February 4, 2021 • 44 mins
My guest today is co-host from Punk Rock Horror Podcast Matthew. He’s born and raised in Denver, Colorado and is a lover of all things horror and punk rock culture. In this episode, Matthew opens up about his mental health and talks about a traumatic relationship he had with an ex-girlfriend and how he triumphantly came out of it. If you or someone you know is suffering from an abusive relationship, the National Domestic Violence Hotline might be a helpful resource for you: https://www.thehotline.org/
Please follow us on Instagram @obliteratepodcast, TikTok, Twitter or like us on Facebook and if you have any questions about the episode or want to be a guest feel free to reach out by emailing obliteratepodcast@gmail.com. Also, to find out more about Matthew and Punk Rock Horror Podcast, please follow him on social by searching @punkrockhorrorpodcast or visit their website https://www.punkrockhorrorpodcast.com/.
Please follow us on Instagram @obliteratepodcast, TikTok, Twitter or like us on Facebook and if you have any questions about the episode or want to be a guest feel free to reach out by emailing obliteratepodcast@gmail.com. Also, to find out more about Matthew and Punk Rock Horror Podcast, please follow him on social by searching @punkrockhorrorpodcast or visit their website https://www.punkrockhorrorpodcast.com/.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:05):
Before I gets started, I wantedto give whoever's listening a little bit of
insight on what this podcast is about. Almost everyone has gone through a breakup
of some sort, whether that bea breakup with an next partner or an
next friend. Breakups are obviously devastatingand hard, but they shave us into
the people that we are today.My hope for this podcast is to make
you realize that you aren't alone whenit comes to going through a breakup.
(00:27):
You can get through it and hopefullylearn something from it at the end of
the day. This is Obliterate Podcast. I'm your host, Christine Nikolitch.
(01:07):
If you have any questions, comments, thoughts, or feelings about me,
my guest, or just the podcastin general, feel free to email me
at Obliterate podcast at gmail dot com, or you can follow us on Instagram
at obliterate Podcast. My guest todayis Matthew. He's born and raised and
dead for Colorado and is the cohost of Punk Rock Horror Podcast, a
(01:30):
show where the love of horror moviesmeets punk rock culture. In this episode,
Matthew opens up about his mental healthand talks about a traumatic relationship he
had with an ex girlfriend and howhe triumphantly came out of it. This
is Matthew and the ex girlfriend.How's it going? Hey there, how
(01:57):
you doing? Thank you for havingme up. I don't know much about
you. Would love to learn moreabout, like where you're from, what
you do for a living, andall that stuff. Oh well, thank
you. I'm from Denver, Colorado. I've born and raised here. I
am I'm born and raised native.That's kind of a big thing over here
for some reason. Still, otherthan that, I've I've grown up here.
I've grown up in punk culture,in horror culture. That's really where
(02:23):
my interests have been. In mymind. The majority of my life is
just music and horror movies. Andironically enough, we just kind of ended
up being grouped in the same likeInstagram kind of support group for a podcast,
and I was like, oh man, I didn't even know this show
existed, and like I was like, I'm going to start listening to Obliterate
and now I'm one. Now thatI'm actually on here, I'm just like,
(02:43):
oh my god, she actually broughtme up. I mean, I
love that you're on. Do youdo podcasting for a living or do you
do something else like for your day? Job. Yeah, So I do
co host and run the Punk RockHorror Podcast with my co host Cody.
We started the show about about intwenty seventeen, didn't go live until twenty
(03:04):
eighteen, really, and we startedthe show to not just kind of like
chase our dreams, but it wasalso kind of like at the same time,
the Phoenix from the Ashes story ofa punk band that we were once
in because me and him were originallyin a punk band. We were running
it, but he ran into anarm injury that made it so he couldn't
(03:25):
drum anymore, and then like threeor four months passed and I called him
back up and I was like,hey, man, I know we put
the band on the back burner,but I had an idea for a podcast
I've been wanting to do for abouthorror that I've been wanting to do,
and I wanted to be part ofit, and so we started the show
Punk Rock Horror Podcast. So wedecided to make a show to make the
case for horror. And then ontop of that, we wanted to start
(03:46):
bringing a light more to independent creators, an underground artist in the horror community,
and we'll bring them on for interviewswe'll talk about what they're doing,
and we'll also were just review moviesthat we feel did kind of get a
bit of a bit of a badrap or didn't really get a lot of
attention. Yeah, it's it's Ican honestly fill this whole episode up with
how much we do for the podcast, but I don't want to take away
(04:08):
from everything that's amazing though that you'redoing that as your career. Oh,
it's it's a lot of work.And like I'm not gonna lie to like
the it's the whole saying of ifif somebody's doing it and it looks easy,
it's because they've been doing it fora long time. You really got
to be on top of being yourown boss and really know how to divide
(04:29):
up your work. So even thoughwe're still pushing forward and you know,
we haven't reached our goal yet,it's one that we're very passionate about and
that we're just really so lucky thatwhere we get to have listeners that like
what we do, but also weget to work with other podcasters like like
Obliterate podcast for sure is it aweekly podcast? Bi weekly? So our
(04:50):
show has grown so big to thatwe now We normally come out with two
episodes every other week, one onTuesday and one on Friday. Our Tuesday
episodes we jump into a subgenre themeor something related to horror. Every now
and then we'll also talk about aserial killer and we'll do kind of biopic
on them. And then Friday wereview movies that are in relation to our
(05:11):
Tuesday episodes theme. So who areyou talking about today? And I to
change the subject so drastically. Yeah, no, we should definitely change it.
I think that thank you for bringingme on. This is where I'm
now going to start getting a littlemore nervous, just because it's it's obviously
going to a little more personal realm. But but I wanted to do this
and I want again thank you forbringing me on to share my story.
(05:33):
But yeah, so another kind ofinteresting fact about me is that I'm also
a survivor of an abusive relationship,and that's what I wanted to come on
to your show to talk to youabout today and share my experience. So
how did you meet your X?So? Yeah, so this this started
(05:55):
back in about I want to say, twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen, and
it kind of started the way,you know, any but any, I
guess adult relationship starts the first time. What is I I was just getting
used to hanging out and getting gettingmore outside of my realm of social groups.
Because I'm naturally a very introverted person. I I don't do well and
(06:20):
crowded spaces. Part of that isjust due to my disability. But at
the same time, like, Iknow, it's something I need to work
through and get a little bit betterat. So I ended up going to
this this kind of like dinner withthis social dinner with a few of my
friends, and there's this girl Imet at the time, and I didn't
like being at the dinner, justcoming back to the whole being overwhelmed and
(06:43):
so also situations type of deal,and so I tried finding a way to
get out of it that didn't work. I did the whole like I had
my friend. I did the wholething with my friend calling me pretending there
was an issue type of deal.So, so as all as serious as
the story is, that does kindof have someone a silly start of just
like let me tex some a friendJenna, and I'm just like, hey,
(07:03):
can you call and act like somethingserious happened to my mom or something
I want to leave, I didn'twork. I ended up staying and eventually
me, me and this girl,we ended up talking a little bit more
gain to know each other. Iwent to a dance club, which was
the first for me. So thisis like a first of a lot of
(07:24):
instances for me that I've experienced withthe first time because also at this point
in time in my life, Iwas I was still somewhat freshly new out
on my own. I was actuallyI actually had a job that was paying
me decently well at the time tobe able to afford that because also at
the same time here in Colorado,the economy was a little more rough.
Coming back to that night, weended up you know, getting along really
(07:46):
well. We ended up you know, making out at this club, and
I ended up buying like a tendollars beer because I guess that's what I
thought you'd do. But so,yeah, so the night went really well,
and we ended up up coming backto the apartment I was staying at
the time. Through my friends,we you know, ended up you know,
just kind of tapping the night offthere, and at that point we
(08:09):
started talking more and hanging out.And this was also a new first for
me because she was also a momat the time and and it still is.
But you know, I never datedsomebody who had a child before.
But being raised by my mom andmy sister and also my dad, I
was I was taught not to ever, you know, judge someone based off
(08:31):
of what they're going through in life. That you don't do that because they
never know what you're going through.That you need to lead with compassion first
and foremost. So yeah, westarted hanging out more and I started getting
to know her and her kid,and so we started getting along, We
started going on dates, and wegot to the point where the relationship got
(08:52):
really serious. You know, wewere starting to actually talk about moving into
into the same place together, talkedabout some future plans. You know when
you get to that point of relationshipwhere you start talking about what you want
to do in the future and whatyou're wanting and all that jazz. And
it even gotten so so invested toit that I actually started becoming and getting
(09:16):
more comfortable filling in as a asa dad for her kid. That was
really positive and even got to thepoint where I ended up going with her
to her home state to visit herand her family and get to know them
and did the whole nine it evenlike going to eat like because she grew
up in a kind of like farmtype of setting, so like they even
(09:37):
did like the full on, likelegit catfishing and then eating of said catfish.
So like there was the reason Imake like all these things known is
that is to try to paint thepicture of like how much time we did
spend together and how big that bondwas and the reason for that. And
like one thing that I struggled withwhen coming out of the relationship was really
(10:00):
realizing that some of that was aveil that was thrown over me. And
what I mean by that is thatthere will be times that we would hang
out and she would be very sweet, and she'd be very nice and would
just be us two and you know, and I would feel like I'm on
top of the world. But shestarted doing this like pyramid scheme with with
(10:20):
with another gentleman. I was worriedabout that, and I was worried about
the time she was putting into it. And I wasn't as much worried about
her hanging out with another guy becauseI've just been very good about being you
know, not very assumptive about thattype of stuff. I don't like being
a jealous dude. I don't likefeeling angry or frustrated. But when I
(10:41):
when she's shown me what she wasdoing with it with the skincare company,
I told her, I was like, you know everything you're telling me like,
I'm not. I'm not trying toinsult you, and I know you're
really excited about this, but Ithink that you're getting into a pyramid scheme.
And she then replied to me andbe like, do you even know
what a pyramid scheme is? No, you don't, so don't act like
(11:03):
you do when you don't. Anda lot of our conversations kind of actually
went that route, where like Iwould try to approach it with compassion,
with kind you know, or kindnessor however you want, or in a
commander and just try to talk toher when I disagree with something she's doing,
and it would immediately go from likezero to one hundred like that.
(11:24):
So how long were you guys togethertotal? We were together for about three
three and a half years, Ithink, and about when the relationship ended
about about close to four. Okay, did you guys end up living together?
Yeah, we did actually end upliving together. There was a lot
of good times there. Well,at least I try to remember the good
(11:46):
times. I think whenever you getsomething, you get past, you move
on. You're trying to move onfrom something bad. You try to remember
more of the good than the mad. But yeah, maybe maybe there's been
more bad than it was good.But some of my favorite times is that
we ended up taking this trip tol Like I mentioned earlier, we went
back to eventually visit her family fromher home state, and so we drove
(12:11):
from Colorado through Chicago to Ohio andI'm mean like farm country Ohio. And
it was probably one of my favoritememories with them because I mean, you
know, driving all night, justbeing on the road trip, having the
time to bond, getting to meetthe family. I mean I did the
whole night. I even brought myown guitar. And how long were you
guys together when you went on thistrip? We were definitely I think about
(12:35):
two and a half years to thatthree year point when we were together,
Okay, and we're things like goodup until then or was it like a
rocky relationship throughout I think this isit was actually after this trip that things
started to go pretty more south.At that point. We were still kind
of I mean, yeah, wehad some arguments, we had some fights,
(12:56):
just and it was mostly just figuringout each other, figuring out our
boundaries a little bit more. Whatmade you guys decide to live together?
Was it a because he loved eachother? Or was it kind of out
of a convenience or how did thatTALKO? It was actually a little bit
out both. I mean, obviouslythere was this affection. There's a lot
that we had for each other atthe time, and so so that definitely
(13:18):
kind of helped with build up theconfidence for it. But it was also,
at the same time a convenience becauseshe was what she told me at
the time is that she had tofind a new place to live, and
you know that things were getting harderwhere she was living, and so where
I was living at the time,I actually had moved back into my folks
(13:43):
place at the time, and sobut thankfully the house that my folks liten
was was big enough that there wasenough space to accommodate, you know,
two and a half extra people movingin. And although that was also an
interesting conversation to have, and thatwas one that was a little that'll probably
see a little more personal about thereasonings for it is it just worked out
(14:07):
at the time, and coming backto again, I think that's just kind
of where some of the frustrations started. Well, so she like moved in
with your family, Yeah, okay, and I feel like it should pread
for this to me. I knowit's an outside perspective that that might be
a little weird and unusual, butto me, we're just the background I
grew up, you know. I'mtold it is just kind of like a
(14:30):
Latin family thing, that that's justwhat you're used to, that that's just
kind of the norm. I mean, that's so generous, and I don't
think there's anything wrong with that.Like if that if your family was cool
with it, then more power tothem for letting your girlfriend and her child
move in. That's amazing. Umdid she pay rent? Um? Yeah,
we did make a deal to helppay with some rent, but we
(14:50):
also just helped with keep up aroundthe house because also my parents are obviously
a bit older at the time,and my mom she actually u when because
I don't want to like go intoanother two because it's also its own little
story. But basically, when Iwas like three years old. She was
bucked off a horse and it reallydamaged her back. In the hospital she
(15:11):
went to to get surgery for thedoctor was careless and ruined her back even
more. And yeah, it wasa whole deal. And so it took
a long, long, long timefor my mom to be able to get
the right amount of surgery in orderto actually be able to walk in just
to be able to do just asimple job. And so at the time
(15:31):
she was still kind of still strugglingwith surgery, still struggling with being able
just to stand for long periods oftime. So we we also just helped
out by you know, pumping outaround the house, by cleaning up around
you know, the yard. Soyeah, it was a very good kind
of relationship with with my folks thatwe had. That's horrible that that happened
to your mom. Oh, she'sshe's a total badass, straight up.
(15:54):
I mean she like, I mean, she's she's really really sweet and really
kind. If you that that it'llever happen. But if you do ever
talk to her, like, you'llnever suspect that she has a tap beside
to her like, she'll throw itdown. She's not a frame. So
I'm guessing your family liked your girlfriendall right, your ex girlfriend in the
(16:15):
beginning. Okay, and then we'redid you guys have the same friends?
No? Um, the way,So the way the reason we met up
and how we met what through Mitchellfriends? Is I a co worker I
was working with at the time.His wife was actually friends with her where
she was working, and so theywere trying to do like a whole blind
(16:37):
date type of deal. But funnyenough, the person that they were trying
to set me up with wasn't herand was supposed to be someone else.
Okay, So you guys moved intogether. You guys went on this trip.
When did start stuff start getting badbetween you two? So? So,
yeah, we came back from thetrip and then, um, she
(17:00):
kind of talked to me. She'slike, you know, I feel like
I don't get to do a lotof things. I feel like I don't
get get to go out, andyou know, and I'm worried you know
what you think about that? AndI told her, I was like,
well, you know, I'm nevergoing to try to hold you back.
I'm never going to try to nottell you what you can or can't do.
I don't think that's right. Obviously, I love spending time with you,
and I love doing things with you, but I also understand that I
(17:22):
also like enjoying have my own personaltime with my own friends, my own
stuff I like to do, andso that that was kind of the conversation
we had. And then what endedup happening is that she began to do
that. She began to go outand hang out with people, and she
would tell me, you know,I'll be back at like twelve or one
am. And and so what endedup happening is that she would come back,
(17:48):
you know, probably two three am, and I would never hear from
her. And this started some hugeissues because part of my disability is that
I sometimes struggle processing information, andso that should have been my sign that
things weren't going well. Okay,so you just mentioned you have a disability.
(18:17):
Are you willing to talk about that? Yeah, well, I kind
of have. Well I don't knowif they're all considered disabilities, but I
just only know the one, butI was diagnosed with and still do have
severe ADHD. I was one ofthose kids that they were wondering if I
was just a hyper kid or ifI really had something going on, and
(18:37):
then after enough testing, talking toenough psychologists and therapists, there is enough
evidence that concluded that my ADHD waspretty severe. Coupled with that, I
also had manic depression anxiety, andthen in twenty twelve I was involved in
an accident and that left me withPTSD. So all four of those kind
(19:00):
of couple together really made it roughto grow up and being part of certain
social situations. Sorry, a littlebit of a tangent. I apologize,
Oh no, you're fine. Iasked, thank you for being so open
to share it with us or withme, And I think it's good that
you at least are aware that youhave those going on and that you're recognizing
(19:26):
that, and I think that's thefirst step to dealing with it. Thank
you. But yeah, so didshe seem to not Did she know that
you had this going on with you? Yeah? We did talk about it.
And I've always made a good noteat some point through the relationship when
I'm getting to know somebody, especiallywhen I can tell when it's getting really
serious, to talk about my mentalhealth, and when I've been through it's
(19:51):
pretty commonplace with somebody who has ADHD, and depending on how severe it is
to get overwhelmed easily, especially byyour own feelings. And that's where the
whole processing information slowly comes in.Now, obviously I'm not a doctor,
and I can only, you know, talk from being somebody who has it
and who has studied it and researchedtheir own. So I'm not trying to
(20:14):
like speak for everybody, of course. Yeah, no, I get that.
Um no, I'm learning a lot. This is interesting. So were
you taking care of her child whileshe was like going out? Yeah,
so this was kind of where alot of this issue started to be in
me and me and the kid spenda lot of time together. I mean
we would watch movies, toget wewould do small stuff like watch movies and
(20:36):
eat popcorn, to going outside,going for walks, going on trips.
I would, you know, takeher to go see movies. We would
go get ice cream. I mean, I honestly, you know, kind
of anything that you could think of. We basically did that. I that
I could do with a kid whowas about two and a half three maybe
three and a half. I wouldbe mostly staying home and taking care of
(20:57):
her. And this is actually wherea lot of the issues came from my
parents and they and this is wherethey ended up talking to me about my
relationship. And so did that justcontinue happening and happen more and more often
where you were hanging out with thekid without your girlfriend basically yeah, and
um, whenever my parents would eventry to come in to me and like,
(21:18):
hey, so we don't you know, she's out again and she's staying
out late, you know, iswe're worried about the kid. As the
kid, okay, And so myresponse back then was yeah, Mom,
yeah, dad, They're fine.I'm the dad. I can do this.
I can watch my own kid beingin this disbelief that that's what I'm
signed up for. That's that's whatI'm doing, you know, whereas knowing
(21:41):
now what I know, what Iknow is that at the time I was
basically just being used as a babysitter. That's awful. Yeah, well,
I one of one story that wasreally really rough, that really really hurt
was it was another night when shesaid she was going to be back by
like one am, and you know, three am already comes by and at
(22:04):
this point she's a little bit closerwith one of my other friends, and
so my friend me and her areI actually been friends since third grade and
we're really tight. And she's like, look, I can go start hanging
out with her, and I canstart seeing what she's doing just to give
you some peace of mind, tohelp you out. She she was willing
to do that for me, andI never asked that of her. So
it was definitely kind of like aweird, good thing she was doing.
(22:26):
I guess if you want to saynot, because I don't want to make
it sound like we're you know,keeping tabs on her, because it wasn't
that. It was more so justthat I would I would eventually text her,
you know, like two am,and never get a response, and
then you know, my friend wouldjust kind of serve as a backup as
I can text her and be like, hey, is everything okay, and
then she could just let me know. And so that was kind of more
(22:48):
or less what we were doing.But coming back to the story, you
know, this night three am call, it comes around and it's now three
thirty, getting closer to four,and so I ended up calling my girlfriend
at this time, and I was, you know, trying to get a
hold of her first time I called, and the one he picked up second
time I called, I hear aguy's voice instead of my girlfriends, and
(23:11):
a literal word for word, whathe said is, hey, man,
what are you doing? Why areyou trying to ruin the party for everyone?
She'll be home when she gets home. That's fucked up. And like,
if you ever wanted to know whatit's like for your as dramatic as
it sounds, but if you wantto know what it's like for your stomach
(23:33):
to receive the heart, that wouldhave been it. Because at that point
it felt like my heart completely sankinto my stomach. And that was a
really really hard night for me.That was probably the roughest, roughest time
I ever fell, And it waslike the one time in my entire life
that I felt like like I've feltforgotten. Oh I hate that. I'm
(23:56):
sorry that that happened to you.I would be so paranoid if that happened
to me. And I kind ofwant to mention I feel like you've said
this a couple of times about howyou weren't trying to keep tabs on her.
You were just like wondering where shewas. And I feel like when
you're in a relationship, especially whenyou're living with someone. There's nothing wrong
with wanting to know where someone is. I don't think that you should ever
(24:17):
feel bad for that. And Ifeel like when you're in a weird relationship
like the one you were in itthat people do make you feel bad for
wanting to know where someone is.That's like a normal thing. It's like,
and I'm sure you know that nowbecause you're married, But I just
I feel like a lot of peopledo feel bad about texting someone where you
are like that they don't trust them. But it's like, no, it's
(24:38):
not about trust. It's about you'rein a relationship. You want to know
where the person is. It's notlike a bad thing. I don't know.
Yeah, And my paranoia is atthe time, as you know,
corny, as you is a matseeing was you know, I was worried
that what if she did pass outat a party and what is happening?
You know, like is she somewhereis safe? Is she around somebody safe
(25:00):
who was actually watching out for herand taking care of her? Like that
was generally where my worry was theentire time. Like I didn't really care
what barr they were going to.I didn't care what dance club I didn't
care about that stuff. I justmore so was cared about her well being
and knowing that she's going to comeback in time. Did she ever invite
you to go out with her duringthese times or was it always just like
(25:21):
I'm going out? No, No, it was definitely I'm going out.
I asked if I could ever comea couple of times. But her response,
and this was part of the abusethat we went through, and because
I just believed it, I neverwanted to argue it. I just said,
Okay, you were right. Washer saying, you know, you
get really jealous and I don't wantyou to get that way. And you
(25:42):
know, I'm just we're gonna behanging about around a bunch of a bunch
of girls, and I know youdon't like dancing, and you know you're
just not gonna have fun. AndI just I need to have time to
myself because if I don't, I'mgonna start feeling suffocated. Even coming back
to like the whole I'd mentioned itearlier in the episode, but that pyramid
scheme that she was and she waspart of the guy that she was working
with, she would, you know, bring him over constantly and hang out
(26:06):
with him one on one, andwhen I wanted to just like to get
to know him on whenever they werehaving a break or if they were having
a lunch break or whatever, shewould get mad at me and say,
no, I want you to stayupstairs. You're not coming down here.
And I thought, I was like, Oh, maybe my jealousy does get
that bad, Maybe she's really thatworried, and I should actually talk about
maybe I should get some help aboutmy jealousy. And whenever I would talk
(26:26):
about it to someone else stay orwhat I talk about it to my folks,
they'd be like, I don't thinkyou're really being that jealous. You
just seem more concerned. And Iwas like, oh, maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm just not wording it out. And so there was this back
and forth of first saying you know, you're being too jealous, you're being
too overprotective, you're suffocating me thaneveryone else who is supportive in my life,
saying like, no, you don'tsound like you're being that way.
(26:47):
And so I'm in the middle beinglike, am I just not articulating my
thoughts properly to her? My notyou know what? Am I not doing
right here? Not realizing that I'mmore than likely being cheated on the entire
time, I was gonna ask,did she cheat on you? Yeah,
I ended that there was. There'sone that was a speculation that him pretty
(27:07):
positive did happened, But that oneI kind of let it go because,
I mean, speculation only does somuch. But then there's another where that
was confirmed to me that she wasdoing stuff, and it was associated with
that phone call story I mentioned alittle earlier, the turning point. I
mean, I guess at a lotof it was a turning point, right,
But the one that was really reallyapparent to me was at the time
(27:32):
we were still dating. I wasstill recovering from my accident in twenty twelve.
I was I was involved in Idon't know. I still don't really
know how to describe it as moreso just me and my friend were sitting
on a park bench and we wereran over and hit by a landscaping truck
and he didn't make it and Iwas the only survivor. Oh my god.
(27:56):
Yeah, no, it's it's okay, Like this is something I'm also
open to talk about. But atthe time, you know, I was
still going through grief counseling, andstill dealing with what I was going through
there, and I was making alot of strides and a lot of progress.
But again, at the same time, when anybody who's dealing with PTSD
for the first time, you're you'regonna have your highs and you're gonna have
(28:17):
your lows. And so there wasone night where I got triggered. So
when I went through this trigger,when I went through this episode and I
was having, you know, amoment, I was having a pretty bad
moment. She instead of consoling meor trying to get me to sit down
and look at five objects in yourroom or you know, any of that,
she instead got mad at me,looked at me and said, why
(28:40):
can't you just get over it?And that was another moment where just like
like I didn't know how to react, you know, because I mean,
like, how do you react,First of all, what kind of person
you have to be to tell somebodywho's struggling trauma to get over it?
And at the same time, howdo you respond to someone when you're struggling
(29:00):
with trauma. You know, shejust sounds very insensitive and like she didn't
give a flying yeah about you're you'reright, you're absolutely right, and it
was being with her was probably theworst thing I ever did for my mental
health. I mean, she nevershe never cared what I was going through.
She didn't care the struggles I washerding through. She cared and ended
(29:22):
up coming to the point that shecared more about going out and going partying
and having someone to watch her kid, even though you know, I've been
in a traumatic accident. That wasprobably one of the worst things I've ever
been through, because you know,I mean, you can ever imagine you
hear about being you hear about peoplebeing that insensitive and that careless and that
compassionless, but you never really imagineit until you're actually in a relationship and
(29:47):
sharing a bed with them. Anythingthat she said was my fault. And
even if she didn't say I blamedmyself. I was always saying sorry.
And so there was this one timethat I tried talking her about you know
that phone call I got, notthe phone call up, but the phone
call I made and the guy whopicked up, And so it kind of
went downhill fast because her method ofdeflecting and not talking was to bring the
(30:12):
child into the equation and then tochurn it on me and saying that I'm
overreacting and then I'm scaring them,and then I'm being dangerous. And that
was really hard because it's I mean, it's one of those moments where you're
like, am I actually really dangerous? Am I dangerous person? But this
one day, when I tried talkingher about this phone call, you know,
(30:33):
I I opened the door to whereshe because she went into the room
that the kid was staying in.And it wasn't like a full on,
like you better you know, openthis door, I'm gonna break it down
type of deal. It was,Hey, I really want to talk to
you. Can you please open thisdoor. I'm not trying to upset you.
I'm not trying to offend you.I'm not you know, I'll can
(30:56):
we just please talk? I don'tknow what you want me to do here.
I was basic. I was basicallyclawing at the door metaphorically speaking,
trying to get her just to talkto me because she didn't want to talk
about it. And then I openedthe door because it sounded like it seemed
like we were going to be ableto talk. And so I opened the
door and she immediately just like Ididn't even see it come, and just
(31:18):
grabbed it and slam the door onmy head in the door jam. And
so that one was the one Istruggled with for a long time. So
I was like, wait a minute, was I being so dangerous that she
had to do that in order toprotect herself and her child. And it
wasn't until I went through enough therapyand went through enough counseling that I realized
I was still so under the veilof everything's always my fault, I'm always
(31:42):
having to say sorry, I'm alwaysyou know, the wrong, I'm always
in the wrong, that I couldn'tfor one moment realize what she was doing
wrong. And I mean, believeit or not. Though this does kind
of have a happy ending to itthough, Like I know, this is
like some your stuff I'm touching onhere and whatnot, But this does have
a bit of a happy ending whereI actually find my courage to stand up
(32:06):
to her. And I know that'sa big deal for anybody who's been in
abusive relationship. Just to even beable to get that far is such a
huge mountain to climb. And sowhat ended up happening is that you know,
we you know, the final dayof the breakup she's moving all her
stuff out, and I'm just I'ma wreck, but I'm trying to keep
it together because I don't understand whyeverything's falling apart around me. And she
(32:30):
said, what's wrong? You know? Are you okay? And I'm like,
no, I'm obviously not okay.And you know what's wrong? I
mean, look around you. Allyour stuff is packed. What could be
wrong? You know? Like,why would you ask that type of question?
And then she says, you know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to hurt you, and then proceedsto kiss me and start to make out
(32:52):
with me on the bed. Andat that point, I'm like, what
is going on? Are we actuallybreaking up? Are we not breaking up?
I was like, why did youthat? She's like, I don't
know why I did that. Ijust wanted to kiss you. We're still
breaking up. Some time passed afterwards, and you know, I'm still just
healing from it, coming back fromit. What also sucks at the same
time is that she had nowhere elseto go, so she actually moved in
(33:13):
with one of my close friends atthe time, which my close friend,
you know, the gender doesn't matter, but they you know, obviously they
had no word, matthew ties nothinglike that. She literally was just a
babysitter for the kid as well everynow and then. At the time,
I was working a night shift andI wasn't gonna off to tell about like
eleven pm, and so I wasjust having a bad day this day at
(33:34):
work in general, like it didn'tyou know, relationship deside. It was
just a rough week, I think, or it was just not a good
day. And so I got,you know, I came home. I'm
coming in about probably eleven thirty,and I get a text from her saying,
Hey, are you home? AndI was like, yeah, why,
and she says, all right,I'm gonna come by. I need
to talk to you. So anyway, she comes and it comes to my
(33:59):
house. She she ends up gettingthere about like twelve twelve thirty, and
at this point I'm already like,I'm pretty tired, I'm ready to go
to bed, I'm irritable. I'vehad a bad day. And she comes
up to me pissed at me forsome reason, and it says, did
you ever cheat on me and arelationship? And I told her, no,
I have never once cheated on youin our entire relationship. You were
(34:19):
the only thing I had eyes forit this time. I never ever cheated
on you. And so she thensays to me, Okay, well somehow
I got clamdia and I'm like,oh my god, I wonder who actually
cheated then, Jesus. So she'slike, yeah, you might want to
(34:40):
get yourself checked out. And Iand that was it for me. I
don't know what happened, but Ifinally just had enough of it now,
and she's like I'm going. I'mlike, no, You're not going.
I'm like, you can't just cometo my house, you know, middle
of the night and then accuse meof cheating, even though I stayed home
and I watched the kid and Itook care of her and I was there
(35:02):
for you whenever you needed it.I supported you and everything you want.
And I go on this whole speel, like this whole speech of like how
dare you come to my house whereI'm staying with my parents and you accuse
me of cheating on you? Whatis wrong with you? And I even
said that to her, And itwas like the boast like fulfilling moment I
(35:22):
had a long time, because likein my brain, it was like the
whole audience was like, hell,yeah, he found his self esteem.
That's amazing. So she was livingwith your best friend, did you kind
of When did you finally stop talkingto her? Oh? It wasn't until
(35:43):
she actually moved back to her homestate that we stopped talking because the only
reason I was taking her was theconvenience that she would run into me.
There was one time, there wasone, only one other time that she
reached out to me before. Shewas trying to figure out what to do,
because this was actually right after shemoved out. She was like,
you know, I can't move backin with my aunt. She doesn't want
me back. You know, Idon't have any friends I can move in
(36:05):
with. You know, I don'tknow where to go. What should I
do? I can't move into theone. She was basically trying to get
it so she can come back andmove back in with me and my folks.
I'm like, I go, fuckyourself. How long did you pine
for her after you guys broke up? Like? How long was it?
Did you think that you guys aregoing to get back together for a while?
For a moment I did. Itwasn't until that that night when she
came and you know, accused meof cheating that I was like, nah,
(36:28):
fucker like that, that's wird.I was completely over her. I
knew it at that point. Iwas like, you're such a terrible human
being. I can't believe that I'mwasting as much time and as much thought
on you. Well, I'm gladyou finally stood up for yourself. So
how does it feel knowing that youprobably won't your talk to this person again?
It's the best thing ever. Imean, I do know that in
(36:50):
some ways I'm privileged because I gotto do what a lot of people don't
get to do, and that's thatthey get to stand up against the abuser.
They get to have that moment oftelling them that, you know,
I am a worthwhile person and it'syour loss and you shouldn't have treated me
as poorly as you did because ofthat, you know. And I and
so I do mostly want my storyto be one that encourages people who whether
(37:15):
you know, whether you are aguy and you're going through something similar that
I went through right now, youknow, I want people to find that
courage to stand up for themselves.And if you're not a guy, and
if you're you know, regardless ofgender. You know if you are going
through it or if you have beenthrough it. I just want people to
know that it's okay to feel broken, but remember that you were all broken
(37:37):
in some sort of way. Itjust depends what you want to fill those
cracks with to keep yourself together.I'm sad that you had to learn it
the hard way, but I appreciateyou telling your story and being advocating for
people that are dealing with things likethis. I think that's really important,
(37:57):
of course, and I do thinkthat especially just just for men and those
who identify as such, it's importantthat we do talk about our mental health.
I mean, statistically, it's proventhat men are more likely to commit
suicide because they don't talk about what'sgoing on, and because we do live
in a society of this is whatmen? Do? You know, men
(38:19):
and work on cars, and mendon't show emotions. Do you have an
advice for people who are in asimilar situation. I feel like this is
a good question after what you werejust talking about. Yeah, first,
find your safety net in whether thatis a friend who will talk to you
about this and help you through this, family members, whoever you can be
have in your corner, even ifit's just one person, and if it's
(38:43):
somebody even barely know, as longas they're there, you can have someone
to talk to. It's good tohave that outside of his perspective. But
please please start putting in the workto get out of the situation that you
are in and when you do comeout of it, and as you're going
through that process, please please pleaseremember birth that you are a beautiful person,
that you matter, that there arepeople that you matter too, and
(39:06):
that your value is not based offhow the person you're currently involved with views
you. You were better when theyweren't around, You didn't need them when
they weren't around, and you're notgoing to need them when they're gone.
That's such good advice. I loveall that. What did you learn from
this relationship and how has this relationshipshaped you as a person. I learned
(39:28):
the importance of self soothing and learningto be happy to be alone. I
do think that when we talk aboutbeing alone, there at this is stigma
of that it's suppressing that you're boring, that you only do boring things,
and maybe you do. Maybe whenyou're alone, the things you like to
do are boring to someone else.But the things that you find worth value
(39:51):
should be highly valued by you.And because it is a value, it's
your self esteem, pure and simple. If you're a kind person, give
that kindness to yourself first and foremost, or else you'll never be able to
give it to anyone else. Andthat's what I learned, was to love
being alone. And honestly, itwas being alone was one of the coolest
things I got to experience after Igot the whole after I got over the
(40:14):
paranoia of being alone, you know, because I definitely went through that,
and especially the anxiety that coupled withit, or it came with it,
you know, I struggled with that. But once I got happy with being
alone, like it was kind ofa exciting just waking up, going to
work, then going to the gymand working out, and then coming home
and learning a new steak recipe thatI can cook, or learning a new
(40:35):
chicken recipe, like, although thoseare all a little small things, they
made me feel happy and I wasglad that I got to experience that and
have the freedom to experience that.I totally agree with all of that and
can easily relate because I up untili'd say, like a year ago,
maybe two years ago, I hada very very hard time being alone.
(40:57):
So I totally can feel that,and I it is hard, especially now
with COVID. Like people that aren'tin a relationship, I'm sure it's so
much harder. But a relationship shouldnot define you. You should define yourself
and then find Oh yeah, definitely, Like I agree, and yeah,
I guess it was. I guessit was easier to be a load before
(41:17):
the pandemic because you have the choiceto be a load, where now it's
more of a suggestion and kind ofa requirement. Yeah. So last question,
what's your life like now? Um? I know you're married, Now
what's your relationship like? Of course? Um, well I'm in a better
place now, Um definitely. Yeah, Like I said, I still have
(41:39):
some thoughts that I reflect on fromthat past relationship. I mean, because
it's just you're you're just gonna haveIt's gonna happen. And then when I
think about these moments, I'm justI'm just happy because I'm with my wife
now. You know, Lauren meanher bonded over video games, believe it
or not. I mean, youknow, we we played Halo Call of
(42:00):
Duty when we first got together,and that's that's kind of what got us
started talking. And then we eventuallygot married and I now have I now
have a different kid, of course, and her name is Aaron. And
then I love her and I wouldgive She's a line in my life.
Honestly, she's I'm her biggest fanas much as she is my biggest fan.
This little family I have is justso beautiful and amazing that I would
(42:23):
do all the same things that I'vedone in my life. I would go
through it all again just so Icould see I'll be with Lauren, and
just so I could still meet herall over again. And Yeah, I'm
just so glad that you're happy nowand you're loving life. And I appreciate
you being so open and honest withme, I really do. Yeah,
I appreciate you bring me on totalk about this. I think the main
(42:58):
takeaway I'd like everyone to have fromthis episode with Matthew is to never forget
that you're worthwhile and that you matter. A lot of people in this world
have unfortunately been in an abusive relationship. No relationship is worth fighting for.
If you're being hurt, if you'relistening to this and feel alone, please
don't hesitate to reach out to medirectly on email or message me on any
(43:20):
of my social channels. Another greatresource is to contact the National Domestic Violence
Hotline. You can chat with themonline by searching the hotline dot org,
or you can call them directly.Their phone number is one eight hundred seven
nine nine Safe one eight hundred sevennine nine Safe. I'd also like to
(43:43):
mention that Matthew has his own podcast, and here's what he has to say
about that. My show is calledthe Punk Rock Horror Podcast or PRHP.
We come out with episodes every otherweek on Tuesdays and Fridays. You can
find us on all listening platforms,so Spotify, Google, play Player,
FM or wherever you get podcasts,you can find us there. If you
(44:05):
do listen to us on iTunes,please consider leaving us a review. We
also come out with bonus band interviewson the first Wednesday and middle Wednesday of
every month. And yeah, youcan just search up punk ReCore podcasts.
You can find us anywhere. Wehave a Patreon, we have a tea
Spring Obliterate podcast is produced by meChristine Nikolich. Special thanks to Dilla for
(44:30):
providing the theme music. Please followObliterate Podcast on Instagram, and if you
have any questions, feedback, orinterested in being a future guest, feel
free to email me at obliterate podcastat gmail dot com. Please like,
subscribe, comment, and share thispodcast with your friends and family, and
thanks so much for listening. Myname's Christine Nikolich and this is Obliterate Podcast
Before I gets started, I wantedto give whoever's listening a little bit of
insight on what this podcast is about. Almost everyone has gone through a breakup
of some sort, whether that bea breakup with an next partner or an
next friend. Breakups are obviously devastatingand hard, but they shave us into
the people that we are today.My hope for this podcast is to make
you realize that you aren't alone whenit comes to going through a breakup.
(00:27):
You can get through it and hopefullylearn something from it at the end of
the day. This is Obliterate Podcast. I'm your host, Christine Nikolitch.
(01:07):
If you have any questions, comments, thoughts, or feelings about me,
my guest, or just the podcastin general, feel free to email me
at Obliterate podcast at gmail dot com, or you can follow us on Instagram
at obliterate Podcast. My guest todayis Matthew. He's born and raised and
dead for Colorado and is the cohost of Punk Rock Horror Podcast, a
(01:30):
show where the love of horror moviesmeets punk rock culture. In this episode,
Matthew opens up about his mental healthand talks about a traumatic relationship he
had with an ex girlfriend and howhe triumphantly came out of it. This
is Matthew and the ex girlfriend.How's it going? Hey there, how
(01:57):
you doing? Thank you for havingme up. I don't know much about
you. Would love to learn moreabout, like where you're from, what
you do for a living, andall that stuff. Oh well, thank
you. I'm from Denver, Colorado. I've born and raised here. I
am I'm born and raised native.That's kind of a big thing over here
for some reason. Still, otherthan that, I've I've grown up here.
I've grown up in punk culture,in horror culture. That's really where
(02:23):
my interests have been. In mymind. The majority of my life is
just music and horror movies. Andironically enough, we just kind of ended
up being grouped in the same likeInstagram kind of support group for a podcast,
and I was like, oh man, I didn't even know this show
existed, and like I was like, I'm going to start listening to Obliterate
and now I'm one. Now thatI'm actually on here, I'm just like,
(02:43):
oh my god, she actually broughtme up. I mean, I
love that you're on. Do youdo podcasting for a living or do you
do something else like for your day? Job. Yeah, So I do
co host and run the Punk RockHorror Podcast with my co host Cody.
We started the show about about intwenty seventeen, didn't go live until twenty
(03:04):
eighteen, really, and we startedthe show to not just kind of like
chase our dreams, but it wasalso kind of like at the same time,
the Phoenix from the Ashes story ofa punk band that we were once
in because me and him were originallyin a punk band. We were running
it, but he ran into anarm injury that made it so he couldn't
(03:25):
drum anymore, and then like threeor four months passed and I called him
back up and I was like,hey, man, I know we put
the band on the back burner,but I had an idea for a podcast
I've been wanting to do for abouthorror that I've been wanting to do,
and I wanted to be part ofit, and so we started the show
Punk Rock Horror Podcast. So wedecided to make a show to make the
case for horror. And then ontop of that, we wanted to start
(03:46):
bringing a light more to independent creators, an underground artist in the horror community,
and we'll bring them on for interviewswe'll talk about what they're doing,
and we'll also were just review moviesthat we feel did kind of get a
bit of a bit of a badrap or didn't really get a lot of
attention. Yeah, it's it's Ican honestly fill this whole episode up with
how much we do for the podcast, but I don't want to take away
(04:08):
from everything that's amazing though that you'redoing that as your career. Oh,
it's it's a lot of work.And like I'm not gonna lie to like
the it's the whole saying of ifif somebody's doing it and it looks easy,
it's because they've been doing it fora long time. You really got
to be on top of being yourown boss and really know how to divide
(04:29):
up your work. So even thoughwe're still pushing forward and you know,
we haven't reached our goal yet,it's one that we're very passionate about and
that we're just really so lucky thatwhere we get to have listeners that like
what we do, but also weget to work with other podcasters like like
Obliterate podcast for sure is it aweekly podcast? Bi weekly? So our
(04:50):
show has grown so big to thatwe now We normally come out with two
episodes every other week, one onTuesday and one on Friday. Our Tuesday
episodes we jump into a subgenre themeor something related to horror. Every now
and then we'll also talk about aserial killer and we'll do kind of biopic
on them. And then Friday wereview movies that are in relation to our
(05:11):
Tuesday episodes theme. So who areyou talking about today? And I to
change the subject so drastically. Yeah, no, we should definitely change it.
I think that thank you for bringingme on. This is where I'm
now going to start getting a littlemore nervous, just because it's it's obviously
going to a little more personal realm. But but I wanted to do this
and I want again thank you forbringing me on to share my story.
(05:33):
But yeah, so another kind ofinteresting fact about me is that I'm also
a survivor of an abusive relationship,and that's what I wanted to come on
to your show to talk to youabout today and share my experience. So
how did you meet your X?So? Yeah, so this this started
(05:55):
back in about I want to say, twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen, and
it kind of started the way,you know, any but any, I
guess adult relationship starts the first time. What is I I was just getting
used to hanging out and getting gettingmore outside of my realm of social groups.
Because I'm naturally a very introverted person. I I don't do well and
(06:20):
crowded spaces. Part of that isjust due to my disability. But at
the same time, like, Iknow, it's something I need to work
through and get a little bit betterat. So I ended up going to
this this kind of like dinner withthis social dinner with a few of my
friends, and there's this girl Imet at the time, and I didn't
like being at the dinner, justcoming back to the whole being overwhelmed and
(06:43):
so also situations type of deal,and so I tried finding a way to
get out of it that didn't work. I did the whole like I had
my friend. I did the wholething with my friend calling me pretending there
was an issue type of deal.So, so as all as serious as
the story is, that does kindof have someone a silly start of just
like let me tex some a friendJenna, and I'm just like, hey,
(07:03):
can you call and act like somethingserious happened to my mom or something
I want to leave, I didn'twork. I ended up staying and eventually
me, me and this girl,we ended up talking a little bit more
gain to know each other. Iwent to a dance club, which was
the first for me. So thisis like a first of a lot of
(07:24):
instances for me that I've experienced withthe first time because also at this point
in time in my life, Iwas I was still somewhat freshly new out
on my own. I was actuallyI actually had a job that was paying
me decently well at the time tobe able to afford that because also at
the same time here in Colorado,the economy was a little more rough.
Coming back to that night, weended up you know, getting along really
(07:46):
well. We ended up you know, making out at this club, and
I ended up buying like a tendollars beer because I guess that's what I
thought you'd do. But so,yeah, so the night went really well,
and we ended up up coming backto the apartment I was staying at
the time. Through my friends,we you know, ended up you know,
just kind of tapping the night offthere, and at that point we
(08:09):
started talking more and hanging out.And this was also a new first for
me because she was also a momat the time and and it still is.
But you know, I never datedsomebody who had a child before.
But being raised by my mom andmy sister and also my dad, I
was I was taught not to ever, you know, judge someone based off
(08:31):
of what they're going through in life. That you don't do that because they
never know what you're going through.That you need to lead with compassion first
and foremost. So yeah, westarted hanging out more and I started getting
to know her and her kid,and so we started getting along, We
started going on dates, and wegot to the point where the relationship got
(08:52):
really serious. You know, wewere starting to actually talk about moving into
into the same place together, talkedabout some future plans. You know when
you get to that point of relationshipwhere you start talking about what you want
to do in the future and whatyou're wanting and all that jazz. And
it even gotten so so invested toit that I actually started becoming and getting
(09:16):
more comfortable filling in as a asa dad for her kid. That was
really positive and even got to thepoint where I ended up going with her
to her home state to visit herand her family and get to know them
and did the whole nine it evenlike going to eat like because she grew
up in a kind of like farmtype of setting, so like they even
(09:37):
did like the full on, likelegit catfishing and then eating of said catfish.
So like there was the reason Imake like all these things known is
that is to try to paint thepicture of like how much time we did
spend together and how big that bondwas and the reason for that. And
like one thing that I struggled withwhen coming out of the relationship was really
(10:00):
realizing that some of that was aveil that was thrown over me. And
what I mean by that is thatthere will be times that we would hang
out and she would be very sweet, and she'd be very nice and would
just be us two and you know, and I would feel like I'm on
top of the world. But shestarted doing this like pyramid scheme with with
(10:20):
with another gentleman. I was worriedabout that, and I was worried about
the time she was putting into it. And I wasn't as much worried about
her hanging out with another guy becauseI've just been very good about being you
know, not very assumptive about thattype of stuff. I don't like being
a jealous dude. I don't likefeeling angry or frustrated. But when I
(10:41):
when she's shown me what she wasdoing with it with the skincare company,
I told her, I was like, you know everything you're telling me like,
I'm not. I'm not trying toinsult you, and I know you're
really excited about this, but Ithink that you're getting into a pyramid scheme.
And she then replied to me andbe like, do you even know
what a pyramid scheme is? No, you don't, so don't act like
(11:03):
you do when you don't. Anda lot of our conversations kind of actually
went that route, where like Iwould try to approach it with compassion,
with kind you know, or kindnessor however you want, or in a
commander and just try to talk toher when I disagree with something she's doing,
and it would immediately go from likezero to one hundred like that.
(11:24):
So how long were you guys togethertotal? We were together for about three
three and a half years, Ithink, and about when the relationship ended
about about close to four. Okay, did you guys end up living together?
Yeah, we did actually end upliving together. There was a lot
of good times there. Well,at least I try to remember the good
(11:46):
times. I think whenever you getsomething, you get past, you move
on. You're trying to move onfrom something bad. You try to remember
more of the good than the mad. But yeah, maybe maybe there's been
more bad than it was good.But some of my favorite times is that
we ended up taking this trip tol Like I mentioned earlier, we went
back to eventually visit her family fromher home state, and so we drove
(12:11):
from Colorado through Chicago to Ohio andI'm mean like farm country Ohio. And
it was probably one of my favoritememories with them because I mean, you
know, driving all night, justbeing on the road trip, having the
time to bond, getting to meetthe family. I mean I did the
whole night. I even brought myown guitar. And how long were you
guys together when you went on thistrip? We were definitely I think about
(12:35):
two and a half years to thatthree year point when we were together,
Okay, and we're things like goodup until then or was it like a
rocky relationship throughout I think this isit was actually after this trip that things
started to go pretty more south.At that point. We were still kind
of I mean, yeah, wehad some arguments, we had some fights,
(12:56):
just and it was mostly just figuringout each other, figuring out our
boundaries a little bit more. Whatmade you guys decide to live together?
Was it a because he loved eachother? Or was it kind of out
of a convenience or how did thatTALKO? It was actually a little bit
out both. I mean, obviouslythere was this affection. There's a lot
that we had for each other atthe time, and so so that definitely
(13:18):
kind of helped with build up theconfidence for it. But it was also,
at the same time a convenience becauseshe was what she told me at
the time is that she had tofind a new place to live, and
you know that things were getting harderwhere she was living, and so where
I was living at the time,I actually had moved back into my folks
(13:43):
place at the time, and sobut thankfully the house that my folks liten
was was big enough that there wasenough space to accommodate, you know,
two and a half extra people movingin. And although that was also an
interesting conversation to have, and thatwas one that was a little that'll probably
see a little more personal about thereasonings for it is it just worked out
(14:07):
at the time, and coming backto again, I think that's just kind
of where some of the frustrations started. Well, so she like moved in
with your family, Yeah, okay, and I feel like it should pread
for this to me. I knowit's an outside perspective that that might be
a little weird and unusual, butto me, we're just the background I
grew up, you know. I'mtold it is just kind of like a
(14:30):
Latin family thing, that that's justwhat you're used to, that that's just
kind of the norm. I mean, that's so generous, and I don't
think there's anything wrong with that.Like if that if your family was cool
with it, then more power tothem for letting your girlfriend and her child
move in. That's amazing. Umdid she pay rent? Um? Yeah,
we did make a deal to helppay with some rent, but we
(14:50):
also just helped with keep up aroundthe house because also my parents are obviously
a bit older at the time,and my mom she actually u when because
I don't want to like go intoanother two because it's also its own little
story. But basically, when Iwas like three years old. She was
bucked off a horse and it reallydamaged her back. In the hospital she
(15:11):
went to to get surgery for thedoctor was careless and ruined her back even
more. And yeah, it wasa whole deal. And so it took
a long, long, long timefor my mom to be able to get
the right amount of surgery in orderto actually be able to walk in just
to be able to do just asimple job. And so at the time
(15:31):
she was still kind of still strugglingwith surgery, still struggling with being able
just to stand for long periods oftime. So we we also just helped
out by you know, pumping outaround the house, by cleaning up around
you know, the yard. Soyeah, it was a very good kind
of relationship with with my folks thatwe had. That's horrible that that happened
to your mom. Oh, she'sshe's a total badass, straight up.
(15:54):
I mean she like, I mean, she's she's really really sweet and really
kind. If you that that it'llever happen. But if you do ever
talk to her, like, you'llnever suspect that she has a tap beside
to her like, she'll throw itdown. She's not a frame. So
I'm guessing your family liked your girlfriendall right, your ex girlfriend in the
(16:15):
beginning. Okay, and then we'redid you guys have the same friends?
No? Um, the way,So the way the reason we met up
and how we met what through Mitchellfriends? Is I a co worker I
was working with at the time.His wife was actually friends with her where
she was working, and so theywere trying to do like a whole blind
(16:37):
date type of deal. But funnyenough, the person that they were trying
to set me up with wasn't herand was supposed to be someone else.
Okay, So you guys moved intogether. You guys went on this trip.
When did start stuff start getting badbetween you two? So? So,
yeah, we came back from thetrip and then, um, she
(17:00):
kind of talked to me. She'slike, you know, I feel like
I don't get to do a lotof things. I feel like I don't
get get to go out, andyou know, and I'm worried you know
what you think about that? AndI told her, I was like,
well, you know, I'm nevergoing to try to hold you back.
I'm never going to try to nottell you what you can or can't do.
I don't think that's right. Obviously, I love spending time with you,
and I love doing things with you, but I also understand that I
(17:22):
also like enjoying have my own personaltime with my own friends, my own
stuff I like to do, andso that that was kind of the conversation
we had. And then what endedup happening is that she began to do
that. She began to go outand hang out with people, and she
would tell me, you know,I'll be back at like twelve or one
am. And and so what endedup happening is that she would come back,
(17:48):
you know, probably two three am, and I would never hear from
her. And this started some hugeissues because part of my disability is that
I sometimes struggle processing information, andso that should have been my sign that
things weren't going well. Okay,so you just mentioned you have a disability.
(18:17):
Are you willing to talk about that? Yeah, well, I kind
of have. Well I don't knowif they're all considered disabilities, but I
just only know the one, butI was diagnosed with and still do have
severe ADHD. I was one ofthose kids that they were wondering if I
was just a hyper kid or ifI really had something going on, and
(18:37):
then after enough testing, talking toenough psychologists and therapists, there is enough
evidence that concluded that my ADHD waspretty severe. Coupled with that, I
also had manic depression anxiety, andthen in twenty twelve I was involved in
an accident and that left me withPTSD. So all four of those kind
(19:00):
of couple together really made it roughto grow up and being part of certain
social situations. Sorry, a littlebit of a tangent. I apologize,
Oh no, you're fine. Iasked, thank you for being so open
to share it with us or withme, And I think it's good that
you at least are aware that youhave those going on and that you're recognizing
(19:26):
that, and I think that's thefirst step to dealing with it. Thank
you. But yeah, so didshe seem to not Did she know that
you had this going on with you? Yeah? We did talk about it.
And I've always made a good noteat some point through the relationship when
I'm getting to know somebody, especiallywhen I can tell when it's getting really
serious, to talk about my mentalhealth, and when I've been through it's
(19:51):
pretty commonplace with somebody who has ADHD, and depending on how severe it is
to get overwhelmed easily, especially byyour own feelings. And that's where the
whole processing information slowly comes in.Now, obviously I'm not a doctor,
and I can only, you know, talk from being somebody who has it
and who has studied it and researchedtheir own. So I'm not trying to
(20:14):
like speak for everybody, of course. Yeah, no, I get that.
Um no, I'm learning a lot. This is interesting. So were
you taking care of her child whileshe was like going out? Yeah,
so this was kind of where alot of this issue started to be in
me and me and the kid spenda lot of time together. I mean
we would watch movies, toget wewould do small stuff like watch movies and
(20:36):
eat popcorn, to going outside,going for walks, going on trips.
I would, you know, takeher to go see movies. We would
go get ice cream. I mean, I honestly, you know, kind
of anything that you could think of. We basically did that. I that
I could do with a kid whowas about two and a half three maybe
three and a half. I wouldbe mostly staying home and taking care of
(20:57):
her. And this is actually wherea lot of the issues came from my
parents and they and this is wherethey ended up talking to me about my
relationship. And so did that justcontinue happening and happen more and more often
where you were hanging out with thekid without your girlfriend basically yeah, and
um, whenever my parents would eventry to come in to me and like,
(21:18):
hey, so we don't you know, she's out again and she's staying
out late, you know, iswe're worried about the kid. As the
kid, okay, And so myresponse back then was yeah, Mom,
yeah, dad, They're fine.I'm the dad. I can do this.
I can watch my own kid beingin this disbelief that that's what I'm
signed up for. That's that's whatI'm doing, you know, whereas knowing
(21:41):
now what I know, what Iknow is that at the time I was
basically just being used as a babysitter. That's awful. Yeah, well,
I one of one story that wasreally really rough, that really really hurt
was it was another night when shesaid she was going to be back by
like one am, and you know, three am already comes by and at
(22:04):
this point she's a little bit closerwith one of my other friends, and
so my friend me and her areI actually been friends since third grade and
we're really tight. And she's like, look, I can go start hanging
out with her, and I canstart seeing what she's doing just to give
you some peace of mind, tohelp you out. She she was willing
to do that for me, andI never asked that of her. So
it was definitely kind of like aweird, good thing she was doing.
(22:26):
I guess if you want to saynot, because I don't want to make
it sound like we're you know,keeping tabs on her, because it wasn't
that. It was more so justthat I would I would eventually text her,
you know, like two am,and never get a response, and
then you know, my friend wouldjust kind of serve as a backup as
I can text her and be like, hey, is everything okay, and
then she could just let me know. And so that was kind of more
(22:48):
or less what we were doing.But coming back to the story, you
know, this night three am call, it comes around and it's now three
thirty, getting closer to four,and so I ended up calling my girlfriend
at this time, and I was, you know, trying to get a
hold of her first time I called, and the one he picked up second
time I called, I hear aguy's voice instead of my girlfriends, and
(23:11):
a literal word for word, whathe said is, hey, man,
what are you doing? Why areyou trying to ruin the party for everyone?
She'll be home when she gets home. That's fucked up. And like,
if you ever wanted to know whatit's like for your as dramatic as
it sounds, but if you wantto know what it's like for your stomach
(23:33):
to receive the heart, that wouldhave been it. Because at that point
it felt like my heart completely sankinto my stomach. And that was a
really really hard night for me.That was probably the roughest, roughest time
I ever fell, And it waslike the one time in my entire life
that I felt like like I've feltforgotten. Oh I hate that. I'm
(23:56):
sorry that that happened to you.I would be so paranoid if that happened
to me. And I kind ofwant to mention I feel like you've said
this a couple of times about howyou weren't trying to keep tabs on her.
You were just like wondering where shewas. And I feel like when
you're in a relationship, especially whenyou're living with someone. There's nothing wrong
with wanting to know where someone is. I don't think that you should ever
(24:17):
feel bad for that. And Ifeel like when you're in a weird relationship
like the one you were in itthat people do make you feel bad for
wanting to know where someone is.That's like a normal thing. It's like,
and I'm sure you know that nowbecause you're married, But I just
I feel like a lot of peopledo feel bad about texting someone where you
are like that they don't trust them. But it's like, no, it's
(24:38):
not about trust. It's about you'rein a relationship. You want to know
where the person is. It's notlike a bad thing. I don't know.
Yeah, And my paranoia is atthe time, as you know,
corny, as you is a matseeing was you know, I was worried
that what if she did pass outat a party and what is happening?
You know, like is she somewhereis safe? Is she around somebody safe
(25:00):
who was actually watching out for herand taking care of her? Like that
was generally where my worry was theentire time. Like I didn't really care
what barr they were going to.I didn't care what dance club I didn't
care about that stuff. I justmore so was cared about her well being
and knowing that she's going to comeback in time. Did she ever invite
you to go out with her duringthese times or was it always just like
(25:21):
I'm going out? No, No, it was definitely I'm going out.
I asked if I could ever comea couple of times. But her response,
and this was part of the abusethat we went through, and because
I just believed it, I neverwanted to argue it. I just said,
Okay, you were right. Washer saying, you know, you
get really jealous and I don't wantyou to get that way. And you
(25:42):
know, I'm just we're gonna behanging about around a bunch of a bunch
of girls, and I know youdon't like dancing, and you know you're
just not gonna have fun. AndI just I need to have time to
myself because if I don't, I'mgonna start feeling suffocated. Even coming back
to like the whole I'd mentioned itearlier in the episode, but that pyramid
scheme that she was and she waspart of the guy that she was working
with, she would, you know, bring him over constantly and hang out
(26:06):
with him one on one, andwhen I wanted to just like to get
to know him on whenever they werehaving a break or if they were having
a lunch break or whatever, shewould get mad at me and say,
no, I want you to stayupstairs. You're not coming down here.
And I thought, I was like, Oh, maybe my jealousy does get
that bad, Maybe she's really thatworried, and I should actually talk about
maybe I should get some help aboutmy jealousy. And whenever I would talk
(26:26):
about it to someone else stay orwhat I talk about it to my folks,
they'd be like, I don't thinkyou're really being that jealous. You
just seem more concerned. And Iwas like, oh, maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm just not wording it out. And so there was this back
and forth of first saying you know, you're being too jealous, you're being
too overprotective, you're suffocating me thaneveryone else who is supportive in my life,
saying like, no, you don'tsound like you're being that way.
(26:47):
And so I'm in the middle beinglike, am I just not articulating my
thoughts properly to her? My notyou know what? Am I not doing
right here? Not realizing that I'mmore than likely being cheated on the entire
time, I was gonna ask,did she cheat on you? Yeah,
I ended that there was. There'sone that was a speculation that him pretty
(27:07):
positive did happened, But that oneI kind of let it go because,
I mean, speculation only does somuch. But then there's another where that
was confirmed to me that she wasdoing stuff, and it was associated with
that phone call story I mentioned alittle earlier, the turning point. I
mean, I guess at a lotof it was a turning point, right,
But the one that was really reallyapparent to me was at the time
(27:32):
we were still dating. I wasstill recovering from my accident in twenty twelve.
I was I was involved in Idon't know. I still don't really
know how to describe it as moreso just me and my friend were sitting
on a park bench and we wereran over and hit by a landscaping truck
and he didn't make it and Iwas the only survivor. Oh my god.
(27:56):
Yeah, no, it's it's okay, Like this is something I'm also
open to talk about. But atthe time, you know, I was
still going through grief counseling, andstill dealing with what I was going through
there, and I was making alot of strides and a lot of progress.
But again, at the same time, when anybody who's dealing with PTSD
for the first time, you're you'regonna have your highs and you're gonna have
(28:17):
your lows. And so there wasone night where I got triggered. So
when I went through this trigger,when I went through this episode and I
was having, you know, amoment, I was having a pretty bad
moment. She instead of consoling meor trying to get me to sit down
and look at five objects in yourroom or you know, any of that,
she instead got mad at me,looked at me and said, why
(28:40):
can't you just get over it?And that was another moment where just like
like I didn't know how to react, you know, because I mean,
like, how do you react,First of all, what kind of person
you have to be to tell somebodywho's struggling trauma to get over it?
And at the same time, howdo you respond to someone when you're struggling
(29:00):
with trauma. You know, shejust sounds very insensitive and like she didn't
give a flying yeah about you're you'reright, you're absolutely right, and it
was being with her was probably theworst thing I ever did for my mental
health. I mean, she nevershe never cared what I was going through.
She didn't care the struggles I washerding through. She cared and ended
(29:22):
up coming to the point that shecared more about going out and going partying
and having someone to watch her kid, even though you know, I've been
in a traumatic accident. That wasprobably one of the worst things I've ever
been through, because you know,I mean, you can ever imagine you
hear about being you hear about peoplebeing that insensitive and that careless and that
compassionless, but you never really imagineit until you're actually in a relationship and
(29:47):
sharing a bed with them. Anythingthat she said was my fault. And
even if she didn't say I blamedmyself. I was always saying sorry.
And so there was this one timethat I tried talking her about you know
that phone call I got, notthe phone call up, but the phone
call I made and the guy whopicked up, And so it kind of
went downhill fast because her method ofdeflecting and not talking was to bring the
(30:12):
child into the equation and then tochurn it on me and saying that I'm
overreacting and then I'm scaring them,and then I'm being dangerous. And that
was really hard because it's I mean, it's one of those moments where you're
like, am I actually really dangerous? Am I dangerous person? But this
one day, when I tried talkingher about this phone call, you know,
(30:33):
I I opened the door to whereshe because she went into the room
that the kid was staying in.And it wasn't like a full on,
like you better you know, openthis door, I'm gonna break it down
type of deal. It was,Hey, I really want to talk to
you. Can you please open thisdoor. I'm not trying to upset you.
I'm not trying to offend you.I'm not you know, I'll can
(30:56):
we just please talk? I don'tknow what you want me to do here.
I was basic. I was basicallyclawing at the door metaphorically speaking,
trying to get her just to talkto me because she didn't want to talk
about it. And then I openedthe door because it sounded like it seemed
like we were going to be ableto talk. And so I opened the
door and she immediately just like Ididn't even see it come, and just
(31:18):
grabbed it and slam the door onmy head in the door jam. And
so that one was the one Istruggled with for a long time. So
I was like, wait a minute, was I being so dangerous that she
had to do that in order toprotect herself and her child. And it
wasn't until I went through enough therapyand went through enough counseling that I realized
I was still so under the veilof everything's always my fault, I'm always
(31:42):
having to say sorry, I'm alwaysyou know, the wrong, I'm always
in the wrong, that I couldn'tfor one moment realize what she was doing
wrong. And I mean, believeit or not. Though this does kind
of have a happy ending to itthough, Like I know, this is
like some your stuff I'm touching onhere and whatnot, But this does have
a bit of a happy ending whereI actually find my courage to stand up
(32:06):
to her. And I know that'sa big deal for anybody who's been in
abusive relationship. Just to even beable to get that far is such a
huge mountain to climb. And sowhat ended up happening is that you know,
we you know, the final dayof the breakup she's moving all her
stuff out, and I'm just I'ma wreck, but I'm trying to keep
it together because I don't understand whyeverything's falling apart around me. And she
(32:30):
said, what's wrong? You know? Are you okay? And I'm like,
no, I'm obviously not okay.And you know what's wrong? I
mean, look around you. Allyour stuff is packed. What could be
wrong? You know? Like,why would you ask that type of question?
And then she says, you know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to hurt you, and then proceedsto kiss me and start to make out
(32:52):
with me on the bed. Andat that point, I'm like, what
is going on? Are we actuallybreaking up? Are we not breaking up?
I was like, why did youthat? She's like, I don't
know why I did that. Ijust wanted to kiss you. We're still
breaking up. Some time passed afterwards, and you know, I'm still just
healing from it, coming back fromit. What also sucks at the same
time is that she had nowhere elseto go, so she actually moved in
(33:13):
with one of my close friends atthe time, which my close friend,
you know, the gender doesn't matter, but they you know, obviously they
had no word, matthew ties nothinglike that. She literally was just a
babysitter for the kid as well everynow and then. At the time,
I was working a night shift andI wasn't gonna off to tell about like
eleven pm, and so I wasjust having a bad day this day at
(33:34):
work in general, like it didn'tyou know, relationship deside. It was
just a rough week, I think, or it was just not a good
day. And so I got,you know, I came home. I'm
coming in about probably eleven thirty,and I get a text from her saying,
Hey, are you home? AndI was like, yeah, why,
and she says, all right,I'm gonna come by. I need
to talk to you. So anyway, she comes and it comes to my
(33:59):
house. She she ends up gettingthere about like twelve twelve thirty, and
at this point I'm already like,I'm pretty tired, I'm ready to go
to bed, I'm irritable. I'vehad a bad day. And she comes
up to me pissed at me forsome reason, and it says, did
you ever cheat on me and arelationship? And I told her, no,
I have never once cheated on youin our entire relationship. You were
(34:19):
the only thing I had eyes forit this time. I never ever cheated
on you. And so she thensays to me, Okay, well somehow
I got clamdia and I'm like,oh my god, I wonder who actually
cheated then, Jesus. So she'slike, yeah, you might want to
(34:40):
get yourself checked out. And Iand that was it for me. I
don't know what happened, but Ifinally just had enough of it now,
and she's like I'm going. I'mlike, no, You're not going.
I'm like, you can't just cometo my house, you know, middle
of the night and then accuse meof cheating, even though I stayed home
and I watched the kid and Itook care of her and I was there
(35:02):
for you whenever you needed it.I supported you and everything you want.
And I go on this whole speel, like this whole speech of like how
dare you come to my house whereI'm staying with my parents and you accuse
me of cheating on you? Whatis wrong with you? And I even
said that to her, And itwas like the boast like fulfilling moment I
(35:22):
had a long time, because likein my brain, it was like the
whole audience was like, hell,yeah, he found his self esteem.
That's amazing. So she was livingwith your best friend, did you kind
of When did you finally stop talkingto her? Oh? It wasn't until
(35:43):
she actually moved back to her homestate that we stopped talking because the only
reason I was taking her was theconvenience that she would run into me.
There was one time, there wasone, only one other time that she
reached out to me before. Shewas trying to figure out what to do,
because this was actually right after shemoved out. She was like,
you know, I can't move backin with my aunt. She doesn't want
me back. You know, Idon't have any friends I can move in
(36:05):
with. You know, I don'tknow where to go. What should I
do? I can't move into theone. She was basically trying to get
it so she can come back andmove back in with me and my folks.
I'm like, I go, fuckyourself. How long did you pine
for her after you guys broke up? Like? How long was it?
Did you think that you guys aregoing to get back together for a while?
For a moment I did. Itwasn't until that that night when she
came and you know, accused meof cheating that I was like, nah,
(36:28):
fucker like that, that's wird.I was completely over her. I
knew it at that point. Iwas like, you're such a terrible human
being. I can't believe that I'mwasting as much time and as much thought
on you. Well, I'm gladyou finally stood up for yourself. So
how does it feel knowing that youprobably won't your talk to this person again?
It's the best thing ever. Imean, I do know that in
(36:50):
some ways I'm privileged because I gotto do what a lot of people don't
get to do, and that's thatthey get to stand up against the abuser.
They get to have that moment oftelling them that, you know,
I am a worthwhile person and it'syour loss and you shouldn't have treated me
as poorly as you did because ofthat, you know. And I and
so I do mostly want my storyto be one that encourages people who whether
(37:15):
you know, whether you are aguy and you're going through something similar that
I went through right now, youknow, I want people to find that
courage to stand up for themselves.And if you're not a guy, and
if you're you know, regardless ofgender. You know if you are going
through it or if you have beenthrough it. I just want people to
know that it's okay to feel broken, but remember that you were all broken
(37:37):
in some sort of way. Itjust depends what you want to fill those
cracks with to keep yourself together.I'm sad that you had to learn it
the hard way, but I appreciateyou telling your story and being advocating for
people that are dealing with things likethis. I think that's really important,
(37:57):
of course, and I do thinkthat especially just just for men and those
who identify as such, it's importantthat we do talk about our mental health.
I mean, statistically, it's proventhat men are more likely to commit
suicide because they don't talk about what'sgoing on, and because we do live
in a society of this is whatmen? Do? You know, men
(38:19):
and work on cars, and mendon't show emotions. Do you have an
advice for people who are in asimilar situation. I feel like this is
a good question after what you werejust talking about. Yeah, first,
find your safety net in whether thatis a friend who will talk to you
about this and help you through this, family members, whoever you can be
have in your corner, even ifit's just one person, and if it's
(38:43):
somebody even barely know, as longas they're there, you can have someone
to talk to. It's good tohave that outside of his perspective. But
please please start putting in the workto get out of the situation that you
are in and when you do comeout of it, and as you're going
through that process, please please pleaseremember birth that you are a beautiful person,
that you matter, that there arepeople that you matter too, and
(39:06):
that your value is not based offhow the person you're currently involved with views
you. You were better when theyweren't around, You didn't need them when
they weren't around, and you're notgoing to need them when they're gone.
That's such good advice. I loveall that. What did you learn from
this relationship and how has this relationshipshaped you as a person. I learned
(39:28):
the importance of self soothing and learningto be happy to be alone. I
do think that when we talk aboutbeing alone, there at this is stigma
of that it's suppressing that you're boring, that you only do boring things,
and maybe you do. Maybe whenyou're alone, the things you like to
do are boring to someone else.But the things that you find worth value
(39:51):
should be highly valued by you.And because it is a value, it's
your self esteem, pure and simple. If you're a kind person, give
that kindness to yourself first and foremost, or else you'll never be able to
give it to anyone else. Andthat's what I learned, was to love
being alone. And honestly, itwas being alone was one of the coolest
things I got to experience after Igot the whole after I got over the
(40:14):
paranoia of being alone, you know, because I definitely went through that,
and especially the anxiety that coupled withit, or it came with it,
you know, I struggled with that. But once I got happy with being
alone, like it was kind ofa exciting just waking up, going to
work, then going to the gymand working out, and then coming home
and learning a new steak recipe thatI can cook, or learning a new
(40:35):
chicken recipe, like, although thoseare all a little small things, they
made me feel happy and I wasglad that I got to experience that and
have the freedom to experience that.I totally agree with all of that and
can easily relate because I up untili'd say, like a year ago,
maybe two years ago, I hada very very hard time being alone.
(40:57):
So I totally can feel that,and I it is hard, especially now
with COVID. Like people that aren'tin a relationship, I'm sure it's so
much harder. But a relationship shouldnot define you. You should define yourself
and then find Oh yeah, definitely, Like I agree, and yeah,
I guess it was. I guessit was easier to be a load before
(41:17):
the pandemic because you have the choiceto be a load, where now it's
more of a suggestion and kind ofa requirement. Yeah. So last question,
what's your life like now? Um? I know you're married, Now
what's your relationship like? Of course? Um, well I'm in a better
place now, Um definitely. Yeah, Like I said, I still have
(41:39):
some thoughts that I reflect on fromthat past relationship. I mean, because
it's just you're you're just gonna haveIt's gonna happen. And then when I
think about these moments, I'm justI'm just happy because I'm with my wife
now. You know, Lauren meanher bonded over video games, believe it
or not. I mean, youknow, we we played Halo Call of
(42:00):
Duty when we first got together,and that's that's kind of what got us
started talking. And then we eventuallygot married and I now have I now
have a different kid, of course, and her name is Aaron. And
then I love her and I wouldgive She's a line in my life.
Honestly, she's I'm her biggest fanas much as she is my biggest fan.
This little family I have is justso beautiful and amazing that I would
(42:23):
do all the same things that I'vedone in my life. I would go
through it all again just so Icould see I'll be with Lauren, and
just so I could still meet herall over again. And Yeah, I'm
just so glad that you're happy nowand you're loving life. And I appreciate
you being so open and honest withme, I really do. Yeah,
I appreciate you bring me on totalk about this. I think the main
(42:58):
takeaway I'd like everyone to have fromthis episode with Matthew is to never forget
that you're worthwhile and that you matter. A lot of people in this world
have unfortunately been in an abusive relationship. No relationship is worth fighting for.
If you're being hurt, if you'relistening to this and feel alone, please
don't hesitate to reach out to medirectly on email or message me on any
(43:20):
of my social channels. Another greatresource is to contact the National Domestic Violence
Hotline. You can chat with themonline by searching the hotline dot org,
or you can call them directly.Their phone number is one eight hundred seven
nine nine Safe one eight hundred sevennine nine Safe. I'd also like to
(43:43):
mention that Matthew has his own podcast, and here's what he has to say
about that. My show is calledthe Punk Rock Horror Podcast or PRHP.
We come out with episodes every otherweek on Tuesdays and Fridays. You can
find us on all listening platforms,so Spotify, Google, play Player,
FM or wherever you get podcasts,you can find us there. If you
(44:05):
do listen to us on iTunes,please consider leaving us a review. We
also come out with bonus band interviewson the first Wednesday and middle Wednesday of
every month. And yeah, youcan just search up punk ReCore podcasts.
You can find us anywhere. Wehave a Patreon, we have a tea
Spring Obliterate podcast is produced by meChristine Nikolich. Special thanks to Dilla for
(44:30):
providing the theme music. Please followObliterate Podcast on Instagram, and if you
have any questions, feedback, orinterested in being a future guest, feel
free to email me at obliterate podcastat gmail dot com. Please like,
subscribe, comment, and share thispodcast with your friends and family, and
thanks so much for listening. Myname's Christine Nikolich and this is Obliterate Podcast
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