May 1, 2025 • 46 mins
Heartbreak and betrayal strike as we uncover the devastating truth about the viral "sperm race" sensation that captivated millions. What appeared to be an innovative sporting competition was nothing more than an elaborate AI-generated hoax created by a 17-year-old from the Bay Area. Our hosts process their disappointment in real-time, mourning what could have been the world's most unique sporting event while examining how easily we can all be fooled by increasingly sophisticated technology.
In a somber shift, we pay tribute to Jill Sobule, the groundbreaking singer-songwriter behind the original 1995 hit "I Kissed a Girl," who tragically perished in a house fire at age 66. We reflect on how her music challenged social norms when LGBTQ+ themes were still considered taboo in mainstream culture, predating similar pop cultural moments by decades.
The conversation takes several wild turns as we debate whether dogs should be allowed in grocery stores (spoiler: probably not when they're licking the produce), examine a gruesome murder case involving a Colombian porn performer, and share a cautionary tale about why you should always wash thrifted clothes before wearing them—unless mysterious facial bumps are your desired aesthetic.
We wrap with the ironic story of a Kentucky lottery winner who celebrated his $167 million jackpot by allegedly kicking a police officer in the face, proving once again that money can't buy common sense. His girlfriend, aptly named Fightmaster, joined in the chaos, living up to her surname in spectacular fashion.
Whether you're mourning the loss of what could have been the world's most exciting sperm competition or contemplating your next thrift store purchase, this episode reminds us that in a world full of deception and danger, sometimes all we can do is laugh and remind ourselves that everything's gonna be okay, bud.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Wow, oh boy, whoa, that doesn't sound good.
Okay, well, let's get her going.
We got big news to start with.
Oh no, I'm like upset, I'mupset, I am actually mad.
Wow, what's up everyone.
(00:25):
Welcome to okay bud, thepodcast where everything's gonna
be okay bud not by the sound ofit at ben kissel, one with
jerry akino at miss underscore.
Jerry, that's j-e-i-j-e-r-i-igod and kyle plouffe.
At kyle plouffe.
Breaking news.
Everything's gonna be okay, bud.
I just J-E-R-I-I God and KyleBluth.
(00:45):
Hey, at Kyle Bluth.
Breaking news.
Everything's going to be okay,bud, I just saw this article.
We covered the world's firstsperm race Boy, did we?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And it was too good to be true.
It was fake.
What do you mean?
It was all computer AIgenerated.
Shut up, I'm so unbelievablypissed off regenerated shut up.
I'm so unbelievably pissed off.
No way, yes.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
This is why I couldn't even we can't even do
the show anymore.
There were people saying thatit looked too good to be true.
Like real, sperm doesn't reactthat way it did look.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
It looked exactly like cartoon sperms are drawn
yeah it was like the exact shape, the little tadpole guy I
didn't notice that, but come onI thought that's what the sperm
looked like.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
That's so.
Apparently the entire thing hasbeen ai generated.
The victor was known before.
Wow, and it's all a bunch oflies I I am a cummy, cummy lie I
.
I can't believe it.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
I'm devastated couldn't even Come on.
This was their chance.
This was their chance to belike we're going to extra, man
it up and do some manly manstuff, and it was crap.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I am so upset.
We covered it.
We wasted our breath our heartand energy.
I was talking to my ball sackthat night, being like why
aren't you on there, get it done, balls.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
And it turns out it was all for naught.
This is bigger than steroids inbaseball.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
It is.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
This is bigger than Deflategate.
If you're a fan of football,this is the biggest scandal in
sports.
Dare I say it.
It almost gets political.
This is bigger than Joe Bidenbeing dead for three years and
no one talking about it.
This is huge, huge sperm newsyears and no one talking about
it.
This is huge, huge sperm news.
And whoever is held, billyMcFarland, you're now number two
(02:29):
on my list of promoters.
I don't like Number one, thesperm race guy, damn.
I am devastated.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
You knocked down Billy McFarland.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Billy freaking Firefest McFarland.
And now I can't believe thisisn't everywhere.
Why isn't Banfield coveringthis on News Nation?
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I mean not for nothing, it's just, it's true.
It was too good to be true.
Look at it.
Look at the racetrack.
It looks like a cassette tape.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
It's supposed to be tubes Fallopian tubes.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
It's supposed to be, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
So they generally shaped it like fallopian tubes.
Very generally it's also likebasically a two-way street right
and they have ucla and uscright there printed on the
racetrack.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
I wonder if they're gonna get in trouble we were all
like, oh, it could have beenwatermarked someone needs to be
in trouble yes, somebody needsto.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Heads need to roll, someone needs to be drowned in
sperm I mean so now?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
well, I think they did.
I think they did try to drownsome people in sperm.
They were like in thoseNickelodeon tubes.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I can't yeah like double dare Getting slimed yeah
that's a whole nother kind ofsexual slime, but I am just
absolutely livid.
I'm sorry that we brought youthat information here.
On OK Bud, we are the highestlevel.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
With journalistic integrity.
That's what we have.
That's what we bring.
It's true it's a comedic tilt,but we do pride ourselves on
getting the information correct.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Barely so is it kind of racist that they just
automatically chose that the thewinner would be the person of
color?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
maybe, maybe is it?
It DEI, yeah, dei Is that it.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Both races were yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Both races were completely rigged and utterly
fixed.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Let's just go right to the comments.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I want to get to our Patreon comments here.
What are people saying?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Chris is saying this is very unbecoming of AI.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
It is very, you, unclassy bitch.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
What AI's a slut.
Is she going to do whatever youwant it to do?
Wow, you're just going to dowhatever, I guess so.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
This whole time I was like AI's not going to get me,
it's not going to get me, I'mnot going to be, fooled.
You're not going to be fooled.
You're not going to fool me.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
And then look at all of us.
We got cum it was fakeAI-generated egg on our face.
Wow, oh my God, hysterica issaying we should have fucking
known this race was fake.
Nothing is real anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Yeah, it's true.
Well, I'm sorry, I wanted tobelieve that we lived in a world
that could possibly have onefun thing.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Yeah, it was excitingly stupid.
And now it's like oh, it'sactually a smart thing and we
fooled you guys.
Oh, fuck off.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I also didn't realize .
I'm just learning now.
The event was the brainchild ofa 17-year-old boy.
Oh my God, a 17-year-old boycame up with this.
If I would have known that.
And 17-year-old boys can't tellthe truth, they are oblivious
to any kind of rational thought.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Yeah, we got bamboozled by a fucking teenager
.
I hate teenagers.
I hate teenagers, I hate them.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
It did seem a little weird that the woman who was
hosting it was pretending to bea doctor but also was like holy
fuck, this is fucking crazy huh,she was not a doctor, that girl
I knew, she was a comedian.
She was like an Awkwafinawannabe.
She really was I love herBefore she got in trouble for
using black force Whatever.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I've met Awkwafina many times.
She's fantastic.
She can do whatever she wants.
So the kid's name is Eric Zhu,and he made a stupid animal out
of all of us.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
I don't like this.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
He's a 17-year-old student and entrepreneur from
the Bay Area.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Wactrepreneur.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yep.
He's the one who launched thecompetition to raise the
awareness of men's health andmale fertility.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Which is a noble cause.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
What are you talking about?
What are we talking?
About what are we aware of, nowthat the race has happened?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
The spunk go, spunk.
Does we don't need to raiseawareness of male fertility?
Yeah, what the fuck are youtalking about?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
There's a lot of guys out there having trouble
getting it done.
Why Then God doesn't want youto have one?
That's fine.
Why Then God doesn't want youto have one?
That's fine.
Go, adopt.
Come to the Ben Kissel Clinicof Fertility.
God didn't want it to be.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Wow, I am just livid.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
I'm just still wondering what it is that we
need to be aware of.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Well, they're saying sperm racing is the ejaculatory
equivalent of Theranos, whichthat is.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Shots fired.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
That chick went to prison.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Elizabeth Holmes, yeah, she's in prison.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Wow, that's insane.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, yep, it was Zoo and seven of his buddies.
Yep, according to Joshua Gabay,an 18-year-old who attended
Friday's race, he eventuallysigned a which even featured a
performance from Ty Dolla.
Sign.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
I'm done, which is amazing.
I saw that Of course, there wasan opener.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
He says when you really think about it, we all
won our own individual spermraces to get onto this planet,
Ew.
So, it's only fit that we makeit a format that we can all
watch and enjoy, but, unlikewhen we all of us won our spunk
race, that shit was real.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
It was real.
You can tell, because here weare.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I am just Okay.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
That's pretty crazy, and apparently the idea started
in a high school bathroom.
How fun.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah, they were all playing ooky-kooky in there.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Yeah, they were literally just doing it Sperm
race.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
But you can't do that .
You have to tie it to a causein the fertility thing.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Tie it to a cause.
You know what would be so sickwe made.
Do you think people would watcha sperm race Like dude I?
Bet we can get everyone towatch a sperm race.
No way, dude, yeah we can makeit like an event.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
They're laughing at us.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
No, they, literally they're like I can't believe.
They all fell for it.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
We have cum all over our faces.
We don't Ben.
That's the point, we don't.
They made us look like we'recovered in cum.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
They're buttholes.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
They're straight up buttholes because it's not like
it's, just it's.
You are a butthole, bro.
You tricked all of us.
Is it criminal?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
I don't even know you cumless dumpster you oh well
Haley's saying in the Patreonchat that we've been bamboozled,
but Jeff said I enjoyed thescam.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah, well, that's the problem, isn't it?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Why?
Why, jeff, give me a reason.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Well, it was a little fun it was fun.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
It was fun.
It was fun when it was real.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
It was fun when it was real.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Still real to me damn it.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
It's not real.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
What you do to your bodies.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Now it just looks like this is the closest it's
ever come to me, being likesanta claus isn't being totally
right right very, very upset, sowe're gonna move on from this.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Well hopefully, hopefully, you can recover from
this.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah, I know it's gonna be a tough one I'm gonna
watch some 9-11 documentariesand get back to good.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Wow, just get back to normal, all right, sounds good.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Oh Lordy, so I wonder if the $10,000 the winner got
was real too.
It's not real.
It was full of cash.
There's no money.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
No, there was no winner.
Well they got a million dollarsthere Venture capital.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
So is that fraud it?
Might end up being fraud yeah,so this could be a case that
we're going to follow.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Yes, they could have just shut the fuck up and then
kept getting venture capital andthen really afforded good
lawyers to be like fuck you guys.
You knew what you're gettinginto.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
God, if they end up going to jail for fake sperm
racing, that shit will be thefunniest prison sentence of all
time that would be absolutelyEven worse than a festival
that's not actually happening.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
That'll be amazing.
What are you in for?
Well, something that didn'thappen, cum racing that never
occurred.
And then they'll do a lot ofcum racing in prison.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Yeah, where do they take this from here?
So they built their firstcompany on fake sperm racing.
Or is it an AI?
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Company C-U-M there you go.
Okay, kyle picked up thatlow-hanging fruit.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Hey, yeah right by the scrotes.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Oh my god, don't do the wiggly thing with your hand.
The AI scrotes why?
Speaker 3 (10:16):
do you guys always do the wiggly thing with your hand
?
That's what you're to doing itwith balls.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Yeah, you got to grab it and see if there's cancer in
there.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Oh, like boobs.
Yeah, this testicle cancer.
That's where the lungs go there.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah, it's so stupid you got to grab your nuts and be
like hey, you cancer-free youdone their nuts and your nuts
are just like I thought I wastraining for the fucking sperm
race.
And then you reason to liveanymore because it knows you
don't have sex with women andyou can't have any.
How are you going?
Speaker 3 (10:45):
to recover from this.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Then your balls are like I'm ready to sperm race.
And then you pull them down.
When you pull them down and itmakes you stop.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
What the hell is happening right now.
Trash, alright, let's move on.
Let's move on, I don't.
Anyway, we have sad news.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
We do.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Jill Sabouli.
Do you remember that song?
Speaker 3 (11:05):
I Kissed a Girl and I liked it, and I liked it.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yeah, she died Whoa, she was 66 years old, she was 66
.
Well, the hit was in 1995.
It was.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah, I thought that was like 2008.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
No, but this You're thinking of Katy Perry.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yes, who kind of piggybacks on certain trends?
I'm not even going to diss KatyPerry.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
There was one video where apparently she's dissed
herself enough it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
There's a video going around because apparently in
her concert she sits by a toiletbowl and she has this big turd
that comes out and talks withher.
Yeah, Google, Katy Perry turd.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Okay, well, I want to see that.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
See.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
I saw another video where she was dancing terribly.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Yeah, that fucking Frankenstein thing.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
And so silly, like just so silly.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
I kind of like she's sitting on a rope she turned
around and did like a faketwerking thing, but she was
really just like jumping up anddown like foot to foot.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
It is, she's fascinating.
Oh man is she, but at one pointduring her show she sits on
rolls of toilet paper and thenshe gets into an argument with a
giant turd that comes from thetoilet that she's sitting by.
So I kind of think that'samazing.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
That actually makes me like her more.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah, so that's it.
So she climbs up on toiletpaper what.
And she twerks, and thenthere's turds and there's a
toilet.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
What is going on?
Speaker 1 (12:16):
And if you're on our Patreon you can watch that live,
love the boots, and so this isactually fantastic.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
What so is the poopy person like?
Is there like a joint in hismouth, or like what's in his
it's a piece of corn.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Oh my God, it took me a second to realize what it was
.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Anyway, google Katy Perry turd dance or whatever,
you can watch that.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
And that's a giant mask.
That's a giant COVID mask.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
It is.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
It's a whole puppet show with her.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Yes, she's doing a lot, oh God she is doing a lot.
Anyway, she's still very.
She's Katy Perry, she's a.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
She's a musician alright, she's a musician.
Musicians are fucking kooky.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
They are all.
They march to their beat oftheir own little scrumdiddly
poops.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
That's right, Jill Sabooli.
So I kissed a girl.
This was when people don'tremember this, but I don't even
think Ellen came out as alesbian yet.
Rosie O'Donnell was still likeeveryone's lighthearted, totally
straight aunt.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
I love Tom Cruise.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
No, people don't remember.
This time being gay wasactually taboo.
You could still get fired inHollywood.
People were like cancel thatshow.
Like Will and Grace wasbreaking barriers.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Oh my God what an amazing show.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
So when Jill Soubelle Boulé came out with I Kissed a
Girl, it was like a big deal.
People were like this is alittle naughty.
And then guys were like it's sohot.
And then girls are like I'llkiss a girl.
And then they're like how manylesbian activities happened to
this song, one can only imagine.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Oh, yeah, totally.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
She has died in a house fire.
Jesus, what it sucks, yeah, inMinnesota.
She lived in Minnesota andagain she became a household
name with I Kissed a Girl, andapparently she was also featured
in the movie Clueless, which isfreaking fantastic if you want
to watch a good old comedy Housecaught on fire and now she is
(14:10):
dead.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Well, that's a horrifying way to go.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
For being one of Wait .
Was this a hate crime?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
No, no, jesus Hate crime.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
I don't know Fire Did the house hate crime itself.
Lgbt, no Community.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
No Community, no, this was just.
The house was like man, I'mgoing to go up Well, I don't
want to say that, but like apile of sticks oh boy, because
of course that is a reference tosomething bad yes, cigarettes.
So the singer's manager, johnPorter, said Jill Sobey Boley
was a force of nature and humanrights advocate whose music is
(14:45):
woven into our culture.
I was having so much funworking with her.
I lost a client and a friendtoday.
I hope her music, memory andlegacy continue to live on and
inspire others, and that is whytoday's BUD Bud of the Week is
Kissing Girls.
Yeah, that's an action as agirl.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Wait what.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Lesbians.
Lesbians kissing yeah right Isbutt of the week, Okay.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
The idea of yeah or the action.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
But it's also fun when they're two straight girls,
because then you can still havesex.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
I was going to say I always think that I girl and I
liked it.
That's always like two straightgirls that had like a couple of
shots of tequila.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
They're like oh, my God you want to.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
No, I can't stop.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
No, I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
And it's usually for like the attention of, like some
dudes.
And then lesbians are lookinglike at the corner, like fuck
this.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
This sucks.
They're fakers yeah they'refakers, they're, fakers, they're
a bunch of fakers.
Oh.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Then you fall in love with them.
The next day they were like ah,I was just drunk.
And then you go ha, me too.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I know that's the hardest.
I think that's the hardest part.
It seems specifically andcorrect me if I'm speaking out
of turn probably am lesbianism.
It seems like there's morefluidity within it, like if
you're a man and you're gay.
I feel, like you're pretty much.
Good point, kyle Tola.
I feel like you're pretty muchlike, yeah, I'm gay, I'm loving
(16:06):
this dick right.
Right right right, and then youmight be bi or something, but
it's tough Like.
Look at what happened with JojoSiwa.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah, now she has a boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
She went on Celebrity Big Brother, and then she falls
in love with girlfriend wholives in Australia or some shit
yeah.
And then she found out on theshow and now Jojo Siwa says
she's no longer a lesbian, she'squeer, she's just on the
(16:35):
spectrum.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Look at you with the hot goss of the gays.
No, oh my God, you're so hipMickey, oh my God he's so hip
Mickey Rourke needs an assist onthat score sheet.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Nope, he does.
He did yeah because he's sonasty.
That's the thing for everynasty guy.
They push the gal into the armsof a good man.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Yeah, that makes sense.
It's a disgusting symbioticrelationship.
Well, yeah, I know thequeerness and queer journey is
definitely.
It's always an umbrella termBecause, especially someone as
young as her, like it's reallyunfair for her to come out when
she's like 12 and be like I'mfully gay, like she has a whole
life journey ahead of her, tolike switch around and figure
out if, like, oh, was that aphase or is this how I really
(17:14):
feel?
Or do I accept these people aswell, these people being the men
?
yeah, you do but guys have thesame kind of like double
standards where it's like girlscan go to college and have an
experimental phase and still be,straight, right, right.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
They're just like no, guys can't do that, Guys can't
go to college and have anexperimental phase and not be
gay.
RIP Kevin Barnett.
He used to tell a story, afantastic story, about how he
was drinking with his buddiesand then the guy woke up and
then the next day they made up astory about how he, how he,
touched a dick, how he suckedhim, and then they never.
They never told him it was ajoke.
And then they finally told himit was a joke and he was like
you guys were joking.
(17:51):
I did like five years intherapy for that.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
Oh my God, yeah, oh my God, oh yeah, it was like a
dick dude.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Oh, no, he was oh no, that story's on round table.
A gentleman for many yearsjesus and he went to therapy.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
He was like, oh my god you believe them but if you
would tell a woman that they'dbe like, yeah, yeah well,
everyone can go to college andhave an experimental phase, and
so can jojo siwa yeah, that istrue, but with jojo nothing.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
It's on international tv yeah, she also was.
She never drank fireball, thatwas apple juice.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
She was going through like I'm a bad girl.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I think she's doing that because the bad girl thing
didn't work for her, and nowshe's lying.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Well, no, she's not a bad girl, she's a dance, she's
a.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
She's like a.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Disney kid yeah, she's a dance baby.
Just be a nerd anyway, she'ssaying you constantly are
bedazzling your face it'sbizarre just do it, it's fine.
She wants to do that.
It's bizarre, but do your thingI kissed a girl mega hit.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
She also had a song called supermodel.
She was also behind theautobiography, autobiographical
musical fuck seventh grade yeah,a fourth theatrical run which
fuck seventh grade Fuck seventhgrade.
Fuck, seventh grade.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
I want to see that.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yes, it's a musical.
I guess so.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Let's pull up some songs, some song lyrics.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Fuck seventh grade.
I want to hear yeah, we cancheck it.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
I want to hear like the song fuck.
Seventh grade.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Well, this is going to be in your Google search, not
kids, not hers.
Great, not great.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Oh my god yeah, she was from denver initially, my
god, you're right.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
The first thing google said was caution now
you're on a list.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Oh my god, is that serious?
Speaker 3 (19:32):
it literally just popped up.
It said caution, you're likethat's my pornography is illegal
can't uh, can't help but noticeyou're a 40 something year old
man with the words seventh andgrade and fuck in a search
engine.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
This show is completely unhinged.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
It all started because of that sperm race thing
.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Got us going.
So, she was originally fromDenver, the name of the album
was Things here Are Different,and then her second album was
never released.
So RIP, horrible way to go Ahouse fire Hopefully you just
sucked in some air and somesmoke and you called it a life.
But RIP because that song,everyone loved that song and you
(20:10):
are completely correct.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
It's a gay staple.
Yes, as women move throughtheir phases and try to figure
out what works for them and whatdoesn't.
Go, kiss a girl and find out ifyou like it, and if you don't,
then you let her down nicely.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
There was a couple of fucking chicks out there being
like look at that, spunk go.
And now they lost that too.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Right, yeah, there was definitely girls out there
that said look at that spunk go.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Any other lyrics that you would care to read.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
I put on my headphones, I'm in the wings
when you push me on, but I neverlearn the words.
To the songs, but to the songs.
But there I stand naked.
They're staring at me, laughingat me.
It gets weird, gets weird.
That does sound horrible.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Honestly fuck seventh grade.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Oh, that's one.
I put my headphones on songsfrom fuck seventh grade, which
was an album, I guess.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
No, that was her musical.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Oh, the musical.
Okay, got you guys.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
All right, well, rip Soublet.
Thank you for all yourcontributions to the world.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
Yeah, I'm going to go listen to her song and up the
original, because it's alwaysKaty Perry's version now.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I'm going to listen to some good lesbo rock tonight.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Maybe a karaoke.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yeah, people are talking about other lesbian
bands Pussy Riot Tattoo, all thethings they said all the things
they said running through myhead.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
They were also bamboozling us.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Wait, they're not really lesbians.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
No, they weren't really lesbians, they were
making out for show.
They were also two girlsdrinking tequila sometimes they
had.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
So much fun with it.
How did we get here?
Through lies, Lies dude.
All of these are the lies.
That's why we're here, andthere's no truth.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
That song's still a banger though.
Yeah, no, you know how it wasso exciting for me.
When I saw it.
I was like, wow, look at him go.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
All right, we have a toss-up question, we're moving
on.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Trader Joe's.
I personally enjoy Trader Joe'sfood, but I do not enjoy the
atmosphere, I do not enjoy thelines, I do not enjoy the people
that go there.
So Trader Joe's is off myshopping list.
I don't enjoy the shirts.
I don't enjoy the shirts.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
I don't need that little bag.
That's like $1,000.
I like the little plants,though.
They have really good houseplants there.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
They have good house plants.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Some lavender you can get some oats there.
It's really cute.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Shirts, yeah, like a cinnamon To feed your
girlfriends, that's not nice.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
I love all my hoes.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
The toss-up is should dogs be allowed in Trader Joe's
?
They do have signs that say nopets allowed.
However, many people who havetheir dogs are just walking in
willy-nilly.
This is happening in the UpperEast Side in New York City.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
New York City.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Oblivious owners walk in with their dogs, right past
security guards, who obviouslyare not doing their jobs very
well, and they go about theirbusiness.
Now this has led to what isbeing called full-contact
browsing where dogs they're verycute.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
Not full-contact browsing.
Yeah, that's disgusting.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Right, I just wanted to make sure the toilet paper
actually wiped.
That's what I call the stripclub.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Nice, you're not allowed to do that.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
So apparently all these dogs are licking on the
produce.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
And then dog haters are saying yuck, don't do that.
One queasy person said they sawa dog lick a bunch of lettuce
and a bunch of tomatoes and abunch of apples.
And then one shopper said Ithink it's cute.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah, no, it's not cute, it's cute, it's not cute.
And then there's also probablya bunch of people that it's like
maybe it used to be a placewhere you could have service
animals only, and then they justwalk right in and then the
person that works there is likema'am, is you're done?
They're like, yeah, yeah, my,it's a service animal, don't
worry.
And it's like not, it's clearlynot.
It's my service order yeah, it'slike not, it's clearly not.
It's my service order.
Yeah, it's my emotional support.
(23:44):
It's like why do you guys go sohard with that, with the fake
service animal stuff?
Speaker 1 (23:50):
It's not nice.
Well, you're speaking as ifsomeone.
You are in the business on thewrong side, I am on the wrong
side of the business.
You have to kick a lot ofpeople out for that reason.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
Yeah, I have had to.
I've seen therapy letters notactual service certifications,
but therapist letters thatinform me that this is indeed an
emotionally impactingcircumstance.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
I'm totally here for it.
So one shopper said it's cute.
They say they're usually smalland in a bag so I don't really
mind as long as they're undercontrol.
I don't really mind as long asthey're under control.
Another shopper didn't mindeven when they heard the
allegations of the produce beinglicked by all the dogs.
The shopper said I already washmy food when I get home, but
(24:39):
maybe we'll extra wash now thatwe've learned that the New York
Post spotted five pups,including one large Labrador,
licking all over the grapes.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
That is so gross.
That's not fucking cool, Dude.
If you want to make out withyour own dog, if you want to
feed each other grapes, that'sfine.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Don't grapes kill dogs.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
They actually do.
I feel like everything killsdogs.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Hey Kyle, hey Cam, Can you Google, do grapes kill
dogs?
Hey Kyle, hey Kyle, Can youGoogle the grape-skilled dogs?
Half of this show is just Kyle.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Grapes and raisins are toxic to dogs and can cause
serious health problems,including kidney failure.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Jesus Christ.
Oh, because it's wine.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah, oh shit.
So interesting.
This dog was cradled in itsowner's arms and then it stuck
its nose in a carton of grapes.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
That's yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Before the owner decided not to buy the fruit.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Yeah, there's food there.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Yeah, of course the dogs don't know it's poisonous.
So the owner was looking at thegrapes the dog stuck its nose
in and they're like nah, I don'twant these grapes.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
Great, so they just put them back.
Great, fantastic on the grapes.
Yeah, yeah.
All the pollens everywhere.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
For the most part people don't seem to care,
according to this English gal.
They say it doesn't bother me.
I think it's nice.
In England you would never seethat.
So we thought it was quite nicebecause in England they're all
strict with rules.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Look at how those crazy Americans do crazy shit
with their dogs all the goddamntime.
You would never at home, butit's cute that you do it.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Yeah, well, I mean, we're Americans, we're trash,
clearly yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
We walk around with therapist letters to allow our
dogs to go everywhere with us.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I was cuddling with my dog, jerry, so hard the other
day I was like is thistechnically bestiality?
Speaker 3 (26:17):
It's emotionally bestiality.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
I was just kissing him on his forehead and it was
just like really good.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
I was just kissing him on his forehead and it was
just like I was just like I loveyou so much yeah, this is
fucking.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
am I going to fuck this dog?
But I didn't, so don't worryeverybody, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Forehead kisses to dog fucking.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Yeah, I was just like , cause I I sort of had an out
of body experience and I reallyI'm all big and stuff and then
he's all tiny.
I'm just like and I was like,is this what the bible was
talking about?
Speaker 3 (26:42):
like whether, like, we've lost god and people just
lie with animals sometimes Ikiss, sometimes I kiss my cat
all over his face, all over hissnout, and then and then he
gives me like a lick back andthen and then I feel like I get
a little like centimeter of likehis lips it's like cat lips and
I'm and I feel like, yeah, makeout with me but it's not, but
it's really not that serious no,it's not, but it's really not
(27:02):
that serious.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
No, it's not that serious.
There's nothing going on in theunderbelows.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Yeah, my brain has never gone to man.
Am I trying to fuck this cat?
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Oh God, you ready to fuck Are we about to fuck.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
All right.
Well, let's get to a palatecleanser, shall we?
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Okay, I dare you.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
A porn star.
They decapitated a couple what?
And kept their heads in afreezer before dumping the
remains at a popular landmark,which is the biggest mistake.
You don't want to dump them ina popular landmark, unless, of
course, you want them to befound Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
So Yostin Andres Mosquera is 35.
(27:44):
He is accused of killing AlbertAlfonso and Paul Longworth.
They were hanging out on July10th, oh my God.
And then, apparently, he wasspotted July 10th with a large
red suitcase about 100 mileswest in Bristol.
(28:04):
The cyclist who saw him spoketo him thinking that it was just
a lost tourist.
But then the killer he told thecyclist I got car parts in this
little suitcase.
Wow, I'm carrying car partsbecause he's like John Candy,
right, right In every movie JohnCandy is in because he always
just had a random thing full ofsomething.
Which one's the killer?
It's the black guy the right.
In every movie John Candy is inbecause he always just had a
random thing full of something.
Which one's the killer?
(28:24):
It's the black guy.
The black guy, yes.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Well, whoa don't say it like you're from.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Boston.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Don't say it like that.
What are you fucking?
Don't mumble it.
I just want to know whichperson in the picture it was.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
It was not car parts.
Inside of said luggage, it wasthe remains of Longworth and
Alfonso Oof.
Additional body parts werefound in a large silver trunk
that he had with him, and thecouple's heads were found in a
chest freezer which, come on,it's a chest freezer, not a
handbrake.
You get it everybody.
(28:56):
That's why you tune in.
So he's a Colombian national,one of your people, jerry what?
And he had been-.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
Wait, what Did you say Colombian?
Oh, I'm sorry, dominican.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Oh shit, I'm going to die.
Yeah, never mind, not one ofyour people, jerry, not one of
my people Colombians andDominicans are so different.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Yeah, one makes the drugs.
The other one doesn't ExactlyThank you apples to cocaine here
, people Jesus so he, theColombian national, the murderer
.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
He had been hired to have quote extreme sex with
Alfonso, but that's when heattacked and killed him instead
of having extreme sex.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Oh that sucks.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
He thought it was gonna be an awesome sexcapade
yes, longworth was allegedlykilled after being attacked with
a hammer to the back of hishead, before Alfonso died from
repeated stab wounds and then,apparently, masquera.
He was also allegedly recordedsinging and dancing following
(29:55):
the attack, so he was having agreat time while the while it
was happening after the attack.
So they were either dead orbleeding out, and he was just
going through like hisfrolicking I'd fuck me, would
you fuck me While it washappening, after the attack.
So they were either dead orbleeding out and he was just
going through his.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Frolicking.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
I'd fuck me.
Would you fuck me?
I'd fuck me.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
So he admitted to manslaughter, but the
prosecution rejected his plea.
They say Masquero could hardlydeny killing Alfonso, as the
attack took place while the pairwere having sex and both the
sex and the death were filmed.
Whoa, so it's all on camera.
This is why I don't want to bea juror.
(30:32):
I don't, I can't.
Two weeks of just watching thisI don't.
A part of me is like I have asick fascination, but that's why
I like movies like Terror ofFire.
I like it to be fake.
My friend Manny, he makes allthe stuff.
He does all the torsos.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
So talented, so talented.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
He just made a burnt corpse that has his cock and
balls in his mouth.
I know it's fake and I kind ofneed that.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
But this video is obviously probably going to make
people come on the dark web.
Yeah, Ooh.
Alfonso liked having.
Quote extreme sex.
Obviously I don't think hewanted to die.
The prosecutor says that hasnothing to do with this.
Masquero described himself as apornographic performer.
(31:15):
He visited the UK from Colombiamore than once to have sex with
the couple in exchange formoney and there's pictures and
it shows all three of themsmiling on a boat they're having
fun.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
You don't want to kill your customers.
Yeah seriously, what's going on?
They're paying good money.
Yeah it looks like they hadmoney.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Yep.
Well, after the murder, hetried to steal money from the
couple, attempting to send morethan $5,000 to his own account.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
He is also accused of withdrawing more than $1,000 in
cash, which $6,000 is nothing.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
You're in the one hill someone.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
London's more expensive than Los Angeles.
It really is $1,000.
I can pay all my bills in oneday For the month he also did
that at an ATM, which is like,yeah, you're gonna be caught.
And then he also it's so weird,we're going to be caught, and
then he also it's so weird.
So some of the transactionswere declined and then he made a
PowerPoint document with allthe couple's banking information
(32:09):
.
So he made a PowerPointdocument.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Which is the weird He'd lead the board of fucking
psychopaths and show them Right.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
Yeah, so his skills include dismembering bodies and
proficient in Microsoft Exceland Google Sheets.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Next slide please.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
It'll get you.
Honestly, it would get youhired.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
You'd be CEO, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
So in the weeks leading up to the killing,
apparently he did what all badkillers do he Googled, and his
searches on his computer wereserial killers of London, as
well as movies about theinfamous Victorian murderer Jack
the Ripper.
But that's not.
He didn't ask how to fucksomeone and then kill them.
Serial killers of London is anormal.
(32:51):
I mean, I have that on mysearch.
I mean, who doesn't you want toknow?
Speaker 3 (32:54):
the serial killers of London?
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
But he denies murdering Longworth, who is a
retired handyman from Ireland,and Alfonso, who was a swimming
instructor from France.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
So it's international .
I should try teaching swimmingin France.
That sounds nice.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Yeah, just as long as it's not in that river they
have in the middle of the damnplace in Paris, oh yeah, not the
one where all the poop is on.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
The Cuccalacini's.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
Yeah, no, no, I think that's in Italy.
Yeah, the Caccolaccini River,that's over there.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
So, anyway, that trial is ongoing and we'll keep
you updated.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Wow, that's wild.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
We'll keep you updated, All right.
Last episode we talked about amysterious STD that occurred on
the mouth of a Chinese gal aftera night of karaoke Uh-huh.
This story is equallydisgusting.
If you are a thrifter, be very,very careful, Jerry.
Your entire life is beingshattered.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
That's not true.
I have a very expensiveshopping addiction.
I rarely go to thrift stores.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Well, the thrift stores are more expensive than
the gosh darn stuff fresh offthe rack, they really are.
So this guy you can look at hisface.
He got all messed up.
It looks like he has boils onhis face.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Oh my god, that's real.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
That is real.
That's not real.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
That's not real.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
I think it's real.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
This is bullshit, they're all ready to be just
popped?
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Oh, one popped.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
I'm going to say they're all ready to be popped.
He can just pop them, shavethem, don't shave them.
They're growing.
Oh God, it looks like themushroom fungus that's in that
show, the Last of Us.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
He looks like he's about to turn into the fly.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Jeff Goldblum of course Also that very early
stages of fly.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Experts say wash newly bought clothes before you
wear them.
One person found this out thehard way.
Haley said that as soon as youwear them.
One person found this out thehard way.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Haley said that as soon as you said that Gotta wash
before you wear.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
You always have to wash it before you wear it,
especially thrifted and clothes.
I don't do that ever.
That makes sense, he contractedmolluscum contagism Molluscum
contagism.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
And it's a viral skin infection that consists of
small raised bumps on the skin.
Apparently, they say it'sharmless, but it makes you look
like a fucking ghoul that shouldlive under a bridge.
So it's not harmless.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Uh-huh.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
The harm is your love life, everyone not being able
to look at you anymore.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
That's not funny?
No, it's not.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
And of course I mean I'll look past, I'll just, I
would note it.
Yeah, that's not funny, no,it's not.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
And of course I mean I'll look past, I'll just I
would note it.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Yeah and then.
But after I get a friendshipwith him, I wouldn't even I
could look past the bumps Right,right, right.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
But then he goes to give you a hug, goodbye, and
you're like, yeah, no Well.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
I mean, we're a fist bump friend.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
You know, some friends are fist right.
Is it because of the bumps onmy face?
No, no, I don't know I have.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
no, it's me.
I don't want to get you sick.
I feel like I'm coming downwith something.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
No, no, I'm battling testicular.
I have a testicular, whateverthat is.
I always just say that I'd belike I'm battling a testicular.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
There's another word.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
No, I know there's supposed to be another word no,
no.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
You're just letting everyone fill it in in their
brains.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Fill it in.
I got scrote rot.
I got scrote rot, ew.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
It's a testicle, oh God.
That's why you use so much babypowder.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
I do love it, it's because I want my balls minty
fresh.
Yeah, it's so weird his welts.
He's been using this forcontent, so I guess that's kind
of good.
According to.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Francis.
That's why I think it's fake.
If he's doing it for content,people would be hiding under a
fucking rock.
I mean not anymore.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
He should be crying Also everywhere else where the
boils and weird stuff aren't.
His skin is perfect.
Right, there is not one pore onthe outside of the spores.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Yeah, but yeah, I mean, if the world, you think
there would be some redness someirritation like blackheads,
most of the road is good, it'sthe potholes that matter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course,but he's got.
You're avoiding.
You think you're just lookingfor the positive.
You always look for thepositive yeah, that's me, you're
Dominican.
Call me positive Jerry, that'swhat everyone calls me he's too
(37:07):
joyful, yeah, she doesn't yellat me, doesn't make me want to
cry, not some sort of bizarrekarmic revenge that I have to be
friends with you.
So he received millions of viewsand thousands of comments.
So it worked.
Some empathized with him.
They say I hope you get wellsoon and are as healthy as you
(37:30):
were before.
And then some people are likewhy don't you wash the clothes
first?
And then one person said newfear unlocked.
So this is just another publicwarning that we give on this
show constantly.
I guess if you're in a thriftor even just buy from any, just
wash the shit.
You always wash clothes.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
But I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
You don't.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
I don't, because I always wear it on holidays.
I'll get like a Halloweencostume or I will get like a
shitty Christmas sweater there.
And I'll just throw it right onand go to the party.
Yeah, stay from there.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Good for you, good for you I get my clothes from
One Bone or King Size.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
And I just feel like Tall man's land.
Tall man's land, destinationExtra Large.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
Yes, and I just feel that any piece of clothing that
is made just goes through a lotof hands within the process.
So obviously, even if it'spackaged really nicely, someone
packaged it in there and youdon't know how well, how clean
they were, how unhygienic whatelse?
it touched, Maybe a box dropped,spilled over next to a dirty
(38:33):
warehouse floor, and then theyjust picked it back up and put
it back in the box.
I was like it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
And then it's all underwear,and then you just put it right
on.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Oh yeah of course you do that Face first.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Just saying it's a good idea to wash all your
clothes.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
As someone who's been traveling, I'veute.
I believe I've built up atolerance.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
And I'm strong because of that.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
So I want to thank all the wonderful, wonderful,
wonderful places that I've gone.
Okay, so it is not only a skincondition, but it can infect a
whole bunch of other stuff,apparently.
So it's real bad, doesn't?
Speaker 3 (39:07):
look good.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
According to the Mayo Clinic ringworm which affects
the outer layer of the skin.
It's itchy and scaly andcontagious, it's kind of like
that, and it can spread throughclothes, towels and bedding.
Speaker 3 (39:17):
Oh, no, I've gotten that before.
That's so sad.
Can you stop yeah?
Speaker 2 (39:22):
you get it If you do high school wrestling, if you're
a high school wrestler you getringworm at some point.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
You do.
Oh God, We've all had it.
Teenagers A.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
A huge ring on my back.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
That's so gross, or like when they get those stupid
cauliflower ears.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
It's kind of cool, though it's not.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
It's actually not I actually no, no, no, it's kind
of tough.
Yeah, you all think you're Rageand Bull.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Rage and Bull.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
No, all right.
Well, I don't know about that.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
That's a boxing movie , All right.
Well, just lastly this is kindof a fun story from Florida.
A person won $167 million.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Oh, that's fun, Isn't that awesome.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
God, what would you do if you won that much money?
Jerry, pay my debts, yeah.
What else would you do?
Speaker 3 (40:12):
I would go to In-N-Out after that and that
would cover everything.
You would quit every job.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
You'd quit everything .
Speaker 3 (40:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Number one.
Then you'd give some money tome Give some money to Ben.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
Okay, I'd buy so much weed.
You're going to die, it wouldnever be a problem.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Let's not win the lottery, let's do it the
old-fashioned way Hard work andcomedy.
So a Powerball winner.
He got $167 million.
He was hanging out with hiselderly mother but apparently he
got in trouble because hekicked this cop in the head.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Well, now he can afford to, so that's a good time
to do it.
Yeah, isn can afford to, sothat's a good time to do it,
yeah isn't that nice.
He set aside some money forbail just so he could kick a cop
as soon as he won.
Speaker 3 (40:58):
He's like I, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do something to
get arrested.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Yeah, fucking I've always wanted to do this.
I've always wanted to do don'tworry, I can pay for it it's
fine, yeah, yeah, yeah, it'sfantastic so he's a kentucky
dude.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
he won an eye-popping 167 million bucks uh with his
elderly mother, but then was inhandcuffs days later after
kicking a Florida deputy in theface, and the cop was attempting
to break up a bar fight.
So he just went out and gotinto a fight with the cop.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
So he interfered on a fight that he wasn't even in on
I think he started the fightand then the cop was like hey,
stop fighting.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
And he's like fuck you.
Now you're in the fight, that'shilarious.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Don't you know how much money I have?
Speaker 1 (41:41):
He's going to be fine , oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Oh, and he's going to be right back at it in like a
couple days, he's probably spent$50,000 in tattoos already.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Take 20 million just put it away, don't even think
about it.
Speaker 3 (41:56):
People have friends that are tattoo artists and
stuff.
There's ways that you gettattoos, that's true.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
His name is James Farthing and his girlfriend her
name.
Interesting enough, jacquelineFightmaster, isn't that cool.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
That's her stage name .
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Her last name is Fightmaster In, isn't that?
Speaker 3 (42:12):
cool, that's her stage name.
Her last name is Fightmaster,in a stage name kind of way.
She doesn't come from a longline of stage masters, she's a
fightmaster.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
No, fightmaster, fightmaster.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
That's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
So they were both arrested.
And they were arrested at theTradewinds Resort in St Pete,
which is a fantastic place.
And do you know where theybought the lucky ticket?
Where Clark's.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Pump and Shop Nice.
That's where it was hiding thiswhole time.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
At the Pump and Shop man.
If you're Clark, you gotta belike motherfucker.
Speaker 3 (42:41):
Seriously, I had that shit right near me.
It was literally right here theentire time.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Oh God, that's so.
You're so close to just 167million bucks.
Yeah yeah, that's Fightmasterthere, his girlfriend.
She's real cute.
She looks like someone thatwould get me into trouble.
I mean, she's older, but she'scute.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
Looks like a master of fights.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
He's a former convict Soon-to-be convict as well.
Yeah, the Georgetown Kentuckyresident punched another hotel
guest in the face during anargument, so he seems to just be
punching everybody now that hewon.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Well, he also bought new teeth.
Look at that smile.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Oh yeah, before he even got the arrest or the
ticket the law enforcementofficer said that he had some
swelling and redness on theright side of his face following
the alleged kick to the face.
Farthing then tried to flee thescene, but he was unsuccessful.
And then Fightmaster.
His 42 year old girlfriendallegedly lived up to her name
and then she drunkenly enteredthe bar and then she started a
(43:39):
fight.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
Well, she must have won it.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
She's a master, yeah she is, and I actually think
this couple is really adorablein a strange way.
Yeah, they say.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
Fartmaster.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
Fartmaster 5000.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
That's when she goes to bed.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
Wow, you know you're into it.
Fight Master appeared veryintoxicated and was yelling,
screaming and making incoherentstatements.
That's because they weren'tfucking listening.
These statements are onlyincoherent because you're not
listening.
So Farthing was then chargedwith battery of a law
enforcement officer, a felony,and then a bunch of Mr Maynards,
and then Fight Master was givena public intoxication and then
(44:16):
they're booked and he's behindbars, but Fightmaster, she's
released so she can just gofucking, have a whole bunch of
fun.
And the ticket itself, theticket itself $2.
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (44:32):
The $2.
Let's go to 7-Eleven.
After this, I want to go toClark's.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Pump and Dump, whatever that was called Go get
some goddamn scratch-offs.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Yep.
Well, this is the Powerball.
This is the quick pick that thecomputer came up with on their
own.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
That's wild.
He said that he was going tosplit the winnings with his
mother.
Isn't that nice?
Oh, that's so nice, nice, yep.
So the duo can either gobble up30 graduated annual payments or
a cash lump sum of $77.3million.
I'm assuming they take the taxout.
Mm-hmm, yep.
And then Grizzle I guess that'shis mother.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
Grizzle.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
His mom's name is Grizzle it's old Granny Grizzle.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
She's out there fighting people.
It's old Granny Grizzle man.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
She said it's going to be a good Mother's Day.
My son's in prison, yeah.
And then she said this is goingto pay off my debt.
So you're much like that.
Speaker 3 (45:23):
What about the fact that your son's in prison?
She's like I said, this isgoing to be a great Mother's Day
.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
Yeah, have you ever seen him at parties?
He just kicks a bunch of peoplein the face, fuck yes, this is
the best thing he's ever done.
Anyway, any comments?
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Chris is coming up with a lot of things lottery
strategies, after you win.
He said win the lottery inthree things Get a lawyer, get a
therapist and get an accountant.
I've thought about this a lot.
Great advice, Amazing advice.
He's saying he's thought aboutit a lot because his dad won the
lottery once, just over amillion.
But he honestly probably brokeeven with how much he played.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Oh well, that's the other thing.
Speaker 2 (45:59):
Yeah, that's the other thing.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
Yeah, don't gamble at all.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Don't, no, don't gamble.
Just take 30 million.
You put that right away.
You live off the interestforever and literally you can
spend $40, you can just have fun.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Chris is also saying never take the lump sum,
otherwise you're guaranteed togo broke.
But I could disagree with that,because if you get the 30
installed payments, people findout about it.
They'll fucking kill you for it.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Let's just wrap it up .
You fucking Boston piece oftrash, you absolute sewer rat.
Okay, everyone thank you somuch for listening.
Speaker 3 (46:30):
You're an asshole.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
You're just.
That's not even.
That's not even a second.
That's okay.
Hail yourselves, everyone.
We'll be back.
Hail yourselves, Bye, Bye-bye.
Wow, oh boy, whoa, that doesn't sound good.
Okay, well, let's get her going.
We got big news to start with.
Oh no, I'm like upset, I'mupset, I am actually mad.
Wow, what's up everyone.
(00:25):
Welcome to okay bud, thepodcast where everything's gonna
be okay bud not by the sound ofit at ben kissel, one with
jerry akino at miss underscore.
Jerry, that's j-e-i-j-e-r-i-igod and kyle plouffe.
At kyle plouffe.
Breaking news.
Everything's gonna be okay, bud.
I just J-E-R-I-I God and KyleBluth.
(00:45):
Hey, at Kyle Bluth.
Breaking news.
Everything's going to be okay,bud, I just saw this article.
We covered the world's firstsperm race Boy, did we?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And it was too good to be true.
It was fake.
What do you mean?
It was all computer AIgenerated.
Shut up, I'm so unbelievablypissed off regenerated shut up.
I'm so unbelievably pissed off.
No way, yes.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
This is why I couldn't even we can't even do
the show anymore.
There were people saying thatit looked too good to be true.
Like real, sperm doesn't reactthat way it did look.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
It looked exactly like cartoon sperms are drawn
yeah it was like the exact shape, the little tadpole guy I
didn't notice that, but come onI thought that's what the sperm
looked like.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
That's so.
Apparently the entire thing hasbeen ai generated.
The victor was known before.
Wow, and it's all a bunch oflies I I am a cummy, cummy lie I
.
I can't believe it.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
I'm devastated couldn't even Come on.
This was their chance.
This was their chance to belike we're going to extra, man
it up and do some manly manstuff, and it was crap.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I am so upset.
We covered it.
We wasted our breath our heartand energy.
I was talking to my ball sackthat night, being like why
aren't you on there, get it done, balls.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
And it turns out it was all for naught.
This is bigger than steroids inbaseball.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
It is.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
This is bigger than Deflategate.
If you're a fan of football,this is the biggest scandal in
sports.
Dare I say it.
It almost gets political.
This is bigger than Joe Bidenbeing dead for three years and
no one talking about it.
This is huge, huge sperm newsyears and no one talking about
it.
This is huge, huge sperm news.
And whoever is held, billyMcFarland, you're now number two
(02:29):
on my list of promoters.
I don't like Number one, thesperm race guy, damn.
I am devastated.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
You knocked down Billy McFarland.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Billy freaking Firefest McFarland.
And now I can't believe thisisn't everywhere.
Why isn't Banfield coveringthis on News Nation?
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I mean not for nothing, it's just, it's true.
It was too good to be true.
Look at it.
Look at the racetrack.
It looks like a cassette tape.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
It's supposed to be tubes Fallopian tubes.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
It's supposed to be, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
So they generally shaped it like fallopian tubes.
Very generally it's also likebasically a two-way street right
and they have ucla and uscright there printed on the
racetrack.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
I wonder if they're gonna get in trouble we were all
like, oh, it could have beenwatermarked someone needs to be
in trouble yes, somebody needsto.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Heads need to roll, someone needs to be drowned in
sperm I mean so now?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
well, I think they did.
I think they did try to drownsome people in sperm.
They were like in thoseNickelodeon tubes.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I can't yeah like double dare Getting slimed yeah
that's a whole nother kind ofsexual slime, but I am just
absolutely livid.
I'm sorry that we brought youthat information here.
On OK Bud, we are the highestlevel.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
With journalistic integrity.
That's what we have.
That's what we bring.
It's true it's a comedic tilt,but we do pride ourselves on
getting the information correct.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Barely so is it kind of racist that they just
automatically chose that the thewinner would be the person of
color?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
maybe, maybe is it?
It DEI, yeah, dei Is that it.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Both races were yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Both races were completely rigged and utterly
fixed.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Let's just go right to the comments.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I want to get to our Patreon comments here.
What are people saying?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Chris is saying this is very unbecoming of AI.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
It is very, you, unclassy bitch.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
What AI's a slut.
Is she going to do whatever youwant it to do?
Wow, you're just going to dowhatever, I guess so.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
This whole time I was like AI's not going to get me,
it's not going to get me, I'mnot going to be, fooled.
You're not going to be fooled.
You're not going to fool me.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
And then look at all of us.
We got cum it was fakeAI-generated egg on our face.
Wow, oh my God, hysterica issaying we should have fucking
known this race was fake.
Nothing is real anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Yeah, it's true.
Well, I'm sorry, I wanted tobelieve that we lived in a world
that could possibly have onefun thing.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Yeah, it was excitingly stupid.
And now it's like oh, it'sactually a smart thing and we
fooled you guys.
Oh, fuck off.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I also didn't realize .
I'm just learning now.
The event was the brainchild ofa 17-year-old boy.
Oh my God, a 17-year-old boycame up with this.
If I would have known that.
And 17-year-old boys can't tellthe truth, they are oblivious
to any kind of rational thought.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Yeah, we got bamboozled by a fucking teenager
.
I hate teenagers.
I hate teenagers, I hate them.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
It did seem a little weird that the woman who was
hosting it was pretending to bea doctor but also was like holy
fuck, this is fucking crazy huh,she was not a doctor, that girl
I knew, she was a comedian.
She was like an Awkwafinawannabe.
She really was I love herBefore she got in trouble for
using black force Whatever.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I've met Awkwafina many times.
She's fantastic.
She can do whatever she wants.
So the kid's name is Eric Zhu,and he made a stupid animal out
of all of us.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
I don't like this.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
He's a 17-year-old student and entrepreneur from
the Bay Area.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Wactrepreneur.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yep.
He's the one who launched thecompetition to raise the
awareness of men's health andmale fertility.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Which is a noble cause.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
What are you talking about?
What are we talking?
About what are we aware of, nowthat the race has happened?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
The spunk go, spunk.
Does we don't need to raiseawareness of male fertility?
Yeah, what the fuck are youtalking about?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
There's a lot of guys out there having trouble
getting it done.
Why Then God doesn't want youto have one?
That's fine.
Why Then God doesn't want youto have one?
That's fine.
Go, adopt.
Come to the Ben Kissel Clinicof Fertility.
God didn't want it to be.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Wow, I am just livid.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
I'm just still wondering what it is that we
need to be aware of.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Well, they're saying sperm racing is the ejaculatory
equivalent of Theranos, whichthat is.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Shots fired.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
That chick went to prison.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Elizabeth Holmes, yeah, she's in prison.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Wow, that's insane.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, yep, it was Zoo and seven of his buddies.
Yep, according to Joshua Gabay,an 18-year-old who attended
Friday's race, he eventuallysigned a which even featured a
performance from Ty Dolla.
Sign.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
I'm done, which is amazing.
I saw that Of course, there wasan opener.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
He says when you really think about it, we all
won our own individual spermraces to get onto this planet,
Ew.
So, it's only fit that we makeit a format that we can all
watch and enjoy, but, unlikewhen we all of us won our spunk
race, that shit was real.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
It was real.
You can tell, because here weare.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I am just Okay.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
That's pretty crazy, and apparently the idea started
in a high school bathroom.
How fun.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah, they were all playing ooky-kooky in there.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Yeah, they were literally just doing it Sperm
race.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
But you can't do that .
You have to tie it to a causein the fertility thing.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Tie it to a cause.
You know what would be so sickwe made.
Do you think people would watcha sperm race Like dude I?
Bet we can get everyone towatch a sperm race.
No way, dude, yeah we can makeit like an event.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
They're laughing at us.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
No, they, literally they're like I can't believe.
They all fell for it.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
We have cum all over our faces.
We don't Ben.
That's the point, we don't.
They made us look like we'recovered in cum.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
They're buttholes.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
They're straight up buttholes because it's not like
it's, just it's.
You are a butthole, bro.
You tricked all of us.
Is it criminal?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
I don't even know you cumless dumpster you oh well
Haley's saying in the Patreonchat that we've been bamboozled,
but Jeff said I enjoyed thescam.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah, well, that's the problem, isn't it?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Why?
Why, jeff, give me a reason.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Well, it was a little fun it was fun.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
It was fun.
It was fun when it was real.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
It was fun when it was real.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Still real to me damn it.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
It's not real.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
What you do to your bodies.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Now it just looks like this is the closest it's
ever come to me, being likesanta claus isn't being totally
right right very, very upset, sowe're gonna move on from this.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Well hopefully, hopefully, you can recover from
this.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah, I know it's gonna be a tough one I'm gonna
watch some 9-11 documentariesand get back to good.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Wow, just get back to normal, all right, sounds good.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Oh Lordy, so I wonder if the $10,000 the winner got
was real too.
It's not real.
It was full of cash.
There's no money.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
No, there was no winner.
Well they got a million dollarsthere Venture capital.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
So is that fraud it?
Might end up being fraud yeah,so this could be a case that
we're going to follow.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Yes, they could have just shut the fuck up and then
kept getting venture capital andthen really afforded good
lawyers to be like fuck you guys.
You knew what you're gettinginto.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
God, if they end up going to jail for fake sperm
racing, that shit will be thefunniest prison sentence of all
time that would be absolutelyEven worse than a festival
that's not actually happening.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
That'll be amazing.
What are you in for?
Well, something that didn'thappen, cum racing that never
occurred.
And then they'll do a lot ofcum racing in prison.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Yeah, where do they take this from here?
So they built their firstcompany on fake sperm racing.
Or is it an AI?
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Company C-U-M there you go.
Okay, kyle picked up thatlow-hanging fruit.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Hey, yeah right by the scrotes.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Oh my god, don't do the wiggly thing with your hand.
The AI scrotes why?
Speaker 3 (10:16):
do you guys always do the wiggly thing with your hand
?
That's what you're to doing itwith balls.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Yeah, you got to grab it and see if there's cancer in
there.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Oh, like boobs.
Yeah, this testicle cancer.
That's where the lungs go there.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah, it's so stupid you got to grab your nuts and be
like hey, you cancer-free youdone their nuts and your nuts
are just like I thought I wastraining for the fucking sperm
race.
And then you reason to liveanymore because it knows you
don't have sex with women andyou can't have any.
How are you going?
Speaker 3 (10:45):
to recover from this.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Then your balls are like I'm ready to sperm race.
And then you pull them down.
When you pull them down and itmakes you stop.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
What the hell is happening right now.
Trash, alright, let's move on.
Let's move on, I don't.
Anyway, we have sad news.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
We do.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Jill Sabouli.
Do you remember that song?
Speaker 3 (11:05):
I Kissed a Girl and I liked it, and I liked it.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yeah, she died Whoa, she was 66 years old, she was 66
.
Well, the hit was in 1995.
It was.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah, I thought that was like 2008.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
No, but this You're thinking of Katy Perry.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yes, who kind of piggybacks on certain trends?
I'm not even going to diss KatyPerry.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
There was one video where apparently she's dissed
herself enough it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
There's a video going around because apparently in
her concert she sits by a toiletbowl and she has this big turd
that comes out and talks withher.
Yeah, Google, Katy Perry turd.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Okay, well, I want to see that.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
See.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
I saw another video where she was dancing terribly.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Yeah, that fucking Frankenstein thing.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
And so silly, like just so silly.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
I kind of like she's sitting on a rope she turned
around and did like a faketwerking thing, but she was
really just like jumping up anddown like foot to foot.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
It is, she's fascinating.
Oh man is she, but at one pointduring her show she sits on
rolls of toilet paper and thenshe gets into an argument with a
giant turd that comes from thetoilet that she's sitting by.
So I kind of think that'samazing.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
That actually makes me like her more.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah, so that's it.
So she climbs up on toiletpaper what.
And she twerks, and thenthere's turds and there's a
toilet.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
What is going on?
Speaker 1 (12:16):
And if you're on our Patreon you can watch that live,
love the boots, and so this isactually fantastic.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
What so is the poopy person like?
Is there like a joint in hismouth, or like what's in his
it's a piece of corn.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Oh my God, it took me a second to realize what it was
.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Anyway, google Katy Perry turd dance or whatever,
you can watch that.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
And that's a giant mask.
That's a giant COVID mask.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
It is.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
It's a whole puppet show with her.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Yes, she's doing a lot, oh God she is doing a lot.
Anyway, she's still very.
She's Katy Perry, she's a.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
She's a musician alright, she's a musician.
Musicians are fucking kooky.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
They are all.
They march to their beat oftheir own little scrumdiddly
poops.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
That's right, Jill Sabooli.
So I kissed a girl.
This was when people don'tremember this, but I don't even
think Ellen came out as alesbian yet.
Rosie O'Donnell was still likeeveryone's lighthearted, totally
straight aunt.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
I love Tom Cruise.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
No, people don't remember.
This time being gay wasactually taboo.
You could still get fired inHollywood.
People were like cancel thatshow.
Like Will and Grace wasbreaking barriers.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Oh my God what an amazing show.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
So when Jill Soubelle Boulé came out with I Kissed a
Girl, it was like a big deal.
People were like this is alittle naughty.
And then guys were like it's sohot.
And then girls are like I'llkiss a girl.
And then they're like how manylesbian activities happened to
this song, one can only imagine.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Oh, yeah, totally.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
She has died in a house fire.
Jesus, what it sucks, yeah, inMinnesota.
She lived in Minnesota andagain she became a household
name with I Kissed a Girl, andapparently she was also featured
in the movie Clueless, which isfreaking fantastic if you want
to watch a good old comedy Housecaught on fire and now she is
(14:10):
dead.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Well, that's a horrifying way to go.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
For being one of Wait .
Was this a hate crime?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
No, no, jesus Hate crime.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
I don't know Fire Did the house hate crime itself.
Lgbt, no Community.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
No Community, no, this was just.
The house was like man, I'mgoing to go up Well, I don't
want to say that, but like apile of sticks oh boy, because
of course that is a reference tosomething bad yes, cigarettes.
So the singer's manager, johnPorter, said Jill Sobey Boley
was a force of nature and humanrights advocate whose music is
(14:45):
woven into our culture.
I was having so much funworking with her.
I lost a client and a friendtoday.
I hope her music, memory andlegacy continue to live on and
inspire others, and that is whytoday's BUD Bud of the Week is
Kissing Girls.
Yeah, that's an action as agirl.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Wait what.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Lesbians.
Lesbians kissing yeah right Isbutt of the week, Okay.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
The idea of yeah or the action.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
But it's also fun when they're two straight girls,
because then you can still havesex.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
I was going to say I always think that I girl and I
liked it.
That's always like two straightgirls that had like a couple of
shots of tequila.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
They're like oh, my God you want to.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
No, I can't stop.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
No, I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
And it's usually for like the attention of, like some
dudes.
And then lesbians are lookinglike at the corner, like fuck
this.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
This sucks.
They're fakers yeah they'refakers, they're, fakers, they're
a bunch of fakers.
Oh.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Then you fall in love with them.
The next day they were like ah,I was just drunk.
And then you go ha, me too.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I know that's the hardest.
I think that's the hardest part.
It seems specifically andcorrect me if I'm speaking out
of turn probably am lesbianism.
It seems like there's morefluidity within it, like if
you're a man and you're gay.
I feel, like you're pretty much.
Good point, kyle Tola.
I feel like you're pretty muchlike, yeah, I'm gay, I'm loving
(16:06):
this dick right.
Right right right, and then youmight be bi or something, but
it's tough Like.
Look at what happened with JojoSiwa.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah, now she has a boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
She went on Celebrity Big Brother, and then she falls
in love with girlfriend wholives in Australia or some shit
yeah.
And then she found out on theshow and now Jojo Siwa says
she's no longer a lesbian, she'squeer, she's just on the
(16:35):
spectrum.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Look at you with the hot goss of the gays.
No, oh my God, you're so hipMickey, oh my God he's so hip
Mickey Rourke needs an assist onthat score sheet.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Nope, he does.
He did yeah because he's sonasty.
That's the thing for everynasty guy.
They push the gal into the armsof a good man.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Yeah, that makes sense.
It's a disgusting symbioticrelationship.
Well, yeah, I know thequeerness and queer journey is
definitely.
It's always an umbrella termBecause, especially someone as
young as her, like it's reallyunfair for her to come out when
she's like 12 and be like I'mfully gay, like she has a whole
life journey ahead of her, tolike switch around and figure
out if, like, oh, was that aphase or is this how I really
(17:14):
feel?
Or do I accept these people aswell, these people being the men
?
yeah, you do but guys have thesame kind of like double
standards where it's like girlscan go to college and have an
experimental phase and still be,straight, right, right.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
They're just like no, guys can't do that, Guys can't
go to college and have anexperimental phase and not be
gay.
RIP Kevin Barnett.
He used to tell a story, afantastic story, about how he
was drinking with his buddiesand then the guy woke up and
then the next day they made up astory about how he, how he,
touched a dick, how he suckedhim, and then they never.
They never told him it was ajoke.
And then they finally told himit was a joke and he was like
you guys were joking.
(17:51):
I did like five years intherapy for that.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
Oh my God, yeah, oh my God, oh yeah, it was like a
dick dude.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Oh, no, he was oh no, that story's on round table.
A gentleman for many yearsjesus and he went to therapy.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
He was like, oh my god you believe them but if you
would tell a woman that they'dbe like, yeah, yeah well,
everyone can go to college andhave an experimental phase, and
so can jojo siwa yeah, that istrue, but with jojo nothing.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
It's on international tv yeah, she also was.
She never drank fireball, thatwas apple juice.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
She was going through like I'm a bad girl.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I think she's doing that because the bad girl thing
didn't work for her, and nowshe's lying.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Well, no, she's not a bad girl, she's a dance, she's
a.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
She's like a.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Disney kid yeah, she's a dance baby.
Just be a nerd anyway, she'ssaying you constantly are
bedazzling your face it'sbizarre just do it, it's fine.
She wants to do that.
It's bizarre, but do your thingI kissed a girl mega hit.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
She also had a song called supermodel.
She was also behind theautobiography, autobiographical
musical fuck seventh grade yeah,a fourth theatrical run which
fuck seventh grade Fuck seventhgrade.
Fuck, seventh grade.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
I want to see that.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yes, it's a musical.
I guess so.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Let's pull up some songs, some song lyrics.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Fuck seventh grade.
I want to hear yeah, we cancheck it.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
I want to hear like the song fuck.
Seventh grade.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Well, this is going to be in your Google search, not
kids, not hers.
Great, not great.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Oh my god yeah, she was from denver initially, my
god, you're right.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
The first thing google said was caution now
you're on a list.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Oh my god, is that serious?
Speaker 3 (19:32):
it literally just popped up.
It said caution, you're likethat's my pornography is illegal
can't uh, can't help but noticeyou're a 40 something year old
man with the words seventh andgrade and fuck in a search
engine.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
This show is completely unhinged.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
It all started because of that sperm race thing
.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Got us going.
So, she was originally fromDenver, the name of the album
was Things here Are Different,and then her second album was
never released.
So RIP, horrible way to go Ahouse fire Hopefully you just
sucked in some air and somesmoke and you called it a life.
But RIP because that song,everyone loved that song and you
(20:10):
are completely correct.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
It's a gay staple.
Yes, as women move throughtheir phases and try to figure
out what works for them and whatdoesn't.
Go, kiss a girl and find out ifyou like it, and if you don't,
then you let her down nicely.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
There was a couple of fucking chicks out there being
like look at that, spunk go.
And now they lost that too.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Right, yeah, there was definitely girls out there
that said look at that spunk go.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Any other lyrics that you would care to read.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
I put on my headphones, I'm in the wings
when you push me on, but I neverlearn the words.
To the songs, but to the songs.
But there I stand naked.
They're staring at me, laughingat me.
It gets weird, gets weird.
That does sound horrible.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Honestly fuck seventh grade.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Oh, that's one.
I put my headphones on songsfrom fuck seventh grade, which
was an album, I guess.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
No, that was her musical.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Oh, the musical.
Okay, got you guys.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
All right, well, rip Soublet.
Thank you for all yourcontributions to the world.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
Yeah, I'm going to go listen to her song and up the
original, because it's alwaysKaty Perry's version now.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I'm going to listen to some good lesbo rock tonight.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Maybe a karaoke.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yeah, people are talking about other lesbian
bands Pussy Riot Tattoo, all thethings they said all the things
they said running through myhead.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
They were also bamboozling us.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Wait, they're not really lesbians.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
No, they weren't really lesbians, they were
making out for show.
They were also two girlsdrinking tequila sometimes they
had.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
So much fun with it.
How did we get here?
Through lies, Lies dude.
All of these are the lies.
That's why we're here, andthere's no truth.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
That song's still a banger though.
Yeah, no, you know how it wasso exciting for me.
When I saw it.
I was like, wow, look at him go.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
All right, we have a toss-up question, we're moving
on.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Trader Joe's.
I personally enjoy Trader Joe'sfood, but I do not enjoy the
atmosphere, I do not enjoy thelines, I do not enjoy the people
that go there.
So Trader Joe's is off myshopping list.
I don't enjoy the shirts.
I don't enjoy the shirts.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
I don't need that little bag.
That's like $1,000.
I like the little plants,though.
They have really good houseplants there.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
They have good house plants.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Some lavender you can get some oats there.
It's really cute.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Shirts, yeah, like a cinnamon To feed your
girlfriends, that's not nice.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
I love all my hoes.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
The toss-up is should dogs be allowed in Trader Joe's
?
They do have signs that say nopets allowed.
However, many people who havetheir dogs are just walking in
willy-nilly.
This is happening in the UpperEast Side in New York City.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
New York City.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Oblivious owners walk in with their dogs, right past
security guards, who obviouslyare not doing their jobs very
well, and they go about theirbusiness.
Now this has led to what isbeing called full-contact
browsing where dogs they're verycute.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
Not full-contact browsing.
Yeah, that's disgusting.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Right, I just wanted to make sure the toilet paper
actually wiped.
That's what I call the stripclub.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Nice, you're not allowed to do that.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
So apparently all these dogs are licking on the
produce.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
And then dog haters are saying yuck, don't do that.
One queasy person said they sawa dog lick a bunch of lettuce
and a bunch of tomatoes and abunch of apples.
And then one shopper said Ithink it's cute.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah, no, it's not cute, it's cute, it's not cute.
And then there's also probablya bunch of people that it's like
maybe it used to be a placewhere you could have service
animals only, and then they justwalk right in and then the
person that works there is likema'am, is you're done?
They're like, yeah, yeah, my,it's a service animal, don't
worry.
And it's like not, it's clearlynot.
It's my service order yeah, it'slike not, it's clearly not.
It's my service order.
Yeah, it's my emotional support.
(23:44):
It's like why do you guys go sohard with that, with the fake
service animal stuff?
Speaker 1 (23:50):
It's not nice.
Well, you're speaking as ifsomeone.
You are in the business on thewrong side, I am on the wrong
side of the business.
You have to kick a lot ofpeople out for that reason.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
Yeah, I have had to.
I've seen therapy letters notactual service certifications,
but therapist letters thatinform me that this is indeed an
emotionally impactingcircumstance.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
I'm totally here for it.
So one shopper said it's cute.
They say they're usually smalland in a bag so I don't really
mind as long as they're undercontrol.
I don't really mind as long asthey're under control.
Another shopper didn't mindeven when they heard the
allegations of the produce beinglicked by all the dogs.
The shopper said I already washmy food when I get home, but
(24:39):
maybe we'll extra wash now thatwe've learned that the New York
Post spotted five pups,including one large Labrador,
licking all over the grapes.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
That is so gross.
That's not fucking cool, Dude.
If you want to make out withyour own dog, if you want to
feed each other grapes, that'sfine.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Don't grapes kill dogs.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
They actually do.
I feel like everything killsdogs.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Hey Kyle, hey Cam, Can you Google, do grapes kill
dogs?
Hey Kyle, hey Kyle, Can youGoogle the grape-skilled dogs?
Half of this show is just Kyle.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Grapes and raisins are toxic to dogs and can cause
serious health problems,including kidney failure.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Jesus Christ.
Oh, because it's wine.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah, oh shit.
So interesting.
This dog was cradled in itsowner's arms and then it stuck
its nose in a carton of grapes.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
That's yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Before the owner decided not to buy the fruit.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Yeah, there's food there.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Yeah, of course the dogs don't know it's poisonous.
So the owner was looking at thegrapes the dog stuck its nose
in and they're like nah, I don'twant these grapes.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
Great, so they just put them back.
Great, fantastic on the grapes.
Yeah, yeah.
All the pollens everywhere.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
For the most part people don't seem to care,
according to this English gal.
They say it doesn't bother me.
I think it's nice.
In England you would never seethat.
So we thought it was quite nicebecause in England they're all
strict with rules.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Look at how those crazy Americans do crazy shit
with their dogs all the goddamntime.
You would never at home, butit's cute that you do it.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Yeah, well, I mean, we're Americans, we're trash,
clearly yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
We walk around with therapist letters to allow our
dogs to go everywhere with us.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I was cuddling with my dog, jerry, so hard the other
day I was like is thistechnically bestiality?
Speaker 3 (26:17):
It's emotionally bestiality.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
I was just kissing him on his forehead and it was
just like really good.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
I was just kissing him on his forehead and it was
just like I was just like I loveyou so much yeah, this is
fucking.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
am I going to fuck this dog?
But I didn't, so don't worryeverybody, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Forehead kisses to dog fucking.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Yeah, I was just like , cause I I sort of had an out
of body experience and I reallyI'm all big and stuff and then
he's all tiny.
I'm just like and I was like,is this what the bible was
talking about?
Speaker 3 (26:42):
like whether, like, we've lost god and people just
lie with animals sometimes Ikiss, sometimes I kiss my cat
all over his face, all over hissnout, and then and then he
gives me like a lick back andthen and then I feel like I get
a little like centimeter of likehis lips it's like cat lips and
I'm and I feel like, yeah, makeout with me but it's not, but
it's really not that serious no,it's not, but it's really not
(27:02):
that serious.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
No, it's not that serious.
There's nothing going on in theunderbelows.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Yeah, my brain has never gone to man.
Am I trying to fuck this cat?
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Oh God, you ready to fuck Are we about to fuck.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
All right.
Well, let's get to a palatecleanser, shall we?
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Okay, I dare you.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
A porn star.
They decapitated a couple what?
And kept their heads in afreezer before dumping the
remains at a popular landmark,which is the biggest mistake.
You don't want to dump them ina popular landmark, unless, of
course, you want them to befound Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
So Yostin Andres Mosquera is 35.
(27:44):
He is accused of killing AlbertAlfonso and Paul Longworth.
They were hanging out on July10th, oh my God.
And then, apparently, he wasspotted July 10th with a large
red suitcase about 100 mileswest in Bristol.
(28:04):
The cyclist who saw him spoketo him thinking that it was just
a lost tourist.
But then the killer he told thecyclist I got car parts in this
little suitcase.
Wow, I'm carrying car partsbecause he's like John Candy,
right, right In every movie JohnCandy is in because he always
just had a random thing full ofsomething.
Which one's the killer?
It's the black guy the right.
In every movie John Candy is inbecause he always just had a
random thing full of something.
Which one's the killer?
(28:24):
It's the black guy.
The black guy, yes.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Well, whoa don't say it like you're from.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Boston.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Don't say it like that.
What are you fucking?
Don't mumble it.
I just want to know whichperson in the picture it was.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
It was not car parts.
Inside of said luggage, it wasthe remains of Longworth and
Alfonso Oof.
Additional body parts werefound in a large silver trunk
that he had with him, and thecouple's heads were found in a
chest freezer which, come on,it's a chest freezer, not a
handbrake.
You get it everybody.
(28:56):
That's why you tune in.
So he's a Colombian national,one of your people, jerry what?
And he had been-.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
Wait, what Did you say Colombian?
Oh, I'm sorry, dominican.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Oh shit, I'm going to die.
Yeah, never mind, not one ofyour people, jerry, not one of
my people Colombians andDominicans are so different.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Yeah, one makes the drugs.
The other one doesn't ExactlyThank you apples to cocaine here
, people Jesus so he, theColombian national, the murderer
.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
He had been hired to have quote extreme sex with
Alfonso, but that's when heattacked and killed him instead
of having extreme sex.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Oh that sucks.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
He thought it was gonna be an awesome sexcapade
yes, longworth was allegedlykilled after being attacked with
a hammer to the back of hishead, before Alfonso died from
repeated stab wounds and then,apparently, masquera.
He was also allegedly recordedsinging and dancing following
(29:55):
the attack, so he was having agreat time while the while it
was happening after the attack.
So they were either dead orbleeding out, and he was just
going through like hisfrolicking I'd fuck me, would
you fuck me While it washappening, after the attack.
So they were either dead orbleeding out and he was just
going through his.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Frolicking.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
I'd fuck me.
Would you fuck me?
I'd fuck me.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
So he admitted to manslaughter, but the
prosecution rejected his plea.
They say Masquero could hardlydeny killing Alfonso, as the
attack took place while the pairwere having sex and both the
sex and the death were filmed.
Whoa, so it's all on camera.
This is why I don't want to bea juror.
(30:32):
I don't, I can't.
Two weeks of just watching thisI don't.
A part of me is like I have asick fascination, but that's why
I like movies like Terror ofFire.
I like it to be fake.
My friend Manny, he makes allthe stuff.
He does all the torsos.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
So talented, so talented.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
He just made a burnt corpse that has his cock and
balls in his mouth.
I know it's fake and I kind ofneed that.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
But this video is obviously probably going to make
people come on the dark web.
Yeah, Ooh.
Alfonso liked having.
Quote extreme sex.
Obviously I don't think hewanted to die.
The prosecutor says that hasnothing to do with this.
Masquero described himself as apornographic performer.
(31:15):
He visited the UK from Colombiamore than once to have sex with
the couple in exchange formoney and there's pictures and
it shows all three of themsmiling on a boat they're having
fun.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
You don't want to kill your customers.
Yeah seriously, what's going on?
They're paying good money.
Yeah it looks like they hadmoney.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Yep.
Well, after the murder, hetried to steal money from the
couple, attempting to send morethan $5,000 to his own account.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
He is also accused of withdrawing more than $1,000 in
cash, which $6,000 is nothing.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
You're in the one hill someone.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
London's more expensive than Los Angeles.
It really is $1,000.
I can pay all my bills in oneday For the month he also did
that at an ATM, which is like,yeah, you're gonna be caught.
And then he also it's so weird,we're going to be caught, and
then he also it's so weird.
So some of the transactionswere declined and then he made a
PowerPoint document with allthe couple's banking information
(32:09):
.
So he made a PowerPointdocument.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Which is the weird He'd lead the board of fucking
psychopaths and show them Right.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
Yeah, so his skills include dismembering bodies and
proficient in Microsoft Exceland Google Sheets.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Next slide please.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
It'll get you.
Honestly, it would get youhired.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
You'd be CEO, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
So in the weeks leading up to the killing,
apparently he did what all badkillers do he Googled, and his
searches on his computer wereserial killers of London, as
well as movies about theinfamous Victorian murderer Jack
the Ripper.
But that's not.
He didn't ask how to fucksomeone and then kill them.
Serial killers of London is anormal.
(32:51):
I mean, I have that on mysearch.
I mean, who doesn't you want toknow?
Speaker 3 (32:54):
the serial killers of London?
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
But he denies murdering Longworth, who is a
retired handyman from Ireland,and Alfonso, who was a swimming
instructor from France.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
So it's international .
I should try teaching swimmingin France.
That sounds nice.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Yeah, just as long as it's not in that river they
have in the middle of the damnplace in Paris, oh yeah, not the
one where all the poop is on.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
The Cuccalacini's.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
Yeah, no, no, I think that's in Italy.
Yeah, the Caccolaccini River,that's over there.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
So, anyway, that trial is ongoing and we'll keep
you updated.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Wow, that's wild.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
We'll keep you updated, All right.
Last episode we talked about amysterious STD that occurred on
the mouth of a Chinese gal aftera night of karaoke Uh-huh.
This story is equallydisgusting.
If you are a thrifter, be very,very careful, Jerry.
Your entire life is beingshattered.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
That's not true.
I have a very expensiveshopping addiction.
I rarely go to thrift stores.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Well, the thrift stores are more expensive than
the gosh darn stuff fresh offthe rack, they really are.
So this guy you can look at hisface.
He got all messed up.
It looks like he has boils onhis face.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Oh my god, that's real.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
That is real.
That's not real.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
That's not real.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
I think it's real.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
This is bullshit, they're all ready to be just
popped?
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Oh, one popped.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
I'm going to say they're all ready to be popped.
He can just pop them, shavethem, don't shave them.
They're growing.
Oh God, it looks like themushroom fungus that's in that
show, the Last of Us.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
He looks like he's about to turn into the fly.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Jeff Goldblum of course Also that very early
stages of fly.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Experts say wash newly bought clothes before you
wear them.
One person found this out thehard way.
Haley said that as soon as youwear them.
One person found this out thehard way.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Haley said that as soon as you said that Gotta wash
before you wear.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
You always have to wash it before you wear it,
especially thrifted and clothes.
I don't do that ever.
That makes sense, he contractedmolluscum contagism Molluscum
contagism.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
And it's a viral skin infection that consists of
small raised bumps on the skin.
Apparently, they say it'sharmless, but it makes you look
like a fucking ghoul that shouldlive under a bridge.
So it's not harmless.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Uh-huh.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
The harm is your love life, everyone not being able
to look at you anymore.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
That's not funny?
No, it's not.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
And of course I mean I'll look past, I'll just, I
would note it.
Yeah, that's not funny, no,it's not.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
And of course I mean I'll look past, I'll just I
would note it.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Yeah and then.
But after I get a friendshipwith him, I wouldn't even I
could look past the bumps Right,right, right.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
But then he goes to give you a hug, goodbye, and
you're like, yeah, no Well.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
I mean, we're a fist bump friend.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
You know, some friends are fist right.
Is it because of the bumps onmy face?
No, no, I don't know I have.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
no, it's me.
I don't want to get you sick.
I feel like I'm coming downwith something.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
No, no, I'm battling testicular.
I have a testicular, whateverthat is.
I always just say that I'd belike I'm battling a testicular.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
There's another word.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
No, I know there's supposed to be another word no,
no.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
You're just letting everyone fill it in in their
brains.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Fill it in.
I got scrote rot.
I got scrote rot, ew.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
It's a testicle, oh God.
That's why you use so much babypowder.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
I do love it, it's because I want my balls minty
fresh.
Yeah, it's so weird his welts.
He's been using this forcontent, so I guess that's kind
of good.
According to.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Francis.
That's why I think it's fake.
If he's doing it for content,people would be hiding under a
fucking rock.
I mean not anymore.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
He should be crying Also everywhere else where the
boils and weird stuff aren't.
His skin is perfect.
Right, there is not one pore onthe outside of the spores.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Yeah, but yeah, I mean, if the world, you think
there would be some redness someirritation like blackheads,
most of the road is good, it'sthe potholes that matter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course,but he's got.
You're avoiding.
You think you're just lookingfor the positive.
You always look for thepositive yeah, that's me, you're
Dominican.
Call me positive Jerry, that'swhat everyone calls me he's too
(37:07):
joyful, yeah, she doesn't yellat me, doesn't make me want to
cry, not some sort of bizarrekarmic revenge that I have to be
friends with you.
So he received millions of viewsand thousands of comments.
So it worked.
Some empathized with him.
They say I hope you get wellsoon and are as healthy as you
(37:30):
were before.
And then some people are likewhy don't you wash the clothes
first?
And then one person said newfear unlocked.
So this is just another publicwarning that we give on this
show constantly.
I guess if you're in a thriftor even just buy from any, just
wash the shit.
You always wash clothes.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
But I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
You don't.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
I don't, because I always wear it on holidays.
I'll get like a Halloweencostume or I will get like a
shitty Christmas sweater there.
And I'll just throw it right onand go to the party.
Yeah, stay from there.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Good for you, good for you I get my clothes from
One Bone or King Size.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
And I just feel like Tall man's land.
Tall man's land, destinationExtra Large.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
Yes, and I just feel that any piece of clothing that
is made just goes through a lotof hands within the process.
So obviously, even if it'spackaged really nicely, someone
packaged it in there and youdon't know how well, how clean
they were, how unhygienic whatelse?
it touched, Maybe a box dropped,spilled over next to a dirty
(38:33):
warehouse floor, and then theyjust picked it back up and put
it back in the box.
I was like it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
And then it's all underwear,and then you just put it right
on.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Oh yeah of course you do that Face first.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Just saying it's a good idea to wash all your
clothes.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
As someone who's been traveling, I'veute.
I believe I've built up atolerance.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
And I'm strong because of that.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
So I want to thank all the wonderful, wonderful,
wonderful places that I've gone.
Okay, so it is not only a skincondition, but it can infect a
whole bunch of other stuff,apparently.
So it's real bad, doesn't?
Speaker 3 (39:07):
look good.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
According to the Mayo Clinic ringworm which affects
the outer layer of the skin.
It's itchy and scaly andcontagious, it's kind of like
that, and it can spread throughclothes, towels and bedding.
Speaker 3 (39:17):
Oh, no, I've gotten that before.
That's so sad.
Can you stop yeah?
Speaker 2 (39:22):
you get it If you do high school wrestling, if you're
a high school wrestler you getringworm at some point.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
You do.
Oh God, We've all had it.
Teenagers A.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
A huge ring on my back.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
That's so gross, or like when they get those stupid
cauliflower ears.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
It's kind of cool, though it's not.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
It's actually not I actually no, no, no, it's kind
of tough.
Yeah, you all think you're Rageand Bull.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Rage and Bull.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
No, all right.
Well, I don't know about that.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
That's a boxing movie , All right.
Well, just lastly this is kindof a fun story from Florida.
A person won $167 million.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Oh, that's fun, Isn't that awesome.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
God, what would you do if you won that much money?
Jerry, pay my debts, yeah.
What else would you do?
Speaker 3 (40:12):
I would go to In-N-Out after that and that
would cover everything.
You would quit every job.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
You'd quit everything .
Speaker 3 (40:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Number one.
Then you'd give some money tome Give some money to Ben.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
Okay, I'd buy so much weed.
You're going to die, it wouldnever be a problem.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Let's not win the lottery, let's do it the
old-fashioned way Hard work andcomedy.
So a Powerball winner.
He got $167 million.
He was hanging out with hiselderly mother but apparently he
got in trouble because hekicked this cop in the head.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Well, now he can afford to, so that's a good time
to do it.
Yeah, isn can afford to, sothat's a good time to do it,
yeah isn't that nice.
He set aside some money forbail just so he could kick a cop
as soon as he won.
Speaker 3 (40:58):
He's like I, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do something to
get arrested.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Yeah, fucking I've always wanted to do this.
I've always wanted to do don'tworry, I can pay for it it's
fine, yeah, yeah, yeah, it'sfantastic so he's a kentucky
dude.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
he won an eye-popping 167 million bucks uh with his
elderly mother, but then was inhandcuffs days later after
kicking a Florida deputy in theface, and the cop was attempting
to break up a bar fight.
So he just went out and gotinto a fight with the cop.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
So he interfered on a fight that he wasn't even in on
I think he started the fightand then the cop was like hey,
stop fighting.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
And he's like fuck you.
Now you're in the fight, that'shilarious.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Don't you know how much money I have?
Speaker 1 (41:41):
He's going to be fine , oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Oh, and he's going to be right back at it in like a
couple days, he's probably spent$50,000 in tattoos already.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Take 20 million just put it away, don't even think
about it.
Speaker 3 (41:56):
People have friends that are tattoo artists and
stuff.
There's ways that you gettattoos, that's true.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
His name is James Farthing and his girlfriend her
name.
Interesting enough, jacquelineFightmaster, isn't that cool.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
That's her stage name .
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Her last name is Fightmaster In, isn't that?
Speaker 3 (42:12):
cool, that's her stage name.
Her last name is Fightmaster,in a stage name kind of way.
She doesn't come from a longline of stage masters, she's a
fightmaster.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
No, fightmaster, fightmaster.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
That's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
So they were both arrested.
And they were arrested at theTradewinds Resort in St Pete,
which is a fantastic place.
And do you know where theybought the lucky ticket?
Where Clark's.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Pump and Shop Nice.
That's where it was hiding thiswhole time.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
At the Pump and Shop man.
If you're Clark, you gotta belike motherfucker.
Speaker 3 (42:41):
Seriously, I had that shit right near me.
It was literally right here theentire time.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Oh God, that's so.
You're so close to just 167million bucks.
Yeah yeah, that's Fightmasterthere, his girlfriend.
She's real cute.
She looks like someone thatwould get me into trouble.
I mean, she's older, but she'scute.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
Looks like a master of fights.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
He's a former convict Soon-to-be convict as well.
Yeah, the Georgetown Kentuckyresident punched another hotel
guest in the face during anargument, so he seems to just be
punching everybody now that hewon.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Well, he also bought new teeth.
Look at that smile.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Oh yeah, before he even got the arrest or the
ticket the law enforcementofficer said that he had some
swelling and redness on theright side of his face following
the alleged kick to the face.
Farthing then tried to flee thescene, but he was unsuccessful.
And then Fightmaster.
His 42 year old girlfriendallegedly lived up to her name
and then she drunkenly enteredthe bar and then she started a
(43:39):
fight.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
Well, she must have won it.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
She's a master, yeah she is, and I actually think
this couple is really adorablein a strange way.
Yeah, they say.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
Fartmaster.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
Fartmaster 5000.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
That's when she goes to bed.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
Wow, you know you're into it.
Fight Master appeared veryintoxicated and was yelling,
screaming and making incoherentstatements.
That's because they weren'tfucking listening.
These statements are onlyincoherent because you're not
listening.
So Farthing was then chargedwith battery of a law
enforcement officer, a felony,and then a bunch of Mr Maynards,
and then Fight Master was givena public intoxication and then
(44:16):
they're booked and he's behindbars, but Fightmaster, she's
released so she can just gofucking, have a whole bunch of
fun.
And the ticket itself, theticket itself $2.
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (44:32):
The $2.
Let's go to 7-Eleven.
After this, I want to go toClark's.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Pump and Dump, whatever that was called Go get
some goddamn scratch-offs.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Yep.
Well, this is the Powerball.
This is the quick pick that thecomputer came up with on their
own.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
That's wild.
He said that he was going tosplit the winnings with his
mother.
Isn't that nice?
Oh, that's so nice, nice, yep.
So the duo can either gobble up30 graduated annual payments or
a cash lump sum of $77.3million.
I'm assuming they take the taxout.
Mm-hmm, yep.
And then Grizzle I guess that'shis mother.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
Grizzle.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
His mom's name is Grizzle it's old Granny Grizzle.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
She's out there fighting people.
It's old Granny Grizzle man.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
She said it's going to be a good Mother's Day.
My son's in prison, yeah.
And then she said this is goingto pay off my debt.
So you're much like that.
Speaker 3 (45:23):
What about the fact that your son's in prison?
She's like I said, this isgoing to be a great Mother's Day
.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
Yeah, have you ever seen him at parties?
He just kicks a bunch of peoplein the face, fuck yes, this is
the best thing he's ever done.
Anyway, any comments?
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Chris is coming up with a lot of things lottery
strategies, after you win.
He said win the lottery inthree things Get a lawyer, get a
therapist and get an accountant.
I've thought about this a lot.
Great advice, Amazing advice.
He's saying he's thought aboutit a lot because his dad won the
lottery once, just over amillion.
But he honestly probably brokeeven with how much he played.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Oh well, that's the other thing.
Speaker 2 (45:59):
Yeah, that's the other thing.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
Yeah, don't gamble at all.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Don't, no, don't gamble.
Just take 30 million.
You put that right away.
You live off the interestforever and literally you can
spend $40, you can just have fun.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Chris is also saying never take the lump sum,
otherwise you're guaranteed togo broke.
But I could disagree with that,because if you get the 30
installed payments, people findout about it.
They'll fucking kill you for it.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Let's just wrap it up .
You fucking Boston piece oftrash, you absolute sewer rat.
Okay, everyone thank you somuch for listening.
Speaker 3 (46:30):
You're an asshole.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
You're just.
That's not even.
That's not even a second.
That's okay.
Hail yourselves, everyone.
We'll be back.
Hail yourselves, Bye, Bye-bye.
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