September 16, 2025 • 42 mins
Dr. Kayla Ballard's testimony will stop you in your tracks. From experiencing ten devastating miscarriages to literally dying on a hospital table, her journey reveals what happens when human resilience meets divine intervention.
The conversation opens with Dr. Ballard sharing her path from the Bahamas to Savannah, Georgia, where she's currently "in the motion of becoming" - discovering new dimensions of herself even in this season of life. What drives her? The profound question: "Why me, God? Out of all the billions of people you created, why did you choose me?"
When asked how she stays centered amid life's chaos, Dr. Ballard reveals her non-negotiable practice of Sabbath rest, calling Saturdays her "sacred" day. "I guard it viciously," she explains, comparing these moments of silence to putting on a snorkel to breathe God's presence like oxygen. This spiritual discipline has sustained her through seasons that would have broken many.
The heart of the episode unfolds as Dr. Ballard recounts her harrowing battle with barrenness. After connecting deeply with the biblical woman with the issue of blood, she experienced a life-threatening hemorrhage while alone. In what can only be described as supernatural intervention, she managed to drive herself to medical help despite severe blood loss. Most remarkable was her near-death experience - literally leaving her body as medical professionals frantically worked to recover her lost pulse. In that moment, she declared, "I shall live and not die to declare the works of the Lord."
Against all odds, Dr. Ballard eventually welcomed her son after 17 years of marriage, followed by her daughter at age 42. Her publishing journey proved equally miraculous, transforming from writing just to remember things during a period of memory loss to becoming an author of multiple books and journals sharing her testimony of redemption.
For anyone feeling stuck or questioning their purpose, Dr. Ballard offers this wisdom: make a genuine commitment to God, find positive community, set boundaries, prioritize rest, and journal honestly a
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Intro/Outro (00:01):
Welcome to the Off Balance Podcast, where faith,
family and business collide,with your host, dr Brooks Deming
, christian life coach,intercessor and entrepreneur.
Dr. Brooks (00:18):
Welcome to the Off Balance Podcast.
I'm your host, dr Brooks, andthis is a podcast where faith,
family and business collide, andwe navigate it all with grace
and grit.
Today's guest is Dr Caleb.
She is a devoted spiritualleader, academic trailblazer and
passionate advocate for livinga Christ-centered life.
Her journey from seasons ofdeep brokenness to moments of
(00:40):
divine clarity has shaped herinto a powerful voice of hope,
healing and transformation.
Whether through her writing,teaching or mentorship, dr
Bullard invites others torediscover the power of God's
presence, the truth of his wordand the beauty living in
alignment with his purpose.
With vulnerability and wisdom,she empowers others to rise from
(01:03):
life's storms, embrace theirGod-given identity and walk
boldly into destiny.
Her life is a living testimonyof redemption, restoration and
unwavering faith.
So please welcome to the show,dr Kayla.
Dr. Kayla (01:19):
My name is Dr Kayla Ballard and I'm originally from
the Bahamas, relocated to theUnited States about almost 19
years ago and I started off inFort Worth, Texas.
That was a beautiful experience.
My undergraduate degree, ofcourse, I spent time in Nebraska
and the question at that timewas what would make someone from
the Bahamas travel all the wayto Nebraska?
(01:41):
And at the time, in the early80ies, I just wanted an
experience.
I just wanted somethingdifferent.
And I got that and so fastforward.
Then, of course, I transitionedfrom the cold plains of Nebraska
into the dry weather of Texasand the question was you in
Texas, you left all that weatherin the Bahamas to come to Texas
(02:01):
all the beaches, and of courseit was a different experience at
that time.
And Texas was about destiny,linking, connecting with that.
What next?
Then, after Texas, it was thepivot to Savannah, georgia,
where I currently find myself,and that led me on a different
track, just a track of purposeand discovering more about who I
(02:24):
am as an individual.
And that's where I'm at rightnow, in that motion of becoming.
That's what I'm doing, so I'mfinding that new chapter in my
life, and so that's my newconquest discovering who I am.
At this stage of the game.
Could you believe it?
Dr. Brooks (02:45):
discovering who I am at this stage of the game.
Could you believe it?
But that's actually.
That's pretty good, because Iknow sometimes as we journey
through life and when we reach athird, like a certain moment or
a point, we don't want new,like sometimes we can just be
complacent.
So I think that is like veryawesome that you are
rediscovering who you are atthis stage of your life.
So can you talk a little bitmore about what made you want to
(03:09):
pursue that journey?
Dr. Kayla (03:11):
There has to be more to life.
When you serve a great big Godand you look at the things that
this great big God has done andthen you think about your role
in creation and the fact that hecould have chosen anybody else.
He chose you, you get to theplace where you're like there
has to be more to life.
Life has to be more about work,home, maybe church, maybe
(03:37):
activities.
But it's like God.
What is my purpose?
Why did you create me out ofall the billions of people that
you created?
Why me?
Why did you create me out ofall the billions of people that
you created?
Why me?
And that has always been, Iguess, that thing that has
always fueled me.
There has to be more to life.
Dr. Brooks (03:52):
I often think about that too, like what is my true
purpose?
Why am I here?
Because, of course, we'realways going to be in situations
to help other people, and so Ioften question that as well.
So I'm glad that you broughtthat up.
That's really good.
So, in a world that is oftennoisy and chaotic, how do you
stay centered on Christ?
Dr. Kayla (04:12):
When I think about everything that's happening, I
have to find time to draw away.
And drawing away doesn't meanthat I don't want to be bothered
.
Drawing away means that I haveto in order to maintain sane, in
order to maintain whole, and soI have what I call me times
that I have to in order tomaintain sane, in order to
maintain whole, and so I havewhat I call me times that I
guard.
I mean I guard viciously.
And so my children often say tome oh, mommy, what you doing?
(04:35):
X, y, z?
And I'm like whatever I'm doing, don't make no problem,
especially on a Saturday.
So that's like my me day.
I have to redirect and no matterwhat happening, what is
happening, it's all about me,and so that's how I, that's how
(04:55):
I regroup.
The chaos will always be there,but in the midst of the chaos,
I just find time to silencemyself Silence myself in prayer,
silence myself in worship,silence myself just reading a
book, silence myself by justsleeping.
But I have to be able to findthat time to regroup, because
(05:18):
I'm always giving, someone isalways pulling from me, and so
in order for me to be thateffective, I have to be able to
draw into God and get thestrength that I need and get the
resource that I need.
So I find that peace ispossible through Jesus Christ,
and he is my oxygen.
So in order for me to be ableto stay afloat, I have to find
(05:42):
moments to just to be able toput the snorkel on and just
inhale, and that's what I doSaturdays, sacred.
Dr. Brooks (05:53):
So we can say Saturdays are your Sabbath.
That's really good, because Iknow that sometimes when I talk
to other moms they feel so bad,when they're selfish with their
time, and I'm like, no, you needthat a long time.
You need that time to be ableto renew yourself and just to be
quiet for a little bit, becausesometimes we can be so busy and
(06:15):
we're often just running towhere we don't allow our mind to
just slow down.
And so you have walked throughseasons of both brokenness and
breakthrough.
Can you take us back to adefining moment when your faith
was deeply tested, and how Godused that valley to rebuild a
deeper part of your purpose?
Dr. Kayla (06:34):
It's a personal time .
I don't mind sharing it becauseI'm old and I'm free, but it
was a time of I have walked theroad of barrenness.
After 38 years of marriage, Ihave a 21-year-old son and I
have a 17-year-old daughter.
So do the math, think about it.
(06:55):
There was a time of alonenessand a time of stillness and
uncertainty, not understandingwhat was going on with my body.
Doctors didn't know the answersand I didn't have the money to
pay for whether it wasartificial insemination or deep
therapy that I needed.
(07:16):
And so I plugged into God.
And it's something about whenyou have a defining moment.
I've had multiple definingmoments, but I got a hold of the
story of the woman with theissue of blood and I figured,
hey, you have an issue and Ihave an issue, and if he could
do something about your issueand make you whole at the end of
(07:36):
the day, then I'm coming tothis God.
And that put me on a trackbecause I wanted to get to know
God for myself.
On a trek because I wanted toget to know God for myself.
And so, without getting toopersonal, I came from a place of
not being able to have monthlycycles to plug it into God,
(08:02):
receiving a degree of healingfrom God, where I found myself
now having cycles.
Then I went from having themevery six months to every month,
just pushing into God andallowing his word to heal me
without being ultra spiritual.
But I had no one else andnothing else to do, and so it
came to a point where I wasconceiving, conception was not
coming to fruition.
I had multiple miscarriages.
After 10 miscarriages, Istopped fruition.
(08:26):
I had multiple miscarriages.
After 10 miscarriages, Istopped.
But this particular miscarriageI think it was probably my
ninth or 10th miscarriage and Iwas going to for the first time
to be able to see a specialistdoctor in Florida.
And before I went to thatdoctor, my attending physician
at the time told me that hedidn't have hair or heartbeat.
That was not the answer that Iwanted and I was not tuned into
(08:48):
him.
So I didn't tell anybody what Iwas dealing with.
I continued to go to the doctorand while I was there, someone
had shared a song with me priorto going and the song was by
Martha Manuzzi Say the Name ofJesus.
And I fell in love with thatsong and I played that song when
I got in Florida.
I purchased the cassette tapeat the time and I played that
(09:11):
song for about maybe 24 hours.
Within that 24 hours, Iexperienced a life-altering
crisis where I began tohemorrhage.
Nobody was home at the time.
My sister was at work.
Nobody was there.
When I say nobody, her daughterwas at home, but she was unable
to help me.
And I was in that place of whatam I going to do?
(09:35):
And the only thing that I coulddo was call on Jesus until I
passed out.
When she came in, they rushedme to the doctor, only to find
out that I had lost so muchblood.
They were listen to this.
Now they were unable to doanything with me because my
attending physician, who I wasattending in the US, was not
(09:57):
available, so they had todischarge me me.
So here we are in that momentof crisis where my sister said
to me I cannot go with you toyour adopted homestead because I
left my child at home and shewas a toddler and so she had to
go home.
(10:18):
And it was like God, what am Igoing to do?
And at the time, wendy had astick shift car do.
And at the time, wendy had astick shift car and she said
what I will do.
I will go and I will borrow myboyfriend's car for you.
You can use his car to make ita little more easier for you to
drive.
And I would never forget it.
I heard the voice of the HolySpirit and he said go to Kmart.
(10:39):
At the time Kmart was located onBroward.
He said go to Kmart, get achange of clothes.
I was a mess and he said getsomething cold to drink.
I'd never forget it, pullinginto Kmart.
I obeyed, got the clothes comeout and I remember the prayer I
prayed.
The prayer I prayed was Lord,don't let me black out on I-95.
(11:02):
Don't let me speed, I don'twant anybody to pull me over.
And I asked for angelic escort.
I remember saying God, give meangelic escort with flaming
fires from the third heaven topick this car up and put this
car in Homestead.
On a good day of driving toHomestead, it's probably about
maybe 45 minutes an hour and 15minutes or 9.95.
(11:27):
Let me tell you, brooke, it wasas if the Holy Spirit picked
that car up, transported thatcar in Homestead, because 45
minutes later I was in Homestead.
So now we're going to get tothat defining moment.
We're going to get to thatcrisis, that moment of what next
?
God, god, there, the nurselooked at me like in shock what
(11:50):
are you doing here?
Because we just got the message.
We just got the call.
How did you get here?
Who brought you here?
And I'm like I'm here on my ownand she looks at me and wonder
you've got to be lying?
Because no one who justexperienced the trauma that you
did was able to travel byherself.
At that point of thatconversation, taking me back
(12:12):
into the room to prepare me forthe doctor, I lost it.
My vitals dropped when I cameto again.
I came to it.
There's a nurse saying to meit's going to be okay, kayla,
and she's rubbing my hands andshe's putting some.
She said I need you to breathe.
So she put the oxygen on me andthen she took it off again and
(12:36):
she said what do you want me todo for you?
Now, anybody who knows me brokea note that I I used to like
shoes.
Okay, it's not like thatanymore, like it used to be Girl
.
I was wearing the ugliest pairof shoes of my life.
I could not believe it and Itold her I need you to secure my
pair of shoes for me.
Call my sister, let her knowI'm going to be okay.
(12:58):
And tell her to call my husband, let him know I'm going to be
okay.
And I remember her putting theoxygen back on me.
And then I came to again.
I had left my body.
I left my body, oh God.
I give you thanks in Jesus name.
I had left my body and workingon me.
Never forget, it Was this black,american, caucasian lady.
(13:22):
And she says we don't have apulse.
And these three Caucasian EMTs,we don't have a pulse.
And these three Caucasian EMTs,we don't have a pulse.
Let me tell you something.
And the voice said I got you.
Now I'm going to kill you.
And at that moment, brooke, Icouldn't remember, out of my
body, watching her work on me,I'm telling you I know like I
(13:43):
know, like I knew there's life.
And I couldn't rememberscripture, but I remember, see
that purpose.
I remember saying I cannot dienow, god, because I know that I
have not accomplished everythingthat you've asked me to
accomplish.
And out of me came thescripture I shall live and not
(14:04):
die to declare the works of theLord, just so important.
And at that moment I heard theEMT, that female, saying we got
a weak pulse.
And in that moment my spiritwent back into my body.
What transpired next was nothingbut the miracle hand of God
(14:27):
when they wheeled me out of thatmedical center and sent me to
Jackson Memorial.
And hours later the attendingphysician said to me what saved
you was the thing that wasintended to kill you.
That fetus is still, I'mtelling you.
(14:50):
It cost your blood to clot.
And then he began to talk somethings I really didn't want to
hear, because he was talkingsome things that contradicted
what I believed in my faith,because the fact that he showed
me that fetus and showed me thatnothing was wrong me that fetus
and showed me that nothing waswrong with that fetus, it showed
me that, hey, there was stillhope.
And so when he said, what doyou want to do now?
(15:14):
Do you want to do some surgeryor do you want us to examine
this any closer?
And I said, no, I'm gonna be,discharge me.
Let me tell you something.
He discharged me from Jackson,which was in the opposite
direction of Homestead.
I had at that time I had to getyour taxi, we didn't have Ubers
then Caught a taxi back to themedical center to pick up my
(15:36):
sister's boyfriend's car andlisten here.
I drove back to Broward, fortLauderdale, to Broward, fort
Lauderdale, praising God all theway, because I know that God is
a keeper.
So resilience does not mean youwould never have an issue, you
(16:01):
would never experience anything,but it means what are you going
to do in the process of it?
When you talk about a definingmoment, that was a defining
moment.
I should have been, but, forthe grace of God, I'm here
sitting down having thisconversation with you today.
Dr. Brooks (16:16):
Oh, dr Kayla, you have a powerful testimony and I
knew that you had strong faith.
But to hear that you had all ofthose miscarriages and you
still believe.
Dr. Kayla (16:29):
How do you read a story about a woman who had an
issue of blood?
How do you read that story,knowing that, see, in order for
her to have money to go to thedoctor, it says it speaks to me
that at some point in her lifeshe had a flu.
She was a Jewish lady, so shefell from grace.
(16:50):
You understand, at some pointshe became so broken that
everyone that she thought sheknew that she expected to help
her.
She was now an outcast.
Everybody shunned her and thedoctors didn't have the answers.
The doctors didn't have noanswers for me, so all I had was
God.
So it was either I was going tobelieve this God with
(17:13):
everything that I had, or I'djust give up.
And so, if he could do it forher, I held on to that.
I held on to that.
And so, even after thatexperience we talk about
resilience I still hadmiscarriages even after that,
but it wasn't like I waspurposely trying to damage
(17:36):
myself.
No, I was on a road to.
This was a road of faith, god,if you can't do it, it cannot be
done.
And then it was based onscripture.
You promise, according to sound, that I will be a joyful mother
of children.
So it taught me how to speak tothose things as be, not as if
(17:58):
they were.
It taught me that death andlife is in the power of the
tongue, and you will have thefruit thereof, and either I can
believe you, and you can be God,and I can believe you for real,
or you just ain't real.
And so, when we talk aboutdefining moments, I was on a
quest to know God, and in him Ifound him.
Dr. Brooks (18:20):
You have been married for 38 years.
How are you able to still showup for your husband?
And you were dealing with somuch.
Dr. Kayla (18:30):
What I did, I lost to myself.
I lost to myself in trying toshow up for him.
I lost myself in trying to showup for others.
And how do I explain that Ibecame superwoman when God never
(18:52):
asked me to be superwoman?
I begin to.
As much as I believe God neverallowed myself to share my
feelings.
I didn't allow myself to betransparent.
In the culture that I'm from,you're expected to be perfect.
(19:16):
Once you're a Christian, you'renot expected to wallow in your
tragedy or feel your pain, andso you mask that pain.
So I showed up for him when Iwas hurt.
I showed up for him when I wasbroken.
I showed up for him, nevertalking about what I was feeling
, because he didn't want to hearabout it, because I don't have
(19:39):
all the answers, and so Ipretended so it really wasn't.
The support was not there.
The support was not there, andso what fueled me was God, I can
show them who you are, and then, when I show them who you are,
(20:02):
then they're going to come tobelieve that you are who you say
you are.
So it was almost like a Marthasyndrome that I was on.
And I got back to Jesus and inthe process, everybody can be
saved.
Yeah, so it was bittersweet.
It was bittersweet.
Dr. Brooks (20:19):
That is so eye opening.
So at what point did you becomecomfortable to share your story
?
Dr. Kayla (20:29):
It was afterwards, it was see.
Jesus said blessed are thosewho have not seen but yet
believe.
But for others it was the proof, was in the pudding After 17
years of marriage and now youhave this healthy baby boy.
Now it's okay.
(20:49):
Now tell me how that happened,Because I went from the whispers
of what's wrong with you, howcome you don't have any children
yet?
Oh, she's barren, oh this.
I went from gossip to oh gee,then there must be something
going on here.
How do you explain that?
And so you can't deny theevidence, you can't deny the
(21:11):
power of God, you can't deny thefact that, hey, God did this
that changed everything.
Dr. Brooks (21:21):
I can only imagine, and I'm sure your son is so
spoiled as a matter of fact, hewasn't.
Dr. Kayla (21:28):
He was an experiment .
What do I mean by that?
This is funny.
It's so funny.
I'm from a small family.
It's only my brother and myself.
We were six years apart, so Inever had to deal with children,
never had to deal with children.
And so here I am.
I think I was 38 at the timewhen my son came and I didn't
(21:50):
know what to do.
I read lots of books, yes, andI didn't know what to do.
I read lots of books, yes.
My mom was in New Providenceand people just assumed I knew
what to do, and my husband wasfrom a bigger family, so he had
a little more experience than Ihad, because he had to help out
with his brothers and sisters.
But, girl, I made so manymistakes.
(22:11):
Let me give you this my littlefella Elijah.
He was a little, he was, he wasan active baby and he was a
chubby baby.
He was a chubby baby because atone point I had hired a
housekeeper and she had overfedhim and at that time he was on
soy milk.
At that point I was avegetarian.
In my life he was on soy milkand in her culture, the bigger
(22:33):
the baby is, that spoke towealth and prosperity.
So, honey, she was giving mychild a tin of milk a day.
So here I have this big babyand I had to end up getting rid
of her because I thought she wastrying to kill my child.
That's a different story.
But here I am in church withthis baby and this baby crying
(22:54):
Honey.
He was a hefty thing.
And so one of the ladies lookedat me.
She said Kayla, what youfeeding this child?
I said I giving him bottles.
She said you giving that bigboy milk only.
She said girl.
She say water don't.
She said water don't stay onhim.
I said what you mean by that,elder Marina.
She said water don't stay onhere.
(23:16):
I said what you mean by that,elder Marina.
She said you got to be givingthis child milk food.
And so I said no, I had spokento the pediatrician and the
pediatrician said I think it wasabout four months at that time.
He was too young for me to givehim any food.
She said girl, listen here, youbetter give that child what she
said you better dust his bottle.
So I said what you mean dustthis bottle.
She said you need to go getyourself some banana food and
(23:37):
put it in that bottle.
I'm making some cream of wheatreal thin, I'm making some
oatmeal really thin and give tothat child.
Let me tell you something thatnight I ran home because at this
point I was when I say tired, Iwas tired.
My husband was like a zombie.
We didn't know what to dobecause the boy was getting up
every two, three hours.
I went and I bought some banana, baby food, honey, and when I
(24:00):
say I dust the milk, I think Ibought about half I am so
serious About half a box ofbanana food in with that baby
food.
And that child slept for likeabout six hours, six to seven
hours.
I was scared Because he had notslept that long before and I
kept going next to him to hearwhether or not he was breathing.
(24:24):
Girl, listen here.
After that first sleep, it wason, girl, it was on.
And I was dusted.
I made so many mistakes, but Igive God thanks, it was on.
I was dusted.
I made so many mistakes, but Igive God thanks, god kept him.
And then I wanted him to be theperfect baby.
I wanted him to be the perfectchurch baby.
(24:45):
He wasn't spoiled.
Girl, listen here.
He get cut up.
He get more.
Yeah, okay, the Bible says he'scut up.
He get more cut up.
He knew the books of the Bible.
He knew how to pray.
We call it every nail knockEvery time I was in church.
He was in church Because hisname is Elijah.
He had to be the perfectprophet so he wasn't spoiling.
(25:06):
He didn't have cell phones backat that time he couldn't have a
phone.
He had to earn his phone.
He only got his phone duringthe summers.
But in order to earn privilegehe had to be able to memorize
Bible verses.
My child said, mommy, you needto ask him.
It wasn't.
Dr. Brooks (25:29):
I just knew you spoiled him.
You waited so long for him andyou didn't.
You waited so long for him andyou didn't.
Dr. Kayla (25:36):
He was spoiled.
No toys, I didn't believe intoys Because I didn't believe in
toys.
So he had books and he hadpuzzles.
You need to hear his story.
He wasn't spoiled at all.
Dr. Brooks (25:48):
So you was more gentle on your daughter.
Dr. Kayla (25:52):
When she came, I was tired.
Yeah, when she came, and Ididn't expect her, she was the
bonus, she was the bonus Fouryears later, I was tired.
And so, when she came, my sonalways say and tell her oh girl,
you don't know what you gotaway with, because what I
endured you didn't have to gothrough, I was just tired, I had
(26:12):
nothing left.
When she came, she came at 42,at 42, honey.
And I wasn't expecting that.
That was a different storyaltogether.
Dr. Brooks (26:22):
Yeah, I couldn't imagine having a baby at 42, but
you did it and you did a goodjob.
But I just know, at 42, you'remore tired.
Yeah, no, yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, I could not do it.
So you are a published authorand you have a lot of projects
out.
Can you talk about some of yourbooks that you have?
(26:45):
And you also have journals aswell, right, yeah.
Dr. Kayla (26:48):
I have a couple.
You were the catalyst, you werethe person who sparked this.
I had a book the Lord gave meyears ago and I submitted it to
someone to have a look at it andat that time there was no,
there was not a creativemovement.
Everything was according tostandard English in terms of how
we wrote or what was released.
So there was no way, there wasnowhere for creativity,
(27:11):
descriptive writing, and I gaveit at that time to a published
author, had a look at it and thereview was not good, and that
broke me.
My road to recovery was afterthe dissertation period, after I
finished writing mydissertation, but I was still
not confident in the fact that Icould publish.
(27:32):
But I was still not confidentin the fact that I could publish
.
At some point I was losing myshort-term memory and so I had
to begin to write again, just toremember.
And so, in order to rememberwhat I had for breakfast, I had
to write that down.
And then remember, I wrote thatdown, to write that down.
So by the time I met you, I wasready, but not quite ready.
(27:53):
You challenged me.
You challenged me to the pointthat, hey, you got to write
something every day, just oneparagraph, and then you wouldn't
stop.
You were like you just wouldn'tstop, man, you were that
mosquito.
But God used you.
And then I know I'm going toget to the question you asked me
(28:17):
.
But it was like, how could yougive away all of this
information for free to want tohelp me?
And you didn't know me, youunderstand.
And then you were relentless.
You wouldn't allow us not tohave something to share with you
.
So whenever we showed up, itwas like, so what did you do
(28:39):
this week?
And I was like, oh God, therewe go again.
So you made it impossible tolie to you, so you never knew
this.
But you made me take out myjournals and so I started with
that writing.
I had written almost 30 yearsago and that was about the
teapot.
I told the story about a teapotidentity from brokenness being
(29:04):
restored, and that was my life.
And then I began, and as Ibegan to, as a matter of fact, I
had to go through therapy.
I did some therapy sessionsbecause a lot transpired in my
life, and out of those therapysessions the books just began to
roll.
And so I went from the teapot,I went from telling the story
(29:27):
about.
There's a difference betweentrauma and demons, trauma and
demons.
And then I tell the story aboutthe butterfly, just the
metamorphosis of a butterfly,and that was definitely my life.
But in order to become thebeautiful butterfly, there was a
period of crushing that you hadto go through, and so I
experienced that.
Then I went from another sectionof brokenness to beauty that
(29:50):
told the story about sexualabuse.
And the Lord said to me tell itfrom a different angle, tell it
from the angle of what men gothrough.
And my son helped me with thatwhen he said to me Mom, you'll
be surprised to know the amountof men that have experienced
abuse, and they're silent.
And then it came another storybased on Psalm 42, as the deer
(30:13):
panted, for the water go.
And so I tell the story about adeer being hunted, what the
Lord does in those moments whenwe feel like we're being hunted,
how he shows up as creator Godand he shifts the winds of
adversity in our favor.
Then I tell the story about thesilence of a broken home.
(30:35):
I tell my story and then I tellthat story, I follow it up with
Beauty for Ashes and out ofthat came some memoirs and
journals about the heart, themind and the soul.
Then a friend told me that youneed a journal to accompany the
teapot story and I'm like I'mfinished, I have nothing else to
(30:56):
give, and so out of that, andthen I shared this one is
personal for me.
I shared the journal calledLift it, and that is where and
this came out of my personalprayer time and my moments of
walking the beach where I wouldjust adore God, every name that
I could find, the Hallowess nameYeshua, yahweh Adonai, and I
(31:21):
just begin to lift him up, andso I share with people that, hey
, you could just call him, andwhen you call him and invite him
into your space, he changesyour environment.
Dr. Brooks (31:35):
So that's me.
I'm so proud, I am so proud ofyou and I gifted the one I think
it's a story of redemption,that one and help, I need
therapy.
So I gifted those and so far,so good.
The feedback has been likereally good.
I was working with, I wascoaching two ladies and I was
(31:55):
like I have something for youand I sent them to them and they
are really enjoying it.
You are so creative and yourwriting is beautiful, so don't
stop writing.
Don't stop writing.
Dr. Kayla (32:08):
Thank you, thank you so much, thank you yeah don't
stop writing.
That was all I needed from you.
Dr. Brooks (32:13):
Thank, you, yeah, yeah.
So if you are interested in anyof her work, you can find her
on amazon.
She does have an author page.
So just make sure that you guysare going to amazon and
purchasing her books and herjournals, because dr kayla
writes really well and her workis just amazing.
And she went from one to.
(32:35):
She was like I'm on number sixand number seven.
I was like, oh my God, thefloodgates have opened.
Dr. Kayla (32:43):
Thanks to you, thanks to you so.
Dr. Brooks (32:45):
I'm so proud of you .
I am so proud.
So we talked about resilience.
We have talked about overcoming.
Your testimony is just amazing.
So you are also an educator, socan you just share?
When it comes to balancing yourfaith, your family and your
career, it can be challengingsometimes, but can you share the
(33:06):
strategies that you have inplace to keep things balanced?
Dr. Kayla (33:10):
Keeping things balanced, navigating faith first
, family and everything elsecomes after that.
So, spiritually, my anchor isjesus christ.
I can do nothing without him.
So any of my live, I breatheand I have my being so every
morning.
For me what that looks like.
I get up prayer.
(33:31):
So whether prayer is justdeeply meditating, just telling
him thank you for the day,prayer when I jump in the car,
and then I have those intimatemoments with him, just give it
in praise.
And then, of course, there'sworship, worship throughout the
day.
When I get into work and I havea few moments, I just spend that
(33:52):
time just worshiping and thattruly just helps me, as well as
pulling away my Saturday moments.
That's the time that I need tojust replenish myself.
My Sabbath, where I just pullin and I just get away from the
noise, because that's importantfor me to be able to replenish,
(34:16):
so I have something to give.
So, whether I'm in the front ofmy students and I'm sharing
with them, there are momentswhen I could be deeply annoyed
at them because they're notgetting a concept or they're
just distracted.
I find out that what mypersonal time does for me is
(34:37):
give me an opportunity toregroup and realize that, hey,
they're just children, so Idon't get to snap at them once I
find my time in God.
But if I don't have that timein God, I find it's easier to
snap at them because I realizethat, hey, something's missing.
So, when you think, when Ithink balance, balance is not
(35:01):
the absence of what's happeningaround me, balance is for me.
What do I do?
Balance isn't external, balanceis internal, and so I have to
sit at the feet of Jesus.
If I don't sit at his feet, I'mno good to nobody else.
So those are the things that Ido.
(35:23):
So, community, I honestlyreflect.
I sit down and I think and I'mnot thinking out of guilt, I'm
not thinking out of remorse, Ithink about self-reflect how
could I do something differentor what could I have done
differently?
I think about, sometimes eventhe pain.
I think of those good moments,I think of those bad moments and
(35:47):
I think about how could I havedone this differently?
How could I have impacted mystudents?
How could I reteach a lesson?
How could I help a student whodidn't get it to now refocus?
How could I help a studentenjoy this concept?
So that's what it does for me asan educator, computer science
(36:08):
and it's not easy to get thoseconcepts across.
So in those moments of teachinga concept, I thank God for the
Holy Spirit.
He's the master teacher.
In those moments I can easilypivot and say Holy Spirit, give
me an idea to get this conceptacross to my kids.
And once I am in tune with him,it's easy to receive a download
(36:30):
in the moment.
And so those are the things Ido.
But I'm honest with even when Ifail, even in moments of
failure because I didn't do X, y, z, I'm able to reflect on that
and ask myself what is thelesson, because I understand
that failure isn't defeat ormoments of depression.
(36:53):
It gives me an opportunity tolearn something else and I
welcome failure, I welcomefailing because it gives me an
opportunity to grow.
Dr. Brooks (37:06):
That is so good.
So I want you to think aboutthis question.
So you speak powerfully aboutidentity and purpose.
So for someone that's listeningtoday, who may feel stuck or
they feel unsure of theircalling, what would you say to
help them step into the fullnessof who God created them to be?
Dr. Kayla (37:32):
First of all, in order to do you have to make a
genuine commitment to serve God.
Once you make that genuinecommitment to serve God and you
are convinced that is what youwant, and you are now a follower
, believer, of Jesus Christ,find community, find people who
(37:53):
think the way you think, findpositive individuals who can
speak into your life positivelyand help you with direction,
help to give you guidance.
And then now you have to setboundaries for yourself.
Set boundaries and learn how tosay no and to know that no is
(38:14):
not a dirty word, the word thatno is a word of protection.
And then you need to find timeto rest.
And then you need to find timeto worship, and journaling is
probably one of the best habitsthat you could ever pick up
Journal and, in the midst ofjournaling, be honest, and that
(38:38):
is what I would share.
You don't have to be perfect.
The world expects us to beperfect, but Christ expects us
to come just as we are.
Just go to him and just behonest.
God, this is where I'm at, andsometimes I'll say God, I'm
doing good.
Today, I'm having a meltdown.
Today, I'm ready to do, do, do,do, and that is what he wants.
Yeah, you know, but our world,sometimes because we live in a
(39:01):
world that projectsperfectionism that's not a
reality, because we're notperfect.
As a matter of fact, we'reperfect no times.
We're people in need of asavior.
And just come, just be honest.
Find a girlfriend or someonewho could just speak to you.
If you're lying, they'll tellyou child, you're lying.
(39:22):
That ain't no truth.
If you're suffering fromdelusion, you just need honesty.
Dr. Brooks (39:29):
That is so important and I'm glad you
brought up community, becausesometimes people want to isolate
.
But I love the scripture inEcclesiastes when it says two is
better than one because theyhave a good return for their
labor.
And then it talks about ifeither one of them fall, then
one can help the other up.
And that scripture is so trueand it's so important because I
(39:50):
have those accountabilitypartners, I have those
girlfriends.
That's going to say, dr Brooks,you wrong.
You need to go make that rightno, that wasn't good or anything
or they encourage you to keepgoing, and so being in community
with like-minded people is soimportant.
So I'm glad that you broughtthat up and I have enjoyed you
(40:11):
being on the show today.
You have brought so much wisdomand insight and I will have
your information and I will havethe links to your books in the
description of this episode.
So if anyone wants to reach outto Dr Kayla, just check the
description and her informationwill be there.
So again, dr Kayla, thank youso much for joining.
It has been a pleasure.
Dr. Kayla (40:32):
Thank you so much.
Intro/Outro (40:39):
Thanks for joining.
Please rate this episode andshare this podcast with your
family and friends.
To learn more about your host,visit wwwbrooksdemmingcom.
Welcome to the Off Balance Podcast, where faith,
family and business collide,with your host, dr Brooks Deming
, christian life coach,intercessor and entrepreneur.
Dr. Brooks (00:18):
Welcome to the Off Balance Podcast.
I'm your host, dr Brooks, andthis is a podcast where faith,
family and business collide, andwe navigate it all with grace
and grit.
Today's guest is Dr Caleb.
She is a devoted spiritualleader, academic trailblazer and
passionate advocate for livinga Christ-centered life.
Her journey from seasons ofdeep brokenness to moments of
(00:40):
divine clarity has shaped herinto a powerful voice of hope,
healing and transformation.
Whether through her writing,teaching or mentorship, dr
Bullard invites others torediscover the power of God's
presence, the truth of his wordand the beauty living in
alignment with his purpose.
With vulnerability and wisdom,she empowers others to rise from
(01:03):
life's storms, embrace theirGod-given identity and walk
boldly into destiny.
Her life is a living testimonyof redemption, restoration and
unwavering faith.
So please welcome to the show,dr Kayla.
Dr. Kayla (01:19):
My name is Dr Kayla Ballard and I'm originally from
the Bahamas, relocated to theUnited States about almost 19
years ago and I started off inFort Worth, Texas.
That was a beautiful experience.
My undergraduate degree, ofcourse, I spent time in Nebraska
and the question at that timewas what would make someone from
the Bahamas travel all the wayto Nebraska?
(01:41):
And at the time, in the early80ies, I just wanted an
experience.
I just wanted somethingdifferent.
And I got that and so fastforward.
Then, of course, I transitionedfrom the cold plains of Nebraska
into the dry weather of Texasand the question was you in
Texas, you left all that weatherin the Bahamas to come to Texas
(02:01):
all the beaches, and of courseit was a different experience at
that time.
And Texas was about destiny,linking, connecting with that.
What next?
Then, after Texas, it was thepivot to Savannah, georgia,
where I currently find myself,and that led me on a different
track, just a track of purposeand discovering more about who I
(02:24):
am as an individual.
And that's where I'm at rightnow, in that motion of becoming.
That's what I'm doing, so I'mfinding that new chapter in my
life, and so that's my newconquest discovering who I am.
At this stage of the game.
Could you believe it?
Dr. Brooks (02:45):
discovering who I am at this stage of the game.
Could you believe it?
But that's actually.
That's pretty good, because Iknow sometimes as we journey
through life and when we reach athird, like a certain moment or
a point, we don't want new,like sometimes we can just be
complacent.
So I think that is like veryawesome that you are
rediscovering who you are atthis stage of your life.
So can you talk a little bitmore about what made you want to
(03:09):
pursue that journey?
Dr. Kayla (03:11):
There has to be more to life.
When you serve a great big Godand you look at the things that
this great big God has done andthen you think about your role
in creation and the fact that hecould have chosen anybody else.
He chose you, you get to theplace where you're like there
has to be more to life.
Life has to be more about work,home, maybe church, maybe
(03:37):
activities.
But it's like God.
What is my purpose?
Why did you create me out ofall the billions of people that
you created?
Why me?
Why did you create me out ofall the billions of people that
you created?
Why me?
And that has always been, Iguess, that thing that has
always fueled me.
There has to be more to life.
Dr. Brooks (03:52):
I often think about that too, like what is my true
purpose?
Why am I here?
Because, of course, we'realways going to be in situations
to help other people, and so Ioften question that as well.
So I'm glad that you broughtthat up.
That's really good.
So, in a world that is oftennoisy and chaotic, how do you
stay centered on Christ?
Dr. Kayla (04:12):
When I think about everything that's happening, I
have to find time to draw away.
And drawing away doesn't meanthat I don't want to be bothered
.
Drawing away means that I haveto in order to maintain sane, in
order to maintain whole, and soI have what I call me times
that I have to in order tomaintain sane, in order to
maintain whole, and so I havewhat I call me times that I
guard.
I mean I guard viciously.
And so my children often say tome oh, mommy, what you doing?
(04:35):
X, y, z?
And I'm like whatever I'm doing, don't make no problem,
especially on a Saturday.
So that's like my me day.
I have to redirect and no matterwhat happening, what is
happening, it's all about me,and so that's how I, that's how
(04:55):
I regroup.
The chaos will always be there,but in the midst of the chaos,
I just find time to silencemyself Silence myself in prayer,
silence myself in worship,silence myself just reading a
book, silence myself by justsleeping.
But I have to be able to findthat time to regroup, because
(05:18):
I'm always giving, someone isalways pulling from me, and so
in order for me to be thateffective, I have to be able to
draw into God and get thestrength that I need and get the
resource that I need.
So I find that peace ispossible through Jesus Christ,
and he is my oxygen.
So in order for me to be ableto stay afloat, I have to find
(05:42):
moments to just to be able toput the snorkel on and just
inhale, and that's what I doSaturdays, sacred.
Dr. Brooks (05:53):
So we can say Saturdays are your Sabbath.
That's really good, because Iknow that sometimes when I talk
to other moms they feel so bad,when they're selfish with their
time, and I'm like, no, you needthat a long time.
You need that time to be ableto renew yourself and just to be
quiet for a little bit, becausesometimes we can be so busy and
(06:15):
we're often just running towhere we don't allow our mind to
just slow down.
And so you have walked throughseasons of both brokenness and
breakthrough.
Can you take us back to adefining moment when your faith
was deeply tested, and how Godused that valley to rebuild a
deeper part of your purpose?
Dr. Kayla (06:34):
It's a personal time .
I don't mind sharing it becauseI'm old and I'm free, but it
was a time of I have walked theroad of barrenness.
After 38 years of marriage, Ihave a 21-year-old son and I
have a 17-year-old daughter.
So do the math, think about it.
(06:55):
There was a time of alonenessand a time of stillness and
uncertainty, not understandingwhat was going on with my body.
Doctors didn't know the answersand I didn't have the money to
pay for whether it wasartificial insemination or deep
therapy that I needed.
(07:16):
And so I plugged into God.
And it's something about whenyou have a defining moment.
I've had multiple definingmoments, but I got a hold of the
story of the woman with theissue of blood and I figured,
hey, you have an issue and Ihave an issue, and if he could
do something about your issueand make you whole at the end of
(07:36):
the day, then I'm coming tothis God.
And that put me on a trackbecause I wanted to get to know
God for myself.
On a trek because I wanted toget to know God for myself.
And so, without getting toopersonal, I came from a place of
not being able to have monthlycycles to plug it into God,
(08:02):
receiving a degree of healingfrom God, where I found myself
now having cycles.
Then I went from having themevery six months to every month,
just pushing into God andallowing his word to heal me
without being ultra spiritual.
But I had no one else andnothing else to do, and so it
came to a point where I wasconceiving, conception was not
coming to fruition.
I had multiple miscarriages.
After 10 miscarriages, Istopped fruition.
(08:26):
I had multiple miscarriages.
After 10 miscarriages, Istopped.
But this particular miscarriageI think it was probably my
ninth or 10th miscarriage and Iwas going to for the first time
to be able to see a specialistdoctor in Florida.
And before I went to thatdoctor, my attending physician
at the time told me that hedidn't have hair or heartbeat.
That was not the answer that Iwanted and I was not tuned into
(08:48):
him.
So I didn't tell anybody what Iwas dealing with.
I continued to go to the doctorand while I was there, someone
had shared a song with me priorto going and the song was by
Martha Manuzzi Say the Name ofJesus.
And I fell in love with thatsong and I played that song when
I got in Florida.
I purchased the cassette tapeat the time and I played that
(09:11):
song for about maybe 24 hours.
Within that 24 hours, Iexperienced a life-altering
crisis where I began tohemorrhage.
Nobody was home at the time.
My sister was at work.
Nobody was there.
When I say nobody, her daughterwas at home, but she was unable
to help me.
And I was in that place of whatam I going to do?
(09:35):
And the only thing that I coulddo was call on Jesus until I
passed out.
When she came in, they rushedme to the doctor, only to find
out that I had lost so muchblood.
They were listen to this.
Now they were unable to doanything with me because my
attending physician, who I wasattending in the US, was not
(09:57):
available, so they had todischarge me me.
So here we are in that momentof crisis where my sister said
to me I cannot go with you toyour adopted homestead because I
left my child at home and shewas a toddler and so she had to
go home.
(10:18):
And it was like God, what am Igoing to do?
And at the time, wendy had astick shift car do.
And at the time, wendy had astick shift car and she said
what I will do.
I will go and I will borrow myboyfriend's car for you.
You can use his car to make ita little more easier for you to
drive.
And I would never forget it.
I heard the voice of the HolySpirit and he said go to Kmart.
(10:39):
At the time Kmart was located onBroward.
He said go to Kmart, get achange of clothes.
I was a mess and he said getsomething cold to drink.
I'd never forget it, pullinginto Kmart.
I obeyed, got the clothes comeout and I remember the prayer I
prayed.
The prayer I prayed was Lord,don't let me black out on I-95.
(11:02):
Don't let me speed, I don'twant anybody to pull me over.
And I asked for angelic escort.
I remember saying God, give meangelic escort with flaming
fires from the third heaven topick this car up and put this
car in Homestead.
On a good day of driving toHomestead, it's probably about
maybe 45 minutes an hour and 15minutes or 9.95.
(11:27):
Let me tell you, brooke, it wasas if the Holy Spirit picked
that car up, transported thatcar in Homestead, because 45
minutes later I was in Homestead.
So now we're going to get tothat defining moment.
We're going to get to thatcrisis, that moment of what next
?
God, god, there, the nurselooked at me like in shock what
(11:50):
are you doing here?
Because we just got the message.
We just got the call.
How did you get here?
Who brought you here?
And I'm like I'm here on my ownand she looks at me and wonder
you've got to be lying?
Because no one who justexperienced the trauma that you
did was able to travel byherself.
At that point of thatconversation, taking me back
(12:12):
into the room to prepare me forthe doctor, I lost it.
My vitals dropped when I cameto again.
I came to it.
There's a nurse saying to meit's going to be okay, kayla,
and she's rubbing my hands andshe's putting some.
She said I need you to breathe.
So she put the oxygen on me andthen she took it off again and
(12:36):
she said what do you want me todo for you?
Now, anybody who knows me brokea note that I I used to like
shoes.
Okay, it's not like thatanymore, like it used to be Girl
.
I was wearing the ugliest pairof shoes of my life.
I could not believe it and Itold her I need you to secure my
pair of shoes for me.
Call my sister, let her knowI'm going to be okay.
(12:58):
And tell her to call my husband, let him know I'm going to be
okay.
And I remember her putting theoxygen back on me.
And then I came to again.
I had left my body.
I left my body, oh God.
I give you thanks in Jesus name.
I had left my body and workingon me.
Never forget, it Was this black,american, caucasian lady.
(13:22):
And she says we don't have apulse.
And these three Caucasian EMTs,we don't have a pulse.
And these three Caucasian EMTs,we don't have a pulse.
Let me tell you something.
And the voice said I got you.
Now I'm going to kill you.
And at that moment, brooke, Icouldn't remember, out of my
body, watching her work on me,I'm telling you I know like I
(13:43):
know, like I knew there's life.
And I couldn't rememberscripture, but I remember, see
that purpose.
I remember saying I cannot dienow, god, because I know that I
have not accomplished everythingthat you've asked me to
accomplish.
And out of me came thescripture I shall live and not
(14:04):
die to declare the works of theLord, just so important.
And at that moment I heard theEMT, that female, saying we got
a weak pulse.
And in that moment my spiritwent back into my body.
What transpired next was nothingbut the miracle hand of God
(14:27):
when they wheeled me out of thatmedical center and sent me to
Jackson Memorial.
And hours later the attendingphysician said to me what saved
you was the thing that wasintended to kill you.
That fetus is still, I'mtelling you.
(14:50):
It cost your blood to clot.
And then he began to talk somethings I really didn't want to
hear, because he was talkingsome things that contradicted
what I believed in my faith,because the fact that he showed
me that fetus and showed me thatnothing was wrong me that fetus
and showed me that nothing waswrong with that fetus, it showed
me that, hey, there was stillhope.
And so when he said, what doyou want to do now?
(15:14):
Do you want to do some surgeryor do you want us to examine
this any closer?
And I said, no, I'm gonna be,discharge me.
Let me tell you something.
He discharged me from Jackson,which was in the opposite
direction of Homestead.
I had at that time I had to getyour taxi, we didn't have Ubers
then Caught a taxi back to themedical center to pick up my
(15:36):
sister's boyfriend's car andlisten here.
I drove back to Broward, fortLauderdale, to Broward, fort
Lauderdale, praising God all theway, because I know that God is
a keeper.
So resilience does not mean youwould never have an issue, you
(16:01):
would never experience anything,but it means what are you going
to do in the process of it?
When you talk about a definingmoment, that was a defining
moment.
I should have been, but, forthe grace of God, I'm here
sitting down having thisconversation with you today.
Dr. Brooks (16:16):
Oh, dr Kayla, you have a powerful testimony and I
knew that you had strong faith.
But to hear that you had all ofthose miscarriages and you
still believe.
Dr. Kayla (16:29):
How do you read a story about a woman who had an
issue of blood?
How do you read that story,knowing that, see, in order for
her to have money to go to thedoctor, it says it speaks to me
that at some point in her lifeshe had a flu.
She was a Jewish lady, so shefell from grace.
(16:50):
You understand, at some pointshe became so broken that
everyone that she thought sheknew that she expected to help
her.
She was now an outcast.
Everybody shunned her and thedoctors didn't have the answers.
The doctors didn't have noanswers for me, so all I had was
God.
So it was either I was going tobelieve this God with
(17:13):
everything that I had, or I'djust give up.
And so, if he could do it forher, I held on to that.
I held on to that.
And so, even after thatexperience we talk about
resilience I still hadmiscarriages even after that,
but it wasn't like I waspurposely trying to damage
(17:36):
myself.
No, I was on a road to.
This was a road of faith, god,if you can't do it, it cannot be
done.
And then it was based onscripture.
You promise, according to sound, that I will be a joyful mother
of children.
So it taught me how to speak tothose things as be, not as if
(17:58):
they were.
It taught me that death andlife is in the power of the
tongue, and you will have thefruit thereof, and either I can
believe you, and you can be God,and I can believe you for real,
or you just ain't real.
And so, when we talk aboutdefining moments, I was on a
quest to know God, and in him Ifound him.
Dr. Brooks (18:20):
You have been married for 38 years.
How are you able to still showup for your husband?
And you were dealing with somuch.
Dr. Kayla (18:30):
What I did, I lost to myself.
I lost to myself in trying toshow up for him.
I lost myself in trying to showup for others.
And how do I explain that Ibecame superwoman when God never
(18:52):
asked me to be superwoman?
I begin to.
As much as I believe God neverallowed myself to share my
feelings.
I didn't allow myself to betransparent.
In the culture that I'm from,you're expected to be perfect.
(19:16):
Once you're a Christian, you'renot expected to wallow in your
tragedy or feel your pain, andso you mask that pain.
So I showed up for him when Iwas hurt.
I showed up for him when I wasbroken.
I showed up for him, nevertalking about what I was feeling
, because he didn't want to hearabout it, because I don't have
(19:39):
all the answers, and so Ipretended so it really wasn't.
The support was not there.
The support was not there, andso what fueled me was God, I can
show them who you are, and then, when I show them who you are,
(20:02):
then they're going to come tobelieve that you are who you say
you are.
So it was almost like a Marthasyndrome that I was on.
And I got back to Jesus and inthe process, everybody can be
saved.
Yeah, so it was bittersweet.
It was bittersweet.
Dr. Brooks (20:19):
That is so eye opening.
So at what point did you becomecomfortable to share your story
?
Dr. Kayla (20:29):
It was afterwards, it was see.
Jesus said blessed are thosewho have not seen but yet
believe.
But for others it was the proof, was in the pudding After 17
years of marriage and now youhave this healthy baby boy.
Now it's okay.
(20:49):
Now tell me how that happened,Because I went from the whispers
of what's wrong with you, howcome you don't have any children
yet?
Oh, she's barren, oh this.
I went from gossip to oh gee,then there must be something
going on here.
How do you explain that?
And so you can't deny theevidence, you can't deny the
(21:11):
power of God, you can't deny thefact that, hey, God did this
that changed everything.
Dr. Brooks (21:21):
I can only imagine, and I'm sure your son is so
spoiled as a matter of fact, hewasn't.
Dr. Kayla (21:28):
He was an experiment .
What do I mean by that?
This is funny.
It's so funny.
I'm from a small family.
It's only my brother and myself.
We were six years apart, so Inever had to deal with children,
never had to deal with children.
And so here I am.
I think I was 38 at the timewhen my son came and I didn't
(21:50):
know what to do.
I read lots of books, yes, andI didn't know what to do.
I read lots of books, yes.
My mom was in New Providenceand people just assumed I knew
what to do, and my husband wasfrom a bigger family, so he had
a little more experience than Ihad, because he had to help out
with his brothers and sisters.
But, girl, I made so manymistakes.
(22:11):
Let me give you this my littlefella Elijah.
He was a little, he was, he wasan active baby and he was a
chubby baby.
He was a chubby baby because atone point I had hired a
housekeeper and she had overfedhim and at that time he was on
soy milk.
At that point I was avegetarian.
In my life he was on soy milkand in her culture, the bigger
(22:33):
the baby is, that spoke towealth and prosperity.
So, honey, she was giving mychild a tin of milk a day.
So here I have this big babyand I had to end up getting rid
of her because I thought she wastrying to kill my child.
That's a different story.
But here I am in church withthis baby and this baby crying
(22:54):
Honey.
He was a hefty thing.
And so one of the ladies lookedat me.
She said Kayla, what youfeeding this child?
I said I giving him bottles.
She said you giving that bigboy milk only.
She said girl.
She say water don't.
She said water don't stay onhim.
I said what you mean by that,elder Marina.
She said water don't stay onhere.
(23:16):
I said what you mean by that,elder Marina.
She said you got to be givingthis child milk food.
And so I said no, I had spokento the pediatrician and the
pediatrician said I think it wasabout four months at that time.
He was too young for me to givehim any food.
She said girl, listen here, youbetter give that child what she
said you better dust his bottle.
So I said what you mean dustthis bottle.
She said you need to go getyourself some banana food and
(23:37):
put it in that bottle.
I'm making some cream of wheatreal thin, I'm making some
oatmeal really thin and give tothat child.
Let me tell you something thatnight I ran home because at this
point I was when I say tired, Iwas tired.
My husband was like a zombie.
We didn't know what to dobecause the boy was getting up
every two, three hours.
I went and I bought some banana, baby food, honey, and when I
(24:00):
say I dust the milk, I think Ibought about half I am so
serious About half a box ofbanana food in with that baby
food.
And that child slept for likeabout six hours, six to seven
hours.
I was scared Because he had notslept that long before and I
kept going next to him to hearwhether or not he was breathing.
(24:24):
Girl, listen here.
After that first sleep, it wason, girl, it was on.
And I was dusted.
I made so many mistakes, but Igive God thanks, it was on.
I was dusted.
I made so many mistakes, but Igive God thanks, god kept him.
And then I wanted him to be theperfect baby.
I wanted him to be the perfectchurch baby.
(24:45):
He wasn't spoiled.
Girl, listen here.
He get cut up.
He get more.
Yeah, okay, the Bible says he'scut up.
He get more cut up.
He knew the books of the Bible.
He knew how to pray.
We call it every nail knockEvery time I was in church.
He was in church Because hisname is Elijah.
He had to be the perfectprophet so he wasn't spoiling.
(25:06):
He didn't have cell phones backat that time he couldn't have a
phone.
He had to earn his phone.
He only got his phone duringthe summers.
But in order to earn privilegehe had to be able to memorize
Bible verses.
My child said, mommy, you needto ask him.
It wasn't.
Dr. Brooks (25:29):
I just knew you spoiled him.
You waited so long for him andyou didn't.
You waited so long for him andyou didn't.
Dr. Kayla (25:36):
He was spoiled.
No toys, I didn't believe intoys Because I didn't believe in
toys.
So he had books and he hadpuzzles.
You need to hear his story.
He wasn't spoiled at all.
Dr. Brooks (25:48):
So you was more gentle on your daughter.
Dr. Kayla (25:52):
When she came, I was tired.
Yeah, when she came, and Ididn't expect her, she was the
bonus, she was the bonus Fouryears later, I was tired.
And so, when she came, my sonalways say and tell her oh girl,
you don't know what you gotaway with, because what I
endured you didn't have to gothrough, I was just tired, I had
(26:12):
nothing left.
When she came, she came at 42,at 42, honey.
And I wasn't expecting that.
That was a different storyaltogether.
Dr. Brooks (26:22):
Yeah, I couldn't imagine having a baby at 42, but
you did it and you did a goodjob.
But I just know, at 42, you'remore tired.
Yeah, no, yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, I could not do it.
So you are a published authorand you have a lot of projects
out.
Can you talk about some of yourbooks that you have?
(26:45):
And you also have journals aswell, right, yeah.
Dr. Kayla (26:48):
I have a couple.
You were the catalyst, you werethe person who sparked this.
I had a book the Lord gave meyears ago and I submitted it to
someone to have a look at it andat that time there was no,
there was not a creativemovement.
Everything was according tostandard English in terms of how
we wrote or what was released.
So there was no way, there wasnowhere for creativity,
(27:11):
descriptive writing, and I gaveit at that time to a published
author, had a look at it and thereview was not good, and that
broke me.
My road to recovery was afterthe dissertation period, after I
finished writing mydissertation, but I was still
not confident in the fact that Icould publish.
(27:32):
But I was still not confidentin the fact that I could publish
.
At some point I was losing myshort-term memory and so I had
to begin to write again, just toremember.
And so, in order to rememberwhat I had for breakfast, I had
to write that down.
And then remember, I wrote thatdown, to write that down.
So by the time I met you, I wasready, but not quite ready.
(27:53):
You challenged me.
You challenged me to the pointthat, hey, you got to write
something every day, just oneparagraph, and then you wouldn't
stop.
You were like you just wouldn'tstop, man, you were that
mosquito.
But God used you.
And then I know I'm going toget to the question you asked me
(28:17):
.
But it was like, how could yougive away all of this
information for free to want tohelp me?
And you didn't know me, youunderstand.
And then you were relentless.
You wouldn't allow us not tohave something to share with you
.
So whenever we showed up, itwas like, so what did you do
(28:39):
this week?
And I was like, oh God, therewe go again.
So you made it impossible tolie to you, so you never knew
this.
But you made me take out myjournals and so I started with
that writing.
I had written almost 30 yearsago and that was about the
teapot.
I told the story about a teapotidentity from brokenness being
(29:04):
restored, and that was my life.
And then I began, and as Ibegan to, as a matter of fact, I
had to go through therapy.
I did some therapy sessionsbecause a lot transpired in my
life, and out of those therapysessions the books just began to
roll.
And so I went from the teapot,I went from telling the story
(29:27):
about.
There's a difference betweentrauma and demons, trauma and
demons.
And then I tell the story aboutthe butterfly, just the
metamorphosis of a butterfly,and that was definitely my life.
But in order to become thebeautiful butterfly, there was a
period of crushing that you hadto go through, and so I
experienced that.
Then I went from another sectionof brokenness to beauty that
(29:50):
told the story about sexualabuse.
And the Lord said to me tell itfrom a different angle, tell it
from the angle of what men gothrough.
And my son helped me with thatwhen he said to me Mom, you'll
be surprised to know the amountof men that have experienced
abuse, and they're silent.
And then it came another storybased on Psalm 42, as the deer
(30:13):
panted, for the water go.
And so I tell the story about adeer being hunted, what the
Lord does in those moments whenwe feel like we're being hunted,
how he shows up as creator Godand he shifts the winds of
adversity in our favor.
Then I tell the story about thesilence of a broken home.
(30:35):
I tell my story and then I tellthat story, I follow it up with
Beauty for Ashes and out ofthat came some memoirs and
journals about the heart, themind and the soul.
Then a friend told me that youneed a journal to accompany the
teapot story and I'm like I'mfinished, I have nothing else to
(30:56):
give, and so out of that, andthen I shared this one is
personal for me.
I shared the journal calledLift it, and that is where and
this came out of my personalprayer time and my moments of
walking the beach where I wouldjust adore God, every name that
I could find, the Hallowess nameYeshua, yahweh Adonai, and I
(31:21):
just begin to lift him up, andso I share with people that, hey
, you could just call him, andwhen you call him and invite him
into your space, he changesyour environment.
Dr. Brooks (31:35):
So that's me.
I'm so proud, I am so proud ofyou and I gifted the one I think
it's a story of redemption,that one and help, I need
therapy.
So I gifted those and so far,so good.
The feedback has been likereally good.
I was working with, I wascoaching two ladies and I was
(31:55):
like I have something for youand I sent them to them and they
are really enjoying it.
You are so creative and yourwriting is beautiful, so don't
stop writing.
Don't stop writing.
Dr. Kayla (32:08):
Thank you, thank you so much, thank you yeah don't
stop writing.
That was all I needed from you.
Dr. Brooks (32:13):
Thank, you, yeah, yeah.
So if you are interested in anyof her work, you can find her
on amazon.
She does have an author page.
So just make sure that you guysare going to amazon and
purchasing her books and herjournals, because dr kayla
writes really well and her workis just amazing.
And she went from one to.
(32:35):
She was like I'm on number sixand number seven.
I was like, oh my God, thefloodgates have opened.
Dr. Kayla (32:43):
Thanks to you, thanks to you so.
Dr. Brooks (32:45):
I'm so proud of you .
I am so proud.
So we talked about resilience.
We have talked about overcoming.
Your testimony is just amazing.
So you are also an educator, socan you just share?
When it comes to balancing yourfaith, your family and your
career, it can be challengingsometimes, but can you share the
(33:06):
strategies that you have inplace to keep things balanced?
Dr. Kayla (33:10):
Keeping things balanced, navigating faith first
, family and everything elsecomes after that.
So, spiritually, my anchor isjesus christ.
I can do nothing without him.
So any of my live, I breatheand I have my being so every
morning.
For me what that looks like.
I get up prayer.
(33:31):
So whether prayer is justdeeply meditating, just telling
him thank you for the day,prayer when I jump in the car,
and then I have those intimatemoments with him, just give it
in praise.
And then, of course, there'sworship, worship throughout the
day.
When I get into work and I havea few moments, I just spend that
(33:52):
time just worshiping and thattruly just helps me, as well as
pulling away my Saturday moments.
That's the time that I need tojust replenish myself.
My Sabbath, where I just pullin and I just get away from the
noise, because that's importantfor me to be able to replenish,
(34:16):
so I have something to give.
So, whether I'm in the front ofmy students and I'm sharing
with them, there are momentswhen I could be deeply annoyed
at them because they're notgetting a concept or they're
just distracted.
I find out that what mypersonal time does for me is
(34:37):
give me an opportunity toregroup and realize that, hey,
they're just children, so Idon't get to snap at them once I
find my time in God.
But if I don't have that timein God, I find it's easier to
snap at them because I realizethat, hey, something's missing.
So, when you think, when Ithink balance, balance is not
(35:01):
the absence of what's happeningaround me, balance is for me.
What do I do?
Balance isn't external, balanceis internal, and so I have to
sit at the feet of Jesus.
If I don't sit at his feet, I'mno good to nobody else.
So those are the things that Ido.
(35:23):
So, community, I honestlyreflect.
I sit down and I think and I'mnot thinking out of guilt, I'm
not thinking out of remorse, Ithink about self-reflect how
could I do something differentor what could I have done
differently?
I think about, sometimes eventhe pain.
I think of those good moments,I think of those bad moments and
(35:47):
I think about how could I havedone this differently?
How could I have impacted mystudents?
How could I reteach a lesson?
How could I help a student whodidn't get it to now refocus?
How could I help a studentenjoy this concept?
So that's what it does for me asan educator, computer science
(36:08):
and it's not easy to get thoseconcepts across.
So in those moments of teachinga concept, I thank God for the
Holy Spirit.
He's the master teacher.
In those moments I can easilypivot and say Holy Spirit, give
me an idea to get this conceptacross to my kids.
And once I am in tune with him,it's easy to receive a download
(36:30):
in the moment.
And so those are the things Ido.
But I'm honest with even when Ifail, even in moments of
failure because I didn't do X, y, z, I'm able to reflect on that
and ask myself what is thelesson, because I understand
that failure isn't defeat ormoments of depression.
(36:53):
It gives me an opportunity tolearn something else and I
welcome failure, I welcomefailing because it gives me an
opportunity to grow.
Dr. Brooks (37:06):
That is so good.
So I want you to think aboutthis question.
So you speak powerfully aboutidentity and purpose.
So for someone that's listeningtoday, who may feel stuck or
they feel unsure of theircalling, what would you say to
help them step into the fullnessof who God created them to be?
Dr. Kayla (37:32):
First of all, in order to do you have to make a
genuine commitment to serve God.
Once you make that genuinecommitment to serve God and you
are convinced that is what youwant, and you are now a follower
, believer, of Jesus Christ,find community, find people who
(37:53):
think the way you think, findpositive individuals who can
speak into your life positivelyand help you with direction,
help to give you guidance.
And then now you have to setboundaries for yourself.
Set boundaries and learn how tosay no and to know that no is
(38:14):
not a dirty word, the word thatno is a word of protection.
And then you need to find timeto rest.
And then you need to find timeto worship, and journaling is
probably one of the best habitsthat you could ever pick up
Journal and, in the midst ofjournaling, be honest, and that
(38:38):
is what I would share.
You don't have to be perfect.
The world expects us to beperfect, but Christ expects us
to come just as we are.
Just go to him and just behonest.
God, this is where I'm at, andsometimes I'll say God, I'm
doing good.
Today, I'm having a meltdown.
Today, I'm ready to do, do, do,do, and that is what he wants.
Yeah, you know, but our world,sometimes because we live in a
(39:01):
world that projectsperfectionism that's not a
reality, because we're notperfect.
As a matter of fact, we'reperfect no times.
We're people in need of asavior.
And just come, just be honest.
Find a girlfriend or someonewho could just speak to you.
If you're lying, they'll tellyou child, you're lying.
(39:22):
That ain't no truth.
If you're suffering fromdelusion, you just need honesty.
Dr. Brooks (39:29):
That is so important and I'm glad you
brought up community, becausesometimes people want to isolate
.
But I love the scripture inEcclesiastes when it says two is
better than one because theyhave a good return for their
labor.
And then it talks about ifeither one of them fall, then
one can help the other up.
And that scripture is so trueand it's so important because I
(39:50):
have those accountabilitypartners, I have those
girlfriends.
That's going to say, dr Brooks,you wrong.
You need to go make that rightno, that wasn't good or anything
or they encourage you to keepgoing, and so being in community
with like-minded people is soimportant.
So I'm glad that you broughtthat up and I have enjoyed you
(40:11):
being on the show today.
You have brought so much wisdomand insight and I will have
your information and I will havethe links to your books in the
description of this episode.
So if anyone wants to reach outto Dr Kayla, just check the
description and her informationwill be there.
So again, dr Kayla, thank youso much for joining.
It has been a pleasure.
Dr. Kayla (40:32):
Thank you so much.
Intro/Outro (40:39):
Thanks for joining.
Please rate this episode andshare this podcast with your
family and friends.
To learn more about your host,visit wwwbrooksdemmingcom.
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