Living on a Tightrope: Side Hustles, Social Media, and the Shifting Roles of Relationships

Send us a text

Have you ever caught a glimpse of the financial tightrope that teachers walk every day? Prepare to have your eyes opened as we peel back the curtain on the lives of educators, particularly those who turn to platforms like OnlyFans to supplement their incomes. As we navigate the uncomfortable intersection of private side hustles and public personas, we discuss the societal expectations that both confine and define the roles of teachers. The conversation traverses the rocky terrain of systemic educational funding failures, public discomfort, and the implications of educators' after-hours activities on their professional standing.

This episode isn't just an exploration of the financial struggles within the education system; it's a deep dive into the tumultuous waters of modern relationships and the role of social media. We shine a light on the controversial topic of fidelity, societal reactions to unexpected revelations, and the accountability that married men have when engaging with content creators on platforms like OnlyFans. From the impact on marriages to the societal lens that magnifies every move teachers make, we dissect the complex dynamics at play. We also consider whether the traditional roles of men and women in relationships are shifting under the weight of new expectations.

To round off our discussion, we tackle the emotionally charged topics of fatherhood, co-parenting, and blended family dynamics. We confront stereotypes, highlight the importance of a father's presence, and discuss the balance between financial provision and active parenting. With personal anecdotes and insights, we unpack the nuances of discipline within step-families and the essential communication needed to navigate the intricacies of co-parenting. Tune in for an episode that promises to challenge preconceptions, spark dialogue, and offer a fresh perspective on the responsibilities that define our most intimate relationships.

Support the show

Go to http://www.overcometoobecome.com to see all of the Video Podcasts and the other podcasts under the "Overcome 2 Become" YouTube Channel

Follow M at @overcometoobecome and T at @tress_city on Instagram

Email us at [e-mail] for thoughts, comments and show suggestions. Come join the discussion

Episode Transcript

M (00:05):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to On the Mic with the M
and T.
Listen, we're going to betalking about a lot of different
topics today and we're behindthe scenes.
Before we started, we weretalking about this one
particular topic, about teachers.
So we're going to find out whyI got so many teachers doing
OnlyFans.
I'm just going to throw it outthere.

(00:25):
Hey, you know, and like me andT was saying, there's multiple
reasons why you know they dowhat they do, but go ahead T
tell me your opinion.

T (00:37):
It was more than OnlyFans.
Right, it's the after-hoursside jobs that go on with
teachers.
Right, and from what I canrecall, teachers have always had
side jobs in summer hustles,right, some of them are extra
local staples.
Some of them, you know, dotutoring, some of them are going
to do, you know, before andafter care.

(00:58):
But from what I can recall,teachers have always needed and
or wanted I don't know, I don'tcount other people's money, but
they've always earned an incomeoutside of their job.
That's just always been normalto me.
The part that's not normal andthat's getting people's

(01:22):
attention is the only fans, um,extra activities.
Or the rap, right, the teachingrapper, right, um, people don't
like that.
People and I'm I can to acertain extent understand what

(01:42):
you're doing, but people don'tlike a lot of things that the
teachers do in the classrooms.
It's just like who creates thestandard and why is the standard
?
You know, why is it such agreat area?
I think is what I'm trying tosay.
It's too like.
Where's the code of conduct forteachers?

M (02:00):
See, glad you brought that up .
Like you said before, as longas I've known every teacher I've
known, because I had a lot ofteachers in my family they
always had side hustles Because,again, you know, and they
always said the same discussionthey had back then, the same
discussion they have now.
They don't pay me enough.
You know, I only get paid forschool, doing a school session.

(02:21):
After that my money don't come.

T (02:24):
So I got to go during the month.
You don't have a regular,stable income.

M (02:30):
So they're like we got to make it up.
A lot of them I know worked atfood stores, grocery stores,
worked at different shops duringthe summer months.

T (02:42):
Places that isn't no work.

M (02:45):
So to me, me it was like okay .
I always say back then, as Isay right now, why the fuck
don't we pay the teachers enoughso they don't have to get a
second job?
That's what I keep hearingabout.
We got, we're over budget,we're over this, and then we're
doing this.
And every time I keep hearingabout you know we spend all this
money on education and theirschool.

(03:05):
For instance, you know schoolsin baltimore.
They never have goddamn airconditioners during the summer
months.
When they open up or beforethey open, they always keep the
schools closed for a couple or amonth, a week or so, because
it's so damn hot in the schoolbecause they don't have no air
conditioning.
My question is if you know thatyour school is going to be hot,
or it has history of being hot,why the fuck you didn't put
some goddamn air conditioners inthe school so the kids can go

(03:27):
to school rather than?
Oh well, you know it's too hotin the school.
What the hell?
What do you do with the money?
I'm pretty sure you got moneyfor air conditioners and shit
like that.
What the fuck are y'all?

T (03:37):
doing.
I could use Baltimore as theexample.
You know, they spend that money.
Okay, we could use Baltimore,we could use TG County, we could
use any school here where welive in Maryland.
Oh well, because now that I'mthinking about it, a lot of that
money gets funneled out.
It's not funny, but this, youknow, I'm just thinking out loud

(03:58):
Money.
The money gets funneled out andit gets messed up.
So, like what's happening?
Where's the accountability here?
So where our systems arefailing us, that's the issue.
Yeah, that, out of all the hee,hee, ha, ha, because that's not
funny, right, but I had to get alittle chuckle in because just
the thought of it.
But yeah, there's a system thatwe keep creating and we keep

(04:23):
showing up to work in thesesystems, right, and the systems
keep failing us left and right.
And then when you go outside ofthe system to supplement right,
to get yourself an incomethat's, I just feel, like,
respectable, absolutely, peopleare seeking, people are seeking

(04:45):
incomes that are justrespectable, and then y'all mad,
mad, you're mad, mad.
How do your kids know what'sgoing on in the OnlyFans world
anyway?

M (04:55):
You know what?
I'm going to say this to you.
You know why.
You know what happens.
It's not the kids, it's not thekids, it's what happened is you
know, miss Jones?
Now I'm going to say somethingthat's going to make a lot of
women mad.
Okay, but you know, you getMiss Jones and Miss Jones is
fine.
So you get Miss Jones.

(05:17):
Miss Jones is probably 25, 26years old, body banging and the
hub, you know, go to PTA meeting.
Hub is like good lord, havemercy, miss Jones, looking good,
I'm pulling at your wifey, butyou're like looking at her, like
you don't look, like.
No, mrs Jones, I'm coming tomore PTA meetings.
So what happens is you're likeyou know guys, you're like damn

(05:39):
what she does.
And then you, I'm going to saythis Okay, a study said does.
And then you, I'm gonna saythis Okay, he studied said that
90% of men are married whoaren't OnlyFans.
I couldn't believe it, Iwouldn't look.
That shit don't even soundright.
But every time I came looking,they kept saying 90% of them are
OnlyFans, are married, crazy.

T (06:03):
And I can see both sides of it.

M (06:05):
But I can understand why, again, if Mrs Jones fine, you
know she's teaching your littleson, little Ray Ray.

T (06:14):
So you done?
Left the PTA meeting and saidnah, let me see if she out here
like that, let me see, that'swhere the damn kids getting from
.
That's why the kids know shit.
Who said this?
Let me go try to find thisperson online.
Ask a little meet and greet.
Absolutely not.

M (06:36):
Think about this.
Think about it Everybody has anIG page.
So if she's Miss Jones andshe's fine, you know her name
you're going to look her up.
Nowadays you can do that.

T (06:46):
So is the OnlyFans thing linked to the Instagram?
Yes, that's what I'm saying.
How do they know?
I missed that part.

M (06:57):
You know these young women.
Now everyone got an IG page soyou got their name.
Look up on IG and there'salways links to different things
and if you linked up on onethat says, of click, you're
gonna look.
Oh, look at miss jones.
Oh, suppose all her pencils andand races and bang go so the

(07:22):
men, not mad, is what you'resaying.

T (07:24):
It's the moms that are mad, okay, okay so then, you know
they're looking.

M (07:30):
They're like all of a sudden it catches that.
Because you know, again, man,we're not that bright.
You know we let our emotionskick over and we fucking don't
cover our shit up.
Next, you know, draws usexposed.
You're like where these drawscome from.
You know, I don't know where itcame from.
You know she ain't her fuckingdraws.
But then she got you and nowshe gonna dig in your ass.
And next, you know, she go onyour phone.
You always grab your phone.
What the hell?

(07:51):
Mrs Jones showing all herassets.

T (07:54):
And now I'm gonna problems Everybody else Outraged as a
group.
Yeah, call up the whole damnpta.
Nah, we all coming for mrsjones ass, she got the goat.
No, absolutely, oh no, you'rebreaking up heavier.
Nah, I'm teaching it.

(08:17):
Sit your asses down.
You can't be breaking up thesepeople.

M (08:20):
Happy homes, that's great exactly, and that's what's
happening, because before, thinkabout it, they didn't have that
.
But now, if people happy homes,that's great.
Exactly, and that's what'shappened, because before, think
about it, they didn't have that.
But now, if you look good andthink about it, the teachers we
had when we were going to schoolI didn't want to see them,
bitches on OnlyFans, out thedoor on some steps sitting in
the chair.
I didn't want to see themmotherfuckers at all, them old,
haggard looking bastards.

(08:41):
I don't want to fuck with them.
But these teachers now You'relike, oh my God, what the hell.
So they're different.
I mean, you had a teacher whodressed us tight.
I can't believe she's dressedlike that.
The woman had assets.
She had dresses.
What was she going to do withthem?
I mean she can't.
She had exactly.

(09:01):
She had a damn turtleneck fromhere and long pants.
She's too sexy.
She's wearing a fuckingturtleneck and long pants.
What the fuck?
You mean she's dressed too sexy.
That's how she is Her bodybanging so that you mad yeah no
people.

T (09:16):
Yeah, no, that turtleneck could do something different.
Yeah, no, uh-huh, men will getmad at you stepping out when you
going in.
That it's a turtleneck.
It's a turtleneck.
Yes, that turtleneck gets you acertain type of way I love it.

M (09:34):
So now these women are going through these teachers, new
breed of teachers, going throughthings that previous teachers
didn't have to go through.
Plus, you have the social media.
They have an opportunity tomake more money.
Why wouldn't you take advantageof it?

T (09:46):
I can't fault them.

M (09:48):
I can't fault them if they make an extra money.

T (09:50):
Who's a man?
Of course you can't fault them.
Damn Jones shaking her ass onOnlyFans, fucking your wife head
up.
You done already pissed thatwoman off so many times.
And now you're out herewatching Miss Jones in addition
to all these other bitches.
She's an absolute many timesand now you're out here watching
Miss Jones in addition to allthese other bitches.
She said absolutely off withthey heads.
Now to play devil's advocate.

(10:12):
Is that like you hating on abitch?
Like?
Are you hating on a woman?
Like what's happening here?
Because, to a certain extent,like some women will argue, I'm
not the reason of you know youand your man having any issues
in your household.
I'm not the reason why he's youknow he's coming to this page,

(10:32):
right?
You perhaps could possibly whatwe say not handling your
business, and maybe that's whyhe's showing up amongst these 90
percenters to view thisOnlyFans collection.

M (10:53):
And that's the thing T you just mentioned, something Women
don't understand.
You have to constantly makesure that you're in a spot to
keep your man's attention.

T (11:02):
I didn't mention that.
I just don't.
You're not going to put thatoff on me, malcolm.
I just wanted it, that's all Idid.
I just wanted it.
I didn't take accountability.
I didn't say that's what we wasnot doing handling business and
all.
I didn't say that, I didn't.

M (11:21):
I just had it thrown out there.
You know I mean, hey, is thatwhat you're saying?
It's a possibility.
It's like you know I go back tothis thing Whatever got your
man, you should continue to doto keep his interest.
Now, as men, we're going tolook.
We're going to look.
As women, you're going to look.

(11:42):
You know, I get pissed off whenI hear guys talk married guys
talk about I can't my wife lookat people.
I say, motherfucker, she shouldlook at people.
I mean, she's going to look atpeople, you look at people.
Well, yeah, what the fuck's thedifference?
Because you're still humans.

T (11:55):
In front of him.
Can he look at people in frontof me?
How long can the look last for?
Is there like a time limit onhow long he can't?
Because if it is, I just feellike, if the gaze is too long,
hold on, hold on.

M (12:11):
As guys.
To be smart, let me tell youguys, don't sit on it two
seconds, two seconds withoutglasses.
With glasses on, you can do alot more, because with glasses
on, you don't really know whatyou know.
Sunglasses on, you don't reallyknow what you're looking at,
don't really know what you know.
Sunglasses on, you don't reallyknow what you're looking at.
Because as long as you, as longas you hold her arm and you
every once in a while look ather and nod your head, the rest
of the time you're lookingaround, you can, you can scope

(12:31):
all other kinds of shit.
Why are you out there?
This is out there, like youknow.
Yeah, oh shit.
Yeah, yeah, baby, you're right,you're right, you're right, but
you gotta be strategic about it.
You gotta be about it.
You just can't be out therewith no glasses on just looking.
God damn, she's fine, damn, shegot fed up.
No, that's going to get youslapped up.
It's going to get you notgetting no ass probably walking

(12:52):
home A lot of other bad thingsyou don't want to have to happen
For somebody that doesn't evenknow who the fuck you are and
don't know you're looking atthem and you're going to fuck
them.
You're happy home for that.
No, you got to be strategic,you got to make sure you rotate.

T (13:06):
There's a lot of stuff going on.
You can't be in the 40 and overclub and then you gawking at
women still how many women.
You haven't seen what ishappening here.
You haven't seen nice cheeksbefore.
You've missed that all yourlife.
I don't understand why At whatpoint are before.

(13:26):
You've missed that all yourlife.
I don't understand why at thispoint we're still doing it.
So if you're still doing that,you shouldn't.
It looks too thirsty.

M (13:32):
That's a very true statement.
But the women put themselvesout there like that Between
these BBLs, and just everybodywants to show their body.
It used to be when it gets warm, you can see ass.
You see ass all the time.
Now it's just ass.

T (13:49):
If you're seeing it all the time, why are they still gawking
out there?
Why, why, sir, that's ass,that's all ass right there.
Why are you so mesmerized overthe ass, like it's taking y'all

(14:10):
out out here?
Half of them ain't even real.
That's the other part.

M (14:13):
Oh, and that's the other thing we look at too.
I can tell you we be out therelike, oh, that's natural ass
right there, that's homegrownass right there.
But that, right there is assgrowing in the lab, right there,
that ass is putting it onsomebody and at that point
you're like, wow shit, go ahead,buy ass, oh shit.

(14:34):
So we look at that and you know, depends on how it's formed,
and sometimes so deformed you'relike bitch, go back, get your
money, go back.
That shit doesn't start over.
But you know all that justenhances.
You know sexuality is all justenhances.
You know sexuality is allaround you.
So, of course, when you talkabout teachers, you got a fine
teacher and she understands.
Here's the other thing.
This is the elephant in theroom.
Women have a finite time to usetheir beauty to this fullest

(15:00):
extent.
So if you're young, you're inyour 20s and 30s, even 40s, and
you have a nice, whatever assetyou have, what's happening?
You have to tap in, you have toget that money.
You have to tap in.
I don't blame them because,again, gas is high, food is high

(15:23):
, rent mortgage shit high, andif you're teaching money you can
barely get over or barely getby, and not to mention you have
student loans.
So you add all that togetherand you're going to sit there.
On one hand I could go work atGiant Food or Safeway and make a
little money, or I could sit inthe comfort of my own home, put

(15:46):
on a bikini, put on somelingerie, put on nothing, and
have money just fall into myaccount while I'm asleep.
I pretty much going for me.
What I'm seeing is women say I'mgoing to use my assets until I
can't use them no more.
Or I get into a relationship.
Or maybe I got a relationshipwith my husband or boyfriend,
don't matter, they don't carethat I do it.

(16:11):
Take advantage of it.
It's the ability to make moneyand not sell drugs, not sell ass
, not do any stuff that peoplewill quote, unquote, think that,
oh, that's unsavory and youshouldn't do that, but it's
higher here unsavory and youshouldn't do it.

T (16:23):
Someone's touching you.

M (16:26):
That's a big difference.
See, there you're touchingyourself behind all the fans.
The other place, someone elseis touching you.

T (16:31):
Yeah, I mean I don't know, but I do think that it's.
It works better if there'ssomething defined that, as you
know a parent, you know, youknow what the rules and
expectations are of the peoplewho are going to be serving your
kids, as well as, as a teacher,you know the rules and

(16:54):
expectations of the county, oh,you know what the school system
that you're serving, um, sostuff like this shouldn't happen
unless you know you.
You just you know, try to do itfrom the back door and you know
you try to go around the rulesand it is what it is.
You got caught up and you knowit's just not the look of the

(17:15):
company that you represented.
And you signed papers thatstated you know you wouldn't
represent yourself in such a wayand you're ready to carry on.
And at that point, shit, if itwas OnlyFans and it was making
you that much money.
You're ready to carry on and atthat point, shit, if it was
only fans and it was making youthat much money.

M (17:29):
You okay to carry on.
Yes, because again, you stillgotta.
You know, you gotta live.
That's the only thing.
What people fail to realize isgranted, we would love to just
do the jobs we do and get paidwell for what we do.
And you would think, being ateacher, you'd be paid well
because you could determine thefuture of the kids, the future
kids, future society.

(17:49):
So you would think you wouldtake care of them.
But it's obvious that theydon't spend that money to take
care of the teachers like theyshould, and we spend it on other
things.
And this is what you have.
This is what happens becauseyou got a younger mindset that
they're like that's a hustlementality, it's a hustle culture
that's out here now.
So I got bills it ain'tcovering, I'm going to do

(18:12):
something to cover it.
And there are women who do goout there and say you know, I'm
going to work at some departmentstore or whatever to make money
.
But there's other ones that say, mm-mm, nope, I can sit here,
do an hour worth of stuff, putit out there and I constantly
make money Because now I can doit one time and people just sign
on and constantly see it, sothe effort of work is diminished

(18:33):
.
You don't have to.
You're not trading time formoney.
You're actually just saying I'mgoing to spend this time to do
what I need to do.
Put it on the site and guys willcome to it and all I can do is
take it and break it up and putit out there.
However I want to do it, I'mnot.
I'm not breaking my back, I'mnot losing any sleep.
I don't make my money, so Ican't.
And the guys do it too.
There's guys who do uh, onlyfan too.

(18:55):
But you gotta use your assets.
And again, if you don't wantteachers to do it, pay them more
.
Just pay them more to do theirjob, and you won't see miss
jones's assets anywhere elseyeah, that's fair.

T (19:11):
Let's talk about this.
90 of married men are only fans.
Let's talk about that.
Did you try to glaze right onby?
Okay?

M (19:21):
okay, um, yeah, based on some research, I, I, I look at three
different sources.
I said I don't believe this.
I said it can't be 90% of men.
And each time I kept finding it, I kept saying what's behind
that?

T (19:35):
OnlyFans themselves?
Were they the ones who releasedthat statement?
Like that bit of statistic?

M (19:42):
I think it was a couple, I think it was the OnlyFans, I
think it was some other researchgroups were doing.
They go out there and theysample certain people and see
who's likely to look at OnlyFans.
So it happens a lot.
Married Guys responded backyeah, I'll check it out.
And it's really, you know, forguys.
To me it's the New Age stripclub.

(20:05):
Oh, okay, so still going outthere, walking to a club, you
know, sitting around, you know,and I mean I ain't gonna tell no
secrets of what we do at thestrip club, but you know you
partake of the entertainment,you know you go out there, you
have a little drink and goinghome.
Now you don't have to go out tothe clubs if you don't want to,
if you guys still go, but youcan just sit home and scan to go

(20:29):
down a list of like back thenstrippers, you know peaches and
cocoa and cinnamon, so you know.
But now you just go and you godown to only fans like, oh,
shoot, you go.
Boom, is it comfortable?
your own home it's like it'sone-on-one, it's like going to
the VIP section, but it's notphysical in that aspect, it's

(20:54):
virtual love.
So, you know, I think guys needa sense of relaxation also.
I think, on top of that, wework hard Well, a lot of us work
hard.
Come home, maybe y'all not inthe mood at that time, you know.
Okay, you know I'm gonna harassyou.
I'm gonna go ahead and click onthat little button.

T (21:12):
That's what it was.
I was in the mood, but she wason only fans.
The woman not in the mood?
Nah, we in the mood, yeah, buty'all was too busy, only fans.
So now you not in the mood?
Yeah.
What if that's what happened?
What if that's what's happening?

M (21:31):
You know, and I also it's another thing they were talking
about is a lot of the men thatgo on OnlyFans want to have
conversation because you knowyou can do I've never been on
OnlyFans y'all so I'm new to thegame but they're saying that
you can have conversation withthem.
So they're saying a lot of thewomen that they interview said

(21:52):
that a lot of men who come onthere more likely have
conversation.
Yeah, they go for the picturesand all the other stuff, but
they like to have conversationwith them and they complain a
lot about their lives, abouttheir wives, about situations,
and they just want to talk.
And so that's telling me womendon't want to listen to men talk
.

T (22:09):
No, y'all liars.
You done went to the damn ladythat you had the audacity to be
paying for conversation, toldthis broad every single lie that
you knew she would hear,because you done paid her to
listen to it.
Your wife been complaining foryears about how you don't want
to talk to it.
Your wife been complaining foryears about how you don't want
to talk to her, and everybodyknows it, including her mama.

(22:32):
And then you done gone toPeaches and told her how you
don't want to.
She don't want to talk to me,she don't want to listen.
You don't want to listen to me.
I've been trying to talk.
Oh Lord, keep on doing thatdoing.
No, sis, I ain't gonna hate onyou, but shit nah, he's lying,

(22:52):
don't know it see, see again.

M (22:56):
A lot of times women don't want to listen to.

T (22:58):
Just be honest, I want this does they don't want to listen
to the bullshit after you donealready disrespected them and
not validated.
Listening to the woman See, Ithink that a lot of men move off
of a woman's reaction to theiraction, like you acted in a
certain way and now I'm reactingto that, and now you mad.
How the hell you piss me off,got me and my feelings.

(23:20):
I'm upset.
And now you mad because I'mupset.
That's dumb.
That's how men move.
Oh, that's how you're going tofeel.
Yes, you offended me.
Now I'm in my feelings.
You're not going to go right,you're not going to do the
better to ease over thesituation.
Oh, so now you don't want tohear me?
No, because you didn't want totalk to me when I wanted to talk

(23:41):
.
So now I'm acting like a bitchand I don't want to talk to you.
And now you at Miss Peaches.
You know used to be her room,but now you're in her virtual
room telling her all types oflies about me.
Uh-uh, miss Peaches got a manin real life, so she already
know that you lying.

M (23:56):
Oh Lord.
The thing is though, you know,as I said, men we are
emotionally immature for themost part, you know as I said,
men we are emotionally immaturefor the most part.
Because, again, no one trainsmen on how to handle their
emotions.
Because, again you, growing up,you was crying.
Oh, you stop being a bitch,stop being a girl.

(24:17):
So men hold that shit in.
So, again, we don't know whenwe are attacked emotionally, we
don't know how to react to it.
So our reaction is you mad,fuck, I'm gonna be mad too.

T (24:28):
You made me mad.

M (24:29):
Shit, we're both mad, god damn it.
We're both fucking mad and I'mlike fuck it, yeah, you gonna
stay mad because I'm mad.
So now y'all both walkingaround mad for really no fucking
reason, it's just communicationissues, it's for a solid reason
.

T (24:49):
It's just communication issues, but not for a solid
reason.
It's for a solid reason.
You didn't validate my feelingsand that offended me, and then
you was offended, that I wasoffended.
You might as well set that onfire.
At that point, I mean, what?
What?
There's nothing.
There's nothing you can do.

M (25:02):
That's why the man's on the computer, yes, and at that point
if you want to man off thecomputer, then again that that
takes a little work.
That means that you're going tohave to really understand where
you're coming from and how toreally talk to him my bad you
know you got to learn how totalk to him, so again it so okay

(25:24):
, never mind, never mind, that'swhat I mean.
Here's the thing team womenunder fucking stand when they
date their man and they go andthey go through the process and
they marry him.
They know who he is, they knowhis weaknesses, they know his
strengths, but y'all kind ofoverlook the things that you
want to overlook and not reallydeal with the things that you

(25:45):
really should deal with, forinstance, communication so you
know like, yeah, you know hecan't communicate, he can't
express his feelings.
I know when he does talk abouthis feelings he get a little he
stammer and stumber a little bitbecause he, because we can't.
It's like if we weren't taughthow to do it.
We're just trying to get outwords so maybe you can
understand it and put ittogether.
But then women, so y'all sayingduring that process, like you

(26:07):
know what, I think you make himfeel more comfortable expressing
himself and, more importantly,that when he tells you something
which a lot of guys have beensending to me on, you know, on
the on the response to a lot ofour stuff, they don't want that
shit to come back and be usedagainst them.
I can't tell you how many womensay that shit got me.

(26:28):
Guys say I, I do not want totell women's shit because,
you're gonna fucking somehowdown the fucking road.
Yeah, use that shit against me.
And now you could.
Yes, it's like they're waitingfor that shit, they're waiting.
You're like you got the bigjoker I'm waiting, motherfucker,
waiting for you and caught you.
And now you feel like the oneperson in I'm waiting,
motherfucker, I'm waiting foryou, I'm waiting for you.
And now you feel like the oneperson in my life who I felt I

(26:51):
could open my heart to and showher who I am.
She fucking used it against me.

T (26:57):
Men do the same thing too.
It's just not on the same level, like the same amount of them,
but I think women do do that.
Yeah, let me take, take thoseitems, put them in my little gun
and, when it's time, I'm gonnashoot them off because, um, I
don't know, that's that's one ofour you know forefathers.
That's that's what we standstrong at.

(27:18):
That's how I knock you off youryou know, that's how I knock
you down, and sometimes I'll behaving to be knocked down and
see and again why we gotta beknocked down.

M (27:27):
Why we gotta be knocked down why small in the corner crying?
call my sister up see that's thereason why we got the issues we
got right now.
And, let me be honest, it'sreally, it's a petty thing.
If you really think about it.

(27:48):
It's really a petty.
It's like, oh, you hurt me, I'mgonna hurt you.
And it's like if we're at apoint where we're in a
relationship, fuck it.
If we're married, then weshouldn't be at that stage of
being petty to hurt each other.
Because, again, as I go back,and we've said many times,

(28:09):
because we're a team, so if Idid something to hurt you, you
should just say, hey, this whatyou did, I don't appreciate it.
And then, as a guy, we need tosit there and listen.
But again, all this is learnedbehavior but we're past that
scene.

T (28:18):
The woman is like I've been doing that.
I, you know, I tried to learnfootball sit down so he could
relax and not annoy this man.
You know, I keep bending.
I keep bending and giving himeverything that he wants, and I
try to be agreeable and I try tobe quiet, and he don't give me
what I need.
And so then it's like how do Itry to get what I need from him

(28:41):
when he's not giving me?
You know what I need and I feellike I'm giving him the things
that he's needed.
I'm giving them.
You know food, love, respect,sex, everything.
You know females?
We feel like they porinateeverything into a man and then
you come home from work and hedon't even want to talk to you.
You know, you got a goddamnfootball game on, or a soccer

(29:01):
game or a basketball game on 24hours, like you got to watch the
pregame, the game, the postgame, the after game, the game
don't stop for some of them.
You know what I'm saying.
And if it's not the sports game, you can name one man you can
have a conversation with whilehe's video gaming.

(29:22):
So some men, they're selfish,most men are selfish, selfish,
you know, and you want to comein the house, and then you I
need to move.
Sorry, because I went to workeverybody went to work, dummy
and you told me I need a minute,let me just play my game.
I just need a minute.
No, you don't got no minutes.
We got three damn kids in here.

(29:43):
I would like to, you know, talkto an adult who's not a
co-worker, because I thought Ihad a life partner and you over
there, told my oh, give me aminute.
It don't feel like respectafter a while.
And so then the woman startstrying to figure out ways to,
like I said earlier, try to kindof like manipulate the

(30:04):
situation, like how do I tosssomething back at him that's
gonna make him notice andrealize that what he's giving is
not what I'm wanting?
And then we get carried awayafter that see and see, glad you
brought that up.

M (30:20):
You know, you said that it was just, and I'm, hey, 100
right behind that.

T (30:25):
I had to say yes, all that, that was a lot.

M (30:29):
That was a lot and very true.
It's a very true argument andwhat I would say to that is
those were the discussions thatyou should have had before you
got married, before you gotengaged.
Because again that goes back tome to communication, and at
that point you not going toreally find out what someone

(30:51):
thinks unless you communicate.
If you go in your head based onwhat he should do, or he should
know, or he should ought oughtto know and understand this, no
man ain't gonna understand whatyou where you from.
Again, women from venus, menfrom mars, we're not.
Unless you talk about it andyou say, listen, if we have kids
and this, and that, of course,early on you're going to say, oh
, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you wantto have that conversation.

(31:12):
Down the road you say,motherfucker, remember when we
were talking about that and yousaid you're going to do this and
this.
Oh yeah, I did.
I'm having problems because,again, I understand you need
your time, I need my time tootime, I need my time too, but we
got these three motherfuckingkids, we got co-parent, you know
, parent these kids.
So I need a little help.
We are a fucking team.
I can't be on defense all thetime and you sitting around the

(31:35):
offense drinking goddamnKool-Aid all day, talking about
damn she out there working hardon that defense and I ain't
doing shit and the offense,defense being the offense, the
offense ain't doing shit, justthe offense.
The offense ain't doing shit.
Just sitting around drinkingfucking coffee, drinking shots
and shit.
No, motherfucker, we're a team,you're the offense, I'm the
defense.
Flip that shit around.
We got to help each other doingthis shit.
So that's a real conversationthat nobody has.

(31:56):
And again, women don't have theconversation early because I
want to hook them up, I want toget them.
You want to look at all thenice shit?
Then I'm like a lot of niceshit, it's nice shit.
There's also fucked up shit.
You need to have thatconversation so you know the
good shit and the bad shit, theyin and the yang.
Don't just look at all the.
He's handsome, he dance, helook good, he smell good, yeah,
yeah, okay, that's fine.
How's this motherfucker withkids?
How's his upbringing?

(32:18):
Where did he come from?
That would tell you what typeof teaching, what kind of
learning, needs to happen.
If he came from a single familyhome and his mama did every
goddamn thing, he's going tolook at his mama, because that's
what happens.
You look at how you brought upand then he's going to act
accordingly and you'll know whenyou meet the mama, like, oh,
this motherfucker's a baby,motherfucker, mama's boy, I got

(32:40):
to change his ass.
Actually, it's not changing him, it's teaching him.
It's training him, it's showinghim a different way, it's
opening his eyes to somethingelse and not forcing him, but
laying it out and say here's abetter way, another way, not
better.
Another way to think, anotherway for us to help ourselves
raise our kids.
But it can't be you, it can'tbe me.

T (33:03):
This is how we're we gonna approach things now.
The other side to that um coinis the man who um has the
at-home wife.
Oh, lord and she ain't cookedno dinner.
And now he come on me mad ashell.
He can't move side becauseshe's talking about some.

(33:23):
Can you rest of the soul for mereal quick?
No, that man actually supposedto be able to come home and now
he's sitting there don't knowhow to.
Necessarily, you know, he don'twant to storm on the woman,
because then she, she, gonnamelt right.

M (33:38):
But then he has to try to manipulate that situation also
to get what he wants from her aswell and t that goes back to
conversation again because againfor her as well, and T that
goes back to conversation againBecause again for her to be a
housewife.
The conversation had to be had,I hope, because she can't tell
me you know, you got to work andI'm going to stay home.

(33:59):
The fuck you will.
If you ain't got no kids,you're going to get your goofy
ass out here.
We're all working.
Fuck that shit.
You sit here and look at therun and the rush of some
bullshit or some shit on IG andcome home and you tell me this
motherfucker on IG said someshit.
Bitch.
The motherfucker on IG shouldhave told your ass cook a dinner
, nigga, cook a dinner.

T (34:18):
Stay-at-home wife just pisses y'all off Like the stay-at-home
mom.
Everybody can wrap their headaround it, but the stay-at-home
wife, oh y'all.
Mad, oh y'all.

M (34:33):
What?
Again, unless she's sick,unless something fucking
happened.
If she had surgery or she wasall sick somehow, she better get
her ass out and do some fuckingwork.
You can't be sitting homebuying yourself nowadays on one
goddamn income and you're like Iwant to go out.
Fuck it.
Go on too.
I've been in the house too long.

(34:55):
Get a job, bitch, you wouldn'tbe in the house.
Fuck that, no, no, no.
That Ozzie and Harriet,motherfucking beaver shit, that
50 shit don't exist, no more.
You got to go out there.
And I say this If you're outthere and you're working and
we're both working and we ain'tgot no kids then your money

(35:15):
could be your money, dependingon how much you're making, you
know, depending on the bills andall that shit.

T (35:20):
No, your money we're still sharing.
Let's pull it all together.
Don't pull that.
Our money do sharing, just pullit all together.
Uh-uh, don't pull that.
How much money hours we aretogether together now?
No, a no man, never, ever, bob.
Nah, that's just just keep yourmoney to yourself.
Absolutely not, babe, let meput this in your account.
No, uh, because you know Iain't got as much as you got.

(35:42):
Uh-uh, they're not about to dothat see, and again, I'm just
trying to avoid the argumentsbecause you can't be as a as a
wife, you can't be home all dayand not cook dinner I just feel
like some of these, even evensome of these conversation
pieces that you have in thebeginning, I just don't think

(36:05):
that they can save you fromthese arguments later on down
the road.
Can they?
Can they really?
I think they can help you.
Like you said, remind somebodyhey, the expectation and what we
set out for, but does it reallysolve us?
Solve it for later on down theroad?

M (36:25):
I don't, I don't think it will, but at least you had a
discussion.
You popped the cap on it, soyou can't be like we never had
this conversation and shit allthose years.
We didn't do that.
Oh yeah, we did, and then wedid Hold on.

T (36:38):
Oh no, uh-uh, no, you ain't never tell me I had to get a job
.
I've been staying at home.
What's the problem?
Now you can afford it, yeah,see, see now.

M (36:52):
And at that point, a lot of guys are just going like fuck
that, no, and that's why a lotof guys are scared to get
married.
Oh no, I ain't trying to gettied up like that and it's like
you gotta have theseconversations early again.
While you're havingconversations about what you
like and all that shit, haveother conversations, have
uncomfortable conversations,because that's how you get to
know somebody, by saying youknow, what do you do, what would

(37:12):
you do?
And that rolls into anotherquestion that I saw recently,
and I'm going to say it this wayYou're dating, you're all
through the process, you'redoing things, you're doing the
dirty, and you told your womanthat I don't want a kid, I don't

(37:34):
want kids, but along the wayshe ended up getting pregnant
and she's got to kind of want toget an abortion.

T (37:42):
She got pregnant or they got pregnant together.

M (37:45):
Well, he helped her get pregnant.

T (37:50):
I've never seen a woman get pregnant on her own, absolutely
not.
No, you got me pregnant.
You did this to me.

M (38:01):
So, yes, so we participate in a game that ended up with you
me helping you get pregnant andyou know, in the beginning we
talked about he didn't want akid and she's like I'm not going
to have an abortion and thequestion was for the man what

(38:24):
should you do?

T (38:26):
run like hell because you is the daddy now.
You is the daddy now.
Baby, you can run, but youcan't hide.
Welcome to fatherhood, mybrother.
Yeah, go ahead and get you alittle diaper subscription.
Get you that little diaper rashcream together for your house.
The baby coming over there,uh-uh for a dad now.

(38:49):
Don't tell nobody that youdon't want to have kids other
than your penis.

M (38:53):
That's that and the guys were living.
The guys are like she knew Ididn't want kids, but she had
one.
She would have one anyway.

T (39:07):
No, you didn't want kids because you made the child.

M (39:13):
I told a guy who said that to me and I said, bro, it was
totally, you could totally nothave a kid.
In fact, it's not up to her,it's up to you, yeah.
So while she was all bent overin the prone position and you're
like, damn, I ain't got nocondoms on me, but I'm gonna go
ahead, I'm do the old pulloutroutine and maybe that'll work.
So you're being.

T (39:35):
That's what you're saying, because in 2024 we're like hold
on, we got condoms, we got birthcontrol, we got plan b and you
still had a baby that you didn'twant after all.
No, no, you have a baby thatyou wanted, that you fathered

(39:55):
with a conscious mind, and now,now you're going to raise this
child and be a good father.
That's all and again.

M (40:01):
Like I tell, I tell guys I said listen.
And again, like I tell I tellguys I said listen.
You may say that I don't wantno kids and all that.
Yeah, you'll say it, but womenwill hear kid, baby.
They're not hearing you clearly.
They're like okay If I,especially if you out there, raw
dogging.

T (40:23):
It's the only thing that like makes sense, like it's like you
didn't want a relationship.
But you out here, you know,spending the night, every night,
making sure the door is lockedbefore y'all go to sleep.
You know you're paying the rent, you know you paying the car
note I don't want norelationship.
No, this is the relationshipand we're in it.

(40:44):
Like, your words are saying onething but your actions are
proving something else.
We need to get our words toalign with our actions and then
you become a respectable person.
So to have a man or to want usto identify people as you, you

(41:04):
know being a mature man right,and your words are not aligning
up with your actions, you don'tqualify as a mature man and
that's fair.
But if we're going to have theconversation and we're going to
do it amongst mature people,this is not acceptable.
You can't sit.
And what do we do?
We go to the local target andwe get them pampers and them

(41:27):
wipes and that andy ointment.
Go ahead and pick up someonesies too, because that baby
is doing 40 weeks.
That's all we're going to do.
Send out them invitationsbecause your mother is going to
enjoy the baby shower.
Yeah, you ain't gotta do toomuch because they're doing way
too much nowadays for the babyshower.
But, um, yeah, we're gonna haveus a baby shower and um, he's

(41:48):
having us a baby because wow, so, so there's this.

M (41:54):
So basically, you're saying there's no, or god can ask like
listen, are you sure you?

T (42:01):
we can go ahead, you can go, take care of that there are
several women who a man get thempregnant and he look at you,
you want to get an abortion?
Bitch is like, yeah, I don'twant to do a baby, leave her.
She going to run to the clinic,you hear me, but that's her
choice.
Yeah, we're all out here makingchoices.

(42:22):
Okay, I wasn't in control ofwhere you squirted, what you
squirted.
You decided to keep that in andsquirt up inside.
You kind of pulled it out.
I wasn't in control of that.
That was your body part.
You got to choose for your bodyparts and what you was going to
do with it.
And I'm going to choose formine because that's just how God

(42:43):
made it.
And if you say that's not fair,that's unequal.
Your equal parts, parts.
You already made your choicewith, like, which direction you
was going to shoot in.
Hold on, hold on, no, go ahead,because you know what the other
side to this oh, I don't wantno kid right now and I can't do
it.
They're amazing, they'reabsolutely amazing.

(43:06):
They're freaking incredible.
Yeah, they get on your nervessometimes and they can be
annoying and they're yourbrokest best friends, but
they're absolutely amazing andincredible people.
And those 18 years of life okay, those first 18 years of life
are the fastest years that youcould ever run past.

(43:27):
That's true.
Acting like that towards thepeople that's taking care of us,
later on acting like theystrangers, oh I ain't wearing.
No, you don't fix your damnface for that legacy that you
just brought into this world,and be grateful that you even
have someone to look, that canlook up to you, that's going to
actually give a shit about you,even when you shit on them.

(43:49):
Stop playing with me.
I'm tired of us disrespectingthese kids at this point.
It's getting carried away, weout here having trying to have a
quick nut, quick fun, that'sall good.
Pregnancy sex is just asamazing.
That's the part nobody wants totalk about.
No, absolutely not.
Sir, you had a baby because youmade the baby, trying to take

(44:11):
care of the baby and enjoy thebaby.
That's what I'm gonna go withdamn that shit.

M (44:16):
You don't put it out, you don't wrap, you don't put all
that shit together like and I goback to guys when you play
adult games, you win adult,adult prizes.

T (44:25):
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That was in a nutshell.

M (44:28):
Okay, yes, it's as simple as that, you know, and I don't
understand why we go into that.
But be aware, I don't care howfine she is, I don't care if
it's right there.
You can't help yourself forthat second.
You have fucking said oh, ifthis goes bad or goes sideways,

(44:49):
I can have a kid.
Can I afford to have a kid?
And only and you know, becauseyou're like fuck, I'm struggling
Just take care of myself.
Multiply that by a hundredtimes.
That's how it's going to betaking care of kids and you're
going to take care of the kidOne way or the other.
You're going to take care ofyour kid.
Either you're going to do itwillfully or the court's going
to make you do it.
So be prepared for, you know,just to be out there willy-nilly

(45:12):
swinging it.
You're going to pay dearly forit.
Yeah, oh T.
I saw something on goddamnReddit.
It had me rolling, Rolling likeshook my head.
This young lady was talkingabout she had seen some ladies
and she asked a question.
She said would you rather havea broke father at the house

(45:37):
taking care of the kids, orwould you have a financially
responsible baby daddy to sendyou a check but not take care of
the kids at the home.
She said that all the womensaid I'd rather get that check
than to have that broke ass manin my house taking care of my
kids.

T (45:56):
She went off.
That's out of order.
You got to take care of thebroke ass in the house.
He said consistently.
He said he ain't involved infucking serial playing, damn
video games.
They ain't help nobody getdressed for school.
But that's what you chose andknow y'all gonna have to do
y'all work.
Yeah, you Shit.
I mean that's what's sad.
I don't know why they trying topaint us into the worst

(46:19):
situations to be having.
What's the worst situation?
Tell me?

M (46:25):
She said that shit T.
She said I feel.
She said I feel disgusted forbeing a black woman.
She said that for being a blackwoman, she said I feel
disgusted First of all, y'allnot going to keep putting us in
these crazy ass positions.

T (46:41):
That's number one.
Okay, either I got a broke manin the house or I got a steady
check outside of that.
Either way I'm broke becauseI'm tired as hell.
Either I'm tired from being asingle mother or I'm tired from
being a single mother and havingto look at his ass every day
inside the house.
Like, either way, y'all justbeen painted out one of the

(47:03):
worst pictures for being a woman.
That's not.
That's not If people don't know.
You know, just for the record.
You're supposed to choose theman in your home.
Hello, yes, you're supposed tochoose that dude.
Supposed to choose a presentmale figure inside of the home.

(47:26):
For several reasons, you know.
I just can't.
I just can't show or teach myson how to think and move right.
You have to see it, you have tobreathe it, you have to be
around it.
I was on vacation and I lookedup and my nephew was with me.

(47:47):
My nephew, walk like mybrother-in-law, okay, wow, in
and talk to people like mybrother-in-law.
He got that social, likecharismatic, like you know.
Go about him like mybrother-in-law, right, like he,
like he.
The children will emulate howyou move, how you laugh, right.

(48:15):
They'll choose which parentthey're going to without even
thinking about it.
Who they're going to laugh like, right.
Who they're going to imitate andcopy from and copy from they're
going to be picking andchoosing and, as a young boy,
you need a man to see how thatman moves, how he just goes in

(48:36):
the refrigerator and grabssomething out of the
refrigerator, how he moves aboutin the kitchen.
It's totally different than awoman.

M (48:42):
Yes.

T (48:44):
As weird as it sounds, even the way they open up the
refrigerator and grab somethingout of the refrigerator is going
to be different.
So no, you actually want thepresence of a man in your home
who is biologically linked tothose kids.
You know that's definitely abenefit, um, to show them and to
be able to imprint on them thethings that you just can't sit

(49:06):
down and teach someone what todo, how to move, how to be.
Yeah that's, that's, that is sowe felt that we shouldn't have
been taken.
Malcolm, that's what happenedthere like we shouldn't have
been taking that.
Why y'all didn't put us betweena rocky and a hard damn place.
Damned if you're doing, damnedif you don't.

(49:27):
We still tired at the end ofthat day.
That wasn't.
No, I didn't like that.
They set us up for failure, butwe got to work it straight.

M (49:36):
Just so we know, just so we're clear oh, my god, and
thank you, because again I wassitting there thinking the
reason we got the issues we gotright now with our kids is
because you don't have thefathers involved in these kids
lives.
And if the mama again said Icould everything, you can't do
everything.
You are doing everything butyou shouldn't do everything
because there's two parties tothis connection.
So, and again, I don't even theonly reason, the only thing I

(49:59):
think personally if a guy hasbeen violent to you or been
handsies and abused you likethat, then no, he shouldn't be
involved with your life and heobviously should be involved in
the kids life because heobviously got some issues he got
to deal with.
That's the only reason I cansee a father not being in a

(50:19):
kid's life or in your life,because that's just around
everybody.
So but this whole choosing moneyover the over a good father he
just happened to be broke or outof work or whatever it just
sends us down that road thatwe're currently going on, which
is not a good ending for anybody.

T (50:37):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I hope they're not.
So let's stop that.
Let's stop that.
You know that notion that wegot all these broke-ass fathers
in the Black community.
Nah, we got fathers that feellike they're being taken
advantage of, who don't want tobe taken advantage of, and so
they're going to mix andmaneuver.
But nah, that's that phrasejust keeps going.

(51:03):
Where the hell did that comefrom?

M (51:08):
It's coming out of all these places.
It's definitely pissing guysoff Because again, I see it all
the time.
When you know they always wantto make us look bad.
We're out here working andstruggling and shit, trying to
take care of shit.
You know, again, granted, I'mnot going to disrespect my kid,
you know, mama, it is what it is.
But, bitch, I got to work andI'm trying to take care of this.
And again I hear you.

(51:28):
I say I feel you, but again youunderstand you have a
responsibility because you wentout there and had kids, by
whomever.
It is your responsibility as aman to take care of your
responsibilities.
So if you're a little broke,you got to get a second job.

T (51:44):
That's number one.
They don't like the idea ofgetting two jobs.
They're like what?
No, they don't like the idea ofgetting two jobs.
They're like what?
No, sometimes you got to gettwo jobs.
You know two hustles more thanone stream of income.

M (52:02):
It's just the way your you know bank is set up, as we like
to say Exactly, exactly.
And again, that goes back tocontrol, that goes back to being
accountable and ownership inyour shit.
When you have one kid and yougot to take care of you should,
at that point you know what.
That's enough for me.
Who I'm dating, I got this onekid I'm taking care of.
I'm good because she's going towant a kid.

(52:22):
I personally can't take care ofmore than two kids really two
kids and a wife, so I'm justglad to slow down on doing some
things.
You got to have thatconversation, but again, it's
based on a conversation andactions that you did.
Actions had consequences.
This is your consequence.
You got the kid.
Can't suffer because you're, Idon't want no kids, or or you

(52:44):
know anything like that.
The kid eats every day.
Kid goes bad from it every day,has clothes every day.
That's your responsibility as afather.
Yeah, is it hard?
Right, it's hard, but you madeit hard, you made the decision.
She didn't take your dick andshove it up in her and said just
leave it there and then, boom,we have a kid.
You did you could have buriedyourself.
I'm not even gonna do itbecause I don't want I won't get
caught, but not fatherness wenot committed.

T (53:09):
I don't know what's going to happen.
You probably out here trying totrap me.
Men like to trap women andpretend like they didn't, but
that would be a whole otherconversation.
But either way, this is thevibe.
We all got to pick and choosewhat we're doing out here.
You know, because if you'resleeping with a woman and she
says to you, you tell her I, Idon't want no kids.

(53:31):
And she'd be like, oh, meeither, and she's not on any bit
of birth control, but she'sjust letting you have the field
day with her.
She's down for whatever,probably.
So yep One scream out shetrapped me.
Yep, sure did Like what are you?

M (53:48):
Hey, gentlemen, I think you should look for pills or patches
or any of that shit.
Don't just take a word for itthat they ain't on nothing.

T (53:59):
See, but that would require one thing, ralph.
What would that take, whatwould that require?

M (54:09):
A conversation.

T (54:10):
Yes, you're absolutely right, that will take conversations
that guy actually talked to knowwhat she's on.
You get what I'm saying yes,yes, damn.

M (54:21):
And again they got to.
They gotta have theconversation though t they have
to.
Yeah, I mean you would thinkbefore again what we said before
previously.

T (54:32):
Because some of these men then slept with men who they
thought was women and they mad,mad at them.
So there's not a lot going onbeforehand, I'm just convinced
there's a lot of oopsing goingon out here.
Oops, the wrong gender.
Oops, I had a baby.

(54:53):
Oops, oops, no, no Men have tostand in their lead ship.
Man, come on, you got to standup, you got to grow up and you
got to be accountable for whatit is that you're doing.

M (55:08):
Yes, absolutely, absolutely.
You can't be like I're doingyes, absolutely, absolutely.

T (55:12):
You can't be like I was drunk , I was high.

M (55:15):
If I hear that shit one more fucking time y'all fucked her,
man.
I ain't know she was a dude, Iwas drunk, I was high, I was
boated.
Man, fuck that.
Before I do any of that, canyou check?

T (55:28):
Can you check?
Before you do shit, especiallyaround people you don't know,
because it was people, not justwomen.

M (55:39):
People, yes, everybody need love.
Yeah, and this is so true and,like I said, I'm not.
I'm gonna say this been toatlanta.
There's a beautiful, beautiful.
I saw so many women that Ithought were women.
There were men, it wasmind-blowing and I was like, oh
my, I mean ass, everything.

(55:59):
Only to one guy had almost afull Not full but very nice
beard and from behind, asked fordates.
But if you were like kind oflook at the ass, didn't want to
look at the face, and just justhad a conversation, which I
don't understand how you have aconversation, not look at them
but and just say, oh, you know,I have a few drinks that ass got

(56:19):
me, it's gonna get you, but youcan't, you can't allow that to
happen.
You gotta, you gotta askquestions.
You gotta really ask questions,like especially when you have
transgenders who don't want totalk about their, what they're
going through.
You you're gonna have to saysomething and again you can.
I I feel I feel like a woman by.
I feel like a woman, but I haveman parts.

(56:41):
There are guys that would gofor that.

T (56:45):
There are yeah, so again the pool, again the pool is large.
The pool is large, but you haveto be informed when in the pool
, so you know who you're playingwith there.

M (56:58):
Absolutely.

T (57:00):
You pairing up with somebody who's the wrong gender, or you
pairing up with somebody whowants kids, versus and you don't
want kids, or you don't wantthat gender.
That's you not vetting thatsituation.
That's not them.
Like, don't get me wrong, I'mnot saying some people don't
tangle with a little deceit, butyou got to protect yourself.

(57:23):
Men have, because you know theylove to tell us oh, y'all gotta
protect yourself, y'all justletting them take advantage.
No, we are we not stepping upand we're not vetting the men
properly and we're not, you know, um, giving ourselves time and
space to figure these guys out.
Nah, but it goes both ways.
So we both can't be out here umclaiming to be the victim,

(57:43):
because that is getting crazyout here, that today's man is
like a victim.

M (57:49):
That sounds crazy to me when I hear that I'm being victimized
.
You're being what?
By whom?
And why are you beingvictimized by anybody?
If you're the man, you're theleader, you shouldn't be
victimized by anybody and youshouldn't be victimizing anyone
either.
So again to hear that somethinghas gotten really skewed and

(58:13):
and everybody wants to blame,fuck a blame.
But the thing is, if you have aconversation with them and be
real, like hey, if, if it's agirl, you know, if you like
women and have look like it's awoman, looks like a woman,
because again, these bodiesbeautiful, beautiful women, but
they just happen to be men,still have men at home.
But you got to ask thatquestion.
But you can't just assume andnot ask the question.

(58:35):
Then find out, surprise, youknow, when you take it to that
level and then want to whip thatperson's ass.
Is people by them, obviously.
But at that point I don't putmy hands on you, I have to blame
me, like why the fuck I evenlet myself get to this point and
not even ask the question ordig deeper, but I just let.
I just take it there.

(58:56):
So again, ownership andaccountability.
Can we as men get back to thatand stop blaming people for shit
?
We got to own our shit.
You know, if we ain't leading,then we ain't being led.
Yeah.

T (59:14):
And you know, if we didn't do better, you gotta choose to do
better, exactly, exactly if yourmother's, and then be blaming
all of them like they was allthe problem.

M (59:21):
No, you can't do that.
That you can't do four ladieslater.

T (59:27):
They got great jobs, like you're talking about, when they
all got this and that because ofyou they don't.
They got amazing families.
They come from two parenthouseholds Like no, you're the
common denominator.

M (59:44):
Absolutely and then, it goes back to ownership we got to
ownership you know, and we gotto do better.
And, girl, this conversation,this is going to be a good one.
I saw this too.
A mother was arguing with herbaby's father's new girlfriend

(01:00:05):
about disciplining their kid.
Oh yeah disciplining their kid?
Oh yeah, so what do you thinkabout the girlfriend or wife of
the baby's father discipliningyour kid?

T (01:00:22):
So, yeah, I don't remember when any adult used to be able
to pop the kids when you was out.

M (01:00:34):
Yes, yes, that happened back there.
We knew that the village got.
I got an ass whipping from notonly my parents, but the next
door neighbor whipped my ass.
And then by the time, well, thenext door neighbor whipped my
ass.
By the time I got home I got myass whipped by them because I
made them look bad with my nextdoor neighbor because we were
all, all the kids were beingwatched by everybody.
So that was that unknown.

(01:00:55):
But now in this new world, justdon't touch kids.

T (01:01:00):
Don't tighten down your kids doing the most on Instagram
ain't doing nothing in schooland you know, don't let them
play sports, but you know, don'ttouch your kids.
Um.
So what I saw in that video wasum, when two wrongs just don't
quite make a right, um, the wifethe current wife knows how hurt

(01:01:23):
that woman is in real life andshe knows that that woman is
going through it like youliterally got her man and like
we said in several podcasts overwomen can be in their feelings
for 18 plus years.
Like them, kids would be offgetting married to my grandkids

(01:01:43):
and you still can't stand thatman right yep um, but if
somebody's in a feeling thatdeeply and heavily, you I
wouldn't.
I wouldn't play too rough withthose people, right, I wouldn't
I.
Just because that's.
It's just so pitiful, like youdon't have to stoop down to the

(01:02:06):
hurt person's level to try tohurt them some more.
Stoop down to the hurt person'slevel to try to hurt them some
more.
And when I say that I'm notreferencing you disciplining the
child, I'm referencing how shewas receiving her in the doorway
.
It was like she was with theshits, like if you pop off, I'm
gonna pop off too.
Then I do what I want, becausethis is my house like that type

(01:02:29):
of situation.
She should have just simplyclosed the door, excuse herself
from the door.
Husband, you know your, youryour ex baby mother, your baby
mother's at the front door.
You can go in and handle thatand those two could have had
they scream and match.
Well, you know she sat on thecouch and sipped her tea because
, like she said, inside of myhouse I'm going to operate my

(01:02:49):
household like how it needs tobe necessarily operated and if
there's a child in this homethat needs to be properly
disciplined, especially a femalechild, I execute that
discipline because ain't nobodykid going to be inside my damn
house disrespecting me.

(01:03:10):
I don't care if I do or don'tpay no bills up in here.
This my damn house.
And what you won't do is sendyour stinking ass attitude
daughter up inside my damn houseacting like you don't know.
She got a stinking ass attitudewhen she can't get her way.
All kids got a stinking assattitude when they can't get
their way.
And now here you come, got theaudacity to send your miserable

(01:03:32):
ass on my doorstep.
I wouldn't have the time orenergy for it.
Oh, good morning, excuse me.
Go to my damn couch, sit in mygiant cup of tea, keep that shit
moving, because misery lovescompany, it loves company.
We have to stop, as women, beingin those positions.

(01:03:54):
I'm not saying that woman's theother woman, she's not, she's
the wife.
But we have to stop giving theperson who's hurt.
They're not just bitter,they're not just sad.
People are hurt, genuinely hurt.
I'd be hurt too.
That man was probably supposedto be her.
Forever guy.
Come on, forever guy.

(01:04:14):
Way too soon.
I'm going to need a minute.
Don't put no more fuel on thosetypes of people's fires when
they're really going through itand you out there thriving and
living your best life.
Have some humility, walk away,go sit down.
The Lord will bless you laterfor it, guarantee it.

(01:04:35):
Because the wife was out oforder, just off her energy, in
that doorway.
She could have taken her littlehappy self and excused herself
right from that little door.
Ma'am, you're confrontational.
We will have no conversations.
You may speak to your, you know, to my husband.
Close the door and go get him.
He can open up the door whenhe's ready to speak.

(01:04:57):
Because he came to the frontdoor, like what are you doing
here?
So she in that front door, youknow taunting her because she
knows she hurt and sad, and soshe's like, no, I'm gonna hear
her out and let her go throughall the stuff and let her toss
her little neck around it.
You know, let her do anythingand everything she wants to get
her excited, excited to whereshe feels like now she has a

(01:05:19):
reason to lash back on thiswoman.
You, you out of order.
Sis, you knew, yeah, y'all didadd in fuel to that woman's fire
like that.
That woman was raging inside,that woman was hurt yes, she was
.

M (01:05:34):
And then one thing that guys don't realize is you may move on
and marry someone else.
She will always dislike youbecause she's always like you
said before you were her foreverguy, you was the guy that you
guy that you had a baby by her,but you didn't close it, yeah.

T (01:05:55):
And this guy he didn't do a good job at communicating
anything Like.
He's still disrespecting thatwoman.
Most of the things that happenedin that scenario could have,
you know, been alleviated if hewould have had just the upfront
conversation with her.
You know, they probably patientbecause he wasn't willing to

(01:06:15):
have some upfront conversations.
How we, you know, we don't know.
But, um, we're gonna assumethat the energy he had before is
probably what he's doing nowand that's, you know, just kind
of being aloof and the aloof manwho kind of just pretends like
he don't see on.
Or you know, just kind of beingaloof and the aloof man who
kind of just pretends like hedon't see on.
Or you know your wife and yoursister is going at it and you

(01:06:35):
don't feel like you need tointervene.
Or your mom is disrespectingyour wife and you don't feel
like you need to say nothing.
Or you know your brother'sdoing too much around.
You know that aloof ish You'rethe problem and the solution.

M (01:06:52):
You're absolutely right.
You're absolutely right.
That again goes back to youbeing a leader.
You're not a leader.
Sometime You're a leader allthe time.
The situation you don't want tofucking do.
You have to do it, you have todeal with it.
That's part of the plan ofbeing the king, the head, the
man, the boss.
The shit you're going to haveto deal with, that you don't

(01:07:12):
want to deal with.
And this is a case in point Forme.
When I saw that, I was likethis was a discussion that
should have happened a while ago.
This shouldn't have justhappened now.
You should have said listen, ifthis baby's in my house, we
discipline differently.
Now she's in my house, In yourhouse.
I don't tell you how to runyour house.

(01:07:32):
You can't tell me how to run myhouse.
You know I'm not gonna put mydaughter or son in a position
where my wife is gonna abusethem.
I'm not gonna do that becausethat's still my kid, that's
still our kid, that's still partof me.

T (01:07:43):
I'm not gonna come here to the doorstep and drag her if you
have to.
So I'm not gonna do that.
Most men not.

M (01:07:49):
That's dumb no, I'm not gonna do that because again that kid
has to go back to the mother.
And now I've now startedsomething that's gonna be ugly,
because now she started puttingshit in her head she's gonna
come with attitude.
She may have had a littleattitude, but by the time she
brings her ass back she's gonnareally have attitude.
You're gonna really test me andfor me as the father and the

(01:08:11):
head of the house.
I didn't get this shit straight.
I said now we're not gonna beaton it, we're not gonna do
anything, we're gonna have a sitthe fucking house on fire and
say, oh, go sit in the corner,that shit ain't gonna happen.
And, like you said, I was atwork.
What am I supposed to do?
Well, you should have donesomething way before you got
went to work.
This is a situation that didn'tjust pop up because you went to
work when you got married.
You should have known this.

(01:08:32):
I'm going to have my kid.
I'm in the kid's life.
I got to make sure everybody ismoving accordingly.
I can't have drama because Iwant you to have drama with my
baby's mother.
I don't want her to have noissue with you.
We all love the baby, so let'sjust make sure that we do right
by the baby and keep ourfeelings at bay.
We may talk to each other Likelet's go out to dinner and have

(01:08:53):
a conversation, maybe somethings come up, but don't do
that in front of the kids,because if you do that in front
of the kids you're setting thatkid up to play one against the
other, because again she'sarguing like because that ain't
my mama, that's my daddy's woman.
I don't like her as anyway.
So she's going to start playingthose games back and forth.
But you can't allow that tohappen, because now we all have

(01:09:13):
to be adults.
You decide to have a baby bythis woman and not commit to her
fully.
You know you're going to haveproblems Because now you moved
on and you married someone elseand you don't think she's pissed
off.
Why the hell would he marry herand not marry me?
And I had your kid?

T (01:09:31):
yeah, a lot of these women don't marry after that situation
.
You know so that woman, I'mquite sure she was still single
and I don't want to be like oh,you know, you live in that
woman's life but a lot of usthink about it like that, like
yo, yo, she's living thelifestyle that I had thought I
had.
I thought I had it, I got thisman, I did everything right.

(01:09:54):
You know that's what a lot ofwomen will be feeling like.
And then you're taunting meLike you know, you feel like
someone's taunting you andthat's why the woman was so hard
.
You can't imagine that someonewould have went that hard if
there was another man in herlife.
You know, calming her mentalspace down, giving her peace,

(01:10:14):
maintaining her peace andshowing her new.
You know experiences andlifestyles in life.
You know you have a level headat that point.
You know your child comes toyour house and they say oh, you
know, I got a spanking today.
You know, at dad's house you doturn around and do what you do
because you did they had costyourself an ass whooping over

(01:10:36):
the weekend.
You visually can see your childhas no bruises.
Like ain't nobody get up, youknow, but they will pow, pow and
um.
A level-headed woman would havejust simply inquired.
You know, what did you do?
It's like coming home fromgrandma's house, you know, but
ain't nobody still gonna tellwhen grandma spank you?
You?
know, they're not.

(01:10:56):
They're not gonna tell that.
Nah, grandma spanked, becauseyou know mom is gonna look at
you and say well, what did youdo?

M (01:11:06):
Absolutely.

T (01:11:07):
And as long as those children are not being abused, um,
they're fine, and you would seethat the child would um start
acting accordingly when theyknow they can't play both sides
against themselves, right?

M (01:11:21):
they go.

T (01:11:22):
You, you're going to think twice before you real live.
Go home and tell your motherthat you got in trouble, because
now your ass is in troubleagain.
You was talking to her and saidwhat like what?
No, you're a child.
You say, oh, okay, now let metake this away from you too on
top of that, so you know how totalk to adults absolutely,

(01:11:42):
absolutely.
You gotta have discipline yeah,once y'all all get on the same
page.
I'm not saying you know, it'sall lemon drops from there, but
life will treat you much easier,give you better life, if you
stop allowing the kid to playy'all against each other and you
get the hell up out of yourfeelings.

M (01:12:04):
You know and that goes for both.
We talk about the woman.
That goes for the man too.

T (01:12:09):
You can't be dropping the kid off the worst, that's the worst
thing ever.

M (01:12:13):
Hell nah you can drop the kid off the door.
Also another dude come on whatyou at my door for you mad
because you got remarried.

T (01:12:21):
She got married to this guy, he gonna cuss her, say all types
of oh no, they, they a wholenother level of man, uh-uh.
That's why it's so dangerouswhen men get mad, because you
know they have like a majordanger element with them.
Women get mad, you might getyour ass in the car and get from
the front of my house.

(01:12:41):
Yeah she fine.

M (01:12:43):
Nah, don't get that man off too much unhinged I'm fucking
hing hands and again, becausewe're gonna lash out at you.
It's, it's, it's a whip asstime.
It's not even a negotiate.
No, I'm whipping somebody's assbecause now you got two bulls
trying to say who's who's themain bull, who's the who's the
main bull.
So we just gotta do better,because this is this is you're

(01:13:05):
affecting the next generation.
We already got a generationthat's going through a lot of
issues anyway, but these thingsare just exacerbating a lot of
issues they had, because now you, you actually are raising
broken kids become broken adultsand when they're broken adults.
It's going to continue themadness, because what are they
going to use to offset that?

T (01:13:26):
and it's like it's, it diminishes the greatness in our,
you know, in our community andwithin ourselves.
Right, because how great can Ibe if I'm fucking mad and angry
at old boy all the time, and theonly time I'm at peace is when
you know there's another man upin my face.
You kind of get what I'm sayinglike only happy through you.

(01:13:48):
You know, love, you're onlyhappy through your job.
You know.
It's gotten to the point wherewe, we, we, holding on to stuff,
that's just, it's just notsensible at this point.
Right, love, you need internalhappiness.
I think that's what I'm tryingto say, that internal happiness.

(01:14:09):
And it's not going to come fromthe man who's you know, loving
on you, because the same manthat loves you is the same man
that break your heart.
The same woman that's going tolove you is the same woman
that's going to break your heart.
And I guarantee you, if I loveyou, I'm going to break your
heart too.
You know, just give me sometime to patch that thing back up
, and vice versa.
It's over a lifetime back up,and vice versa, it's it's over a

(01:14:34):
lifetime.
You can't expect not to beheartbroken by the person who
you love the most.
It's just not plausible.
But to take to act the way thatwe're acting and to back each
other up.
Like if that was my sister andshe told me that that's what she
had wanted to do, I'd be like,girl, we need to go to the bar
and we got to talk shit aboutthese men and they little you
know what I'm saying ladies too,but we're going to do that in

(01:14:56):
the bar, amongst each other.
You know, we're going to talkabout it and we're going to do
whatever we got to do and we'regoing to have us a vent session,
because that's basically whatthat woman did on her doorstep.
But instead i'ma save my girlfrom looking crazy out there and
also maintaining herrelationship because these are
all relationships that we createand maintain it, and staying in

(01:15:18):
that relationship with that manand his new woman, because now
those people don't even trustthat woman no over here no
she'll lose cannon, andrightfully so, but she's also a
sister.
You know what I'm saying?
Yep and we went to the samechurch.
You'll be over there callingher sister such and such we

(01:15:42):
hello, and we looking at eachother like strangers and
treating each other like shit,like we just nothing.
And and we out hereco-parenting the same child.
Misery up off your sisters, getthat misery up off your cousins
, get that misery up out of ourdamn community because it's
destroying us left and rightdamn girl, I, I, I was go.

M (01:16:08):
I was gonna say again why?
I don't know why you tried youalways somehow, so way, wrap
everything up in a damn perfectbowl, just a nice christmas gift
.
And it's the truth.
We just have to do better as acommunity, because our kids are
suffering, the men are sufferingand the women are suffering.

(01:16:29):
Forget all this.
You know, women ain't shit, menain't shit.
We need each other in order forthis community to grow and
thrive again.
Yep, and like you said, see, wegot to do better, we have to do
better.
And with that we're going toend this episode.
I want to mic with the M M-C.

(01:16:50):
Listen, people, you know whatyou got to do.
Hit the like button, subscribeto the channel, get all the new
podcasts that's coming up soon,and until again next time.
Peace and blessings y'all.