Episode Sex... I Mean Six.

In this episode we discuss:

Cancer

Anal bleaching (Why?)

MORE butt stuff (Popular demand)

Dolly Parton & Cher (Still hot at 77)

Dating

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome toWhat's Not About You?
With myself, Jamal Harrington, hailing from Brooklyn, NY and my
lovely Co host with the mostest Marianne Riley out of Out of
Sunder, Washington. Welcome as usual and welcome
listeners. How is everything on your end?

(00:24):
My There's a lot going on. Listen, how have you been?
Do we get a recording over Thanksgiving?
We did a recording before Thanksgiving, but it didn't go
out until Black Friday. Oh, nice.

(00:44):
Because I was. I was that I was that busy.
It was kind of weird. But I kept telling myself, oh,
actually that night we recorded,I think we recorded the Tuesday
before Thanksgiving. Yeah.
But I and I, strangely enough, Ihad passed out on my laptop that
night, and I was like, OK, when I come home from work, I'll,

(01:07):
I'll put it up there. Then I realized that I got so
busy that I was like, you know what?
I won't put it up on Thanksgiving because no one's
going to listen to it on Thanksgiving.
But I figured I'd do it at BlackFriday, you know?
So that was that got some lessons and that that that went

(01:27):
better than I had planned. And that's, you know, it's funny
because I think about, like, Thanksgiving feels like it was
forever ago and it was only lastweek, right?
Yes, it was literally last week.So how was your Thanksgiving?
Oh, my. Thanksgiving was really good.
It was pleasant. I got to.

(01:48):
I went over my aunt's house and we had a lot of people over and
my sister and my niece was thereand my dad was there and we just
ate and drank and it was, yeah, no, it was good getting to see
everybody got got to see a lot of my cousins.
So I mean, when we do Thanksgiving, we we we do it
pretty big, you know? Yeah, yeah, we did too.

(02:11):
We had. Excuse me.
We actually had. So the ex-husband and his
current, I guess, I hate callingher girlfriend, kids, they've
been together for over 10 years.So she's more like a wife,
right? And then her mom and dad also

(02:32):
came over. And then, yeah, her parents.
And then of course, the ex-husband, his mom, I invited
her. So she was here.
And then both my oldest son and his wife and the kids and I also
had her mom and dad and her grandma and grandpa were here.

(02:53):
And then yes, who else? Oh, and the ex husband's.
His wife's parents were here. So we had like, oh, and then my
my stepdaughter, her husband andher husband and his parents.
We were here, so we had like a lot of parents were here and
grandparents. And the shitty thing was, is

(03:17):
that it was also my middle granddaughter's birthday, which
would have also been my sister'sbirthday as well.
My older sister who passed away,it would have been her her
birthday as well. And so there was that part.
I mean, that was a little bit hard.
It's very, it's very difficult to deal with the holidays,

(03:37):
right, And birthdays and stuff like that, especially when they
fall on top of each other. And then to have the little one
her birthday. But like, everybody forgot her
birthday. Nobody brought her present.
Oh, except for us. I mean, we did have a present,
but we didn't realize. And you know, and then her, her

(03:58):
one of her sets of grandparents,I mean they're they're
financially not doing really well right now.
So they actually did bring her some cookies and told her happy
birthday and everything. They made her some cookies, but
which is what they could afford,right.
But you know, the they're upset and I said well it will never
happen again. I will never let anybody forget
her birthday again. Luckily she's 4, so it wasn't

(04:19):
something that she's going to toremember, but her parents of
course will. So there was that.
But we did, I mean it was a it was a pretty you know, we went
all out, like the ex-husband made prime rib and a ham and
then my oldest son made a smokedTurkey and then we did a fried
Turkey and then we had like all the fixings.

(04:40):
So it was pretty awesome. I it was a little bit hard for
me this year because I kind of, I didn't tell anybody.
I had just gotten some news fromthe doctor that Tuesday before
and I'm kind of struggling with it and I'm trying to stay
positive. I just recently found out that I

(05:02):
have cancer. It's.
And when I say that I have cancer, keep in mind that when I
tell people like my brother who had a really bad Melanoma, you
know, everybody else is like, Ohmy God, you have cancer.
And my brother's like, bitch, that isn't even barely cancer.
It's it's basal cell carcinoma, which is one of the most common

(05:27):
kinds of cancer. If you can see on my nose, that
was the thing that they cut out and I had a Band-Aid there for a
couple of weeks. I have to go in in January and
they're going to, it's going to be a procedure that I, I do at
the doctor's office and they will go in, they'll numb all
that area. It could take up to six hours,

(05:49):
five to six hours, and they literally will go in there and
cut it out. And then they go take it and
examine it under a microscope and they, they repeat the
process until they make sure that everything's gone.
And basal cell carcinoma is one of those ones that rarely,
rarely, rarely ever is fatal andrarely, rarely, rarely ever

(06:13):
metastasizes or goes into any other part of the body.
Which is why I call it. I was going to call it cancer's
retarded cousin, but I can't usethat word anymore.
So I I'm trying to I'm. Sure you can.
But you know. What?
I'm trying to. Do and.
And it I mean in in all essence the terminology retarded

(06:37):
actually works for it because itmeans that it's slower than I
mean in in all the clinical wordusage of that word retarded.
This is a a true definition of it where it slow it's very slow.
And so I was I was trying to. I've already been trying to
write jokes for it. And.

(06:59):
Right, like I'm like, oh, I write a joke about my cancer and
I was like, well, I can't, You know, if I say it's, it's
cancerous, retarded cousin, people are going to freak out.
So I'm thinking about. If if I, if I may.
Yes. And oh man, OK.
First of all, so The thing is this is your thing that you

(07:27):
could poke fun of. This is your thing.
So you could say and again, based on how you, you know,
announced that you had cancer, Ikind of I was like, OK, well,
it's not fatal because she's in good moods.
She's she's not like down. She's just like, you know?
Hey, I got cancer so. I'm sure you'll be fine.
And I'm and I'm and I'm hoping nothing more than the best from

(07:49):
you take it from one cancer survivor to another or to soon
to be other. I'm sure you'll be fine.
But as far as you writing jokes about it, you couldn't you
couldn't have asked for a betterexcuse to use that word.
And not only use that word, but use it in a in the sense that

(08:10):
it's supposed to be used. And again, no one's going to
freak out at the fact that you people are going to be more on
the She has cancer side more than the fact that you use
retarded in the same joke that the word cancer is.
In. Exactly.
So here's here's what I was kindof thinking, By the way, I just
realized your shirt is an Irish flag color shirt of the Batman.

(08:31):
That's badass. I love that.
But this moment we wore this awesome.
So I was also kind of looking atit as like the sloth of cancers
or the Stoner of cancers like and if it if I went with like
the Stoner of cancers, it's likethat I was going to metastasize
but I got high. Love it.

(08:57):
Yeah. Yeah.
OK. You know But I I it amazes me
that you know that reference that is that see that that's
that's great. I was going to say you could
call it even bitch cancer by. The weakest of cancer.
It is. You know it's if you're going to

(09:17):
get you know look when and and for those who may not know my
history like for me to say cancer.
I've I've joked in the past about cancer because my family
history like my mom died of cancer.
My mom's sister died of cancer. My dad's sister died of cancer.
My dad is dying right now of cancer.

(09:39):
My older brother's had cancer. So when I say, you know that in
my family it's not if, but when and what kind.
And so like at family holidays we sit at the table, it's like
that the kids, you know, you go,oh, what kind of cancer do you
got And is it in remission? You're like, I don't have
cancer. They're like, bitch, go sit at
the kids table. Well now I'm a kids table.

(10:02):
Alumni you. Know.
But it's also one of those things that if I sit at the
table, I'll go, well, yeah, I'vegot basal cell carcinoma and
they're like, bitch, that isn't even fucking cancer.
That's barely cancer, you know, Everybody else is like, oh,
you've got cancer. Oh, you poor thing.
You know, and I'm not saying, you know, and I want to be, you

(10:23):
know, I'm also, I'm laughing andjoking about it, but I am kind
of freaked out because it is oneof those things that they always
say if you catch it early, you have the best chances, right?
Well, if you count, if I don't even remember how long I had
that thing on my nose, probably like five or six years.
That's really letting things go.I mean, yeah, you got the common

(10:45):
cold of cancer, but oh, that's off.
The common cold of cancer? Yes, yes.
And that's the most. It is, but for the most part
the. Thing is like.
With technology these days, I mean as you as long as you get
screened. I think that's the most
important thing about our healththese days is we have to be, you

(11:06):
know, like for me, I have to getcolonoscopies.
I I get them. I have to get them every year
now and a lot of my Co workers had already got, I'm trying to
get one actually before the end of the year.
I got to either schedule one forJanuary at least, but it's just
we have to do these screenings and that's that's the part of

(11:27):
self-care screening and doing biopsies because if they catch
it early then there you got a better chance of survival, a
much better chance than if you if you wait too long.
And I think the problem is sometimes you don't really know.
These these. Cancers, I mean, there's some of

(11:48):
them have no, you know, some of them have no symptoms, you know,
like colon cancer. I I don't know, it could be
growing. I could have cancer in my colon
growing inside of me and not even know it.
But if I go get a colonoscopy, if I go get checked, then they
can. Oh, hey, we found some polyps.

(12:09):
They're benign. Don't worry about it.
Come back next year or come backin a couple of years.
But if they're able to find it, and even if it is stage 1 colon
cancer, OK, and it's not spreaded to your other, you
know, organs. See that?
That you know that's where you. Can where you can.
Of course, catch it before it gets much worse, you know.

(12:34):
So it's just, it's one of those things where, you know, we like
you quit smoking. Could you imagine if you had
continued smoking and at your age, you, you know, you having
trouble breathing. I mean, everybody knows why.
Oh, I can't run or I can't run upstairs like how I used to.
Yeah, because you've been smoking for 30 fucking years and

(12:55):
you've allowed that to suck out whatever.
What little youth you have left is gone.
That's what cigarettes do it, basically.
And so have you ever, like, walked up to somebody or just
walking down the street or whatever and you can just kind
of like, look, you could tell, oh, that guy smokes.
He's 30 years old, but he's got the face of a 60 year old.

(13:16):
You can tell that, you know, there's some life decisions that
or poor health choices. You know, it.
My mom smoked when we were kids.It amazes me even up to this
day. Now my mom has quit smoking for
a very long time. But it amazes me that I didn't
pick up the habit. Because, you know, kids, they

(13:38):
all you know, they pick up the habits of, you know, their
parents, you know. My parents smoke.
My oldest kid smokes, my youngest one does not.
But I mean it. And it's very common.
I mean, and I quit smoking sevenyears ago, Halloween, it'll be
seven. It was seven years.
And the one thing about that about smoking that is so amazing

(14:02):
is that once you've quit smokingfor 10 years, I remember and I
still remember looking at the charts of how your body heals
itself after you quit smoking and and the timeline of of you
know by the time you're done smoking.
And I I should go back and take a look and see the seven-year.

(14:23):
But I do remember that the 10 year timeline for quitting
smoking is as if you've never smoked at all.
Your lungs regenerate so much that after 10 years it's like
not smoking at all, which and itis amazing to me how well your
body heals. But there's also certain things
that you know it it creates other issues.

(14:47):
So the the different kinds of cancers is we're talking about
is, is. I'm very fortunate that this one
I mean, and I actually, when I went into the doctor's office to
go get my to get it looked at, Igot to give credit to one of my
girlfriends. She's the one actually.
You couldn't tell that I had this bump on my nose that looked
like a blister. It just looked like a blister

(15:11):
and it just showed up one day. It just appeared.
It never got any bigger or anything like that.
But I remember there's another comedian in front of ours,
Riggs, who had one almost in theexact same spot.
Well, I guess he went in and finally, after several years got
his cut off and tested and his was not cancerous.
And I was like, oh, I I just gotthe same thing Riggs has.

(15:31):
And when I went in for the biopsy, or I actually, well, I
went in to get it checked. So I actually had a probably ABB
size nodule on my arm that that's what kind of scared me
because I saw something that, you know, that said skin cancer
could come in like a pink clump.And I was like, oh shit, that

(15:53):
could be cancer. And I was like, well, shit,
since I'm in there because my girlfriend had seen me one day
without makeup and she's like that thing on your nose.
How long has that been there? And I was like a few years.
She goes, you need to get that tested, and that's all she said.
And so I was like, well, shit, I'm going to go in.
I'm going to get this lump checked and I need to get this
thing checked too. And so when I went in and I was

(16:15):
sitting down and they said something on your arm and they
saw this, that's kind of like a,you know, a freckle.
But it's changed in size and shape.
I mean, it's gotten much bigger.And they go, is that the thing
on your arm? And I was like, no, this she
goes, oh, I'm not worried about.That she goes, that's.
She goes, that's like a stress scar.
So maybe it was a bug bite or something like that and it got

(16:38):
scratched and it turned into a scar.
She goes, I'm not worried about that.
And then she saw the thing on mynose and she goes, OK, how?
And mind you, this was the Wednesday after I got back from
New York. Unbeknownst to me, I had COVID,
but luckily I was wearing a maskand so I she had me kind of

(16:59):
lower. And she goes, how long have you
had that? And I go about five or six
years. And she was kind of like, you
could tell the concern on her face was there.
And her and the nurse stepped out of the room and they were
talking. And you could tell that there
was like some concern there. Right.
Which freaked me out a bit untilshe came back in.
They said, OK, well, we're goingto have to remove it and have

(17:20):
it, you know, biopsied. And when they took it off, she
was like, oh, that was surprising.
And I was like, why what? What?
And she goes, it just came rightoff she goes, I don't think it's
cancer. She goes because cancer would
have roots, right? And it came off so smooth.
She goes, I think that it's and she called it something else.
And so I was like, OK, cool. And they go, if you get a letter

(17:44):
from us, if it's not cancer, you'll get a letter.
If it is cancer, we'll call you and schedule, you know, the next
steps. So I had it done on that
Wednesday. Thanksgiving was two weeks away.
They called me two weeks later and said it's cancer.

(18:05):
And I I was like, really? I mean, you know, it doesn't
matter what kind of cancer it is.
You hear that word cancer. And especially with my family
history, you hear that you have cancer.
It's a gut punch. And this, the receptionist who
was calling me was really bubblyand like, oh, and I was like,
bitch. But you tell him you got cancer.

(18:28):
When you're all smiling and happy and excited, you know,
like, you need to bring it down a notch, like you got cancer,
You know, I don't want to hear that shit, you know?
But when I started doing and so I didn't tell anybody because I
didn't want to ruin anybody's Thanksgiving, I already knew
that it was Thanksgiving was going to be really emotional for
a lot of us anyways because of my sister's birthday.

(18:51):
And I just didn't want to, I didn't want to fuck up anybody's
Thanksgiving. So and I was just, you know, it
was very, very stressful. It's very stressful.
And then I did some more research on it and I found out
that it is literally the common cold of cancers that I was like,

(19:11):
OK, But then I also started thinking, well, there is a
potential that because it had been so long that it could have
gotten, it could have gotten into my bone or it could get
into my cartilage or something like that.
And the other thing is, is that they literally, when they go to
remove it, they just keep digging until it's gone.

(19:31):
So they cut away, cut away, cut away.
And I'm by the time I leave, I can have a big ass, you know?
If it's bad enough, they'll haveto do a skin graft from another
part of my body to fill in the hole.
Are you awake when they're removing it, or do they sedate
you? You're.
Awake. You're awake.
So that part I'm a little bit, you know, and and I'm not going

(19:56):
to say that I'm not a little bitworried about my vanity that it
might just you know, but I I mean, shit, it's the same side
of the face that I already had 170 stitches.
So you know, I mean, it's not like anybody's really going to
be able to tell. I mean just disfigure it on this
side. But look, I'm married and that
bitch ain't going nowhere. So I guess that that part I

(20:16):
don't have to worry. Look, I still have a vagina that
works like, oh, honey, you look like, here, let me put my ass up
in the air. You don't see my face now.
OK, tap it. OK, you're fine.
We're back. And this guy actually loves me,
so it doesn't matter what I looklike.

(20:39):
And so that part is you know kind of helps me a little bit.
But I'm I, you know and the onlything I can say is just that
when I start freaking out about it and I I step out of my my, I
want to say not ego or get out of my head space.
I know that this is not what's going to Take Me Out and I'm

(21:00):
going to be fine. And I say that with conviction
and I know that this is not going to Take Me Out.
This is not what's going to to be the my demise, you know, and
it's going to be something that it's the probably the most
painful part of it is going to be the medical bills.
It's going to be the most painful.
Yeah, but you know what that youknow, it's a small price to pay

(21:26):
for real, but a price probably gets high.
But you know, it's a, it's a price to pay for, you know, to
continue being on this planet with us, so.
You know, yeah. Yeah.
And I'm just hoping, you know that it's not going to cost me
too much for them to to just figure me so I mean it's and

(21:50):
it'll be fine. It's not going to be the end of
the world. And I I have a job that pays me
pretty well. So I I guess, you know in the
grand scheme of things this lifeis not too bad after all.
And I I am like if and the only thing that I can praise is that
if if I have to have cancer, this is a cancer I want.

(22:11):
You know, I would have and I would choose out of all of them.
And may this be the only cancer I ever get in my life.
You know, because like, like you, I have to, I have to
actually have a colonoscopy every five years because they
found a polyp when they went in there the first time and they
said that it absolutely was the kind that would turn into cancer
if they'd let it go. So yeah, I'm.

(22:34):
I'm not at that annual. That, to me, would be shitty.
It's, you know, my boss actually, last week actually
before Thanksgiving. You know he he was we were we
were talking and he's like, hey,I'm not going to be in tomorrow
and I'm like, OK, that's cool. He's like, yeah, I got, I got to

(22:55):
go get a colonoscopy. And I was like, fuck, that
reminds me, I got to schedule 1-2 and then his boss ended up
getting a colonoscopy as well. And so we're all like, yeah, we
got to start, we got to, but youcould do a colonoscopy and come
in the next day. But I like to take that day off
because I, you know, I'm still kind of like, I still feel kind

(23:19):
of greasy in certain places, youknow?
Where it's just like oh. Yeah, there's that.
There's that uncomfort. So I like to take like the next
day off. So I can kind of just be like,
you know, the news is usually, Imean, of course the news is
always good because it's like, oh, we didn't find any polyps or
whatever. So you kind of want to just be
like, you know, and then the prep, you know, my boss.

(23:43):
The funny thing about it is theywere telling me that they're
trying to develop a pill. I don't know if they've already
done it yet, but they're trying to develop a pill where you just
take a couple of pills and it flushes you out.
And I'm like, that's what I want.
Like what healthcare do you have?
Because I don't know if my company even covers that, I have

(24:03):
to drink this nasty solution that just it's gross.
It is rough. It is so rough.
Ever. Like the prep part of it?
The prep, I think is absolutely the worst part where they you
have to have all that stuff. Like literally you don't get to

(24:24):
sleep that night. You don't sleep because you're
up all night. You sit.
On a toilet all night long and. Because you're afraid to sleep.
You're afraid to sleep and and like relax your bowels and you
just wake up and you're. Like you're on.
And even then with a diaper, like, I wouldn't even trust Hugs

(24:44):
Huggies to not have a blowout. I mean, like, seriously, it's
it's a wow. And the fact that you're hangry
because you you know. But you get to the point where
once you start shitting, you getbeyond even wanting to eat
anything, because you know anything that goes in through
the one orifice is coming straight out.

(25:05):
It's like it's got fast tracks right on out.
I remember my first colonoscopy in Seattle.
I scheduled it for Thursday because I had taken the Friday
off and then I would have the weekend to recover because I
didn't. I didn't know what I you know, I
was even asking my Co workers atthe time.
I was like, hey, I'm going to get a colonoscopy.

(25:28):
Have you ever gotten one before,like?
And and they'd be. Like, I was 29 and they're like,
wait, you're going to get a colonoscopy, aren't you too
young for one. I'm going to get runs of my
family and then they're just like, oh, and everybody at my
job was like, oh, it's nothing. It's you're going to be fine.
It's a it's a harmless, painless, you know, procedure

(25:49):
And but I remember that Thursdaynight I did not sleep at all
because I kept running to the bathroom and the dog kept
following me. I'm pretty sure I worried the
shit out of that dog because every time I went to the
bathroom I would open up the door and he would be sitting
right there like, what the fuck is going on?
Like even I don't shit that muchbut it's just I and then I

(26:13):
stayed up the whole night. My procedure was at 10:00 over
near, I think it's Highline. And you know, I went there, did
the procedure and I ended up andI and I took a Uber home.
But it was just, you know, waking up, I took an Uber and I
felt, I felt good. I felt fine.

(26:34):
I was like, OK, it wasn't bad. I had good news, of course.
But then it was just like you got to, you know, do it, of
course, you know, afterwards of a handful of times.
But nonetheless, it was just, I didn't sleep that night and I
slept like a baby, like after that because I was knocked out,
you know? Yeah.

(26:55):
And you know, that's funny is because most people that I've
talked to who's had the colonoscopy, they say it's like
the best sleep you've ever gotten.
It's like the best nap. And for me, that was not the
case. And I found out afterwards that
because when I woke up, I was very anxious and and scared and
I almost as soon as they kind ofbrought me up, I almost started

(27:16):
screaming for Romeo. And I remember just being very
scared and and feeling like something was wrong and and I
was trying to, you know, like I knew that if if I could, if he
was right there that I because Iknew I was vulnerable.
I couldn't take care of myself. And if he was right there, he
would be able to protect me. And I almost started screaming

(27:37):
for him. And then you know I kind of
calmed down. I thought I was kind of like
hyperventilating. Welcome to find out.
Later when I talked to the Doctor Who did the procedure,
she said that it's because all of my stuff is is like my bowels
are really tight and compact andreally squishy in there.
And so she had, she said it was very concerning for her to do

(28:00):
the surgery. She had a hard time because she,
there was a lot of twists and turns and she had to be very
careful. And I think she was probably, I
probably was picking up on her anxiety.
And that's what had me so stressed out because I was when
I woke up, I was freaking out. And as soon as they willed me
out to to Romeo, I just instantly kind of calmed down

(28:22):
because I was like, OK, I know I'm OK now and nobody's going to
hurt me. So it was, it was just really
weird. But yeah, after that they found
that out, then I was like, OK, that explains why.
And maybe that'll help me when Igo the next time to go do it,
which I I got to actually do next year because I'll be 55.

(28:43):
So it'll be 5 every five years, you know, Yeah, I I have that to
look forward to. But kind of going along these,
you know what, it wouldn't be a Not About you podcast if we
didn't talk about butt holes. And I'm going to talk about
something else kind of along those, right.

(29:04):
I mean, just it just seems it's it's in our keeping, you know,
it's our thing. Yeah.
I don't. Know.
Yeah, it's it's, you know, I kind of felt like something was
missing for a second, but we've been talking about
colonoscopies. We kind of like touching on the
subject a little bit, but yeah, we're.
Dancing around it, we're. Dancing.
Yeah, pretty much it. Is poke it right in the eye?
Yeah. We're like, we're like that

(29:27):
little thing that they stick up in there.
We're kind of like dancing around the the thing until we're
like, oh, there it is, poop. Yeah, right.
So I have. I have to preface this with a
story. OK, I got a question.
Ma'am, preface this with my story.

(29:49):
My husband loves to make me laugh every day.
That's his goal, is to make me laugh, to do something, to make
me laugh every day. Well, one of the things that
he'll do is like when I'm in thebathroom I when I'm on in my
little closet there, he will pounce in front of the door, the

(30:13):
doorway and usually grabbing hisbutt cheeks in and he will sing
a song like Asshole of Mia or something like that.
Well, his newest one is I got myEye on you and he flaps his butt
cheeks at me, which is hilarious.
I laugh every time. But then I looked.

(30:35):
I got a closer look yesterday and I said hey, you have a pink
eye instead of like I you know, instead of winking the little
brown eye, his is pink. Then it made me start wondering
whoever came up with asshole bleaching and why.

(30:57):
I never understood that concept.Why would you?
Ever need to bleach your asshole?
I don't understand. OK.
Oh. I I did this.
I remember I did this in Seattleand forget about humans doing
it. I saw a dog that was like a

(31:21):
different color that you could tell its butthole around.
It was bleached what? And I saw this in a Whole Foods
and I was like the dog was black, it was a black dog.
It had like a few little white spots like on the face or
whatever. But as it walked past me and it
was like the perfect like, and I'm like, there's no way that

(31:47):
that's natural. Like that person had to have
bleached the dog's asshole, at least to cut the hairs around
it, you know, because the tail was black.
But that undercarriage underneath the tail where the
where it poops out of, it was like a circle that was like, I
mean it could have been like, maybe I want to say 2 1/2 inches

(32:09):
across the dogs. Yeah man, I was like, there's no
way that. I mean, I know God has a sense
of humor, but that was cosmetically done.
Why would? Do that and why?
I mean, is this like some kind of show dog and they get points
deducted if their asshole is notperfectly pink or?
No, to me, I mean, it was just, I mean this was a Labrador, you

(32:32):
know, and I'm just like, why would you, why would you do that
to this dog? Like, why would you?
And again, it was a perfect circle.
It wasn't like, oh, it was just splotches of other colors.
It was a perfect white circle ona perfectly.
I mean, the dog was black. I mean, it was easily 95% black.

(32:53):
But that right there I was like,what what were you?
And I'm thinking to myself, maybe this the person that did
this, probably did this to himself as well, Like he
probably has his asshole bleach.As well.
So I'm just like, you know did you did you go.
Yeah it was a dude that that hadyeah.

(33:13):
I'm just like wow again and it'sjust amazing.
And I was pointing to the dog atother people like that is not
natural. And and other people were
looking like, I mean you get a perfect circle.
It was a perfect circle. Wow.
And and I had AI think I would. Question the dude.
I would. I think at this point in my life

(33:34):
I would have to start asking those questions.
These are hard questions. These are like, investigative
questions. We need to America has questions
and we need to know the answer. Do they now?
I've got to Google this. Hey, here's Hey Siri, do people
do people bleach dog's buttholes?

(33:55):
I don't have an answer for that.No, Siri's just embarrassed to
say yes with all these people listening.
She's like. Look, How dare you?
You know what, I'm sure if you Google it and you hit images,
which I do a lot, you would be very you know what, let's.

(34:15):
Oh, now I got to Google it so that I can see images.
Oh no, you you just you just didsomething.
As much as I would love to sharethe screen with the people, well
actually this is being recorded and this is live so people can't
see us. But let's.
See. Oh, I need to see.

(34:43):
Let's see. Let's see.
I don't even know how to. My thing is, I don't even know
how to like word it. Do people bleach?
Oops, I spelled bleach wrong. Bleached dog bottoms.
I put. But let's see battles Joe and

(35:12):
Zonzo. Come on, show me some images,
baby. I feel like a pervert, but.
Wow, it came up, it says. Are you tired of looking at your
dog's unsightly backside? Do not look at dog buttholes.
Of course. This weird thing.
OK, here's a Reddit This weird thing appeared on my dog's butt.

(35:32):
OK, I don't care about that. Finally, a product to cover your
dog's anus. Oh.
Finally, a product to cover yourdog's anus just can't get
enough. Whoa, what are are we?
No, no, that's. I'm not going to click on that
one. That looks like clickbait and.

(35:55):
OK. I'm seeing the same thing you're
seeing, yeah. OK, anal glands.
Well, I'm going to go, but this is just like, I'm going to go
images and and God help me, oh wow, whoa.
Oh. They have little stickers on the

(36:16):
dog's butt holes. Yeah, like little stars.
Little pink stars. Yes.
Oh my God. Pug butts like this.
Is I I I I. Don't know if I I want this
history on my. Phone.
God forbid something happens to me and they're going to be like,
oh, what was her Google history?Although, well, the fact that

(36:39):
they know you're a stand up comic, you're going to research
all kinds of weird shit, so that'll probably that'll
probably get a pass. Oh.
Oh boy. Yeah.
OK, now I'm looking at some. Really.
Like looks like some of these dogs butts are infected.

(37:01):
Yeah, I'll ruptured anal glands,OK, Yeah.
This one says the rest of the results might not be what you're
looking for. See more anyway.
Yep, clicking on that, huh, My dog got.
Stunned. How to have a wheezing dog?

(37:23):
Bigfoot. What the hell?
Dog's butthole hair is bleached.There's a caption here from
American Dad. I got to read that.
Did you know I read that they bleach buttholes?
Now, Steven? Are they trying to say God chose
the wrong color? OK, I'm gonna send you this

(37:47):
picture of this dot. Oh my God.
OK, OK, let me copy image. Let me see.
I OK, this is this is kind of what I was talking about.
Where is our chat? Right here.
Let's see if I could put that there.

(38:08):
Ah, OK, take a look at that. Oh my Lord.
That's what I was pretty much talking about.
Wow. They They shaved little hearts
into the dog's butts. Yep.
Now that part, that was pretty much so.

(38:32):
Imagine that dog being black andthe part that is being cut
around was a different was a white color, that's what.
That's what that was like, except for it was a circle and
not a heart. Wow.
That is the most craziest thingsI've ever seen on a dog's bum.

(38:54):
Wow, there's a thing anal bleaching.
But why? You know, cuz those other
bitches be like looking for dogswith anal bleaching.
Right. I just don't understand the
whole point of anal bleaching like.

(39:15):
I don't know. I mean, honestly, I don't know
the fascination. Like, it's not like you're
walking around naked and you're spreading eagle down the block
so people could see what you didto your butt.
I mean, it's like it's it's it'salmost like like a hidden
tattoo. Yes, yes.
So here's the deal. This is what made me start
thinking about the anal bleaching.

(39:37):
It's that when my my husband is flapping his butt cheeks at me
and he he went for the high noteand which on the high note means
you really spread it out to. Oh wow.
The. The long note And I went, huh,
your brown eye is pink. And so that's what got me
started thinking, I'm like, thatmakes sense.

(40:00):
The one part of his body that ispink is the place that would
never see any sunshine. OK?
You with me? Yeah, I'm with you.
OK, so then made me think. Why would people?
Bleach their butthole when you know that not only is it never
going to see any sun, nobody's going to see your butthole.

(40:24):
Who cares if it's brown? Like, at what point did somebody
say, you know what I could do tomake some money?
I could make women feel insecureabout their buttholes being
brown and then offer them this product that I could bleach it
and make their butt holes pink. So that if they're ever at the
naked ladies spa and they're sitting there going to get in

(40:46):
and somebody's going to look up and see their butt hole.
And even then you would have to like you would have.
I don't even know what kind of position you would have to be in
for somebody to see your brown eye that you bleached your butt
hole. Like, the only thing that I
could think of is what? Maybe porn?
Who's going to see your butt hole?

(41:09):
Yeah. I just googled the benefits of
anal bleaching, and according tothis, the discoloration of the
perianal perianal region is a common concern.

(41:30):
If you want to look your best onabsolutely every part of your
body, anal bleaching is a treatment to lighten and restore
the darkened skin of that region.
Wondering what's the benefits ofthat?
That doesn't really say much. That's.
Just, yeah, that's not really a benefit.

(41:51):
That's a vanity thing. And I can tell you what I've
looked at. Probably, I would say almost
every inch of my body in some way or another.
Thank God for these phones nowadays.
If you got a concern, you got a pimple on your butt or
something, you can always take apicture of it and look at it
right? I have never in my entire
existence ever sad wonder what color my butt hole is.

(42:17):
Never once wondered who would beturned off if my butt hole
wasn't nice and pink like the rest of me.
And I've been pretty fucking insecure about my body my entire
life. The one thing I've never ever,
ever. Been insecure.

(42:38):
About is my butt hole because you know why I've never
considered about somebody getting that close to my butt
hole. I I guess I kind of figured if
they're there, they're already in it.
You know, they're they're there for the duration.
Yeah, I mean it's, it's. Stop.
You know, and I mean, I've nevermet anybody who have done anal

(43:00):
bleaching. Most butt holes I've seen from
the opposite sex were always pristine and well taken care of.
It was almost like as if women are just like, you know, 'cause
again, I don't know women who doanal bleaching.
Like what? Or at least that was never a

(43:20):
subject that came up, but sometimes.
You might. And you didn't even like.
But but The thing is it's like you know women with I mean they
take care of themselves they're the women for the most part take
care of themselves because you never know when you're going
it's it's almost like when when guy you know like we there's the

(43:41):
saying like always wear a clean underwear because you never know
when you're going to get into anambulance.
You know. So it's it's it's always I think
it's kind of like that like hey I got to make sure because you
know you never know when you're going to be you know having sex
with somebody in the subway. You know what I'm saying?
Or in some place you got to makesure that everything about you

(44:02):
is on the up and up. You know what I'm saying?
Like you got to make sure everything about you is on the
up and up that you are clean in every aspect.
Now again, for me, I've I've never had zero concern about my
butt. Never.
Because I've always kept it clean.
And how does that conversation go?
How exactly does that conversation?

(44:25):
What does that look like? What does that sound like?
Damn, girl, you are so pristine.Like, look even your butt hole.
Shine well here. Here's the thing though.
You would know you there's no conversation involved because
there's some some guys that actually, you know, they they

(44:46):
they eat the butt. You know, like so there's
there's no conversation. There's no conversation because.
Even eating the butt. Look, this is just semantics.
The butt is right there. OK, you are nose deep.
Your eyes are up to. You.

(45:07):
The butt hole. Down here.
If you flip them over, the only thing you're looking at is
they're clitoris. If you're like if or they're
back, you can see they're clitoris or they're back.
You're in there deep. You are either on a dude, it's

(45:37):
either the back or the balls, right?
If you're there, there's the balls, there's the breaking
beans. And that that can't.
Be a great vantage point either when you're.
I mean that's. Just who wants who wants you?
Who wants their balls in there? Like who wants their eyes in
someone's balls that close? You know, and God forbid it's

(45:58):
hairy. You know you don't need no hairy
ball Y guy balls in your face trying to while you're trying
to. You know, it's just and.
You know, OK, so let's say position wise, the guy's all in
there deep and he spreads the butt cheeks.
OK, you're doing a doggy style and he spreads them butt cheeks.

(46:24):
Is he going to stop mid strokingthe whoa?
Whoa, that. That.
That butt hole, just I I was allin it.
I was all, all for it. And then I saw that brown butt
hole, and it looked old and like, you're only 23 and this
butt hole screams 43. Know what though?

(46:47):
If you're already in it, you're not stopping.
I mean you're you're just you'reyou're going for the long haul.
Like even even if you realize you might stop, like if you grab
the back of her hair and you realize that it's a wig and
she's ball headed, that might stop you a little bit.
That might soften you up a little bit.
But you would. You would power through it,
wouldn't you? I would readjust that wig and

(47:11):
power through. You would go grab her hips
instead. That she wouldn't turn around
because I already have the imageof what she looked like before
in my head. But don't turn around looking
like Smeagol from fucking Lord of the Rings.
Like. That would be that.
Again, that's that's a quick wayto soften me up, throw my pants
back on, go home and drive whilepossibly posting this up on

(47:34):
Facebook. Right, right.
And I think, I think that, you know, where do we draw the line
at human vanity? Where do we say this is too
much, this is too vain? I think that I think that's the
line right there the the that. It to me is definitely the line
if you are so concerned. Like, look most of the time.

(47:58):
Again, 54. I have never once seen my
butthole. I don't know.
Even with a partner, I've never said, Hey, here's my camera,
take it close up, turn it around, let me take a look so
that I can decide if I need to, you know, no.
I have never once in my entire existence ever been curious what

(48:18):
my own butthole looks like. Never.
In fact, I don't even want to know what anybody else's
butthole looks like. I don't care.
It's to me, it's it's I would never look.
But then again, I'm not turned on by a butthole.
Maybe, you know, there's some people who are turned on by
buttholes and that maybe, maybe what it looks like.
But again, so that to me again is like the height of vanity.

(48:42):
The next thing you know, they'regoing to have construction.
They're going to have, what is it Cosmetic surgery for the butt
holes is your butt hole. You know, not only is it not
pink enough because you can't like you know, paint it any
other color, I mean like look, they're going to do cosmetic
surgery. Is it not tight enough?
Is it? Is it looking droopy?
Is it looking old? Are you 23 with a 43 year old

(49:04):
butt hole? You know, you know, I I just
kind of feel like your butthole is probably something you don't
want to play around with, no? No, I don't think so.
You know, because it's just like, I mean it's, it's, it's,
it's what's the point? You know what I'm saying?
It's just like the last thing I want to do is have something

(49:24):
happen to my anus or rectum because of some kind of cosmic
surgery that I did or, you know,vanity surgery, as I would like
to call it, done on me. Because, I mean, the only person
that's going to feel good is theperson that is getting it done
for. But like, but like, are you
going to ever go on a date with somebody and be like, oh, how
was your weekend? Oh, Saturday I went and got my

(49:46):
butthole bleached and I went andsaw a Broadway play and you'd be
like, hold on reverse a little bit.
Did you say I got your butthole bleached?
And then it's just. Like, it's not like you could be
like, oh, why do you want to seeit?
You know what I'm saying? Like.
I just encourage me why somebodymight bleach their butt hole.

(50:08):
Hear me out. I know that before I cook or do
anything, I'm very I usually bleach.
So you've heard of where they take the chocolate molds of butt
holes. Maybe you would bleach your butt
hole before you got a chocolate mold made of your butt hole.

(50:29):
Yeah, but where does the? No, the mole it's it's the mole
is more. It's no because how would you
know? Sanitary.
And you know, you know you. Nobody would know that I bleach
my kitchen before I cook, but I drew before a potluck.
I bleach my kitchen, especially a work potluck.

(50:52):
If I want to take food to a potluck, I bleach my kitchen
first before I cook, so they don't ever ask me at the the
company potluck if I bleach my kitchen.
But I know I bleached my kitchen, yeah right.
So maybe it's the same thing. If I was going to do a butthole
mold of chocolate, I would bleach first, just because it's

(51:13):
a sanitary thing to do. And it's a chocolate mold.
So you kind of think that you would kind of think that OK, if
it's a chocolate mold, you got to have like some kind of white
powder sugar on the whole part? You know.
'Cause that's the only way that you would know that that
particular person had it bleached.

(51:34):
You're like, oh, it's your butthole.
Well, so you just sprinkle a little bit of powdered
confectioner sugar on, like, thepart where it's like like, where
the, like where it meats, you know, like you can put a little
confectioner sugar on the top right there.
And then you could be like, oh, that you did you get your
butthole bleached? Because that has confectioners.
Oh, OK yeah, you would know. That's the way that you would do

(51:56):
it. And you want it, you know,
because you're considerate like that.
If you're going to give somebodya chocolate mold of your butt
hole, you're going to be considerate and bleach it first.
And they know you bleach it because you put some powdered
sugar on it. I mean, but again, there's
what's wrong with bathing and washing up and then then doing

(52:16):
it, You know, it's like, but yeah, it's the.
Extra mile. You got to go the extra mile.
You know, if you really care, ifyou really care, before you gave
somebody a chocolate mold in your butthole, you would bleach
it first just so that you knew it was clean.
It was sparkly clean. There's nothing you know.
Anyways, I think, you know, we might have taken that subject as

(52:41):
far as we could possibly take it.
I don't know. You can see on my on my thing of
notes here, Let's see, we went cancer, self healthcare, dog
butts, anal bleaching. Just.
Chocolate butt hole stuff. I think we got the the butt hole
stuff completely, totally covered.
Oh, you know what? Butt stuff.
There we go. Usual butt stuff.

(53:04):
Yes. But.
You know, it's just not about you if.
You know, I kind of feel like, Ikind of feel like we just took
it back a year. We went back a year.
We did some old school stuff. We did, and we did some research
on top of that. Yes, yes.

(53:25):
But boy, that picture of that. Dog, but as a heart that just
kills me that I think I just found my new work laptop
wallpaper. This dog's the same kind of dog
as Boo Boo Bear. Was Oh yeah.
Yeah, So. So today is Sunday.

(53:48):
We're going to talk. Yeah, we're we're just going to,
I don't know if I have a segue about Dolly Parton and Cher.
Oh, those are. Yeah, I bet those butt holes are
looking magnificent at age 77. Oh, I bet you they are.
I bet they are. So I watched, I watched a ton of
football on Thanksgiving and I was watching the, you know, I

(54:11):
went to my my aunt's house and it's kind of crazy because my
aunt, she's a sports fan, too. She loves football as well, but
I I go to our house and I see that they're watching like
something. Like, I'm like, why aren't you
guys watching any of the games? Like, like, any of them?
Right. It's football like turn into and
so we're watching the the Dallasgame who oh it was Dallas and

(54:36):
Washington yeah. And halftime show, Dolly Parton
comes out and she looks like andshe's dressed in the Dallas
cheerleader uniform. And a lot of the jokes were
Dolly Parton comes out to remindpeople when was the last time
the Dallas Cowboys won a Super Bowl which was that long ago.

(54:57):
But Dolly Parton, I I had to Google how old she was because I
thought she was 6877 years old. She has legs like a 24 year old
I I one thing that I I couldn't help but notice while she's on
that stage and she kept grabbingthe structure of the stage like

(55:18):
she didn't want to fall down. Look at her grabbing on to that.
God forbid she falls down that'sjust but she looked magnificent
and and so does Cher. Actually, Cher, what I believe
is also 77, and they make 70s. They're not slowing down at all.
No, no. And that's what's so amazing.

(55:41):
So she, Dolly Parton. Actually, it's funny that we
talked about Dolly Parton because lately my so I have one
of these little Bluetooth speakers that I showed you.
I have a Bluetooth speaker at work.
Only mine's red and it looks like a pickup truck.
And So what I've been listening to lately, I've been

(56:06):
bluetoothing a bunch of Sirius radio, and the one that I
started listening to was Dolly Parton's rock'n'roll radio
station. So.
For those who may not have heard, Dolly Parton actually got
inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame recently, and some

(56:28):
people were outraged. They're like, how is it that
this country star is getting inducted into the Rock and Roll
Hall of Fame, to which Dolly Parton, at 77, responded, OK,
here's a rock'n'roll album for you.
And she's actually collaborated with a bunch of other
rock'n'roll artist. She's to cover different

(56:50):
rock'n'roll songs. She did a She did a song with
Lizzo. She's the like a song with of
course her goddaughter Miley Cyrus.
She's done a song. She's done Stairway to Heaven.
She's done so that her her rock'n'roll radio station or her
station on Sirius is actually kind of a compilation of her

(57:13):
songs and the people's songs. There's some country in there,
but it's a lot of it is Rock, You know, like either modern
rock or or rock from the 70s and80s.
And so it's actually a really super good station.
And she talks a lot about the different things, reasons behind

(57:36):
some of her different songs. Like you know, the the famous
song that she sang Jolene, whichis the most everybody knows that
song. They've heard it for years and
years. She actually, she said she wrote
that about a bank teller at their bank.
She said it was back in a time when her husband was going to
the bank on a regular basis. No, she said my husband was

(57:58):
going to the bank way more than somebody with the amount of
money we had in the bank would have warrant.
And she saw this woman and she said she was beautiful.
She was this beautiful woman. And she goes ask her her name.
She said it was Jolene. She goes one of these days I'm
going to write a song about you.And she did.
That's where that song actually came from.
And so it's it was so interesting to to hear some of

(58:21):
the different stories. And recently, but who met Dolly
Parton at 77. OK, let's be honest.
So let's see. It was I don't know when her
birthday is. So it might have been when she
was 76, writes an entire new rock album because they had
inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and they didn't
feel that it was justified that they didn't have enough rock
music. So they went out.

(58:42):
She did a song. She actually does a song with
Ann Wilson from Heart and Oh yeah and she, I mean she I think
like, I don't even I I want to go out and buy this album now.
I want to listen to every song on the album.
I at least want to see what all the songs are that she covered
and listen to all of them because she went out there.

(59:06):
She does so many things. It's it's amazing.
This woman is an icon. She really is.
And and in the true sense of what that word means, I have
always absolutely had massive, massive admiration for Dolly
Parton and I love her voice. But she is, she is a genuine,
genuine, like a rare gem in entertainment.

(59:30):
Because most people at that are at that level are full of
themselves or very much like isolate from the rest of the
world. And she doesn't.
She to this day, if you have a kid that's under the age of, I
believe it is 10, you can write her foundation and they will

(59:51):
send a book to your home every single month for your child to
read every single month until they reach like age 10 or 12 or
something like that. And it's, you know, all the
things that she has done to. Put back into her community and

(01:00:13):
and for children is enormous like a lot of people just they
don't do that and and that's oneof the things that you just got
to kind of have so much admiration and respect for.
You know that she's been able todo that because she did grow up
just dirt floor poor and you know it's something that it's

(01:00:35):
just it's amazing. Her story is amazing.
So hats off to to Dolly Parton and her her radio station, I
mean her her station on Sirius, not a radio station, but her
station on Sirius. If you get a chance give it a
listen because it's got some amazing different songs on
there. But As for Cher, I mean I've

(01:00:55):
always loved Cher also. I mean she's another one that
that doesn't hardly age at all. I mean, these women are are
gorgeous. At any age.
I watched Moonstruck the other day and I was like damn sure
still got it. 70 years old, May 20th, 1946.

(01:01:18):
And and again, these women are living their lives full lives.
Yeah, you know and still giving after all this time.
It makes me feel like I still got a lot of time left in the
entertainment world because justbecause I'm 54 doesn't mean
shit. I I still got a lot of jokes to
write. I got a lot of stories to tell

(01:01:39):
and you know, I'm still going tobe doing me.
Yeah. OK.
I'm looking at it. Our timeline you have to take
this next story because this is all you the.
Colorado. Funeral Home owners arrested.

(01:01:59):
Oh man, yeah, I I saw this. And this is something that I've
seen that has actually happened here in New York also.
But to see this at another stateand in another city and state, I
was just like, oh, I've seen this before.
So a Colorado funeral homeownersarrested following a discovery

(01:02:21):
of 190 dead bodies. Not just dead bodies, but dead,
decaying bodies. So as the story goes, the the
owner of a Colorado Funeral Homewas arrested after they found
that many bodies in a in their facility.

(01:02:41):
John and Carrie Halford, the owners of the Return to Nature
Funeral Home, which is kind of like a weird name for it, but
it's but it's it's aptly named, but it's just like wow, that's a
return to nature return back to the ground.
They were arrested on 4 felony charges including abuse of a

(01:03:02):
corpse, theft, money laundering,and forgery.
OK, The pair were taken into custody without incident at the
in Wagoner, OK, but both were being held on a bond that was
set to 2 million. None the less, the the probable

(01:03:23):
cause affidavit has been sealed by the District Attorney and.
Let's see what else here according to.
Its website, Return to Nature, offers a green and natural
burial service, which allows bodies to decompose underground
without the use of metal casketsor chemicals.
The practice is legal in the state of Colorado, but the law

(01:03:46):
requires bodies that are not involved to be refrigerated
within 24 hours of death. Ow, and I think that's
everywhere now. Like when a body goes in, they
have to be like, almost immediately refrigerated for the
most part. You know, you can't wait.
You can't just leave a body on the table and be like, I'll put

(01:04:07):
in the refrigerator tomorrow or the day after that.
You can't do that. The process of identifying
specific victims is still ongoing, but in total 110
individuals have been identifiedusing fingerprints, dental
records, medical hardware. 25 bodies have been released back

(01:04:28):
to their families, which is oh so.
Released back to their families.What the fuck for?
What are they going to do with them?
They've already paid for that. Exactly.
So my thing is, if they're not using caskets, are they just
wrapping them in some kind of, Iguess, environmental friendly

(01:04:53):
tarp and just burying them? Did you hear that?
I did. My husband walks in, kind of
stealthily walks behind this. The camera walks aside and it
goes about his business, and nowyou hear him rustling around in

(01:05:15):
a drawer over there. I don't know what the fuck he's
looking for. Probably some antacids.
His what? Probably some antacids.
Some antacids. Do you see him over there
rustling around? What are you doing?
Husband, what are you doing? Nothing.

(01:05:36):
Nothing, honey. Then why are you making some
goddamn much noise? You ain't doing nothing.
Get out. I'll, I'll, I'll get out minding
my business. Thanks, shirt, That's what I

(01:06:02):
live with. You know what?
I don't mind the fact that my husband bellows for me in a
store if I'm clear on the other side of the door.
I don't mind that, you know, I don't mind that my husband will
talk to God and sundry when we go anywhere.

(01:06:22):
He will talk to everybody. I don't mind that.
That doesn't make me crazy. Of all the things that my
husband does, the one thing thatmakes me crazy is that.
And not even like, not even a second thought about it.
But the man cannot be quiet to save his life.

(01:06:45):
Nothing that he does, nothing that he does.
Nothing is quiet. There's nothing that he does
that's quiet. He doesn't sleep quiet.
No, he doesn't. He makes noises.
He talks. He even with a sleep apnea

(01:07:05):
machine on, that makes noise like literally every part of
his. If he's quiet, I'm wondering
what's going on. It's like a child.
I'm scared. What are you doing if I can't
hear something, what's going on?What are you doing?
What? Are you going to?
It's like when you when you put a bell around a dog and you
don't hear that bell, you're like, what happened?
What's up with the dog? Right, right.

(01:07:27):
This. Is.
Exactly. My husband and I'm like, he is
just not quiet at all. Well, that goes to show that
there's never a dull moment. Oh, for for facts.

(01:07:49):
I mean, I think I've told you that I want to put a GoPro on
when we have sex. Just for the sound he makes and
the looks on his face. He's so loud.
He is so loud. Oh, you know, she should get him
a shot caller. Oh, that's a great idea.

(01:08:09):
Like when he when he when he is at a certain decibel, like he
just gets like a shock and that'll that'll train him to.
Brilliant idea how to train yourolder man.
Young. Men, you can train fairly

(01:08:31):
easily, right? Like.
For the most part, yeah. But we're older male, It's much
harder to train. They're harder.
They've got those really, you know, after 55 years, they've
really dug into their bad habits.
Yeah, they're they're definitely, you know, they're

(01:08:52):
stuck to their ways. Yes.
And I think that you are on to some.
Do you put a little shock collaron them?
Yeah, just a reminder, you know,And it will increase with
intensity. If they just don't get it like
the first time, it could be a tickle.
Like, oh shit, my bad. I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have belched so loudin public.

(01:09:12):
Yeah, it's like a nice little warning, like, hey, you're
wearing this thing. It can't get worse.
Right, right up to that point where it's the male that just
doesn't pay attention and walks in on somebody doing a podcast
and belches loudly, then nobody can see them, that you can just
hit it really hard and look, motherfucker, if you're going to

(01:09:36):
make some noise, let me help you.
Well, maybe that's his way of ofgetting his his podcast comedy
credit in you know, like, hey, Iburped on this.
You may have seen this comic burp on the podcast It's Not
About. You yeah, you may have heard
this comic on the podcast Not about you, as he was belching.

(01:09:59):
Yeah, So I mean you know how it is people try to make their,
make their if they're claimed tofame while they can.
Yeah, that that perp on that oneepisode, That was me.
For real, I'm thinking, yeah, that is something that, but I
think that there's got to be a how to train your older male and

(01:10:24):
like a a how to guide. But here's the thing, though.
You guys were already married, so I think that training is
that's done like, it's not like he's got anything to like, oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no. That that's coming from somebody
who hasn't been married for a long time.
Look, the training is ongoing. When you are with a younger man,

(01:10:47):
the training is very easy. You throw when they do good, you
throw them some panani. When they do bad, you cut them
off, right? That's it's very simple training
or food. You give them good food, good
boy, and you give them some goodfood.
Oh God. When they get older, Penani

(01:11:11):
comes once a week, twice a week,you know, on the good days
because you, it's not that the mind isn't there.
The mind wants it, the body wants it, but the body is weak.
They're like, oh shit man, my body is hurting and and it's
it's cold and rainy outside so the arthritis is kicking in and
that everything's aching. So you need something with a

(01:11:33):
different kind of motivator. And you know, you think about
what is it that your older male likes besides punani, there's
certain kinds of foods that you can entice them with.
You can, you know, you can good boy, good boy, and kiss them and
give them little pads of affection.
But you need to also be able to have something that you you have

(01:11:57):
to do it in degrees of severity.When you're disciplining your
older male, when it's something like they belch at you, you have
to go. That's the start.
That's AI am not happy sound. That's the the sound of the
woman saying I'm not happy. Maybe the second time they do
it, they didn't recognize that sound the first time.

(01:12:19):
So now you got to get a little bit more forceful, really.
That's where that word comes in.Really.
To OK, they still didn't get it.So now you've got to be a little
bit more vocal. Say, excuse me, Are you going to
say excuse me? Are you going to say excuse me?
Really. Really.

(01:12:39):
Are you going to say excuse me? Now, if you've got the older,
stubborn male who maybe have been single for a long time, or
maybe they were just so set in their ways that their other
women in their lives had not trained them properly, you got
to reprogram them, OK? And now I'm thinking that we're
at that level for my older male,that the shock collar just might

(01:13:02):
have to come in handy. Which means that once you've
already exhausted all your otherresources, the tingling of the
shock collar is not going to be enough.
You're going to have to go full on, make them wet themselves on
the spot hardcore. And from there you can dial it
back. Once they know what the most

(01:13:23):
severe consequence will be. You can dial it back to maybe a
little over a little tingle like, but you got to double tap
it, not just one. You got to double tap them so
that they know that once is not enough, you know.
That shock column could also come in the form of two hands
over the neck and you're just like it gets.

(01:13:45):
I tighten every time you do this.
I I just tighten. Like.
Like. You know, you you just put your
hand on the deck and just imagine me squeezing the shit
out of you right now. Next time I, I high pressure, I
I'm listening to you and I'm like, it's like you're saving

(01:14:08):
failed marriages, one couple at a time.
Right. Like, Hey guys, listen to this
podcast. I guarantee you we'll save your
failing marriage. I ought to beat your man into
submission. Because I know we talked about,
you know, con conforming in relationships.

(01:14:31):
We talked about that last episode and what I had a friend
of mine who had actually listened to it.
And you know, she she she calledand she called me up and she's
like, hey, I listen to your lastepisode and I'm like, OK, what
part of it didn't you like? What part do you want me to
apologize for? And she was like I and and and

(01:14:53):
she was just like the stuff thatyou when I talked about she was
like I never thought that that how men and women in
relationships as far as contemplating did it.
And I was like you've only and I've known this girl for 20
years she's only been like 2 relationships in her life.

(01:15:13):
I'm like you didn't date around like how me that my colleagues
have like we we we. I mean I could I could have a
football roster of ex girlfriends and they would fill
every position like that's how like and it's and again it's
like I've dated different people.

(01:15:34):
I've learned how to interact when it comes to different you
know, different people. We all have different ways,
different characteristics. We know what buttons to push.
We know what buttons not to push.
So it's just like, but she was like, I have never been able to
get my boyfriend or boyfriends at the time to confirm that

(01:15:57):
anything that I wanted to do. And I'm like, have you listened
to our. And obviously you listened to
the last part of you, listened to our last episode of the
podcast. What have you learned?
She was like, I'm going to try it.
She was like, I'm going to try it.
And I'm like, OK, give it a try.It's easier for men, women, it's
not so much. But yeah, you could get a guy
to. You could.
They're like robots. You could program them to us.

(01:16:20):
You can. You really can, and that's your
shit though. You just.
But like any kind of electronics, you've got to
remember go, go, GIGO, garbage in, garbage out.
So you need to know how to program them properly.
You don't want the GIGO, garbagein, garbage out.

(01:16:41):
You need to, if you're going to program them, know what you want
the desired outcome to be, and then you figure out what
motivates your little robot and plan accordingly.
Sometimes it might be a combination of things.
It might be a combination of food, sex, food, because you got

(01:17:04):
to feed them, then you got to please them, then you got to
feed them again afterwards. Or you might need to feed them,
then sex them, then let them sleep for good behavior, bad
behavior. You have to not feed them the
good stuff and no punani you. Know but this?
Much I can't say, though. It's the ultimate motivator, at

(01:17:26):
least for guys. You know what I'm saying?
If I know that I have a woman that's going to, and for the
most part if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, if I'm,
you know, keeping the relationship, you know, you
know, keeping it interesting, keeping it, you know, doing
things and and whatnot, I know that down the line it's going to

(01:17:51):
have its. Rewards, You know, there's.
You know, like like if if my dogdoesn't shit in the apartment
for a week, I'm like, wow, you know what?
You have a shit in the apartmentin a week.
Hey, let's go for a very Let's go to, let's go to the park.
Let's go, let's go do something.Let's reward your good behavior.
You know what I'm saying? But yeah, no.

(01:18:12):
It's like, I do feel that some dudes you can, you know, easy,
easy to program some dudes. I think so too.
And here's here's the deal. What you say is that long term
goal is really nice too. So what you do is you make sure
that you have to give instant gratification for good behavior.

(01:18:35):
Instant gratification. And it can't always be sex.
Because when you're in the grocery store, you can't always
just drop your doors and you know, or drop their drawers.
They're like, whoa. Whoa, good job.
You just. Perfect.
World get. Arrested for shit like that.
I mean, you can once you get outto the parking lot if you're
young, but when you're old and fat and out of shape, it's a lot
more logistics involved and it gets a lot harder.

(01:18:56):
Make sure that you give them those kisses.
Oh, good job, baby hugs. And when you hug, you got to rub
your boobs against them a littlebit, Like to really let them
know. Good job, baby.
And you rub your boobies in there and you're like, I'm going
to blow you when we get home. Or, you know, you give them some
kind of other gratification and then you have to make sure that

(01:19:18):
you follow through with it. Now, if you also want to get
long term gratification, that's when you tell them I'm going to
Victoria's Secret. You did such a great job.
I'm going to Victoria's Secret, baby.
Right. Automatically.
I saw the look on your face and you just thought, thought of
your woman going to Victoria's Secret for a job well done that

(01:19:42):
you did. And you're thinking, oh, what is
she going to come back and surprise me with?
Oh, I'm a good boy. I'm a good boy.
I did some good. And then follow through with it.
Follow through and make sure that you follow through with
those promises. And then like, I know, here's
the thing, I know women who think that giving blowjobs are

(01:20:04):
degrading for women. And I'm like, these bitches are
ignorant. OK, this is what I'm going to
say. You're stupid.
If you ever, if as a woman, you ever say that giving a man a
blowjob is degrading, you're an idiot because it's not.
It's the most empowering thing you can do.
And you can look your man, straighten your eyes and go, I'm

(01:20:25):
going to train you via blowjobs.And I'm telling you that is the
training that they say I am clayfor you to mold.
Go ahead. What do you want?
What is the desired outcome you want from me?
And then you you lay out a map with the blueprint and say every
time you do this, I will give you a blowjob.

(01:20:49):
They'll be like they they're like Pablo's dog.
They will do it every fucking 5 minutes.
Correct me if I'm wrong. You know.
I will say that I am very much. I mean, I am motivated by good
sex. Like if I know that the sex with

(01:21:11):
my partner is good. Let me tell you something I
ain't going to do. Anything to fuck that up?
You know what I'm saying? Like.
It's. Just like.
Hey, I've been in relationships where, hey, what's?
Oh, the sex is great. It's great.
The relationship is also good aswell.
But I'm just like, when we're inbed, we're in there, you know
what I'm saying? And I it's like, I'm on a roller

(01:21:33):
coaster, You know what I'm saying?
And it's like, Oh my God, the sex is like, it's almost damn
near perfect, but it's so good that it's like, you're not.
And again, it's like you're not going to do anything.
You can't have fucked it up because, hell, who knows what
the sex is like with the next girl?
It could be worse, you know whatI'm saying?

(01:21:53):
Or there could be things that she won't do that like, like,
yeah, again, You know, it's likeI've dated girls for a very
short time that didn't do blowjobs.
I'm just like, I'm sorry. That's kind of like, that's a
deal breaker. Like if you're going to sit, if
you're going to sit there and tell because the things that you
want me to go down on you, but you won't go down on me.
Like what's there's what's the trade off?

(01:22:16):
No, you know what I'm saying? And even if hold on, even if and
and I know that it's very very very rare but I've heard of them
people who do not want oral doneon themselves that does not
exclude you from performing on your partner.
OK, that is not. No, no.

(01:22:41):
You. Have to be able to take care of
your partner. Exactly.
Yeah. I mean, you you do I I remember.
I I remember I dated one girl who did not like being gone,
being gone down on. And to me, I was kind of like,

(01:23:03):
what's the story behind this? There's got to be a reason why.
You know what I'm saying? And it was.
Just and for the reason it was dumb, it was like there's that's
just like, oh, I don't like getting BJ's.
Why? Like, no, I I will never have a
reason that I don't want to, that I don't.
Want to blow dumb. She had a reason.

(01:23:23):
She just didn't want to tell you.
She was probably self-conscious because maybe her vajayjay
stank, or she thought it did. Or maybe.
She thought it tasted funny or something.
Well, how would she know? I mean it's like I mean it's
it's just that she. I mean I never knew this what
the story was. I always thought it was weird
whenever a woman tells me like oh I don't I don't like being

(01:23:45):
gone down and not for nothing Ladies who are listening to this
podcast oh please go on our on our Facebook page and give.
I want to know the reason why you wouldn't want anybody to go
down. And for those and again that's
probably like 8% of the women that are listening to this
podcast probably don't like being gone down on.
But why? What's the reason why you don't

(01:24:06):
like feeling good. Why do you not like being you
know receiving oral like why wouldn't you Why don't you like
that Like what What is the. Because again I can't think for
any guy. I mean I I don't I would love to
meet the guy that's just like ohdude, I don't like blowjobs.
Why is it because the teeth thatyou could you could train that

(01:24:28):
you could coach that out of a woman.
Hey use less teeth, OK? Otherwise I'm going to be
bopping you on the nose every time you keep using teeth like a
dumping like you know like hey you keep you're raking me again.
You know what I'm saying? You're raking like, but but why?
You know what I'm saying? So it's just like it it I I and
and dudes dudes sort of that don't like blowjobs aren't

(01:24:51):
listening to tell me why. Like like tell me why you don't
you don't like tell me why you don't like the feeling of
ecstasy when a girl is blowing you or even a dude if you're
into that whatever. Why?
Why? I can't fathom the reason
because again, whenever a woman tells me she does not on a date

(01:25:13):
if a woman. If if we're on a date, maybe.
First two dates or whatever. And she tells me she doesn't
like being gone down on. I mean, I don't know why that
would come up on a second date, but if it did, you know,
because, you know, I talk about everything, but if it did,
that's a red fucking flag. I mean, that's not even a flag.
It's a red flag that is up and on fire.
Why I? Think that you know there is

(01:25:36):
definitely those red flags. So it's as somebody who is still
single, what are some of your red flags with the women?
Well, that what we just talked about.
You know it's so and and I know this doesn't.
It's if I'm constantly picking up checks.

(01:25:57):
Yeah. Constantly.
Now I'm not talking about like, you know, I'm talking about like
every time we go out, I'm picking up the check I I kind of
feel like. Conversation with her first.
Do you ever have a conversation with a woman and say, you know,
like after the first date or thefirst couple of dates and say,

(01:26:17):
hey, you know, here's my expectations?
Actually, when it comes to expectations, it's basically
what I look for in a woman, you know what I'm saying?
And it's. Never.
Does she have to offer or do youdo you have say something to her

(01:26:40):
first? You mean in this?
It's an interesting thing. I think that's an interesting
dynamic nowadays, some women andand I know this because of of
some of the people on my Facebook friends list, that if
the guy asked them to pay, they would be like I'm out, which I
think is. Absolutely.
So you're OK, so you're so you're talking about in, in this

(01:27:03):
in this scope of what we're talking about.
So here's the thing. I never say anything.
I always pay, you know, But you would think that maybe, let's
say gosh, five dates like 5 dinner dates or even like hey,
we're going to the movies or like different outings.
You would think that you know, hey, maybe let let me, let me

(01:27:28):
pitch in this date, you know, hey, you know what you had the
last first four days. You know, let let me do this.
You know, And not for nothing. I've had women do that.
I've had women volunteer and nine times out of 10, I'd be
like, you know what? No.
I would see if they would do it.Just do it.
I'm like, oh, you know what? No, you could get the next one
or whatever And you know, and I would and I would pay for that

(01:27:51):
night or whatever. But it's just that I know I've
been, there've been times where I'll go out on dates and then
the first of all, dating in New York.
It's expensive. Fucking expensive.
Like like when I took my dad outfor his birthday and I saw the
bill, I was, I told my dad straight up, I don't even take
girls on dates and spend this much like dad, I don't take

(01:28:14):
girls. And he was very grateful, very
thankful. But I was like, I don't like.
And I never showed him a check because.
But in his mind, he probably hasan idea based on what we ordered
based on. I mean, we're talking about
this. This place had like $9 sign
orders, you know what I'm saying?
And we ordered like a loan. We probably ordered like $32

(01:28:35):
worth of signs alone. And we're just going at it, you
know? But it was just like I I I was I
I kept thinking to myself, I'm like I would never, first of
all, I would never take a first date out on a date that I turned
my dad out because it was. First of all, that's something
that you have to kind of gradually work your way up
because. You have to.

(01:28:56):
Go and I keep and I keep tellingYoung bucks, Young bucks this,
but you know you can't take her out on a lavish date at first
because the expectations of the next date is going to be higher
than that, and deep down it's going to be lower every time.
Yeah. No.
And and The thing is, so it's just even as somebody who who's
like a married couple like myself, we rarely go out, we do

(01:29:21):
once in a while like when we were in New York, we actually
had a a phenomenal dinner. We went, Oh my God, they did a
the one restaurant we went to, they had a grilled cauliflower
with arugula and and chili sweetchili sauce, and it had candied

(01:29:47):
walnuts in it. It was amazing, worth every
penny. But you know, like you, that was
an appetizer. When you're married, you rarely,
especially if you have kids, youalmost never get appetizers
because that's you just don't you.
You get in there, you pay your bill, you keep it around your
$50.00, right? But when you go on a date night

(01:30:10):
like we went last night, it was weird.
It was weird. We actually went to the mall
yesterday and because I was trying to find I needed to I
just. He gave me my Christmas present
early which is my iPad Pro and Iwas afraid to use it until I had

(01:30:31):
protection for it. Like I wanted a screen cover and
I wanted a cover for it and it was so weird.
We went we and he, he swore by this one product at a kiosk and
he goes, let's go get it done there and we're standing there
and the guy had a kiosk. He was helping somebody and he

(01:30:52):
said OK guys it'll be a couple minutes and like a couple
minutes later he turned around and he's like, where's my phone?
And somebody had stolen his phone like they walked past the
kiosk And and I have to say thatfirst of all this guy was not
aware of in his surroundings at all.
First of all, you're in freakingTacoma.

(01:31:16):
And he had shit on his kiosk. Like, it had a little bit.
It had a shelf all the way around with a little bit of a
wall. But that wall was like maybe
what, 3-4 inches? Like I walked around and I was
thinking, this guy heads back tome and I'm thinking I could have
stole that. I could have stole that.
I could have stole that. And he had not even known any
different. Well, apparently the person and

(01:31:37):
I had walked, so Romeo had seen the guy's phone sitting on the
counter. I didn't even see it.
I walked around just because I was looking at stuff that was in
a case. And then the guy turns around
and he's like, are you fucking kidding me?
Somebody stole my phone. At that point, we were like, you
know, he's not going to be in any frame of mind to help us
right now. And we looked at the clock.

(01:31:58):
It was like 6:00, six. And we were starving.
And I said, you know what, How late are you going to be here?
Eight. OK, cool.
We'll we'll come back. And we went.
And I'd never been to Cheese Fact Cheesecake Factory before.
Oh. I'd never eaten there before, by
the way. It was amazing.
The food was delicious and yes, we got appetizers.

(01:32:18):
Pretty good place. But we came back and the guy was
gone. He'd already closed the shop
because he was freaking out thatit wasn't even his phone.
It was his boss's phone. However, he had all his banking
information. He had all this information.
He had all of his contact information, including how to

(01:32:38):
get a hold of his bosses, and hedidn't know how to get a hold of
them. Well, it was very his misfortune
was a fortune for us because we ended up finding a different
kiosk that I'd already kind of scouted out, where they had a
much, much nicer like, I don't. I showed you a picture of my

(01:32:59):
new, my new cover, which is a It's a butterfly, and it's
perfect because the wings open up and it sits upright like you
can. You can't tell that there's any
lean to it. And.
It also is one of those things that when I go to record, when I
I'm on stage it's going to, I can have it sitting up without

(01:33:21):
having it at any kind of angle. It'll be able to to record and
the wings won't get in the way it holds it up and so, So I was
looking at and and we got that and then I also got one so that
if I decide that I need to take it to work with me, it's more of
a business looking kind. It just has a flap that goes
over the top of it and it's a little bit easier, like if I

(01:33:43):
have to travel with it or something.
And then I got the plastic coverthat goes over it.
And it was crazy because the guywhen we bought it, him and his
son and it looked like his son was maybe like 1415, was
monitored and thankfully they were still open and they I love

(01:34:03):
this. It's it's chunky.
If you drop it, it's got the IT beveled up.
It's almost like for kids, you know, so but the guy was so
excited. He was like as he was putting it
all together and then he goes, oh, he has the sun, he goes, oh,
they're buying that one instead,that case.
And he goes, no dad, they're buying both and he's like both.

(01:34:27):
And it was both cases were cheaper than what it cost me to
buy a single flimsy ass case at the Apple Store.
You know, So this guy was so excited.
He was hugging us. It was weird.
And I was just like, they're just a couple of cases, but one

(01:34:47):
person's misfortune turned out to be another person's, you
know, it turned out great for us.
And it was his silver lining, too.
I mean, I don't know why it was.He was very happy to have those,
that sale, you know, it was verycool.
But so, yeah, Cheesecake Factory.
Cheesecake. Going back, we had appetizers at

(01:35:11):
The Cheesecake Factory, and that's not something that, like,
we know that that's a special treat.
But you don't do shit like that on a date.
Like on a it's not on a first date.
You don't first date like expensive appetizers and drinks
and shit like that. You not on a first.
You don't have any first dates. Bitch, you're married now.

(01:35:35):
Yeah, it's. It's yeah.
No and and and you're absolutelyright that's just something that
on a first date no, like and andit's funny because I it feels
like I've had like when guys askme like what's your ideal first
date? I'm like you know what actually
ice cream in the park, you know or hanging out at the park And

(01:35:55):
and not saying that you can't goto like somewhere and like you
know have like a lunch or something like that.
But as far as like a Tavern on the Green or a very expensive
steak restaurant, it's just likewhy?
Why would you want to blow your load that early?
You know. It's, it's.

(01:36:16):
It's. Like, not for nothing.
Those types of those types of dates that you're talking about,
to me they're they're like, yo, that's date like 10, that's when
you've been established. Like, hey, we're in a
relationship. I like this girl.
This girl likes me. And then you gradually build to
stuff like that. But, you know, it it blows my

(01:36:37):
mind when, you know, I had a friend tell me that he went on a
first date with a girl. And I was like, oh, tell me
about it. Where'd you take her?
And he told me the name of the restaurant.
And I Googled it and I saw the dollar signs.
They they ranked dollar signs from one to four.
It was a $3. It was very expensive.
And I was like, why did you? So I was like, out of curiosity,
why did you take her there? And he was just like, well, you

(01:36:59):
know, I've always wanted to go to that restaurant, so I figured
I would take her. But it's like, you could have
did that by yourself. You know what I'm saying?
Save yourself. Save yourself somebody.
If I see a restaurant that I want to try, I would go by
myself, you know? Oh, for the most part.
Now in this case, you know, me and my dad, we took the trek out

(01:37:22):
to Jersey and I did, I did all my due diligence as far as
looking at the reviews for the restaurant and whatnot.
And I was like, you know what, we'll do this.
But as far as, you know, taking a first date, it's like you're
trying to get to know somebody you know.
And sometimes it's always good to see how you're going to get
to know somebody when you're, you know, you can take her out

(01:37:43):
to the movies. I don't really like doing movies
on a first date because you don't get to talk.
No. But, but the one thing that I've
always done is, like, if I do, if I take a girl out on a date
and when the dessert menu comes,I always get back to dessert
menu and go somewhere else for the dessert.
That way it keeps the date goingand you're not stuck in one

(01:38:04):
place the whole time. It's like, oh, we went to, you
know, Liberty Steakhouse. And then afterwards we went to,
like, when I'm in New York, there's my favorite Italian
restaurant in Little Italy. And then when I'm done there for
dessert, I go to the Cannoli King, which is not even the next
block over. It's a nice little walk and it's

(01:38:26):
packed full of people on the weekends.
And it's sometimes I'll buy a bottle of beer, I mean a bottle
of wine, and then eat, eat cannolis or brownies or whatever
with my day. That way it extends the date.
It's a different atmosphere. But yeah, it's like I like to
mix it up, you know, I don't like just we're going to stay
here all the whole day, you know?

(01:38:47):
I know let's. Change the scenery.
A good change of scenery always works, you know.
And I think that. To me, the.
The most important thing about adate is you are actually, so you
saw somebody there was a physical attraction, but you
want to see if that because the physical attraction is either
going to grow or it's going to fizzle and you could have a 10

(01:39:12):
turn into a three real quick. Oh, that is so true.
Turn into a 10. You.
Know very quickly. And it's it's one thing to date
a girl that is, you know, if you're looking at ranking like
it's easier to date. Oh look, she's an 8, but her
personality could easily be a 2.Yeah.
And it's almost like, Oh well, you're hot and single.

(01:39:32):
Gee, I wonder why. What's the story behind this?
And then you find out a lot sooner than you'd want to.
Right. And that's you sit though, and
you don't find that at. You can't find that out at a
movie. You can't find that out.
You know, like if you're sittingthere at a really expensive, the
best thing to do is sit there, find someplace quiet and go have
a coffee or something like that.So if you're if you're sitting

(01:39:55):
there and you start to, you know, then if you start making a
connection, you're like, oh, I want to spend more time with
this person. I actually want to find out
what's you know then hey, how about, you know it's getting
late. How about we go get I'm getting
hungry. You want to go grab some dinner
or do you want to grab some lunch or you know whatever.
And then or you also leave yourself an out you.

(01:40:17):
Leave. Yourself an out.
Like if you go, man, this personjust went from an 8 to A2.
You know, I, you know, I don't want to cut this short but I
have other plan. You know, I have I have
something that I have to get done today for work tomorrow or
whatever. And you haven't invested
anything but your time and maybe10 bucks.

(01:40:38):
I don't understand. Why would you want to throw down
all this money? I mean people need to you know,
this isn't the 50s anymore. Fuck.
We need to think rethink about how we're doing dating and
stuff. Or even Dutch.
Go Dutch you. I don't know if I like you
enough to pay for your shit. I I went out on a date with this
girl one time and we met for coffee.

(01:41:00):
I was like, let's meet for coffee.
And you know, we were at this coffee shop in in Manhattan and
the coffee was great. Her company was awful because
all she did was bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
It was like, I couldn't. She was bitching about politics.
She was bitching about how much she hated New York.

(01:41:21):
She was bitching about how she hated Democrats.
And I'm thinking to myself, wow,how did we, how did we allow
this to happen? Bitched the whole fucking time.
So when I was done with my coffee, I got up and I said, you
know, it was a pleasure meeting you.

(01:41:43):
I don't think this is something that I would want to do again.
And she was like, why? And I'm like, if you have to
ask, you need to rewind the lasthalf an hour and then I just
left. You know.
It was just enough for nothing, you know?
It was coffee. I paid for it.
But if you really think about it, could I thought about what

(01:42:05):
if I was that like an elegant restaurant and she pulled that
shit, you know what I'm saying? It's just like, mind you, you
know? Again, dating in Manhattan,
dating in New York is expensive.So what if I was to throw down,
you know, 200 bucks on a date ona first date and an only date

(01:42:25):
over a woman that a couldn't even, like, appreciate the
elegance of the place that she was in, You know what I'm
saying? I mean, the coffee shop was
actually a nice coffee shop. It was very cool, very nice.
I felt good about it. But when she walked in and sat
down and, you know, we were talking, we're introducing

(01:42:46):
ourselves. And this or whatever, it was
just, it went, it was just downhill.
It was like she had a bad day and she was just willing to take
it out on there. I could see, hey, look, I had a
bad day. Please forgive my behavior or
whatever. Like, if she would have prefaced
that, I would have been like, oh, OK, I get it.
At least you had the wherewithalto tell me that you were having

(01:43:07):
a bad day, this, that, whatever.But it was almost like I had to
find out after the fact and and nobody should nobody should go
through that. But like I said, I'm was I was
thinking to myself, damn, what if I was at like a restaurant
that you know a nice restaurant,I I would have been even more

(01:43:27):
madder. But I was like, Nope, I'm glad
this happened. And that way I could easily, you
know, pinpoint hey, you know what this is when I could see
why this will not work in the future.
I am not willing to again. And mind you, very beautiful.
But again beautiful. Recently single.
I'm like, I could see why you can't even you can't even find

(01:43:52):
the happiness in a situation you're negative.
Constantly negative. I I don't need that in my life.
So I'm not going to introduce that, reintroduce that kind of
behavior in my life because I don't, I will not put up with
that. Right, right.
And that's just a throw. It's just that you you find
people that actually, you know, maybe they're not the perfect

(01:44:15):
looking person, but you find outthat their personality is so
amazing and it's so resonates with you, that they just become
one of the most beautiful peoplein the world.
And that is what we're all kind of looking for is because you
know if you're if the the physical attraction will catch

(01:44:38):
your your eye at first, but it'sthe the stamina of the
personality that's going to keepit going, that's going to
sustain it. And if you don't have a
personality, like if if you're so used to everybody telling you
how beautiful you are and how gorgeous you are, and they
overlook your your nasty disposition, after a while it

(01:44:59):
gets old, you know? It really gets old.
And so. You would also think that that's
something that you need to know as a person.
OK, there's some things I need to change about myself.
Like it's not it's not the otherperson, it's what's the common
denominator? You're just a shitty person.
You need to change that. Yeah.
You know, because nothing, nothing, All dudes want to do is

(01:45:22):
be with somebody that they can jail with.
That's it. If you're not giving.
If you're not giving. And again, I'm not saying you
have to force yourself to Joe with them, but if it's not
there, it's not there. But at least.
But don't throw it away because you know, oh, I deserve.
I deserve this I deserve. But you see a lot of that these
days. Oh, you know what I saw this

(01:45:43):
this guy who was showing me on his dating app.
He showed me this girl who the last sentence on her profile was
If you go Dutch or split, checksa swipe left.
And I was like. I was like.
It's what? Like, dude, swipe left that
that. That's the tip of the iceberg
right there. Right.
Yeah, I'm like, that tells you everything you need to know

(01:46:06):
about that woman, right? And mind you, she was hot.
She looked like a model. But I'm like, do you really want
to put yourself in that situation where you have to,
like, you know, just be at her, you know, her whims?
Like, no, you don't need, You don't need the headache.
Somebody who's who thinks that she's so beautiful that she's
entitled. Know what?

(01:46:28):
And that's great. You're that's great, sweetheart.
But just keep in mind your lookshave an expiration date.
They all do. So if that's what you want and
that's what you're setting yourself up for, you can't be
mad when somebody drops your assbecause you got old or you're no
longer attractive. Yeah, as you were when they met

(01:46:51):
you. And at that point you will be
going Dutch or you will be goingsingle for a long time.
Yeah, I mean, personality goes over to me.
Personality goes a long way. Yeah.
When I saw, when he showed me that, I was like, well, what are
you going to do? If I was you, I'd swipe left
because that's that looks like afucking headache that you don't

(01:47:11):
need in your life. Oh, at that point, at that
point, I would be, I'd be so curious as to try and go on a
first date, just to kind of findout what sort of a bitch she
was. Oh God.
Yeah, got. It that way.
You know what? I'm not.
I don't even think I would ever be that curious.
When I saw that, I was like, first of all, the nerve to do

(01:47:33):
that. But it's just like, you know,
And again, I'm not saying, you know, hey, pay for all the
dates. I'm not saying that.
But I'm just like, you know, youyou you've got to be fucking
kidding me. You know you, you, you.
You you mean to tell me that a guy on ten straight dates?
Should be. You know, opening his wallet

(01:47:56):
every single time. No.
Every single fucking time. And I think that that is so
1950s or so 1960s. You know what?
There was a different time back then.
You things weren't as expensive where it took two people to
fucking. You know, you can't even.
It's so expensive you can't evenlive in your own house for
yourself anymore, you know. And at that point in time,
maybe. But nowadays, like, first of

(01:48:16):
all, too, as a woman, when I dated, I didn't want a guy to
pay for me. Look, I'm going to pay my own
way because if you're paying forme, you feel like I owe you
something. No.
If I'm going to put out, it's going to be because I'm
attracted to and I want to, not because I feel like I have to.
You're paying. You're buying me.
You're paying for me. I'm not doing that.

(01:48:38):
And this to me, you know I don'towe you shit.
You know, I pay for my own way. And if I don't want to stick
around, I'm going to dip out. If I like you, I like you.
And then we'll stick around and talk.
But I mean, it's something that the expectations have to be
different. You can't.
You can't, as a woman, say that I'm independent.

(01:49:01):
I'm strong. I want, I want equal pay.
I want equal rights. But you need to pay for me and
hold the door. No, it's nice when they pay for
you, and it's nice when they hold the door, but you can't
expect that. You need to have a different
mentality. You can't have one without the
other because that pendulum doesn't go only halfway.
It's all or nothing, you know. So you need to make those

(01:49:22):
changes. And if you want to be a strong
independent woman or or somebody, then you need to be
able to say, I'm willing to pay for myself.
Why? Because deuces, I'm dipping out.
I I also see like where some women I've seen them post,
they're like, Oh yeah, if they don't, if they're not willing to
pay and take me some place nice for dinner, I'm not going out on

(01:49:44):
a date with them, then don't, you know.
Well, you must have a lot of options then.
You probably have a lot of options.
But just because you have a lot of options doesn't mean you have
a lot of quality to those. Options.
You know. Yeah.
I mean, there's got to be a sense of humility.
Yeah. You know, there's got to be a
sense of humility. There's got to be a sense of.

(01:50:06):
And again, I consider myself pretty old fashioned.
So if I'm taking a woman out on out on a date, it's and I'm
being a gentleman. You know what I'm saying?
Don't worry about it. You know, let's just, let's just
enjoy the day, you know? And on top of that, when I learn
stuff about her, you know, what I try to do is I try to

(01:50:27):
implement our next following dates based on her interests.
Because then it shows that A you're listening.
You're being attentive and you know who knows maybe her last
boyfriend didn't like you know tea festivals and you took her
to one and she loves them and she and I mean it.

(01:50:48):
What it does is it it puts layers on top of layers on the
relationship. You know, it shows that you're.
Willing. To do things I always tell
people relationships is about, it's not just about, like you
said, physical attraction. It's about also sharing
interests. You know, I, I, I do something
for her that she likes to do. And maybe down the line she'll

(01:51:11):
oh, hey, I saw that. You know, there's a there's a
Santa Claus Batman convention going on.
I got us tickets for that. Let's do that, you know.
Like it's all about. Sharing in the interest and
that's how you grow into the relationship.
Here's a question for you. If you if if a woman had one
quality that would really attract you of of a common

(01:51:35):
interest. OK, something that that woman
was interested in for. For example, when the first time
I ever went to Romeo's house, the very first time he his
house, I walked in and I got defensive because I was like, I
was looking around and I'm like,what's with all these Dragons?

(01:51:58):
I said, you found out that I collect Dragons didn't you?
And he's like what I said, you found out that I and he goes,
what are you talking about? He goes, I've had that picture
and they started tell me how long and I was like, are you?
Kidding. I'm like because I collect
Dragons and come to find out he loves Dracons even more than I
do, if that's possible, right? And so then when I I went into
his man cave, I saw like, he hadit all set up with the lights

(01:52:22):
going and to really impress and all the lights, like he had the
Transformers and then he had like the Star Wars, you know,
like the the different wall hanging things, right.
And it was so freaking badass cool that I was just like, Oh my
God, this is amazing. But and we've been talking for
like a month. So if a woman was to have one

(01:52:44):
particular interest, a shared interest or something that would
really get your attention. What do you think it would be if
all the things that you're interested in that you like?
You know what? And, you know, I never know how
to answer this question because I have so many interests, But if
there was one that would shock me, it would probably be if she

(01:53:09):
liked anything Batman related. You know, if I was to go to our
house and she had like a bat, a Batmobile figurine on her
dresser or something, and she owned all the movies and I
noticed it, I'd be like, like, wow, you you're obsessed with
Batman. Probably worse than me that
that'd probably be one of the things that would probably get

(01:53:33):
us that would probably be that because then it's like she's
she's a little bit of a nerd. She would be like a little bit
of a nerd. She would challenge me and my
Batman trivia, probably she would go to Comic Con.
So like all these little things would probably tie in so that
she probably has like some greatlike Batman, like Leg Legge that

(01:53:56):
I have a Batman robe. So you know, it would.
I don't know, it'd probably be something like that.
You know, it's funny because that's exactly what I was
thinking that you would you would pick of of of all your
many interests, the one interestthat would probably like I think
like the nerd side, but the the the nerd, their inner nerd that

(01:54:17):
we're called, your inner nerd would be the best man.
Nerd. But.
But if I mean, and it didn't necessarily have to be like
that, if she was like, oh, I'm more of a Deadpool person, I'd
be like, OK, like you like, you know, comic, you like, you know,
comic superheroes and whatnot, antiheroes and whatnot.
So it's like that if she was into something like that, I

(01:54:37):
would be like, wow, that's that would be amazing.
I know when me and Jocelyn datedand there was a a superhero
movie that was coming out, she would remind me and we'd go
watch it on Thursday night like before we'd come out that
Friday, like we would go watch like the midnight showing,
knowing damn well we had to go to work.

(01:54:58):
The next day we would catch the midnight showing down by
Factoria not too far from. Where we lived.
By Mercer Island. And we would we would get
tickets like right after work she'd be like hey, what are you
doing after work Like I don't know why what's on your mind?
Deadpool's coming out. Let's go watch it like she would
be like fuck yeah, let's let me go get tickets.

(01:55:18):
We're doing it so. And she came to a lot of the
comic cons that we did. You know, she came to a lot of
the comic cons and but again, medragging her to these comic
cons, I did the tea festivals with her, you know.
And so that was like the trade off the tea festival in Seattle
every October. We did that and I didn't, I

(01:55:44):
didn't like it at first, but then I started getting the hang
of it. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, let's do
it, you know, because I got to remember she goes, sees all the
superhero movies with me. She came to the Comic cons with
me. I mean she, you know, when we
dated, we we we did all that. So that was probably a prime
example of, again, interests, you know, like getting into our

(01:56:08):
interests and doing things that we liked based on our interests.
You know, she would get me something Batman related for my
birthday. I can't tell you how many Batman
cups I got from her and whatnot but you know it's it was one of
it was just one of those those things you know so but yeah to
get somebody who's interested inthose things that to me because

(01:56:30):
again and on top of that even inmy 40s it's I I still feel like
the I'm I'm not hanging on to myyouth per SE, but I am hanging
on to like the things that I liked when I was a child you
know. So it was I I'm always I I still
feel like a kid inside deep downall the time.
So, you know, even like even wearing this shirt.

(01:56:52):
I mean I just washed this shirt a couple a few days ago and I'm
just like, yeah, I'm gonna throwthis on.
I wear this shirt to work. They know I like Batman and all
that. So it's just my Co workers love
them too. So we talk about it all the
time. But yeah, no, it's, I would say
to answer your original question, that would be one of
the things that I would be like,wow, OK, we're going to get
along just fine, you know? And and The thing is though is

(01:57:17):
if if she was somebody who who had all those traits and let's
say that she was like A5 or A6, she would shoot up on that that
like she would go from a five orsix to like an 8 or a lot
faster. Oh yeah, yeah.
Because again at the end of the day, you know, I mean, yes, I
think me not for nothing. I'm a little vain.

(01:57:39):
I mean, I want to be able to I everybody wants a good looking
counterpart, you know? But at the same time, like your
looks also has to complement your personality, right?
You know. What I'm saying, like you have
my thing is you have to have a personality for the most part.
You know what I'm saying that that's just it, your

(01:58:02):
personality. I think that that's what I look
for. I don't get if you look great,
great. That's like you say, like
physical attraction is the firstattraction that is made.
When you meet somebody or you see somebody, you're
automatically physically attracted to them.
Now it's like, OK, now I got to figure out.
Now I got to see if I like you. If we we click and hope that

(01:58:24):
hope for the best there. Right, exactly.
But that's. Just it though, it's just that I
think that that surgery, trying to find somebody who is a good
partner is so hard to find. You know, that somebody who can
really kind of click with you. I don't know why, but all of a

(01:58:44):
sudden this just kind of popped into my head like I was kind of
thinking, you know, part of it is, is that to be able to find
somebody you have to be right within yourself Before you can
find somebody a good partner, you have to be good with
yourself along the sides. So I just, I I I have an
opportunity. I I was afforded this

(01:59:08):
opportunity and I'm really excited about it.
I'm actually going to start therapy next week, mental health
therapy. And I was offered.
This is something that's really exciting and I was thinking
about putting this on the the Northwest comedians, putting

(01:59:28):
this out there for comedians. I was a therapist.
So my cousin owns a therapy, youknow, she's a she's a therapist,
she's a mental health specialist.
She also has a couple of therapists that work for her and
she's trying to help build their.
One of them I think is is working on her master's.

(01:59:50):
So they have to they there's a lot of different things they
have to do. And so she said she is offering
counseling services through her two of her counselors for 35
bucks an hour, right? That is awesome.

(02:00:11):
That's not bad, actually. And So what I was going to do is
I was like, I was going to post that on Pacific Northwest
comedians and say, hey, I know this isn't about a gig or
anything, but I I happen to knowthat one of the reasons why us
funny people are funny is because we have our mental
health issues. If anybody would be interested

(02:00:32):
in $35.00 an hour counseling services, you know it's a it is
a reputable they are they are licensed therapist.
You know they're just building their their their schedules and
they're offering a limited time offer of third.
You know that to get in at that $35.00 an hour, I think a lot of

(02:00:58):
people would jump on that because that's something that
one of the the barriers people have to getting mental health
care is the cost. It's really cost prohibitive
especially if you don't have insurance.
But 35 bucks an hour, who can't afford 35 bucks an hour?
Very few just leave it at that very few.

(02:01:19):
So I don't know if that would besomething that, you know, people
would be interested in or not, but I think it's a pretty
awesome deal. It's yeah, I think that is too.
I I don't I don't see why you wouldn't want to dive on that 35
bucks. That's.
Shoot. That's that's good.
And plus, there's a lot of comics, a lot of people in our

(02:01:42):
industry that needs that. Yes, yes, yeah.
Welcome to the land of Misfit. Toys.
Right. Pretty much, yeah.
Oh boy. So.
I'm thinking I'm. I'm pretty excited about it
myself because I'm going to start next week.
I'm going to have my introduction with this lady and

(02:02:06):
I am actually going to try and get Romeo on one of their
schedules too. They have, she has two different
therapists that works for her. One is a guy and he's he's
definitely one of those ones that he's lived that life of.

(02:02:30):
Like a lot of therapists. He's already done it all and is
learning how to turn his life around.
He's turned his life around. And then the lady that I'm going
to be seeing is she's in getting.
I think she's getting her doctorate or her mouth.
I'm not sure. I think it's probably her
doctorate and so she has to havea certain amount of you know,

(02:02:50):
like she has to work under another licensed therapist for a
while and and have. But it's she's an older lady
like like my age. So I'm like OK, because I, you
know, I think that to me would be really hard to go talk to a
therapist in her 20s or 30s. I'd be like bitch, please get
out. You have no idea what life.
Is like. Have.
Not lived have. Not lived life, you know.

(02:03:13):
Yeah, yeah, go away. Right.
And so I think that that's one of those things that I'm kind of
looking forward to. I'm, I'm really looking forward
to that. So my first therapy session is
next Friday. So it's more of an introductory

(02:03:34):
one though. So I'm going to I'll meet with
her for probably only about 1/2 hour just to kind of fill her
out and then I'll know for sure.Then I'll start working on
getting on her schedule after that.
But you know I'm, I'm excited about this because I think even
though for the most part I do have like you know I have my
shit together and and I was, I was funny.

(02:03:55):
I was talking to Romy about thisthis morning I met.
We ran into one of his ex girlfriends this last weekend.
Oh. Yeah.
And it was weird because it's not like we could get away.
It was at bingo. OK, So.
And this woman and her current boyfriend were sitting right
behind us. Awkward.

(02:04:15):
But he was telling me some stories.
I was like asking him today, like, how did you meet her?
And he's like, I don't remember,but you know, and he's like, no,
she was one of the ones that was.
She was not one of the batshit crazy ones, but she was one of
the ones. And and he was telling me this

(02:04:36):
kind of story and I and he was talking to to me about anything
he told me about. Like I don't talk to him.
He knows my ex-husband. But other than that I don't talk
to him about guys I've been withor anything like that.
I just don't. I don't.
I just move on, right? And so he was telling me about,
about this lady. And I stopped him and I licked

(02:04:57):
him and I said, am I the only woman you've ever been with who
had their shit together? And he looked at me and he goes,
yes, pretty much yes. And I'm like, dude, you so hit
the fucking lottery with me. And he's like, yes, I did.
And I'm like, OK, just so that we acknowledge that, you know?

(02:05:21):
And it's so funny because I was talking to my son's, my in laws
today, they stopped by this thismorning, had something to help
me work on. And I've actually known his
mother-in-law for well, because my son met his.
My son met her daughter. Beau was 10 when he met his

(02:05:45):
daughter, his his current wife. His wife was 12 when they met.
And I knew, I knew the day he met her because he'd gone over
to his best friend's house. And he came back and he was
acting really weird. And I was like, hey, Kit, what's

(02:06:05):
going on? Because he just had this, like,
this weird look on his face, right.
And I'm like, are you OK? What's going on?
And he goes, no, he goes, Mom. He goes, I just met Keisha and I
was like, oh Lord. And so I've known.
I've known the mother-in-law forprobably God going on 20 years

(02:06:28):
now and almost, yeah, just about20 years I've known her.
And so she actually met my psycho ex and we were talking
about that today. And she was telling me a story
about how one time she'd come over and it was just so it was

(02:06:49):
a, it was a long time ago, but like how my psycho ex, like,
pinned her up against a wall andwas like trying to hit on her
and stuff when I wasn't there. And she was actually kind of
dating my younger brother at thetime.
And. And it was, it was very weird.
It was very weird like they pulled him off of her type

(02:07:12):
thing, like, yeah, instead of getting in a big ass fight with
him because they didn't want to,you know, create a situation.
And she's like, I didn't say anything to you because, you
know, he was dating you at the time.
And and I was like, you know, I wish you had said something.
And then I thought about it. And I'm like, you know, because
I don't know that I would have changed what I it would have
changed where I'm at today in life.

(02:07:35):
And as much as the hell that I went through back then, I love
where I'm at in life now. I love my big bougie house.
And and you know, like all the stuff that I have, you know, my
creature comforts that I've beenable to acquire.
And I don't know that I would have had the in fact, I know I

(02:07:56):
would not have had. When I bought my first house, I
would not have have been. I wouldn't have wanted to buy a
house as a single woman. Especially not one that needed
some work. I wouldn't have wanted to do
that alone because I would have been afraid.
Now I I mean, shit, I don't mindbeing alone.

(02:08:17):
I mean if I'm alone, I I'm alone.
But it's. I got where I'm at today because
where I was back in those days, right, that made me who I am
today. And so I still think that if I
ever, you know, if I ever see myex, I'm still going to kick him
in the nuts just, you know, for shits and giggles.

(02:08:41):
But I I like where I'm at today,and I'm happy with that.
But I think that you don't get, you don't get to where you're at

(02:09:02):
in life without making, you know, if you get somewhere, you
have to have sacrifices and stuff, right?
And it's just what you're willing to sacrifice to get
where you're going. And overall, I wish it I could
have found this. I wish I could have found this
position in my life where I was at 20 years ago.

(02:09:24):
But you know what? At least I found it.
And I'm happy with where I'm at.And it's taken me a long fucking
time to get here. It's the.
Journey. Right.
It is about that journey and andit's kind of a you know now I I
there's other things that I'm looking at too and I think that
there's a big difference between.
And I think back about that 20 years ago and I think about

(02:09:47):
where I was when I first starteddoing comedy and I all the
things that I was doing back then And that journey is it's
where I was out on that journey versus where I'm at today on my
journey and it is a lot different but I finally I'm I've

(02:10:13):
I've kind of moved into that position where I'm I have a
partner in my life that I love doing that going through that
journey together like all these fun exciting things and I went
from surviving to thriving and that's what it's all about like
when you get to that point whereyou thrive it's a different

(02:10:33):
outlook. You cannot live your life the
same to thrive as you do when you you're trying to survive.
If you are in your best life. If you want to live your best
life you have to learn how to tolive in thriving mode not
survival mode. Because survival mode should

(02:10:54):
only be temporary. Survival mode should not be the
end of your destination. If that's the end of your
destination. You need to re evaluate your
life and where you're going. Because every person in this
world should get to a point in their life where they can
thrive. Especially, you know, in in the
land of opportunities. With all the things that we have
available to us here in this country, you have got to get to

(02:11:17):
the point where you know what does thriving look like to you
And that should be set on your your GPS of of goals.
You should have that. And then once you get to that
thriving mode, you should know what does that look like to you
and how do you behave? And then what's your next goal

(02:11:37):
after that and to keep that going.
So, you know, I'm at a point in my life now where I go, OK, now
we're at thriving mode. Now the goal is how do we set
ourselves up for when we go to retire that I get to continue
thriving and not go back to thriving or survival.
I don't want to be in surviving mode when I retire.

(02:11:59):
So I mean, it's just, I don't know, I'm off on a little
tangent. Sorry.
It's it's. I mean, these are things that at
my age that I think about because, you know, I don't live
in New York, I survive New York,and I don't want to survive New
York. I want.
To. Thrive.
Right. So I'm always thinking about,

(02:12:20):
you know, I'm actually thinking and planning out the next course
of where I'm going because, you know, do I see myself retiring
here? Honestly, I don't.
But where I see one more move left in me and because I don't,

(02:12:44):
I I just feel like like and it would have to be being that I
got this new job, it's going to have to be one of those things
where I got to transfer to another city.
Right. So here's a question for you.
You're 40. You don't have any kids.
Do you ever want to have kids? I do.

(02:13:07):
I just got to have it with the right woman.
So do you see, Do you think thatthat's ever going to happen?
Oh. I think it.
Will. Actually, I'm more than sure
that it will. Why?
Why are you more than sure? I'm pretty sure the next woman

(02:13:27):
that sees that I date and sees my genes, I'm going to
definitely want to have a baby with me and I'm going to be
like. I'm sure that other women that
have dated you have wanted to have kids with you.
That's not the point. The point?
Is that is so well you didn't that's very true but no I I'm
pretty sure that it it will happen but nonetheless it's just

(02:13:49):
AI don't want to raise. I don't want to have kids or
raise them in New York. That's not happening.
So and then aside from that, no,it's not that I don't want to
have kids. I've always wanted to have kids.
It's just most of the time, whenever that issue was brought,
not even issue, that topic is brought up.
It's at the worst time. It's at the time where only one

(02:14:11):
of us had a job. It's at a time where you know,
where we don't make enough moneyto even, you know, raise a
hamster. Like we got to get our
priorities. Straight.
If we want to, you know, I've always felt like when it came to
the subject of having children, like I had to be the realistic
adults about it. OK, we could have kids, but not

(02:14:36):
on a one person. I mean, like you're not working,
you don't have anything saved. I'm the person that's been
working and saving I got basically, aside from that
person having the children, which is the hard part, I got to
do all the other stuff afterwards when the baby is
born, you know what I'm saying? And this person's not working,
you know what I'm saying? Or the person has no desires to
work but just want to be a stay at home mom, which I'm just like

(02:14:58):
I don't think I want that, but Idon't know.
It's just it's well. Priority First of all I'm going
to and here's what I find so funny is is that people who
don't have kids go oh I'm waiting for the right situation.
There's no such thing. It's never going to happen at
the best time the only thing andand to say, well, I don't want

(02:15:19):
them to be a stay at home mom. And then all of a sudden you
have this beautiful gorgeous little baby and you go, I will
fucking kill anybody who hurts this child.
I trust no one but the other person who loves this child as
much as I do. Unless you have a retired parent
that can stay at home and watch them and then you don't want to
raise them in New York, well then you can't find somebody.

(02:15:40):
You can't find somebody to love the right person in New York
because are they going to be willing to relocate you?
Know. No.
These again, these are things that I've already thought about.
But I know that I can't and won't I?
I I just won't want to raise a kid here in New York.
Understood. Understood.
But these are, these are why I'msitting here.
I'm I'm kind of laughing and I go, you know, but it's different

(02:16:03):
for you because you're 40 and you can have kids up until, you
know, like you're 5060, right? But if you were to have a kid
right now, they're not going to graduate until, you know, I see
you met the perfect person todayand then you started dating.
Then you got married. So then you're going to be like
4243. You're not going to be done
raising the kid until that you're in your 60s.

(02:16:27):
You going to have the energy like, I'm and I look at this
because I, my older brother is 55.
His youngest child, because he, he has two boys.
His oldest child is 19. Sorry 20 and his newborn is 9

(02:16:47):
months at age 55 I'm looking at I'm 54.
I looked at my husband and I said there ain't no fucking way
I want to raise child of my age.It's a lot of work and it's
exhaustive. I although I guess it's OK for
my brother because he has his wife do it you know.
But even that he still has to have some kind of involvement in

(02:17:09):
it. I just, I don't understand like
the the, the thought process of,you know, it's easy to say I'm
going to do it eventually, eventually, but at at some
point, eventually aren't there anymore, like, oh jeez, that
ship sailed. You know, So I just kind of
laugh because I, I, I don't know, I have.

(02:17:30):
Sometimes I can picture you in ahappy, committed relationship
and then at other times I'm like, I don't see you in a
committed relationship because you are very much a comedian and
you want to be able to go do your comedy stuff.
And it takes a lot of sacrificesto be a parent and a partner, a

(02:17:50):
long term partner. And unless you have somebody
who's willing to, you know, I don't know.
I I don't know. I mean, and then there's also,
I've also thought of worst case,best case scenario adoption.
So it's not like, you know, so it's not like it's not like the
ship has super sailed. I've always thought about

(02:18:13):
adopting. I, I even told my mom, like, you
know, if I'm not with somebody, you know, I I I do plan on
adopting a child. And there's enough.
I can easily see that part. You know what?
I can easily see You adopting a kid and raising a kid and giving

(02:18:34):
them a different lease on life. You.
Know. No, I I I definitely see myself
doing that because you know it'sit's always something and I even
thought about adopting a kid even if just adopted a kid
anyway you know but for the mostpart that was always that was
always my I would say like not even like a backup plan like if

(02:18:57):
I was still single in my you know the 7:45 and single
whatever I I would adopt. I would adopt A kid.
And you know what? It's adopting a kid and giving
them the life that they otherwise wouldn't have.
You know, being in an adoption center.

(02:19:17):
I would definitely treat that kid as if he was my own.
You know, flesh and blood, you know?
Absolutely. How old that?
You if you were to. Adopt How old would the child
be, 18? How old?
I would probably, I would probably go like as low as like
7 years old, you know, you know,maybe 7 or 8 years old and just

(02:19:46):
I know it would be for the child.
It would be a bit of an adjustment because you know,
it's like, OK, not AI, don't have a mom.
I have a single dad, you know, no mom.
How does this work? But.
You know I would just be I've. Known.
I've known a few people that aresingle.

(02:20:07):
That have adopted children and their life is just like full of
love, full of love, full of, youknow, life.
And they're happy. Yeah, I could.
I could see that. I can see that.
And it would be a benefit for you and for a child that to give
them that opportunity to have a different kind of life.

(02:20:27):
I could see that, I don't know. We've gone on some some some
strange rabbit trails today, but.
I've been. I have it all written down.
Nice, nice. That's good to have in the notes
so that you can post that. But so I think it's it's
probably about that time where we're going to wrap up.

(02:20:50):
Indeed. So what have you been binge
watching? Binge watching.
Lately we have been binge watching.
Two things. We've been binge watching.
We're on season, almost wrappingup Season 2 of 24, and it is.

(02:21:10):
It's getting good, huh? It is good.
They definitely know how to end on a cliffhanger every single
time. And the other funny thing that
we have been like, so that's what we watch before bed.
Then when we crawl into bed, we usually watch an episode or two
of American Dad. So.
And he's reeled me in. Oh my God.

(02:21:32):
He's reeled me into American Dad.
It's horrible. But yeah, it's it's definitely.
And then if I'm if I'm alone which is very very rare but if I
have some some downtime just by myself I will watch Doctor

(02:21:53):
Pimple Puffer because disgusting.
One of my guilty pleasures. I love that show so much.
It is my guilty pleasure. I would watch it right freaking
out if if I could because it is one of those I don't know what
it is that is so satisfying about especially like sis when

(02:22:14):
they cut them open and they're brown and chunky like oatmeal
and they come oozing out and youalready know they stink to high
heaven. But it's been dead cells that
have been accumulating for years.
And the only thing better if it was a ginormous huge Whitehead
and you could pop it and watch it shoot across the room, oh

(02:22:36):
that would be amazing. But that is that is my.
Wow. That was, that was, that was.
To redefine our. Relationship, that was
definitely. That was a lot to take in there.
Oh. Batteries.
Getting low too. What are you?
What about you? What are you been watching?
I I've been real. I've rewatched the first season

(02:22:59):
of Crapopolis. Actually, I should say it's not
the entire first season because I know there's one coming on
tonight. But I've been rewatching it on
Hulu. All the episodes that they have,
they have like 9 episodes. So this past weekend I well,
since Thursday night I've been rewatching the episodes.
Very funny show, actually. It's pretty pretty good.

(02:23:21):
Pretty graphic, but very good. That's.
Trapopolis about it's. It's, it's it comes on Fox.
Oh, and Jamal, just as you know,the new seasons of Incredible
are on. Invincible.
Invincible. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
I I know I haven't been able to watch it yet.

(02:23:42):
But I have. I I have been watching.
There is a that character is a character featured on Mortal
Kombat and I'll watch the videosof people playing them and doing
the fatalities and it's fucking amazing.
But yeah, I believe that the show that that they premiered

(02:24:04):
that second season premiered in November I believe.
So yeah, I'm. I'm really looking forward to
right now. I'm sorry it's only got like 4
episodes right now. OK, yeah.
So once a week. But I am I'm looking I I want to
sit back and watch like the whole season in like a day or
two. You know, 'cause.

(02:24:26):
But I'm, I'm, I'm excited that it's back.
Got one of my Co workers actually into the first season
and he's like when does the second, when does the second
season happen? I'm like, I think it's happening
now. Like it's it's actually
happening now. He's into it.
Yeah. So it's it's.
I can't wait to watch it all. What about you?

(02:24:49):
Oh, So what about you, Romeo? Is that is that everything
you've been been watching, Jamal?
Yeah, I've just been binge watching.
Everything else has just been a bunch of movies I've been
watching. So yeah, crap, Popolis.
Oh, but by the way, one thing that I'm looking forward to in
March is the Fall Guy movie coming out with Ryan Gosling.
What? I don't know.

(02:25:10):
I don't know if you've seen the trailer to it, but it looks
good. It looks so good.
So I'm watching all the fall guys as well in preparation for
that movie. Oh my God, that's basically.
Ryan Gosling and Ryan Gosling isplaying the lead character he if

(02:25:30):
you I would I would Google the trailer.
Trailers are so good. The trailer is, Oh my God, yeah.
I was looking at him like this looks huh Ryan Gosling.
And he's doing all these stunts and it's it's it's it looks like
it's going to be incredible movie.
That's what I'm looking forward to next year.
I think it comes out late March.I'm all I am, all for the fall

(02:25:51):
guy. I'm all for Ryan Gosling.
Nice. Wow.
With Emily Blunt, OK. Yes, Emily Blunt's in it too,
Yeah. I see that there is like 1234
trailers for it. 5 trailers. The trailers, I mean, I kind of

(02:26:12):
feel like the trailers probably get.
I don't. I don't.
I hope they don't give away a lot.
But the trailers that I've seen,I know like they've, they've
been playing the trailers duringfootball games.
But it is. It looks phenomenal.
And I'm like, this is a great, this is a great way to like

(02:26:35):
great follow up from Barbie to this action movie.
You ever get a chance watch the trailer.
You're you're going to fall for it.
You're going to love it. So I'm going to.
Watch it As soon as we're done here, I'm going to watch the
trailer. Well, in that case.
Ladies and gentlemen, that has been our.
Broadcast day. Thank you for listening.
Special thanks to Romeo and his bowel movements and gas

(02:27:02):
expelling from his mouth. That's we are we we we we we
need we always love the the sound effects of the show we
love we love to have that we talked about a lot today.
Everything from cancer to child adoption and women probably
listening to the show hating me,but hey, just so you know, I am
single and I'm ready to mingle, so.

(02:27:22):
Don't forget the the dog butthole bleaching we talked
about, too. Oh, that's that's definitely
going into notes. That is going.
That's what I love about writingthese notes about the stuff that
we talk about. Butt stuff.
Bleaching oral sex, not wanting oral sex.
Again, ladies and gentlemen, please give me a reason why you
don't want oral sex. We won't judge you, at least to

(02:27:44):
your face, but you know it. It it does make for something to
laugh at. And and always Please remember,
if these topics bother you, always remember that it's not
about you and we're out of here.Good bye, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks for listening. Nice.
Let. Me make sure I don't say
anything incriminating and stop the recording.