October 14, 2025 • 29 mins
What if raising kind, compassionate children could actually help combat the violence we're seeing in schools and communities? Teresa Ramirez, dubbed the "Kindness Guru to Watch in 2025," believes it can, and she's on a mission to show parents exactly how to do it.
When Teresa talks about parents becoming the "CEO of their family," she's not suggesting a corporate approach to child-rearing. Instead, she's advocating for intentional parenting that determines what kind of people you want your children to become and creating a roadmap to get there. Through real-world examples, like the viral moment of a father choosing peace over conflict at a baseball game. Teresa demonstrates how these seemingly small moments shape our children's understanding of what matters most in life.
The beauty of Teresa's approach lies in its simplicity. You don't need extra time in your already packed schedule to foster kindness. Small acts like leaving encouraging sticky notes, practicing gratitude before bedtime, or simply teaching children to acknowledge others with a smile create ripples that extend far beyond your immediate family. And there's science backing this up, kindness actually increases serotonin levels, not just for those involved but for everyone who witnesses the interaction.
For parents of teenagers, Teresa offers practical communication strategies that go beyond the typical "How was your day?" Her three key questions, "What was the best thing that happened today?", "What didn't you like today?", and "What made you laugh?" create opportunities for meaningful conversation without feeling forced. These check-ins, especially when done during casual activities rather than formal sit-downs, help parents take the temperature of their child's emotional state and catch potential issues before they escalate.
Perhaps most powerful is Teresa's technique of "the pause", teaching children to take a breath before reacting in challenging situations. For younger kids, she uses bubbles as a playful way to practice deep breathing, while teenagers benefit from learning to step back and con
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Intro/Outro (00:01):
You're listening to the Off Balance Podcast, where
faith, family and businesscollide, hosted by Brooke
Stemming, doctor of BusinessAdministration, business Coach
and Resilience Expert.
Each episode features real-lifeconversations to help
entrepreneurs like you buildresilience and lead with
(00:22):
confidence.
Dr. Brooks (00:32):
Welcome back to Off Balance.
I'm your host, dr Brooks.
Let's be honest raising kids intoday's world it takes more
than good intentions.
It takes strategy, faith and awhole lot of love.
So if you've ever wondered howto raise kind, godly children in
a culture that often rewardsthe opposite, then this episode
is for you.
My guest today is here to helpus lead our families with
(00:56):
clarity and compassion.
Teresa Ramirez is amotivational speaker, kindness
ambassador and a passionateadvocate for today's parents,
those who are determined toraise kind, godly children in a
world that desperately needscompassion.
Through her uplifting content,creative videos and fun with
bubbles approach, teresa equipsfamilies to lead with love and
(01:19):
parent with purpose.
Whether she's sharinginspiration online, serving in
her local community, her missionis clear to help parents become
the CEOs of their families,creating homes filled with joy,
kindness and emotional safety.
Dubbed the Kindness Guru toWatch in 2025, teresa believes
that raising happier, moreconnected children can be a
(01:42):
powerful antidote to theviolence and the despair that we
see in school culture.
Off Balance, please welcomeTeresa Ramirez.
Teresa Ramirez (01:53):
Hello Dr Brooks.
I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Dr. Brooks (01:57):
Thank you so much for joining us.
Before we dive into ourconversation, can you introduce
yourself to our listeners andshare a little bit about who you
are and the work?
Teresa Ramirez (02:06):
that you do.
I am an empty nester.
I have two grown sons, but Istill have two fur babies, one
cat and one dog, and there'slike having kids.
You guys know how that is.
And I said I'm waiting for thecat to decide that he doesn't
want me to do this anymore andcome up in our faces.
But anyway, and when I'm notdoing that, I have a safe park
(02:29):
behind me with walking trails,and every day the dog and I are
out there in the park on thebike trail just spreading
kindness.
Dr. Brooks (02:39):
You often talk about parents becoming the CEO
of their families.
What does that mean inpractical terms?
Teresa Ramirez (02:46):
Being the CEO of the family, you determine what
philosophies and how you wantyour children to behave, how you
want them to be brought up,what kind of people do you want
them to be.
And that's all about being theCEO.
I have to tell you, the bestexample I've just seen of
modeling that CEO behavior,modeling that kind behavior for
(03:10):
your children happened over theweekend I think it was Friday
and it's all over the Internet.
You guys have probably alreadyseen it but it's the
Phillies-Marlin game with thebaseball.
And it came.
Adults dove for it and the guycame up with it and gave it to
his son and some woman thoughtit was hers and it was in the
(03:33):
guy's face and that father,who's sitting there with the son
and, I believe, a daughter,were both there made the
decision look, this isn't worthit.
It's a baseball, lady, you canhave it, because it could have
escalated so easily, because shewas so aggressive.
But he took that road to saywhat's important it's a baseball
(03:57):
, is it worth practically comingto blows over and my kids are
here.
I would have endangered my kidsand probably people around them
, but he made that decision.
It's a baseball At the bottomline.
We're not fighting over abaseball.
It's not worth it.
I think it's just the greatestexample out there and it's what
(04:18):
parents should be doing whenthey're modeling that behavior.
Is it important?
What kind of environment do youwant your children to be in the
hostel?
Because he could have hung onto that thing and you know
judging, but you know he didn'tknow it at the time but judging
by her behavior afterwards, itcould have got really nasty.
(04:41):
So is that the environment youwant your children to be in?
Or do you want to just say somethings just aren't worth it and
let it go, walk away andthere's no shame in it and
you've shown your son importancein life and it's not a baseball
and that you can handle thosereally sticky situations without
(05:06):
it escalating?
Dr. Brooks (05:08):
That's good advice.
I also like that example.
There is no manual when itcomes to parenting, so what is
one practical step that youwould recommend to someone just
starting out on their parentingjourney?
Teresa Ramirez (05:22):
Start small, start at home, and it can start
with sticky notes on the kid'smirror.
You're awesome, you rock, Iappreciate you, you make me
smile.
All those kinds of things thatcan be on the bathroom mirror,
on the door.
You know, even by yoursignificant other's coffee mug.
You know how you treat eachother.
(05:43):
Your kids are watching all thetime and they're listening.
So it's just those littlethings.
It doesn't cost anything.
Number one it's simple.
When you pray together as afamily, pick out some of the
Bible verses that talk aboutkindness, that talk about your
words and how effective yourwords are and that they be kind
(06:06):
words.
All those kind of things.
It's simple, easy to fill intoa routine, because I know so
many parents are overwhelmed.
It doesn't have to be this big,huge thing.
The other thing is teach yourkids to smile and say hello to
people.
I have this great example ofthat is a gentleman and he
(06:26):
always laughs at me oh, thatsounds great, that kind of stuff
.
And he worked at a parkinggarage.
He took a long vacation but hecame back and when he did his
regular people that park thereare like where have you been?
I've had the worst two weeks ofmy life and the guy's going
what are you talking about?
Where have you been?
I've had the worst two weeks ofmy life.
(06:46):
And the guy's going what areyou talking to me?
We look forward to you smilingand saying good morning and it
sets the tone for my entire day.
And the guys had no idea.
And he came to me and he saidyou kindness, all about you, and
that kindness, he goes.
But until I experienced it, hegoes.
I didn't realize.
So it's be aware that it's toolittle stuff and it is the
(07:09):
acknowledging someone'sexistence and smiling and saying
good morning, and those are allthings you can model for your
kids easily throughout the day.
And it's not adding any, it'sreally not piling on, it's just
keeping it in the forefront ofyour mind, being intentional and
practice Lots of practice.
(07:29):
It's not going to happenovernight, so have yourself a
little forgiveness, but yeah,just practice it.
Dr. Brooks (07:38):
You are so passionate just talking about
parenting, talking aboutkindness.
Can you describe to us how doesit make you feel in real time
when you're having thoseencounters with your family,
your friends and your loved ones, showing them acts of kindness?
Teresa Ramirez (07:53):
It's an amazing feeling, but now for me it's a
lifestyle.
I see it, I look for it, evensubconsciously now.
But for everyone else thatdoesn't know, if you and I
exchange an act of kindness, ourserotonin levels go up, and
serotonin is our happy hormones,our endorphins, and if somebody
(08:14):
observed that act of kindnessbetween us, their serotonin
levels also go up.
So from one act of kindness, awhole room full of people are
happier and it's really hard tostart getting mad at somebody.
When you're happy, it startsthat ripple and it is a very
(08:35):
real thing.
A lot of people say, oh, thisis nice and fluffy.
There are studies to back thisup, that it does influence your
brain and changes the way youthink.
And if you're making it apractice, your whole world opens
up.
In my opinion and I know I havea story I can share that
happened early on in my journeyand now I'm like I need a fresh
(08:57):
story.
But all I see is kindness.
I don't see the bad thinganymore.
It's how that works.
But just know that it isn'tfluff.
It's fluff and nice.
But there are studies that showthis does make a difference.
And when school shootings stilloccur, like the Minnesota, it
just breaks my heart because theperson that did it, because I.
(09:20):
Always they're hurting, they'rehurting and it becomes a hate
crime.
I want to flip that narrativeand the studies show we can flip
it and take it from that hateto a loving, kind, compassionate
world.
It takes one person at a time.
It takes practice.
We're not always going to getit right, but if we can reduce
(09:43):
the school violence by one,we're already on the road to a
better world for our kids.
And it starts with the parents.
The schools can do a lot, butif you come home and your
parents aren't modeling thatkind behavior, mom and dad are
doing it.
So I can do it.
Dr. Brooks (10:00):
Let's build on that , when it comes to parents who
feel overwhelmed or parents whofeel discouraged in their
parenting journey, and that cansometimes feel into their
children, what is one mindsetshift or daily habit that you
would recommend to help themraise their children to be kind
and to be godly children, ifthat's what they believe?
Teresa Ramirez (10:22):
Because the world is as it is and
everything's overwhelming.
Stopping at night before bed isprobably a great time.
Sit with your child and go witheach child and, yes, this will
take a little time.
And then yourself gratitudeeach child.
And yes, this will take alittle time.
(10:43):
And then yourself gratitudewhat do you have to be grateful
for?
And it might come down becauseyou're so overwhelmed.
It might come down that I'vehad clean sheets, the car
started today, it's sunnyoutside.
You might have to start thatthing.
That's okay, there is nothingwrong with that.
This is your journey inkindness.
That's okay, there is nothingwrong with that.
This is your journey inkindness.
But if you start doing that,then the world doesn't look so
bad, because you're like, wow,good things did happen today.
(11:07):
And then teach your children tosit down and do the same thing
and they're like, oh, okay, yeah, I did pass that math test.
That's a good thing, because Iwas stressing about it.
All those kinds of things.
You want to flip the narrativeof your own life in your mind
and eventually kindness is goingto be as natural as breathing
(11:28):
and there is a huge payoff atthe end.
But it's just the little things.
I did send you a link whereparents that don't know where to
start or they're overwhelmed, Ihave 75 acts of kindness
that'll give them a place tostart and that's agreed to your
audience.
That's anywhere from the smileand the hello all the way to
planting a tree for be kind toplant a day.
(11:50):
But you know your kids andagain, do it with your kids
because they can say, oh, I wantto do this act today or this
week.
We're going to focus on this.
I know people are like, okay,yeah, sure, but is it really
going to do anything?
Your kids are going to be kindwhen you're not there.
Actually, my nephew he wentsixth grade.
At the time there was a kid ina wheelchair and he couldn't
(12:13):
push the wheelchair and carryhis cafeteria tray at the same
time.
So my nephew went over and saidhere, let me help you.
Where do you want to sit?
And the kid shrugged and hesaid well, come sit with us.
My nephew's an athlete and mostof his friends are as well.
Come to find out.
The kid in the wheelchair knowsevery sports statistic out
(12:34):
there.
They became great friends and Ithink they were in school
together for two or three years,but they all became great
friends and a big supporter ofeach other, and all because he
followed his parents' exampleand carried a lunch tray, helped
the kid out.
So that's one of the payoffsthat's going to come.
(12:56):
Your kid's going to do it whenyou're not watching, when you're
not watching, and that's whatyou want and those ripples start
to go.
Dr. Brooks (13:13):
Because when we look at the macro picture, we
can be so overwhelmed because wehave a lot of things that are
not in our control.
Your approach to parentingincludes fun, bubbles and joy.
What is the importance offamilies being intentional to
create moments of happiness?
Teresa Ramirez (13:34):
And how can that shape a child's character?
Try to encourage parents toteach their kids when they're
facing those sticky situations,and we'll use the baseball game.
It's a great example that manhad to take a pause to figure
this out.
Instead of reacting back to thewoman, he took a pause, and one
(13:54):
of the best things I found topractice with a child is bubbles
, Because you have to take adeep breath and blow it out and
that's your pause.
And if you get the bubbles outand practice with the fun and
the kids are going to remember.
That's just the trick.
(14:15):
The more fun you make kindness,the more they're going to
remember and it's going toreally stick in their brains.
And families should just behaving fun together anyway.
Dr. Brooks (14:24):
For those that are listening, that may have older
kids and they're like Teresabubbles is not going to work.
How can they apply thatprinciple in their family, If
you have?
Teresa Ramirez (14:34):
teenagers.
I found out they love Bubblestoo.
I did find that out and they'relike okay, we can do this.
But what happens if you havelike teenagers and younger kids?
The teenagers will play withthe Bubbles with the younger
kids.
Just tell them just as far as ateenager.
If they're not going to havefun with bubbles, fine, but have
(14:56):
them practice deep breathing.
If you see them gettingfrustrated and angry about
something, say, hey, take a deepbreath and practice it with
them, and then they're going tosay, oh, okay, and then practice
taking a step back.
You can use that when they getfrustrated and angry.
Be aware and practice with themwhen those situations come up
(15:21):
and then they're going topractice it and remember.
But practice is huge withkindness, because you want to
make it as natural as breathingand once you do, when you get to
those sticky situations likethe baseball game, you'll be
able to automatically take thatpause and respond kindly in a
more rational way than, insteadof, reactionary way.
Dr. Brooks (15:44):
Let's build on that .
If we, as parents, are moreinvolved with our teen children,
getting them to talk throughtheir frustrations, how do you
think that can connect to theviolence that we're seeing in?
Teresa Ramirez (15:55):
schools, constantly checking in with your
child, you're going to knowwhat's going on in their heads.
And I have three questions Ialways encourage parents to ask.
And it's most, and I do thinkit's more important with your
teenagers is what's the bestthing that happened to you today
?
And that can start when you'redoing the gratitude journal.
(16:17):
But then ask them what's thething that you didn't like today
?
What happened today that youweren't too crazy about?
And then the third thing iswhat made you laugh?
Because kids should be laughingall the time and if they're not
, that's a red flag.
Why didn't you laugh today?
What's going on?
And then my bonus question iswhat good choices did you make
(16:43):
today?
And these questions you can askover the dinner table while
you're driving them to their 101extracurricular activities,
anytime.
It doesn't have to be a formal.
Let's sit down and ask thequestions.
It doesn't have to be, andactually you'll get better
responses doing it.
(17:03):
If you're washing the dishes orloading the dishwasher together
or those kinds of things, rakeit now.
And at least in Ohio we canstart raking leaves almost
already when you're doing thosekinds of things.
Rake it now.
At least in Ohio we can startraking leaves almost already.
When you're doing those kind ofthings, you're going to get the
better answers.
Those questions have helped youcheck in, so to speak, and you
(17:23):
get the temperature of whereyour child is at.
Dr. Brooks (17:27):
Those questions are open-ended, so it won't give
the teenager an opportunity tosay yes or no.
For many parents, they may feellike their teens are just not
talkative to them.
What's a common mistake thatyou see parents make when it
comes to trying to communicatewith their teens, and how can
they avoid making that mistake?
Teresa Ramirez (17:43):
One of the things I've seen it's the two
structured.
So what's going on?
Not really checking in at all,you know just kind of okay, I'm
so busy, we've got this, thisand this, here's our schedule,
so let's keep the schedule going.
Keep the schedule going, okay.
Is everything ready fortomorrow?
Okay, and then the morningstarts all over again and that's
(18:05):
just the society the way it istoday.
But if you're, I'm challengingpeople to change that, change
your life.
Take, give yourself a breather,give yourself as a parent a
breather and make sure it's alsoimportant as a parent.
Take that 10, 15 minutes foryourself.
I know one parent told me whenI come home from work, kids are
(18:27):
already home.
I go to my room and tell them15 minutes and someone sets a
timer.
The kids set a timer.
She said I need 15 minutes andshe goes into her room,
decompresses, the timer, goesoff and she comes out 15 minutes
later.
Okay, what's on the agenda?
What are we doing?
She said I just need 15 minutesto go from work mode to mom
(18:51):
mode and she said it makes thewhole world of difference for
her.
So whatever that looks like foryou if that means getting up 15
minutes earlier and just havingthat quiet cup of coffee, if
that means everybody's in bedand I'm taking a hot bubble bath
, whatever works for you.
Give yourself time todecompress and then it's going
(19:14):
to make it easier for you tojust form a new agenda, a new
schedule.
Dr. Brooks (19:21):
That is good giving yourself that time to
decompress.
People often say that it takes21 days to form a habit.
Is this something that if theyjust practice over and over
again and be cognizant about it,that they will be able to start
making it more of a lifestylefor them?
Teresa Ramirez (19:37):
Absolutely.
I did a 21 day kindness trial acouple of years ago.
Same principle, same principle,and you can journal about it if
that helps reinforce it.
I know I had one couple when Isaid the CEO thing and they
wanted to get their philosophiesand intentions, and they said,
well, we included the kids,perfect, she goes.
And we said this is what wethink, what do you think?
(19:59):
And the kids said that's allwell, fine and good, but we want
to add one.
And they said okay, we want toremove the word hate from our
vocabulary.
And these are teenagers.
So somewhere in their worldthey noticed hate from our
vocabulary.
And these are teenagers.
So somewhere in their worldthey noticed hate triggers bad
things all the way around, sothey want to remove it from
(20:20):
their vocabulary.
So always include those kids inthose discussions, because you
never know what you're going toget.
They said we were surprised, wehad no idea that that was going
to come out.
So, yeah, just ask the kidswhat they think.
Now, mind you, some of them aregoing to say I don't care, it's
going to happen.
Or some are going to say, well,this is what we think.
(20:40):
You just never know what you'regoing to get, so try it fast.
Dr. Brooks (20:46):
I can imagine that your approach to parenting, your
approach to how you live yourlife, that people can be so
resistant because they're likeyou're, so happy all the time.
So can you share a definingmoment or an experience from
your personal journey of how youhave been able to overcome that
and still be kind to people?
Teresa Ramirez (21:08):
Yeah, because I can go back on my journey in the
early days and I had asituation I went to lunch with a
friend and cute little localbistro love it.
And server comes up what do youwant?
We had a couple questions aboutthe menu, I don't know.
(21:32):
I was just told to come over,take your order.
What do you want?
And I'm telling you I'm notexaggerating.
So we went ahead and placed ourorder and it came and
everything was fine.
But I don't think she refilled acoffee or water when the meal
was over, slammed the bill onthe table.
(21:53):
We're like this is just notgood.
And my friend and I actuallysat back because she was ready
to call the manager now.
And we had every right to callthe manager because she was bad.
It was bad, it really was bad.
And I'm like I'm just notfeeling that.
(22:17):
And she's like what do you mean?
And I said let's not call themanager she's.
And so what I did?
We went ahead and paid, tippedher a normal tip and then on the
receipt I put a smiling faceand you are designed to shine.
(22:39):
We gathered our stuff, walkedon out the door.
Well, lo and behold, she'schasing us into the parking lot
and I'm like, is she going toyell some more?
And I turned and she's crying.
Tears are just running down herface and she says thank you, I
needed to hear that today.
(22:59):
And turns around and walks backin the restaurant.
And that was my epiphany moment,where personal pain is as
unique as a fingerprint.
You do not know what someone isgoing through, so always be
kind.
And it comes back to.
I don't know why I was dead setAt that point in time kindness
(23:25):
was not as natural as breathingfor me and I was still working
on it, it wasn't a lifestyle andwhy I just did not feel that we
needed to call.
We could have, obviously,within our rights, called the
manager, but I just kept sayingno, no, and I didn't know what.
We didn't know what she wasgoing through, we just thought
(23:46):
she was being real cranky.
But yeah, you don't know whatpeople are going through, and
that's the same thing.
And people don't like it when Isay this and I'm not saying I am
not condoning this at all, I'mnot condoning bullying at all
but what is going on in thebully's life?
And people don't like to hearthat, but you have to think that
(24:12):
way.
What was going on in thatshooter's life in Minnesota,
minneapolis.
We've got to flip the narrative.
We have got to flip thatnarrative because all of it is
hate crimes.
When it comes down to it, it'sall hate crimes.
And we can flip that narrativebecause all of it's hate crimes.
When it comes down to it, it'sall hate crimes.
And we can flip that narrative.
We just have to do it togetherand we have to all create that
(24:35):
ripple of kindness in our cornerof the world.
And when those ripples mergetogether, it's going to create a
wave that floats right acrossthis country and all that
violence is going to go.
But we have to be willing togive it a try.
Dr. Brooks (24:52):
I do think it's very important to have
compassion and empathy, even forthe bully, even for the
aggressor, because at the end ofthe day, they're still human
and we have to be willing tohear what's going on with them,
or even to dig a little deeper.
So that is so important.
When it comes to the listenerstoday and they listen to all the
(25:13):
things that you unpack what isone thing that you can leave
them with?
A strategy to help them to beable to transition their mindset
into just being more kind intheir day to day walk.
Teresa Ramirez (25:25):
And so just being more kind in their
day-to-day walk.
I think my best strategy is thepause, because that's going to
stop it, because the payoff isreacting kind in those sticky
situations.
Change your perception, usehumor and, like the baseball guy
he just said, I'm walking away,it's not worth it.
So those are all those things,but it takes practice.
(25:49):
So practice your pause andthat's going to give you those
two seconds, so where you canthink and not react.
Dr. Brooks (26:00):
You have such good strategies.
Do you coach people on?
Teresa Ramirez (26:03):
kindness.
Yes, I do.
I actually talk to PTAs.
Any parenting organizationShoot, I talked to a rotary club
not that long ago.
But all of those things, I talkto all of them and it's a
simple, straightforward process.
Build the foundation, make itas natural as breathing, go into
bringing the community into it.
Collecting socks for thehomeless, new socks for the
(26:25):
homeless you only have to buyone pair and if you have a whole
soccer team, you can end upwith thousands and from there
then you go into the payoff ofwatching your children be kind
and then being able to actkindly in those sticky
situations, with the changingyour perception, use of humor,
and sometimes it's just notworth it.
Dr. Brooks (26:48):
I am going to make sure that I have all of your
contact information in thedescription of this episode,
because just talking to you, Ifeel so motivated to go out and
put a smile on someone's face.
I want everyone to be able toexperience that with you.
I have thoroughly enjoyed you.
You light up a room, right.
I thank you so much for yourperspective, your mindset and
(27:11):
the way that you just want theworld to be a better place.
I am encouraging all of thelisteners to slow down and take
a moment before you react andhave compassion and empathy.
Again, teresa, thank you somuch for joining us on Off.
Teresa Ramirez (27:25):
Balance.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's been a pleasure for me aswell.
Intro/Outro (27:32):
Thanks for listening.
Please rate this episode andshare it with your family and
friends.
To learn more about your hostor to book a coaching session,
visit wwwbrooksdemmingcom.
Until next time, rise.
You're listening to the Off Balance Podcast, where
faith, family and businesscollide, hosted by Brooke
Stemming, doctor of BusinessAdministration, business Coach
and Resilience Expert.
Each episode features real-lifeconversations to help
entrepreneurs like you buildresilience and lead with
(00:22):
confidence.
Dr. Brooks (00:32):
Welcome back to Off Balance.
I'm your host, dr Brooks.
Let's be honest raising kids intoday's world it takes more
than good intentions.
It takes strategy, faith and awhole lot of love.
So if you've ever wondered howto raise kind, godly children in
a culture that often rewardsthe opposite, then this episode
is for you.
My guest today is here to helpus lead our families with
(00:56):
clarity and compassion.
Teresa Ramirez is amotivational speaker, kindness
ambassador and a passionateadvocate for today's parents,
those who are determined toraise kind, godly children in a
world that desperately needscompassion.
Through her uplifting content,creative videos and fun with
bubbles approach, teresa equipsfamilies to lead with love and
(01:19):
parent with purpose.
Whether she's sharinginspiration online, serving in
her local community, her missionis clear to help parents become
the CEOs of their families,creating homes filled with joy,
kindness and emotional safety.
Dubbed the Kindness Guru toWatch in 2025, teresa believes
that raising happier, moreconnected children can be a
(01:42):
powerful antidote to theviolence and the despair that we
see in school culture.
Off Balance, please welcomeTeresa Ramirez.
Teresa Ramirez (01:53):
Hello Dr Brooks.
I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Dr. Brooks (01:57):
Thank you so much for joining us.
Before we dive into ourconversation, can you introduce
yourself to our listeners andshare a little bit about who you
are and the work?
Teresa Ramirez (02:06):
that you do.
I am an empty nester.
I have two grown sons, but Istill have two fur babies, one
cat and one dog, and there'slike having kids.
You guys know how that is.
And I said I'm waiting for thecat to decide that he doesn't
want me to do this anymore andcome up in our faces.
But anyway, and when I'm notdoing that, I have a safe park
(02:29):
behind me with walking trails,and every day the dog and I are
out there in the park on thebike trail just spreading
kindness.
Dr. Brooks (02:39):
You often talk about parents becoming the CEO
of their families.
What does that mean inpractical terms?
Teresa Ramirez (02:46):
Being the CEO of the family, you determine what
philosophies and how you wantyour children to behave, how you
want them to be brought up,what kind of people do you want
them to be.
And that's all about being theCEO.
I have to tell you, the bestexample I've just seen of
modeling that CEO behavior,modeling that kind behavior for
(03:10):
your children happened over theweekend I think it was Friday
and it's all over the Internet.
You guys have probably alreadyseen it but it's the
Phillies-Marlin game with thebaseball.
And it came.
Adults dove for it and the guycame up with it and gave it to
his son and some woman thoughtit was hers and it was in the
(03:33):
guy's face and that father,who's sitting there with the son
and, I believe, a daughter,were both there made the
decision look, this isn't worthit.
It's a baseball, lady, you canhave it, because it could have
escalated so easily, because shewas so aggressive.
But he took that road to saywhat's important it's a baseball
(03:57):
, is it worth practically comingto blows over and my kids are
here.
I would have endangered my kidsand probably people around them
, but he made that decision.
It's a baseball At the bottomline.
We're not fighting over abaseball.
It's not worth it.
I think it's just the greatestexample out there and it's what
(04:18):
parents should be doing whenthey're modeling that behavior.
Is it important?
What kind of environment do youwant your children to be in the
hostel?
Because he could have hung onto that thing and you know
judging, but you know he didn'tknow it at the time but judging
by her behavior afterwards, itcould have got really nasty.
(04:41):
So is that the environment youwant your children to be in?
Or do you want to just say somethings just aren't worth it and
let it go, walk away andthere's no shame in it and
you've shown your son importancein life and it's not a baseball
and that you can handle thosereally sticky situations without
(05:06):
it escalating?
Dr. Brooks (05:08):
That's good advice.
I also like that example.
There is no manual when itcomes to parenting, so what is
one practical step that youwould recommend to someone just
starting out on their parentingjourney?
Teresa Ramirez (05:22):
Start small, start at home, and it can start
with sticky notes on the kid'smirror.
You're awesome, you rock, Iappreciate you, you make me
smile.
All those kinds of things thatcan be on the bathroom mirror,
on the door.
You know, even by yoursignificant other's coffee mug.
You know how you treat eachother.
(05:43):
Your kids are watching all thetime and they're listening.
So it's just those littlethings.
It doesn't cost anything.
Number one it's simple.
When you pray together as afamily, pick out some of the
Bible verses that talk aboutkindness, that talk about your
words and how effective yourwords are and that they be kind
(06:06):
words.
All those kind of things.
It's simple, easy to fill intoa routine, because I know so
many parents are overwhelmed.
It doesn't have to be this big,huge thing.
The other thing is teach yourkids to smile and say hello to
people.
I have this great example ofthat is a gentleman and he
(06:26):
always laughs at me oh, thatsounds great, that kind of stuff
.
And he worked at a parkinggarage.
He took a long vacation but hecame back and when he did his
regular people that park thereare like where have you been?
I've had the worst two weeks ofmy life and the guy's going
what are you talking about?
Where have you been?
I've had the worst two weeks ofmy life.
(06:46):
And the guy's going what areyou talking to me?
We look forward to you smilingand saying good morning and it
sets the tone for my entire day.
And the guys had no idea.
And he came to me and he saidyou kindness, all about you, and
that kindness, he goes.
But until I experienced it, hegoes.
I didn't realize.
So it's be aware that it's toolittle stuff and it is the
(07:09):
acknowledging someone'sexistence and smiling and saying
good morning, and those are allthings you can model for your
kids easily throughout the day.
And it's not adding any, it'sreally not piling on, it's just
keeping it in the forefront ofyour mind, being intentional and
practice Lots of practice.
(07:29):
It's not going to happenovernight, so have yourself a
little forgiveness, but yeah,just practice it.
Dr. Brooks (07:38):
You are so passionate just talking about
parenting, talking aboutkindness.
Can you describe to us how doesit make you feel in real time
when you're having thoseencounters with your family,
your friends and your loved ones, showing them acts of kindness?
Teresa Ramirez (07:53):
It's an amazing feeling, but now for me it's a
lifestyle.
I see it, I look for it, evensubconsciously now.
But for everyone else thatdoesn't know, if you and I
exchange an act of kindness, ourserotonin levels go up, and
serotonin is our happy hormones,our endorphins, and if somebody
(08:14):
observed that act of kindnessbetween us, their serotonin
levels also go up.
So from one act of kindness, awhole room full of people are
happier and it's really hard tostart getting mad at somebody.
When you're happy, it startsthat ripple and it is a very
(08:35):
real thing.
A lot of people say, oh, thisis nice and fluffy.
There are studies to back thisup, that it does influence your
brain and changes the way youthink.
And if you're making it apractice, your whole world opens
up.
In my opinion and I know I havea story I can share that
happened early on in my journeyand now I'm like I need a fresh
(08:57):
story.
But all I see is kindness.
I don't see the bad thinganymore.
It's how that works.
But just know that it isn'tfluff.
It's fluff and nice.
But there are studies that showthis does make a difference.
And when school shootings stilloccur, like the Minnesota, it
just breaks my heart because theperson that did it, because I.
(09:20):
Always they're hurting, they'rehurting and it becomes a hate
crime.
I want to flip that narrativeand the studies show we can flip
it and take it from that hateto a loving, kind, compassionate
world.
It takes one person at a time.
It takes practice.
We're not always going to getit right, but if we can reduce
(09:43):
the school violence by one,we're already on the road to a
better world for our kids.
And it starts with the parents.
The schools can do a lot, butif you come home and your
parents aren't modeling thatkind behavior, mom and dad are
doing it.
So I can do it.
Dr. Brooks (10:00):
Let's build on that , when it comes to parents who
feel overwhelmed or parents whofeel discouraged in their
parenting journey, and that cansometimes feel into their
children, what is one mindsetshift or daily habit that you
would recommend to help themraise their children to be kind
and to be godly children, ifthat's what they believe?
Teresa Ramirez (10:22):
Because the world is as it is and
everything's overwhelming.
Stopping at night before bed isprobably a great time.
Sit with your child and go witheach child and, yes, this will
take a little time.
And then yourself gratitudeeach child.
And yes, this will take alittle time.
(10:43):
And then yourself gratitudewhat do you have to be grateful
for?
And it might come down becauseyou're so overwhelmed.
It might come down that I'vehad clean sheets, the car
started today, it's sunnyoutside.
You might have to start thatthing.
That's okay, there is nothingwrong with that.
This is your journey inkindness.
That's okay, there is nothingwrong with that.
This is your journey inkindness.
But if you start doing that,then the world doesn't look so
bad, because you're like, wow,good things did happen today.
(11:07):
And then teach your children tosit down and do the same thing
and they're like, oh, okay, yeah, I did pass that math test.
That's a good thing, because Iwas stressing about it.
All those kinds of things.
You want to flip the narrativeof your own life in your mind
and eventually kindness is goingto be as natural as breathing
(11:28):
and there is a huge payoff atthe end.
But it's just the little things.
I did send you a link whereparents that don't know where to
start or they're overwhelmed, Ihave 75 acts of kindness
that'll give them a place tostart and that's agreed to your
audience.
That's anywhere from the smileand the hello all the way to
planting a tree for be kind toplant a day.
(11:50):
But you know your kids andagain, do it with your kids
because they can say, oh, I wantto do this act today or this
week.
We're going to focus on this.
I know people are like, okay,yeah, sure, but is it really
going to do anything?
Your kids are going to be kindwhen you're not there.
Actually, my nephew he wentsixth grade.
At the time there was a kid ina wheelchair and he couldn't
(12:13):
push the wheelchair and carryhis cafeteria tray at the same
time.
So my nephew went over and saidhere, let me help you.
Where do you want to sit?
And the kid shrugged and hesaid well, come sit with us.
My nephew's an athlete and mostof his friends are as well.
Come to find out.
The kid in the wheelchair knowsevery sports statistic out
(12:34):
there.
They became great friends and Ithink they were in school
together for two or three years,but they all became great
friends and a big supporter ofeach other, and all because he
followed his parents' exampleand carried a lunch tray, helped
the kid out.
So that's one of the payoffsthat's going to come.
(12:56):
Your kid's going to do it whenyou're not watching, when you're
not watching, and that's whatyou want and those ripples start
to go.
Dr. Brooks (13:13):
Because when we look at the macro picture, we
can be so overwhelmed because wehave a lot of things that are
not in our control.
Your approach to parentingincludes fun, bubbles and joy.
What is the importance offamilies being intentional to
create moments of happiness?
Teresa Ramirez (13:34):
And how can that shape a child's character?
Try to encourage parents toteach their kids when they're
facing those sticky situations,and we'll use the baseball game.
It's a great example that manhad to take a pause to figure
this out.
Instead of reacting back to thewoman, he took a pause, and one
(13:54):
of the best things I found topractice with a child is bubbles
, Because you have to take adeep breath and blow it out and
that's your pause.
And if you get the bubbles outand practice with the fun and
the kids are going to remember.
That's just the trick.
(14:15):
The more fun you make kindness,the more they're going to
remember and it's going toreally stick in their brains.
And families should just behaving fun together anyway.
Dr. Brooks (14:24):
For those that are listening, that may have older
kids and they're like Teresabubbles is not going to work.
How can they apply thatprinciple in their family, If
you have?
Teresa Ramirez (14:34):
teenagers.
I found out they love Bubblestoo.
I did find that out and they'relike okay, we can do this.
But what happens if you havelike teenagers and younger kids?
The teenagers will play withthe Bubbles with the younger
kids.
Just tell them just as far as ateenager.
If they're not going to havefun with bubbles, fine, but have
(14:56):
them practice deep breathing.
If you see them gettingfrustrated and angry about
something, say, hey, take a deepbreath and practice it with
them, and then they're going tosay, oh, okay, and then practice
taking a step back.
You can use that when they getfrustrated and angry.
Be aware and practice with themwhen those situations come up
(15:21):
and then they're going topractice it and remember.
But practice is huge withkindness, because you want to
make it as natural as breathingand once you do, when you get to
those sticky situations likethe baseball game, you'll be
able to automatically take thatpause and respond kindly in a
more rational way than, insteadof, reactionary way.
Dr. Brooks (15:44):
Let's build on that .
If we, as parents, are moreinvolved with our teen children,
getting them to talk throughtheir frustrations, how do you
think that can connect to theviolence that we're seeing in?
Teresa Ramirez (15:55):
schools, constantly checking in with your
child, you're going to knowwhat's going on in their heads.
And I have three questions Ialways encourage parents to ask.
And it's most, and I do thinkit's more important with your
teenagers is what's the bestthing that happened to you today
?
And that can start when you'redoing the gratitude journal.
(16:17):
But then ask them what's thething that you didn't like today
?
What happened today that youweren't too crazy about?
And then the third thing iswhat made you laugh?
Because kids should be laughingall the time and if they're not
, that's a red flag.
Why didn't you laugh today?
What's going on?
And then my bonus question iswhat good choices did you make
(16:43):
today?
And these questions you can askover the dinner table while
you're driving them to their 101extracurricular activities,
anytime.
It doesn't have to be a formal.
Let's sit down and ask thequestions.
It doesn't have to be, andactually you'll get better
responses doing it.
(17:03):
If you're washing the dishes orloading the dishwasher together
or those kinds of things, rakeit now.
And at least in Ohio we canstart raking leaves almost
already when you're doing thosekinds of things.
Rake it now.
At least in Ohio we can startraking leaves almost already.
When you're doing those kind ofthings, you're going to get the
better answers.
Those questions have helped youcheck in, so to speak, and you
(17:23):
get the temperature of whereyour child is at.
Dr. Brooks (17:27):
Those questions are open-ended, so it won't give
the teenager an opportunity tosay yes or no.
For many parents, they may feellike their teens are just not
talkative to them.
What's a common mistake thatyou see parents make when it
comes to trying to communicatewith their teens, and how can
they avoid making that mistake?
Teresa Ramirez (17:43):
One of the things I've seen it's the two
structured.
So what's going on?
Not really checking in at all,you know just kind of okay, I'm
so busy, we've got this, thisand this, here's our schedule,
so let's keep the schedule going.
Keep the schedule going, okay.
Is everything ready fortomorrow?
Okay, and then the morningstarts all over again and that's
(18:05):
just the society the way it istoday.
But if you're, I'm challengingpeople to change that, change
your life.
Take, give yourself a breather,give yourself as a parent a
breather and make sure it's alsoimportant as a parent.
Take that 10, 15 minutes foryourself.
I know one parent told me whenI come home from work, kids are
(18:27):
already home.
I go to my room and tell them15 minutes and someone sets a
timer.
The kids set a timer.
She said I need 15 minutes andshe goes into her room,
decompresses, the timer, goesoff and she comes out 15 minutes
later.
Okay, what's on the agenda?
What are we doing?
She said I just need 15 minutesto go from work mode to mom
(18:51):
mode and she said it makes thewhole world of difference for
her.
So whatever that looks like foryou if that means getting up 15
minutes earlier and just havingthat quiet cup of coffee, if
that means everybody's in bedand I'm taking a hot bubble bath
, whatever works for you.
Give yourself time todecompress and then it's going
(19:14):
to make it easier for you tojust form a new agenda, a new
schedule.
Dr. Brooks (19:21):
That is good giving yourself that time to
decompress.
People often say that it takes21 days to form a habit.
Is this something that if theyjust practice over and over
again and be cognizant about it,that they will be able to start
making it more of a lifestylefor them?
Teresa Ramirez (19:37):
Absolutely.
I did a 21 day kindness trial acouple of years ago.
Same principle, same principle,and you can journal about it if
that helps reinforce it.
I know I had one couple when Isaid the CEO thing and they
wanted to get their philosophiesand intentions, and they said,
well, we included the kids,perfect, she goes.
And we said this is what wethink, what do you think?
(19:59):
And the kids said that's allwell, fine and good, but we want
to add one.
And they said okay, we want toremove the word hate from our
vocabulary.
And these are teenagers.
So somewhere in their worldthey noticed hate from our
vocabulary.
And these are teenagers.
So somewhere in their worldthey noticed hate triggers bad
things all the way around, sothey want to remove it from
(20:20):
their vocabulary.
So always include those kids inthose discussions, because you
never know what you're going toget.
They said we were surprised, wehad no idea that that was going
to come out.
So, yeah, just ask the kidswhat they think.
Now, mind you, some of them aregoing to say I don't care, it's
going to happen.
Or some are going to say, well,this is what we think.
(20:40):
You just never know what you'regoing to get, so try it fast.
Dr. Brooks (20:46):
I can imagine that your approach to parenting, your
approach to how you live yourlife, that people can be so
resistant because they're likeyou're, so happy all the time.
So can you share a definingmoment or an experience from
your personal journey of how youhave been able to overcome that
and still be kind to people?
Teresa Ramirez (21:08):
Yeah, because I can go back on my journey in the
early days and I had asituation I went to lunch with a
friend and cute little localbistro love it.
And server comes up what do youwant?
We had a couple questions aboutthe menu, I don't know.
(21:32):
I was just told to come over,take your order.
What do you want?
And I'm telling you I'm notexaggerating.
So we went ahead and placed ourorder and it came and
everything was fine.
But I don't think she refilled acoffee or water when the meal
was over, slammed the bill onthe table.
(21:53):
We're like this is just notgood.
And my friend and I actuallysat back because she was ready
to call the manager now.
And we had every right to callthe manager because she was bad.
It was bad, it really was bad.
And I'm like I'm just notfeeling that.
(22:17):
And she's like what do you mean?
And I said let's not call themanager she's.
And so what I did?
We went ahead and paid, tippedher a normal tip and then on the
receipt I put a smiling faceand you are designed to shine.
(22:39):
We gathered our stuff, walkedon out the door.
Well, lo and behold, she'schasing us into the parking lot
and I'm like, is she going toyell some more?
And I turned and she's crying.
Tears are just running down herface and she says thank you, I
needed to hear that today.
(22:59):
And turns around and walks backin the restaurant.
And that was my epiphany moment,where personal pain is as
unique as a fingerprint.
You do not know what someone isgoing through, so always be
kind.
And it comes back to.
I don't know why I was dead setAt that point in time kindness
(23:25):
was not as natural as breathingfor me and I was still working
on it, it wasn't a lifestyle andwhy I just did not feel that we
needed to call.
We could have, obviously,within our rights, called the
manager, but I just kept sayingno, no, and I didn't know what.
We didn't know what she wasgoing through, we just thought
(23:46):
she was being real cranky.
But yeah, you don't know whatpeople are going through, and
that's the same thing.
And people don't like it when Isay this and I'm not saying I am
not condoning this at all, I'mnot condoning bullying at all
but what is going on in thebully's life?
And people don't like to hearthat, but you have to think that
(24:12):
way.
What was going on in thatshooter's life in Minnesota,
minneapolis.
We've got to flip the narrative.
We have got to flip thatnarrative because all of it is
hate crimes.
When it comes down to it, it'sall hate crimes.
And we can flip that narrativebecause all of it's hate crimes.
When it comes down to it, it'sall hate crimes.
And we can flip that narrative.
We just have to do it togetherand we have to all create that
(24:35):
ripple of kindness in our cornerof the world.
And when those ripples mergetogether, it's going to create a
wave that floats right acrossthis country and all that
violence is going to go.
But we have to be willing togive it a try.
Dr. Brooks (24:52):
I do think it's very important to have
compassion and empathy, even forthe bully, even for the
aggressor, because at the end ofthe day, they're still human
and we have to be willing tohear what's going on with them,
or even to dig a little deeper.
So that is so important.
When it comes to the listenerstoday and they listen to all the
(25:13):
things that you unpack what isone thing that you can leave
them with?
A strategy to help them to beable to transition their mindset
into just being more kind intheir day to day walk.
Teresa Ramirez (25:25):
And so just being more kind in their
day-to-day walk.
I think my best strategy is thepause, because that's going to
stop it, because the payoff isreacting kind in those sticky
situations.
Change your perception, usehumor and, like the baseball guy
he just said, I'm walking away,it's not worth it.
So those are all those things,but it takes practice.
(25:49):
So practice your pause andthat's going to give you those
two seconds, so where you canthink and not react.
Dr. Brooks (26:00):
You have such good strategies.
Do you coach people on?
Teresa Ramirez (26:03):
kindness.
Yes, I do.
I actually talk to PTAs.
Any parenting organizationShoot, I talked to a rotary club
not that long ago.
But all of those things, I talkto all of them and it's a
simple, straightforward process.
Build the foundation, make itas natural as breathing, go into
bringing the community into it.
Collecting socks for thehomeless, new socks for the
(26:25):
homeless you only have to buyone pair and if you have a whole
soccer team, you can end upwith thousands and from there
then you go into the payoff ofwatching your children be kind
and then being able to actkindly in those sticky
situations, with the changingyour perception, use of humor,
and sometimes it's just notworth it.
Dr. Brooks (26:48):
I am going to make sure that I have all of your
contact information in thedescription of this episode,
because just talking to you, Ifeel so motivated to go out and
put a smile on someone's face.
I want everyone to be able toexperience that with you.
I have thoroughly enjoyed you.
You light up a room, right.
I thank you so much for yourperspective, your mindset and
(27:11):
the way that you just want theworld to be a better place.
I am encouraging all of thelisteners to slow down and take
a moment before you react andhave compassion and empathy.
Again, teresa, thank you somuch for joining us on Off.
Teresa Ramirez (27:25):
Balance.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's been a pleasure for me aswell.
Intro/Outro (27:32):
Thanks for listening.
Please rate this episode andshare it with your family and
friends.
To learn more about your hostor to book a coaching session,
visit wwwbrooksdemmingcom.
Until next time, rise.
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