Legend 1985 Part Two: Unicorns, Darkness, and Goth Transformations

What if the battle between light and darkness hinged on the whims of a goth-dress and a failed unicorn rescue? Join us on a whimsical exploration of the fantasy film "Legend" as we unravel its peculiar plot, starting with the outrageous antics of the villain, Darkness, and his anime-esque sidekick, Blix. Marvel at the childlike innocence of Princess Lily and Jack the Green, who, despite their ages, seem perpetually trapped in a fairy tale of their own making. We share a laugh at the film's reliance on plot-convenient timing while reminiscing about that iconic unicorn encounter, a scene that's as magical as it is perplexing.

Discover the bizarre dynamics in a mystical forest where riddles, eerie characters, and unexpected romantic confessions abound. You'll meet Gump, whose unsettling presence is as mysterious as his riddles, and Una, who surprises everyone by transforming her size and professing her love for Jack. As we piece together these fantasy elements, our discussion takes a humorous twist, revealing the absurdity of Blunder's pie-bound fate and Lily's goth transformation. With key scenes bathed in nostalgia and humor, we can’t help but admire the visual impact, even if some CGI moments leave us chuckling at their dated execution.

As the curtain falls on "Legend," we savor the movie's chaotic conclusion where light triumphs over darkness, thanks to Jack's bravery and Lily's defiant spirit. Our musings take us through a nostalgic journey of the film's synth-laden soundtrack and the editing controversies that sparked debate in the 80s and 90s. We reflect on the unique challenges and romantic complexities faced by Lily and Jack amidst a competitive cinematic landscape. Wrapping up the episode, we promise more laughter, insight, and whimsical adventures in our future reviews, leaving you eagerly anticipating our next escapade on "Oft Off Topic".

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
But anyway, it's time I go all in the weeds of how
this movie got made.
But most issues are verysimilar to other movies.
But I'm 1,500 words in and Istill haven't really talked
about the movie yet.
So you ready to start talkingabout the movie M?
So Darkness, the evil lord ofdarkness Plan.
I put that line in there.
I flubbed it up when it wasread.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
I thought it was funny.
And Garf Garfunkel we're seeingabout when they said hello
darkness, my old friend, yes,that's what we're talking about.
Yep, they, he was best friendswith Simon Garfunkel neat,
explain some things Paul Simonwould hang out with the ultimate
evil?

Speaker 1 (00:29):
yeah, you would he'd love him, yeah.
But he uh hatches a plan tocause eternal night in winter.
Uh, for this he calls his bestminion Blix.
And then the movie starts.
Like we're starting with this.
He charges her to find and killtwo unicorns that live in the
forest near the castle and bringtheir horns for a dark ritual
to snuff out the sun.
But Blix has an issue.

(00:50):
The unicorns sense his evil andwould never let them get close
enough to hurt them, anddarkness tells them to use
innocence as bait and this kindof sends them off to figure it
out.
It's like they really kind ofhammered home how evil Blix is
Because, like when the that,they really kind of hammered
home how evil blix is because,like when they you know evil,

(01:11):
the darkness is sitting there.
They call blix in and he's likearen't you a son of a bitch?
She's like yep, like don't you?
You have evil in your heart.
You're told just worst, justthe worst, and she's like yep,
that's me.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
So I mean obviously anime introduction kind of thing
.
The evilest of all myhenchmen's, that's me.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
I mean again, like this is in the verbatim, all my
henchmen, that's me okay again,like this isn't verbatim, but
yeah, but still yeah, it's.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
It's a good way to get the point across in a hurry,
though yeah, exposition dump.
You're evil.
Yes, I am.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Let's do this, yep so meanwhile by the way, I'm gonna
use meanwhile several times,because there's a lot of
meanwhile is happening here, so,but elsewhere, meanwhile,
princess lily is venturing intothe forest to find jack the
green.
But jack in the green, a forestdwellers, fall in love with
lily.
She's been coming for us quitea while and they clearly love
each other.
And she actually starts offlike I didn't really find a way

(01:52):
to write the send nearby.
I feel like she's important tosay when she first shows up, she
shows up at some villager'shouse and she knows, everyone
knows like oh, hey, lily, blah,blah, blah.
It's like okay, you know.
So basically, you have aprincess.
She's leaving the castle andgoes to the small village nearby
and she happens to know themand she goes off to find jack
and he went.
They run into each other andthey're like all innocent and

(02:14):
giddy.
I don't know, I think they're alittle bit too old, you know,
they're late teens and they'reacting like I don't know, like
they're 12 years old or whatever.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
Yeah, they're acting like little kids, skipping
around the maypole and this andthat and stuff and yeah, but
whatever you know, it's fine.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
You know it.
I'm quibbling at that point.
Yeah, at the time when I was akid, I didn't really notice it
as a adult, looking back, like Idon't know, you guys are kind
of old for this.
But anyway, in order to showoff, jack brings lily to see the
most precious animals in theforest unicorn.
He tells her he's breaking therules by doing this, but trusts
her to stay in her lane.
It's like look, you're a humanand you need to like don't.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, okay I just like to
stay in your lady.
I just picture tom cruise belike look, I'm gonna show you
something.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
But look here, bitch, stay in your lane you're a
human in the forest, listen tome.
And that was a mistake, becauselily immediately defies jack's
warning and approaches unicorn.
Although she's, you know,defiant, willful, she's still
innocent.
Yeah, they and they, unicorn,sense her innocence and they
allow her to come near and touchher and I actually I put a
picture of it.
It's actually again, they, thecinematography they really do

(03:16):
love like these images, that'slike iconic and this being one
of them.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, I recognize this image everywhere.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yeah, yeah yeah, I mean, it's not.
It's by no means legend Like,oh, this happened for the movie.
It is very picturesque, youknow, she's on her knees in like
a small lake.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Lighting's really good on this.
It looks really nice.
Yeah, that's good, that is goodcinematography.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
So at the same time, blix is hiding somewhere in the
bushes nearby because her timingis exquisite.
I mean, there's a lot of hertiming is exquisite.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
If timing wasn't exquisite, this movie would have
happened if daylight savingstime just happened during this
uh filming nothing else wouldhave happened because one of the
bad guys would have woke uphour late.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
I mean because there it's.
There's no scene in which blixis like tailing after him, or
there's even an indication thatblix knows anything about the
princess.
Like she rolls up, the unicorncomes up and bam, because she's
awesome.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
And the script would be like Blix just happens to
come across the heroes.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, there's no establishing.
Maybe that was one of thescenes they like fell on the
floor and that got cut out ofthe script, but yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah, she had like a little magical ball or something
to take him to him.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
So we don't know why Blix is there, but she's there,
unicorn with a poison, dart,which caused the unicorns to run
away.
Both jack and lily areoblivious of what happened.
They just think you know.
The unicorns ran off for noreason but, horsefly, got it,
got it or something.
Yeah, just like cats, I'm goingto the room for the reason
unicorns do the same thing.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
There's like ah, there's something else in the
forest they're skittish littlecritters and so jack pissed.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
He berates lily for audacity and she just kind of
like laughs it off and changesthe subject by showing her a
ring.
She's like, oh, I know you, butlook a ring.
And she goes.
She says, oh, this is myimportant ring.
Whoever finds this ring?
Um, well, I'll marry whoevergets it.
And she throws it over a smallcliff and go.
It falls out of the cliff andgoes into a pond down below and
he like, immediately, withouteven thinking, he like

(04:59):
immediately, just like, forgetsthe fight they had and he jumps
off the cliff and like dies intothe water below.
Called the power of being reallyhorny, exactly, I mean,
unfortunately the water wasn't,like you know, inches deep,
cause, like that'd be the end ofthe movie, he jumps off the
cliff crack.
Well, I guess he's dead now.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
He still has a ring in his hand, though, so she's
got to marry a paraplegic now.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
Well, no she could just be like, ooh, I'm out of
here and she'd go back to hercastle and no one would ever
know.
Jack's like drowning in threeinches of water down below.
She's like, well, I'm goingback to my castle.
That really sucks, so I'll cryin my bed for a little bit.

Speaker 2 (05:36):
But then I'll meet a prince and move on.
I mean, he was kind of anasshole over the unicorn thing
Right.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
So meanwhile again, blix tracks down the unicorn and
cuts off her horn.
Yeah, it's a whole dramaticscene.
The unicorn draws knees Didthey use like a little chainsaw.
Oh, that would have been cruel,but nope, it was just.
You know, cheap Blix kind ofrevels in the moment, holds the
sword high up her head Againpicturesque For the ultimate
realism in the scene.
they actually installed a hornon a real horse surgically and

(06:03):
they had to cut it off and soand, of course, the effects the
moment the horn comes off, theeffects are instant and winter
hits the forest like elsa, letit go.
The pond, yeah, I like that, Ilike that line, the um, the pond
, the pond jackson instantlyfreezes over and he nearly
drowns with the ice.
Like immediately he gets down,he can't find the ring and he

(06:23):
kind of gives up.
He goes up for air and there'sice there.
So he's like, oh, he's poundingice and trying to get out of it
and, uh, does lily?
Like go down there and help him.
Nah, she just fucks off andleaves his ass to drown.
She's like, ah, ice is cold,good luck with that.
Yeah, the wind picks up, itstarts blowing everywhere and
she's just like yee, um, thislooks like a bad thing, I'm out.

(06:44):
And she's she bounced andskittish like a unicorn, yep and
she runs back to the villageand hides in the same small
college where she ran into thevillagers, and then she finds
them all frozen like the.
The implication is they mightbe dead, but it's not really.
There's kind of like, you know,frozen carbonite there.
I was like frozen in placebecause, again, I don't know why
, that didn't happen to her, butit happened to all the
villagers and so she's hiding inthis village.

(07:06):
Uh, it will I say, keep onsaying village.
It's one house, so I guess theyhave the budget for like
multiple houses.
They just keep on flashing theinterior of the exterior which
is just off camera.
We promise, yeah oh no, there'svillages.
I promise this is the edge ofthe village, so she's in in
there and again with exquisitetiming, blix and company happen
to camp just outside the houseand Lily overhears them talking

(07:31):
shit.
They're like, yeah, that stupidgirl.
Thankfully we got to shoot thatunicorn, because that girl
she's like, oh my God, does shehear?
Then all of a sudden, a hoodedfigure just comes out of nowhere
and they start speaking.
And darkness speaks through thefigure, so, like it is

(07:51):
absolutely darkness, it's our,it's tim curry's voice, but it's
like a kind of um floating,kind of looks like, uh, one of
those evil things from harrypotter.
Like, uh, a wraith, right,right, okay yeah, and just kind
of like hovering in the air.
You know, just, you know, I meanyou hooded figure, you know
what I'm talking about.
So, but darkness speaks to thefigure and informs Blix Eternal
Night cannot happen unless theyhave both.
So they got one unicorn horn,but that's not enough.
Then you get the other one tooand honestly, there's a slight

(08:12):
humor scene where the smallblack knight, blunder, who's
been these guys have beentalking shit for a while now and
he's overcome withoverconfidence.
He swipes the unicorn unicornfrom blix and he, he's like I
got the horn, now what are yougonna do?
He threatens to use the powerof the horn to attack darkness
and replace it.
I'm gonna become the darkness.
And darkness kind of just likethe foot figure, just kind of
stands there and just likeimmediately just knocks him down

(08:35):
and then, uh, fucking, heraises his hand a little bit and
, um, an undead just pops outfrom nowhere.
So there's like a dead body,and like a mummified dead body
just pops out of the ground,just with no warning, and like
it sees his blunder, it justhauls him away in the night and
blicks the other guy's like well, there he goes, and they move
on like there's he shouldn'thave ran his mouth.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
Yeah, like yeah, because that's probably not the
first time something like that'shappened being in that crew.

Speaker 1 (08:58):
Like you didn't want none, don't come, get some.
You know, just like should haveshut up.
You were fine, but the momentyou decided to break out of your
lane once again, stay in yourlane a couple too many drinks of
grog and he got mouthy.
Yep, he sure did, and he gothauled off into the darkness, uh
, never to be heard again untilyou know later on.
So after all this, lily, youknow, is now upset.

(09:19):
You know she's upset.
She realized it's her fault,this is all happening.
Didn't listen to jack.
And because she didn't listenjack, you know she's upset.
She realized it's her fault,this is all happening.
Didn't listen to jack, andbecause she didn't listen jack,
you know, the unicorn gottrapped.
And so now back to jack.
Without the ringer ring now, orlily, he breaks out of the ice
and he's just alone, and so he'slooking around for lily, can't
find her, but he does run to hisfriend.
Uh, for the first was for hisfriends was named honeythorpe

(09:42):
gump, a brown tom screwball, anduna yeah, I mentioned those
guys earlier uh, what is itcalled british names in this, or
english names?
yeah, it's totally google funk,you know.
Now, gump, they're like, hey,what's up?
But they suspect something, youknow.
They suspect jack did somethingto cause this and they kind of
like you know what's up withthis?
Do you know what's going on?
I?

Speaker 2 (10:01):
know you're lying.
Something like this happens isbecause you did something stupid
jack, yeah that.
Yeah, what's your horny ass donow they're like I.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
I come on, man, just let us know what happened.
And so jack confesses he tooklily to go see the unicorn and
humans touching a unicorn.
Well, humans being aroundunicorns is not good, but
touching a unicorn is like a,and gump is initially pissed and
unwilling to help jack like heis.
And so, in order to kind oflike wash it over, to help jack
fix everything, he offers ariddle and if he answers the

(10:30):
riddle he'll be forgiven.
If he answers it wrong, gump'sgonna kill him and like this
kid's creepy man, like the, theguy that got this is like raspy,
high-pitched, gravelly raspyvoice and like, when I see half
naked, like he's literallywearing a loincloth and that's
it so it's you know this, likethe fact is a dude named gump
who's living in a forest so thiswas the riddle.

(10:51):
Let's see if you can do it.
You're not gonna.
What is the bell that neverrings?
Yet it's bell makes the angelssing um.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
It is I guess hold on .
Uh, what kind of bell.
Uh, uh, uh.
I was trying to think of aflower that's got bell in the
name, but okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
You got it right there.
It's a flower.

Speaker 2 (11:06):
Okay, okay, you flower yeah, you get blue bell.
That's what I was trying tothink of a blue bell holy shit,
I would have died, dude.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
He would have killed me.
You would have won because itwas a blue bell.
A blue bell, it's uh, to hearit ring means your life is at an
end, so that the angels sing.
Like I had no clue and butno're absolutely right.
And you even answered it kindof like how Jack answered it.
He first answers a flower, gumfreezes, and then he says a
bluebell.
So like your way of gettingthere.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
It's like freaking, what's his butt off of Jeopardy?
He's like, ooh, need a littlemore specific please.
What kind of a flower.
You did real good, yay, yay,look at me go.
I wouldn't have died so far inthis movie.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
So jack answers correctly and sets gum off, like
he thrashes around for a minuteor so and then also he gets up
like nothing happened and theyset off to go undo the curse.
So after some searching, theyfind the injured unicorn who's
barely holding on alive, and hismates nearby, and that's where
you see what's furious isrunning around.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
You know it's a horse now he gets in there with his
arms crossed.
Be like no, sir, I don't likeit.
They conclude.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
The only way to fix the winner is to find and return
the horn to the injured unicorn.
Not unhinged.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
I keep on saying uninjured, no, the injured, the
die unicorn well, when you cutthe horn off of a unicorn, you
get an uninjured horsetechnically, so they leave brown
tom to watch over the unicornand search for some armor and
weapons for jack, and which theyquickly find.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
I mean, I'm assuming I can't.
I wanted to watch the moviebefore I I did this.
Um, I never got around to it,um, and I'll explain the reasons
why later.
Um, but I don't remember howthey like immediately got it.
I think maybe una or you know,gump knew like oh hey, by the
way, I I've got this cave I cantake you that has a bunch of
stuff in it, because it's likesomething like that, yeah right
away they take them to a caveand they go down there and una

(12:42):
goes down there with him andthey'll keep in mind, uno is a
small little tinkle bear likefairy.
I mean it's like you know thislittle.
You know what I'm talking about?
Like, almost like little thingsfrom the bright, or whatever
you want to call them, or uhwell, no, I was actually
thinking of more of a oh my god,I can't the ewok movie.

Speaker 2 (12:56):
Yeah, those little fairy things it kind of she, she
looks like that fairy things.
Yeah, yeah, the wisps um.
Oh, there we go.
I think that's what they wereactually yeah and so she looks
like that.

Speaker 1 (13:05):
I think she's actually supposed to be a wisp.
But when she's in there, sheall sudden, like magic's into
human size, like she still haswings, but she's like large and
he freaks out.
For me he's like oh my god, hedidn't know she could do that.
Come to find out.
No one knows that she can dothat.
And she's like you know, she'slike hey, by the way, I love you
.
And he's like, uh, cool, yeah,thanks, but no, thanks, I.
Yeah, I love lily and she takesit okay, she's not not totally

(13:28):
cool with it, she's kind ofpissed, but, um, she's still
like okay, you know, I stilllove you.
Just don't tell anybody I canget big, because if you tell
gump he's gonna be furious, andyou know people.
One kind of running theme iseveryone, including jack, is
scared of gump.
So I don't know what he did,but apparently he's done some
heinous shit because he's he'san elf, so he's been living.
He's not a boy, he's beenliving like probably for

(13:49):
hundreds of years.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
So he's, uh probably was known for baiting other
children to epstein island.
So, oh, absolutely, that's what.
Yeah, he was.
That was never, never landed.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
He was taking them too yeah, yeah, he uh, he was
definitely.
He wasn't on the list becausehe was the list, yes, exactly.
So while this is happening,lily finds brown tom again
meanwhile.
But lily finds brown tom andthe injured unicorn.
She begs for forgiveness andtries to warn him of what he's
overheard, but he just basicallytells her to fuck off.
You know he's not listening toher.

(14:18):
He's like man, you're a humanand, yes, you're a false, so get
away from here.
And as she's trying to pleadwith him, miraculously blicks
again, with no indication thathe knew who lily even was
outside, like the person youbaited this magically, just
followed her ass and found theunicorns.
You know, used her to find theunicorns and they uh think they

(14:39):
kill, they attack brown tom.
I'm not sure if he dies or not,but they attack brown tom.
They uh grab her and theunicorn.
So not, but they attack browntom, they grab her and the
unicorn.
So they get the injuredeuquorum, the lip, the uninjured
unicorn and lily.
They get all three, or meet fordinner.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
Nice, right and so meanwhile back you're gonna have
to do a like a control f onmaybe, and see how what the word
count is right so he's well onhis way to infiltrate the castle
.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
As he weighs through a swamp, he's attacked by meg
muckle bones, the character Imentioned earlier, and after
some back and forth, she's like.
He's like are you gonna eat me?
She's like yep, I'm totally eatyou, like she's.
She's playing with her food andit's actually again.
I just can't stress.
I really youtube it.
It's creepy, especially for akid's movie.
It and it is.
You cannot see the actorunderneath.

(15:26):
I was a total shock when Ifound out who played this
character.
It was real.

Speaker 2 (15:29):
They really look at it, a little job yeah yeah, they
did a really good job makingthem look wet too with all that.
Yeah, yeah on them, yeah that.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
Thank you, I actually didn't.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
I left that part out, but yes, like it's dripping, it
is yeah, if you want to makestuff look kind of creepy and
unsettling, you've got to makeit look wet like that.

Speaker 1 (15:47):
And you don't use water.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
I guess you use like glycerin or like cooking oil
sometimes on it Apparently.
It's kind of funky on theactors.

Speaker 1 (15:52):
So Jack distracts her by complimenting her Like, oh
you're beautiful, while she'sall like she's just about to
attack him, like she's likeshe's having fun.
But you know, she's about tolike attack.
And as she lunges, he like butheads her just again.
Keep in mind, this kid hasnever held a sword before, has

(16:13):
never killed any before, but forsome reason he's just like a
natural kill, it comessurprisingly easy for this young
man people should be morealarmed than they really are
yeah, like wow, man, you tookher head off real easy, so, but
they get, you know, the kill hither real fast and almost
immediately afterward they fallinto a trap and they end up in a
castle dungeon.
It's just like, oh, she's dead.

(16:33):
One step.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
So Coincidence that they just wandered right into
that trap.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
Although all this coincidence and finding stuff
fast makes more sense when youconsider it's all on a
soundstage, but up anyways,exactly.
Yeah, like we don't have, wedon't have the time or space for
them to like, have any kind oflike journey.
It's like we're.
We need one thing after thenext.
Yeah, right, and again as agreat example why 80s movies are
so amazing, the dungeon theyland in is gloriously fucked up,
like there's mutilated bodieseverywhere.
There's random screens in thedistance and one specific thing
that still reverts to this dayas a kid there's a shadow of a
guy in the wall on hit, likelaying on the back on a table,

(17:10):
as a shadow of someone else witha big cleaver slowly chopping
him up into death.
A lot like they're chopping hislegs up.
He's like every so often it'snot even like screaming and
yelling like you can tell thisguy's so done, they chop.
He goes like oh, his arms kindof raise up a little bit and he
sits up for a second and laysback down.
Then chop.

(17:31):
Oh, it's like dude, this is somessed up.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
Uh, and again, this is a kid's movie and it's, but
it's the 80s, so it was verymuch and I was just about to say
that kind of feels like part ofthat brother's grim influence
they're talking about exactly,yeah like, yeah, this story will
stick with the children more ifwe sprinkle a little
traumatization in with it.
So the party.
They're not wrong, though.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
No they're not wrong.
Well, the party wakes up in acage in the kitchen, desperate
jack breaks una's trust andreveals that she can get big, so
she can get the cage.
She's all like we need to getout of here.
He's like una, get the key.
And gump's like she can't getthe key, she's too small and
like you could tell una's likeyou do it, man.
And he's like no, she can getthe key.
And then she turns big and ofcourse, gump is pissed because
you know that's what he does.

(18:11):
He's mad and but you knowwhat's he gonna do?
They're traveling the cage andso una, she's like okay, you
know, goes, I'll do it for you,but kiss me first.
And gump's like immediately,goes like yeah, man, kiss her,
do it.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
So yeah, it's like if you would hand down his pants,
do it, kiss her um, and even,and then even.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
Like turns herself to a likeness of princess lily and
jack's just about to kiss her.
He's like no true love and shegets pissed off and flies away.
But fortunately she comes backthe key, like gives him the keys
and then fucks off.
Like you know, she's willing tolet him escape, but then she
runs away.
So, you know, I guess it workedout.
But it's like, come on, man,you know what's the harm, you
know whatever.
Well, as they flee and come upacross, they flee the cage and

(18:52):
they come across a large piethat's on its way to the oven,
but they hear muffled criesinside.
They peel back the crust andthey find blunder, now without
his armor, and it turns out he'sactually a fallen dwarf.
He's all remorseful and sad.
He gives us some advice, butyou know it's it is kind of like
pathetic.
And do they rescue him and doeshe join on their quest?
What do?

Speaker 2 (19:10):
you think he says I'm comfortable being a pie, leave
me here no, what?

Speaker 1 (19:14):
instead, what happens is, as he's there giving advice
, he's like begging to get free.
They hear the the chef coming,and so they just bounce and they
leave.
They leave him in the pie andhe gets dragged out to be cooked
.
The end as the upper blunder.
So I mean he'll be back in thenext episode as dinner, or yes,

(19:36):
exactly, uh, the blunder gaveeverybody the runs that night.
That was his final act ofvengeance never mind monozubers
revenge, blunders revenge soback to lily anytime I get the
runs.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
I'm gonna call it blunders revenge.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Yeah, that's right now, meanwhile, lily, she wakes
up, surrounded by gifts, in alarge dining room.
She starts to explore with aliving black goth dress, begins
a dance around her enchantingher.
It's actually pretty cool.
It's like they had the actresswho was dancing.
They put like a sparkly blackhood over them so you don't see
any skin.
It literally looks like agarment that's come to life with
a fake person in there.

(20:10):
But honestly, the dance goesall the way to.
I mean, it's dancing around,it's supposed to be enchanting
her and it's like I think it'smaybe two or three minutes, but
it was cool for 15 seconds, forthree minutes.

Speaker 2 (20:19):
Yeah, yeah, it's, it's.

Speaker 1 (20:20):
It is cool for let's say let's go, say as far as 30
seconds.
You know 30 seconds is cool,for let's go as far as 30
seconds.
You know 30 seconds is cool,but it is entirely too long.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
And it's not even a good dance.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
I mean it's fine but it's not like.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
I like how Britney Minnich goes to the Star Wars
Christmas special, where theyhave that one dance scene in the
middle that goes on for likefive minutes.
Yeah, yeah, it's almost likethat.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
Not quite as cheesy, but not that far off.
But in the end it is reallycool the dress.
She's dancing along and they'relike together apart, together
apart.
And then all of a sudden thecamera cuts and together the
screen turns black for half asecond and now Lily's wearing
the dress.
And not only is she wearing adress, but she's also getting

(20:59):
totally gothed out.
She has pale white skin, shehas black eyeliner and black
lipstick.
I also included the picture ofthat.
See that.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
And, I'm guessing, probably setting a lot of dudes
fetishes for the rest of theirlife at that moment.
Oh yeah, definitely.
He looks like What's-Her-Buttfrom Skeletor Sidekick.
Yeah, and that dress is cutreal low.

Speaker 1 (21:17):
Yeah, it goes from her nape of her neck all the way
down to her belly button.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
It's just yes, so yeah yeah, that that's
definitely a look that affectedmany young men from the packing
that day.
I would I would have been onetoo, if I had seen that like, oh
, I'm gonna be doing that later,yeah, yeah I yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
So, uh, she checks herself, but as she goes to look
at herself in the mirror kindof like, oh my god, that's when
um my god, I'm hot, I want to bea bad guy.
Now that's when you finally seedarkness.
You know, instead of like youknow so far, you saw him in like
kind of neon-y silhouette andyou saw him as the hood of bird.
Now you actually see him forwho he is and he comes stepping
out of the mirror and it's likeone large.

(21:56):
You see his hook come out first, boom, and it's a big goat hoof
and you see his hand come outof the mirror.
Now for the 80s it lookedamazing, for now it's fine.
You know, it really isn't fairto judge, you know, cg, 1980, cg
versus now.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
It's not fair but is it the cgi they were doing with
that?

Speaker 1 (22:14):
one or slight, I mean just because they could do a
practical effect with someonecoming out of a mirror, you know
.
So it it wasn't a lot.
It wasn't a lot, but it wassome and it just can do some
effects coming through a mirror.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
I remember seeing a special effects thing where they
did it for a movie, in the 90sI think.
But we'll talk about well again85 so yeah, well, no, I mean it
was practical effect, like theywere just using a sheet of
clear water oh, I got areflection off of that.

Speaker 1 (22:37):
Yeah, well, this actually I think they did um, it
was, you know, a cg as I couldget back there.
Yeah, maybe they go a differentway, but they didn't we'll find
out soon one of these days, I'msure right the scene alone
should have gotten an oscar forthe cinematography, in my
opinion.
That's another picture Iincluded on here the she passes
out and when he's leaning over,and actually the the picture I
found there's actually a betterpicture out there with wider

(22:58):
shot.
It's like a lot longer, uh,than including more of this.
The scene, like the sceneyou're seeing now, to the right
it's actually to the far rightof a very long you know, a
wide-angle lens and it looks sogood.
This is, I don't know, this isthe only one I could find.
All the other ones are therelike no, you have to pay for
this image.
I'm like, I'm not going to payfor this image, I'm just going
to use it to show no, that.

Speaker 2 (23:20):
I can actually download.
It is a cinematography movie,the cinematography is great.

Speaker 1 (23:27):
This is just a still shot, but the wind was blowing
so his cape was billowing.
It was a really good, one of myfavorite shots in the movie.
And so then she wakes up andDarkness tries to seduce her.
He's all like, hey, blah, blah,blah.
There's actually a really greatline.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
It's your sign, baby.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
I got blah blah.
There's actually a really greatline.
It's your sign, baby.
I got an i-rock out in theparking lot and she's kind of
defiant, it kind of pisses himoff.
But there's a really great lineI'm actually thinking about
including on a sticker I'm gonnado, where she's like you're an
animal.
He's like we are all animals,my dear, something like that.
So it's actually it's reallygood.
And again, all with the voiceof tim curry and him just like
totally.
And see, he believes the sin ofluring the unicorn has tainted
her pure soul and now that she'sbeen tainted she's all geared
up for super evil.
It's like you know that doesn'twork.

(24:10):
Like that man you don't like.
Oh, I stepped on a bug, so nowI'm ready for 9-11.
You know it doesn't work thatway.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
Yeah, you think to jack who just lopped off
somebody's head without thinkingtwice about it.
Very true, I mean it is it'sthe evilness it.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
He goes from like, oh one small thing, and now you're
ready for so.
But after some back and forth.

Speaker 2 (24:28):
You cheated on your third grade spelling test.
Good, now you're ready forhuman sacrifice.

Speaker 1 (24:34):
Oh, kill this man, yeah but she eventually like,
after some back and forth, shedoes eventually agree to marry
him, but on the, on onecondition that she's allowed to
kill the other unicorn.
He just buys it.
He's like, oh, okay, great, I'mglad this worked out.
Like no, like, come on, man,think, think about it.
Like, give her a test,something first.
Like I don't know, give her achild, okay, kill this child.

(24:54):
Then you kill unicorn first,you know just pure evil.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
Yeah, you'll do it.
Obviously you won't lie to me.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, right, and so but but you know, she's just
like sure, why not?
And so he, he laughs evilly.
The scene ends and of course,because this movie has exquisite
timing.
Meanwhile, while they're inconversation, jack and his
friends were nearby.
It's like, uh, and you know,while he's doing his super
villain rant, he goes hey, youknow that thing over there, it

(25:19):
sure would suck if that thingkilled me.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Basically being the son, he was like oh yeah, the
sun kills me, so, um, I alwayshate that the bad guy's like,
hey, here's my one weakness, besure not to exploit it.
I mean, it's right over thereon a shelf too.

Speaker 1 (25:33):
Just be a good guy, well that's he's like, yeah, I
need to kill these unicorns toget rid of the sun, and jack and
company go out like they'rewhat are we gonna do what we're
gonna do?
and they find a room full oflike these large, um, like

(25:56):
polished mirrors and they'relike oh, sweet mirrors.
And so they set up a veryintricate like reflection, like,
okay, we're gonna get this hereand we'll slowly go up and get
someone to go to the very tippytop of the castle when the sun's
going down, to reflect light.
They do a legend of zeldapuzzle, very, very much so.
And I'm like, even to this day,sometimes I try to reflect one
light off a mirror to anothermirror and the light, slowly it

(26:19):
dissipates.
You know, you, the light youget at the, it's not a laser,
it's light, it's light, it'sjust generic light.
And so by the time you get to,I don't know, even the second or
third mirror, the light'salmost nonexistent.
But you know what?
Let's toss that reality out thewindow.
We are in a world where thelight that comes in from the
very first mirror is as much asor more intense than the last
mirror.
That's the world we're in.

(26:39):
Corn magic, exactly, butexactly so.
But meanwhile, meanwhile,darkness gives lily a sword to
kill the last unicorn and,surprise, surprise, she cuts the
chain holding him down andfreeze the beast, you know, and
now she hasn't let him go.
Like outside, they're in thedeepest, darkest dungeon.
So they, she frees the unicorn.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
I don't know what her next step was, because she
didn't have a freak down, justlike ran off a ledge or
something right away orsomething she had no plan
nothing.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
She just like cut the chain, let him go, and then
furious darkness pip slaps her.
She just goes intoconsciousness just immediately.
Slap, done so.
And then dark jack his pip slap, yep.
Then uh, darkness show, jackshows up out of nowhere and they
start fighting.
You know it's a very brieffight because, for again, jack
doesn't have much, you know,fight experience and it's
actually a really cool scenewhere Dark just charges at him

(27:25):
like a bull and Jack is likepinned against the wall and Dark
just the horns slam around him.
So it's a nice scene where youknow Dark just has his face
looking at him and he calls himBoy, just like who are you, boy?
And it's again great scene.
This movie is full of greatscenes and so so.
But then, you know, after avery brief fight, because you
know jack really can't do shitto him, they finally get the

(27:48):
light.
There's actually a reallyintense quote tense scene where
the dwarf who had the very tippytop of the mountain, with the
last mirror he gets the very topand he gets so exhausted he
passes out and he sleeps therefor a little bit.
So that's why things didn't goright.
Then finally he wakes up justbefore the sun can be set, like
the bomb is down to two.
It's like, oh no.
And so he gets the mirror up.

(28:08):
The light goes all the way down.
The very intense scene is likewill the light make it in time?
And all the light goes downthere and it nails the darkness
right in the chest and of coursehe gets blasted back like he
hit by a cannon and goes fliesright toward guess what?
There just happened to be avortex nearby.
That he that earlier in themovie he doctors usually talk to
his dad never said who his dadwas.

(28:29):
But he's like father, he'stalking to the doctor, so he's
soon with saint or somebody.
But they never actually clarifywho father.
But he's in the void dude wholooks like rick moranis exactly,
yeah and so uh, but then ashe's, you know, he's the light
still hitting him, even thoughthey just established, like a
minute ago the sun was goingdown.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
Almost gonna be gone one of those two where you're
gonna see the light beamactually move through the sky,
because light moves slowly andmovies, yeah, from mirror to
mirror.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
You see the light going down?
Yeah, yep and um and again,like the sun, the sun coming
down, the light hidden from themirror to the darkness is way
more powerful than any kind ofthis would be a magical
amplifying mirrors yeah, andhe's up against the stopped
himself the door to the void andhe's, his nails are digging

(29:12):
into the door and he's sliding.
And then he screams out yo, youcan't kill me.
Darkness is in everyone's heart.
As long as there's darkness,people's hearts, I'll never
truly be gone.
And then jack cuts his hand off.
He plunges into the darkness.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
So darkness falls into the darkness of the void
and he kept the hand and made itinto an ashtray, like people
used to do with gorilla hands.
Yep Right, well, no, actuallyhe made it into a.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
he put into his closet full of monkey paws Like
this is a monkey paw.

Speaker 2 (29:48):
He's like a fine threaded horn.
Just no, you that even better.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
But nope, they just like touched it, it was
immediately just back up, likethere's no super glue or nothing
, just it they no magical salveor nothing, nope, just they
touch one edge of the other andit's a perfect fit turns out,
they're actually naturallydetachable and they fall off all
the time in nature.
So well, it fits perfectly thecurse just as quickly as it
began.
The curse would end andPrincess, but.

(30:13):
But problem is, princess Lilyis now in a cursed coma due to
her injury and now that Stubbornhas returned, the pond is fixed
and for reasons we don't knowlike we don't know why he thinks
of this and why it works jackjumps in the water from the very
beginning, finds the ring andplaces it on her finger and she
wakes up again.
There's no establishinganything, the that would show

(30:34):
why this would work or how hethought of it.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
but there we go getting married to dude is such
a powerful aphrodisiac.
It just brings you back fromdeath.
I guess 100.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
So now, that lily's awake, she and jack profess
their love and the unicorns runaround and dance and the movie
ends as the unicorns run offinto the distance and Jack and
Lily go off into the sunsettogether and the woodland
friends happily wave goodbye.
A very you know generic kind of?

Speaker 2 (30:56):
And does he have like a big, stretchy, long arm that
reaches out through the top ofthe limo and waves side to side
as they go?

Speaker 1 (31:00):
off.
Oh my god, I love that scene.
Thank you very much for that.
I love that scene so much.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
For those of you who don't know, the Fantastic Four
movie back in the early 90s hada horrifyingly dumb scene, mr
Fantastic waving out the top ofthe limo with his long rubber
arms.

Speaker 1 (31:15):
We've definitely got to do a podcast of that.
If you don't do it, I'm doingit, for whatever reason.
In the American release thecamera pans up and darkness is
laughed.
In the british version itdidn't.
The credits roll and the most80s music you ever fucking heard
of it in play the americanstudios wanted the possibility
of a sequel would be my guess.
Yeah, well uh, and you did notmishear me, it was actually 80s

(31:35):
techno pop music that playedthrough the whole movie.
The entire track of legend wasscored and played by a german
electric music band, tangerinedream, and if you've never seen
that coming in what I actuallyheard of Tangerine Dream, to be
honest.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
But I didn't picture you saying there's going to be a
techno beat.

Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah, the entire movie.
Just imagine the entire decadeof the 80s, dry humping a
synthesizer, you get the generalvibe of the soundtrack.
I remember watching this as akid and the soundtrack didn't
really stand out.
Because why would it?
It was the 80s.
I was a kid in the 80s and thatwas just the vibe at the time.
Yep.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
Looking back, you're like what in the world is going
on?

Speaker 1 (32:08):
Yeah, now that I got a little older and saw other
fantasy movies, particularlyLord of the Rings as well, I
keep on referring to thatbecause that's quintessential.
Of course there were fantasymovies before that, there were
fantasy movies after that, but Ithink we can all say the gold
standard, yeah, they really did.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
Rings would be kind of weird with the soundtrack
from Run Lola Run under it.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
Yeah, Well, weird with the soundtrack from run
lola run under it exactly.
Yeah, well, I was actually said.
Imagine, lord of the rings if Ifor the time it came out.
Instead of like having, youknow, an orchestra soundtrack,
had a new metal soundtrack.
You know gandalf fixed down theband.
Now wrong is lip biscuit playsin the background I was about to
say corn does the soundtrack Iwas.
I actually did.
I was debating whether to putcorn or lit biscuit.

(32:49):
I went for the worst one, litbiscuit.
Yeah, yeah.
And here's the thing I they'relike I still have a special
place mark for lit biscuit.
I listen to lit biscuit, butnow that I'm like again looking
back, I'm like I don't know man,that's not.
Why was I so angry?
So originally, the score of themovie was composed by a more
classical composer called jerrygoldsmith.
He did the first like the firstsoundtrack to the movie, or the

(33:12):
score he actually scored abunch of other movies actually,
yeah.
Well, he scored a bunch of othermovies, such as take a second,
I'm gonna list his movies he'sdone and some of these movies,
some before and a lot after this.
So he did logan's run,chinatown, the omen, alien,
planet of the apes, poltergeist,air force, one la confidential,
the mummy secret of nimgremlins, total recall, basic

(33:33):
instinct, amulon.
So this guy knew what he wasdoing.
Yeah, he did established or acomposer almost like the ridley
scott of soundtracks.
Basically he's that level offamous yeah and so did the
original score of the movie.
And so I've actually seen thiskind of movie in the early 2000s
when they with the release of aspecial dvd and to be honest,
it really does work a lot better.

(33:54):
I mean, it doesn't stand outlike lord of the rings
soundtrack does.
Where you hear a lord of therings soundtrack, you fucking
know.
No question.
Oh, wow, lord.
Yeah, it wasn't like that.
It wasn't like oh my god, thisis the legend soundtrack.
It it was, but it worked, itwas good and it felt better to
what you're watching.
And unfortunately they alsobutchered the movie.
Editing the original runtimewas 125 minutes long but it was

(34:14):
trending to 113, to quote getrid of the fat.
Like, oh fine, if people do alot of time, like there's some
info dumps they don't needbecause they have it somewhere
else in the movie.
You know like something happenswhere it's just, you know, it's
just not neat.
You know, like we got the pointthat happened, that other scene
there, so let's go ahead andjust let's trim it, kind of like
how, um, was it x-men, my god,days of futures, past?

(34:34):
Like you know, rogue wasactually in the original movie
days of past.
But after they watched themovie, they're like, uh, he's
not really needed.
Yeah, she shows up and there'sno information, given that,
really, that you don't find outelsewhere in the movie, so they
cut her out entirely.
It's kind of like what it's thatlittle small of a part where
the cheesed off fans more thanmade them happy yeah, so you
know they, they got rid of a lotof stuff, yeah, and it's fine,

(34:55):
you know I can live with that.
But then they cut it down againby another 20 minutes minutes
to make a 80 or 95 in a, not forany story reasons, just because
the suits wanted a shorter, andthat.
That kind of editing pisses me,you know they're.
They're like there's cuttingtime just to cut time.
Yeah, now this version wasactually shown in the theaters
in Great Britain.
But in good old US of A theycut it down again to make it 89

(35:16):
minutes.
The reasoning was Europeanaudiences are more sophisticated
.
They could pick up subtletieswhere an American need to be hit
over the head.
So, like nuance the europeans,they also got more the classical
score of goldsmiths in theiroriginal release, while we got
tangerine.
Basically they saw the samereason.
We got sorcerer stone versus aphilosopher stone, harry potter.
You know like america's done aphilosopher stone, that's hard

(35:38):
to say make a sorcerer stone.
Yeah, now, why, why, why wouldthey do this?
Why would they slaughter theruntime and change the score?
Well, I'll answer that with.
Two little stupid testscreenings.
Took the they had taken legendto orange county of all places
and screened the movie from abunch of stone.
Dumb assholes did like thescore or the original.
So this they thought the scoresucked and they but you know the

(36:01):
source sucked, but it worked,like the one they chose with
tangerine dream.
They want something more modern, so that's where tangerine
dream came in and they cut downthe runtime.
But it wasn't great.
It happened.
A lot of movies out there havedirector's cuts because the
studio made me call these timesout and we think it's bullshit.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
Here it is, and you know arms to another reason
they'll cut time off of it, andthis is less common, but if they
cut enough time off andsometimes you get more showings
per day in a theater and thusrank up your box office numbers
too- that's entirely possible.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
Like yeah I, I didn't read, like I don't remember off
the top of my head if that's areason by 100% of most likely.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
Yeah, I'm not saying it's a reason for this movie,
but I've heard it as a reasonfor other movies.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
Well, I promise you, it's a factor, like just hearing
that.
Like you're right, I've heardthat too.
There's not a doubt in my mind.
That was the factor when theydid this in here.
So but in the end, as Imentioned, the end of the movie
had princess lily and jackrunning off together and his
woodland friends laugh and saygoodbye.
First issue jack woodlandfriends may have forgiven lily

(36:59):
for a part of the unicorn attack.
They still don't like humans.
They didn't want her there andthey liked nothing more than all
the humans to fuck off.
And in the end she still waslike.
She is still a reason why thewhole thing happened in the
first place.
Like I can't, I can't see.
They're like okay, you helpedus, you can live, you know.
But nope, they're like bye,I'll happily waving they.
And plus, they weren't evensuper thrilled.

(37:21):
Jack was hanging around in thefirst place.
So again, like I don't know kindof tearing them a new one over
that yeah, there's no reasonswhy they would be suddenly cool
with her and happily waving heraway.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
Or happy because they're both leaving and they
assumed they were never comingback.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
Right.
Well, the second issue.
Princess Lily is a princess.
What the fuck is she going todo with some commoner who lives
in the woods?
Hell, he probably wouldn't dothat great living in a small
village, Never mind trying tonavigate the minefield of palace
politics.
Keep in mind this is the Dark.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
Ages.
There's a very real possibilitybeing a cage, being the wild
boy of the forest or something.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
I mean it's a very real possibility.
Jack will be found with athroat slit somewhere in the
castle.
I mean like, oh daddy, I wantto marry this boy who has no
lineage of anything ever.
And she's like, oh okay, hey,honey, why don't you go take a
bath?
We'll take care of Jack.

Speaker 2 (38:05):
Oh, he fell down the stairs I was out training with
our knights and somethinghorrible happened.
Oh my god so like why?

Speaker 1 (38:13):
why he thinks he would be able to do well there.
I mean, he might understand, helike he's naive, but she should
have known better third, hedoes have he does have
darkness's hand.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
Maybe that'll just be enough to like get him through
society, be like, look what Icut off.
He's got this like hangingaround his neck is like a uh
trophy.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Now the third issue and this is like one of the
bigger is like the biggest issue.
This dwarfs the other two.
Third issue is jack isn't human.
He's not like they.
They don't explicitly say thatlike because you're thinking, oh
wait, the forest folk didn'tlike humans, why were they so
cool?
Jack again, he's not human.
He's based on like a woodsprite or something, isn't he
right?
He's like I said in thebeginning, he's Jack of the
Green from British folklore andit doesn't matter how much you

(38:52):
passionately love the princess,he can't be part of the human
world.
He is part of the forest andyou know what would he do when
he gets to the city or the townsor whatever?
There's no green.
How does he survive Like?

Speaker 2 (39:04):
he is not.
We don't even know if they tailyear compatible.
He might have like some weirdthree-headed snake thing for a
dingus, or he might be like ken.
We're just a little yeah.
He could just have nothing downthere or have a hole of his own
.
So yeah, yeah again when Iresearched, active green.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
Like I mentioned earlier, it was just he's just a
kid who lives in the woods.
He's not a specimen, no powers,but again not human.
And so the problem is thereason why the change.
It was the teens who didn'tlike in the original ending he
stays, she owes, like, then shewalks off at the sunset and he's
happily waving with his friendsand they're like she's, like,

(39:37):
oh, I'll be here tomorrow,basically say she'll, she'll
visit again.
Okay, fine, fair enough.
You know, like the forestfriends are probably gonna
tolerate her and jack's gonnaplay with her and stuff, but
jack, it doesn't go anywherebecause he belongs in the forest
, she belongs in the other realworld and there will come a time
where she won't come back andhe'll still be there because
that's where he belongs.

(39:58):
And that's their originalending of the movie and also it
is a very brothers grim ending,you know it's like they're not
they don't test.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
Audiences demand the girl and the boy get together at
the end.
That's, that's what happens.
That's exactly what it is.
Test audiences are like no dude.
The guy has to get the girl inthe end, otherwise it's a dumb
movie.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
And that's also a perfect imitation, because again
1980s, Orange County stoners.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
Yeah, people like that dirty Tony Hawk and such.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
Right, he might have been in that test audience.

Speaker 2 (40:28):
This might all be Tony Hawk's fault.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
Let's and such right.
He might have been in that testaudience.
This might all be tony hawk'sfault.
Let's blame tony hawkregardless.
Yeah, I'm gonna email him andlet him know.
So the critics and when thiscame out the critics were harsh.
The rotten tomatoes aggregateis only 42.
Positive the average of 5.1 outof 10.
The metacritic gave it an anemic30 out of 100 rating based on
11 critics deeming it generallyunfavorable.
Most critics love the visuals,but love best the story.
One popular critique was forthe popular author Neil Gaiman,
who said glimmers ofintelligence.

(40:55):
Here and there he said more,but I just cut out of that.
Like there was a longer quote.
But the shit here and there.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
Intelligence here and there, not enough women to
sexually harass?
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (41:13):
Sorry, I had to give it a rating.
I'd probably give it a 8 out of10.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
Like it was not perfect by any, stretch of the
imagination, but it was reallyrating at 73 percent.
That's.
That's about right on, in linewith you yeah, I mean that's
fine.
You also gotta remember there'sa difference between a good
movie and an enjoyable movie.
There's worlds of difference.
There's plenty of movies.
I know that are horrible, but Istill like them sadly, it
didn't do well in the box officeeither.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
It pulled a 15.5 million in Canada and US and
about 8 million elsewhere, for atotal of 23.5 million total,
and the movie cost 25 million tomake.
So it was a bomb, but it wasn'tthe worst bomb so far.
I think, yeah, I mean.
Well, it was actually numberone in the box office for two
weeks.
It must have been a reallyanemic, you know, two weeks.

(41:51):
Because even when it was aroundthat time, yeah, actually I'm
an idiot Because I was going to.
I actually tried to look thatup early.

Speaker 2 (41:57):
Okay, and I was also going to ask you what was the
number one rated movie that year, or?

Speaker 1 (42:01):
what were they saying ?
Oh, that weekend, it was theweekend that was number one.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
What movie?
From 1985 too?
Oh, number one back to thefuture.
That is not surprising, oh wow,85 was one of those really
stacked years.
You know, every once in a whilethere's like a really stacked
year for big movies.
This is one of them.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
Oh, wow, like legend wasn't even on the top 191.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
Well, I cautioned possibly be under the 1986
ratings, because I have seensome people say it came out in
1986 top go was the number onetopic.

Speaker 1 (42:28):
oh yeah, it's listed as 1986.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
I've seen it pop up in 85 and 86.
It must have been on the cuspor something.

Speaker 1 (42:34):
I'm looking at Box Office Mojo.
It's number 57 at $15.5 millionCame in right behind Arm and
Dangerous, featuring John Candy.
Damn straight and Raw Deal.
Raw Deal is.
I like that movie.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
I like that.
That was a decentSchwarzenegger movie.
That one was kind of weirdbecause, if I recall, there was
music constantly playing throughthat whole movie.
There was always a song goingin the background.

Speaker 1 (42:53):
And so Legend was number 57.
Number 54, howard the Duck, asexplained on, hopped Off.
Topic Made 300 grand.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
No love for Howard the Duck 300 grand more, or
something like that.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
Oh no 2 million more oh and don't forget, above
Howard the Duck, number 53 wassong of the south re-release, uh
, so anyway, back to back tolegend.
So, but as I said, it's not theworst bomb in history, I think.
I think the borderlands nowcurrently has that title, but
I'm not sure.
Uh even with this 105 say evenwith this it was number one, the

(43:28):
box up office.
Two weeks I didn't see whatmovies it was peeing against,
but whatever.
Yeah, that's fine we know whatit was for the year.
So there have been severalreleases on home video, vhs.
Of course.
The DVD, the Blu-ray, thelimited edition, was released in
2021.
That includes both cuts of themovie, including documentaries.
I cannot find this physicaledition anywhere.

(43:48):
I mean, I tried to watch thedirector's cut streaming because
I just wanted to watch thelonger version with the
orchestra store.
I couldn't find it.
I could only find the UStheatrical version.
That's actually on Amazon.
You stream it.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
You might have to put on your pirate hat and go
sailing the seas for it.
Yeah, I just didn't.
I mean, I kind of want to ownit but Jenny is is like what are
you gonna do with it after youwatch it?

Speaker 1 (44:14):
then what I'm like yeah, yeah, try to get the kids
to watch and have them watch 10minutes of it with you and be
like dad.
This is stupid.
I mean, it's kind of like whenthe avengers came out a while
back.
It's like I want the avengersblu-ray and I got it and that's
like in a drawer somewhere thatI can't.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
If I, if you, like to know what legend was released
the same weekend, or what moviewas released the same weekend.
Yeah, Murphy's Law.
Wise Guys At Close Range, Water, Absolute Beginners and Desert
Bloom, of which I don'trecognize any of those, Maybe
Murphy's Law?

Speaker 1 (44:41):
And that's why Legend was number one, that is exactly
why it was number one.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
It's such a shitty box office.
That's why I was number one,because it may be shitty box
office, but boy that, no, as noone knows.
Yeah, um, this murphy's law.
I think I recognize it's kindof being like a uh action comedy
from back in the day, but yeah,oh, murphy's law.
No, it was um with um charlesbronson and again it says 1986,
like I.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
You know everything on my research all of it's been
1985 and now also I'm lookingbox office it was like 1986,
like be able to release in ineurope in 85, in america in 86 I
mean, or it could be like itwas released in 85 and the final
totals oh, that is true also.

Speaker 2 (45:18):
I think the uh financial year for movies ends
in like october or somethingweird, maybe.
Yeah, something like that.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
Well, always financial stuff, you know it
doesn't end like february 1st isfirst quarter so quarter four
ends on december, sorry, january31st, so anyway, the final
thought is I highly recommendanyone listening to this to give
the movie a try.
You know, even if, even if yougotta watch the shitty us
theatrical version I don't evenwant to say shitty, you know,
it's still worth a watch, evenwith the stupid tangerine dream

(45:45):
soundtrack.
You know, and if nothing else,youtube the darkness scenes.
Tim curry really nails the roleand it's really worth a few
minutes of time to see him inall his evil glory, especially
with bill goddamn horns.
You know, just, you know, justwatch the scenes with him and
with the horns and give yourselfa neck ache yeah, man, just,
just, he really really, and theway he monologues and just the

(46:06):
way he emotes, it is so Ihonestly I if it wasn't for him,
I would have forgotten thismovie, and I think it's true for
a lot of people.
Yeah, tom tom cruise is fine.
Yeah, he did fine.
He's tom cruise.
He's a good actor.
Yeah, I don't like him, but asa person, but I think he did.
I think it was fine.
And mia farah or she did great.
You know, for the role she'sdoing and she makes you.
She I mean sarah, not fair miasarah.
She comes across as innocentbut obnoxious and that's kind of

(46:29):
how she's supposed to be.
You know she's an obnoxious,spoiled princess who doesn't
stay in her lane and you know,that's just.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
I don't know Right to the box office legend for
numbers, because it was releasedin the UK in 85 and the United
States in 86.
Oh there you go?
Yep, and that's why the boxoffice performance is usually
associated with 1986.
So, sean sean, do you thinkyou'll watch it?
now or actually, yeah, I do kindof want to watch it, to see,
and then I can mock it and makefun of it and talk to you about
it and stuff.
Damn, I'll maybe not even mockand make fun of it, but I do

(46:57):
kind of like dig going back andwatching 1980s movies.
Just see the old specialeffects that they do and the
neat ways they did around thingswithout computers well, I do.

Speaker 1 (47:04):
And uh, before we clock, before we die, I do want
at some point to talk aboutshitty movies.
I really want to try to find away where you and I could like
watch madame webb or likecommentary over.
I'm not sure.
If we watch it first, then doit watch it again for commentary
, which is probably a smarterway to do it um what do you
think?
I don't know if we tear a movieapart like that?
Should we tear a movie like?
My fear is, if we watch it thefirst time through, there'll be

(47:25):
times we're just like quietlywatching I try to see what's
going on and interrupting well,it also look for the funny
things to say.
And then we finally say thefunny things, even as a few
seconds later we're missing thebeat, or yeah, if we watch a, if
we watch individuallybeforehand we can come across
better as a tightly scriptedthing, I would think, as opposed
to being yeah, let's, let's seewhat that was.
So I mean, that is something I'dlike to do we have to do it

(47:45):
next, but I would like to dosomething I would like to do at
some point we could do that oreven any other crappy movies
like borderland or whatever.
Yeah, I was gonna say that, notnecessarily metam web, just the
first thing that pops my headfor shitty movie.

Speaker 2 (47:55):
But I've been well.
That's all I got thanks for.
That was a good episode, siryes, thank you for listening
people at home or in your car orwherever you're at, and we'll
see you next time on off the top.
Yay time for our closing song.