Episode 692: People pleasers and all people listen up!
Surprisingly, boundaries don't push people away, they actually strengthen connection. Dr. Alison Ash returns to unpack sexual boundaries, especially for those who struggle to say no.
Boundaries aren't just about your values; they're about your capacity, the fluctuating energy and resources available to you based on sleep, stress, and nervous system regulation. When you're dysregulated and operating outside your window of tolerance, you become reactive and frustrated. (Most of us consistently overestimate what we can handle.)
Dr. Aly shares a practical three-part formula for setting boundaries that helps others feel heard rather than rejected.
Key Takeaways:
• Boundaries aren't selfish, they're based on your actual capacity, which fluctuates daily based on sleep, stress, and nervous system regulation, making them a realistic necessity rather than a character flaw.
• The "window of tolerance" explains why you get reactive. When dysregulated, you become irritable and struggle to enforce boundaries, so managing your nervous system is as important as stating your limits.
• Healthy boundaries actually filter out unhealthy relationships, meaning people who respect your "no" strengthen the relationship, while those who don't reveal incompatibility, not rejection of them as people.
Discussion topics;
- Sexuality, sexual health, sexual wellness, relationships, mental health
- Understanding Your Capacity and Setting/maintaining Healthy Boundaries without guilt and while maintaining connection
- Feeling Safe Saying No Builds Trust
- Understanding Trauma and Nervous System Dysregulation
- Managing Trauma Response Through Nervous System Care
- Communication and Pacing in Exploring Kink
- Substance Use and Consent in Sexual Exploration
- Learning From Past Experiences and Building Intimacy Skills
- Sex Gets Better With Age and Confidence
Connect with Dr. Aly:
Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills online course on Tues, Jan 27th-Mar 17th
We all receive messages about who we are supposed to be, how we ought to feel, and how we should express ourselves, often enforced through shame and disconnection. Featuring 8 classes with a woven balance of science-based data, embodied exploration, and skills development designed to support you in creating, deepening, and sustaining sexual and emotional intimacy in your relationship(s). Recordings available for those who can't attend live or want extra review. Super early bird tickets available now for $200-$400 off!
Last but not least, reach out to Dr. Aly for individual, couples, and ENM coaching support!
http://www.turnon.love/
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