December 20, 2023 • 44 mins
Are you ready to shatter the misconceptions surrounding relationships and gender roles? This episode is a no-holds-barred exploration into the realities and complexities of love and partnership, where we urge our listeners to resist the impulsive leap into commitments and take the time to truly understand their significant other. We delve into the potential pitfalls of rushing into relationships and navigate the often challenging emotional landscape that relationships bring.
Switching gears, we address the bread-and-butter topic of single motherhood, shedding light on the feelings of resentment and scorn these brave women often face. We take a deep dive into the impacts on children raised in single-parent homes, and discuss how factors like financial stability and education can influence the success of single mothers. Furthermore, we don't shy away from sensitive subjects like DNA testing and the societal stigma it carries, underscoring the importance of open communication and honesty to prevent future complications.
Finally, we emphasize the significance of integrity and stability in relationships, going beyond superficial attractions like sex and money. This comprehensive discussion aims to empower you with the knowledge and insights needed to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. So, whether you're single, married, or somewhere in between, this episode will provide you the tools to navigate the tricky landscape of love and relationships. Remember to like, subscribe, and hit the bell to stay updated on future episodes!
Go to http://www.overcometoobecome.com to see all of the Video Podcasts and the other podcasts under the "Overcome 2 Become" YouTube Channel
Follow M at @overcometoobecome and T at @tress_city on Instagram
Email us at overcometoobecome@gmail.com for thoughts, comments and show suggestions. Come join the discussion
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
M (00:05):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to on the mic with the M
and T, listen, we're just gonnakeep it real today.
We're kind of winging it today,but we're gonna say this I'm
gonna start off by saying thisMen ain't shit and women ain't
shit.
I'm gonna say that as a generalfucking statement Men ain't
(00:25):
shit, women ain't shit.
So you can't nobody send me,send me comments over here.
I'm a good dude, you know, Itry to do what I can do.
Or when I say, why are yougonna put me on in that shit?
No, because what's happeningright now in society as a
general is everybody's beingthrown in the same fucking pot
the good guys, the bad guys, thebad girls, the bad dudes, and
everybody's saying everybody'sshit, and that's not true.
(00:47):
So today we're going to talkabout that and you have to make
some decisions, and what I meanby that is please, don't rush
into relationships quickly, getto know the person and, lord,
please, don't get a pregnant andplease, ladies, don't let him
get you pregnant, because thatstarts off a whole.
Another thing that's prettyugly and pretty nasty situation
(01:09):
that we've been seeing all thetime, and you are living it.
Some of y'all probably gonnalook at this as shit.
I'm living that shit he talkingabout.
Yes, I'm talking to you.
So other people, you ain'tquite there yet.
You're like you probably sitwith a dude watch.
You say, hmm, I wonder if he'sgonna be that kind of dude gonna
be with me.
You know the rest of my lifeBecause I love him.
He's cute, he smells good, allpreliminary shit that should
(01:29):
change overnight, so it takeswork.
T (01:31):
I'm playing real quick.
M (01:34):
Real, real quick.
We're going to talk about howpeople just have to make much
better decisions.
Don't, don't be so impulsive,you know, because it saves you
some problems on the road.
And as I was talking, we sawbefore the podcast about the
cause and effect.
We always look at the effect.
Bad ass kids, you know badrelationships, you know they
(01:56):
hate each other.
They take care ofresponsibilities.
T (01:59):
I'm gonna go myself.
M (02:01):
Yes, I'm gonna go on that shit.
But if you step back for onesecond those of you who have
already in the effect stage, youalready went there.
So you're going through thisbullshit, but there's a lot of
people who haven't gotten to theeffect stage.
You're actually in the causephase.
So we're trying to give yousome information so you can
avoid being in a situation of alot of people that you see are
(02:22):
in the effect stage of theirrelationships and their lives.
So we just want you to reallystop thinking, stop being an
emotional creature aboutrelationships, and actually
think logically aboutrelationships and who you really
look at, especially for women.
Y'all emotional any goddamn wayto.
So you know what y'all do.
Y'all go for any drive.
(02:43):
It looks good.
Oh my God, it smells good.
I'm gonna have his bathing.
That's what y'all do.
T (02:47):
So, women, it seems like you don't have to go there, I'm
ready.
I think I can't believe youjust threw us out there like
that.
What I'm noticing, though itseems like women are super
emotional in the front end andmen are super emotional on the
back end, meaning, when we firstmeet, I got all the butterflies
(03:08):
in my stomach and I'm like, ohyeah, she smells so good.
Oh, my goodness, he's so fine.
Ah, you're on my line.
I can't wait to be called metonight.
Oh yes, tell me good night,tell me good morning, tell me
all the sweet nothings in my ear, right, yep, when we break up,
(03:29):
women get this ice a lot oftimes.
M (03:31):
Yes, the emotions get shut down.
T (03:33):
Now we got boundaries, now we don't want you on our line.
And now y'all turn superemotional.
I can't believe you did this tome.
That's how we doing it.
You just going to leave likethat, yes, and then y'all get
all the emotions, get theflaring.
Y'all are dead Down on bendedknees and whatnot, begging
(03:56):
primary crucial friends to comesee outside my apartment and
whatnot.
That emotion thing go both ways.
M (04:04):
Well T, I want to speak for the men, as men we are not
trained or taught to handle ouremotions.
We're actually emotionallyimmature.
At no stage in our lives growingup to become where we reach
manhood.
Do anyone teach us how tohandle our emotions?
Nine times out of ten to tellyou if you're in pain, suck it
(04:24):
up, shut the fuck up man up.
So you don't really speak.
You remain silent when it comesto emotional stuff, so you
don't get to learn about it,learn about your emotions or how
to handle things emotionally.
You find out when you somehowyou get a young lady who you
like and you know it's gonna behard.
(04:45):
We're trying to show you alittle love, but we try to give
you our heart and lay out there,send them cute sweatsongs, some
shit like that.
You know, like girl, I love you, love you baby.
No, we ain't doing all thatshit.
We're gonna try to give you alittle bit of this and that, but
along the way we actuallybecome infatuated with you guys,
we actually get into the thing.
I like her.
You know she's a person.
(05:05):
You know she treats me well.
You know we don't argue a lot.
She's pretty easy going and,surprisingly to us, we're gonna
become emotionally attached toyou.
You know we're in so a way wedon't even know how.
We're so immature, we don'teven know where we're connected.
We're just like we're walkingand walking.
And we got connected and we'restill walking and walking Like I
ain't connected, yet You'reconnected about five, six months
(05:28):
that away.
You're still walking andtalking.
And then we get comfortable asmen, we don't know, we're
emotionally immature, we'recomfortable.
So then we start doing things.
You know, you know she acceptthis, she accept that.
And then y'all kind of give usthe boundaries, like, yeah, you
can do the oh, you wish theboundary.
Yeah, okay, do it, go, go, goso far.
But then some of us are soimmature that we do some stupid
(05:51):
shit and they, oh, she'll acceptanything I do.
She accepted this.
Oh, she got some boundaries,well, she'll get.
She'll let me stretch until youget over the boundary.
And then she shuts you down.
And then she's like I don'twant to fucking date you, no
more.
You don't listen to me.
I try to tell you that was asurprise.
Like huh, what?
You let me do this, this Stilldon't know.
(06:11):
And then you'll say this is it,this is over.
And we're like over, it don'treally hit us like over, you
have to go.
We had to walk away from that.
She's like oh, I'm not supposedto be about over.
You call her.
T (06:23):
Oh, shit, she ain't picking up now.
M (06:26):
I'm a texture.
Shit goes on answer.
You're like what the fuck?
You looking at my shit.
So now that emotion that youwas attacked way back then now
kicks in.
You like because before beingill, fuck, you're not fucked up.
I move on, find some miles, butno, you're now attached.
You're now emotionally attached.
You're not a hell, that shit.
I listen, I listen, dude.
(06:47):
I'm gonna say cuz college.
I know a dude who was so pissedoff of his girl back in the day
who broke up with him.
That Negro told me, and I quote, i'ma go to her house to flat
all her tires.
Yeah.
T (07:05):
Yeah, no acting out with that anger man.
That anger can become somethingelse.
Yeah, those oceans can dosomething different.
I mean, they both can.
M (07:14):
Absolutely.
But for us we can't control it.
It's new to us.
Y'all women, y'all deal withthe emotion stuff.
You do emotions shit all thetime for us that you know
emotions that we're not supposedto show.
Now we have them.
We don't know how to fuckingdeal with them.
So that's why you get thestalker or the guy who's you
know Try to kidnap you or dothat crazy shit because he don't
(07:36):
know how what to do with hisemotions.
But Y'all do that to us, y'all.
Y'all do the things to us makeus Connect to you, make you feel
good about you that we you know, you'll never leave us, so it's
all new to us.
T (07:49):
Yes, we done.
Did that to you, told you yes,and then you just did your own
thing, you know, and thenthought she was supposed to
stick around for it and then wasup.
M (08:05):
And then what happens is, as guys we don't really I mean
emotions.
One of these will surround andtalk about Emotional shit.
Men just don't do that, andit's society, oh, you shouldn't
talk about it.
But then this is why men dieearly, men drink a lot, men use
drugs.
Because men don't deal withtheir feelings and their
emotions.
And you have to, because we arehuman, even though we're men,
(08:27):
we're still a human and we haveto be able to learn how to deal
with emotions.
And that's how life'srelationships go bad, because we
as men can't deal with emotions.
Women, you're emotional andcertain situations you get into
you can't really talk about itbecause as a man, you don't know
how to talk about your emotionsto another one.
You can.
You can kind of tell how you,how you feel, without really
(08:50):
Telling how you feel.
You know, because it's jump itup, it takes, it takes a lot for
us to say, okay, we need to getto, we need to become
emotionally intelligent, andthat takes work and a lot of men
Don't know.
You know where to start to dothat and usually when it kicks
in is women, relationships withwomen, and when we're in a
situation that we're battlingyou, we're trying to understand
(09:11):
you because, again, y'all fromVenus, we're from Mars.
It's kind of hard to understandwomen, y'all.
You know, you kind of give usthat the I want to say the
double-face with the two face,but you give us one emotion.
It's really another motion, butwe don't really know what that
really means.
So again, that goes back tocommunication, communication.
Communication has got to be key.
So everybody has to be open tocommunication, because if we
(09:33):
don't, then we look at all thebullshit that that happens.
If you all, lord, if you fuckaround, have a baby now, it gets
real, real nasty, real nastyWith y'all, deal with y'all.
T (09:47):
Wow with us though, dylan, but I mean huh Cuz by that point
.
It's like you know acts to betrailed and act.
You know acts to be trailedagainst the woman.
That's how a woman is normallyfeeling.
Right equation doesn't work outand we have a baby together and
I thought that we were going tobe together.
(10:11):
You know kind of forever type ofthing, and For whatever reason,
forever didn't work out.
Generally the woman doesn'tfeel like it's hurtful that, you
know, forever didn't work out,it's your fault.
And so if forever didn't workout for me and now, like we said
, you know, perhaps women feelspainted after They've given you
a child and you're not thereforever person, because now I
(10:33):
have to go find another man totake care of me, angel child,
because whether or not you takecare of your kid on the weekends
or, you know, during thesummers or send over a check or
not, there's still going to bein the household ultimately with
another man if I marry.
So now, you know, perhaps awoman feels tainted.
So you can understand a womanfeeling scorn because she has a
(10:55):
child by a man who's not willingto take care of her whole
heartedly.
M (11:01):
And I feel you're there.
And here's something else I wasthinking recently.
I'm gonna throw it out there.
I was looking at some somedifferent stories like divorce
courts, mother court chose andit just it's just being hit me
in top my head.
I think maybe wrong problemscan put it out there.
I I think women never, ever, getover the guy that she had a
(11:25):
baby by, because every day shelooks at this baby who's a
product of a relationship thatshe thought would end in
marriage but it ended indisappointment.
So it's all my to me is likewomen take it out not
consciously, maybe soconsciously, like when you see
that kid that looks like thatguy who you thought your life
(11:46):
was going to be white picket,fence and all that beautiful
shit and didn't turn out thatway.
It's almost like a resentment.
I may be wrong, is it aresentment towards the kid?
Because now I'm stuck with thismotherfucker, I'm really got.
He just leave and leave.
He leave a left me with a babyand now I gotta ask this goofy
motherfucker help take care ofsomething he helped bring here
(12:07):
and I got to look at this kidevery day and be reminded of the
bad decisions that I made towomen.
T (12:15):
I think that women and generally, if you are in a
situation that you're likestruggling and struggling to
Maintain financially, strugglingto maintain your energy,
struggling to maintain a properrelationship, you're gonna start
resenting a lot of things.
(12:36):
But if, perhaps, if you're awoman who is not finding
themselves in a strugglefinancially, emotionally,
energetically, in Relationships,you're not going to resent much
of anything in your life.
So, whether it's a child thatyou resent and resent resenting,
whether it's the family thatyou was born into that you start
to resent, whether it's theNeighborhoods that you are
(13:00):
familiar with that you're kindof living in, that you resent
people who Kind of havestruggles in their life, right
and my, and are the ones whofeel the resentment, and whether
, whatever you decide to resentin that Life because of those
struggles, that's that's justyou, that's personal.
Definitely you can harbor thatwithin your child, but it's not.
(13:23):
I don't think it's justspecific to children and I do
think it, but I do think it isspecific to someone struggling.
I don't think we talk about orsee someone who was in a
thriving, happy relationship,who is financially secure, you
know, and mentally like stableand happy, who is Resenting any
(13:46):
parts of their life, especiallylike their children.
Who is them?
M (13:50):
mm-hmm and see and I asked that question because there's
another thing I was read aboutis the the lack of success of
single mothers compared tosingle fathers.
So I will read this quickly.
It says children raised bysingle mothers are more likely
to fail.
(14:10):
Worse for the number ofdimensions, including school,
social, emotional developmenttheir health, success in the
labor market, their risk ofparental abuse and neglect,
particularly by the livingboyfriends who are not their
biological fathers, more likelyto become teen parents, likely
not graduate from high school,get more into drugs and alcohol.
(14:31):
It's like the risk is greaterfrom them than, let's say, a
Single father raising them.
So I thought those beard iswho's the source on that?
This is the Brookings Institute, um.
I'm gonna link on yeah, it'sBrookings that edu and Look up
(14:53):
articles.
T (14:54):
Right, there did.
They must have cited at thebottom of that what did they
cite?
M (14:59):
Uh, they, it's a pre lengthy.
Once I'll, I'll send you so youcan take a look at it.
But basically they're saying Alot of things is educational,
wise, because the mothers arenot Not making money to take
care of the kids.
T (15:14):
Yes, that's the thing that I was going to speak to.
As we speak about facts, factsand statistics and all that good
stuff that we're kind of makinginferences off of a lot of
these things, that seems like Ithink that where you live at, in
your financial makeup, is abigger determinant of a lot of
(15:36):
those factors than no.
I wonder.
I can't make that thing.
I'm just wondering if whereyou're living at, in your
financial situation, is thatjust as big as a determinant.
As a person, being a singlemother Meaning the single mother
who lives in a poverty strickensituation, versus the single
(15:59):
mother who's not, who is welleducated and who has a good job,
who can maintain her childrenDoes the children have the same
outcomes when you compare thetwo?
Because when we speak about thesingle mother, we speak about
the single mother as if there isnot an education difference in
(16:20):
mothers, single or not, andthere's also going to be a
financial difference in theupbringings of these children.
So we can't just negate thosefactors when we're talking about
raising children in singlehouseholds, because what we're
(16:42):
saying is that 80% of thechildren being raised in single
parent households or with singlewomen are being raised in
poverty stricken situations, andthis is the outcome.
Then let's talk about theentire situation, as opposed to
pretending as if just having awoman who probably is raising
(17:03):
the kid against her own will byherself is just doing this like
this crap, ass, poor job, justbecause she wanted to.
That's true.
That's fucking weird at thispoint in the Instagram, in the
pot-fired realm that we'retrying to drive home, that 80%
of people were raised by singlemothers and now the whole
(17:26):
population is fucked because ofthat.
Like, the whole population'snot screwed, believe it or not.
So if 80% of people came out ofsingle parent households or
from a single mother, then Imean, what would the population
really be looking like?
If it's really as bad as thestats are, kind of speaking to
(17:46):
them being, I just feel like itdeserves a little more
investigation.
M (17:53):
Yeah, and that's what I say.
I always when I hear someoneyou're like on IG and on the
other podcast, you hear thisshit, that shit sound crazy.
T (18:02):
I'm sorry, but they never cite their source.
M (18:05):
No, they don't.
That's why I had it pulled up.
I said let me send it to youand in fact, people who watch it
in the podcast we'll see it too, because I think I put it up on
the side so you can take a lookat it, because we deal with
facts.
We don't post it on our heads.
We don't go out there just forthe clickbait and that bullshit.
We want this information tomake you better.
We want you to make gooddecisions for your life, so
(18:26):
we're not just trying to get youto say, oh, this is a fight.
No, we want you to be betterand want the kids to be happier.
T (18:31):
Is this not nice on the ears, Like agreeable, Just can't say
things that are agreeable whenit's not.
You know, indeed, representingyou know the truth Absolutely.
M (18:45):
Absolutely.
And that kind of goes back towhere I said cause and effect.
Women and men have to talk.
Communication is the key tosuccess.
They may, down the road, change, but that's only if you stop
(19:06):
communicating, because if you'recommunicating, truly
communicating, everyone knowswhat's on everybody's mind.
Because what I've heard on alot of different things is
people saying shit because theythink that's what they're
thinking but not really askingthem.
So the actions I think that'swhat they're doing or what
they're thinking, but did youfucking ask them?
If you didn't ask them, that'san assumption and we know about
(19:27):
assumptions and they can ask youand me.
So talk, you know before, getpast the cute and the pretty and
all that shit and find out whatthe fuck they're about.
Can you just have thatcommunication and know what
they're really about?
And if women, if you meet a guy, ask that motherfucker what he
do for a living.
And when you meet him, if he'stelling you I'm in between jobs
(19:48):
trying to figure that shit out,he 30 some years old, run Woman.
T (19:53):
It's like believing people when they speak and when they
show themselves.
Exactly, you know who they are.
If a man and this is not liketo be a gold digger, but the
certain type of car that mandrives does speak to how he's
moving around A man who don'town a car and he live in the
suburbs, that sounds a littlered flag Because it's like, well
(20:20):
, do you have a driver's license?
Do you have a job?
Like can you get car insurance?
Are you like a reckless driver?
To where they took away his?
Like?
There are reasons why people youknow, adults in the suburbs,
don't have a car.
And if you don't, you know I'mgonna need you to justify that
because if not, it sounds likeyou are.
(20:42):
You have the potential to be airresponsible man and vice versa
.
For a woman, you know, you comeacross especially a single
woman who doesn't have certainthings by a certain time.
You know maybe she's notplanning for the future, which
does speak to a certain level ofirresponsibility.
It does speak to a certainlevel of lack of self care.
(21:04):
You know people are telling youexactly who they are and you're
refusing to listen and hearexactly what it is that they're
saying.
A girl who always wants to goout to eat to, you know super
expensive restaurants outside ofthe area that she lives in,
like, let's keep you.
(21:26):
You know she might not be theone that's super family oriented
if her nails are done a certaintype of way or, you know, if
her edges are laid a certainthat she might not be ready to
have a family quite yet.
You know, hairlines do speakvolumes, like baby hair and all.
That's very true.
(21:49):
Yeah, so don't like ignore thesigns and the conversations that
you're having with people andbe upfront, like, straight up.
So people, exactly what you'reright here looking for, you want
to just have a good time withsomebody.
Then have a good time, you know.
But don't tell somebody thatyou want to have a good time and
that good time turns into y'allprocreating.
(22:12):
And now you devastated becausethe man is like what you, you
having to beg, like I thoughtshe was maybe on birth control,
because generally people whojust out to have a good time
have protected, protectedthemselves and whether the man
has protected himself fromprocreating nine times out of 10
.
He's looking for the woman tohave done that part and that's
(22:35):
normally via some type ofcontraception.
Absolutely, but that's the.
That is, as I'm coming tounderstand, the populousness of
the woman.
It's a popular situation thatthe men today are having with
the women and that they'resaying that they're coming into
(22:55):
a pool to quote unquote playright, and a pool with women who
are claiming that they'recoming to play right.
That's what we're bothcommunicating.
That plan ends up to someserious ish and that means us
creating a child Right.
That's true, that's true, that'strue.
No plan B, that situation.
(23:15):
And the woman is like, ah,clutching her pearls, like how
dare you?
Well, because you hadcommunicated to that man that
you were here just to play andnow you've taken something from
a playful situation intosomething that's very serious
and that's just now a great area.
It is Because, truly, the mancould have protected himself if
(23:38):
he decided that he wanted toplay.
So he certainly did get got,but he didn't get got without
knowing so now, that's, true.
Yeah.
So now we enter into this greatarea where it's like he don't
really want to take care of thekid but now he's financially,
like legally, attached to thischild and, as you should, you
(24:03):
put shit out into the world.
You got to pick your shit upand take care of it.
But that's how we get into thatgreat areas, because you know
we communicate and it's not thetruth.
M (24:14):
Oh my God, that's so damn true.
And then I don't give a fuck.
T (24:18):
You're playing, not playing whatever where a condom and not
doing that, you need to go inand shut your mouth.
M (24:25):
Listen, I'm telling you.
I'm telling you, dumbmotherfuckers, listen.
You don't wear a condom.
You, dumb motherfucker, or paythe consequence.
The cause is not wearing acondom.
The effect is paying childsupport for 18 motherfucking
years and they never go away.
T (24:39):
It's Russian roulette, oh yeah.
M (24:43):
Okay, you pay.
Man, what's your rule?
That when you're going in inthat barbershop go cut your
motherfucking hair?
And also the cop coming tolisten, I'm looking for your
motherfucking hands.
Oh shit, child support.
You run out the back door.
I say she got the back door,drag you inside the fucking
courtroom.
You can't keep a job.
Because that's the other thingabout these different states.
Now, before people could, justNow, you know I ain't paying
child support for fucking tocatch me.
(25:03):
Well, now the kid catch you.
Because every time you go get ajob there's a paperwork that
they follow the HR that says hmm, let's see if you have any
child support out there.
So they go and attach yourmoney.
So the fun ain't all fun whenyou run around and your pocket's
in the tap every fucking twoweeks.
T (25:20):
You know there's a few things in between, you know, the baby
and the baby, that's true, theburning and the diseases and all
that other shit.
So and some of them arerecurring and some of them don't
go away.
So that is true, that in thegame, if you want to see, or you
(25:42):
can just your local CVS or wargreens or gas Most gas stations
have the protection that isnecessary for ladies and
gentlemen can buy them.
You know ladies are allowed tobuy them also.
Absolutely you have to havedemand by them.
But, man, it is that's your jobto you know.
(26:02):
Protect yourselves.
And when you don't protectyourself and you give your
liquid gold away for free.
And then you mad, as she'sattached you to herself for 18
years and you feel like, well,I'm a piece of shit as man.
You know why would she want toattach herself to me?
Well, guess what?
She's an even less piece ofshit, probably.
Then you want, so why attachherself to you?
(26:27):
Technically, use the come up now, so you don't be dumb, don't
know.
A lot of times when the mangets emotional, in my opinion he
get real stupid, right, realstupid.
The girl, that's the peanut,you the child support, and now
you just sitting there like, ohmy God, I can't believe I got
(26:47):
court coming up in two or threemonths.
You'll sit there and you'll bescrolling on your phone reading
every article from ESPN.
You'll be still gaming yourlife away.
You know you going to work to amuscle you put in it over time.
You will not near not a time.
Google nothing about no courtsin your state that's dealing
(27:09):
with anything.
This woman has just filedpaperwork on you.
You will not inform yourself,you will not seek out
information, like now, times outof 10, the men are showing up
and they're just blind.
M (27:21):
They are, they really are.
T (27:25):
I'm not saying that you should be able to afford legal
counsel, because I'm in cannot,and I'm also saying not saying
that you need to be able to cometo become like super well verse
and you know legal jargon andall that other good stuff, like
some basic FAQs that are foundfrequently asked questions that
(27:47):
are found on your county's.
You know court, you knowwebsite that, yeah, you can.
You can go to your local county, district or whatever you know
the papers are filed and andjust read up on some things that
are your options and what'savailable to you before you just
(28:08):
show up super blind because alot of the men are getting taken
advantage of because they don'tunderstand that you present the
judge whatever you have topresent them on that day.
On that day you don't come tocourt and be like, oh well, I
(28:28):
know that.
Oh well, I forgot that, likewhat?
No, today's the day.
If you don't have it today inany court in the USA, how do you
have to ask for it to becontinued?
Oh, the judge got to go forwhat?
The information we have heretoday?
That is true.
M (28:49):
They will come and wait for that shit.
They're going to wait or what?
Go back two more weeks and comeback with that information.
T (28:54):
It because you knew you was coming to court.
So you didn't, you know, seekout information.
You didn't see.
How can I get myself, you know,ready for the day, like I'm
going to just show up blind.
Why would I go into aninterview and not, you know,
googling how to prepare yourselffor an interview?
(29:14):
That's what we do nowadays.
With a smartphone in our hand,we do stuff blindly Nine times
out of ten.
Whatever you're thinking aboutin your head, you can find it on
YouTube, so you don't even haveto read up on these things.
You can literally go on YouTube.
(29:35):
Hmm, how do I make a cake?
Youtube.
Hmm, how do I find my taxes?
Youtube.
Hmm, how do I file paperwork inthe court?
Youtube.
Hmm, what could possibly happenin the court underneath this
situation?
Youtube, youtube, and youprobably.
How to ride a bike is onYouTube.
M (29:56):
Pretty much everything you think about is on.
T (29:59):
YouTube University is pumping and it's YouTube to watch your
sports reef reruns.
And you know your littlecomedic relief situations.
You're being foolish, yes,you're being taken advantage of
Absolutely and tea.
M (30:18):
I'm gonna say something that's gonna just blow this
entire goddamn podcast out thewater.
I'm talking to you, men,directly to you.
Get a motherfucking DNA testdone.
Go and get a fucking test done.
Don't surround me or doki-dokin shit and just say I fuck this
(30:39):
, I'm gonna be my kid.
No motherfucking.
She can fuck many people andyou be the suck and she grab and
put you on Child's boy.
And if you're dumbass, don'twanna get a DNA test, you'll be
stuck for 18 years because ifyou sit there and think, I'm a
thousand cent sure as your babyand y'all have your scene.
Mari, you see my for all the 30fucking years he's on TV.
(31:00):
And if he ran a test orstatistical, how many don't
women came back as the father'sthat they said the father's,
other father's, it's probably 5050.
So again, triple coin, youmaybe or may not be Spending the
fucking money.
Don't buy no video games.
Don't do whatever fucking youdo.
I don't know how much the money, how much it costs.
Get you a DNA, goddamn test.
(31:21):
If the DNA test says yes,you're the daddy, hello to
fatherhood, hand your business.
If not, then you take that.
When you said you are not thefather you do, you the two step
in a jump in a flip and run atthe motherfucking door.
Never touch her and see heragain.
T (31:38):
But some men won't see.
I think I think to clean thatup, I look friendly, as you put
it.
I Think I think we can sum thatup to say have those super hard
conversations that are that aregonna hurt someone's feelings,
(31:59):
because you'd rather hurtsomeone's feelings today and be
forgiven for you know beingwrong later Than to live 18
years trying to fight you knowsomething inside of the court
system or you know just havingyour heart trampled on later on
because you were afraid to hurtpeople's feelings.
(32:23):
Because, generally speaking, ifyou've been with somebody and
you not just ask them for a DNAtest but you're adamant about
receiving this thing becausethat's basically what we're
saying is that it's okay toinsist and be adamant about
getting a DNA test With yoursignificant other and Understand
(32:50):
that perhaps in today's societystill Just making such a
request can deeply offend a lotof women, especially being in a
Sensitive and super emotionalspace While pregnant.
Right, you can deeply offendthat woman and she might have
(33:11):
some Some shit to get over afteryou know making such a request.
But we're saying it's okay toyou know it's okay to go there
and we just trying to normalizemaking those requests because
why not if it's true.
It's true, if you know that'syour baby and that's your baby,
and if exactly, then let theperson who actually should be or
(33:34):
let, if you want to be heldaccountable for another man's
child.
You know, let us just all beaware that that's what's
happening and that's fine.
There's lots of Men not lots,but there's plenty of men who
have signed up to raise, youknow, their wives or their
girlfriends child from anotherman, because of several
different reasons, and it's, youknow, moving on.
(33:59):
That's their family, nothingmore than less.
M (34:03):
Absolutely.
But anything is, that's becauseyou're off to you.
But just one, and moreimportantly than it, you know,
and what I said I said, but whatwe forget are the kids, mm-hmm,
ultimately, those kids grow upand all three those kids, you
don't want to lie those kids if,if you're the father, you're
the father, if You're going totake that responsibility,
(34:26):
because the man who had the babyto walk away, I commend you,
commend you to the max.
But the kid has to not besurprised when it goes to get
something like a driver'slicense or to get their birth
certificate, when they're aboutto go get something or get their
passports and realize that theman that they thought was their
father is not really theirfather, and that opens up a
(34:49):
wound, because a lot of peoplesay I don't want to have that
conversation.
It's a tough conversation.
You're going to have to havethat conversation, whether it's
when they of age, where they canunderstand what you're talking
about, or before, hopefullybefore they reach the age of 18
and 19.
And it finally that hard way,because then it becomes a lot.
Now the kid thinks you're lyingto him, they can't trust you,
and then the kid has to gothrough a lot of things.
(35:10):
So just always remember, nomatter what the adults go
through, ultimately the kids arethe ones who suffers the most
from lies.
So and we see it all the time,we see it every day in our own
families we see people who wethought were related to somebody
and you're like, oh shit,they're not.
And now that kid got to dealwith it Because again you go to
(35:31):
medical issues.
It's deeper than just like, oh,that's not my father.
They have some medical issuesthat they need to deal with.
They could have some diseasesor blessed issues that they have
to find out who the father is.
And mothers, I'm going to talkto you again Be honest.
If you did sleep with someone,just be honest.
Just point everybody.
If you slept with the wholefootball team, bring the entire
(35:53):
football team in and let's testthem all to make sure who the
father is.
T (35:59):
But so that sounds good, but I came up with the idea that
some of these situations youcannot test these men.
They don't know who they were.
They don't know who some ofthese men, they were in another
(36:22):
state.
It was just for the night.
We don't know all of thecircumstances, but somebody he's
disguised to be the father.
Oh, I know, because you don'thave a clue in America, who that
kid's father could be.
What type of night was shehaving?
What type of night Some ofthese women be having a night?
(36:46):
They just be real.
They was having a night andthat night got super elated and
they don't know who this is.
No, that's the promise youwould see that we talking about
Dowsing and I live with that.
And then your kid got to livewith your shit too.
(37:07):
You can never find that kid'sdaddy.
And oh God, oh, you were sogone that night.
You never know what it lookedlike.
M (37:17):
Oh, god damn team.
And you know how sad that is.
Because, again, you don't passthat fuck shit, that fuckery
onto your kid, your innocent kid, because you would be a whole
other night, you would go upthere and drop it on a whole lot
of people and now I don't know,I forgot.
Well, the kid's the product ofyour fucked up decisions.
So at least write down a number, take a picture of something,
(37:41):
got a phone, take a picture ofhis ass so you say, oh, maybe
that's the guy I banged.
Take a picture of all of them,because it's not fair to the kid
, because you know what happens,you know what the father is,
that the family members aresaying damn, because the little
ones, you know, because theytalk.
You don't know who your daddyis the kid, what are you talking
about?
I heard your mama don't evenknow who your daddy is.
(38:02):
And then you were asked to mamaand then she got to be like, oh
shit, I don't know it, andthat's not fair to the kid,
that's not fair to the baby.
You can be trifling all youwant.
Look, fuck, please, please,please, take a picture of
something, a DNA script, someskin off of something and put
them in a bottle of something,so you can go back to your body
and say I got a phone that Ineed, yeah, and she rolled out.
T (38:26):
I mean, that's all they wanted.
So yeah.
M (38:29):
So again, ladies, ladies, just ladies and gentlemen, we
are playing in this goddamnworld of dating, in this world
of relationships.
This could get messy.
It could get real messy for alot of people, and if it gets
messy for the man, you're goingto pay the price for it and for
the women you're going to pay aprice.
But in the end, for what?
You have a few moments of funIn some cases I heard a few
(38:53):
seconds of fun and then you gota whole lifetime of his babies
and all his child support andall his other bullshit that goes
along with it, and you're justpart of it.
What if a woman had another kid?
So now you start three babies,three baby daddies.
So now the hits start to growand everybody got a different
last name.
Again, it doesn't bow well tolongevity or security within a
(39:17):
family Because again all yourboys and sisters got different
last names same mama, differentlast names.
And it doesn't bow too well forthat kid's future, Because as
we go back to single mothers andthey become not stable, the
kids don't become stable.
People just got to make betterdecisions.
Again, you just can't rush outthere having sex with people.
You get to learn who they areand learn, Do it.
(39:43):
They just stay cute and theysexy.
They smell good.
Can you just say hey, can I getto know your background and
talk a little bit before youstart to have babies or getting
relationships with people?
Can you do that?
T (39:56):
Yeah, get vulnerable in a space outside of the bedroom.
M (40:03):
Yeah, hello, yes, I mean because, again, if we do that,
then it would be a lot betterspot than we currently are, and
a lot of people just don't wantto take that time to rush in
anything.
Please don't rush in anything,please don't, because Russians
just look around you.
A lot of people rush into awhole lot of shit, and then you
see where they are.
They're like come on, I made abad decision and all they had to
(40:26):
do is just stop just a littlebit and then just say, hey, I'm
gonna take some time to do this.
T (40:35):
I'm gonna say that two years is not a long time, like, yeah,
and when I say that becausepeople like to get married after
two years, people like to getdivorced after two years.
Two years is not a long time.
So if you're doing somethingand you're doing it, you know,
after like a two-year situation,you might want to really think
and reflect, like what you didand didn't do without With
(40:57):
within those two years, becausetwo years is it's not very, it's
not a very long time.
M (41:04):
No, no.
And again, you may want to waitbefore you have sex again.
That don't, don't.
T (41:14):
Challenge.
Look at it as a challenge.
You know it's easy nowadays tojust lay up in the bed, that's
the easy part.
But can you actually get toknow this person and stay
engaged and enjoy their company,Like, do you enjoy that person
and what they bring to the tableoutside of the bedroom?
M (41:40):
We don't know what that means now.
Rather than the obvious, thetangible, now you're gonna learn
about the intangible.
Because, now you get to knowwhat their makeup is, not just
the Trojan horse, but what'sinside the Trojan horse.
If they have, you know moralsand respect and integrity and in
character.
You'll learn that real quick.
(42:00):
You don't give them draws upladies.
You'll learn about that real,real quick, because if you don't
have it, you'll be gone realsoon and you'll say who?
I missed that one because youdon't.
They caught you.
Finally, at the hard way, as alot of them do, is never good,
never good, you know.
So what you want you, anythingyou want to say T.
T (42:24):
No, I always say no, but then have something to say.
Ladies, stop getting these menoff of their pockets.
I'm like, yeah, they can paysome bills.
Bitch, you got to ask morequestions than that.
Stop, man, any man can sendover that bull.
Any man can send over thatlittle cash.
You know what?
They pretending like men flyingthem out of town buying you
(42:45):
something.
Nice, that's cute, but what youwant is the man who's willing to
be invested in you, and it'smore than financially right.
It's emotionally, isSpiritually right.
Don't forget about that part ofthe situation.
So, when you talk about gettingvulnerable and communicating
and going deeper, you know, yeah, I need you.
Yeah, I need a couple ofdollars.
(43:06):
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not telling women I just tobe dating without fun, but what
I am saying is to go deeper anddon't just let his money be the
only thing that speaks for whohe is and the type of person
that he is.
He's not standing next to Godand you are standing next to God
.
Then you might want to find aman who has money and who also
stands next to God, because theyare out there, but you need to
(43:26):
have those conversations inorder to see if that's what's
happening here girl.
M (43:33):
Again, you wrap that shit up again in a bowl.
It's more than just sex, ladiesand men.
It's the integrity more than sexand money more than that
integrity Substance, what wouldtake you a long way?
That money and sex can onlygive you just the tip of the
iceberg.
The rest of that is the mostimportant thing and that's the
(43:53):
stability in all relationships.
So, t as always, girl, youalways do what you do.
You know.
And with that we're in thefifth particular podcast of
episode of on the mic with the Mand C.
Listen, people know what to do.
Hit the like button, subscribebutton, hit the little bell so
you can go ahead and get thelatest greats episode from us.
(44:16):
And until then, peoples, he'sin, blessings you.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to on the mic with the M
and T, listen, we're just gonnakeep it real today.
We're kind of winging it today,but we're gonna say this I'm
gonna start off by saying thisMen ain't shit and women ain't
shit.
I'm gonna say that as a generalfucking statement Men ain't
(00:25):
shit, women ain't shit.
So you can't nobody send me,send me comments over here.
I'm a good dude, you know, Itry to do what I can do.
Or when I say, why are yougonna put me on in that shit?
No, because what's happeningright now in society as a
general is everybody's beingthrown in the same fucking pot
the good guys, the bad guys, thebad girls, the bad dudes, and
everybody's saying everybody'sshit, and that's not true.
(00:47):
So today we're going to talkabout that and you have to make
some decisions, and what I meanby that is please, don't rush
into relationships quickly, getto know the person and, lord,
please, don't get a pregnant andplease, ladies, don't let him
get you pregnant, because thatstarts off a whole.
Another thing that's prettyugly and pretty nasty situation
(01:09):
that we've been seeing all thetime, and you are living it.
Some of y'all probably gonnalook at this as shit.
I'm living that shit he talkingabout.
Yes, I'm talking to you.
So other people, you ain'tquite there yet.
You're like you probably sitwith a dude watch.
You say, hmm, I wonder if he'sgonna be that kind of dude gonna
be with me.
You know the rest of my lifeBecause I love him.
He's cute, he smells good, allpreliminary shit that should
(01:29):
change overnight, so it takeswork.
T (01:31):
I'm playing real quick.
M (01:34):
Real, real quick.
We're going to talk about howpeople just have to make much
better decisions.
Don't, don't be so impulsive,you know, because it saves you
some problems on the road.
And as I was talking, we sawbefore the podcast about the
cause and effect.
We always look at the effect.
Bad ass kids, you know badrelationships, you know they
(01:56):
hate each other.
They take care ofresponsibilities.
T (01:59):
I'm gonna go myself.
M (02:01):
Yes, I'm gonna go on that shit.
But if you step back for onesecond those of you who have
already in the effect stage, youalready went there.
So you're going through thisbullshit, but there's a lot of
people who haven't gotten to theeffect stage.
You're actually in the causephase.
So we're trying to give yousome information so you can
avoid being in a situation of alot of people that you see are
(02:22):
in the effect stage of theirrelationships and their lives.
So we just want you to reallystop thinking, stop being an
emotional creature aboutrelationships, and actually
think logically aboutrelationships and who you really
look at, especially for women.
Y'all emotional any goddamn wayto.
So you know what y'all do.
Y'all go for any drive.
(02:43):
It looks good.
Oh my God, it smells good.
I'm gonna have his bathing.
That's what y'all do.
T (02:47):
So, women, it seems like you don't have to go there, I'm
ready.
I think I can't believe youjust threw us out there like
that.
What I'm noticing, though itseems like women are super
emotional in the front end andmen are super emotional on the
back end, meaning, when we firstmeet, I got all the butterflies
(03:08):
in my stomach and I'm like, ohyeah, she smells so good.
Oh, my goodness, he's so fine.
Ah, you're on my line.
I can't wait to be called metonight.
Oh yes, tell me good night,tell me good morning, tell me
all the sweet nothings in my ear, right, yep, when we break up,
(03:29):
women get this ice a lot oftimes.
M (03:31):
Yes, the emotions get shut down.
T (03:33):
Now we got boundaries, now we don't want you on our line.
And now y'all turn superemotional.
I can't believe you did this tome.
That's how we doing it.
You just going to leave likethat, yes, and then y'all get
all the emotions, get theflaring.
Y'all are dead Down on bendedknees and whatnot, begging
(03:56):
primary crucial friends to comesee outside my apartment and
whatnot.
That emotion thing go both ways.
M (04:04):
Well T, I want to speak for the men, as men we are not
trained or taught to handle ouremotions.
We're actually emotionallyimmature.
At no stage in our lives growingup to become where we reach
manhood.
Do anyone teach us how tohandle our emotions?
Nine times out of ten to tellyou if you're in pain, suck it
(04:24):
up, shut the fuck up man up.
So you don't really speak.
You remain silent when it comesto emotional stuff, so you
don't get to learn about it,learn about your emotions or how
to handle things emotionally.
You find out when you somehowyou get a young lady who you
like and you know it's gonna behard.
(04:45):
We're trying to show you alittle love, but we try to give
you our heart and lay out there,send them cute sweatsongs, some
shit like that.
You know, like girl, I love you, love you baby.
No, we ain't doing all thatshit.
We're gonna try to give you alittle bit of this and that, but
along the way we actuallybecome infatuated with you guys,
we actually get into the thing.
I like her.
You know she's a person.
(05:05):
You know she treats me well.
You know we don't argue a lot.
She's pretty easy going and,surprisingly to us, we're gonna
become emotionally attached toyou.
You know we're in so a way wedon't even know how.
We're so immature, we don'teven know where we're connected.
We're just like we're walkingand walking.
And we got connected and we'restill walking and walking Like I
ain't connected, yet You'reconnected about five, six months
(05:28):
that away.
You're still walking andtalking.
And then we get comfortable asmen, we don't know, we're
emotionally immature, we'recomfortable.
So then we start doing things.
You know, you know she acceptthis, she accept that.
And then y'all kind of give usthe boundaries, like, yeah, you
can do the oh, you wish theboundary.
Yeah, okay, do it, go, go, goso far.
But then some of us are soimmature that we do some stupid
(05:51):
shit and they, oh, she'll acceptanything I do.
She accepted this.
Oh, she got some boundaries,well, she'll get.
She'll let me stretch until youget over the boundary.
And then she shuts you down.
And then she's like I don'twant to fucking date you, no
more.
You don't listen to me.
I try to tell you that was asurprise.
Like huh, what?
You let me do this, this Stilldon't know.
(06:11):
And then you'll say this is it,this is over.
And we're like over, it don'treally hit us like over, you
have to go.
We had to walk away from that.
She's like oh, I'm not supposedto be about over.
You call her.
T (06:23):
Oh, shit, she ain't picking up now.
M (06:26):
I'm a texture.
Shit goes on answer.
You're like what the fuck?
You looking at my shit.
So now that emotion that youwas attacked way back then now
kicks in.
You like because before beingill, fuck, you're not fucked up.
I move on, find some miles, butno, you're now attached.
You're now emotionally attached.
You're not a hell, that shit.
I listen, I listen, dude.
(06:47):
I'm gonna say cuz college.
I know a dude who was so pissedoff of his girl back in the day
who broke up with him.
That Negro told me, and I quote, i'ma go to her house to flat
all her tires.
Yeah.
T (07:05):
Yeah, no acting out with that anger man.
That anger can become somethingelse.
Yeah, those oceans can dosomething different.
I mean, they both can.
M (07:14):
Absolutely.
But for us we can't control it.
It's new to us.
Y'all women, y'all deal withthe emotion stuff.
You do emotions shit all thetime for us that you know
emotions that we're not supposedto show.
Now we have them.
We don't know how to fuckingdeal with them.
So that's why you get thestalker or the guy who's you
know Try to kidnap you or dothat crazy shit because he don't
(07:36):
know how what to do with hisemotions.
But Y'all do that to us, y'all.
Y'all do the things to us makeus Connect to you, make you feel
good about you that we you know, you'll never leave us, so it's
all new to us.
T (07:49):
Yes, we done.
Did that to you, told you yes,and then you just did your own
thing, you know, and thenthought she was supposed to
stick around for it and then wasup.
M (08:05):
And then what happens is, as guys we don't really I mean
emotions.
One of these will surround andtalk about Emotional shit.
Men just don't do that, andit's society, oh, you shouldn't
talk about it.
But then this is why men dieearly, men drink a lot, men use
drugs.
Because men don't deal withtheir feelings and their
emotions.
And you have to, because we arehuman, even though we're men,
(08:27):
we're still a human and we haveto be able to learn how to deal
with emotions.
And that's how life'srelationships go bad, because we
as men can't deal with emotions.
Women, you're emotional andcertain situations you get into
you can't really talk about itbecause as a man, you don't know
how to talk about your emotionsto another one.
You can.
You can kind of tell how you,how you feel, without really
(08:50):
Telling how you feel.
You know, because it's jump itup, it takes, it takes a lot for
us to say, okay, we need to getto, we need to become
emotionally intelligent, andthat takes work and a lot of men
Don't know.
You know where to start to dothat and usually when it kicks
in is women, relationships withwomen, and when we're in a
situation that we're battlingyou, we're trying to understand
(09:11):
you because, again, y'all fromVenus, we're from Mars.
It's kind of hard to understandwomen, y'all.
You know, you kind of give usthat the I want to say the
double-face with the two face,but you give us one emotion.
It's really another motion, butwe don't really know what that
really means.
So again, that goes back tocommunication, communication.
Communication has got to be key.
So everybody has to be open tocommunication, because if we
(09:33):
don't, then we look at all thebullshit that that happens.
If you all, lord, if you fuckaround, have a baby now, it gets
real, real nasty, real nastyWith y'all, deal with y'all.
T (09:47):
Wow with us though, dylan, but I mean huh Cuz by that point
.
It's like you know acts to betrailed and act.
You know acts to be trailedagainst the woman.
That's how a woman is normallyfeeling.
Right equation doesn't work outand we have a baby together and
I thought that we were going tobe together.
(10:11):
You know kind of forever type ofthing, and For whatever reason,
forever didn't work out.
Generally the woman doesn'tfeel like it's hurtful that, you
know, forever didn't work out,it's your fault.
And so if forever didn't workout for me and now, like we said
, you know, perhaps women feelspainted after They've given you
a child and you're not thereforever person, because now I
(10:33):
have to go find another man totake care of me, angel child,
because whether or not you takecare of your kid on the weekends
or, you know, during thesummers or send over a check or
not, there's still going to bein the household ultimately with
another man if I marry.
So now, you know, perhaps awoman feels tainted.
So you can understand a womanfeeling scorn because she has a
(10:55):
child by a man who's not willingto take care of her whole
heartedly.
M (11:01):
And I feel you're there.
And here's something else I wasthinking recently.
I'm gonna throw it out there.
I was looking at some somedifferent stories like divorce
courts, mother court chose andit just it's just being hit me
in top my head.
I think maybe wrong problemscan put it out there.
I I think women never, ever, getover the guy that she had a
(11:25):
baby by, because every day shelooks at this baby who's a
product of a relationship thatshe thought would end in
marriage but it ended indisappointment.
So it's all my to me is likewomen take it out not
consciously, maybe soconsciously, like when you see
that kid that looks like thatguy who you thought your life
(11:46):
was going to be white picket,fence and all that beautiful
shit and didn't turn out thatway.
It's almost like a resentment.
I may be wrong, is it aresentment towards the kid?
Because now I'm stuck with thismotherfucker, I'm really got.
He just leave and leave.
He leave a left me with a babyand now I gotta ask this goofy
motherfucker help take care ofsomething he helped bring here
(12:07):
and I got to look at this kidevery day and be reminded of the
bad decisions that I made towomen.
T (12:15):
I think that women and generally, if you are in a
situation that you're likestruggling and struggling to
Maintain financially, strugglingto maintain your energy,
struggling to maintain a properrelationship, you're gonna start
resenting a lot of things.
(12:36):
But if, perhaps, if you're awoman who is not finding
themselves in a strugglefinancially, emotionally,
energetically, in Relationships,you're not going to resent much
of anything in your life.
So, whether it's a child thatyou resent and resent resenting,
whether it's the family thatyou was born into that you start
to resent, whether it's theNeighborhoods that you are
(13:00):
familiar with that you're kindof living in, that you resent
people who Kind of havestruggles in their life, right
and my, and are the ones whofeel the resentment, and whether
, whatever you decide to resentin that Life because of those
struggles, that's that's justyou, that's personal.
Definitely you can harbor thatwithin your child, but it's not.
(13:23):
I don't think it's justspecific to children and I do
think it, but I do think it isspecific to someone struggling.
I don't think we talk about orsee someone who was in a
thriving, happy relationship,who is financially secure, you
know, and mentally like stableand happy, who is Resenting any
(13:46):
parts of their life, especiallylike their children.
Who is them?
M (13:50):
mm-hmm and see and I asked that question because there's
another thing I was read aboutis the the lack of success of
single mothers compared tosingle fathers.
So I will read this quickly.
It says children raised bysingle mothers are more likely
to fail.
(14:10):
Worse for the number ofdimensions, including school,
social, emotional developmenttheir health, success in the
labor market, their risk ofparental abuse and neglect,
particularly by the livingboyfriends who are not their
biological fathers, more likelyto become teen parents, likely
not graduate from high school,get more into drugs and alcohol.
(14:31):
It's like the risk is greaterfrom them than, let's say, a
Single father raising them.
So I thought those beard iswho's the source on that?
This is the Brookings Institute, um.
I'm gonna link on yeah, it'sBrookings that edu and Look up
(14:53):
articles.
T (14:54):
Right, there did.
They must have cited at thebottom of that what did they
cite?
M (14:59):
Uh, they, it's a pre lengthy.
Once I'll, I'll send you so youcan take a look at it.
But basically they're saying Alot of things is educational,
wise, because the mothers arenot Not making money to take
care of the kids.
T (15:14):
Yes, that's the thing that I was going to speak to.
As we speak about facts, factsand statistics and all that good
stuff that we're kind of makinginferences off of a lot of
these things, that seems like Ithink that where you live at, in
your financial makeup, is abigger determinant of a lot of
(15:36):
those factors than no.
I wonder.
I can't make that thing.
I'm just wondering if whereyou're living at, in your
financial situation, is thatjust as big as a determinant.
As a person, being a singlemother Meaning the single mother
who lives in a poverty strickensituation, versus the single
(15:59):
mother who's not, who is welleducated and who has a good job,
who can maintain her childrenDoes the children have the same
outcomes when you compare thetwo?
Because when we speak about thesingle mother, we speak about
the single mother as if there isnot an education difference in
(16:20):
mothers, single or not, andthere's also going to be a
financial difference in theupbringings of these children.
So we can't just negate thosefactors when we're talking about
raising children in singlehouseholds, because what we're
(16:42):
saying is that 80% of thechildren being raised in single
parent households or with singlewomen are being raised in
poverty stricken situations, andthis is the outcome.
Then let's talk about theentire situation, as opposed to
pretending as if just having awoman who probably is raising
(17:03):
the kid against her own will byherself is just doing this like
this crap, ass, poor job, justbecause she wanted to.
That's true.
That's fucking weird at thispoint in the Instagram, in the
pot-fired realm that we'retrying to drive home, that 80%
of people were raised by singlemothers and now the whole
(17:26):
population is fucked because ofthat.
Like, the whole population'snot screwed, believe it or not.
So if 80% of people came out ofsingle parent households or
from a single mother, then Imean, what would the population
really be looking like?
If it's really as bad as thestats are, kind of speaking to
(17:46):
them being, I just feel like itdeserves a little more
investigation.
M (17:53):
Yeah, and that's what I say.
I always when I hear someoneyou're like on IG and on the
other podcast, you hear thisshit, that shit sound crazy.
T (18:02):
I'm sorry, but they never cite their source.
M (18:05):
No, they don't.
That's why I had it pulled up.
I said let me send it to youand in fact, people who watch it
in the podcast we'll see it too, because I think I put it up on
the side so you can take a lookat it, because we deal with
facts.
We don't post it on our heads.
We don't go out there just forthe clickbait and that bullshit.
We want this information tomake you better.
We want you to make gooddecisions for your life, so
(18:26):
we're not just trying to get youto say, oh, this is a fight.
No, we want you to be betterand want the kids to be happier.
T (18:31):
Is this not nice on the ears, Like agreeable, Just can't say
things that are agreeable whenit's not.
You know, indeed, representingyou know the truth Absolutely.
M (18:45):
Absolutely.
And that kind of goes back towhere I said cause and effect.
Women and men have to talk.
Communication is the key tosuccess.
They may, down the road, change, but that's only if you stop
(19:06):
communicating, because if you'recommunicating, truly
communicating, everyone knowswhat's on everybody's mind.
Because what I've heard on alot of different things is
people saying shit because theythink that's what they're
thinking but not really askingthem.
So the actions I think that'swhat they're doing or what
they're thinking, but did youfucking ask them?
If you didn't ask them, that'san assumption and we know about
(19:27):
assumptions and they can ask youand me.
So talk, you know before, getpast the cute and the pretty and
all that shit and find out whatthe fuck they're about.
Can you just have thatcommunication and know what
they're really about?
And if women, if you meet a guy, ask that motherfucker what he
do for a living.
And when you meet him, if he'stelling you I'm in between jobs
(19:48):
trying to figure that shit out,he 30 some years old, run Woman.
T (19:53):
It's like believing people when they speak and when they
show themselves.
Exactly, you know who they are.
If a man and this is not liketo be a gold digger, but the
certain type of car that mandrives does speak to how he's
moving around A man who don'town a car and he live in the
suburbs, that sounds a littlered flag Because it's like, well
(20:20):
, do you have a driver's license?
Do you have a job?
Like can you get car insurance?
Are you like a reckless driver?
To where they took away his?
Like?
There are reasons why people youknow, adults in the suburbs,
don't have a car.
And if you don't, you know I'mgonna need you to justify that
because if not, it sounds likeyou are.
(20:42):
You have the potential to be airresponsible man and vice versa
.
For a woman, you know, you comeacross especially a single
woman who doesn't have certainthings by a certain time.
You know maybe she's notplanning for the future, which
does speak to a certain level ofirresponsibility.
It does speak to a certainlevel of lack of self care.
(21:04):
You know people are telling youexactly who they are and you're
refusing to listen and hearexactly what it is that they're
saying.
A girl who always wants to goout to eat to, you know super
expensive restaurants outside ofthe area that she lives in,
like, let's keep you.
(21:26):
You know she might not be theone that's super family oriented
if her nails are done a certaintype of way or, you know, if
her edges are laid a certainthat she might not be ready to
have a family quite yet.
You know, hairlines do speakvolumes, like baby hair and all.
That's very true.
(21:49):
Yeah, so don't like ignore thesigns and the conversations that
you're having with people andbe upfront, like, straight up.
So people, exactly what you'reright here looking for, you want
to just have a good time withsomebody.
Then have a good time, you know.
But don't tell somebody thatyou want to have a good time and
that good time turns into y'allprocreating.
(22:12):
And now you devastated becausethe man is like what you, you
having to beg, like I thoughtshe was maybe on birth control,
because generally people whojust out to have a good time
have protected, protectedthemselves and whether the man
has protected himself fromprocreating nine times out of 10
.
He's looking for the woman tohave done that part and that's
(22:35):
normally via some type ofcontraception.
Absolutely, but that's the.
That is, as I'm coming tounderstand, the populousness of
the woman.
It's a popular situation thatthe men today are having with
the women and that they'resaying that they're coming into
(22:55):
a pool to quote unquote playright, and a pool with women who
are claiming that they'recoming to play right.
That's what we're bothcommunicating.
That plan ends up to someserious ish and that means us
creating a child Right.
That's true, that's true, that'strue.
No plan B, that situation.
(23:15):
And the woman is like, ah,clutching her pearls, like how
dare you?
Well, because you hadcommunicated to that man that
you were here just to play andnow you've taken something from
a playful situation intosomething that's very serious
and that's just now a great area.
It is Because, truly, the mancould have protected himself if
(23:38):
he decided that he wanted toplay.
So he certainly did get got,but he didn't get got without
knowing so now, that's, true.
Yeah.
So now we enter into this greatarea where it's like he don't
really want to take care of thekid but now he's financially,
like legally, attached to thischild and, as you should, you
(24:03):
put shit out into the world.
You got to pick your shit upand take care of it.
But that's how we get into thatgreat areas, because you know
we communicate and it's not thetruth.
M (24:14):
Oh my God, that's so damn true.
And then I don't give a fuck.
T (24:18):
You're playing, not playing whatever where a condom and not
doing that, you need to go inand shut your mouth.
M (24:25):
Listen, I'm telling you.
I'm telling you, dumbmotherfuckers, listen.
You don't wear a condom.
You, dumb motherfucker, or paythe consequence.
The cause is not wearing acondom.
The effect is paying childsupport for 18 motherfucking
years and they never go away.
T (24:39):
It's Russian roulette, oh yeah.
M (24:43):
Okay, you pay.
Man, what's your rule?
That when you're going in inthat barbershop go cut your
motherfucking hair?
And also the cop coming tolisten, I'm looking for your
motherfucking hands.
Oh shit, child support.
You run out the back door.
I say she got the back door,drag you inside the fucking
courtroom.
You can't keep a job.
Because that's the other thingabout these different states.
Now, before people could, justNow, you know I ain't paying
child support for fucking tocatch me.
(25:03):
Well, now the kid catch you.
Because every time you go get ajob there's a paperwork that
they follow the HR that says hmm, let's see if you have any
child support out there.
So they go and attach yourmoney.
So the fun ain't all fun whenyou run around and your pocket's
in the tap every fucking twoweeks.
T (25:20):
You know there's a few things in between, you know, the baby
and the baby, that's true, theburning and the diseases and all
that other shit.
So and some of them arerecurring and some of them don't
go away.
So that is true, that in thegame, if you want to see, or you
(25:42):
can just your local CVS or wargreens or gas Most gas stations
have the protection that isnecessary for ladies and
gentlemen can buy them.
You know ladies are allowed tobuy them also.
Absolutely you have to havedemand by them.
But, man, it is that's your jobto you know.
(26:02):
Protect yourselves.
And when you don't protectyourself and you give your
liquid gold away for free.
And then you mad, as she'sattached you to herself for 18
years and you feel like, well,I'm a piece of shit as man.
You know why would she want toattach herself to me?
Well, guess what?
She's an even less piece ofshit, probably.
Then you want, so why attachherself to you?
(26:27):
Technically, use the come up now, so you don't be dumb, don't
know.
A lot of times when the mangets emotional, in my opinion he
get real stupid, right, realstupid.
The girl, that's the peanut,you the child support, and now
you just sitting there like, ohmy God, I can't believe I got
(26:47):
court coming up in two or threemonths.
You'll sit there and you'll bescrolling on your phone reading
every article from ESPN.
You'll be still gaming yourlife away.
You know you going to work to amuscle you put in it over time.
You will not near not a time.
Google nothing about no courtsin your state that's dealing
(27:09):
with anything.
This woman has just filedpaperwork on you.
You will not inform yourself,you will not seek out
information, like now, times outof 10, the men are showing up
and they're just blind.
M (27:21):
They are, they really are.
T (27:25):
I'm not saying that you should be able to afford legal
counsel, because I'm in cannot,and I'm also saying not saying
that you need to be able to cometo become like super well verse
and you know legal jargon andall that other good stuff, like
some basic FAQs that are foundfrequently asked questions that
(27:47):
are found on your county's.
You know court, you knowwebsite that, yeah, you can.
You can go to your local county, district or whatever you know
the papers are filed and andjust read up on some things that
are your options and what'savailable to you before you just
(28:08):
show up super blind because alot of the men are getting taken
advantage of because they don'tunderstand that you present the
judge whatever you have topresent them on that day.
On that day you don't come tocourt and be like, oh well, I
(28:28):
know that.
Oh well, I forgot that, likewhat?
No, today's the day.
If you don't have it today inany court in the USA, how do you
have to ask for it to becontinued?
Oh, the judge got to go forwhat?
The information we have heretoday?
That is true.
M (28:49):
They will come and wait for that shit.
They're going to wait or what?
Go back two more weeks and comeback with that information.
T (28:54):
It because you knew you was coming to court.
So you didn't, you know, seekout information.
You didn't see.
How can I get myself, you know,ready for the day, like I'm
going to just show up blind.
Why would I go into aninterview and not, you know,
googling how to prepare yourselffor an interview?
(29:14):
That's what we do nowadays.
With a smartphone in our hand,we do stuff blindly Nine times
out of ten.
Whatever you're thinking aboutin your head, you can find it on
YouTube, so you don't even haveto read up on these things.
You can literally go on YouTube.
(29:35):
Hmm, how do I make a cake?
Youtube.
Hmm, how do I find my taxes?
Youtube.
Hmm, how do I file paperwork inthe court?
Youtube.
Hmm, what could possibly happenin the court underneath this
situation?
Youtube, youtube, and youprobably.
How to ride a bike is onYouTube.
M (29:56):
Pretty much everything you think about is on.
T (29:59):
YouTube University is pumping and it's YouTube to watch your
sports reef reruns.
And you know your littlecomedic relief situations.
You're being foolish, yes,you're being taken advantage of
Absolutely and tea.
M (30:18):
I'm gonna say something that's gonna just blow this
entire goddamn podcast out thewater.
I'm talking to you, men,directly to you.
Get a motherfucking DNA testdone.
Go and get a fucking test done.
Don't surround me or doki-dokin shit and just say I fuck this
(30:39):
, I'm gonna be my kid.
No motherfucking.
She can fuck many people andyou be the suck and she grab and
put you on Child's boy.
And if you're dumbass, don'twanna get a DNA test, you'll be
stuck for 18 years because ifyou sit there and think, I'm a
thousand cent sure as your babyand y'all have your scene.
Mari, you see my for all the 30fucking years he's on TV.
(31:00):
And if he ran a test orstatistical, how many don't
women came back as the father'sthat they said the father's,
other father's, it's probably 5050.
So again, triple coin, youmaybe or may not be Spending the
fucking money.
Don't buy no video games.
Don't do whatever fucking youdo.
I don't know how much the money, how much it costs.
Get you a DNA, goddamn test.
(31:21):
If the DNA test says yes,you're the daddy, hello to
fatherhood, hand your business.
If not, then you take that.
When you said you are not thefather you do, you the two step
in a jump in a flip and run atthe motherfucking door.
Never touch her and see heragain.
T (31:38):
But some men won't see.
I think I think to clean thatup, I look friendly, as you put
it.
I Think I think we can sum thatup to say have those super hard
conversations that are that aregonna hurt someone's feelings,
(31:59):
because you'd rather hurtsomeone's feelings today and be
forgiven for you know beingwrong later Than to live 18
years trying to fight you knowsomething inside of the court
system or you know just havingyour heart trampled on later on
because you were afraid to hurtpeople's feelings.
(32:23):
Because, generally speaking, ifyou've been with somebody and
you not just ask them for a DNAtest but you're adamant about
receiving this thing becausethat's basically what we're
saying is that it's okay toinsist and be adamant about
getting a DNA test With yoursignificant other and Understand
(32:50):
that perhaps in today's societystill Just making such a
request can deeply offend a lotof women, especially being in a
Sensitive and super emotionalspace While pregnant.
Right, you can deeply offendthat woman and she might have
(33:11):
some Some shit to get over afteryou know making such a request.
But we're saying it's okay toyou know it's okay to go there
and we just trying to normalizemaking those requests because
why not if it's true.
It's true, if you know that'syour baby and that's your baby,
and if exactly, then let theperson who actually should be or
(33:34):
let, if you want to be heldaccountable for another man's
child.
You know, let us just all beaware that that's what's
happening and that's fine.
There's lots of Men not lots,but there's plenty of men who
have signed up to raise, youknow, their wives or their
girlfriends child from anotherman, because of several
different reasons, and it's, youknow, moving on.
(33:59):
That's their family, nothingmore than less.
M (34:03):
Absolutely.
But anything is, that's becauseyou're off to you.
But just one, and moreimportantly than it, you know,
and what I said I said, but whatwe forget are the kids, mm-hmm,
ultimately, those kids grow upand all three those kids, you
don't want to lie those kids if,if you're the father, you're
the father, if You're going totake that responsibility,
(34:26):
because the man who had the babyto walk away, I commend you,
commend you to the max.
But the kid has to not besurprised when it goes to get
something like a driver'slicense or to get their birth
certificate, when they're aboutto go get something or get their
passports and realize that theman that they thought was their
father is not really theirfather, and that opens up a
(34:49):
wound, because a lot of peoplesay I don't want to have that
conversation.
It's a tough conversation.
You're going to have to havethat conversation, whether it's
when they of age, where they canunderstand what you're talking
about, or before, hopefullybefore they reach the age of 18
and 19.
And it finally that hard way,because then it becomes a lot.
Now the kid thinks you're lyingto him, they can't trust you,
and then the kid has to gothrough a lot of things.
(35:10):
So just always remember, nomatter what the adults go
through, ultimately the kids arethe ones who suffers the most
from lies.
So and we see it all the time,we see it every day in our own
families we see people who wethought were related to somebody
and you're like, oh shit,they're not.
And now that kid got to dealwith it Because again you go to
(35:31):
medical issues.
It's deeper than just like, oh,that's not my father.
They have some medical issuesthat they need to deal with.
They could have some diseasesor blessed issues that they have
to find out who the father is.
And mothers, I'm going to talkto you again Be honest.
If you did sleep with someone,just be honest.
Just point everybody.
If you slept with the wholefootball team, bring the entire
(35:53):
football team in and let's testthem all to make sure who the
father is.
T (35:59):
But so that sounds good, but I came up with the idea that
some of these situations youcannot test these men.
They don't know who they were.
They don't know who some ofthese men, they were in another
(36:22):
state.
It was just for the night.
We don't know all of thecircumstances, but somebody he's
disguised to be the father.
Oh, I know, because you don'thave a clue in America, who that
kid's father could be.
What type of night was shehaving?
What type of night Some ofthese women be having a night?
(36:46):
They just be real.
They was having a night andthat night got super elated and
they don't know who this is.
No, that's the promise youwould see that we talking about
Dowsing and I live with that.
And then your kid got to livewith your shit too.
(37:07):
You can never find that kid'sdaddy.
And oh God, oh, you were sogone that night.
You never know what it lookedlike.
M (37:17):
Oh, god damn team.
And you know how sad that is.
Because, again, you don't passthat fuck shit, that fuckery
onto your kid, your innocent kid, because you would be a whole
other night, you would go upthere and drop it on a whole lot
of people and now I don't know,I forgot.
Well, the kid's the product ofyour fucked up decisions.
So at least write down a number, take a picture of something,
(37:41):
got a phone, take a picture ofhis ass so you say, oh, maybe
that's the guy I banged.
Take a picture of all of them,because it's not fair to the kid
, because you know what happens,you know what the father is,
that the family members aresaying damn, because the little
ones, you know, because theytalk.
You don't know who your daddyis the kid, what are you talking
about?
I heard your mama don't evenknow who your daddy is.
(38:02):
And then you were asked to mamaand then she got to be like, oh
shit, I don't know it, andthat's not fair to the kid,
that's not fair to the baby.
You can be trifling all youwant.
Look, fuck, please, please,please, take a picture of
something, a DNA script, someskin off of something and put
them in a bottle of something,so you can go back to your body
and say I got a phone that Ineed, yeah, and she rolled out.
T (38:26):
I mean, that's all they wanted.
So yeah.
M (38:29):
So again, ladies, ladies, just ladies and gentlemen, we
are playing in this goddamnworld of dating, in this world
of relationships.
This could get messy.
It could get real messy for alot of people, and if it gets
messy for the man, you're goingto pay the price for it and for
the women you're going to pay aprice.
But in the end, for what?
You have a few moments of funIn some cases I heard a few
(38:53):
seconds of fun and then you gota whole lifetime of his babies
and all his child support andall his other bullshit that goes
along with it, and you're justpart of it.
What if a woman had another kid?
So now you start three babies,three baby daddies.
So now the hits start to growand everybody got a different
last name.
Again, it doesn't bow well tolongevity or security within a
(39:17):
family Because again all yourboys and sisters got different
last names same mama, differentlast names.
And it doesn't bow too well forthat kid's future, Because as
we go back to single mothers andthey become not stable, the
kids don't become stable.
People just got to make betterdecisions.
Again, you just can't rush outthere having sex with people.
You get to learn who they areand learn, Do it.
(39:43):
They just stay cute and theysexy.
They smell good.
Can you just say hey, can I getto know your background and
talk a little bit before youstart to have babies or getting
relationships with people?
Can you do that?
T (39:56):
Yeah, get vulnerable in a space outside of the bedroom.
M (40:03):
Yeah, hello, yes, I mean because, again, if we do that,
then it would be a lot betterspot than we currently are, and
a lot of people just don't wantto take that time to rush in
anything.
Please don't rush in anything,please don't, because Russians
just look around you.
A lot of people rush into awhole lot of shit, and then you
see where they are.
They're like come on, I made abad decision and all they had to
(40:26):
do is just stop just a littlebit and then just say, hey, I'm
gonna take some time to do this.
T (40:35):
I'm gonna say that two years is not a long time, like, yeah,
and when I say that becausepeople like to get married after
two years, people like to getdivorced after two years.
Two years is not a long time.
So if you're doing somethingand you're doing it, you know,
after like a two-year situation,you might want to really think
and reflect, like what you didand didn't do without With
(40:57):
within those two years, becausetwo years is it's not very, it's
not a very long time.
M (41:04):
No, no.
And again, you may want to waitbefore you have sex again.
That don't, don't.
T (41:14):
Challenge.
Look at it as a challenge.
You know it's easy nowadays tojust lay up in the bed, that's
the easy part.
But can you actually get toknow this person and stay
engaged and enjoy their company,Like, do you enjoy that person
and what they bring to the tableoutside of the bedroom?
M (41:40):
We don't know what that means now.
Rather than the obvious, thetangible, now you're gonna learn
about the intangible.
Because, now you get to knowwhat their makeup is, not just
the Trojan horse, but what'sinside the Trojan horse.
If they have, you know moralsand respect and integrity and in
character.
You'll learn that real quick.
(42:00):
You don't give them draws upladies.
You'll learn about that real,real quick, because if you don't
have it, you'll be gone realsoon and you'll say who?
I missed that one because youdon't.
They caught you.
Finally, at the hard way, as alot of them do, is never good,
never good, you know.
So what you want you, anythingyou want to say T.
T (42:24):
No, I always say no, but then have something to say.
Ladies, stop getting these menoff of their pockets.
I'm like, yeah, they can paysome bills.
Bitch, you got to ask morequestions than that.
Stop, man, any man can sendover that bull.
Any man can send over thatlittle cash.
You know what?
They pretending like men flyingthem out of town buying you
(42:45):
something.
Nice, that's cute, but what youwant is the man who's willing to
be invested in you, and it'smore than financially right.
It's emotionally, isSpiritually right.
Don't forget about that part ofthe situation.
So, when you talk about gettingvulnerable and communicating
and going deeper, you know, yeah, I need you.
Yeah, I need a couple ofdollars.
(43:06):
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not telling women I just tobe dating without fun, but what
I am saying is to go deeper anddon't just let his money be the
only thing that speaks for whohe is and the type of person
that he is.
He's not standing next to Godand you are standing next to God
.
Then you might want to find aman who has money and who also
stands next to God, because theyare out there, but you need to
(43:26):
have those conversations inorder to see if that's what's
happening here girl.
M (43:33):
Again, you wrap that shit up again in a bowl.
It's more than just sex, ladiesand men.
It's the integrity more than sexand money more than that
integrity Substance, what wouldtake you a long way?
That money and sex can onlygive you just the tip of the
iceberg.
The rest of that is the mostimportant thing and that's the
(43:53):
stability in all relationships.
So, t as always, girl, youalways do what you do.
You know.
And with that we're in thefifth particular podcast of
episode of on the mic with the Mand C.
Listen, people know what to do.
Hit the like button, subscribebutton, hit the little bell so
you can go ahead and get thelatest greats episode from us.
(44:16):
And until then, peoples, he'sin, blessings you.
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