a short, well, I'venever had a short fuse, but you
(28:30):
know, you get to like youover-stimulate sometimes.
So I'm learning to be muchcalmer, especially when a lot of
issues arise.
I tend to like, you know what,it'll work itself out, and it
always does work itself out.
SPEAKER_02 (28:45):
Always, 100%.
God is always in the vessel,working it, working it out.
SPEAKER_03 (28:52):
So I don't get riled up, and even to my daughter like
this too, she passed me.
She goes through issues as well.
She's faced with certain things.
I said, you know, it's notalways gonna be like this.
So I have to keep reconstantlyreminding myself that Yeah,
because you're still a mother,correct?
SPEAKER_02 (29:08):
So I you're their example, you know.
SPEAKER_03 (29:11):
So one day I take one day at a time and I take
care of myself.
And I listen to my podcasts.
Uh there's this one podcast thatI listen to, Eddie Pinero, on
YouTube actually.
And he's very inspirational onhis uh teachings, and that helps
(29:32):
me to get through certain daysthat are heavy.
SPEAKER_02 (29:35):
So you have to do what works for you, you have to
take care of yourself becauseit's so important because
there's so many people thatliterally are just dropping dead
from stress and pain and hurt,and it's not okay, you know.
SPEAKER_03 (30:00):
Because I noticed that a lot, a lot of people are
dropping.
And I think that's what made meshift from my nine to five to
entrepreneurship.
Because I don't want to beconstantly in a loop, perpetual
loop every day working forsomeone.
SPEAKER_02 (30:16):
The hamster wheel.
SPEAKER_03 (30:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (30:18):
That's a whole nother subject, girl.
SPEAKER_03 (30:22):
Yeah.
So that I'm in the hamsterwheel.
I know, I know.
And you will get there.
It will come.
Oh god.
But I know for me, that was partof my journey too.
Like I changed everything,Jackie.
I changed up everything.
Wow.
And I remember Patrice Françoissaying something about, oh, when
(30:43):
you're in the depths of thevalley, you make these
irrational decisions based onemotions, and you tend to quit
your job and you would do thisand you would do that.
But what if this is the otherway?
What if you're down in a valleyfor a reason and it's you to
reinvent yourself and rise?
(31:04):
And that's how I envisioned.
That's how I saw my journey.
I was in the darkness, I was inthe valley, and it was a pivotal
moment of my life for me tochange the course of my future,
change it, and chart a path forRoseanne this time around and
(31:25):
rise up as a new person.
So there's still a lot going on,but but at least you can
breathe, right?
SPEAKER_02 (31:35):
And I think what you encountered, yes, we encountered
death, everybody's death isdifferent, but you saw it.
You know, you saw it up closeand personal.
He took his life, which issomething that you know a lot of
people will have guilt.
And is it me?
And what could I have donedifferently?
(31:56):
And so, you know, we're gonnaend with me asking you if you
were to say one thing to anothergrieving widow, what would that
be?
SPEAKER_03 (32:08):
Just one thing.
SPEAKER_02 (32:12):
Just one thing, or if you were to talk to another
grieving widow, what would yousay to her?
SPEAKER_03 (32:19):
Take time with yourself.
Take time with yourself.
You have to take time withyourself.
Allow the emotions, alloweverything that comes with grief
to happen.
Embrace it because you have togo through it.
It's inevitable, right?
We're gonna experience it alongthe way, but take time with
(32:43):
yourself to go through theprocess of grieving.
SPEAKER_02 (32:48):
Yeah, well, thank you so much for joining me on
Not Just a Nurse Podcast.
And I will definitely have youagain.
I think, you know, I know enoughwomen who have lost their
husbands, including my mother,who have lost their husband,
which I don't think is grievingvery well about it.
(33:08):
It's been 18 years, but it'sbeen like 15 years, but I still
think she's angry, and just tohave, you know, a panel, like,
and I hope you would be able tocome back and share your story
with other grieving widows andjust have a panel of let's get
(33:29):
through this grief together.
Everybody's in a differentstage, and it seems like you
found your light in yourdarkness, and you're moving
towards the light and nottowards the darkness.
Because believe it or not, thereare people who just keep moving
to the darkness.
Yeah, they're stuck and they'restuck and they cannot get out.
(33:51):
And I'm so proud of you forgetting out.
SPEAKER_03 (33:55):
I understood that this is where I, you know, it
was there to serve a purpose.
That's why I say take time withyourself.
You should not stay in therebecause life has to go on.
Life has to go on, you know, andso a lot of and I use this for
myself because you know, peoplewould say in time heals, time
(34:16):
heals.
I understand time heals, but itcould take a very long time.
It could take a long time toheal, long time to heal, and I
don't think you ever reallytruly heal, you just learn to
maneuver in life with the loss,you know, because there are
triggers that would send youright back, you know, but you
(34:36):
have to learn to take time withyourself, just go through the
process, and you know, in timeit does get better, it really
does.
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (34:49):
So you said something about the valley, and
it reminds me of Psalms 23,verse 4, and it says, Yea, I
walk through the valley of theshadow of death, that I will
fare no evil, for thou art withme.
Thy rod and thy staff willcomfort me.
And that is what you explain.
(35:09):
And I just want, you know, rightnow for people to understand, no
matter what you go through, it'sthrough, like you're going
through it.
SPEAKER_03 (35:19):
So there's another side through there's another
side of through.
SPEAKER_02 (35:24):
Yeah.
So continue to go through,continue to walk with your
community and walk with yourstrength and find the light.
And so with that, we just hopethat you continue listening.
We have a lot of great stuffcoming up for us on Not Just a
Nurse Podcast, where we justtouch everyday lives and talk
(35:47):
about everyday things.
So listen out.
We should be at least everyother Wednesday or so, we'll be
chatting with you.
And feel free to reach out ifyou have a topic that you want
us to share.
Thank you and bye-bye.
SPEAKER_01 (36:03):
Thank you.
Thanks for tuning in with NurseJack at Not Just the Nurse
Podcast.
Don't forget to like, share, andsubscribe to Buzzsprout, Apple,
and Spotify.
Send your request and yourquestions for a chat with Jack.
Be safe out there.
Welcome back to Not Just a Nurse Podcast.
You're here with Nurse Jax andanother wonderful guest.
SPEAKER_02 (00:40):
Welcome back to Not Just a Nurse Podcast.
I have a wonderful guest today.
And today we have Roseanne.
She'll be able to tell us alittle bit about herself.
But we are talking really aboutgrief today and how it affects
women, mostly black women versusblack men.
(01:02):
We're going to have a couple of,you know, meetings, such as
we're going to meet with atherapist and we're going to
meet with Roseanne, and we'realso going to meet with actually
her brother-in-law, so that wecan just get a different
perspective.
And then we're just going tohave a group meeting where we
all come together and kind ofjust bounce off of each other
how grief affects us.
(01:23):
So, as you know, grief isdifferent.
Everybody grieves differently.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that touches every
human being at some point.
We go through grief.
Whether it's the loss of a lovedone, a relationship, a dream, or
even a sense of identity.
Grief changes us.
(01:44):
But how we experience it and howwe express it often look
different in men and women, andparticularly black men and black
women, because we are taught toalways be strong.
So we stay in that survivalstrong mode, right?
So this is one of four segments,as I said before, to approach
(02:07):
how grief works in our lives.
And no one says it has to lookone way, right?
But we're going to just dig inand see how it looks on us.
The goal is to offer insight onknowing that it's okay to
grieve, no matter how it looks.
Grief isn't just sadness, it'sjust love with nowhere to go.
(02:28):
So I'm going to stop talking andI'm going to let Roseanne
introduce herself and tell us alittle bit about herself, and
we'll go from there.
SPEAKER_03 (02:37):
So my name is Roseanne Grant, and I am a
mother of two.
My son is 15 and my daughter is21.
And I am a widowed going on, Ithink next year, April 30th,
would be two years now, sincethe passing of my husband.
(02:59):
And we've been married for about22 years, built a whole life
from scratch.
So I'm here to talk about, Iguess, my experience, even to
delve into the experience ofbeing a mother and shifting from
being a wife for so long, havinga partner, to going from that to
(03:21):
now a new life of moving on as awidowed, single, with two
children.
SPEAKER_02 (03:31):
Okay, so when you say you lost your husband, how
did you lose your husband?
SPEAKER_03 (03:37):
My husband committed suicide.
Yeah.
He committed suicide actually inthe island of Barbados.
So I'm originally from Barbados,born and raised 13 years of my
life, and I migrated to theUnited States.
And he is actually Jamaican,Jamaican-born, migrated to the
(03:58):
United States at the tender ageof nine, and he's the last of
eight children.
So it's seven boys, one girl,eight.
SPEAKER_02 (04:08):
So he's a and we don't often see that.
I'm Jamaican, we don't often seethat in Jamaican men taking
their lives.
So was it surprising to you?
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (04:20):
Absolutely.
I think you know, for someone totake their lives, it's always a
shock to family and friendsbecause you most oftentimes you
don't see it coming.
Because what I've learned inthis journey of suicide is that
oftentimes they're dealing withthe trauma and the pain
(04:42):
internally.
And so what they do is they makeup for it, they have a facade.
So they show you from theoutside that they're jolly,
they're great, they're, youknow, life is great, they're
happy, they're the center ofattention, they light up the
room, they pour into others, soyou don't think that there's
something going on internally.
(05:04):
With him, I know he battled withtrauma from a very, very young
age.
But, you know, just to describemy husband, he is a socialite.
He would walk into the room andhe's the light of the room.
You know, people gravitatetowards him because he was a
very sociable butterfly and gotalong with everyone.
(05:26):
Very jovial, very friendly,kind-hearted, genuine person.
But he was dealing with a lot oftrauma from early on in his
childhood until you know, hecarried it through adulthood.
And I think one of the thingsthat, you know, it's like taboo
in the Caribbean culture, blackAmerican culture, is that you
(05:50):
can't therapy is you know,taboo.
SPEAKER_02 (05:53):
You know, you're just like where are you going?
SPEAKER_03 (05:56):
You're gonna speak to someone and they label you
crazy, ah, or they just brush itoff.
Oh, you know, don't worry aboutit, you'll just get over it.
It's just something that you'rejust going through.
But there's something that needsto be addressed with people who
struggle mentally.
So he committed suicide and hewas struggling, but as a partner
(06:19):
of his for so long, I didn'tknow the extent of it.
And there's a lot of things thatunraveled post his passion that
explained why he did what he didbecause it came as a shocker to
everyone.
When I tell you this man hadeverything going for him,
(06:41):
beautiful family, you know,thriving business, he was doing
really well for himself.
So the things that I found outafter his passing is what made
me understand it a lot better.
A lot of people I think he couldhave sought help.
(07:02):
And it's easy for me to say, youknow, well, he could have sought
help, he could have done this,he could have done that.
But I think I don't know to theextent his mental state,
honestly.
I didn't know that led him downinto a dark path where he felt
as though this is the end forhim.
SPEAKER_02 (07:22):
So being married to someone, what did you say, 26
years?
SPEAKER_03 (07:26):
22 years.
SPEAKER_02 (07:27):
22 years, and it's almost like you didn't know you
didn't know him like that.
You didn't know that part ofhim.
SPEAKER_03 (07:37):
Right.
I know he had struggles, youknow what I mean?
But like I said, a lot of peoplehide, a lot of people hide it
really, really well.
And he did just that becauseeverything was great.
But like I said, it was more, itwas a lot more that was going on
with him that he struggled withmentally.
(07:59):
And you know, these are thethings that I found out
afterwards, and still evenfinding out those things, it's
like it's not the end of, youknow what I mean?
It's something that during timewould have time heals.
So I feel as though it wasn'tthat bad.
It wasn't, it wasn't, it didn'tcall for him to do what he did.
(08:22):
But in his head, again, in hishead, he felt as though this is
it for him.
SPEAKER_02 (08:28):
So there are different stages of grief.
Where do you think you fit in?
Like, what have you done togrieve?
You know, you have kids, so yougotta keep moving, right?
What have you done to helpyourself get through this where
you're able to just like be okayand not like be crying every
(08:48):
day?
SPEAKER_03 (08:49):
Right.
So here's my journey, and thisis just my experience, and
everyone is different.
I've been a very strong-mindedperson from a very, very young
age, at a young age, and so nothaving both my parents in my
life caused me at a very youngage to make a path for myself,
(09:13):
and I think part of that causedme to build up these barriers
and cause me to just keepfighting, to keep going, even
when I felt at a loss, right?
So it kind of made me very, verytough.
Now it's different when you lostsomeone when they're ill.
(09:37):
You know what I mean?
You have time to protect theprocess.
Correct.
And you have time to say yourgoodbyes, you have time to say
all the things that you need tosay.
But when it's something that'slike like a light switch, it
just goes completely off andyou're left in the darkness.
That's how I felt.
(09:58):
So, from my experience, it wassomeone turning off a light
switch, and it just totally wasjust dark, and I had to find my
way through darkness untillight.
And how I managed that with thisnew Roseanne, because now I'm a
widow, I have these children, Ihave to be strong for them, I
(10:21):
have to forge a way, you know,forward being alone.
It took a lot of time.
To this day, it still takestime, a lot of navigating
because you know, you went fromboth parents to just one parent,
and now everyone's dependent onyou.
You know, roles aren't splitanymore, everything just comes
(10:46):
at you.
And when he left, it was a timewhere it was just a lot going
on.
Like we were in the middle ofbuilding this home in Barbados,
and the business was going greatfor him.
And we had just dropped mydaughter, she was two years
into, she was just enteringsophomore year, right?
(11:07):
And yeah, my son was inelementary.
So once that shifted, I had tonow navigate, you know, this new
life.
And for me, I just had to gointo survival mode.
I was thrust into survival mode.
It wasn't a matter of takingtime to really give myself time
(11:32):
to heal.
I had to heal along with it,everything was going just
simultaneously.
Like I had to heal, I had toplay.
Work, you had to sing, you hadto cook, finish up all these
unfinished things.
And I just went in, it was amatter of just survival mode.
(11:53):
And I don't think anyone reallytalks about the afterlife of for
the person who is left, thesurvivor, right?
What it means for them, becauseyou're thrust into all these
different roles and all theseresponsibilities, and then
especially if you have children,it's extremely hard, you know?
(12:17):
And so the only time you reallyget to sit down and get to like
reflect and that to cry if youhave to cry is when you hit the
bed.
SPEAKER_02 (12:26):
And by that time, you're probably too tired,
exhausted, you just exhausted,exhausted.
SPEAKER_03 (12:32):
So I know for me, I like when he passed away first
few weeks, you know, I just wasin shock.
My body was just in denial.
I was in total denial.
At the same time, my brain islike denow trying to convince me
(12:55):
that you know he's not comingback.
Like you're not gonna see himever come through that door, you
know.
And sometimes you sit and youjust you're just in a trance
because how are you going tomove forward?
How are you going to navigatethis new life?
So I would say to women whoexperience this, especially, you
(13:20):
know, if it's like that lightswitch where it just so sudden,
you know, that you just have totake one second, one minute, one
hour, one day, one month, oneyear at a time.
SPEAKER_02 (13:36):
And you have been going through this journey.
So when you think about grief,what's the first image that
comes to your mind?
Uh darkness.
SPEAKER_03 (13:45):
Um darkness in the sense of you're in pain, you
don't know which way to turn,you can't see forward, you don't
know what the future holds,everything, your world just
instantly paws because your mindis in so many places, you're
(14:09):
feeling all these emotions, andso you don't see a path forward
because how can you in thatmoment, right?
So, my whole thing is that youhave to give yourself time to
come out of that darkness, andit's not something that's like
(14:29):
instant, it takes a long, longtime.
SPEAKER_02 (14:34):
So, do you feel like that light switch you compared
it to like someone turned thelight off in the room and you
now have to stumble throughthese furniture and stumble
through and find your way inthis new room, right?
And it's dark.
So, do you feel like a candle islit, a flashlight, anything?
(14:55):
Do you feel like the light isback on in the room?
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (15:00):
So that darkness doesn't last forever.
Okay, it doesn't, it doesn't.
It's just in that moment of timebecause now you're from like I
said, this is my experience.
For me, I had to figure out howto navigate to find a light.
So that took some time, and Ifound a light.
And once you find a light, it'slike a spark hit again, and you
(15:24):
have a clear understanding ofall right, you're picking up the
pieces and you're putting themtogether, and you could see your
way forward.
And again, this takes time.
It's not instant, it takes time,but instantly, when you
experience that loss, instantlyI was thrust into darkness
because I just couldn't.
(15:45):
For me, I was like, How am Igonna move forward?
How?
And then every day it gets alittle better.
You're coming out of thatdarkness and into the light, and
you're seeing that you have toput the pieces together, you
know, to make a path, a pathwayforward.
It's the only way there are somepeople that would probably stay
(16:08):
in that darkness longer thanothers, right?
I was too busy to stay in thatdarkness, I had too much going
on.
SPEAKER_02 (16:18):
So your busy life kind of helped you a little bit.
Yeah.
So staying busy or just keepingyour mind occupied.
SPEAKER_03 (16:28):
Right.
Yeah.
Some form of distraction.
SPEAKER_02 (16:31):
So how does that distraction affect your physical
body?
SPEAKER_03 (16:37):
It's tiring.
It's tiring because you'regoing, going, going, going,
going.
And you know, at times you feellike you don't want to do
anything.
You don't want to think.
You, your body is just tellingyou, just rest.
You don't want to get out ofbed.
You know, you feel heavy.
All you could think about is allthese things I have to do now.
(17:01):
You know, everything is comingat you.
So the weight is very, veryheavy.
And there are often times whereI just curled up in bed and just
say, you know what, to hell withit.
I'm just going to just stay hereand just have a moment for
myself.
And that's the time where youget to thinking.
Although you want to take thebreak and you want to relax,
(17:23):
you're feeling heavy.
But then when you do, you relaxyour mind, you relax your body,
and then all these triggers juststart coming in.
And then you just, you just cry.
That was my experience.
I just cry.
And I feel as though lookingback on that, I needed that.
I needed to do that because youcan't keep going and not face
(17:43):
your emotions and not face thegrief, not face the heaviness.
SPEAKER_02 (17:48):
Because so when did you think you face that
heaviness?
Like how far in the journey?
Because you said it's about twoyears now, right?
Yeah.
So, like, when did it startgetting clear for you?
Just to give other people hope,you know, that it's it's not
gonna be darkness forever.
SPEAKER_03 (18:08):
No, it's not gonna be darkness forever.
I would say for me, it was likethe first five months, right?
And that's me just the totalprocess, really and truly going
into darkness the first fewweeks, the first month, and then
slowly coming out of it thesecond, the third month, and
(18:31):
then going into like survivalmode, you know what I mean?
The first five, six months, andthen after that time, you find,
you know, you're findingyourself somewhat again, and
you're seeing the path forward,you're seeing it, but you have
(18:51):
to take baby steps because forme, I felt as though I gotta do
this, I gotta do that, I gottaget all this stuff done because
you're dealing with, you know,the estate, you're dealing with
the closure of the business,you're dealing with the
children, you're dealing withthe household stuff, you're
dealing with the building,you're dealing with so many
things, closing out all looseends, you're dealing with all of
(19:13):
that.
That's like the first six, sevenmonths.
Sometimes it takes peoplelonger, maybe a year.
Me, I am the person that I justwant to get it done, right?
So I just went full throttle.
So the heaviness, I would saywhere I kind of like took a
break from that.
(19:35):
I would say maybe the fifthmonth is when I was able to,
because this is April, May,June, July.
Right, September.
I think I was back in Barbadosin September.
And he passed away in April.
We had his memorial late May.
I went back to New York June,early June, and I was there for
(19:59):
a month or so, and went back toBarbados.
So I was in Barbados aroundfifth or sixth month, September
or so.
And, you know, you start to havereflections, you go to the
beach.
It was like a come in to myself.
A realization that it's all younow.
SPEAKER_02 (20:22):
Now, did you have, you know, women, we usually have
our friends, our besties, oursupport system.
Did you have a support systemthat rallied around you?
How long did they rally?
SPEAKER_03 (20:35):
And I would say Tiffany from the beginning to
this day.
She is like my sounding board.
I'll never forget when she heardthe news, and you know, Silas at
that time was still a baby, andshe was busy doing her gigs and
everything.
And when she got the news,Tiffany boarded a flight, left
(20:58):
her baby, and was in Barbadosthe next day by my side on the
beach, sitting down, just goingthrough it with me.
And it's something that I holddear.
Like I never forget that.
She stopped everything, youknow, to be with me.
She couldn't stay for thememorial because she had to get
back, but every step of the way,she was checking in.
(21:20):
She was coming over when I'm inNew York, she was coming over,
she was checking on me, checkingon the kids.
You know, to this day, she'sstill my sounding board.
To this day, she's still mylistening ear.
And so we depend on each othervery, very heavily.
We're like each other's supportsystem.
And then there was my auntDeborah, my cousin Tamika, my
(21:40):
cousin Patrick.
So, you know, I had people, Ihad people to help me along the
way.
That's important.
My kids had parents as well,because if it wasn't for them, I
would not have been able to goback and forth between Barbados
and New York because theyuprooted from their apartment to
(22:01):
come and live with me so thatthey could ensure that Chari, my
son, was good.
Because my daughter was off tocollege and my son was still
there by himself.
So they uproo, you know, wherethey were living to come stay
with us to ensure that they takecare of Chari.
So absolutely, Brian andNatasha, shout out to you guys
if you're listening to this.
You guys have been my day onesas well.
(22:24):
And I really, really, trulyappreciate it to this day.
SPEAKER_02 (22:27):
Because those are the moments you remember.
I remember losing my dad and thepeople who showed up for me.
It was an overwhelming pouringout, you know, because as type A
women, we are always the onepouring into others.
And we really don't feel like,oh, nobody's gonna do this for
(22:49):
me.
I just need to do this formyself.
And when you get that love, thatovershadowing love from
everyone, that is huge, youknow?
And those are the things youprobably hold on to more so to
get you through some of the baddays.
SPEAKER_03 (23:05):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And so the people that like yousaid, we don't like asking.
Ask for help, yeah.
And so we just do things on ourown and we just move and
navigate in this life, just youknow, doing for ourselves.
And then oftentimes we neglectto ask for help.
(23:27):
And that was my whole big thing,you know, with my village.
Like they would just say, justRoseanne, just ask for help.
But I'm the kind of woman, andI've been like this from the
very young age.
I don't, if I have to dosomething, I'll do it my own,
you know.
I don't like asking for help.
But this was the moment whereeveryone showed me that they're
(23:50):
there for me and my children.
And so I never forget that.
SPEAKER_02 (23:56):
Yeah, that's important.
A village is important whenyou're going through these type
of situations, and it's justimportant for us to lean on
someone.
Like you can't just think thatyou're you're on this earth by
yourself or for yourself, and sothat is what took me through my
(24:18):
grief, actually.
Just but it was a point whereyou just have to deal with it.
And how did that look for youdealing with it?
SPEAKER_03 (24:30):
First of all, the dreams, right?
SPEAKER_02 (24:33):
It's like oh, the dreams, yes, the dreams.
SPEAKER_03 (24:37):
First of all, the let me tell you the dreams that
were coming that were floodingmy mind when I'm trying many
sleepless nights, many sleeplessnights, and the dreams, and then
you try to interpret thosedreams and what those dreams
meant.
It's like he was trying to talkto me, he's trying to send a
(24:59):
message to me, something it'sand it was just trying to
navigate what that meant.
I felt as though when I go tosleep and I'm in this dream and
I'm dreaming, I felt as thoughI'm in a different timeline
experiencing these things withhim.
SPEAKER_02 (25:13):
Wow, that's crazy.
When you had the dreams, wereyou scared?
Like when you woke up, were youwere you afraid?
Were you feel do you feel hispresence at any time?
SPEAKER_03 (25:27):
Yes.
It's so funny.
So the dreams, it was justoverwhelming.
It wasn't I was scared, it wasthat it made me very, very, it
was just very overwhelmingbecause in the dreams, it's like
I'm mad at him.
He's very regretful, his headwas always hang low, he's very
(25:50):
remorseful, and he wouldn't saymuch.
He wasn't saying anythingreally.
It was just his demeanor and howhe was moving.
And it was me just like upset athim and just like, I'm just done
with you, like you should havenever done this.
Those came very often, and nowthey're subsided.
Now it's happiness, but we'renever together, we're always
(26:13):
separate.
But he's in the distance andhe's happy, and I'm happy.
And if we're even close, we'rehappy together, but we're still
very much separated.
There was another dream thatI've had, I remember it vividly,
and I was dreaming, and I Iswear I thought it was real.
(26:36):
He came, I hear his voice asday, came to my ear and said,
Roseanne, if you hear me blink.
When I tell you, Oh my gosh, Ifroze, my body froze to the
point where I could not move.
I could not, I was not blinkingbecause I know I heard his
(26:57):
voice, I know he just said thatto me.
I didn't move, I didn't move, Ididn't, I didn't do anything, I
was so scared.
And then he said, That's okay,that's okay, I'll always watch
over you.
And with that, he rose up andbecame a phoenix.
What?
Yeah, and so down the road Iremember sitting in my little
(27:21):
office area in my home inBarbados, and there's a tall
picture window, and ahummingbird kept coming to me,
kept coming like the hummingbirdwould just come straight up to
the window and just face me, andjust he kept coming, kept
coming.
So I looked it up what ahummingbird you know means, and
(27:44):
it's saying messages from thespirit world.
What?
Yeah, I thought that was creepy,but yeah, but the dreams were
very heavy, so the dreamssubsided, it's nothing heavy
like it was before, and for me,my therapy sessions, I keep up
(28:07):
with that.
Great, and what I do now, I findmyself moving in this new world
very light.
Before I used to get riled up oncertain situations, and you
know, I tend to manage that.
I don't have a short, well, I'venever had a short fuse, but you
(28:30):
know, you get to like youover-stimulate sometimes.
So I'm learning to be muchcalmer, especially when a lot of
issues arise.
I tend to like, you know what,it'll work itself out, and it
always does work itself out.
SPEAKER_02 (28:45):
Always, 100%.
God is always in the vessel,working it, working it out.
SPEAKER_03 (28:52):
So I don't get riled up, and even to my daughter like
this too, she passed me.
She goes through issues as well.
She's faced with certain things.
I said, you know, it's notalways gonna be like this.
So I have to keep reconstantlyreminding myself that Yeah,
because you're still a mother,correct?
SPEAKER_02 (29:08):
So I you're their example, you know.
SPEAKER_03 (29:11):
So one day I take one day at a time and I take
care of myself.
And I listen to my podcasts.
Uh there's this one podcast thatI listen to, Eddie Pinero, on
YouTube actually.
And he's very inspirational onhis uh teachings, and that helps
(29:32):
me to get through certain daysthat are heavy.
SPEAKER_02 (29:35):
So you have to do what works for you, you have to
take care of yourself becauseit's so important because
there's so many people thatliterally are just dropping dead
from stress and pain and hurt,and it's not okay, you know.
SPEAKER_03 (30:00):
Because I noticed that a lot, a lot of people are
dropping.
And I think that's what made meshift from my nine to five to
entrepreneurship.
Because I don't want to beconstantly in a loop, perpetual
loop every day working forsomeone.
SPEAKER_02 (30:16):
The hamster wheel.
SPEAKER_03 (30:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (30:18):
That's a whole nother subject, girl.
SPEAKER_03 (30:22):
Yeah.
So that I'm in the hamsterwheel.
I know, I know.
And you will get there.
It will come.
Oh god.
But I know for me, that was partof my journey too.
Like I changed everything,Jackie.
I changed up everything.
Wow.
And I remember Patrice Françoissaying something about, oh, when
(30:43):
you're in the depths of thevalley, you make these
irrational decisions based onemotions, and you tend to quit
your job and you would do thisand you would do that.
But what if this is the otherway?
What if you're down in a valleyfor a reason and it's you to
reinvent yourself and rise?
(31:04):
And that's how I envisioned.
That's how I saw my journey.
I was in the darkness, I was inthe valley, and it was a pivotal
moment of my life for me tochange the course of my future,
change it, and chart a path forRoseanne this time around and
(31:25):
rise up as a new person.
So there's still a lot going on,but but at least you can
breathe, right?
SPEAKER_02 (31:35):
And I think what you encountered, yes, we encountered
death, everybody's death isdifferent, but you saw it.
You know, you saw it up closeand personal.
He took his life, which issomething that you know a lot of
people will have guilt.
And is it me?
And what could I have donedifferently?
(31:56):
And so, you know, we're gonnaend with me asking you if you
were to say one thing to anothergrieving widow, what would that
be?
SPEAKER_03 (32:08):
Just one thing.
SPEAKER_02 (32:12):
Just one thing, or if you were to talk to another
grieving widow, what would yousay to her?
SPEAKER_03 (32:19):
Take time with yourself.
Take time with yourself.
You have to take time withyourself.
Allow the emotions, alloweverything that comes with grief
to happen.
Embrace it because you have togo through it.
It's inevitable, right?
We're gonna experience it alongthe way, but take time with
(32:43):
yourself to go through theprocess of grieving.
SPEAKER_02 (32:48):
Yeah, well, thank you so much for joining me on
Not Just a Nurse Podcast.
And I will definitely have youagain.
I think, you know, I know enoughwomen who have lost their
husbands, including my mother,who have lost their husband,
which I don't think is grievingvery well about it.
(33:08):
It's been 18 years, but it'sbeen like 15 years, but I still
think she's angry, and just tohave, you know, a panel, like,
and I hope you would be able tocome back and share your story
with other grieving widows andjust have a panel of let's get
(33:29):
through this grief together.
Everybody's in a differentstage, and it seems like you
found your light in yourdarkness, and you're moving
towards the light and nottowards the darkness.
Because believe it or not, thereare people who just keep moving
to the darkness.
Yeah, they're stuck and they'restuck and they cannot get out.
(33:51):
And I'm so proud of you forgetting out.
SPEAKER_03 (33:55):
I understood that this is where I, you know, it
was there to serve a purpose.
That's why I say take time withyourself.
You should not stay in therebecause life has to go on.
Life has to go on, you know, andso a lot of and I use this for
myself because you know, peoplewould say in time heals, time
(34:16):
heals.
I understand time heals, but itcould take a very long time.
It could take a long time toheal, long time to heal, and I
don't think you ever reallytruly heal, you just learn to
maneuver in life with the loss,you know, because there are
triggers that would send youright back, you know, but you
(34:36):
have to learn to take time withyourself, just go through the
process, and you know, in timeit does get better, it really
does.
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (34:49):
So you said something about the valley, and
it reminds me of Psalms 23,verse 4, and it says, Yea, I
walk through the valley of theshadow of death, that I will
fare no evil, for thou art withme.
Thy rod and thy staff willcomfort me.
And that is what you explain.
(35:09):
And I just want, you know, rightnow for people to understand, no
matter what you go through, it'sthrough, like you're going
through it.
SPEAKER_03 (35:19):
So there's another side through there's another
side of through.
SPEAKER_02 (35:24):
Yeah.
So continue to go through,continue to walk with your
community and walk with yourstrength and find the light.
And so with that, we just hopethat you continue listening.
We have a lot of great stuffcoming up for us on Not Just a
Nurse Podcast, where we justtouch everyday lives and talk
(35:47):
about everyday things.
So listen out.
We should be at least everyother Wednesday or so, we'll be
chatting with you.
And feel free to reach out ifyou have a topic that you want
us to share.
Thank you and bye-bye.
SPEAKER_01 (36:03):
Thank you.
Thanks for tuning in with NurseJack at Not Just the Nurse
Podcast.
Don't forget to like, share, andsubscribe to Buzzsprout, Apple,
and Spotify.
Send your request and yourquestions for a chat with Jack.
Be safe out there.
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