May 16, 2023 • 22 mins
Welcome to episode 100 where you get to meet my wife Nancy. Nancy and I have been married for over a year and officially together for over 8.
Tune in as we release the first of many episodes of the brand-new Not Most Couples Podcast.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- A little bit of our history
- What we've learned in our time together that's helped our relationship
- The 4 core areas of a successful relationship
- Why we feel Not Most Couples is important
- Some of the most common relationship misconceptions
- The future of Not Most Couples
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:32):
Hi, I'm Nancy Roth.
And I'm Bradley Ross, and thishas been not most couples
podcast.
I think we did.
All right.
We'll put that out takes.
Okay.
So this is episode one of the,not most couples podcast and
episode.
100 of the, not most peoplepodcasts.
(00:52):
So we're kind of.
Using it for both, we're kickingoff one podcast and also using
it as the hundredth episode.
For another, which it's kind ofa funny story.
Nancy said I'm going to be yourhundredth episode.
Cause back.
A while back.
I was like, man, I got to havesomeone really, really cool and
interesting for the hundredthepisode.
She's like, pick me.
So.
(01:14):
I said, what are we going totalk about?
And this was kind of before,like not most couples was really
a thought out concept.
And here we are.
So kind of two birds, one stone.
And if you hear me talking moreat first, it's probably because
I've hosted a hundred podcastsand I've been a guest I'm
probably like 40.
And this is your first.
(01:36):
My first podcast of any sort.
Definitely won't be the last,but we are kicking off.
Not most couples.
For a couple of reasons.
I think we've been together.
And, uh, Counting wise.
We had a, we got married inMarch of 2022.
(01:57):
So a little over a year ago.
Uh, We're recording this in mayof 2023.
And then we've been togetherjust over.
Eight years now since westarted.
Dating Facebook official.
Whatever you want to call it.
Uh, on Instagram, we had alittle miscount.
A couple of days ago of sevenyears, but.
To set the record straight we'reat eight years.
(02:19):
So.
We've been together for a while.
We're both 31.
Uh, she's about a month olderthan I am.
And so we kind of went throughour whole twenties together.
Learned a heck of a lot.
And so we're here.
Starting up most couples for.
A couple of reasons.
What's the reason.
That you want to share?
(02:41):
Really put me on the spot.
Yeah.
The question, tell you, learnright.
Um, I think we want to, we bothcame from, we're very fortunate
to have come from parents whoare still together, which is
very rare these days.
And as much as we can look up tothem and their role models,
they're still a lot of thethings that they do that I would
consider outdated in this modernworld that we live in.
(03:02):
Um, we've also seen them gothrough struggles and all these
things that rather than copyingwhat they've done, I really
wanted to learn from whatthey've done so that our
relationship can really grow andflourish.
And I think by us being on thesame page with that, which is
probably the most importantthing when you're in a
relationship.
Um, Has allowed us now practiceand implement all these new
(03:27):
things that then we want toshare with other couples who are
our age, even a little older ora little younger, because the
new norm is to.
Get together, something goeswrong, get broken up or get
divorced or whatever.
And then it's really becomedetrimental.
I think.
Yeah.
And so we want to be thatexample for other people.
(03:47):
Um, and we, we kind of want toteach them that we've done we're
by no means experts and we won'tclaim ever to be, but yeah.
I think, yeah.
When it comes to our parents,again, they both been married
for a long time, like 30, 30years.
Give or take.
Yeah.
So.
It was just kind of a differentgeneration though.
I think like for them, youdidn't get divorced, you just
(04:09):
kind of stuck things out.
But I think.
Relationships are like veryprivate in general.
Like even our parents.
Like they have a lot of theseconversations behind closed
doors that, you know, as kids,you don't really hear and.
It's not something that's reallytaught a lot too.
(04:30):
Kids growing up, like here's howwe like resolve conflict.
You see it, you see examples,but it's not really like
explicitly taught likerelationships.
Aren't something that you learnin school.
Or that again, most parents likewill, some parents will tell
their kids about.
Kind of like the inner detailsof how the relationship works,
tips and that kind of stuff, buta lot don't.
(04:51):
So you kind of learn.
Through just watching.
And then a lot of times peoplepick up.
You know, both the good and thebad habits from their parents.
Uh, when it comes to conflictresolution, Um, And just all
kinds of different things.
So.
I think it's one of those thingsthat there is more and more
content coming out with, or likethat's out there now.
(05:13):
In terms of relationships and.
You know, especially like withthe whole coaching, personal
development rises, the internet,like that stuff is more easy to
find now.
But you still, these days lookat relationships, half of them
and the divorce.
I think that's over half now.
And of the ones that stayedtogether.
Only a small portion of them areones that you really want to
(05:34):
model and be like, all right.
That's a great example.
Um, you know, there's a lot ofinfidelity even within that half
that like stays together andthen there's another whole group
of people that.
Stay together, but they're likejust roommates, right?
They're not really likeromantically involved.
Anymore.
And so I'd say like, maybethere's like 10.
It's a 15% of couples out therethat are really like, I want
(05:57):
that.
That's like what I want to be.
And so we're just trying to.
Um, kind of take what we'velearned because we.
I mean, we'll get into our wholeback story in the next episode.
So that'll be probably a littlebit a lengthier than this one.
But, you know, we both.
I have three little sisters forboth the oldest child.
So we.
(06:19):
Kind of, I don't know, neitherof us want it to like really
differ or not, or be the leaderearly on in the relationship.
And so we kind of clashed a lot.
We had a lot of things that wehad to learn and work on.
I hadn't been in like a realserious relationship.
Uh, since high school.
So there's a lot of things I hadto learn.
And.
Still learning.
We're still learning.
(06:39):
Solar.
But I think it was when we.
I don't know when exactly itwas, but several years in, we
actually decided like, allright, let's, let's make an
effort to like, learn thesethings.
So we don't just keep runninginto the same walls and the same
fights and the same patterns.
And.
All that kind of stuff over andover.
And so when we decided we weregoing to.
Do that, I feel like that waskind of a turning point.
(07:01):
Not that it just immediatelyfixed things by any means, but.
Uh, It's kind of like set thistrajectory to where, like, I
feel like the last few yearswe've improved massively in
terms of like how mature ourrelationship is and how we get
along.
And.
How we're on the same page, allthat kind of stuff compared to
the first half of it.
(07:23):
Do you agree?
Yeah.
We were really young too.
I mean, We didn't know anythingreally.
Yeah.
And then just to like, rewindback to what you were talking
about, like 50% of the couplesthat are together.
And then maybe half of that islike couples that are together
because they're like, oh, we'retogether for the kids or.
We're together because we don'treally know what else to do, and
that's not what we want to be.
(07:43):
We don't.
At that point, like, we're not,you know, we don't, I wouldn't
necessarily ever like say yeah,divorce, but like, if you aren't
like each other's best friend,if you're not each other's.
You know, we want to be like athriving relationship.
Not like one, that's just there.
Um, yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
(08:03):
Yeah.
I think, I think most coupleskind of get by or they stay
together because they'resupposed to.
Um, And so, yeah, like that's,you know, Not most couples,
right?
Most couples are they'redivorced.
You know, or just not a goodterms, we're just kind of
getting by.
And so that's not most coupleswe've, we really are striving to
kind of be that, that 10%, thatreally have the relationships
(08:26):
that you look at.
And you're like, oh, wow.
Like, no, they're still in love.
They really are on the samepage.
They're like a team power,couple, however you want to.
Say it, but that's really, ourgoal is to just take what we've
learned over the last eightyears and, and share it.
And hopefully it can be usefulto a lot of people out there
and.
We also want to be learning aswe go.
So like, as we bring in othercouples to learn from, and even,
(08:48):
you know, maybe experts in therelationship field, Like it's,
it's all something that we canlearn together.
It's not just like, oh, BradleyNancy, know this already.
And we're, they're going toteach us, they're going to be
learning too.
And it can be kind of acommunity for those other
couples that.
Are looking for.
You know, it's hard to findother couples where you're like,
oh, they really do like eachother.
(09:09):
And you're really best friends.
And when you hang out, they'renot freaking fighting or
creating some like awkward.
Okay.
Like they're mad at each other.
Now we're all like sitting here,like weird.
It's hard to find other couples.
And so we want to create thatcommunity, that of those
couples.
Yeah.
And so if you guys have listenedto the, not most people
podcasts, you know, that most ofthe episodes are interview
(09:33):
style.
So I'm not really the main onetalking, I just kind of
facilitate.
So it's, it's the same idea,like borrowing experience from
these other people.
Uh, most of whom I feel likethat we'll be interviewing are a
little bit older than we are.
Um, and so I think it'simportant to like, to be.
Like a younger couple, that'skind of sharing these things.
(09:54):
Cause I know for me, like when Iwas like twenties, I'd be like,
oh, well, like this person who'slike been married for 20 years.
Like I can't really relate tothat.
So I think, um, being able toreach those people in their
twenties.
Maybe even teens or earlier, aswell as the people, you know,
in.
Then their thirties, like us andbeyond.
Uh, is important.
So I think format wise for thepodcast.
(10:14):
Um, we are going to be doing.
A decent amount of episodes thatare just us talking about
different topics.
You know, whatever it might be.
And.
Also, I think once we get, uh,out there a little bit, I'd love
to do like some Q and A's like,people can send in their
questions and then we can talkabout them and how, you know,
(10:35):
maybe we've experienced.
You know what they're askingabout?
And that kind of thing.
And then the other portion, likewe just kind of mentioned, we'll
be interviewing.
Uh, quote unquote like powercouples, right?
So couples that we see asexamples and.
We'll generally kind of skewtowards like, I don't know, the
high performance or entrepreneurbusiness side of things.
(10:57):
Like we're going to give stuffthat.
Applies to all couples, but wealso have found that there's a
whole different dynamic.
When one or both.
Of the people in therelationship are trying to build
a business or trying to do likereally big things because.
A lot of times when you'retrying to do that.
That can really like pull you inone direction away from your
(11:18):
relationship.
And just creates a whole new setof dynamics that I think aren't
really talked about verycommonly.
And so that's something that wewant to talk to and we're kind
of.
You know, we don't claim to besuper high performers or like
super successful.
We make no claims that we are.
Wealthy and you should just golisten to what we say and that
(11:38):
kind of thing.
But.
Uh, that's where we're trying tobe.
You know, we're trying to dothings and do it together.
And that, um, again, creates awhole new dynamic that we're
gonna be diving into.
Right.
So.
Uh, having said that like we're,uh, we are not.
Licensed in any way or not like.
Right.
(11:59):
Yeah.
Anything that we say on here,don't go and like, take it and
be like, oh, that didn't workfor me right away.
Like, it's your fault.
You had a fight or somethinglike that.
You know, like.
Just take, take everything witha grain of salt and just know
that it's like our opinions andour experience.
And like we could be wrong ormaybe what we're saying.
Doesn't exactly work in yourcontext.
So.
Sort of put that out there.
(12:20):
Uh, but it'll probably work ifyou do.
We'll probably.
Yeah, so.
Uh, in terms of our futurevision, like where this thing's
going, we're just starting withthe podcast right now for
keeping it simple.
Uh, and kind of seeing howthings develop from there.
So we don't have like a realstrict future trajectory, but we
do have a lot of things you wantto do.
(12:40):
Just kind of.
If you followed not most peopleand how that's evolved is
started with the podcast.
And then kind of went to thecommunity side of things,
creating like a, a group oflike-minded people, a mastermind
style, community style.
And then from there doing somelive events.
So.
There's a very good chance thatnot most couples, if it
resonates with people, couldtake kind of a similar path to
(13:01):
where we're bringing peopletogether.
We're creating.
Resources education for peoplein the future.
So, I don't know it couldhappen.
Sooner.
It could be a long time.
Not going to make any promisesright now.
Right.
Yeah.
If you want, like the ultimatevision, I think the ultimate
(13:22):
vision.
And so like eventually host likevery like.
High level, couple of textswhere type retreats.
And every time I say that, Ithink of the stupid movie.
Chicago.
Retreat cracks me up, but likesimilar idea, like couples
coming together.
Like we do not only are we inbeautiful places, like, but
we're having education.
(13:43):
We're having time together.
We're having things that wecould like concrete things that
we could take home and thenimplement and practice in our
relationships so that we canlike grow and like flourish
together.
That's like a big vision goal.
And that's like something maybelike.
You know?
Yeah.
There's levels tall.
There's levels to all of it, butfor now let's get started with
this podcast and yeah, I'm surepeople are going to love it.
(14:05):
Right.
Could you not.
Um, but yeah.
So in terms of.
Uh, so that's kind of like thebig picture vision.
And then in terms of someframeworks and things, we're
just going to give you a littlebit of like a taste.
Of something that we came upwith, which is still very like,
kind of rough draft.
(14:25):
In a sense, but we have kind ofour core four where we're like,
okay, what are the main areasthat if we were to, like,
everyone's heard of health,wealth relationships, and then
there's other triads, or like,Categories within each of those.
And so we found for not mostcouples like relationships, that
there's a core four.
(14:45):
Um, and that is.
Alignment is the first one.
So alignment includes like yourvalues, your goals, your
beliefs, like, are you on thesame page with that?
Um, do you share those things?
Because I found that generally.
The couples that seem wildly inlove and then they don't last
longterm.
It's generally.
A difference in values and goalsthat maybe you weren't discussed
(15:09):
early on.
It's amazing how many.
Stories.
I hear of like couples that.
Got married and then found outthat they, like, one of them
want to kids and one of themdidn't.
You know, like, how did you,like you guys didn't talk about
that before, you know, just likethings like that, that.
Um, really seems simple, butthey're super foundational to
figure it out.
With that, that they don't talkabout it before.
(15:31):
I think what happens is.
Someone thinks they can change.
For Mary, they're going to want.
Like, I don't think they'relike, wait.
We just never stopped.
Well, I think there are thosecases too, but.
Uh, yeah, I'm also are probablymore likely your.
And then they're like, oh, theydidn't want to change.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
Or they didn't really sit downand say like, Hey, what's really
important to you.
(15:52):
You know, longterm, it's easy toget kind of caught up in
relationships, especially earlyon in the honeymoon phase and
stuff, which we'll talk about inother episodes, but that's the
first one is alignment.
The second one you want to.
It's polarity.
So the masculine and feminine.
On your intimacy.
Since that attracts Missy andattraction.
Um, yeah, this was one.
(16:14):
This is one that, again, like, Ithink is the main thing that
couples lose over time.
The ones that end up just beingroommates.
And they're like, oh man,where's the spark.
This is what leads to likeaffairs and all that kind of
stuff.
So, and I think we're going totalk about this actually a lot,
a lot, especially being, he'sbeen entrepreneur for a long
time, I'm newly an entrepreneur,but during his whole journey and
(16:35):
his whole.
All these years of him likebuilding and doing these things,
I really had to be in amasculine type energy because I
was like, uh, supporting us alot.
I was like constantly workingand doing this and doing that
and doing all these things.
And I didn't even know whatmasculine energy was or feminine
energy was.
And like, yeah.
And so it took a lot of learningof why I was responding and
(16:58):
reacting to some things.
And a lot of it was because ofme, not even because of him.
And then there was a lot oftimes where, like, I think maybe
you were into.
Out of your feminine andcreative energy.
And I was like, no.
Take care of me.
I don't want to be in themasculine anymore.
And so we really learned a lotwith that.
And so this is probably going tobe one of my favorite topics
that we're going to talk about.
(17:21):
Not right now, but that's justto give you a general idea of
what that is.
We could have easily gone downlike a one hour rabbit hole with
that.
Yeah.
So the next one iscommunication, right?
Like everyone knows.
Oh, we hit, you have tocommunicate.
Everyone communicates or like,you know, we talk about this,
but like the first half of ourrelationship, we, we
(17:41):
communicated, but not always onlike a deep level, like not
consciously, like we would.
Have mismatches of energy or.
You know, blame the otherperson, just like all these
little things that over time westart to realize like these
patterns and these things thatwe were doing that were holding
us back, or that we would evenbe saying the same thing, but
(18:02):
not realizing we were saying thesame thing.
So kind of these like.
Deeper level communicationthings.
Um, you know, conflictresolution, like how do you, how
do you talk something out andget through it?
Without screaming and yelling,like how do you do it in a
mature way?
Uh, how do you.
Piece of advice for this or thebest thing to always that we
always try to think of.
And even though there's timeswhen I'm like, I don't care, I
(18:24):
don't want to think of this, butit's never a me versus him.
It's him and I versus what theproblem is.
Yeah.
And like, if we keep that at thefoundation, then there shouldn't
be any problems that we can'tsolve.
Yeah.
And then I think it just thesame thing.
Are they all.
Interlace together becausecommunication comes back to even
polarity realizing that mostfeminines are a little bit more
(18:44):
emotional in their reactions.
And typically, I don't knowabout these days, but typically
men are usually a little morelike.
Straight shooters or, you know,whatever.
And so hen realizing, oh, okay.
She's having an emotionalreaction and this isn't that
just how she's acting towardsme.
And then me realizing like hedoes care.
(19:05):
He just does it in one show inthe same way.
He doesn't have to explain it in12 different ways.
Like sometimes I do.
Yeah.
So this is another one where hehad really deep on, uh, in the
future.
And then like another example.
I think in the first half of ourrelationship, if we got mad at
each other, we kind of like yellabout it and then like shut down
(19:26):
or create distance.
And then just after a few days,we kind of like magically.
Forget about it.
Right.
But it was never reallyresolved.
Whereas now something comes up.
We talked about earlier we getthrough it.
We are like the masters of likebeing silent, but sitting in the
same room still.
They're like two hours.
Feel the texture would be likebored of being silences.
Someone.
Someone would like make a littlejoke or something.
I'd be like nothing happened,but then that same thing would
(19:48):
come up later on reappear.
So communication is another hugeone.
And then the last one that Ithink kind of like underpins and
feeds, all of them is growth.
So if you got, if you're notgrowing together or individually
as well, Uh, I think that's thenumber one reason why.
A lot of relationships don'twork out.
It's because they don't grow.
(20:09):
They meet when they're.
A certain age.
One of them changes or evolvesor they go in different
directions.
They're not in the same patient,not like progressing.
And it's just like any otherarea of life where.
You can't expect to.
Stop going to the gym and stopworking on it and stay in shape.
Right.
You're going to like get out ofshape.
You're going to get unhealthyand the same exact principles or
(20:31):
like same thing with yourbusiness.
Right?
If you stop working.
You know, that's going to gonegative.
That's going to slide backwards.
You're going to.
Um, You're just things just,aren't going to continue the way
you want to.
And so I think it's this weirddisconnect where, and part of
this is like Hollywood and allthat to blame.
But there's this kind of beliefout there that oh, like love and
(20:51):
attraction is supposed to justcarry you through when it comes
to your relationship.
And it's really just like anyarea of life where you, if
you're not consciously workingon it.
It's going to decay.
It's going to, you know, It'snot going to be what you want it
to be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's kind of a big picturewhere we're at, we're going to
(21:12):
do our whole story real soon.
So that'll be a little bit of alonger episode, but, uh,
hopefully you guys, even thoughwe were trying not to really get
into too much stuff, maybe got alittle, couple little takeaways
with this and are lookingforward to.
What's coming.
Episode two.
So that's it episode one of notmost couples episode, 100 of not
(21:35):
most people.
In the books, one take.
All done.
All right, guys, we will see youin the next month.
Thanks for tuning in.
Uh, and always remember, don'tbe most couples.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And people.
And people.
But work on that.
Hi, I'm Nancy Roth.
And I'm Bradley Ross, and thishas been not most couples
podcast.
I think we did.
All right.
We'll put that out takes.
Okay.
So this is episode one of the,not most couples podcast and
episode.
100 of the, not most peoplepodcasts.
(00:52):
So we're kind of.
Using it for both, we're kickingoff one podcast and also using
it as the hundredth episode.
For another, which it's kind ofa funny story.
Nancy said I'm going to be yourhundredth episode.
Cause back.
A while back.
I was like, man, I got to havesomeone really, really cool and
interesting for the hundredthepisode.
She's like, pick me.
So.
(01:14):
I said, what are we going totalk about?
And this was kind of before,like not most couples was really
a thought out concept.
And here we are.
So kind of two birds, one stone.
And if you hear me talking moreat first, it's probably because
I've hosted a hundred podcastsand I've been a guest I'm
probably like 40.
And this is your first.
(01:36):
My first podcast of any sort.
Definitely won't be the last,but we are kicking off.
Not most couples.
For a couple of reasons.
I think we've been together.
And, uh, Counting wise.
We had a, we got married inMarch of 2022.
(01:57):
So a little over a year ago.
Uh, We're recording this in mayof 2023.
And then we've been togetherjust over.
Eight years now since westarted.
Dating Facebook official.
Whatever you want to call it.
Uh, on Instagram, we had alittle miscount.
A couple of days ago of sevenyears, but.
To set the record straight we'reat eight years.
(02:19):
So.
We've been together for a while.
We're both 31.
Uh, she's about a month olderthan I am.
And so we kind of went throughour whole twenties together.
Learned a heck of a lot.
And so we're here.
Starting up most couples for.
A couple of reasons.
What's the reason.
That you want to share?
(02:41):
Really put me on the spot.
Yeah.
The question, tell you, learnright.
Um, I think we want to, we bothcame from, we're very fortunate
to have come from parents whoare still together, which is
very rare these days.
And as much as we can look up tothem and their role models,
they're still a lot of thethings that they do that I would
consider outdated in this modernworld that we live in.
(03:02):
Um, we've also seen them gothrough struggles and all these
things that rather than copyingwhat they've done, I really
wanted to learn from whatthey've done so that our
relationship can really grow andflourish.
And I think by us being on thesame page with that, which is
probably the most importantthing when you're in a
relationship.
Um, Has allowed us now practiceand implement all these new
(03:27):
things that then we want toshare with other couples who are
our age, even a little older ora little younger, because the
new norm is to.
Get together, something goeswrong, get broken up or get
divorced or whatever.
And then it's really becomedetrimental.
I think.
Yeah.
And so we want to be thatexample for other people.
(03:47):
Um, and we, we kind of want toteach them that we've done we're
by no means experts and we won'tclaim ever to be, but yeah.
I think, yeah.
When it comes to our parents,again, they both been married
for a long time, like 30, 30years.
Give or take.
Yeah.
So.
It was just kind of a differentgeneration though.
I think like for them, youdidn't get divorced, you just
(04:09):
kind of stuck things out.
But I think.
Relationships are like veryprivate in general.
Like even our parents.
Like they have a lot of theseconversations behind closed
doors that, you know, as kids,you don't really hear and.
It's not something that's reallytaught a lot too.
(04:30):
Kids growing up, like here's howwe like resolve conflict.
You see it, you see examples,but it's not really like
explicitly taught likerelationships.
Aren't something that you learnin school.
Or that again, most parents likewill, some parents will tell
their kids about.
Kind of like the inner detailsof how the relationship works,
tips and that kind of stuff, buta lot don't.
(04:51):
So you kind of learn.
Through just watching.
And then a lot of times peoplepick up.
You know, both the good and thebad habits from their parents.
Uh, when it comes to conflictresolution, Um, And just all
kinds of different things.
So.
I think it's one of those thingsthat there is more and more
content coming out with, or likethat's out there now.
(05:13):
In terms of relationships and.
You know, especially like withthe whole coaching, personal
development rises, the internet,like that stuff is more easy to
find now.
But you still, these days lookat relationships, half of them
and the divorce.
I think that's over half now.
And of the ones that stayedtogether.
Only a small portion of them areones that you really want to
(05:34):
model and be like, all right.
That's a great example.
Um, you know, there's a lot ofinfidelity even within that half
that like stays together andthen there's another whole group
of people that.
Stay together, but they're likejust roommates, right?
They're not really likeromantically involved.
Anymore.
And so I'd say like, maybethere's like 10.
It's a 15% of couples out therethat are really like, I want
(05:57):
that.
That's like what I want to be.
And so we're just trying to.
Um, kind of take what we'velearned because we.
I mean, we'll get into our wholeback story in the next episode.
So that'll be probably a littlebit a lengthier than this one.
But, you know, we both.
I have three little sisters forboth the oldest child.
So we.
(06:19):
Kind of, I don't know, neitherof us want it to like really
differ or not, or be the leaderearly on in the relationship.
And so we kind of clashed a lot.
We had a lot of things that wehad to learn and work on.
I hadn't been in like a realserious relationship.
Uh, since high school.
So there's a lot of things I hadto learn.
And.
Still learning.
We're still learning.
(06:39):
Solar.
But I think it was when we.
I don't know when exactly itwas, but several years in, we
actually decided like, allright, let's, let's make an
effort to like, learn thesethings.
So we don't just keep runninginto the same walls and the same
fights and the same patterns.
And.
All that kind of stuff over andover.
And so when we decided we weregoing to.
Do that, I feel like that waskind of a turning point.
(07:01):
Not that it just immediatelyfixed things by any means, but.
Uh, It's kind of like set thistrajectory to where, like, I
feel like the last few yearswe've improved massively in
terms of like how mature ourrelationship is and how we get
along.
And.
How we're on the same page, allthat kind of stuff compared to
the first half of it.
(07:23):
Do you agree?
Yeah.
We were really young too.
I mean, We didn't know anythingreally.
Yeah.
And then just to like, rewindback to what you were talking
about, like 50% of the couplesthat are together.
And then maybe half of that islike couples that are together
because they're like, oh, we'retogether for the kids or.
We're together because we don'treally know what else to do, and
that's not what we want to be.
(07:43):
We don't.
At that point, like, we're not,you know, we don't, I wouldn't
necessarily ever like say yeah,divorce, but like, if you aren't
like each other's best friend,if you're not each other's.
You know, we want to be like athriving relationship.
Not like one, that's just there.
Um, yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
(08:03):
Yeah.
I think, I think most coupleskind of get by or they stay
together because they'resupposed to.
Um, And so, yeah, like that's,you know, Not most couples,
right?
Most couples are they'redivorced.
You know, or just not a goodterms, we're just kind of
getting by.
And so that's not most coupleswe've, we really are striving to
kind of be that, that 10%, thatreally have the relationships
(08:26):
that you look at.
And you're like, oh, wow.
Like, no, they're still in love.
They really are on the samepage.
They're like a team power,couple, however you want to.
Say it, but that's really, ourgoal is to just take what we've
learned over the last eightyears and, and share it.
And hopefully it can be usefulto a lot of people out there
and.
We also want to be learning aswe go.
So like, as we bring in othercouples to learn from, and even,
(08:48):
you know, maybe experts in therelationship field, Like it's,
it's all something that we canlearn together.
It's not just like, oh, BradleyNancy, know this already.
And we're, they're going toteach us, they're going to be
learning too.
And it can be kind of acommunity for those other
couples that.
Are looking for.
You know, it's hard to findother couples where you're like,
oh, they really do like eachother.
(09:09):
And you're really best friends.
And when you hang out, they'renot freaking fighting or
creating some like awkward.
Okay.
Like they're mad at each other.
Now we're all like sitting here,like weird.
It's hard to find other couples.
And so we want to create thatcommunity, that of those
couples.
Yeah.
And so if you guys have listenedto the, not most people
podcasts, you know, that most ofthe episodes are interview
(09:33):
style.
So I'm not really the main onetalking, I just kind of
facilitate.
So it's, it's the same idea,like borrowing experience from
these other people.
Uh, most of whom I feel likethat we'll be interviewing are a
little bit older than we are.
Um, and so I think it'simportant to like, to be.
Like a younger couple, that'skind of sharing these things.
(09:54):
Cause I know for me, like when Iwas like twenties, I'd be like,
oh, well, like this person who'slike been married for 20 years.
Like I can't really relate tothat.
So I think, um, being able toreach those people in their
twenties.
Maybe even teens or earlier, aswell as the people, you know,
in.
Then their thirties, like us andbeyond.
Uh, is important.
So I think format wise for thepodcast.
(10:14):
Um, we are going to be doing.
A decent amount of episodes thatare just us talking about
different topics.
You know, whatever it might be.
And.
Also, I think once we get, uh,out there a little bit, I'd love
to do like some Q and A's like,people can send in their
questions and then we can talkabout them and how, you know,
(10:35):
maybe we've experienced.
You know what they're askingabout?
And that kind of thing.
And then the other portion, likewe just kind of mentioned, we'll
be interviewing.
Uh, quote unquote like powercouples, right?
So couples that we see asexamples and.
We'll generally kind of skewtowards like, I don't know, the
high performance or entrepreneurbusiness side of things.
(10:57):
Like we're going to give stuffthat.
Applies to all couples, but wealso have found that there's a
whole different dynamic.
When one or both.
Of the people in therelationship are trying to build
a business or trying to do likereally big things because.
A lot of times when you'retrying to do that.
That can really like pull you inone direction away from your
(11:18):
relationship.
And just creates a whole new setof dynamics that I think aren't
really talked about verycommonly.
And so that's something that wewant to talk to and we're kind
of.
You know, we don't claim to besuper high performers or like
super successful.
We make no claims that we are.
Wealthy and you should just golisten to what we say and that
(11:38):
kind of thing.
But.
Uh, that's where we're trying tobe.
You know, we're trying to dothings and do it together.
And that, um, again, creates awhole new dynamic that we're
gonna be diving into.
Right.
So.
Uh, having said that like we're,uh, we are not.
Licensed in any way or not like.
Right.
(11:59):
Yeah.
Anything that we say on here,don't go and like, take it and
be like, oh, that didn't workfor me right away.
Like, it's your fault.
You had a fight or somethinglike that.
You know, like.
Just take, take everything witha grain of salt and just know
that it's like our opinions andour experience.
And like we could be wrong ormaybe what we're saying.
Doesn't exactly work in yourcontext.
So.
Sort of put that out there.
(12:20):
Uh, but it'll probably work ifyou do.
We'll probably.
Yeah, so.
Uh, in terms of our futurevision, like where this thing's
going, we're just starting withthe podcast right now for
keeping it simple.
Uh, and kind of seeing howthings develop from there.
So we don't have like a realstrict future trajectory, but we
do have a lot of things you wantto do.
(12:40):
Just kind of.
If you followed not most peopleand how that's evolved is
started with the podcast.
And then kind of went to thecommunity side of things,
creating like a, a group oflike-minded people, a mastermind
style, community style.
And then from there doing somelive events.
So.
There's a very good chance thatnot most couples, if it
resonates with people, couldtake kind of a similar path to
(13:01):
where we're bringing peopletogether.
We're creating.
Resources education for peoplein the future.
So, I don't know it couldhappen.
Sooner.
It could be a long time.
Not going to make any promisesright now.
Right.
Yeah.
If you want, like the ultimatevision, I think the ultimate
(13:22):
vision.
And so like eventually host likevery like.
High level, couple of textswhere type retreats.
And every time I say that, Ithink of the stupid movie.
Chicago.
Retreat cracks me up, but likesimilar idea, like couples
coming together.
Like we do not only are we inbeautiful places, like, but
we're having education.
(13:43):
We're having time together.
We're having things that wecould like concrete things that
we could take home and thenimplement and practice in our
relationships so that we canlike grow and like flourish
together.
That's like a big vision goal.
And that's like something maybelike.
You know?
Yeah.
There's levels tall.
There's levels to all of it, butfor now let's get started with
this podcast and yeah, I'm surepeople are going to love it.
(14:05):
Right.
Could you not.
Um, but yeah.
So in terms of.
Uh, so that's kind of like thebig picture vision.
And then in terms of someframeworks and things, we're
just going to give you a littlebit of like a taste.
Of something that we came upwith, which is still very like,
kind of rough draft.
(14:25):
In a sense, but we have kind ofour core four where we're like,
okay, what are the main areasthat if we were to, like,
everyone's heard of health,wealth relationships, and then
there's other triads, or like,Categories within each of those.
And so we found for not mostcouples like relationships, that
there's a core four.
(14:45):
Um, and that is.
Alignment is the first one.
So alignment includes like yourvalues, your goals, your
beliefs, like, are you on thesame page with that?
Um, do you share those things?
Because I found that generally.
The couples that seem wildly inlove and then they don't last
longterm.
It's generally.
A difference in values and goalsthat maybe you weren't discussed
(15:09):
early on.
It's amazing how many.
Stories.
I hear of like couples that.
Got married and then found outthat they, like, one of them
want to kids and one of themdidn't.
You know, like, how did you,like you guys didn't talk about
that before, you know, just likethings like that, that.
Um, really seems simple, butthey're super foundational to
figure it out.
With that, that they don't talkabout it before.
(15:31):
I think what happens is.
Someone thinks they can change.
For Mary, they're going to want.
Like, I don't think they'relike, wait.
We just never stopped.
Well, I think there are thosecases too, but.
Uh, yeah, I'm also are probablymore likely your.
And then they're like, oh, theydidn't want to change.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
Or they didn't really sit downand say like, Hey, what's really
important to you.
(15:52):
You know, longterm, it's easy toget kind of caught up in
relationships, especially earlyon in the honeymoon phase and
stuff, which we'll talk about inother episodes, but that's the
first one is alignment.
The second one you want to.
It's polarity.
So the masculine and feminine.
On your intimacy.
Since that attracts Missy andattraction.
Um, yeah, this was one.
(16:14):
This is one that, again, like, Ithink is the main thing that
couples lose over time.
The ones that end up just beingroommates.
And they're like, oh man,where's the spark.
This is what leads to likeaffairs and all that kind of
stuff.
So, and I think we're going totalk about this actually a lot,
a lot, especially being, he'sbeen entrepreneur for a long
time, I'm newly an entrepreneur,but during his whole journey and
(16:35):
his whole.
All these years of him likebuilding and doing these things,
I really had to be in amasculine type energy because I
was like, uh, supporting us alot.
I was like constantly workingand doing this and doing that
and doing all these things.
And I didn't even know whatmasculine energy was or feminine
energy was.
And like, yeah.
And so it took a lot of learningof why I was responding and
(16:58):
reacting to some things.
And a lot of it was because ofme, not even because of him.
And then there was a lot oftimes where, like, I think maybe
you were into.
Out of your feminine andcreative energy.
And I was like, no.
Take care of me.
I don't want to be in themasculine anymore.
And so we really learned a lotwith that.
And so this is probably going tobe one of my favorite topics
that we're going to talk about.
(17:21):
Not right now, but that's justto give you a general idea of
what that is.
We could have easily gone downlike a one hour rabbit hole with
that.
Yeah.
So the next one iscommunication, right?
Like everyone knows.
Oh, we hit, you have tocommunicate.
Everyone communicates or like,you know, we talk about this,
but like the first half of ourrelationship, we, we
(17:41):
communicated, but not always onlike a deep level, like not
consciously, like we would.
Have mismatches of energy or.
You know, blame the otherperson, just like all these
little things that over time westart to realize like these
patterns and these things thatwe were doing that were holding
us back, or that we would evenbe saying the same thing, but
(18:02):
not realizing we were saying thesame thing.
So kind of these like.
Deeper level communicationthings.
Um, you know, conflictresolution, like how do you, how
do you talk something out andget through it?
Without screaming and yelling,like how do you do it in a
mature way?
Uh, how do you.
Piece of advice for this or thebest thing to always that we
always try to think of.
And even though there's timeswhen I'm like, I don't care, I
(18:24):
don't want to think of this, butit's never a me versus him.
It's him and I versus what theproblem is.
Yeah.
And like, if we keep that at thefoundation, then there shouldn't
be any problems that we can'tsolve.
Yeah.
And then I think it just thesame thing.
Are they all.
Interlace together becausecommunication comes back to even
polarity realizing that mostfeminines are a little bit more
(18:44):
emotional in their reactions.
And typically, I don't knowabout these days, but typically
men are usually a little morelike.
Straight shooters or, you know,whatever.
And so hen realizing, oh, okay.
She's having an emotionalreaction and this isn't that
just how she's acting towardsme.
And then me realizing like hedoes care.
(19:05):
He just does it in one show inthe same way.
He doesn't have to explain it in12 different ways.
Like sometimes I do.
Yeah.
So this is another one where hehad really deep on, uh, in the
future.
And then like another example.
I think in the first half of ourrelationship, if we got mad at
each other, we kind of like yellabout it and then like shut down
(19:26):
or create distance.
And then just after a few days,we kind of like magically.
Forget about it.
Right.
But it was never reallyresolved.
Whereas now something comes up.
We talked about earlier we getthrough it.
We are like the masters of likebeing silent, but sitting in the
same room still.
They're like two hours.
Feel the texture would be likebored of being silences.
Someone.
Someone would like make a littlejoke or something.
I'd be like nothing happened,but then that same thing would
(19:48):
come up later on reappear.
So communication is another hugeone.
And then the last one that Ithink kind of like underpins and
feeds, all of them is growth.
So if you got, if you're notgrowing together or individually
as well, Uh, I think that's thenumber one reason why.
A lot of relationships don'twork out.
It's because they don't grow.
(20:09):
They meet when they're.
A certain age.
One of them changes or evolvesor they go in different
directions.
They're not in the same patient,not like progressing.
And it's just like any otherarea of life where.
You can't expect to.
Stop going to the gym and stopworking on it and stay in shape.
Right.
You're going to like get out ofshape.
You're going to get unhealthyand the same exact principles or
(20:31):
like same thing with yourbusiness.
Right?
If you stop working.
You know, that's going to gonegative.
That's going to slide backwards.
You're going to.
Um, You're just things just,aren't going to continue the way
you want to.
And so I think it's this weirddisconnect where, and part of
this is like Hollywood and allthat to blame.
But there's this kind of beliefout there that oh, like love and
(20:51):
attraction is supposed to justcarry you through when it comes
to your relationship.
And it's really just like anyarea of life where you, if
you're not consciously workingon it.
It's going to decay.
It's going to, you know, It'snot going to be what you want it
to be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's kind of a big picturewhere we're at, we're going to
(21:12):
do our whole story real soon.
So that'll be a little bit of alonger episode, but, uh,
hopefully you guys, even thoughwe were trying not to really get
into too much stuff, maybe got alittle, couple little takeaways
with this and are lookingforward to.
What's coming.
Episode two.
So that's it episode one of notmost couples episode, 100 of not
(21:35):
most people.
In the books, one take.
All done.
All right, guys, we will see youin the next month.
Thanks for tuning in.
Uh, and always remember, don'tbe most couples.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And people.
And people.
But work on that.
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