July 5, 2023 • 29 mins
Are you standing at a crossroads, uncertain of what lies ahead? Join Pierced on a new journey to self-discovery as we bring you "Now What?"—a captivating podcast hosted by the incredible Brooke Sabey. In Episode 01, Brooke shares her own experiences of getting ghosted by “friends”, missing out on an opportunity to live in L.A, and the challenges of moving back to her childhood home after college.
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Out of Line is a pierced media production
About Now What?
In each episode, Brooke fearlessly explores the universal question that echoes within us all: "Now What?" Through heartfelt conversations, thought-provoking insights, and personal anecdotes, she sheds light on the path of self-discovery and empowerment.
Through these upcoming episodes Brooke will uncover the secrets to navigating life's uncertainties, embracing change, and embracing the unknown with unwavering courage.
No matter if you're figuring out your career, love life, or just trying to keep up with the crazy pace of the world, "Now What?" has your back. Brooke's authentic voice and creative spirit will spark a fire within you, igniting inspiration and a fresh perspective on how to tackle those "Now What?" moments.
About Pierced:
Pierced is the first creator-led podcast network that’s making podcasts for the girlies. We’re tired of every man on the face of the planet having a podcast and decided it’s time for a new era of podcasting - it’s time to give the girls the mic 🎤 Pierced podcasts features all your fav content creators in a new light. We collaborate with creators to produce podcasts that speak to the complex and unique experiences of the girls and young women of today – the podcasts we wish existed when we were younger.
SHOP ALL PRODUCTS ► https://shopwithme.ai/c/nowwhat
ADD US ON:
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/piercedmedia/
TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@piercedmedia
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/piercedmedia
BROOKE SABEY: https://www.instagram.com/brookecsabey/
Business email: sponsors@infinitetimelines.com
Out of Line is a pierced media production
About Now What?
In each episode, Brooke fearlessly explores the universal question that echoes within us all: "Now What?" Through heartfelt conversations, thought-provoking insights, and personal anecdotes, she sheds light on the path of self-discovery and empowerment.
Through these upcoming episodes Brooke will uncover the secrets to navigating life's uncertainties, embracing change, and embracing the unknown with unwavering courage.
No matter if you're figuring out your career, love life, or just trying to keep up with the crazy pace of the world, "Now What?" has your back. Brooke's authentic voice and creative spirit will spark a fire within you, igniting inspiration and a fresh perspective on how to tackle those "Now What?" moments.
About Pierced:
Pierced is the first creator-led podcast network that’s making podcasts for the girlies. We’re tired of every man on the face of the planet having a podcast and decided it’s time for a new era of podcasting - it’s time to give the girls the mic 🎤 Pierced podcasts features all your fav content creators in a new light. We collaborate with creators to produce podcasts that speak to the complex and unique experiences of the girls and young women of today – the podcasts we wish existed when we were younger.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Hello guys, and welcome to thefirst episode of my new podcast, Now
What. I am your host BrookShabe. Today, for episode one,
I'm going to be talking about thebig decision, and you're probably like,
what the hell? So two monthsago, when I wrote the outline for
my first episode of my podcast,I was like, I'm going to write
(00:33):
about how I'm moving to La,how I'm finally leaving Seattle jumping ship.
I'm leaving and I'm going to filmthe first couple episodes in Seattle and then
carry you guys to LA with me. Right. I thought it was cute,
beautiful When I wrote this outline,I was two months ago. None
of that applies to my life now. Literally, none of that applies to
(00:54):
my life now, and my firstinstinct was to obviously just fucking rewrite the
whole thing. I was like,this doesn't this doesn't even fit what's going
on in my life anymore, Likewhy would I talk about this? But
wait, wait for it. Mypodcast it's called now What, because your
twenties is full of that question ofjust what the hell are we doing now?
(01:15):
Now what? You finish one goal, you get a new job,
you do something cool, and thenyou're like, Okay, now what like
and I feel like we get stuckon this endless loop of like having this
feeling that we need to have ourlife planned out to the day we die,
and if it doesn't go to plan, then we're just screwed. And
we're constantly asking this question, Okay, now, now, how do I
pivot? How do I fix this? And I think it's we view it
(01:36):
as like a negative or like,you know, something didn't happen the way
we envisioned it, and we're pissedbecause we're like, Okay, now what.
But I don't think that's a badthing. I think that that opens
up a lot of doors that wouldhave never been open had stuff not crashed
and burned that maybe we thought wewanted but it wasn't the best for us.
And so my podcast is just basicallycarrying you through my twenties with me
(02:00):
as I navigate all of these nowwhat questions and help you guys learn from
my failures, be a friend andolder sibling, whatever you need me to
be hopeful, just don't make thesame mistakes as I do, because girl,
I have made so many mistakes,so many mistakes. So for the
first episode, I'm really not goingto change it that much. I thought
(02:23):
of just blowing up this entire outlineand just restarting, but I was like,
no, let's let's walk three peoplethrough what happened. Let's let me
and so that you can learn fromthis, because I don't think I'm the
first person in the universe to havetheir moving living situation blow up before.
And but it was the first timeit has happened to me, and it
hurts bad, and it made mereally really stressed out picking up somebody's living
(02:46):
situation. I'm just gonna say thisright here that and yes, I am
being direct at some people because I'mnot talking about some collab. I'm not
talking about some video project whatever.This is a living situation. You may
hate someone. I may hate someone. I don't hate a lot of people.
(03:07):
I may strongly dislike someone. Iwould never fuck up somebody's living situation
and fuck up I mean leaving themstranded. I don't want to live with
somebody b front, be upfront,and like, be honest and be like,
yo, I don't think we're gonnabe great roommates. I don't want
to sign like a twelve month leasewith you, like I'm having bad vibes.
I really just want to save usboth the pain of this because I'm
(03:29):
not feeling it. So let's justfigure something else out that isn't us living
together? Right to strand someone byebye? Who the does that? That
is so foul? And I don'tcare what you're feelings, what type of
failings or vibes you have towards somebody, Like if you commit to living with
somebody and you strand them, foul. But anyway, enough of that,
(03:55):
So how how did we even gethere? I grew up in Seattle.
If you're new here, here yougo. That's gonna probably be really important
to this podcast because that's my childhoodand where I currently am still group in
Seattle. Went away for college,went to the University of Notre Dame,
which is in Indiana. Everyone alwaysasked me, They're like, I know
(04:15):
that school, but like where isthat school? And I'm like, don't
worry about it. It's like anhour and a half from Chicago, but
it's in Indiana by the Michigan border. And I went halfway across the country
with nobody. Nobody. I knewcouple girls from my high school that went,
but like, we're not friends withthem, didn't know them at all,
like really was going alone so faraway. I'm the oldest child,
(04:35):
so I was the first one doingit, and I was like, what
the hill? It was terrifying.I'm gonna be front right now, Like
it was terrifying. Oh, butI loved it. It really made me
come out of my show and mademe do something really uncomfortable that I didn't
want to do and like loved everysecond of it. Did really need to
work on, like moving past thatpoint in my life still, because it
(04:59):
was so eight doing that and likeejecting myself from Seattle for four years that
when I came back to Seattle,oh it was hell. I made a
decision after I graduated to go backto Seattle, and I was like this,
I don't know if that was thebest decision, and like, looking
(05:19):
back, yes, it was thebest decision for my situation. But at
the time when I came back,I just felt like I had made one
thousand steps forward in my life.And then literally all of a sudden,
was just hauled back to my childhoodbedroom in Seattle, and I was like
(05:40):
wait, wait, wait, wait, what is going on here? I
thought we were out of here,and it was even more like warped because
I never went to college with theidea that I was going to be a
content creator after I graduated. LikeI went to school and I thought I
was gonna like work for Netflix orsomething, and like had a cybersecurity degree
also and thought I was gonna maybedo something in that, Like I was
gonna go I was off the internetfor content creator reasons, and so graduated
(06:04):
college ended up being a full timecontent creator. And my entire childhood I
was making YouTube videos in my childhoodbedroom. So I come back to Seattle
and I am making YouTube videos inmy childhood bedroom again, And I was
like, hello, we just madeso many steps forward with like positive progress,
(06:28):
and why am I back here beinga fifteen year old again? And
that really got to me. I'mnot gonna lie. People were like,
why are you not uploading? Likewhat's going on? And like I was
dealing with the whole stocking thing.I'm not talking about that in this podcast,
but like there were so many things, but that was a huge thing
that I felt so like embarrassed totalk about. I was like, why
is this impacting me so much?But like it really did up my head
(06:54):
for a little bit that I feltlike. And also none of my friends
came back to Seattle with me,so I came back only I felt like
to my childhood but alone. SoI really felt like I was fifteen again
because I didn't have a lot offriends in growing up. Then I was
like all my friends were stayed inthe Midwest and I was back on the
West comes alone. So I wasreally struggle busting, like for months after
(07:14):
I graduated college and was back inSeattle, and I was like, something
has to change, Like I haveto do something. I cannot just sit
in a pit of despair anymore,Like I need to do something. And
for me, when I need tolike change something, like or if something
is not going well or I justfeel like I'm really stuck or sad,
my brain immediately goes to like blowingup everything, like blowing up my relationships
(07:39):
with people, like talking to nobody, isolating myself. That's a huge one.
I love to talk to nobody,Like I have this whole mindset that
I'm like, oh, like Ineed to just shut myself in my bedroom
and talk to nobody for six monthsand then like I'll come out unrecognizable in
six months and I'm like, girl, you'll come out looking like death.
(08:00):
You do that, Like that's nota good idea. Don't isolate yourself and
don't like I see those quotes allthe time on the internet. They're like,
oh, don't talk to nobody andjust like stay by yourself and work
hard and grind and you'll be unrecognizable. I'm like, I will have depression
written on my forehead. You shouldn'tdo that. But so I was kind
of in that mindset. I waslike, I gotta cut off everybody.
I gotta move, I gotta dyemy hair, I gotta get a piercing,
(08:20):
I gotta like so weird. Iwas getting into some really weird stuff,
not weird stuff, but like Ifelt really deep also into it's not
funny, but like for me,I was just like why, Like I
wasn't authentically doing it. I wasjust searching for anything, and I got
really deep into like like what isit like astrology and rocks and like I
(08:46):
don't know, I was trying toconnect with anything. So I was like
the earth and that's not a badthing. But I don't think I was
like doing it for the right reasons, you know. I was. I
was like, I was more ofa like save me mentality versus like having
this kind of coexist with me.And you know, I don't know how
(09:07):
to phrase this, but if youknow what I'm talking about, Okay,
So anyway, I just like waslost and I made the decision. Like
I said, all my friends aftergraduating, they stayed in the Midwest,
so I was in on the WestCoast alone. I tried bumble BF.
That could also be a whole episodeon itself, because some people knocked bumble
(09:28):
BF they're making new friends, andI was one of those. I was
like, what the f. It'slike Tinder for friends, don't knock it.
But I was on bumble BFF.I made like a couple of friends.
But I really missed my college friends, and so I was like,
abandoned ship, We're leaving. Istarted looking for apartments in Chicago. I
(09:52):
texted my friends. I was like, I'm moving, told everybody. I
feel like if I put it outthere and start telling people, it holds
me to it. Started telling everybodyI'm moving to Chica. I go by
like I'm going back to the Midwest. That was going to solve all my
problems. I thought that I missedcollege. My college was in the Midwest,
all my friends were in the Midwest. If I went back to the
Midwest, it would be like Iwas in college again and all my problems
(10:13):
would go away. That's not trueat all, And that took me so
long to realize. I should haveknown this from coming back to my childhood
hometown city that just because you goback to an old location doesn't mean it's
going to be the way it wasright And but for some reason I had
(10:33):
this deranged idea that if I wentback to the Midwest, it was going
to be like college again, likeI would just like force it to happen.
And it literally took my mom beinglike, you have to you realize,
Like, you guys aren't all notliving in the same place. Like
I know you guys are on thesame city, but you guys are gonna
be all over the place. You'renot all in school. You all have
different jobs, different lives. Likepeople are very different outside of college and
(10:58):
they are in college, Like,it's not going to be the same.
You're gonna go back to Chicago andyou're gonna go back to the Midwest expecting
it to be like to a tlike what college was and real life is
not college, and it's not goingto fix what's going on inside of you.
And I was like, what areyou talking about? Like all my
friends are there, like you don'tknow anything. And I was so dead
(11:18):
set that like this was going tosolve all my problems. And a lot
of people were asking you. They'relike, you're a content creator and you're
moving to Chicago, Like why Andyou can be a content creator honestly anywhere.
Don't let anybody tell you that,like you have to move to La
to like make it happen. No, you don't. But Chicago, like
(11:39):
for career wise, had nothing.I was simply going back there to fill
a void, and I have Idon't think it would have been the worst
thing in the entire world had Iactually gone through with doing that, But
I don't think I know for afact, it would not have been what
I some fantasy land expectation I hadin my head. So as I got
(12:03):
closer and a lot more real thatI was potentially going to move to Chicago,
I started kind of like realizing that, hey, maybe what your mom
said was right, Maybe like youare being a little delusional about this,
and there's nothing wrong with being delusional. I still stand by, and I
know a lot of people stand bythe being delusional makes a lot of things
happen, good things happen, likeDelulu mentality. But I was being the
(12:28):
bad kind of delusional and chasing aftersomething that just didn't frankly exist. So
I reevaluated and I was like,Okay, you know what you have been
saying since you were twelve years old, and you started watching YouTubers and that
(12:48):
eventually, and that eventually led youdown the path of wanting to be a
YouTuber, becoming a YouTuber, memaking internet friends. The person editing this
podcast right now, I was likean og internet friend of mine. So
my whole childhood, I had thisfantasy that I wanted to move to Los
Angeles and pursue a career as aYouTuber. And I had checked the box
(13:11):
of my career being a YouTuber,but I wasn't doing the easier part,
which was to just move cities.And I was like, what am I
doing? You have been talking aboutthis since you were twelve years old.
Why are you not doing this?Why are you chasing after the past,
like go forward? Like you wantedto go to college in LA, and
that didn't happen. You went tothe Midwest, and like now you're like
(13:33):
back home in Seattle, and youthought you were gonna move to LA right
after college, Like why are youdragging your feet? Just do it.
I thought that that aligned best withlike my authentic self by like kind of
healing that child in me, Likeyou have always wanted to move to LA
to be a YouTuber who cares ifit doesn't work out or it's not perfect,
just go to like fulfill that childhooddream of yours. You're not even
(13:54):
that far from like LA to beginwith, because being in Seattle and so
I decided we're gonna move to LAand so, but like realistically we had
to figure out like the other logisticsof that, because it's really expensive to
live there alone and I didn't wantto be doing that. And also,
like moving to a new city alonesounded like a really bad idea to me.
(14:16):
Living alone period just sounds like areally bad idea to me because I
can isolate, I can not talkto another human being for an unhealthy amount
of time. And I know beinga content creator where like I don't go
into an office, I don't reallyhave co workers. It makes it really
easy for me to literally talk tonobody. And I know, I,
(14:41):
like, I have a lot ofanxiety. If I had moved to LA
and like done it alone and livedalone, I would have probably shut down
and not talk to anybody. That'slike I said earlier the pot that's like
one of my coping things to likecut everyone out, don't talk to anybody.
So I just knew that wasn't agood idea. And I had a
group of friends here in Seattle whoare also in kind of a creative industry.
(15:03):
They were planning on moving to LosAngeles, and I was like,
Okay, let me just ask them, like can I move with you guys?
I'll move on your timeline, butlike, can I move with you
guys? So I talk to them. They said yes, and I was
going to move to LA. Sowhen I wrote the outline to my first
podcast episode, that's kind of whereI was. I was planning on moving
(15:24):
to Los Angeles. Needed to makea decision that was actually good for me
and not just live in the pastand chase what's comfortable. And I definitely
chase what's comfortable constantly. I think, like your twenties is so full of
uncertainty that I think it's normal tochase comfortability, but to a certain degree,
(15:45):
I think I do it way toomuch sometimes and like I'd be lying
if I told you I don't evenstill do it now, Like there are
times where I just like shut downand being a content creator it's such like
an unstable position. I feel likelike you can get banned off a platform,
job gone, like I don't know, like it's so unstable, couldn't
(16:08):
couldn't get no brand deals. Iexperienced getting deleted off a platform that was
my majority of my income earlier thismonth. That was really great, So
like it's just it's really unstable thatsometimes it gets to the best of me
because I chase comfortability and I'm like, you know what, fuck this,
(16:29):
I can't do this anymore. Thisisn't good for me. I'm just gonna
go get a normal job, Likewe're done. And I'm like panic scrolling
at and LinkedIn at four o'clock inthe morning looking for a job, and
then I'll just kind of like snapout of it. I'm like, what
am I doing? You are literallylike going in the past that your twenties
is the time for you to like, pursue what you want to do if
(16:51):
you have the ability to do it. I know a lot of people say,
like just be for you, butlike money's a thing. I would
not be doing this had I notbuilt the platform that I did in college.
Like I'm not recommending to just fuckingquit your job and become a YouTuber
because that's really that's really dangerous todo. But I mean, if you
get to a position where you're workinga job and you have a platform that's
large enough to make a decent amountof money off of it, like I
(17:14):
would say, go for it.If this is your dream, go for
it, and like you've made itlike semi stable enough. But I mean,
there's still so much instability in thisindustry that it gets to me as
somebody who chases comfortability. It reallygets to me sometimes and I will panic
scroll for job postings trying to belike I'm done, I can't do this,
(17:34):
But I don't because I rude myselfback in and I recognize this pattern
of chasing comfortability. And sometimes Imake decisions and they feel good. When
you make decisions that make you comfortable, they feel good because you're safe.
Sometimes you gotta make that decision thatliterally doesn't feel good because it's unsafe,
(17:55):
but it's what you need. Youneed a little push. Normally I will
catch myself and backtracking and be like, no, you know, you're doing
fine. There's no reason for meto be feeling this way. And honestly,
things trigger that like panic of Ineed to find like instant stability all
the time. It's not like somethingthat sets it off. It's just like
sometimes it's just sleep deprivation. Sometimesit's just like maybe I didn't eat enough
(18:18):
that day. There's so many thingsthat'll like send me into that spiral of
like trying to honestly, we alldo this trying to fix your fucking life
at four o'clock in the morning.That's a big thing I think that people
do in their twenties or just honestlyprobably throughout life. I've done that my
entire life. I will be fineduring the day. Two am rolls around.
(18:41):
All of a sudden, I feellike I've got to run a triathlon,
have a golden YouTube play button bytomorrow, and also win an oscar,
and I have a whole game planmapped out, and I'm like anxious
and freaking out. And then there'slike the other end of the spectrum of
it that's I need to just quitall this I'm doing. I don't need
to make any more progress to justgo get like a comfortable job and like
(19:03):
get married tomorrow and just live comfortable. And there's nothing wrong with living like
that either. There's nothing wrong withliving like that either. But that's just
so one aid in my life.So I go like back and forth between
those two. But anyway, butlong story short, the people that I
was planning on living with, theyfucked me with the living situation. I'm
(19:25):
just gonna be blunt with it.I was gonna like not talk about this,
but I was, like, thisis a massive thing that happened to
me, and also something that Idon't think is super niche like, I
think anybody can get sucked up witha living situation. I did didn't think
it was going to happen to me, but it happened. And these are
not like random motherfuckers, like theseare people that I'd known for a very
(19:48):
long time of my life and consideredreally good friends of mine and ghosted moved
to Los Angeles without me, toldme nothing, had me looking for houses
to live in and doing virtual housetours while they knew damn well that they
were like not going to live withme, that they were going to sign
(20:11):
a lease and move without my knowledgeand tell me nothing and ghost me and
not answer my calls. And Iwas really really giving these people to benefit
of the doubt because I know Iwork in a untraditional field. I have
a lot more like flexibility with whenI work, and so then the people
(20:32):
I was living with, and soI was really like, Okay, you
know what, I'm very forgiving whenpeople are unto responsive, because one,
I fucking mentally respond to text allthe time and don't actually like reply for
real, or I just like I'mbad at it, so I don't.
I'm not that harsh on people thatdon't apply to my text. And I
also know that like I work weirdhours, people work a lot more like
normal hours. They're busy, theycan't be on their phone. I get
all hours and like my job isbeing on my phone all the time.
(20:56):
So I'm like pretty forgiving with that. And I was like, you know
what, maybe they're just really busy. We're moving soon own. Everyone's trying
to like get everything under control finances, like finding a place talking to family
like whatever it is. I waslike really trying to be empathetic here.
I would hear from them here andthere, and they would tell me,
Oh, we're just really busy,like so sorry. I would continue to
(21:18):
do house tours, send all theinformation. No one were replying to my
text. I should have known.I should have known that they were gonna
ghost me. I should have knownthat these people were gonna ghost me.
But I really thought that these peoplehad my back, and I also thought
(21:40):
that, like, people don't doshit like this. I was like,
this is somebody's living situation. Ilike truthfully thought that they were busy.
This isn'tna be really upset, Butno, they weren't. They moved to
Los Angeles, sign a lease withoutme, didn't tell me, and just
ghosted me. And I haven't spoketo them since, and it hurt.
(22:00):
I was literally like now what.I was literally planning I'm packing up and
moving the following month, and hadtold people that I work with that like
lived down in Los Angeles because obviouslybeing a contracator, a lot of people
that I talked to and communicate withand work on projects with love in Los
Angeles. So I was like,Yep, I'm moving. I'm moving,
(22:22):
like giving people time frames, andall of a sudden, I was just
like it was embarrassing, Like itwas embarrassing. I felt in my head
at the time. I was like, I have to tell all these fucking
people that I'm not all the peoplein Seattle I'm friends with, that I'm
not going Like people still to thisday will text me, They're like,
wait, you're not in Los Angelesand I'm like, I don't even want
to fucking talk about this. Idon't want to talk about this because no,
I'm not. And I was reallyangry with this question of just like
(22:49):
now what. I was like,I don't even have a fucking plan anymore.
I don't know who I'm going tolive with. I was really sad
and I was beating myself up aboutthe now what question again. I've just
like I never know what's going on. Like I felt like the rug got
ripped out underneath me. I didn'tdo anything, and I will stand by
(23:10):
like if I really really thought,like super hard, why these people would
do this to me? I waslike, did I do something wrong?
Like what happened? Did I hurtsomebody's feelings? Like what would make somebody
do this? But they weren't evenlike speaking, like it was so one
eighty of like oh, like wewere planning on moving, and then it
was like no one replied to me. And I hadn't seen them physically,
(23:33):
I hadn't even texted any of them. It was just so quick. So
I was like, Okay, itcouldn't have been like we were hanging out
and maybe something happened, there wasan incident and like that drove them to
not want to live with me,Like it was so weird. We were
not communicating and then it just likehappened and it was like I don't know,
I really don't know. I wishI could like elaborate on this,
but like I don't fucking know,and I probably will never know them.
(23:56):
That's a whole other thing right there. Of like your twenties, there's a
lot of fucking horrible things that happento you, and you will never have
an answer for it. You willnever get an answer for a lot of
the things that happened to you.And I don't even have to think for
your twenties. I think that's justthe thing in life that I've now just
understood now in my twenties that thereis a lot of fucking horrible things that
will happen to you, and Ireally hope that they don't, but it's
(24:18):
life, and life will beat youthe fuck down and you will never get
an apology. You will never getan explanation, and there may be no
legitimate reason for it, and itmay not even guide you to anything even
better. It may have just beena shitty ass thing to happen to you
that has no higher purpose and noredirection for you, and you will get
no explanation for it, and youcan't do shit about it but move on.
(24:45):
And I think coming to terms withthat has really helped me just be
unaffected when people do shit like thisto me, because what the fuck am
I supposed to do? I can'tdo anything about it, Like why am
I going to be sad about it? I can either dwell in the fact
that I'm not in los angele thisfinancially wreck myself by forcing it to happen
and make myself mentally miserable because Iwould be alone through doing this and stress
(25:07):
the fuck out, or I canjust embrace that, you know what,
there may be no reason for thisshitty people are just shitty people, and
it is what it is. Idon't know what I'm doing. I have
no idea what I'm doing, andI do in other areas of my life
like I have some direction, please. I mean, like you just have
a little bit of adrection, justa little bit, but it's okay if
(25:30):
you don't. There's periods of timewhere I'm like, I have nothing is
going right, And one of thoseinstances was happening recently. I was like,
holy shit, but it's okay.We are in this together. So
I honestly think that my first outlineof my podcast was so fucking fitting to
(25:52):
blow up that maybe that was thehigher purpose of that shitty thing happening to
me. Maybe it was to justhave a great first episode that really tied
into the theme of this podcast iswe don't know what we're doing, but
we're going to figure out together.I'm gonna bring you along to experience my
twenties with me as I have peopledo shitty things to me, and I
have ship fall through and I havewins, and I have really cool things
(26:15):
happening, and I'm going to shareit all in real time, authentically and
just really raw and hopefully you canlearn from it feel closer to me.
That may have been a lot oframbling. I promise you if you were
like, what the fuck is this, Brook, It'll get better. This
is I've never I've done one podcastepisode of my entire life and it was
(26:37):
with another person. I'm this isforeign to me. We're figuring it out
together, baby like again back intothe theme like, we'll figure it out.
I don't know, dude. Hopefullyhopefully you enjoyed it. Maybe maybe
it was fired and I just don'tknow yet. We'll find out. Anyways,
Thank you guys so much for listeningto the first episode of my soul
(27:00):
podcasts Now What. I'm your host, brook Saby. That's actually so cool
to say. Make sure you subscribe, follow like all that good stuff,
and definitely comment down below and letme know if you guys want to hear
me talk about anything. There's reallynothing off limits. I think this is
going to be kind of like abook. It's the book of me that
(27:21):
what the fuck am I talking about? Yeah? I just mean like I
want to be very like raw andunfiltered in this, so like you have
something you want me to talk aboutand I can talk about it, let
me know, because I'll do it. I will do it. And next
week. I had a whole differentoutline plan for next week, but we
are just going to jump into somethingreally shitty that happened to me. And
we're going to talk about not insertingyourself into spaces that you know you're not
(27:48):
going to be welcome into and expectingto succeed. And we're going to talk
about how I just quit modeling andwas in like a legal issue with my
modeling agency, the whole world ofmodeling and how shitty it can be.
It's not all bad, but yeah, we'll talk about that in the next
episode. I know a lot ofpeople have questions. It's just about that
(28:10):
industry, and I feel like it'sgonna like hush hush, Like people don't
like I want to like piss peopleoff, so they're very quiet about things.
Well, I don't care. Sothat's what we're gonna talk about and
the next episodes. If you're gottI just want to hear more about.
I also just don't talk about thatpart of my life. I just another
thing I keep very like that Ilike model and I'm like signed like an
(28:32):
agency and stuff and like my experiencewith that, and a lot of weird
shit has happened to me through doingthat. So we're gonna talk about it,
and it's gonna be juicy and it'sgonna be good. So I hope
you guys have a great rest ofyour day and I will talk to you
guys soon. Bye.
Hello guys, and welcome to thefirst episode of my new podcast, Now
What. I am your host BrookShabe. Today, for episode one,
I'm going to be talking about thebig decision, and you're probably like,
what the hell? So two monthsago, when I wrote the outline for
my first episode of my podcast,I was like, I'm going to write
(00:33):
about how I'm moving to La,how I'm finally leaving Seattle jumping ship.
I'm leaving and I'm going to filmthe first couple episodes in Seattle and then
carry you guys to LA with me. Right. I thought it was cute,
beautiful When I wrote this outline,I was two months ago. None
of that applies to my life now. Literally, none of that applies to
(00:54):
my life now, and my firstinstinct was to obviously just fucking rewrite the
whole thing. I was like,this doesn't this doesn't even fit what's going
on in my life anymore, Likewhy would I talk about this? But
wait, wait for it. Mypodcast it's called now What, because your
twenties is full of that question ofjust what the hell are we doing now?
(01:15):
Now what? You finish one goal, you get a new job,
you do something cool, and thenyou're like, Okay, now what like
and I feel like we get stuckon this endless loop of like having this
feeling that we need to have ourlife planned out to the day we die,
and if it doesn't go to plan, then we're just screwed. And
we're constantly asking this question, Okay, now, now, how do I
pivot? How do I fix this? And I think it's we view it
(01:36):
as like a negative or like,you know, something didn't happen the way
we envisioned it, and we're pissedbecause we're like, Okay, now what.
But I don't think that's a badthing. I think that that opens
up a lot of doors that wouldhave never been open had stuff not crashed
and burned that maybe we thought wewanted but it wasn't the best for us.
And so my podcast is just basicallycarrying you through my twenties with me
(02:00):
as I navigate all of these nowwhat questions and help you guys learn from
my failures, be a friend andolder sibling, whatever you need me to
be hopeful, just don't make thesame mistakes as I do, because girl,
I have made so many mistakes,so many mistakes. So for the
first episode, I'm really not goingto change it that much. I thought
(02:23):
of just blowing up this entire outlineand just restarting, but I was like,
no, let's let's walk three peoplethrough what happened. Let's let me
and so that you can learn fromthis, because I don't think I'm the
first person in the universe to havetheir moving living situation blow up before.
And but it was the first timeit has happened to me, and it
hurts bad, and it made mereally really stressed out picking up somebody's living
(02:46):
situation. I'm just gonna say thisright here that and yes, I am
being direct at some people because I'mnot talking about some collab. I'm not
talking about some video project whatever.This is a living situation. You may
hate someone. I may hate someone. I don't hate a lot of people.
(03:07):
I may strongly dislike someone. Iwould never fuck up somebody's living situation
and fuck up I mean leaving themstranded. I don't want to live with
somebody b front, be upfront,and like, be honest and be like,
yo, I don't think we're gonnabe great roommates. I don't want
to sign like a twelve month leasewith you, like I'm having bad vibes.
I really just want to save usboth the pain of this because I'm
(03:29):
not feeling it. So let's justfigure something else out that isn't us living
together? Right to strand someone byebye? Who the does that? That
is so foul? And I don'tcare what you're feelings, what type of
failings or vibes you have towards somebody, Like if you commit to living with
somebody and you strand them, foul. But anyway, enough of that,
(03:55):
So how how did we even gethere? I grew up in Seattle.
If you're new here, here yougo. That's gonna probably be really important
to this podcast because that's my childhoodand where I currently am still group in
Seattle. Went away for college,went to the University of Notre Dame,
which is in Indiana. Everyone alwaysasked me, They're like, I know
(04:15):
that school, but like where isthat school? And I'm like, don't
worry about it. It's like anhour and a half from Chicago, but
it's in Indiana by the Michigan border. And I went halfway across the country
with nobody. Nobody. I knewcouple girls from my high school that went,
but like, we're not friends withthem, didn't know them at all,
like really was going alone so faraway. I'm the oldest child,
(04:35):
so I was the first one doingit, and I was like, what
the hill? It was terrifying.I'm gonna be front right now, Like
it was terrifying. Oh, butI loved it. It really made me
come out of my show and mademe do something really uncomfortable that I didn't
want to do and like loved everysecond of it. Did really need to
work on, like moving past thatpoint in my life still, because it
(04:59):
was so eight doing that and likeejecting myself from Seattle for four years that
when I came back to Seattle,oh it was hell. I made a
decision after I graduated to go backto Seattle, and I was like this,
I don't know if that was thebest decision, and like, looking
(05:19):
back, yes, it was thebest decision for my situation. But at
the time when I came back,I just felt like I had made one
thousand steps forward in my life.And then literally all of a sudden,
was just hauled back to my childhoodbedroom in Seattle, and I was like
(05:40):
wait, wait, wait, wait, what is going on here? I
thought we were out of here,and it was even more like warped because
I never went to college with theidea that I was going to be a
content creator after I graduated. LikeI went to school and I thought I
was gonna like work for Netflix orsomething, and like had a cybersecurity degree
also and thought I was gonna maybedo something in that, Like I was
gonna go I was off the internetfor content creator reasons, and so graduated
(06:04):
college ended up being a full timecontent creator. And my entire childhood I
was making YouTube videos in my childhoodbedroom. So I come back to Seattle
and I am making YouTube videos inmy childhood bedroom again, And I was
like, hello, we just madeso many steps forward with like positive progress,
(06:28):
and why am I back here beinga fifteen year old again? And
that really got to me. I'mnot gonna lie. People were like,
why are you not uploading? Likewhat's going on? And like I was
dealing with the whole stocking thing.I'm not talking about that in this podcast,
but like there were so many things, but that was a huge thing
that I felt so like embarrassed totalk about. I was like, why
is this impacting me so much?But like it really did up my head
(06:54):
for a little bit that I feltlike. And also none of my friends
came back to Seattle with me,so I came back only I felt like
to my childhood but alone. SoI really felt like I was fifteen again
because I didn't have a lot offriends in growing up. Then I was
like all my friends were stayed inthe Midwest and I was back on the
West comes alone. So I wasreally struggle busting, like for months after
(07:14):
I graduated college and was back inSeattle, and I was like, something
has to change, Like I haveto do something. I cannot just sit
in a pit of despair anymore,Like I need to do something. And
for me, when I need tolike change something, like or if something
is not going well or I justfeel like I'm really stuck or sad,
my brain immediately goes to like blowingup everything, like blowing up my relationships
(07:39):
with people, like talking to nobody, isolating myself. That's a huge one.
I love to talk to nobody,Like I have this whole mindset that
I'm like, oh, like Ineed to just shut myself in my bedroom
and talk to nobody for six monthsand then like I'll come out unrecognizable in
six months and I'm like, girl, you'll come out looking like death.
(08:00):
You do that, Like that's nota good idea. Don't isolate yourself and
don't like I see those quotes allthe time on the internet. They're like,
oh, don't talk to nobody andjust like stay by yourself and work
hard and grind and you'll be unrecognizable. I'm like, I will have depression
written on my forehead. You shouldn'tdo that. But so I was kind
of in that mindset. I waslike, I gotta cut off everybody.
I gotta move, I gotta dyemy hair, I gotta get a piercing,
(08:20):
I gotta like so weird. Iwas getting into some really weird stuff,
not weird stuff, but like Ifelt really deep also into it's not
funny, but like for me,I was just like why, Like I
wasn't authentically doing it. I wasjust searching for anything, and I got
really deep into like like what isit like astrology and rocks and like I
(08:46):
don't know, I was trying toconnect with anything. So I was like
the earth and that's not a badthing. But I don't think I was
like doing it for the right reasons, you know. I was. I
was like, I was more ofa like save me mentality versus like having
this kind of coexist with me.And you know, I don't know how
(09:07):
to phrase this, but if youknow what I'm talking about, Okay,
So anyway, I just like waslost and I made the decision. Like
I said, all my friends aftergraduating, they stayed in the Midwest,
so I was in on the WestCoast alone. I tried bumble BF.
That could also be a whole episodeon itself, because some people knocked bumble
(09:28):
BF they're making new friends, andI was one of those. I was
like, what the f. It'slike Tinder for friends, don't knock it.
But I was on bumble BFF.I made like a couple of friends.
But I really missed my college friends, and so I was like,
abandoned ship, We're leaving. Istarted looking for apartments in Chicago. I
(09:52):
texted my friends. I was like, I'm moving, told everybody. I
feel like if I put it outthere and start telling people, it holds
me to it. Started telling everybodyI'm moving to Chica. I go by
like I'm going back to the Midwest. That was going to solve all my
problems. I thought that I missedcollege. My college was in the Midwest,
all my friends were in the Midwest. If I went back to the
Midwest, it would be like Iwas in college again and all my problems
(10:13):
would go away. That's not trueat all, And that took me so
long to realize. I should haveknown this from coming back to my childhood
hometown city that just because you goback to an old location doesn't mean it's
going to be the way it wasright And but for some reason I had
(10:33):
this deranged idea that if I wentback to the Midwest, it was going
to be like college again, likeI would just like force it to happen.
And it literally took my mom beinglike, you have to you realize,
Like, you guys aren't all notliving in the same place. Like
I know you guys are on thesame city, but you guys are gonna
be all over the place. You'renot all in school. You all have
different jobs, different lives. Likepeople are very different outside of college and
(10:58):
they are in college, Like,it's not going to be the same.
You're gonna go back to Chicago andyou're gonna go back to the Midwest expecting
it to be like to a tlike what college was and real life is
not college, and it's not goingto fix what's going on inside of you.
And I was like, what areyou talking about? Like all my
friends are there, like you don'tknow anything. And I was so dead
(11:18):
set that like this was going tosolve all my problems. And a lot
of people were asking you. They'relike, you're a content creator and you're
moving to Chicago, Like why Andyou can be a content creator honestly anywhere.
Don't let anybody tell you that,like you have to move to La
to like make it happen. No, you don't. But Chicago, like
(11:39):
for career wise, had nothing.I was simply going back there to fill
a void, and I have Idon't think it would have been the worst
thing in the entire world had Iactually gone through with doing that, But
I don't think I know for afact, it would not have been what
I some fantasy land expectation I hadin my head. So as I got
(12:03):
closer and a lot more real thatI was potentially going to move to Chicago,
I started kind of like realizing that, hey, maybe what your mom
said was right, Maybe like youare being a little delusional about this,
and there's nothing wrong with being delusional. I still stand by, and I
know a lot of people stand bythe being delusional makes a lot of things
happen, good things happen, likeDelulu mentality. But I was being the
(12:28):
bad kind of delusional and chasing aftersomething that just didn't frankly exist. So
I reevaluated and I was like,Okay, you know what you have been
saying since you were twelve years old, and you started watching YouTubers and that
(12:48):
eventually, and that eventually led youdown the path of wanting to be a
YouTuber, becoming a YouTuber, memaking internet friends. The person editing this
podcast right now, I was likean og internet friend of mine. So
my whole childhood, I had thisfantasy that I wanted to move to Los
Angeles and pursue a career as aYouTuber. And I had checked the box
(13:11):
of my career being a YouTuber,but I wasn't doing the easier part,
which was to just move cities.And I was like, what am I
doing? You have been talking aboutthis since you were twelve years old.
Why are you not doing this?Why are you chasing after the past,
like go forward? Like you wantedto go to college in LA, and
that didn't happen. You went tothe Midwest, and like now you're like
(13:33):
back home in Seattle, and youthought you were gonna move to LA right
after college, Like why are youdragging your feet? Just do it.
I thought that that aligned best withlike my authentic self by like kind of
healing that child in me, Likeyou have always wanted to move to LA
to be a YouTuber who cares ifit doesn't work out or it's not perfect,
just go to like fulfill that childhooddream of yours. You're not even
(13:54):
that far from like LA to beginwith, because being in Seattle and so
I decided we're gonna move to LAand so, but like realistically we had
to figure out like the other logisticsof that, because it's really expensive to
live there alone and I didn't wantto be doing that. And also,
like moving to a new city alonesounded like a really bad idea to me.
(14:16):
Living alone period just sounds like areally bad idea to me because I
can isolate, I can not talkto another human being for an unhealthy amount
of time. And I know beinga content creator where like I don't go
into an office, I don't reallyhave co workers. It makes it really
easy for me to literally talk tonobody. And I know, I,
(14:41):
like, I have a lot ofanxiety. If I had moved to LA
and like done it alone and livedalone, I would have probably shut down
and not talk to anybody. That'slike I said earlier the pot that's like
one of my coping things to likecut everyone out, don't talk to anybody.
So I just knew that wasn't agood idea. And I had a
group of friends here in Seattle whoare also in kind of a creative industry.
(15:03):
They were planning on moving to LosAngeles, and I was like,
Okay, let me just ask them, like can I move with you guys?
I'll move on your timeline, butlike, can I move with you
guys? So I talk to them. They said yes, and I was
going to move to LA. Sowhen I wrote the outline to my first
podcast episode, that's kind of whereI was. I was planning on moving
(15:24):
to Los Angeles. Needed to makea decision that was actually good for me
and not just live in the pastand chase what's comfortable. And I definitely
chase what's comfortable constantly. I think, like your twenties is so full of
uncertainty that I think it's normal tochase comfortability, but to a certain degree,
(15:45):
I think I do it way toomuch sometimes and like I'd be lying
if I told you I don't evenstill do it now, Like there are
times where I just like shut downand being a content creator it's such like
an unstable position. I feel likelike you can get banned off a platform,
job gone, like I don't know, like it's so unstable, couldn't
(16:08):
couldn't get no brand deals. Iexperienced getting deleted off a platform that was
my majority of my income earlier thismonth. That was really great, So
like it's just it's really unstable thatsometimes it gets to the best of me
because I chase comfortability and I'm like, you know what, fuck this,
(16:29):
I can't do this anymore. Thisisn't good for me. I'm just gonna
go get a normal job, Likewe're done. And I'm like panic scrolling
at and LinkedIn at four o'clock inthe morning looking for a job, and
then I'll just kind of like snapout of it. I'm like, what
am I doing? You are literallylike going in the past that your twenties
is the time for you to like, pursue what you want to do if
(16:51):
you have the ability to do it. I know a lot of people say,
like just be for you, butlike money's a thing. I would
not be doing this had I notbuilt the platform that I did in college.
Like I'm not recommending to just fuckingquit your job and become a YouTuber
because that's really that's really dangerous todo. But I mean, if you
get to a position where you're workinga job and you have a platform that's
large enough to make a decent amountof money off of it, like I
(17:14):
would say, go for it.If this is your dream, go for
it, and like you've made itlike semi stable enough. But I mean,
there's still so much instability in thisindustry that it gets to me as
somebody who chases comfortability. It reallygets to me sometimes and I will panic
scroll for job postings trying to belike I'm done, I can't do this,
(17:34):
But I don't because I rude myselfback in and I recognize this pattern
of chasing comfortability. And sometimes Imake decisions and they feel good. When
you make decisions that make you comfortable, they feel good because you're safe.
Sometimes you gotta make that decision thatliterally doesn't feel good because it's unsafe,
(17:55):
but it's what you need. Youneed a little push. Normally I will
catch myself and backtracking and be like, no, you know, you're doing
fine. There's no reason for meto be feeling this way. And honestly,
things trigger that like panic of Ineed to find like instant stability all
the time. It's not like somethingthat sets it off. It's just like
sometimes it's just sleep deprivation. Sometimesit's just like maybe I didn't eat enough
(18:18):
that day. There's so many thingsthat'll like send me into that spiral of
like trying to honestly, we alldo this trying to fix your fucking life
at four o'clock in the morning.That's a big thing I think that people
do in their twenties or just honestlyprobably throughout life. I've done that my
entire life. I will be fineduring the day. Two am rolls around.
(18:41):
All of a sudden, I feellike I've got to run a triathlon,
have a golden YouTube play button bytomorrow, and also win an oscar,
and I have a whole game planmapped out, and I'm like anxious
and freaking out. And then there'slike the other end of the spectrum of
it that's I need to just quitall this I'm doing. I don't need
to make any more progress to justgo get like a comfortable job and like
(19:03):
get married tomorrow and just live comfortable. And there's nothing wrong with living like
that either. There's nothing wrong withliving like that either. But that's just
so one aid in my life.So I go like back and forth between
those two. But anyway, butlong story short, the people that I
was planning on living with, theyfucked me with the living situation. I'm
(19:25):
just gonna be blunt with it.I was gonna like not talk about this,
but I was, like, thisis a massive thing that happened to
me, and also something that Idon't think is super niche like, I
think anybody can get sucked up witha living situation. I did didn't think
it was going to happen to me, but it happened. And these are
not like random motherfuckers, like theseare people that I'd known for a very
(19:48):
long time of my life and consideredreally good friends of mine and ghosted moved
to Los Angeles without me, toldme nothing, had me looking for houses
to live in and doing virtual housetours while they knew damn well that they
were like not going to live withme, that they were going to sign
(20:11):
a lease and move without my knowledgeand tell me nothing and ghost me and
not answer my calls. And Iwas really really giving these people to benefit
of the doubt because I know Iwork in a untraditional field. I have
a lot more like flexibility with whenI work, and so then the people
(20:32):
I was living with, and soI was really like, Okay, you
know what, I'm very forgiving whenpeople are unto responsive, because one,
I fucking mentally respond to text allthe time and don't actually like reply for
real, or I just like I'mbad at it, so I don't.
I'm not that harsh on people thatdon't apply to my text. And I
also know that like I work weirdhours, people work a lot more like
normal hours. They're busy, theycan't be on their phone. I get
all hours and like my job isbeing on my phone all the time.
(20:56):
So I'm like pretty forgiving with that. And I was like, you know
what, maybe they're just really busy. We're moving soon own. Everyone's trying
to like get everything under control finances, like finding a place talking to family
like whatever it is. I waslike really trying to be empathetic here.
I would hear from them here andthere, and they would tell me,
Oh, we're just really busy,like so sorry. I would continue to
(21:18):
do house tours, send all theinformation. No one were replying to my
text. I should have known.I should have known that they were gonna
ghost me. I should have knownthat these people were gonna ghost me.
But I really thought that these peoplehad my back, and I also thought
(21:40):
that, like, people don't doshit like this. I was like,
this is somebody's living situation. Ilike truthfully thought that they were busy.
This isn'tna be really upset, Butno, they weren't. They moved to
Los Angeles, sign a lease withoutme, didn't tell me, and just
ghosted me. And I haven't spoketo them since, and it hurt.
(22:00):
I was literally like now what.I was literally planning I'm packing up and
moving the following month, and hadtold people that I work with that like
lived down in Los Angeles because obviouslybeing a contracator, a lot of people
that I talked to and communicate withand work on projects with love in Los
Angeles. So I was like,Yep, I'm moving. I'm moving,
(22:22):
like giving people time frames, andall of a sudden, I was just
like it was embarrassing, Like itwas embarrassing. I felt in my head
at the time. I was like, I have to tell all these fucking
people that I'm not all the peoplein Seattle I'm friends with, that I'm
not going Like people still to thisday will text me, They're like,
wait, you're not in Los Angelesand I'm like, I don't even want
to fucking talk about this. Idon't want to talk about this because no,
I'm not. And I was reallyangry with this question of just like
(22:49):
now what. I was like,I don't even have a fucking plan anymore.
I don't know who I'm going tolive with. I was really sad
and I was beating myself up aboutthe now what question again. I've just
like I never know what's going on. Like I felt like the rug got
ripped out underneath me. I didn'tdo anything, and I will stand by
(23:10):
like if I really really thought,like super hard, why these people would
do this to me? I waslike, did I do something wrong?
Like what happened? Did I hurtsomebody's feelings? Like what would make somebody
do this? But they weren't evenlike speaking, like it was so one
eighty of like oh, like wewere planning on moving, and then it
was like no one replied to me. And I hadn't seen them physically,
(23:33):
I hadn't even texted any of them. It was just so quick. So
I was like, Okay, itcouldn't have been like we were hanging out
and maybe something happened, there wasan incident and like that drove them to
not want to live with me,Like it was so weird. We were
not communicating and then it just likehappened and it was like I don't know,
I really don't know. I wishI could like elaborate on this,
but like I don't fucking know,and I probably will never know them.
(23:56):
That's a whole other thing right there. Of like your twenties, there's a
lot of fucking horrible things that happento you, and you will never have
an answer for it. You willnever get an answer for a lot of
the things that happened to you.And I don't even have to think for
your twenties. I think that's justthe thing in life that I've now just
understood now in my twenties that thereis a lot of fucking horrible things that
will happen to you, and Ireally hope that they don't, but it's
(24:18):
life, and life will beat youthe fuck down and you will never get
an apology. You will never getan explanation, and there may be no
legitimate reason for it, and itmay not even guide you to anything even
better. It may have just beena shitty ass thing to happen to you
that has no higher purpose and noredirection for you, and you will get
no explanation for it, and youcan't do shit about it but move on.
(24:45):
And I think coming to terms withthat has really helped me just be
unaffected when people do shit like thisto me, because what the fuck am
I supposed to do? I can'tdo anything about it, Like why am
I going to be sad about it? I can either dwell in the fact
that I'm not in los angele thisfinancially wreck myself by forcing it to happen
and make myself mentally miserable because Iwould be alone through doing this and stress
(25:07):
the fuck out, or I canjust embrace that, you know what,
there may be no reason for thisshitty people are just shitty people, and
it is what it is. Idon't know what I'm doing. I have
no idea what I'm doing, andI do in other areas of my life
like I have some direction, please. I mean, like you just have
a little bit of adrection, justa little bit, but it's okay if
(25:30):
you don't. There's periods of timewhere I'm like, I have nothing is
going right, And one of thoseinstances was happening recently. I was like,
holy shit, but it's okay.We are in this together. So
I honestly think that my first outlineof my podcast was so fucking fitting to
(25:52):
blow up that maybe that was thehigher purpose of that shitty thing happening to
me. Maybe it was to justhave a great first episode that really tied
into the theme of this podcast iswe don't know what we're doing, but
we're going to figure out together.I'm gonna bring you along to experience my
twenties with me as I have peopledo shitty things to me, and I
have ship fall through and I havewins, and I have really cool things
(26:15):
happening, and I'm going to shareit all in real time, authentically and
just really raw and hopefully you canlearn from it feel closer to me.
That may have been a lot oframbling. I promise you if you were
like, what the fuck is this, Brook, It'll get better. This
is I've never I've done one podcastepisode of my entire life and it was
(26:37):
with another person. I'm this isforeign to me. We're figuring it out
together, baby like again back intothe theme like, we'll figure it out.
I don't know, dude. Hopefullyhopefully you enjoyed it. Maybe maybe
it was fired and I just don'tknow yet. We'll find out. Anyways,
Thank you guys so much for listeningto the first episode of my soul
(27:00):
podcasts Now What. I'm your host, brook Saby. That's actually so cool
to say. Make sure you subscribe, follow like all that good stuff,
and definitely comment down below and letme know if you guys want to hear
me talk about anything. There's reallynothing off limits. I think this is
going to be kind of like abook. It's the book of me that
(27:21):
what the fuck am I talking about? Yeah? I just mean like I
want to be very like raw andunfiltered in this, so like you have
something you want me to talk aboutand I can talk about it, let
me know, because I'll do it. I will do it. And next
week. I had a whole differentoutline plan for next week, but we
are just going to jump into somethingreally shitty that happened to me. And
we're going to talk about not insertingyourself into spaces that you know you're not
(27:48):
going to be welcome into and expectingto succeed. And we're going to talk
about how I just quit modeling andwas in like a legal issue with my
modeling agency, the whole world ofmodeling and how shitty it can be.
It's not all bad, but yeah, we'll talk about that in the next
episode. I know a lot ofpeople have questions. It's just about that
(28:10):
industry, and I feel like it'sgonna like hush hush, Like people don't
like I want to like piss peopleoff, so they're very quiet about things.
Well, I don't care. Sothat's what we're gonna talk about and
the next episodes. If you're gottI just want to hear more about.
I also just don't talk about thatpart of my life. I just another
thing I keep very like that Ilike model and I'm like signed like an
(28:32):
agency and stuff and like my experiencewith that, and a lot of weird
shit has happened to me through doingthat. So we're gonna talk about it,
and it's gonna be juicy and it'sgonna be good. So I hope
you guys have a great rest ofyour day and I will talk to you
guys soon. Bye.
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