September 6, 2024 • 44 mins
Imagine a world where you can live out your Star Wars fantasies in a luxury hotel. But what if the reality doesn't quite match up to the grand promises? On this episode, we explore the hypothetical journey of Nathan Townsend and his family as they experience Disney's Star Wars Luxury Hotel, inspired by Jenny Nicholson's detailed account. We tackle everything from the origins of the hotel's concept to the peculiarities of droid butlers and exclusive park access, all while sharing Nathan's past Disney adventures and possible solutions for his motion sickness.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shaun (00:00):
The Jenny Nicholson Star Wars Hotel Experience, as will
be experienced by NathanTownsend and his family.
So a few months ago, long-formYouTube content creator and Star
Wars superfan, jenny Nicholson,recently uploaded a four-hour
video chronicling her adventuresat the famed Disney Star Wars
Luxury Hotel, and I decided it'dbe fun if I took her experience
and stuck you, nathan, and yourfamily, in the middle of all
(00:20):
this and see how you would reactto what she experienced on this
hotel excursion.
Nate, what do you know aboutthe Star Wars Hotel?
Nate (00:29):
I mean I knew they were making it and then I heard it
wasn't very good, so that was.
I mean that is the beginningand end of it, and me being
obviously, if anybody'slistening to this, they know I'm
into Star Wars.
Shaun (00:39):
so Yep, say, if you did have a bunch of money just
floating around like you're rich, nathan Townsend, would you
have taken your family to thishotel when it popped up?
Of course you saw it and you'relike, hmm, I got the money.
Should we do this?
Nate (00:51):
Oh yeah, absolutely Like if it was the world where I had
a bunch of expendable income.
They're like, hey, star Warsexperience.
I'm like, well, sign me up.
Shaun (00:59):
Okay, cool, I figured that'd be the answer.
I would have done it too,because, hey, why not?
It's an experience, if nothingelse.
So are you ready, nate, tolearn about the Star Wars Hotel?
Let's go.
We start back in April 2017,and, at the behest of Disney,
swagbucks releases a survey toits users asking them if they
would be interested in stayingat a multi-day Star Wars-themed
(01:20):
Disney resort, because,apparently, when Disney thinks
of people with money to burn,they think of swag bucks users.
The survey showed concept artof the hotel, along with
mentioning things like swagbucks.
What's swag bucks?
Swag bucks is?
It used to be a website.
It might be an app now, butit's one of those where you go
on there and you completesurveys and you get quote
unquote swag bucks that you canuse to buy gift cards.
It's one of those set of things.
It's something that very poorpeople use typically.
(01:42):
Oh, yeah, yeah you know whatI'm talking about.
Nate (01:45):
I have the Google one, you know, but it's just like for
Google stuff, yeah.
Shaun (01:49):
Swagbucks was kind of like the original one on that,
but instead of Google Play youcould like get Amazon gift cards
and stuff.
But it was kind of a scam.
It's not really the people youthink of when you're thinking of
a multi-thousand dollar resortthat you'd peg for.
Yeah fair Swagbucks was prettybig like I don't know 10 years
ago or so.
It kind of dropped off sincethen, but pretty sure they're
(02:10):
still around.
This Swagbucks survey showedconcept art of the hotel, along
with mentioning things likeluxury accommodations and
amenities set aboard a starshipin the Star Wars universe.
All meals would be includedduring your stay Buffet
breakfast, lunches and signatureevening dinners, featured
entertainment and dinner showsand exclusive park admissions to
the Star Wars themed land atthe Walt Disney World Resort,
(02:31):
which I think was a new thingthat they opened just around
that time, which I believe wasone you went and saw down in
Florida.
Nate (02:36):
Correct.
Yes, I had a serious problemwith the Millennium Falcon run.
I got like motion sticks alongwith with like just straight
panic attack.
It was awful.
But the.
And then with the star tours, Imean I went to it I was a kid
and I went to it with my othertwo kids and it was like I got
sick on that but that's likedamn it, stop getting sick.
(02:59):
But the, uh, the star wars, uh,riser, was it?
Rise of the Resistance?
Shaun (03:04):
Skywalker Rise of the Resistance.
Nate (03:05):
yes, that was amazing.
That's so cool Anyway.
Shaun (03:08):
We'll actually go over those in a little bit later on
in this episode.
And also to non-drowsyDramamine apparently helps
people in your condition.
Nate (03:15):
Yeah, I need to invest and get something like that,
because I have that VR headsetfrom PlayStation.
I would love to play more thanfive seconds before I start
getting sick.
I don't know.
Like there's the Resident Evilgame I have on there, dramamine
helps.
Shaun (03:31):
Thanks to that tip to superfan Dave Moon.
Hi, dave, anyways.
Yeah, I need to check that out.
The Star Wars Starship wouldalso include amenities like a
pool area, a water garden, afitness area, an onboard cantina
and even robotic droid butlers.
And, of course, once you thinkrobotic droid butlers at Disney,
you immediately go back tothinking in the 60s, when Disney
(03:51):
tried those monkey butlers andall those kids got mauled Good
times.
It may or may not have beenmade up by me right there.
Nate (03:57):
I'm going to say, like honestly, I can't tell if that
was made up or not.
Shaun (04:01):
Honest to God, monkey butlers mauling kids in the 60s
and Disney covering it up thatsounds like something that
probably happened.
That's great eh.
Nate (04:11):
I mean, I'm assuming they're like R2-D2 units or you
know what are they?
Astromech units, becausethey're not R2-D2.
But Astromech units runningaround, because that's, I mean,
hell restaurant around here.
(04:31):
It's a japanese fusionrestaurant I don't know what.
Shaun (04:32):
I don't know.
It's fusing too, but they havethat little um robot that comes
out and has a little tray, likehere you go, so it has a little
face on it.
The concept art.
I sent you one of the thingsthat shows the inside of a
cantina.
Also google the concept artpeople listening if you want to
see what we're talking about andwhen.
The cantina scenes does showlike a robotic bartender and
like robots walking aroundholding drinks and stuff and
little bb ball unit in thebackground I would wonder is
like is it everyone's dressedfor star wars?
Nate (04:52):
is that mandatory?
Shaun (04:53):
like okay, you know, if you stay in this hotel, this
hotel, you must wear these, uh,cosplaying is optional but it's
kind of encouraged because, aspart of this immersive star wars
experience, you get to live inthe Star Wars universe and get
to be part of a branchingstoryline featuring character
actors that would come up andreact to you and what you're
doing on the ship and how you'vebeen reacting to them.
(05:13):
It basically be a Star WarsLARPing thing that you do or do
not have to dress up for.
Does that sound kind ofinteresting?
Now You'd be going up to thebartender and he'd be giving you
stuff like missions and thisand that and talking to you like
you're a real person in theuniverse.
Yeah, pretty snazzy.
Nate (05:26):
I don't know, I'm having a mixed feelings about that
because, like, on one hand, Iwouldn't mind like going up if I
approach someone, they react tome like in, in character, fine.
But if I have some dude roll upto me like hey, uh, the
squirrel eats at midnight, likewhat?
Shaun (05:42):
yeah, you're just gonna stare at that dude and just
slowly back away.
Nate (05:46):
Yeah, like I don't know, I don't know man.
Shaun (05:50):
The guy's like you don't understand this part of the
quest.
Man, play along.
You're like, okay, homelessperson who looks crazy, leave me
alone.
So the survey asked if peoplewould be willing to spend $900
to $1,000 on such a trip and, asan Advent Swagbucks user, nate,
you stared at this concept withlust in your eyes and clicked
the yes, I would do this button.
Apparently, you were not theonly one who did that, because
three months later, at the 2017D23 Expo, disney CEO Bob Chapik
(06:14):
announced that the Star Warsthemed hotel would be a reality.
They showed some more conceptart and used some buzzwords like
immersive adventure experienceand authentic.
They use authentic a lot, butnot much more.
Basically, just some notes toget the shareholders and fans
excited, including you, nate.
You're getting a little moreexcited because you know this is
going to happen.
You're going to go.
Nate (06:34):
Authentic.
Shaun (06:34):
Authentic.
What Authentic experienceAuthentic?
Nate (06:37):
Star Wars.
Shaun (06:37):
Authentically Disney Right 2019.
Disney announces that Star WarsTheme Hotel will be a reality
and will be open to DisneyHollywood Studios in Florida.
Turns out there's a Hollywoodin Florida too.
Did not know that before I didthis.
This announcement goes intomore detail about what
everything will entail.
We get more cool concept artStuff, like you'll be showing up
(06:59):
at a space terminal and thenyou'll be shuttled on a personal
little private shuttle to thestarship the Halcyon.
There will be space windows,interactive environments,
branching storylines and theytell you that this is your
chance to live out a Star Warsadventure of your own.
You'll get an immersiveadventure experience the likes
of which only Disney and itsdeep, deep pockets can attain.
Still not a lot of info.
Just the fact you're going tobe as part of an immersive
(07:20):
adventure experience Kind oflike more stuff gets
shareholders excited.
Nate (07:25):
That sounds like a Westworld thing, like oh, we're
going to take you up there,adventures, you can shoot
stormtroopers, etc.
Shaun (07:31):
This is actually kind of what they're building up.
It's literally like a Westworldkind of thing.
This is kind of what they'rehyping it to be at this point.
Also, they even have one fancyselling point for the hotel that
comes up next A a commercialand it just has Ray standing
(07:58):
there with a lightsaber, butjust like in the movies, the
lightsaber extends up from thehandle.
Just like in the movies, justlike a vvvvv.
You know just something thatturns on this one very obviously
.
It's like zoom, kind of neat,kind of cool looking.
Nate (08:10):
I mean that it I don't know I?
I don't know, it's a sellingpoint that they had to come up
with.
Yeah, I, I have doubts, but youknow what?
Shaun (08:17):
yep.
And also if you're thinking toyourself hey, it'd be kind of
cool to buy that souvenir.
Nope, not a souvenir, it'sgoing to be literally there, for
demonstration purposes only.
You'll get to see it but nottouch it.
It's like a strip club.
The Star Wars.
Nate (08:28):
Star Wars.
Shaun (08:30):
You can look but not touch.
Do not touch Psy's snoodle.
She does not like it.
Nate (08:35):
Well, it's one of two things she either doesn't like
it or likes it entirely too much.
Shaun (08:40):
August 2021, and the first real ad comes out.
It's a short teaser showing adad dressed as a Jedi and his
excited family waiting for himto lead them on adventure.
You see this name, you get atear in your eye.
You can finally live yourdreams of being a Jedi and also
overcompensate for your ownlackluster childhood by forcing
childhood experiences upon yourown family, Because damn it,
that's what Disney commercialssay you're supposed to do.
(09:01):
You had a crappy childhood.
Well, better make sure yourkids isn't, or you failed as a
parent.
Dun-dun-dun.
Also, that same day theydropped the prices and uh,
people are not impressed bythese prices, uh, being a little
bit higher than most wouldexpect, and uh, but you know,
nate, you can't put a price tagon happy childhood memories.
And even though it's good to it, now you can live very
(09:23):
vicariously through yourchildren, like all Gen X parents
do, as you go on this trip.
Nate (09:27):
Hell of a price hike, you know, from like $900,000 to
$1,500.
I mean, what's that 50% more.
Shaun (09:33):
Yep 50% increase.
I would say, actually, that'sexactly about a 50% increase.
Yay so it's not about remove,about just like 50.
And they also do a info dump onstuff that will actually be
happening exhibits and whatnotthat you can do on the ship.
They show off a lightsabertraining room where you get an
actual lightsaber and you get apractice, you know, blocking
shots like Luke Skywalker doesin front of that little drone
thing.
Yeah, they're gonna have kindof one of those little flying
(09:55):
ball training things, but youget to participate into it.
That's kind of neat, huh.
And then, uh, the Disney execactually shows off how it works
and he does like the most bland,stiff and mechanical looking
display of the lightsaber thingyou've ever seen.
He just like literally standsthere and just like stiff arm,
moves his lightsaber left andright very slowly and looks
pretty lame.
(10:15):
But you think to yourself I'mnot going to look that lame when
I do it, I'm going to show howit's done.
You have visions of twirlingand doing backflips in your mind
while you're blocking laserblasts yeah, you definitely
would think you look cooler thanyou do.
Nate (10:28):
I know that from personal experience.
I'm sure you have too well.
Like playing that, playing thefucking vr game oh what is it?
Uh, beat, beat, saber, saber.
Oh, my god, I was like I'mplaying it.
I'm like man.
I bet I look awesome like I'mdoing this I'm doing that I'm
like this is pretty impressive.
And then, little did I know, mymiddle child, ivy, took a video
of me and I watched it.
Shaun (10:47):
I'm like, oh my god, looks stupid as hell yeah, my
favorite with vr2 is when you'renot paying attention where you
are and you've slowly movedacross the room and you wind up
punching a wall.
Nate (10:55):
That's always alarming and painful well, I I've been
seeing advertisements for thatlittle uh floor thing where if
you walk you stay still.
You're talking about talkingabout.
Shaun (11:02):
Oh, that thing, yeah, that new Disney thing, that
thing's kind of neat.
No, I'm just talking about whenyou're playing VR and you just
kind of naturally move over tothe side because you can't see
what's going on.
I'm talking about.
Nate (11:11):
I'm sure at some point it's going to be released.
Shaun (11:14):
Oh, that pad thing, yeah the pad.
I mean, of course, living in,but yeah, it's still.
Yeah, there's only like one ortwo of those in the world too.
It's like a damn exclusivething.
One day we get one more promocoming up from uh, disney hyping
up the whole thing, and thisone includes hollywood superstar
(11:35):
sean giamone or giabone youmight not know him, but he's the
kid from the goldbergs and hegoes around showing you more
stuff you do on the ship andwhat's actually kind of a really
lame ad.
Um, they show you the whatbasically this commercial
culminates to.
Uh, they show that you get todo the one thing every star wars
person always dreamed of doingin the entire history of the
series nate force, choke someone.
Nope, he gets to quote unquotepunch it to light speed and he
(11:58):
gets to walk up to a console andslam a button and you know, the
stars around go all woogiewoogie and the ship goes woo and
he runs around all excited.
They're like, yeah, you'll getto do this at the hotel and it's
actually kind of lame looking,but I guess, you know, I guess
some people really want to punchit to light speed.
Maybe that's their dream.
Nate (12:15):
But I mean, there's the same people like.
They're like oh, everyone loveshan solo.
Don't you remember when hepushed to the light speed or
punch?
Shaun (12:22):
the the last beat.
Nate (12:23):
Punch it Chewie yeah that's yeah.
Shaun (12:26):
Commercial ends with like a two-minute-long section of a
Twi'lek singer just singingawkwardly at the camera.
The ad was so bad.
Two weeks later it was pulledfrom the internet.
It's hard to find now.
In fact, as far as pulled adsgo, there was another ad that
popped up later that was showingthe storylines you can go
through, and one of thestorylines they showed is the
fact that you could getChewbacca thrown into jail.
(12:47):
And this apparently got a bunchof outcry over people being
like you can't throw Chewbaccain jail, he's a good guy.
That's going to make mychildren cry.
So they scrapped that ad andpulled it from the internet
Because, yeah, apparently peopleare a little oversensitive
about throwing Chewie into jailBecause the to jail because uh.
The main part of that ad wasyou could actually play with the
uh empire.
You don't have to be part ofthe rebel scum, see and that's
(13:07):
cool.
Nate (13:07):
I mean it's that is cool it would probably still end up
being lame, but it's still it.
It's like that's actuallyimpressive, like that was my
biggest gripe about the starwars battlefront 2 that came out
.
All the advertisers were saying, oh, join the empire, be this
person.
Look at this badass persongoing through shooting rebels.
Yeah, you know, fuck those guys.
And then almost immediatelyshe's like oh, the empire is bad
(13:32):
, I want to join the rebellion.
Like I don't want to join therebellion, I want to be the bad
guys.
Can we please be the bad guys?
Shaun (13:39):
I have the cool outfits.
Nate (13:41):
I want to live, yes cool star destroyers I don't want to
be living with the Ewoks.
You bastards.
Oh, we don't want people to beupset about Chewbacca.
Well then, just, I don't know,get over it.
Shaun (13:52):
They also have a behind-the-scenes panel where
they go into more detailstalking about the storylines and
stuff and basically it breaksdown to you can either be a spy,
part of what is it?
The Resistance or the Empire.
So those are basically threefactions you can go over or you
can be part of.
And one thing about this panelbecause they show you clips of
it is they talk about a lot.
(14:13):
One thing they keep saying isthey're like and they'll maybe
ask you to do stuff like smugglesome luggage or smuggle some
plans across.
They use the term smuggle likeeight or nine times in about two
minutes.
So you kind of assume rightthere it's going to be a lot of
smuggling missions going on onthis adventure.
Nate (14:26):
Yeah, I mean, I guess it's like you know, of the people
they have, you know,particularly in the video games,
you know you have severaldifferent.
You have, oh, here's the forceuser, here's the soldier, and
then here's the smuggler.
And you can't really get peopleusing the force because, even
if it was fake, that requires alot of setup and you know acting
(14:47):
.
But if you do the soldier, thatrequire, like I don't know,
specking people out.
Hey, here's some armor andhere's a gun.
You know a fake gun, but a gun,and then the smuggler can just
look like anybody.
So like, yeah, you're asmuggler, yeah, that's the
ticket, right.
Shaun (15:02):
All right, we are at March 1st 2022, and the Star
Wars Hotel has finally opened up.
Nate, you have bought yourtickets and you're ready to go
there and have the immersiveadventure experience of your
life.
By the way these tickets, itturns out, by the time
everything showed up for,everything was done and the
hotel got opened, the experiencebecame a whole lot more
expensive than anybody everthought it would, including for
(15:24):
you.
So we're going to break thisdown.
Okay, so here's the deal.
Jenny Nicholson went there withher and her sister, so basically
, I'm just going to extrapolatewhat cost her across for you
know, your five family members.
So, for this three-day andtwo-night excursion for you,
your wife and three children,the total is going to come to
$15,000 for the whole family tohave this experience.
(15:45):
You don't see me when I'mshaking my head?
Ha, yep, it is $15,000.
And it should also be noted,this is for the cheapest package
available that you bought yourfamily.
You could have paid as much asfour times the experience, too,
for all, like the VIP packagesand whatnot, and you would have
gotten fancy rooms and someother stuff.
But not only is this superexpensive.
Apparently, booking this thingwas a nightmare, nate,
(16:07):
especially for you, because youknow why you could only book it
by phone call.
On top of that, once you calledin, it wasn't just ask them
some questions, it was like theyhammered you with questions
right off the bat as soon as youcalled up.
They're like how many guests,what date this, that, what is
your plans, what's yourintentions?
Nate (16:22):
tell us everything about you, yeah.
Shaun (16:24):
Oh no, I made that part up.
Nate (16:26):
I was going to say, jason, if you get grilled yo.
Shaun (16:28):
And they say, you know, they're just like well, what
kind of room do you want?
And you go, well, what kind ofrooms do you have?
They're like all of them, whatdo you want?
So it's just a nightmare tobook the thing.
And again, all through phone,there is no.
Yeah, and all this was alsoafter being on hold for a good
long while because there was alot of people calling at the
time.
But yeah, how do you do justphone call only?
(16:49):
I mean, I don't know, Maybethere's just a lot of extra
little things to nail down.
And this was recent.
This isn't like the 80s or 90s.
I mean, this was like yeahright, this was five years ago.
One thing they also get you onis a $169 upsell package that
they call the Memory MakerPackage Add-On.
So they have roamingphotographers that'll be going
around taking candid photos ofeverybody on the ship.
(17:09):
You know, during experienceslike oh here they're in the
middle of a quest, we're goingto take a secret picture of them
and then all thosephotographers will upload their
pictures and you'll get taggedin all the pictures you're in.
And if you pay this $169, youcan go onto a website, find all
the pictures you're tagged in,download them in super high
quality and have them printed up.
Yada, yada, yada.
Sounds kind of neat, but youdecide to do this because you
(17:30):
don't want to spend time takingpictures.
You're just like you know whatCool.
Have somebody else takepictures.
I don't want to live inside ofmy phone.
You know, because you know howthat kind of happens when you
become a photo taker.
Nate (17:38):
Yeah, you're so obsessed with taking pictures, mm-hmm.
So you're like, hey, this iskind of cool, now I don't have
to worry about taking pictures.
Neat, you know.
Kind of opposite happened to merecently where I would try to
like not take you know whatthese are happening, actually
watching them, versus liketaking pictures on the phone.
Now I found I actually don'thave a lot of pictures like oh,
what, how many pictures you havelike I've got like two maybe
(17:59):
you know like here I am andhere's what was happening.
Shaun (18:01):
Now I'm just gonna pay attention because, yeah, you
also take a lot of pictures andyou think to yourself, I'm going
to look at them later, I'llshow them to other people, but
you never do no, I've actually.
Nate (18:09):
That's another thing I realized, like it's just not
very, very rarely are you everwhipping out the 2000 images you
have on your phone right, nevermind whatever you might have,
say my computer and go oh hey,let me uh show you what like.
Oh, I went there.
Look at all my family picturesof me going to this place and
(18:30):
doing that thing, like no one,no one cares, and so, yeah,
you're wasting your time yes,exactly off topic.
Shaun (18:37):
Life tip don't record fireworks and stuff like that.
Nate (18:39):
Nobody cares well, it's like um that one comedian, uh,
jim gaffigan.
He's not my favorite, but I dolike some of the things it says.
And uh, no, it's not, jimgaffigan is it my pocket yes,
that it is him, and he was likeum, I have more pictures than my
dad even looked at me this yes,this is so yeah that was
(19:00):
actually one of the things Iheard that made me think, you
know, maybe I don't need allthese pictures because I mean,
because I've looked.
I was scrolling through mypictures the other day.
I'm just like I I've got wellover a thousand pictures in here
and I have no fucking clue.
And of course there's.
There's pictures of, like, thekids, and but along with
pictures of like, I took apicture of what's in the grocery
cart to make like, hey, jenny,is everything here that we need
(19:20):
to get?
Or like I took a screenshot ofa movie I was to go see and it's
still just mixed in there.
Yeah, I just never get neverdeleted it.
So, yeah, it's just yeah.
So I paid for the product, so I.
So basically, what happened wasI paid for the privilege of
someone to take pictures of meand then give it to me later?
Correct this is correct.
Shaun (19:40):
Okay, so everything's booked and all of a sudden you
get your email that encloses aschedule in it and you realize
everything here is going to bevery strictly regimented because
you know there's going to beevents and shows going on and
this and that and quests to do,so they have everything planned
out for you.
The schedule is pretty muchlike this Check-in is at 1 pm on
(20:01):
day one and out at 10 am on thethird day.
Your schedule is going to showyou events that happen around
and uh guide you around thehotel from the moment you wake
up and tell, the moment you goto bed and uh, once you go, once
, uh, there's a bedtime,quote-unquote.
Once that happens, like all theactors go to bed and it's just
becomes a standard hotel.
You can wander around if youwant, you know oh, so that's,
that's bedtime.
Nate (20:18):
Yeah, okay, yeah, it's quote-unquote bedtime.
Shaun (20:20):
You don't have to go to bed.
It's not like they lock you inyour room and shut off the
lights and like good night yeah,I was wondering about that.
Nate (20:25):
Like no, you must go to bed.
This you paid for a fullexperience.
A part of this experience isget your ass to bed yeah, yep,
but meals are regimented.
Shaun (20:33):
Meals are at such and such hours.
Story events are at these exacttimes.
Be there, be square.
Uh.
On the second day you getshuttled to the hollywood
studios star wars attraction forseven hours in the middle of
the day to do some adventuringthere.
And uh, the cool thing too isthey advertise you getting taken
there from the hotel, or sorry,from your ship, to the park in
a space pod complete with droidpilot.
That sounds kind of neat.
(20:54):
You know your own littleshuttle going there.
Nate (20:56):
And you also get a free.
Are you on top of a bus?
Shaun (21:00):
You'll find out in a minute.
You also get a free fast passto the Millennium Falcon ride
and the Rise of the Resistanceand you also get the promise of
more immersive adventureexperiences as you do quests
around that park for those sevenhours.
So you look over the scheduleand you realize you know, since
it's all strictly regimented,you can kind of break down how
many hours you're going to bethere and you can break it down
into how much money you'respending per minute there.
(21:21):
So Jenny Nicholson actually didthis math.
So naturally we're going todeduct some showering time and
sleeping time and the such.
But here's how the hours breakdown.
Day one from 1 pm to 8.45 pm,you're going to be doing 7 hours
, 45 minutes of fun time.
Day two 7 am to 11 pm 16 hoursof fun time.
That's a long day 7 am to 11 pm.
(21:42):
Day three 8.30 to 10 am 1 hour30 minutes.
That gives you 25 hours, 15minutes of activity time and at
$3,033.44 per person divided by25.25 hours and you get $120 an
hour or $2 a minute per person.
So for your family of fiveyou'll be paying $10 per minute
(22:03):
while you're at this hotel.
This entire immersive adventureexperience will be $10 per
minute.
Even if you're just stayingthere waiting in line $10 per
minute while you're at thishotel, this entire immersive
adventure experience will be $10per minute If you're just, you
know, even if you're juststaying there waiting in line
$10 per minute.
I know it sounds expensive, but, as Disney and its army of
influence will tell you, aBroadway play isn't cheap,
luxury resorts aren't cheap, andthis is like both of these
smushed together, and you're thestar of it, nathan, not them.
Nate (22:29):
You star of it, nathan, not them you now tell me ten
dollars a minute sounds prettycheap at that point, doesn't it,
man, like ten dollars?
Shaun (22:34):
a minute like that's that I don't know, like ten dollars
per minute.
Nate (22:36):
Yep, so after seven minutes you could buy yourself
the new star wars outlaws gameoh right, right, right, because
you're ten dollars by itself,like, oh, it's ten dollars,
you're, that's, that's high,that's $10.
But that's high, that's lowenough, like, oh, that's only
$10.
But also high enough to maybego.
Do I really want to get that?
$600 an hour, apparently?
Yeah, I mean once you startactually, once you kind of
(22:59):
internalize, it's like no, it is$10 a minute.
Shaun (23:02):
A minute.
Nate (23:02):
yeah, I know it really hits home when you're like per
minute and like fair a minute,as long as you think it is, but
it's not.
It's still a minute, it's notthat long.
Yeah, it's not that long.
Shaun (23:12):
Especially if you know.
It's like you're sitting atdinner waiting for your dinner
to show up and you're like, wow,this is costing me $10 per
minute.
I'm sitting here for me and myfamily.
So now, uh, with a dramaticmusic sting, it zooms in on one
(23:33):
email that's been addressed toyou and from the Disney hotel
Cause, apparently, uh, you nevergot this email or you never saw
it.
But there was another optionthat uh email that showed up
that gave you even more upgradeoptions stuff like the $30 per
person upgrade at the captain'stable for dinner.
And uh, another Stuff like the$30 per person upgrade at the
captain's table for dinner.
And another thing that wouldupgrade to your own personal
photographer that would wanderaround with you for a half hour
for $400.
But you never got this email,so you never had a chance to
(23:55):
upgrade to those things.
Why did I not get this email?
Actually, we never find outactually.
Oh, yeah, that's one of thegreat mysteries of this episode.
For Jenny Nicholson.
Yeah, she's just like thatemail never showed up.
I don't know why.
But yeah, private photographerfor 30 minutes for 400 bucks,
that's kind of expensive too.
That's actually a lot.
But yeah, I mean, professionalphotographers are expensive, but
(24:19):
for 400 bucks, I feel likeyou'd get one for an afternoon
or something.
Nate (24:22):
Not 30 minutes.
If you're paying $ forprofessional photographer like
your wedding.
Shaun (24:30):
400 is reason.
Yes, you know, but if you're 30minutes, uh, where they're
being hustled to take picturesof you and yeah and they're.
Nate (24:35):
They're not getting to know you, they're just like okay
, I'm here, click, click, click,click.
All right, cool bye, becausethey're 30 minutes are perfect.
Shaun (24:42):
Your professional photographer shows up for the 30
minutes and you're in the canthe entire time.
Nate (24:47):
How professional.
I highly doubt they're goingout there and interviewing
people and looking at resumes.
Shaun (24:55):
These aren't the photographers from Vogue, I'm
guessing?
Nate (24:58):
Yeah, my guess is it's some college kid who needs some
money and they're like here'show you use a camera, there
you're a professional.
They go out there, take apicture You're getting paid for.
Shaun (25:07):
Go out there, you're getting paid for this so you're
technically professional.
Yeah, technically, if you getpaid for anything, you're a
professional, even if it's onceand you do a bad job.
Professional doesn't mean good,it just means you make money
off of it.
So the time has come, nate,it's time to go to the hotel, to
your star wars immersiveexperience.
You grab your wife and threekids and you boogie off to the
the ultimate immersive adventureexperience at the star Wars
(25:27):
galactic cruiser.
Uh, there was a bit where theyhad like, uh, influencers like
trying to hype up the thing forpeople but they couldn't just
say the star Wars cruise of thestar Wars hotel but like,
contractually they're obligatedto say the ultimate immersive
adventure experience at the starWars galactic cruiser.
And you know how awkward thatsounds when people try to say
that casual conversation at theStar Wars Galactic Cruiser, and
(25:47):
you know how awkward that soundswhen people try to say that in
casual conversation, like theywere doing yeah, every time.
Nate (25:50):
Like you can't say just the Star Wars Hotel, you have to
say all that.
Shaun (25:55):
Yep, every time they did they actually did kind of like a
little jump cut of all theinfluencers trying to make it
sound natural.
So you think about all thewondrous things that await you
ahead, all the splendid memoriesto come, and finally you arrive
at the starport where you shallwait in luxury until a shuttle
ship whisks you away to yourdestination, the grand ship
Halcyon.
In case you're wondering whythey picked the Halcyon as the
(26:15):
ship that they're going to do,because you know it's not a
hotel, you're on a spaceship.
But anyways, they picked theHalcyon because it was in all
three of the trilogy time frames.
So if they wanted to likeretool the ship to be in
different eras, they couldpretty easily.
They wanted to be during theprequels or the standard era or
the later ones.
So hmm, Also, it kind of makesit like a center point for
stories, I guess.
Nate (26:35):
Fair.
Shaun (26:35):
Yeah.
So you arrive at your luxurystarport that they promised you,
where you get to wait in neatsci-fi aesthetics oh wait, did I
say a luxury starport?
No, actually, when you getthere, it turns out the waiting
area is a concrete parking lotin the back areas of the Disney
lots, and you are standing therein the concrete area in the
scorching Florida heat as thesun beats down on you and your
(26:56):
family.
You are also surrounded by tonsof other people who were
expecting to be in a niceair-conditioned starport, but
nope, just a lot of peoplelooking really hot and pissy,
with impatient, bored kidsrunning around, and Just a lot
of people looking really hot andpissy with impatient, bored
kids running around and you lookat the schedules you were given
.
Nate (27:11):
Yeah, it's hot and muggy and everybody looks pissed.
I bet you more than once aminute you hear someone going I
paid a ton of money, Yep, I meanyou're in line for $10 a minute
at this point.
Yeah, like y'all need to dosomething.
Shaun (27:25):
You look at your schedule you were given.
It reads as follows 1 o'clockarrive at terminal.
1.15 to 1.30,.
Launch pad to Star Cruiser 1.45to 2.15, ship orientation 3 to
3.30, light refreshments 3.30 to4, sabacc lessons.
So you see how scheduled thisis for you.
Now.
4 to 4.30, and it says muster,which in this context means
(27:46):
meetings, I guess.
So like probably a story thing4.30 to 5, captain's reception
5.30 to 7, dinner featuring livemusic 7.15 to 7.30, outer rim
regala 7.30 to 8, unexpectedstory moment 8 to 8.45, bridge
training 8.30 to 8.45, specialatrium entertainment 145 Special
Atrium Entertainment.
And some of these do havelittle gaps in between where you
(28:06):
can give you time to get frompoint A to point B so you can go
see the ship and experiencesome certain things.
And naturally you don't have todo all these things on this
list.
You could hang out and justchill if you want, but you're
paying $10 a minute.
Thank you, you actually prettymuch stole the next line, right?
out of my mouth, oh sorry.
No, that's good because you'reon the same page as me.
So about 40 minutes you're inline waiting to get inside the
(28:30):
starport, listening to kidsscream and adults bitch.
Somewhere along the way, theDisney overlords see you in
feigned pity and they send downspace, dasani, to cool you down.
As you sip your GeorgeLucas-flavored Dasani, you look
at your family and see howthey're handling the combination
of heat and boredom.
A blank, neutral expressioncovers the faces and they stare
silently at nothing.
Nate (28:49):
I just picture your family just being like goddammit.
Oh yeah, they'd be so annoyedand I guarantee you, more than
once they'd be like under ourbreath Dollars.
Shaun (28:58):
We could be home in an air-conditioned house right now.
Oh my god, finally you make itinside to see why it takes so
long to get into your spaceport.
So, basically, this spaceportto get into your space pod to go
to the ship.
The space pod is just anelevator and you're all just
standing in basically a waitingarea with like two elevators in
front of you.
So you stay in line for 40minutes to get funneled into
(29:19):
this tiny little lobby where youjust hop on an elevator and it
takes you up to the Halcyon Neat.
So, yeah, that's your space pod.
It's an elevator and also thespace pod only goes to the
second floor.
So, oh, no, sorry, I shouldhave looked further down.
It's only one elevator andthat's why it's a long line.
Thankfully you're towards thefront of the line because you
got there kind of early, butthere is a line, as long as you
(29:39):
can see behind you, of people onthe elevator.
You can intro video.
That's basically there to toexplain to you that there's a
real emergency alarm and a story, emergency alarm and the
difference between between thetwo of them.
And apparently this is a goodthing because, uh, other themed
(30:00):
LARPing parks don't necessarilydo that, because they'll have,
like you know, a storyline alarmand then a hey, shit's really
going down.
Alarm and if they don't discernbetween the two of them, they
sound close enough, like thatyou know they'll put off the
story alarm that people will berunning around, be like oh my
god, we're gonna die so theyexplain to you that there is a
real emergency sound and a fakeemergency sound, and they also,
uh mention something about ifthere is a real emergency, about
(30:23):
, uh, not trying to escape thefire, getting in a closet and
something or another.
But don't resist, and they justjam you on an elevator and up
you go to the second floor.
So now you're on the secondfloor of the Starship Halcyon.
Don't resist, you'll see in aminute what they're talking
about.
Okay, as you get off theelevator, you're greeted by
staff and they hand you theselittle bracelets called M-bands,
(30:43):
and these are little RFIDbracelets that ID you as a guest
.
They also work as your room keyand you can attach a credit
card to them to make buyingstuff easier.
Because if there's one thingDisney wants you to be able to
do, it's buy stuff easily, and Iguess they had these at Disney
Parks too.
So nothing too fancy here.
Nate (31:00):
Yeah, they definitely had that.
Shaun (31:03):
Somebody escorts you to your room and gives you some fun
facts about the ship and StarWars history in general, and you
know, one example is they showa picture of the little critter
Yoda-sized guy who designed theship and they're like, hey, he's
about the size of Baby Yoda andthere's one of the little doors
you use to get around.
There'll be like a little foottall door and whatnot in the
corner.
Wait, what?
Huh, who?
Oh, they just give you funfacts about the ship, like
(31:23):
apparently the guy who designedthe ship was a like little
Muppet-looking alien guy andthey'll give you like a little
backstory on him and be like, oh, look, here's like the tiny
little doors he installed in theship so he can get around
easier.
And they'll just point at likea little door painted on the
wall.
Nate (31:40):
I thought you were.
I thought for some reason mybrain translated You're talking
about like Salicious Crumb orhis, like his people.
Shaun (31:44):
I'm like what that's just a standard small little guy I
said about baby yoda sized, butokay, well, that then that seems
small, that's small, even I'mnot this.
Nate (31:52):
So I don't know, I don't.
I mean, they're making theirown shit up, why not?
Shaun (31:55):
yeah, I could just picture you be on this tour and
be like wait, wait, stop.
Who built this ship?
No, no, no, no is really likesharing this poor old worker on
delicious crumb.
Nate (32:07):
There's a funny little um robot chicken sketch where these
mice are like walking throughthis corridor and this, uh, the
wall slams shut and like killsone of them, like no, and they,
they gather a bunch of theirfriends and they're like, with
this door, like this thing hasbeen a bit a plague upon us,
we're gonna stop this.
And it starts opening up andthey're working so hard to keep
the door from closing all theway, like to kill, kill them all
(32:29):
and it cuts to.
It's the door at the end ofStar Wars.
No, I lost it Rogue One, whereDarth Vader's going to slaughter
all the people.
They're trying to escape withthe plans and the mice are
keeping the door from openingall the way up.
Shaun (32:47):
I can't say I've seen that one.
Nate (32:48):
Yeah, it's pretty, I mean it's humorous.
I wouldn't say I've seen thatone.
Yeah, it's pretty, I mean it'shumorous.
Shaun (32:50):
I wouldn't go so far To say it's hilarious, but it's
pretty, you know it's pretty.
I got a sensible chuckle Out ofthat skit.
Nate (32:56):
Yes, that's exactly what it was.
Shaun (32:58):
It was a very sensible chuckle.
You chuckle and go.
Oh, very good, yes, very good.
Nate (33:04):
I applaud your creativity.
Now moving on.
Shaun (33:07):
Ha.
So they take you on a tour ofthe ship, and the first room you
enter is the main room known asthe atrium, and here's where a
lot of the story beats takeplace.
There's a balcony around thetop of the room for the actors
to do their thing, so you knowyou can see them and hear them
better.
You can't get up there, but youknow they can.
There's some cool glass tubesin there that have like actual
holograms inside of them playingin-universe ads, like ads for
(33:28):
the lounge and the singing actin the restaurant.
Kind of neat little atmosphericstuff like that.
As you look around, though, youare amazed by the amount of
perfectly shin-height tables andcouches and such things.
As you're thinking about this,you see some stranger's kid bang
their shin into the tables andyelps in pain.
Ha, dumb kid, you think, andthen you immediately get karma
as you trip over on those shortcouches.
Those short couches but no,seriously, outside this little
(33:49):
blurb I did all the couches areliterally like two or three feet
tall, with like little shinheight tables that people were
running into constantly, becauseyou know you're not really
looking down that often A lot ofpeople getting tripped.
Nate (34:00):
Yeah, I can see that I mean, yeah, I definitely.
I've got some scars on my shin.
Shaun (34:05):
Yeah, Another thing they got in there is a scale model of
the ship Nice and high quality,Pretty cool.
There's a little snack bar inthe area too, where you get
bites between meals like cereal,granola bars, goldfish and the
such Snacks for kids.
Cake pops are there too.
Nate (34:20):
Scale model.
You can actually go in and dothings, or it's like just oh no,
this thing's like a foot longkind of thing.
Yeah, that's the scale part.
Shaun (34:28):
OK, yeah, keep in mind you're on the actual ship itself
, so you're just looking at atinier version of the giant ship
that you're on now, which isactually just a hotel.
Nate (34:34):
Yeah, I feel it though.
Yeah, it's a scale model, itwas in the name.
Shaun (34:38):
Yeah, that would be awesome.
Like here's a hotel ship Nowhere's the west wing of it.
That's the ship, or a model ofthe ship that you're in.
Nate (34:48):
What is this?
A ship for ants.
Shaun (34:50):
Yeah, as you're being led around this room, though taking
as much as you can, you kind ofrealize that this is basically
just a big old windowless hoteland instead of windows they just
put big old flat screenmonitors on the walls and those
are basically just showing spacescenes stars going by, with the
occasional ship floating by andagain they're kind of all
synced with each other.
So that's kind of neat, so likeyou can watch one asteroid pass
(35:12):
through a window and go throughthe other one.
But you also kind of realizethat it's all on a loop too.
After you watch it for like 30seconds Like oh, there goes that
same ship again going aroundthe whole thing, which it's kind
of cool.
But it's also disappointingbecause if you look at the
concept art, all the stuff theyshow is like these giant windows
, like the size of walls andeverything showing you these
giant, huge, open vastness ofspace, you know, with planets
(35:34):
off in the distance you can lookdown on.
But nope, this is just a bunchof like 60 inch tvs like on the
top end of the uh hotel room,which probably one of the things
they did that for, so peopleweren't like banging on the tvs
all, the entire time anddamaging them.
I don't know.
Yeah people.
Nate (35:48):
Yeah, people are dicks.
Shaun (35:49):
Yeah, they really are.
That's the way it is.
Nate (35:51):
People are dicks.
Shaun (35:51):
if they're going to have a, if they have some way to
break something, especially ifit's not going to fall back on
them, they're going to do itKind of a bummer too, because if
you want to take in the spaceatmosphere, you kind of just
have to crane your neck up andis pretty sure doing that pretty
quick.
And every once in a while overthe intercom you'll hear going
warp speed, followed by the warpspeed sound effect being played
(36:13):
over all the speakers and thenthe stars on the windows do that
warp speed effect.
You know where they go?
Whoop, and that's actually.
Yeah, that's literally.
It just says going to warpspeed, plays a noise, shows the
sight gag effect thing andthere's like no haptic feedback,
no like vibrations on the flooror nothing you know.
And honestly it feels like it'dbe really easy for them to like
(36:33):
throw in a couple subwoofersunder the floor or something to,
you know, give a little bit ofvibration.
Nate (36:37):
You know help it make it feel like the ship was doing
something.
Shaun (36:40):
But yeah, it's just like going to a warp seat and the
stars just go whoop.
Nate (36:45):
Yeah, sell it.
You know you can't just be likeoh no, it's this.
I mean.
At that point you might as wellbe like children in a
playground.
No see, I got you.
Shaun (36:53):
Honestly, that's kind of what it's like you might as well
just be the kid on the junglegym just screaming warp speed.
Yeah, one thing you also noticetoo is how nice and luxurious
this ship being grim and gritty.
And then all of a sudden itclicks in your head Most of the
(37:14):
grim and gritty stuff in StarWars is on the good guy's side.
You're in a nice, high-end ship.
You might actually be one ofthe bad guys.
That's actually a good pointthat you brought up in this.
Nate (37:28):
It's is very true.
Even in the most recent oh isit, uh and or I mean the same
thing where it's just like thatwas the thing, the bad guys were
all very clean yep, yeah,everything was clean and sterile
and quote-unquote evil, I guessI don't know.
Shaun (37:41):
But yeah, everything else , all the you know good guys are
poor and dirty and you know, asyou think about this, you think
to yourself are we the baddies?
Sure hope.
You think to yourself are wethe baddies?
Nate (37:50):
Sure hope so you answer to yourself that's what I signed
up for.
I better hope so.
Yeah, right.
Shaun (37:54):
As you pass through the atrium you can see the bridge.
It's actually inaccessibleuntil the story unlocks it for
you, but it sure looks cool inthere Big windows and lots of
buttons to push and monitors andstuff and you're really excited
to see what goes on in there.
Pretty soon On your tour youget passed by the gift shop.
Naturally there's a gift shopthere.
Nate, it's got in-world clothesshop where you can buy if you
want to cosplay on the fly.
Quality varies, but a lot ofstuff sold out real fast.
(38:17):
So if you didn't get in thereright off the bat, you didn't
get anything really.
And also one really weird thingthey don't sell plushies at
this gift shit out of luck.
Nate (38:28):
I mean to be fair.
My youngest has too manyplushies that it's like.
Shaun (38:32):
This is true.
Nate (38:33):
They're probably doing a favor for the parents, but, that
being said, they definitelywould want a plushie.
We would probably still getthem one if they want one, but
yeah, the fact that they don'teven have it as an option,
that's pretty shitty.
Shaun (38:44):
You do find yourself a badass $200 remote-controlled
droid you decide to buy as asouvenir and, because you don't
want to hold onto it for theentire trip, you take it to the
Disney shipping area and have itshipped safely to your house
through the Disney packingexperience or the Disney
shipping experience.
I guess you can do that.
If you buy souvenirs at Disney,you can have them shipped to
your house so you don't have tolike lug them around everywhere.
That's kind of neat, reallynice replica of the lightsabers
(39:07):
for sale.
You think to yourself that'd bereally cool to buy it and carry
it around the ship as part ofmy cosplaying, if I decide to do
it.
But one of the clerks overhearsyou and informs you that if you
buy the lightsaber, you're onlyallowed to take it out of the
package for one photo shoot andthen you gotta take it back to
your room and leave it there.
They're not allowing people tocarry around those particular
lightsabers.
Why what?
I don't know.
(39:28):
She never got an answer either.
Nate (39:29):
So I mean, is it supposed to be like?
Shaun (39:32):
well, we don't want bunch of jedis running around, but
still I mean maybe we can justassume that they are actual,
real lightsabers and they don'twant people getting their arms
cut off.
Yeah, we'll go with that.
They're real lightsabers.
They don't want people, like,cutting up the whole hotel, like
but then it goes to like okay,then what's the?
Nate (39:47):
we're all we, okay, we all know this is not real.
Like let's go ahead andestablish that this is not real.
So I think we all get behindthe idea of hey, um, maybe we
can have lightsabers, becausejedis aren't real and well,
think of it this way.
Shaun (40:03):
Maybe they're saving you, uh, time and money.
Because how many minutes wouldit take for you to pose and take
pictures of that lightsaber?
That'd be like 40 minutes, $40worth Overall.
Yeah, it took you four minutesto take those pictures.
That's $40.
Because, remember, those areall $10 a minute.
At the other end of the atriumis the lounge.
It's small, a few tables inthere.
It does have some cool displayslike creatures and floating
(40:25):
tubes and the such and some niceeffects going on.
You know lighting effects andthis and that and it's probably
the coolest looking room on theship aesthetics wise.
And that's also where thepublic restroom is, in case you
need to do your space coke.
Head downstairs and you comeacross the climate simulator,
which is actually an open airgarden for people who get
claustrophobic being in awindowless hotel all day.
It's got fresh air plants andplaques and displays and you
(40:46):
know it's got like quote-unquotein-un universe plants with
little plaques telling storiesand stuff and is it legit
outside?
or is it like, yeah, it's likean open area, courtyard kind of
thing, because they realize that, you know, some people do need
to see the sun every once in awhile.
So, yeah, you go in there andit is actually.
You look up and it's the sky.
It might be covered up withglass, though, in case it rains
and stuff so.
But also in the middle of thisroom is a display with piles of
(41:09):
rocks on top of a giant rock.
Looks to be something storyoriented and do you think to
yourself and you'd be right, younever actually get to see it
for yourself.
But I guess there was like ause the force activity if you
did the right storylines inthere.
And they have people just likestand there and concentrate, and
then somebody would hit abutton and a little magnet would
move the rocks around to getthe kids to be all excited, be
like, oh ooh, look, I used theForce.
Nate (41:29):
It's kind of cool If they're going to do something
like that, it's better off.
Like there was a pretty cool,like one of the only cool things
that happened Mandalorian yeah,the Mandalorian, where they're
like one of the dumber episodes,where they like follow the
Doctor for some reason onCorsica and like, and that's
(41:53):
that's the thing.
Everyone lives on top layer andyou know, if you go star wars,
lore like that does go.
The sub layers are basicallylike where the dregs go, the
lower you go towards the planetthey stole that from final
fantasy 7 you know I, you knowwhat I'll get behind that why?
not why not?
But yeah, so that would be coolLike, oh look, you know, this
(42:14):
is the tippy top of the planetbelow, because we're so high up.
Shaun (42:18):
I mean it wouldn't make sense on a plane, I guess.
But you know, our ship is juststationed right over this
mountain peak.
Nate (42:23):
Yeah, I guess that's true.
It is on a ship.
Shaun (42:26):
Never mind Disregard, although I get what you're
saying.
That would be like a coollittle thing to do?
Nate (42:31):
I mean it'd be like, oh, but yeah, you're right.
Shaun (42:33):
I mean, if you're supposed to be on a ship, then
that doesn't make any fuckingsense you also get to pass by
the brig and that lightsabertraining room where you get to
do you know the little trainingball thing, and also down and
around that area is the areasthe engineering room and the
cargo hold.
Both of those are lockedbecause they only open during
story mode things.
But you excitedly ponder whatmight happen in those rooms,
(42:53):
especially the cargo hold Nate,because lots of exciting Star
Wars moments take place in thecargo holds.
Nate (42:58):
That should kind of do.
I'll never forget that scenewhere yeah, the cargo hold.
Shaun (43:04):
I mean the end of the original Star Wars that was in
the cargo hold wherewhat's-his-name got cut down.
I mean pretty much the cargohold is where they're always
getting on and off the ships, Ibelieve.
Think of all the entrance andexit scenes done on those cargo
holds, nathan, I guess I neverreally thought of that, I guess
that reminds me of the cargohold.
Nate (43:20):
I never really, I just knew it was happening on a ship.
Shaun (43:24):
Well, I mean, you're not a nautical guy, so guy, so you
don't really know what thesedifferent places are.
Nate (43:28):
You just know, poop deck makes you giggle.
I do and it does.
Shaun (43:36):
And that's going to do it for this episode.
Tune in next episode when Nateand his family finally get to
see their lodgings for the nexttwo nights, as well as learning
about their exciting upcomingactivities.
All this and more on nextweek's Off to Off Topic.
The Jenny Nicholson Star Wars Hotel Experience, as will
be experienced by NathanTownsend and his family.
So a few months ago, long-formYouTube content creator and Star
Wars superfan, jenny Nicholson,recently uploaded a four-hour
video chronicling her adventuresat the famed Disney Star Wars
Luxury Hotel, and I decided it'dbe fun if I took her experience
and stuck you, nathan, and yourfamily, in the middle of all
(00:20):
this and see how you would reactto what she experienced on this
hotel excursion.
Nate, what do you know aboutthe Star Wars Hotel?
Nate (00:29):
I mean I knew they were making it and then I heard it
wasn't very good, so that was.
I mean that is the beginningand end of it, and me being
obviously, if anybody'slistening to this, they know I'm
into Star Wars.
Shaun (00:39):
so Yep, say, if you did have a bunch of money just
floating around like you're rich, nathan Townsend, would you
have taken your family to thishotel when it popped up?
Of course you saw it and you'relike, hmm, I got the money.
Should we do this?
Nate (00:51):
Oh yeah, absolutely Like if it was the world where I had
a bunch of expendable income.
They're like, hey, star Warsexperience.
I'm like, well, sign me up.
Shaun (00:59):
Okay, cool, I figured that'd be the answer.
I would have done it too,because, hey, why not?
It's an experience, if nothingelse.
So are you ready, nate, tolearn about the Star Wars Hotel?
Let's go.
We start back in April 2017,and, at the behest of Disney,
swagbucks releases a survey toits users asking them if they
would be interested in stayingat a multi-day Star Wars-themed
(01:20):
Disney resort, because,apparently, when Disney thinks
of people with money to burn,they think of swag bucks users.
The survey showed concept artof the hotel, along with
mentioning things like swagbucks.
What's swag bucks?
Swag bucks is?
It used to be a website.
It might be an app now, butit's one of those where you go
on there and you completesurveys and you get quote
unquote swag bucks that you canuse to buy gift cards.
It's one of those set of things.
It's something that very poorpeople use typically.
(01:42):
Oh, yeah, yeah you know whatI'm talking about.
Nate (01:45):
I have the Google one, you know, but it's just like for
Google stuff, yeah.
Shaun (01:49):
Swagbucks was kind of like the original one on that,
but instead of Google Play youcould like get Amazon gift cards
and stuff.
But it was kind of a scam.
It's not really the people youthink of when you're thinking of
a multi-thousand dollar resortthat you'd peg for.
Yeah fair Swagbucks was prettybig like I don't know 10 years
ago or so.
It kind of dropped off sincethen, but pretty sure they're
(02:10):
still around.
This Swagbucks survey showedconcept art of the hotel, along
with mentioning things likeluxury accommodations and
amenities set aboard a starshipin the Star Wars universe.
All meals would be includedduring your stay Buffet
breakfast, lunches and signatureevening dinners, featured
entertainment and dinner showsand exclusive park admissions to
the Star Wars themed land atthe Walt Disney World Resort,
(02:31):
which I think was a new thingthat they opened just around
that time, which I believe wasone you went and saw down in
Florida.
Nate (02:36):
Correct.
Yes, I had a serious problemwith the Millennium Falcon run.
I got like motion sticks alongwith with like just straight
panic attack.
It was awful.
But the.
And then with the star tours, Imean I went to it I was a kid
and I went to it with my othertwo kids and it was like I got
sick on that but that's likedamn it, stop getting sick.
(02:59):
But the, uh, the star wars, uh,riser, was it?
Rise of the Resistance?
Shaun (03:04):
Skywalker Rise of the Resistance.
Nate (03:05):
yes, that was amazing.
That's so cool Anyway.
Shaun (03:08):
We'll actually go over those in a little bit later on
in this episode.
And also to non-drowsyDramamine apparently helps
people in your condition.
Nate (03:15):
Yeah, I need to invest and get something like that,
because I have that VR headsetfrom PlayStation.
I would love to play more thanfive seconds before I start
getting sick.
I don't know.
Like there's the Resident Evilgame I have on there, dramamine
helps.
Shaun (03:31):
Thanks to that tip to superfan Dave Moon.
Hi, dave, anyways.
Yeah, I need to check that out.
The Star Wars Starship wouldalso include amenities like a
pool area, a water garden, afitness area, an onboard cantina
and even robotic droid butlers.
And, of course, once you thinkrobotic droid butlers at Disney,
you immediately go back tothinking in the 60s, when Disney
(03:51):
tried those monkey butlers andall those kids got mauled Good
times.
It may or may not have beenmade up by me right there.
Nate (03:57):
I'm going to say, like honestly, I can't tell if that
was made up or not.
Shaun (04:01):
Honest to God, monkey butlers mauling kids in the 60s
and Disney covering it up thatsounds like something that
probably happened.
That's great eh.
Nate (04:11):
I mean, I'm assuming they're like R2-D2 units or you
know what are they?
Astromech units, becausethey're not R2-D2.
But Astromech units runningaround, because that's, I mean,
hell restaurant around here.
(04:31):
It's a japanese fusionrestaurant I don't know what.
Shaun (04:32):
I don't know.
It's fusing too, but they havethat little um robot that comes
out and has a little tray, likehere you go, so it has a little
face on it.
The concept art.
I sent you one of the thingsthat shows the inside of a
cantina.
Also google the concept artpeople listening if you want to
see what we're talking about andwhen.
The cantina scenes does showlike a robotic bartender and
like robots walking aroundholding drinks and stuff and
little bb ball unit in thebackground I would wonder is
like is it everyone's dressedfor star wars?
Nate (04:52):
is that mandatory?
Shaun (04:53):
like okay, you know, if you stay in this hotel, this
hotel, you must wear these, uh,cosplaying is optional but it's
kind of encouraged because, aspart of this immersive star wars
experience, you get to live inthe Star Wars universe and get
to be part of a branchingstoryline featuring character
actors that would come up andreact to you and what you're
doing on the ship and how you'vebeen reacting to them.
(05:13):
It basically be a Star WarsLARPing thing that you do or do
not have to dress up for.
Does that sound kind ofinteresting?
Now You'd be going up to thebartender and he'd be giving you
stuff like missions and thisand that and talking to you like
you're a real person in theuniverse.
Yeah, pretty snazzy.
Nate (05:26):
I don't know, I'm having a mixed feelings about that
because, like, on one hand, Iwouldn't mind like going up if I
approach someone, they react tome like in, in character, fine.
But if I have some dude roll upto me like hey, uh, the
squirrel eats at midnight, likewhat?
Shaun (05:42):
yeah, you're just gonna stare at that dude and just
slowly back away.
Nate (05:46):
Yeah, like I don't know, I don't know man.
Shaun (05:50):
The guy's like you don't understand this part of the
quest.
Man, play along.
You're like, okay, homelessperson who looks crazy, leave me
alone.
So the survey asked if peoplewould be willing to spend $900
to $1,000 on such a trip and, asan Advent Swagbucks user, nate,
you stared at this concept withlust in your eyes and clicked
the yes, I would do this button.
Apparently, you were not theonly one who did that, because
three months later, at the 2017D23 Expo, disney CEO Bob Chapik
(06:14):
announced that the Star Warsthemed hotel would be a reality.
They showed some more conceptart and used some buzzwords like
immersive adventure experienceand authentic.
They use authentic a lot, butnot much more.
Basically, just some notes toget the shareholders and fans
excited, including you, nate.
You're getting a little moreexcited because you know this is
going to happen.
You're going to go.
Nate (06:34):
Authentic.
Shaun (06:34):
Authentic.
What Authentic experienceAuthentic?
Nate (06:37):
Star Wars.
Shaun (06:37):
Authentically Disney Right 2019.
Disney announces that Star WarsTheme Hotel will be a reality
and will be open to DisneyHollywood Studios in Florida.
Turns out there's a Hollywoodin Florida too.
Did not know that before I didthis.
This announcement goes intomore detail about what
everything will entail.
We get more cool concept artStuff, like you'll be showing up
(06:59):
at a space terminal and thenyou'll be shuttled on a personal
little private shuttle to thestarship the Halcyon.
There will be space windows,interactive environments,
branching storylines and theytell you that this is your
chance to live out a Star Warsadventure of your own.
You'll get an immersiveadventure experience the likes
of which only Disney and itsdeep, deep pockets can attain.
Still not a lot of info.
Just the fact you're going tobe as part of an immersive
(07:20):
adventure experience Kind oflike more stuff gets
shareholders excited.
Nate (07:25):
That sounds like a Westworld thing, like oh, we're
going to take you up there,adventures, you can shoot
stormtroopers, etc.
Shaun (07:31):
This is actually kind of what they're building up.
It's literally like a Westworldkind of thing.
This is kind of what they'rehyping it to be at this point.
Also, they even have one fancyselling point for the hotel that
comes up next A a commercialand it just has Ray standing
(07:58):
there with a lightsaber, butjust like in the movies, the
lightsaber extends up from thehandle.
Just like in the movies, justlike a vvvvv.
You know just something thatturns on this one very obviously
.
It's like zoom, kind of neat,kind of cool looking.
Nate (08:10):
I mean that it I don't know I?
I don't know, it's a sellingpoint that they had to come up
with.
Yeah, I, I have doubts, but youknow what?
Shaun (08:17):
yep.
And also if you're thinking toyourself hey, it'd be kind of
cool to buy that souvenir.
Nope, not a souvenir, it'sgoing to be literally there, for
demonstration purposes only.
You'll get to see it but nottouch it.
It's like a strip club.
The Star Wars.
Nate (08:28):
Star Wars.
Shaun (08:30):
You can look but not touch.
Do not touch Psy's snoodle.
She does not like it.
Nate (08:35):
Well, it's one of two things she either doesn't like
it or likes it entirely too much.
Shaun (08:40):
August 2021, and the first real ad comes out.
It's a short teaser showing adad dressed as a Jedi and his
excited family waiting for himto lead them on adventure.
You see this name, you get atear in your eye.
You can finally live yourdreams of being a Jedi and also
overcompensate for your ownlackluster childhood by forcing
childhood experiences upon yourown family, Because damn it,
that's what Disney commercialssay you're supposed to do.
(09:01):
You had a crappy childhood.
Well, better make sure yourkids isn't, or you failed as a
parent.
Dun-dun-dun.
Also, that same day theydropped the prices and uh,
people are not impressed bythese prices, uh, being a little
bit higher than most wouldexpect, and uh, but you know,
nate, you can't put a price tagon happy childhood memories.
And even though it's good to it, now you can live very
(09:23):
vicariously through yourchildren, like all Gen X parents
do, as you go on this trip.
Nate (09:27):
Hell of a price hike, you know, from like $900,000 to
$1,500.
I mean, what's that 50% more.
Shaun (09:33):
Yep 50% increase.
I would say, actually, that'sexactly about a 50% increase.
Yay so it's not about remove,about just like 50.
And they also do a info dump onstuff that will actually be
happening exhibits and whatnotthat you can do on the ship.
They show off a lightsabertraining room where you get an
actual lightsaber and you get apractice, you know, blocking
shots like Luke Skywalker doesin front of that little drone
thing.
Yeah, they're gonna have kindof one of those little flying
(09:55):
ball training things, but youget to participate into it.
That's kind of neat, huh.
And then, uh, the Disney execactually shows off how it works
and he does like the most bland,stiff and mechanical looking
display of the lightsaber thingyou've ever seen.
He just like literally standsthere and just like stiff arm,
moves his lightsaber left andright very slowly and looks
pretty lame.
(10:15):
But you think to yourself I'mnot going to look that lame when
I do it, I'm going to show howit's done.
You have visions of twirlingand doing backflips in your mind
while you're blocking laserblasts yeah, you definitely
would think you look cooler thanyou do.
Nate (10:28):
I know that from personal experience.
I'm sure you have too well.
Like playing that, playing thefucking vr game oh what is it?
Uh, beat, beat, saber, saber.
Oh, my god, I was like I'mplaying it.
I'm like man.
I bet I look awesome like I'mdoing this I'm doing that I'm
like this is pretty impressive.
And then, little did I know, mymiddle child, ivy, took a video
of me and I watched it.
Shaun (10:47):
I'm like, oh my god, looks stupid as hell yeah, my
favorite with vr2 is when you'renot paying attention where you
are and you've slowly movedacross the room and you wind up
punching a wall.
Nate (10:55):
That's always alarming and painful well, I I've been
seeing advertisements for thatlittle uh floor thing where if
you walk you stay still.
You're talking about talkingabout.
Shaun (11:02):
Oh, that thing, yeah, that new Disney thing, that
thing's kind of neat.
No, I'm just talking about whenyou're playing VR and you just
kind of naturally move over tothe side because you can't see
what's going on.
I'm talking about.
Nate (11:11):
I'm sure at some point it's going to be released.
Shaun (11:14):
Oh, that pad thing, yeah the pad.
I mean, of course, living in,but yeah, it's still.
Yeah, there's only like one ortwo of those in the world too.
It's like a damn exclusivething.
One day we get one more promocoming up from uh, disney hyping
up the whole thing, and thisone includes hollywood superstar
(11:35):
sean giamone or giabone youmight not know him, but he's the
kid from the goldbergs and hegoes around showing you more
stuff you do on the ship andwhat's actually kind of a really
lame ad.
Um, they show you the whatbasically this commercial
culminates to.
Uh, they show that you get todo the one thing every star wars
person always dreamed of doingin the entire history of the
series nate force, choke someone.
Nope, he gets to quote unquotepunch it to light speed and he
(11:58):
gets to walk up to a console andslam a button and you know, the
stars around go all woogiewoogie and the ship goes woo and
he runs around all excited.
They're like, yeah, you'll getto do this at the hotel and it's
actually kind of lame looking,but I guess, you know, I guess
some people really want to punchit to light speed.
Maybe that's their dream.
Nate (12:15):
But I mean, there's the same people like.
They're like oh, everyone loveshan solo.
Don't you remember when hepushed to the light speed or
punch?
Shaun (12:22):
the the last beat.
Nate (12:23):
Punch it Chewie yeah that's yeah.
Shaun (12:26):
Commercial ends with like a two-minute-long section of a
Twi'lek singer just singingawkwardly at the camera.
The ad was so bad.
Two weeks later it was pulledfrom the internet.
It's hard to find now.
In fact, as far as pulled adsgo, there was another ad that
popped up later that was showingthe storylines you can go
through, and one of thestorylines they showed is the
fact that you could getChewbacca thrown into jail.
(12:47):
And this apparently got a bunchof outcry over people being
like you can't throw Chewbaccain jail, he's a good guy.
That's going to make mychildren cry.
So they scrapped that ad andpulled it from the internet
Because, yeah, apparently peopleare a little oversensitive
about throwing Chewie into jailBecause the to jail because uh.
The main part of that ad wasyou could actually play with the
uh empire.
You don't have to be part ofthe rebel scum, see and that's
(13:07):
cool.
Nate (13:07):
I mean it's that is cool it would probably still end up
being lame, but it's still it.
It's like that's actuallyimpressive, like that was my
biggest gripe about the starwars battlefront 2 that came out
.
All the advertisers were saying, oh, join the empire, be this
person.
Look at this badass persongoing through shooting rebels.
Yeah, you know, fuck those guys.
And then almost immediatelyshe's like oh, the empire is bad
(13:32):
, I want to join the rebellion.
Like I don't want to join therebellion, I want to be the bad
guys.
Can we please be the bad guys?
Shaun (13:39):
I have the cool outfits.
Nate (13:41):
I want to live, yes cool star destroyers I don't want to
be living with the Ewoks.
You bastards.
Oh, we don't want people to beupset about Chewbacca.
Well then, just, I don't know,get over it.
Shaun (13:52):
They also have a behind-the-scenes panel where
they go into more detailstalking about the storylines and
stuff and basically it breaksdown to you can either be a spy,
part of what is it?
The Resistance or the Empire.
So those are basically threefactions you can go over or you
can be part of.
And one thing about this panelbecause they show you clips of
it is they talk about a lot.
(14:13):
One thing they keep saying isthey're like and they'll maybe
ask you to do stuff like smugglesome luggage or smuggle some
plans across.
They use the term smuggle likeeight or nine times in about two
minutes.
So you kind of assume rightthere it's going to be a lot of
smuggling missions going on onthis adventure.
Nate (14:26):
Yeah, I mean, I guess it's like you know, of the people
they have, you know,particularly in the video games,
you know you have severaldifferent.
You have, oh, here's the forceuser, here's the soldier, and
then here's the smuggler.
And you can't really get peopleusing the force because, even
if it was fake, that requires alot of setup and you know acting
(14:47):
.
But if you do the soldier, thatrequire, like I don't know,
specking people out.
Hey, here's some armor andhere's a gun.
You know a fake gun, but a gun,and then the smuggler can just
look like anybody.
So like, yeah, you're asmuggler, yeah, that's the
ticket, right.
Shaun (15:02):
All right, we are at March 1st 2022, and the Star
Wars Hotel has finally opened up.
Nate, you have bought yourtickets and you're ready to go
there and have the immersiveadventure experience of your
life.
By the way these tickets, itturns out, by the time
everything showed up for,everything was done and the
hotel got opened, the experiencebecame a whole lot more
expensive than anybody everthought it would, including for
(15:24):
you.
So we're going to break thisdown.
Okay, so here's the deal.
Jenny Nicholson went there withher and her sister, so basically
, I'm just going to extrapolatewhat cost her across for you
know, your five family members.
So, for this three-day andtwo-night excursion for you,
your wife and three children,the total is going to come to
$15,000 for the whole family tohave this experience.
(15:45):
You don't see me when I'mshaking my head?
Ha, yep, it is $15,000.
And it should also be noted,this is for the cheapest package
available that you bought yourfamily.
You could have paid as much asfour times the experience, too,
for all, like the VIP packagesand whatnot, and you would have
gotten fancy rooms and someother stuff.
But not only is this superexpensive.
Apparently, booking this thingwas a nightmare, nate,
(16:07):
especially for you, because youknow why you could only book it
by phone call.
On top of that, once you calledin, it wasn't just ask them
some questions, it was like theyhammered you with questions
right off the bat as soon as youcalled up.
They're like how many guests,what date this, that, what is
your plans, what's yourintentions?
Nate (16:22):
tell us everything about you, yeah.
Shaun (16:24):
Oh no, I made that part up.
Nate (16:26):
I was going to say, jason, if you get grilled yo.
Shaun (16:28):
And they say, you know, they're just like well, what
kind of room do you want?
And you go, well, what kind ofrooms do you have?
They're like all of them, whatdo you want?
So it's just a nightmare tobook the thing.
And again, all through phone,there is no.
Yeah, and all this was alsoafter being on hold for a good
long while because there was alot of people calling at the
time.
But yeah, how do you do justphone call only?
(16:49):
I mean, I don't know, Maybethere's just a lot of extra
little things to nail down.
And this was recent.
This isn't like the 80s or 90s.
I mean, this was like yeahright, this was five years ago.
One thing they also get you onis a $169 upsell package that
they call the Memory MakerPackage Add-On.
So they have roamingphotographers that'll be going
around taking candid photos ofeverybody on the ship.
(17:09):
You know, during experienceslike oh here they're in the
middle of a quest, we're goingto take a secret picture of them
and then all thosephotographers will upload their
pictures and you'll get taggedin all the pictures you're in.
And if you pay this $169, youcan go onto a website, find all
the pictures you're tagged in,download them in super high
quality and have them printed up.
Yada, yada, yada.
Sounds kind of neat, but youdecide to do this because you
(17:30):
don't want to spend time takingpictures.
You're just like you know whatCool.
Have somebody else takepictures.
I don't want to live inside ofmy phone.
You know, because you know howthat kind of happens when you
become a photo taker.
Nate (17:38):
Yeah, you're so obsessed with taking pictures, mm-hmm.
So you're like, hey, this iskind of cool, now I don't have
to worry about taking pictures.
Neat, you know.
Kind of opposite happened to merecently where I would try to
like not take you know whatthese are happening, actually
watching them, versus liketaking pictures on the phone.
Now I found I actually don'thave a lot of pictures like oh,
what, how many pictures you havelike I've got like two maybe
(17:59):
you know like here I am andhere's what was happening.
Shaun (18:01):
Now I'm just gonna pay attention because, yeah, you
also take a lot of pictures andyou think to yourself, I'm going
to look at them later, I'llshow them to other people, but
you never do no, I've actually.
Nate (18:09):
That's another thing I realized, like it's just not
very, very rarely are you everwhipping out the 2000 images you
have on your phone right, nevermind whatever you might have,
say my computer and go oh hey,let me uh show you what like.
Oh, I went there.
Look at all my family picturesof me going to this place and
(18:30):
doing that thing, like no one,no one cares, and so, yeah,
you're wasting your time yes,exactly off topic.
Shaun (18:37):
Life tip don't record fireworks and stuff like that.
Nate (18:39):
Nobody cares well, it's like um that one comedian, uh,
jim gaffigan.
He's not my favorite, but I dolike some of the things it says.
And uh, no, it's not, jimgaffigan is it my pocket yes,
that it is him, and he was likeum, I have more pictures than my
dad even looked at me this yes,this is so yeah that was
(19:00):
actually one of the things Iheard that made me think, you
know, maybe I don't need allthese pictures because I mean,
because I've looked.
I was scrolling through mypictures the other day.
I'm just like I I've got wellover a thousand pictures in here
and I have no fucking clue.
And of course there's.
There's pictures of, like, thekids, and but along with
pictures of like, I took apicture of what's in the grocery
cart to make like, hey, jenny,is everything here that we need
(19:20):
to get?
Or like I took a screenshot ofa movie I was to go see and it's
still just mixed in there.
Yeah, I just never get neverdeleted it.
So, yeah, it's just yeah.
So I paid for the product, so I.
So basically, what happened wasI paid for the privilege of
someone to take pictures of meand then give it to me later?
Correct this is correct.
Shaun (19:40):
Okay, so everything's booked and all of a sudden you
get your email that encloses aschedule in it and you realize
everything here is going to bevery strictly regimented because
you know there's going to beevents and shows going on and
this and that and quests to do,so they have everything planned
out for you.
The schedule is pretty muchlike this Check-in is at 1 pm on
(20:01):
day one and out at 10 am on thethird day.
Your schedule is going to showyou events that happen around
and uh guide you around thehotel from the moment you wake
up and tell, the moment you goto bed and uh, once you go, once
, uh, there's a bedtime,quote-unquote.
Once that happens, like all theactors go to bed and it's just
becomes a standard hotel.
You can wander around if youwant, you know oh, so that's,
that's bedtime.
Nate (20:18):
Yeah, okay, yeah, it's quote-unquote bedtime.
Shaun (20:20):
You don't have to go to bed.
It's not like they lock you inyour room and shut off the
lights and like good night yeah,I was wondering about that.
Nate (20:25):
Like no, you must go to bed.
This you paid for a fullexperience.
A part of this experience isget your ass to bed yeah, yep,
but meals are regimented.
Shaun (20:33):
Meals are at such and such hours.
Story events are at these exacttimes.
Be there, be square.
Uh.
On the second day you getshuttled to the hollywood
studios star wars attraction forseven hours in the middle of
the day to do some adventuringthere.
And uh, the cool thing too isthey advertise you getting taken
there from the hotel, or sorry,from your ship, to the park in
a space pod complete with droidpilot.
That sounds kind of neat.
(20:54):
You know your own littleshuttle going there.
Nate (20:56):
And you also get a free.
Are you on top of a bus?
Shaun (21:00):
You'll find out in a minute.
You also get a free fast passto the Millennium Falcon ride
and the Rise of the Resistanceand you also get the promise of
more immersive adventureexperiences as you do quests
around that park for those sevenhours.
So you look over the scheduleand you realize you know, since
it's all strictly regimented,you can kind of break down how
many hours you're going to bethere and you can break it down
into how much money you'respending per minute there.
(21:21):
So Jenny Nicholson actually didthis math.
So naturally we're going todeduct some showering time and
sleeping time and the such.
But here's how the hours breakdown.
Day one from 1 pm to 8.45 pm,you're going to be doing 7 hours
, 45 minutes of fun time.
Day two 7 am to 11 pm 16 hoursof fun time.
That's a long day 7 am to 11 pm.
(21:42):
Day three 8.30 to 10 am 1 hour30 minutes.
That gives you 25 hours, 15minutes of activity time and at
$3,033.44 per person divided by25.25 hours and you get $120 an
hour or $2 a minute per person.
So for your family of fiveyou'll be paying $10 per minute
(22:03):
while you're at this hotel.
This entire immersive adventureexperience will be $10 per
minute.
Even if you're just stayingthere waiting in line $10 per
minute while you're at thishotel, this entire immersive
adventure experience will be $10per minute If you're just, you
know, even if you're juststaying there waiting in line
$10 per minute.
I know it sounds expensive, but, as Disney and its army of
influence will tell you, aBroadway play isn't cheap,
luxury resorts aren't cheap, andthis is like both of these
smushed together, and you're thestar of it, nathan, not them.
Nate (22:29):
You star of it, nathan, not them you now tell me ten
dollars a minute sounds prettycheap at that point, doesn't it,
man, like ten dollars?
Shaun (22:34):
a minute like that's that I don't know, like ten dollars
per minute.
Nate (22:36):
Yep, so after seven minutes you could buy yourself
the new star wars outlaws gameoh right, right, right, because
you're ten dollars by itself,like, oh, it's ten dollars,
you're, that's, that's high,that's $10.
But that's high, that's lowenough, like, oh, that's only
$10.
But also high enough to maybego.
Do I really want to get that?
$600 an hour, apparently?
Yeah, I mean once you startactually, once you kind of
(22:59):
internalize, it's like no, it is$10 a minute.
Shaun (23:02):
A minute.
Nate (23:02):
yeah, I know it really hits home when you're like per
minute and like fair a minute,as long as you think it is, but
it's not.
It's still a minute, it's notthat long.
Yeah, it's not that long.
Shaun (23:12):
Especially if you know.
It's like you're sitting atdinner waiting for your dinner
to show up and you're like, wow,this is costing me $10 per
minute.
I'm sitting here for me and myfamily.
So now, uh, with a dramaticmusic sting, it zooms in on one
(23:33):
email that's been addressed toyou and from the Disney hotel
Cause, apparently, uh, you nevergot this email or you never saw
it.
But there was another optionthat uh email that showed up
that gave you even more upgradeoptions stuff like the $30 per
person upgrade at the captain'stable for dinner.
And uh, another Stuff like the$30 per person upgrade at the
captain's table for dinner.
And another thing that wouldupgrade to your own personal
photographer that would wanderaround with you for a half hour
for $400.
But you never got this email,so you never had a chance to
(23:55):
upgrade to those things.
Why did I not get this email?
Actually, we never find outactually.
Oh, yeah, that's one of thegreat mysteries of this episode.
For Jenny Nicholson.
Yeah, she's just like thatemail never showed up.
I don't know why.
But yeah, private photographerfor 30 minutes for 400 bucks,
that's kind of expensive too.
That's actually a lot.
But yeah, I mean, professionalphotographers are expensive, but
(24:19):
for 400 bucks, I feel likeyou'd get one for an afternoon
or something.
Nate (24:22):
Not 30 minutes.
If you're paying $ forprofessional photographer like
your wedding.
Shaun (24:30):
400 is reason.
Yes, you know, but if you're 30minutes, uh, where they're
being hustled to take picturesof you and yeah and they're.
Nate (24:35):
They're not getting to know you, they're just like okay
, I'm here, click, click, click,click.
All right, cool bye, becausethey're 30 minutes are perfect.
Shaun (24:42):
Your professional photographer shows up for the 30
minutes and you're in the canthe entire time.
Nate (24:47):
How professional.
I highly doubt they're goingout there and interviewing
people and looking at resumes.
Shaun (24:55):
These aren't the photographers from Vogue, I'm
guessing?
Nate (24:58):
Yeah, my guess is it's some college kid who needs some
money and they're like here'show you use a camera, there
you're a professional.
They go out there, take apicture You're getting paid for.
Shaun (25:07):
Go out there, you're getting paid for this so you're
technically professional.
Yeah, technically, if you getpaid for anything, you're a
professional, even if it's onceand you do a bad job.
Professional doesn't mean good,it just means you make money
off of it.
So the time has come, nate,it's time to go to the hotel, to
your star wars immersiveexperience.
You grab your wife and threekids and you boogie off to the
the ultimate immersive adventureexperience at the star Wars
(25:27):
galactic cruiser.
Uh, there was a bit where theyhad like, uh, influencers like
trying to hype up the thing forpeople but they couldn't just
say the star Wars cruise of thestar Wars hotel but like,
contractually they're obligatedto say the ultimate immersive
adventure experience at the starWars galactic cruiser.
And you know how awkward thatsounds when people try to say
that casual conversation at theStar Wars Galactic Cruiser, and
(25:47):
you know how awkward that soundswhen people try to say that in
casual conversation, like theywere doing yeah, every time.
Nate (25:50):
Like you can't say just the Star Wars Hotel, you have to
say all that.
Shaun (25:55):
Yep, every time they did they actually did kind of like a
little jump cut of all theinfluencers trying to make it
sound natural.
So you think about all thewondrous things that await you
ahead, all the splendid memoriesto come, and finally you arrive
at the starport where you shallwait in luxury until a shuttle
ship whisks you away to yourdestination, the grand ship
Halcyon.
In case you're wondering whythey picked the Halcyon as the
(26:15):
ship that they're going to do,because you know it's not a
hotel, you're on a spaceship.
But anyways, they picked theHalcyon because it was in all
three of the trilogy time frames.
So if they wanted to likeretool the ship to be in
different eras, they couldpretty easily.
They wanted to be during theprequels or the standard era or
the later ones.
So hmm, Also, it kind of makesit like a center point for
stories, I guess.
Nate (26:35):
Fair.
Shaun (26:35):
Yeah.
So you arrive at your luxurystarport that they promised you,
where you get to wait in neatsci-fi aesthetics oh wait, did I
say a luxury starport?
No, actually, when you getthere, it turns out the waiting
area is a concrete parking lotin the back areas of the Disney
lots, and you are standing therein the concrete area in the
scorching Florida heat as thesun beats down on you and your
(26:56):
family.
You are also surrounded by tonsof other people who were
expecting to be in a niceair-conditioned starport, but
nope, just a lot of peoplelooking really hot and pissy,
with impatient, bored kidsrunning around, and Just a lot
of people looking really hot andpissy with impatient, bored
kids running around and you lookat the schedules you were given
.
Nate (27:11):
Yeah, it's hot and muggy and everybody looks pissed.
I bet you more than once aminute you hear someone going I
paid a ton of money, Yep, I meanyou're in line for $10 a minute
at this point.
Yeah, like y'all need to dosomething.
Shaun (27:25):
You look at your schedule you were given.
It reads as follows 1 o'clockarrive at terminal.
1.15 to 1.30,.
Launch pad to Star Cruiser 1.45to 2.15, ship orientation 3 to
3.30, light refreshments 3.30 to4, sabacc lessons.
So you see how scheduled thisis for you.
Now.
4 to 4.30, and it says muster,which in this context means
(27:46):
meetings, I guess.
So like probably a story thing4.30 to 5, captain's reception
5.30 to 7, dinner featuring livemusic 7.15 to 7.30, outer rim
regala 7.30 to 8, unexpectedstory moment 8 to 8.45, bridge
training 8.30 to 8.45, specialatrium entertainment 145 Special
Atrium Entertainment.
And some of these do havelittle gaps in between where you
(28:06):
can give you time to get frompoint A to point B so you can go
see the ship and experiencesome certain things.
And naturally you don't have todo all these things on this
list.
You could hang out and justchill if you want, but you're
paying $10 a minute.
Thank you, you actually prettymuch stole the next line, right?
out of my mouth, oh sorry.
No, that's good because you'reon the same page as me.
So about 40 minutes you're inline waiting to get inside the
(28:30):
starport, listening to kidsscream and adults bitch.
Somewhere along the way, theDisney overlords see you in
feigned pity and they send downspace, dasani, to cool you down.
As you sip your GeorgeLucas-flavored Dasani, you look
at your family and see howthey're handling the combination
of heat and boredom.
A blank, neutral expressioncovers the faces and they stare
silently at nothing.
Nate (28:49):
I just picture your family just being like goddammit.
Oh yeah, they'd be so annoyedand I guarantee you, more than
once they'd be like under ourbreath Dollars.
Shaun (28:58):
We could be home in an air-conditioned house right now.
Oh my god, finally you make itinside to see why it takes so
long to get into your spaceport.
So, basically, this spaceportto get into your space pod to go
to the ship.
The space pod is just anelevator and you're all just
standing in basically a waitingarea with like two elevators in
front of you.
So you stay in line for 40minutes to get funneled into
(29:19):
this tiny little lobby where youjust hop on an elevator and it
takes you up to the Halcyon Neat.
So, yeah, that's your space pod.
It's an elevator and also thespace pod only goes to the
second floor.
So, oh, no, sorry, I shouldhave looked further down.
It's only one elevator andthat's why it's a long line.
Thankfully you're towards thefront of the line because you
got there kind of early, butthere is a line, as long as you
(29:39):
can see behind you, of people onthe elevator.
You can intro video.
That's basically there to toexplain to you that there's a
real emergency alarm and a story, emergency alarm and the
difference between between thetwo of them.
And apparently this is a goodthing because, uh, other themed
(30:00):
LARPing parks don't necessarilydo that, because they'll have,
like you know, a storyline alarmand then a hey, shit's really
going down.
Alarm and if they don't discernbetween the two of them, they
sound close enough, like thatyou know they'll put off the
story alarm that people will berunning around, be like oh my
god, we're gonna die so theyexplain to you that there is a
real emergency sound and a fakeemergency sound, and they also,
uh mention something about ifthere is a real emergency, about
(30:23):
, uh, not trying to escape thefire, getting in a closet and
something or another.
But don't resist, and they justjam you on an elevator and up
you go to the second floor.
So now you're on the secondfloor of the Starship Halcyon.
Don't resist, you'll see in aminute what they're talking
about.
Okay, as you get off theelevator, you're greeted by
staff and they hand you theselittle bracelets called M-bands,
(30:43):
and these are little RFIDbracelets that ID you as a guest
.
They also work as your room keyand you can attach a credit
card to them to make buyingstuff easier.
Because if there's one thingDisney wants you to be able to
do, it's buy stuff easily, and Iguess they had these at Disney
Parks too.
So nothing too fancy here.
Nate (31:00):
Yeah, they definitely had that.
Shaun (31:03):
Somebody escorts you to your room and gives you some fun
facts about the ship and StarWars history in general, and you
know, one example is they showa picture of the little critter
Yoda-sized guy who designed theship and they're like, hey, he's
about the size of Baby Yoda andthere's one of the little doors
you use to get around.
There'll be like a little foottall door and whatnot in the
corner.
Wait, what?
Huh, who?
Oh, they just give you funfacts about the ship, like
(31:23):
apparently the guy who designedthe ship was a like little
Muppet-looking alien guy andthey'll give you like a little
backstory on him and be like, oh, look, here's like the tiny
little doors he installed in theship so he can get around
easier.
And they'll just point at likea little door painted on the
wall.
Nate (31:40):
I thought you were.
I thought for some reason mybrain translated You're talking
about like Salicious Crumb orhis, like his people.
Shaun (31:44):
I'm like what that's just a standard small little guy I
said about baby yoda sized, butokay, well, that then that seems
small, that's small, even I'mnot this.
Nate (31:52):
So I don't know, I don't.
I mean, they're making theirown shit up, why not?
Shaun (31:55):
yeah, I could just picture you be on this tour and
be like wait, wait, stop.
Who built this ship?
No, no, no, no is really likesharing this poor old worker on
delicious crumb.
Nate (32:07):
There's a funny little um robot chicken sketch where these
mice are like walking throughthis corridor and this, uh, the
wall slams shut and like killsone of them, like no, and they,
they gather a bunch of theirfriends and they're like, with
this door, like this thing hasbeen a bit a plague upon us,
we're gonna stop this.
And it starts opening up andthey're working so hard to keep
the door from closing all theway, like to kill, kill them all
(32:29):
and it cuts to.
It's the door at the end ofStar Wars.
No, I lost it Rogue One, whereDarth Vader's going to slaughter
all the people.
They're trying to escape withthe plans and the mice are
keeping the door from openingall the way up.
Shaun (32:47):
I can't say I've seen that one.
Nate (32:48):
Yeah, it's pretty, I mean it's humorous.
I wouldn't say I've seen thatone.
Yeah, it's pretty, I mean it'shumorous.
Shaun (32:50):
I wouldn't go so far To say it's hilarious, but it's
pretty, you know it's pretty.
I got a sensible chuckle Out ofthat skit.
Nate (32:56):
Yes, that's exactly what it was.
Shaun (32:58):
It was a very sensible chuckle.
You chuckle and go.
Oh, very good, yes, very good.
Nate (33:04):
I applaud your creativity.
Now moving on.
Shaun (33:07):
Ha.
So they take you on a tour ofthe ship, and the first room you
enter is the main room known asthe atrium, and here's where a
lot of the story beats takeplace.
There's a balcony around thetop of the room for the actors
to do their thing, so you knowyou can see them and hear them
better.
You can't get up there, but youknow they can.
There's some cool glass tubesin there that have like actual
holograms inside of them playingin-universe ads, like ads for
(33:28):
the lounge and the singing actin the restaurant.
Kind of neat little atmosphericstuff like that.
As you look around, though, youare amazed by the amount of
perfectly shin-height tables andcouches and such things.
As you're thinking about this,you see some stranger's kid bang
their shin into the tables andyelps in pain.
Ha, dumb kid, you think, andthen you immediately get karma
as you trip over on those shortcouches.
Those short couches but no,seriously, outside this little
(33:49):
blurb I did all the couches areliterally like two or three feet
tall, with like little shinheight tables that people were
running into constantly, becauseyou know you're not really
looking down that often A lot ofpeople getting tripped.
Nate (34:00):
Yeah, I can see that I mean, yeah, I definitely.
I've got some scars on my shin.
Shaun (34:05):
Yeah, Another thing they got in there is a scale model of
the ship Nice and high quality,Pretty cool.
There's a little snack bar inthe area too, where you get
bites between meals like cereal,granola bars, goldfish and the
such Snacks for kids.
Cake pops are there too.
Nate (34:20):
Scale model.
You can actually go in and dothings, or it's like just oh no,
this thing's like a foot longkind of thing.
Yeah, that's the scale part.
Shaun (34:28):
OK, yeah, keep in mind you're on the actual ship itself
, so you're just looking at atinier version of the giant ship
that you're on now, which isactually just a hotel.
Nate (34:34):
Yeah, I feel it though.
Yeah, it's a scale model, itwas in the name.
Shaun (34:38):
Yeah, that would be awesome.
Like here's a hotel ship Nowhere's the west wing of it.
That's the ship, or a model ofthe ship that you're in.
Nate (34:48):
What is this?
A ship for ants.
Shaun (34:50):
Yeah, as you're being led around this room, though taking
as much as you can, you kind ofrealize that this is basically
just a big old windowless hoteland instead of windows they just
put big old flat screenmonitors on the walls and those
are basically just showing spacescenes stars going by, with the
occasional ship floating by andagain they're kind of all
synced with each other.
So that's kind of neat, so likeyou can watch one asteroid pass
(35:12):
through a window and go throughthe other one.
But you also kind of realizethat it's all on a loop too.
After you watch it for like 30seconds Like oh, there goes that
same ship again going aroundthe whole thing, which it's kind
of cool.
But it's also disappointingbecause if you look at the
concept art, all the stuff theyshow is like these giant windows
, like the size of walls andeverything showing you these
giant, huge, open vastness ofspace, you know, with planets
(35:34):
off in the distance you can lookdown on.
But nope, this is just a bunchof like 60 inch tvs like on the
top end of the uh hotel room,which probably one of the things
they did that for, so peopleweren't like banging on the tvs
all, the entire time anddamaging them.
I don't know.
Yeah people.
Nate (35:48):
Yeah, people are dicks.
Shaun (35:49):
Yeah, they really are.
That's the way it is.
Nate (35:51):
People are dicks.
Shaun (35:51):
if they're going to have a, if they have some way to
break something, especially ifit's not going to fall back on
them, they're going to do itKind of a bummer too, because if
you want to take in the spaceatmosphere, you kind of just
have to crane your neck up andis pretty sure doing that pretty
quick.
And every once in a while overthe intercom you'll hear going
warp speed, followed by the warpspeed sound effect being played
(36:13):
over all the speakers and thenthe stars on the windows do that
warp speed effect.
You know where they go?
Whoop, and that's actually.
Yeah, that's literally.
It just says going to warpspeed, plays a noise, shows the
sight gag effect thing andthere's like no haptic feedback,
no like vibrations on the flooror nothing you know.
And honestly it feels like it'dbe really easy for them to like
(36:33):
throw in a couple subwoofersunder the floor or something to,
you know, give a little bit ofvibration.
Nate (36:37):
You know help it make it feel like the ship was doing
something.
Shaun (36:40):
But yeah, it's just like going to a warp seat and the
stars just go whoop.
Nate (36:45):
Yeah, sell it.
You know you can't just be likeoh no, it's this.
I mean.
At that point you might as wellbe like children in a
playground.
No see, I got you.
Shaun (36:53):
Honestly, that's kind of what it's like you might as well
just be the kid on the junglegym just screaming warp speed.
Yeah, one thing you also noticetoo is how nice and luxurious
this ship being grim and gritty.
And then all of a sudden itclicks in your head Most of the
(37:14):
grim and gritty stuff in StarWars is on the good guy's side.
You're in a nice, high-end ship.
You might actually be one ofthe bad guys.
That's actually a good pointthat you brought up in this.
Nate (37:28):
It's is very true.
Even in the most recent oh isit, uh and or I mean the same
thing where it's just like thatwas the thing, the bad guys were
all very clean yep, yeah,everything was clean and sterile
and quote-unquote evil, I guessI don't know.
Shaun (37:41):
But yeah, everything else , all the you know good guys are
poor and dirty and you know, asyou think about this, you think
to yourself are we the baddies?
Sure hope.
You think to yourself are wethe baddies?
Nate (37:50):
Sure hope so you answer to yourself that's what I signed
up for.
I better hope so.
Yeah, right.
Shaun (37:54):
As you pass through the atrium you can see the bridge.
It's actually inaccessibleuntil the story unlocks it for
you, but it sure looks cool inthere Big windows and lots of
buttons to push and monitors andstuff and you're really excited
to see what goes on in there.
Pretty soon On your tour youget passed by the gift shop.
Naturally there's a gift shopthere.
Nate, it's got in-world clothesshop where you can buy if you
want to cosplay on the fly.
Quality varies, but a lot ofstuff sold out real fast.
(38:17):
So if you didn't get in thereright off the bat, you didn't
get anything really.
And also one really weird thingthey don't sell plushies at
this gift shit out of luck.
Nate (38:28):
I mean to be fair.
My youngest has too manyplushies that it's like.
Shaun (38:32):
This is true.
Nate (38:33):
They're probably doing a favor for the parents, but, that
being said, they definitelywould want a plushie.
We would probably still getthem one if they want one, but
yeah, the fact that they don'teven have it as an option,
that's pretty shitty.
Shaun (38:44):
You do find yourself a badass $200 remote-controlled
droid you decide to buy as asouvenir and, because you don't
want to hold onto it for theentire trip, you take it to the
Disney shipping area and have itshipped safely to your house
through the Disney packingexperience or the Disney
shipping experience.
I guess you can do that.
If you buy souvenirs at Disney,you can have them shipped to
your house so you don't have tolike lug them around everywhere.
That's kind of neat, reallynice replica of the lightsabers
(39:07):
for sale.
You think to yourself that'd bereally cool to buy it and carry
it around the ship as part ofmy cosplaying, if I decide to do
it.
But one of the clerks overhearsyou and informs you that if you
buy the lightsaber, you're onlyallowed to take it out of the
package for one photo shoot andthen you gotta take it back to
your room and leave it there.
They're not allowing people tocarry around those particular
lightsabers.
Why what?
I don't know.
(39:28):
She never got an answer either.
Nate (39:29):
So I mean, is it supposed to be like?
Shaun (39:32):
well, we don't want bunch of jedis running around, but
still I mean maybe we can justassume that they are actual,
real lightsabers and they don'twant people getting their arms
cut off.
Yeah, we'll go with that.
They're real lightsabers.
They don't want people, like,cutting up the whole hotel, like
but then it goes to like okay,then what's the?
Nate (39:47):
we're all we, okay, we all know this is not real.
Like let's go ahead andestablish that this is not real.
So I think we all get behindthe idea of hey, um, maybe we
can have lightsabers, becausejedis aren't real and well,
think of it this way.
Shaun (40:03):
Maybe they're saving you, uh, time and money.
Because how many minutes wouldit take for you to pose and take
pictures of that lightsaber?
That'd be like 40 minutes, $40worth Overall.
Yeah, it took you four minutesto take those pictures.
That's $40.
Because, remember, those areall $10 a minute.
At the other end of the atriumis the lounge.
It's small, a few tables inthere.
It does have some cool displayslike creatures and floating
(40:25):
tubes and the such and some niceeffects going on.
You know lighting effects andthis and that and it's probably
the coolest looking room on theship aesthetics wise.
And that's also where thepublic restroom is, in case you
need to do your space coke.
Head downstairs and you comeacross the climate simulator,
which is actually an open airgarden for people who get
claustrophobic being in awindowless hotel all day.
It's got fresh air plants andplaques and displays and you
(40:46):
know it's got like quote-unquotein-un universe plants with
little plaques telling storiesand stuff and is it legit
outside?
or is it like, yeah, it's likean open area, courtyard kind of
thing, because they realize that, you know, some people do need
to see the sun every once in awhile.
So, yeah, you go in there andit is actually.
You look up and it's the sky.
It might be covered up withglass, though, in case it rains
and stuff so.
But also in the middle of thisroom is a display with piles of
(41:09):
rocks on top of a giant rock.
Looks to be something storyoriented and do you think to
yourself and you'd be right, younever actually get to see it
for yourself.
But I guess there was like ause the force activity if you
did the right storylines inthere.
And they have people just likestand there and concentrate, and
then somebody would hit abutton and a little magnet would
move the rocks around to getthe kids to be all excited, be
like, oh ooh, look, I used theForce.
Nate (41:29):
It's kind of cool If they're going to do something
like that, it's better off.
Like there was a pretty cool,like one of the only cool things
that happened Mandalorian yeah,the Mandalorian, where they're
like one of the dumber episodes,where they like follow the
Doctor for some reason onCorsica and like, and that's
(41:53):
that's the thing.
Everyone lives on top layer andyou know, if you go star wars,
lore like that does go.
The sub layers are basicallylike where the dregs go, the
lower you go towards the planetthey stole that from final
fantasy 7 you know I, you knowwhat I'll get behind that why?
not why not?
But yeah, so that would be coolLike, oh look, you know, this
(42:14):
is the tippy top of the planetbelow, because we're so high up.
Shaun (42:18):
I mean it wouldn't make sense on a plane, I guess.
But you know, our ship is juststationed right over this
mountain peak.
Nate (42:23):
Yeah, I guess that's true.
It is on a ship.
Shaun (42:26):
Never mind Disregard, although I get what you're
saying.
That would be like a coollittle thing to do?
Nate (42:31):
I mean it'd be like, oh, but yeah, you're right.
Shaun (42:33):
I mean, if you're supposed to be on a ship, then
that doesn't make any fuckingsense you also get to pass by
the brig and that lightsabertraining room where you get to
do you know the little trainingball thing, and also down and
around that area is the areasthe engineering room and the
cargo hold.
Both of those are lockedbecause they only open during
story mode things.
But you excitedly ponder whatmight happen in those rooms,
(42:53):
especially the cargo hold Nate,because lots of exciting Star
Wars moments take place in thecargo holds.
Nate (42:58):
That should kind of do.
I'll never forget that scenewhere yeah, the cargo hold.
Shaun (43:04):
I mean the end of the original Star Wars that was in
the cargo hold wherewhat's-his-name got cut down.
I mean pretty much the cargohold is where they're always
getting on and off the ships, Ibelieve.
Think of all the entrance andexit scenes done on those cargo
holds, nathan, I guess I neverreally thought of that, I guess
that reminds me of the cargohold.
Nate (43:20):
I never really, I just knew it was happening on a ship.
Shaun (43:24):
Well, I mean, you're not a nautical guy, so guy, so you
don't really know what thesedifferent places are.
Nate (43:28):
You just know, poop deck makes you giggle.
I do and it does.
Shaun (43:36):
And that's going to do it for this episode.
Tune in next episode when Nateand his family finally get to
see their lodgings for the nexttwo nights, as well as learning
about their exciting upcomingactivities.
All this and more on nextweek's Off to Off Topic.
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